Overcoming Darkness: Cormac Murphy's Journey from Addiction to Sobriety and Success

Summary

Episode Summary: Overcoming Darkness: Cormac Murphy's Journey from Addiction to Sobriety and Success

Introduction

In this deeply moving episode of the Creatures of Habit podcast, host Michael Chernow interviews Cormac Murphy, an Irish-born actor, model, athlete, and Mr. USA. Released on November 6, 2024, the episode delves into Cormac's harrowing journey from the depths of addiction to achieving sobriety and finding success. Through candid conversations, Cormac shares his struggles, the pivotal moments that led to his recovery, and the habits that have been instrumental in his transformation.

Early Life and Move to New York City

Cormac begins by sharing his background, highlighting his Irish roots and the influence of his family. Born and raised in Ireland, with grandparents from Washington Heights and New Jersey, Cormac moved to New York City in 2016. Initially, he presented his move as a pursuit of a modeling career, but admits a deeper, more troubling motivation: "I think I was moving over here because I heard how cheap and how good the cocaine was here, and it kind of just took off from there" ([06:50]).

Descent into Addiction

Upon arriving in New York, Cormac quickly immersed himself in the bar and nightclub scene, leveraging his charm and appearance to build a network. This environment, coupled with the pressures of establishing himself in the entertainment industry, led to heavy substance use. He openly discusses his reliance on cocaine, alcohol, and other drugs: "I was addicted to coke. Like I can't stop doing cocaine... I couldn't stop it" ([10:00]).

Struggles and Low Points

Cormac recounts several harrowing experiences that marked his descent into addiction. One particularly intense moment involved him finding himself on a four-story ledge in Astoria during a bad week of substance use: "I found myself on a four-story ledge in Astoria... it was like a cry for help" ([13:16]). Additionally, his participation in the reality TV show Love Island USA amplified his internal struggles. Despite outward appearances of success, he was battling severe mental health issues: "Going into the show... I was really suffering mentally, and I found myself on this dating show looking for love... in my head, I couldn't stop doing drugs" ([14:00]).

Impact of Reality TV: Love Island

Cormac discusses how being on Love Island served as both an opportunity and a pressure cooker for his addiction. The show's demands and the spotlight intensified his insecurities and substance dependence. "Going into the show, you know, I was, I was addicted to coke... The drinking was getting out of hand" ([10:00]). The experience left him physically and mentally drained, leading to significant weight loss and further entrenching his addiction.

The Breaking Point: Reaching Out for Help

After a series of relapses and near-fatal experiences, Cormac reached a critical breakthrough. The culmination of his struggles forced him to make a life-altering decision. "I felt so alone at the time, and I was so fearful of asking for help," Cormac admits ([40:13]). The pivotal moment came when he bravely called his mother to seek support, marking the beginning of his journey to recovery: "That phone call I made to my mom... that was the start of my recovery" ([40:13]).

Recovery Journey: Rehab and Personal Growth

Cormac details his rehabilitation process, highlighting the challenges posed by the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite these obstacles, he emphasizes the importance of remaining committed to his sobriety. "I did a 30-day rehab program... it was very tough" ([23:39]). Through rehab, he discovered the value of fitness, meditation, and journaling as tools for maintaining his sobriety. His commitment to these habits played a crucial role in his transformation.

Building New Habits: Fitness and Mindfulness

A significant theme in Cormac's recovery is the establishment of positive routines. Fitness became a cornerstone of his new lifestyle, providing both physical and mental benefits. "Movement is going to be an absolute lifesaving tool for you" ([35:37]). Additionally, practices like prayer and journaling helped him cultivate gratitude and mindfulness. "Just write three things that I'm grateful for... the simple things now I appreciate" ([35:49]).

Spiritual Awakening and Community Support

Cormac speaks about a profound spiritual awakening during rehab, inspired by memories of his grandfather and the support from his family. He highlights the role of community and support systems in his recovery. "I pray to them... whether it's spiritual or religious, whatever your beliefs are, something greater than me is protecting and looking after me" ([35:52]). This spiritual connection provided him with strength and guidance throughout his sobriety journey.

Insights and Reflections

Reflecting on his journey, Cormac emphasizes the importance of self-honesty and the willingness to accept help. "It's like, you got to get honest... it was accepting help" ([32:49]). He also discusses the duality of his past persona versus his internal struggles, acknowledging that outward appearances often mask deeper issues. "I was painting a pretty picture on Instagram... but really what was inside was the complete opposite" ([25:09]).

Two Years of Sobriety: Celebration and Gratitude

Cormac celebrates two years of sobriety, a significant milestone he credits to his unwavering commitment and the support of his community. "Two years is a long time, dude" ([27:40]). He expresses profound gratitude for his father and other key figures who supported him through his darkest times, recognizing their pivotal role in his continued success and stability.

Advice for Listeners: Seek Help and Build Positive Habits

In a heartfelt message, Cormac encourages listeners struggling with addiction or mental health issues to reach out for help. "You just ask someone for help... the start of my recovery after that phone call" ([40:13]). He underscores the necessity of building supportive communities and establishing healthy routines to maintain sobriety and personal growth. "There’s no shame in asking for help at all" ([40:13]).

Conclusion

This episode of the Creatures of Habit podcast offers a raw and inspiring account of Cormac Murphy's battle with addiction and his triumphant journey to sobriety. Through his honest reflections and the habits that have sustained him, listeners gain valuable insights into overcoming personal struggles and building a life of purpose and fulfillment. Cormac's story is a testament to the power of seeking help, cultivating positive routines, and the resilience of the human spirit.

Notable Quotes

• Cormac Murphy ([00:00]): "We need people, you know. So I think for me, I felt so alone at the time and I was so fearful of asking for help."

• Cormac Murphy ([04:50]): "I remember I got into the bar industry straight away... I think Irish people come to New York and they either do construction or they do bars."

• Cormac Murphy ([13:16]): "I found myself on a four-story ledge in Astoria... it was like a cry for help."

• Cormac Murphy ([25:09]): "I was painting a pretty picture on Instagram... but really what was inside was the complete opposite."

• Cormac Murphy ([32:49]): "It's like, you got to get honest... it was accepting help."

• Cormac Murphy ([40:13]): "Look, if someone's struggling out there, it's just like, look, doesn't matter who it is. You just ask someone for help."

Key Takeaways

• Seek Help Early: Recognizing the need for help and reaching out can be the first step toward recovery.

• Build Positive Habits: Incorporating routines like fitness, meditation, and journaling can support sobriety and mental well-being.

• Leverage Community Support: Surrounding oneself with supportive individuals and communities is crucial for sustained recovery.

• Cultivate Self-Honesty: Being honest with oneself about struggles and seeking help without shame is essential for overcoming addiction.

This episode serves as an inspiring reminder of the power of resilience, the importance of supportive relationships, and the transformative impact of positive habits in overcoming life's darkest challenges.

Transcript

[Cormac Murphy]

For me, I look back at what I could have done sooner and I think of that phone call I made to my mom and how scared I was. But the relief from after that call because it was like, okay, I was asking for help. Like, you know, I was asking for help. And I think that's no matter if you're an addict or you're struggling mentally or whether it's in business or relationships. Like, as human beings, like, we need to ask and receive help from others. It's just a fact. Like, you know, we need. In order to get through life, you need people, you know. So I think for me, I felt so alone at the time and I was so fearful of asking for help. And I think, like, look, if someone's struggling out there, it's just like, look, doesn't matter who it is. You just ask someone for help to let them know what's going on. For me, it was my mom and that was like, that was the start of my recovery after that phone call.

[Michael Chernow]

I'm Michael Chernow and this is the Creatures of Habit podcast. Our habits will make us or break us.

[Unknown]

It's just that simple.

[Michael Chernow]

I've lived on both sides of the tracks and have learned that the decisions we make on a consistent basis truly define who we are as human beings. On this show, I will be interviewing some of the most inspiring, motivating and high performing humans I've encountered to share their daily habits, routines and rituals that help them stay on top of their game and ultimately happy. So sit back, relax, and pay attention because what you hear over the next 30 to 45 minutes could potentially change your life.

[Unknown]

Let's go. What up, y'all? Welcome back to the Creatures of Habit podcast. I've got a guest on the show today that really is taking the shine from my handsomeness. It's just happening. I got nothing today. I'm not. I'm not going to be able to bring you much. I'm sitting with Cormac Murphy, who is actually Mr. USA, if you could fucking believe that. Mr. USA, he is. He's a rugby player. He's from Ireland. He's got an accent that you're going to. You're going to want to listen to this podcast two or three times. Trust. He is an actor and a model. He's an athlete. He is also sober and all the things that he's done we're gonna get into. But I think you guys have sort of seen me sharing more about the world of sobriety, and I'm really excited to connect with Cormac on that, because lots of people are dying. Lots of people are dying. And maybe sobriety is not for you. Maybe sobriety is for you. But the story of how people get there is always going to be interesting, and it's always going to be rewarding to just hear how people have fallen into a really dark hole, really deep trap, and then ultimately pulled themselves out and have become something that they never had thought was possible. He also was on TV on Love Island. So the guy is just. He's. He's. He's a savage, and he's got a lot going on, and he's given us his time to talk today. So everybody, let's welcome Cormac.

[Cormac Murphy]

Let's go. Thank you very much.

[Unknown]

Absolutely.

[Cormac Murphy]

Man, what an introduction. I've never had an introduction like that before.

[Unknown]

I'm known for good introduction.

[Cormac Murphy]

Oh, you're good. You know, it's a good start. No, I appreciate you having me.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Cormac Murphy]

I'm very excited to kind of, I suppose, share my story and kind of go over what it was like and what it's like now.

[Unknown]

I really would love to just learn a little bit about you first. Obviously, I want to talk about what you do on a daily basis to stay Mr. USA, you know, and, I mean, that's. That. That's. That would be really interesting to hear from you. And whenever I get to sit across the table from somebody who I share something so, like, intimate with around sobriety, you know, it's a vulnerable. It's a vulnerable thing to talk about.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And for years, we were just talking it before the cameras are rolling. You know, for many, many years, it was kind of, like, taboo to talk about being sober in the sober community. It was like, nope, you don't talk about it. You keep it. You keep it close to the chest. You don't want to blow your anonymity. And I just want to say that I really do believe times are changing. And I think the more people that actually share about their story, especially people that share about their story and have come out on the other side and been able to, like, put real numbers on the board, and it's just inspiring for people that are listening, because there are. I mean, people that follow my journey, I know, are, you know, a fair amount of them are in the sober world. So I think it's great to. I would love to just hear about that. I would love to hear about your story, and then we'll get into some habits.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, it's definitely. It's definitely a wild story, and I think it's for me, like I have safe spaces where I can share and be vulnerable and be honest as well. And I definitely feel like this is one of them for me. It's like a little bit about me, obviously, if you couldn't tell by now. I'm born and raised in Ireland, but my grandparents are actually from Washington Heights. My mother. Yeah, you didn't know that? My mother's from New Jersey and my father moved to New York in the 80s. All my brothers were born in New Jersey and me and my sister were born back in Ireland. But I took the plane over to New York in 2016 and I suppose that's where it started. But like, look, I come from a big Irish family. You know, Irish culture. Like my father was a musician, my mother was a nurse until she had a big family and she was a stay at home mom. And like, I grew up in a really, really good family. Like, you know, like just middle class, played a lot of sports, but I was always like a dreamer, always fantasizing about like, you know, what am I going to do? What am I going to be? Who am I going to be? And my brother moved here a few years prior to me moving to New York and he opened a bar here in, in Astoria. And I remember, I always say this, right? I always say this not to sound cool, but it's just like, it's just a fact. I remember I was living in Australia and the movie Wolf of Wall street came out and I was absolutely obsessed with it. I had this obsession over the main characters in movies like Leonardo DiCaprio and Wolf of Wall Street, Johnny Depp and Blow, those sorts of characters. And now I have more of a. I kind of understand why I was obsessed with him is because they had the women, the drugs, the glamour, the money, everything like that. And I felt like that's what I was chasing at the time. But I moved over here in 2016 and I was telling everyone I was moving here to become a model. But really I think I was moving over here because I heard how cheap and how good the cocaine was here and it kind of just took off from there, man. You know, I, I was modeling early on, but it wasn't like I wasn't signed with an agency. I was just kind of building myself up on Instagram and it was more, I think it was more of an ego thing. You know, people tell you you're good looking and I just started saying I'm a model. You know, I'm just like. And I cringe a lot of a Lot of the things I used to say and do when I was younger, but, but you know, we were talking about like, perspective on things and like, it took me a long time to find out who I was and what I was here for, you know, and my purpose in life. And I'm chase my purpose, you know, but at least I can kind of figure out and learn from my mistakes I've made in my, in my journey and, and you know, be grateful for my mistakes. And that's one thing I always mention is like, I had a lot of shame on, for, for what I was doing in, in my twenties, but now I can kind of have this acceptance over my decision making and, and, and what I was actually doing to myself. But moved here in 2016, I got into the bar industry, you know, straight away. I think Irish people come to New York and they either do construction or they do bars.

[Unknown]

They do bars very well.

[Cormac Murphy]

They do, they do very well. And you know, yourself, you've been in hospitality for a long time and, and you know, what comes with it as well. And you know, I, like, I was always a drinker and I mentioned before and like, I, I grew up playing rugby from like 4 years old. And I stopped playing when I was 22, 23. And once I stopped playing, I kind of had this sense of freedom, you know, like, I called my father to let him know that I was stopped playing rugby. It was almost like quitting a job, you know, even though it was my job, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't my job, you know, I was just playing it. But, you know, I went to a big rugby high school. I played with big teams back home in Australia as well. And looking back at it now, I, I can kind of see like, oh, the patterns that were there. Like when I stopped playing sports and I had. The discipline wasn't there anymore, so I kind of had this sense of freedom. And I had the gym. The gym was always there, but it's like, you know, at the time it wasn't enough for me. But I had this like, big goal, big dream moving to New York. And I found myself working in the bar scene for a couple of years. And then I got into nightclubs. And in that time frame from going to the bars, from the nightclubs, I was getting hit up on Instagram for different reality dating shows. You know, like my first one was an MTV show that I ended up getting, but it not, it never happened. And then as this is happening, I started in nightclubs and I'm kind of getting Gather, like getting my bearings because I was a nightclub promoter for three years and you can imagine like 25, 26 years old in the nightclubs in New York City. Like I come from a small town in Ireland. Like, you know, I'm looking around myself, I'm like, what is this? Like, you know. And anyway, this talent agent that had contacted me for different shows approached me about Love island usa and that's how the reality kind of TV kind of started. And for anyone that doesn't know reality tv, like it got big for me anyway, got big with like Jersey Shore and then we had another one back home, Geordie Shore. But then Love island came along in the UK and it was the biggest show ever to date. You go on that show and it's a golden ticket, like million followers, brand deals, all these things. So when I got approached to do, I originally got approached to do UK one, but because I was living here, I went out to LA to meet producers and they were saying, we're gonna hold you for season one usa. And I said, okay, but in my head I'm working in nightclubs, I'm not making that much money at the time. But I'm not really doing it for the money. I'm doing it because I'm going out chasing girls, I'm going to strip clubs and I'm getting high, you know, that's, that was my routine. Like, you know, so like you can, you can picture how that was as a 25, 26 year old kid living in New York City, coming from, from coming from this small town in Ireland and then getting this big show on cbs. So I put all my eggs in one basket for the show. Wrong thing to do. I was hoping, I was thinking like, I'm coming off the show with a million followers and I'm going to get all these brand deals. And while this is all happening, I'm, I'm addicted to coke. Like I can't stop doing cocaine. You know what I mean? I cannot stop. The drinking was getting out of hand and I was around this group who were like a lot of the guys are, you know, a couple of guys are still in nightlife, couple of guys are successful bar owners around the city. Like a really good group of, group of guys. And no one really knows that I have this problem other than them, not my family, even the girl, my ex girlfriends who I was dating at the time because I was terrified. Like, you know, 26 years old, I knew how to, I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, but I had this like this shame or fear, maybe I think it was fear. Everything was, everything was fear. Everything that has held me back in my life has been fear based, you know, And I think that's a big one as well, because for me, it took me a while to recognize what is. Why am I doing this? What is going on here? You know, why am I so afraid? I was terrified, so insecure, so afraid of everything. But it didn't look like that from the outside, you know, because I built like, whatever. Back in 2017, I had like 20,000 followers. And if you had anything more than 10,000 followers, you were kind of shit. Like, you know, you're like, oh, this guy? Who is this guy? You know, it was, it was crazy. Looking back at it now, so, like, I'm doing my thing in nightclubs, I'm hanging around with these athletes, I'm around with these, you know, girls. Like, there was nights, like, you know how it is in nightclubs. Like, there was nights I'd be out with 25 girls on my own and doing coke on my own, going, walking back and forth to the bathroom and just hanging out with girls. And yeah, there'll be some nights where there'll be guys with me as well. And I would get these messages off people, mostly from back in Ireland, because, like, this was just like, not a thing in Ireland. The nightclubs, it's just like you, you pay. Everyone just pays €10 to get into a nightclub back home. But New York is different. So I was getting paid to bring these people into the nightclubs, be around these athletes, celebrities, everything like that. And like, everyone writing me messages like, oh my God, you're living the dream. And in my head I'm like, I can't stop doing drugs, I can't stop drinking, I'm suffering inside, but I'm terrified to tell everyone, you know, I'm sure you can relate to that as well.

[Unknown]

I mean, dude, we're the greatest disguise masters on the planet, you know, living.

[Cormac Murphy]

Two lives, you know, Like, I was always broke as well. Like, I always were, like, financially broke, but mentally, spiritually broke, like, and even saying these words now, I, I wouldn't know what that meant back in the day, even just a few years ago, but now it's like, I, I mentioned, I talked to you about, like, just the freedom in sobriety and the clarity and the peace of mind when I just wake up in the morning and, and just hand it over, you know, say my prayers and hand it over. But I, I wanna, I wanna talk about the Just Love island as well, because it was a really dark time in my life. I had, I found myself in 2018 and I, I never really share about this, but I do want to share this because it's like, I think it's important because I think when I was first getting sober, I didn't really have anyone to look. Look to. Right. And I find the more vulnerable I can be on a platform like this and on just social media in general, I think that will benefit others that are going through what. What I was going through and what you were going through.

[Unknown]

That's why we're doing it.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, exactly. So I think like, you know, 2018, I had a really, I had a really bad week. And you know, there was this drug going around the city called Tusi. I don't know what the mix was. It was like coke, mdma, whatever it was. And it was my first time taking and I had a really big, a really bad high, whatever it was like almost like paranoia was sitting in. And I found myself on a four story ledge in Astoria. And there was times in my head, you know, when I first started using drugs that I was getting these thoughts of, I don't want to be here anymore, you know, And I texted a friend, I think it was just like a cry for help. But I texted a friend and he was living in Upper east side at the time. So I was in Astoria and I just found myself on a ledge four stories up wanting to jump and look very lucky that he got there in time. I don't know was I going to jump, but I know it was a cry for help. I know I did not want to be there, you know, so there was that and there was a couple of instances, you know, like that. And no one notice. No one notice. Like I, I did not tell my, my, didn't tell my family until I went into rehab three years later, you know. But six months after that, I'm on a big show on CBS and I'm going through these tests, these evaluations before the show and I'm just lying on every paper I'm taking, I'm lying, like, suicidal idea, suicidal thoughts. No. Have you smoked weed before? Sometimes. Have you done coke before? No. Where I'm like, I'm just lying through my teeth here. Expectations. Going into the show, you know, again, going back, I thought it was my golden ticket, you know, went on the show and look, I was really suffering mentally, you know, And I found myself on this dating show looking for love, quote, unquote, looking for love, you know, and if the show didn't go well. Didn't go well. I got booted off. It was like a four week show. I got voted out about like 10, 9, 10 days in and came back and watched myself on TV and I was just like, oh my God, like, who is this guy? You know, I could see that I was suffering. And when I left the show, the psychiatrist with a psychiatrist asked me, are you okay? She. You didn't seem yourself. You didn't seem like yourself on the show. And I was like, I'm not really good. You know, that was my first time I ever said to someone that I'm not. I'm not good. And that was 2019, August 2019. I got out of the villa and I was filmed in Fiji. So it was a whole thing. I was away for about a month and I came back into the nightclubs and I was like, you know, I thought everyone was gonna be like, oh my God, he's back. But it was kind of almost like people were throwing digs at me, you know, oh my God, you weren't on the show. And I'm such a. I craved attention. I crave being center of detention and this validation. And I got it in the nightclubs. So that's six months after Love island was the worst I've ever been, you know, because it was like, look, I was like preparing myself. I was working out like a maniac, but mentally and spiritually, I was gone, you know, So I always mention this because it was like I walked into the villa, Love Island 2019, around 185 pounds. Fast forward four or five months later, I was 162 pounds. Yeah. So I dropped. Whatever, whatever that is. Almost, almost 160, 162 pounds. Yeah. I was gone. I remember I was going out to Brooklyn for a shoot and I didn't sleep the night before and I was all caulked up and the photographer told me I look good. He said, you look you. He said, you're going to get signed with an agency. Because I had this skinny, gaunt look. And in my head I'm like, you don't know what's going on here, you know?

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, Crazy. And it's not just about the physical, but I think that's important to mention. Like, you know, I walked up to the nightclub, it was one of my last nights working in the club, and there was this doorman who I really got along with, and I had coke on my nose and he just gave me this little wipe on my nose and asked me, he's like, what are you doing? You know, I was just like, what do you mean? He was like, what are you doing to yourself? You know anyone that knows me, back in 2019, I used to wear these skinny jeans, skinny jeans. And my skinny jeans were falling off me, falling off me.

[Unknown]

You know, it's scary when other people. And I remember it so clearly too, other people stopping me, looking at me sideways, kind of like, what's going on, man? Like, I know what you're up to, but it looks really bad right now.

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Back to the pod.

[Cormac Murphy]

Let me ask you this. Did you ever get offended, like when people.

[Unknown]

I mean, I would get defensive.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, I would get defensive out the gate. I never took a moment to think about anything that anyone ever had to say to me. I was always just like, like somebody, somebody mentioned something to me that I didn't want to hear. Yeah, I would, I would fire back a reaction like in a second and I'd be like, you want to take a stab at me? I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm Gonna slam you over the head with a sledgehammer, you know? Like, that was the way I would.

[Cormac Murphy]

I was the same. I was the same. My friend was going out with this girl one time, and I didn't really like her, and she called me a cokehead one night, and I went up to her boyfriend, who was one of my best friends. I was like, do you hear what you said to me? And he's like, sure, bro. That's. That's what you. That's who you are. Like, that's what you do. I was so offended by it, you know, and. But instead of admitting and trying to ask for help, I just went more. I went, like, knee deep into, like, you know, and that six months was very dark, like. And I called my mom. It was the first time I called my mom. I was so afraid. I'm kind of trembling here a bit now because it's like, it brings back. Because, you know, for me, anyway, like, I'm quick to forget a lot of things. Like, you know, even in sobriety, how beautiful my life is. And I am quick to forget. That's why I love. I love talking about it because it does bring me back. And I get this, like, these tingles of how it was, but it's like. It's good reminders. I need to notice. I need to be reminded about, like, how bad it was, because it's like, you know, I can't sugarcoat it. Like, you know, I can't take my sobriety for granted because it wasn't that long ago, man. You know, it's like five, six years ago where it was that bad. So I called my mom and told her what was going on. And, you know, this again, six months after Love Island. So we're coming up to Christmas time. That was the worst Christmas I ever spent in my life. I spent it alone, you know, I spent alone. I couldn't stop using, you know, I was trying to connect. People were trying to connect me with sober people. I was refusing any help. My brother Liam, who's like, the golden child of the family. Like, you know, when I say that in a good way, not. Not in, like, a resentful way.

[Unknown]

The one that opened the barn in the story?

[Cormac Murphy]

No, that's Roy. I have a big family. I have four brothers, one sister. Yeah. But Liam was like my savior. Like, you know, like, I didn't look at it that way back then, but he flew over to New York, and within five days, my bags were packed and I was back in Ireland. And the relief. I remember the Flight home, like the relief of when the wheels touched the floor and I was back in Ireland was just like, oh, man, you know, I was still terrified. I was still terrified because I knew what was coming. Like, I knew. I just had this thing with my father. I knew my father would struggle to understand my thing because I come from this. Like, it's the Irish culture. You, you play sports, you play music, or you go to the pubs to listen to music and you drink. That's what you do. But I was terrified to let my dad know, like, about the drug side of things because I was afraid he wasn't going to understand. But it was, it was, it was very, it was nice because he took me into my first, I suppose you call, interview to get into the rehab center. And, you know, I had to lay everything on, lay everything out, let the counselors know, like, what I was doing, what was going on. And my father just, I was, I was in tears on it. Just my father rubbing my back and letting me know that it's going to be okay. Like, you know, and, and it's just like that was the start of it, you know, and for people who know my journey, there's been relapses in there. And when I went into rehab, when I came out of rehab, right, I did a 30 day rehab program. And they had asked me to stay on longer, but I was just like, no, I'm not doing it. Covert had started this Covid had just started. I remember watching on tv, we could watch TV for an hour a night in the rehab. And it was just this thing Covert has started. So it was very tough, man. I was back living with my parents and my sister. And this is like, you know, living abroad for like five, six years in my 20s and going back home. And I was like, is this what my life is going to look like? And I relapsed, you know, five months, you know, and then I got back on the train. But I didn't really have a sober community. I was just going pure military, like running, lifting. I got, I got the grasp of meditation, a little bit of journaling and stuff, you know, which I have in my life today. Like, you know, and I think that's like, we talk about the tools in sobriety. Like, you know, I think that's, those are the main twos. Like, for me, it's like, it's my fitness, but it has to be. It's, it's, it's, it's the mind that was taken over. Like, you know, so it's like I always say, like, when I used to look at myself in the mirror, majority of time I would be happy with who I would see, but really inside I was like, I hated myself. Like, you know, I never loved who I was. Like, you know, and people probably think, listen, sister, like, there's no way, like, you know, because. But it's, you have to understand, it's like what you're seeing from the outside is what it's like. I was painting a pretty picture on Instagram, you know, I post all these like photos with these athletes and celebrities and these modeling photos and on my social media in order to look a certain way. But really what was inside was the complete opposite. Like, you know, yeah, man. So I relapsed a couple of times. You'll understand this. Like my sobriety, that was my father's birthday, my first sobriety, that was 20, September 27th was my father's birthday. And a year, 11 months after that I had relapsed and I'd gone to, I had this dating show that came up and I went to the UK for it and was actually eight days after my dad passed. So my dad's three year anniversary is this Halloween day.

[Unknown]

Sorry.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah. And you know, I went to the show, this dating show in the uk, but I went there to relapse. I went there to relapse, I went there to drink because I knew no one was going to know my story.

[Unknown]

You planned it?

[Cormac Murphy]

I planned it, yeah. It's like that, like I knew I was going to relapse. Like they say people who relapse, they plan it in their head before. Sometimes it's a slip, you know, it's like, oh, you're in the, you're in the, you're in wrong place at the wrong time. But I knew I planned this out like, you know, and, and relapse. And then before my father passed, you know, there were so many of us. It was, it's quite sad, but it was quite like it, it was beautiful in a way because he passed in the house that we grew up in and we were having these conversations, you know, individually and together, and, and he said, you know, why don't you go back to New York? Like go back almost right your wrongs. And then after he passed, I booked my flights back to New York. But you have to think like, this is ex, like, I'm excited, but I had relapse and I was going back because I knew what was back in New York. I knew what was going back in New York. I knew the clubs Were there. I know I built up a name for myself in the clubs in New York. And that's not like talking from an ego. Ego thing. Like, it's just. That's the way it was. Yeah, That's. That's what it was. And, you know, that led on to. Obviously, I was. I got into my train, my. I got my certs as a personal trainer, and I started online coaching, and I did get signed with a big agency and been with Wilhelmina Models almost three years now, but I was still drinking. And whatever money in my bank account that I had, it was gone within four months, you know, so going back to that, everything was gone. You know.

[Unknown]

Did you start doing was. It was Coke Apt.

[Cormac Murphy]

It was Coke, coke, Adderall, and an alcohol. You know, like, I would always smoke weed as well. And it was. Coke was like. For me, coke was like the crazy ex girlfriend that I could not stop going back to. You know, I knew it wasn't good for me, but I couldn't stop it. Like, you know, and, you know, like, play the tape. You know how it works out. It never ends up good. And I was telling you this before I met this guy who works. He owns a couple of bars and restaurants, and he's been sober a long time, and I've been training. I was training him at the time for about three months, and. And I was miserable going in there, and. And he noticed something was up. So he. He'd asked me. He's like, you know, are you still sober? He's like, your sister tells me you're sober. I'm like, yeah, so sober. A week later, I go back into training. And he's like, listen, I know you're not sober. I've been told you've been out in the pubs and nightclubs. And I was just like, wow, I'm gone two years and I come back to New York and I'm. And someone who I just met and I'm training him was told that I was out doing the thing. So to me, I was like, all right. People knew I had a problem because I'm sure you can relate to this. Sometimes I would go out and, you know, I wouldn't. I wasn't. Wasn't necessarily the messiest person, you know, because I thought I was disguising everything so well. But, you know, I wasn't. You know, people knew. People knew I had a problem. And you. I know. I know you can relate to that. You know, it's like.

[Unknown]

I mean, I was at the end there. I mean, I was Rarely did I sleep. I would stay up for two or three days at a time. And it would be a mix of pills, cocaine and booze. Yeah, some heroin. Every once in a while the heroin came in at the end. But I was behind the bar. Yeah, I was behind the bar. Yeah, I was working. I worked four or five nights a week. I was Mikey, Mikey the bartender. You know, the East Village bartender. I mean, I was, you know.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, it's wild, man. I'll tell you this, and this is I stopped promoting in the clubs because the. My partners that I was working with had told me I couldn't do it anymore. So I was up in this apartment on West 42nd and my dealer used to still come to me. So I was using on my own for the last five, six months on my own coke. There was actually a period of time where I wasn't even drinking. I was just doing coke. You can picture, like, I wasn't sleeping. My dealer at the time caught me off. That's how bad it was. So you picture the amount of money I was giving in. My dealer at the time said, I can't give you any coke. That's when the Adderall and weed started taking over a little bit and the paranoia started coming in. But yeah, man, it's wild. Like, you know, and it's not that long ago. Like, you know, you, you, you're so over 20 years. Like I'm. I just celebrated two years in July.

[Unknown]

Two years is a long time, dude.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, it is, man, it is. And it's beautiful.

[Unknown]

And especially two years is a really long time for somebo who's potentially listening, who's sitting in their apartment doing coke right now, you know?

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because there's probably at least one person listening that is questioning is what they're doing okay?

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, I know.

[Unknown]

You know, like, and that's why I think it's powerful to share a story like this on a podcast like this where we, we don't only talk about. You know, I have, I have a, I have a wide net of guests that I bring on the show and we talk a lot about habits, rituals and routines. But at the end of the day, I'm not sitting here if I'm not sober, period. That's just the straight up truth.

[Cormac Murphy]

Me too.

[Unknown]

And the habits that I've developed, you know, Creatures of Habit is the company I'm the founder of, I launched that, the brand, because I know that habits will either make you or break you. I've lived on both sides. Right. Like, I spent a Lot of time where my habits broke me. And I did not believe that there was a pathway out. Like, I just didn't think that I was going to be one of the people that could get sober. I just didn't think it was possible. For whatever reason, that was my ego, that was like this like terminal uniqueness kind of thing that I had where I was just like, I just. I'm not gonna be one of those people. Like, it's impossible. I thought I was too. It's. They call it self centered fear, Right? Like, I was like, I looked at myself as different than everyone else. And the truth of the matter is, and I think, you know, you and I, two guys sitting here talking about sobriety can just flatten out that mindset, Right? Like you, if you're listening, are not unique. And now I'm not saying that in a negative way or in an attacking way. You are just like Cormac and I, right? And two guys at the absolute bottom of the barrel. Maybe not, maybe not. The person that you see, you know, in rags walking down the street, but certainly felt like that person.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I did everything in my power to try to uphold a presentable human. And at the very end, people would stop me that I knew. And they were like, dude, you're fucking gray. And I would be like, sometimes I didn't know what they were talking about. Like, I'd be like, like, I'm gray. Like my. Like I'm in a gray place. No, And I'd be like, what do you mean? And they were like, look in the mirror. Yeah, And I never looked in the mirror in those days. And if I did look in the mirror, I never looked at my face. It was always just to see what I was wearing. You know, when I got sober, the morning my last hurrah was I walked into my bedroom. I'd been up for two days, probably 48 hours, and I had a wall mirror, like, right, right when right behind my door on the wall, there was a wall mirror there. And I would only look at it to see what I was wearing. I don't remember ever sort of gazing into my eye. And I closed the door, I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And I stopped and I looked at myself. Like, I remember looking at myself in the eyes. Not something that I did ever. Right. And actually, anybody that's listening to this podcast, you know, a very powerful tool, very powerful, powerful thing to do is to look at yourself in the eyes, in the mirror.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And what you say matters, does what you say in that. And I'm not saying that you need to go tell yourself you're the best thing on the planet, best thing since sliced white bread. But I am here to tell you that, like, looking at yourself in the eyes is a very powerful thing, because it's rare that you get to do it unless you're intentional about it. And so I caught myself, and I looked at myself in the eyes, and I just. I don't know the exact words I said, but it sounded a lot like, you should jump out the window. You are a useless piece of shit. You are a deadbeat. You've got nothing going. It's over. Like, it is over, dude. You are. You are essentially, like, your worst nightmare, you know? And it's not worth. It's not worth living another day.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, I felt the same way, man. You know, but there was times I looked at myself and I knew, like, I. Like, like, what are you. Like, what are you doing? Like, you know, I would be lying in front of, like, to my friends, family. But, like, you know, I knew I had a problem. I knew I had a major problem. Like, you know, but. And what I will say, like, but it does. It does start with. With yourself. Like, you know, it does that. It's like, you got to get honest. Like, you know, for me, it was like, I was talking about, like, you know, being shameful of, like, asking for help and then accepting help as well. You know, that's. That was a major thing for me. I think my ego was too big or maybe I was too ashamed of, like, what I was doing. Like, you know, but that was the first. You know, it was. It was the first step in the right direction, you know, it was accepting help, like, you know, and it's important for anyone. Like, you know, it's like, because I feel. For me, anyway, I felt like I was so alone, and I feel like a lot of people out there definitely still feel like they're so alone, even though they might be surrounded by so many friends and, like, loving family, you know? But that was a big one for me.

[Unknown]

Like, so, I mean, now you're sober. You're sober two years straight. You just celebrated two years, so congratulations.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, thank you.

[Unknown]

I mean, you said fitness, you know, is a big part. I know for me, I owe my life to my sobriety, my current life, right? But if I didn't, I was introduced to fitness. I mean, I was an athlete as a kid, and I loved sports. I hid in sports. That was, like, what I Did from like age 0 to like 13 when I really started to get into drinking and partying. But that all went away when I got into the, you know, restaurant biz and then the nightclub biz. When I got sober, the first thing that these two guys kind of came to, you know, kind of swooped in and helped me do was they immediately introduced me into fitness. Like, immediately I got like right in. And so I truly believe now being sober for a long time and a lot of the people I got sober with are not sober anymore. Some are dead, but I just have kind of come to this conclusion. And again, like we can only speak about our experience, right? The sober community is necessary as far as I'm concerned. But so is movement. Yeah, like the sober community or community and support in general is necessary as you sort of walk this path. And movement is going to be an absolute life saving tool for you. Right. Like, I don't know what I would do. I don't know if I'd still be sober if I didn't have this un. Like this, this ferocious passion for moving my body.

[Cormac Murphy]

It's a moss man, you know, like, obviously for me it comes down to like my sober community. But one of the counselors, when I was in rehab, I was running around the block and she said, you need to slow down. It's not your body, it's your mind. You need to get right. But then later at the end of rehab, she's like, you should get into fitness. And I said, I said off. I was like, oh hell. And then I'm a trainer now. But like, I'm not saying you have to become a trainer. But I had to go back to who I was. Like, like yourself, Like I was. I played all the sports growing up. I excelled in rugby. So fitness was, was definitely my savior, you know. So it's just like. And I'm not saying you have to pick up like for me it's weights. It's weights and it's running time to time, you know, but like there's. So we're spoiled with sports, classes, activities, group, like whatever it is. Like, you know, so it's like for me it's like finding that, finding your tribe or like moving your body, man, it's a must. Like, it's just like that's. I don't know, I don't. And I'm not having a stab at people. I don't get how people don't, I don't get how people live their lives without doing some sort of movement. Whether it's Weights or not or where it's playing a sport. I don't, I don't understand that. But for me, like, fitness saves is a part of my savior, you know, as well as the sober community. But what is your, what is your.

[Unknown]

Morning routine look like?

[Cormac Murphy]

Pray in the morning journal. So I have this five minute journal that I do. So it's my gratitude thing. So I've been doing that since I came out of rehab, man, you know, is my gratitude.

[Unknown]

And so use that journal, the actual five minute journal.

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, yeah. Just write three things that I'm grateful for. And it sounds so simple and I didn't get it at the start, you know, I'm like, oh, am I grateful? But if it's the simple things. But it's the simple things now that I appreciate, like going to bed sober, waking up, getting a full eight hour sleep, having food in my fridge, having clean clothes, you know, simple things like, and, and honestly, that's, that's the beautiful thing in my life right now is the simple things, you know? Yeah, I, I do chase success and, and whatever else that comes with it, but to me, my success is not. Is the simple things now, you know, and it's like, so it starts, I'm, I'm an early riser now, man. You know, I used to be getting home at 4:00am, but now I'm getting up at 4:00am so it's a complete 360, you know, pray, meditate, I'm not gonna lie, I don't prepare. I pray every, every morning. But I do pray every day, you know, so if there's times where I'm exhausted in the morning, I will bring my, my journal with me and I'll do it when I have in between clients or something like that, you know, prayer, meditation. And it's like for me, like I didn't grow up religious. My dad was an atheist. But it was just like, for me, it's like that concept of I. For me, I use people who I've lost in my life, you know, my pop up. My mom's dad was a recovering alcoholic. He died, 32 years sobriety. I had this, I want to talk about this. I had this spiritual awakening in rehab, right? Crazy. Crazy to me. And I never really share about this, but my mom started bringing in letters that my pop up used to write to me when I was a kid. And I got this, like, I don't know, was it an epiphany? But I got this. I felt like my brain was just like so clogged, right? And I got this memory of when I was six years old. I was. My mom's from Bergenfield in Bergen County, New Jersey. And I was sitting at the top of the stairs and my pop up was letting in these sober guys and then they all started introducing themselves and I just out of nowhere I got this memory of that in rehab. My mom like started bringing in photos of me and my pop up and letters and stuff. And at the end, my last night of rehab, it's like a ritual. You light a candle and I lit a candle outside and it was pouring, raining. I lit a candle just underneath this fireplace outside, it was pouring, raining all night, windy raining. And with a picture of my pop up beside the candle. And I went down the next morning and the candle was still lighting. Wow. So like there's something there, man, you know, and, and you know, did I carry that? You know, for me, I knew I was in the right place, but because I was such an addict, I had my relapses. But I've always gone back to praying to my pop up. My dad passed almost three years ago. I prayed to my father, my best friend, who's passed almost a year now, was an addict as well, had a little over two years sobriety, relapsed last year and you know, got behind the wheel and that with that, that, that really hurt. And you know, the losses in, in my life, like I have those three guys, my pop up, my best friend Darren, my dad Liam. And I pray to them like, you know, and I use them. Not when, not when I need to. Like it's, it's every day like, you know, it's like when things are going good, I pray to them. When things aren't going good, I pray to them. And anywhere in between, I'll pray to them, you know, and it's just, I just, I just feel this, this. I don't know, there's something out there. Whether it's the three of them or something else, that's, that's who I feel like he's guiding me because we talked, man, like how I didn't overdose or whatever, like with fentanyl and all this that's going on now. My father said to me during one day, he's like, how didn't you bro, blow a hole through your nose? I said, I don't know. And then to me I'm like, how my life. I don't know, you know, so there's something there, man, you know, whether it's spiritual or religious, whatever your beliefs are like something greater than Me is protecting and looking after me and, like, allowing me to live life the way, you know, I wanted, a way I should have. Because I'm very grateful for my struggles. I'm extremely grateful for him. And I've took. I've taken a lot of lessons and learnings, and anyone that's come into my life, good or bad, I'm grateful for them as well, because it's like, it's taught me a lot about people, about life, you know, and about myself as well. And today, like, I can sit here and I'm like, I know who I am. I know who I am. Like, you know, and that's a thing people probably struggle their whole lives with. You know, I know who Cormac Murphy is. Like, you know, I know. And I'm not like, yeah, I'm sober. My struggles. I always say, like, my struggles is my armor. Like, my struggles are my armor, you know, And I, like, I'll carry them for the rest of my life. Like, you know, and. Or just for today, you know, for.

[Unknown]

Someone listening, maybe just one person who is struggling on the fence knows they have a problem, either hiding it or other people know, what kind of advice can you give them?

[Cormac Murphy]

Yeah, Honestly, I've been asked that question a lot. And for me, I look back at what I could have done sooner, and I think of that phone call I made to my mom and how scared I was. But the relief from after that call, because it was like, okay, I was asking for help. Like, you know, I was asking for help. And I think that's no matter if you're an addict or you're struggling mentally or whether it's in business or relationships. Like, as human beings, like, we need to ask and receive help from others. It's just a fact. Like, you know, we need. In order to get through life, you need people, you know, So I think for me, I felt so alone at the time, and I was so fearful of asking for help. And I think, like, look, if someone's struggling out there, it's just like, look, doesn't matter who it is. You just ask someone for help, let them know what's going on. For me, it was my mom. And that was like. That was the start of my recovery after that phone call. And I didn't think it at the time, but looking back at it now, it was. It was that phone call I made to my mom. And, you know, man, I'm just so. Jeez, I'm so grateful and blessed, or however you want to call it, that I'm here Today. So, like, look, look, ask for help, man. You know, don't have any shame around asking for help as well, because everyone should be doing it, you know, there's no shame in asking for help at all.

[Unknown]

All right, y'all, that was a really powerful, super vulnerable episode of the Creatures of Habit Pod. And we definitely got a few of Cormac's things that he does every single morning. It says very similar to what I do every morning. But more importantly, we were able to share a story of someone who, similar to me, has gone through a really, really challenging hard time that didn't see the forest through the trees. And one thing, a phone call to his mom changed the course of his life. And he didn't do it perfectly. None of us do. But he's here, sitting across the table from me today, two years sober, smiling from ear to ear, sharing his story, so that hopefully there's someone out there that can benefit from it. I know the value is there. So, as you guys know, I appreciate you. This would be a really, really, really good one to share with a friend that you think might need to or want to listen to it, a family member, anyone who you know of that is struggling. Share the podcast. Obviously, I would appreciate you sharing the podcast because it helps us grow. But way more importantly to me, if we can, if we can help save one person from doing using that lethal dose or calling it quits and actually taking the step off the four story building, because I know that happens too. I love you guys. I appreciate you guys. I really do. If you're feeling super generous and you want to give us a five star rating and review, that would mean a lot. Subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. And yeah, we're gonna keep making great podcasts and we're gonna be, we're gonna talk, we're gonna talk more about sobriety too, because it's a massive part of my story. It's a massive part of my story and it's the only reason why I'm sitting here with the ability to do this stuff.

And there you have it, folks. I hope we delivered some valuable content for you to implement into your life on a daily basis. Please remember that our habits have the power to make us or break us. Replacing bad habits with great ones is the answer to living a life of happiness, optimism, and high performance. We are capable of achieving anything. We all have what it takes to give it all we've got. Commit to one great habit each day and truly commit and watch how everything in your life starts evolving from good to great. If you enjoyed this podcast, please follow us wherever you listen to your podcast, give us a five star rating and a nice review that will help us grow this podcast, bring on more amazing guests, and continue to deliver invaluable content on a weekly basis. Lastly, please share this podcast with any friends or family that you think might appreciate it. And always remember, want do equals have until the next one Fam Peace.