Laugh Lines with Kim & Penn Holderness

Episode: Motivating ADHD Kids & Your Questions with Dr. Emily King
Release Date: September 23, 2025
Guests: Dr. Emily King (Licensed Psychologist, Learn With Dr. Emily Founder)

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the realities and strategies for supporting ADHD kids, featuring a candid and advice-packed conversation with Dr. Emily King, psychologist and expert in neurodivergent children. Kim and Penn, both parents and advocates, bring listener questions to Dr. King, covering practical support at home and in school, executive functioning, motivation, medication, and ways to nurture confidence and unique strengths in ADHD kids. The tone is warm, humorous, and reassuring, with actionable tips and memorable stories sprinkled throughout.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding ADHD Beyond Focus and Impulse Control

Timestamp: 08:24–09:54

• Dr. King urges parents and teachers to start with “what’s going on in kids’ sensory system, their emotional regulation system.”

  “Think about them as having a younger nervous system, not a necessarily weaker nervous system, but younger.”
  —Dr. Emily King (08:44)

• Intelligence and language skills might be age-appropriate or advanced, but emotional processing and self-regulation may lag.

Takeaway: ADHD kids often process the world with a mismatch between intellectual ability and emotional self-management. Embrace differences; correct only for safety.

2. Support vs. Independence: How Much is Too Much?

Timestamp: 11:18–15:08

• Parenting ADHD kids means finding the line between “offering support” and letting them “figure it out.”

• Dr. King explains “asynchronous development”: kids may excel in academics but struggle with life or executive skills.

  “Most ADHD kids do not go from not knowing how to do it to totally mastered without some sort of direct teaching or strategy.”
  —Dr. Emily King (12:56)

• Skills need direct instruction and practice; don’t expect ADHD kids to learn them by osmosis as neurotypical peers might.

3. Classroom Strategies for Teachers

Timestamp: 15:18–18:16

• Teachers can help ADHD (and all) kids by focusing first on sensory regulation (movement needs, volume, emotions).
• Normalize supports like headphones/earplugs.
• Use visual checklists and systems; goal is independence using the system, not eliminating supports.

  “The things that are my go-to…are: regulate sensory system, allow for movement, use visuals…this helps everyone.”
  —Dr. Emily King (16:13)

4. Technology & AI as Support Tools

Timestamp: 18:17–20:38

• AI tools are “just a new tool”—they’re helpful if used to support, not enable.
• Use AI to help with organization or getting started, but real learning (and assessment) should be the child’s own.

  “If you don’t show the teacher what you know, the teacher can’t teach you what you don’t know.”
  —Dr. Emily King (19:36)

5. Bolstering Self-Confidence in ADHD Kids

Timestamp: 20:42–23:36

• ADHD kids get constant correction/criticism. Choose battles carefully; ask, “Whose problem is it?”
• Success outside school matters; encourage sports, music, arts—places ADHD kids find genuine competence.

  “There are all these different ways to be smart…that will help buffer some of the times where they don’t feel confident.”
  —Dr. Emily King (22:56)

6. Listener Calls & Targeted Advice

a. Sassy Six-Year-Old and Perimenopausal Patience

Timestamp: 27:34–31:17

• Mom struggles with a spirited, impulsive child even on meds.
• Dr. King: Medication helps, but movement, sleep, nutrition are crucial. Channel sass into expressive outlets (“sassiness is celebrated” in performing arts).

  “We've got to put some social boundaries around that. So if we can channel her energy in a way where it's celebrated, then you have an opportunity…”
  —Dr. Emily King (30:47)

b. The Great ADHD Medication & Supplement Question

Timestamp: 31:17–33:43

• Dr. King is “pro-science,” urges people to vet any new supplement/treatment through credible research and consults with medical providers who know your child.

c. Teaching Executive Function: Teacher’s POV

Timestamp: 33:55–39:48

• High school teacher asks how to build executive function in diverse ADHD students.

• Dr. King: Tailor supports to patterns of strengths/needs, collaborate with colleagues, use visuals, frequent check-ins, music for focus, and parent collaboration.

  “Middle and high school teachers, remember: a 12-year-old with ADHD could feel like a third grader in your class…don't underestimate parent collaboration.”
  —Dr. Emily King (38:17)

• Introduces the “backwards timeline” tool: start with long-term goal (“live independently”), work backward in steps (“graduate high school,” “do this worksheet”).

d. Executive Function for Teen Boys

Timestamp: 40:48–44:55

• Many moms with 15–18-year-old sons worry about basic life skills (“can he wake himself up for college?”).
• Dr. King: Intelligence ≠ executive function. It’s normal for ADHD teens to need more scaffolding or extra years at home; independence is a spectrum.

  “It’s okay if your kid is chronologically 18…to think about them as a younger child for some of these skills.”
  —Dr. Emily King (42:31)

e. Gender Differences: Boys vs. Girls

Timestamp: 44:55–47:55

• Why so many concerns about boys’ executive functioning, but not girls?
• Theories: Societal “norms” raise girls to people-please and mask difficulties; boys’ hyperactivity/impulsivity is more visible and often more criticized.

  “Boys might be more defeated if they've gotten reprimanded a lot more for squeaky wheel behaviors…girls may get better teacher interactions.”
  —Dr. Emily King (46:50)

f. Sports & ADHD: The Goalie Dilemma

Timestamp: 51:22–54:11

• Parent’s high-energy son is pushed into goalie role due to “fearlessness”—but he does better running the field.
• Penn shares personal anecdote hating goalie despite being good at it.
• Dr. King: Collaborate with coach—ask what the goal is, and explain where the child’s strengths truly shine.

  “If this is true, I don't think my kid's gonna be able to do that in these circumstances. I think my kid could contribute...and be really successful.”
  —Dr. Emily King (53:47)

g. Organizing Homework, Planners, and the “With” Phase

Timestamp: 54:15–58:15

• Mom of a 6th grader asks: How do I help him keep track of assignments?
• Dr. King recommends a binder system with pocket dividers (paper is visible), daily sit-down to organize, and underscores the with them, not for them phase in middle school.

  “Do it with them, not for them. …You have to do it with them for a while before they do it on their own.”
  —Dr. Emily King (57:28)

h. The Value (or Not) of a Formal ADHD Diagnosis

Timestamp: 58:15–60:56

• Is it important to get a clinical diagnosis, especially for older teens?
• Diagnosis is helpful to access services, medication, or to “understand your brain”—but only if the individual desires it or it unlocks needed support.

  “Explanation is great. It also connects you to other people. It's identity for yourself. But identity immediately opens us up to belonging…”
  —Dr. Emily King (60:36)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Intelligence is independent from executive functioning.” —Dr. Emily King (41:41)
• “The teen years it turns into, ‘well, I don't care,’ because ‘I don't care’ is easier than ‘I can't.’” —Dr. Emily King (42:04)
• “Show kids what ‘done’ looks like.” —Dr. Emily King (63:24)
• “Diagnosis isn’t an excuse, it’s an explanation…and that can be freeing.” —Penn Holderness (60:30)
• “If you don’t show the teacher what you know, the teacher can’t teach you what you don’t know.” —Dr. Emily King (19:36)

Practical Takeaways ("Three-Piece Nuggets")

Suggested by Penn, Timestamp: 62:14–63:15

1. Development & Mastery Path: Kids move from “not knowing → emerging → independent”—don't expect overnight mastery.
2. Identity Turns into Belonging: Understanding neurodivergence fosters self-acceptance and community—vital for mental wellness.
3. Reverse Timeline for Motivation: Use backward planning with teens to link everyday tasks to long-term goals.

Bonus Nugget: Always use visuals or concrete examples—not just verbal instructions—when working with ADHD kids.

Final Expert Tip

"Show kids what ‘done’ looks like."

• When giving multi-step directions, supplement verbal instructions with visuals: pictures of what “ready for school” looks like, or what a completed homework binder should look like.
• ADHD brains need concrete, not just abstract, instructions.

  “We have to translate our verbal language from what we say to what does ‘done’ look like…They'll feel so successful if they can actually do what we're asking.”
  —Dr. Emily King (64:17)

Resources Mentioned/Where to Find Dr. Emily King

• Substack: Learn with Dr. Emily (free blogs, live and recorded workshops)
• Website: The Neurodiverse Classroom (for educators)

Closing

The Holdernesses and Dr. King reinforce that thriving with ADHD is possible and that every child—and family—needs patience, creativity, and humor. “Follow your kids’ joy, work with where their skills are emerging, and know that ADHD strategies make life better for every brain.”

Listeners are encouraged to check out Dr. Emily’s upcoming book ('The Neurodivergent Learner', due early 2026), the Holdernesses’ new children’s book ‘All You Can Be with ADHD’, and to submit more questions for future episodes.