← Kreatures Of Habit Podcast 
Kreatures Of Habit Podcast
The Life Lesson I Wish My Dad Had Shared Earlier | Monday Moments
00:10:57
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
When we have a difficult relationship with a parent, family member, spouse, old friend, when there's tension in a relationship, unfortunately, a lot of what we remember is the bad stuff. It's hard when a. When a relationship is just consistently challenging, it's hard to remember the good things. I really don't know what it's like to have a father, because when he was here, it was really difficult, and we didn't really have a relationship, and he's been gone for 25 years. And I just know that if my father was. Was alive, our relationship would be different than it was when he was here, because I was also a maniac. Not every relationship is meant to be great. Not every relationship is going to work out sometimes. We were born into relationships that are super challenging. And when that happens, it's very, very difficult for us to see the good times in those relationships. I have kind of committed to just really trying to remember the good times because it doesn't make sense for me not to. It doesn't make sense for me to harp on the things that were not awesome, like, what is that going to do for me? What up, y'? All? Welcome back to the Creatures of Habit podcast. Monday Moments. Monday moment. I want to tell you a story. I want to tell you a story. So if you've been following me for some time now, maybe you have, maybe you haven't. You probably know that I've shared about my relationship with my father and how tough that relationship was. My father died when I was 20 years old. So 25 years ago, my sister just sent me a photo of my father's tombstone. And the fact is, I have not been back to my father's grave since he died. That's a fact. I have completely come to terms with my relationship with my father, but I have not been back there. You know, when we have a difficult relationship with a parent, family member, spouse, old friend, when there's tension in a relationship, unfortunately, a lot of what we remember is the bad stuff. It's hard when. When a relationship is just consistently challenging, it's hard to remember the good things. But I have spent some time trying to remember the good times I've spent with my father, because I know there were good times. Even though there were way more tough times, There were some good times with my dad. And the fact is, is that I wish. I wish my father was here. I wish. I wish I had a father a alive. I do. You know, I mean, I really don't know what it's like to have a father, because when he was here, it was really difficult and we didn't really have a relationship and he's been gone for 25 years and my, you know, I, I just know that if my father was, was alive our relationship would be different than it was when he was here. Because I was also a maniac. You know, I was not an easy kid at all. I definitely made it difficult on my parents and my father never saw me sober, my father never saw me in business, my father never saw me as a father. And I just know in my heart of hearts that if my dad was here he would be proud. And so, because I know that I have tried to spend some time thinking about the good times that my father and I had and a memory showed up for me not long ago towards the end of my father's life. And I moved to Los Angeles when I was 19 years old trying to chase this acting career. I was like, you know what? I've been working in the restaurant business since I'm a kid and I was 19 and I was a complete wreck. Alcoholic, drug addict. I was like I should just get out of New York, I should move to LA and I should just go see if I got, if I can do this acting thing which by the way I think I probably could do now if I wanted to. Fact but I'm an entrepreneur so I'm not doing that. Anyway, I came back from LA around Christmas in 2000 to spend Christmas with my family. And I think and this was, this was, this was the trip that my father passed away on January 9th of 2001. So right in the beginning of January of 2001. But I came back for a few weeks that holiday season and I remember my dad had, had asked to go out for dinner, lunch or dinner with me. I don't remember if it was lunch or dinner but we, we went to the Chinese restaurant around the corner from my parents apartment on 88th street and Second Avenue. And there was this just like ease sitting down with my father having, I think it was lunch because I, the memory is that it was, it was light out, it might have been an early dinner. But my father said to me how's it going in la? How's the acting thing going? And the truth is is that LA was a complete nightmare. I was getting into trouble, I crashed the car, I was drinking around the clock, I was out of control and I didn't know what to say to him. But he, you know, he kind of knew, he knew that I was going through it and he said have you spent Any time, like trying to act. And I was like, I don't know what you mean. And he said, can you cry on the spot? And I remember this like it was yesterday. He was like, can you cry on the spot? And I was like, no. And my father looked at me and he put his head down, like nodded his head down. And then he. 10 seconds he looked, he put his head back up and he was, he was like hysterical crying. And at the time it didn't register for me what that, what he was doing, what what that meant. But now looking back on it, you know, my father was a very, very troubled human and he didn't know how to express his love to me. He just didn't, he never, he just couldn't do it. He didn't know how to. But he, he, he had so much pent up emotion in him that he could tap into it at any moment. And he was trying to tell me that he loved me in that moment where he put his head down and he just looked up at me and he was, he was crying, like full blown hysterical. And I never would have thought at that moment that that's what he was trying to tell me. But he was really trying to connect with me. He was trying to relate to my life and he was trying to show me that I had, I could do it. I just had to tap into the emotion. And that memory came out of nowhere. So, and it was a. And, and I, and I cherish that memory because it made me cry. After he cried, I cried. And it made me feel connected to my dad for, I don't know, for the first time, maybe ever in that moment. And then he passed away two weeks later. The, the moral of this story is not every relationship is meant to be great. Not every relationship is going to work out. Sometimes we were born into relationships that are super challenging. And when that happens, it's very, very difficult for us to see the good times in those relationships. But it makes way more sense to remember the good times than to harbor the bad times in relationships. Especially if someone's gone. So instead of thinking about all the things that my father did to me and the battles and the physical fighting and the, all the shit. I have kind of committed to just really trying to remember the good times because it doesn't make sense for me not to. It doesn't make sense for me to harp on the things that were not awesome, like, what is that going to do for me? Nothing. Nothing and do nothing. Thinking about the good times and really trying to dig those up and highlight those and cherish those. That's the way you commemorate a relationship that had ups and downs. I hope this one made you think a little, maybe inspired you to sit down and write. Write out a few memories of times with people that you have battled with, have struggled with some good memories so that you don't paint the picture that it was just all bad, all challenging, all tough. Share this podcast would mean a lot. I hope you guys have an epic week. I know that was a little somber, but I, I'm like having that memory of my father and now, you know, committing to, to doing my best to remember the good times has just like kind of created this new experience with my dad. Even though he's not here. I'm, I, I'm doing my best to remember the good times and I hope you do too. Until the next one, y'. All. Peace. Ra.