Podcast Summary: "Men for Menopause with Jesse Robertson"

[Laugh Lines with Kim & Penn Holderness]

Date: December 2, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Laugh Lines is devoted to demystifying menopause, especially for men, and opening up the conversation about how partners can better support each other during perimenopause and menopause. Hosts Kim and Penn Holderness welcome Jesse Robertson, a viral advocate for men's involvement in menopause conversations, to discuss ignorance and stigma around menopause, communication pitfalls in relationships, empathy, and Jesse's viral journey educating other men. The discussion also offers practical advice for both partners and features the characteristic humor and warmth of the Holdernesses.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Men Need to be Part of the Menopause Conversation

• The episode sets out to encourage women listeners to invite the men in their lives into conversations about menopause for mutual understanding and support.
• Penn: “Men, you need to be part of the menopause conversation. We have the fabulous Jesse Robertson, and he’s really taking part in leading that conversation for men about menopause.” (07:44)

2. Jesse Robertson’s Viral Advocacy Origin Story

• Jesse describes how a podcast with Dr. Mary Claire Haver opened his eyes to menopause, changing his perspective as a husband and a father to a teenage daughter.
• He began a TikTok on parenting, but after his new awareness, he shifted focus to menopause—despite thinking it might be “social media suicide.”
• The result was an outpouring of women and men hungry for more honest information and validation.
• Jesse: “Within five minutes, I’m sitting there driving and I’m like, wait, what did she just say? Wait, what’s going on?...This was the—like, you pull into the garage and you don’t get out of the car. I was just sitting there listening to this.” (11:32)
• Jesse: “I was 48 years old, married 18 years, I never heard of this. I’ve never been in a conversation with a single man or woman about this. It’s happening right in front of our faces…The women who we love are hurting quietly in a lot of cases, right in front of our face.” (13:31)

3. Common Resistance from Men & Societal Stigma

• Jesse highlights initial resistance from men: some don’t believe menopause is real or significant, and some even trivialize their partners’ experiences.
• Jesse: “There are men out there that will out for sure say, this isn’t real. They will say, she is making this up. They will say, this is an excuse for bad behavior. …I’ll get comments like, ‘Oh, thanks for the heads up, dude, I’ll just trade her in for somebody younger.’ To which I’m of course saying, like, hey, I bet you rocked in high school.” (16:36)

4. What Jesse Wishes Men Knew about Menopause

• Menopause is not voluntary—hormonal changes are profound and not within a woman’s control.
• The symptoms are disruptive and explain changes in mood, intimacy, and communication—not excuses for “bad behavior.”
• Jesse: “I want men to know how out of control this actually is. … This is literally her losing these hormones that have protected her, right, all this time.” (18:27)
• Jesse: “When she doesn’t want to be intimate, it’s not because of you. When she’s having a mood swing, it’s not because she feels like that.” (19:34)
• Men can’t just “fix” menopause by willing through it; it’s physiological, not psychological.

5. Communication Pitfalls and Solutions

• Couples often focus on symptoms and specific incidents (e.g., lack of sex or mood swings) rather than sharing how these changes make them feel and inviting empathy.
• Jesse recommends using “I feel” statements to defuse defensiveness and foster honest discussion—e.g., “When you lash out at me, it makes me feel like you don’t love me anymore.”
• Men need to approach with compassion and action, not just empathy.
• Jesse: “From your perspective, what’s the biggest communication mistake that couples are making when they’re navigating menopause together? … They’re trying to communicate about that thing rather than talking about how it’s making them feel.” (26:11)
• Kim: “If Penn said, ‘Babe, I know this is so hard for you...’ I don’t get as defensive if I understand he knows how hard it is.” (30:14)

6. Intimacy & Mental Load

• Loss of libido is the most common male complaint, but they must learn that mental load and stress are major factors for women’s willingness to be intimate.
• Jesse: “The reason why she doesn’t want to be intimate right now isn’t because she; you know, there is the physiological hormonal effect, but it’s because she’s super stressed out. She’s very overwhelmed. She’s not relaxed. And that’s where you’ve got to get to if you want something to happen.” (32:47)

7. All This Happens at a Difficult Life Stage

• The overlap of perimenopause with career peaks, parenting teens, empty nesting, and possible elder care adds extra pressure for midlife women.
• Jesse: “All of what she is going through is happening leading up to when she’s at the height of her career, when she’s raising teenagers...Caring for elderly parents and potentially losing one of them. You have to clock all of that as well.” (35:02)

8. Where Men Should Start: Listening & Believing

• Key advice: “It really begins with listening to and believing your wife. It just—I don’t think that’s happening.” (37:13)
• Rather than needing to understand every symptom (“she may not have the words for it”), men should be present, accepting, and ready to learn together.

9. Mental & Emotional Toll – Grief, Shame, Identity

• Many women experience a sense of grief and shame as they undergo changes that affect their self-image and sense of identity, compounded by lack of open discussion and societal standards.
• Jesse: “There’s a period of time as that transition takes place where that might not be how she feels. …the answer that [another woman] gave was shame. …Shame in the context of menopause is also part of this.” (39:59, 41:00)

10. The Role of Social Media & Reaching Men

• Jesse’s analytics show a shift from 98% women to about 75% women, 25% men—men are “green sloping, slowly pizza-turning their way into this conversation.”
• The comments section has become a “massive data mine” and source of communal problem-solving and support.
• Jesse: “I’ve got, there’s plenty ... women will talk about different symptoms...they are different things like anxiety, depression...and the fact that there is a sense of grief.” (45:08)
• The presence of men as advocates is essential for normalizing these conversations.

11. Parody, Humor, and Men’s Menopause Choir?

• The hosts and Jesse brainstorm a “Menopause Men’s Choir,” a ‘We Are the World’-style parody, to raise awareness among men. Jesse’s background as a sales presenter and parody songwriter match the Holdernesses’ comedic brand.
  • Penn: “We will get risers. And we sing kind of a We Are the World style song about what men need to know…We need to collab with Jesse.” (48:51)
  • Jesse (joking): “I started going down the, like, American Pie route. ‘A long, long time ago…’ you go through, like, the sequence of the impact.” (49:38)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jesse: “I just know there are [more men who’d care]...And I’m now seeing that there are. Right? Because men are saying that this is helping them, and it’s saying that this is helping their relationship.” (51:15)
• Kim: “Women may not even have the words for it because we weren’t trained in it either. …There’s a whole generation of women that don’t even know that what they’re experiencing are symptoms of perimenopause and menopause.” (47:49, 60:15)
• Penn: “He does speak in a language that I have not heard people speak about [menopause]…he’s, I think, aware of what’s going on in our heads and acknowledging a lot of that, while also obviously acknowledging what’s going on with the woman.” (59:02)
• Jesse: “I wish I knew about this. …what the one thing that men need to understand is this isn't her choice. …she needs your support.” (18:27)
• Jesse (on how men can start): “Go to her. Listen to her. She has—she will tell you what she’s going through and she may not be able to articulate why in every case, …but start with your wife. Listen to your wife, believe what she’s telling you, and then educate yourself a little bit about this.” (37:13)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Perimenopause Word-Finding/Fog Story – Jeanette’s hilarious call: 08:09–09:18
• Jesse’s Origin Story – 10:16–14:10
• Common Male Resistance & Stigma – 16:33–17:29
• Impact on Intimacy & Communication – 28:23–33:45
• Life Stage Overlap (Careers, Teens, Elder Care) – 33:45–35:29
• Where Men Should Start (Listening/Believing) – 37:13–38:47
• Shame, Grief, & Identity – 39:59–42:40
• Men’s Menopause Choir Parody Bit – 48:32–50:59
• Jesse’s Social Media Impact & Community – 43:34–47:49

Takeaways & Actionable Advice

For Men:

• Start by listening and believing—your partner might not have all the words, and may need space to explain unruly or unexplainable feelings.
• Validate what she’s experiencing, don’t try to “fix” her.
• Seek out education from reputable sources (follow Jesse and similar advocates).
• Approach difficult conversations about mood, intimacy, or changes through feelings rather than finger-pointing.
• Accept that menopause is physiological and multi-layered: support, patience, and compassion (not just empathy) are essential.

For Women:

• Share this episode with the men in your life as an accessible starting point for honest discussion.
• Remember, your struggle is valid even if society minimizes it—there’s power in community and shared stories.

For Couples:

• Use “I feel” language in conversations to avoid blame and foster understanding.
• Recognize the increased complexity and stress at midlife, and support each other through these changes.

Closing & Where to Find Jesse

• Jesse Robertson: @husbands4menopause (number 4) on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. He posts daily, and the comment communities are a goldmine of shared experience.
• The episode closes with gratitude for the growing movement of male menopause allies and a pledge to keep the conversation—and humor—going.
• Kim (final words): “Thank you to Jesse. Like, we are all less dumb thanks to you today, especially the dudes.” (70:18)

This episode is a must-share—both for any women who want their partners to “get it,” and for men who are ready to show up and listen. The blend of humor, vulnerability, and straight talk makes it a generous, accessible entry point into a crucial conversation on aging, relationships, and health.