Summary5 min read

The Michael Chernow Podcast

Episode: Loving Someone Who Can’t Love Themselves

Date: June 22, 2026
Host: Michael Chernow

Episode Overview

In this solo "Monday Moments" episode, Michael Chernow vulnerably explores the challenges and importance of practicing compassion—especially toward those who struggle deeply with self-love and self-care. He shares personal stories, spiritual insights, and reflections on what he calls the “master test”: the ability to extend true, unwavering compassion even when it feels nearly impossible. Drawing inspiration from his own life and family, especially his spiritual grandmother, Chernow invites listeners to reflect on their own relationships and the evolution of their soul through difficult tests of love and compassion.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Distinction Between Empathy and Compassion

Empathy comes easily, but compassion is the struggle.
- Empathy is understanding another’s pain, but compassion goes a step further: loving someone even when they cannot love themselves.
- "If there's one test that has probably been the most challenging for me over the years is true, unwavering compassion." (00:35)
Chernow’s Definition:
- "Compassion is having the ability to love someone or something, regardless of if they love themselves…committing to being able to unconditionally love when it's very, very difficult to do that." (01:02)

2. Compassion as a Personal “Master Test”

Chernow shares ongoing challenges with someone close to him—someone he deeply loves but who can’t love themselves.
- He admits to sometimes breaking his personal commitment to compassion due to frustration or pain. (01:45)
Turning away vs. staying compassionate:
- "Turning your back on them…maybe not instantly, but in the long run, [will] be more painful than having compassion and withstanding the pain of somebody not being able to love themselves." (02:30)

3. Universal Application and Listener Reflection

Chernow urges listeners to examine their own relationships:
- Who have you written off because their lack of self-love is hard to witness?
- Is compassion the evolution you need, even if it’s hard?
  - "I would ask you to just sort of think about what I'm talking about here. Think about if there are people in your lives that you've kind of written off… because they struggle with self love, self care." (03:33)
The cost of avoidance: Often, compassion frees both people involved much more than avoidance.

4. Soul Evolution and Spiritual Lessons

Chernow dives into spiritual reflections, inspired by his grandmother:
- "It really does force our evolution as a human…on my soul's journey…How evolved is my actual soul?" (04:18)
- He relays his belief that the physical body is just a temporary container for the soul, and these life tests contribute to the soul’s growth.
- "Chances are, these tests that come up really do help us evolve. As a soul." (04:47)

5. Family Influence: The Role of His Grandmother

Chernow’s grandmother—practicing Buddhist, deeply spiritual—was a guiding force in shaping his openness and reverence for something greater.
- "I owe my open heart and open mind to my grandmother 100%." (05:01)
- She infused a sense of spirituality in him and his siblings from a young age, teaching reverence, sharing Buddhist chants, and nurturing belief.
  - "She used to take us in there and show us the altar, and she would say, 'nam yum ho rang gang kyo,' which is like a Buddhist chant. And we used to run around her apartment and chant that. And it just did something for me." (06:14)
The significance of being labeled an “old soul” by his grandmother, and how that perspective shaped his recent reflections.
- "She told my parents, actually from day one, because she was there when I was born, that I was an old soul." (06:54)
- He's come to see this as her seeing his soul, not just his personality.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Compassion’s Difficulty:
- "Compassion is a test that I do struggle with." (00:40)
- "There are going to be some people that come across your desk in your life where love and compassion…are probably freeing…more than turning your back on them." (02:07)
On Soul Evolution:
- "I believe that this tangible, fleshy thing that we walk around in is really just our soul's embodiment at the moment, at this phase in our soul's journey." (04:24)
On Family Lessons:
- "My grandmother told me from day one…that I was an old soul. And I didn't really understand what that meant until really recently…she was actually calling out my soul." (06:58)
Invitation to Listeners:
- "If this struck a chord for you, do me a favor. Share the podcast with someone that you think would appreciate it." (08:01)

Important Timestamps

00:35 — Chernow identifies compassion as the toughest test in his life.
01:02 — His personal working definition of compassion.
02:07 — The long-term pain of turning your back vs. choosing compassion.
03:33 — Urges listeners to reflect on their own "written off" relationships.
04:18 — The soul’s journey and evolution through difficult human tests.
05:01 — Impact of his grandmother’s spiritual influence and practices.
06:14 — Chernow shares memories of Buddhist chants with his grandmother.
06:58 — The meaning and impact of being called an "old soul."
08:01 — Chernow invites listeners to share and subscribe.

Structure and Tone

Chernow’s tone throughout is heartfelt, introspective, and gently challenging—encouraging listeners to look inward and consider their own capacity for compassion, especially in the context of difficult or painful relationships. He grounds his philosophical musings in tangible personal stories, making potentially “far out” ideas accessible and relatable.

Summary

Michael Chernow delivers a poignant meditation on the challenge—and ultimate growth—inherent in loving those who cannot love themselves. Drawing from his own relationships and spiritual upbringing, he reframes compassion as a “master test” with the power to further our soul’s evolution. He encourages listeners to reflect on the people in their lives who are difficult to love, challenging them to answer that test with compassion, not avoidance, for the sake of both their own growth and the well-being of others. Anchored by stories of his grandmother’s influence, the episode is both personal and universal, offering insight, comfort, and a gentle call to action.

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Transcript1 lines

[00:00]
A
An entrepreneur straight out of New York City, Michael Chernow. What's cracking? What up, y'? All? Welcome back to Monday Moments Michael Chernoff podcast. I have so many things that I want to talk about today, but the one thing that I think I'm going to zero in on is tests, life's tests. And if there's one test that has probably been the most challenging for me over the years is true, unwavering compassion. I've got an enormous amount of empathy. Empathy is not a test that I struggle with, but compassion is a test that I do struggle with. And what is compassion? Compassion is having the ability to love someone or something, regardless of if they love themselves. And at least that's my definition of compassion. Committing to being able to unconditionally love when it's very, very difficult to do that. And I've gotten thrown a heavy test of compassion. And I know it's a test. Honestly, I think it's probably the master test for me because it's with someone that I actually really do love. And it's not easy. And I break my commitment with the compassion from time to time because it's so hard. But there are going to be some people that come across your desk in your life where love and compassion in the long run are probably freeing for you and for the person more than turning your back on them. Turning your back on them is actually going to, in the long run, maybe not instantly, but in the long run, be more painful than having compassion and withstanding the pain of somebody not being able to love themselves, make decisions for themselves, live in the darkness or a constant state of fight or flight. And I'm talking about a very specific situation for me. So I hope this is kind of resonating. But I will say that most people have these people in their lives that you potentially want to turn your back on or potentially think that you would be better off without them. And when I really pull back the curtain, I know for sure that there are some people in my life that I have to just absolutely commit to compassion for, because I know that my life is better with them than without them. I would ask you to just sort of think about what I'm talking about here. Think about if there are people in your lives that you've kind of written off or you. You avoid because they struggle with self love, self care. And your way of dealing with it is I'm just gonna. I'm gonna write them off or I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna engage with them. It's Too painful for me. It's too much. It's too much friction for me. I don't need that kind of drama in my life. I now know, after doing some deep work, that compassion for certain people is the master test. It really does force our evolution as a human. And in some cases, where my head goes is on my soul's journey. How evolved is my actual soul? I believe that this tangible, fleshy thing that we walk around in is really just our soul's embodiment at the moment, at this phase in our soul's journey. And chances are these tests that come up really do help us evolve. As a soul. And the reason why I'm talking about soul is because my grandmother, who was a very, very spiritual woman, she is. I owe my open heart and open mind to my grandmother 100%. She instilled in my sister and I and our cousins this idea that, like, we're not alone. God is a real thing. Whatever you call God, you know, is a real thing. And having reverence is. Is important there. She instilled that in us at a young age in the kindest way, in the sweetest, kindest way for little kids to be able to say, oh, wow, Grandma, like, you're so awesome. We love you so much. And this is something that you believe in. We're going to believe, too. I remember my grandmother was a practicing Buddhist when my sister and I were little, and we used to go to her apartment in Queens, and she had this altar on the wall of the guest bedroom in her apartment, and she used to take us in there and show us the altar, and she would say, nam yum ho rang gang kyo, which is like a Buddhist chant. And we used to run around her apartment and chant that. And it just did something for me. It did something for me. But my grandmother told me from day one, and she told my parents, actually from day day one, because she was there when I was born, that I was an old soul. And I didn't really understand what that meant until really recently, which is she was actually calling out my soul. Not who I am as a person, but my soul. And so I've been thinking about that. Are our souls just in this body for a period of time? And the tests that were given on this tangible life experience are the tests that were given a way to help evolve our soul's journey? I know that's pretty far out, but I actually believe it. I do. So compassion is a master test. And if this struck a chord for you, do me a favor. Share the podcast with someone that you think would appreciate it? Subscribe to the podcast we just rebranded to the Michael Chernow Podcast from the Creatures of Habit podcast, and I'm really, really excited about that. It would mean a lot if you subscribed and gave us a rating and a review. That would be awesome. I just appreciate you guys tuning in for these little Monday moments and then obviously the long form podcast. Until the next one, y'. All, Peace.