Podcast Summary: 3 Things That Will Kill Your Marriage

Lakepointe Church with Josh Howerton
Date: February 22, 2026

Episode Overview

This dynamic and challenging episode, led by Pastor Josh Howerton during Lakepointe’s Marriage Weekend, zeroes in on three “easy ways” to kill a marriage, exploring biblical theology, cultural trends, and practical wisdom for building (or rebuilding) Christ-centered relationships. Pastor Josh dives deep into questions surrounding gender, prioritization in marriage, divorce, and remarriage, all through the lens of Jesus’ teachings—particularly Matthew 19.

The episode is rich with pointed humor, social commentary, practical tips, and moments of direct biblical exegesis, creating a call-to-action for couples to pursue a marriage that reflects the heart and design of God.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Laying the Spiritual Foundation (03:06–08:00)

• Testimonies: Begins with Colton and Kayleigh’s story, highlighting the transformation that comes from aligning with God’s design for marriage.
• Invitation: Pastor Josh encourages couples in “the same situation” to open themselves to the Spirit’s conviction and promises coming blessings for obedience.
• Resource Offer: Text “marriage” to 20411 for practical resources (date night questions, podcast links, more in-depth Q&As).

2. The Biblical Theology of Marriage (08:00–17:30)

• Marriage in Scripture:
  • The Bible “both starts and ends with a wedding” (Genesis 2, Revelation).
  • Satan attacks marriage after the wedding—“as soon as the wedding is done, war is declared” (10:30).
  • God desires godly marriages for “godly offspring” and generational impact.
• Spouse ≠ Enemy:
  • “Your spouse is not your enemy, but you and your spouse have an enemy, and your enemy wants you to think that your spouse is your enemy.” (11:30)
  • Good news of redemption: "You can have a new marriage with the same spouse." (12:10)

3. Jesus’ Authority over Cultural Voices (17:30–25:30)

• Historic Debate Context:
  • Discusses the debate between Rabbi Shammai (divorce only for adultery) and Rabbi Hillel (“any and every reason”—as trivial as “burnt toast”).
  • Jesus roots marriage authority in Scripture, not “culture, your therapist, TikTok influencer, or woke pagan podcaster." (18:45)
• World vs. Word:
  • “God has a plan to bless your marriage. Satan has a plan to curse your marriage. You get to decide which plan you’re on.” (19:45)
  • “Why in the world would you want to do what the world says is normal in marriage?... They can’t figure out what a dude is.” (21:15)
• Supporting Data:
  • Regular religious involvement and church attendance are linked to lower divorce rates and higher marital satisfaction—even intimacy. (23:45–25:10)

4. Jesus Defines Marriage (25:30–27:00)

• “Jesus, when he defines marriage, defines it as between one biological man and one biological woman in a one flesh covenant for one lifetime.” (26:25)
• “Whoever designed it gets to define it. The Supreme Court cannot redefine what the supreme King of the Universe already designed.” (26:35)

5. Three Easy Ways to Kill Your Marriage (27:00–55:30)

I. Put Your Career or Your Kids Before Your Spouse (27:45–41:45)

• Men’s Temptation: To prioritize work/career over wife; “You must never do that because you are not one flesh with your job, but you are one flesh with your wife." (29:45)
• Women’s Temptation: To prioritize children over husband, especially after having kids.
  • Noted pitfall of “my babies come first” mindset; “Great way to kill your marriage. You are not one flesh with your children. You are one flesh with your husband.” (32:30)
  • Co-sleeping & emotional drift becomes a wedge: “What God has joined together, kids that are sleeping in their parent’s beds for years are pulling apart.” (35:45)
  • Violating heaven’s priorities invites hell into your home.

II. Put Your Parents Before Your Spouse (41:45–48:45)

• Leave and Cleave Principle:
  • “You can’t cleave fully unless you leave fully.” (42:10)
• New Family Priority:
  • Marriage isn’t about adding a member, but creating a new, primary family unit.
  • “When your dad walked you down that aisle... I am giving you away and transferring headship from me to that guy. Your father has a place, but your husband has the priority.” (46:25)
• Honoring Parents:
  • “The world will disciple you to blame your father and mother. God calls you to honor them, and there’s a blessing attached.” (48:00)

III. Put Yourself Before Your Spouse (48:45–55:30)

• Default Modes in Marriage:
  • Selfish Taker vs. Servant-Hearted Giver. Every marriage has both.
  • Taker + Taker: Feels like a battle; “Every situation is a battle over whose will wins.”
  • Taker + Giver: Feels like abuse; “One person is always the doormat.”
  • Giver + Giver: Feels like a blessing; “What can I do to bless and serve you?”
• Gendered Applications:
  • Wives called to “respect and submit to godly leadership.”
  • Husbands called to “wash your wife’s feet; master the art of non-sexual affection and specific, verbal encouragement.” (54:00)

6. Oneness in Marriage—Practical Application (55:30–59:30)

• What does “one flesh” mean?
  • Live in one house, share one bed, have one last name, one bank account, one set of values.
  • “It means you need to live in one house... one bedroom and one bed... you need one last name... one bank account...” (57:10)
  • On choosing a spouse: “Do not be unequally yoked to someone that’s not a believer.” (58:30)

7. Divorce and Remarriage—What Does the Bible Allow? (59:30–1:13:30)

• Exception Clauses:
  • Physical Adultery (Porneia): Divorce is permitted not commanded.
    • “Divorce is a radical amputation... last resort, not first option.” (1:02:45)
  • Abandonment by an Unbeliever: If the unbelieving spouse leaves, you are “not bound.” (1:04:30)
  • Abuse: “At least separation is necessary. Get out, get your babies out, get to safety—call us, and we’ll help you involve authorities.” (1:06:00)
• Remarriage:
  • “If your divorce was biblical, you can remarry without guilt.”
  • “If you remarried after an unbiblical divorce—don’t break a second covenant to try to fix a first mistake. Honor your current vows; receive full forgiveness.” (1:11:00)
  • Cites Jesus’ interaction with the woman at the well as evidence "multiple marriages are recognized as real covenants."
• Church's Role:
  • “God hates divorce. He doesn’t hate divorced people. Jesus loves you, and the only scarlet letter on your chest is F—forgiven.” (1:13:00)

8. Call to Action—Obedience, Repentance & Mass Weddings (1:13:30–end)

• Repent and Come Home: “If you’re heading down a path that’s going to invite hell into your marriage—repent, come home, bend your knee to Jesus, and watch blessing flow.” (1:14:00)
• For Unmarried Couples Living Together:
  • Encouragement to honor God by entering covenant marriage.
  • Invitation to participate in a mass wedding ceremony at Lakepointe (“text marriage to 20411”), with full church family support. “The only time we look down on people is to give them a hand up.” (1:16:20)
• Benediction: Pastor Josh prays for healing, repentance, deep blessing, and the best days ahead for every marriage.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You can have a new marriage with the same spouse.” (12:10 — Josh Howerton)
• "Why in the world would you want to do what the world says is normal in marriage? They can’t figure out what a dude is." (21:15 — Josh Howerton)
• “Your employer can get a new employee, your wife cannot get a new husband.” (29:45 — Josh Howerton)
• "You are not one flesh with your children. You are one flesh with your husband." (32:30 — Josh Howerton)
• "You can’t cleave fully unless you leave fully." (42:10 — Josh Howerton)
• "Wives, how can I submit to your leadership? Husbands, how can I wash your feet?" (54:20 — Josh Howerton)
• "If God's way leads to life, then not doing it God's way leads to death." (27:10 — Josh Howerton)
• “Divorce is a radical amputation… amputations are supposed to be last resort.” (1:02:45 — Josh Howerton)
• "God hates divorce. He doesn't hate divorced people... the only big thing scarlet tattooed on you is a big scarlet F for forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ." (1:13:00 — Josh Howerton)
• "The only time we look down on people is to give them a hand up." (1:16:20 — Josh Howerton)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:06 — Colton & Kayleigh Testimony
• 08:00 — Foundational Theology of Marriage
• 17:30 — Cultural Context: Pharisees, Shammai, & Hillel
• 21:15 — “Why would you want what’s normal in the world?”
• 26:25 — Jesus’ Definition of Marriage
• 29:45 — Warning on Priorities: Spouse vs. Career/Kids
• 35:45 — Co-sleeping, Emotional Drift, and “Inviting Hell”
• 42:10 — Leave and Cleave Principle
• 48:45 — The Three Types of Marriage (Taker/Giver)
• 54:20 — Affection & Non-Sexual Affirmation for Husbands
• 57:10 — Application: Oneness in Practical Terms
• 59:30 — When is Divorce Permissible?
• 1:02:45 — Divorce as Amputation Analogy
• 1:11:00 — Remarriage After “Unbiblical” Divorce
• 1:13:00 — Mercy, Forgiveness, and Church Response
• 1:16:20 — Call for Mass Weddings & Church’s Support

Conclusion

This episode is a raw, relevant, and deeply biblical workshop on marriage: challenging cultural trends, shining light on neglected biblical truths, and pushing couples toward a radical commitment to oneness, repentance, and overflow of grace. Pastor Josh Howerton’s style is engaging, practical, and unapologetic in his call for both truth and compassion, leaving listeners with real steps and renewed hope, no matter where they are in their marriage journey.