Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
“10 Things To Do Before, During, and After Divorce”
Date: March 10, 2026
Host: Kristin Cavallari (Dear Media)

Episode Overview

Kristin Cavallari dives into her most personal and practical episode yet, sharing her hard-earned insights and advice for those about to divorce, navigating one, or emerging from the process. Drawing deeply from her two-and-a-half-year divorce, Kristin provides a candid, empowering, and sometimes humorous guide to the “10 things” she wishes she’d known—structuring her tips for “before, during, and after” divorce. While she offers empathy and actionable advice, Kristin maintains her characteristic honesty and relatability, especially for women navigating complex emotional and logistical terrain.

Key Themes & Discussion Points

1. The Psychological Realities of Divorce (00:50 – 06:00)

• Divorce is isolating and unpredictable: Kristin highlights how being the “first” in her friend group to go through a divorce left her feeling alone and unprepared.
• Divorce vs. Breakup: Unlike a breakup, if you have kids, “you don’t get to just never hear or speak to this person again.”
• Emotional adjustment: Even if you’re the one making the decision, “there’s a time period of just adjusting… getting used to life without that person in your day to day world.”
• Quote:
  • “The craziest thing about a divorce to me is you don’t ever really get to cut ties, especially if you have kids.” (03:45)

2. What to Do Before You Tell Your Spouse (06:01 – 13:40)

A. Consult an Attorney First

• Empower yourself with knowledge before initiating the conversation.
• Managing expectations is crucial: “Knowledge reduces fear.” (07:00)
• Consult with multiple attorneys to be prepared—available lawyers can’t be poached by your ex in certain states.
• “You have no idea what this man is capable of and who he’s going to become through the process.” (10:30)
• Practical tip: Check state laws regarding consulting attorneys; process differs by location.

B. Gather Information

• Collect all financial documents and understand “what you guys own together and what’s going to be on the table.”
• Make copies of anything you may need.
• “We just want to know as much as possible so we aren’t blindsided by anything…” (12:40)

3. Essential Steps During the Divorce Process (13:41 – 46:00)

A. Change All Passwords

• “People’s emotions being heightened and people having a broken heart makes them do things they wouldn’t normally do.” (14:03)
• Change passwords to social media, Venmo, Apple ID, WhatsApp, etc.; turn off location sharing.
• Keep your digital life private, regardless of current trust levels.

B. Prioritize Long-term Peace Over Ego

• Don’t “burn the house down on your way out.” (16:10)
• Especially for parents: “Kids remember this stuff.” (18:00)
• Aim to “protect your long-term peace, not your short-term ego.”
• Vulnerability over meanness: Kristin shares how she used to get mean when she couldn’t be vulnerable—advises listeners to break that pattern.

C. Protect Your Kids Emotionally

• “Kids don’t need to know that Robert called you a slut, or that he’s already dating Kim down the street… Let kids be kids.” (23:18)
• Keep adult conversations between adults; only reassure kids about love and safety.
• If your ex trashes you to the kids, defend yourself factually, but don’t retaliate with insults.

D. Document Everything (If Necessary)

• “If there’s… narcissistic behavior, drugs, alcohol, negligence… document everything.” (25:30)
• Gather evidence: screenshots, recordings (check state laws), create easy-access digital albums.
• Quote: “You’re building a case, and the more evidence you have, the better.” (28:10)
• Be mindful of laws regarding recording conversations or children.

E. Give Away As Little Information As Possible

• Be vague with both kids and your ex; the less detail you share, the less may be used against you.
• “You can still be a nice, decent human being… but just being vague. No details.” (31:00)

F. Find a Healthy Outlet

• Essential to have one-to-three trusted confidants to vent to.
• “Journaling saved my life during my divorce.” (34:15)
• Genuine empathy beats sympathy—share, cry, dance, or get physical to release stress.
• “If you don’t have someone, write your ass off. Writing is a real release.” (36:22)

G. Prioritize Self Care

• Meditate, get enough sleep (even if it requires supplements), eat well.
• “The emotion is so hard on your body… Stress can turn into ailments.” (41:00)
• Healing is not linear—be gentle and allow yourself to feel all emotions.
• “There will be an end… Eventually you will get to the other side.” (43:10)

H. Regulate Your Nervous System & Emotions

• Stay calm in negotiations; vent privately or with friends, not in legal settings.
• “You want to act calm, cool, and collected in front of your ex, your ex’s lawyer, the judge… Save your emotions for your friends.” (44:10)

4. Moving Forward: After (and During) Divorce (46:01 – End)

I. Don’t Rush to Fill the Void

• Adjust to alone time; don’t “race” into new relationships, partying, or distractions.
• “That stillness and quiet is where the healing happens, and where you actually get to meet yourself.” (48:30)
• Kristin shares her own journey: “My real healing journey started a year, year-and-a-half after we split up.” (50:12)
• Cautions against dating someone not truly “done” with their ex—look for signs of real emotional closure.
• “If he’s angry with his ex-wife, she’s still running his life.” (53:15)

J. Focus on Positives and Rebirth

• Embrace freedoms: “You get to walk around your house naked if you want.” (55:00)
• Rediscover hobbies, travel, build new routines.
• “Divorce is sad… but it can also be a rebirth.” (57:30)
• Let go of resentment for your own good; use the experience as wisdom, not baggage.
• “I don’t like ever being a victim of my own life. For me, it’s always been, What’s my takeaway from this situation?” (59:10)
• Show your kids the opportunity to be a better parent, present and full.
• Reassurance: “If I could get through it and be really happy, and my kids are good, everyone is okay… You will be too.” (1:00:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You have no idea what this man is capable of and who he’s going to become through the process.” (10:30)
• “Kids remember the big things.” (18:15)
• “You don’t want to burn the house down on your way out.” (16:10)
• “Save the adult stuff for the adults.” (23:25)
• “You’re building a case, and the more evidence you have, the better.” (28:10)
• “If you don’t have someone, write your ass off.” (36:22)
• “That stillness and quiet is where the healing happens.” (48:30)
• “Don’t do the blame game. I don’t like ever being a victim of my life.” (59:10)
• “Divorce can also be a rebirth.” (57:30)
• “If I could get through it and be really happy… everyone is okay. That’s the most important piece of it.” (1:00:15)

Episode Timestamps

• 00:50 – Opening remarks on divorce and context
• 06:01 – Consulting attorneys and gathering information (pre-divorce)
• 13:41 – Digital privacy: passwords, Venmo, and privacy
• 16:10 – Long term vs. short term priorities
• 18:00 – Protecting kids emotionally
• 23:18 – Kids and adult conversations
• 25:30 – When and how to document evidence
• 31:00 – Giving away less information
• 34:15 – Emotional outlets: friends, journaling, therapy
• 41:00 – Self-care and physical health
• 44:10 – Regulating emotions and negotiation strategy
• 48:30 – Adjusting to alone time and healing
• 53:15 – Emotional closure before dating again
• 55:00 – Focusing on positives and the “rebirth”
• 59:10 – Resentment vs. wisdom
• 1:00:15 – Final encouragement and close

Tone and Takeaways

Kristin’s tone is direct, empathetic, and empowering, especially for women. She’s not afraid to say “be strategic,” but always prioritizes healing, self-reflection, and moving forward. Whether the divorce is amicable or acrimonious, her core message is: value knowledge, protect your peace (and your kids), rely on select support, heal deeply, and look for the light ahead.

If you or someone you love is facing divorce, Kristin’s advice here is part pep talk, part strategic guide, and all heart.