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- [00:00]
A
The change that you want to make that you've been saying that you want to make is going to be uncomfortable. The thing that you want to go out and do is going to be uncomfortable. The realization that there is some potential inside of you that maybe has been untapped, like that going after it is going to be uncomfortable. But you're uncomfortable already. You're uncomfortable knowing that you're addicted to your phone and not doing anything about it. You're uncomfortable knowing that maybe there's a bigger addiction in your life. You're uncomfortable knowing that there's this business idea that you're going to do next year and next year and next year and next year.
- [00:32]
B
Year. I'm Michael Chernow and this is the Creatures of Habit podcast. Our habits will make us or break us. It's just that simple. I've lived on both sides of the tracks and have learned that the decisions we make on a consistent basis truly define who we are as human beings. On this show, I will be interviewing some of the most inspiring, motivating and high performing humans I've encountered to share their daily habits, routines and rituals that help them stay on top of their game and, and ultimately happy. So sit back, relax and pay attention because what you hear over the next 30 to 45 minutes could potentially change your life. Let's go. Thanks for being here.
- [01:18]
A
Thank you. This is awesome. I'm excited.
- [01:20]
B
What is confidence?
- [01:22]
A
Confidence is belief in yourself. It's belief in yourself, but I think a lot of people believe that it's belief in yourself that everything's gonna go right. And I think more confidence is gained knowing that if things go wrong, you can still figure it out. And that takes reps. It takes reps of trying something, something risky, putting yourself out there, potentially failing and realizing, I'm okay, I can pick up the pieces, I can make this better, or I can correct, autocorrect, pivot, whatever needs to be done. I think people, when they think of confidence, they're like, are you confident that you're gonna do this thing? Now, I do believe you should probably be confident in doing that thing. But sometimes we're starting something brand new. Sometimes it's a business, sometimes it's a new relationship. Sometimes you're putting yourself in a position that's brand new. But if you're confident in, I know I can do that thing. I'm going to give it my best shot and I can get better if something happens.
- [02:23]
B
What do you think from your experience? I mean, I know you've coached hundreds of, maybe thousands of people over the course of your coaching career. I mean, you just released a book called Uncomfortable Either Way. I mean, I feel like you and I have a lot of similarities about how we think about approaching life. Right. And I want to talk about that, but I want to touch. I really want to focus on this confidence piece first. Because I've. I've sort of, from my experience coming through addiction and now into recovery for a long time, I really boil it down to three things. I call it the three C's. Commitment is kind of the first and arguably the hardest of the three Cs. And I think arguably one of the hardest things for human beings to do in general. Right. Commit, even staying focused. Right. I don't mean commit like only in a marriage or business or a relationship. I mean commit like you go to sit down in front of the computer, you got a lot. You know, you have a project to get done. The hardest thing to do for a lot of people is to commit, to take it to the finish line. Right. Like, it's hard, especially if you're an entrepreneur where you've got a bazillion things going on. You're getting pulled in 45 different directions at all times. People want a piece of you, no matter how you slice it. How do you sit and commit to say, all right, I've got a three hour block of time. I'm going to crush this thing. Right? So commit is the first circumstance. Commitment breeds confidence reps, right? You commit to something over and over again, day in and day out. It is going to ultimately, from my experience, breed confidence. And I love what you said about confidence, not only in being able to get something done, but having the confidence with uncertainty, knowing that even if you don't get it done, it's still gonna be okay no matter how you slice it, Right. Cause I do think that that's actually a much broader way to think about confidence. And then ultimately that is like a perfect parlay into the third C, which is courage. Right? And people write books about courage, and I believe courage is a prerequisite and requirement for greatness, you know, 100%. So, like, if you had to boil down somebody who's listening to the podcast right now and they're just struggling, they're just struggling. They're not one sure what's up, what's down. They know that they want to try this thing out, but they just don't have the strength, the confidence to do it. Like, what could be a really easy technique for someone to start putting the pieces together to Build confidence.
- [05:09]
A
So I want to start by first congratulating you on 21 years. I know that just passed.
- [05:13]
B
Thank you.
- [05:13]
A
Big congratulations to you. That is epic milestone. You touched on a lot of. We are. We think, very similar on the confidence piece and the courage piece. And I really think that confidence boils down to, like, four pillars, the first one being preparation. And you can prepare, and the more you prepare, the better you're gonna be. I think of the athletes walking on the Kobe Bryants and the Michael Jordans, and they were so prepared that that's why they were able to talk trash, right? That's why they were like, give me the ball and watch what happens. Not because I think this magic is gonna happen. It's because I shot this shot so many different times. There's preparation there. And I think sometimes we think it has to be this grandiose performance for preparation to take place. But even that. What. And the book was a great example because there's so many small little check marks or checkpoints that nobody sees, right? It's like, oh, man, I finally finished. I sent it back. They sent it back with 100 red lines. And you're like, start over. And you're like, okay, we're back again. So preparing is a great place to start, to build the confidence before you do something. The second one is repetition. And you said, courage builds confidence.
- [06:24]
B
Confidence builds courage.
- [06:25]
A
Confidence builds courage. In the book, there's a chapter called Action Builds Confidence, and I call it the ABC Method, just because it's easy to remember and any place I love the question, or. Let me rephrase, when people say, who's confident in this room and who's not? And the confident people raise their hand, and then who's not confident or who could use more confidence, they raise their hand. Funny part about that is both people are right. You're confident that you're confident, or you're confident that you're not confident, Right? So in reality, you have a belief that you're defending. Repetition is. And taking that action. Any place that you're not confident, you probably haven't taken enough action. If it's the gym, you maybe just haven't shown up enough. If it's relationships, maybe you haven't gone down the road where you have to overcome an argument, you have to overcome a disagreement, you have to be okay being. Creating the peace. Maybe then rather than being right, you need those repetitions to start to be more confident. And that's. Go back to what I said previously. Nobody gets into a relationship and, like, I'm confident this is gonna work because it's gonna be perfect at all times. Your confidence is that even if we disagree, even if we hit a big challenge, I'm confident that this is the person that I want to fix it with. So that's where the confidence and the last two are authenticity. Number three is authenticity. And this is why I don't believe in the fake it t make it. I actually strongly disagree because. Are you familiar with Gary Breca?
- [07:50]
B
Yeah, of course.
- [07:51]
A
He, you know, biohacking guru, he's out of Miami, and he talks about this thing called constructive interference. And humans admit energy, they admit this thing. And the most powerful frequency that a human can emit, most people say love. And this is four times more powerful than love. It's authenticity. And why that's important for confidence is when you're faking it till you make it, you're almost first admitting the fact that you don't have the confidence.
- [08:17]
B
Right?
- [08:17]
A
So I'm faking it. The other thing is you're not admitting any sort of authenticity when you're faking it. And other people pick up on that. And actually you pick up on that. So what would somebody do if they're trying to be more confident? That's where I think, like, raising your hand and being like, I actually don't understand that. Can you explain that to me, or no, I've never heard of that. Can you explain that to me? When you start to be like, I'm not afraid to ask questions, or I'm not afraid to be a newbie at something or a beginner at something, all of a sudden your most authentic self happens, and all of a sudden people start to gravitate towards that, and you're more confident, even if you don't know as much as maybe somebo else. And the last one is courage. I think courage is the place where, what if you don't have the reps? What if you aren't? What if you don't? You haven't had time to prepare because you're stepping into a bold thing, or you have a situation where you got to go now. And then, you know, the authentic piece is, can we be courageously authentic? And to me, all that funnels back up to confidence.
- [09:10]
B
So fake it till you make it. Where I learned about that term first was in the world of recovery. And they would say things specifically in early recovery. You know, most people that come into the world of recovery, whether they're in the 12 step rehab, whatever it is, most people, they don't believe that they are going to be able to live their lives without the reliance on the substance, whatever substance it is. It could also be gambling, it could also be sex. It could be, you know, spending. It could be a lot of things, right? But most people that, that, that are at that, at that turning point, right at that crossroads where you're like, okay, either I'm gonna die, I'm gonna lose everything. I've already lost everything. The term fake it till you make it was basically given to me now. I don't know how I feel about it. Honestly, I really don't. I don't know how I feel about it because I think for some people that really don't believe that they're going to be able to get through, maybe that term fake it till you make it is the thing that they're just like, I just gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta pretend, you know, I gotta, I gotta. There's like, if I, if I, you know, I've got a best friend, my best friend, the godfather of my first son, the greatest guy, also one of the most talented guys, has been living in a tent on skid row, smoking crack for the last five years. The best guy, most stylish guy, coolest guy, kindest guy, living in a tent on skid row, smoking crack, can't get out of his own way, has completely zombified. And I don't know if a guy like that can do it without faking it till he makes it, you know, So I just, I only bring that up because I agree with you that authenticity is. Look, the way I describe authenticity. And I, you know, in managing hundreds of people over the course of my career as a restaurateur and every single restaurant that we've opened, I talk a lot about authenticity and I talk a lot about the vintage T shirt. Right. You know, the difference between the great vintage T shirt, the real one, and then the made to look like a vintage T shirt.
- [11:48]
A
Yes.
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B
Somebody walks into a room with a made to look like vintage T shirt and you're like, that ain't a vintage T shirt. You know what I mean?
- [11:58]
A
Yeah.
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B
And it's that for me, that was like, for whatever reason, I'm a visual guy. Like, that's a visual depiction of what authenticity is. Right? It's obvious. Yeah, it's obvious. If you are really, like, in interviewing people. I've hired well over a thousand people over the course of my career in interviewing people, I never wanted to hire the person who was insanely confident and had no sign Of. Of, like, I'm a little nervous here.
- [12:34]
A
Yeah, right.
- [12:35]
B
Not that I was looking for the nervous person, but it was inauthentic to me for somebody to walk in just like you. I'm the guy. I'm the guy you. You need. I'm. I've done this, this, this, this, and I'm just like, yo, relax.
- [12:51]
A
Yeah.
- [12:52]
B
You know, like, is this how you're going to act with the guests?
- [12:57]
A
Yeah.
- [12:57]
B
You know, so I just. I really do think that the. The authenticity piece is so crucial and critical, and I think it's so hard today with social media, everybody trying to be like. So let me ask you a question about. When I was doing my research on some of the stuff that you've talked about and you've written about the things that you tend to coach people on, who are we doing all these things for?
- [13:28]
A
Great question.
- [13:29]
B
Right.
- [13:30]
A
That's what I think. The authenticity piece. People can tie that back to not caring what anybody thinks. I don't think that's what authenticity is. Authenticity doesn't mean you don't care what anybody thinks. If I didn't care what you think, I wouldn't have put on my nice clothes today, because I care what you think. I also care what I think, and I care what your view. I want this to be a great podcast, and if I look good, feel good, podcast good, Right? So there's a piece of that. But there is a time when we start caring more what other people think than what we think. And that's where I think authenticity gets thrown out of whack when I am doing this more because I care about what Michael thinks than. More than I care about what Brett is gonna feel good in. And I learned a lot of these lessons through speaking. When I first started speaking and getting some bigger events, I wanted to be, like, the best speaker on the planet. So I would dress in the suit coat and the. And I wanted to be like the people that I watched and do this talk and be the most confident guy I possibly could. And I'm like, man, I've never worn a suit coat to work ever. Like, I've never had a job that required me to wear, like, a jacket. So all of a sudden I was like, well, that's immediately not my most authentic self. Let me go back to what I like to wear. And now I'm usually in, like, some sort of jean jacket and a necklace and, like, that. That just feels like I'm in my zone, right? I'm in my zone. But there's also this piece Of I want to make sure that I'm doing things, that maybe it's not that I don't want to make a great impression, it's that it feels good for me as well. And if it feels good for me as well, and I'm putting my best foot forward, to me, that's a win win.
- [15:01]
B
Right?
- [15:02]
A
We're having the power, and we all know the power of influence. And when I'm in front of an audience, I have a huge opportunity to influence people in a positive way. I need to have confidence to do that, and I can do that the best. When I feel authentically myself and I make a joke sometimes about if there's ever not a clicker or a screen and I have to write, I make a joke about, like, how nervous I get about spelling in front of people. And it. And it settles me down that if I make a mistake, I've already told you I might make a mistake. Okay, big deal. I'm not gonna impress you with my spelling, but hopefully my message is gonna be the impressive thing. And those are the kind of things that. That I just think it comes with. You need repetition on that to find out why doesn't this feel good? Like, why am I not feeling like this is most aligned with me? And sometimes we need to make those pivots, we need to make those changes, and that's where we can funnel in to have the courage to be authentic, the authenticity to then be more confident.
- [15:55]
B
How do you think, you know, look, because I've come up. I've rubbed up against this a lot. And actually, really recently, you know, with questioning, like, dude, do I do this for me or do I do this for you? Like what? Like, do I squat 380 pounds for me or for you? Realistically turn out, like, what are you doing here? Right, right. And I've come to the conclusion that in a number of areas in my life, I'm actually doing it for you.
- [16:31]
A
Yeah.
- [16:32]
B
And I mean, I use squatting as an example, but I don't squat anymore. Not because, like, I actually love squatting and there's other reasons. I got a fucked up back. And. But at the end of the day, like, I've just realized that, like, hey, man, there are certain areas in your life where these questions should arise. So for someone, you know, that is like, constantly thinking about what other people think, and that is influencing their decision making for most areas of their life. What kind of questions do you think they could ask themselves?
- [17:08]
A
I think you have to start by defining your own success and that There's a. There's a big. The end of the book starts to talk about this. And funny thing is, like, when you write a book, two years, you know, two years. It takes two years to write. To write. It took me two years, maybe somebody else be a little more efficient. But so much in my life has changed, like, since I wrote this book. Like, I'm married now, and I'm doing more speaking now. And there's a lot of things that have changed. But this defining success really came to fruition when I started working with more high performance clients. And I was working with them, and they were either some sort of corporate client entrepreneur, people who had achieved really good success. I loved it because I love the game of figuring out humans and what makes them tick. And I love that. And here is. You know, I almost want to start with a question, and it's a question that I haven't figured out yet, but I'm determined to try to find an answer. And that question is, do we have to climb the mountain and go achieve the thing just to find out that it's not the end all be all for us? And it may or may not leave you fulfilled? Because what I started doing is clients would come to me, they'd tell me what their goal is. We'd go chase that goal down. And what I started to realize was a lot of them were accomplishing this thing, getting the money payoff, getting the accomplishment, getting the next reward. And there was no celebration. It lasted a day. It lasted two days. And what did their life look like? More stressful, more work, more busy, less dinners with their family. And all of a sudden I was like, am I failing my clients? Because we're chasing this thing down that they say that they want, and then we're not feeling fulfilled? And how many times have we heard somebody who's. I mean, we. Even our first conversation, you said, I'm an expecting father. First baby boy is gonna be born in December. I'm over the moon. And you said your biggest regret was not spending more time with them early on. And that's so important. I hope you know how vital that information was for me, because I'm thinking, like, I need to. This is the time to push. So when my kid grows up, they know that I built this thing, and I'm really proud of it. And I have this legacy and all this stuff. And here's somebody that I've looked up to for a long time telling me I wish I didn't work as hard, or maybe you didn't Use those words. But just. I wish I just would have been around more and spent more time. And, you know, my wife and I luckily have the resources to do that. And so here I am at conflict of, like, do I go chase the mountain? Do I go chase the thing? Maybe it gives me a more monetary payoff. But I've heard everybody and their mother who's reached that say, money's not gonna be everything. Money's not gonna change. And I remember being the broke guy in the audience, seeing guys on stage saying, guys, money's not gonna change your life. It may leave you more unfulfilled. And I'm like, yeah, but I want some more. So that's the question I'm trying to figure out is we all have been told a hundred times, the next accomplishment, your crazy business resume, more business, more money, more success. Is not gonna leave us with this feeling that everybody's looking for. But do we have to figure that out ourselves? Do we have to get to the top of our own mountain just to look around and realize they were right? There were so many other things that are more fulfilling.
- [20:13]
B
I love that we're having this combo. I have so much to say about it, but I don't want to make this podcast about me. But I do think it's a good conversation to have, and I think it'll be interesting for the. For the listeners. So I just. Sunday, it was a beautiful day. I just celebrated a big anniversary, sober anniversary. And Sunday, I woke up feeling funky. I've had thousands of days where I've woken up feeling funky. I do my shit. And most days after I wake, you know, if I wake up feeling funky, I just know that I've just got to hit the reps and I got to do what I got to do. And most days, like, I shake it off, you know? But Sunday, I just didn't. Sunday, I felt like I was living in the moors, right? I was living in the er, as I call it. Bigger, better, stronger, richer, faster. The emergency rooms. And I couldn't shake it. I couldn't shake it. So. But it was a beautiful day, and I don't work on the weekends ever. And I just had to say to myself, hey, man, like, you've got a Sunday. You're going to be with your family. It's going to be great. And I trained, and then I went out. My wife and kids were swimming in the pool, and so I went to the pool, and I was like, all right, turn it off, dude. Just be here. And I stopped, and I really Gave myself the gift of smelling the roses. Like you said, man, the celebrations are, like, small, and I've tried so hard, and I've gotten way better at, like, being conscious and mindful about celebrating, just celebrating my life where I'm at. And I stopped, and I can see it right now. I was sitting on the lounge chair, looking around, beautiful day. My wife and kids with me in the pool just on our property. And I was like, in that moment, I don't know if it can get any better. Straight up. Like, I don't think another two zeros, three zeros, four zeros in my bank account would actually change that moment for me.
- [22:46]
A
Yeah.
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B
I do not believe that it would.
- [22:48]
A
Yeah.
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B
And my whole day changed because I gave myself the grace to just be like, yo, dude, celebrate this.
- [22:57]
A
Yeah.
- [22:58]
B
And to your point, we have been tuned, cultivated, molded to believe the more we have, the happier we will be. Right?
- [23:15]
A
Yeah.
- [23:17]
B
And I also know, like, I always use this example, right? Like, you're at the. You're at base. You're at base camp. You're staring up at this fucking mountain. And that mountain could be a business. That mountain could be a marriage. That mountain could be a fitness event. That mountain could be any kind of mountain that you got to climb to get to the top of. You have the courage to get up to start the climb. You start the climb. It's hard, man. You're. You're climbing that thing for. For days, maybe weeks. You get to the top of the mountain, you look to your left, you look to your right, you smile, you high five your friends.
- [23:54]
A
Your minutes up there, and then you. Yeah.
- [23:56]
B
You walk back down, right?
- [23:58]
A
Yeah.
- [23:58]
B
Like, so what I. What I learned in that moment, and I know it's cliche, but. And I want to ask you about happiness, but it's. It is the journey, right? Like, it is the journey. And if you're not looking to your left and looking to your right and only looking down on the journey, like, does the top make any sense?
- [24:26]
A
Right.
- [24:27]
B
Right. You know what I'm saying?
- [24:29]
A
And I think anybody listening to this who has reached some top of their mountain is probably like, yes, 100% yes. And somebody who's maybe at the beginning of their journey listening or in their journey is like, I don't know. I really want to get to the top. Like, I want that view, I want that money. I want to be able to buy that car. I want that house. And I'm not convinced yet that if I get that, I'm not going to be happier or my life's not going to change. I'll give you a story here. I told you when I walked in today that last week I spent a week at summer camp. And this camp is put on by Experience Camps. It's a great organization and it's specifically for kids who have lost a parent or a loved one or a sister, brother. They've lost a significant person in their life and they get to come to this camp for free. And it's up in Georgia. It's called Twin Lakes Camp. And I remember seeing this camp last year when I was. We moved to Florida. I stopped kind of volunteering and I just was like, I want to really want to find an organization or something that is aligned and I want to give back. And I remember googling it actually. And I found this place. And last year when I went to go kind of discover it, it was already late, the camps had already happened. And I was like, I'll do that next year. It's so easy to put off one of those things year next year. Then all of a sudden it started coming back up again. And I had my own kind of moment last October where I started my scoreboard change and I was chasing all the wrong things and it was all about money. And it was like a good day only meant if I was successful in business. And I was losing the gratitude for all of the great things in my life. And guess what popped up on Instagram? Experience Camps. This opportunity to go volunteer. And I'm looking at the timing and I'm in the middle, you know, full swing, book launch, talk about the book. Go do this. You know, it's probably not the best time to go disconnect completely from my phone, answer no emails, answer no texts, do anything for a week and be out, you know, at summer camp. But I. But something in my heart, you know, my head was like, this is not a logical decision. My heart and my intuition were like, this is something that you should do because this would have been the perfect place for you. For me, when I was 16, when I lost my. When I lost my dad and. And I just got back on Sunday and I can't think of a single thing I could have done that would have been more impactful in my life. It's going to be impactful in my business. It has altered my perspective on life so significantly. Being with these kids for a week and hopefully some impact that I had on them and holding space for them and hearing these kids share about their person. Some of them died by suicide, some of them house fires, some of them gunshot. Like all kinds of stories that you hear from these kids. And I was joking about sleeping on the cot that we have, like the bump that we have and how funny all that was. But coming back, my heart has exploded wide open. And I just think about those things where it's never the right time to go do something that doesn't feel like it's high priority for the business. The goal, the other thing. But I'm just so glad I went. And I really feel like, I mean, I met people. Hopefully I had an impact. We had seventh graders. So like 11 and 12 year old boys. They were awesome kids. Had gone through some sort of tragedy. And, you know, I hope that, I hope that they. You feel we got. They got to be kids again. We got to rock climb, we got to go kayaking, we got to play dodgeball. Like, like literally summer camp, when I say summer camp. And that just goes back. And I got back and I was sitting with my wife and I just looked her in the eyes and I said, like, I can't believe I almost talked myself out of that. Like, what. What could I have done? What could I have posted on Instagram? What email could I have sent? What per. What connection could I have made that was more impactful than those seven days? And I share that because if I really say that impact is what I'm put here for, I can't get lost in how that can show up in the package and how that may be wrapped. And I know everybody has something in their life like, oh, I'm gonna go do that thing when. And it's like, maybe it's a life experience. Maybe it's not about the bottom line, maybe it's not about a specific goal that you have right now, but it's this thing that you want to do. And, And I'm so, I'm just, I'm so glad I did that. And I just, I've been riding so high and also filled with emotion. Like, I feel like I could just put myself back in any one of those conversations and tears could flood through my eyes. Like, just sadness to help me work through my own grief a little bit and. But yeah, that does. Like, what does winning look like? I would have been so upset with myself if I didn't do that. Because really, if I want to win and I want to have an impact, that's exactly what I should have been doing.
- [29:05]
B
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- [30:53]
A
Yeah.
- [30:53]
B
Right. And it, you know, it's with, it's with my kids, it's with my wife, and you know, so many other people. But I think it's a great segue into this question that I have for you. Which is? Which is happiness.
- [31:11]
A
Yeah.
- [31:12]
B
Like when do you think you're happy?
- [31:16]
A
I can tell you when I'm not happy and I'm not happy when I say something's important and then I don't prioritize it. I'm not happy when I say yes to something and immediately know I should have said no to that or it takes away from something else. I'm not happy when I get caught up in the inconvenience of any sort of situation and forget how grateful my life is and when I forget the big picture and I focus on, man, this traffic's really annoying today. Or this delayed Flight is really making me angry, I'll tell you. That's when I'm the least happy. I'm also the least happy when there's no white space in my life that's just not even on my calendar, but white space. You talked about this going outside separating a little bit. And I'm not proud to admit this, but I can't remember the last time I spent seven days without Internet off my phone. Completely, completely. Probably when I had a Nokia phone when I first Got1 At 16, I can't remember a week. I've gone weekends, I've gone days, but I haven't gone a full week off my phone completely disconnected from any sort of communication other than a phone to call my wife at the end of the night in a long time. And it was uncomfortable how the first two days I just kept grabbing it.
- [32:37]
B
Where?
- [32:38]
A
Oh, I didn't bring it right? Oh, oh, it's in the cabin. Like, I didn't like that feeling. What am I looking for? I'm with these kids, I'm outside, I'm in nature, we're playing games, we're playing dodgeball. And I'm like, oh, I got pegged out, where's my phone? Like, it took a little bit of recalculating and now seven days later, it's like I don't want it. You know, I'm really adjusting back into. Yeah, there's things I gotta get back to and email. But that's the thing that I really question now is like, what does that look like for me? And how do I find a place that's not maybe one extreme or the other, but is a comfortable place where I am more present in my life. And the Uber ride over to come see you, I again, it was just like that small opportunity, 20 minute drive, grab my phone, be multitask, do something, do something. And I was like, I'm gonna look around the city. I haven't been here in a while and I just stared out the window and that may seem like somebody may listening to this be like, this guy's lost it. I don't feel like I've lost it. I feel like I've actually found it. And I feel like there's so much and I'm excited to see how long this lasts for, but there's just that white space of the gratitude is found. And in the white space, I think when you separate yourself, you get a chance to take a deep breath, you get a chance to. When I was getting in the Uber to drive away, I texted my Wife. And I was like, babe, I'm just like overwhelmed with emotion of gratitude for you and how much she supports me and she let me go do that week and she's pregnant, she's doing great, knock on wood. Everything is great. But just like I was away for a week and then I come home for two days and I'm on a flight back out to New York to continue this book tour. And she's just been so supportive and all that. And we got a good ultrasound for our baby. We got to see him, our little boy kicking in there and just getting to spend time looking into my future with 11 and 12 year old boys this past week, I just feel like, I don't know, I couldn't have done anything with that week that I think is gonna have the impact on the ripple effect on my life and the rest of the year for me than doing something completely of service, not for myself. And it turned out it ended up filling me up a lot.
- [34:44]
B
I have to mention this phone thing that I've been thinking a lot about now that you mentioned that, you know, our phones live the best lives.
- [34:56]
A
They get a lot of attention.
- [34:58]
B
Imagine the amount of attention that we put towards our phone. Imagine if we were able to, to place 50% of the attention that we put onto our phones, onto our work, our family, ourselves. Imagine taking 50%. Apparently the number is like ridiculous. People grab their phones. How many times?
- [35:30]
A
I thought it was like 86 or something times a day, which.
- [35:32]
B
Oh, more than that.
- [35:33]
A
I mean, it has to be more.
- [35:34]
B
Way more than that. It's like a thousand probably.
- [35:38]
A
I mean, like the phantom vibrates. Did somebody just text me? I think somebody text me, dude.
- [35:43]
B
The amount of attention the phones get. And you know, my kids go to a Waldorf school and they're very, very adamant on no technology. Like, they don't want any technology. We're not talking about nothing. No tv, nothing. The kids, it's, it's. I mean, it's a lot. I am totally cool. My kids don't have phones or, you know, any sort of tablet.
- [36:10]
A
How old's your oldest?
- [36:12]
B
10.
- [36:13]
A
I think that's amazing.
- [36:14]
B
But we let them watch TV on the weekends and for Christmas last year, every single one of their friends has a switch. We got them both a switch. We give them a switch, an hour or two on the weekends at their school. Whenever there's an event, a talent show, a play, the spring fair, the director of the school comes up and says, hey, I just want to ask everybody to be mindful of this experience. We want you to experience this, not your phone. So we understand why you would want to take pictures or videos. However, we're asking you kindly to experience this, not give your phone the experience. Put the phones away. Don't take pictures. Remember this moment. Cherish the moment. Embrace the moment with your children. If you're paying attention to what the picture is. Yeah, you're actually paying attention to what the picture is and not what's actually happening in front of you. And it was. And like, it was. And it. And so they've been doing that for a couple years, but it really, really rung true for me at my older son's end of the year play, where he was so excited for this play. And I wanted to capture his excitement because I could just see how, you know, excited he was. And I had to fight the urge to pull out my phone to take a picture. And even the fighting, the urge took me out of experiencing the whole thing. Yeah, the phone is so. It is such a detriment to. I mean, it just is, in my opinion. It just is.
- [38:09]
A
Yeah.
- [38:09]
B
You know, like, when am I not my happiest? When I'm paying more attention to my phone than to my life.
- [38:17]
A
Consuming more than you're living or creating. Yeah.
- [38:21]
B
It's crazy. I want to ask you about the book. You know, doing hard things is something that I do actually believe I believe in. And I think, you know, it could be challenging yourself with something fitness focused. It could be challenging yourself with something nutrition focused. It could be sitting in a cold body of water for four minutes. You know, when you say uncomfortable, either way, that's the title of the book. Like, what are you alluding to?
- [38:53]
A
It is everything that we even just talked about today, it's being on your phone and missing moments is uncomfortable. It's also uncomfortable to put it in your pocket and leave it there. And it's uncomfortable to realize, hey, I could really build some confidence in this thing, but that means I'm gonna have to expand my comfort zone. That means I'm gonna have to get more repetition. That means I'm gonna have to prepare. I'm gonna have to have some more courage. That's uncomfortable. And the whole premise of the early part of this book is getting the reader on board with the change that you want to make that you've been saying that you want to make is going to be uncomfortable. The thing that you want to go out and do is going to be uncomfortable. The realization that there is some potential inside of you that maybe has been untapped Like. Like that going after it is going to be uncomfortable, but you're uncomfortable already. You're uncomfortable knowing that you're addicted to your phone and not doing anything about it. You're uncomfortable knowing that maybe there's a bigger addiction in your life. You're uncomfortable knowing that there's this business idea that you're going to do next year and next year and next year and next year, and you just keep putting off. So if I can get the reader to convince themselves that, like, oh, he's right, I actually do. I have to make a choice. One of them leads me. One of them is probably gonna have a little bit more risk. You might have to put yourself out there. But what I try to get the reader to realize is your decision is between risk and regret. And if you can realize, okay, well, how do I reduce the regrets in my life? And, you know, you go into any retirement home and ask them, like, what their regret. Like, we don't want to have a bunch of them at the end. And a lot of it. And the biggest one in that book of, like, I forget what it's called, the regrets at the end is I wish I didn't live my life for somebody else. And that's what I'm trying to get people to understand is why not just take the risk? Even if I fail, even if I don't do it, at least that regret at the end of your checklist is, well, don't you know, did I ever try this thing? Yeah, I tried. It didn't work out. No big deal. That's not going to be a regret at the end of your life. So you don't even have to be successful with the things that you go out and try and the things that you go attempt to do. You just have to try. You just have to go do it. So this conversation has been so awesome because they're there all the time. And now that this book is everywhere in my world, I ask myself that multiple times a day, do I want to? I don't really want to. It's going to be uncomfortable either way. Just go do the gym. I have a saying in the book that one of the most. I know you talk about habits a lot. One of the most impactful mottos of my life was 13 years ago when I started this saying of never miss a Monday. It's really funny, cliche, cute for a lot of people. Probably one of the most important fitness mottos that I've adopted or creeds that I've adopted. It started to get my Lazy clients to come to the gym one extra time a day. They'd come on Wednesday, be like, never miss a Monday. We all have to come on Monday. Like, just now. Everybody's there on Monday because that's one extra day my clients would be in the gym. But all of a sudden, I left the fitness industry. People still texted me, brett thought about you on a Monday. Didn't want to do it, but I got it in today. And, like, hearing the ripple effect of, like, what that actually means to people last night flew in 10pm I mean, way past Brett's bedtime. Hadn't worked out. Cause I had a speaking event in the morning flight. Everything. 200 pushups. That was it. Check the box. But you know what? Woke up this morning proud, had momentum. Never gonna miss a Monday. So that's what I mean. Like, doing 200 pushups when you get off a flight when it's an hour past, like, when you normally like to go to bed, it's gonna be uncomfortable. Also uncomfortable to, like, let those little things slip by and bother us and be like, if I am who I say I am, I'm gonna do 200 pushups before I go to bed.
- [42:22]
B
Life is uncomfortable. Right?
- [42:23]
A
Life is uncomfortable. We can't avoid it. And that's the message I want people to understand. You think by putting things off or choosing comfort in the moment that we're avoiding it? We're not. We're delaying it. And that is something that will come back bigger. Yeah.
- [42:37]
B
It's a great way of thinking about it. It's not whether it's gonna be uncomfortable or not. It's gonna. The decision is whether you want to risk or regret. I love that. I think that's so good. That is so good.
- [42:50]
A
Thank you.
- [42:50]
B
As we wind down here, I feel like for a guy like you, who's written a book like this, who coaches a lot of people, who's come from the world of fitness, I think it's important to ask you about a morning routine and you know what your thoughts are on morning routine. If you have a morning routine. And if you do, what is it?
- [43:07]
A
Yeah, so. And I share a little bit about that. So it's exciting for. And I think there's a lot of different ways to have a morning routine. We could both have completely different ones, and. And I'd like to probably talk about that too. But the couple big things that had the biggest ripple effect was one was conquering the snooze button. Because I think every great morning routine can go out the window if you lose the first battle of the day. And where I can tie all that back to confidence is the snooze button was just this thing that I used to wake up for so long until somebody said, you're starting your day 0 and 1. And I didn't like that. I didn't like this idea that you've already lost. I've already lost the first battle of the day. And that was also the first commitment I made to myself that day. The night before, when I set my alarm for five, 30 or six, whatever it is, and the alarm goes off and I say, no, I am immediately breaking the first commitment of my day. And what I started to realize is the snooze button is not just something in the morning. It's the thing that you do in the afternoon. It's the call that you don't want to make. It's the apology that you haven't made. There's snooze buttons everywhere. So for me, a great morning routine starts with beating that snooze button. Don't worry about what time you wake up. If it's five, great. If it's nine, great. If it's whatever. Just set the alarm for the time you need to get up and then win right away.
- [44:25]
B
Get an alarm without a snooze button.
- [44:27]
A
Get an alarm without a snooze button. That's it, right? Get your phone out of the room. Just get an alarm without a snooze button. So that's the first thing I drink. 30 ounces of water right when I wake up. It's usually in like, you know, I say people are either sippers or chuggers. Chug it, whatever you gotta do. Get your, get your water.
- [44:42]
B
Do you put anything in it?
- [44:43]
A
First is just water. And then I will take usually like the last 10 ounces. I'll take some vitamins, some supplements, and then I make.
- [44:51]
B
Do you take any specific vitamins or supplements I take?
- [44:54]
A
Yes. I have a little carrying case. I take a vitamin C. I take a daily, I take a fish oil, I take a calcium, I take a electrolyte. And then I'll usually make this green drink that I've made for a number of years now. It has AG1 athletic greens. It has apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, ginger, turmeric, cinnamon. And then I'll usually put my BCAAs or my pre workout in that and I'll shake that up. And that's kind of what I drink on my way to the gym or first thing in the morning. And I Like what do all those things do they keep me from getting sick? I think that's all. I think that green drink in the morning, it's not even green. It's green for the AG1, but it's. It has. I have been sick, knock on wood, very little. And I am not a great sleeper. That's one thing we've talked about, the creature sleep I gotta get. I gotta infiltrate myself with that. But that's pretty much my morning routine. And ideally it takes me. I'm not like, I don't move very fast in the morning. So from wake up to like get out the door on my way to the gym usually takes me about 30 minutes. That may feel long or short to somebody, but that's pretty much how I start my day. And it's pretty much the same depending on if I'm working out that day. But like that first 30 minutes is pretty much the same whether it's weekend, whether it's morning. The time that I wake up will just usually vary.
- [46:07]
B
Do you have a wind down routine?
- [46:09]
A
I also have started trying to take like sleep supplements that like wind me down. Sleep teas, chamomile teas, like all that kind of stuff. Again, sleep is a priority. Is something I'm working on right now. I do have some red light glasses that are. Or blue light glasses, I'm sorry, that are right next to my bed.
- [46:25]
B
Tymn.
- [46:26]
A
I'm not as. I'm not as great with that as I'd like to.
- [46:29]
B
I've tried the blue lights for so long.
- [46:30]
A
But when, when the Knicks were in the playoffs, I was finding that like, if I'm gonna watch like this whole fourth quarter, put them on and just watch the game like it doesn't even matter. And that actually did help a little bit. So there's something there.
- [46:40]
B
Are you a Knicks fan?
- [46:40]
A
I'm a Knicks fan, yeah. Born and raised, New Jersey.
- [46:43]
B
Oh, there it is.
- [46:44]
A
Yeah, yeah, you too?
- [46:46]
B
No, I was born and raised in the city.
- [46:48]
A
Okay. Yeah.
- [46:48]
B
But yeah, pretty exciting season.
- [46:51]
A
So great. So great. That was also one of those moments that Ann and I were like, we're having a baby next year. Like, we should get tickets. And I remember like the night before the game, we're like, this may be our last time in New York. This may be our last time in New York together. We gotta get better seats. And we like immediately go on and we like splurge for the good seats and stuff. And it was so tempting to want to film everything because you're so close. And I remember Just being like, I wanna hear what they're saying. I wanna like. So that's just another moment of like that conscious decision of I'm just going to and act like I'm in the game and not try to be watching the game through my screen. But that's pretty much the evening routine. My wife and I will usually go to bed at the same time and our dog will come up, lay on the bed, then I scoop the dog up, put her in her bed, and that's pretty much it.
- [47:37]
B
Do you have a time that you like to go to bed?
- [47:39]
A
Typically I would as early as possible. The opposite of Brett. Five, ten years ago. I am now like, can I beat everybody to bed? I would love to be asleep by 10 every night. You know, I try to get upstairs by like 9:30, 10, and then, you know, 5:30 comes pretty quick and my wife can fall asleep and be in bed for 8 hours and get 7 minutes and 59 seconds of sleep. I need to be in bed for like eight hours to luckily get like seven.
- [48:05]
B
So, you know, one hack that I have.
- [48:08]
A
Please tell me.
- [48:09]
B
Well, it's just something, you know, I feel like I tell people the most profound life optimization tool is the go to bed alarm.
- [48:21]
A
Yes.
- [48:22]
B
Everybody has the wake up alarm.
- [48:24]
A
Yes.
- [48:25]
B
I say you won't have to worry about the wake up alarm or the snooze battle if you have a go to bed alarm. It's so much harder to go to bed.
- [48:34]
A
Yes.
- [48:35]
B
At the right time than it is to wake up. Because if you go to bed at 9, 30, 10, you're gonna wake up at 5, 30, 6.
- [48:47]
A
Yes.
- [48:47]
B
You know, I mean, it's just kind of. That's how like that is the circadian rhythm. Right.
- [48:51]
A
Yes.
- [48:52]
B
And only guys like LeBron James will tell you that he needs 10, 11 hours of sleep. And probably he's also a mountain of a man. Maybe he does need the extra two or three hours. He's a pro athlete. Best of the, best of the best. But the end of the day, like, if you get between seven and eight hours of sleep, you're golden. And. But the hardest part is like, you're watching the Netflix show the fucking. The little thing on the bottom, that's just like, next episode is next episode.
- [49:20]
A
Sorry. Oh, I'll watch one more. Yeah. They don't even give you a question anymore. It starts automatically. Yeah. Do you actually know they were interviewing somebody who had worked at Netflix really high up, and they actually admitted what their biggest competition was? What? Sleep.
- [49:36]
B
Oh, yeah, sure.
- [49:37]
A
They're not Battling other accompaniments. They're keeping you awake, Awake. And if they can start that next episode before you ask yourself, am I tired? Should I go to sleep? The next episode will start.
- [49:46]
B
It makes sense.
- [49:46]
A
That. Crazy.
- [49:47]
B
Crazy. It's crazy.
- [49:50]
A
Great. Great point there.
- [49:51]
B
The alarm, the go to bed alarm. Dude, this was so much fun. I knew this was gonna be a great episode. And, you know, I think the conversation. I really just hope. I mean, I hope what people got from this is hopefully everybody understands that. Everybody's uncomfortable. Yes, everybody's uncomfortable. Life is hard, but we're all doing it together, right? Life is hard. It's uncomfortable, especially if you're swinging for the bleachers, but we're all doing it together. And so I love. I'm gonna take this with me, dude. It's not about whether or not it's gonna be uncomfortable. It's about whether or not you want to take a risk or you want to regret. Limit the amount of regrets, right? Limit the amount of regrets. Take more risk. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay, right? Like, most people quit. Yeah, most people quit. Probably, I would say 9 out of 10. When the going gets tough and the discomfort gets so hot and it's. You're in that spot and you're high, you fucking out of breath, you're nine out of ten. People say, you know what? I'm done. Yeah, be the 10. Be the. Be the one out of 10 that says, you know what fucked it, I'm gone.
- [51:05]
A
You just talked about this in one of your recent episodes, your solo ones of just what. What has allowed you to succeed and something you hang your hat on. And I feel very similar. I've never felt, like the most talented, the smartest to anything. I just feel like I'm willing to go longer than most people. I'm willing to be more consistent. And I used to laugh when people in the gym would be like, yo, I'm coming for you this summer, man. I'm coming. And I'm like, that's great. Come find me in October, November. Like, you know, like the little trash talk. But, yeah, it's like, I'm not gonna be the strongest. I'm never gonna be the strongest in the gym. I'm not gonna be the fastest. But, like, I'll. I'll be there when you, you know, if you take some time off and come back, I'll be there. And it's just how I've kind of approached business and how I approach a lot of things in my life. And I know you're the same. And, like, people. People don't think is like, that's our superpower, but it's available to everybody.
- [51:50]
B
Totally.
- [51:50]
A
It's available to everybody.
- [51:53]
B
And I do want to finish with this because you mentioned it earlier, and I think it's important especially well for you also and for me to hear out loud, but also for the listeners. Right. Like, I asked you about happiness, and we talked a lot about what that could be. I know where I am happiest, and it's with my wife and kids, bar none, period. Done. That is when I'm my happiest. It's great when there's other friends and family there, and I love that. I just know that spending time with my wife and my kids is when I am my happiest. And creating boundaries in your life for you, not for them. For you, not for them. I don't care if people hear that I chose to work five hours today instead of 15. I don't care, because I know that I am going to perform better as a human if I make sure that I have breakfast with my wife and kids and dinner with my wife and kids, and if there's other things that happen throughout the day that keep me from being able to be focused, sitting behind my computer, which is probably the last place that I should be, quite frankly. Like, the boundaries that I create in my life today are for me.
- [53:13]
A
Yeah.
- [53:14]
B
They're not for you. And that, I think, is so important because we can have a balanced life. It's always going to be uncomfortable.
- [53:26]
A
Yes.
- [53:27]
B
And, you know, the fact that I did lose the first two years of my. My son Finn's life. I did. I lost a man. I lost him. It's sad. Like, was I there here, you know, from time to time? Yeah, I was. But did I have the wherewithal to create those boundaries? Was it necessary for me to be at the restaurants that extra three, four hours every night? Fucking. No.
- [53:56]
A
Yeah.
- [53:56]
B
It was not.
- [53:57]
A
Yeah.
- [53:57]
B
It just was not. And I just didn't. I didn't know, you know? So if anybody takes something from this podcast. Thank you so much for coming. Pick up the Uncomfortable either way. Your new book. Super stoked that you're here to share with the audience, but I do think boundaries are important, and I think the biggest nugget from this is limit those regrets. Yeah, right. Like, limit the regrets.
- [54:28]
A
Yeah.
- [54:31]
B
It's awesome having you, man.
- [54:32]
A
Thank you, bud. I appreciate you having me. And thank you from. From. For always leading from the front.
- [54:36]
B
Ladies and gents, boys and girls, everybody else, that was A good one. I am super, super duper stoked to kick off this podcast marathon with Brett Eaton, who is now an author, he is a coach, he is a keynote speaker, and he also has an incredible retreats business where he hosts retreats. We just had a great conversation. I feel like it's a brother from another mother, and I think you guys probably all could pick up on that. You know, we think a lot alike and there's a. We were introduced not long ago and had a great conversation. I said, dude, you guys to come on the podcast. And I think we dropped some really, really great value for you today. And so the price I ask you to pay for this podcast is not money. I'm not. I don't want you to send me flowers, but I do want you to share it with someone who you think could use a little bit of a smile, a little pick me up. It would be amazing to me if you could share this podcast with your friends, your family, maybe post it on social media, Post a clip on social media, something that resonated with you, give us a five star rating and review. That really does help the podcast grow. The podcast is really growing in a great way, and I owe it to you all for that. And follow Brett Eaton and pick up the book. And if you have any questions for Brett, shoot him a DM. I'm sure he checks his DMs, and even though he's trying to live his life through his own eyes and less through his phone's eyes, like me, I'm sure he answers his DMs. So I appreciate you guys. Until the next one, y'. All, Peace.