I’ve been thinking about the tension between stillness and disruption…

In today’s video, I talk about those rare moments when life feels like the near-perfect reflection of what’s above perfectly still water—versus the far more common days when everything feels muddled, confused, or upset.

I reference the photograph I took of the Lachine Canal in Montréal this summer (above) because of how calm, still, and transparent the water is. That kind of clarity is what I’m always aiming for—equanimity, peace of mind, the ability to really see what’s happening and respond in a meaningful, thoughtful way using the emotions and feelings I want to bring to solving a problem. But right now, that’s not where I am.

I’ve been feeling off my game and uncertain about where to go next.

The Tao Te Ching reminds us that,

A way can be a guide, but not a fixed path;names can be given. but not permanent labels.

The opening two lines of the Tao speak to the intersection between morality and ethics—not right/wrong binaries, but the way we try to make sense of what’s happening in the world, and the way ethical leaders try to show up with personal responsibility for the collective good.

Certainty and clarity feel like rare occurences these days. I’m noticing this lack in myself, and I’m noticing it in others—anger, frustration, anxiety, and shutting down are the norm.

I have so much to say that I don’t know what to say.

Instead of creating, I’m second-guessing my ideas, my unfinished articles, my book on queer integrity that stalled. I wondered if I was trying to build the whole building instead of starting with one floor and moving from there. Even the way I write has felt like an obstacle—speech-to-text that doesn’t feel right, typing that creates gibberish, spell-check underlines that ripple across the water and distort the reflection of what I’m trying to say.

I end up fixating on the obstacle instead of the clarity.

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And then there’s how I show up on video.

A friend said I can seem polished, prepared, put-together—great lighting, great sound—but where’s the real Darren?

The truth is I’ve struggled with anger and rage for most of my life. It’s probably why I got into coaching and why I turn to the Tao Te Ching for some sense of self-mastery. When the orange menace was reelected in November 2024, I was scared and furious. I’ve been watching the unfairness, polarization, injustice, inhumanity, and disrespect intensify, and it’s been overwhelming. I admire people who show up as advocates and activists without fear, but I also think we need vulnerability and a way forward.

Rage for the sake of rage is just shouting or virtue signalling trying to prove we’re on the “right” side of justice.

A way can be a guide but not a fixed path.

That means a just way can’t be an ideology or dogma.

And that’s what I’m reacting against—everything that people are doing or saying that’s inflexible, inhumane, and devoid of compassion or care. I find myself needing to step back so that I can get grounded, see to the depths, and then take next steps with a clear view forward.

Sometimes we need to be vague before we can get specific.

Sometimes we need to stir the pot before it can settle.

Sometimes saying less lets us understand more.

There doesn’t always have to be a neat and tidy conclusion or solution...

If what I’ve said speaks to where you are—if you’re struggling to find clarity and you’re stuck on the obstacles that stop you in your tracks—reach out. Message me. Let’s have a conversation and figure out how you can get to that place where the water is still enough that you can see your next steps, and create the way that can be your guide, but not a fixed path.

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