Podcast Summary: Kwik Brain with Jim Kwik

Episode Title: Maintain a Thriving Mind Through Life's Messy Moments with Dr. Julie Smith

Release Date: February 24, 2025
Host: Jim Kwik
Guest: Dr. Julie Smith, Clinical Psychologist & Author

Episode Overview

In this episode, Jim Kwik is joined by Dr. Julie Smith, psychologist and widely followed mental health educator, to discuss practical strategies for maintaining a healthy, resilient mind through life’s unpredictable and “messy” moments. Drawing from Dr. Smith’s new book, Open When, the conversation navigates emotional tools, self-criticism, assertiveness, decision-making, and how to recalibrate when life’s balance feels impossible. Dr. Smith shares not just insights, but actionable exercises and explains why small shifts in self-talk and boundaries can yield significant benefits for everyday mental health.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Inspiration for Open When

[02:06 – 04:58]

• Dr. Smith describes how her social media sharing of therapeutic “education” catalyzed the Open When book concept:
  • Many people need targeted advice “in the moment” of crisis, not just long-form general guidance.
  • The book is structured like “open when” letters—short, situation-specific chapters you can dip into, much like receiving the right words at the right time from a caring friend or psychologist.
• Importance of having accessible, direct support in tough moments, especially for those who may not have a helpful person present.

“Whatever scenario you’re in that is sort of a kind of universal human experience, you need to be able to dip into that chapter, go there and get a bit of a pep talk from a psychologist.”
– Dr. Julie Smith [04:07]

2. Shifting from Destructive Self-Criticism to Uplifting Self-Talk

[04:58 – 08:29]

• Dr. Smith discusses why intense self-criticism feels necessary for some, but is often counterproductive:
  • Many hold onto self-critical voices, thinking it drives success, but it actually increases anxiety and can lead to depression or perfectionism.
  • Self-compassion is frequently misunderstood as indulgence, rather than as supporting accountability and learning.
• The most effective internal voices are like encouraging coaches or compassionate teachers—firm but motivating rather than shaming.
• Practical exercise: Reflect on how your “best” and “worst” past teachers made you feel; use that emotional tone to guide your self-talk.

“The best teacher didn’t sound like that highly self-critical voice you have in your head. It’s more like a coach who has your best interests at heart, thinks you have great potential, and wants you to get there.”
– Dr. Julie Smith [06:54]

3. Boundaries, Assertiveness, and Navigating Guilt

[08:29 – 12:03]

• Many struggle with saying “no,” especially those who are naturally agreeable or have learned to prioritize others’ needs.
• People-pleasing is not the same as being “nice” or truly kind; boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships with others and oneself.
• Assertiveness involves not just techniques but handling the emotions—especially guilt—that arise from holding boundaries.
• The emotional resistance to boundaries often stems from childhood lessons, but as adults, we can choose new, healthier ways to advocate for ourselves even as those old feelings persist.

“The struggle isn’t in the word ‘no.’ The struggle is in the feeling that comes with saying it. And often, it’s a sense of guilt... But it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to then act in line with that feeling.”
– Dr. Julie Smith [10:53]

4. Decision-Making & Embracing Imperfection

[13:59 – 18:32]

• Dr. Smith tackles the fear many have about making the “wrong” choice, emphasizing:
  • The idea of an objectively “right path” with no regrets is a myth; all choices carry costs.
  • Instead, focus on living according to your personal values, so any regrets are at least meaningful ones you can live with.
• Actionable tool: Use a simple “values grid” to clarify what matters in each area of your life (family, work, health, etc.), rate how important each is, and how well you’re currently living in line with it. This helps redirect attention to neglected areas, supporting self-correction rather than criticism.
• Life balance is not a static state, but a constant process of noticing what’s off and adjusting.

“It’s a real fallacy, this idea that balance is some sort of sweet spot that you find and then stay there... It’s much more this constant to-ing and fro-ing.”
– Dr. Julie Smith [17:40]

5. Dr. Smith’s Current Obsession: Cognitive Analytic Therapy

[18:56 – 20:08]

• Dr. Smith is currently learning about Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT)—a framework examining how early relationships shape adult patterns and how to map, understand, and break recurring cycles.
• CAT offers a practical, map-like approach to identifying why we repeat certain behaviors in relationships and how to change them.

“It’s just this beautiful way of mapping out what happens... the details change each time, but the theme and the cycle stays the same, and it’s a way of beginning to break those cycles.”
– Dr. Julie Smith [19:35]

Notable Quotes

• “No learning can take place while you’re busy trying to grapple with your worthiness as a human being.”
  – Jim Kwik paraphrasing Dr. Julie Smith’s writing [04:58]

• “Books are a good second best... If that person’s not there, or you don’t have that person in your life at the moment.”
  – Dr. Julie Smith [04:31]

• “While people can feel driven by [self-criticism], it then increases your risk of feeling anxious a lot of the time, or getting depressed, or leading to sort of perfectionism that feels like protection from those shame feelings but really isn’t.”
  – Dr. Julie Smith [05:41]

• “To be the best person you can be, you need to have boundaries and assertiveness skills.”
  – Dr. Julie Smith [09:37]

Memorable Moments & Timestamps

• [04:07] — Origin of the “Open When” concept: inspired by “open when” letters and what people really need in a crisis.
• [06:54] — Analogy of the “best teacher” as a model for inner dialogue, replacing self-criticism.
• [10:53] — Insight that the struggle with boundaries is less about technique and more about tolerating guilt.
• [17:40] — Dr. Smith’s “constant to-ing and fro-ing” metaphor for true balance in life.
• [19:35] — Introduction to Cognitive Analytic Therapy and how it can help break negative life cycles.

Staying Connected with Dr. Julie Smith

• Instagram & YouTube: @DrJulie
• Books: Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before and Open When are available widely (link in Dr. Julie’s Instagram bio).

Conclusion

This episode offers a highly actionable and compassionate approach to self-care, focusing on education, emotional awareness, and realistic tools for when life feels overwhelming. Dr. Julie Smith’s insights encourage listeners to reconsider their inner narratives, embrace imperfect journeys, and equip themselves with practical strategies to bounce back from life’s messy moments—one mindful adjustment at a time.