Let’s Do Medium Maycember with Rachel Feintzeig

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Let’s Do Medium Maycember with Rachel Feintzeig"

Laugh Lines with Kim & Penn Holderness
Release date: May 12, 2026
Guest: Rachel Feintzeig, award-winning journalist, essayist, and chronicler of work-life culture

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Episode Overview

In this lively and relatable episode, Kim and Penn Holderness tackle the chaos of "Maycember," a tongue-in-cheek term for the notorious busyness of May—rivaling December—in the lives of parents. Their guest, Rachel Feintzeig, joins to discuss her viral New York Times essay "Parents, Consider Underachieving," which struck a chord with overwhelmed parents everywhere. The conversation explores why everyone feels pressured to go "above and beyond" for their kids, how the cycle escalated, and whether it’s possible to create a pact for “medium parenting” that’s healthier all around.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

What is "Maycember" and Who Coined It?

• Maycember refers to the end-of-school-year frenzy, stacked with events, tests, ceremonies, and obligations, paralleling the stress of December but without the holiday fun.
• Kim and Penn reflect on possibly popularizing the term ("Dictionary.com says we did—Did we actually invent it? Maybe not, but we definitely popularized it." – Penn, 05:16).
• [04:01–06:15] The hosts reminisce about school events like "Wacky Tacky Hat Day" and commiserate over how the calendar has become jam-packed for parents.

Parenting Evolution: Aging Out of the Pressure (07:37–10:45)

• Kim and Penn describe how their Maycember stress has declined now that their children are older, more independent, or simply less communicative about events.
• "I have longed for years to have a chill May. And now it's here. I sort of love it." – Kim, 09:35
• They joke about letting their son go out the door with an “incredibly medium” poster for a school event and how freeing it feels not to over-invest.

The Burden of Parental Overachievement (12:23–13:53)

• Kim laments the social pressure of academic and extracurricular excellence: "To make a sports team in most schools, you have to be so specialized... If you're not getting all A's, you're not going to get into a college. What if we just let [kids] be who they're going to be?" (12:09)
• The hosts question if opting for less has to be a group decision, because otherwise your kid is left behind by comparison.

Introducing Rachel Feintzeig and Her 'Underachieving' Manifesto (15:40+)

• Rachel summarizes her essay: "Just giving up. Everyone together. Because I can't do this alone." – Rachel, 18:25
• She calls for a collective movement toward “medium” effort, so no child feels left out and no parent feels guilty for not being “extra.”

The Cycle of Escalation & the Role of Social Media (20:11–22:10)

• Birthday parties, playdates, and everyday parenting moments have become competitive spectacles.
• "One mom does something and then you feel like you have to reciprocate... It just totally spirals." – Rachel, 21:14
• Kim and Penn acknowledge being both participants and victims in the “parent arms race,” from balloon arches to curated playdates.

COVID’s Lasting Impact & Generational Parenting Shifts (28:25–31:39)

• Rachel notes the pandemic may have intensified over-parenting, but the impulse preceded it; social media and guilt over “missed experiences” only made things worse.
• Kim and Penn discuss their own overcompensations in response to less-involved boomer parents: "Everyone tries to do the opposite of what their parents did. And then you probably just mess your kids up in a different place." – Rachel, 30:29

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Medium is not failing. Cs get degrees. The park is enough. A sheet cake is enough." – Penn, 51:27
• Rachel’s synthesis: "I dream of the day we can all take it down a notch without shame…what I need is a quorum." – Recapped by Penn, 16:04
• "You can't do everything right. The things you drop probably won't matter in 10 years." – Penn, 48:48

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The "Maycember GPA" (32:00–42:56)

A lighthearted anxiety-rating game for typical end-of-year parenting demands:

• End of Year Class Parties (nut-free, gluten-free, low-sugar treats): D to F (high anxiety!)
• Contribution Spreadsheets for Teacher Gifts: A to B ("Tell me exactly what to do; love it when it's suggested," – Kim, 34:11)
• Field Day (set-up required): F (“I still have PTSD,” – Kim, 35:04)
• Spirit Week (different theme every day): C to F (draining, but depends on child’s enthusiasm)
• Endless Youth Sports Seasons: B to F (Rachel: "My husband has a bachelor party. Ew." – 37:26)
• Award Ceremonies for Everyone: A for Rachel, varies for others ("It means a lot for a 7 or 8-year-old, but not every high schooler needs a trophy." – Kim, 41:03)

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Solutions & Takeaways

Can We Really Go "Medium" Without Guilt? (Entire show; especially 26:10+, 47:41+)

• Rachel and the hosts agree it often feels like a group shift is needed for parents to stop feeling like they're failing if they don’t go above and beyond.
• Kim relays personal guilt about missing events, recounting "the pumpkin parade incident": "The number of times she [her daughter] has brought that up to me…" (27:08)

The Universal Pinky Swear, or 'Quorum,' Concept (47:41)

• Penn: "This might take a massive movement…a kind of universal pinky swear." (47:41)
• Their challenge: Can parents join together to normalize less pressure and more sanity?

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Top Three Takeaways ("Subway Summary" – 49:57–51:46)

1. You Cannot Do Everything Right.
   The things you drop (missing a class party, a less-than-excellent poster) will likely not matter in the long run. Meltdowns from doing too much are what you’ll remember.

2. Medium is Not Failure.
   Average is fine—Cs get degrees, and kids don’t need every cake to be Pinterest-worthy. The “park is enough.”

3. Chaos Has a Shelf Life.
   The intense season does end, and, as Kim and Penn attest, life calms down as kids get older and more independent.

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Notable Listener Moment (51:55–52:46)

• Listener Charlotte calls in with a parody song idea about constantly searching for charging cords—“Chord!” referencing the Beastie Boys’ “Girls.” Kim and Penn love the creative community engagement.

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Where to Find Rachel Feintzeig

• Rachel is working on a book.
• Regular contributor to The New York Times opinion section.
• Website: rachelfeintzeig.com
• On LinkedIn.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:01 – What is Maycember? Parental chaos memories
• 08:04 – "Aging out" of the Maycember chaos
• 12:23 – Pressure on both high-level and average kids
• 16:39 – Welcome Rachel Feintzeig; summary of her essay
• 18:25 – Rachel’s “just giving up together” solution
• 20:11 – How overachieving cycles begin and spiral
• 28:25 – Did COVID make parents more extra?
• 32:00 – Maycember GPA game: rating parenting pressures
• 47:41 – Can parents collectively agree to do less?
• 48:48 – Top three takeaways (“Subway Summary”)
• 51:55 – Listener call-in: parody idea
• 53:28 – Credits

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Episode Tone

Witty, conversational, reassuring, and realistic. The episode encourages laughter at the realities of parenting, vulnerability about parental guilt, and hope that “medium” can become the new standard—if only enough people pinky swear to do it.

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Listen If…

You’re an overwhelmed parent wondering if anyone else is drowning in spirit weeks, allergy-safe snacks, and balloon arches. You crave solidarity, permission to drop the ball occasionally, and a hearty laugh about “underachieving” as a radical act.

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Notable Quote to End:

"Chaos has a shelf life. We're on the other side of it now. For the most part." — Kim Holderness (51:46)

Transcript

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[A]

Sometimes our stupid videos bring people together.

[B]

It's our gift. Can we make a medium Maysember? Like, are there things that we can truly give up?

[A]

Your Maysember gpa. GPA being your general parental anxiety.

[C]

Finally, a GPA that I can just, like, nails.

[B]

Nails.

[A]

Yeah. We get older every day. Got more wrinkles.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

Yeah, we're laughing. When we age, life is like a comedy stage. And that's why we got.

[B]

Hey, everybody, I'm Kim Holderness.

[A]

And I'm Penn Holderness. Welcome to Laugh Lines.

[B]

Okay. If you've ever forgotten totally that it's your kids spirit week, and today in particular, in which it was Wacky Tacky hat day and you had to sit there and carpool and fashion a wacky hat out of, like, chewing gum and a ball cap that you had in the backseat. Where are your people?

[A]

I'm having flashbacks of Wacky tacky day. It's usually pretty easy. They usually just went into my closet stol all of my ties that were pretty expensive and then got crap all over them and I could never use them again.

[B]

Yeah. So you know that feeling in December where every weekend is triple booked and there's something to do every single day? Well, somehow May got the memo. And that's why we call this month Maysember, because it has all the craziness of December. But we've added standardized testing and end

[A]

of year pageants and everything possibly like that you would have to do at the end, like the award ceremonies for all of the schools, graduations from eighth grade to ninth grade, like, all kinds of stuff that, like, maybe didn't even exist back when we were younger.

[B]

We have a fantastic guest in the pod today, and we're going to challenge some of the things that I think we could stop doing. But first, okay, we. We call it May sember. Somebody said we coined the phrase. Were we the first people to say this?

[A]

Right. So it was weird because people started reaching to us. Like you guys coined May Sember. And we're like, did we? And so if you Google may sember,

[C]

the online content creator duo, the Holderness

[A]

family coined the term may sember. I mean, did we.

[B]

It's one of those things that I think we just said because it felt like December.

[A]

I feel like we heard that term from somebody.

[B]

What?

[C]

Dictionary.com. okay. Has you

[B]

what?

[C]

The term was popularized by the.

[A]

Popularized by.

[C]

Maybe we popularized December across their musical

[D]

family theme, blog, and social media channels.

[C]

Guys, this is Dictionary.com.

[A]

i mean, maybe dictionary. Yeah. But I want to give some. Like, just in case there's somebody else who actually said it before us. We may have heard that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're not claiming to have invented this. The Internet is. And that's. We did do a lot of content about it. And we did. I think we definitely popularized, to be clear. Yeah.

[B]

I. I don't remember hearing it anywhere else, but I also don't remember it feeling like a lightning strike that we called a macember. It didn't feel like a big deal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, this relates to nothing. But we have an amazing guest. We're going to talk about some of the things we can challenge. We have done a lot of Maysember content to the point where Dictionary.com thinks we invented the word. Should we play one or a few of those? Yes. Let's have a little.

[A]

We'll have a little mashup. A little May mashup. Little mace up. Have yourself a merry Maysember. That name fits just right. Cause it's like December but without the light. Yeah, it really sucks. We got all these things to do when the year is almost through. We end up pre testing again, stressing them out. Mornings we are your hobby. Yeah. Your lunch is a piece of cheese. Gets wide. It's gonna be mine. How awful is missing, by God, Busy like Christmas. But we're still in May.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Can I be really honest here? Come talk to me. We are not fully in Maysember anymore. Yes.

[A]

What happened, babe?

[B]

We have to move our daughter home from college.

[A]

Yes. That's part of it.

[B]

That's part of it. We. Our. Our kids are in college and in high school and all of those end of year things are just not happening.

[A]

So here's the three big things that have happened to us. Number one is the obvious. Aging out. Right. Like, people make lesser deals of things, the older they get.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right. Number two is driver's licenses.

[B]

Yeah. Huge.

[A]

That is. That is absolutely massive. And number three, our second kid, if he got it, if he got a reward from NASA for discovering a new galaxy that we could live in. I don't think he would tell us. I think we'd have to like, we'd have to sort of wrest it out of him.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

I mean, to the point where in middle school, one of my friends sent me a picture of my son getting an award on stage. Like he won the heart of gold award or something like that. And to top it off, he came home, didn't tell me, and finally I was like, anything to tell me? Anything to happen? He's like, no. And I was like, what about this? He goes, oh, yeah, got an award.

[A]

So remember how he described it?

[B]

What?

[A]

He's like, I just gave it to me because he felt sorry for me. I was like, what? You don't get the heart of gold for feeling sorry for people. You give it for sacrificing and being a good person and all the, like, all the things we actually want you to be.

[B]

Yeah. And our first child was. Had all of those things and wanted us all at all those things. Our second child may have all those events, but he's not telling us about

[A]

telling us about it.

[B]

So we can't just show up. Right. So I have longed for years to have a really like just chill. May a chill. May like a chill start to the summer. Because truly I've always felt so frazzled. And now it's here. I sort of love it.

[A]

Love it. You do love it. Okay, so I didn't know if you were gonna say you missed it.

[B]

I missed.

[A]

No, I'm with you.

[B]

Do you know what I do miss? Like the end of school year class parties in like first grade.

[A]

The one where.

[B]

And you got. It was like the last day of school and you went to got ice cream. It's like a half day. And then you went to get ice cream at the class. I sort of that if you're listening and you're going crazy right now, we are your future. And it's pretty great. It's pretty great. I will also to. To my son's credit, he first of all, brilliant kid, super smart, athletic, checks all the boxes, does all his own thing. He is very okay with medium on some things. Like today he walked out the door because it's like track and field senior night. And he made a poster for the senior on the high jump team. And it was incredibly medium.

[A]

Was it like actual post or was it just a piece of paper with his name?

[B]

No, he went to get poster board. Yeah, I think our daughter would have spent like eight hours on it. He Was he did it. He's a kid who made a poster. And I have to say as a mom, I was so happy to just like let it walk out the door. Medium.

[A]

I want to ask this question to parents of boys. Is it just us? Do they have like spatial difficulties that maybe others don't have when it comes to making a poster?

[B]

I think that there was a version of me as a parent with my firstborn that would have said, hold on, let me help you with it. I much prefer this version where I'm like, well, there you go. That's what it is. But we've talked a lot about being medium and shooting for Medium. But I want to give space for the kids who want to thrive and want to spend hours and hours on a poster, who want to be a professional athlete. And they go for, for it. But for the rest of us, can we make a medium? May some like, are there things that we can truly give up? For example, we've talked about having like a medium sports league because the rec league. Great. But our son has played basketball there. There's a lot of kids that are new, so they get hurt because they don't really know how to foul somebody, whatever. But if you're medium, you know how to play. You just don't want to play every single weekend in a tournament that travels. Right. But the issue is to make a sports team in most schools across the country, you have to be so specialized and take it to academics. If you are not pushing it to a thousand and having tutors, whatever. If you're getting, if you're not getting, like there's this narrative of like an A, all A's, you're not going to get into a college. What if we just like let them all be who they're gonna be and like what would the natural state look like?

[A]

Right. So you feel like it only works if everyone agrees to this.

[B]

Yeah. Because if everybody else is putting their kids through sat, like a summer long SAT prep course, then I guess I have to too because my kids scores are going to be compared to their scores.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So that leads to maybe that kid going to whatever, like a more competitive college. Does that mean that your child is behind in life or does that mean that your child is taking a route that might be better for mental health, like Truly.

[B]

So it's a good question.

[A]

This is all stuff that I, I'm asking you because I don't know if we need permission from everyone else to be this way with our kids. I don't know if we, if we can't just say, okay, we're going to let this go. We're going to see where it takes us. And there's a really good possibility that this, the kids who aren't going to the super like high end competitive colleges are going to develop in a more healthy way than the ones who do a thousand percent.

[B]

And it is definitely a me problem. It's, it's a me problem. I think. Listen, both of our kids are very driven. They're different.

[A]

Very different, Very different.

[B]

Very driven on different things. But it is, I'll just be totally honest, like in the schools we go to, if, and we live in North Carolina, which is like the basketball capital of the world, if you're not playing year round hardcore basketball, like you can't get on a. And there, there are incredible athletes at this school that can jump and they're just, they can't make the team because they don't play your own basketball.

[A]

So that's, that's an interesting part because the, the answer used to be, well, it's okay in the summertime there's rec leagues and in the summertime there's these AAU traveling teams. Because however, for most people that doesn't have the same social element as representing your school. Right, right. And so that is unfortunately a place where the numbers haven't changed since we were kids. A very small percentage of people get the opportunity to represent their high school. Even smaller get a chance to represent their college. And you're right about that because if you're not specialized then, then you're host. So anyway, May Sember is a big part of that too, because it's the start of AAU season, baby, which for the first time in a while this

[B]

year, we're not doing.

[A]

We're not doing.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Like PC said, he's gonna maybe do a couple of tournaments and be the coach.

[B]

I love it. I love it.

[A]

I wouldn't call that medium. I'd call that excellent. I'd call that like next level.

[B]

He loves that role anyway. And, and, and I have to say, maybe if he were our first born, I would have said, well, what, what does this mean for trying out and making, you know, getting play time on a varsity team. Guess what? Doesn't matter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like maybe don't do it. Like maybe do something else.

[A]

So, yeah, I think in the end you just want your kids to care about something. And, and my biggest problem, and maybe this is something we'll talk about during May Sember is like when he gets really good at something I'm saying he, because this is mostly my son, which he's naturally great at, has been given these God given talents and then probably realizes, oh, I don't know if this is what I want the rest of my life to be. He moves on, which is a very logical thing to do at his age. I'm like, what's going to be your thing? And that's not something you can ask them when they're 16. I didn't know what I was going to do till yesterday. It seems like it's been a long, like it took me a long time to get to this job.

[B]

We had the perfect person to break this all down. Okay. She's an award winning journalist, a former Wall Street Journal work and life columnist. She wrote a piece for the New York Times opinion section called Parents Consider Underachieving. In it she writes, I'm just so tired and so bad at crafts. I dream of the day we can all take it down a notch without shame. Skipping an event here and there, ignoring a made up holiday there. What I need is a quorum.

[A]

Rachel Feinsig is an award winning journalist and former work plus life columnist for the Wall Street Journal where she covered careers, ambition and family life. She now contributes essays to the New York Times opinion section and her work has earned honors from the New York Press Club and the Society for Advancing Business Editing and Writing and has been featured on npr, CBS News, CNBC and the Late show with Stephen Colbert.

[B]

Rachel is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and lives in Connecticut with her husband and two kids and has apparently decided to take on the whole overachieving parent industrial complex. Welcome to the show, Rachel.

[A]

Rachel is taking a break from her worldwide tour after, after this article made quite a few waves in the media to join us on Laugh Lines. Thank you so much for joining us.

[C]

Thank you so much for having me.

[B]

Okay, so highlight by the way. Oh, okay. Good to know.

[A]

Not, not the CBS morning.

[B]

Yeah. So you're in the middle of May Sember. What are you dealing with? Give us, give us a rundown of what your May somber looks like.

[C]

So I can't even keep this all in my head so I like have to consult like a notebook for a second. Okay. Okay. I got the school carnival, the school world fair. I have patriotic morning. I don't know if this is like to my school. Okay, so the parents assemble in the school parking lot and you sit there, it's during the workday and you sit there for a few hours and the kids come up and they sing like Yankee Doodle dandy. And you can't leave, as you guys know. You can't leave after your kid is done because that would be poor form.

[B]

Oh, my Lord.

[A]

And how many kids are singing this?

[C]

Oh, there's like 500 kids in this school.

[B]

But it's like a drive in. Yeah, it's a. It's a drive in patriotic event. Wow, that is.

[A]

Sounds like a parade.

[B]

That's very unique to your school, I'll say that.

[C]

It's a lot going on up here in Connecticut. And then, you know, the typical, like, sports ballet show. Oh, we have bike to school morning,

[B]

which I've seen that on the news, which actually.

[C]

And this is kind of the problem. Like, bike to school morning is so fun. And I feel like you kind of lose out on the fun of some of these things because you're so stressed you can't even enjoy, you know, everything feels like a chore.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd love you to kind of paraphrase the article for those who missed it, but you had a wonderful, wonderful solution to all of this during Maysember. Can you share that with us?

[C]

Just giving up. Everyone together. Just giving up. Because I.

[A]

Holding hands alone.

[B]

So my. My thing is, could we circulate not a petition, but some sort of online agreement and online pinky swear. Right. So that you and I pinky swear. We're all just gonna go. Not. Let's not give up. Let's just go really medium. Right. Okay. So maybe we don't all go to the patriotic morning. Maybe we let. We let the kids do their own arts and crafts gifts or something like that. Maybe we just mail it in a little bit. It. But we all have to agree on it, right? Yeah.

[C]

As soon as this stuff, even when it becomes, like, optional, it's like, you know, everyone. It just gets ratcheted up and up. And then I don't want my kids to feel sad. Yeah, that's another solution. Just to be like, I don't care. But I just. I can't quite get there because I. Cause I care, you know, like, about how my kids feel.

[A]

So if you give up, I'm sorry, If. If you all agree to do it, then no one's feeling left out as a kid. That sounds like that's what we're saying now. You are. Your kids are how old, Rachel?

[C]

Seven and eight.

[A]

Right. So this gets.

[B]

You're in the thick of it.

[A]

This gets. You are in the thick of it for that. But it gets rol. Interesting when they get older because it stops being. Hey, like our Kids are going to get their feelings hurt and becomes ooh, our kids aren't going to get into college, they're not going to make their basketball team, they're not going to do all these other things.

[C]

I feel like even if that's more directly spoken when they get older, like I think that's some of the anxiety that's driving this and I, I don't blame parents. Like everyone wants their kids to be successful and to have a good life and like some of this is anxiety and people being scared about their kids futures and it just kind of trickles down to kindergart.

[B]

I have noticed this isn't just a May sember extra ness. The overachieving is spreading to a lot of family moments including a birthday party. I mean I used to get a sheet cake, loved it, no complaints mom. But now there's like balloon arches and big over custom cake orders. By the way, I have done this because like her friend's parents did this. So as Saturday activity is no longer the park, it's like let's go ziplining and go to an indoor like trampoline extravaganza. So like how did we get here? And most importantly like how do we get out of it?

[C]

I think it just spirals. Like I, I don't even think people like me mean for it to go poorly. You know, I don't think it's like something nefarious going on. I think like one mom does something and then feel like you have to reciprocate either, either for your kid or just even for your community.

[B]

Right.

[C]

I'm thinking of like play dates. Like play dates have become this curated affair I feel.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Where it's like another mom like puts out a big art like has like activities and I, I feel like I, you know, like if you don't do the same it's like rude and then it just totally spirals.

[A]

In defense of the mothers and the fathers, I'll just throw us in there. Sometimes I think we're trying to discover like what love languages for our kids and I feel like when they're younger it is definitely this like gift giving mentality to, to, to be as generous as possible not only with your kids but with everyone else's kids and like say here's, here's the community. I've got a catered lunch for this playground play date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That, that we're doing right now. Which I've seen. And so I, I guess I want to, I, I, I just wanted to add that because I do think that Most parents are doing the best that they can to try to make their kids happy.

[B]

Happy.

[A]

It's just we've come to this point totally.

[C]

And like, I want my kids to be joyful. Like, there's so much going on in the world. Like, I want my kid. Like, it's so true that you're only happy as your least happy child. Like, yes, I. I want them to be happy.

[B]

And I will say, I am not shaming people who have done balloon arches and custom cake orders because for my daughter's 16th birthday, there was a balloon arch.

[A]

Yep, there was.

[B]

There was a photo backdrop thing that we ordered on Amazon. There was a custom cake, you know, with the 16 and flowers. Like it was, it was extra. And she asked me, like, what was your 16th birthday? And I was like, betty Crocker showed up. Like, I. Yeah, that was it. More on this after these words. Okay, we've got an ad and it's about menopause. So I know what you're thinking. Time to take a little break. But hold on, let me help you figure out if this ad's actually for you. You.

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That's Holderness to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Okay, your consider underachieving essay. So many people sent it to me, so it hit a nerve. Were people relieved or that? Were they defensive?

[C]

No, people were not defensive, but they also. I feel like when I write pieces, oftentimes I'll get the kind of like, your writing is so beautiful, or you spoke to me, or this resonated and I got some of that. But it was more just like, let's take action. Like, you know, it was like, it was less emotional, more like. Like, can we make this happen? I feel like this more than other pieces. It was like the thesis that people just really grabbed onto.

[A]

Okay. You. You espoused this thesis. It's definitely getting some traction. Have you begun testing this thesis in your life yet? Because it's gotta be tough to start.

[C]

I'm terr. I'm terrified you won't do it unless

[A]

someone else does it. Right? Like, you. Like, you need everyone to do it. Okay.

[C]

I was gonna start with Patriotic Morning. Cause my husband was like, the kids can't even see who's in the crowd. Like, you should. That's the one you should, you know, go for. So thinking about it.

[B]

Yeah. Dip your toe into underachieving.

[A]

But I guess my qu. My follow up to that is, do we, like, just really think about this? Do we need everyone else to buy into this? Or could we just become mavericks and say to our kids, listen, this is too much. We love you. Maybe. Maybe. No. But like, we love you. We're gonna let you grow as a normal child like we did and see where this goes.

[B]

I'm with Rachel. Like, okay, it is. I missed because of my disorganization and adhd I missed the memo. Our, our kids had a pumpkin parade. A pumpkin parade during the fall festival. It ended at 11. I thought it started at 11. So I got there at 11 and they were all marching out of the pumpkin parade and my daughter was in tears. You missed it. The number of times she has brought that up to me.

[C]

But I, I missed the bus once in the last, like, four years, almost weekly.

[B]

It's, it's brought, oh, remember the time when you, you didn't get me to the bus on or like, I wasn't there. So I agree that it's hard because if everybody else's parents are there, then your kid is looking around and saying, why aren't my parents here? So that's why I feel like it needs to be a collective this. And it's not even underachieving. I don't want to say underachieving. I want to just say, like, let's make it just normal to not, not to do everything right. Like spirit week. Great. Bring your teacher gift. Great. But being at the school every single day in May. Can we take a break?

[A]

I mean, yeah, I just, I think it could take a small group of, of spunky mavericks to get this started and it might sting for a bit. I mean, I mean, really, the worst thing is going to be the passive ag emails from whoever was organizing the event if, like, people don't show up because, you know, oh, they can go passive aggressive on that. Right.

[B]

So what have been your observations? I mean, you're a noticer of things professionally and then you write about them in the last few years. Are we, do you feel like his parents were just trying to make up for the disappointment of, like, all they missed during COVID It's so funny that

[C]

you guys mentioned that, because I, so until like, a year ago, I was on staff at the Wall Street Journal. I was a reporter there for a long time. I wrote a column called Work in Life, and I wrote a column about this. It was more like, right, maybe it came out like 2022. And it was about this idea that parents had so much guilt and they were ready to splurge and they were worried that they had, like, messed their kids up by not throwing them a giant 4th birthday party because they were in lockdown. And I, I, I think it did just kind of stick around. Like, I don't see a huge difference between the things that I was interviewing people about in 2022, which is like, I'm going to take all my savings and I'm going to go to Disney and, and today I don't, I don't think it started with COVID I think, you know, people were helicopter parenting way before them. But I think it like took it up a level. Some combination of that and like Instagram and people just want to look a certain way. Yeah.

[B]

I've been thinking about this a lot. My, I don't remember my parents at the school a lot at the end because there was no expectation that they were. So I'm wondering the boomer. We're, we're Gen X. You're younger than us. But boomer parents just weren't like, it just wasn't put in place. They're all working. I mean they weren't around a ton. Nothing wrong with that. But I wonder if our reaction you and I pen has been to then significantly over parent because we didn't have that. I mean you've been reporting on family life and ambition and all of those things for years. Like what, what are you noticing about generationally? Are Gen X parents more over parenting or millennial parents?

[C]

I mean, millennial parents, I feel like, are the ones who have been totally steeped in like everything social media throughout their entire parenting journey from like when you had and, and you were comparing notes on like some weird forum, you know, on the Internet. But I think everyone kind of tries to do the opposite of what their parents did in a way. Right. Like, I know I do. Like you just, you think of the things where you felt neglected or like where your parents went a little bit too far this way and you try to go that way and then you probably just mess your kids up in a different place.

[A]

Exactly. We're gonna, we're gonna get it wrong. Like so, so my dad, my dad was a preacher, Rachel. And that's that. That is the most demanding job, I'd still believe. One of the most demanding time wise, probably emotionally wise too on the planet. And he did the best he could. Absolutely did the best he could to be around me. But I think he went to two of my basketball games.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I have reacted to that by being his coach in every single. I don't know that he likes it, but you're so right. I think it's probably just a reaction to that.

[B]

And then I wonder if our, our kids, we're gonna watch our kids and if they're go to swing back and there it's going to be, they're going to have to run the commercial like it's 10pm do you know when your

[A]

children are like, again, I would love to Play a game with you, Rachel, that we are calling your maycember gpa. GPA being your general parental anxiety. And it's. We're gonna.

[B]

We're very serious over here.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

We're going to grade finally a GPA that I can just like nail.

[A]

So maybe this could be the. The metric by which we begin this revolution. And Kim and I are going to play along with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because we'll probably have different answers. Right.

[B]

And we're going to grade this on how much anxiety it gives you personally. And A is zero stress and F is the most stress ever. And we can go, you know, throughout the Alphabet there.

[A]

So again, an A is zero, which is different from how normal GPAs work.

[B]

Right.

[A]

F is a lot.

[B]

Y.

[A]

Okay. End of year class parties where parents are asked to bring allergy friendly nut free gluten optional, fun but not too sugary snacks.

[C]

I'm a D. Parents have to attend the party.

[B]

Good note. I would say yes, they have to

[A]

have to attend it. And this is, this is just how you feel hearing that. How much.

[B]

How much anxiety.

[A]

That gave me a D. That's a high anxiety for me because I don't know how to make any of that stuff.

[C]

I'm going to go F. Like I can, I can just pick up those cupcakes at have like my grocery store allergy. But the fact that I have to then bring them in and stay for the whole party is upsetting.

[B]

I will say we had a preschool that ironically nothing could be store bought, which nowadays everything.

[C]

What.

[B]

Correct. Correct reaction. And I listen, I acknowledge an allergy. You got your. That's a handful if you have a kid have allergy. But in the class was a nut allergy, a gluten allergy, and a dairy allergy. And there, there was a sugar wide policy like no sugar and so bit

[A]

of a feel goodery.

[B]

I know. I was like, well, here's an orange.

[A]

Yeah, like that's all you got.

[B]

This is what you got.

[A]

Okay. So sorry. I'm gonna go F. F. Okay. So for GPAs. That's. I'm just doing regular GPAs. This is not weighted. I'm a one. You guys are both zeros.

[B]

Zeros.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Number two, a teacher gift collection spreadsheet with a suggested contribution amount in which everybody can see how much you're contributing.

[C]

Can I Venmo?

[B]

Can you vent? You can Venmo.

[A]

Okay, that's a good follow up.

[C]

I'm gonna go with a B. They're giving you a suggestion, right?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

A or B? A or B. I agree. I love a suggestion like, Everybody put in 20 bucks. If you want to give more, fine. If you don't want to. I think the sheet that everybody can see is a little cringy. I've had those. But I love it when you tell me exactly what to do.

[A]

So you're a baby.

[B]

B. I'm an A.

[A]

You're an A. I'm an A. And I don't care if it's on the spreadsheet. Like, I like. I'm gonna put a big amount up to make people feel bad and guilt them into giving more money to their teacher.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, these teachers should get a lot of money. That's all I'm gonna say. Number three, A field day where you just have to send your kids in gym clothes.

[C]

Oh, hey, hey.

[B]

100.

[A]

All right, so this. This. You know what this was called? This is a gut class. We're all getting A's on this. Because the next one is a field day day where you have to go set up elaborate Olympic styles events for everyone.

[B]

That is an F for me.

[A]

F for you.

[B]

I love. I love a field day, but I've had to be the person to set up the events and. And judge and judge time wise. And it was. I. I still have ptsd.

[A]

You can't win. So an F for you.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna go D. I mean, like, if a kid breaks their arm.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, is it then my. Like, I'm gonna live with that guilt forever.

[B]

I have to say. I had to set up, like, the balloon pop relay race. And then there was. There was this sweet boy who had just broken his leg and he was in crutches. And then like, how do we handicap that? Because he had to participate. And then he was crying and it was like a whole. I still have. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe we're putting this. Anyway.

[A]

Yeah, I've ruined enough kids moods and dreams as a coach during my lifetime, so I'm pretty good with this one. I'll give it a. I'll give it a B. I'm okay with it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Spirit week with a different theme every day for the whole week.

[A]

F. It's too much.

[B]

What do you think?

[C]

So one of my kids just doesn't really care about this. So I actually feel pretty like, if he doesn't care, I don't care. You know? Which goes back to that idea of, like, I only care about this stuff if it upsets my kids. It's not like I'm so concerned about what Right. Parents think of me. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna go see.

[A]

See. Okay.

[B]

See, I'll go same. See, we had one kid that was super into it and one kid who was not. I'll go. I'll go see. I did do a little bit of a personal rant on my personal Facebook page, like, 10 years ago. And just because it comes in May, Spirit week is always in May. And it's Teacher Appreciation week week, which is also, like, every day. You. You want to. You want to bring these things in for teachers. Like, you want to bring in the muffins. You want to do all that. But also, I have to tease her hair for wacky tacky day. So I went on, like, a little bit of, like, a. Hey, guys, can we put this another week? I got some. There were. I. If canceling could have happened, like, I probably would have been canceled.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The spring sports season, that somehow runs directly into summer sports tryouts with zero breaks, and then that runs into winter and fall sports season, too, and it just never ends.

[C]

This is an F for me. Like, my. My husband works a lot of weekends. He also has a really poorly timed bachelor party in Tampa, Florida. Ew.

[A]

Oh. I think I know why he's going to Tampa.

[C]

This feeling of, like, having to physically be in multiple places at once with my kids upset. Cause no one wants to be late or early. You know, the one who's, like, sitting there, I find it really strange. Stressful.

[B]

Yeah, it's enough for me. It's enough for me.

[A]

For you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll bring our GPA up there. I love sports. It keeps our kids busy. I feel like our kids in a lot of situations, or at least one. Or one or one of them is, like, unhappy when he's not doing sports.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'll give that a B. I like it. And. And just so you know, Rachel, I do. I do try to take the lion's share of sports. Of sports. Like, when. When going. So I'm not, like, pawning that off on my.

[B]

We agreed very early on that if our kids did theater or dance, I would be in charge. And if they did sports. And very. If they did sports, it would be all Penn. Our kids decided after one year of dance when they were three years old that they would go into sports. And I haven't really had to do much ever since, so gave it an

[A]

F. But I can totally understand how that's a lot, for sure. Ready for this one? The end of year slideshow set To a song that will make you cry in public.

[C]

Do I have to contribute the photos or I'm just watch.

[A]

You're in charge of it.

[B]

No, you. And you have to contribute.

[C]

Oh, no, that's enough for me.

[A]

That's enough. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. But also, we've had to make a lot of them. And they. I think people assume. Cause we do video. They are right to assume that we do have resources. But then getting everybody's. I did do a lot for her. My daughter's senior year. Many, like every group she was in. I had to do a slideshow.

[A]

The one that I ended up doing at the end of the year.

[B]

Yeah. And. And they all sent their baby pictures and all babies look alike at some point. And so I was switched to their baby pictures. And they watched it. They're like, that's not. I'm like, listen, chica.

[A]

So where are you in this?

[B]

If I have to make it F. If I just have to watch it, hey, love it. If somebody else would do it.

[A]

But we said, you have to make it.

[B]

Oh, f. Okay.

[A]

What does it say about me that in the last few of these, I've calculated what my. What my rate should have been for editing these things.

[B]

It says that you do this for a living and you know how hard it is.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna go D for that one.

[C]

And that does bring up a good point, which also goes to like the classic contributions. I mean, I, like, I will, like, I mean, hand over my life to some of these teachers. They're doing work and be like, I'm lucky to have, like, all sorts of flexibility. But there are people who, like, if they miss work, they're going to get fired and they're not going to be able to support their families. And there are opportunity costs and financial costs. And I just. I don't know. You know, it's like, it's really hard.

[B]

Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. And I feel like there was something that happened. Kelly Clarkson said something like, why do I have to be there in the middle of a work day? And then the teachers kind of collectively came back with, well, why would I have to stay after work? So that you could come see your kids sing in a recital. I totally get it. And it makes sense for the teachers why this would all happen during the school day because they certainly.

[A]

They're not making overtime.

[B]

They don't get paid overtime. And they. It's just. But it's a no win situation because for working parents, it's virtually impossible.

[A]

And finally, award ceremonies for every possible category. So no child is left without a certificate.

[C]

Am I making. Am I making.

[A]

No, you just have to sit through the whole thing.

[B]

And everybody in the class gets a certificate for something special.

[C]

It's actually an A for me because I. I feel anxiety when it's just, like, the one kid, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Okay. This is the Kim sigh.

[A]

Let's see where this goes.

[B]

I'm a millennial.

[C]

I'm from the, like, every. Everyone gets a trophy generation.

[A]

That was a good answer. I'm just ready.

[B]

No, no, no, no. For seven and eight year olds, absolutely. My. My son used to be on the swim team. I'm using air quotes, and he used to sleep with his participation ribbons. I think it means a lot for a seven and an eight year old to hear. This is what makes you unique and special. 10 out of 10. A. When we're in high school, not every kid needs a certificate. Like, not every kid needs a trophy like the kids who are trying really hard.

[A]

High school is where dreams are narrowed down. Let's narrow them.

[B]

Dreams narrow it down. As much as I would love that my kid would win every single award in every single category, he. I don't know. Is that. Is that rude?

[A]

No, it's fine. I'm a C. C. Okay. So I think we've each represented our own individual feeling and take. And I loved what Rachel said. I loved what you said. My. I'm giving this a D because of my original take. If you have to give an award to every single child, how long is that gonna be? How long is that gonna take? And I.

[B]

And.

[A]

And of those seven hours, 15 seconds will be my son getting the heart of gold, the Ocean award or whatever.

[B]

No, I will say he got it out of the entire seventh grade.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so, ladies, we are not doing well as expected.

[B]

Give us our GPAs.

[A]

Our. Our GPA, our general parenting anxiety. I am leading the pack with a 2.15.

[B]

So you're pretty good.

[A]

That's average technically, if you look at what a C is. Although these days, if you get a

[B]

C. Oh, your future's over.

[A]

Your. Your dreams have been narrowed down. Rachel is a 1.75, so she's like a C minus.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Kind of. Kind of student. Kim, you are a D student. With your anxiety, you are a 1.5 GPA.

[B]

This tracks.

[A]

So it is Rachel's goal to get us all. All of our GP up And. And thank you for everything that you have done to, like, raise awareness of what this is doing to all of us.

[C]

It's been such a pleasure.

[B]

And so what do you what are you working on and where can people find you?

[C]

I'm working on a book, but it's going to be a little while before it,

[B]

so.

[C]

And hopefully, yeah, maybe we can come back and talk about that.

[B]

Oh, okay. I love that. I love that.

[C]

Yeah. And then I'm at the New York Times opinion section just writing guest essays there, here and there. And you can find me also on my website, rachelfeinzig.com I'm on LinkedIn. Yeah, just writing away.

[B]

I love it. This has been great and definitely keep us in a loop for when your book comes out. I would love to have you back. Back.

[C]

Yeah. This was so fun.

[B]

This is fun. Thank you for being weird and wacky and like allowing us to play that silly game. And good luck with May.

[C]

Thank you. Godspeed out there.

[B]

More on this after these words. Sleeping hot is miserable. Sheets stuck to your legs, hair matted to the back of your neck, cranking the AC down to 65 just to feel human.

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[A]

You know what I loved about that? Like sometimes our stupid videos bring people together. Together. You know, sometimes it's our gift. Cuz she quoted our, you know, she quoted our, our mayber video. And like more than once that's happened, we've just had. We. Someone has been like, oh look, you were in an article. And we'd say, what do you mean? It was like it's about your video. Mean like a print article. Yeah, so, so that was nice. And she's, she's, she's onto it. I think I honestly, when we first started this, I think I said why don't we just do it? Let's just do it. Like we can do it and then more people will do it. But this might take a massive movement a Quorum. It might take a quorum.

[B]

A kind of universal pinky swear.

[A]

An immoral majority, if you will.

[B]

I do think it's interesting she said, if your kid doesn't care, that's fine. My son, at this point, I'm saying out loud, I don't think he cares about this stuff. So it's been very easy to take a backseat. But what if he actually does? What if he tells his therapist one day, like, my parents never showed up. She's not going to follow up with, did you invite them? Because that answer is no. But what if he.

[A]

I mean, he is going to talk to his therapist about this just because they all do.

[B]

Right, Right. But, like, he's not inviting us to it. To these things is my point. So it's. But is he still going to be upset we didn't show up?

[A]

Not only is he not inviting us, he's not telling us about him. He's keeping us completely in the dark.

[B]

He still loves us, though.

[A]

Yeah, it seems that way. He likes spending time with us.

[B]

He does.

[A]

Yeah. I think we're good. Okay, it's time for the top three takeaways.

[B]

Yeah, we. We did. We would. We were calling this Pen's Nuggets, and we could turn Pen's face into a nugget. Hoping to get a nugget sponsor. Nothing.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And then we did, because I was really into cookie cakes there for a beat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Still am. Can't stop, Won't stop. And we turned Pen's face into, like, a. A cookie, and it was like morsels that matter or something like that. Yeah, no cookie sponsors.

[A]

What else so I could take away? Well, okay, what if it's like a waste management play? Yeah, like taking out the trash. Yeah, but it's not trash. You're just taking it away.

[B]

I feel like waste management's not going to be the sponsorship. I don't see them doing a lot of influencer deals. They're not sending a lot of people to Coachella. Okay, what if it's a.

[A]

You got nothing?

[B]

No, I'm doing A Beautiful Mind right now. What's another word for, like, a takeaway? A summary. What's a summary?

[A]

Summary.

[B]

A subway summary. Okay, so really what we're doing is, like, a summary.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The subway Summary.

[A]

You're just going for the alliteration there.

[B]

Not sponsored by Subway Way, but could be.

[A]

Just want to make sure you guys know what's going on here. We have this thing of three things we talk about at the end of the podcast. It's very Useful. It's a good way to summarize what's going on, but we really want money for it.

[B]

Or just it all for the podcast.

[A]

We would like. I'm honest, we'd like someone to sponsor our summary. So it could be a Subways summary. It could be a Sizzler summary.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Sizzler.

[A]

It could be. What's another thing that starts with an S?

[B]

Sephora summary.

[A]

Sephora.

[B]

What if. Wait, okay, hold on.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

Coachella just ends. What if Sephora sends us to Coachella next year?

[A]

Okay. Do they send a lot of people to Coachella?

[B]

Very young people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is there a move to have really middle aged people in their 50s go to Coachella?

[A]

What's an older. What's a. What's something that starts with an S that the olds use a lot?

[B]

Squeegees. It is this. Subway. Sephora, Samsung. Sam Club summary.

[A]

Right, so I'm just gonna. Sam. I'm not really sure how to make that work.

[B]

Just a lot of logos, but then make them fuzzy because it is not spons.

[A]

Okay, so here's the takeaways from today's show. Number one, you can't do everything right. The things that you drop probably won't matter in 10 years. So ask yourself, will my kid remember this when I'm doing it? And probably not, but will you remember the meltdown that you had in the parking lot because you were trying to keep all this going? Probably yes. So, yeah, we're good. Number two, medium is not failing. Failure. Medium C actually means average Cs get degrees. We forget about that when. When our kids come home with C's and we lose our minds. Right. So, you know, when it comes to our effort, Medium is fine. The park is enough. A sheet cake is enough. You don't need to cater every single birthday party. And number three, just remember this. And I'm saying this to everyone who's listening, but also to Rachel, who's in the thick of it. She's got some younger kids. Chaos has a shelf life. We're on the other side of it now. Yeah, for the most part.

[B]

Right before we go, let's end with a little call from the laugh line.

[A]

Call us up and you tell us what's on your mind.

[B]

Hey, y', all, my name is Charlotte 10. I have a suggestion for a song parody. It's a morning. I'm trying to charge my phone or my watch or my whatever. And there are a million cords and beastie Boys, boys, girls. But cord starts going through my head. Chord, why can't I find that right? Cord, I want you to run with that. That would make my day.

[C]

Love y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Cords, dishes, and in the bathroom. They even say in the bathroom. Charlotte. A lot of times I will poke holes in these ideas for parodies and say, well, this is why it wouldn't work. I have no hope holes. That's a great idea. We're going to steal this, Charlotte. Except you gave us permission, so it's not stealing. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you, Charlotte. Hey, I mean, send your ideas.

[A]

Guys. It doesn't. We're not exactly going to have ideas forever and gets a little exhausting.

[B]

So maybe more people like Charlotte. Send us your ideas for parody. Read us out. Credit us out.

[A]

All right, guys. Laugh Lines is written and produced by Kim Holderness, Pen Holderness and Anne Marie Tapke with original music by Pen Holderness. It is filmed, edited and live produced by Sam Allen and hosted by acast. As always, we love to hear from you. So please write to [e-mail] or you can call us on our landline, which

[B]

is 323-364-3929 and we will talk to

[A]

you soon on Laugh Lines.

[B]

Okay, love you. Bye bye.

[C]

This is Kat and Nat from Kat and Nat Unfiltered and this episode is sponsored by Michaels. Your destination for all things 2026 grad graduation. If you've got a graduation coming up, the party shop at Michael's is your new best friend. It's your one stop shop for everything. Graduation balloons, party decor, tableware, DIY gifting and more. Literally everything you need. All starting at just 1.99. We're all about making life easier and Michaels has made it super simple with ready made balloon bundles, 2026 numbers and even free helium inflation on select styles. Plus you can shop same day delivery or buy online and pick up in store Michaels everything. To celebrate anything, visit Michaels in store or shop online. Now

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There's a fire inside you you can't ignore.

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Stop now. Not a chance.

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