Episode Summary

Podcast: Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Episode: Chasing Everything With A D*ck
Guest: Sarah Shahi
Date: February 10, 2026
Duration: ~59 minutes

Brief Overview

Kristin Cavallari welcomes her friend, actress, and author Sarah Shahi for an unfiltered and deeply personal conversation. The episode explores Sarah’s life as a single mom, her experiences with co-parenting, dating after divorce, sex and sexuality, radical self-acceptance, and her journey into authorship. Full of wit and authenticity, both women share the realities of love, parenting, healing, and stepping into unapologetic femininity.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Parenting and Co-Parenting

• Teenagers & Technology:

  • Sarah talks about setting boundaries and using apps like Life360 to track her 16-year-old son’s driving habits ([01:17]).
  • Kristin: “My ex has Life360 for my kids. Of course my kids told me how they’ve figured out a workaround. They can pause it so that he thinks they're in one spot, but they're not.” ([01:41])

• Single Parenthood:

  • Sarah reflects on the chaos of having children close in age, breastfeeding, and coming to appreciate the female body ([02:36]).

• Co-Parenting Fluidity:

  • Sarah describes her “fluid” 50/50 co-parenting relationship with her ex, highlighting a drama-free, collaborative approach that prioritizes the kids ([05:22]).

    Quote:

    “We just want what's best for them and everything else is just kind of fluid... not a lot of my girlfriends have that kind of dynamic with their co-parent.” — Sarah ([05:22])

• Family Holidays Post-Divorce:

  • She shares that for the first time, she and her ex celebrated Christmas together for the kids, reducing drama and modeling loving relationships after separation ([06:14]).

2. Being Newly Single and Reclaiming Femininity

• Embracing Singleness:

  • For the first time in 23 years, Sarah is single and discusses the initial tendency to seek male validation:

    “I was chasing everything with a dick for a while. I was like, give me male validation, please. But after that was unsuccessful… I ended up just being alone and accepting being alone. Now I just kind of love it.” — Sarah ([07:12])

• Discovering Herself:

  • She details how relationships previously led her to “dim her light” and now, without a partner, she's exploring and celebrating her own sensuality for herself, not for external validation ([08:30]).

• Social Media and Hot Selfies:

  • Both discuss unapologetically posting selfies and embracing their physical beauty, rejecting the shame attached to female sexuality (hot selfies for life theme) ([10:06], [10:15]).

3. On-Screen Sexuality, Divorce, & Self-Worth

• Acting in “Sex/Life”:
  • Sarah shares candidly about the vulnerability of filming sex scenes, including using prosthetic breasts and the emotional/psychological logistics of performing intimacy on camera ([10:38]–[12:39]).
• Divorce & Self-Esteem:
  • Kristin relates to the struggle of rebuilding self-esteem post-divorce.
  • Sarah shares the complexity of ending an 18-year marriage:

    “Nobody gets married planning their divorce.” — Sarah ([13:51])

• Moving Forward:
  • Both affirm that making the hard choice to separate ultimately models happiness and healthy dynamics for their children ([20:43]).

4. Set Romance & Dating Outlook

• Relationship with Adam Demos (Sex/Life co-star):
  • Sarah offers a playful retelling about their initial meeting, her “tomboy” fashion, making the first move, and living the set-romance fantasy ([21:49]–[27:17]).
  • On why she crossed the line first:

    “I was very much in my masculine for a long time... Now within this last year of chasing dick and it not going anywhere, I’ve decided to take a different role. I want to be more in the receiving mode.” — Sarah ([26:44])

• What She’s Looking for Now:
  • She’s not chasing; she’s open to letting people show up, favoring a “slow burn” romance and prioritizing herself ([31:37], [32:39]).
  • Dating as a mom: Sarah wants a boyfriend for enjoyment, not a step-parent for her kids ([30:58]).
  • On modern connection:

    “We’ve lost the ability to yearn… There’s something really romantic about letting something build slowly and that yearn and that excitement.” — Sarah ([31:42])

5. Dating Apps & New Connections

• Experience with Raya:
  • Sarah describes online dating as mostly underwhelming, but admits to finding a fun international connection that’s reigniting her excitement for “the yearn” ([32:41]).
  • Both poke fun at usual dating app tropes — “good vibes only” lines and a glut of snowboarding pictures ([33:17]).

6. Career, Surrender, and Book Inspiration

• Receiving Opportunities:

  • Sarah reflects on the power of “surrender” and letting opportunities, whether work or romantic, come to her instead of constant chasing ([39:49]).

• Writing Her Book (“Life is Lifey”):

  • After “Sex/Life” and her public divorce, women reached out for advice, inspiring her book.
  • She discusses challenging stigmas around female desire, sexuality, aging, divorce, and boundaries. Sarah brings the tone and candor of a “girl group chat” ([41:28]).

7. Challenging Stigma, Talking Sex, and Female Empowerment

• Female Sexuality:
  • Sarah argues for destigmatizing topics like pleasure and hormones, noting it’s normalized for men to discuss Viagra, but taboo for women to talk progesterone or periods ([45:11]).
  • Kristin: “We all talk about this stuff. All of us girls are talking about it. You're just putting it on paper.” ([45:02])
• Sex Ed Anecdote:
  • Sarah describes taking an LA class on blowjobs to overcome shame and understand “the anatomy of a penis in a way that made me not think about it as, like, ooh, this is dirty. I don't want it… It became about science and biology.” ([44:33])

8. Healing, Happiness & Self-Focus

• Following Joy:
  • Sarah stresses living for her own happiness, describing a simple prescription:

    “I'm just gonna follow my happy. And that's kind of the moment I'm in now too.” — Sarah ([49:38])

  • She shares that, more than ever, she’s focused on filling herself up and not letting external things define her ([47:09]–[48:08]).
  • “The only value that's assigned on a situation is the one that we place on it.” — Sarah ([50:24])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• On Co-Parenting:

  “We just want what's best for them and everything else is just kind of fluid.” — Sarah ([05:22])

• On Singleness & Validation:

  “I was chasing everything with a dick for a while. ...But after that was unsuccessful... ended up just being alone and accepting being alone. Now I just kind of love it.” — Sarah ([07:12])

• On Dimming Her Light:

  “I dimmed my light a little bit. ...I just accepted sort of this lesser version of myself throughout all areas of my life in order to make the man feel comfortable.” — Sarah ([08:30])

• On “Hot Selfies for Life”:

  “I'm like, you know what? I've got one life and I want to live my life... Hot selfies for life.” — Sarah ([09:47], [10:15])

• On Divorce:

  “Nobody gets married planning their divorce.” — Sarah ([13:51])

• On Letting Go and Surrender:

  “The things I chase don’t happen. ...But the more I'm just hands off and like, okay, yeah, whatever's meant, just surrender.” — Sarah ([39:41], [39:48])

• On Female Empowerment and Conversation:

  “If we talk about progesterone or periods or tampons, we have to be incognito about it or behind doors, and I just don't like that.” — Sarah ([45:38])

• On Following Happiness:

  “I'm just gonna follow my happy. And that's kind of the moment I'm in now too... I'm just gonna do what makes me happy. That's it.” — Sarah ([49:38])

Highlighted Segment Timestamps

• Parenting, Teenagers, and Tracking: [01:16] – [02:53]
• Co-Parenting and Family Holidays Post-Divorce: [03:23] – [06:14]
• Discussion of Singleness and Femininity: [07:00] – [10:15]
• On “Sex/Life” and Sex Scenes: [10:38] – [12:39]
• Navigating Divorce and Self-Worth: [13:27] – [15:08]
• Relationship with Adam Demos & Set Romance: [21:49] – [28:09]
• Relationship Learnings and Dating Outlook: [28:43] – [32:39]
• Talking Sex, Shame, and Her Book: [41:28] – [46:00]
• Healing, Happiness & ‘Follow My Happy’: [49:38] – [50:24]
• HOT OR NOT (Dating Scenarios Game): [51:04] – [57:48]
• Sarah’s Projects & Where to Find Her: [58:01] – [58:54]

Tone and Language

• Candid, bold, and vulnerable: Both Kristin and Sarah speak with raw honesty, plenty of wit, and warmth.
• Supportive and empowering: The conversation feels like an intimate girl’s night, filled with advice, affirmation, humor, and truth bombs.

Where to Find Sarah Shahi

• Instagram: @SarahShahi
• Substack: Writing on sexuality and empowerment
• Book: Life is Lifey — Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and major booksellers
• TV: "Paradise" (Hulu; second season drops February 23rd, filming season 3 in March)
• Website: www.lifeislifey.com

Useful Takeaways for New Listeners

• This episode is a masterclass in embracing change, self-love, and unapologetic womanhood.
• Expect honest talk about parenting, dating, sex, and the art of letting go.
• Listeners will leave feeling boosted, inspired, and ready to “follow their happy”—hot selfies encouraged.