
Henry & Marcus bring you this week's biggest stories and true crime news as the boys react to this weekend's alleged assassination attempt on the President at The White House Correspondents Dinner, AND THEN - Pissed off Long Island girlfriend blows sleeping boyfriend's hand off with dynamite, Scientology buildings continue to be raided by delinquents, and much, much more...
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Henry Zabrowski
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Marcus Parks
Hey, everyone.
Henry Zabrowski
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Marcus Parks
What is this, your first date? Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together.
Henry Zabrowski
We're married.
Marcus Parks
Me to a human, him to a bird.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
Marcus Parks
Anyways, get a quote@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.
Henry Zabrowski
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Marcus Parks
Do that with Acrobat.
Henry Zabrowski
More@adobe.com do that with Acrobat.
Marcus Parks
There's no place to escape to.
Henry Zabrowski
This is the last on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. So, Marcus.
Marcus Parks
Yes, Henry.
Henry Zabrowski
Welcome to side Stories.
Marcus Parks
Thank you.
Henry Zabrowski
It's good to see you.
Marcus Parks
It's good to see you, too. It's been a while.
Henry Zabrowski
Isn't it nice to finally be here for some of the funniest and best stories in America?
Marcus Parks
I came on the best week, the best possible week ever. You know, Come on. Side story.
Henry Zabrowski
You know, I'm glad that you're here because this story that we're about to talk about and all the stuff that we have to talk about, it's extremely difficult to parse through.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, real difficult to parse through. Real difficult to separate your own personal feelings from, you know, everything else that's going on. It's a difficult one.
Henry Zabrowski
I had to have a separate call with our lawyers so that I could ask what I could talk about today. That's some of my favorite stuff.
Marcus Parks
Everyone loves talking to lawyers.
Henry Zabrowski
Welcome to side Stories. Henry Zabrowski, frequent flyer with our on site lawyer. I'm sitting here with the Sydney Sweeney of lpn.
Marcus Parks
Is it? How would I get that?
Henry Zabrowski
I'd say that you're the. Yeah. You're the Sydney Sweeney of lpn.
Marcus Parks
Okay.
Henry Zabrowski
How.
Marcus Parks
How so how am I the Sydney Sweeney of lpn?
Henry Zabrowski
Natural talents.
Marcus Parks
Go.
Henry Zabrowski
I would say, you, elegant penis. Excellent taste in men. Thank you. You are an amazing performer.
Marcus Parks
Thank you. I appreciate that quite a bit.
Henry Zabrowski
And your best bits jiggle up and down. I'm here with Marcus Parks, sitting in
Marcus Parks
for Edward this week doing family stuff out in Ohio.
Henry Zabrowski
He is making love to his family, which is one of the nicest things you can do when you're. You're never in town, you know. And then he can really be spread amongst his in laws.
Marcus Parks
He can be.
Henry Zabrowski
He went and told me all of the fun things he got to do with the family. 9am lacrosse, 9:45 basketball. 11 baseball. 5pm choir practice.
Marcus Parks
And all of that is watching a different adolescent or prepubescent child be very bad at those things.
Henry Zabrowski
And then watching adults, which Eddie also said was really funny, get really angry about toddlers playing sports. And I was like, I'm so glad that Carmi won't go.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, no, no, Carmi won't go.
Henry Zabrowski
Absolutely no car. We're honestly, we're really focusing on coding. That's where we got her in early.
Marcus Parks
You get to send her to Space Camp.
Henry Zabrowski
You know, I honestly think that the last couple of weeks covering the blowback about the Artemis and like talking about NASA is just the pipeline to the military industrial complex. We're keeping her out of Space Camp.
Marcus Parks
Okay, good.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, because I just feel that again. Well, I got big shout out to the Artemis crew.
Marcus Parks
Did they get a hold of you?
Henry Zabrowski
Yes, they sent me a sticker.
Marcus Parks
The Artemis crew.
Henry Zabrowski
People from Artemis. Yep. Me a sticker because I was talking loosely about the, you know, whatever you want to talk about with NASA. Never a straight answer. They're a bunch of fucking liars. All they do is edit their photos and the these guys.
Marcus Parks
But they talk like that that got you kicked out of NASA.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, what's the point stopping now? They will allow me back in. Well, talking about the importance of the Artemis 2 program, about the idea that we're trying to inspire people with space travel and definitely not going to talk about which unregulated construct company is going to be given the presidential contract to do the moon base. And I'm imagining it's going to be Eric Trump. And then by the time we get up to that moon base, it's going to be filled with so many dead hookers it's not going to fucking matter. That's the help.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Side stories, Marcus.
Marcus Parks
Well, thank you very much. We love you, Artemis.
Henry Zabrowski
We do honestly really hope that you're safe out there.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, be safe.
Henry Zabrowski
Seriously. It's a big deal because they're killing NASA scientists left and right. So you guys better Keep your head on swivel. But don't worry, Cash Patel's on it.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, he's on it. When he's not drunk.
Henry Zabrowski
He is going to nail that down too. You notice? They just did because there has been last week we've been covering a little bit. Have you looked into all about these missing scientists?
Marcus Parks
Yeah, I've looked into it a little bit and I can see why it is something to grab onto. It does feel like. It feels like the first act of an alien invasion movie.
Henry Zabrowski
I feel like we're in a Michael Crichton.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, yeah, it definitely. It feels like this is the thread to pull and a much larger conspiracy falls out. But. But it is also a massively large community that is dying, you know, and these people are dying and it's. I think.
Henry Zabrowski
And they are tangentially connected to big time secrets in the military.
Marcus Parks
Sure. But that's the thing about the Internet that we, I think sometimes it's so much information, we have access to so much information at all times that you can really connect anything to anything.
Henry Zabrowski
You're trying to say that the Internet's unreliable. You're trying to say that my research, my personal amazing research is unreliable.
Marcus Parks
No, I'm not saying it's unreliable.
Henry Zabrowski
David Wilcock was murdered by the state. David Wilcock was murdered by the fucking state UFO truther.
Marcus Parks
Despite his family coming out recently and saying he was a very sick man for a very long time.
Henry Zabrowski
He also, he was extremely broke. They. Someone put out, they've been putting out the video in 2022. Those of you that don't know, one of the people that have kind of been brought into missing Scientist story is this story of David Wilcock who was, he was a frequent contributor to Alien Ancient Aliens and he kind of worked a lot on secret space program work. Like he's been deep into kind of the conspiracy world. He held a national pray in, in 2020 when Trump lost the election because he thought that if him and his UFO community could pray hard enough, they could flip the election.
Marcus Parks
So you're seeing these. A very stable individual.
Henry Zabrowski
He is as stable as, you know, those things you step on to work on your. An. In the gym with, with the ball on the bottom of it.
Marcus Parks
A wobbly board.
Henry Zabrowski
A wobbly board, yes. He's as stable as a wobbly board. And he, and then someone put out the statement that he had said, I'll never commit suicide. But they did not neglect, they neglected to say that there was a video from 2022.
Marcus Parks
Sure.
Henry Zabrowski
So it's been a While I think David Wilcock is an unfortunate just. He was a sad, broke man that came to the very end of his life and saw that he had dedicated his life to protecting the interests of a president that is an active pedophile.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. It seems like that is really sticking in the crawl of a lot of people.
Henry Zabrowski
And I think that that brings us to the story of the day.
Marcus Parks
I think it does, because.
Henry Zabrowski
So one of the. I found it interesting is. So first of all, how fake was the assassination attempt from two days ago? Marcus, take it, please.
Marcus Parks
Not fake at all. Okay. Not fake. I'd say not, not, not fake at all. This does sort of tie in a. The. The story involving all of the dead scientists is that I think one of the things we have to keep in mind when it comes to what gigantic news stories. Correlation does not equal causation. True. And coordination does not equal conspiracy.
Henry Zabrowski
Exactly. And also, how many times have we said, never mistake malevolence or whatever?
Marcus Parks
Never mistake mal incompetence for malice.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. So know that. That we are also witnessing, quite simply, one of the most basic level incompetent administrations we've ever seen.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. And there's no reason to think that that incompetence is not going to make its way to the Secret Service.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, it is.
Marcus Parks
These are. You know, it's not like the Secret Service are. You know, these are people who choose to be a part of this.
Henry Zabrowski
It's a political. You have to literally work for years to get to the presidential detail.
Marcus Parks
You have family in the Secret Service. Yes, you did at one. At one point. Yeah. It's. These are the people who are choosing to stick with Trump. The people who are choosing to protect him. They're not gonna be the brightest fucking bulbs in the box.
Henry Zabrowski
They're just not gonna.
Marcus Parks
They're just not gonna. That's. That's one of the things that this administration has proved again and again and again is that they attract the dumbest fucking people. They attract the most incompetent people. They attract the people who focus on all of the wrong things to the point where the fucking assassin edited his manifesto to comment on how incompetent the Secret Service is.
Henry Zabrowski
It's pretty fascinating. So for those of you that are living in a tunnel underground, several days ago, a person by the name of Cole Allen was arraigned on charges connected to shooting outside of the White House Correspondents Dinner. For those of you that don't know. So every year, this is the first one Trump ever decided to go to.
Marcus Parks
Well, the first one as President as president. Yeah. It's. There's actually the famous one. There's a theory that the White House Correspondents Dinner, when both Barack Obama and Seth Meyers made fun of him, is the whole reason why he ran for president in the first place.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, you saw the bitter little face in that whole fucking thing. I'll always remember. Shitty little fucking. Little petulant baby filled with shit. Diaper face.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Because they told him he was never going to be president. That's what made him run for president.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. And so outside. So he finally decided to do the dinner this year. They had every single moron in attendance. Cash Patel with mismatched socks on. Peter Hegseth, who was chewing his lips like he just got off of the stage at Stagecoach. He is just like all gack up. He's like walking around. I've never seen more people on drugs.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
In one room that weren't having a good time than the White House Correspondent's Dinner. And then did you cut to after all the shots rang out? All of the attendees ransacking the tables.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And taking all the bottles of booze and taking pictures with themselves.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Cuz they're a bunch of grifters.
Henry Zabrowski
And it's so funny. I think it's so funny. I just love it also when these scooted JD Vance out so quick. And then, you know, Dump is just sitting there. Right. And he's. And then they lift him up all out of the chair after JD Van sprits off the stage.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And then he tumbles down because he's a big fat dumb piece of.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. And he lied about it. And that's one of the things that makes. That's what makes conspiracy grow is that he fell down because he's a big fat old man and he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. He doesn't know how to walk correctly.
Henry Zabrowski
But then did you see the picture that came from the back of the crowd in which she had been moved backstage? And then all of a sudden, you know, the crowd and there's a shot. You just see Trump standing in the back of the side of the stage in the wings, just watching like it's a fucking. Again, like it's a television show.
Marcus Parks
He's also a very old man and he's nearing dementia. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And he has a stroke. He's a stroke victim. And he's also, again, he's a malignant pedophile. He's just like literally like every single bad thing that's ever existed and he's Just he, like, wandered back to watch the aftermath.
Marcus Parks
So he's confused. He has no idea what the fuck. Like, he's wandering around like an old man who is confused, because he is an old man who was confused. He knows once you put him on his track, he knows what to say and he knows how to do it. But I guess. But if you let him go, he's just going to wander around like you. Fuck it. Like the time you left Grandpa at Walmart.
Henry Zabrowski
I mean, it reminds me. Literally, he reminded me of my father. This is a really sad story, but right before Jackie's wedding, when he was like. Like, he had wandered out by the trees and he thought he had saw this giant dog, and he was, like, talking about it out in the trees, and he's like, someone's got to get that dog. And we're like, you know, we're doing, like, don't worry about the dog. Like, we had to do that and take him inside. That's what our president is currently doing.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And I just also want to remind people, I am sick of talking about the President of the United States of America.
Marcus Parks
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
I want to remind you that I. I can't stand doing this. This is against every single fiber of my being. Okay? Still, to this day, the only reason why we are talking about this is because it comes down to the motive of the shooter, which I still think is the funniest thing on the face of the planet, that all of these reporters are. Now, now we play this game. We've got three shooters, right? We got three different fake ones. So he's never been shot once. So we got three fake shoots, all happening in the last, like, since he's been president. So this one I found interesting is that every time the reporters are like, what could be the motive? And they all just do this fake thing. We're like, reporters are asking everywhere.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
What could possibly be the motive?
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Right. So let's first look at politically. So one side is like, who's doing well right now in the country, like, domestically. Let's take Iran off the table. Let's take Israel off the table. Let's take all that off. Let's take all the international. Just the stuff that's going on. Right. Take that off the table. Just the gallon. Gallon of gas around the corner from here. $7.
Marcus Parks
Yep.
Henry Zabrowski
Groceries are the most expensive they've ever been. People literally can't afford to eat. People are dying. Health care is like a runaway train. Like, it is just. It is just fucking barreling down towards the wall. Everybody's dying. Millennials are dying of. More millennials are dying of cancer than any other generation ever before.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Marcus Parks
And a lot of that cancer is due to microplastics, due to environmental issues.
Henry Zabrowski
They're pulling down regulation that they possibly can.
Marcus Parks
Oh, God. Yes. They're trying to get Roundup. They're trying to remove all guardrails on pesticides. They're trying to actively kill us, all of us, as fast as possible.
Henry Zabrowski
And they're mining. Like, Aren't they doing this thing in, like, Yellowstone? Like, they're starting to go into the national parks now, and they're starting to mine for oil. They're starting to look for minerals in our national parks.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Drill for oil. Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
You know, they're going to blow up. Well, they got to blow up. You got to blow up all the trees and first, in order to make the divot that you use to mine.
Marcus Parks
Oh, no. And we're start. Well, with mining. What we're doing there is we're mining lithium, specifically in Utah, because we got to make them batteries, because we need
Henry Zabrowski
batteries for all the phones and all the data centers for the AI. That's not going to become anything. We're now on a. We're in a fake. We're locked into a fake economy.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. The AI that is also draining away all of our drinking water.
Henry Zabrowski
So let's just. So these are just issues. That's just one side of the issue. So who represents all that? The President of the United States of America.
Marcus Parks
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
So that's just one example of, like. Like, why my people might be upset. But I do feel that the main reason is the fact that he's a convicted rapist and a pedophile. Yeah. And I think that that makes you a target for people's anger, I think so. I think people are really frustrated with seeing you on television.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. I think there are people that see him. I know myself. I had a hell of a day today. We all are. We're all.
Henry Zabrowski
We're having this fun time dealing with this.
Marcus Parks
A hell of a day. Because, you know, all this for us, and I think for a lot of people in our generation, you know, millennials, a lot of us are. We're hitting our 40s now. We're.
Henry Zabrowski
We're.
Marcus Parks
You know, I'm 43. You know, a lot of us are hitting middle age right now.
Henry Zabrowski
Unfun age, y'.
Marcus Parks
All. It sucks.
Henry Zabrowski
It's way adult.
Marcus Parks
It sucks. And, you know, and I kind of hit a little bit of that when on our Cryptid episode, a Couple of weeks ago, when I asked, you know, you hit this age and you ask, is this it? And that is just something that everybody throughout the whole of human history has gone through when they hit their mid fort. But what I think a lot of millennials are hitting right now, and what I know I'm hitting right now, is that I did not realize until specifically the second Trump administration how much of my identity I had wrapped up in being an American.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, yeah.
Marcus Parks
You know, and how much I. Because, you know, I don't have religion, I don't really have faith. I don't really have anything like that.
Henry Zabrowski
So we were also programmed to have pride being an American 100%.
Marcus Parks
Like, it was always a part of our programming. Like, the propaganda worked like a motherfucker on me. You know, like independent, national.
Henry Zabrowski
We said the plagiari of allegiance every.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, I mean. I mean, not even that. Like, you just look like. Independence Day is probably the most successful piece of American propaganda that has ever existed.
Henry Zabrowski
And that's awesome. And welcome to Earth.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, exactly. And that came out right when we were, what, 13, 12, somewhere around there. You know, like that. That sort of, you know, that sort of pop culture that we grew up with, like, we all put so much subconsciously into being American. And, you know, and that was something that you could kind of always come back to is like, well, at the very least, at least I'm American.
Henry Zabrowski
America stands for something.
Marcus Parks
America stands for something. I got that. And that comfort that that illusion is fucking ripped away. And I think it's been ripped away for us because we had this, like, quadruple whammy of, like, things that we chose to cover. You know, it was Heinrich Himmler, everything that happened with Epstein, the dupont series, and just recently, Jimmy Savile.
Henry Zabrowski
How much we realized was up to us inherently. We had no idea. Yeah, Like, I think that we. That was a part of what we did not really understand for a long time. I think even as a. As a. As a person, how we. We've been ensconced in this. Yeah, we. We're like fish and water when it comes to American propaganda.
Marcus Parks
100%.
Henry Zabrowski
We had no idea that we're like. All of a sudden, you're, like, looking around like, oh, fuck, I'm in water. You know, like, oh, I'm surrounded by it. And while I still do believe in my heart of hearts, the malleable government that we're supposed to have is what will get us through this. I think it is will, is what will get us through this. But I Think that we're going to see a lot more of this because never once have we really been. Because think about this, right after the shooting goes down, Trump immediately hits a podium and he starts talking about the stupid fucking ballroom. Yeah, right. So not serious.
Marcus Parks
Well, and that's what I mean by, you know, coordination does not necessarily mean, you know, conspiracy. He just saw an opportunity because he's an opportunistic shithead.
Henry Zabrowski
This is where people.
Marcus Parks
His first thought was about himself and how to get his. He's got a deal that's not going through and he saw an opportunity immediately on how to make that deal go through.
Henry Zabrowski
He's not serious about his own life. The fact that he even. I always remember my will always state the reason why he came around, he fussed, he fist pumped after the first time he got shot at was because he didn't get hit. And that if he had gotten hit, he would have been in. He would have been in an ambulance so fast your head would fucking spin. He did not even know he was really bleeding. He stood up thinking, they didn't get me. That's why they did that. He was never hit. Same thing with this. Because he wasn't hit or because they knew he was in the room. This is kind of one of those things. So he came out, he did the ballroom speech, then they took big fat Chungus and they put him in the 60 Minutes room for sucking for some reason. I guess it's because the White House correspondence dinner and they were all there, and the lady from 60 Minutes who I don't even care about, to be frank, it could be a robot as far as I'm concerned. She read at his face chunks of the shooter's manifesto. Now, normally we don't read manifestos of shooters like I do for my own personal pleasure. But normally we don't read them out loud or we talk about them because largely in the United States of America recently, the guys that write manifestos are shooting people based on racism, shooting based on literal mental illness, or shooting people based upon like, some form, like when you're killing kids, I don't really care what you have to say.
Marcus Parks
Absolutely not.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, I don't really give a fucking shit. But when you are writing a fairly interesting manifesto about the current US Government,
Marcus Parks
some might even say a reasonable manifesto,
Henry Zabrowski
it's kind of interesting because. Because this manifesto, at first, it does include all of these apologies to his friends and his family, and apologies to himself. He's apologizing to the hotel staff, apologizing to anybody in the Government that gets hurt. He doesn't mean to because one guy got shot. Shot in the process. So no officer got shot, but he got shot in the bulletproof vest. So he there, he's expecting to be recovered and be fine. So nobody got hurt. Yeah, I think it's part of the reason why we'll even talk about this. So he. So the lady from 60 Minutes read this out loud to Trump. I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes. Trump chose to respond, I'm not a rapist, I'm not a pedophile. While guess what, he didn't say President Trump, that's how they get you in court. You. That is literally what they do in court to get you to do it. Because he was like, she's like, because she.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, it's the. When did you stop beating your wife?
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. Yeah, like you could. And then I go on, I always like jumping onto conservative Reddit just to kind of see the way they sort of try to spin it. And I found it interesting. They're all like, I can't believe they're throwing this crazy madman's manifesto in his face. And it's like, like, oh, the reason why they're throwing it in his face is because he's the President of the United States of America and he's a convicted rapist and a pedophile.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, yeah, he's a convicted rapist. Absolutely. He's.
Henry Zabrowski
Absolutely. At least he, We. He's a convicted rapist.
Marcus Parks
Yes. At the very least. And I've read many manifestos.
Henry Zabrowski
So many.
Marcus Parks
So many. We've read so many, so many manifestos. We've read them on, we've read them on shows. We, you know, we've read them for fun. This is by far the most coherent, well put together manifesto I have ever read.
Henry Zabrowski
And he edited it, so I find it interesting. So he checked into the hotel the night before and they, he said, first of all, he has no idea how the hell he did it. He very obviously was going in with weapons. He had a shotgun the size of a surfboard. Yeah, right. So they came in. So he wrote in his, in his manifesto, objecting 1. Objection. 1, 1. As a Christian, you should turn the other cheek. Rebuttal. Turning the other cheek is for when you yourself are oppressed. I'm not the person raped in a detention camp, which is happening. I'm not the fisherman executed without trial, which is happening. I'm not a school kid blown up or a child starved or a teenage girl abused by many criminals in this administration.
Marcus Parks
All three of those things have happened.
Henry Zabrowski
Turning the other trick is when someone else is oppressed is not true Christian behavior. It is complicity in the oppressor's crimes. Don't done. Then objection to this is not a convenient time for you to do this rebuttal. I need whoever thinks this way to take a couple of minutes and realize that the world isn't about them. Do you think that when I see someone raped or murdered or abused I should walk on by because it would be inconvenient for people who aren't the victim? Kind of making some sense. Objective number three. You didn't get them all rebuttal. Got to start somewhere. Objection. Four is a half black half white person. You shouldn't be the one doing this rebuttal. I don't see anybody else picking up the slack. Objection 5. Yield unto Caesar. What is Caesar's rebuttal? The United United States of America are ruled by the law, not by anyone or several people. In as so far as representatives and judges do not follow the law. No one is required to yield them anything. So unlawfully ordered. It is getting to a point where this guy's making fucking sense.
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Henry Zabrowski
Wow.
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Henry Zabrowski
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Marcus Parks
There's a concept I've been thinking about a lot recently. Yeah and it's sort of the thing that people were going through back in the 70s and it's part of why like especially like the the UK punk scene really started. The Stranglers put it in. They put it perfectly in one song. No more Heroes. And that's how people felt back then, is that there are no fucking heroes. And I feel that exact same way now. And strangely enough, like, I sort of realized it.
Henry Zabrowski
What are you talking about?
Marcus Parks
Out.
Henry Zabrowski
Chuck Schumer. He's in there. Marcus. He's writing strongly worded tweets at the government that he's employed by.
Marcus Parks
Very strongly worded. What is the squad up to these days? Are they changing? They're changing the face of government.
Henry Zabrowski
Right, right there.
Marcus Parks
Right there.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, they're really mixing it up.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, they're really mixing it up hard. We have no fucking heroes. And I realize that, strangely enough, when I was watching fucking Conan Without Borders the other day, like, I was watching, you know, because I was in a shit place, real, like, just feeling bad about everything. Carolina's like, hey, why don't we watch something nice? Like, let's. Let's watch Conan. Go fuck around and be nice and, you know, and just hang out with people. And I watched it and I realized, like, we don't have anybody to fucking look up to anymore. Like, I used to look up to Conan. I used to look up to Jon Stewart. These are the people that I. That I would look up to.
Henry Zabrowski
And, well, now I never want to put those burden. I will never put that burden on a comedian ever again.
Marcus Parks
Of course not.
Henry Zabrowski
I just don't. I take them like, Conan is doing great.
Marcus Parks
He's doing great.
Henry Zabrowski
He's the best. Right? He is the pinnacle of an adult man aging into himself powerfully, beautifully new man. He's becoming wider and better as he gets older.
Marcus Parks
I love it. He owes me nothing. He owes us nothing. Jon Stewart owes us nothing. Like, nothing. These. And part of the thing about growing up is, you know, you realize, like, you know, you don't. You can't look up to comedians anymore.
Henry Zabrowski
No.
Marcus Parks
But the thing is, is this country, we have nobody to look up to. All of our heroes are either dead or just choosing to do something else because they don't.
Henry Zabrowski
Barack Obama. What are you talking about? He has to make those UFO movies for Netflix. He's got to go make a comedy show. He's making a reality television show about how wacky it is to be an ex president. Wow.
Marcus Parks
Do you know that that's incredible.
Henry Zabrowski
Isn't that a great use of his time?
Marcus Parks
That sounds like such a wacky thing to do, and that sounds incredible. This is what happens happens.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes.
Marcus Parks
The. The guys trying to. You have guys that are. I mean, he's obviously.
Henry Zabrowski
He's insane and he's mentally unwell.
Marcus Parks
He's unstable. He's unstable. Like he, he has been broken by what the fuck is going on in this country. He's been broken by the sheer amount of information that we've been given at times.
Henry Zabrowski
He has been. He has been activated by just the piles of tree that has been piled onto him by both the United States and the media.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. And this is what, this is what happens like when you just. Because that's what they're. That they're still go. Even though Steve Bannon's not on the team anymore, they're still using his. They're still using. Flooding the Zone with.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, they have that other fat guy in there now doing the same exact thing. The same evil look. What's his name? Their head of communications. That evil looking guy. He's got the little face. He's huge. He's like £350. What's his name? That Asian guy?
Marcus Parks
Yeah. I can't keep up with all of them. But they're still using his playbook. They're flooding the Zone with. And they're flooding the Zone with not just with information because again, I mean, because the Epstein drop, the big Epstein drop, that was done on purpose like that. That. The amount of information that we got and the amount of horrific information that.
Henry Zabrowski
And the fact that now it's done too, now that that should. That the spigot has been cut. Stephen Chung is the name of the guy I was talking about.
Marcus Parks
Stephen Chunk. Well, I mean, they gave us that amount of, like they overloaded us on purpose in order to make us feel hopeless, in order to, to give us something to do, you know, the Iran war again. But in.
Henry Zabrowski
That was the single relentless action. We just spent billions of dollars. We basically just took our money, our hard earned money, we flew it over to Iran, dumped it into the Strait and set it on fire. That is what we just did.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, of course. And. But it's also about overwhelming us. And that's. And that's what. This is what happens when you start overwhelming an extraordinarily armed population. Because that's the thing is you cannot add all of that shit. You cannot scramble the brains of a country that believe and knows that it is their right to own and use firearms. It's gonna fucking explode. It's gonna get bad. And this is just. This is not. And that's the thing. This isn't even the first. It's not even the first thing.
Henry Zabrowski
And they're all like. You notice, right? It's not like it's Blackrock trained assassins. No, no, no, you have these. It's children and the mentally ill. And
Marcus Parks
it's been happening for well over a decade. It's just going down the line. It first. It. The first people that affected like the amount of information that we have and the amount of overload that we have, it started affecting the extremely mentally ill at first. And that of course resulted in all those, you know, in a lot of mass shootings.
Henry Zabrowski
So we haven't wait until the truly sick. I actually feel like the next ones we're going to start to see are the terminally ill. They have nowhere to go and they have no off ramps and they have been pushed into their total extent. I'm going to. I think we're going to see a fuck ton of that.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. I mean that's. We. This country I don't think is very far off from suicide bombs.
Henry Zabrowski
It's.
Marcus Parks
It's really not.
Henry Zabrowski
And because guess who's asking for them up top.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
They're literally asking for them because of the violent rhetoric. And if you look at too this is where it gets kind of like we talk about the incompetence. It gets really interesting.
Marcus Parks
But one thing before we get to that where we're at now is that we are now starting to get to the point where it is people that. That can write coherently. People that have that guys not saying
Henry Zabrowski
that Kamala Harris has a lizard in her pussy. Right. Like it's not one of those. It's not talking about Princess Diana's clones. It's not talking about fucking like Chinese drones.
Marcus Parks
It is a teacher with a degree from caltech.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Marcus Parks
You know who is. Who. Who is sick and he absolutely. He definitely needed help to take care of this. But this is where it's coming down to. This is who it's starting to affect because this blast of information is not good for us.
Henry Zabrowski
It is. It is driving us insane. And. But also I find this is where the incompetence. Right. So this thing is very, very interesting. So he addendum ized his own manifesto that night. So he called himself Cold Force Friendly Federal Assassin. Right. Ridiculous.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
So he said, okay, now that all the Saffy sappy stuff is done and
Marcus Parks
this is a P.S.
Henry Zabrowski
this P.S. now that all the sappy stuff is done. What the hell is the Secret Service doing? Sorry. Going to rant a bit here, Dennis Miller style, which is hilarious.
Marcus Parks
Going to go on a little bit
Henry Zabrowski
of a rant here. What do you think about that? Like I expected. No, I. Listen up here, Bob. Let's get into this. They're hanging out looser than. Than old and commingo gringa from the Chang dynasty. I don't know. One of his arcane references.
Marcus Parks
It's like this guy was voting for Wendell Wilkie.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. I miss it. I miss when he was funny. I expected security cameras at every bend. Bugged hotel rooms, armed agents every 10ft. Metal detectors at the West Zoo. What I got, who knows? Maybe they were pranking me. It was nothing. No damn security. Not in transport, not in the hotel. Not in the event you notice that all. Like it was said, he said. I noticed a sense of arrogance. As if they had the whole thing handled. And they said that all of the security was about handling the protesters outside.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And about the current arrivals. As if they didn't think that anybody that would want to kill somebody in that room would book a night in the hotel the night before. It's insane. If I literally just hear if I was an Iranian agent instead of an American citizen, I could have bought a damn medus in there and no one would have noticed. Shit.
Marcus Parks
Actually, insane is what he said.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. So that's one of those things where. And he says here, if anybody's curious about how I'm doing something, how doing something like this feels, it's awful. I want to throw up. I want to cry for all the things I wanted to do and never will. For all the people whose trust this betrays. I experience rage thinking about everything this administration has done. So it's not.
Marcus Parks
Don't forget, can't really recommend it. Stay in school, kids.
Henry Zabrowski
So I'm not. I'm not pro this man's actions. Violence is always going to be bad. It's always going to be bad and it's going to lead to bad things.
Marcus Parks
Violence always begets more violence. Remember in the Heinrich Himmler series, every single time they tried to take. To use violence to take down the Nazis, it only made things worse every single time.
Henry Zabrowski
But the idea, idea that the motive to do this is so mysterious that it would take psychiatrists and police officers and. And the FBI to figure it out. I think it's different now. And I think that it's time for the United States of America to really snap awake. And unfortunately, because it sucks, man, it sucks. This is kind of why we were talking about it up top, is that it's getting really bad now. And this is the type of stuff that is just going to keep escalating.
Marcus Parks
What no one wants to say is that the motive is that a reasonable man thought that this was the right thing to do. And that's it. There's no other motive than that he believed this was a man who saw that the President is a convicted, convicted rapist, almost certainly a pedophile. At the very least, very connected with many, many, many, many, many, many pedophiles,
Henry Zabrowski
protected them and was a part of their industries. Has a credible allegation against that 13 year old talking about how he punched her in the head. Penis.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. And not only that, but, you know, a man who makes decisions that, you know, kills schoolhouses full of little girls.
Henry Zabrowski
You know, he's the ultimate true crime figure and we're a true crime podcast and we are locked into this folks, until it's fucking over.
Marcus Parks
Unfortunately, he is a villain. He is truly, truly, truly a villain. And it is, we have a reasonable man here who did not see any other way out. He saw no other way out for himself. He could not. Because that's what, reading between the lines, what this man is saying is that if he continued to do nothing, he could not live with himself.
Henry Zabrowski
He would have committed suicide. He would have, he would have killed himself.
Marcus Parks
Yes. He could not live in this country knowing that he had done nothing. And so he had to do something. Unfortunately, he, he made the wrong decision. The, the something that he decided to do was wrong, wrong. You decided to try to kill the President. And who knows who he could have killed?
Henry Zabrowski
And oh no, he defin to kill. He was going to get nowhere near the President the way that he was doing it.
Marcus Parks
Not even.
Henry Zabrowski
He was only going to kill hotel staff and police officers was just why he was bad, what he did.
Marcus Parks
That's it. He was going to kill somebody who's just trying to go to work that day to put money on the, to put food on the table for their family. He was not going to kill the President. He was only going to kill someone innocent.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. And I think that when it comes down to it's really sad how it all went down and I think that it's miserable. I think it's miserable for the people involved, the security people. I think it's miserable for the hotel people that have to deal with this fucking shit. But I also think it's fascinating how unserious it is to the people up top that are the targets of this violence. Trump, that cut to that shot of Melania scared, like she's going. And then over her shoulder you see him smiling like, like he planned it. Like he's looking down the pipe saying, ain't I a stinker? Like he's literally doing the. Can you Believe this. Like, he's looking right down the pipe of that fucking photographer. And. And yeah, it's driving people crazy. Of course, 60% of the country is going to believe it's fake, because he did. He wasn't even scared. He didn't even have a reaction. Yeah, he went right up to promote the ballroom. He doesn't even care if he gets shot, guys. He doesn't care. And I think that's the thing here. We're fighting against a bunch of people that are total sociopaths and then we suffer all the fucking consequences for it. Look at Jimmy Kimmel. He made that shitty joke about Melania and now they're trying to take him off all this kind of. And you're just. Just like, these people are not fucking serious.
Marcus Parks
They're not serious. They're absolutely not serious in any way whatsoever. They have no forward think like they're. They do all they think about in that. He thought in that moment, this is the best time for me to get my construction project through. Because as far as he's concerned, the whole ballroom could, you know, just. Demolishing the fucking White House to build a ballroom because he's too lazy to leave his fucking house. Yes, that's what it is. The reason why he wants the ball. Everyone wants to put all of these, you know, insane conspiracies like.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, they do have a bunk bunker that is real. They are. There are blowing out the whole bunker underneath it. It's like a full expansion of the security bunker.
Marcus Parks
I know that's real, but that's not why he wants it. The reason why he wants it is because he's a lazy old man who doesn't want to leave his house for social functions.
Henry Zabrowski
He also specifically wants to build a building bigger than the White House. Yeah, that's the whole idea. He wants to attach an eyesore directly to the side of the White House that is two times the size of the White House that will be called the Trump Ballroom so that everybody can look at a building that's bigger than the White House that he.
Marcus Parks
And he's also, remember, he's a construction guy. He's a construction shithead from New York City.
Henry Zabrowski
He's a. He's a. Let's. Hey, he is a. Let's say contractor con man. Okay, let's not call him a construction guy. I don't think he could tell the difference between, like, rebar and. I don't think he's into that detail.
Marcus Parks
Hey, man, I bet he knows quite a bit about construction because you have to know a lot about construction if you want to game the system. I guess because you know how much money he's going to make on kickbacks on all that shit.
Henry Zabrowski
He's already made billions of dollars in Bitco. He already gave it to those two that. Hopefully we'll cover the story next week when Ed is back. But hopefully his sons will die on a safari that is kind of like. That's my goal. My hope is that they'll die on safari. I think that'll be really fun for them to get trampled by a bunch of like lions that are like. And eaten by. By. By animals that they die down and shoot in the back of the head.
Marcus Parks
It would be even better if it would be more like the Lost World, you know, like when they get eaten by the. A bunch of gallimuses. Get him. Like if he got eaten by a bunch of like okapis or something, just like nibbled him to death. That would be really fun. That would be wonderful. That happened. President's son. But. But I. At the end of the day, like it's all about opportunity. He He. What he cares about is building his stupid fucking. He. He's got. It's all tied up in red tape and oh, it's not happening. Yeah, it's not happening. And so he. And he saw an opportunity to get that red tape removed. Like, oh, you see, this is why I need my ballroom. And that's it. It's not about it being planned. Because it wasn't planned. Because if it was for it to be planned we would need need a level of MK Ultra mind programming and brainwashing that as we covered in our MK Ultra series. It doesn't exist. It never exists. It doesn't work. There is so much evidence that this guy has spent years getting to this point.
Henry Zabrowski
He's a mentally ill man that was driven to the edge.
Marcus Parks
He get. He spent years getting to a breaking point. It really is. And. And I honestly I. I can't really tell you right now. Based on what I've read. I can't tell you if he's mentally ill. I really can't.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, he could just be.
Marcus Parks
He could just be. He could just be. Because there's really. Because nobody has said that he's mentally ill. And I.
Henry Zabrowski
It sounds like he had a financial fallout too. A lot of that kind of happens with that. Right? Like once you have that. Because he was a substitute teacher.
Marcus Parks
He was a substitute teacher. But I think if we spend so much time. Anytime someone tries to make an assassination attempt or if someone does a mass shooting, we just immediately, immediately go to mentally ill. Mentally ill. He was mentally ill. And that sidesteps a much larger problem, a much larger systemic problem that we have here in America. It's that the system that we have drives people insane.
Henry Zabrowski
And what if there were real reasons instead of just, oh, Barack Obama's a shape shifting lizard.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Joe Biden's a clone. What if there were real reasons?
Marcus Parks
Yeah. What are they?
Henry Zabrowski
Like he's a criminal.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Like he's an actual criminal.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And that, like, he harbors criminals.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And that he's actively continuing to do crimes under the name of the United States of America.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And then he's supporting a genocide in Gaza and he's supporting what's going on in, in like he's ripping up Iran and he doesn't care what happens with Naito and he's hanging us out to dry. And I think that, that what comes down to is that's where we're at that we've never been at before.
Marcus Parks
We've never been here before in this way. Yeah. We've never been here before in this way. We've never been at this point in our country. And all of this is new. And I don't know what the answer is. I don't know what we, what we need to do, what needs to happen. I mean, I do know that.
Henry Zabrowski
I know the answer.
Marcus Parks
I know you know the answer.
Henry Zabrowski
No, no. I know the answer.
Marcus Parks
The reasonable answer.
Henry Zabrowski
No, the reasonable answer is obviously a reboot of Family Matters. The only thing that matters are reasonable reboots. Okay. What we have to do is the only thing that will heal this is a new Batman.
Marcus Parks
You know what's really gonna fix it and it's actually happening? This new Gen Z. Scooby Doo. You heard about that? You heard about this? There's gonna be a new Gen Z. It's gonna be Scooby Doo, but it's gonna be for Gen Z Man.
Henry Zabrowski
Gen Z's so unique.
Marcus Parks
They're so unique. So incredibly unique. Oh my God, we love.
Henry Zabrowski
You guys are just a bad generation.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Scooby Doo.
Henry Zabrowski
Or figure out. We all guys will figure out.
Ad/Promo Voice
Yeah.
Marcus Parks
SC Origins, you guys needed a more
Henry Zabrowski
serious Scooby Doo and I'm really glad you guys got it. I don't know what it is about you guys rebooting silly things into semi serious things about rape. They're all like. They're all like turn into like weird things. Were like, I saw a clip of Sydney Sweeney dress up as a baby and everyone's just like, ooh, provocative. And I was like, you guys are. Make me. I'm getting old.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. We don't.
Henry Zabrowski
Make me great. She makes me feel gross.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
It's like, who cares about why she dressed up like a pup? I don't care about this.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. We don't need the grim retelling of Scooby Doo. Yeah, we just don't. We just.
Henry Zabrowski
The sexy psychological retelling.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
It's not. They're children. Oh, they are kids. I thought they were. I thought they were Riverdale again. They're children there. Oh, good. That's great.
Marcus Parks
But. But. But we don't. I mean, what. I think just. What this country really needs is we need leadership. And this is. This is what happens when there is absolutely zero leadership.
Henry Zabrowski
And that's why I am first to sign up for the Buttigieg army. And where me and my Buttigieg. Welcome, warriors. We are hitting the streets to provide reasonable changes in incremental legal fashion.
Marcus Parks
I think what we need more than anything is we need a somebody who doesn't start every sentence with look, because it's like you had. It's Buttigieg. It's Barack Obama, it's Biden. It's always look. And then you. They go into some bullshit that doesn't make any. That doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter. Nothing fucking matters anymore. At least that's what it feel. It feels like nothing fucking matters anymore. And we have to have somebody stand up and say, here's what. This is what matters. And I'm going to show you how we're going to make shit matter again.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, no. The only person that's remotely doing it right now is Mom. Donnie in New York. He literally is doing the thing and
Marcus Parks
he can't be president.
Henry Zabrowski
He cannot be president. And honestly, I wouldn't put that upon him because he's still. At least. What he's doing in New York is listening to human beings. Beings. And providing human things to people. Like the idea of I'll pay you to fix the potholes in New York.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
What a genius idea. The big. Putting out. He's like, we're gonna fix the garbage. He's doing actual practical changes.
Marcus Parks
Scaffolding. He's taking care of the fucking scaffolding.
Henry Zabrowski
So this is what we want as a people. Like, we want. We want somebody that is hearing us. That is what we're looking for. And I also think, partially Marcus is. I also have to remember, in a way is almost like, then I gotta be the Hero for me.
Marcus Parks
Sure. No, we have to be.
Henry Zabrowski
I have to be the hero for me. I have to make sure I'm standing up to my own principles and fighting for the things that I believe in and not giving a fucking rat's ass about how anybody else feels about those things.
Marcus Parks
No one's coming to save us, and that's what we have to remember. No one is coming to save us. There is no hero coming. You know the. The propaganda that they fed us, like, there's no. Like, Bill Pullman ain't coming. No.
Henry Zabrowski
Betto the bed. That'll the bed. Anthony Weiner next to a baby. My buddy. My old favorite. The other. He's gone. He's not gonna do anything in Hong Kong. Hong Kong. Hong Kong. My favorite comedian. Politician's gone. Lives in the playa. Yeah.
Marcus Parks
Al Franken. Yeah. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
We have nobody. You know who I want? There's, like, an old black lady judge I watch sometimes that does YouTube videos. That's who I want. She does, like. I forgot what her name is. It's like, I forgot there's a judge.
Marcus Parks
Does she talk about foolishness a lot?
Henry Zabrowski
Well, she's just exactly how you want. She's exactly. Oh, she mean. She's so mean. But she's funny.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Yeah, she's funny.
Henry Zabrowski
That's what I want.
Marcus Parks
I mean, the only thing that we can do at this point is we can take care of our own small communities. We can take care of that. Like the small little villages that we're a part of and the small communities that we're a part of, we can take care of those. We can do everything. We. To not take it out on each other.
Henry Zabrowski
That's all we can do.
Marcus Parks
To not let the.
Henry Zabrowski
Help your local one on one person.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Don't let the anger that you feel and the sadness you feel, don't spray it all over the people that you love. Don't fuck it. Don't make life worse for the people around you. As long as you can do that, we can wait it out.
Henry Zabrowski
And you talked about this on the. When we did the VIP Q&A the other night about the idea there is something to the serenity prayer and understanding that there are things that you can control and things that you cannot.
Marcus Parks
And that's. That's one of the things that I've real. Like. There are many things that I cannot change, but I can choose whether I want to participate. And that is the biggest thing, is
Henry Zabrowski
that stoicism, bro.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Yeah. We definitely. We have to look at what we can change and what we can't change. We have to accept what we can't. But we can always choose whether or not we want to participate in the bad shit about this world. And the biggest thing is that none of this is going to be made better by us moping around. None of this is going to be made better by us getting sad and
Henry Zabrowski
given up and on social media either. Guys, I'm sorry.
Marcus Parks
Christ. It's not.
Henry Zabrowski
I don't believe I. I actually have come come around this idea of like I think we go at the. We go at people that quote unquote virtual signal too hard. I do think that there is some. There is something to it but also help in person.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Be around for somebody. And you know how you can help too being there. You don't have to go to a. You don't even have to volunteer go to soup kitchen. It's like looking out for people that, that need human reach out and giving it when you can like. And I think that just that small layer allows us all to believe in each other a little.
Marcus Parks
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Henry Zabrowski
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Marcus Parks
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Henry Zabrowski
Brawny here. New Brawny 3 ply is now more absorbent. Wow.
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Henry Zabrowski
Do you wear plaid? Summon the straw strongest.
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Henry Zabrowski
now Marcus, before you go, before we do this, I want to go one fun story. Okay. Because we didn't do any funny stories and I wanted to do one fun story. All right. Because I just thought that this was a really funny story. The for the. I thought the crime was really funny. All right. So this comes out of Suffolk county woman convicted for throwing dynamite at sleeping boyfriend and blowing off his hands. Now the only reason why I told this is because it's such a loose Looney Tune scenario. It's a stick of dynamite. So. All right, so they got into it. They're into a fight, they didn't know what to do. Right. And then my love is, is that. Suffolk county district attorney came out. This is the speech he gave. Now, domestic violence, it can escalate to deadly levels. And this case is a sobering reminder of that reality. A dangerous individual has been held accountable and will face a lengthy prison sentence for this horrific act. Because yes, she's going to jail for 25 years. So this guy said March 22, 2024, she said that she. I just. They got her in a fight and I guess she just decided you got done watching Looney Tunes. Watch Wiley Coyote. She had a full on stick of dynamite. Like she was blowing up a canyon. Right. I have no idea how she had a stick of lit with the fuse. I didn't know they even made that anymore.
Marcus Parks
No, like she's a prospector.
Henry Zabrowski
Does that even happen? How do you get dynamite with a fuse in it?
Marcus Parks
Construct. If you were. Yeah. If you were construction, you can get dynam.
Henry Zabrowski
Just such a funny idea.
Marcus Parks
So she lit farmers can get dynamite real easy.
Henry Zabrowski
I just didn't know. I thought you had to like rig it up, right? Don't you have to rig it up or in a way.
Marcus Parks
No, I mean dynamite. Like the lighting a stick of dynamite and throwing it like that exists.
Henry Zabrowski
That's awesome.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. You can still do that.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm gonna do that. And so the boyfriend said he was asleep and he felt a thing hit him and he heard like a. And he was just like, who's that? And he woke up and he saw some flame on it and he was like, oh, what's that? And then he's like dynamite. He said he picked up the dynamite and he's trying to put out the fuse. Just like. And he can't put up the fuse. And so then he goes to throw the dynamite out of the room and it explodes and it blows off his hand. That is just such a hoo. Ha.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Those of those fuses are. Those fuses will burn you like you can pull it.
Henry Zabrowski
You'd have to like wrink it out.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. You can't just like, you know, lick your hands and like, like you can't do that. No, it's. That is a lot of heat on that fuse. So he can't put it out. He tries to throw it out the window and it blows up.
Henry Zabrowski
It blows his fucking hand off.
Marcus Parks
It blows his. And we don't. We don't know any. Any other details. We don't know if you know he's an asshole. If she's crazy, we don't know.
Henry Zabrowski
No. Well, let's just say to get to this point. Yeah. If your girlfriend's gonna blow you up with dynamite, she's upset. And I'm also straight up ask. You know, you never want to victim blame here. No, he did something wrong. I don't know what it was that he did wrong. It takes quite a bit for him to do. For her to pull a hunting season, wabbit season, duck season on him.
Marcus Parks
I just say they should broken up long before that point. They should have broke. They should have broken before it gets to, like, you know, dynamite. You gotta leave.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, I did try to hit him with a giant hammer, but I sneezed when a feather that had come down from this guy caught on my nose.
Marcus Parks
I did try to have a. I did put an anvil up in the air, and I. It was. I was gonna cut off the rope on his way to work, but I had the dynamite.
Henry Zabrowski
The thing was, I. I cut. It didn't go anywhere, so I went down. And I'm trying to see why is this anvil not falling. Next thing I know, hits me right on the nose and boing. That's just like, you know, you just can't. You got to be careful.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Relationships are all about listening.
Marcus Parks
They really are.
Henry Zabrowski
And it is nice, though, that he listened the one time enough to hear the fuse.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, that one time to hear the.
Henry Zabrowski
You sleep through everything. Not dynamite. Incredible story. I just find one of those where, you know, you look for the helpers. That's what they say. They always say, like, when things are tough, look for the helpers.
Marcus Parks
Look for the helpers.
Henry Zabrowski
And, you know, when it comes down to it, is that, like, both of us, we were sad today.
Marcus Parks
We were sad. And I feel better.
Henry Zabrowski
I do.
Marcus Parks
I don't know. Speaking of helpers, real quick. The Scientology speedrunners. Oh, yeah. I mean, like, we can't. We have to. We have to at least talk about this a little bit.
Henry Zabrowski
So groups of children are breaking into Scientology centers and are running as far as they can into the buildings with
Marcus Parks
their phones out or wearing meta glasses.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes.
Marcus Parks
Like, because it started with one kid who put on his meta glasses, and the kid who started it, I mean, he's a real piece of shit.
Henry Zabrowski
Of course. You have to be good, organized. This is a good thing for Larrikins.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
This is good for shitty kids. This is a great way to channel that energy.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, actually you do make a really good point there.
Henry Zabrowski
Because.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, it used to be like, like shitty kids would like, throw rocks at old ladies.
Henry Zabrowski
No, this is better.
Marcus Parks
And now it's like this shitty kid, like, because his videos before this, he's an 18 year old kid. His videos before were like going down a skid row and like, hassling, you know, homeless people and just being. Being a general piece of shit and this. And the only reason he said, the only reason why he did it is because, you know, Scientology equals views, bro.
Henry Zabrowski
He's not wrong.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. He's like, I don't think I'm gonna do it again because, you know, I can't get a good, like, you know, rot or roi. Can't get a good ROI on Scientology.
Henry Zabrowski
It's like, these guys are so much smarter.
Marcus Parks
He 18, he's. He's a. He's a piece of evil. Yeah, he's evil. But should we hire him?
Henry Zabrowski
We need that understanding.
Marcus Parks
He is local, but because he did it, a bunch of other kids tried doing it too. Did you see the one where they took the doorknob?
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Now. Well, now they're doing. So apparently Scientology is doing this thing where they're taking the doorknobs off the tops. They're taking the ways to get in off the front of the buildings. Yeah, because that last one, he went all the way down to the basement.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
But watching those ineffectual, like, weak Scientologists go like, stop, stop. No. And they're trying to form human chains and the kids are just running between their legs and like, do it. Like, it's just so much. I was like, this is what the youth should be doing.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. And it's because it's just pranking. It's hard. It's a harmless. It's harmless. Fucking pranks.
Henry Zabrowski
No one got hurt. No, they're not hurting people. They're not even destroying property.
Marcus Parks
They're just running.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Marcus Parks
I mean. Yeah, they're committing a crime. It's trespassing.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, but.
Marcus Parks
But it's.
Henry Zabrowski
It's fine.
Marcus Parks
It's.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, it's a church. It's a fake church.
Marcus Parks
You know how many times I committed trespassing when I was a kid? And I didn't do anything near this fun also.
Henry Zabrowski
So again, things that help aren't always going to be legal.
Marcus Parks
No.
Henry Zabrowski
All right. They're. Every once in a while you have to do, quote unquote, illegal things in order to get the stuff that we Want. They hide behind those doors. We're not allowed to go in those doors. Fuck them. I want to see what's in there.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Where's your untaxed money doing? Yeah, that's what I want to know. I want to see what your untaxed money pays for.
Marcus Parks
What is this helping?
Henry Zabrowski
I think what's next nice about it? Anytime you can put any one of these institutions on their back heels.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Is good. Anytime you can do a thing in
Marcus Parks
which show how weak they truly are. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
So they can't control the narrative. They can't get out in front of it. David Miscavige is still hiding from his human trafficking. Like, he's still out there. Like, they did serve him, but they're still having a hard time getting him into court. Has anybody seen his life? Yeah, Shell's gone. Shelly's still. We haven't talked about any of that. I Any think that the whites. Anytime you can give these guys a distraction that with whatever their. Their flow is, I think is good.
Marcus Parks
All right. I'll agree with that.
Henry Zabrowski
Anything that's getting them, like. Like, even just, like, dumb, fake things with the. Like, with the administration. Yeah. Keep Cash Patel real busy. Yeah, keep him real busy because guess again, Samantha Guthrie. We didn't even that ears over. Right. Like, that's over. The other stuff is over. Like, they, like, literally open, close. We even talked about the very top. They open and close the investigation into the scientists real fucking quick. They're like, we looked into it, and we decided we didn't do anything. They're like, great, good. Good work.
Marcus Parks
But I think with this, I think what we do need is. I think we do need people to think about it a little bit more beyond.
Henry Zabrowski
Because I think this is the beginning.
Marcus Parks
This is the beginning, but I think it's just the heart. I guess the heart is in the right place, but the motivations are wrong. I listened to this great fucking podcast a couple of weeks. Or it talked about the end of culture. Like, basically how, you know, culture has been basically the same for about 20 years now.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. You know, like, we have no real monoculture. Like, they don't have that anymore.
Marcus Parks
Well, it's just that, you know, like, the difference between, like, the 60s and the 70s are, you know, astronomical, as are the difference between the 70s and the 80s those 10 years. But the difference between 2005 and 2025, culturally, not that much different. Movies aren't really that different. Music isn't that different.
Henry Zabrowski
As a matter of fact, they've sort of kind of doubled in on them where they're more the same than they've ever been. And each one is doing the same thing and saying the same thing.
Marcus Parks
Fucking new Scooby Doo. And in the argument that it was a podcast called Decoder Ring. It's fucking great.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. We're dying. Nostalgia is choking us to death.
Marcus Parks
It's not nostalgia. He said the, the, the point. Nostalgia is a part of it, but the real culprit is capitalism. The real culprit is money. Is. Is.
Henry Zabrowski
That was the idea that you can bank money on a creative expenditure which you should never. You can't. You should not be able to guarantee you're going to get an interest back on a pie never, ever, ever.
Marcus Parks
Because for many, so. Because throughout the latter half of the 20th century, like all of the great artists that you know, or most of the great artists that you know put out the. The music that we still love, the movies that we still love, all this great, incredible art. They weren't putting out this art to make money. They were putting out this art to make art.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Get laid like normal. The old days, like the idea that, that the job itself used to be so cool.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
That there wasn't always about money. It wasn't always about your flow. It was more about your. I'm a rock star.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. How can I. How can I change? Like, how can I change the way people think? And that was, that was the motivations. How can I change the way people think, you know, about everything? And now the motivation for. For most people is how can I use this to make money? It's not, it's not passion. Because it needs to be. It has to be passion first.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, it's because what's happened across the board too. It's because now, now money is the difference between dying of cancer at 50 and not God.
Marcus Parks
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
That's the difference now. That's why we are in this cycle.
Marcus Parks
Incredibly good point.
Henry Zabrowski
It's because everything has become life or death in the United States of America if you don't have money.
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Everything is big. That is where we've been pushed against, which has never been there before. There's always kind of been a. Yes, there is capitalism. Like it used to be. Production giant production companies would have your tent pole. This is what keeps the company alive. Movies. Here's our art movies that we get nominated for in order to push the culture. Like that's how it used to be. And now all that's mashed together. It's all just mashed together into a thing because everybody's so afraid of losing money. They're all afraid of losing money. Because if you lose money, you lose your house, you become homeless. United States of America, you're essentially a dead person. You're like, you're. You're a part of this. You were thrown to the wolves. So it is this thing that we're now this idea everyone's silver afraid to ever dip below because also we're being fed a line by every single person that talks about exponential growth. All these things about, like, how we're supposed to constantly be diversifying and growing and. And building. And it's like, no. Have you ever seen a tree grow? Like, literally, like, see a tree grow?
Marcus Parks
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
How does a tree go from a sapling to a gigantic redwood? Takes a thousand years. But slow incremental growth makes it something that then is a process of something forever.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, it. Well, it's the continuing insidification, you know, to use the term is that, you know, every. If everything has to be growing all the time, growing, changing, then eventually everything that you loved about a thing will go away because they have to keep growing it and changing it.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, it will become, in a word, slop.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, yeah, it's going to become slop. And I think people are so. And the other thing is that people are so fucking sick nowadays from all of the different environmental bullshits that we got going on. And that's only going to get worse.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, yes.
Marcus Parks
As time goes on, all of the fucking, like the environmental chickens are going to come home to roost real fucking hard. And actually, they already have, as you said, you know, more, you know, millennials have more cancer than any other generation. It's. It's incredible how much cancer is already starting to come upon us. How much cancer, how much asthma. You know, what these fucking data centers are doing to people? Like, what they're, you know, the heat, just the heat from the fucking cooking us. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And then that's why I talk to our beloved people that work for things like Artemis, who I love, and I miss it. And I actually really do miss being really hopeful about space travel and all of this.
Marcus Parks
I do, too.
Henry Zabrowski
I miss being hopeful about stuff like this. But this is my problem, is that I can't wait to get back to caring about something like this from when that stops. And we have the ability. Like, we have the ability. The only way we're going to be intergalactic as a species is when we are one. We have to get rid of all of the other petty dumb thing. We have to get rid of classism. We have to get rid of everything. We have to get rid of scarcity economies in order to travel the stars. That's the Star Trek. That is what the Star Trek future is about.
Marcus Parks
Yeah. Unfortunately in the Star Trek world it does take World War three before that happens. And World War III does start in 2026.
Henry Zabrowski
That's what I'm working on. That's what I've been currently. That's my current project. Project. So we're getting there. Good work, Marcus.
Marcus Parks
No, thank you very much, Henry. Thank you very much for having on. Good work with you as well. It's always nice to go on site stories every once in a while.
Henry Zabrowski
We have a good time especially. I'm glad you're for the super serious stuff.
Marcus Parks
Me too.
Henry Zabrowski
Because Ed would be talking about Ham. No, honestly, it would be good. I'm glad to give him a little break so we can go be with his family. So you had anything to plug?
Marcus Parks
We do have new coming out with no Dogs.
Henry Zabrowski
No Dogs is coming out.
Marcus Parks
We got some good video content coming out out real soon and we are currently recording episodes for the new season. We're recording the next episode tomorrow. We're just getting bank a ton of episodes before we start releasing but it's going to be some real cool shit, ladies and gentlemen. Real cool.
Henry Zabrowski
I can't wait. I've been hearing all about it. I can't wait. And then go to make sure you live every day knowing that even when it's bad news you got to do a comedy show and that you got. And then you love the fact you had to make bad news into it. But much comedy as you can and then you laugh at the comedy that you made about all the bad news.
Marcus Parks
Yeah, that's great advice for most people.
Henry Zabrowski
I mean it's for me specifically. It's for you, it's for Rob. It's for the network people in the.
Marcus Parks
Giving advice to people in the room.
Henry Zabrowski
Very much to myself. And go to socials at LP on the left and go check out our YouTube channels. Marcus got done shooting our first new episodes of our Bloodbath 77.
Marcus Parks
Oh yeah. Let's just say a character comes back from the first season. We just filmed two episodes of that and we're filming the rest over the next few days.
Henry Zabrowski
And go check out the first season before we put out the second season. And also check out HGX2 season two over on LPN TV on YouTube. Thank you everyone. Hail sweet Satan.
Marcus Parks
Hail Gein. If you could, if you could, if you wanna. You don't have to.
Henry Zabrowski
Just tonight.
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Release Date: April 29, 2026
Hosts: Henry Zebrowski & Marcus Parks
Episode Theme:
A wide-ranging conversation tackling the recent failed assassination attempt at the White House Correspondents Dinner, the contents and implications of the shooter’s manifesto, a deep dive into societal cynicism and institutional collapse in America, and some much-needed levity via truly bizarre crime stories and the phenomenon of “Scientology speedrunning.”
This Side Stories episode grapples with the despair, anger, and confusion swirling in the wake of an attempted attack on President Trump at the White House Correspondents Dinner, and the odd “reasonableness” of the manifesto left by the would-be assassin, Cole Allen. Hosts Henry and Marcus critique the media and government responses, reflect on generational shifts in patriotism and disillusionment, and explore the slow collapse of cultural innovation in late capitalism. The bleakness is punctuated by trademark irreverence, surreal humor, and, as always, the attempt to find humanity and hope amidst the horror.
“I've never seen more people on drugs in one room that weren't having a good time than the White House Correspondent's Dinner.” — Henry [10:19]
[20:15 - 24:24]
“Turning the other cheek when someone else is oppressed is not true Christian behavior. It is complicity in the oppressor's crimes.” — [Shooter’s Manifesto, quoted by Henry, 22:48]
Millennial Disappointment: Marcus articulates the crisis of American identity for his generation, stripped of patriotism as endless scandals and systemic failure come to light.
“I did not realize until specifically the second Trump administration how much of my identity I had wrapped up in being an American.” — Marcus [16:31]
Both hosts mourn the total lack of heroes or trustworthy institutions. Even former comedians and presidents now seem absent or co-opted by moneyed interests.
Conversation drifts to the onslaught of unprecedented environmental, financial, and cultural stress, and the feeling of hopelessness it engenders.
“We have nobody... All of our heroes are either dead or just choosing to do something else.” — Marcus [29:35]
Escalation Risk: Broad discussion on how an overstimulated, armed, and increasingly desperate population becomes fertile ground for violence—first the mentally ill, then, potentially, the terminally ill or seemingly “normal” but radicalized citizens.
Systemic Blame: The system itself is deemed culpable for driving people mad and creating conditions for breaks with reality and horrific actions.
Ambiguity of Motives: Hosts push back on the reflex to label all mass violence as mere pathology, asking audiences to contemplate what happens if grievances sometimes root in harsh realities.
“Anytime someone tries to make an assassination attempt or if someone does a mass shooting, we just immediately, immediately go to mentally ill. And that sidesteps a much larger problem... The system that we have drives people insane.” — Marcus [43:12]
Decoder Ring Shoutout: Marcus references a podcast arguing that America has experienced no real cultural innovation for twenty years—the culture looped and ossified by the outsized influence of risk-averse capital.
“We have no real monoculture... We're dying. Nostalgia is choking us to death. ...The real culprit is capitalism. Money is the culprit.” — Marcus [61:13 – 61:39]
Art is now primarily a vehicle for financial return, not expression or change—which trickles down to all levels of national malaise.
Teens have begun “speedrunning” into Scientology centers with meta (augmented reality) glasses, livestreaming their infiltration of these notoriously secretive institutions.
Discussion acknowledges the “harmless” nature of these pranks contrasted to prior generations’ more destructive mischief, celebrating the targeting of problematic organizations instead of the vulnerable.
“This is good for shitty kids. This is a great way to channel that energy.” — Henry [57:08]
Conceding the impossibility of affecting national outcomes, the hosts urge listeners to direct their care towards their immediate circles and neighbors—a philosophy akin to stoicism and the serenity prayer.
“No one is coming to save us. There is no hero coming.” — Marcus [48:04]
This is a bracing, sometimes bleak, but always darkly funny examination of an America in apparent decline—riven by absurd violence, leaderless, awash in nostalgia and economic anxiety, and yet still populated by people trying (more or less) to do the right thing, help each other, and make each other laugh. The episode concludes on a call for local kindness, small-scale agency, and (at least for the hosts) the balm of finding dark humor and camaraderie amid the ruins.
Hail yourselves. Hail Gein.