Chasing Everything With A D*ck with Sarah Shahi

Summary

Episode Summary

Podcast: Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Episode: Chasing Everything With A D*ck
Guest: Sarah Shahi
Date: February 10, 2026
Duration: ~59 minutes

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Brief Overview

Kristin Cavallari welcomes her friend, actress, and author Sarah Shahi for an unfiltered and deeply personal conversation. The episode explores Sarah’s life as a single mom, her experiences with co-parenting, dating after divorce, sex and sexuality, radical self-acceptance, and her journey into authorship. Full of wit and authenticity, both women share the realities of love, parenting, healing, and stepping into unapologetic femininity.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Parenting and Co-Parenting

• Teenagers & Technology:

  • Sarah talks about setting boundaries and using apps like Life360 to track her 16-year-old son’s driving habits ([01:17]).
  • Kristin: “My ex has Life360 for my kids. Of course my kids told me how they’ve figured out a workaround. They can pause it so that he thinks they're in one spot, but they're not.” ([01:41])

• Single Parenthood:

  • Sarah reflects on the chaos of having children close in age, breastfeeding, and coming to appreciate the female body ([02:36]).

• Co-Parenting Fluidity:

  • Sarah describes her “fluid” 50/50 co-parenting relationship with her ex, highlighting a drama-free, collaborative approach that prioritizes the kids ([05:22]).

    Quote:

    “We just want what's best for them and everything else is just kind of fluid... not a lot of my girlfriends have that kind of dynamic with their co-parent.” — Sarah ([05:22])

• Family Holidays Post-Divorce:

  • She shares that for the first time, she and her ex celebrated Christmas together for the kids, reducing drama and modeling loving relationships after separation ([06:14]).

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2. Being Newly Single and Reclaiming Femininity

• Embracing Singleness:

  • For the first time in 23 years, Sarah is single and discusses the initial tendency to seek male validation:

    “I was chasing everything with a dick for a while. I was like, give me male validation, please. But after that was unsuccessful… I ended up just being alone and accepting being alone. Now I just kind of love it.” — Sarah ([07:12])

• Discovering Herself:

  • She details how relationships previously led her to “dim her light” and now, without a partner, she's exploring and celebrating her own sensuality for herself, not for external validation ([08:30]).

• Social Media and Hot Selfies:

  • Both discuss unapologetically posting selfies and embracing their physical beauty, rejecting the shame attached to female sexuality (hot selfies for life theme) ([10:06], [10:15]).

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3. On-Screen Sexuality, Divorce, & Self-Worth

• Acting in “Sex/Life”:
  • Sarah shares candidly about the vulnerability of filming sex scenes, including using prosthetic breasts and the emotional/psychological logistics of performing intimacy on camera ([10:38]–[12:39]).
• Divorce & Self-Esteem:
  • Kristin relates to the struggle of rebuilding self-esteem post-divorce.
  • Sarah shares the complexity of ending an 18-year marriage:

    “Nobody gets married planning their divorce.” — Sarah ([13:51])

• Moving Forward:
  • Both affirm that making the hard choice to separate ultimately models happiness and healthy dynamics for their children ([20:43]).

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4. Set Romance & Dating Outlook

• Relationship with Adam Demos (Sex/Life co-star):
  • Sarah offers a playful retelling about their initial meeting, her “tomboy” fashion, making the first move, and living the set-romance fantasy ([21:49]–[27:17]).
  • On why she crossed the line first:

    “I was very much in my masculine for a long time... Now within this last year of chasing dick and it not going anywhere, I’ve decided to take a different role. I want to be more in the receiving mode.” — Sarah ([26:44])

• What She’s Looking for Now:
  • She’s not chasing; she’s open to letting people show up, favoring a “slow burn” romance and prioritizing herself ([31:37], [32:39]).
  • Dating as a mom: Sarah wants a boyfriend for enjoyment, not a step-parent for her kids ([30:58]).
  • On modern connection:

    “We’ve lost the ability to yearn… There’s something really romantic about letting something build slowly and that yearn and that excitement.” — Sarah ([31:42])

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5. Dating Apps & New Connections

• Experience with Raya:
  • Sarah describes online dating as mostly underwhelming, but admits to finding a fun international connection that’s reigniting her excitement for “the yearn” ([32:41]).
  • Both poke fun at usual dating app tropes — “good vibes only” lines and a glut of snowboarding pictures ([33:17]).

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6. Career, Surrender, and Book Inspiration

• Receiving Opportunities:

  • Sarah reflects on the power of “surrender” and letting opportunities, whether work or romantic, come to her instead of constant chasing ([39:49]).

• Writing Her Book (“Life is Lifey”):

  • After “Sex/Life” and her public divorce, women reached out for advice, inspiring her book.
  • She discusses challenging stigmas around female desire, sexuality, aging, divorce, and boundaries. Sarah brings the tone and candor of a “girl group chat” ([41:28]).

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7. Challenging Stigma, Talking Sex, and Female Empowerment

• Female Sexuality:
  • Sarah argues for destigmatizing topics like pleasure and hormones, noting it’s normalized for men to discuss Viagra, but taboo for women to talk progesterone or periods ([45:11]).
  • Kristin: “We all talk about this stuff. All of us girls are talking about it. You're just putting it on paper.” ([45:02])
• Sex Ed Anecdote:
  • Sarah describes taking an LA class on blowjobs to overcome shame and understand “the anatomy of a penis in a way that made me not think about it as, like, ooh, this is dirty. I don't want it… It became about science and biology.” ([44:33])

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8. Healing, Happiness & Self-Focus

• Following Joy:
  • Sarah stresses living for her own happiness, describing a simple prescription:

    “I'm just gonna follow my happy. And that's kind of the moment I'm in now too.” — Sarah ([49:38])

  • She shares that, more than ever, she’s focused on filling herself up and not letting external things define her ([47:09]–[48:08]).
  • “The only value that's assigned on a situation is the one that we place on it.” — Sarah ([50:24])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• On Co-Parenting:

  “We just want what's best for them and everything else is just kind of fluid.” — Sarah ([05:22])

• On Singleness & Validation:

  “I was chasing everything with a dick for a while. ...But after that was unsuccessful... ended up just being alone and accepting being alone. Now I just kind of love it.” — Sarah ([07:12])

• On Dimming Her Light:

  “I dimmed my light a little bit. ...I just accepted sort of this lesser version of myself throughout all areas of my life in order to make the man feel comfortable.” — Sarah ([08:30])

• On “Hot Selfies for Life”:

  “I'm like, you know what? I've got one life and I want to live my life... Hot selfies for life.” — Sarah ([09:47], [10:15])

• On Divorce:

  “Nobody gets married planning their divorce.” — Sarah ([13:51])

• On Letting Go and Surrender:

  “The things I chase don’t happen. ...But the more I'm just hands off and like, okay, yeah, whatever's meant, just surrender.” — Sarah ([39:41], [39:48])

• On Female Empowerment and Conversation:

  “If we talk about progesterone or periods or tampons, we have to be incognito about it or behind doors, and I just don't like that.” — Sarah ([45:38])

• On Following Happiness:

  “I'm just gonna follow my happy. And that's kind of the moment I'm in now too... I'm just gonna do what makes me happy. That's it.” — Sarah ([49:38])

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Highlighted Segment Timestamps

• Parenting, Teenagers, and Tracking: [01:16] – [02:53]
• Co-Parenting and Family Holidays Post-Divorce: [03:23] – [06:14]
• Discussion of Singleness and Femininity: [07:00] – [10:15]
• On “Sex/Life” and Sex Scenes: [10:38] – [12:39]
• Navigating Divorce and Self-Worth: [13:27] – [15:08]
• Relationship with Adam Demos & Set Romance: [21:49] – [28:09]
• Relationship Learnings and Dating Outlook: [28:43] – [32:39]
• Talking Sex, Shame, and Her Book: [41:28] – [46:00]
• Healing, Happiness & ‘Follow My Happy’: [49:38] – [50:24]
• HOT OR NOT (Dating Scenarios Game): [51:04] – [57:48]
• Sarah’s Projects & Where to Find Her: [58:01] – [58:54]

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Tone and Language

• Candid, bold, and vulnerable: Both Kristin and Sarah speak with raw honesty, plenty of wit, and warmth.
• Supportive and empowering: The conversation feels like an intimate girl’s night, filled with advice, affirmation, humor, and truth bombs.

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Where to Find Sarah Shahi

• Instagram: @SarahShahi
• Substack: Writing on sexuality and empowerment
• Book: Life is Lifey — Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and major booksellers
• TV: "Paradise" (Hulu; second season drops February 23rd, filming season 3 in March)
• Website: www.lifeislifey.com

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Useful Takeaways for New Listeners

• This episode is a masterclass in embracing change, self-love, and unapologetic womanhood.
• Expect honest talk about parenting, dating, sex, and the art of letting go.
• Listeners will leave feeling boosted, inspired, and ready to “follow their happy”—hot selfies encouraged.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dr. Media production.

[B]

This is, let's be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Cause I got all the power.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Welcome in. I am so excited for today's episode. She is truly my girl crush. She is so honest and so real and so inspiring. I know you guys are gonna love this one. Today we are joined by the beautiful Sarah Shahi. Wait, so 16?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not ready for all of that. Like, that freedom with them driving. Do you ever see your 16 year old anymore?

[A]

Yes, I do. And you know what? He thankfully, like, you know, I think it's hard to be a teenager today. And, like, I don't allow him to have social media, but, you know, he still sees it. Right. And he's got his phone and his friends are. And. And he's a good boy. Like, I'm lucky. Like, he is a really good boy. So he goes out, but we've got rules. Yeah. You know, like when he needs to be parked somewhere, I track him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I track his driving. I track how fast he's going.

[B]

Oh, you can do that?

[A]

Oh, yeah. What apps. There's a great app.

[B]

Okay, you'll have to tell me that later.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, wow. It's called Life360.

[B]

Oh, no, I know that app.

[A]

You know that one?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, so it will literally tell you, like, how many times they, like, you know, break really hard, like if there was something happening. Tells you how fast they go, how many times they looked at their phone while they're driving. Like, it. Wow. Literally, it. Like it's your eyes and ears inside of the car.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

It's incredible.

[B]

Did not know it did all of that. My ex has life360 for my kids. But of course my kids told me how they. They've figured out a workaround. They can pause it so that he thinks that they're one spot, but they're not.

[A]

I love they told you that.

[B]

They tell me things, so I will take it. But the driving thing, the texting while driving is, I think, the biggest thing that makes me so nervous.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Because I just don't want them to be stupid and think that they're invincible.

[A]

I know. And that's the thing. It's like everything happens like that.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Happen like that.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So, yeah. So it's. It's. It's a whole other world. How old are yours?

[B]

So 13. 13, almost 12. And then 10. So two middle school boys and then a girl.

[A]

You had them close?

[B]

Oh, yeah, they were very close. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Is that on purpose or did it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it was, it was. And now looking back, I mean, yes and no. When I look back now, I'm so happy it happened that way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was, it was pure chaos for a few years. I mean, you know, it was like breastfeeding or being pregnant for like six years straight.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I was happy to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Happy that that's over.

[A]

But also like, how incredible are our bodies to be able to do that?

[B]

It really is amazing. What our bodies, you know, So I.

[A]

Have a whole new respect for like being a woman. And, and also like, like I' I've been single for about a year now. It's the first time in my life I've really been single. But like, being able to explore like my femininity in a way that I never had before and like the power of a woman's body and sensuality and what it means without context in a relationship with a man. You know what I mean? Like, it's been a cool, like, exploration for me personally.

[B]

And for your kids to see too, I think.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

How do you guys split up the custody? Is it 50? 50?

[A]

It's pretty 50 50. You know, he's also in the business, so if I need to take over more because he's out of town or like I've been out of town working and on this tour, so he's had them for a few weeks now. But then, you know, the moment I come back, it's like, here you go. Oh yeah. And actually I love it. Like, it, it really does go by so fast. And you know, like, as moms, of course we need the night off every once in a while, but I don't like being away from my babies.

[B]

I know it always sounds nice, right, to have a break and then the first day it's like, oh, wait, I miss them.

[A]

I know I'm calling them all the time and they just don't want to have anything to do with me. But I know, you know, it just, it goes by so fast. Like it's so true. And my 16 year old, he's like 6ft tall now and, you know, he's really taken the role of like a man in my life, which is interesting. We go to these book signings. They came with me. They came with me to the la and then they came in New York. We met up in New York for a few days. And the way he like, if there's a guy that comes in line and then wants like a picture or wants to interact with me, he fully like stands behind them and kind of postures up a little bit and I'm like, okay, I get it. Like calm down. But I get it. It's so cute. I love it. It's so cute. Like my girl, cuz I have the oldest one is a boy and then my twins are boy girl.

[B]

Oh, fun.

[A]

And you have two boys and a girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like my, my girl, that's my road dog. Like that's my homie. You know what I mean? Like, we do everything together, right? My boys, like, they are my biggest romances of my life, you know, and it's good. It's good to have like both.

[B]

No, I agree. And I know they are very different relationships.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

They really are thankful I've got both too. I know it sounds like the co parenting thing is going well. If you guys can be pretty fluid like that, that is awesome.

[A]

We're very fluid. And you know, and I have to say I'm grateful that I have a partner who like doesn't. There's no conflict, like if I want to have them more or if I want to switch out a date for another date. Like, we really vibe on the fact that we love the kids so much, you know, like we love them so much, we just want what's best for them and everything else is just kind of fluid. So I'm really, really happy I have that relationship with him because not a lot of my girlfriends have that kind of dynamic with their co parent.

[B]

No, it is not always that nice. Has it always been that easy for you guys?

[A]

It's always been that easy.

[B]

You're lucky.

[A]

I am? Yeah.

[B]

You're really lucky. That's amazing. And it's just so much better for the kids too, just to see you guys on good terms and that you're working together and that they are first. They're the most important.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's. That's great.

[A]

We just had a. We celebrated Christmas, like all of us, and it was the first year that we were able to do that. And that was another kind of like a moment that the kids were like, oh my gosh, I don't have to pick between mom or dad for Christmas. Like usually we would alternate, but it was really nice that we could all be there at the same time. The kids could go back and forth between Us, you know, it's like, look, we're gonna fuck em up anyway.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So it's like, why not them? As less drama as possible. And you know, and I think, I think kids, I come from a divorced home and this wasn't the case with me, but like, kids want to know they came from love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and I think as long as they sense that, then they're doing all right.

[B]

I agree completely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you said this is the first time you've been single in, it's 22 years, right?

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

I think, yeah.

[A]

23 years.

[B]

23. How you feeling it, girl?

[A]

Let me tell you. I was chasing everything with the dick for a while. I was, we've all been there. I was like, give me male validation, please. But after that, was unsuccessful.

[B]

Can only do it for so long. You can only do it for so long.

[A]

And then you're like, hold on, maybe I'm not meant to do this right now. And I ended up just being alone and accepting being alone. Now I just kind of love it. Like, I just, I'm learning about myself in ways that I didn't before. And I think as women, you know, when you're in a relationship, or at least this was my past in all, all my relationships, not just the last one or my marriage, whatever, just like all of them. Or at least I did, I dimmed my light a little bit. Like, I wasn't as, like, I'm somebody who loves people. Right. I, I, I'll see a beautiful woman and want to give her a compliment and the tightest hug ever just because I appreciate her femininity. And then I'll see a guy who could be someone who has something about them that I just want to do the same thing with them. It doesn't mean I want to sleep with them, but I can just appreciate humans for what they are. I always tampered that down and, like, wasn't as flirty with life.

[B]

And so because they would get upset about it, because they would get upset.

[A]

And there was insecurity or I was being labeled as being, you know, something that I wasn't. And because I just was afraid to rock the boat and I didn't want any conflict, I just accepted sort of this lesser version of myself throughout all areas of my life in order to make the man feel comfortable. And now not having that attachment, it's really allowed me to discover these areas of myself again and to be like, yeah, I want to flirt with life. Like, I want to carry myself with a little bit of extra mischief. Just getting my coffee. You know what I mean? And, like. And it doesn't mean anything one way or another. It's just an expression of the spark inside. Yeah. So it's been nice. It's been nice. Like, feeling that and getting comfortable with that. Yeah. And then, you know, the next person when they come along, like, I'm not gonna change those things. Like, I like that. That's what allows me to have fun. Yes.

[B]

Good for you. I love that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Just owning who you are.

[A]

Owning who I am. And like. Yeah, exactly. And not being afraid to, like, take up space as a woman, you know? Like, I tell all my girlfriends now, they're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, just taking hot selfies, like. Cause that's. I know.

[B]

I love that you post the hottest pictures, as you should.

[A]

I'm like, you know what? I've got one life and I want to live my life. I'm not going to post this when I'm 90.

[B]

Exactly. You know what I mean?

[A]

So I'm going to do it now. And if somebody thinks it's too much or it's one way or another, like, I don't care.

[B]

Well, because that's not about you, that's about them.

[A]

Exactly. And I think all women should.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, it's like, yes, we came into this world as women. We're beautiful. We all look different. We come in different shapes and sizes, and we should celebrate ourselves more.

[B]

Agree.

[A]

So, yeah. Hot selfies for life.

[B]

Damn right. And you look damn good doing them. Okay, hold on. So we have to talk about you in sex life, how insane you looked. I was obsessed with the show, but I was obsessed with you. And I was just like, you looked. I mean, you are one of the most beautiful women, but did you ever get self conscious about doing all of those sex scenes? Like, how do you. You did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you hype yourself up to do those?

[A]

Yeah. Anytime. We had to shoot me in the first season, currently, like, in the present day with my husband, Mike Bogle, I had prosthetic boobs. And then I don't know if anyone. Yeah, yeah, I had prosthetic boobs. I did not know that. Yeah, yeah. Because they. I was supposed to be breastfeeding. So those big, beautiful, like, not for play, fully for food type breasts we get when we're. You know.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I had. I was in prosthetics for about three hours every time I had to do that. And then the stuff was pretty easy.

[B]

I guess then to Take your shirt off.

[A]

That was pretty easy. Yeah. They weren't mine. And so that was very freeing. And then. But anytime I had stuff with Brad, which was me in the past, you know, those were little tiny me boobies. Non breastfeeding boobies. Right. Yeah. And so now I'm.

[B]

Yeah. Remembering.

[A]

Yeah. And it. But it was hard because you really have to. I mean, look, there were some days. Alcohol.

[B]

Yeah, Alcohol.

[A]

Did it shot before or three.

[B]

Or three. You know.

[A]

Yeah. Like, whatever.

[B]

I mean, would you worry about messing up your lines or anything, really? Because you don't really have a lot.

[A]

Of lines in those.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

So it was just being able to just block out the noise and hone in on something. And then I stopped drinking. I'm not sober or anything, but I just got tired of feeling hungover and, like, not sleeping, and so I just got sick of that. And then it was a whole other thing because I really. I was like, oh, are my tits down to my knees in this shot? Like, it was. Right. And I had to just throw myself into the character, into the moment, and I was like, the more I commit to this, the less I have to do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then it was like me and whoever my acting partner was, us having a little powwow off to the side. That's like, look, we need to pretend like we want to fuck each other's brains out. And here's the trick. The more you commit to this. Yeah. Like, the less we have to do this, buddy. So let's just like, make each other the object of our affections and let's fucking go to town. Okay. I love it. So, yeah. That's how you. That's kind of. Kind of how I did it.

[B]

Well, it worked. I mean, those scenes were fire. Oh, my God. So you got a divorce in 2020?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then when did you guys start taping that show?

[A]

We started taping that show 21. It was. Yeah, it was. It was late 2020 because we began right when Covid hit. And then, like, we had a week of filming, and then we shut down for like, seven months.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

So then we didn't go back until like, October of 2020. And, yeah, I got the divorce. The divorce wasn't final until the next.

[B]

Year, but, yeah, I would imagine having gone through a divorce myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I know when I did, I had pretty low self esteem initially. And it takes you a minute to kind of rebuild.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You go through a divorce, you get on a hit TV show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You look incredible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now you're dating your co star, I would imagine that felt pretty damn good coming out of a divorce.

[A]

It was a lot of things, you know, it was like, it did feel really validating in some way and it felt good to have those external factors. But at the same time, the dialogue that was happening inside was not that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, it's like I always say, and I talk about this in the book. It's like nobody gets married planning their divorce.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And I have this very ancient way of like, loving someone where I'm like, I want to be buried on top of you and I want to come back as ghosts and like we can haunt people together. Like, I have almost this very, like gothic intense, like, love that I feel. And so. Yeah. And I had never fallen for anybody the way I'd fallen for my ex husband. And it took a while to get my mind, I don't know, just kind of ex, like saying goodbye to that chapter and for everything for 18 years.

[B]

We were together for a long time and three kids. I mean, that's.

[A]

That's a lot of life.

[B]

It's a lot of life.

[A]

And you know, we were also kids when we met and, you know, we weren't serving each other anymore. You know what I mean? Like, the chapter was done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, you know, without speaking for him, it really was the best for both. Yeah. And it's hard to do, right? It's hard to do, but like, you know, looking back on it and he's thriving and our children are thriving and I'm thriving. It's like it was for the best. When you act in your highest good. I feel like it's kind of like a ripple effect and it impacts everyone positively. As hard as it is.

[B]

As hard as it is. You guys know I love Armor Colostrum. I've talked to you about them many a times and for very good reason. We live in an environment our biology was just never designed for. There's EMFs, artificial light seed oils, microplastics, endocrine disruptors, modern stressors. I mean, the list goes on and on. Armor Colostrum works at the cellular level to bolster your health from within. Colostrum is nature's first whole food. With over 4, 400 bioactive nutrients that fortify gut health, strengthen immune health, fuel performance, and so much more. And in addition to all of the incredible benefits that I just told you guys about, it strengthens your gut integrity and supports healthy fat metabolism to empower your body with the blueprint to revitalize health from the inside out. And I've worked out a special deal for my audience. You can receive 30% off your first subscription order. Go to armor.comhonest or you can enter honest to get 30% off your first subscription Order. That's a R M R A.com/honest parents, this one's for you. I love talking to you guys about Haya. Did you guys know that our kids are the first generation growing up on ultra processed foods? Right? And we are just now beginning to understand the long term effects. And as they get older it really does get harder to control everything that they're putting in their bodies. But that's exactly why Haya exists. To give parents a real solution in the market flooded with products that prioritize candy like appeal over actual nutrition. And here's something every parent also needs to hear. If getting your kids to eat vegetables feels like an impossible daily battle. Well Haya now has the new kids daily Greens plus Superfoods and it's a total game changer. It's basically chocolate milk stuffed with veggies. It's a greens powder that's packed with 55 plus whole food sourced ingredients. You just mix one scoop with milk or any non dairy beverage and watch them actually enjoy something that's secretly fueling their growing bodies. I've worked out a special deal with Haya for their best selling children's vitamin. You can receive 50% off on your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiahealth.com honestly this deal is not available on their regular website. So make sure you go to H I y dash A H E A L T h dot com honest and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. Let's chat Skims guys. They are my go to for intimates for my bras and my underwear. I just really do love them. Their quality is so great because it feels like you're wearing nothing on your body. They also have every shape for their underwear and their bras. Whatever you love. And I know that as ladies we're always looking for that perfect T shirt bra. And skims actually has so many different varieties. I personally love their plunge bra because it goes away in a T shirt. But also if you are wearing a low neckline it also looks good. It just makes your girls look fantastic and I love their fits. Everybody thong. I live in them. The skims cotton jersey full brief is also so great. I love sleeping in these. The fabric is life changing and it never loses its shape. I'VE worn and washed mine hundreds of times and they are still my favorite underwear to sleep in. Shop my favorite bras and [e-mail] and after you place your order, be sure to let them know that I sent you. Select podcast in the survey and make sure you select let's be honest, in a drop down, men get pallows. How did you know when it was finally time to walk away?

[A]

I knew because. So, like most women, I spent a large portion of my life putting myself last. You know, I was carrying the burden at home. I was working full time. For me, self care looked like adding Metamucil to every meal.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean? Or like picking parsley out of my teeth ten minutes a night, like that was my version of self care. Right. And I got to a point, there's this great quote by Michael Beckwith, who's this incredible spiritual teacher, and he says, pain persists until the vision pulls. And I remember there was just this one moment when it was like the light bulb just went on and I saw what my future could look like without resistance, without friction. I saw a future where I came first. And also just having courage, like, it's hard, right? It's hard to say those words. It's hard to act on them. And I had to give myself time. Courage isn't something that's built overnight, you know, but it is. All of a sudden, one morning you wake up and it's like, you have it. Yeah. Yeah. It was just this one moment in 2020, and it was just. It was just that it was like my future pulled me. It was. The pulse was so strong. I could not stay in that chapter anymore. Yeah.

[B]

Well, good for you. Forget now. I think it's. It is. It's so scary.

[A]

It really is. It is.

[B]

And a lot of women don't have the courage or they keep thinking that they're going to get it and they just. They can't pull the trigger.

[A]

Yeah. And you know what else I hear too is the kids.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

They want to stay for the kids. Stay in it for the kids. And the amount of like, adults that I speak with who their parents divorced, but they waited until the kids were like, in college. Yeah. All the kids are like, why did you do that? Because we knew you were unhappy. You know, so it's like, what are you modeling for your children by staying in a relationship that doesn't allow you to be who you fully are? Or what are you modeling for them in terms of, like, healthy partnership dynamics? You know, so These are also the things that I think women forget about sometimes. And you think you're being, like, savior or you think you're, you know, the sacrificial lamb. But to what extent? You know.

[B]

Yeah, I know that was a big thing for me. I wanted my kids to see me happy. Yes. To see what it's like and to see a good dynamic. And so, yeah, I thought about that the whole time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, okay, so you get a divorce now you're filming this show, so you start dating your co star, Adam.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I love a set romance. I think they are so hot.

[A]

I know they are hot.

[B]

The flirting in the beginning. And how did that start?

[A]

It is. It is very yummy. You know, it's interesting. And, you know, we have since broken up, so. Broke up last year. So talking about this definitely feels bittersweet, but I think he's an incredible human. And, you know, our ending. Also, there were. There was no, like, table flipping or any anger. It was just two people whose future. Stop rhyming. You know, it was as simple as that. But, yeah, no, I remember I walked. I was. I dressed like a homeless lesbian. Most of the time. I'm.

[B]

And you still.

[A]

I'm a tomboy. I'm a tomboy. Drives my daughter crazy.

[B]

Is she super girly?

[A]

Oh, she's so girly.

[B]

Isn't that funny?

[A]

Oh, my God. I mean, she hates that she's not here right now because she's a fan of yours and she loves. Yeah, she loves your store. And she's always like, why can't you dress like her mom? Like, why can't you?

[B]

Well, tell her I'm usually in sweats and leggings.

[A]

Right. It's like. Yeah. So anyway. But she's very feminine and I'm very tomboy. And so anyway, I was. I walked into the hair and makeup trailer in Toronto. We shot it in Toronto. And I. And I think it was like, February or March. It was right before COVID so maybe it was March. And I had this, like, janky ass Christmas sweater on that had like one blinking light left and pajamas. And I walk into the trailer and I literally almost kind of bump into him. And he's a very tall person. I like them tall.

[B]

Is this your first time meeting?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, this is our first time meeting. Yeah. And I was like, oh. And I was like, you're a tall drink of water. And he thought I was the pa. No, stop. Because of how I was dressed.

[B]

He said, I'll take a coffee, please.

[A]

Exactly. No, he says, he was about to give me his coffee order. Oh, my God. And then I introduced. I was like, I'm Sarah. I'm playing Billy. And then he stopped and he was like, oh, oh. He's like, I'm Brad. Oh, my God. And I'm like, we're gonna get to know each other really well, aren't we? You know, little did I know what that meant.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

And yeah, and then I just remember I was hearing him speak about, like, his relationship with his mother, and I just overheard little bits that he was leaking about himself and who he kind of was. And I found that to be really attractive. So then I was went and I sat next to him. I told my makeup artist. I was like, let's do our makeup down there. And then I was like, what kind of music do you like to listen to again? And what kind of drinks do you like to drink? Yeah, it kind of started from there. Wow. Yeah.

[B]

So when did you guys. First who. Who crossed the line first?

[A]

I did. Oh, wow. Okay. What did you say? And I'm learning to not do that anymore, Kristen. Why? Because. Well, it's interesting because I'm in this phase of my life. We are really.

[B]

We are always being honest here.

[A]

Very sometimes too honest. I love it. I love it, though. That's what we gotta do that, like, girls, like, we need to do speak like that with each other. I'm an Aries rising. I don't know if you follow.

[B]

I am an Aries. Hold on. I'm an Aries. Not rising.

[A]

Sun, Moon. Moon. Moon is like your love and relationships.

[B]

I think I'm Aries Moon.

[A]

What's your son?

[B]

Sun. Okay, hold on. I just did all this. Okay. Rising. I'm Capricorn. Is that.

[A]

I'm a Capricorn.

[B]

Hold on, what's. I was born in January. What is that?

[A]

Wait, I'm. Oh, that's right.

[B]

What are you. So that's my son is Capricorn.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. January. What?

[B]

Fifth. What are you. I'm the tenth stop.

[A]

Yeah, I'm serious. Happy birthday, girl. Happy birthday. I think I messaged you. Yeah, yeah. So fun. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so wait, I'll do your whole chart. Wait, do you know what time you were born?

[B]

Oh, God. Five something. PM five, 20 something.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. All right. We're gonna. We're gonna talk about this.

[B]

Capricorn, Aries and what else?

[A]

Yeah, and then my moon. So your is like love, relationships, how you interact with people is. Mine's a Libra.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So for me it's all about, like, balance and harmony in dynamics. Like that. Oh, yeah. I'm. I'm gonna. I'm a kid.

[B]

I'm a cancer.

[A]

Capricorn, Aries and cancer. Yeah. Okay. Very cool. Very cool. Oh, my God. No wonder we hit it off, like, so. Well, like, we have.

[B]

So anyway, earlier when you were talking about. What did you say earlier? Oh, that you really want to, you know, like, not dim your light anymore and flirt with the world. I immediately thought Aries. Immediately, it popped because I was like, that's that fire. That's the fire of being like, damn it, this is who I am. Exactly. You don't get to.

[A]

Hot selfies for life. Hot selfies. But, like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, no, I. So I'm always. Not always, but I was very much in my masculine for a long time and, like, always making the first move and always, you know, being the initiator of things. And now within this last year of chasing dick and it not going anywhere, I've decided to take a different role. I've decided that I want to be more in the receiving mode.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

And be more in my sort of grounded femininity for this next chapter. And it, you know, it feels really good because, honestly, the people that are not meant to stay, you kind of weed them out really quickly by not chasing.

[B]

It's so true.

[A]

You know, so it's been a nice. It's a nice change for me. But, yeah, I made the first move. We were out to drinks. We were out to drinks.

[B]

And before or after a sex scene with him?

[A]

Before.

[B]

Oh, so this happened pretty quickly.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it happened before.

[B]

Okay. Wow.

[A]

And we were sitting across from each other, and I don't remember exactly what we were talking about, but I just remember I kept, like, inching closer and inching closer and inching closer. And then I just started making out with him. I just stuck my tongue so far down his throat. And he saw our producers and writers, like. Cause where he was facing the entrance and I was facing more inside the restaurant, and he saw them and he pulled away and was like, oh, shit. Like, there's the boss. And the boss comes and starts sitting down next, and she sits down next to us, and she's like, hi. And I'm like, good casting. Yeah, really good casting. But, yeah, so it was. It was me.

[B]

Oh, that's fun.

[A]

It was fun. It is. It was fun.

[B]

Yeah, it's fun. There's nothing like it.

[A]

And also, you know, there aren't too many times where you're falling in love. You're falling in love in real life with the person you're meant to fall in love with on screen. And the fact that we did have, you know, five incredible years together, and he's a beautiful person, and there was a lot we learned from one another. Like, and I can always go back and, you know, the first season, especially of that show, it's there. Like, the romance is there. It was real. And I think that's really cool.

[B]

I do, too. And that's why on screen, you guys were so electric together. I mean, it just. It was so obvious. It's so great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you just said it. You know, you learn so much from every relationship. I actually think even one date with someone, there's more takeaway of what you do or don't want. Moving forward 100%. So what are you taking away from that relationship? What knowledge do you now have?

[A]

You know, I think without airing any kind of laundry. Yeah. Because I'm not here for that. But I do think when you have kids, it's hard to build a life when you have children. Like, unless the person truly, truly, truly wants that as well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yep. And. And this is not a. A comment on him, but more about, like, the ways that I show up as a parent. I show up as a parent in a very specific way. And. And I parent the way I was parented. Right. Which for my mother, you know, we grew up in Texas, single mom of three kids. There were no boundaries. Right. And we could walk into her bedroom at any time. We walked into the bathroom at any time. And I think that can be a little challenging for somebody who may not be used to having kids.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

And so. But, yeah, that was something that I took away from that was that it's been. If it's hard, like. Like you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make a drink. Right. Yeah. So it's great for love to be easy. But then the life stuff should also not. Like, it should not be so. So difficult.

[B]

I know. I know. So now, moving forward, would you ever date someone who does not have kids again?

[A]

I would only because I've heard from my girlfriends who dated people who did not have kids, but they wanted kids.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah. And. And they came into, you know, her life so ready and accepting to be the step parent that I'm like, okay, so it's possible.

[B]

Okay, that's good to know.

[A]

You know, like, I absolutely believe that the universe can surprise you, so I never say never I never say never about anything. But, yeah, I just, I'm open. But I'm also at this phase right now, Kristen, where I'm like, you know, as moms, everything is about our kids. I want my next relationship to be about me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm not looking for a step parent. Like, they have a great dad. You know, he's very present. My kids are a little bit older now, so they're a little easier. And I'm like, I just want a boyfriend. Yeah. I just want someone that, that can just, like, take me out.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And I can be on the beach and just be all sweaty and have sex all the time and, like, you know what I mean? Like, I just want someone to purely service me. And if that grows into something else, great. If it doesn't, great. Okay. You know, so.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. They're not factoring into my dating life at the moment. Okay.

[B]

I love that. Yeah. You just want to be in your fun, feminine, flirty role.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love that for you.

[A]

And a slow burn.

[B]

A slow burn. I know. I agree.

[A]

I want. I think there's something cool about, like, we've lost the ability to yearn, you know, and in an age where it's like we. With just the tap of our fingers on our phone, we can get whatever we want like that. So it's like we don't have the patience anymore. And I think there's something really romantic about letting something build, like, slowly and, like, that yearn. And that excitement, have you ever had that before? I'm kind of experiencing it right now. Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So you're dating. I, I, I say dating, but it's like, it's new. It's so new. And these people live, like, on the other side of the world. You know what I mean? So I'm like. I don't even know if you can call it dating.

[B]

See you when I see you, but.

[A]

Exactly, yes, very much like that. I'll see you when I see you. But it does tap into that excitement, the, the what if? The potential, the yearn. And I think there's something, I don't know, deeply romantic about that.

[B]

I love this. How did you meet this guy?

[A]

Raya.

[B]

So you're on Raya. You met someone on Raya that you actually like? I was on it on and off for years.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's weird. I mean, for the most part, it's a place where people connect and then never talk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, that's what I experienced. But, yeah, no, this one connection ended up off the app and in, like, a real thing. So again, super early.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We will see. But it's just fun.

[B]

It's fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or would you go on a date with anyone else? Or are you kind of.

[A]

Totally. No, I'm. I'm open. Okay. I'm open.

[B]

How else are you meeting people? Are you still active on Raya?

[A]

I mean, I am, I am, but I don't meet too many people on there, honestly. I know. And it's. Yeah. And I. I mean, there's a lot of, like. Like, everybody on there has either got, like, a skiing or snowboarding picture or they're at Burning man.

[B]

And that's so true.

[A]

You know, or they've got, like, really cheesy lines, like, you know, good vibes only I'm yourself, buddy. Like, I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't. So it's not like, you know, there's that many on the app to pick from, but it's a small pool, too.

[B]

People don't realize it's actually very small.

[A]

It is. Yeah. So. And I think it, you know, like, when you're in the line of what we do, like, you have to be even more selective. Yeah, you do. You know, so it's just a little different. But, yeah, I'm open. I'm open to meeting people wherever. I don't know. I love the surprise.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

This. I'm in this phase right now where I used to try to, like, figure everything out. Like, minute to minute. I wanted to figure out, like, what was going to happen next and control things. But now I'm just really enjoying the. The mysteries of the unknown girl.

[B]

You and I are in the exact same phase of life.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

That's how I've been in the last few years. I'm like, I'm not gonna control anything. I'm just gonna see where the universe takes me.

[A]

Yeah. I love it.

[B]

It's been fun.

[A]

Yeah. And just be, like, the responder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know? Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Wayfair. Let's talk about it. I am so close to being done with all the construction at my house. You guys know I've been living in construction for about a year and a half. I'm over it. I'm so over it. The last thing. Luckily, it's all outside. It's my pool. It's the outside area. I redid all of my hardscapes, and so now the last piece is getting my whole outdoor area fitted with all new furniture, which I am so excited about. So I am on the Wayfair website. I am browsing. But if you are not doing your outdoor space like me and you just want a nice little refresh for the spring, or maybe you want to get new bedding or you want to redo your kids rooms, they have something for everybody which is what I love so much about Wayfair. Truly anything you want you can find on their website. I also did just get Sailor a new dresser from Wayfair for Christmas and it's so cute. It fits perfectly in her room. She absolutely loves it. She picked it out. So get organized, refreshed and back on track this new year. For way less head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair every style every home all right guys, I want to talk to you about something really important and that is adt. We all have those nightmare scenario moments that make your heart race when you're lying in bed and realize you didn't lock the front door. Or even worse, you get home to find that someone's broken a window. ADT understands how unsettling it is to feel unsafe at home or unprepared for an emergency. That's why they're here for the moments when every second counts. With customizable security Systems that keep watch 24. 7 with the most company operated monitoring centers in the industry, with technology that enables first responders to send help even faster, and because they understand how important your space is to you, their ADT plus app allows you to check in on your home from virtually anywhere. ADT helps make sure your home is your haven. Not another thing to worry about. Visit a D T.com or call 1-800-ADT ASAP. When every second counts, count on ADT. All right, I want to talk to you guys about Tonal. When life gets really busy, workouts are often the first thing to go. But with Tonal you can make sure you're checking workout off your to do list. With their smart and compact strength training system right in your own home. 24.7tonal provides the convenience of a full gym and the guidance of a personal trainer anytime at home. With one sleek system, it's designed to reduce your mental load. Tonal is the ultimate strength training system, helping you focus less on workout planning and more on getting results. No more second guessing your form. Tonal gives you real time coaching cues to dial in your form and help you lift safely and effectively. After a quick assessment Tonal sets the optimal weight for every move and it adjusts in 1 pound increments as you get stronger. So you're always being challenged, which I'm sure we all know is really important in the gym to see gains. Tonal lets you choose from a variety of expert LED workouts, from strength to arrow hit to yoga and mobility to keep you coming back for more. And that's what I love so much about tonal. It keeps it exciting, it changes things up. No matter what mood you're in, they have something for you. And doing everything from the convenience of your own home is. I mean, nothing beats it. Right now, tonal is offering my listeners 200 off your tonal purchase with promo code honest, that's tonal.com and use promo code honest for 200 off your purchase, that's tonal.com promo code honest for $200 off. So you said that you're open to receiving. What does that mean for you? Does it mean in love or does it mean with everything in your life?

[A]

I think it means with everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Like, even with my career, you know, like this book has opened up doors, opportunities, meetings with things that I never tried to create or even had attention on in the past. So it's a whole new pool of people that are in self help and motivational speaking. And you know, again, I never saw myself as one of those people, but I'm, I'm starting to have a foot in that world now and that feels really great. Same thing with my career in acting. It's like the opportunities that are coming. I just filmed a movie in London. It was, again, that was something that just. It came to me. It was not anything that I chased. So I'm just starting to learn too that it's like the things that I chase don't happen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And, but the more I'm just hands off and like, okay, yeah, whatever's meant, just surrender.

[B]

Surrender.

[A]

That's the word. Surrender. And, and to also to like, I write and, you know, just I'm on substack, so that brings me a lot of joy. Just doing things that fill my cup as opposed to doing things for a result.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

What made you want to write a book?

[A]

Yeah. So when I was on Sex life and the show came out. So the, the show came out around the same time that news of my divorce broke and women from all over the world wrote into me and they were like, how did you do it? How did you have the guts to, you know, Leave the life that you knew, the very cozy, very comfortable life that you knew, and start over. And you bagged the hot guy on the show. Like, how is this possible? What was the formula?

[B]

Everyone's inspiration.

[A]

Right. And then so a lot of my press became advice columns. Oh. And I was like, I need a. Put this somewhere. And then women would write into and they would talk about how, you know, they were really inspired by the sexual part of the show where, like, women's sexuality was front and center. And because normally it's always the man getting service, but I was getting serviced almost every other day on that show. And so they felt that was really empowering. And I wrote an article for glamour magazine in 2023 that went viral. It was called why Desire is Not a Dirty Word. And then from there is where I got the confidence to really put something together. Cause I was like, okay, if I write, I think people will read. Yeah. So, yeah, so that's where the idea came from.

[B]

And you talk about everything. You put it all out there.

[A]

Divorce, aging, low jobs.

[B]

Right, right. Like, you don't hold back.

[A]

Boundaries. Yeah, no boundaries.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

It's really like your favorite girl, like, group chat that you always go back to. I just ran the gamut of subjects.

[B]

I love this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you. Were you nervous? Are you nervous now that it just recently came out? Coming from Hollywood, where I do think there's sort of this, like, unspoken rule of if you're an actor, yes, you can only say so much. You know, you got to. You got to walk a fine line. Are you nervous at all about putting this all out there?

[A]

100%?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel I definitely am afraid to be judged. But I think there's something really cool that has happened in the last few years with women who are sexual and outspoken and are beautiful. They're not getting shamed. Like, I feel like the way maybe they would have, say, 10 years ago, you know, or even five years ago. I feel like beauty and femininity and like, if you got it flaunted, that kind of mentality is really being uplifted by women now. And so, yeah, I'm hoping that that will also be the response. And you know, and I break it down in the book, like this chapter on blowjobs, for example.

[B]

Oh, it's a whole chapter.

[A]

Oh, it's a whole chapter, girl.

[B]

I love the chapter.

[A]

But like, I talk about how, you know, I was used to be scared of the one Eyed Willy. I took a class. Oh, wow. I actually took a Class when I first moved to la, because I met this guy, and all I did was dry hump, and I didn't know how to do anything else. This is so great. And there was this show called Real Sex that was on hbo. I remember. Okay. So there was this woman, God bless her, she was older than dirt back then, and her name was Lou Piguette, and she was the host of Real Sex, and she was very provocative. And Go would go into, like, dominatrix clubs and gay clubs, and she would just research sex. Yeah. And she had this class.

[B]

Oh, she taught the class.

[A]

She taught the class.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

She taught the class. And I talk about it in the book and how, like, you know, I was, like, the youngest in attendance of, like, eight women, and we had this fine china placed in front of us. Oh. And then she went around the room, and we each got to pick our own dildos.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I don't even think my mom knows this. And then. And then she was like, all right, ladies, you know, these dildos aren't going to ejaculate themselves. Let's get going. And then just taught us how to open up the back of the throat and, like, the gag reflex and. And really broke down the anatomy of a penis in a way that made me not think about it as, like, ooh, this is dirty. I don't want it. Like, it became about science and biology, and it was just. And it helped me look at it differently.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I'm very nerdy. So if you can explain something to me in that way, like a textbook, like, sciency way, then I'm like, oh, okay, now I get it.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

So anyway. But, yeah, I talk about it in the book and, you know, yeah, I definitely am afraid. And also because I've really established myself as an actress. Right. Right. You know, so, like, people know me from my roles and stuff. They don't really know this side of me. Ye. So I don't. I don't think there's going to be any backlash. And. And that's the story I'm gonna stick with in my head.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Yes. I love that. Totally. I'm nervous. Yeah.

[B]

Well, I think that that's what people connect to, though, and relate to. And like you said, I mean, we all talk about this stuff. All of us girls are talking about it. You're just putting it on paper.

[A]

And you know what, Kristen? The other thing, too, it's like, I have another chapter in there on progesterone, and I talk about how Something like Viagra. Okay. Which is to make a limp dick hard. Like, how embarrassing. Right? That rolls off of everyone's tongue. Right? That's a very acceptable thing to say in public. Like, there's nothing shameful about it or whatever. It's like, you got a limp dick.

[B]

Right, honey?

[A]

Like, okay. But yet if we talk about progesterone or periods or tampons or whatever, it's almost like we have to be incognito about it or behind doors, and I just don't like that. I agree. You know? So I. I wanted to be part of the conversation to change those things.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you've already seen reviews. You're getting reviews.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're all really amazing.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, really, really cool. Yeah, it's really cool.

[B]

And you're in the middle of your first book. Book tour.

[A]

I am.

[B]

And so now you're going around. You're doing signings. That's why you're in Nashville.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

You'll be coming back.

[A]

I'll be coming back. Yeah. Y' all got hit with some weather. Man, I. I feel for you guys. My goodness.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But. But I will say, that's what I love so much, really. Bands together and takes care of each other.

[A]

Lovely.

[B]

So it's nice. But you've been out there meeting, meeting fans. They're doing your book signings. And how's that response been?

[A]

Oh, my God. It's been unreal. Like, I'll have women that come up to me and they'll start crying, and they'll be like, it's because of you that I had the courage to leave my relationship. Or it's because of you. I had the courage to leave my job, and now I'm running a Fortune 500 company or Nadita. So it's really empowering. It makes me feel like I am fully in my purpose. Like, that's what I'm here to do, you know? And it really makes me feel like I'm fulfilling that.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you focused on right now? Are you trying to heal at all? Are you focused on self growth? Are you just focused on your kids? Are you focused on dating? I know we talked about that, but all of the above. What is your main focus at the moment?

[A]

My main focus right now as. As ordinary as it sounds is me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, being able to be on this tour and being away from home and away from dogs and kids and, you know, that life. Like, I went to the gym the other day and it was 8 o' clock at night. Like, it was amazing. Yeah. You know, like I was watching Heated rivalry at Midnight. Like, I don't get to do things like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So to be able to do stuff like that is a real luxury for me. And I'm not focused on dating, I'm not focused on my career. I'm not even focused on the book. Like, you know, if it all went away tomorrow, I would still be happy. Yeah. You know, because I work on this more than anything and I've learned that this fills me up more than anything external could. Yeah.

[B]

That's the best place to be.

[A]

Yeah. And plants.

[B]

And plants.

[A]

I love plants. I love plants and trees. And like, I. I'm a real hippie.

[B]

I need you to come into my house then and show me what I'm doing wrong with someone.

[A]

Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm not good with them, but I just love them to bits and pieces. Like squirrels, birds, nature. Like, those are my people. Those are my people. So I try to be out every day. Yeah.

[B]

Well, when you're in nature and you're taking care of your heart, you vibrate higher. And then that's what attracts. Attracts all of the goodness into your life.

[A]

It's so true.

[B]

You don't have to be out there chasing things.

[A]

Exactly. And you know, one of the things I talk about in the book is this. It's a chapter on it. And so the way I came up with the title of the book is it was 2020, I was in the middle of a lot of change and people would ask, you know, how are you doing, Sarah? And I'd say, I don't know, life is lifey. And so that's how it came to be. And as somebody who likes to plan and be in charge of everything that happens, I realized, I don't know, like, what's going to happen one moment to the next and I can't figure shit out. So instead, what am I gonna do? I'm just gonna follow my happy. So if that means eating the extra cookie, canceling on friends for a night alone, going to get my nails done instead of responding to this email, like, I was like, I am just going to follow my happy. And that's kind of the moment I'm in now too, is. It's just. I really don't know. But I'm just gonna do what makes me happy. That's it.

[B]

I love that. That's good advice for everybody.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Follow the happy, follow the joy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How did you get to that place? Just Trial and error.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Falling down and getting back up.

[A]

Failure and fucking up, baby. And then just realizing that I can't control the things that happen to me, but what I can control is how I respond to them, you know? And after enough experiences of me crying, I was like, why don't I try something else instead? Why don't I try laughter? Why don't I try making fun of the situation? Why don't I try. So that's kind of what it was, is I was like, oh, wow. And then you're able to kind of zoom out. You realize everything is as big of a deal as we make it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right. So the only value that's assigned on a situation is the one that we place on it. So whether or not somebody calls you back or doesn't call you back or something goes right or wrong, it's only as important as you make it.

[B]

Yeah, I know. And we come up with these stories in our heads, too, and half the time it's not even accurate.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So it was so. Yeah. So it was just trial and error and experience that kind of led me to that place.

[B]

It's a good place.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You seem very grounded, very comfortable in your skin. Just. You've got the best energy. It's good. It's really nice to see. Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Okay, I want to play a game with you.

[A]

Let's play.

[B]

Okay. It's hot. Or not. You actually already answered some of these questions, which is so funny. But okay, so it's scenarios with guys, and I want you to tell me if you think it's hot or not.

[A]

Got it? Okay, let's go.

[B]

Okay, well, you already answered this. He lives in another country.

[A]

Hot.

[B]

We don't mind.

[A]

Because I don't. Yeah. I don't want somebody all up on me, like, all the time. No hot.

[B]

Low burn, baby. Okay. You already answered this, too. He doesn't have any kids. Well, actually, you sort of did.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Doesn't have any kids, but he also doesn't want any.

[A]

Not.

[B]

Not hot.

[A]

Not.

[B]

Because they don't understand.

[A]

Exactly. They don't understand. And also I feel like. Like I don't judge, like I'm somebody for not having kids. Like, kids are hard changes, so I don't judge that. Yeah. But at the same time, not hot. That. Right. Because you. That's not gonna get me going because I'm a mom.

[B]

I know it.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I know it. That's become a new deal breaker for me if someone who doesn't have kids and doesn't want any. I'm like, you won't understand my life, so.

[A]

You won't understand my life. You won't understand my heart. You know, it's like when you become a mom too, like, your heart grows, Right. And so somebody who doesn't have kids and doesn't want them, there's a level of. Again, there. This is no judgment, but there is a level of selfishness there.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That is great. That's amazing. But, like, you. Yeah. When you don't know.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But I just. We won't be aligned. We just won't be aligned.

[B]

Exactly it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He tells you he loves you on the third date. Goes against that slow burn.

[A]

You know what? It's so funny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It depends on. It depends on how he's going because. Or how. Did I say how he's going? No, it depends on how it's going and what he looks like. Like, if. You know, like, I'm just gonna be very superficial and say that. Like, I actually told Adam that I loved him the second week. Oh, wow. Because I was feeling it so intensely, the words were just, like, tripping to come out of my mouth. And, you know, again, I'm somebody who, like, I'm like, we've got one life. Like, you gotta live your life. Like, you know, not from, like, a morbid place, but, like, if I'm on my deathbed tomorrow, I wanna look back and not have any regrets. Yeah. And I actually told him. But I told him. I was like, look, you don't need to say this back. And I was. No. Wow. And I. And I was fine with it. I was totally fine. But I was like, you just need to know this. Like, I love you. Don't say it back, because I know this is weird, but I do love you. And. And then after a while, I got annoyed he wasn't saying it back. Yeah. Like. So I gave him. I gave him a deadline. I was like, I can't remember when it was that I said it, but I was like, you have two months. If you can't say it back by, like, yes, October 10th. Like, word on. He's like, you can't give me a deadline. I'm like, I just did. Yeah. So anyway. But then he did. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Thank God.

[A]

But, yeah. Can you imagine, like, five years later? I'm like, he never heard of that. No wonder we broke up.

[B]

No, but I did that one.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I'm okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm okay with it. I love honesty. I love like somebody who isn't afraid. Yes. You know, to put themselves out there. So I think it's kind of hot.

[B]

Vulnerability. Okay.

[A]

I love it. Sexy. Okay.

[B]

He's a swinger.

[A]

No, not. Yeah, not. I'm just too much of a germaphobe. Yeah. I can't. I can't. There's no judgment on it, but, like, I don't want diseases.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, I'm a one woman kind of guy myself, so just. Nah. Yeah.

[B]

Get it.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

Okay. He never wants to get married.

[A]

Hot. I'm okay with it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm okay with it.

[B]

You're happy to just be together the rest of your life?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You want a ring or you don't even care about that?

[A]

I don't know if I would want a ring. I don't know. Maybe I would want a ring. Like, maybe something that shows an outward commitment. It doesn't need to be anything flashy. You know, maybe I would want something, but I'm not. I don't need to. You know, it's like, that's the thing when you've already been married. Yeah. And you've done it, you know? You know that just because you got married, like, it doesn't mean you're going to be together forever. Like, with every situation, the most you can promise is you're like, I'll be here for as long as I can. Yeah, right.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And so I. Yeah. The marriage thing does not mean anything to me. And then the flip of that is true. If it's somebody that I'm with and they want to get married, like, I would do it again, you know, whatever. Got divorced once before, I'll get divorced again. Second one.

[B]

I get it. Okay. He's an actor.

[A]

I love that he loves the word. Because I just spoke to, like, three girlfriends about this yesterday. I can't wait. Oh, my God.

[B]

This is hilarious.

[A]

Kristen. Oh, my God. Okay. I. I'm going to say not okay. And here's why. Because I've realized that being an actor is the laziest thing on the planet.

[B]

I love this.

[A]

And like. And the reason I say that is because if you're just a guy who, like, sits around, waits for the phone to ring, then you go to the gym and you play golf with your friends on the weekends. There is nothing attractive about that to me. Like, you need to have a. Like, because. And the thing is, is I realize it for myself. Like, before I started writing, I'm like, I have so much free time, and if you're not filling in those things with that time with other things that you're passionate about or if you're not an entrepreneur or just whatever. It's like, it's so unattractive. Like you're so lazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm going to say not right.

[B]

Because when you don't have that much going on, you don't have that much to talk about.

[A]

You don't have that much to talk about. And also I feel like you make the relationship or the other person like your main focal. Like focal point. Yeah. And you know, you are a businesswoman, you know, you are an entrepreneur. You got a lot of different things going on. I am just now entering that space of being the multi hyphenate and all that, you know, so it's like you have so much to talk about. You have so much to put your attention on. Like, I want a relationship that's going to add value to my life, not like, take away from my life. Yes. And somebody who really understands what it's like to build something because I'm in that space. Right. So if you don't. No, no, no. Actors are so not hot.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

It's. Honestly, it's the first time I felt like this. Like, I've always been into like everyone I've ever been with, like more or less has been in the business and they've been actors and that's how I meet. People are on set. Exactly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So. But yeah, a lot.

[B]

I love this for you.

[A]

N O T T T T T T.

[B]

I know it. I love it. You're the best. You're inspiration, honestly.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much.

[B]

Tell everyone where they can get your book, where they can find you. You're also. You have a show too. So tell everyone all the things.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I have a show called paradise that's on hulu and the second season is about to air February 23rd. And then we start filming at the. Our third season. I think it's in March. And that's a really great show. It's done really well. I'm very grateful for that. And then I. Yeah, I'm on Instagram at Sarahshahi. You can find the book anywhere books are sold, be it Amazon or Barnes and Noble or your local bookstore. And then you can also go to www.lifeislifey.com. amazing. And that's where you can find me.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, and I'm on Substack.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, Substack. It's cool. Subsacks. Really come up, like, as. Like, a platform for writers.

[B]

I've seen it popping off now. Yeah. A lot of people are doing it.

[A]

I write a lot about sexuality, sensuality, women, ownership. Just embodying yourself, like, that's kind of my. My niche on Subset. Hell, yes. Yeah.

[B]

Yes. My kind of girl.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

Thank you so much for being here.

[A]

Oh, my God. Thank you for having me. All the power. Yeah, I got all the power.

[B]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a.

[A]

Direct or indirect financial interest in products.

[B]

Or services referred to in this episode.