DESCRIPTION:

Kash Patel is not as think as you drunk he is … again. And if you tell someone about it, he'll strap you to a polygraph.

The DC Circuit seems likely to side with Senator Mark Kelly in his lawsuit against Pete Hegseth for trying to steal his pension.

The DOJ subpoenaed a hospital in Rhode Island for medical records of kids receiving gender affirming care. While the parties were negotiating, the DOJ filed a petition to enforce in Texas, which their hand-picked Judge Reed O'Connor instantly granted. Now the hospital has appealed to the Fifth Circuit (ughhh) and the Rhode Island Child Advocate has filed a motion to quash in the District of Rhode Island.

Our Doofus of the Day is Chief Justice John Roberts. It won't always be someone on the Supreme Court, but when you stand up in front of hundreds of lawyers to whine about how unfair it is that people think your obviously political Supreme Court is political, how could we resist?

MAIN SHOW:

The 11th Circuit has joined two other circuit courts of appeal in ruling that the Trump administration cannot use the mandatory detention provisions of the Immigration and Naturalization Act to hold any immigrant, anywhere in the US, for any length of time and with no opportunity for a bond hearing.

The DOJ is so desperate to hire lawyers that they're offering signing bonuses and tipping current employees with "retention incentive allowances" to keep them from fleeing. Turns out, competent lawyers don't like harassing trans kids for sport and indicting Democratic politicians on spurious grounds.

Judge Coleen McMahon ruled that DOGE illegally dismantled the National Endowment for the Humanities when the bros fed the grantee database into ChatGPT with an instruction to find grants were "DEI."

The Southern Poverty Law Center says the government's public lies about the case — lookin' at you, Todd Blanche — are so egregious that the court should hand over the grand jury transcript.

Judges in Rhode Island and Texas are dueling over the DOJ's subpoena for the medical record for transgender minors.

READING LIST:

How Professional Wrestling Prepared Linda McMahon for Trump's Cabinet

Kash Patel's Personalized Bourbon Stash

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/05/kash-patel-fbi-bourbon/687066/

Kash Patel ordered polygraphs of more than two dozen members of his team, sources tell MS NOW

https://www.ms.now/news/kash-patel-ordered-polygraphs-of-more-than-two-dozen-members-of-his-team-sources-tell-ms-now

DOJ Offers Lawyers $25,000 Signing Bonuses as Hiring Lags

https://news.bloomberglaw.com/us-law-week/doj-offers-lawyers-25-000-signing-bonuses-as-recruitment-lags

US. SPLC

https://www.courtlistener.com/docket/73223865/united-states-v-southern-poverty-law-center-inc

In Re: Administrative Subpoena 25-1431-032 [Texas action]