Chelsea F*cking Handler

Summary

Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari

Episode: Chelsea F*cking Handler

Date: May 26, 2026
Host: Kristin Cavallari
Guest: Chelsea Handler

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Episode Overview

In this raw and hilariously candid episode, Kristin Cavallari sits down with Chelsea Handler for a deep-dive into aging, confidence, dating post-50, self-discovery, and the uncompromising pursuit of happiness. The two women discuss everything from skincare routines to the pitfalls of celebrity dating, maintaining self-worth, embracing singlehood, and the value of personal autonomy. Chelsea brings her trademark honesty to every subject, giving listeners both laughs and fresh perspectives on living unapologetically.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Touring Life and Lifestyle

(00:46–02:07)

• Chelsea is currently on the “High and Mighty” tour, which started in February and runs through December.
• She shares her approach to touring life, emphasizing resilience and the importance of rest. She refuses to stay in hotels that don’t allow her to sleep well, preferring efficiency and comfort.
• Chelsea says, “I’m comfortable in hotels. That’s where I vibe. I have my gym. I have room service. I don’t have to fuck with anybody if I don’t want to.”

Wellness, Aging, and Peptides

(02:19–04:35)

• Kristin praises Chelsea for looking better than ever at 51, prompting a deep-dive into Chelsea’s beauty and wellness regime.
• Chelsea lists her use of various peptides (copper, BPC157/pentadaga argonate, SS3 3 1, tessamorelin, IGF), gym routines, and occasional intense skin treatments ("lasers, facials, where I can't be seen in public for 10 days").
• "It’s tough to say what is the magic... it’s a medley," says Chelsea, underscoring her experimental yet curiosity-driven approach.
• She is honest about the unknowns: "I'm sure just like anything else, we could find out in five years that they're all, you know, cause cancer or something. But...I would rather look good when we ... when that happens, you know?"

Sex, Dating, and Relationship Philosophy

(04:35–09:43)

• Chelsea is candid about enjoying single life and short-term romance: "I'm not a long-term person...not interested in anything that comes after the six-month relationship mark" (05:35).
• She meets partners both randomly ("Met the last guy I was dating at a blackjack table in Vegas" – 05:11) and occasionally via DMs if there’s a previous connection.
• On exclusivity: "I don't really care," she says about her partners seeing others, emphasizing honesty and non-monogamy (06:12).
• Chelsea values the "process of falling for someone," but typically exits when things become routine or "real."
• “The best parts of my life have always been the parts where I’m single... I really like, like to celebrate that instead of pining and hoping that I’ll meet someone.”
• They both agree the happiest times aren’t always during relationships; singlehood is an opportunity for growth (09:28).

Personal Freedom and Boundaries

(08:51–09:43)

• Chelsea talks about fiercely protecting her time and energy, especially as she’s gotten older: "I no longer will vacation with family members that I'm not interested in vacationing with...Now I’m a 51-year-old woman. I’m gonna do what I want, when I want.” (09:06)
• She stresses the importance of leaning into “single-dom” and not fearing alone time.

Ideal Relationship Structure

(12:54–13:40)

• Her preferred setup: long-distance, seeing someone every two weeks for a few days, ideally with the means and desire to travel.
• "My problem with men is they can’t keep up. My life... it’s frenetic. I like chaos...” (12:54)
• Chelsea does not find it attractive to pay for a man: "Ick. It's gross, right? ...You think you can do it and that it's okay. And then you're like, I don't respect you.” (13:44)

Aging, Confidence, and Change

(14:30–19:18)

• Kristin discusses approaching 40; Chelsea reassures her that each decade brings more confidence.
• “By the time you hit 40 or 50 you have so much experience and so much data to back up your good decision making... wherever I go, I’ll have gotten myself there because I got myself this far.” (15:00)
• She reflects on her 40s as challenging but formative, leading to increased self-actualization and gratitude by 50: “If I had known that this was what 50 was going to be like, I would have been so psyched if someone had told me when I was 22.” (18:04)
• Chelsea notes her body and life are better at 50 than at 25.

Sexual Health Myths

(19:55–20:33)

• Debunks the fear that aging means losing sexual function: “My vagina seems to be working just fine.”
• “There’s stuff you can take for that. I’m sure there’s like estrogen pro...please. No. No one's vaginas [shrivel up].”

Therapy, Healing, and Authenticity

(20:33–24:51)

• Chelsea details her years-long commitment to therapy, taking time away from stand-up to fully invest in growth.
• Biggest lesson: “Not everybody needs my opinion on everything... stop trying to fix everybody’s problems.” (21:41)
• She shares learning to balance offering advice with allowing others their own process.
• “Whenever you really delve into real therapy, you are recalibrating your personality and your personhood. ...Everything becomes sharper eventually, but it’s a little bit of a pathway. It’s not instant.” (24:48)

On Sharing vs. Privacy

(25:16–25:38)

• Chelsea sets boundaries around telling stories that belong to others: “My story isn’t always my story. It’s someone else’s story, too...” (25:16)

Moving On & Breakups

(28:34–30:31)

• Chelsea doesn’t linger on breakups; most end mutually and amicably: "We’re friends now too... I don’t really, you know, like, it’s just the same. It’s another thing that comes with age – who cares?" (29:44)
• On acrimonious splits: “When you become a woman, woman, you’re like, I don’t... Like, you’re not upset by any of it. You’re just like, okay.” (29:49)

Self-Reliance and Trust

(30:31–34:16)

• Chelsea references “the little girl version of myself” whom she strives to protect and encourage, based on a letter she wrote as a child about the woman she wanted to become (31:57).
• Her mantra: “Don’t date the same twice. Don’t make the same mistake with your friends twice... Make the first time the last time.” (34:16)

Backlash, Headlines & Fame

(34:22–36:38)

• Chelsea is largely unaffected by negative press today: “I get backlash for something always, but... it didn’t affect me then, and it doesn’t affect me now. It’s only if I’m misunderstood.” (34:49)
• She’s become immune to much of the noise: “One of the benefits to so much fake news is that I don’t pay attention... Nothing’s true.” (35:19)

Hollywood and Celebrity Life

(36:15–38:03)

• Chelsea deliberately maintains a distance from Hollywood’s intensity: “You have to be pretty solid to be in this business...if you only ingest this and you do not get a touch of reality in other places...I want real life experiences.” (36:36)
• She spends winters in Whistler, Canada, and has a place in Spain, to escape Hollywood culture.

Dating Celebrities & Bad Date Stories

(39:04–42:45)

• Chelsea recounts a particularly lame date with Bobby Flay: "He ordered me room service...they brought me the bill...he’s really cheap...I hate cheap." (39:13)
• Other celebrity dating tales reference unnamed actors, with Chelsea highlighting boredom and narcissism as dealbreakers.

Hot or Not Game – Chelsea’s Take

(45:44–48:13)

• Not hot: If a guy wants her to plan the date, doesn’t drink or do drugs, or has a micro penis ("No micro penises”).
• Hot: Can fix anything in the house and lives in Europe is a dream scenario.
• She needs a partner who can "handle their alcohol and handle their drugs."
• Chelsea is still close to some of her ex-boyfriends' daughters, but doesn’t want more “dependents.”

New Projects and Motivation

(43:45–45:35)

• Chelsea is developing and starring in a new scripted series for Hulu – her first lead acting role, a source of both excitement and nerves: “Being nervous means that you care.”
• Motivation now comes from new experiences, supporting others, and enjoying her lifestyle.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Single Life and Self-Reliance

• "The best part of my life have always been the parts where I’m single...I celebrate that instead of pining and hoping that I’ll meet someone." (08:10)
• “If like a guy comes in, you have to be an addition, not a subtraction. And as long as you’re an addition, you can hang out.” (32:48)

On Confidence with Age

• “By the time you hit 40 or certainly 50, you have so much experience and so much data to back up your good decision making that you have the courage. ...Wherever I go, I’ll have gotten myself there because I got myself this far.” (15:00)
• "If I had known that this was what 50 was going to be like, I would have been so psyched..." (18:04)

On Wellness & Peptides

• “I do so much stuff...it's hard to pinpoint which one is doing the trick...I would think that it’s a medley.” (04:08)

On Public Image & Gossip

• “My story isn’t always my story. It’s someone else’s story too.” (25:16)
• “One of the benefits to so much fake news is that I don’t pay attention to it anymore. ...Nothing’s true.” (35:19)

On Therapy and Healing

• “Not everybody needs my opinion on everything... stop trying to fix everybody’s problems.” (21:41)

On Celebrity Dating

• "He ordered me food...then they brought me the bill...I hate cheap." (39:13)

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Essential Timestamps

• Touring & Lifestyle: 00:46 – 02:30
• Aging, Peptides, and Wellness: 02:19 – 04:35
• Single Life & Relationships: 05:33 – 09:43
• Dating Boundaries & Freedom: 08:51 – 09:43
• Ideal Relationship Structure: 12:54 – 13:40
• Confidence & Aging: 14:30 – 19:18
• Therapy & Healing Journey: 20:45 – 24:51
• Breakups & Moving On: 28:34 – 30:31
• Trust & Not Repeating Mistakes: 33:00 – 34:16
• Hollywood Critique: 36:15 – 38:03
• Bobby Flay Date Story: 39:13 – 40:34
• Hot or Not Game: 45:44 – 48:13
• Current Projects & Motivation: 43:45 – 45:35

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Summary

Chelsea Handler offers an unfiltered masterclass in self-knowledge, growth, and living life by her own rules. Whether speaking about relationships, health, work, or aging, Chelsea’s message is consistent: know yourself, protect your joy, don’t settle for less, and keep evolving. This episode is a mix of hilarious confessions, practical wisdom, and empowering reminders to relish each decade and live unapologetically.

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Find Chelsea Handler’s tour dates and more at chelseahandler.com

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dr. Media production.

[B]

This is, let's be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Chelsea, I'm so excited that you're here. How the hell are you? It's so good to see you.

[A]

It's good to see you, too. I'm good. I'm good.

[B]

I just missed you in Nashville. I'm so bummed.

[A]

I know. I had some fun with our other. With our gays. I only had one of the gays, Justin, because the other one is impaired.

[B]

Scoot just got his cast off. Now he's in a boot for the rest of the month.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Poor baby.

[A]

Just in time for summer, though. He'll be healed in time for summer, thank God. Yeah.

[B]

So you're in the middle of your tour.

[A]

High and Mighty Tour. I'm on the road, everybody. Chelsea handler.com. that's where you get your tickets. There you go.

[B]

And you've been on the road since February.

[A]

February. And I'll go through December. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, so you've added. You've been adding dates.

[A]

We added a second half. We do a first leg and then a second leg. So my second leg is about to begin.

[B]

How the hell. I will never understand how you guys do it. How do you survive? Because I did a podcast tour that was a week, and I about died on that.

[A]

Yeah, it's. You have to be very. What's it? Resilient.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you also. I. I've been doing it for so long that I know the drill. Like, about sleeping and that I have to have sleep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, and where I sleep. Like, I won't sleep in a city that doesn't have the kind of hotel that I need to have a good night. Otherwise, we fly out to a city that does.

[B]

Oh, smart.

[A]

And we just, like, use our time more efficiently, I think. But I'm in the rhythm. Like, that's my lifestyle because I've been doing standup for so many years, touring for so many years that, like, I'm comfortable in hotels. Like, that's where I vibe. I have my gym. I have room service. I don't. You know, I don't have to fuck with anybody if I don't want to fuck with anybody.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I kind of like that. Like, sometimes I come home and I'm like, where. You know, my house has to be, like, has been turned into a hotel just because it's more comfortable. I'm like, hello, can I get some room service? I feel like eating a bed, you know? Yeah. Which I do feel like eating a bed. I have to be honest. I always fucking eat a bed.

[B]

No, it's nice. I get it. There's something to it. Yeah. Well, and then I just watched the Kevin Hart roast.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I mean, you are a busy woman. So you're on tour, then you fly out. Was it out here that you guys filmed? Yeah, for the roast. One thing I did notice, though, was how fucking incredible you looked. I mean, honestly, like, the best you've ever looked.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Truly. I was like, damn, Chelsea. And then you posted a few videos and photos, too, and I was like, girl, you're doing it. So you turned 50 not that long ago.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, I'm 51 now, I believe so. It keeps happening. I like the number 50. It had a nice round number, and it was a big deal. I was like, let me just ride this out. I think you can. I think it wrote itself out. Now I'm 51.

[B]

That's right. We just recently turned 50. I think it still applies, but. So I want to know, what nips and tucks are we doing? What are you doing to stay looking so good? Because you do. You look great.

[A]

Well, I mean, there's a lot of things. I don't know if I can cover them all in one podcast, but first of all, I take tons of peptides, and those are definitely.

[B]

Which ones are you doing?

[A]

So many copper. I do BPC157, which is now pentadaga argonate. I do SS3 3 1. I do tessamorelin. I do IGF.

[B]

Okay, so you're doing all the things.

[A]

Yeah, I do IVF in vitro. I'm still trying to get pregnant. No, I do everything you could do, and I.

[B]

And they work.

[A]

Yeah, those things work a. Because they kind of reverse the aging process, you know, and your cells, which is how you age.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So once I got into the science of that, I was like, oh, I mean, my hair, my nails, my, like, muscle tone, it just kind of helps you go back.

[B]

I noticed your. Your arm muscles on the rose.

[A]

I was like, I work out, like, you know, pretty seriously also with my trainer. So that's one thing. But it's a combination. Like, listen, I do so much stuff, and I get so much stuff done. Lasers, facials. I mean, I get stuff done where, like, I can't be seen in public for 10 days because your skin is burned off, you know, like, so you don't it's tough to say what is the magic, right. When there's such a pan, a play of drugs that I am taking, it's hard to pinpoint which one is doing the trick.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I just would think that it's medley, you know.

[B]

Okay. I love it. I'm considering getting on peptides every once in a while.

[A]

Oh my God, you should, you should.

[B]

I know, I think I'm going to.

[A]

I mean, you know, there's enough scientific data behind them now, but I'm sure just like anything else we could find out in five years that they're all, you know, cause cancer or something. But in five, I mean, it just feels like we're all gonna die anyway. I would rather look good when we when that happens, you know what I mean? The world's about to end. It feels like I really like to be having sex and looking my best.

[B]

Yeah, the having sex would be nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you having sex right now?

[A]

Not in this moment, but I'm having sex.

[B]

Yes. Good for you. How are you meeting people?

[A]

Well, you know what, it's kind of rando. I was dating a guy for a while and then that kind of got my juices flowing and then I don't know, I just kind of. If someone hits me up, the most recent guy hit me up on DM.

[B]

Okay, so the DMs are on the table for you?

[A]

Well, they are, but if I know the person, the person who DM me most recently, I knew.

[B]

Got it, got it.

[A]

I was like, I knew of him, I didn't know him. I was like, oh come on, have a drink. And then you know, oh, I love this.

[B]

And are you meeting people in the wild? Like does that sometimes?

[A]

Yeah, I met. So the last guy I was dating, I met him in Vegas at a blackjack table.

[B]

I heard this.

[A]

That was a really fun like adventure. We had a great five, six months together and then you know, you guys,

[B]

you went public with him.

[A]

Yeah, but listen, me being public with men is, I, I post guys all the time that I'm dating and then, you know what I mean? I'm not posting them saying this is my boyfriend. It's like who I'm spending time with

[B]

just in a photo with a bunch of people.

[A]

It's reflective of like whoever I'm hanging out with at the time. But I am not a long term person. I just am not interested in anything that comes after the six month relationship mark.

[B]

Why do you think that is?

[A]

I'm not interested in dealing with your family or your Issues. I am not interested. Like, I'm not at a place in my life. Maybe that will change. But I'm not at a place in my life where I want to take on another person's. I don't want to be part of a unit. I want to have a good sense, sexy affair.

[B]

I get that.

[A]

I don't want to be a couple. I just want to have somebody that I'm into and buzzing on, you know?

[B]

Do you like. So let's say the first five, six months. Do you want him to be exclusive to you, or do you not care so much?

[A]

I don't really care.

[B]

Really.

[A]

I mean, if there's. If you. If you. I know. I mean, I don't want them to be lying to me. Be honest about it. Like, I'm very honest with my boyfriends. I'm always like, listen, this is what's happening, Or I'm not doing this. I don't have a problem being faithful for five or six months.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Or even for two years if I were ma. In love with someone. But I like the process of falling for someone.

[B]

It's the best.

[A]

I like that. And then once you're in and you're locked in, then I'm usually out when things become real.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's not like I have a phobe. Like, a commitment. Like, I'm a commitment phobe. I'm not. I'm not interested. It's not that I'm scared. I'm like. I've been in a committed relationship, and it's not that appealing.

[B]

What was the longest relationship you've been in?

[A]

Four years.

[B]

I mean. Yeah, that.

[A]

That's long enough.

[B]

That's substantial. Yeah.

[A]

Long enough to. For someone to annoy the living shit out of you.

[B]

Well, exactly. Do feel like. Are you sort of addicted to that, like, lustful feeling or. It really is just like. Nah. Just one thing.

[A]

What I've discovered with, like, getting older and knowing myself is that, like, it's the same with, like, drugs. Like, I don't stay too late to the party. You know what I mean? I know when to wrap things up and I know when. I never wanted to have to quit a drug or quit alcohol. So I've always. I've never wanted to have to give it up. So I've never gone so far that I have to. And that's how I am with guys. I'm not obsessive. My lifestyle is so fucking sweet and nice. The way that my, like, life is set up and locked in and dialed in. Like when I'm at my house or when I'm on the road or whenever I'm doing anything professional or even personal that I just don't want any disruption to that. I like to go home, I like to read books, I like to have my friends over, I like to enjoy my new house and I like to perform. You know, when I'm on the road, I enjoy good restaurants, I have my friends with me. Like, I'm in a sweet spot. And the best part of my life have always been the parts where I'm single. So when I am single, I really like, like to celebrate that instead of pining and hoping that I'll meet someone that doesn't always lend itself to the most happiest time, like the most happy times.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

There's a lot of drama that can come with relationships. And I have so many friends. Like, I don't, I'm not so horny that I can't control myself or anything like that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's not like I gotta go get fuck, I gotta go get dick. No, I don't need to go get some dick.

[B]

Well, and by the way, when you stop getting dick, you kind of forget what it's like. I'm a nun at this point, so.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

I'm not proud of it though.

[A]

But your wheels will start turning again.

[B]

No, but I agree there's something to just doing whatever the hell you want whenever you want, having no one to answer to. And also, I like alone time. I like my house quiet when my kids are with my ex.

[A]

You're a divorce, so you have a different situation. Yeah, of course. You need to like, protect your energy and like protect your time, you know, like, my time is valuable and I, I take it seriously. Like, I have a lot of respect for my time. I'm like, oh no, I'm not wasting time. I no longer will vacation with family members that I'm not interested in vacationing with. I'm like, I've extended my generosity. It's a wrap now. Now I'm a 50 year old woman. 51. I'm gonna do what I want, when I want, how I want to do it. And I don't really have to be beholden to anyone. Like, I feel a sense of freedom. And I think something that is really good to remind women of is like those in between periods, between relationships are also like your biggest growth spurts.

[B]

It's so true.

[A]

So it's like, lean into the single dom. Don't be scared of that. I agree.

[B]

And just stop looking for a man because you're never going to find him when you're looking.

[A]

The looking for a man is like too much.

[B]

It's exhausting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

Not really. Because that's like, it's hardcore. And like, my problem with men is they can't keep up. They're like, it's so much, you know, it's frenetic. My life and it's chaotic, and that's the way I like it. I'm from six kids. I. I like chaos. And so a lot of guys can't keep up with the rhythm and the pace. And being on the road is like, that's a rhythm and a pace, and I don't want any interlopers on that. So my ideal situation would be long distance. Someone who doesn't live close by. Yep. And someone who I see probably like every two weeks. Yeah. For like three, four days. And someone who I can travel with, like, go on fun trips with. That's the most important thing is A, someone who has their shit together enough that they can afford to travel, and B, that they have the desire to make that happen. You know what I mean?

[B]

So you would never pay for a guy I have, and it's.

[A]

Ick.

[B]

It's gross, right? Yeah.

[A]

It's not attractive at all. You think you can do it and that it's okay. And then you're like, I don't respect you.

[B]

So funny, because the younger guy that I dated, I paid for everything. And understandably so. He was 24. But I. That's like the one thing that I look back and it, like, pisses me off that I paid, like, to Greece and, like, all these things. And I'm like, he took like, half my amex points like a fucker. It still pisses me off to the

[A]

side, but it's okay. Well, it shouldn't. A, I know I gotta get over it. It's money. You have Money, you're fine. Who gives a shit?

[B]

You just.

[A]

You're paying for a good time, you're renting a good time. Think of him like a prostitute. You were just renting a good time.

[B]

That's actually. I like that. Yeah.

[A]

It's like when I go to Vegas and if I lose money, which is rare, but when I do, I'm like, well, at least I rented a fun night.

[B]

Okay, I like that.

[A]

That's it, it's over. Move on to the next thing.

[B]

Flipping the mentality. Yeah. Making it a positive for you. Okay. Into that. Well, going back to the age thing. So I'm turning 40 in January. Okay, great. So I want to know, and I'm not weird about it. I'm excited. I think I love getting older.

[A]

Only 40s and is, as a woman, is like the best.

[B]

Okay, so tell me, so what's the difference between 30s and 40s?

[A]

Well, 30s, you still like second guessing things. And you're not. You're confident, but you're not confident because women are just so fucked with in this world, you know, like our confidence is constantly being. I'm a confident person and it's constantly. I'm constantly being challenged about that confidence, whether it comes from men or women. How are you so confident? Why are you so fearless? I'm not fearless. I'm just facing the situation, you know, with my head up. Like, I'm not fearless. I'm just like, everything is gonna be. I have enough experience in this world. I think by the time you hit 40 or certainly 50, you have so much experience and so much data to back up your good decision making that you have the courage. You're like, wherever I go, I'll have gotten myself there because I got myself this far. So it's just a great reminder as you age that you're capable, that you're competent, and that there's different seasons of life and there's times when you're with someone, there's times when your kids are young, there's times where your kids are old, and you just go with the flow instead of freaking out and being like, this isn't right. This isn't right. I'm not in the right place. I should be here. I should be there. No. Once you ease into wherever it is you are, things become easier.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

And then you have like almost a magnetic attraction. Not almost. It really is your energetic field and your frequency that you're operating on becomes attractive to other people. So people are wanting to spend time with you, and that's where you meet the like, high quality people.

[B]

Yes. Okay. I love that.

[A]

In your 40s and in your 50s. And you also get rid of people when you're that age too, because you're like you. Exactly. You bring it to the table.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. I feel like I've been in that for a few years, but I also feel like I'm a little. I feel like my life started so early that I've always been on a fast track that I almost resonate more with like a 45 year old woman already.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then what about 50s? Have you noticed a difference already?

[A]

50 for me was more of a turning 40 was more of like a crisis point. Like I had a little bit of a midlife crisis because I just, I had left Chelsea lately. I had started my Netflix show. Trump had been elected. It was just a bad year. 2020.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or maybe that wasn't 40, but. What? No, it wasn't. It was like. But whatever. Trump got elected. 2016. The first.

[B]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, 2016.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that. But so I, I had a big, like, wake up couple of years from 40 to 43, and it was uncomfortable and it wasn't my finest hour, I would say, but it got me to the other side of like, of just like being like a self actualized person. Like understanding what my shortcomings are, understanding what my strengths are, getting out of my head and getting into like my body and learning how to meditate, learning how to like, breathe and learning how to like sit by myself and read books again. Like, I had lost the plot a little bit, so I kind of doubled down. And now at 50, it's just fucking awesome. Like, I. I feel like if I had known that this was what 50 was going to be, like, I would have been so sad. You know, I would have just been so psyched if someone had told me when I was 22 and thought I had five years, you know, left of like prime real estate.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And then you realize, oh, wait, I'm getting better with age. Like, I look better than I did when I was fucking 25 years old.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, my body's better than when I was 25 years old, so. And I have like a big life and I'm pretty excited about it. So I think you just, you start to have more of reflection than you have, you know, when you're just so caught up in all the noise. Like, you develop. At least I developed a way to just like center myself in a better way. Whereas if I show up to something now, like, you've got my 150% attention. But if I decide to opt out, it's because it's for the best of both of us, right?

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. You're doing the things that you want to be doing. I love that. Okay. You make me excited for 50s.

[A]

Yeah, well, just be excited to keep aging because, you know, we are, like, you know, like, now. The wisdom part is the best part. You have so much experience to draw from, you know that everything happens in a cycle. Like, whatever you put out is gonna come back at you. If somebody's really, really super successful and you're envious of them, that they're in their moment, you're not in yours, you're gonna have your moment again. You're gonna have it again. That person's gonna have it down. Like, everything goes around in a circle.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[A]

So it's like, you just have to kind of know that sometimes it's not your moment, it doesn't matter. It's someone else's moment. And, like, we want all of us to succeed. Women, you know?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So, like, that's. That.

[B]

That.

[A]

That took up a lot of my 40s, like, kind of envy and. And not feeling like I was in the right place in my career or. I don't know. I was very confused. And. And then. And then I got. I kind of rinsed that out.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You just ride the wave. Yeah.

[A]

And realize, like, oh, wait, let me get a bit bigger. Look, you know, being in la, living here full time, is. Is not good for you if you're in the business. And that's why I spend so much time. I spend my winters in Whistler, Canada.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I can have a normal life. I travel around a lot and so, like, identifying the things that make you more of a fuller person rather than more of a narrow person.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For me. Yeah.

[B]

Amazing. Yeah. What about. I know you said your body looks, you know, better today than it ever has, but what about, like, I was just talking to a woman who will remain nameless, but she was saying, as you get older, your vagina, quite literally, like, just shrivels up.

[A]

Just somebody else was telling me that. That it goes inside your vagina?

[B]

Yes. And I'm like, what?

[A]

I have to take a good look at my vagina when I get home because I've never heard that. And my vagina seems to be working just fine.

[B]

Okay, well, that is good news, because I am, like.

[A]

I shrivels up.

[B]

Literally shrivels up, dries up, shrivels up. I'm like, what? The is gonna happen to our bodies.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, no, no. There's stuff you can take for that. I'm sure there's like estrogen pro. Please. No. No one's vaginas.

[B]

No one is shriveling up. Okay, that's a relief. Thank God. So talking about meditating, reading, I think I read that you've been practicing gratitude. So you've been on a bit of a healing journey, is that fair to

[A]

say, for about 10 years.

[B]

Did that ever make you nervous as a comedian? Did you feel like maybe you would lose your edge a little bit?

[A]

Yeah. I didn't do comedy for like the whole time. I was going to therapy and I went to therapy for like a full like a year and a half year, nine months, almost two years. And during that time I didn't do standup. I was like, I can't be funny. This is too intense. Like, I wanted to go to therapy and get as much as I could out of it in the shortest duration. So I was like hoping it would be like a two month thing, but it wasn't. And I wanted to just get it. I was like, give me the knowledge and information. I want to be a better person. Just give it to me. Download. Like, I wish I had AI. I was like, go. But I didn't. So it took me a while to digest the information and then apply the information. So you have to learn about yourself and then you have to enact it and like put it into practice. So those things can be confusing, obviously.

[B]

Yeah, of course. What was one big takeaway from you through therapy that you maybe even didn't know you needed to work on, that you've really had to be applying to

[A]

your life, that not everybody needs my opinion on everything, like, not to insert myself as a problem solver, kind of to recognize that sometimes people do want your help and sometimes people are just venting and stop trying to fix everybody's problems.

[B]

Where does that come from, you think?

[A]

Just because I can.

[B]

Yeah, you know what I mean?

[A]

I have the personality for it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I love.

[B]

From a big family growing up, you think? Or like, I don't know.

[A]

I mean, my family was. I think I'm just. I think it's like your purse. It's like your enneagram. Like I like enneagram.

[B]

What number are you?

[A]

I'm an eight.

[B]

Oh, me too.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Okay. So then you know, like a fixer, somebody who just handles it and like, if there's a problem, I mean, I'm not gonna handle it myself. I'm gonna, you know, get one of my assistants on it. But somebody will fucking fix your problem for you if you come to me. So I think also just, like, my opinion aren't necessary all the time. That was something that I was like, well, really?

[B]

So have you found yourself in situations like a social. Social setting where you've had to, like, actually reel in, like, you want to give your opinion, but you're like, okay,

[A]

no, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And it's interesting to take a step back because in the beginning, I overdid it when I went to therapy and I learned that, like, I'd go to dinner parties and I wouldn't talk at all. My friends are like, what are you doing? This is like, where'd you go? I'm like, I'm working on my personality. And they're like, you're not fun anymore. And I'm like, oh, fuck. You know, I don't know. Maybe I won't be fun anymore. So then, like, I was like, okay, wait, there's somewhere in the middle that you, you know, meet yourself.

[B]

So were you nervous to get back into comedy then? So what was your first show that you did, or.

[A]

The first Life will be the death of me. And instead of doing stand up to promote it, I did a tour, like a speaking engagement tour, where different, like, celebrities, authors, or, like, you know, people would interview me on stage. And then I did a couple. I did a few of those, and then I was like, some of these people are pretty unreliable, like, in terms of their focus and, like, you know, being in front of an audience. And I just. After about, like, 10 of those shows, I was like, wait, I'll do this. I can do this. I'm gonna put this on its feet as its own show. And that was kind of my way back into stand up.

[B]

I love that. And do you feel like your content

[A]

has changed at all?

[B]

Like, the jokes that you'll make?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you a little more reserved?

[A]

No, no, no. I'm less reserved in stand up because. Because that's a time and a place for it. You know what I mean? Like, people are there to laugh, so then I can be my full, complete self. But no, it added to it because you're basically like, whenever you really delve into real therapy, you are recalibrating your personality and your personhood. You are becoming the best version of who you wanna be. So everything becomes sharper eventually, but it's a little bit of a pathway. It's not instant. So once I did get back to stand up, I was Just so much more present because I hadn't been present for so many years in my life, in my 30s for sure. And then like, I mean, now when I'm somewhere, I'm there, you know, like, if I'm on stage, I'm completely like, I have gratitude for every single person who bought a ticket. I'm so happy to be there. Before, I was just like, you know, running around. You're going from city to city. You don't even remember half the show. You're like, wait, what? What am I doing? And so I had to just slow down my pace and just get focused.

[B]

I love that. Well, you're someone who's always been authentic. Or would you say that that's even true? Do you feel like you're more authentic today than you ever have been?

[A]

No, I've always been pretty authentic.

[B]

You have been.

[A]

Yeah, whatever I'm thinking, I'm saying.

[B]

And that's what I've always loved about you. And I think everyone loves about you. And you're not someone who shies away from talking about anything. You put everything on the table. Are there ever boundaries for you? Is there a line ever? And how do you decide what that is to hold something close to your chest?

[A]

If it's someone else's personal story or privacy, then I've learned over the years that's not really good too, that my story isn't always my story. It's someone else's story too. And the other people that were involved. So I've learned over the years of incriminating other famous people to. I've learned that too. Chelsea, kind of like, don't name all the names every single time.

[B]

I know, I. Yeah, I get that. I get that. Good hair days do more than we give them credit for. When your hair feels healthy, you show up differently. You feel more confident, more relaxed, and you're not constantly checking mirrors or adjusting your hair. Your hair becomes one less thing competing for your attention throughout the entire day. Nutrafol supports hair health from within, working overtime to deliver results you can see and feel so your hair becomes something you enjoy, not something you stress about. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand. And it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Nutrafol's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed, NSF, certified for sport and clinically tested. It's not a one size fits all approach. Nutrafol offers multiple formulas for men and women tailored to different life stages like postpartum or menopause and lifestyle factors such as plant based diet. So you get support that's actually right, right for you. Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster, growing hair in just three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code Honest. That's Nutrafol.com spelled N u T R-A F o L.com promo code Honest. Forea is here to help you have really good sex and more of it. The kind that makes you feel nourished, juicy and fully alive. They make life changing, all natural, organic formulas for your most intimate needs. So imagine the best orgasm or sex that you've ever had. Okay, now imagine that it could be even better with products that were designed to naturally enhance sexual pleasure and give you access to to bigger and better orgasms. Yep, you heard that right. They have their arousal oil. So Awaken is like a juicy warm up that helps you get really turned on, increasing your pleasure, deepening your orgasms and increasing your connection with your partner or yourself. So experience your juiciest and deepest sensual experience with a bottle of Forea. Forea is offering a special deal for my listeners. Get 20% off your first order by visiting Fouria wellness.com honestly or use code honest at checkout. That's F O r I a wellness.comforward/honest for 20% off your first order. I personally recommend trying Awaken or their pleasure set with all three of their best sellers. You're welcome. Well, okay, going back to your previous relationship that you had. So I know that you've said, you know, five, six months, your kind of life gets too real. So was it just that he wanted you to meet his family or like.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was just like, that's just my timeline. I kind of, after five or six months just kind of want to move on to something else.

[B]

Like so you just get kind of bored.

[A]

Less interested?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Less interested, not as interested.

[B]

Did you break his heart?

[A]

Buzz is gone. No, no, we're friends.

[B]

Oh, you're friends?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

How do you remain friends so quickly

[A]

after say we'll be friends and then.

[B]

Oh, and it's that easy for everybody.

[A]

It's not like that's why I don't want to get, you know, you don't like, it's not a two year relationship where you have to be like, oh my God, you know you can kind of fizzle in and out, or, you know, who knows? Maybe I'll see him again, maybe we'll fool around again, but I just don't want the label of having a boy, you know, it's not my boyfriend.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. I love that. Okay, so no hard feelings?

[A]

No, not at all. No bad feelings? No bad vibes? I'm way past that phase in my life where there's, like, acrimonious breakups.

[B]

When's the last time you felt like that from a breakup?

[A]

Acrimonious?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Joe Coy was acrimonious.

[B]

Yeah. And that was how many years ago that you guys broke up? It's been a minute.

[A]

Three years ago. But, I mean, we're friends now too, so that's.

[B]

Oh, well, that's great. Yeah. Are you friendly with all of your exes?

[A]

Yeah, I guess I am. I mean, I. I wouldn't have said that 10 years ago, but now I am.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

I don't really, you know, like, it's just the same. It's another thing that comes with age. Who cares?

[B]

I know.

[A]

Like, even when a relationship ends, you know, the. The. The way in which we handle that in our 20s or even 30s is so much more dramatic than it needs to be. And when you become, like, a woman woman, you're like, I don't. Okay. Like, you're not upset by any of it. You're just like, okay, Even if someone were to break up with me, obviously that hasn't happened, but if it were to happen, I would just be like, that's cool, right?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Do your thing. I don't want you to be with me if you don't want to be with me. There's no hard feelings about any of it. Even if someone's trying to fuck me over, it's like, go ahead. If. If you're working hard to me over. Good luck.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

That's good luck to you and your karma. Like, that's ridiculous also.

[B]

Exactly. And then you just know that person and you move on with your life.

[A]

Yeah. So I think that's another great thing about getting older, is that you're like, oh, you have so much, like, confidence in your own ability, you know, to be a human being. Like, I'm very confident and reliable. Like, for me, I always just think of, like, the little girl version of myself, and I'm always like, okay, look, I got you. Like, you know, I got you. I've always had you, and here I am, like, you can rely on me now.

[B]

Have you done did you do a lot of that work in therapy of talking to younger you? I know that's like a big.

[A]

I don't remember. I mean, yes, for sure. Because when I was nine, my brother died. And that was, you know, when you have a traumatic event like that, you remain that age in many ways. Yeah. So for that reason, yes. But, yeah, I mean, that was a big part of it. But I just always feel like, like I. I have this thing at the beginning, I think, of my last book that I was like a letter I'd written about who I wanted to be when I became a woman. And I remember as I was reading this letter that I had written, you know, like when I was 8 or 9, like, I was like, I want to be this. I want to rule the world. I want to have so many different lovers. I don't want to be a mother. I want to have dogs. I'm like, I want to be a global woman. And I was like, whoa. I've done all of the things. I was like, I want to stand up for stuff I believe in. I don't want to be a follower. I want to be a leader. Like, all of these things. And I was like, reading it. I'm like, oh, my God. You have created exactly the life that you wanted for yourself. So rock on. That is so cool. Yeah.

[B]

That's amazing that you have that letter still.

[A]

I know. Well, I think it was like, like a school assignment. So my mom kept it or my sister probably. My mom probably didn't keep anything because she was disorganized, organized.

[B]

That's really cool.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good assignment for a little girl to be like, what kind of woman do you want to be when you grow up?

[B]

Maybe I'll have my daughter do that.

[A]

Yeah. How old is your daughter?

[B]

She's 10.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Perfect.

[B]

Good age for it. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's one thing that you've learned about from the different relationships that you've had? Is it that ultimately that you just don't really want a long term relationship? Or is there something more, deeper that you've learned about yourself?

[A]

Well, I have no type. That's something I've learned. I do not have a type. I think I. I may think I have a type, but I don't. Yeah, I just, I think that I've learned is that I'm. I'm really at my happiest when I'm alone.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I am like, there's nothing to not be happy about.

[B]

That's a great message.

[A]

So if like a guy comes in, you have to be an addition, not a subtraction. And as long as you're an addition, you can hang out.

[B]

I love that. Has trust been hard for you in relationships?

[A]

It has been. When I was, when I was younger, when I was younger, I was like mistrustful and, or distrustful. And I was, you know, because I was dating guys that were assholes too, you know, more so in that. But I don't. I've never dated the same guy twice. And I think that's a good kind of thing to do as a woman, is to take stock after a relationship ends. And if you were with someone who treated you badly or without respect or was abusive in any way, or was toxic, you gotta, like, really take stock of yourself. Like, that was one of the things I went into. When I went into therapy when I was 40. I would come out of a pretty toxic, like, two year relationship and I was like, I can't ever be. That was not who. That's not who I am. Like, I'm not checking phones. I'm not doing that shit.

[B]

No.

[A]

So I had, I made a commitment with my therapist. I'm like, I don't want to be in a relationship until you tell me that I'm healthy enough to be in what is a normal, healthy relationship, you know, in my opinion. And so I think not making the same mistake twice is a pretty good, like, mantra, you know, for life. Like, don't in all respects, not just romantic, but like, don't date the same twice. Don't make the same mistake with your friends twice. You know, if you gossiped and you got in trouble for that and you really hurt someone's feelings, then you learn, learn that lesson. Make the first time the last time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that can apply to, like, you know, lots of areas of life, family, all that stuff.

[B]

No, that's great, great advice. Yes.

[A]

I don't want to go to summer school.

[B]

No, exactly. I want to go to my orca. Learn the lesson and move on. Yeah, I'm meeting you in Mallorca. You are extremely outspoken. You don't have a filter, which is also what everybody loves about you. But because of that, you've had your fair share of backlash and bad headlines and all of those things over the years. How does that affect you today versus maybe 15 years ago, let's say. Or does it affect you at all? It doesn't really. I love that.

[A]

I mean, I get less. No, I mean, I get backlash for something always, but I don't I. I didn't affect me then, and it doesn't affect me now. It's only if I'm misunderstood. If I'm getting backlash for, like, for my political stance or a political viewpoint and people disagree with that, then, like, that's them just disagreeing with me. But if it's for something where I'm. I'm getting backlash for something that doesn't. Isn't representative of how I feel, then that would be a different story.

[B]

Don't you feel like that's every fucking headline, though? Yeah, everything's taken out of context, but,

[A]

like, I just don't take the news seriously anymore. Do you know what I mean? One of the benefits to so much fake news is that I don't pay attention to it anymore. I'm like, well, nothing's true.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Every conspiracy theory that I thought was a joke or a sham is actually true now. So who knows what's real and what is it?

[B]

God, that's so great that you've always been able to just let it roll off your back.

[A]

I mean, there have been moments. I don't want to act like I'm, you know, indestructible or anything. There have been moments in my life where I felt. Felt beat up on or I felt weaker or not as strong as I maybe do in this moment. But again, that's not my North Star. That's not my, like, narrative with myself. My narrative is, this will be. This too will pass. You'll be fine. And you're resilient. Like, every woman needs to always remind themselves how resilient we are.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Because we are the ones that are keeping everybody's shit together.

[B]

Yeah, it's true. And it's true. Once you've been through it a few times, you realize how quickly it comes and goes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, tomorrow they're on to a whole new news cycle.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What's your stance on Hollywood in general? Because, just from an outside perspective, I feel like you're not so much enmeshed in it. And I feel like that's a conscious decision, because I think you could very easily be at every fucking party and do all the things, and I feel like you kind of keep an arm's length. Is that a conscious decision? And what are your thoughts on Hollywood as a whole?

[A]

I mean, Hollywood is a real number. You have to be pretty solid to be in this business. And if you're not, you're gonna, like. Like, then everything just goes out the window. If you only ingest this and you do not get a touch of reality in other places that are devoid of Hollywood. Like, my whole life in Whistler, they don't watch tv. I mean, they watch shrinking. That's it. They don't know who anyone is.

[B]

You can just go about your life and no one is.

[A]

They all know who I am because I'm like, they all know I live there. But, like, they're not in the. This culture in the way that we are. And in Spain, like, I have a place in Spain. Nobody is in this culture in that way. Like, I want real life experiences. So I went and make sure. Made sure that I was gonna get them, you know, on the regular. And I still do, but, you know, you know, I. I mingle when I. When I want to.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I make sure that I say yes enough to invitations that I don't get crossed off the list.

[B]

Okay. Right. So it's a fine balance.

[A]

So I'm like, oh, if I'm in town, I go and I'm social, I'll be like, okay, yes, I'm coming over to there for dinner. Da, da, da. But a lot of times I don't. Yeah, and that's fine, too. One of my favorite things about going to Whistler every winter is I leave on in December, and I go up there, like, through March. I usually come back to host the Critics Choice or something or some work thing. But, like, it's just such a great out, you know, I'm like, I'm gone. I can't. I can't. I can't go. Like, I'm in as if I'm in, you know, Helsinki. It's like, I'm only two hours away, but I'm out. I'm in another region.

[B]

No, it's smart.

[A]

I'm in another province, as they say.

[B]

Justin. And I always say how celebrities are actually kind of nerds. Like, for the most part, most of them are nerds. What's your stance on that? I know you have real good friends and there are great people, but overall, don't you think it's kind of a joke?

[A]

I feel like I don't know if nerds are the right. The right descriptor, because that implies, like, reading books and actually being smart. My issue with a lot of celebrities is the vapidity.

[B]

I don't even know how the fuck that works.

[A]

Vapid. Like, being vapid. Not giving a shit about anything but your fucking hair and your makeup and your. And then your clothes. And, like, being vapid. Like, I find that to be intolerable. I Don't want to sit around and talk about my nails. I don't want to sit around and talk about my hair. I don't want to do that. I want to talk about the world. I want to read books, and I want to, like, keep the conversation elevated.

[B]

Real things.

[A]

Yes, yes. So that I find that I think is the biggest thing that sticks out to me when I think about Hollywood. I think there's so many dumbass glasses.

[B]

Yes, right, exactly. They care about all of the wrong things.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Yeah. What about. Do you have. Okay, two questions. Do you have a bad celebrity date story that we don't know about?

[A]

Yeah, I went on a date with Bobby Flay. That was pretty bad.

[B]

Wait, tell me.

[A]

Will you tell me about it? Bad. Everything. He ordered me room service.

[B]

What?

[A]

He ordered me room service. So we were talking. Someone hooked us up. We were talking on the phone, flirting a little bit, and then he ordered. I was at a hotel with some girlfriends, and I think we were filming for Netflix. I guess I must have been in, like, a different country and. Oh, no. God. Where were we? I don't remember where we were. I don't know if it was America. It was probably America. Oh, yeah. Cause he knew the hotel well. And he's like, oh, my God. He wanted to order me room service. Food for us. He's like, let me order your food for you. I love that hotel. Maybe it was Vegas or something. And I usually can remember these details. Anyway, he orders me food. He's gonna love this. This is somebody I don't mind incriminating. Okay? So he ordered me food. Two, like, three of my girlfriends are in the room with me, and they ordered room service. He's like, I'm gonna order it. But then I. They brought me the bill, and I'm like, what is this guy? And then, like, somebody was like, oh, yeah, he's really cheap. He's really cheap. And I was like, oh, I hate cheap. Like, I don't. If you're penurious. I'm not interested in you. I'm generous, and I like people to be generous with their money. And then we did end up going on a date, and I was just. It's not a match. It was just, like. It was messy.

[B]

I love you for giving a name. Oh, Bobby. What about. Did you date anyone, like, consistently that you actually liked that we don't know about?

[A]

Celebrity.

[B]

Yeah, that we would know. No, no, we know all of them.

[A]

No, no, you don't know all of them. But I wouldn't say date. I'VE slept.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I had a nice little affair with one for. But that wasn't even long term. That was a few months.

[B]

Do you want to give us a name?

[A]

No. No, I don't.

[B]

Okay. You've done so much personally and professionally.

[A]

Oh, wait, there's another one.

[B]

Tell us another one.

[A]

No, no, no, I can't tell you that one either. No, but I mean, he was so boring. This is actually really good one. But I can't tell you the name.

[B]

That's fine, but you can tell us a story.

[A]

But we were flirting, and then I, you know, I made the move. I was like, hey, I want to get in on this. And so I made the move, and he was receptive. And we were hanging out, and I. I saw him and we went on a date, and it was unbearable. Unbearable. And I worked hard. He was so serious about himself as an actor. As an actor. And he was talking about acting in a way that I cannot take seriously. Like, I'm not like that. I'm not an actor. I am like, you know, an entertainer. Okay. And I just couldn't believe how solipsistic this guy was. He couldn't stop talking about himself. And he didn't ask me one question about myself. And I was like, oh, okay. And so at the end of the night, he thought the night went great. And I was like. And we were. This was in a different country also, by the way. This wasn't in America. We met in America, and I went on a date with him in another country. And I had really gotten out of my way. Like, I was on my way somewhere, and I stopped for the night in a city to go on a date with this guy. And I felt like I was 25 years old and had to, like, make up a lie, you know, to get away. Cause I had really pursued him. But then once I sat down with him, I was like, no. Immediately, I was like, you're so boring and you're so annoying. Like, anyone who talks about themselves for that long on a date is just. That's exactly what's wrong with men.

[B]

Well, and actors. I mean, didn't ask you one question about yourself?

[A]

No.

[B]

That's absurd.

[A]

I mean, maybe, but it wasn't enough to make it okay.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Maybe he did. I. You know, I can't say that, but he was very much about. About himself and his process and his acting. And I was like, also, who gives a. I was like, are you gonna get drunk or something? Like, let's loosen this combo up. Yeah. But no, no, no.

[B]

Are you. You're drinking on all your dates? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I wouldn't go on a date with a sober person. No.

[B]

No. Okay.

[A]

I'm not interested.

[B]

Yeah, no, I get it. I know. I was going on a lot of dates with sober guys for a minute, too, and I'm not even a big driver, but I was like, what did.

[A]

Why? What do you mean? Going on a lot of dates?

[B]

I think, like, a lot of first dates that I went on in the last couple of years were with sober people.

[A]

People are sober now. It's really annoying.

[B]

I know, but I'm like, I don't even drink that much, but that's, I think, a deal breaker for me. I want to be able to have a couple cocktails once in a while.

[A]

I would never date a sober person. No, I just typically like, what happens when you go to Paris in the middle of the afternoon and I want to get a fucking margarita or something. Like, I want to sit down outside of the Louvre in that beautiful garden and get shit faced with my boyfriend.

[B]

I know. Exactly.

[A]

That's what I want to do.

[B]

Exactly. Okay, well, getting away from men, you've done so much in your career and your personal life. Is there anything left on your bucket list?

[A]

I'm doing a show for Hulu where I'm acting and I'm the, Like, the star of the show. So we're developing that with Hulu, and I haven't done that yet, so that'll be the first time I star in something.

[B]

Are you scared?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In a good way?

[A]

Yeah, always.

[B]

I love that. So when is that gonna come out? You don't know yet?

[A]

No, we're still working on the script and everything.

[B]

So you're writing it, too?

[A]

Zoe. This girl Zoe is writing it. She's my partner on this, and she actually came to me with the project. So we developed it together, then we sold it to Hulu, and now. Yeah. Where it's in development.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. That's great.

[A]

Yeah. That's exciting. So that's. That I've never done. Yeah. So I would, like, you know, I'll be nervous, but, like, I learned, like, being nervous means that you care.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And once you realize that, then it's okay to be nervous. You know what I mean? Because then you are, like, able to control your nerves.

[B]

Yeah. And I feel like. Keeps the blood pumping. I know. I think it's good.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. What?

[B]

Today drives you because, you know, you've got money, you're living a great life. You've done so much. So what is getting you to do a Netflix show. Other than those little nerves, I guess

[A]

just to always do being doing something, I have to have something like that's coming up that I've never done before, like the Kevin Hart roast. I never did that before. So that was exciting to prepare for that because it was like out of my wheelhouse. But I like the excitement of doing stuff that I haven't done before. And I like also opening doors for other people. Stuff like that, I guess is motivates me. My lifestyle motivates me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just basically being a voice, you know, that people can like. I've been in, like around for a long time now, so, like, people who are ride or dies for me or with me. Like, they know that I'm here and I'm consistent and I'm reliable and I want to show up for those people.

[B]

Yeah, I love that.

[A]

Yeah. In all, like, ways, you know, whether it's social justice, whether it's political stuff, or whether it's like real life stuff. Yeah. Yep.

[B]

I love it. Yeah. Okay. I want to play a game with you. Okay. It's hot or not. So I'm gonna give you a scenario with a guy and just tell me if you think it's hot or not. Okay. He wants you to plan the date.

[A]

Not hot at all. No, not doing that.

[B]

You already answered this. He doesn't drink alcohol.

[A]

Not hot.

[B]

Not hot. What if he doesn't do drugs?

[A]

Not hot.

[B]

So you need someone who will dabble.

[A]

I need someone who can handle their alcohol and handle their drugs. Okay. Yes. I want you to be able to do drugs.

[B]

What's your favorite drug?

[A]

Lsd.

[B]

Wait, Justin just told me you're micro dosing it.

[A]

Yeah, I think I gave him some.

[B]

Oh, you did? I think so.

[A]

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I don't know.

[B]

Why does that scare the the out of me?

[A]

It's microdose. It's fine. You'll love it.

[B]

You're not like tripping balls?

[A]

No, not at all. Oh, it's just like an exclamation point on your day. Love, like whatever you're doing, it helps you focus on that.

[B]

I love that. Okay. He has three kids.

[A]

Not so hot for me. But if they're grown up and you know, they're older, then that's fine. If he has teenagers, not interested. Yeah, I've done that. You know, I have like stepmom, six dependents of my ex boyfriends. Yeah.

[B]

Do you really?

[A]

Yeah, all the time. I'm with my ex boyfriend's daughter. Different, like Three of them. All their daughters I've still kept custody of. So it's like, I. I have children in my life now because of these men, and I don't need any more.

[B]

Wow, I did not know that. I mean, that's sweet of you, though, to still be in their lives.

[A]

Well, when they're dealing with their fathers, like, when they have to have a father that they do, then that's the least I could do.

[B]

I mean, that's great. Okay. He's a massive celebrity, so your lives would be everywhere.

[A]

That would not be hot.

[B]

Right. I think that'd be tough. Okay.

[A]

But it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It would only be a deal breaker if he were very precious about that. That.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, I don't care. You know what I mean? But it would be annoying after a while being photographed all the time. But if he were very, like, you know, I know a lot of male guys, like male celebrities that are like that, and I wouldn't like that.

[B]

No. That would be.

[A]

You'd have to have the same attitude I have.

[B]

For sure. Okay. Everything about him is perfect. Everything except he has a micro penis.

[A]

No, that's not gonna work.

[B]

Deal breaker.

[A]

No micro penises.

[B]

Have you experienced. This is brutal.

[A]

Two times. It's.

[B]

Yeah, it's tough. He's bisexual.

[A]

I'm not opposed to that.

[B]

Okay. Would you have threesomes?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not with two men.

[B]

No, no. But with another.

[A]

With another woman and a guy.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. He has three cats.

[A]

Wow. I mean, that's not hot.

[B]

No, no. Okay. I think you already sort of answered this. He lives in Europe.

[A]

That would be a bonus dream scenario.

[B]

I love that he can fix anything that breaks in your house.

[A]

That's hot.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I've had. Man. I've had a man in my life who claimed to be able to do that. He was a liar. And that's when he got cut from the roster. Bye. But I really didn't have him fix one thing. I was like, that's not hot at all.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

See you later. Ew.

[B]

No.

[A]

Don't pretend you can do something that you cannot do, because now you're a

[B]

liar, by the way. Get the fuck out. He's a homebody.

[A]

I don't. I don't. I don't know. I don't mind a homebody, but not if you have, like, social anxiety.

[B]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[A]

Then I can't deal with both of them.

[B]

What if you're like, we're going to dinner at my friend's house, but he's like, you just go. I don't want to go. I'm just gonna stay home.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, that would get old probably quickly.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. That's it. You're the fucking best, Chelsea.

[A]

Oh, my God. I love you.

[B]

Thank you for being here. Okay, and then tell everyone where they can get tickets to your show.

[A]

Chelsea handler.com. you can watch me on Dear Chelsea. It's on Netflix. You can. I don't know. You can find me anywhere. Come see me live. Chelsea Handler. I got all the power?

[B]

Yeah, I got all the power. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.