Relaxed Fit: Christmas Roundup - My Favorite Things

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left – Relaxed Fit: Christmas Roundup – My Favorite Things

Date: December 25, 2025
Hosts: Marcus Parks, Ben Kissel, Henry Zebrowski, Guest Ed Larson

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Overview

This special relaxed-fit Christmas episode is a smorgasbord of the hosts' "favorite things": historical tales, darkly funny animal attacks, Christmas tradition deep-dives, and a classic UFO story, all tailored with the Last Podcast crew’s signature irreverence and banter. Each host brings a story or two centered around Christmas, darkness, and the bizarre – from the somber connection between "White Christmas" and the fall of Saigon, to a deadly tiger escape at the San Francisco Zoo, to the real-life legend behind "Good King Wenceslas," and finally, a poetic retelling of the Kecksburg UFO incident.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Introduction and Christmas Vibes

[01:33 – 05:07]

• The episode kicks off with a comedic Christmas song about Mrs. Claus and the trio’s typical goofy introductions.
• The hosts reference the rare occasion of carrying Christmas themes through the entire month.
• Henry: Reflects on newfound openness to holiday joy (since his father passed), and his less-cynical take for this episode.

"I'm opening myself more to holiday expression...I feel really good. This is the first time I've taken a not-so-cynical direction at a Christmas tale today.” – Henry [04:11]

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2. "White Christmas" and the Fall of Saigon

[05:07 – 21:10] (Marcus’s favorite – music + historical context)

The Historical Deep Dive:

• Marcus recounts how Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" was used as a secret evacuation signal during the fall of Saigon in April 1975.
• Background: U.S. embassy staff and Vietnamese collaborators waited for a radio code (“the temperature in Saigon is 105 degrees and rising”) followed by "White Christmas" to trigger Operation Frequent Wind, the last desperate helicopter evacuation.
• Discussion on the chaos and mismanagement that led to many being left behind, panic at the embassy, and the psychological weight of the hauntingly out-of-place song during the operation.

"The DJ on Armed Forces Radio would play the signaling song, which was 'White Christmas'...playing a Christmas song in April would let everyone know something’s out of the ordinary." – Marcus [14:32]

The Song’s Dark Origin:

• "White Christmas" was written by Irving Berlin about the death of his three-week-old son on Christmas Day in 1928, which is why it has a melancholy tone.
• Juxtaposed with other Berlin songs like “Puttin’ on the Ritz.”

“That is why it's such a melancholy tune, especially when you compare it to Irving Berlin's other songs like ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’ and ‘God Bless America.’” – Marcus [17:31]

Notable Moments:

• Jokes about inept officials, pop culture, and the horror movie aspect of “White Christmas” looping over helicopter evacuations.

"'You could have played other Christmas songs. Be so terrifying.' – Ben [16:11]
'That's Bing Crosby, right?' – Henry [16:17]"

References:

• Documentary recommendation: “Last Days of Vietnam” [20:38]
• Themes: American denial, bureaucratic failure, and the power of music in times of crisis.

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3. Christmas at the Zoo: The Tale of Tatiana the Tiger

[24:50 – 55:02] (Ed’s favorite: animal mayhem and true crime)

The San Francisco Zoo Attack (Dec 25, 2007):

Background:

• Tatiana, a Siberian tiger, escapes her enclosure, kills a teenager (Carlos Sousa Jr.), and seriously injures the Dalawal brothers.
• The backstory: Tatiana had attacked a trainer a year earlier, raising questions about zoo safety and human error.

The Attack:

• The Dalawal brothers and Sousa, intoxicated and taunting the tigers, triggered Tatiana's wrath.
• Faulty enclosure (12.5 ft wall, below the AZA standard of 16 ft) enabled Tatiana’s escape.
• Initial disbelief from zoo employees/security (believing the survivors were just drugged) delayed rescue.

"They're screaming about how a tiger escaped and killed their friend. The manager…did not believe.” – Ben [40:24]

The Deadly Encounter:

• Tatiana stalks and kills Sousa, then pursues the brothers to a locked café, batting at their legs.
• Police hesitation, ultimately shooting Tatiana after failed attempts to lure her away.

“She charged the police officers, and Officer Oshida was all like, oh, shida, I gotta kill this tiger...” – Ben [48:52]

Aftermath & Blame:

• Zoo found liable (unsafe enclosure), survivors received large settlements despite their provocation.
• Further discussion on zoo negligence: more animal deaths, poor conditions, and misused funds.
• Epilogue: Tony the tiger died lonely, one surviving brother died of overdose, and conditions at San Francisco Zoo remained troubled.

“Tony the tiger never recovered from the loss of Tatiana and died sad and alone in 2010.” – Ben [54:20]

Notable Quotes:

• “In my research, I saw in 1997, the zoo was awarded $48 million for animal upgrades. But they used most of the money to upgrade the customer facilities and not the animal facilities.” – Ben [52:41]

• “Just remember, you always win if you’re bad.” – Henry [55:17]

Memorable Banter:
Open laughter at grim fate, dark jokes about zoo management, and the iced-over grim narrative.

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4. "Good King Wenceslas" – From Pagan Song to Christmas Carol

[56:55 – 72:39] (Marcus’s second favorite: history of Christmas songs)

• History: The 1853 carol’s melody is from a 13th-century springtime song. Lyrics tell of a real Czech prince, Wenceslas, “protector of widows and orphans,” whose story is full of charity...and murder.

Highlights:

• Real Wenceslas was not a king but a duke.
• He was a Christian reformer, hated by pagan nobles, murdered by his brother Boleslaus (Boleslaus the Cruel), and canonized as a saint.
• Jokes about medieval politics, saints, and the hypocrisy of “charity by force.”
• The tradition of reusing old folk melodies for new Christmas lyrics.

“Good King Wenceslas does not sound good. So he changed it to Good King Wenceslas.” – Marcus [61:34]

“He tells the servant, hey, let’s go feed that guy…and the servant says, I’m cold, and Wenceslas says, just follow in my footsteps for they will be warm. And they were.” – Marcus [71:42]

Notable Quotes:

• "He was also against the death penalty, which was extremely uncommon, if not totally unheard of for a ruler in 10th century Europe.” – Marcus [64:08]
• “How does a king Wenceslas like his pizza? How? Deep and crisp and even.” – Marcus’ (groan-worthy) street joke [72:39]

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5. The Kecksburg UFO Incident – A Christmas Poem

[73:12 – 81:02] (Henry’s favorite: UFO story)

• Henry brings a poetic retelling of the Kecksburg, Pennsylvania “Christmas UFO” crash (December 9, 1965).
• Residents witness a fiery object; government cordons off the area; rumors swirl of cover-up and alien tech.
• Henry reads an original, satirical “Night Before Christmas”-style poem from the imagined perspective of local firefighter James Romanski who saw the “acorn-shaped” UFO.

“TWAS 9 December, and all over the land of Kecksburg, Pennsylvania, there were many a witness at hand…a bronze acorn shaped craft surrounded my military gear…” – Henry (poem, [74:54])

• The episode captures the dry mundanity mingled with government secrecy that defines classic UFO tales.
• This local legend is now the centerpiece of Kecksburg’s annual UFO festival.

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Memorable Quotes & Signature Moments

(Timestamps approximate)

• “This is how work goes.” – Marcus, joking about the ancient roots of holiday songs [58:29]
• “Just shut up, kids. Stop giving us free ideas, all right? They’re animals.” – Henry, on zoo children [25:24]
• “Tatiana wasn’t a crazed, senseless killer. She was a killer with purpose.” – Ben [46:49]
• “That’s the story. And he saw it loaded up onto a tractor and then it was driven away. And for some reason none of that could ever be corroborated.” – Henry [80:47]

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Natural Flow and Host Chemistry

• Hosts riff and improvise, blending actual research and historic details with personal anecdotes, off-color jokes, and pop culture interjections.
• Regular asides, minor derails, and audience 'winks' maintain the show's irreverent, macabre yet warm vibe.
• Each segment closes with either dark humor or a quirky reflection on its historical or moral lesson.

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Timeline/Highlights

| Segment | Topic | Start |-----------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------|------ | [01:33] | Show open, Christmas banter, host intros |
| [05:07] | “White Christmas” as Saigon evacuation signal, song’s origin |
| [24:50] | Tatiana the tiger – San Francisco Zoo Christmas mauling |
| [56:55] | "Good King Wenceslas" – real history, carol analysis |
| [73:12] | Kecksburg UFO incident – Henry’s Christmas poem |
| [81:09] | Wrap-up, holiday wishes, plugs, tour dates, banter |

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Takeaway for Listeners

If you missed this episode, you’ll leave knowing:

• The somber legacy behind “White Christmas” and its surreal wartime use.
• How Christmas at the zoo turned into a tragic horror story—and the dangers of neglecting animal enclosures (and antagonizing tigers!).
• The wild real (and often violent) history behind a beloved Christmas carol.
• How a small town’s brush with the unexplained became local legend.
• Plus: The crew never misses a chance for dark comedy, history nerd asides, and making the macabre fun.

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Final Note:
The episode wraps with holiday wishes, a reminder to learn from others’ mistakes (don’t tempt fate at the zoo, don’t forget the dark side of Christmas cheer), and the LPOTL team’s trademark “Hail Satan” sign-off.

Transcript

[Ben Kissel]

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[Sponsor Voice]

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[Marcus Parks]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

There'S no place to escape to.

[Marcus Parks]

This is the last on the left.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started.

[Ben Kissel]

What was that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, big Mrs. Claus. She's got them swingers. I just wish she'd show em more. Oh, how we love you Mrs. When you got em outside, that's how it's not a bore. We love when Mrs. Claus is naked. Everybody loves it. Throw those bras out in the trash. Mrs. Claus Naked, every car running. What a crazy wonderful Christmas bash.

[Marcus Parks]

Welcome to the last podcast on the left. Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the polka king of Los Angeles, Henry Zabrowski.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We were talking about this right before we started. Dirty polkas are going to come back.

[Ben Kissel]

They are. That's the only thing. Well, they can't do anything else but come back.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, they can remain in obscurity.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, and of course, we have the man with the best sweaters in America, Ed Larson. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, that's right. That's a preview.

[Marcus Parks]

That's a preview of what you're going to be doing today.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're very much wearing like an outfit that is exactly between the scarecrow and the cowardly lion. Oh, thank you.

[Ben Kissel]

Thank you very much. I bought this for $30 in the middle of summer, and I was so excited to finally put it on my body.

[Marcus Parks]

I would say that, like what that is. That's pagan Christmas right there. You look like pagan Santa Claus.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah, man. I got matching pants.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He does.

[Ben Kissel]

He does.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He looks like a man made out of weed nuggets. This is amazing.

[Ben Kissel]

Check out this thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, the hood's big enough to go over the headphones. Wow, you do.

[Marcus Parks]

You truly look like Father Wiedmus.

[Ben Kissel]

Hell, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What day is it again? Oh, it's the 26 sleds going too fast.

[Ben Kissel]

Man. Where are those Mrs. Claus chair.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Get naked. Everybody wants it. You got listen to the crowd.

[Ben Kissel]

Makes a lot more.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, we're continuing our Christmas month. This is actually the first time that we've ever gone the entire month with Christmas themes throughout.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I. I'm opening myself more to holiday expression. You should.

[Marcus Parks]

It's fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm trying.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. And it's really that your father's dead. You can enjoy it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ye kind of feels like that, but, you know, I feel really good. And this is the first time and like, even I have taken a not so cynical direction at a Christmas tale today.

[Marcus Parks]

That's great. That's fantastic.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You're not going for anything like, oh, let's talk about, like, how, you know, butts were usually Christmas things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Try to improv. See how hard it is. See how difficult my job is. Different things that butts do.

[Ben Kissel]

All right. When butts were just asses.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How hard my job is.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, we're trying. We're all trying here. Here. What we're doing for the end of the Christmas season. This is a little idea that we had called our favorite things.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, very nice.

[Marcus Parks]

So what we're gonna do on this episode is each of us is gonna take a couple of one, maybe two stories. I got two stories that I brought in.

[Ben Kissel]

I got one meaty.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And. And Henry has one as well. I have a tail as well, but I chose.

[Ben Kissel]

You got to get that removed by the way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's swinging. He just said it's vestigial and it's keeping my pants up.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, for My favorite things, I chose two. Music and historical context.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yay.

[Marcus Parks]

My two favorite things. So I got two stories concerning the historical context of two well known Christmas songs. One story about how a song was used in a massive historical event, and one about the historical context behind the song itself. And so let's start at the same place we start every Christmas in my household. The fall of Saigon.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hell, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Red, white, blue. That's when everyone formed that Christmas tree. Up to the last helicopter legion.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, the United States had withdrawn its military forces in defeat from South Vietnam two years before the fall of Saigon, but they still had a presence in country in the form of bureaucratic officials and intelligence officers, mostly based in the American Embassy in the South Vietnamese capital of Saigon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God damn Saigon.

[Ben Kissel]

This makes me want to punch a mirror while I'm naked. This is the end, my only friend.

[Marcus Parks]

The end.

[Ben Kissel]

Come on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Come on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But since the might of the American military itself was gone by 1975, the North Vietnamese forces were in the process of taking city after city in South Vietnam as a result of the 1975 spring offensive, which was rapidly bringing this war to an end. Now, the arrival of North Vietnamese forces had resulted in widespread panic in every Southern city they took, because South Vietnamese cities were full of people who had collaborated with the Americans during the war and had also done some pretty bad shit all on their own.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Does leftover salmon hit the other cities? That's all I can think about.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah. Well, you should have seen what the string cheese incident was doing in Cambodia.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't want to know about their war crimes. That's how they got their name that one time.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, as a result, the invasion of each city created thousands of refugees who were trying to flee retribution at the hands of the North Vietnamese. And there was no city in Vietnam that had more collaborators than Saigon. After the fall of South Vietnam's second largest city, Da Nang, some American authorities in Saigon figured it would be a good idea, maybe start planning evacuations. Planning, however, was half hearted at best. Because just like it had been from the very beginning of America's involvement in the conflict, the American officials in charge in Saigon at the end still had an unrealistic view of what was happening in the country. They thought, maybe we'll pull it out. Maybe things will be okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I even, I know now, definitely we.

[Ben Kissel]

Didn'T know it wasn't okay at any point.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't think.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, man, never was. It was never going well, except for, fuck it, Jimi Hendrix. Yeah, he was doing great.

[Marcus Parks]

See, even though the United States had pulled out our troops, we were still telling the South Vietnamese president that we supported them wholeheartedly. Our ambassador, Graham Martin, who's gonna play a massive role in all this, was continually promising that we would eventually resume bombing in the north. Don't worry, the B52s are coming back.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They gotta come back, man. They just printed rock lobster they gotta come back.

[Ben Kissel]

This is you.

[Marcus Parks]

He was also making assurances that America would never abandon South Vietnam. In reality, though, despite Ambassador Martin's optimism, America had already very much abandoned South Vietnam and everything, but name only by April of 1975.

[Ben Kissel]

Kissinger, your ass, goodbye.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

The troops were gone, military aid had been cut off by Congress, and efforts to clean up the incredibly corrupt South Vietnamese government had collapsed. In fact, America's policy at this point was essentially vague hope. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger thought that maybe the south could simply hold off the North Vietnamese without the American military long enough to produce a stalemate which would maybe lead to peace between the north and the South. Unfortunately for the collaborators in South Vietnam, their president, Nguyen Van Thieu, was far too trusting of Ambassador Martin's unrealistically optimistic promises. As such, President Thieu was clinging to the hope that America was going to somehow save them all right at the end, despite. God damn it. Damn. Eat. Alarm.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Gotta eat.

[Ben Kissel]

The rest of us just know when to eat.

[Marcus Parks]

I have to have alarms.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's good. Honestly, it's good for him because he does need. We're trying to get him more protein. We're keeping this to the show so he remembers to eat from now on, because he's gotta eat.

[Marcus Parks]

It's the add.

[Ben Kissel]

It's.

[Marcus Parks]

It's something that's very common. People forget to eat. Just don't think about it.

[Ben Kissel]

Should we stop?

[Sponsor Voice]

No.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay. Don't forget.

[Marcus Parks]

I'll eat later. As such, President Thieu was clinging to the hope that America was going to somehow save them all right at the end, despite all evidence to the contrary. Eventually, though, even the most optimistic of officials had to admit that the North Vietnamese were going to take Saigon and soon. So US Agencies were ordered to make lists of Vietnamese collaborators who would be killed or worse if they were not evacu.

[Ben Kissel]

Where were they going to take it?

[Marcus Parks]

A lot of Vietnamese ended up in Minnesota.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's why they have truly some of the best Vietnamese food in the entire world. Same thing with Wisconsin.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And also Houston has the largest Vietnamese population in America.

[Ben Kissel]

I've heard that. I've heard that there was a bunch of Florida, too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Houston's the most diverse city in the.

[Marcus Parks]

Entire country, except for Queens. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Queens.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Ambassador Martin, however, never finalized those lists because he, like so many other Americans involved in this conflict, could not accept that Vietnam was going to be a total and complete defeat. Instead, Ambassador Martin clung to the delusion that a ceasefire through diplomatic negotiation was still possible, because if South Vietnamese continued to exist, then maybe this wasn't all for nothing. Maybe all these Americans didn't die for nothing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Jimi Hendrixy. We did good. Great soundtracks. Yeah, in a way. We got Apocalypse now about it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah. It's my second favorite movie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See.

[Marcus Parks]

By mid April, however, a CIA agent in Vietnam, Frank Snap, received word confirming the diplomatic negotiation was never going to happen. The North Vietnamese were going to take Saigon by any means necessary. But again, this agent's report was disregarded at the embassy and sent to Washington D.C. as a low priority communication. So Agent Snep convinced two congressional staffers in Saigon to fly back to D.C. so they could convince their senators to tell President Gerald Ford in person, vietnam's fucked. We need to do something. And once this was done, and he.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Went like, hey, hey, this is my Gerald Ford. I don't know what to do.

[Ben Kissel]

My beer glasses. Empty burgers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Big head.

[Marcus Parks]

President Gerald. For Dad Today.

[Henry Zebrowski]

For Die Today.

[Ben Kissel]

Who is the Redskins named after?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's from. That's Dana Carvey show, right? Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, no, that was. It was Saturday Night Live.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was torn apart by a pack of dolls.

[Marcus Parks]

You're the one that wants to take a vacation now. Once, once.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ancient joke. It's for our generation. They know it's dog whistles.

[Marcus Parks]

Once this was done, Ford could get Ambassador Martin's ass in gear to evacuate as many people as possible before the North Vietnamese took Saigon. But it was far too late. On April 28, 1975, the American Embassy finally listened to the State Department after having been given no other choice. The evacuation plan was named after Operation Frequent Wind, which is, in my opinion, far too humorous of a name for something so serious.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, very much. Oh, yeah. 40 Mc Johnson. Operation 40.

[Marcus Parks]

40.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a bit unserious.

[Marcus Parks]

Operation Too many farts.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah, it's a lot.

[Ben Kissel]

There's eggs in my pants. Operation.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's like. Well, sir, now we're just hating facts. We're no longer even naming operations. So tasty, you're got yolk on your shoes.

[Marcus Parks]

Operation Frequent wind distributed a 15 page booklet to Vietnamese collaborators that included locations for people to assemble for helicopter evacuation, along with the code that would be broadcast by Armed Forces Radio that would signal evacuation.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How to tell the difference between a fart and a shart. Know your enemy.

[Marcus Parks]

The code was, the temperature in Saigon is 105 degrees and rising. After that, the DJ on Armed Forces Radio would play the signaling song, which was White Christmas.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the song that got everybody to leave Vietnam.

[Marcus Parks]

Yep, yep. The reason why the DJ chose White Christmas was because he Wanted a song that every American would recognize immediately. And playing a Christmas song in April would let everyone know that something was out of the ordinary. Like I. I need to pay attention right now. Why playing wake. Why. Why are they playing White Christmas in April?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's fascinating.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And indeed, Frank Snap of the CIA later said that when the evacuation finally happened and the helicopters began flying into the US Embassy, the strings of White Christmas playing on the loudspeakers in the midst of it all gave the entire affair a Kafka esque vibe.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, I can't even imagine that idea of how surreal that maybe we're dreaming. As you're just watching the hel. Helicopters pull up out of Saigon. Everyone's fighting. They get out of the helicopters.

[Ben Kissel]

Did they play it like over and over again or.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's terrible.

[Ben Kissel]

You could have played other Christmas songs. Be so terrifying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's Bing Crosby, right?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, that is Bing Crosby. However, the DJ did not have the Bing Crosby version on hand, so he used the Tennessee Ernie Ford version. Tennessee Ernie Ford, of course, best known for singing. You got 16 tons.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What do you do Another day older.

[Marcus Parks]

And a deeper in debt. Say, Peter. No. Yeah, so on and so forth. Yeah, yeah. Now, White Christmas itself actually has a dark history all its own.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Definitely. Of course it does.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is sad to me. Obviously it must have one.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the reason why it is a sad song is because it was written and composed by Irving Berlin for Bing Crosby to sing in the movie Holiday Inn. But the song was actually about the death of Berlin's three week old son on Christmas Day back in 1928.

[Ben Kissel]

Irving Berlin, tough time. That's. I mean, there's more reasons to hate Christmas than just being Jewish, you know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It'S also, it's also kind of funny in a way that he transmuted his pain into a Christmas song. Instead of like, would you know my name if I saw you on Christmas? Christmas, you mean? Like, that's like. It's kind of nice that he did that. He gave it to Christmas.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, he did give it to Christmas. And we have this wonderful, beautiful song and. But that is why it's such a melancholy tune. Especially when you compare it to Irving Berlin's other songs like Putting on the Ritz, God Bless America and there's no business like show business.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like no business. I know that business. That was. That is also a dark song because it's about sucking dick for money. That's what that is. It's about. It's about a 50 year old producer is telling You. Oh, can you do a Chinese accent? Oh, and can you blow me? That was different. It was easier.

[Ben Kissel]

Tribes was easier.

[Marcus Parks]

Now. Ambassador Martin had waited far too long to order the evacuation of Saigon, because by the time he pulled the trigger on White Christmas, the North Vietnamese already had the city surrounded. The only way out of the city was, therefore, by helicopter. And the most visible place where helicopter evacuations were taking place was the roof of the American Embassy. We've all seen the pictures.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Very famous pictures.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And so, when White Christmas began playing, Vietnamese collaborators began gathering outside of the walls of the embassy. And while the mood began as calm, the crowd was getting larger and far more anxious. By late afternoon, before long, 10,000 Vietnamese had gathered, all hoping to get a spot on one of the last choppers out of Saigon.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, and they're just, like, pushing on the gates and shit like that.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Billy Joel. He wasn't there.

[Marcus Parks]

Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How do you write that song, man?

[Marcus Parks]

Which song? Pushing on the gates of the embassy at Saigon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Song about leaving Saigon.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. He loved leaving Saigon. That was one of his favorite things to write about.

[Marcus Parks]

I didn't know that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's like, say goodbye to Saigon. Like, say Sara to Saigon, which is kind of racist.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

What? Good night.

[Marcus Parks]

Good night, Saigon. Good night, Saigon. Well, when the waiting became too much to bear, some Vietnamese even tried climbing the walls. But the Marines tasked with crowd control used their rifle butts to knock those people back. And those outside the walls became even more panicked when the North Vietnamese airstrikes began. In other words, it became very clear very quickly that if you didn't get out on an American helicopter, it was likely you weren't getting out of Saigon at all. And so, because of Ambassador Martin's delusional inaction, some 70 CIA translators and their families didn't even make it past the walls of the embassy. Had the evacuation started weeks before, when the CIA said, time to go, everyone could have been saved easily. Instead, some of those collaborators died horrific deaths because Ambassador Martin waited too long. One woman, for example, was tied to a tree by the North Vietnamese and had her tongue cut out. She died after drowning in her own blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dreaming of a Wallace charisma.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I mean, we've also seen all the video footage. Like, they were having to evacuate people so quickly that. And the aircraft carriers just offshore, they're pushing helicopters into the water just to make room for more people.

[Ben Kissel]

There's a great documentary called Last Days of Vietnam. If you haven't seen it, you got to check it out.

[Marcus Parks]

It's incredible. Yeah. Ambassador Graham Martin, however, later defended his role, saying that he had done, quote, a hell of a job during the fall of Saigon.

[Ben Kissel]

Just said the best I could.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Yeah, I'm trying, guys.

[Marcus Parks]

No, he had to go hardcore now. I did a hell of a job. I did. I did a good job.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You liked what I did. Everybody liked the aftermath.

[Ben Kissel]

Rehire me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they did.

[Marcus Parks]

And that is the story of White Christmas and the fall of Saigon.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow. Yeah, it is very fascinating. Fly from your grave. This is Miss Time. I like Christmas Sismas. Sometimes I like to have some eggnog and enjoy my sismas. And when I'm enjoying sizzmas and having early morning eggnogs, I like to be comfortable. And when I be drinking my eggnog, I like wearing a cashmere sweater by quits because it feels good. And when I feel good, I feel great. And it's Quintsmas. It's Christmas. It's Quintsmas Go everywhere. You gotta buy gifts for your family. This Quintsmas. Go ahead and go over to Quints and you buy your stuff and you give it to people. Is this cheap? It's cheap and it's locally sourced and it's got. It's half the price of the high end brands. Cause the sispas you like. Sispas is Quintsmas. Go ahead everybody. You make yourself look good and you'll be warm by the fire. Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com last for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com Last Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Last Merry Christmas everybody.

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Marcus Parks]

Other one here in a bit. But before that, Ed has a Christmas story about one of his favorite things.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, let's fast forward all the way to December 25th, 2007.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Good year.

[Ben Kissel]

No, it was a beautiful low 50s Christmas holiday. Laughter and joy filled the San Francisco Zoo as families celebrated by gawking at lemurs, hippos and grizzly bears. Put an honor in the manger. The boys said, make. Make the rhino Santa Claus. Children house.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they're just like. Just shut up, kids. You don't run the zoo. Shut up, kids. Stop giving us free ideas, all right? They're animals.

[Ben Kissel]

And then, just as around closing time the sun was setting behind the gorilla preserve, horror struck the San Francisco Zoo. And Tatiana the tiger escaped her enclosure to murder teenager Carlos Sousa Jr. And Mame brothers Paul and Kubir Dalawal.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now, who's the villain here?

[Ben Kissel]

We'll get to it.

[Marcus Parks]

Carlos Souza. Was he related to John Philippe Souza?

[Ben Kissel]

No, no, no, no, no. This is from the San Francisco Ruffian Sousas.

[Marcus Parks]

Not. Not marching band royalty. Suicide.

[Ben Kissel]

No, no, no, no, no, no. And then ultimately, poor Tatiana was shot dead. By police in front of a hamburger Christmas tale as old as time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What an ironic, ironic death for a tiger to see all the free and cooked hamburger meat in his eyes as it does. God damn.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, the story's not that simple, though. So let's examine what led to the gruesome attack and who may have been a fault and how we're making sure something like this never happens again. Tatiana was a Siberian tiger bored in captivity at the Denver Zoo June 27, 2003. And then at two and a half years old, was sold into sexual slavery to the San Francisco Zoo in 2005 to be a concubine for an older gentleman. A 14 year old male tiger named Tony. And she was all like, great, Siberian.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Get a better name for the tiger than Tony. You know how you can. There's so many names you can give a tiger.

[Ben Kissel]

It's the first one I know.

[Marcus Parks]

It's the first I know. Tony the tiger.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think the first one was like.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, Siberian tigers are a subspecies of tiger from, as you could have probably guessed, the Siberian region of Russia, northeastern China and areas of North Korea. In the early to mid-1900s, Siberian tigers were hunted and captured to near extinction. At one point, it is thought that only 30 were left in the wild. Wild right now it's believed that that number is up to around 500, which is an improvement. But they're still very much endangered.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, it's hard in Siberia.

[Ben Kissel]

It really is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know how they. I don't know how they have jobs.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, and, well, 20th century Russians would hunt this animal for sport and fur mostly, but would also capture and sell these animals to zoos and circuses around the world.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And what we knew about circuses for a long time, they'd have to get like 20 of an animal to get one living one back.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, well, they would always. They would usually send pups to circuses so they could be trained better and like not understand that they could be free and kill males can. Male Siberian tiger can get up to 10ft long and weigh over 400 pounds. The largest ever has been, I think over seven. Females are usually around 300 pounds. But Tatiana, our tiger in question, was a trim, athletic gal with a great body, weighing 260 pounds.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She was hot.

[Ben Kissel]

Her tiger breasts could barely hold the stripes, if you know what I'm saying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think you're objectifying this woman. I think you're objectifying her. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And I don't.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. And a different life. She could have been a cheerleader for the Bengals. But alas, her fate was sealed. To die like Harvey Milk filled with bullets in the city by the bay.

[Marcus Parks]

Did the police who kill her also use the Twinkie defense? I had too many donuts. It's the sugar.

[Ben Kissel]

But before we get to the bloody Christmas of 2007, let's talk about an incident that happened one year earlier. December 22, 2006, just three days before James Brown died.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh.

[Ben Kissel]

An experienced trainer, Lori Komagen, was performing a public feeding with all the big cats in a room called the lion house. And pretty soon, she'd be lying on the floor screaming the big.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In pain.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big cat feeding was a very popular daily event. Lori had been with the Zoo for over 10 years and at this point was known as the carnivore chick amongst the staff. She always did this. You know, she was very. She was the best at it. The tigers and lions would be loaded into the cages individually and fed raw steaks and hamburger meat through a small slit in the bottom of the front door of the cage. So the public may watch awe. On this day, while feeding Tatiana, Lori dropped a piece of meat between the swinging feeding door and the drain. She reached down to pick up the meat, and that's when Tatiana struck. Tatiana grabbed her left hand and then her right arm. When she tried to pull her hand away, a witness told the San Francisco Gate Magazine that Tatiana ate her hand and then slowly started to eat the rest of her arm.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Ben Kissel]

Because it's feeding time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. It was hungry.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And it's taking its time with it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Three men jumped in and grabbed Lori and pulled her away from Tatiana. But this didn't work. Tatiana only pulled on Lori's arm harder. Almost like it was a game.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

And she didn't release Lori until another zoo employee started to beat her in the skull with a metal pole.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Once Lori was free, another witness was quoted and saying, I think most of her right arm doesn't exist anymore. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I love that guy.

[Ben Kissel]

Was left hanging, was in strings. The tiger did not not eat it in a clean way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This guy loves giving bad news. Like that guy. Couldn't wait. Now, let me tell you, so many different ways I could describe it. You know how I'm gonna describe it? Chandelier made out of gore. Yeah. That's what she was. She was just a bunch of coleslaw filled with blood. Love this hit.

[Marcus Parks]

And just so you know, the tiger could have done a better job eating it, didn't it? Actually, it did. It.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It cut corners it was real messy. It could have irresponsible. It was an irresponsible way to do it.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, Lori was rushed to the hospital and doctors did the best that they could. They were able to reattach part of the hand. And a couple of skin grafts later, she regained some arm function, but it never really regained full function. And this is how it looks today. There it is. That's the arm right there. Hanging her right arm right there. That's after the tiger.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. It's not a great shape.

[Ben Kissel]

Not in great shape, but it's, it's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And if you're a tiger person, doesn't that kind of like show how awesome.

[Marcus Parks]

You are if you've been Well, I, I think it shows how bad you are.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I actually. But is that true or not? Like, I. That's a good one. For side stories. LPOTL gmail.com.

[Ben Kissel]

Like, she was set up for disaster, in my opinion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now I'm just being like, does scars and missing parts make you a more sought after animal handler or less?

[Ben Kissel]

Well, remember when I used to do the jungle cruise down in Florida? They would always have one. The stop we would take on the jungle cruise was to a little island where they would do cracker wrestling with alligators. And then there was. Famously, I talked about this on roundtable, there was a guy who was missing multiple fingers and he was the alligator wrestler. And then he, like, would get. Work us up into a frenzy while he's in the alligator pit yelling, alligator bit it. Alligator bit it. And then we'd all start cheering, Alligator bit it. Alligator bit it. And then he'd jump on an alligator and start wrestling.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Ben Kissel]

It's a blast.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, it does sound pretty fun. But I think the people who have been hurt a lot, it seems, if I remember from Tiger King, you know, it's been five years now. It seems like the, the more injuries you have, the lower you go until you're in a. Yeah, you're not gonna be the same.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're not going to San Diego Zoo anytime soon.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no, no. Those. If you have a lot to go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

To the Tuscaloosa Rhino roundup.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. It's a lot harder to feed tigers when you only have one hand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And then speaking around table, you're at one point, you end up up at honk for zoo. Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, Lori was just as kind as she was delicious. So her and the zoo decided to not euthanize Tatiana after this incident. OSHA, though fined the zoo $18,000 and made them close and refortify the lion house, ultimately costing the zoo a quarter of a million dollars a year. And a couple days later, Tatiana would strike again. 2007, Christmas Day. The world would still be mourning the death of jazz great Oscar Peterson.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, we were. None of us were over. I still kind of dealing with it.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm actually a massive Oscar Peterson fan.

[Ben Kissel]

When Paul and Kier dollar wall and Carlos Souza were coping with the news, they were doing it by doing what we all do on old Bur din. And that's getting hammered and going to the zoo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

When my favorite jazz guy dies, the first thing I do is I get a pine of liquor. I go straight to the zoo and.

[Ben Kissel]

I like Night Train all over there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I do that liquor in the parking lot too. I want to be freshly Dr.

[Ben Kissel]

Drunk.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

These boys were very drunk. Visibly drunk.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Causing a ruckus all around the zoo the entire day. And they were like smoking weed in the parking lot. And other visitors noticed that these young men were very intoxicated and traipsing around the zoo, causing a scene just before closing. One witness saw them yelling and roaring at the lions. Then things turned up a little bit when they got to the Siberian tiger exhibit. Some other zoo goers saw them yelling and taunting the tigers as well. And when they left, they were still doing that. They basically yelled at the tigers long enough for everyone to be like, let's just get out of here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

These guys are bumming me out.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. So at this time, it's not 100% known exactly what happened because the surviving men of this drunken posse refused to cooperate with the police and investigators even to this day. What is the most likely story, though, through evidence and investigation, is that these men were taunting the tigers and throwing pine cones at them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't you fucking even think of doing that in my fucking town.

[Marcus Parks]

Throw pine cones at a tiger. Come on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But guess what? You get exactly deserve you do.

[Ben Kissel]

They're pretty sure one of them even jumped the barrier and dangled his leg over the enclosure. They denied that this happened, but a shoe print matching one of them was found on top of the fence.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Mind you, the San Francisco Zoo is very old. It opened in the 1930s and if you remember, it was featured in the Graduate during the date scene.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

So it's an outdated zoo.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's an old ass zoo.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. And they had very little video surveillance. And while it is an AZA accredited zoo, the AZA has said in most areas they only meet the absolute minimum requirements.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But also for the most part, human beings, due to our sort of, let's say kind of natural instincts, avoid confrontations with large predator cats. Normally we have because of the years, maybe because of the pictures we've seen or just looking at a predator cat. Normally your nervous system will tell you hey don't with that thing.

[Marcus Parks]

Your nervous system is built for that. Like that's why, it's why we have the sympathetic nervous system is because of the big cat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're supposed to see that thing and gonna avoid that thing. I'm not going to throw a pine cone at that thing.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so what these guys done is taken a human invention, alcohol, and they have applied that to themselves, allowed them to advance beyond the predator at which is going to then show what biology leads to. Now we're going to see what happens.

[Ben Kissel]

And it's not to mention they're 17, 19 and 23. So they're drinking underage, they're hammered, it's Christmas. Like who knows what they were drinking before they were like let's all go to the zoo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what I call, you know what I call those boys? I call them tiger food.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, I have been Zeus since I was a kid.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We should go. And honestly the first thing I'm f doing, man, we get that zoo. Zoo starting. Get it?

[Ben Kissel]

So the tiger enclosure at the San Francisco Zoo, there's an island with a 33 foot moat and what was thought to be a 20 foot wall. But after the incident when the wall was measured, it was actually only 12.5ft tall. The Aza requires a 16 foot wall. So that was under regulation and they were hiding it from everyone because. Because they're not going to go measure the wall. Yeah, like while the tigers are in there and stuff like that. So after the drunken rascals felt satisfied given the tigers the business, they turned their backs and started to walk away. Tatiana saw this as her window for revenge. You see, it's rare for a tiger to attack from the front. They prefer a stealthier attack from behind. Their victims.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

When you see footage of men in India walking along the tiger infested forest, they wear masks on the back of their head, heads to dissuade the tigers from attacking. Tatiana supposedly waited for them to turn their backs, jumped into the bottom of the moat, silently leaped over the 12.5 foot wall from a scrouch position. 260 pound animal jumped all the way up 12ft.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it was angry.

[Ben Kissel]

Stalked the men and pounced.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

The eldest of the boys, Colbert, was the first to be attacked by Tatiana Carlos Souza, who was the youngest. Then began to scream, Tatiana. And tried to free Colbert. And it worked. But then she was free to attack poor Carlos.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Got you, Carlos. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Tatiana coming for you. Oh, man, it did. Because Tatiana, she went straight for Carlos's neck with her razor sharp claws and. And teeth, killing him in that exact spot. Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he's lucky. Honestly. Maybe that's fast.

[Ben Kissel]

You think so? Yeah, we don't know if it was fast.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's faster than the other guy.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, in total shock, while Tatiana was murdering Carlos, Paul and Colbert ran for their lives.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're like, o. Oh, you know, guys are, guys are awesome too. They're great help. They're like, oh, oh, oh. I like that.

[Ben Kissel]

Especially after he saved the other one's life. Oh, yeah, yeah. So they left Carlos to fend for himself with Tatiana.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's gone. He's walking dead. Leave behind, leave behind, man. Oh, we left our booze in the car, man.

[Ben Kissel]

Tatiana was continuing to maul his lifeless body in front of her sugar daddy, Tony the tyke tiger. This would be the last time those two tigers ever saw each other. The brothers reached the Terrace Cafe for help. But since the zoo had just closed, the doors were locked. They were screaming and pounding on the door to be let in. But the employees did not open because they seemed erratic. And the workers just thought, these kids are on drugs. I ain't letting them in the goddamn cafe. I don't get paid enough for this shit.

[Marcus Parks]

He's correct.

[Ben Kissel]

It's Christmas.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

So they were screaming about how a tiger escaped and killed their friend. The manager of the. Of the terrorist cafe did not believe.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is at the zoo. If there was a place, yes, where it might happen is at the zoo. And if you see people screaming, cover the blood, saying, the tigers are loose, the tigers are loose. You might be like these pranksters. I will say it's an 80 year.

[Ben Kissel]

Old zoo on Christmas and this, something like this has never happened there before.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But the manager's like, get. Tell me another one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, been there before.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know you're going to tell me the Penguins of Union.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, the manager hadn't been trained in what to do in case of an animal attack because he's only a retail employ. But he did notify security. Who.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I tell you what all retail boys in zoo should do. Run for your fucking lives and do nothing to help.

[Ben Kissel]

Literally.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you work for the zoo and you're not animal trainer, you run away and you help no one.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, it's kind of what happened. Yes, he did not. He did notify security, who was. Who also did not believe that a tiger escaped and that these brothers were just whacked out of drugs. At one point, staff who did not believe them that an animal was out called security anyway, and he. Here is that call.

[F]

I don't know if they're on drugs or what. They're screaming about an animal that has attacked them, but there's no animal out. He's talking about a third person, and I don't see a third person. So is he saying that he was dead? Is he saying that he was bitten.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Off? He's not drugged.

[F]

Is he saying. Is the patient saying that he was bitten by an animal?

[Ben Kissel]

He's saying there's been by animal, but there's no animal escape because he could just be crazy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is he covered in blood? Is he covered in blood? I was just waiting to hear the background, and they're going, like, what's that sound? There's something going on. Someone's playing some kind of cat soundtrack.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, the reason you didn't hear that is because Tatiana was still just toying with Carlos's corpse, leaving him with blunt force trauma to his head and neck, deep puncture wounds in his head, neck and chest, fractures to his skull and spine, and his jugular vein ripped out from his neck. She decided the fight was over and began to search for the Dhali Wall brothers. Then, at this juncture, another staff member saw Tatiana walking calmly through the zoo, walking past multiple exhibits, searching for the boys to continue her revenge. She had been following a blood trail that led straight to the injured Colber at the Terrace Cafe. Oh, yeah, she was stalking them. She was. Wasn't at first. They were like, oh, maybe she's, like, eating them because she was hungry. Yeah, but she didn't eat any of them. She was literally just murdering.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, she was coming for. Yeah, she was pissed.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. So after it was confirmed that Tatiana was indeed out, zoo security and animal trainer.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, even if she is out, I mean, like, whatever. Doesn't matter.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Well, they called the trained shooter, Anthony Brown, who grabbed a shotgun and hopped in his car and drove to the tiger enclosure, where he saw Carlos Sousa Jr. Dead on the ground. He knew he was gone, but he still tried to save them. Being Christmas Day, the zoo was understaffed, and there and everyone who was there went into full panic mode. They had no idea how many tigers had escaped at this point. So until they could locate all of them, they could not send paramedics or security in to help at a loss of what to do. The boys then called 911 and here is their call.

[F]

I'm just going to stay on the line with you until the paramedics are with you, all right?

[Ben Kissel]

Can you check up on them?

[F]

We'll see where they at. They're on scene right now, but they have to stage until they're given permission to go inside. I understand that, but at the same time, we have to make sure the paramedics don't get chewed out. Because if the paramedics get hurt, then nobody's going to help you. Okay, I understand that.

[Ben Kissel]

All right.

[F]

Okay. The amount ambulance is staging, I need you to understand that if the ambulance people calm down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sorry, bro.

[F]

If the paramedics get hurt, they cannot help your brother. So you need to calm down. You are going to be the best help for your brother right now. Can you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's going on here?

[F]

Okay. For eight minutes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I called 10 minutes as well, 20 minutes.

[F]

Okay. I'm trying to explain to you that we have to make sure that we can get inside safely.

[Ben Kissel]

All right?

[F]

How long does it take? I do not know that because I'm not out there right now. But we have specialists.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, dude, he's just fucking. He's not even doing anything. He's like, yeah, buddy, you're inside the zoo. You got the tiger a fucking out of there, you're fucked. I'm not sending paramedics in there just to get attacked by fucking tigers just because you're fucking dumbass set this whole thing off.

[Ben Kissel]

So mind you remember, this is at Christmas for the holiday season. There was an ice rink set up in the zoo close to the Terrace Cafe. The employee working at the ice ring is the true hero in the story. They heard what was going down over the radio and ran over to the cafe to help the boys. Me, like, this is not a security person. This is just someone who works at the ice skating.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is a nice person. That again, should have ran for the hills. Never help if you're just an employee. You run, you run away.

[Ben Kissel]

So when they arrived at the scene, they started to give the boys the best medical attention they could. Unfortunately, this is also when Tatiana arrived. Tatiana wanted to finish the job and started swiping at the boy's legs and had all three of them cornered to the hamburger stand. But.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's got to be something to have the tiger not go with the hamburger stand. Yeah, that just food just sitting there, man.

[Ben Kissel]

And you gotta imagine it, it's all glass doors. So the employees in the hamburger stand are just like, watching. Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they're between the tiger and the hamburgers. Throw the hamburgers outside. Throw the hamburgers at it.

[Marcus Parks]

Just whispers like, do tigers eat hamburger?

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know that they eat. You remember what happened to Lori when.

[Ben Kissel]

She tried to give this tiger a hamburger that was just her hand and.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It wasn't cooked with delicious onions.

[Ben Kissel]

See, but here's the thing, Tatiana. Tatiana wasn't a crazed, senseless killer. She was a killer with purpose. In a wild turn of events, Tatiana would not let the Dhaliwal brothers move away from her. She wanted their lives. But in a moment of tiger clarity, Tatiana, knowing she wasn't there to kill the ice ring employee, let her leave the altercation. Almost to say, my beef ain't with you, big dog.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, my fight ain't with you. My fight's with them. And she's like. Like, kill those boys.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, that's kind of exactly what happened.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just go ahead and you just. You kill those boys. All right.

[Ben Kissel]

So now it's 20 minutes after closing, and police were finally allowed to enter the zoo, driving in their police cruisers. First, they arrived at Carlos to double check that he was dead, and he was, in fact, still dead.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, honestly, he's had more of a. He's. He's at a. Well done.

[Ben Kissel]

Then to the Terrace Cafe, where Tatiana was absolutely, absolutely ripping these boys to shreds. Police were at a loss of what to do. They pulled their weapons, but they were scared to shoot because she was currently doing her best to kill these boys, and the cops didn't want to accidentally shoot them. So the cops created a distraction.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Probably would have just ended their beer. Horrific pain. And probably just shot him in the head. Take him out at that point.

[Marcus Parks]

Grenade.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Well, the cops decided to create a distraction by turning on their patrol lights. And Tatiana stopped attacking a moment and then just sat at the boy's feet, staring at them as they bled out.

[Marcus Parks]

Because it is, after all, a cat. You know, cats still, like, they all act pretty much the same way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The same. About the size.

[Ben Kissel]

They should have just had a laser pointer.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

That's when the. That's when police officer Chris Oshida fired a first shot into Tatiana's chest. Tatiana knew that this was the end and did what any rational tiger would do in this situation. Situation Suicide by cop.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

She charged the police officers, and Officer Oshida was all like, oh, shida, I gotta kill this tiger. Then he put another bullet in her chest as she charged even faster. And then he put a bullet in her pretty little tiger brain. And she died there in the glow of police lights and a dipping dots machine sheen. The other cops were. If only there were three other cops there. And they were right not to fire when she was attacking the boys because they fired 11 shots and missed every single one of them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. It's a tiger, man. It's standing there. It's a huge animal.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And they don't have. Right.

[Ben Kissel]

They're.

[Marcus Parks]

They've got pistols, you know, like you could.

[Ben Kissel]

You. It's a big ass thing.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You could shoot at it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Well, Officer Oshida said, like later. I've never personally seen a tiger maul a human in my life. And that's something I will never forget. He was awarded the medal of Valor. The Dollywall brothers were taken to the hospital with deep wounds in their heads, necks, arms and hands. They were kept in the hospital for several days and attended Carlos's funeral the next week, still bandaged all over the bodies. The emergency room doctor at the time was like bragging, like, yeah, we saved their lives.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, of course you should. To be honest, they all shit should. Do they not have to pay any of this back up? Like, do they have to pay for anything? What punishment do these idiots get?

[Ben Kissel]

You'll see. In the aftermath, everyone was trying to figure out what happened. At first it was thought that maybe someone let Tatiana out of her cage. And then maybe Colbert was dangling his foot over the wall and she used his leg to climb up. Since tigers had been in this enclosure for half a century without ever getting out, everyone was just scratching their head. Heads. Remember, the Dhaliwal brothers refused to ever cooperate with any investigation. They claim that they did nothing wrong, but no one believes that. They claim to have never provoked the tiger by throwing anything inside the enclosure. Even though pine cones were found inside and the pine tree was far enough from the enclosure that they could have not fell on there on their own. The Dali walls, in turn sued the San Francisco Zoo and were awarded $800,000. Carlos Sousa Jr. Family also sued the zoo and won an undisclosed amount.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Man, that's horseshit.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, well, they had a pretty airtight case stating that even if the tiger was provoked.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

And the pine cones had been thrown at it, it should have never in a million years been able to get out of the enclosure, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I guess I do understand. I mean, that is the part of regulation and that's why it all comes on your ass when you're the zoo.

[Ben Kissel]

That's right. Whether they were to the tiger or not. Yeah, I do kind of. Of agree.

[Marcus Parks]

I understand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I understand.

[Marcus Parks]

The reason why there's. The reason why there are rules is because somebody. There's. There's always a reason why.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Even though we're all, like, glad that there. That. That one dude's DNA is taken out of the pool, it's like one of those with the other two. Like, they've learned nothing.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. No, they really did. They were almost rewarded for what happened.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Lori Kan, the trainer who got her hand ripped apart, she saw their success of the lawsuits and then filed one of her own and received an undisclosed amount.

[Henry Zebrowski]

As she should have.

[Ben Kissel]

She should have done it along.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She should have.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. To fix the issue, the head zoo administrator was let go, and Tony the tiger was moved to a smaller cage. While the tiger enclosure was modified to make sure that this never happens again, they dug deeper into the moat and put a large plexiglass barrier up that now reaches over 20ft. In my opinion, the zoo and the boys are at fault in this incident. In my research, I saw in 1997, the zoo was awarded $48 million for animal upgrades. But they used most of money to upgrade the customer facilities and not the animal facilities.

[Marcus Parks]

Fuck them.

[Ben Kissel]

I know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. The animals are only. That's like the star of the show.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah. Fucking treat them. You treat the talent with care. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then we show up.

[Marcus Parks]

This is why all of the animals agree that they're not happy at the zoo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

In the coming years, there were more incidents at the San Francisco Zoo, including a large door crushing a gorilla to death. Jesus Christ. Orangutans living in a subpar living space infested with rats.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay. So it had. It definitely had massive, massive problems.

[Ben Kissel]

A wild mountain lion broke into the zoo and killed a kangaroo and two wallaroos.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And, you know, they're like, what the. That's insane. That's like you and me at our house. And all of a sudden, Ed Kemper just, like. Is just, like, dropped off at the door, and he's like, I guess I have to kill everyone, you know?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. They basically showed up, and the kangaroos in the wallow were ripped to shreds. And, like, what the happened? And then when they check footage, a mountain lion did just break into the zoo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He came to a restaurant.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. Yeah. Also, a grizzly brief briefly escaped. A lemur and a squirrel monkey were stolen in separate incidents. And another door fell and killed a beloved penguin named Handy Harry. Currently, the zoo is 95 years old and very outdated compared to other zoos. For a while there was a group of San Franciscans who tried to move, remove the exotic animals and make it a sanctuary for stray animals. But ultimately that idea was shot down because nobody wants to go to zoo for dogs.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's called the pound. Yeah. You can't take them out then it's just a heartbreaking like bunch of. Just going to a kennel.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Tony the tiger never recovered from the loss of Tatiana and died sad and alone in 2010.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's like a lot of guys who honestly made it big in commercial world.

[Ben Kissel]

The Dollywall brothers, even though they were awarded $800,000. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, no, it was good. It was, it was good.

[Marcus Parks]

It was vine.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. The Dollywall brothers, awarded $800,000, did not have it easy for the rest of their lives as well. Arrested multiple times for drunk driving and shoplifting. And ultimately Paul do all died in 2012 for what seems to be a drug overdose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No way.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That guy. Well, giving that guy a bunch of cash didn't help his life.

[Ben Kissel]

It certainly didn't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It accelerated his demise and it just increased his income.

[Ben Kissel]

Character. Merry Christmas, you pieces of. Thank you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good work. Good lesson, Lear.

[Marcus Parks]

Thank you. Yeah, I just had that flaming lip song Christmas at the Zoo playing in my head the whole time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a good lesson to learn, guys. Just remember that you, you always win if you're bad.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

From your grave.

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[Marcus Parks]

Well, now that we have had ourselves a Christmas animal attack, and I've also told the story of a Christmas song within the context of history, let's tell the story of a Christmas song that was based kinda sorta on historical events, or at least based on an historical figure. In my opinion, this song is one of the best Christmas songs out there because everyone loves singing Beast of Steven.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everybody does. I like. I like that song. And I like Felice Navidad. Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

That song, of course, is Good King Wenceslas. Now, like many Christmas traditions, Good King Wenceslas has its roots in a time when Catholicism was still drenched in paganism. The song was written in 1853 by a medievalist priest named John Mason Neal, who stole the melody from a 13th century tune celebrating spring called Tempest Adas frodi dum. That's actually Rob I did to send you a link.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's interesting. I love these four virgin boys singing the song.

[Ben Kissel]

What is happening?

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's putting hot chicks in it. Ah, these women are empty.

[Ben Kissel]

Those chicks do not want to. To be there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I feel like this is some old songs club in a German high school.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I don't know exactly. It's the Montfort Academy Latin Club, I believe.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, but it's a. It's a. It's a nice song. It's just all about like spring is here. These are why we do these things. This is how work goes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's another example of how actually more Christian. Our modern Christian traditions are not really even based on pagan traditions. They're actually based on. Based on Volk traditions that are more Germanic. Like most of these are like, you're gonna see all this come out. That's, you know, we got a lot to thank Himmler for this year. Jesus Christ. A lot today. Oh boy.

[Ben Kissel]

For. Yeah, that was a good. That was a good month and a half for us.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep, great numbers.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, interestingly, good King Winceslas was a controversial song upon its release. Its writer, John Mason Neal, was an Anglo Catholic priest, meaning that he believed in combining Catholic rituals and belief in the saints with pre Protestant practices. Basically, Father Neil wanted to take things back to medieval times. So to spread the pre Protestant cheer, he decided to write a carol about St. Wenceslas to teach children to partake in good and charitable deeds during the Christmas season. His Protestant contemporaries, however, called Good King Wenceslaus a barbarous tomb pairing doggerel, poor and commonplace to the last degree.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You mean to tell me this is just one of those funny things that haters have existed for so long? That people dogged, people panned. Good King Wenceslau.

[Marcus Parks]

They panned. Actually.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That'S a canceled figure. We never. It's always here.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, it's always been here. And it's never gonna end. Yeah, that was an actual. A direct quote. A barbarous tomb pairing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's hilarious.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, Winceslas was indeed a good man. He actually existed. He was sort of a Robin Hood like figure who brought aid to the poor and remained a proud virgin all his life.

[Ben Kissel]

He prefer virgin bring AIDS to the poor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

With a pack of infected chimpanzees. Having nice brows on.

[Marcus Parks]

Witnessless preferred the monastic existence of labor and contemplation to the company of women. He needed not a labor. He only needed God.

[Ben Kissel]

But there is Red Right hand.

[Marcus Parks]

But there is of course, quite a bit of murder and violence in the actual history of Good King Wenceslas. Which brings us back to the world of the Catholic saints.

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[Henry Zebrowski]

Our favorite evil superheroes.

[Marcus Parks]

The Saint Wenceslas was the first saint of Bohemia and therefore the first time Czech to achieve worldwide fame. First ever famous Czech.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow.

[Marcus Parks]

Born in 907 AD and dead by the age of 28, Winsislaus was never actually a king. More accurately, he was a prince. And then a duke, but.

[Ben Kissel]

And then a corpse.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But.

[Marcus Parks]

And then. But Good Duke Winceslas does not sound good. So he changed it to Good King win Success.

[Ben Kissel]

Sure. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good Duke Wenceslas losses. That's what I had this morning. Let's continue, please.

[Marcus Parks]

Born to a royal dynasty that ruled parts of various Eastern European countries, including Poland, Winces was actually Polish. Winces father, Duke Vradislaus was a Christian who'd been converted by Saint Cyril. The same Cyril who also created the Cyrillic Alphabet still used in Russian and Ukrainian writing to this day. There's quite a bit of cosmic context involving Wenceslas. Wenceslas mother, however, was a pagan princess named Dre Homeyra, who supposedly converted to Christianity when she married Duke Vratislaus. It was rumored, however, that Drae Homeira converted in name only and remained a committed pagan throughout Wenceslas childhood. Now, Duke Vradislaus died in battle while invading Hungary in the year 921 A.D. but since Wenceslaus was was only 14 years old and too young to take over his father's dukedom, his grandmother Ludmila stepped in as regent until Wenceslas came of age. Hot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Granny. Granny.

[Ben Kissel]

Ludmila.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Now supposedly, Ludmila was a true Christian who taught Wenceslas about charity, forgiveness and all the other touchy feely Jesus stuff that most Christians refuse to acknowledge. Supposedly because pagans must always be portrayed as evil in these sorts of stories. Wenceslas mother, Dre Homira, hated Ludmila Christian influence. So she rounded up a group of pagan noblemen to chase Ludmila out of town. Ludmila went into hiding, but Drae Hemera had her tracked down within weeks and had Wenceslas grandmother executed.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

She also became a saint. Now Drey Hermira took over as regent until Wenceslas came of age and therefore reinstated pagan practices throughout the Bohemia. But once Wenceslas became duke, when he came of age, he switched everything back to Christianity. Now while that is a buzzkill, Wenceslas was said to be the protector of widows and orphans. This is his sainthood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what he captured.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

No love for the widower.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, he's a. No. No love for the widower ever.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He failed his job.

[Marcus Parks]

He was also a supporter of the weak, a supporter of foreigners, and was said to be a wise and literate man. He was also against the death penalty, which was extremely uncommon, if not totally unheard of for a ruler in 10th century Europe.

[Ben Kissel]

So I'm imagining they killed him.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, we'll get to that. But while he did have the gallows dismantled, he was a massive fan of brutally flogging anyone who trespassed against the word of God. So you're not going to get killed, but you are going to get whipped.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, you know you're not dead. Yeah, you just got. You really think about Christ.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, he also really expanded.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What?

[Marcus Parks]

You got flogged for people if you acted immoderately.

[Ben Kissel]

Flog them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, flog them. If you loitered in a tavern.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let me flog them. Let me Fucking hate that shit.

[Ben Kissel]

Get out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're going up the parking lot. You don't got to go home.

[Ben Kissel]

Ass.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let me beat the out of you.

[Marcus Parks]

If you indulged in revelry without. Without cause.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I get that.

[Ben Kissel]

I hate kids.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I hate skateboarding. I hate random songs. I hate bouncy houses.

[Ben Kissel]

Tatiana tried to flog the Dollywall boys, but she only had claws and teeth.

[Marcus Parks]

So it's just cutting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, just slice them up.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, if you did any of that In Duke Wincesl's lands, you were immediately put into irons and severely flogged while winged Wenceslas ceaselessly prayed for you day and night.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's like, honestly, I could use the beating without the praying. Yeah, just beat me. I actually feel like the praying would be the most annoying part. I'd be like, shut the fuck up. All right.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that would be the most annoying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Part, which is the guy going, I'm only doing this because for your sake and this hurts me more than it hurts you. It's like, just shut the fuck up, buddy. I get it. Yeah. I'm. I'm the one getting flogged.

[Marcus Parks]

I guess that would be annoying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Because getting flogged is more than annoying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. I'm just saying that's the worst part of it.

[Marcus Parks]

It's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm just going, you know, really? This hurts me more than it hurts you. That makes me angry. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

They used to make a game out of it where they would like chase them, flogging them through the street and they would try to run between the carriages. It was called Flogger.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Stupid, stupid, stupid joke. I say a funny game, I say brilliant. Again, subjective comedy. Subjective.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, because things never really change. Wisl's neighbors were absolutely furious when he tried building true Christian principles into his government. Like when Winst suggested that the people poor should be able to eat food. Yeah, yeah. Even if they can't afford it, we should be able to. We should feed the poor.

[Ben Kissel]

If not, we'll flog them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. Beat the out of them. You're going to give to charity? I'm going to beat the out of you.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, this proclamation, however, led to one of the miracles that secured Winaslas's sainthood. According to legend, Count Radislas of Gurma was so that I love saying evil name.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Count. Count Rodislas of Gur.

[Ben Kissel]

Definitely the bad Gu.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

He was so incensed by the idea that Winceslas was feeding the poor that he invaded Winceslas land. That's how evil he was. My God, he's feeding the poor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Bring me my horse. Yeah, I get it. It's fucking. It's suit.

[Ben Kissel]

What?

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, we just heard it from our wonderful leader, Elon Musk. Suicidal empathy. No.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's right. We shall ride from the lands of Gurama. But instead of allowing his people to die while defending his personal principles, Weinslas, according to his hagiography, challenged Count Radislas to single combat to avoid all out war. The Count accepted and most likely laughed when Wenceslas showed up to the duel unarmored, holding only a short sword. The heavily armed count therefore thrust his lance towards Wenceslas for the killing blow. But as he did, two angels appeared and protected the future saint. Count Radislas fell to the ground, which apparently meant he lost. Yep. But Wenceslas spared the count's life. Just so long as the count promised to go home to Gurma and leave Winless alone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, you see, we got. Wow. He did it, like, peaceful.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Where were those angels? Every other time saints were murdered.

[Marcus Parks]

I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Feel like that there was like, they. They did say up. They. Like, they'd never seen a juke before.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like they never. Like you never saw that before. And, like, maybe that's what he invented. Yes. Was like. What do they call the dolphin spin? What's that spin?

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, I don't know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

When you do the thing, when you swim.

[Ben Kissel]

Swim move.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, the swim move. Yeah, he could have the swim move.

[Ben Kissel]

You never know. Maybe he's an old relative of Barry Sanders.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You don't know.

[Marcus Parks]

Maybe. Now, Wenceslas only made it to the age of 28, and that was due to his younger brother, Bolaslaus. Bolaslaus was ambitious and unhappy with Wind Sloss's passing pacifism. So he conspired with other Bohemian nobles to murder his brother.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dude, that's the best part of Crusader Kings 3. That's the best. Yeah. Is it when you're playing a character and then you. But you want their son in, then you do the thing where you set up their whole family to betray them? It's awesome.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. In September of 935, Bolaslaus invited Winstlaus to church, followed by a nice dinner and a few cups of wine. But when Wind woke up the next day to go back to church, Boleslaus and his henchmen followed. When the time was right, the three henchmen stabbed Wenceslas to death and unceremoniously dumped his body in a ditch. Boleslaus was then made Duke of Bohemia, and the murder of his brother earned him the name Boleslaus the Cruel.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, no.

[Ben Kissel]

Bolaslaus the Laos. It's right there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they don't like rhymes. They don't like rhymes.

[Marcus Parks]

Boleslav duds. He sounds like he did like evil a little bit. The same day that he killed his brother, his wife gave birth to a son, and they named him Strakvass, which translated to English means dreadful feast.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's awesome. Yeah, man. We better names.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Bolus lost, however, eventually came around to Christianity is a Massive historical context here. His future actions led to the recognition of the Polish state by the papacy, which helped to define medieval population Poland as one of the first modern states.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So Bolas Lost the Cruel was actually a massive figure in Polish history.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But that's interesting because, yes, he just didn't really like the kind of his brother, but at the same time he had long view of history, which darn Dan Carlin always talks about the capital G. Great men of history.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And Bolus la would be one of those men.

[Ben Kissel]

Sounds like a Polish soup.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, it's delicious if you've ever had it. D like dill.

[Ben Kissel]

Lots of bolus lost for me, please. No spoon, just a straw.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that's right. Get him the big straw. He's got a big mouth.

[Ben Kissel]

Now.

[Marcus Parks]

Wenceslaus was almost immediately celebrated as a martyr by Christians who developed the cult of St. Wenceslas. In short order, 800 years later, Wenceslas was plucked from relative obscurity by the aforementioned John Mason Neil, who stole a paganish tune and wrote a carol about a good king who feeds the poor and leaves magically heated footprints in the snow. Though, seriously, if you listen, that is what the song is about. That's the plot of the song.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow. He sampled it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

It's more of a sample.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

He took the beat and he ran with it.

[Marcus Parks]

He did. Very much so, yeah, yeah, it's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But also that's normal, though, especially for old song. Like the idea of. That's like a very common practice.

[Marcus Parks]

Very much so, yeah. Just taking the old tune, giving it new words. Yeah. And if you. Yeah, if you listen to the song, the whole thing is King Winces list looks out. There's like an old. There's a poor man outside.

[Ben Kissel]

Hey.

[Marcus Parks]

He tells the servant, hey, let's go feed that guy. And they go outside and it's Christmas. And the servant says, I'm cold. And Winceslist says, just follow in my footsteps for they will be warm. And they were.

[Ben Kissel]

Grab this flog and hit this bad boy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You smack yourself with this a little bit, you'll warm yourself right up.

[Marcus Parks]

Neil also introduced all of us who were raised as Protestants to the Feast of Stephen. I didn't know what the Feast of Stephen was. No, it's the celebration of the first Christian martyr. Traditionally, the Feast of the Stephen is held on the day after Christmas.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Steve's the first guy who got murdered on Christmas.

[Marcus Parks]

He did not get murdered on Christmas, but he was just murdered. They just usually like to have the Feast of Stephen. He Was murdered in like 80, 87 or something like that. Stoned to death. I think we talked about it in our Saints episode very much. Now that I'm saying, like I do remember going Feast of Steven.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It might have come in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems very familiar.

[Marcus Parks]

And speaking of which, I'd like to end my favorite things with a. With a street joke.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

How does a king wins this list like his pizza? How deep and crisp and even?

[Ben Kissel]

Are you a Protestant?

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're gonna blow up his house. I am going down there. The war is coming home.

[Marcus Parks]

I was raised. Yes. I was raised Protestant. Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The war is coming home.

[Ben Kissel]

Interesting. I thought you were cool.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm from Texas. Unless you live in San Antonio.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, you don't got that Roman Catholic blood like we do.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, now I'm going to tell you a story of my favorite things. And obviously I, I do love a story about a uap. A ufo.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Now this is a story about just a hard boiled egg covered in its own.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Man, that's what I wish. That's what I wish I could write about. But this story, you know, we, we were talking about doing an episode in this story and it is a bit thin, but I did like the story enough to do something with it. Now this is the story of the Kecksburg UFO incident. Oh, there is a book though that I did base this on. It was called the Kecksburg UFO Incident by George Dudding. It is a 35 page book.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Ben Kissel]

Not very exciting.

[Marcus Parks]

No, that's a pamphlet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It. It's a novelette. But he did write, I got this story of James Romanski from him and we will, we will cover that. So we'll start from the top.

[Ben Kissel]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The Kecksburg UFO incident is a simple affair, but it does take place during Christmas. So I thought I would share the story for the coming season. On December 9, 1965, a glowing object traveled over central Pennsylvania and crash landed quote, outside Kecksburg, which is an hour from from Pittsburgh. If you've ever been to central Pennsylvania, then you know the area. Dense brush, sparsely distributed population, Lots and lots of raccoons on stolen methamphetamine. It's called pencil tucky for a reason. Now, that night, thousands of people have been able to see the uap. There were reports from across the state and even from Ontario, if you can believe it.

[Marcus Parks]

I can.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Many accounts match the original that we saw. I giant ball of glowing light. It passed over the trees and landed with a blue smoke vibrations and a thump on Christmas on no on December 9th. It's just a Christmas time. The only one that got really close to Christmas, the only UFO story that actually took place on Christmas was the Rendlesham Forest incident, which we've never. Which we've already covered very deeply.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this is the closest one I found. Now, this is what. What this actually was so widely seen that it was reported on in the local newspaper, the Greensburg Tribunal Review. They reported the area where the object landed was immediately sealed off on the order of U.S. army and State police officials in anticipation of a close inspection of whatever may have fallen. State police officials there ordered the area roped off to await the expected arrival of both U.S. army engineers and possibly civilian scientists. Local military personnel arrived. They went looking at where the supposed mysterious crash vehicle was. Had crashed, and they found nothing. The explanation to this day, and it still is, is that it was a meteor bolide that burned up in the atmosphere in 2005. There would be tests of supposed leftover materials from the untrustworthy bastards over at NASA who would contend that it was in fact pieces of a small Russian satellite that had broken up over as it was kind of descending back into our atmosphere. Nazi officials official story. But the good people of Kecksburg know that something a little bit more mysterious happened that night. Now, they have a UFO festival every year. It happened this year in June, the Kecksburg UFO Festival, where they celebrate this. There's not much going on in Kecksburg otherwise.

[Ben Kissel]

Sure.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this is a big part of their stories because they know what really happened.

[Marcus Parks]

Small towns have to, you know, grab on to whatever little thing they have for their festival. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now, there are distinct things we know about the story, but they only came from one, one person. Person by the name of James Romanski. And so what I've decided to do in order to add to the season.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Was to write a poem from the perspective of James Romanski on the 9th of December, 1965. Now, I've written this poem in the style of Christmas entertainment. It tells the story of local fire brigade volunteer James Ramon and what he would see that night which would change Pennsylvania faster than John Fetterman stroke. TWAS 9 December, and all over the land of Kecksburg, Pennsylvania, there were many a witness at hand. The iron cities were sucked by the hemlocks with ease as hopes for a Stillers win would warm up the fresh trees. The Ruskies had sent spy satellites that night, while hopes that Kompromat could appear in their sights with Eileen in her panties and I in my cap. We just gozzled our nog for a long evening's crap. When out on the john there arose such a thumping. I sprang for my beanbag chair to see if it was something away to my Ford Expedition I flew like a flash, scraped the ice away and put my gun on the dash. Orange lights on the slippery asphalt aglow gave a luster of Vegas to the objects below. But to what did my red watery eyes did appear. But a bronze acorn shaped craft surrounded my military gear With a little gray driver who buzzed like a bee. I knew this little jagoff must be an et more rapid than beagles his plasmoids. They floated many state lines that crossed. Each one of them noted over Detroit and Pittsburgh, Ann Arbor and Windsor. I'm finally here in Kecksburg to scare this old yinzer. And then in a crinkling I heard in the grave grass A man with a rifle had it trained on my ass. As I screwed my head in and was turning around through the forest the men in black came with a bound. They were dressed up in suits and scaring my boss. Fire chief admires. And he yelled, hey you, get lost. A group of soldiers tied the UFO real tight to an 18 foot long army tractor brought earlier that night. The edges how seamless. The doors non existent and a luster so matte you'd swear it was pigment.

[Ben Kissel]

That's close.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's close.

[Marcus Parks]

Sideways, Ryan.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Fine.

[Ben Kissel]

It'll work. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Its dome wingless top was as smooth as an egg and it flattened on bottom like a beast. Natty keg. And with a crack of a walkie the men got to hauling. My boss and the G man, they ended their squalling. Ed pulled me away and he held me real close. He whispered real quiet, don't talk or we're toast. And he gave me a piner of old Winton's bourbon As the smoke from his cigar made it cloud like a turban. The tractor pulled out its tracks covered by dark. And the fixers, they covered the evidence and bark. But I heard at crowd a exclaim as he drove out of sight. Merry Christmas to Yin and don't drink and drive. I did have to change the the Pittsburgh ending. It's wonderful. I love beautiful. Did you get the story though? Like, I totally got the story. Fire. He was called out. He was a volunteer firefighter. He got called out. He saw the bronze. You can see here. That's the bronze object that it's now famous in Kecksburg. The orc. The acorn shaped ufo. UFO that it's famous for.

[Ben Kissel]

Acorn's such a nicer way to say butt plug.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, I was just gonna just say mound of feces.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is an acorn shape. And so yeah, that's the story. And he saw it loaded up onto a tractor and then it was driven away. And for some reason none of that could ever be corroborated.

[Marcus Parks]

For some reason. Well, Merry Christmas to Happy holidays, everyone.

[Ben Kissel]

Happy holiday.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't even worry about it. This is your child.

[Marcus Parks]

It's Christmas. Don't go to the zoo.

[Ben Kissel]

Hey, stay out of the zoo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what you do for vlog?

[Ben Kissel]

Some.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sure. You know how you bring the zoo to you? Look it up on the Internet. Watch on YouTube.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

There's a whole National Geographic channel.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Watch one of those weird things we know when Asian tourists just film a bunch of stuff with their iPad. Find one of those.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And this Christmas when you're sitting around with your family and. And the song White Christmas comes on, make sure to tell them. Did you know this is about. About Irving Berlin's dead infant son.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then you go sao favorite lines and go to patreon.com podcast to give us money to watch us perform. And then you're going to go. You could see our bodies. You can also see us live on last stream on the left. Not for the next two weeks though because we are off. We are on vacation for the holiday season. But we will be back in January, 6pm PST only on the Patreon. And for all of your social media, I guess the term would be needs go at L on the left for all of our socials and go see our new YouTube channels while we are gone. We are going to have a bunch of fun. Material is still coming out into the YouTube. Our bloodbath shows are rolling out. We're not. We're saving the ending for after Christmas break. But you're gonna get other material.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, that's very.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Oh yeah, we have other material. You're gonna get the episodes. You're gonna get the episode zeros. You're going to get a bunch of stuff in there between.

[Ben Kissel]

Hell yeah. And then come see LPN TV on YouTube if you're looking for that last minute Christmas present. Bring them to see us live on the road. Tickets. February 31st will be in Philadelphia.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dude, gotta come to the show. It's gonna be. Our Philly show is going to be a blast. It is.

[Ben Kissel]

It's already selling like crazy. But we got. It's such a big venue. We have so Much more room. So yeah, it's gonna be wild. So come see that. That's gonna. I can't wait for that. February 28th, Austin, Texas. March 13th, Indianapolis. April 25th, Cincinnati. May 29th, Pittsburgh. Maybe we'll stop by Katzburg.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'd be down to go. Well, it's be. We could try to get out there.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, who knows?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's like an hour and a.

[Ben Kissel]

Half out there in the middle of now. June 27th, Grand Rapids, Michigan. July 17th, Tulsa, Oklahoma. July 18th, Oklahoma City. Also January 4th, I'm going to be at Oxnard Levity live with Carolina Hlo, Jake Young, Holden McNeely and Julia Johns. Come check us out. The show starts at 6. I'll have you home for dinner.

[Marcus Parks]

It's incredible.

[Ben Kissel]

It's going to be a wonderful time. I can't wait for it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, man, we're going to change. We're going to see the change. We're going to be the change. Change, boys. We're gonna get the six o' clock show going. I don't care what anybody says, man.

[Ben Kissel]

Six o' clock shows, it's really fun. I, I really enjoy doing it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, six o' clock shows, Think.

[Ben Kissel]

About it, think about it. But when I go to San Francisco In February, Wednesday, February 18th, it's going to be a 7:30pm show, but we will be talking about the Ghost of Tatiana with Grant Gordon and my wonderful wife. Wife Julie Rosing gonna be hosting that show. It's gonna be a lot of fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She'll just be happy to see a lady kill a bunch of men.

[Marcus Parks]

So we're gonna take a couple weeks off. We're gonna go say bye bye and hang out at our various homes and vacations.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, things like that. And then when we come back, but.

[Ben Kissel]

It doesn't matter, you still get plenty of stuff. We're putting out updates, but just so.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, when we come back in 20, 2026, we're coming back hard. We're coming in with a big old true crime story. A modern true crime story.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we're coming in like.

[Ben Kissel]

So is that the one? I think it is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, it is.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm very excited.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And 2026 is that we have a lot to come. We also have the next head on the Mount Rushmore of evil that will also be coming very, very soon. We have other things, so be on the lookout. See you next year. Yeah. You.

[Marcus Parks]

Enjoy the last updates for the next few weeks.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Hail Satan.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm sorry.

[Ben Kissel]

Hail Tatiana. No, Oscar Peterson.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, love Oscar Peterson.

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