A (2:17)

If you ever had to put a flyer up on a telephone pole to advertise a party, yes, then you are home. Yeah, we are your people.

B (2:28)

Particularly if you did it during college.

A (2:30)

I would Say exclusively college.

B (2:32)

Yeah, yeah, that, that would be the main time that that happened.

A (2:35)

Yeah, yeah.

B (2:35)

I thought you were going to say lost dog and I'm glad you said party instead because that's. People are still. Are they still doing that on. I think they're still putting stuff on telephone poles if they have lost dogs, I would imagine. Yeah.

A (2:44)

Okay, I digress.

B (2:45)

Yeah, sorry. Today is a special day.

A (2:48)

Special day.

B (2:49)

Sam is on vacation. She's a normal producer. This entire thing has been set up, press record upon and audio engineered by our boss, Anne Marie Tapke, who is filling in for Sam. And I'm. I mean like, take us through this. This. There was a bit of a procedure for doing a three camera shoot. Right.

D (3:05)

Listen, there's procedures. I've been trained on all the procedures.

A (3:10)

Yes. You're going to make Sam very, very proud. So we're happy to have Anne Marie in the mic right now.

B (3:15)

She said procedure like eight times procedure. She said. Guys, I've got to go upstairs. You stay down here. I'm going to go do the procedure.

A (3:20)

Okay?

B (3:21)

Everything looks perfect.

D (3:22)

Thank you, Sam. I hope I made you proud, girl.

A (3:25)

Yes. Another big reason today is so special is this is the first episode we're recording post college drop off. We did it.

B (3:36)

We did it.

A (3:37)

High fives.

B (3:37)

We did. I know we've been talking about this since she was three.

A (3:41)

You know what? No, no, no. We've been talking about this since I was pregnant, remember?

B (3:45)

I don't, but please tell me no.

A (3:48)

We have been talking about going. Her going to college since I was pregnant. We lived in New York City and one of the reasons we moved from New York City was because the whole like preschool thing there is a joke that is true. And we didn't have enough money to really participate. But you have to like tour preschools.

B (4:07)

I remember this.

A (4:08)

When you're pregnant.

B (4:09)

Yeah.

A (4:10)

And so we were clueless. First time parents touring these preschools we weren't going to be able to afford. But you know, we're touring them and they asked like, when you do it? I was like, oh, you know, we're having a girl and she's due in February.

B (4:22)

And she's like, that still loves February babies.

A (4:26)

I was like, that's her. Like, yes, they love a February baby. And I'm like, college. So since I was pregnant there's just been this looming, you know, just awareness of a college drop off. And we did it.

B (4:40)

We did it.

A (4:41)

And look, we're here, we're here. We lived.

B (4:44)

We're going to go through all of that. We're going to take you all the way back to the beginning up until now, including the weeks before and the few days after. Can we quickly give a quick shout out for our new children's book?

A (4:55)

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot about that.

B (4:56)

No, it's totally okay. Just, we got a new children's book. It's called all youl can be with ADHD. We're putting. If you're watching this on YouTube, we're putting what the book looks like up right now. It's going to be released into the world actually very soon. This went quickly, so it's coming out on October 14th, but you can pre order it right now. Basically, this book is for anyone, anyone who wants to get a better grip on what they have through poetry.

A (5:21)

So you can go to all. You can be with ADHD.com to find out more information. And we're gonna be doing some tour dates and you can find that all. Yeah. So sorry that I jumped right into it. I just. My. This is all that's consumed my brain, is that my daughter leaving us. We had made a post and the theme was healthy birds leave the nest. It had become my mantra. And I will say I need to go find the person in the comment section who originally said this. I did not originate that term. Somebody in our comment section said when we were talking about Lola being dropped off, healthy birds leave the nest. And I had to repeat that to myself, like, this is exactly what we wanted. We have a beautiful, healthy, determined, driven daughter who has left the nest and that is exactly what we wanted. And. But it still sucked. Saying goodbye.

B (6:13)

Yeah, it felt like a symphony with several movements. You know, I even would go to the week before. Like it felt. The week before felt sad, but also frantic. Like the, you know, when you're. When you're leaving and you leave the house to go to the college, you're taking theoretically with you what she's going to need for a year. So, you know, imagine Kim is very good at packing. If you watched any of our Amazing Race stuff. Like, she started packing way, way ahead of time for the Amazing Race. Same thing with this. So that led to some. Certainly some franticness. Then there were. There was like the last night in our house and that was the first time I got really emotional because I wouldn't like. I think I can tell this story. I think my kids would be okay if I told this story. They, my son and my daughter have a really cool relationship that I know we're lucky to have. Right. They're three years Apart and starting, I don't know, a couple years ago, they used to, like sneak into each other's rooms because they have one of those Jack and Jill, is that what they call it? Bathrooms? And go like, chat behind our backs at night about whatever's going on in their life. So they had their last chat and I think you were asleep at the moment. At the time, I was still awake. And the door opens and my son, who has gotten tougher, he hasn't cried. I haven't seen him cry in a long time. Shaking, just shaking. And his whole body was shaking. And he came over and I gave him a hug and he's like, it just hit me and just kind of crumbled on my shoulder. As he's doing this, Lola comes in. Exact same thing. They both hit them at the exact same time that this was the last night they were going to be together. And so by this point, Kim's awake. She goes over to Lola, and we just have these two crying kids in our bed. And all I could think of. And I know you said it sucks. All you can think of. All I could think of was, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Like, two kids who have always been there for each other and realize how much they love each other and will always be there for each other, but man, yes, it's. I'm like getting emotional and again, thinking about it, but it sucked.

A (8:18)

It sucked. I will say I got the advice from my good friend and neighbor Michelle. I called her because she's very put together, but she's an empty nester. And I said, how many days do you think I'm going to need to just like wallow? She's like at least two after.

B (8:35)

Yeah.

A (8:35)

Yeah. And she's, she's very put together and she's very. I mean, she's. She gets it done right. So we put on the calendar two days of just wallowing. And it was absolutely needed. There was just nothing that I could have contributed to this world for those two days. I mean, I picked my son up from school. I went, I took, you know, I went to a dance class. Like, that was fun, but I just needed to wallow.

B (9:02)

Yeah, the dance classes have become like this amazing sort of like new diversion for you, I think.

A (9:09)

So much fun.

B (9:11)

Do you, do you feel like, I mean, we were, we. We went for a walk and everyone we passed was like, hey, like, are you. Is everything like, almost like you would talk to someone who just had a loss in the family. Like, that sort of, that sort of vibe. And we have had people on here, including some of our favorites, like Lisa d' Amore saying, like, you're allowed to feel good about this, like, you raised a great kid. You get some of your freedom back. We don't have to go to tennis matches anymore.

A (9:45)

Oh, my gosh, you guys. For his. For as, like, raw as this feels, I would say daily, we're like, this is so great. We don't have to go to tennis matches anymore. That's. I mean, that's. We just. It was unhealthy how much time we had to spend in a tennis court.

B (10:00)

Look, tennis helped Lola become a good student. She was a four year starter. She got recruited to play in college. But being the parent of a tennis student.

A (10:09)

Neck sucks. Sucks.

B (10:11)

Meet me over here. It sucks. You can't cheer if. If something goes well. You have to be like, job. If something's going wrong, you can't say anything to them. Then it's like, it is a pressure cooker to the point that the kids can feel it too. I've had, like, I. I'll say it. I've had Lola. At some point, I'll be like, hey, it's okay. Shake it off. And then like, she does this, like, you can leave now, because I get it.

A (10:35)

Because that's not what I want to hear. Well, I.

B (10:38)

But I just don't. Like, I. I finally figured out, but this learning process was not fun for. For a parent. I totally get that she didn't want me to say anything. And we learned what we can and can't say. But it's like other sports. You can say whatever you want.

A (10:50)

Well, the problem is, I think we used to say, like, you got this, but you only say you got this when you definitely don't got this. So, like, I don't love to hear that. I mean, really, really. You only say you got this when you don't got it. And so we'll. We'll be working out together in the gym, and I'll be pushing this sled, and you're like, you got it, babe. And I will stop. I'll be like, I obviously don't stop talking to me. Like, I just don't want, like, a lot of that.

B (11:15)

Emery, does everyone feel this way? Like, some. You can say you got this to some people, right?

D (11:20)

Yeah, I think in certain situations, but usually it's an encouragement because we're not sure how the outcome is going to.

A (11:26)

Be because you don't got it. Yeah, you can do it. Maybe question this. You got it.

B (11:34)

Emery has the best she has swimmers. Such a good and volleyball players and swimmers. They they're underwater. Say whatever you want.

D (11:43)

I am so obnoxious at those and.

A (11:46)

I make them hear me.

D (11:47)

I love finding the parrot. That's like matching my energy. I'm like we are buddies now. But yeah, they can't hear me. They're in the water.

A (11:55)

Sort of on that theme of healthy birds leave the nest. Again, I did not originate that but I it has become my mantra. We got a lot of comments on that post and I just wanted to read some really good ones. More on this after these words. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack and hydration sponsor.

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A (13:24)

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B (13:26)

What's that Kim?

A (13:26)

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A (15:20)

On Facebook, Marsha said, a very wise woman taught me that a parent's job is to give their child roots and wings. And Heather is reframing this saying, you're not an empty nester, you're a bird launcher. Yeah, and so we have another kid at home and who is like not super thrilled with all the attention he's getting. And Christy, another rebrand on the term empty nest. We refer to it as free birding to keep it focused on the positive. Yeah, no, we 100%. It is just. It's just a strange emotion because we are so happy and then yet it feels like your heart is being cracked in half.

B (15:59)

Before we go any further, do you have, like I told you about the moment and you were there with PC and Lola. Do you remember any specific moments that hit you when you didn't expect them to? We have all sorts of people telling us that, like they'd be in the middle of the supermarket and it just hits you. I'm worried about this because it's happening to me in really random times and I don't know how long that's going to last.

A (16:22)

Well, when I pull into the driveway and I see her car and she's.

B (16:28)

Not home, that's one of them.

A (16:30)

I also asked in that post, when will you stop randomly crying? I think on. So we're on day four as we're recording this. And that is. I think I had. I'd been pretty good today. I think that, you know, we just sat in the bed, or I sat in the bed for. I took to the bed for two days. I just felt, like, depressed and not, like, clinically diagnosed, you know, I mean, because I've had that too. Just, like, sad, you know, but also, I mean, it's all the things it's. And it's just like, the strangest emotion.

B (17:07)

Yeah, I. So I had a bad sports thing. I play a lot of sports. I play volleyball. I play tennis, pickleball. And at a bad volleyball game, bad volleyball night. And for as long as I can remember, I would get home from these matches that I'd play in, and Lola was always the last one awake. Like, she was up. She just stayed up later. And, um, I think she always asked how it went. And then, like, 50% of the time, it went bad. Like, I play competitive matches, and I'm pretty competitive, and I get pretty bummed out when I lose. And Lola gets that. She's got that in her DNA. And she would always, like, I would always go into a room, we'd talk about it. She'd be like, oh, I'm sure you did great, like. And she knew the language to say man. And I think she enjoyed hearing that her dad failed at sports sometimes.

A (17:57)

Well, we made a point. We made sure, in life in general, if things weren't going our way to really show our kids. Because I think it's very easy to see that everything's great. And. No, a lot of times it's not. So sports is an easy way to say. Like, I'm. As a parent, I'm having a really tough time with this. So we've always found ways to communicate that.

B (18:22)

Well, she loved talking to me about it. And so I got home, this was Tuesday night. And I. I don't know why I walked into a room. Like, I knew she wasn't there, but I walked into her room because that was what I used to always do. And there was just, like, there was stuff everywhere because we had just, you know, raided the room to pack up everything, but she wasn't there. And it. And I was really sad. And I did not sleep. I was like, laying like this for Hours and hours without the ability to fall asleep. But I wasn't expecting it to hit me then. So my question is, like, we've got a whole year cycle of this. Is this going to keep happening? And if so, I know there's nothing wrong with me, but do I just let it happen?

A (19:00)

Yeah.

B (19:00)

Yeah. Like, I'm not gonna push this down.

A (19:02)

By the way, the reason why her room looks mess. She left her room clean. She made her bed. She left her room clean. But all my friends said, don't go into her room. Just close her door. I immediately went to her room, and I went and got, like, all my clothes back because, like, she's.

B (19:17)

Have you guys been.

A (19:18)

Well, no, Whitney, we're basically the same size.

B (19:20)

Yeah.

A (19:21)

And so if I would buy myself, like, a Lululemon workout top it, it would disappear. And she's like, I don't have it. And so I went into her. I went into her closet and I, like, basically shopped.

B (19:33)

How many things did you find?

A (19:34)

Piles. So to the point that there's still piles on the floor of her room. So that mess is not hers, it's mine.

B (19:40)

That's what I was seeing. I was seeing you go shopping, and.

A (19:42)

Some of the stuff she didn't bring, I was like, oh, that's cute. She had, like, this really cute pair of pants she didn't bring. She had, like, this little, like, vegan leather dress. It's super sassy. I know. Okay. I know. So I don't know if I'll fit into it, but I'm gonna try.

B (19:54)

I'm gonna go look, too. Cause she used to steal my hoodies and T shirts.

A (19:57)

PC went in, took. Took his hoodies, so.

B (20:00)

Boy, wait until the bodies are cold. Nope. We're going to get our clothes.

A (20:05)

No. But then I sat in her room for a while and I was like, same thing. Yeah.

B (20:09)

Yeah.

A (20:09)

Okay. I have to read this funny comment from Instagram. We got pulled over on the way home from dropping the oldest off.

B (20:16)

So I pulled over. Like, by the cops.

A (20:17)

Yes.

B (20:17)

Okay.

A (20:18)

Husband just pointed to me in the passenger seat and said, college drop off. And deputy said, have a good day and get her home safe. I got out of the ticket. Yeah.

B (20:27)

I mean, that's something worth remembering when you're not dropping your kid out of. No, but I could tell. I mean, don't you think anyone who's been through it, now that you've been through it, it's a new experience. I also feel like a lot of people who've reached out to me in the last couple of days are people who have had this happen to them in the last few years. And I think it's sort of a, you know, when, you know, you know, sort of thing. And then we've got. We've got people like Anne Marie and other people that are taking notes for when it might happen in the future.

A (20:56)

I do want to say that this community has been so, so helpful to the point you guys send some really beautiful voicemails. And you guys have been so supportive, sending so many messages, and that's been great. So I want to play from Amanda in Washington.

B (21:16)

Oh, yeah. It's the part of the show where everyone will.

E (21:26)

Hi, Ted and Kim. This is Amanda from Vancouver, Washington. And I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you as you get Lola off to school. I have two girls. My youngest is a senior in college this year, and it is tough to drop them off, but it will be okay. And I just wanted to let you know that I'd be thinking about you through this transition. You got this.

A (21:48)

How sweet is that? That is so sweet.

B (21:51)

Well, that was really nice. Doesn't that just reinforce people, this community, they feel connected to us because of.

A (21:58)

What they've gone through it.

B (21:59)

Yeah.

A (22:00)

Okay. Kaia in Ohio is definitely feeling our struggle.

E (22:04)

Hi, my name is Kaya. I'm from Westerville, Ohio, and I was calling to share with you my mental breakdown in the grocery store the other day because I, too, have a student, a young lady, going off to college. And when I picked up the milk in the grocery store, I noticed that it expired on August 23rd. And in my heart, I realized that the milk expires after she will already be leaving for college. And I stood in the aisle of the Croaker and cried my eyeballs out. So thanks for listening and I appreciate your podcast so much. We have so many things in common, and it just makes me feel better to know that there's other people out there going through what my family is going through.

A (22:50)

I feel that K. This is.

B (22:51)

This is sort of similar, but when we were. It's. It's that realization. You're, like, going through life, and then something hits you. When we were booking tickets to go back home because we drove our. This. We rented a car, we drove it, and then we flew home, and then our son was going to meet us there. So Kim was like, okay, well, I'm getting three tickets back. I'm like, no, honey, we need four tickets because PC is going to be with us. And Kim's like, we need three Tickets. And I'm like, no, PC me. You. And I know those moments. Just like, I think, you know, here's what it is. I think it has to do with cycles. And that's what I'm worried about. I got to get through a year of this because our body has a cadence with our kids, with our lives, with our jobs. I mean, we all feel it, right? And, and, and so we're going to get to these moments during the year, these like, cadence moments in the year. And it's not going to hit us till it gets there. And it's gonna be like, oh, she's not here.

A (23:52)

Yeah, we're usually doing this.

B (23:53)

Yeah, exactly.

A (23:54)

Louis had a suggestion from our Menti B episode, Mental Breakdown. Mental Breakdown.

B (24:00)

Menti B.

A (24:00)

Call it a Menti B for short.

E (24:02)

Hi, this is Lily from Bellevue, Washington. I was listening to last week's podcast and I wanted and a question that Sam was asking Kim during the Menti B episode. So he asked, what's the worst that can happen? And I think that is a really well intentioned question that can be really hard for someone who internally processes very deeply and has a tendency to ruminate or some might say, overthink. Another question I would suggest is what's the best thing that could happen? For me, that forces a complete mindset shift. So instead of creatively imagining all the terrible things that go wrong, I start getting creative about all the incredible things that could happen.

A (24:47)

I love that we have an entire keynote we give about getting out of.

B (24:52)

Your comfort zone, which hasn't been like, we haven't put that public yet. And Louis basically just wrote our keynote again.

A (24:58)

Right. But it's funny because we do ask, what's the worst thing that could happen? We follow up with what's the best thing. But I have to be reminded. So even though we practically teach it, I have to be reminded, especially now. So I feel like I need to put post it notes on every the wall of every room I walk into. Like, what's the best thing that could happen? Because that is not natural for my brain to go there. But thank you for the reminder. That's absolutely true. I will say to cope with the last few weeks I've not been sleeping, I think, like, the adrenaline, right? Like the cortisol and the adrenaline of like, oh my God, do we have enough command strips? Which we didn't, by the way. I bought like 400 and we didn't.

B (25:45)

We had plenty of command strips. They just didn't stick on the wall.

A (25:48)

Correct.

B (25:48)

Which happens when the walls have little holes in them.

A (25:51)

Yes. But we went back. I'm embarrassed to say this. I'm not proud. I. Not you as much as me. I went back to airport rules and airport rules. If you're new here. So, like, you know how you go into the airport and all of a sudden it's really just socially acceptable to have a drink at 9am or you're.

B (26:10)

Eating and drinking like an asshole.

A (26:11)

Right? And like, you bought a. I buy a pound of, like, Sour Patch Kids.

B (26:15)

Yeah.

A (26:15)

And I. I didn't have drinks at 9, 9am but normally I don't. Like, we were. We were on a cadence where we weren't really drinking during the week. Maybe I'd have one glass of wine on a Saturday. Maybe I was having a drink every night. Like one, maybe two. And then I was like, even last night, I'm like, do you know that they'll just give you a cookie cake if you give them money? Like, you could just go buy a cookie cake.

B (26:43)

You literally said that.

A (26:44)

I'm like, you could just go buy one. You don't even like. I. So we're doing like a reset.

B (26:49)

This. Just to be clear, this happened after we'd gone out to dinner, and on the way back, our neighbor is like, I just need to run in and grab some beans.

E (26:57)

And.

B (26:59)

And so they walked out with two cans of beans and a cookie cake. We just had dessert.

A (27:05)

I know, but I was like, did we have dessert? You're right, we did have dessert. That's what I'm saying. I've been like, airport rules. And I had a big old slab of cookie cake. But. So today is a new day.

B (27:15)

It sure is.

A (27:15)

Today's a new day. I had a salad for lunch. I might go on a walk later.

B (27:21)

I'm just like, here's what I'm doing. I'm hearing everything you're saying, and I know that you mean it. And I also am going to give you grace if you don't necessarily do everything that you say you're going to do, because you don't have to like this, this, you know, you saying, okay. I think when we were dropping a little off, you're like, well, this is the end. I'm going back to New Chem. And then if you want to have a glass of wine, if you're like, you know, any of these things are happening, it's. It's fine. It's okay to. I don't think that you're medicating. I think that you've got a lot going on. Right?

A (27:56)

Yeah. No, totally. And I think that those are the moments when I do need to go back into the toolkit and be like, I'm gonna go take a walk. I need to meditate. But instantly, I went back to having a drink, having a piece of cookie.

B (28:11)

Dough, the cookie so.

A (28:12)

And then just like doom scrolling. I mean, the algorithm knows me so well that it served me up. One of Lola's, like, floor mates Tiktoks about her dorm tour. I'm like, this is literally the girl who lives next door to Lola. How? I'm like, I need to get off this Internet right now because it knows me. It knows where my daughter is.

B (28:34)

Yeah.

A (28:34)

So. Yeah. So I just. I'm looking for some new ways to not be a troll.

B (28:40)

Can I ask you just some more questions about you?

A (28:42)

Sure.

B (28:42)

Okay. So do you feel it is hard still to let go completely? You know, we. We dropped her off, we said goodbye, we walked away. I have noticed that you're. You're definitely keeping tabs on her.

A (28:59)

I. Okay, so I think this might be a universal issue, and I wasn't really going to talk about it, but Lola, I don't think listens to our podcast.

B (29:07)

She does not.

A (29:09)

She. Our. Our sort of condition of if we pay your phone bill, we don't overly track, but I want to know that you're alive. And I think that kids, kids these days, they share Snapchat location. They share, like, live360. It's like all part of what they do. Like, Lola shares her location with all of her friends. So I have her location. So I'm just curious. I'm not tracking her out of, is she getting in trouble? Is she out partying? Which I hope she is. You know, she's in college, but I'm like, oh, she should leave now because she has to walk all the way across campus to make to her class. And I'm. I'm doing that. But I. I've noticed it has already slowed. I'm on day four. I've noticed this already slowed. I've. But I put a text out to my girlfriends when, you know, we all launched together, and they immediately came back with, yes, yes. And to the point where they were, like, zooming into the, like, the class photos to find their kids and stuff. Like, so, like, I'm not alone in that. I'm hoping that I. I will not feel the need to have that anymore.

B (30:17)

And I didn't mean this in a way to say that you were doing something wrong. I don't think that anything that you're Doing is wrong or an invasion of privacy. I mean, she gave you her location. She wants you to know where you are. I just wonder. I was wondering if that's maybe not great for your psyche. Like, for you.

A (30:35)

I know. I don't. No, I don't feel. I don't feel, like, sad when I see it. I don't feel angry. I don't. I'm not worried when I see it. So, no, I don't think it's as bad as, like, some of the stuff I'm finding on TikTok. So I think it's okay, probably normal, and it'll probably ease up.

B (30:53)

Well, on that note, and by the way, I have probably resorted to some airport rules, and I definitely find myself scrolling as well. We did put together Penn's top five, and it is the top five non drinking, non doom scrolly things that we are doing to cope with our daughter going to college. Sometimes the names of these lists are kind of long. I've got an outside looking in an Oli.

A (31:14)

Okay.

B (31:15)

It was not on the list. So this will be, like, the number six out of five. I have discovered a radio station that.

A (31:21)

I tell me about this a lot.

B (31:23)

So it's called 95. 3 the Beat. And I think you can. Even if you're in our area in North Carolina, you can listen to it. But also, I think, like, iheartradio, you'll do it. It is Bangers. Like, you're tonight. No talking, just bangers, banger, banger, banger, banger, banger.

A (31:38)

And you were. You were texting your friends? Yeah, just the songs.

B (31:43)

So I wish I had phone, but it'd be like, I want to sex you up. Regulate up in here.

A (31:49)

Waterfalls.

B (31:50)

Well, yeah, waterfalls came out. There was one. Oh, my God. I hadn't heard Pony in a while.

A (31:56)

But also, we just listened to that stuff with our moms in the car. It is wild.

B (32:05)

Okay, I want Amory on this one, too. Have you ever heard the start of Pony and not gone. Just start moving your hips and shoulders. Like, I mean, I'm in the car trying to, like, turn right at the light, and I hear barrel.

D (32:22)

Millennials also make, like, a very. Like, I can't even. It's like a stink face almost. When they hear that.

A (32:27)

Yeah, they.

B (32:28)

Yeah, a good stink face.

A (32:29)

A good stink.

B (32:29)

Like his buck. Yeah, I gotcha.

A (32:31)

Yeah.

B (32:32)

All right. So that was it on the list.

A (32:33)

But I will say, cheering me up, that I. We had to put, like. We had, like, a playlist going in, you know, as we were decorating Lila's room. And she's like, no, we need some, like, upbeat, fun music. And she immediately went to like, 90s release 2000s because. And they. They're like, yeah, our. Our music's not. Not like this. Yeah. I'm like, okay, thank you. Yes.

B (32:56)

We did good.

A (32:57)

We did good.

B (32:58)

Not us, but the people who made music did good.

A (33:01)

Better. They did better back then. Okay. Okay, go ahead.

B (33:03)

All right, so here's the real top five. Number five. Watching funny tv.

A (33:07)

I. I saved it.

B (33:09)

Yeah.

A (33:09)

I watched the Leanne Morgan, like, Netflix sitcom.

B (33:13)

Waited until after.

A (33:14)

I knew I was gonna need a little pick me up. So I saved it. So it had, like, something waiting for me.

B (33:20)

It's so funny. Like, we. We did watch her stand up, and she's wonderful, but she's had this line about when her oldest son was getting married. And she's like, I was so sad. And I took to the bed.

A (33:29)

Yes.

B (33:30)

And I'm like, wait. It's like a grown up woman that goes and lays down because she's sad her son's getting married. We get home from dropping Lola.

A (33:38)

I took to the bed, but then I watched her. It's. It's a. It's silly. It's like cotton candy for the brain. It was exactly what I needed. And it's just like very traditional sitcom that I feel like they've not been making as much anymore, but very traditional.

B (33:53)

Is there. Are there laugh tracks or is it like, how. I haven't seen it.

A (33:55)

I don't know if it's. There's laughter. Yeah. But I don't know if it's a laugh track or a live studio audience or. Okay.

B (34:01)

But there's laughter.

A (34:02)

There's most.

B (34:03)

Honestly, most comedies don't.

A (34:05)

They don't do that anymore.

B (34:06)

The Office, Parks and Rec. I think the Office was the first one that was just like, now we're turning it off. Maybe Modern Family.

A (34:11)

Yeah.

B (34:12)

They just, they. They did that.

A (34:13)

Yeah.

B (34:14)

All right, so number four for me is we're playing this stupid game called Myrtle.

A (34:19)

Yes.

B (34:20)

I'm sorry. It's a great game.

A (34:21)

It's a great game.

B (34:22)

I can't win.

A (34:23)

It's great. You know what's great about it? You can play with three people and it's sort of like. It's like Clue, but it goes pretty fast. Penn. Here's the thing. Penn wins everything he plays. You heard him say, like, volleyball and pickleball and tennis and every. Every game. Our. Our games that we have developed and put into the world. You win every round. He can't Win this why I. It is amazing. And that is why it's my favorite.

B (34:50)

And they feel like I'm overthinking it. But we've played 11 times. PC's keeping track. We've played 11 times. You can play with three people, by the way, which is great for our current situation. And I can't win.

A (35:01)

It's amazing.

B (35:01)

He, like, you guys win way before. I think I'm. I think I'm doing the logic in my head, and I'm way overthinking it. Okay, number three, Kim is getting into football.

A (35:13)

Okay.

B (35:14)

It's a language of love for her.

A (35:16)

It's. It. Well, for my son, yes. His love language is football statistics, and he can sit there if you. And he has his substack, by the way, guys. And he's very prolific about football on there. He loves to talk about football and stats and players. And I never really needed to participate. Like, I was always like, huh, cool. But now that Lola's not here, if I.

B (35:43)

You guys can't watch Gilmore Girls upstairs.

A (35:44)

Like, we can't hide away to watch Gilmore Girls. So we've been watching that quarterback series on Netflix, and I actually knew we. And then we were watching a game, and I was like, I know that quarterback.

B (35:56)

Do you remember his name?

A (35:58)

Justin Burrow.

B (35:58)

You're so close.

A (35:59)

Oh, is it not Joe Burrow? Joe Burrow. Justin.

B (36:02)

Justin Burrow is a friend of ours.

A (36:03)

Oh, you're right.

B (36:05)

Joe Burrow is.

A (36:06)

And then wasn't there a Justin guy in there? Yeah, I'm sure there's Goff.

B (36:10)

Yep. Jared. He's a Jerry.

A (36:13)

Are you sure there's not a chest.

B (36:14)

There probably is a Justin in the NFL. I just don't think that he was in. The quarterbacks are doing this year are Jared Goff. Okay, then. Joe Burrow.

A (36:23)

Joe Burrow.

B (36:24)

And then. Do you remember cousins first name?

A (36:27)

Brooke.

B (36:28)

Kirk.

A (36:28)

Kirk.

B (36:29)

So you're getting. You're getting.

A (36:30)

I'm getting, so. But now I know the stories behind them, and they're. They're like. They're cute, you know, little family guys. And so they're. They're cute. So that's been great.

B (36:39)

Number two for us is. Is these dance classes that you're talking about. You've gone to a ton of them.

A (36:45)

And Pen can.

B (36:46)

I went to one, and I really enjoyed myself. And it was a good workout.

A (36:50)

It was a great. It's a great workout.

B (36:51)

It took me a second to feel free enough because they get right into the even. Like, the warming up is very pelvic. I don't I don't mean that.

A (37:02)

No. He's like, damn. I'm like. But you have to, like, you have to do some hip rolls to get it loose.

B (37:07)

But just right off the bat, it was like, hello, ladies.

A (37:11)

Well, what else are you gonna do?

B (37:14)

I know. I loved it, but it's. I'm just. Just coming in cold. It took me a second, and then by the end, they had this. Apparently I knew a routine from the Dallas cowgirl cheerleaders. Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. I didn't realize it, but they were like, now that you've done this, this is a routine from the D.C. d.C. DCC.

A (37:35)

Yeah. So. And there was pom poms and everything. You loved it.

B (37:38)

Yeah, it was cool. Again, these are all. What do these all have in common? They're fun, they're light, they are diversionary. And I think they've been. All. Been very therapeutic. The number one thing that we've done to sort of cope with our daughter going to college is by focusing all of our attention, hopes and dreams on our other child.

A (38:01)

This poor kid.

B (38:02)

He is gonna hate this.

A (38:04)

Well, okay. He's my. I love him so much. And he's adhd. Right? Lola did say, you have no idea how much I do for him. And she's like. She's like, what is gonna happen to him? I'm like, I for him. But I'm now seeing that she was reminding him to, like, brush his hair. And so now his teeth. Well, the teeth he's getting. The teeth he's got. But the. The morning hair. I was like, oh. She was like, like, putting product in and, like, making sure. Because he came downstairs, it was picture day, and it was like. It's like his hair was giving. His hair was given, like, a high five. And I was like, dude. And so he went into the sink and he just, like, put some water on it. I was like, but here it says that's going to fly up. You're going to need, like, you have to work with this. Okay.

B (38:51)

So you sent him back up?

A (38:53)

I did. I sent him back up and he fixed it and it's all fine. But. But I Normally the. A Lola would have done that and be the morning with an extra person there. It's a little more frantic. And I wouldn't have noticed possibly.

B (39:06)

We're noticing now.

A (39:07)

I notice everything. Yeah. So he is.

B (39:10)

We're noticing the heck out of him right now.

A (39:13)

We went out to dinner last night. I was like, hey, buddy, I hope it's okay, but you're gonna be solo Tonight. And he's like, oh, no. He's like, all by myself.

B (39:25)

What?

A (39:27)

So he, he was like, you should stay out later. You sure you're coming home? You got. I'm fine. You can stay out.

B (39:33)

Just like everything else. I'm sure this will turn. It will regress to the mean. There will be a new normal where it's not that much. But right now I'm like, how.

A (39:42)

Do you have any homework? Do you want to talk about your homework? Would you sit with that lunch? Would you eat for lunch? Yeah.

B (39:46)

He's getting it all.

A (39:46)

He's the fire hose of attention and.

B (39:49)

Nobody wants to share more than a 15 year old boy.

A (39:52)

Oh, he loves it so much.

B (39:54)

Sharing, talking about his day, sharing his feelings. Yeah. How are the last eight hours of your day, son? Fine. Anything happened? Not really.

A (40:04)

And like, who's in your math class? No one. Like you have a. You are in an A. Math class is just.

B (40:12)

No, no one in my lunch group.

A (40:13)

Yeah, nobody in my lunch group.

B (40:15)

Tell me something you learned today. I don't know, we just kind of talked and stuff.

A (40:18)

Yeah, I talked and said, and I.

B (40:19)

Know he's learning stuff. He's getting good grades. He just doesn't, he doesn't have the words for it. And I think I understand. Like, I think I remember being. Yeah, I think I remember being that way when I was a kid.

A (40:28)

Okay. That's a lot about our daughter and our feelings and all of those things. But I found I really got a funny email. So we're just going to like totally switch gears.

B (40:38)

Okay, let's switch gears.

A (40:39)

And in a I'm going to call this just like need a laugh section. Okay, more on this after these words.

B (40:47)

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A (40:55)

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B (41:04)

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B (41:28)

Yeah, I can't wait to see this one. You can learn about the future of science Space exploration with Chris Hadfield. You can build habits that stick with atomic habits. Author James Clear and get science backed tips from the world's leading brain experts to boost your mental strength and reduce stress.

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B (42:05)

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A (42:12)

15 off at masterclass.com Holderness that's masterclass.com Holderness.

B (42:24)

I can't believe they're having a gender reveal for their dog. No, no, no, no. This is a breed reveal. Oh. So yeah, they're finding out the breed of the puppy they're rescuing. So they could just be spending all their money on like pet insurance instead. We got lemonade for Roscoe and it covered vaccines, microchipping. We saved 90% on vet bills.

A (42:42)

Oh, here we go.

B (42:45)

What do you think beige confetti means? I don't know. That we'll never get this Saturday back. Get a quote for any breed@lemonade.com pet okay, we've gotten to the need a laugh section.

A (43:00)

Okay. Amy Campo, who I feel like has emailed us before. I remember that name. This is an email from her. She said was just laughing while listening about forgetting the words because of perimenopause. Remember I forgot the word for pothole. Yeah, yeah. And so I, I was like, what.

B (43:19)

Did you call it? I can't remember. It was like it was road hole or something.

A (43:23)

Well, no, I had to like reframe my entire text message because I couldn't figure it out. Okay. Amy continues. I was giving directions to a friend and wanted to say turn at the cemetery but couldn't remember the word cemetery. So I told her turn where the dead people are. I mean, she's not wrong. I mean, but that, that's the sort of like recovery issues we're having these days.

B (43:48)

Is, is there a. Oh my God. Is there like a video that we do like the perimenopause dictionary. Like the garage is like the car hole or the place.

A (43:58)

Oh yeah, the car hole. That sounds dirty. I don't know why it's a hole.

B (44:03)

Where your cars go in your house. I got a snort.

A (44:08)

What other, what other words have I used?

B (44:10)

I mean you just look around like Anne Marie's drinking a water thingy over there and we're talking into a voice stick.

A (44:21)

Voice stick. Yeah, no, I, I do the. The lack of recall of specific words is really funny. Maybe. Yeah, we'll work on that. How about this User generated. I love this of turn. Where the dead people are for cemetery. If you've had some funny brain farts. Brain farts. Maybe email us podcast of the older and it's mail me.com can remember that. Yeah, I got that right off the tongue. Okay, I still need more laughs. Let's go to the last line.

B (44:50)

Do it. This is our third call from the Pacific Northwest. I don't know what is happening in the Pacific Northwest. It's one of my favorite quadrants of America and Wedley is the next to call us from said quadrant.

E (45:03)

Hello, I am Wedley from Washington State. I am a high school student and I was listening to your guys's podcast. Should I keep listening to this podcast even though it's for people in their more wise stage of age?

A (45:18)

First of all, Wedley, way to dance around that instead of saying for old people. Well, well, we're not boomers.

B (45:25)

Yeah, but that's what they call us.

A (45:26)

Well, no more wise stage of age. I love that. Wedley. All are welcome here. All are welcome. We probably will be talking about issues that concern people of our age, but we welcome you and want you to send in more questions. Our son, who is 15 and in high school is going to be. He wants to be a contributor to this podcast. So we would love more Gen Z, Gen Alpha content.

B (45:54)

I like Wedley instantly because, like, why would you listen to this show if you're a high schooler unless you wanted to better understand your own parents? And maybe that's what's happening. Maybe he's picking up on some tips and tricks. Hopefully not on how to, you know, pelvic floor therapy. I don't know that Wedley needs that yet.

A (46:14)

Ann Marie has been dreaming up a show of all Gen Z, Gen Alpha callers, questions, content. So Wedley, I think we're gonna. We're gonna use you as a resource. So definitely keep listening.

B (46:25)

I'd say keep listening if you like it. I mean, you've obviously, you've listened to it before, so I'm impressed. And maybe he's just an old soul. I love that we've got Kate. Oh, my gosh. Kate is from Oregon. We're still.

A (46:38)

Oh, my gosh.

B (46:39)

We're still in the Pacific Northwest. Who knew we were big in the Pacific Northwest?

A (46:43)

I love it.

B (46:44)

Kate has a, you know, your old Win moment.

E (46:47)

Hi, Penn and Kim. This is Kate from Bend, Oregon, and I am a Gen Xer who had kids kind of late and talking about psychologically dying. The other day my 13 year old asked me, mom, you ever heard of a band named U2? All I could do was stare in Gen X.

A (47:05)

Star in Gen X. Oh, it's like when Lola said she's like, there's this song. This was a couple years ago by Iron Access. It was like Iron Access instead of Annex. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, sweet child.

B (47:25)

Well, it does look like in excess.

A (47:27)

Yeah. Oh, have you ever heard of a band called U2?

B (47:31)

Oh, my gosh. Was you too? Was that the band for Gen X? Was there a bigger band than them?

A (47:37)

I think that was pretty universally. There was a universal awareness.

B (47:41)

Yeah.

A (47:41)

And appreciation for. Sure.

B (47:43)

Yeah. My brother was obsessed. He liked them so much. I didn't listen to them. You ever have, like, a band that you're like, your brother listened to so much, you're like, okay, I can't. I got to. I got to.

A (47:52)

You have to divert. Yeah, that was really. Yes, yes. Sweet girl. We have heard of you too.

B (47:59)

We have. Thanks, Kate. Finally, let's end Kim with a Kim in Indiana. Not quite the Pacific Northwest, but the Midwest.

E (48:09)

Hi, guys, this is Kim in Indiana. I have watched you on Instagram for a long time, but just discovered your podcast. So I have been literally non stop listening. Today I am listening to one that was released on April 29th. We're going to or, I'm sorry, we're gaining weight in weird places. I have to tell you, I have cellulite on my calves. But when did that happen? How did that happen? And who gets cellulite on their calves? I am not a okay with it at all.

A (48:43)

Oh, Kim, Sweet Kim, let me tell you, I think you're just. I mean, I hate to break it to you, I think you're born with it because I have. I have like. And I'm not a. In a big body. I'm like in a. I have a tinier frame. But I'm doing these dance classes and I took like a trampoline class. It's a little rebounder class. And I wore my little bike shorts and I'm jumping and I see I was like, paying more attention because I'm just like stationary looking in the mirror and there is, like, bumps. Like, I mean, I guess cellulite all down my leg. I'm like, oh, my God, is it always like that? So the teacher, like, turned the lights down and so it Got a little darker because we were all like, holy crap. That is so unfair. I'm sorry, Kim. But the good thing about it being on your calves is you don't really have to see it. Right?

B (49:33)

That's true.

A (49:34)

Like, sometimes I don't even brush the back of my hair because I'm like, it's not my problem.

B (49:36)

You have to make an effort to see it. Yeah, that's true. Emery, do you have anything to add? Since I was a Midwesterner, I just feel like this is your lane, people. Yeah.

D (49:46)

You know, you can always wear pants.

A (49:51)

And I have to say, I kind of subscribe to the notion of, like, if you can't tone it, tan it. Get a little self tanner. Oh, gosh.

D (50:00)

Self tanner goes a long way. I'm a very pale girly, but in the summer, if I want to wear.

A (50:04)

Any shorts, I have to self tan in the evening.

D (50:07)

Kim should just self tan.

A (50:08)

Kim self tan.

B (50:09)

Kim self tans this. Kim self tans. And sometimes, like, we have a Ross situation. Like, we had and we had. Do you remember this?

A (50:19)

Our wedding? I looked of another race. I. I didn't notice, but it was also very 2005. Yeah, like, that was more of a 2005.

B (50:28)

Very recently you got a tan, and it was like you wanted a four, and you ended up with an eight. Like, you.

A (50:34)

When was this?

B (50:35)

This was like.

A (50:36)

I mean, I don't doubt it.

B (50:37)

You kept saying the word Oompa Loompa. Like, when you were walking around, you were like, I look like an Oompa Loompa.

A (50:43)

Yeah, I. I'm sure I. I've blocked these from my brain. But I'm a positive you married the.

B (50:48)

Right guy because it, like, you kept saying it looked orange. Like, it looked the same color as any other tan that you normally have. To me, like, it looked brown.

A (50:54)

But I do, I have to say, if I, If. If it were easier to get and process, I would have a spray tan all the time.

B (51:03)

Well, you know, they're going to come up with some sort of tent that, you know.

A (51:06)

They already have that.

B (51:06)

No, no, but like a self 10.

A (51:08)

No, they already have that, honey.

B (51:09)

Oh, well, you don't need it. You're great. I just think it's interesting because, like, when you get a tan, you can't shower and you, like, walk around like this, like you just scrubbed up for a surgery. And like, God forbid, I would want to. Like.

A (51:26)

No, but there's no touching touch, you know, A very funny high school memory for Lola, like, prom was the next day, and she Was running track, so.

B (51:37)

Oh, that's.

A (51:37)

Yeah. So she sent and she ran the 400, which is so hard and awful. Yeah. And so she sent. She set a pr Like a personal record because the track meet was running late and there was actually a spray tan lady coming to our house with one of those little tent and she needed to go. So she ran a pr. She ran. She. She sprinted and then kept sprinting and went to her car and got in.

B (52:03)

The car and got home and she was. She's ever.

A (52:06)

There's the fastest she's ever run and has. And was never able to even come close. I mean it was like she ran it. We looked up, there were some like colleges, like some D2 colleges. I'm like, you ran that 400 faster than a lot of these girls in college. Yeah. And then she's like, I'll never do it again. Girl needed her tan.

B (52:26)

We would just need her to have some sort of tanning person that was going to leave right before the race.

A (52:32)

She's like, oh my gosh, she's there. I gotta go.

B (52:34)

Yeah.

A (52:34)

Yes, we have another caller and this one. Okay, I have questions.

B (52:40)

Okay.

A (52:41)

But this is for our Are we done with section. Okay, so Marsh in Massachusetts, We've gone to the northeast.

B (52:47)

Right.

A (52:48)

Has a question about drive ins.

E (52:53)

Hi, this is Mosh from Hopedale, Massachusetts. And something I'm done with. Are we done with it? I am done with drive in movie theaters. A couple years ago, our local drive in, it's a mile away, they were doing a triple feature of Spider Man, Wonder Woman and Guardians of the Galaxy. All great franchises. Guardians wasn't going to start until 1:30 in the morning. I'm done with that.

A (53:13)

Okay, first of all, thank you so much for calling in. I want to. You'd all call in. I love all these. I didn't know that there was still drive.

B (53:21)

You weren't aware that drive ins existed?

A (53:23)

I didn't know that we still had drive ins. I think that's so cute. Like in Covid. I thought they sort of like resurrected some.

B (53:30)

Are they still like the way I imagine them? They're in a field, right. Like on a farm. And it's where you go. I just want to try to make out.

A (53:41)

My only knowledge of drive ins. I don't think I've ever been been to one is from Greece where they go and they try to like make out.

B (53:49)

Right. So I thought they stopped doing these when cars. No way. Before that. The whole purpose is to make out.

A (54:00)

I don't think that's true. Honey.

B (54:02)

Okay, My theory is as soon as cars stopped having like the seat that goes all the way across in the.

A (54:09)

Front, that that killed the drive in.

B (54:11)

Industry, which is like mid-80s. You basically killed the drive in agents, like industry when you went to the double captain seats in the front seat with a center console. Because you can't do all the stuff that you want to do when you've got a nice flat front seat.

A (54:25)

What do you want to do, Penn.

B (54:26)

With you in a drive in, I'm gonna want to make out. Like there's no other. Like, if we went to a drive in, like, I'm gonna be like, babe, we're getting in the backseat. Like, we're like, I don't care if, like, that's. Why else do you go? Like, why you. Otherwise you watch it in your house. There's no other reason.

A (54:42)

I love this call. Obviously the problem is probably not the drive in. I think the drive in sounds amazing and you're gonna make out. But that 1:30 start time, that's a.

B (54:51)

No for the third one.

A (54:52)

Yeah.

B (54:53)

So it's a triple feature that probably started at like 8 o' clock. And then Guardians is like a three hour movie. So that ends at 4:30.

A (54:59)

No.

B (55:00)

It's a lot of making. Am I wrong?

A (55:07)

You're not wrong.

B (55:08)

I'm not wrong, am I?

A (55:09)

You're wrong in that that you would have to find somebody else to participate because, like, that's just.

B (55:13)

You want to make out for eight hours. No, no one wants to make out for eight hours. Sting.

A (55:20)

Oh, Sting. He's like tantric.

B (55:22)

Yeah, good for you, Sting.

A (55:24)

Good for you, Sting and partner, you.

B (55:28)

Know, I feel like we've gone off the rails and we should stop.

A (55:36)

Thanks for being here for us. And I just think it's the sweetest that you guys sent in messages and voicemails checking on us. And I will say for the school lilas and there's been some really sweet people who were in that city and community and they've reached out as like us. You know, if you need a mom in that area, like, it's been so nice to know that, like, we have people like she's eight and a half hours away, but we have people who would jump in. So that's been really, really sweet and makes my mama heart so happy.

B (56:06)

This has been a week, maybe even a month where I have felt everything. I have felt happiness, I've felt sorrow and loss. I've felt hope and I've felt fear and I've felt ridiculous amounts of pride and it's all wrapped around love. And when you really put it all together, it's one of the most beautiful things that I will ever experience. And I'm glad we experienced it, even though it has been gut wrenching, because what a gift to feel that much like you don't want to go through life and not feel things. And boy, are we feeling things right now.

A (56:42)

I try really hard not to feel things. So this has been. Oh yeah, no, but I'm. I'm actively working on feeling it and naming it, and that's why it's been so hard, because it's like a fire hose of everything. So anyway, thanks for joining us. Thanks for supporting us. Credits Penn's gonna read the credits now.

B (57:03)

Laugh Lines is written and produced by Kim Holderness Penholder. Wait a minute, why doesn't Anne Marie do it? She's here.

A (57:07)

Anne Marie's gonna do the credits for us. All right.

D (57:10)

Laugh Lines is written and produced by Kim Holderness Penholders and Ann Marie Tapke with original music by Penn Holderness. It is normally filmed, edited and live produced by Sam Allen.

B (57:19)

She's still gonna edit it, but today.

D (57:22)

I'm doing one the of of those jobs.

B (57:24)

Two of them.

D (57:25)

I'm sorry, I'm doing two of those jobs. It's also hosted by our friends at acast. As always, we love to hear from you. Please write to us@podcast theholdernessfamily.com or leave a voicemail at 323-364-3929 and we will talk to you soon on the Laughline.

A (57:41)

Bye. This is Mike. Mike's stuck in traffic. The only thing that could make this worse. As if he promised to cook his date dinner at 8, which he did. But it's now 7:30 and he's still on the 5. Good thing Mike has Grubhub plus with Prime. $0 delivery fees, 0 stress, 0 rush. Dinner's covered and so is his reputation. Free Grubhub Plus. It's on Prime. Additional terms and fees apply. Balance of Nature's Fiber and Spice Supplement is a one of a kind blend with four fibers and 12 aromatic spice made with psyllium husk, flaxseed, whole apple, monk fruit and 12 incredible spices. Fiber and Spice is the perfect addition to keep you on the right track every day. Go to balanceofnature.com and get 50% off your first fiber and spice supplement as a new preferred customer by using discount code on the go.

B (58:46)

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash. Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. If you travel to tick off landmarks and top 10 eats lists, salt Caravan probably isn't for you. But if you travel for flavour connection and meals locals only tell friends about you might want in Backroom dishes, market stall secrets, chef's table tips you won't find online. A handful of people you'll want to share dessert with. We're not public yet, but early listeners can join our Waitlist group and get insider perks. Open your invite@saltcaravan.com.