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As my second grade teacher put on my report card, Kim struggles with transitions. And that has not ended.
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What's the most important thing that you've learned in the in the last 50 years of your life?
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Love is all that matters.
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Oh my God. I was gonna say the same thing. Yeah, we get older every day. Got more wrinkles.
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That's okay.
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Yeah, we're laughing. When we age, life is like a comedy stage. And that's why we got lines.
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Hi everybody. My name is Kim Holderness.
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And I'm Pen Holderness. And welcome to the special extravaganza. 50 year old version for Kim is turning 50 version of laugh lines. Wow, you do not look anything close to 50. Honey, you look amazing.
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But this, what does 50? I think, what does that look like?
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Well, let's start with this. You don't always know how old you are. For example, if you have ever thought that you were 47 and then your husband needed to tell you that you're actually one year older, you're in the right place. Happened to you.
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That happened to me. I was 47 for two years. Honestly, the numbers in the middle are kind of murky, like.
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Yes.
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Yeah, right.
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Like feel like between 45 and 50 with the old Menchi and also just kind of like losing track of how many years.
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I would say between 43 and 48, they're all the same.
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Yeah.
B
Yeah, that's fair.
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You guys. This is all about my wife Kim. Oh, Lord, turning 50, which is, like, we've been talking about this for a year. You set goals for yourself, right? How you feeling?
B
Well, thank you for asking. We. I did set some big, big goals for myself. I wanted to show up on the doorstep of 50 just like a new, changed, better version of myself. And we're gonna get to that.
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Okay.
B
I thought that 50 would feel like angel singing Oprah comes and brings me a cake maybe. Like, it's a big deal, and I would feel, like, this big shift. I feel, for the first time in my life, my mortality a little bit. I'm closer to the end than the beginning.
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Unless you want to live to 101,
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and I don't think I do.
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Okay.
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Like, aging is a gift. It is a privilege to age. We say that all the time. So it is shocking to me that I have this little twinge of, oh, crap. Like, have I done enough? Like, am I doing enough? Like, am I doing it right? Because I feel like I'm on the.
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The back end of the old water slide.
B
Back end of a roller coaster, Right?
A
Yeah. Maybe not a water slide. So we were on a walk yesterday, and you mentioned this to me, and something that maybe this will help. Like, when I turned 50, I realized, like, the first, like, 20 years of my life, I was pretty much useless. Like, I. I wasn't independent. I mean, it was fun. Definitely the first 10 years. Like, I needed someone to kind of carry me around. I don't know if I really did much. I just was. So if you think of, like, your ability to have agency and do something with your life starting at, say, 20, you're still in the first half.
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I like your accounting.
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Thank you.
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I care less about the things that don't actually matter. I care less about performing life correctly. And I just really feel this urgency to do work that matters. It's just. It's such a weird feeling.
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I don't mean to unpack too much of it. Is it a, okay, now I'm gonna do this, or is it, like, a bit of anxiety and panic surrounding it?
B
It's a teensy bit of anxiety. Okay. And which is weird because I think I credit Jennifer Aniston and J. Lo, and, I mean, all of these gorgeous women who are, like, what, nearing 60 or in their 60s and have made this midlife and beyond look very, like, fun.
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Yeah.
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And I have always thought aging was fun. It's a. It's a Gift. So this is, this has hit me in a weird way. This, I'm very, I'm struggling to put language with how I feel around this birthday, which is, it's a very strange feeling.
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So you mentioned Jennifer Aniston. One of the things about her was she was posting a lot of stuff when she was 50, like stand up paddleboarding in Hanalei, like looking the part you've accomplished that you look great. No one would ever guess that this is how old you are. So it's really, it's a number.
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I think it's just something I'm gonna have to get over. I think it's probably a little speed bump because every I. I will say this. Everybody I know in their 50s has said without a doubt, 50s is the best decade. I think maybe you got some kids at home still, so there's still that. You have more money to take vacations, you have more freedom. You're not wiping kids butts. You know, like you have a eye in the prize in terms of maybe like what a retirement would look like. So the 50s are lining up to be awesome.
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And I know you hear that from a lot of people who love you. So thanks to our extraordinary friend Ann Marie Tapke, we have a surprise. We do have some people who have hit that milestone.
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Okay.
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Who wanted to tell you what the best part about turning 50 is.
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Okay. Oh, the greatest things about turning 50 were giving myself permission to put myself first, my needs before anyone else, learning how to say, no, thank you. And I love it. I love.
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I'm 57. Like, this is the best decade of my life.
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Welcome. The best part about being 50 is that you get the chance to see the way life has changed you. You get to see it physically in your wrinkles and in your body and in the choices that you've made that led you to where you are. And you get to decide on purpose at this back half of our life sort of how you want to show up to let life change you moving forward. So I wish for you reflection and celebration for all that you've done and all that you're going to contribute to the world moving forward. Happy birthday, Kim. Kim. One of the best things about turning 50 is that, you know, your hair can look like this and you don't care. No, actually the best thing about turning 50 was that you did because, you know, aging's a privilege. And as I get older as when I turn 50 was like, oh my gosh, more adventures and more fun. And it has been a lot of learning and a lot of growing and waiting to turn 72 is even more fun. Happy birthday. Hey Ken, Happy birthday. This is Gretchen Rubin calling you to say happy birthday. The best thing about being in your 50s is you finally know yourself. Maybe not 100%, but better than you used to. You know, whether you're a morning person or a night person.
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You know, whether you want to go
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to a big party or a quiet gathering, stuttering. You know, whether you like deadlines or you dread deadlines. Just knowing yourself. Step the right way. Welcome to 50. Happy birthday, Kim. Thrilled to be welcoming you into the 50 and over club. The best thing about turning 50 is knowing what really matters and building your life around it. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Kim. It's great that you are now just
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at the halfway point to becoming the centenarian with a super ager status. I've thoroughly enjoyed all the chances I've had to visit with you and Penn in North Carolina and on your Laugh Lines podcast twice and look forward to
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a lot more chances to visit and
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laugh together in the times ahead. Have a great birthday celebration really quickly. For those of you on podcast and not YouTube, I want to talk you through who that was. That was Mary Claire Haver, who is like the world's leading menopause expert. After that was Dr. Hope Seidel, who is the one that we call whenever we're having a panic about how to raise our kids. After that was Marilyn Smith, AKA the Fart Walk Lady. Yes. Then we had Gretchen Rubin, who is a wonderful, wonderful source of advice for us. Again, a lot of times talking about like our kids leaving college. Then we had Jen Wallace, who talks a lot about mattering and relationships that matter. And of course our dad, Eric Topol, Dr. Superagers, who we want to adopt as our parent because we love him so much.
B
Well, first of all, thank you team for putting together that surprise. It was very surprising. And thank you to the people who took time to call. That was really, that made me feel very special and I'm excited to feel those things. I will feel those things. Like I can, I think what, you know, maybe with the words about I'm shedding something right now. Like I'm in a transition right now. And as my second grade teacher put on my report card, Kim struggles with transitions and that has not ended. So I think I'm transitioning now and then because I want to get to like, woohoo adventure, put myself first. Like, I want to get there and I'm getting there. I'm just like, I'm just shedding I'm just having a transition moment.
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Okay. You're now 50, and you've talked about how you're feeling right now, but, like, maybe the past. You. Did you see it looking and feeling like this?
B
So I thought if you had asked me when I was 25 what 50 was, I would have thought it was the Golden Girls. I would have.
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Right.
B
By 50, I would have a short cropped haircut.
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And I thought it was Cocoon.
B
Yes.
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Like, I thought it because Wilford Brimley was, like, 52 when he filmed that or something.
B
That leaves me speechless every time.
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Yeah.
B
Yeah. But I thought that you just automatically got a cropped haircut.
A
Yeah. When you're 50 and you just lived with all your friends in Boca.
B
I mean, actually would be there in Miami also. I thought I would read the newspaper cover to cover. Like, what's a newspaper? Right. And I thought I would really understand interest rates in the economy.
A
Well, now, your newspaper that you do read cover to cover most days is TikTok.
B
I do read the news.
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It just looks a little different.
B
I do read the news. I'm on the New York Times every morning. I still don't know anything about interest rates. And, like, I don't understand why a lower interest rate would do one thing, and a higher interest rate does, and it makes it easier to borrow. But who's borrowing? Who's like, what are we borrowing? I don't know. And don't explain it.
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No, I was about to say. I'm not even gonna.
B
No, don't explain it. Speaking of Cocoon number three, I thought I would be doing water aerobics pretty consistently at a community center.
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Okay.
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I grew up in Florida, so water aerobics is like the shiz. So it's. But I just really thought that I'd have a membership to community center by now, because water aerobics can be a good workout, y'.
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All. You thought you were Wilford Brimley. You thought when you were 20 that when you were turning 50 that you were going to die soon. Yes. Seems like, right.
B
100%. I mean, literally, my daughter, when she was, like, going on. She was trying to find a prom dress, she tried on my old prom dress. She's like, this is vintage. It's from the 1900s. I was born in the 1900s, Pen. I. I'm vintage.
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Yeah.
B
I really thought by the age 50 that I would prepare myself balanced meals and kick the sugar addiction. Like, I still eat shredded cheese over the sink straight out of the bag. And I still. If Pen is not Home. We'll have gummy bears for dinner. Like I really thought there was something inside me that would like click.
A
Yeah. Anytime that we are in different places and I call and I say, hey, anything, like any ideas for dinner? Not that I would want you to cook it, but like can I cook something? Should I pick something up? The answer is almost always. I had some gummy bears, a half a tray of cookies and a diet coke.
B
I'm good.
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And some shredded cheese.
B
And some shredded cheese.
A
Yeah, girl.
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Dinner.
A
Yeah.
B
Yeah. Also like finally. I really thought it was gonna be so wise. Like see all the, all the women in the Dr. Eric Topol that you just heard from there, don't they all seem so wise?
A
They seem pretty put together.
B
I just felt like I would be instantly like Oprah. Like I would be able to give really qualified advice. I still feel weird. Like when I have to sign a permission slip. Oh my God, shouldn't he ask an adult? Like, I still feel very. I still feel like a kid in a lot of ways. And then I try to stand up after sitting weird for five minutes and then I feel my.
A
Well, that's. I'm here to tell you, like I want to give you hope for most things but that you're gonna hurt yourself standing up or looking, just looking in one direction. You have been very self deprecating and adorable as usual about all of this. Making it seem like, okay, like let's lower our expectations. Like we're going to show some video for those of you on YouTube. This is not what I thought 50 would look like. This is Kim in her new dance class that she's taking and I wasn't going to like put this out in public, but it's. You put it on TikTok this week and a lot of people were like, damn. Like, this is my wife dancing this week. Okay. The week that she turns 50. That does not look like a water aerobics. Wilford BRIMLEY Golden GIRL INSTRUCTOR so I want like, I want to like applaud the fact that whatever you thought you were going to be, you are kind of a smoke show dancing in this, in this amazing new studio that I think has helped make you feel younger, right?
B
Yes. And it's called Dance Insanity. If you are in Raleigh, the dances with a Z. The dances with the Z. I have to say that has been a highlight of this past year is like finding joy in everybody there. I mean there are definitely some youngins there, a hundred percent. But most women there are there because out of just they want to jump around and dance and have a great time. So they've all been. They're all in their 50s.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. There was a lot I thought I would know by this time. And I thought it would be funny pen to go to Instagram and ask people like, what did you think you were just going to know by the time you hit 50? For example, I thought I would know how to fold a fitted sheet. If you open up our linen closet, it's just like.
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And I know people say they know how to fold a fitted sheet, but there's. People know, no, that's not a real way to fold a fitted sheet.
B
No, there's ways.
A
Okay.
B
Yeah. See, I just thought that, like, that's something that you wake up at 50 and you're like, boom, now I know
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how to do it.
B
You guys came through with some very funny answers. There were a lot of trends. There was a lot of people who said things very similar. Do you want me to read some?
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Yes.
B
Okay. More on this after these words.
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So this segment we're going to call top 10 things people thought they'd know by 50. Okay, this is from a trod how much water I should be drinking. It's way more than I thought. Yes, it's a lot of water.
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Do you feel like that's the only bulletproof wellness thing in the last 800 years? Like, drink water? Because everything else has been, I feel like disproved, reproved, has now been reintroduced. Like, we're gonna find out that salt's bad for you again. It's fine now, but water seems to be the one thing that's undefeated in the health space.
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Tail is all the signs.
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If someone's like, guys, we're drinking too much water. That's going to be a stunner.
B
Yeah. And it's a lot of water you should be drinking. Okay, next Anything to do with investments by Jenny Hubbard. I will say that every other answer was how to do my finances. What taxes mean. Like, a lot of people are in my boat.
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Do you think that, like, that's just a smart thing to just be like, can someone else, like, if you don't know how to do it, could. Like, there's a lot of services that can help.
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I think that's why 50 is great. Because then you're like, you know, what would be better than me trying to figure this out? You.
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You.
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Somebody who went to school for this. And at 50, you could. You probably have, like, a little extra to be able to do that.
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Yeah.
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This is one of my favorites, How a plane stays in the air from Gretchen.
A
Gretchen must not like flying. Well, she doesn't.
B
No. I'm sure she loves flying, but I could. But same Gretchen. I. I kind of know there's, like, a lift thing and there's. And I had a pilot tell me one time it's like the fruit and the jello. It just kind of like the air. You just stay there. But I agree. I don't understand it. You know, how planes stay in the air.
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I do. It's. You really, honestly, like, it makes flying so much more fun. Like, if both engines go out, you can still land a plane because of the way that it's aerodynamically shaped.
B
I love to hear that.
A
Yeah.
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Although I watched Hijacked, and it was a little.
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Little dicey.
B
A little dicey. Sarah wrote how to cook an amazing meal without a recipe. I really thought I would be hosting regular dinner parties.
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You can do that. Like, you. Like. I'm not saying you can cook a hundred meals.
B
I've had, like, one.
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You've got seven, eight excellent meals that you do not need a recipe for. And then the other ones, you sometimes use a recipe.
B
Living with Estelle, how to keep plants alive. I really thought there would be, like, a garden. I would have.
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Yeah.
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I think if I. I have, like, an old Pinterest board that probably had, like, English garden inspirations on them. I really thought I'd spend more time learning how to do that.
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If you're a plant and you want to come hang out at the Holderness
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residence, it's like hospice.
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You're gonna get killed.
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We are hot. We are the. We are the transitions Healthcare.
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Yes.
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Of plants.
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We try to give you a happy and dignified end.
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We honor you in that. We let you die completely.
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Yeah.
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Before we kind of toss you over the fence.
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And then in March, we're like, oh, we could use some flowers here. And one of us says, aren't they just going to die this year? The other one says, no, I bet you they're going to make it through this one.
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The blind optimism. I think they all die, but I think I thought I was going to be the type of person that kept plants alive. Right? Like, yeah.
A
Do you think we live in, like, an Indian burial ground where the plants are cursed? You know, where, like, the vegetation. Is it the clay?
B
No.
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Is it because we suck at it?
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We don't water that.
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Yeah, that part's a problem. Let's go back to number one. How much water do you need?
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We just. And sometimes I'm sitting on the couch at night, and I'm like, God, we just got this new plants. I should go get a hose and water them down. And then I'm like. And then I. In my. My brain, I go, if I lived on a farm, how many things could I keep alive? Like, well, if I had goats, I could probably keep them alive because they're actually alive. And then I just go. And then I forget to water.
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People who visit our house, the first thing they say, and they can't even hold their tongue. They're like, is this what your yard looks like? That's like, Taylor Calvis was in town last weekend. The guy from do dad literally was like, so does nobody water anything around here?
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Just us.
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I was like, no, Taylor.
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But honestly, look how environmentally friendly we are.
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Thank you. Yes. See, like, what Taylor does is basically the same as, like, punching a dolphin with all the water he uses.
B
Sorry.
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Need you to make it past 50, baby. Okay.
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Is this how I'm going? Could you imagine? How did you die? Podcast.
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Podcasting about my mortality.
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I thought Kyle wrote How to be Confident in my Decisions. No, I really thought I would know the exact right answer at every turn.
A
Well, you just need to be a white male.
B
True. You seem very confident.
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I'm not. But it's just. We get a card.
B
You get a card.
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You're like, you're a white male. Just say it.
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You can make decisions even if they don't make sense.
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm not confident at all.
B
Well, you seem confident.
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Thank you. I watch. Next time I tell a story, I don't just tell it.
B
I'm like, you're, like, looking for validation.
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Was it okay? Yeah.
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Okay. Yeah. Fair. We got this one. A lot. What I want to do when I grow up there, I think that was the most overriding.
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You didn't think so. You didn't think you thought you'd know what you were going to do when you grew up by the time you were 50. And they still don't know.
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They still don't know. I will say the beautiful thing about what we get to create here is, like, every day we get to be something else. Like, today we're podcasters, tomorrow we'll be authors, and then we're video creators. And, like, so I think that we get to invent that every day. But I know this is very rare. Up until we started doing this, I was like, oh, God, this is not it.
A
Well, we haven't grown up yet.
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Maybe that's it.
A
Yeah. Repeater panning it.
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We're Peter Panning the crap out of life from Wendy. Understand the greater than and lesser than signs. Okay, Wendy, I do know this. Okay? And let me tell you what my teacher taught me. It's like the little Pac man signs. The greater than, lesser than. The Pac Man's eating the bigger one. So wherever the mouth of the Pac man is, it's the bigger one.
A
That's something that every school could use.
B
You didn't learn it that way?
A
No. They were like, the smaller part is the smaller thing and the bigger part's the bigger thing.
B
Oh, Pac man eating the bigger one.
A
Okay.
B
I just wanted to read that one, Wendy, because it felt very specific and I felt like I could help. Okay, I'll do the next one because it's a long same vein. Surname, M. Tanzola. It just said math. Still no. We did get a couple emails from math teachers previously, because I have said things like, numbers make me sad. Okay. And they are very kind, and they say this with love. That. Like, when I say that, that makes math seem not accessible for people. So I don't want to perpetuate. Especially for girls in stem, I don't. Math is amazing. My daughter was a math tutor. Math is amazing. And you're gonna go places, kiddo. For me. I. And it makes me sad.
A
Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought we were about to have, like, our first ever. Kim apologizes. There's a lot of pen apologizes.
B
No.
A
Okay. So.
B
No. I'm 50. No. Last one from Legacy Impact. How to clean a shower without getting soaked. I have never been able to clean a shower without getting soaking wet. So how do you do it?
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Me?
B
Yeah.
A
Are you supposed to clean a shower? It cleans itself. That's what the soap is in there for. And then when you. Okay. When it gets to a point where you're like, well, that doesn't look normal. Then you clean it.
B
What would say your bathroom look like if you were still single?
A
Well, you saw it when we first started dating.
B
I know, but still your age, there
A
would be one towel. It would have never seen any sort of laundering because it cleans itself. In fact, I'm. Every time I wash myself, like, dry myself off, that towel is getting cleaner because there's little bits of soap on there that nobody knew about. There would be. So the corners would be the main problem spots.
B
Okay.
A
Like, I would get stuff, I'd pick stuff up, but then, like, hair and fingernails would find their way into the corner of a room. You're asking like, like now.
B
No, I know what it looks like now.
A
Yeah. So. But like, that's when I was in my 20s. It just was not a priority to me. I'm like, no one's ever going to be in here. You know, like, I'm. This is my. This is my space. And chaos works for me. Definitely three or four options. Immediate options of underwear. When I get out of the shower, clean. Yes. So when I. It's really embarrassing. When I did my own laundry when I was living by myself, I put my underwear in the bathroom because I didn't want to, like, walk all the way. Pooh bear, like, walk all the way into the dress.
B
That makes a lot of sense.
A
So it was like, in one of. Just underwear was in, like. And there's a closet in my. Do you guys have closets in your bathrooms?
B
We don't. Okay, now, but you used.
A
So it did. And it just had a little linen layer with, like, just underwear.
B
I think that's actually very smart.
A
Thank you.
B
Yeah.
A
Did I just do. Is that a thing that. Just make a thing that I just make fetch happen?
B
Sure.
A
Did I use that right?
B
Yeah.
A
So I just want to say again how much I love our audience, how much we love Laugh Nation, because those were all great, like, to the point that we had to have honorable mentions.
B
Yes.
A
And we, we sit here and chuckle at. At you guys in your creativity. And I feel like. I feel like we're friends with all of you anyway. Some honorable mentions of things that people thought they'd know. One woman said, finding a good fitting bra by 50. Still. No. You found.
B
I found. Yeah. I mean, it fits well. Is it comfortable? No, no.
A
They thought that they would know more types of birds. Well, there's still time for that. Well, well, well, we. I guess it would have come out by then. Right. Like, we put a video, like, let's play the video. I don't know what you heard about me, but I've been staring for an hour at a tree. Is that a nut hatch or a chicken? D Gotta identify that B I R
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D. By the way, that video was. Came out of the brain of Anne Marie Tapke.
A
Yes.
B
And sometimes, you know, we all pitch ideas, right? And we're like. And sometimes someone says something and we're
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all like, yeah, I had to leave the call, right? Yeah.
B
He's like, I have to write it now.
A
It's a really good sign if we all have to leave the call.
B
This has to be.
A
Someone comes up with an idea.
B
Yeah. That was so good.
A
And, like, the perfect song to match with it. And that was all amt.
B
All amt.
A
People thought that they would know how to master time management by the time they were 50.
B
I have, like, a time distortion thing. I don't know how long things take. If I have an appointment at noon, I can't do anything all day. Yeah.
A
What about baking something from scratch? Thought that you would know how to do that. Like biscuits from scratch. You've made some stuff from scratch.
B
Yeah. I'm good at a cookie, a cake, a biscuit, though. Can I just. Here's where I'm not truly Southern. They just. They taste so good out of the little.
A
Little tin. Out of the tube with the thing that you like.
B
I mean, it's. It's as if I am trying to, like, dissect a bomb. What's the word for diffuse? Diffuse words are hard. Okay, go.
A
But isn't that, like, a satisfying feeling when it kind of flips out?
B
I get scared. It's like the weasel.
A
People thought that they would know how to be consistent about taking their vitamins by the time they were. Need your pillbox, G. Get a pillbox. Yep. Okay. How to fill out a tax form.
B
It is deeply unfair. I get it. That you as an individual American is like, they make you guess and they punish you if you're wrong. When you have these corporations that go years without paying taxes, it's deeply unfair.
A
Yeah. But, like, the first time I brought my taxes to someone, I was, like, terrified that I was going to, like, spend money on it. And it was H and R Block and it was like, whatever the super saver package was. Like, a trainee came to me and I saved so much money.
B
Yeah. This is not sponsored.
A
No.
B
But I. I'm a big believer in, like, having help with that.
A
Yeah, I fully agree.
B
People go to school for that.
A
Yeah. And finally, how to clean. How to clean your vacuum cleaner. I get that especially if you have like dogs. There's. You have to clean like five compartments.
B
Yeah, I've mastered that.
A
You have.
B
I'm very good at that. Okay, should we do my road to 50 update? We have been updating all year long but this will be like the final final.
A
This is the Road to 50 finale season finale. This is where everybody finds out how you did on the road to 50 and how gentle you were on yourself for things that you maybe didn't get to.
B
Okay, ready?
A
Yep.
B
More on this after these words.
A
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching your insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Work moves fast. Every email, report and proposal counts. That's where Grammarly comes in. It's your one place to think, write and finish. Grammarly's AI agents help you find natural phrasing, fine tune tone and confidently write wherever you work. It's the premier writing tool that 93% of users trust to get more work done in a world of generic AI. Don't sound like everyone else. With Grammarly, you never will. Download Grammarly for free@Grammarly.com lets be completely honest. Are you happy with your job? The fact is, a huge number of people can't say yes to that. Too many of us are stuck in a job we've outgrown or one we never really wanted in the first place. But we stick it out and we give reasons like what if the next move is worse? And I've put years into this place and maybe the most common one. Isn't everyone miserable at work? But there's a difference between reasons for staying and excuses for not leaving. It's time to get unstuck. It's time for Strawberry Me. They match you with a certified career coach who helps you get from where you are to where you want to be, either at your existing job or by helping you find a new one. Your coach helps clarify your goals, creates a plan and keeps you accountable along the way. Go to Strawberry Me Career and get 50% off your first coaching session. That's Strawberry Me slash career.
B
Okay, one of the things I was really you've heard a lot about this was to read 50 books. I. I'm on book 63 now, I think so.
A
That it's been quite amazing to watch.
B
Yeah, that has been the best part of this last year. Maybe not the best part. That has been a highlight of the last year. And I have to say, I. I know so many things now. Like, I can contribute to conversations in different ways, because either I've written, read a book of fiction, or I read Everything is Tuberculosis by John Green. Did you read that? So good. And I was able to have this whole, like, conversation about how tuberculosis basically was influencing pop culture. But I mean, it. It is. It is really eye opening. And so I'm excited to do more.
A
If you read one more, if you get to 64, you could do a March Madness bracket of, like, your favorite books.
B
That would be really hard because I loved so many.
A
Oh, you don't like picking things over other things. Can you tell me your number one favorite? Who's your national champion?
B
I think I've said Frederick Bachman, my friends, was a really good read. Okay. Yeah, I like. I like that one. But again, I also don't want to put an author down, you know, because we've written books, and I would hate to be the first one out.
A
Do you want me to feed you your resolutions and you can give us updates? Okay. 50 acts of kindness.
B
I think if you added them up. Yes. But my goal was to wake up every day and find a way to help people. And it is true that I think when you are in service of. To others, like, it brings you a certain kind of joy. And in the beginning, I was really good at it. Like, I would put people's grocery carts away. I've paid for some coffee. Like, sneaky paid for coffee. I've done some gofundme. But I will say I sort of, like, I just found ways to be kind in my daily life. And so I think accounting. It got really hard, but I think so I think I've been.
A
I can account for it. You've done more than 50. You've been. You've been great about that, you know, and you've done it in spite of the fact that we've had a lot of construction in our street this entire year. Pull up. That was a big one. You wanted to do one pull up.
B
I wanted to do one unassisted pull up. Just one in my life. And I started strong, y'. All. And then I stopped, and for no reason. I still work out.
A
You bought a couple of little doohickeys.
B
I bought a couple doohickeys like because pen has a pull up bar in the garage, but it's for giants. And so it made it like so I could reach was. I was so far away from it being. I could barely. I could hang there and I could kind of activate my shoulders. I was like this is never gonna happen. So I did what I do, which is if I don't think I'm gonna get it, I quit. And if I don't think I'm gonna do it, well, I quit. So I would say by June I quit. And I have to say I probably worked. I probably didn't do as many push ups as I normally do. Like for whatever reason I sort of like, like I can't, I can't get stronger in my upper body because that might get me closer and I know I'm still not going to get it.
A
Wait a minute. So you.
B
I avoided all upper body workouts.
A
You deep six any upper body workouts so that you weren't tempted to try because then you would be more disappointed if you failed. So quitting early made it easier?
B
Yes.
A
Okay.
B
My friend Ileana sort of diagnose why I wanted to do that because Linda Hamilton and Terminator 2 was so. But I think women in Gen X looked at that as like that is the gold standard of what arm should look like.
A
Yeah.
B
So I, I should have had it like that I would be able to do 25 push ups. Right. That so I just, I really sucked at that.
A
Okay, well that's. Honestly I think like if we look at this, you're pretty good record otherwise like walk. You wanted to walk 1,825 miles in a year.
B
That's about 10,000 steps a day.
A
Yeah.
B
And I did that. And how I judged it was I wouldn't get 10,000 steps every day, but say I got. There's some Mondays. Mondays are a lot of meetings here where I'd get like 2,500. So then throughout the week I would get an extra thousand or there was days I would get 20,000 steps and then for the rest I just sort of had a mental accounting. I actually did keep track monthly and I did that.
A
You walk to Denver, girl. Oh, it's amazing. Yeah, that's about how far. I think that's about how far Denver is. We could have someone look that up.
B
Denver is 1630 miles from Raleigh. Okay.
A
But what you could do in 1825
B
miles is either El Paso, Texas or Salt Lake City, Utah.
A
Oh, so you could have gone to Grand Junction also, which is a. In between those.
B
I could go to either of those places. They all seem great.
A
And then lastly, say yes when invited somewhere. That was a big one for you.
B
It was a big one for me. I will say I mostly did that.
A
I would say you improved by 200%.
B
Correct.
A
You probably said yes one out of four times before, and now you're like three out of four.
B
Yes. That's what it feels like. There were still some moments where very kind people invited me places. And I was like, this is like, it's not gonna happen. It's 8 o'. Clock. I can't do that. Like, so you.
A
I mean, you were out and about. I was, you know, really helped mahjong. Mahjong helped help these. Because you got a lot of invitations to do that.
B
I did get a lot of invitations to mahjong. But here's another thing with mahjong. So I started with a group of ladies and one of my friends in particular, who I love very much. Hillary has dedicated her life to this. She plays in tournaments, you guys. So I will go play. But everybody is so good.
A
They've kept. They've gotten.
B
Everybody's so consistent with it because they enjoy it, you know, and they're. And these ladies are so kind. There's no, like, real competition. But it's like, I hate being the worst at something. And so sometimes if I'm like, oh, those people are playing, like, that's not going to be fun for me, which is so stupid. Like, I need to stop that. But I did say yes a lot more.
A
Yeah. That's a new development on mahjong, though. I think that, like, you're still pretty good at it. From what I've seen.
B
It's a probability thing. It's like, oh, yeah. I mean, I'm fine at it.
A
Okay.
B
I'm not gonna win a contest.
A
Just so overall, like, four out of five on some really. I remember you making these goals and thinking, honestly, I thought that the pull up would be one of the easier
B
ones because it's easy for you.
A
Well, that's true. But I. You know what it was. I thought that you would, like, really get into it.
B
Yeah.
A
And it's just like you did these other four things and you over. This is so. Kim, you overdid several of them. You did more than expected. Okay, so here's the big question. This was for 50. Do you have any goals for 51? You love talking about goals.
B
No. I'm gonna think about it, though.
A
Okay. Pull up.
B
Maybe road to 60. Do I give myself 10 years no. Yeah.
A
I mean, you can do whatever you want.
B
Yeah.
A
I made no goals when I was. This is just for me. I made no goals. Specific goals. When I turned 50, I made a super secret kind of internal goal that I wasn't gonna get less healthy.
B
Okay.
A
Like I was gonna, like, on the whole, I was gonna get healthier. I don't know that, like, that's the kind of goal that would work for you. That's like this. It's not attainable.
B
Well, no, no, no. It's just like, not very specific. I like something very specific.
A
Yeah. I need help with my goal making. That's gonna be my goal. I'd like to be better at my goal making. I know you can help me. You're really good at making goals. You like making goals for me.
B
I know, I know, I know, I know. You're welcome.
A
Okay, so before we go, because it is laugh lines, let's take one of your calls. Part of the show where everyone will find laugh. Call us up and you tell us what's on your mind.
B
Hello, this is DJ Waldo calling from Sacramento, California. Sounds like a DJ50 on February 23rd. Side note, I met Penn briefly and
A
took a picture with him at a
B
UNC Michigan game of a Michigan alum I just recorded.
A
I did something really fun for my
B
50th, where I did a podcast, like
A
a five to seven minute podcast of 50 things I learned over the 50
B
years on this planet. I don't know if you're planning on doing anything like that, but it could be some good inspo.
A
And now I'm rambling and I hope
B
you're still listening and I hope this was helpful and keep doing what you guys doing. To the best by oh, love dj.
A
Has there ever been a guy who sounded more like his name was DJ? Than DJ? He sounded like a radio DJ. Yeah.
B
Not sure. Okay, so 50 things you've learned. I've learned a lot of crap.
A
Yeah. You've learned about the Pac man thing.
B
I've learned about the Pac man thing.
A
I don't know that we're equipped to really go for 50 things right now. What's the most important thing that you've learned in the. In the last 50 years of your life?
B
Love is all that matters.
A
Oh, my God. I was going to say the same thing. I wish I could quit you.
B
I think the thing that I've been able to process is like the little stuff actually doesn't matter. Yeah. And I think that especially in our marriage, we've. We do such a good job of picking our battles.
A
Yeah.
B
I'm like, okay, you win. Let's move on. Like, it's, it's just, it's the big stuff.
A
Yeah. Good.
B
What about you?
A
It's better to clean your butt with water.
B
You guys. I got pen a bidet for Christmas. And he has never loved to gift more. It has a heated seat. There is heated water that shoots across
A
your bum and it's like a little angel has a hairdryer underneath it. Afterwards there's like an air dry. Yeah.
B
So you've loved that experience.
A
I've never felt cleaner, I can tell you that much. I'm not sure why everyone's looking at me funny.
B
Anyway, this has been a great birthday episode. Thanks, babe.
A
Before we go, this is our one last surprise segment. I'd like everyone to look under their chairs and when you don't see anything there, I want you to look over to your left. It's cookie cake.
B
You guys.
A
Not you guys. It's Anne Marie. Anne Marie does all this.
B
Anne Marie does all of this. Anne Marie is like the gift giver and planner. You a cookie cake to share. Thank you. Or not.
A
I mean if you want the whole thing. That's too much.
B
It has so much icing on it. Good job, Anne Marie.
A
Anne Marie, you were very.
B
No, I'm not. Not Oprah. I know you said that at the top you thought Oprah was going to come in with a cake. I'm sorry that it's me, but it's still a cake. Greater than sign. Greater than sign. Oprah. Pac Man. Oprah.
A
Oh, the Pac man's face toward Anne Marie.
B
Yes.
A
And Oprah's.
B
Yeah. I'm telling you, it's too much praise. I can't handle that. We will. We have had several of you email or message us that you also have been adding cookie cakes the grocery cart and is also adding joy and that sometimes they're hard to find. Which was really funny. They're like, did the Holderness family put a rush on cookie cakes? I do not believe that to be true. But our son just got his license and one of my joys is just being able to send him places like he's our personal doordash driver now. I'm like, go to Harris Teeter which we love and adore and go pick up a cookie cake. And they were. And it was later. It was like at 9 o' clock at night. They were out of cookie cakes. So he came back with a bag of frozen sugar free cookies. We are still working on details with my guy. They weren't bad. I was like, wow, I've never seen chocolate chip cookies.
A
They were very cold.
B
They were out of the frozen food section.
A
I think they needed to be cooked.
B
Yeah, we. He was trying his best, you know, I'm just like, he was. He was texting. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna let him figure this out. These are some life lessons. But he got cold. Sugar free chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, we still ate them anyway.
A
Cookie K. Thank you and thank you
B
for making me feel so special. Thank you, thank you and thank you for those that are still listening.
A
Kim, it's your 50th. Who would you like to read the credits and how would you like them to read the credits? This is your special day.
B
Can you read it like Oprah?
A
Sure, I can try, but I'm okay. Laugh Lines is written and produced.
B
I'm sorry.
A
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Let's stop it right now.
B
This isn't British.
A
Well, I. What do you want me to sound like? Laugh Lines is written and produced by Kim Holderness, Penn Holderness and Ann Marie Tapke with original music by Pen Holderness. It is filmed, edited and live produced by Sam Allen and hosted by acast. As always, we'd love to hear from you. You, please, please, from the bottom of my heart, write to us@podcast theholdernessfamily.com or leave a voicemail at the simply delightful landline known as 323-364-3929. And we will talk to you soon on Laugh Lives.
B
She does enunciate very well. You did a great job.
A
Very well enunciated. She's British.
B
Oprah. Okay.
A
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.
B
ACAS powers the world's best podcasts.
A
Here's a show that we recommend
B
this season on the Dream. Supplies are being by nurses who run out in the middle of the night and purchase diapers, but the hospital is still charging as if they still have these items.
A
We are digging into every topic we've
B
ever wanted to cover on this show. It's a spinning plate analogy.
A
The second that you stop spinning those plates, that crashes.
B
So you can never stop working.
A
The Dream Season 4 comes at you weekly. Starting Monday, January 20th. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.
Laugh Lines with Kim & Penn Holderness
Aired: March 24, 2026
This milestone episode of Laugh Lines celebrates Kim Holderness’s 50th birthday with humor, reflection, and heart. Joined as always by her husband and co-host, Penn, Kim dives into the expectations, surprises, and realities of turning 50. The episode is part birthday roast, part midlife reflection, featuring surprise messages from friends and experts, a hilarious "what I thought 50 would look like" segment, a crowdsourced top-10 list of things people thought they'd know by this age, and an update on Kim’s self-imposed "Road to 50" challenge. The tone is candid, playful, and uplifting—reminding listeners that aging is both a privilege and an adventure.
Kim’s Reflection: Turning 50 brings up unexpected emotions—more about transition and reflection than instant wisdom or glamour.
Penn’s Reframe: Penn lightens the existential mood by counting “agency” from adulthood, reassuring Kim she’s still in the game:
Society’s Expectations: Kim and Penn joke about 1980s/1990s TV conditioning—thinking 50 meant Golden Girls vibes, short haircuts, or deep knowledge of economics and newspaper reading.
Penn (06:25) introduces a surprise—voice messages from friends and experts who share what turning 50 (and beyond) means to them:
Notable Quote:
"The best thing about being in your 50s is you finally know yourself. Maybe not 100%, but better than you used to."
– Gretchen Rubin (07:45)
Kim’s Reaction:
The messages are both comforting and slightly overwhelming, reminding Kim she’s still in a transitional “shedding” phase. She recalls her second-grade teacher’s comment: “Kim struggles with transitions. And that has not ended.” (09:59)
Kim & Penn’s Early-Life Stereotypes:
Penn on Kim’s Evolution:
Crowdsourced from Instagram and listeners, this segment is packed with relatable laughs and gentle commiseration.
Highlights include:
Honorable Mentions:
Kim’s Self-Declared Goals, and How She Did:
Read 50 Books:
50 Acts of Kindness:
Do One Unassisted Pull-Up:
Walk 1,825 Miles (10,000 steps/day):
Say Yes When Invited Somewhere:
Reflections on Goal-Setting:
DJ Waldo from Sacramento shares that for his 50th, he recorded a quick podcast of 50 things he’d learned over 50 years, suggesting it as an idea for Kim (39:35).
Kim & Penn’s Take:
They joke about not having 50 things on the spot, but zero in on the most important lesson:
Memorable Moment:
Penn shares (jokingly?) his biggest discovery:
“It's better to clean your butt with water.” – Penn, regarding his beloved bidet (41:04)
True to the Holderness brand, the episode is warm, goofy, and honest, oscillating between poignant admissions and self-aware laughter about the realities of midlife. Penn’s loving ribbing keeps things buoyant, while Kim’s sincerity grounds the conversation in genuine emotion. The inclusion of listener voices and community responses underscores the inviting, collaborative feel of Laugh Lines.
This episode is a birthday party for anyone facing the half-century mark with equal measures of dread, hope, and joy. It reminds listeners that getting older means letting go of the myth of “having it all together”—and instead, more fully inhabiting gratitude, laughter, and love.
Recommended for: Anyone reflecting on milestone birthdays, fans of real-talk about aging, and those who want to laugh (and maybe cry a little) about the journey.
Contact the show:
Leave a voicemail: 323-364-3929
Email: podcast@theholdernessfamily.com