Stuffing Is Wet Bread & Other Hot Takes

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Stuffing Is Wet Bread & Other Hot Takes"

Laugh Lines with Kim & Penn Holderness
Release Date: November 25, 2025

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Overview

In this Thanksgiving-themed episode, Kim and Penn Holderness dive into their spicy "hot takes" on classic holiday traditions, food controversies, and aging—plus, they bring in listener call-ins, tackle the stigma around perimenopause, and suggest conversation starters for tricky family gatherings. Peppered with songs, satire, and candid confessions, the episode is a mix of humor, warmth, and relatable middle-aged angst.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Age of Unfiltered Hot Takes

• Kim’s Feistiness: Kim attributes her boldness and loss of filter to perimenopause, which sets the tone for her unapologetic hot takes throughout the episode.
  • “My estrogen has left me, so I’m feeling a little feisty. So we have some hot takes on Thanksgiving. We have some hot takes on perimenopause.” (06:21)
• Penn’s Thanksgiving Fandom: Penn ranks Thanksgiving as his favorite holiday, even above Christmas and birthdays.
  • “Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It’s my number one in my power rankings.” (06:46)

2. Uniforms, Mail Carriers, and Listener Call-ins

Listener Andy (Mail Carrier) Responds:

• Andy, a USPS carrier, laughs along with their previous commentary about unattractive postal uniforms, calling for a "rebranding" and sharing her experience on the job.
  • “You’re so right. We need a revolution. We need a rebranding for USPS letter carriers. They are the dorkiest, most uncomfortable uniforms you’ve ever seen.” (08:43)
  • Notable Moment: Andy has only ever seen one man “pull it off”—causing everyone in the studio to cackle.
• Kim and Penn riff on making postal uniforms trendy, joking about Ralph Lauren redesigns and a hypothetical action movie about a heroic mailman.
  • "What if that company volunteered to rebrand the USPS and...pay for it later. Okay. American way, right?" (10:48)\
  • "You go to an 18-year-old girl who's getting dressed up for Halloween. They'll make anything hot." (11:25)

Listener Kat’s Tech Tip:

• Kat calls in with a festive Alexa Christmas tree lighting routine: "Our Christmas tree lights come on when we say, 'Alexa, Merry Christmas,' and they turn off when we say, 'Alexa, Bah humbug.'" (13:36)
• This triggers a reflection on aging, with Kim realizing they've entered the demographic for “old people tech podcasts.” (14:23)

3. Thanksgiving Music Shortage & Penn's "Thanksgiving Banger"

• Kim’s Complaint: There’s no classic Thanksgiving music, so she plays Christmas music in November.
  • "There are no Thanksgiving bangers. If I had some good Thanksgiving music, I would listen to it." (15:00)
• Penn Attempts a Thanksgiving Song: After being “assigned” by Kim, Penn humorously presents ideas for Thanksgiving songs that play off the anatomy of a turkey and family traditions.
  • "Are you a breast guy or a leg guy? Do you like it from the oven or the deep fry? ... Got cranberry sauce straight out the can in a tub of macaroni. And somebody always gets in some sort of football injury. Thanksgiving's far from perfect. It's perfect for me." (19:47–20:38)
  • Kim pre-records three possible reactions to the song, ranging from sentimental to satirical, emphasizing their playful dynamic.

4. Thanksgiving Food Hot Takes (24:55–29:16)

• “Stuffing is just wet bread and lies.”
  • Kim’s most incendiary take, met with immediate debate from Penn.
• Penn’s Stovetop Preference: Prefers boxed stuffing over the in-bird variety.
• Turkey as Gravy Vehicle: “You don’t actually like turkey. You like the gravy delivery system.” (25:55)
  • Debate on the necessity of side dishes outweighing the turkey itself.
• Other Controversial Food Takes:
  • Canned cranberry sauce beats homemade
  • Mashed potatoes = excuse for butter
  • No one really likes pumpkin pie—it's just a conveyance for Cool Whip
  • Green bean casserole only exists because of fried onions

5. Perimenopause: The Freedom of Aging Unfiltered (29:16–36:02)

• Benefits of Reduced Estrogen: Kim shares that losing her filter has made her life better: setting boundaries, being honest, and focusing on things that “spark joy.”
  • "When the estrogen leaves your body, it is actually very freeing. And honestly, this gets us into my next hot takes." (29:18)
  • “I think I'm actually being kinder because I'm getting to the truth faster. And I think that’s an expression of kindness.” (30:54)
• Penn’s Perspective: Observes how couples often save their “worst selves” for each other due to unconditional love, and how Kim’s new honesty now applies to everyone.
• “Gas-lighting” Incident: Penn and Kim recount a utility mishap that left them without heat, using it as a metaphor for Kim’s newfound assertiveness and Penn’s pun:
  • “We were literally being gaslit-ing me. ‘Cause they were like, ‘No, you weren’t there to get the gaslight lit!’" (36:02)

6. The Need for Menopause Partners—and a Sneak Preview

• Shoutout to Jesse: Next week features a TikTok creator helping men support women in menopause, spotlighting the need for conversations that reach beyond “the echo chamber.”
  • "If there are a billion people right now with perimenopause, that means there’s probably over a billion people living with people who have perimenopause..." (37:02)

7. Conversation Starters for Thanksgiving & Family Dinners (41:48–51:39)

• Kim’s List: To help keep the Thanksgiving table lively (and avoid controversy!), Kim suggests thought-provoking, easy questions:
  • Example: “What is a lesson you’ve learned the hard way this year?” (42:37)
  • “If you started a rock band, what would the name of that band be?” (44:11)
  • “Did you ever want to change your first name?” (44:45)
  • “What was your worst haircut or hairstyle of all time?” (49:07)
  • “What’s your favorite charity to donate your time or money to?” (51:00)
• Family Traditions: Kim connects this tradition to her daughter's request for question lists and her own upbringing.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Kim: “Stuffing is just wet bread and lies. Stuffing is just wet bread.” (25:02)
• Penn (on being a “thigh guy”): “I'm a thigh guy. I love a good dark meat on my turkey.” (24:54)
• Kim (on perimenopause): “It is so nice to be able to say—Thanksgiving’s gonna be a doozy—whatever. I want it.” (29:58)
• Listener Andy: “We need a revolution. We need a rebranding for USPS letter carriers. They are the dorkiest, most uncomfortable uniforms you’ve ever seen.” (08:43)
• Kim (on green bean casserole): "Without the fried onions, nobody would eat it." (27:53)
• Penn (pun): “We were literally being gasliting me. Because they were like, ‘No, you weren’t there to get the gaslight lit!’" (36:02)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Laugh Line Listener Voicemails: 08:43–13:23
• Hot Takes: Thanksgiving Music & Food: 14:59–29:16
• Perimenopause & Aging Discussion: 29:16–37:02
• Conversation Starters for Table Talk: 41:48–51:39

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Tone & Style

• Playful, Candid, Energetic. Kim and Penn blend tongue-in-cheek humor with honest, sometimes vulnerable moments about aging and family life.
• Self-deprecating & Satirical: Frequent digs at themselves, their own creations, and middle age malaise.

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Final Notes

• If you use any of Kim’s conversation starters at Thanksgiving, send her your feedback!
• Next week: Special episode on how men can best support women through menopause, featuring TikTok creator Jesse.
• Submit your own call-ins or stories for future episodes via voicemail or email (details at the end of the episode).

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Transcript

[Kim Holderness]

This episode is sponsored by Pura.

[Penn Holderness]

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[Kim Holderness]

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[Penn Holderness]

Yeah, Kim, you know that scent has an amazing power. It can improve the energy energy of a space. It helps you express your individuality and it enhances moods and feelings. So Pura wants to tap into that positivity.

[Kim Holderness]

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[Penn Holderness]

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[Kim Holderness]

Less time shopping, more time enjoying. For a limited time [e-mail] okay hello.

[Penn Holderness]

There mom and dad. Or mom and mom or dad and dad or parents. Are you about to spend five hours in the car with your beloved kids this holiday season? Driving to Old Granny's house.

[Kim Holderness]

Let us set the scene. I'm picturing screaming, fighting back to back hours of K Pop Demon Hunter soundtrack on repeat.

[Penn Holderness]

I mean that movie does have some bangers, but anyway, when your ears start to bleed, we have the perfect thing to keep you from rolling out of that moving vehicle. Something for the whole family.

[Kim Holderness]

Filled with laughs. He's filled with rage. The OG green. Give it up for the Grinch. Voiced by SNL's James Austin Johnson in Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast.

[Penn Holderness]

And like any insufferable influencer these days, he's bringing his crew of lesser talented friends along for the ride. With a listers like Gronk, Mark Hamill and the Jonas Brothers, there's a little bit of something for everyone.

[Kim Holderness]

Listen to Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast Wherever you get your podcasts, this episode.

[Penn Holderness]

Is brought to you by Gab.

[Kim Holderness]

It's that time of year again. The holidays are coming fast. And if your little kids are anything like mine were, that list is already getting pretty long.

[Penn Holderness]

Kim, let's be honest, some of the things on their list made us stop and think like a smartphone.

[Kim Holderness]

I remember when our kids were starting to show interest in smartphones. Hey, we love being on the Internet, but it didn't mean we wanted our little ones to have access to the Internet.

[Penn Holderness]

So that's why we were so relieved when we heard about Gab. Gab offers phones and watches made just for kids. So no Internet, no social media and just the right features for their age.

[Kim Holderness]

Honestly, I think I need this as an adult. Kids want phones to feel independent and connected and as parents we want to know they're safe. With Gab you can have both and protect them from the scary stuff.

[Penn Holderness]

With Gab's tech in steps approach, kids get the right tech at the right time. From watches with GPS tracking for the youngest explorers to the perfect first phone with no Internet or social media to to the teen phone with parent approved apps.

[Kim Holderness]

So get ready for a Christmas morning they'll never forget the one where they get their first phone. And really, it's a gift for you too because these kidsafe phones will give you peace of mind.

[Penn Holderness]

Visit gab.com holderness and use the code Holderness for a special holiday offer.

[Kim Holderness]

That's G-A-B-B.com Holderness Gab Tecn steps independence.

[Penn Holderness]

For them, peace of mind for you. You know what we might need is like an action movie about a mailman.

[Kim Holderness]

Yes.

[Penn Holderness]

Off the top rope with a flying sickle like Hulk Hogan. Kim Dean Holderness.

[Kim Holderness]

Magic beans. I'm very calm now. I started the episode with fire behind me, but I'm very calm.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah, we get older every day. Got more wrinkles.

[Kim Holderness]

That's okay.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah, we're laughing. When we age, life is like a comedy stage and that's what we got.

[Kim Holderness]

Hey, everybody, I'm Kim Holderness and this is Pen Holderness. And my misophonia is being triggered right now because he is eating peanut brittle. And we'll just start the show with a not sponsored segment. A segment in which we find things we love and we're not sponsored.

[Penn Holderness]

I didn't know we were starting.

[Kim Holderness]

And we're just going to tell you about it. Rusty's peanut brittle. His uncle makes peanut brittle. And you can order it and they'll ship it as a gift, but this is not sponsored. Here's a warning. It is addictive again. Yeah, this is. It is addictive. So if you buy it, you're going to open it and you're going to fail to give it to the person to give it.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay, this is laugh lines. Sorry, I didn't know we were starting.

[Kim Holderness]

Oh, yeah. Welcome to Laugh Lines.

[Penn Holderness]

Welcome. Welcome to Laugh Lines. He does so, like, it is funny because, like, we're getting to, like we're getting into Thanksgiving, Christmas, like the treat season. And he sends me this peanut butter every year.

[Kim Holderness]

Oh, it's so sweet.

[Penn Holderness]

And he. So he retired I don't know how long ago, but basically got like a smaller house but with a huge kitchen and has, like two giant ovens specifically to bake peanut brittle. I don't think he makes anything else.

[Kim Holderness]

Can you do an impression of Rusty? Peeing. Peeing.

[Penn Holderness]

I'm gonna send you some of my peanut brittle. Maybe put a little bit of it on your program and tell people all about it. But of course, like, if we tell too many people would be like, I got people from California writing me to send me the peanut brittle. I don't understand why they from so far away. I'm like, rusty, we have people from Cal. There's somebody from London calling about my peanut Britt.

[Kim Holderness]

Well, anyway, I think he loved it when you guys ordered it last year. So we'll. We'll send some love to others.

[Penn Holderness]

It's all stuck in my teeth.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. Welcome to Laugh Lines. Okay, this is airing. If you're listening, when this episode drops. This episode be dropping the Tuesday before.

[Penn Holderness]

Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday.

[Kim Holderness]

So maybe you're on a road trip right now. Maybe you remembered Friendsgiving before it was actually called Friendsgiving. And if that's the case, you're home. Because we had Friendsgivings as, like, young working people. That's all we had.

[Penn Holderness]

And we called it, called this. It was just Thanksgiving because you can't afford to go home before you had.

[Kim Holderness]

To work Thanksgiving because you were really broke. But Friendsgiving, by the way, was not coined until 2007 according to the Internet. And you can always believe what's on the Internet, right?

[Penn Holderness]

Who coined it?

[Kim Holderness]

Just unclear.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. Today it's going to be a fun one. My estrogen has left me, so I'm feeling a little feisty. So we have some hot takes on Thanksgiving. We have some hot takes on perimenopause. We have some conversation starters that'll help you, I don't know, keep the conversation going at the Thanksgiving table. And it's going to be a lot of fun.

[Penn Holderness]

Can I start with a hot take?

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

This, like, this is not everyone's favorite take. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's my number one in my power rankings. I know that it is a distant number whatever to birthdays and Christmas for most people and even Halloween. But I love Thanksgiving.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah, I think. I think a lot of people share your feeling. I have a lot of thoughts on this.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

Like, a lot. But first, I am told we have to start by going to the laugh Line.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

Here's what happened a few weeks ago. I don't even know how we got on the subject.

[Penn Holderness]

I remember how you were talking about being in Panama City and then you started talking about people with Air Force out or Navy outfits. And I said, yeah, that's like a plus four. Because there's certain outfits that are. That go up, right?

[Kim Holderness]

Uniforms. So we were people in uniform. Men, specifically. I. Yeah, I worked in Panama City, Florida, as my first job. There was an Air Force base there. And those guys would wear those flight suits, like to the grocery store. And it was. They all looked a lot of trap. A lot more attractive. Right. And then we. We started talking, I do remember this, about most uniforms make people look like, hotter than they are. Except for Boy Scouts.

[Penn Holderness]

And mail carriers.

[Kim Holderness]

And mail carriers. The U.S. postal Service. And we were saying, we love our mail carriers. We love all our postal Service, but that uniform is not doing any favors for them. Then Anne Marie said, kim, she texted me, Kim, a mail carrier called. She. She hasn't played the. Oh, no, I have yet to hear the voicemail. Okay, Sam is gonna play it now. But we did get some feedback from a mail carrier real quick.

[Penn Holderness]

The last time Emory did this, it was someone very upset with me about not understanding the difference between rotating and revolving.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. And this is Andy. Okay, take it away.

[Caller (Andy or Kat)]

Hi, Penn and Kim. My name is Andy and I am coming to you from just outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I was recently listening to the episode you guys did. I think it was on the Golden Girls one. And you guys started talking about different uniforms, like, men in uniforms. And I was laughing because while I was listening to that, I was actually out on my route with USPS as a letter carrier. And you guys talked about how unattractive the letter carrier uniforms are. And I just have to say, number one, no offense taken, and number two, you're so right. We need a revolution. We need a rebranding for USPS letter carriers. They are the dorkiest, most uncomfortable uniforms you've ever seen. And for a very physically demanding job, that is not. Not what you want in the uniform. So I have really only ever seen one man pull it off. And by God, he did pull it off. I've been watching you guys for a long time. I think it's been about 10 years by now. And for reference, I'm what I think is just a couple months younger than your daughter. So it's been a long time. But growing up with you guys, so that. That's been really cool.

[Kim Holderness]

First of all, Andy, 10 out of 10 loved that message. I do need to see a documentation of the male killer who pulled it off. I mean just, just for research.

[Penn Holderness]

Everybody getting thirsty in here.

[Kim Holderness]

Just, just for research.

[Penn Holderness]

Like the pause and the. By God. Did he pull it off?

[Kim Holderness]

That was well done. That was well delivered comedy.

[Penn Holderness]

By God, did he pull it off?

[Kim Holderness]

You know how Delta and their new. If you've traveled lately on Delta they do like they have their safety video. It's different flight attendants wearing the different outfits inspired by the different time. I think that the mail carriers just deserve an upgrade, a redesign. I know times are tight for our government.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

Jesus, Mary, Joseph. But I bet you a fashion designer like Ralph Lauren. Ralph Lauren, America's designer, he does the Olympic Games. Olympics.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

What if he. That company volunteered to rebrand the USPS and you know, we can worry about paying for it later. Okay. American way. Right? We'll pay for it later. Okay. But like so that there's options because it is very physically demanding. They working insane hours. So comfortable fashion hotness. Usps.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay. That is an option. Calling Ralph Lauren. Another option would be just check like here's what you do. You go to an 18 year old girl who's getting dressed up for Halloween. They make, they'll make anything hot.

[Kim Holderness]

Sexy.

[Penn Holderness]

Right? They'll make anything sexy. Like they're like a. I bet you there is someone out there who went to college. Like I'm going to be a postal worker and it's not going to look anything like a postal worker outfit. That's what I've learned recently as seeing his daughter's Halloween.

[Kim Holderness]

That's what I learned. And all their friends having two different conversations here. No, you're trying to make it hot. But I think these mail carriers just need something also comfortable. Comfortable. Yeah. I mean there's.

[Penn Holderness]

I think you wait, I think you, you have let Ralph Lauren there and then also you just invited 18 year old girl who's about to go out to Halloween and make sure that both work. Stylish, sensible, hot.

[Kim Holderness]

Comfort.

[Penn Holderness]

I'm just saying like we were saying, trying to make them hotter. That was how this conversation started.

[Kim Holderness]

The tactical gear like the cops are wearing has to be functional. And they look, I mean well, I.

[Penn Holderness]

Think that part of that is just the, it's the, the like the vests and the guns and the stuff that like make you look burly. Like a fireman outfit is a big baggy thing.

[Kim Holderness]

But you're a fireman still very hot.

[Penn Holderness]

You're gonna break a door down. So there's probably some fantasy in there involved too of like some guy breaking your door down. So Maybe we, you know what we might need is like movie about a mailman.

[Kim Holderness]

Yes.

[Penn Holderness]

With Glenn, what's his name?

[Kim Holderness]

Glenn Powell, I hope.

[Penn Holderness]

And by God, will he pull it off, Andy. And, and just have like we need an action movie where a mailman saves the world. And I'm sure at that point someone will get him a nice outfit.

[Kim Holderness]

So now we're writing a movie. Now we're writing a movie that's.

[Penn Holderness]

Oh, here's the options. Ralph Lauren Halloween, 18 year old girl.

[Kim Holderness]

A movie.

[Penn Holderness]

Glenn Powell movie. Like that's. It's a three pronged attack in rebranding. And it's all thanks to Andy and.

[Kim Holderness]

And we're dropping everything to do this. This is our, this is our passion project, Andy. Well, thank you for calling and I'm told there is another call on the laugh line from Kat with a fun tip for the holidays with Alexa.

[Caller (Andy or Kat)]

Hi guys, my name is Kat. I live in Winston Salem, just up.

[Kim Holderness]

The road from you.

[Caller (Andy or Kat)]

You guys were talking about the Clapper.

[Kim Holderness]

Lamps and then the Alexa light bulbs and I just wanted to share. We have a different way of doing that.

[Caller (Andy or Kat)]

My favorite way that we use this is we have our Christmas tree plugged into an Alexa plug and so it's voice activated. Our Christmas tree lights come on when we say Alexa. Merry Christmas and then they turn off when we say Alexa. Bah humbug.

[Kim Holderness]

Oh, that's so cute.

[Penn Holderness]

So we have to. Do we need an Alexa machine or.

[Kim Holderness]

Like, what do we have one? Okay, I am glad. First of all, I love that and I love that, I love that technology has advanced to this point. When we were talking about the Clapper and we were unaware that basically that does exist with modern technology. Somebody emailed in that there's this podcast for seniors on like learning how to use new tech and they're like, maybe you find this helpful. I'm like, oh my God, we're getting like, hang on.

[Penn Holderness]

They recommended the old, the olds technology podcast.

[Kim Holderness]

I am glad that Kat brought up Christmas because as I said, my estrogen has left me. I'm feeling very feisty and it's time for some hot takes. Ready? New segment. Sam.

[Penn Holderness]

This is easy. No, no, just get a green screen of flames. I'll send you the YouTube link. So the next time we cut to Kim, she's gonna be covered in flames and we'll have some sound effects like crackling like a campfire.

[Kim Holderness]

Ready?

[Penn Holderness]

Let's go to Kim.

[Kim Holderness]

Now this is what it's called.

[Penn Holderness]

You're covered in fire right now.

[Kim Holderness]

I have fire. It is. I Have no more estrogen left in my body. So these are my hot takes. That's really, really catchy. I think. Hot take number one. People complain that I start playing Christmas music in November. The reason I do this is there are no Thanksgiving bangers. If I had some good Thanksgiving music, I would listen to it. But to me, even, like our parodies, we've done a lot of parody.

[Penn Holderness]

I've been trying real hard.

[Kim Holderness]

Honey, honey, we've done a lot, but I don't need to sit there and listen to, like, stuff we've created. Right. I need. I need. I don't even know who the bands are these days. Who are the people that I need? Taylor Swift.

[Penn Holderness]

Post Malone.

[Kim Holderness]

I need Taylor Swift. I need Post Malone. I need the Jonas Brothers to come up with a Thanksgiving album. Right. And then I will start listening to Thanksgiving music and stop listening to Christmas music. But until then, Christmas music is all I have, and it makes me happy.

[Penn Holderness]

Fair enough.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. Do you want to write some Thanksgiving songs for me?

[Penn Holderness]

I just heard out of your mouth. You don't need to listen to any of our music.

[Kim Holderness]

No.

[Penn Holderness]

Did I. Hang on. Do you want to rewind that?

[Kim Holderness]

Previous.

[Penn Holderness]

Let's rewind that.

[Kim Holderness]

But I don't need to sit there and listen to, like, stuff we've created. Right.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay, we're back.

[Kim Holderness]

What I meant was I don't need to listen to a previous parody on Thanksgiving. Okay, we can put out a Thanksgiving playlist. But is it. I don't want to hear my own voice because sometimes I'm in there.

[Penn Holderness]

There. Yeah. I think you sang in one of them.

[Kim Holderness]

I sang in one of them. And I cringe and die on the inside.

[Penn Holderness]

But yeah, we've written 20 songs between micro and, like, made, like, either small jingles or, like, major songs about Thanksgiving.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

And maybe. Maybe they just don't. So you're saying parody doesn't work?

[Kim Holderness]

I just don't think it's. I don't want to. I'm not craving a parody as I'm listening for.

[Penn Holderness]

You want more. Like, I don't want a lot for Christmas. Just write that you want, like, oh, this is for me?

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah, this is an assignment for you.

[Penn Holderness]

Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, I'll try it. So to your point, like, most of most Thanksgiving things that we've done have been funny observations about our life during Christmas. So you want something that's less funny and more sentimental. Something sentimental or.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah, like. Yeah, and I beat upbeat, sentimental, slow. I. I really don't care. I love a Last Christmas by Wham. I Love a Mariah Carey bop. I really.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

I'm not that hard to please you guys.

[Penn Holderness]

And it's really funny. None of those songs are really about Christmas. They're just about, like. They meant making millions of dollars saying, I want you for Christmas.

[Kim Holderness]

How much money does she make every year off that song?

[Penn Holderness]

A lot.

[Kim Holderness]

And it's get that bag.

[Penn Holderness]

So the lyrics are, I don't want a lot for Christ, just want you. And then they just describe some things for Christmas.

[Kim Holderness]

If it's that simple, then do it for Thanksgiving.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay, I'll give it a go.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay, thanks. Okay.

[Penn Holderness]

Thanks for that.

[Kim Holderness]

Penn has taken time to write a Thanksgiving banger, and we're going to put it in here now.

[Penn Holderness]

No, I haven't. No, I haven't. Listen, this is. Here's what just happened.

[Kim Holderness]

Penn has just taken some time, and he's written it, and we're going to put it in here now.

[Penn Holderness]

If this happens, if this airs, if after my tirade, this airs, it's because she said after, without asking me beforehand if I could spend producing a Thanksgiving song for this show. And so I'm not happy about it, but maybe it's awesome.

[Kim Holderness]

Maybe it's awesome. Yeah, maybe. You're the new Mariah care. You're the Mariah Carey of Thanksgiving. And, like, after Halloween, you're like a turkey suit flying, like, thawing out.

[Penn Holderness]

I did have an idea about a Thanksgiving song.

[Kim Holderness]

Tell me.

[Penn Holderness]

So. Well, like, one is, like a banger and one is, like, sentimental. The banger is about, like, whether you're like a leg guy or a breast guy or a thigh guy, which would be more. That would be more like a boom.

[Kim Holderness]

The.

[Penn Holderness]

And then the other one was just about. And the other one, which I like, I think would be a cool song, is in more like, in a country music vein, but not with a twang about just all the, like, rusty old folding chairs and, like, bed sheets you use for tablecloths. And, you know, when Thanksgiving comes around, you have, like, 30 people. You don't have the stuff in your house.

[Kim Holderness]

Right.

[Penn Holderness]

So every home has, like, like two or three card tables that they've had since 1970 that they put together. And it's just. It's just about those items, like, building in the table.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. And the history and the things they've seen. I love that.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah. So that was. I had that idea and was like, you know, that'd probably be pretty good, but I don't normally write serious music, so this might not. Okay, I get that this might not work.

[Kim Holderness]

I know. Because Funny things come out of your brain very easily.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

But.

[Penn Holderness]

Well, no, those things do come out of my brain. I just haven't like, been trained to turn them into music. So anyway, maybe you hear one now. Are you a breast guy or a leg guy? Do you like it from the oven or the deep fry? Well, I'm a thigh guy. Tell you why, guy got a lot of iron. Nutrients are sky high. Cause what sets my heart aflutter is the stuff that's made with butter. My, oh my, I just what size? Give me them mashed potatoes and some pie. Got cranberry sauce straight out the can in a tub of macaroni. And somebody always gets in some sort of football injury. Thanksgiving's far from perfect. It's perfect for me. Yeah, it's perfect for me.

[Kim Holderness]

So what I'm gonna do right now is assuming Penn has written a song that maybe it's already on the Internet and that we inserted here into the podcast. I'm now going to record different reactions to to different. Like what they could possibly be amazing. Okay. More on this after these words.

[Penn Holderness]

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[Kim Holderness]

Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the U.S. many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind.

[Penn Holderness]

You're not kidding. I promise you they have some stuff you've never seen before. Okay. An NFL game day bingo set.

[Kim Holderness]

Yes.

[Penn Holderness]

Customized to your favorite team. What about an Unlock the Wine Escape Room game? I know I'd be stoked to get that. I love a good escape room game.

[Kim Holderness]

Uncommon Goods has something for everyone from moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs and die hard football fans to foodies, vixologists and avid gardeners. You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else.

[Penn Holderness]

And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give a dollar back to a non profit partner of your choice. You know they've donated more than $3.1 million to date, so don't wait.

[Kim Holderness]

Cross the names off your list before the rush. Get 15% off your next gift.

[Penn Holderness]

Go to UncommonGoods.com laughline that's UncommonGoods.com laughlines for 15% off Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary.

[Kim Holderness]

Give the sense of the season with Pura's Black Friday sale. Enjoy. Up to 30% off site wide on curated gift sets, diffusers for home and car and premium long lasting single cents. Shop [e-mail] for a limited time only. Reaction number one. Honey, you are so talented. That is so touching. And I just like. It gets me a little sentimental to think about that because we host here, we host Thanksgiving and it's just like. It is like. It's just the stuff we have to put together and it just like it makes it that more special. Thank you.

[Penn Holderness]

Your authentic reaction really makes it worth it to me.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay, reaction number two. That was so fun. So many people are going to enjoy. That was not my favorite, but so that was so fun.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. Third, I did not like that at all. Oh. I thought equating a turkey breast and thigh and you were obviously talking about a woman's body was quite demeaning.

[Penn Holderness]

No.

[Kim Holderness]

And maybe we should start again.

[Penn Holderness]

So I wasn't. That's. You took that journey, not me. You went on that journey of breasts and legs and thighs. Can I be honest with you? If you asked me what a thigh was right now I don't know if I get it right. Is it here or is it here.

[Kim Holderness]

Or like, is it here on a human body?

[Penn Holderness]

Is it here?

[Kim Holderness]

Are you serious?

[Penn Holderness]

I'm just like having a senior moment. This is your cat. That's your calf. This is your thigh. Right. It just took me a second. So I wasn't thinking. Is anyone actually a thigh guy for a person?

[Kim Holderness]

I don't know.

[Penn Holderness]

I mean, are you a wing guy?

[Kim Holderness]

But people get into weird stuff and I don't want to yuck their yum. Okay, maybe somebody's super into.

[Penn Holderness]

I actually am just like spoiler alert. I am a thigh guy. Like, that is. I love. I love a good dark meat on my turkey. Are you with me, Samrs? Yep, Samurs is with me.

[Kim Holderness]

I love that in our marriage we can get into a real fight over something that hasn't happened yet. So we got into a fight in the future.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. And I forgive you.

[Penn Holderness]

And what am I sorry? What did I do wrong?

[Kim Holderness]

You didn't.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

No, you did a great job with that song and I'm glad we played it.

[Penn Holderness]

Thanks.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. Okay. Ready for more hot takes that might start fights. So I would say if you're heading to a Thanksgiving celebration and you know things are tense now in this country. Right. If you just want to poke the bear a little bit, come to the table with these.

[Penn Holderness]

Wait, so, okay, these are things that you'll just. You just throw out there and see if it.

[Kim Holderness]

Well, no, these are just things I deeply believe.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

And every time I've said them, people really disagree with them.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay, got it.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. So you don't have to. You don't have to drop this bomb on your Thanksgiving. These are just controversial things.

[Penn Holderness]

Hot takes.

[Kim Holderness]

Hot takes. Stuffing is just wet bread and lies. Stuffing is just wet bread.

[Penn Holderness]

What do you mean by lies?

[Kim Holderness]

It's just lying about being a food.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay. Yeah, disagree.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay.

[Penn Holderness]

I. I think that the stuffing that we put in the turkey, like, that fresh stuffing never turns out. This is my hot take. It's not as good as stovetop. I. I know that stovetop is. Is made of a lot of ingredients that probably aren't as natural, but, I mean, come on, it's Thanksgiving. We're not gonna eat. Well, I. I'm a stovetop guy.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay, so we were not a stovetop family. We were like a put it in the bird and it just cuts soggy and kind of gross.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm with you. I don't really normally go after the stuff that's been sitting in the turkey's butthole for eight hours. Eight hours. So I, like. I am a. I'm a stovetop guy. That might be incendiary also. Okay, hot take number two. Let's go.

[Kim Holderness]

Hot take number two.

[Penn Holderness]

Ready for the highest rating podcast of all time.

[Kim Holderness]

Take that, Joe Rogan. You don't actually like turkey. You like the gravy delivery system. Turkey's only good if you drown it in gravy.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah, definitely the white meat. I don't. Unless. Well, if you deep fry it. Now we're talking.

[Kim Holderness]

And I. I'm here to say I don't even. Deep fried. It's good, but is it enough to center an entire meal? I don't know.

[Penn Holderness]

No. If. If you went to someone's Thanksgiving and they were like, hey, guys, sorry, we don't have anything but the turkey, I'd be so sad. Right? You're more excited. You're more excited about the other stuff.

[Kim Holderness]

Right. I would honestly be thrilled if I went to somebody's Thanksgiving and their main entree was a lasagna.

[Penn Holderness]

Oh, yeah, that sounds amazing.

[Kim Holderness]

Actually. I actually don't even put that much turkey on my plate, but it's something we really stress about, so I'm just, like, very.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah, we're less stressed about it as every year goes along.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. Canned cranberry sauce is better than homemade cranberry sauce.

[Penn Holderness]

I don't like cranberry sauce, so I don't know the answer to either of those okay, but is that just the one where, like, they literally. And then you just chop it up.

[Kim Holderness]

It up.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

Mashed potatoes are just an excuse to eat butter socially. There's so much butter and really good mashed potatoes.

[Penn Holderness]

Right. Have you ever tried a mashed potato where they forgot to put butter in it?

[Kim Holderness]

I've tried mashed potatoes where they didn't put enough. Where they were trying. They used skim milk, and they were trying to be healthy, and it tasted like paste.

[Penn Holderness]

Yep. I'm with you.

[Kim Holderness]

No one actually likes pumpkin pie. We just like it as something that we could put a lot of Cool Whip on top of.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

I. If you actually really like pumpkin pie by itself, please write to me and explain the recipe where you got it, because I've yet to taste in my lifetime a pumpkin pie I would enjoy without an immense amount of Cool Whip.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah. The only part of a pumpkin I can really get involved in is, like, a roasted seed. I think I like those better. The roasted pumpkin seeds.

[Kim Holderness]

My last one. The only reason why anybody brings green bean casserole and continues to bring green bean casserole to Thanksgiving, it's because the fried onions. Without the fried onions, nobody would eat it, and therefore nobody would make it. That is the only reason it continues to survive on Thanksgiving menus.

[Penn Holderness]

This has been eye opening. I have agreed with all of them. I love this. I love Thanksgiving. Kim. It's very different from the rest of the year. Kim, who is very healthy and doesn't eat any of these things.

[Kim Holderness]

Right. We have Thanksgiving this year. We're going to have 30 people. 30 people. And we will have several different versions of a green bean casserole because it is their tradition to make. And I want. And I want people to bring what they traditionally like, what their family tradition was like. That's part of it. Like, bring. Bring whatever it is that makes. Reminds you of your Thanksgivings from. From yesteryear.

[Penn Holderness]

Yep.

[Kim Holderness]

There's a lot of green bean casserole, guys.

[Penn Holderness]

Too much.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

As the host, do you feel obligated to take a small portion of everything that a family because it. Sometimes a family will bring it. So we'll have, like. Like 14 dishes. Do you have the obligation to take at least, like, one tiny square of what everyone did?

[Kim Holderness]

I feel that. So it. My plate looks like. Yeah, it's. It's not. It's not pretty. So those are my Thanksgiving hot takes.

[Penn Holderness]

How you feeling?

[Kim Holderness]

I.

[Penn Holderness]

You know, you burning up in there.

[Kim Holderness]

When the estrogen leaves your body. It is actually very freeing. And honestly, this gets us into my next hot takes, I'm going to get into some hot takes about perimenopause. Okay, hot take number one. Perimenopause and menopause is not all that bad. Like I said, the estrogen leaves your body and so does the filter. And I cannot tell you, as a woman circling the sun at this time in our lives, it is so nice to be able to say. I mean, Thanksgiving's gonna be a doozy. Whatever. I want it.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay, Say more about that.

[Kim Holderness]

I just. I complain a lot about perimenopause. You guys have seen it. We've made a lot of content around it. But I will say there are, like. There are some really good things, and I have really enjoyed, like, for the first time in my life. Like, I. Now I know what a boundary is because I'm starting to use them. I don't think I really understood what it meant to, like, put up a boundary around something, but I'm using them. I'm like. It's kind of addictive, and I'm just. I'm not being mean. I'm not being unkind. I do not think that this lack of filter gives anybody an excuse to be unkind at all. I think I'm actually being kinder because I am getting to the truth faster. And I think that is an expression of kindness.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay. I do like this because we always talk about how. And this is every couple. I'm sorry. At a certain age, every couple saves the worst version of themselves for the people that they love the most. Right, Sam? You're nodding your head. It just is what happens because you feel safe, and that is what happens. So what I'm hearing is that that treatment, that special treatment that I've gotten.

[Kim Holderness]

Special treatment.

[Penn Holderness]

That special treatment I've gotten and that you've gotten from me, I think, too, like, we both. It's. It's impossible not to go both ways.

[Kim Holderness]

Ways.

[Penn Holderness]

We're just gonna start treating everybody like that. Or you are, I guess.

[Kim Holderness]

But again, I'm not being unkind. I am.

[Penn Holderness]

Because you're kind to me. But you definitely say exactly what's on your mind. To me.

[Kim Holderness]

I have started saying things like, that actually doesn't work for me or my family. What would work better for me is if Blank. If xyz. I totally understand if that doesn't work with your schedule. But, you know, know, thank you. I. I've been invite. I've been invited to things, and I did set a New Year's resolution of, like, saying yes to more things. I said yes to so many things, you guys.

[Penn Holderness]

Dirty mahjong, regular mahjong, regular mahjong.

[Kim Holderness]

Dance class.

[Penn Holderness]

Dance class.

[Kim Holderness]

Going out with friends. I've said yes so many times. But now that I'm hitting the kind of like hibernation season, I've. I've really felt good about my no, thank you. And just not explaining. And just not explaining, oh, I have a conflict or, oh, I, you know, I've been traveling and I don't feel like it. I've just said, no, thank you. Thanks for thinking of me. So it's, it's. Again, I'm not being unkind, but I feel like a previous version of me would have sung and danced around it to try to protect people's feelings maybe, or gone and made myself miserable. But now I know myself so well and I honestly trust my friends and family. I trust that they actually are fine with this honest communication and benefit from it because we get there so much faster.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay. Yeah, I'm here for this.

[Kim Holderness]

You know what though? I did lose my cool though. Yeah, one time. Okay.

[Penn Holderness]

One time.

[Kim Holderness]

No, no, listen, if you are a listener of this podcast, you know, this time last year, this. The. Our fair city was working on our water main. It exploded.

[Penn Holderness]

It flooded our house.

[Kim Holderness]

Flooded our house right before Thanksgiving. $50,000 in damage. Our home insurance dropped us. It was like drama. Okay. On the one year anniversary of that, the city is putting in sidewalks. They hit our gas line yesterday. We had no heat on the coldest day of the year so far for eight hours. And they were supposed to send somebody to fix it within an hour. And they. When we called at 8 o' clock because we were freezing and we're like, WTF, right?

[Penn Holderness]

And to be clear, they fixed it at 3 o'. Clock. If you don't mind, I'm just gonna fill in some holes. They fixed it at 3 o' clock and they're like, there's someone who's gonna be here within the hour to inspect it. To inspect it, take care of it. We had. Our nephew's birthday was last night. We're supposed to like go. And so we, we just sat there and no one showed up. Kim was waiting by the door, looking out the window, checking ring cameras. Yeah. So I went, went and found three different phone numbers. You found three phone numbers? We finally heard from one person who said, okay, well, here's the thing. You've got to call the gas company. We can't. Which was information that would have been useful to me at 3 o'.

[Kim Holderness]

Clock.

[Penn Holderness]

So I called him and I'm on the phone with this woman. She's very nice, and she's like, hey, I'm sorry. Like, we'll. We'll reactivate it. I was like, well, listen, I need you to know this has been an inconvenience for us. It's now been. Been, you know, six hours. They said it had been one hour. And she goes, well, I'm very sorry, sir. We just.

[Kim Holderness]

We.

[Penn Holderness]

It shows here on the account that that call was made in, but then turned away because there were no adults at the house. And I took a breath to say something, and then I heard.

[Kim Holderness]

I just pulled the ceiling like.

[Penn Holderness]

Like, off the top rope with a flying sickle. Like Hulk Hogan. Kim Dean Holderness.

[Kim Holderness]

I let. And it was not. I was not being rude to her, but I was just very clearly saying that we have cameras around every inch of our house. I'd been standing by the front door. Nobody had been by. And I would like to speak to the person on the account who said they came by my house today.

[Penn Holderness]

Your voice was a little. Little more raised than that.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

And then there was just dead silence on the other line. I was like, what's going on? Is she putting herself? Like, what's happening? There was, like, 10 seconds of dead silence. And so I didn't know what to say. I was like, so that's my wife, and she's obviously upset. And so that's what it was.

[Kim Holderness]

I will say that perimenopause has caused me to sort of live in a way that if it doesn't spark joy, like, get rid of it. So it's kind of emotional decluttering. Did not mean to raise my voice to the sweet lady who was answering the phone at the gas company. And if you're listening, very, very sorry, but it is. It has allowed me to sort of just like, unclench my. Just my whole body to relax.

[Penn Holderness]

Well, and I said this last night, and I'll say it again. It's a joke I'm very proud of. It was like we were literally being gasliting me. Because they were like, no, you weren't there to get the gaslight lit. Come on. There's no better time to use that joke.

[Kim Holderness]

It's so good. I will say we have a whole podcast next week with fabulous TikTok creator named Jesse, and he's on the Internet talking about men supporting their women through menopause. And I have to say, I'm so glad there's more men in addition to you, Penn, because you've been talking about perimenopause and menopause. You went to that summit at south by Southwest where you met Dr. Mary Claire Haver, like they worshiped.

[Penn Holderness]

And Sharon.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

And. And the short haired, sweet, short haired woman who just.

[Kim Holderness]

Dr. Kelly Casperson. Yes.

[Penn Holderness]

She was amazing too.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. So Penn has been doing the Lord's work and it's just great that there's like another guy on the Internet talking about menopause. It's a fabulous conversation. You have to turn in. Tune in next Tuesday.

[Penn Holderness]

He was so fantastic. And man, you know, like, I think one of the things that I talked to him about was how do each of us reach men and not just women? Yeah, right. Because so far, perimenopause is largely an echo chamber. And if there are a billion people right now with perimenopause, that means that there's probably over a billion people living with people who have perimenopause between children.

[Kim Holderness]

Is it a billion people?

[Penn Holderness]

That's what I read. That Sammers.

[Kim Holderness]

Currently There are over 1 billion people worldwide who are in the menopause transition or are postmenopausal.

[Penn Holderness]

Bam. Sorry, I don't mean to be celebrating.

[Caller (Andy or Kat)]

In the US approximately 1.3 to 2.

[Kim Holderness]

Million women enter menopause each year. And that phase lasts 10 to 15 years. Yeah, that's a lot of ladies. Well, anyway, I'm just glad that you have a friend in the. A male friend in this menopause space now. I know.

[Penn Holderness]

It was nice to meet him.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. Okay, so if everything I've said up into this point causes you to fight with your family, I'm very sorry now to. To kind of soften that. I have become famous in my daughter with my daughters and her friends because I come up with lists of questions and I have published some of those.

[Penn Holderness]

It's amazing. So when we went to visit Lola the first time from college, this. And so many people have reacted to this. Can I just brag about you real quick? She had a handwritten set of questions and they were really good. They weren't. They were open ended. And we found the quietest restaurant we could find to have dinner so that we could hear each other when we were talking. And she asked for you to do it again the next time you saw her. And then I want to know about this. So you did this while you guys were at dinner together with the other kids?

[Kim Holderness]

More on this after these words.

[Penn Holderness]

All right, guys, the holidays are near. And aura frames is how I'm redeeming myself this year.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay? Oh, boy.

[Penn Holderness]

I know, I know. I have a history of some unadvised gift giving.

[Kim Holderness]

Would that be the car trash can that you gave me last year or the the bathrobe, the extra bathrobe you.

[Penn Holderness]

Gave me so I still stand by the car trash can. I think it's the gift that keeps on getting given year round, but yes. Okay. With Aura though, you can share your photos and videos effortlessly straight from your phone all year long.

[Kim Holderness]

You can preload photos before it ships. Just download the Aura app and connect to Wi Fi.

[Penn Holderness]

Don't wait. Win the Holidays now with Aura Frames.

[Kim Holderness]

For a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo promo code Laugh lines at checkout.

[Penn Holderness]

That's a U R A frames.com promo code laughlines this exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order now before it ends.

[Kim Holderness]

Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. As the holidays approach, I'm determined to get ahead of New Year's resolutions and tackle some of my goals right away.

[Penn Holderness]

You love a good New Year's resolution. So what are we talking about for this year?

[Kim Holderness]

Okay, well of course keeping up these good habits, but I really need to tackle the home design. Like our guest room is just a room of lost furniture and that's sort of at the top of the list. So thank goodness for Masterclass.

[Penn Holderness]

Oh, you're talking about the small habits that make a big impact. Masterclass with author James Clear and the Designing a Home on a Budget class with Joanna Gaines.

[Kim Holderness]

Exactly. With Masterclass you you can learn from the best to become your best. With plans starting at $10 a month, you get unlimited access to over 200 classes.

[Penn Holderness]

Masterclass fits right into your schedule with thousands of short, easy to digest lessons that you can learn from on your own time and wherever you are, from your phone, laptop, even your tv.

[Kim Holderness]

And there's no risk. Every new membership comes with a 30 day money back guarantee.

[Penn Holderness]

Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. So head over to Masterclass.com Holderness for the current offer.

[Kim Holderness]

That's up to 50% off at Masterclass.com Holderness Masterclass.com Holderness.

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[Kim Holderness]

I went solo trip to see Lola because I just. I have discovered. You guys, I can go a month.

[Penn Holderness]

That's.

[Kim Holderness]

That is. That is it right now.

[Penn Holderness]

Maybe later.

[Kim Holderness]

But right now, it was a month since I had seen her. Yeah. Again, maybe later. I'll be fine. But I'm itching. So I just went. Took her friends out to dinner, and Lola told me to come up with a list of questions, and I didn't even get through all of them because those. They're so great, but they. They loved them. And so I think this is just gonna be our new tradition as a family. And here are some just example ones you can bring to your kitchen table over Thanksgiving. And we will. We'll put them in the show notes so you have them.

[Penn Holderness]

Do you want me to practice by answering some of these. Sure. With you, or do you want me to.

[Kim Holderness]

And I can tell you some of the ones that the kids loved?

[Penn Holderness]

Okay.

[Kim Holderness]

The fir. One of the ones I asked the kids. That's not on this list. One of the ones that asked my daughter's college friends was, what is a lesson you have learned the hard way this year?

[Penn Holderness]

Oh.

[Kim Holderness]

Oof. And some of the answers were very funny. Some of the answers were, you know, hard, but about the very valuable lessons. That's the best way to learn a lesson.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

Is the hard way, and it sucks. What's the lesson you've learned the hard way this year?

[Penn Holderness]

Oh, gosh. I don't know if this was the hard way. Like, the whole saying goodbye to Lola was not hard. It was actually beautiful.

[Kim Holderness]

What did I.

[Penn Holderness]

What mistakes did I make this year?

[Kim Holderness]

Not even a mistake.

[Penn Holderness]

Just a lesson. Sam. What. What have I screwed up on this year?

[Kim Holderness]

Had a really good year.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Just one of them isn't coming to mind.

[Kim Holderness]

Or you could, over the span of your life, doesn't even have to be this year.

[Penn Holderness]

Oh, God, there's so many. Okay. The hardest lesson I ever learned was that, like, you should just. You should just talk to girls if you like them. Don't. Don't stare at them from a distance like a creep, and don't say anything. To them, which is what I did for, like five years.

[Kim Holderness]

So we're talking to, like, teenage Pen right now. Just talk to girls.

[Penn Holderness]

I think I would have advanced emotionally and socially if I'd just not been such a chicken poop about that.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Okay.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay, go ahead.

[Kim Holderness]

This is a very generic one that you can ask with grandpa at the table. If you start a rock band, what would the name of that band be?

[Penn Holderness]

Okay, what's. Do you have one?

[Kim Holderness]

I don't. I'm really bad at naming things.

[Penn Holderness]

So I started a rock band and our first name was Sexual Chocolate because we all loved coming to America. And then we realized that was probably inappropriate, and so we switched from that to the Groove Dogs, and then we switched from that to Smith Cooley Band because it was the name of a guy on a fraternity composite that we just thought was a funny name name. And that's what it's been for 40 years.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. Did you ever want to change your first name?

[Penn Holderness]

Yes.

[Kim Holderness]

What did you want to change it to?

[Penn Holderness]

Anything but Pen. When I was in middle school and everyone called me Pennis.

[Kim Holderness]

Oh.

[Penn Holderness]

But then. And then high school, it kind of made its way through there. And then you got to college and girls dug it.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

If you have a weird name, you just got to get through middle school and then you're fine. What about you?

[Kim Holderness]

Everybody was named Kim or Kimberly. Yeah. I wanted something very unique, but I. I forget Cele. I don't remember specifically, but if. If I'd.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

If 12 year old Kim had the opportunity.

[Penn Holderness]

Everyone was either named Kim or Jennifer or Jessica. Or Jessica. Yeah. There were a lot of J's out there.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. Have you ever had a psychic reading and was it accurate? Yes. You did.

[Penn Holderness]

And I didn't. I didn't love it. Like, it's. It was. I found out, like, quickly afterwards, like, it was filmed and it was live. And then I, like, took a second afterwards and realized that I think that the person just had access to a lot of my information.

[Kim Holderness]

I. I, Penn and I fight about this. That person did not so. And. And knew things that were not available on the Internet.

[Penn Holderness]

So if you look at the comments underneath it, people, like, broke down all these, like, simple web searches where they found this information about me. And I felt like, kind of. I felt like I'd been taken advantage of.

[Kim Holderness]

So you don't believe in the psychic stuff?

[Penn Holderness]

Most of the time, no. But. No, no, you know what? I believe that there are spirits. I believe that there are ghosts. I believe that there's People watching over me. I just don't necessarily always believe the people who say they can see them.

[Kim Holderness]

Fair. I mean, there's a lot of people out there that would take advantage. But I. I believed this person I had. I went to this wonderful retreat earlier this year with a group of amazing women, and it was in Mexico, and there was this, like. Like. I don't know how to describe her. Like, a she. She was like a priestess, right? Yeah. And she was like. But she communicated with the spirits. And I was like, hey, I'm here. Let's do this. And she. I called and told you what she said. Yeah. And it was something very accurate about a member of my family. And that has come to fruition later in the year, and it is freaky.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. So.

[Penn Holderness]

And I'm not yucking your yum. Like, I. I'm. I got. I got no problem with this. Like, I'm glad that this happened to you, and I'm glad that you believe it. And I'm gonna. I'm not gonna tell you it's not true.

[Kim Holderness]

And I will say this. So part of it is, like, you. There's, like, a process, right? And there's, like, these cacao beans that are from this. I. I'm in it, right? I'm in. And there's, like, 13. And you eat the beans and you drink the thing. I. I leaned in so hard, you guys, I was so into it. People aren't into it. I was so into it. Drink this very specific thing about my family. I. I knew two of the women there, but not. We weren't best friends at all. And I knew nobody else did not know this woman. Like, there was no reason this person would have had this very specific, specific information. And it, like, floored me. And then she said, very soon, you will get, like, you're going to get very good news very soon. This will be. This will be a very good, you know, phone call. It. She's like, it. It's like. Like a bird that rains gold will fly or something like that. That same day, Oprah's producers called us. I'm like, she's the bird that rains gold. I mean, I didn't catch any of the gold, but Oprah, I was like, magic beans. So this whole year, anything, anytime, anything good has happened. I'm like, it was those magic beans.

[Penn Holderness]

Penny, I'm so happy for you. I am so glad that, like, this is. That this has affected you in the way that it has. I am. There is nothing wrong with believing this.

[Kim Holderness]

I know. Let Me ask one more thing. Okay, here's a fun one. What was your worst haircut or hairstyle of all time? I'm not going to say. A perm, because I loved that perm. I loved that perm. I would say the day before my 8th grade pictures, I gave myself bangs in the mirror. And that was hard because my hair was shorter then. So I had, like. I looked like Lord Farquaad because I had bangs and, like, a short bop. So that was. That was a real sad Kim. Sad Kim, what about you?

[Penn Holderness]

My second day of college, the people across the hall from me were like, hey, we do haircuts. I'm like, awesome. I'm. We're friends. Let's do a haircut. But they were only used to doing haircuts that were like. Like boxes. Right. So they just cut my bangs off and they're like, here you go. And I. I'm. The estrogen had not left my body, so I didn't say anything. I was like, oh, it's. It's great, you guys. So I wore a hat for the first three months of college. No one look knew what my head looked like. It took like, I. It was devastating.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

And they just had never cut. I don't think they'd ever, like, cut someone's hair like mine before. So my fault.

[Kim Holderness]

Isn't that funny, though, because I. I do have a fabulous woman who does whatever she can with my hair because I don't have amazing hair, but she does a fabulous job. But previously, I was so scared to tell anybody that I hated what they'd done to my hair. I would just, like, ghost them and never go back to them instead of saying, you know, that's a. That's really blonde. Like, I just wouldn't say anything.

[Penn Holderness]

Yeah.

[Kim Holderness]

So now I. Now I do. My brother, and this was obviously like, in the late 80s, he had. Do you remember, like, the rat tail?

[Penn Holderness]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that was huge. In. In north cac.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah. And I. That is the funniest. And for those young listeners, like, it was just a normal haircut. And then you turned around and it was like a weird ponytail growing from the back of your head. Did you have one?

[Penn Holderness]

It's funny, I had this little comma in the back of my head that was just part of my hair growth.

[Kim Holderness]

Yeah.

[Penn Holderness]

That I couldn't get rid of. But it wouldn't grow more than, like, this long.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay.

[Penn Holderness]

So I had, like, a rat nub my entire childhood, and it finally. PC's got it now, too. It finally went away.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay. One last one. What is your. And again, we have so many more, but what's your favorite charity that you like to donate your time or your money to? And I love this because your dad used to ask, you know, instead of going around the dinner table and saying, what are you thankful for? He would. He would ask, like, what have you done this year to help people? Like, where have you served? Like, where have you like. And he was so intentional, and he did such good work in the community. I. I love to ask that question because people come up with some very.

[Penn Holderness]

Creative things and charities. We'll see what it's like when we get to Thanksgiving. But they probably still need your help.

[Kim Holderness]

Yes. And I think as a community, we need to take care of each other. Okay, those questions will be in the show notes. I'm very calm now. I started the episode with fire behind me, but I'm very calm.

[Penn Holderness]

There you go.

[Kim Holderness]

And I really thank you, dear listener, for going on that journey with me. If you made it to the end of this podcast and through my entire mood swing, just snap me a pic, send it to DMs. Slide into my DMs.

[Penn Holderness]

We're going to have the most Zen credits of all time. Sam's gonna put some, like some music you would hear from a massage. Laugh Lines is written and produced by Penn Holderness, Kim Holderness and Anne Marie Tapke with original music by Pen Holderness. It is filmed, edited and live produced by Sam Allen and hosted by acast. As always, we love to hear from you. Please write to us at [e-mail] or leave a voicemail at 323-364-3929. Be well. We will talk to you soon on Laugh Lines.

[Kim Holderness]

Okay, bye.

[Penn Holderness]

Okay. Hello there, mom and dad. Or mom and mom or dad and dad or parents. Are you about to spend five hours in the car with your beloved kids this holiday season driving to old granny's house?

[Kim Holderness]

Let us set the scene. I'm picturing screaming, fighting back to back hours of K Pop Demon Hunter soundtrack on repeat.

[Penn Holderness]

I mean, that movie does have some bangers, but anyway, when your ears start to bleed, we have the perfect thing to keep you from rolling out of that moving vehicle. Something for the whole family.

[Kim Holderness]

He's filled with laughs. He's filled with rage. The OG green. Give it up for the Grinch, voiced by SNL's James Austin Johnson and tis the Grinch holiday Podcast.

[Penn Holderness]

And like any insufferable influencer these days, he's bringing his crew of lesser talented friends along for the ride With a listers like Gronk, Mark Hamill and the Jonas Brothers, there's a little bit of something for everyone.

[Kim Holderness]

Listen to TIS the Grinch Holiday Podcast Wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Kim Holderness]

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[Penn Holderness]

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