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Sean Galanos
The following podcast is a Dr. Media production.
Kristen Cavallari
This is let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. What's up, guys? How we doing today? Today is going to be very fun because I have a sex and love coach here with me. I love his nonsense, non judgmental approach. And let's be honest, I always love having a guy's perspective on this. So today I am sitting down with Sean Galanos.
Sean Galanos
Honestly, I've done something way more cringy.
Kristen Cavallari
What?
Sean Galanos
I used to have the Love Drive painted on the back of my truck.
Kristen Cavallari
That's pretty aggressive. I want to start because you got your start. I think this is so fascinating because you started driving a taxi and recording the conversations that you had with people.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, so.
Kristen Cavallari
So tell me about that.
Sean Galanos
I was driving a taxi in San Francisco in 2014, which is like. Was fun. Driving a taxi is like kind of fun until it's not. I mean, it's a hard job. You know, it's like you're driving for 12 hours, but. But it was kind of like a video game. This was like pre Uber. So you're like flag people were flagging you down and you're like chasing other taxis and trying to.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, right.
Sean Galanos
So it was like, for someone who likes driving, it was kind of fun. And then it just gets kind of hard. And a friend said, oh, you should record your conversations with your passengers. And I said, that sounds like a great idea. And so I bought.
Kristen Cavallari
How can you do that without their consent, though?
Sean Galanos
Why, why would you assume I would do that without their consent?
Kristen Cavallari
So you asked. They'd get in and you'd say, by the way, can I record this conversation?
Sean Galanos
Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so I tested out a bunch of different theories but. Or ways of doing it. But I would go home, I'd get the cab at the cab yard and I'd go home and I'd set up lights, cameras and microphones in the cab, GoPros and all that stuff. And then I would drive around and I would pick somebody up and they'd get in and I'd say, hey, welcome to the Love drive. Oh, and I'd hand them a stack of note cards that had questions on them, like, what do you think about shaved testicles?
Kristen Cavallari
Or I love this.
Sean Galanos
Do you like having sex on your period? And then at the end I would have them sign artist release.
Kristen Cavallari
Got it. Yeah, got it. So when they first would get in though, were they like, what the hell is going on?
Sean Galanos
Yeah. And sometimes people didn't notice, or sometimes I wouldn't say anything and I'd just kind of let the cameras roll. Or sometimes I would say something ahead of time or I'd have them agree to it. There was just all these different strategies. So sometimes people didn't even notice the cameras.
Kristen Cavallari
I believe it.
Sean Galanos
There's a GoPro in, like on the headrest. They're just like, whatever, oblivious. And so then I would ask them questions about kind of low brow stuff, you know, like whatever. Anal sex, period. Sex. A lot of sex stuff.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, that's what I'm gathering.
Sean Galanos
And then I would post those videos on YouTube. And that was the beginning of the Love Drive. I was driving around talking about love.
Kristen Cavallari
That's amazing. Did you ever have anyone be like.
Sean Galanos
I'm not doing this, and like 90% of people would not do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
And.
Sean Galanos
And I found out that most professionals would absolutely not want to do it. So, like lawyers, doctors, all that stuff. And service people and artists were all about it.
Kristen Cavallari
I love that.
Sean Galanos
They're like, this is cool. It's a fun project.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And so those videos still live on. You know, if you go to, if you like, Google the Love Drive Taxi videos, they'll come up.
Kristen Cavallari
What was the best confession you ever got in a taxi?
Sean Galanos
This woman came in. I didn't even say anything. She came in and she was super frustrated and she was like, I just got a TMI you right now. But I am so fucking frustrated. I've got blue balls. My boyfriend would not let me finish and I'm looking in the camera like, holy shit, what's going on? And then we just had this, this conversation about how she just needed to get on top for like two minutes.
Kristen Cavallari
I love it.
Sean Galanos
And he wouldn't, he wouldn't let her do it.
Kristen Cavallari
Why wouldn't he let her get on top?
Sean Galanos
I didn't. He wasn't there. I didn't ask. He was just, I don't know, selfish lover or something.
Kristen Cavallari
That is so fascinating to me.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. What do you find is the biggest issue when it comes to finding love.
Sean Galanos
Man?
Kristen Cavallari
We can talk about you personally or just people in general.
Sean Galanos
I think they're similar. I think it's just hard out there.
Kristen Cavallari
It is hard out there.
Sean Galanos
I think there's a lot of competing information about what to do.
Kristen Cavallari
Agreed.
Sean Galanos
I think a lot of us are pretty anxious. I think our nervous systems are kind of fried. And I think that we Have a hard time kind of trusting what we want and what's happening in the interaction. And there's also the dating app problem, which is if you do use dating apps, there's always this, like, maybe something's better.
Kristen Cavallari
I know that's kind of. Social media also plays a role in that.
Sean Galanos
Social media does, too. Yeah. We're not used to. Before social media, we didn't see how other people lived, and we didn't have access to, like, a million potential partners. Right. If you do, like, even if you're in a small town, you can go and look somewhere else. And so you're like, ooh, what about this one? What about this one? What about this one? Then you go on a date with someone who's perfectly fine, but somehow you think that you can maybe do better. And so I'm sort of an optimizer, and that's something I'm trying to work on actively, is that it's not about doing better. It's about just finding someone that is, like, kind of good enough.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, I disagree with that.
Sean Galanos
There's a, like, a psychological phenomenon called, like, good enough mothering, which is that you don't have to be the perfect mother.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And there is no perfect mother, just like there is no perfect partner.
Kristen Cavallari
Agreed. Yep.
Sean Galanos
So. So good enough. Like, hey, this is a great relationship. Like, you know Dan Savage?
Kristen Cavallari
I know that name.
Sean Galanos
He's sex educator, gay columnist who's been talking about this stuff for a long time, and he says people really need to stop looking for the one.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
They need to start looking for, like, point six seven, and they can round up.
Kristen Cavallari
I don't agree with that, though. And I'll tell you, which is shocking.
Sean Galanos
By the way, because I just listened to your episode on, like, just eat the ice cream. Just go for the ice cream.
Kristen Cavallari
Wait, I don't remember that.
Sean Galanos
You were doing, like, listener questions for dating questions.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Sean Galanos
Yes, I agree with, like, 90% of your viewpoints.
Kristen Cavallari
What was the 10% you didn't know? Agree with.
Sean Galanos
I think the men have to be the one who have to define the relationship, I think.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, okay. Well, no more. I think a woman can say, hey, what are we? But they have to be willing to walk away if they don't get the answer that they want.
Sean Galanos
I don't think anyone should ever say, what are we? By the way.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, okay.
Sean Galanos
That was the one thing in my car I was like, no, don't say, what are we? Because that's like the bus driver asking someone like, hey, where do you want to go, yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Okay.
Sean Galanos
So you say, I want to be in a relationship. And you actually said that. You said, I want to be in a relationship. Want to be in a relationship with you.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And then.
Kristen Cavallari
But if he says, I'm not ready, or whatever his excuse is, the woman has to be like, okay, well, then, whatever his excuse is, because they all.
Sean Galanos
Got him, they all got excuses, and.
Kristen Cavallari
Then it's okay, well, then this doesn't work for me.
Sean Galanos
You said you have to leave right away, whereas I would say I'm going to continue doing this until it no longer works for me.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay.
Sean Galanos
Because you might still be getting some of your needs met, Some really important needs. Like, like sex, closeness, connection, intimate, you know, whatever emotional availability. And then that could at some point just be like, oh, actually, this isn't going to work.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, I agree with that.
Sean Galanos
Stick around for a little bit.
Kristen Cavallari
I agree with that, actually. That makes sense. I don't think anyone should settle. And what that sounds like to me is if you're saying good enough to me, that sounds like you're settling. I'm waiting until I have amazing chemistry. The compatibility is also there, and then we're both willing to work and want to be in a relationship.
Sean Galanos
Look, that's what I want to. Let's check it in a couple of years and see how that feels.
Kristen Cavallari
I feel like you're giving up on life. Well, all right. I've been essentially single for five years.
Sean Galanos
I've been single for several years as well, so I understand that. And I also have. I think I have high standards.
Kristen Cavallari
As you should.
Sean Galanos
As we should. And also that just means that the higher the standards, the less people are going to be able to meet those standards.
Kristen Cavallari
Fair.
Sean Galanos
So the pool is smaller if you have high standards.
Kristen Cavallari
Agreed. Yeah.
Sean Galanos
It's tough.
Kristen Cavallari
It is. It's really tough out there. I think you're right. The apps. Well, I've sworn off the apps. We've talked about the apps. You're active on them, correct?
Sean Galanos
I am. Although I'm still. Raya has still not accepted my application.
Kristen Cavallari
You're not missing my job.
Sean Galanos
I know. Because I, I, I, I heard your little rant on Raya. I don't like the idea that they're gatekeeping. How come? What, am I not cool enough for Raya?
Kristen Cavallari
I know. And I gave you a referral. I'm like, hello. I'm also offended.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, exactly. They're like, no, Kristen.
Kristen Cavallari
No, she's not. They're like, she's doing too much shit.
Sean Galanos
She didn't stick around. I am on the apps? Yeah, I'm on Hinge and Field.
Kristen Cavallari
I don't know what Field is.
Sean Galanos
Field is more the sex positive sort of queer E and M friendly app.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Okay. What do you think about the apps? Do you go on a lot of dates from them?
Sean Galanos
I go on a lot of dates. I'm also new in la, so there's the whole like new in LA thing phenomenon where they're like, oh, people haven't seen this guy before.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And there's probably some element of some people recognizing me from, from social media, but I'm a first date guy. I'll go on.
Kristen Cavallari
A lot of you love a first date.
Sean Galanos
I don't love it, but I'll go on a lot of first dates because, like, that's the beginning of potentially a relationship.
Kristen Cavallari
I love a date too. An ice cream date, not an ice cream date.
Sean Galanos
What about for the sober guys? What can sober people do that's not drinks?
Kristen Cavallari
Well, they could go get a drink and get non alcoholic, 100%.
Sean Galanos
One of my ex girlfriends who lives in Highland park. And this is for like 10 years ago, we went to a bar. We met up at like a lesbian bar in San Francisco called the Right Spot and we both ended up ordering soda waters.
Kristen Cavallari
See, I think that's great.
Sean Galanos
And it was cute. There was like a little like jazz pianist and it was just like a super cute date.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
So I don't mind having drinks. I think that's actually a pretty nice first date.
Kristen Cavallari
Agreed.
Sean Galanos
Low stakes.
Kristen Cavallari
Yep.
Sean Galanos
Not expensive.
Kristen Cavallari
I also, I do not want to sit through a meal in case you don't like the person and you know immediately within two seconds if you're going to like the person. I think so. I don't want to sit through a whole dinner if I know this isn't going to go somewhere.
Sean Galanos
I want to push back a little bit on that.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, let's hear it.
Sean Galanos
I've been doing more of the like, mandatory second date unless it's really not a fit.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, walk me through that because I.
Sean Galanos
Think people are a little nervous on their first date.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, I get that.
Sean Galanos
And I went on a date recently with someone who didn't look at me.
Kristen Cavallari
What?
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
And you went on a second date?
Sean Galanos
No eye contact. She didn't go on a second. We did. We actually just went on a third date.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh. Oh, wow. So it's great.
Sean Galanos
There was eye contact on the second.
Kristen Cavallari
Date because she was so nervous.
Sean Galanos
She was shy or something, you know, and it. And it. I don't know if I would have given her A chance before.
Kristen Cavallari
And so attraction grew. And now. You guys, are you gonna see her again?
Sean Galanos
Oh, deep, deep eye contact. Now she won't remove. Yeah. We can't stop looking at each other. Yeah. There's a fourth date.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Wow.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, there's a fourth date.
Kristen Cavallari
All right.
Sean Galanos
We're gonna go see a movie at the Hollywood Forever.
Kristen Cavallari
I don't even know what that is.
Sean Galanos
It's like a big cemetery in Hollywood. Yeah. Yes.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, my God. I remember doing that when I was, like, 19, 20.
Sean Galanos
They're still doing it.
Kristen Cavallari
I love that.
Sean Galanos
They're still doing Showgirls.
Kristen Cavallari
Hell, yeah. That's a great date movie.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, go on it.
Sean Galanos
Unless it's really a no, which I.
Kristen Cavallari
Think a lot of times it is a no for me.
Sean Galanos
What makes it a no for you?
Kristen Cavallari
Because I've always taken the stance that unless I feel something.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
It's just not gonna turn into anything.
Sean Galanos
I have felt a lot of things on first dates that have led to things that maybe were not the best thing for me.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Like. Cause very intense chemistry. I actually had this experience quite recently with somebody that I met on. On field. We had really intense chemistry. And then after three or four dates, we kind of realized that, like, we were activating each other's wounds in a very particular way that probably wasn't the healthiest thing. And so I actually. We both made a conscious decision not to explore further.
Kristen Cavallari
Wow.
Sean Galanos
And so I think that sometimes really intense attraction, really intense chemistry is not necessarily the thing that our soul, our heart, our nervous system needs.
Kristen Cavallari
I agree. A lot of times it's toxic. I agree with that. But I do think there has to be some sort of attraction. There has to be a level of attraction. Like, if I don't want to kiss you, I'm not going out with you again.
Sean Galanos
Do you know if you want to kiss someone within 10 minutes?
Kristen Cavallari
No. Okay. You know what? That's a fair question. I think I've been proven wrong about that as I've gotten a little bit older.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
In the last couple of years. Because to your point, I think the guys that I initially, I'm like, yeah. They're. They're never the right. The right guy.
Sean Galanos
Mr. Right now.
Kristen Cavallari
Mr. Right now. We've had a few of those. What is the difference between.
Sean Galanos
Wait, hold on. Can we still go with the kissing thing?
Kristen Cavallari
Let's go.
Sean Galanos
I have a lot of, like, tangents I've got. And I've got a lot of stories. I was hanging out with some friends I live in, like, East Hollywood. They invited me to like the Soho House in weho. And I was like, you know what, let's just go and check it out. And it was fun. And one of the people there was saying like, oh, how come you didn't kiss on the first date? And I go, well, I didn't feel like it. I. I want like an overwhelming urge to kiss someone before I kiss them.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And she goes, oh, no, I do mandatory first aid kiss. And I go, why? And she goes, because I want more information. Oh, and the kiss can give you some information.
Kristen Cavallari
I agree with that. So that really is how you judge if there's chemistry or not. I think, I think that first kiss, sometimes the first kiss can be a little sloppy or like you're getting to know someone. Still sloppy first kiss, it's like not the best, but like, you know if there's going to be chemistry or not.
Sean Galanos
Teeth.
Kristen Cavallari
Teeth. I'm like, goodbye.
Sean Galanos
You know what I've had. It's funny. Kissing is. Is very interesting. It does give you a lot of information. But I. I had a girlfriend that I was madly in love with. And our kisses were real awkward for a long time.
Kristen Cavallari
Really?
Sean Galanos
Totally two different styles. And we had to, like, over time we found our way. And then it became like, really hot. But it was. I'm like, I like this person a lot, but man, our kisses are fucking awkward.
Kristen Cavallari
That's interesting. See, I don't know if I would have stuck it out, which probably makes me a horrible person.
Sean Galanos
I don't think you're a horrible person. I think that we have these ideas of what it should look like, and it's a little bit like a Jane Austen novel, you know, and it's. That's not really how it works.
Kristen Cavallari
So do you think that good sex can be learned?
Sean Galanos
Oh, yeah. Yeah, Absolutely. I mean, there are some people that are just sort of hopeless. But can we communicate, right? Can we communicate about what we like, what we don't like? Of course. There's some element of like, we sort of know how to do this. And there is some chemistry here that does make it kind of hot. But like, I think we can really become better lovers.
Kristen Cavallari
So let's say someone was dating a guy and he is so great. You know, they have a ton in common. It's. It's. Everything is firing except for the sex.
Sean Galanos
It's a very common question. Yeah, I think.
Kristen Cavallari
And you think that that can be. That's okay.
Sean Galanos
I mean, are you talking about what's not working for you? Well, I think most people aren't.
Kristen Cavallari
I agree with that. I don't think people know how to speak up for what they need in a relationship, sexually or even emotionally.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. So what. What is not what is. What isn't good? Oh, he's not going down on me. Okay. Have you asked him?
Kristen Cavallari
What if the sex is just awkward? Maybe it's nothing that simple of, like.
Sean Galanos
Hey, like, you just keep bumping into each other.
Kristen Cavallari
It's, like, a little awkward. You can't, like, get in the groove.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. I mean, that's.
Kristen Cavallari
That's chemistry, right?
Sean Galanos
That's gonna be challenging. I think it could be hard. But also, like, how much of the relationship is sex?
Kristen Cavallari
All of it.
Sean Galanos
It's not. You know, it's not. It's like, 12% or something.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, it's.
Sean Galanos
But. But we're putting a lot of focus on this, and that's okay. If. If sex is a huge priority for you, then. Then it's a huge priority for you, right? Like, don't. Don't change who you are fundamentally and what you want. Because I'm saying, oh, it's really not that important. But, I mean, it doesn't take up that. That much of a relationship.
Kristen Cavallari
Right. I mean, depending on the person.
Sean Galanos
But some people think that a problem in the bedroom is an indicator of a problem in the relationship. Doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I think it's maybe, like, what do we need to talk about here? What needs aren't being met? What could work? There's so many tools out there on how to. How to be a better lover or how to be more connected sexually, and I don't think people are really willing to explore that. They kind of just want it to, like, work and fit, like, right off the bat.
Kristen Cavallari
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Sean Galanos
First of all, find out what's not working. Like, what are you wanting more of? Oh, I want more passion. Okay, cool. How. What does passion look like? I do this course on getting your needs met and a lot of people are like, I want more passion, I want more freedom, I want more effort. It's like, okay, if you come to your partner saying, I want more effort from you, they're gonna shut down immediately.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, you think so?
Sean Galanos
Oh, yeah. What if you ask them for a specific thing that would show to you that they're, they're making more effort?
Kristen Cavallari
Like, give me an example.
Sean Galanos
Empty the dishwasher.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. So if someone came to you and was like, hey, it would mean a lot to me if you emptied the dishwasher.
Sean Galanos
And what if I just empty the dishwasher? And you're like, wow, he's really putting in more effort these days.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
You came to me and say, I need you to put in More effort. I'll be like, what about all the other things that I do?
Kristen Cavallari
I seriously.
Sean Galanos
What makes you think that I'm not putting in any effort? Then they get really defensive. Then you're fighting.
Kristen Cavallari
Right? Right. Because you're making this blanket statement like you never put in effort.
Sean Galanos
Exactly.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Okay.
Sean Galanos
And so in the bedroom, it could be like, okay, if I want more passion, maybe I want a little bit more eye contact. Maybe I want, like, 10 minutes of oral before we jump straight to penetration. Maybe I want you to plan, like, couples massage getaway or something. Right. Which will translate to more passion.
Kristen Cavallari
You know what I think the issue is? I think a lot of people have no idea what they actually want.
Sean Galanos
Sure.
Kristen Cavallari
So I think it's. You have to get really in touch with what do you actually want.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. And then they go, he's passionless. It's just never going to work. It's like, okay, you just. I don't know what is Fiery. Yeah, I think that's a good point.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. I think people have to get really clear on what. What they want and what would resonate with them.
Sean Galanos
Journal, journal, journal. Or look up the NVC Nonviolent communication List of needs. There's an inventory of needs. And then you could be like, oh, what needs aren't being met in this relationship right now?
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, I love that.
Sean Galanos
I always say, try to get. Make your needs easy to meet.
Kristen Cavallari
That makes sense. Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And like, look, who are we communicating with? Are we talking to women? You know, communicating with men?
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
You might need to dumb it down a little bit. I feel bad saying it.
Kristen Cavallari
I know. I think men are simple creatures, which I think is a good thing. I think sometimes we give you guys too much credit. Like, you're thinking too much. It's like, no, they're actually.
Sean Galanos
We could be deep. We could be deep. We could be deep.
Kristen Cavallari
You can.
Sean Galanos
You can, but you got to go slow.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
You know?
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Simplicity is key. Okay, so I want to talk about the difference between attachment and love.
Sean Galanos
Okay.
Kristen Cavallari
How can someone distinguish the difference? What if someone doesn't know they like someone, but they don't know? Is this attachment or am I actually in love?
Sean Galanos
Do we need to know the difference?
Kristen Cavallari
Well, I feel like attachment might not last very long.
Sean Galanos
Oh. I mean, attachment Is that. That's the name of the game? That's what we're doing. We. We want to. We want to be attached to people. Right? We. We. We're always. We're talking about, like, attachment theory and secure and. And ambivalent and all that stuff. We Want to be attached to other.
Kristen Cavallari
People, Securely attached to. Is that the right way to say it? Because anxious attachment, secure attachment.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. And I'm the spicy kind. I'm the disorganized style, so I have a little bit of everything, which makes it challenging to be in relationships with me. And I struggle being in relationships. But the holy grail is the secure attachment, and I don't think that's what we should be aiming for. I think we should be aiming for, can we heal some of our attachment wounds in our relationship? We all have them.
Kristen Cavallari
Yep.
Sean Galanos
Very few people that I know had these, like, picture perfect childhoods with two parents that are showing them how to deal with emotions, how to resolve conflict, how to show love and affection. Like, for the most part, that's. If you're listening to this, like, that was most likely not your childhood. So we're all walking around here with these wounds. Can we meet someone who's willing to do some of the work to repair some of these wounds? I don't think we're walking around going like, oh, you're anxiously attached. I'm out. Oh, you're an avoidant. I'm out. Like, that's gonna prevent you from attaching to somebody, and there's gonna be drama, there's gonna be conflict, there's gonna be friction. Hopefully we're. We both have therapists, if we can afford them.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Hopefully we have some tools to deal with this stuff when we're gonna get triggered, because we will get triggered by our partners.
Kristen Cavallari
Yep. Yep. I know. I think you really finally learn who someone is when you have that first tough conversation in relationship, and that's when you realize if they can have a tough conversation in an effective way, or.
Sean Galanos
If they blow up and they slam the door and they're able to come back and repair. I've heard people say that the relationship starts when the first conflict happens. Before that, it's not. It's limerence. It's dating. It's low stakes. I like that it happens when that first conflict comes up.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, I love that. That's actually so true.
Sean Galanos
And people don't have to show up perfectly in conflict either.
Kristen Cavallari
I agree.
Sean Galanos
As long as you're not swearing at each yelling, calling each other names. Calling each other names. Unless they're like sweetie pie and bumblebee.
Kristen Cavallari
Bumblebee. Yeah, the sweet shit.
Sean Galanos
Baby, No. I hate it when you do that.
Kristen Cavallari
Baby, no.
Sean Galanos
So. So to answer your question, like, I don't know that there's a big difference between love and attachment. I think it's all kind of. It's all under the umbrella of attachment, and people want to, oh, I want to fall in love. Like, we do really romanticize love, and we're kind of being force fed this stuff from the age of, like, two with Disney movies and now with all of our rom coms. And it. It's nice to live in that kind of fantasy land of this is how I want my relationship to look like.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
I don't know if it's that simple.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, it might not be.
Sean Galanos
We're trying, though. We're trying to help you out right now. We're doing this.
Kristen Cavallari
You and I are maybe not the best people to ask the two single people.
Sean Galanos
No, we are absolutely in the trenches.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. That's why we get it.
Sean Galanos
We get it. We're in there with you. We're struggling alongside you, and we're trying to figure it out.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, we are. Okay. Well, let's talk about sex. So. Well, and by the way. Yeah, we're just gonna jump right in. We don't wait around a lot here.
Sean Galanos
Let's go.
Kristen Cavallari
Well, and by the way, you're so good at answering listener questions. That's my favorite thing that you do on Instagram is because you have this way of being brutally honest without being judgmental or like, it's just. Your delivery is so great.
Sean Galanos
I would love to push back on brutally honest.
Kristen Cavallari
You don't feel like you're brutally honest?
Sean Galanos
No, not at all.
Kristen Cavallari
Really? I feel like you are.
Sean Galanos
There's nothing brutal about it. It's just.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Oh, the brutal part. You. You're very honest.
Sean Galanos
Let's be brutally honest with Kristen and Sean. But here's the. Here's the thing. I get that feedback a lot that I'm brutally honest. And I think it's that people aren't used to hearing what honesty actually sounds like. It feels brutal. They're like, oh, my God, ouch. I didn't really need to hear that. But it's just. It's just honesty.
Kristen Cavallari
Wow, that's a great point. You're right. Well, we've been living in a world where everything has to be so politically correct and everyone's sensitive now. Yeah. But that's why I love you, because you're honest. And I think that's really important for people to hear. But because you're so good at that, I asked my followers for questions.
Sean Galanos
I love you too, by the way.
Kristen Cavallari
Thank you.
Sean Galanos
That was our first I love you.
Kristen Cavallari
That was our first I love you on camera. Documented. I feel really good about it, but so I, I love Q and A.
Sean Galanos
I love Q and A. I think it's fun.
Kristen Cavallari
So great. And so I have a whole list of questions, but the main question was about being in a sexual rut. When I asked my, my followers and I mean, listen, I'm a mom, I have three kids. I've been there.
Sean Galanos
Like, I. Congratulations.
Kristen Cavallari
Thank you. They're. They're not new, but thank you, but I.
Sean Galanos
No, but let's give love to the single moms out there that are dating, raising children. Like, look, I'm a single guy with a dog and I'm like, I can't. I could barely take care of myself.
Kristen Cavallari
You know, it's not easy to do.
Sean Galanos
That, like to raise children and be out there. Like, kudos. I just want to acknowledge the listeners out there. Single parents.
Kristen Cavallari
Yep. Here's to the single moms.
Sean Galanos
And dads.
Kristen Cavallari
And dads. Absolutely. I do.
Sean Galanos
There's fewer.
Kristen Cavallari
I do that a lot, but they are out there. But even if you don't have kids, I think anytime you've been in a long term relationship, I mean, that could even be two years, you've probably experienced a sexual rut to some degree.
Sean Galanos
Sure.
Kristen Cavallari
So how can couples get out of the rut and keep it fun and exciting?
Sean Galanos
Date new people. Bring. Bring a third in someone else. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
Kristen Cavallari
Great advice.
Sean Galanos
I'm kidding. So. So I have a tool for this. It's called the. There's this thing called the yes, no maybe list and we'll include it in the show notes.
Kristen Cavallari
I love this.
Sean Galanos
It's a questionnaire that you can take out to dinner, to drinks with your partner. You get a babysitter, you print out two copies of this thing and it has a lot of like, yes, no maybes, things that you could try in the bedroom that you are yes, no, or maybe to. And you could draw like little happy faces or sad faces and it's all sorts of stuff. And it's like, it's the stuff that we think about, you know, that might be a little bit kinkier, like whatever candle wax or nipple clamps or all that stuff. But there's just a lot of different stuff and it can open up some avenues.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Moreover, they have this, this section where it really helps you figure out what can you do to use the kind of language that will turn your partner on, which I've never even considered. Like, some people really like the word dick. They don't like the word. Or it's like, so call my, call my penis a cock. Never Call it a wee wee.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, my God. Yeah. No, always call it a wee wee.
Sean Galanos
Always call it a wee wee. I have a kid thing, like, you know, whatever. So. So there's all these ways in which you can communicate more effectively to turn your partner on. So I think those are two little tools that can be kind of fun. It's actually really easy to do. You print it up and you go. And you kind of commit to. To getting. Having, like, a date night about it.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, that's. And it sounds fun. And I think it would just bring you guys closer, too, if you don't.
Sean Galanos
Want paper involved in any of this and you just want personal prompts. I think the issue is that we're not used to talking about sex. And I think the longer you go without talking about it, the harder it becomes to do it, to kind of broach the subject. It's like when you stop going to the gym. You know how hard it is to get back in there.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, it's real hard.
Sean Galanos
You know how good it feels when you finally do.
Kristen Cavallari
I know.
Sean Galanos
Same thing with sex talk.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
So can you set some time aside and say, honey, I'd love to talk about our sex life. I love having sex with you. Right. Like, yeah, you gotta, like, be nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Be nice.
Kristen Cavallari
Start with something positive.
Sean Galanos
And I'd love for us to figure out, like, new things that we can try or ways that we can meet our needs or, like, something to make it maybe a little bit more intimate or a little bit more exciting. So I think just like that as a prompt, as an opener, and you might be. You might be met with some resistance, but what do you mean? What do you mean? You don't like what I do or. No, I love what you do. I just want more of it. Or a different kind of kind.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, just change it up a little bit.
Sean Galanos
You want to eat hot dogs for the rest of your life?
Kristen Cavallari
Exactly.
Sean Galanos
No, I want different kinds of meats.
Kristen Cavallari
And I want all the meats.
Sean Galanos
So a prompt to start that conversation. And, you know, sex is a dance. It's an exploration.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Okay. I love that. That actually sounds like fun. Printing it out and taking it and having a fun date night.
Sean Galanos
Yes. No, maybe. List in the show notes by this company called Autostraddle.
Kristen Cavallari
I love that. I'm gonna. I'm gonna look that up for when I'm in a relationship.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. Or you can actually do this when you're dating.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, right. Okay.
Sean Galanos
Like, it could be, like, a fun.
Kristen Cavallari
Be, like, in a rut.
Sean Galanos
No, it could be With a. It could be some people have lovers. I think I was just thinking about this on the way over. We need more lovers.
Kristen Cavallari
I agree with you. You know, where are the lovers?
Sean Galanos
No, because I heard you talking about, like, situationships. Nick Vile was like, end the situationship. But, like, in France, people would just call that a lover.
Kristen Cavallari
Right? I need more lovers in my life. I've realized.
Sean Galanos
Hello.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, I want to bring back the lovers.
Sean Galanos
What's your Instagram handle? You're not on Raya anymore, so I.
Kristen Cavallari
Am, but I don'.
Sean Galanos
Oh, are you okay?
Kristen Cavallari
I haven't deleted it yet. Also, I thought I deleted my account last year and then come to find out they were still showing my profile to people, so I. I got to really look into.
Sean Galanos
Sucks for them, getting their hopes up and everything.
Kristen Cavallari
Just ignoring everybody.
Sean Galanos
So, yeah, we need more lovers.
Kristen Cavallari
We need more lovers. I'm here for that. Okay, let's talk about men specifically. I know women do it, too, but masturbating in relationship. Because I know a lot of women who will find out that their husband has been masturbating, and they. It's like, almost like they take it personally. Like, their man would rather be masturbating than having sex with them.
Sean Galanos
I can see that would be a problem.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. So walk me through that.
Sean Galanos
So I think masturbate. Masturbation in a relationship is fine as long as your partner's sexual needs are being met.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay.
Sean Galanos
And I think the problem is when they're not being met and you've got someone jerking off in the side room or in the guest room and you're in bed going, what the fuck?
Kristen Cavallari
Right?
Sean Galanos
You know? So also, I do want to give a little bit of room for it to be okay to sometimes not have the energy to have sex. Right. Masturbate. I mean, masturbating and masturbating to pornography. And we can talk about.
Kristen Cavallari
I want to talk about.
Sean Galanos
I know, I know. I knew. Yeah, I knew. You're leading me down a road, and I know exactly what you're doing. It can be a source of, like, stress relief, and it can be, like a very. It's a solo practice. It doesn't require having to be present to anybody else. And on its own, I don't think it's a problem. I think it's a problem when you're not having sex with your partner and your partner wants to be having sex with you.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay.
Sean Galanos
So that's when a conversation needs to happen. Hey, I noticed you're masturbating to pornography or on your own but we're not having sex, and that feels bad. And I'm horny and lonely and kind of sad about the whole thing.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Yeah.
Sean Galanos
What can we do? Yeah, what can we do to fix this? It's not that, like, you and I, the problem isn't between us. It's that we're. The problem is in front of us. We are a team, and we're going to try to fix and solve this problem together.
Kristen Cavallari
I like that.
Sean Galanos
And so there needs to be some communication. My whole thing always comes back to communication. I know, it's kind of boring.
Kristen Cavallari
No, but it's the truth.
Sean Galanos
What are you going to do? How are we going to. Yeah, we're not mind readers.
Kristen Cavallari
No. Communication is everything. Is there a world in which men just really need to get off a lot more than women? And even if you're having a really healthy sex life, they still just need to be coming.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, just jizz. I got to jizz jizzing left and right. So there is something called libido discrepancy. It's a real thing. I'm not an expert in it, but I do know that maybe communicating about it and, like, finding some common ground is probably the solution. Here's the thing, though. If you've got a partner with high libido, and I don't think it, it's like, as women age, their libido goes up and men's libido goes down. So we're not just talking about dudes needing to jizz all the time.
Kristen Cavallari
That's true.
Sean Galanos
Women need to do. Yeah, it's the women. It's not. Nobody's a problem. But the women also need to jizz a lot. So. So if you're a high libido partner, you're. You're gonna feel kind of disappointed that your partner's not able to meet you there. But if you're a low libido partner, you're gonna feel disappointed that you're not able to meet your partner also. So there's a lot of disappointment. Right. And if we can connect on that, like, oh, honey, I, I, I really wish I could. It's just like, I'm not up for it. You know, I'm not up for it as much as you are. And on the other side, it's like, I feel really bad. Cause I'm up for it more than you are. So there's no bad person, high or low?
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, completely.
Sean Galanos
It's almost like if the low libido partner is the one who has to put out to Match the high libido partner, which I don't think is actually the truth. I think it's that there's a discrepancy. And is that enough to kill the relationship? I don't know.
Kristen Cavallari
I would hope not.
Sean Galanos
I would hope not either.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And also, like, I. You know, this is 2025. Maybe there is an opportunity to bring in, like, a pitch hitter every now and then to satisfy some of those needs. I'm not saying that most. Most traditional relationships are not going to be able to do that, but there are some that. That maybe are. And what if you're the low libido partner and you're like, hey, I love my partner, and I want them to be happy. And if they can get some of their needs met elsewhere. Yeah, that takes a lot of pressure off of me.
Kristen Cavallari
That's true. Yeah. I can go to bed early.
Sean Galanos
I can go to bed early. You can go to your girlfriend's house. So, you know, it's more of a niche. It's a niche solution, but it is, you know, it is 2025.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. I think that stuff is way more acceptable, for sure.
Sean Galanos
Have you read All Fours by Miranda July?
Kristen Cavallari
No, but I feel like I should.
Sean Galanos
Hey, listener. If you haven't read All Fours by Miranda July, it's a really good book.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. And that's about.
Sean Galanos
It's about a woman who is going through perimenopause and who is struggling with attraction to her partner, and they eventually. I don't want to spoil it.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Don't ruin it.
Sean Galanos
But it's a. It's a great book, and it. I don't know. I think it's good. It's fun.
Kristen Cavallari
All right, well, I'll get that. I need a new book.
Sean Galanos
It's a good read.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Yeah, I love that. Excited to talk to you guys about Jolie. I can't even begin to imagine all of the money that I've spent over the years on skin care and beauty products to battle issues like acne or damaged hair, even eczema for one of my babies. I recently realized that I was actually completely overlooking the most fundamental step, which is the water that I shower in. Obviously, we all know how important it is to filter the water we drink, but why don't we think the same way about the water we shower in? The clean water is the first step to an effective beauty routine, and it's a step that I just completely overlooked. So if you're not familiar, Jolie is a beauty wellness company that purifies the water we shower in for better skin hair and honestly just overall well being. Jolie's filtered shower head is best in class for removing chlorine and heavy metals. It's the only lab tested and clinically trialed filtering shower head on the market. My hair colorist Cody in LA actually told me to get the Jolie filter system because he was noticing that using the regular city water was actually messing up my color. And since I've switched over probably like six to eight months ago, my color has been lasting a lot longer. Which makes me so happy because you guys know I live in Nashville but I still am in LA enough where I can justify getting my hair colored in la. So I'm not able to get it done all the time and it was looking really dull. So I'm really happy that my my fake blonde is still is still still radiant. So definitely check them out. Jolie will give you your best skin and hair guaranteed head to jolie skinco.com honest to try it out for yourself with free shipping. And if you don't like it, you can return your Jolie for a full refund within 60 days. No questions asked. Boss Babes, listen up. This one's for you. I want to talk to you guys about Shopify. Obviously, starting a business can be incredibly intimidating and it can actually be really lonely thanks to all the hats that you suddenly have to wear. I know all about that firsthand. Well when I launched Uncommon James, I am really happy in 2017 that I actually knew about Shopify because they have been able to grow and scale with me over the last eight years and they were the perfect partner to launch with because they made everything so incredibly easy. And like I said, I mean we're obviously a very different company. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the USA. That is huge. From household names like Mattel and Gym Sharks to little old Uncommon James, they really cover all of the brands. You can get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates and best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com cavalieri go to shopify.com cavalieri shopify.com cavalieri all right, I'm always excited to talk to you guys about arm rock. In a world that's constantly changing, your health just shouldn't be up for debate. Ever. From the latest wellness trends to the chaos of modern culture, we're always questioning what's real and what's just noise. But one thing is definitely for certain. Your body wasn't designed for the non stop stress, the processed foods, and the environmental toxins of today's world. Armor Colostrum is nature's original superfood. It's packed with over 400 bioactive nutrients that fortify gut health, strengthen immunity, revitalize hair growth, and fuel performance at the cellular level. Because no matter where you stand on the latest hot topic, feeling your best is never up for discussion. You guys know I love colostrum. I swear by this stuff. It is so good for your gut. I do notice a difference. My nails are the strongest they've ever been. My hair, my skin, I. Even if I'm making smoothies for my kids, I put it in there for my kids too, because I just do colostrum. I think colostrum is so incredible for you all around. There's just so many great benefits also, if you guys work out like I do. Another little benefit is it's fueled performance and recovery. I've really noticed. It's helped me with energy and just being able to get after it in the gym and then my recoveries, they've been a lot easier, let's just put it that way. And I've worked out a special offer from my audience. Receive 30% off your first subscription order. Go to armor.com/honest or enter honest to get 30% off your first subscription order. That's a R M R A.com/honest. Okay, let's talk about porn. Do you feel like porn is desensitizing men to realistic sex?
Sean Galanos
I think it's the death grip on their penis that's desensitizing them to sex. To regular sex. That's one thing. It's funny, my. My brother and I, when, when he was like 11. I think I must have been nine or something. Or maybe he was 12. I don't know how he got his hands on a porno.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh my God.
Sean Galanos
And he was drinking a beer at like 12. Yeah. I don't know what maybe he was. He must have been 13 and I was 10. We were young, right? So he's watching this porno and he's drinking a beer. And my mom caught us and like, I. I kind of like walked into the whole thing. She pulled me aside and she was like, I Just want to tell you that's not what real sex looks like. So I would hope that most people know that, you know, porn isn't really what most sex looks like. And there are great ethical porn sites out there. There's one actually called Make Love, Not Porn.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, cute.
Sean Galanos
So cute and all it is. And you can go and look at free, like, clips of these.
Kristen Cavallari
I'm getting so many tips today. I love this.
Sean Galanos
I'm a tip man.
Kristen Cavallari
I love it.
Sean Galanos
Go look at MakeLoveNotPorn TV, I think. And it's. It's real couples having sex.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, wow.
Sean Galanos
And there's a curator that works for them that looks at all of the submissions to make sure there aren't any, like, porn tropes in there. So there is stuff out there, and usually it's. Usually a lot of the ethical porn is made by women.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
The majority of porn is very exploitative towards women. It's not an accurate representation of what sex looks like. I think if you got most of your education from porn, you. You might be, like, a little disappointed. Yeah, but the things that I like about sex are like, eye contact, missionary, like. Like full body contact, like. Like, I don't know, just like, I like making love, I guess, and not porn.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
So I don't know why I told you that. I guess I just want you to.
Kristen Cavallari
Know I'm really happy you told me. I agree, actually. Well, I think most people would agree.
Sean Galanos
With that, but also, like, are guys really thinking that, like, think it's got to end with a facial?
Kristen Cavallari
I think there are some guys out there. My guess is they would typically be a little bit younger, maybe in their 20s.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
And no one take that. Like, I'm talking from personal experience. I'm just saying that would be my guess.
Sean Galanos
It's a weird way to end sex, by the way.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
I mean, it's not. It's not as cool as you think it's gonna be.
Kristen Cavallari
No, that doesn't end well at all.
Sean Galanos
Louis CK has a joke about how he tried it, and he was like, it sucked for everybody.
Kristen Cavallari
No one wins in that situation. Do you feel like it might have the opposite effect on some guys where it makes them have no sex drive then in the real world?
Sean Galanos
Oh, yeah. I. I think sometimes if you want to have sex drive, stop looking at pornography.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Because most men can only ejaculate or the only masturbate with porn.
Kristen Cavallari
Right. They can't just, like, close their eyes and visualize something.
Sean Galanos
No.
Kristen Cavallari
Is that because you guys are just really visual creatures?
Sean Galanos
Well, I think it's because it's a shortcut.
Kristen Cavallari
It's just easier.
Sean Galanos
It's a shortcut to get turned on. Yeah. I mean, I found myself. Sometimes this happens. I'm a little. I'm not embarrassed, but, like, to admit that, like, sometimes I'll look at a porn site just to get turned on to masturbate because I want the dopamine hit.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
It's all about dopamine.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Right.
Sean Galanos
So it's not that I'm turned on. It's that I want to feel different than I'm feeling right now. So if I. If I'm bummed, if I'm stressed, if I'm sad or whatever, looking at porn and then masturbating will change that for, like, 20 minutes, right?
Kristen Cavallari
It's an escape.
Sean Galanos
It's an escape.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
It's an escape.
Kristen Cavallari
What about erectile dysfunction? Because.
Sean Galanos
Okay, hold on. Okay, if. Hey, whoa. Hold your horses. Hold your horses. Because you go so fast. That's why I can't get it up. If you want to, like, kind of reboot your. Your libido. Yeah. Stop looking at porn.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And you will. I remember I did this for a while. I don't look at it that often, but I did this for a while, and I was like, actually, I. It really. I got turned on, and then I would have to be like, oh, I think I need to, like, find someone to have sex with. I need to go on dates.
Kristen Cavallari
I love that.
Sean Galanos
And so it, like, gave me more energy to go on dates. And I think that if you're in your basement or your. Whatever, your. Your guest room, and you're. All you're doing is sort of. That's how you're getting all of your sexual needs met. Maybe there's not a lot of desire to go on dates.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Or to go meet somebody because, like, that. It's low effort.
Kristen Cavallari
Exactly.
Sean Galanos
It's low effort.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Can we talk about erectile dysfunction?
Sean Galanos
We can. I do have one more thing to say.
Kristen Cavallari
All right. Just. You let me know when you're ready.
Sean Galanos
Sometimes this is just a tip, though. Sometimes you're like, you want to. You think you might want to have sex with someone, but you don't know, because sexual desire, I think, can run the show a little bit in the beginning. Right. Like, and sometimes it's like, do I really like them, or do I just want to have sex with them?
Kristen Cavallari
Thousand percent.
Sean Galanos
Right?
Kristen Cavallari
Yes.
Sean Galanos
And there's nothing wrong with having sex to find out if that's what's going on. And Maybe if everybody's on board, that's okay, but for the most part, no. No one's on board. The other person doesn't know that you're just in it for the sex, because you don't even really know if you're in it for the sex. Go masturbate.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh.
Sean Galanos
And if after, you're still interested in calling them or texting, if you're like, oh, I'm going to text because I want to see them. I want to have sex with them. Masturbate first.
Kristen Cavallari
Good tip.
Sean Galanos
And then after, are you still excited to see them? And if the answer is no, there's your answer. There's your answer.
Kristen Cavallari
Do that after a first date. No, I do not want to see them again.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. Okay, now I'm ready.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, perfect. Okay. So erectile dysfunction, I feel like, has gotten really common, and so I want to talk about what really causes it. And because I. I do feel like women take it personally.
Sean Galanos
Oh, yeah. It's so sad.
Kristen Cavallari
It is sad.
Sean Galanos
I feel so badly.
Kristen Cavallari
But it has nothing to do with the.
Sean Galanos
So many. For the most, like, 90% of the time. No.
Kristen Cavallari
So what causes it?
Sean Galanos
I'm not a doctor.
Kristen Cavallari
Right. But you're a dude with a penis.
Sean Galanos
But I'm a dude with a penis that luckily has not had to struggle with erectile dysfunction. Yeah. Just throwing it out there.
Kristen Cavallari
Just want to clear that up. Thank you so much.
Sean Galanos
Okay, so I think it's the first predictor of cardiovascular issues. Oh, yeah. So oftentimes I think it can be medical.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And the other part is that it's a psychological thing.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
It's rarely about your partner. So go to the doctor. Do you have low t. You might have low testosterone.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Everybody's on whatever. Do you need to lose weight? You might need to. If you can't see your penis, people are talking about. Oh, have you heard about Ozempic dick?
Kristen Cavallari
No.
Sean Galanos
People are thinking that, like, that Ozempic makes you bigger.
Kristen Cavallari
Your dick bigger.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. Make your dick bigger.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh.
Sean Galanos
But if doctors are like, no, it's just because you're losing fat. You're like, your body's getting smaller, and so more of the shaft is. Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
No. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. My dick is bigger.
Sean Galanos
You're smaller. You're getting smaller.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, my God. That's genius.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. So. So how's your cardiovascular health? Are you doing any sort of cardio? Are you lifting? Is your testosterone okay? These are, like, the first.
Kristen Cavallari
What if you're doing all of those things?
Sean Galanos
Okay.
Kristen Cavallari
What if everything is good?
Sean Galanos
Okay, so medically you're okay.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Physically you're okay. Psychologically, what's going on? Are you super stressed? Are you broke? Are you like, do you have a shit ton of debt? Do you have a lot of unresolved trauma?
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Like all that stuff is going to really affect your libido.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Right. So go get your head checked.
Kristen Cavallari
Is there a world in which it happens with one particular girl but not with anyone else? Like, could one particular girl make a guy insecure for some reason where that would happen consistently?
Sean Galanos
I mean, if you're always making fun of his small penis or how bad he is in bed, what if you.
Kristen Cavallari
Don'T know how he is in bed because he can't get it off?
Sean Galanos
Well, yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
This is getting really personal, I don't think.
Sean Galanos
Do you have any stories for me? No, no. Nothing we can talk about on the air. I don't know. It's like, I think it's rarely about the partner.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Sean Galanos
I mean, there is a world in which you're not attracted to your partner.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
And if you can get it up with porn, but you can't get it up with your partner, that might be something to explore. But also I think so typically if.
Kristen Cavallari
A guy is having an issue with it, it's across the board. It's porn, it's with a partner, it like he's having a hard time all around.
Sean Galanos
Oh, I don't know that. I don't know that. There might be like we were talking about porn desensitized, you know, they might need. I think people who look at a lot of porn tend to go look at like more aggressive and like, oh, it can't be harder and harder and harder. And so. Because they need more stimulation. So, yeah, cut the porn out. I think is one thing. Here's the other thing. Don't be switching cards yet. We're still on there. No, just stay present with me here. Okay.
Kristen Cavallari
That's actually why I hate these, because it does pull me out of it. But I'm listening.
Sean Galanos
Okay, here's the problem. Here's another problem. I'm going to run this one by now.
Kristen Cavallari
I can't wait.
Sean Galanos
A lot of guys as they get older, start losing their hair.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And the, the first thing that they get prescribed is finasteride. Propecia. One of the side effects, lowered libido.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. I was gonna say. I've heard that prescription pills will do that.
Sean Galanos
Oh. So, yeah. Antidepressants. Yes. Okay. So what's your meta. What's your, like, medicine stack? For sure. You could do antidepressants. Do you want to be depressed or do you want to have a soft penis? I don't know.
Kristen Cavallari
I think I. I think I would go depressed.
Sean Galanos
I don't know, though. You could kill yourself.
Kristen Cavallari
That's true.
Sean Galanos
And then you have. I know.
Kristen Cavallari
That's actually not funny at all. I'm cutting that.
Sean Galanos
I know. It's okay. No, don't cut it out. Don't cut it out. It's fine. No, it's. It's because it's actually legitimate.
Kristen Cavallari
I mean, that is.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, it is. And so, like, I started. My hair started thinning, and I was like. I was dating this woman, and I go, okay, you got. You can pick hair or dick. And she was like, dick.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And so I've been wrestling with this, and I just shaved my head, and I go, I want a dick that works.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
So I'm not willing to take finasteride because of that. Even though it only. Not everybody gets side effects. There's other weird side effects, like watery semen.
Kristen Cavallari
What?
Sean Galanos
Ew.
Kristen Cavallari
That is disgusting. I mean, whatever, but.
Sean Galanos
It's all disgusting. But.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Why is it watery? What's going on? Lowered libido. Yeah. Like, loss of erection. And I think it's hard. I think men who are losing their hair. It's hard.
Kristen Cavallari
That's tough.
Sean Galanos
I used to love my gray.
Kristen Cavallari
I know. I've seen photos of you with hair.
Sean Galanos
I looked like George Clooney's gay nephew. You know?
Kristen Cavallari
Gay nephew.
Sean Galanos
I loved it.
Kristen Cavallari
You look great with no hair, though, too.
Sean Galanos
Thank you. Finally. It took a year to, like, kind of get to. I thought it was only gonna take three months to get used to it.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
No, it looks great.
Sean Galanos
But I'd rather. Thank you. And I'd rather. I'd rather have a penis that works.
Kristen Cavallari
I agree with that.
Sean Galanos
Okay. What else? I think there's also.
Kristen Cavallari
Can you tell me about.
Sean Galanos
Let me talk about my penis.
Kristen Cavallari
I want to talk about how you. You have herpes, and you're very open about it. What?
Sean Galanos
You can't just out me like that.
Kristen Cavallari
Did you know that? But you're very open about.
Sean Galanos
I've been trying to block it out. I've been trying to block it out.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I think that you being open, it is helping way more people than you probably even know. I think it is so cool that you are doing that.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
So I want to know, when it comes to dating, how you handle that? How do you go about having herpes.
Sean Galanos
I just don't tell people.
Kristen Cavallari
You just have sex?
Sean Galanos
No, just have sex. I tell them after.
Kristen Cavallari
Responsible.
Sean Galanos
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I haven't sign a release after.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
So I am 42. I got herpes at 38, and I thought my life was over. I called my friend who's a sex sex educator, and I was like, I got herpes. And she was like, you just now got it. Wow. You. You had a good run. I'm really surprised, actually. So, like, it's common. It happens. I heard your little bit about people with oral herpes with cold sores, which, by the way, cold sores is herpes.
Kristen Cavallari
I know. And I think on my podcast, I was like, oh, it's a little bit different. But no, it's literally the same, except.
Sean Galanos
For it's on your face.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. And I. We were just talking about this, and I kissed there. I've had two guys in the last five years who have told me that they have cold sores, which, yes, is herpes. And it's been after we've kissed.
Sean Galanos
Sure. I feel. I think that's kind of weird. Yeah, I would want to know.
Kristen Cavallari
You know, it's interesting. I didn't think twice about it then, but now I am sort of like, actually, that was kind of fucked up.
Sean Galanos
It's a little weird. But also, Americans have a different way of looking at this. Europeans are just like, oh, herpes. Like, whatever. They just.
Kristen Cavallari
Everyone has it.
Sean Galanos
Kind of.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, but.
Sean Galanos
But general herpes. Not everybody has it. It's like. Like an eighth of the population might have it. Or a tenth of the population. Yeah, it's actually, I thought it was.
Kristen Cavallari
One in three people.
Sean Galanos
I guess one in three people have some type of herpes.
Kristen Cavallari
Got it. Okay. Right. But not necessarily genital.
Sean Galanos
So I thought my life was ruined and that I would never have sex again and that I was going to be chaste for the rest of my life. And is it chaste? Is that the right word?
Kristen Cavallari
Chaste? Oh, chastise.
Sean Galanos
Chaste. No, like chastity. Like, anyways. Yeah. Did I get it right? We're to fact check that. And the reality is that that's not been the case. That's not been the case. Although I will say, I wonder if that's because I have sex with women and women are more understanding than men.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, yeah, probably.
Sean Galanos
I've heard stories of men totally freaking out.
Kristen Cavallari
Wow. I've heard a story too, actually.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. So I. But I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So I. You know, you get tested, you get antivirals that you can use every day or only when you get outbreaks. You get more outbreaks when you're stressed, when you're not taking care of yourself. So it's actually a good reminder to sleep, eat, rest, exercise. Don't be too stressed out. And then you just talk about it.
Kristen Cavallari
Like, so are you saying it on a first date? Or how do you.
Sean Galanos
I will bring it up at some point when I know that we're gonna have sex.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And sometimes you don't know that you're gonna have sex. I had an experience recently where we kissed in the car. And then it was like, you want to come up? And it's like, oh, okay.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, wow.
Sean Galanos
I wasn't. Yeah, the kiss was good. And it was like. The kiss totally changed the trajectory. The trajectory.
Kristen Cavallari
I love that.
Sean Galanos
And so then we had to have a conversation at some point.
Kristen Cavallari
So, like, in between the car and.
Sean Galanos
Going upstairs, you're like, no, in bed.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh.
Sean Galanos
Which I think is okay. I think people are like, oh, wait, don't wait until you're in bed. Like, I mean, definitely do it before you're having sex.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
You could be making out and be like, okay, I think this is a good time to bring it up.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Because it has to be brought up.
Kristen Cavallari
I literally just had this conversation before you came here about this exact thing. And I actually said, I do feel like you should do it, but before you're in bed.
Sean Galanos
I heard that on your podcast.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, I've said that before.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, yeah. Like, don't. Don't like springing on them.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Because I think in the heat of the moment, I think a lot of people be like, whatever, fuck it. I don't care.
Sean Galanos
I don't know what. No one has ever been like, I don't care. Fuck it. Like, no one's been, I don't know. Maybe I'm just not that hot, you know? Or I don't turn them on that much where they're, like, feverishly wanting to me. I don't care.
Kristen Cavallari
I need you right now.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, yeah. No, it's usually a pretty sobering moment. Like, when you say, like, hey, I'd like. So the way I have this conversation is say, I'd like to take a moment to talk about sexual health. Like, you have to stop making out. Or, like, you have to kind of punctuate like, hey, we're going to have a conversation about this. That usually brings the temperature way down.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
It's like, oh, okay. We're. We're now in, like, real talk. Adults are talking right now.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And then you say, I have herpes. I've had it for a couple of years. I don't get cold sores that often, or I get them every six months or whatever the time is. I sometimes take antivirals. I take them when I have outbreaks, or I take them every day. Some people take them every day. I think they can be a little hard on your kidneys after a while. But everything else, like, everything else. Yeah. So you have to figure out whether you're like, because I've been single, I haven't been taking it because if I get an outbreak, it doesn't matter, you know? But if I was in a relationship and I wanted to have unprotected sex, which I've had relationships with women where we've had unprotected sex for. For months, and I was on antivirals and there was no. I didn't spread herpes, so it's possible. So your sex life is. By no means is it over. And then you say, I was last tested a couple months ago. I've had one partner since then. We've had this conversation with them. They didn't have any STIs. Do you have any questions for me, love? Because you should be educated about your. Your sti. You should know as kind of a lot about transmission rates and how to take care of it and how to prevent it and what helps, what doesn't. Because that's going to make someone feel a lot more comfortable.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, absolutely.
Sean Galanos
And I think because I'm used to having the conversation, I've. I've had it a lot. Not because I've had a lot of sex in the last couple years, but I used to have HPV when I was younger. Like, I had warts and it was. Oh, sucked.
Kristen Cavallari
Is that what HPV is?
Sean Galanos
That's one. One of the 50 strains.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, okay.
Sean Galanos
And so I was used to having that conversation from an early age.
Kristen Cavallari
Wow. How young were you?
Sean Galanos
I was like. I think one of my first girlfriends.
Kristen Cavallari
Gave it to me. Wow. Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Jennifer.
Kristen Cavallari
Jennifer. I bet that was hard.
Sean Galanos
It sucked. Yeah, it sucked. It really did. Yeah, it was a bummer. But I learned early on that you have to have that conversation, and the more you have it, the better it gets. 100%. I will say, though, unfortunately or fortunately for me, I've never really gotten rejected because of it.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
And a lot I've heard from a lot of women that they have.
Kristen Cavallari
Wow. And so that actually breaks my heart.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. It is really sad. But also, who knows how it was brought up and. And who they were dating. The fact is that you might experience rejection.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
But you're going to experience rejection in life.
Kristen Cavallari
Exactly.
Sean Galanos
And you are not your herpes. You are. That is just like a thing that you have to deal with every now and then.
Kristen Cavallari
Yep.
Sean Galanos
There are also people who get one outbreak and they never get another one.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, wow.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
That's nice.
Sean Galanos
And I would much rather have sex with someone who has herpes and knows how to take care of themselves, knows how to talk about sexual health, knows the last time they were tested, than someone who's like, I don't know, I'm clean.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Are you really?
Kristen Cavallari
Actually have no idea.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. And we have to be careful because HIV is on the rise.
Kristen Cavallari
I did not.
Sean Galanos
It has been for the last. Like, amongst heterosexual couples.
Kristen Cavallari
I didn't know that.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. I mean, you do. You have to get tested. You have to be smart about this stuff. You just do.
Sean Galanos
And it's not the. It's not a death sentence and it's.
Kristen Cavallari
The end of the world.
Sean Galanos
No.
Kristen Cavallari
I love that you're so open about that and I appreciate you talking about it here too.
Sean Galanos
We're going to cut that last segment. Just kidding. We're keeping it in.
Kristen Cavallari
Wow. Really appreciate that. It's all getting cut. No, I want to move on to listener questions.
Sean Galanos
I know we have like, go, go.
Kristen Cavallari
I know, like, we got to wrap this thing up.
Sean Galanos
It's a two hour special.
Kristen Cavallari
Because, by the way, this is about to take so long too. Okay. And it's all over the map, which I actually love. But we're just going to start strong because that's all we know how to do. How do you give the best blowjob and actually enjoy it?
Sean Galanos
Enjoy giving a blowjob?
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
I've only given a couple in my life and they don't call it a job for nothing. That is hard work. That is hard work. Honestly. No, I just. Kudos. Kudos to people giving blowjobs out there. I can only tell you what I like. I don't know how to tell you how to give a good one and to enjoy.
Kristen Cavallari
I think that would be your.
Sean Galanos
That would be your area.
Kristen Cavallari
That's where I step in.
Sean Galanos
I think so.
Kristen Cavallari
I can't. I'm a mother.
Sean Galanos
What do you mean? Oh, my God. Moms don't. Moms don't give heads.
Kristen Cavallari
I think. Okay. To enjoy it, you have to be excited that you're pleasing your partner.
Sean Galanos
Sure.
Kristen Cavallari
I think that's where the Enjoyment comes. Comes from.
Sean Galanos
I will say that some women really get off on it.
Kristen Cavallari
I know.
Sean Galanos
Like, they just. They're like kind of cockpits.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. They're really into it.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. But, yeah, you have to be like, I'm pleasing my partner, and so that's what makes you excited about it.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
To enjoy it.
Sean Galanos
I will say that I've had a range of. From good to bad.
Kristen Cavallari
I believe it.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. From good to bad.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. What makes a bad blow job?
Sean Galanos
I think teeth, for sure. Teeth. I. I like a. More like. I think I like sort of a slower. I don't really need. I don't. I'm uncircumcised, so I don't need a ton of. Yeah. I don't need a ton of pressure.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And you know that, like, circumcision, like, removes, like.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. All of the.
Sean Galanos
A lot of. A lot of the sensitivity.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
So I would prefer a softer blow job.
Kristen Cavallari
Well, that's good to know.
Sean Galanos
Like, make love to it, you know, instead of. And some guys, they. They need a lot of stimulation.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And I think that's where it becomes a job. It's like, wow, this is a lot of work.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, exactly.
Sean Galanos
I'm gripping it. I'm sucking it. Like, my neck. My neck hurts.
Kristen Cavallari
And that's where communication comes in. Like, do you like this? What do you like? Like, tell me what you want.
Sean Galanos
Oh, just. I just, like, suck it. Yeah. Yeah. Can you say, I like slower pressure? I like a little bit more. I like it when you go deep, obviously. I like it when you, you know, you use your hand, your fingers to go up and down.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
I will say, though, to. To give good head, regardless of gender and who you're giving it to. You got to be comfortable.
Kristen Cavallari
Yes.
Sean Galanos
Set yourself up in a. In an ergonomically correct position. You know, get a pillow if you need it. You know, post up, put a pillow for your knees. If you're gonna do, like, side of the bed thing, like.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Be smart about it.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, agreed.
Sean Galanos
I don't want to be half off the bed.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
If I'm going in for a marathon session.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
You know, put an ottoman back there. Yes. Well, you know, we have to remove a lot of these, like, things that kind of, like, make sex hard and, like, get you out of your head. You want to be in your body.
Kristen Cavallari
Yes. You have to be present. Okay. I love that.
Sean Galanos
Nailed it.
Kristen Cavallari
Nailed it. Good job. How should the girl initiate sex if she doesn't like being the one to initiate? It's a hard question because Every guy's different or what?
Sean Galanos
Just because, like, it's like, oh, I want sex, but I don't want to ask for it.
Kristen Cavallari
I know.
Sean Galanos
Like, do you want. Do you want to get what you want? Or.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
Like, I'm. But then if I ask for it, does he really want it?
Kristen Cavallari
I know.
Sean Galanos
Then it's like, Kai's. Come on. Like, just ask for what you want.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. I had to learn that in my early 20s. I would never ask for what I wanted in a relationship. And now I'm like, the only way to get what you want is to speak up. Otherwise you will never get what you want. No one.
Sean Galanos
They're like, I want to be in my feminine. I want to be. I want him to lead. I want him to. Like.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, but don't guys love when a girl initiates?
Sean Galanos
I guess.
Kristen Cavallari
Like, I always hear guys are like, it'd be nice if she would initiate once in a while.
Sean Galanos
I'm often the initiator. And so I'm like, I don't actually have a lot of experience being initiated on.
Kristen Cavallari
Would you like it, you think, if a girl took the lead on that? Probably, I would imagine. Right.
Sean Galanos
I mean, here's the thing with libido, though. Like, sometimes it's okay. There's spontaneous desire. There's two types of desire. Spontaneous desire and responsive desire. And so this is important when you're talking about libido discrepancies as well, is that, like, spontaneous desire is like, I'm hard, I want to fuck. You know, like, it's really easy to initiate when you're in that place.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And then the responsive desire is if, like, if you tickle my cockpit, I'm probably gonna get hard. Right, Right. And so know that if you're initiating, they might have responsive desire and then want to have sex. I'm just thinking of it from.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
When I'm not in the mood for.
Kristen Cavallari
Sex, you can easily get in the mood. I'm right.
Sean Galanos
I have to, like, remember that I'm probably going to get in the mood.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
But also, can we just start making out?
Kristen Cavallari
Exactly. Like, by the way, when the guy approaches the girl, more times than not, the girl's not in the mood either.
Sean Galanos
You gotta warm it up. You gotta warm it up. You gotta make out. So do you. So how do you. Yeah, I don't know if we can. How to get him to initiate doesn't exist. Like, that's like mind telepathy.
Kristen Cavallari
Right? Right.
Sean Galanos
Oh, I like, I heard guys or guys like it when. When she, like, gets naked to go take a shower.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, okay.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, yeah. So like, like a little.
Kristen Cavallari
Guys love our visual.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. So maybe like, changing or, like, you know, like. Oh, trying on it. Like. Oh, like, I'm trying on these things. What do you think of these? These underwear is this weird. This thong look. Does my ass look juicy in the stock?
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Does my ass look juicy? So I like that.
Sean Galanos
Trying to. Trying to turn them on a little bit without turning them on.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay, that's. I actually love that.
Sean Galanos
And then you could say, hey, honey, I've just been trying to turn you on for a second. It's not working. And now I'm really horny. Can we fuck?
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Great.
Sean Galanos
Yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
Done. Okay. I love that.
Sean Galanos
That's great. Or how about, like, hey, just. Can we be, like, very direct about what we want?
Kristen Cavallari
That's hard for some people.
Sean Galanos
I know. Because they're scared of rejection.
Kristen Cavallari
I know.
Sean Galanos
And that's. And that's valid.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. A thousand percent.
Sean Galanos
Also, I'm loving you.
Kristen Cavallari
Love that you love a poof.
Sean Galanos
I'm gonna take this movie.
Kristen Cavallari
You take that.
Sean Galanos
Maybe put his. The poof in his pocket.
Kristen Cavallari
Souvenir. Okay. Thoughts on if he wanted to, he would.
Sean Galanos
If he wanted to, he would. I hate it.
Kristen Cavallari
You hate it?
Sean Galanos
I really hate it.
Kristen Cavallari
Why?
Sean Galanos
And I agree to a certain degree.
Kristen Cavallari
Great.
Sean Galanos
I hate to agree with it. I hate to. Because there's a lot of reasons why he won't. Like, he's shy.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
He's scared. It's post. Me too. He doesn't want to be creepy. He doesn't think he stands a chance. He's tired. He's stressed out. He's worried about his sick mom. Like, the list goes on forever.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay. Yeah.
Sean Galanos
You know, like, can we just humanize this a little bit? That it's hard for everybody and there's a lot of pressure on men to, like, always have to be the one who is pursuing. Or always. Or locks it down. Or it's like, can we just share the load a little bit? I would like that.
Kristen Cavallari
So would you like a girl to approach you? Sure.
Sean Galanos
If I think you're hot and I think you're interesting and we vibe, then fuck, yeah. Approach me all the time. If I'm not into you, I'll tell you. I'll say no. And you will know. You will be finally be put out of your misery of waiting around like a baby doe waiting to be saved by some man, you know? And then telling yourself, walking away, going, well, if he wanted to, he would fuck him. And, like, going to for your second espresso. Martini to calm your nerves.
Kristen Cavallari
I love that picture you just painted for us.
Sean Galanos
Just fucking ask for the thing.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. I mean, who cares? So you get rejected. Whatever.
Sean Galanos
Life is too short.
Kristen Cavallari
Life is too short. I agree.
Sean Galanos
Life is too short. And can you give us just, like, a little bit of grace? All of us, all genders. Can you give us a little. We're just. We're. We're doing the best we can.
Kristen Cavallari
We're all human.
Sean Galanos
And, yeah, sometimes some guys will. They'll go after what they want, and sometimes they won't because they're. Because of all those reasons.
Kristen Cavallari
Right. Okay. I like that answer. Okay. How do you get a guy to actually meet in person versus just texting for weeks?
Sean Galanos
I hate these questions. How do you get a guy. You don't get a guy to do it. How do you get a guy. How do you. How do you keep him interested? How can you get him to.
Kristen Cavallari
I know.
Sean Galanos
Those are not my questions. I know.
Kristen Cavallari
I know.
Sean Galanos
Hey, Sean, dial it down a little bit. No. I love your listeners. I love your listeners. And your Instagram. Was this on Instagram?
Kristen Cavallari
This was Instagram.
Sean Galanos
I love all your Instagram followers. Hey, follow me at the Love drive.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, exactly. Now you love them.
Sean Galanos
I'll answer all your questions. How do we get a guy to ask you out?
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, so, like, and I. I've actually experienced this to a degree where, like, some guys want a pen pal, right? And they want a text. And it's like, I think for the woman, you have to set a boundary. Like, either we're meeting each other or we're not. Like, I don't need a texting buddy. Like, what are we doing?
Sean Galanos
Just say, hey, you're gonna ask me out? Or to. Because I'm not into this. Pen pal.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, I don't need a pen pal.
Sean Galanos
Don't need a pen pal.
Kristen Cavallari
It's that simple.
Sean Galanos
It really is. And I'll be like, oh, okay, ice cream tomorrow.
Kristen Cavallari
Nothing I love more than an ice cream date.
Sean Galanos
So you can't. Okay, here's the thing. Like, blanket statement. You can't get a guy to do anything.
Kristen Cavallari
Amen.
Sean Galanos
You can. Including lo. The dishwasher. You can ask him. Yeah, you can ask him. You can say, hey, I really, you know, I. If you asked me out on a date, I wouldn't say no.
Kristen Cavallari
I like that. Okay.
Sean Galanos
Can we just cuddle the ch.
Kristen Cavallari
I would love if we actually met in person rather than text.
Sean Galanos
But, you know, if you say I. If you ask me out, I would say yes. I like that they still have to ask you out and you can feel like a girl.
Kristen Cavallari
There you go. Everybody wins. You can still be the feminine.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. You can still be in your feminine. Let the man lead you. Just drop the handkerchief. It's the. It's the modern day handkerchief.
Kristen Cavallari
I like that. Okay, that's good. That's good. Sex on the first date. Yes or no?
Sean Galanos
Sure or not? Yeah, I think it matters, but, like, it does matter. I think it can matter.
Kristen Cavallari
So if a girl sleeps with a guy on the first date, potentially he could lose respect for you.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. But also, like, three of my girlfriends, we had sex on the first date.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
So if you like them, it's not gonna be like, what a. Yeah, you're the slut too, dude. If you had sex on the first day.
Kristen Cavallari
Thank you. Girls get always a bad rap.
Sean Galanos
And I will say that sometimes, you know, there's. There is something to be said for a little bit of mystery.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, I agree with that.
Sean Galanos
And there is something to be said.
Kristen Cavallari
For, like, making them chase it a little.
Sean Galanos
Chase a little bit. I don't like the. I don't like the wording, but yeah.
Kristen Cavallari
Like, making them work for it a little bit.
Sean Galanos
Maybe making him work for it a little bit or not giving it up too soon. Like, look, some. Some people do not have sex on the first date. Some people like to have sex on the first date. My friend Sabrina Zohar.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, I know who that is.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, they had sex on the first date.
Kristen Cavallari
She talks a lot about that.
Sean Galanos
She does. And we're talking about it now. They've been together for two and a half years. They moved from San Diego to la. They're happy and, you know, so it.
Kristen Cavallari
Can happen if there are feelings there. I think having sex on the first date, it doesn't ruin feelings. It's not like a guy is all of a sudden gonna be like, she's.
Sean Galanos
A. I don't think so.
Kristen Cavallari
Right.
Sean Galanos
I mean, unless he's an.
Kristen Cavallari
Exactly. If he likes you and you sleep with him, it's gonna be okay.
Sean Galanos
If he likes you and you sleep with him, it's gonna be okay.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Okay.
Sean Galanos
Okay.
Kristen Cavallari
All right.
Sean Galanos
Even if it's weird and awkward, Even.
Kristen Cavallari
If the kissing's awful.
Sean Galanos
Also, let's be honest. Like, how many times you had sex for the first time? Let's be honest.
Kristen Cavallari
Let's.
Sean Galanos
You're like, ping every time you hear that. How many times have you had sex on the first date? And it's been great.
Kristen Cavallari
I've actually only had sex on the first date one time, and it turned into A relationship, but it actually. No, you're right. It was not great. It was good. It was fine.
Sean Galanos
It was good. It was fine. It was fine. You did the job.
Kristen Cavallari
Oh, my God. Did the job.
Sean Galanos
Did you orgasm?
Kristen Cavallari
No, because I was drinking whiskey dick. I had a whiskey dick. I had. I couldn't get it up.
Sean Galanos
I had. Erectile drinking affects your ability to have an orgasm.
Kristen Cavallari
Drinking affects yes, my ability to have an. I love sober sex way more.
Sean Galanos
It's the best.
Kristen Cavallari
I love sober sex.
Sean Galanos
I've been having it for 17 years.
Kristen Cavallari
It's that for you? Yeah, I. I, for the most part, have sober sex. Well, I don't have sex at all right now, but.
Sean Galanos
Right. If I did, it's all sober sex, sex.
Kristen Cavallari
But I don't have sex.
Sean Galanos
When was the last time you had sex?
Kristen Cavallari
New Year's Eve. Isn't that Sad?
Sean Galanos
What year? 2020-2010-2010-2022. Last year.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. So six months ago.
Sean Galanos
I mean, it's not sad. It's like if you want to be having more sex and it's been a.
Kristen Cavallari
I mean, it's been a conscious decision.
Sean Galanos
Sure. So not sad then?
Kristen Cavallari
No, I've actually been okay. But I would like to have sex.
Sean Galanos
But you'd like to have sex.
Kristen Cavallari
But I have to like someone to have sex. I actually have never been to someone that can just sleep with whoever.
Sean Galanos
Great.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
How was it New Year's? Huh? Were you. And you were.
Kristen Cavallari
I dated someone.
Sean Galanos
Okay.
Kristen Cavallari
I dated someone for like a month.
Sean Galanos
You wanted to really end it with a bang?
Kristen Cavallari
Quite literally.
Sean Galanos
Yeah. I guess. You weren't ringing it in.
Kristen Cavallari
That was the last time I saw him. I was like, this isn't working.
Sean Galanos
Wow.
Kristen Cavallari
I know. He's a great guy. Yeah. Okay, and then the last one is a guy was full on pursuing a girl and then all of a sudden ghosted her. Can we have a little context?
Sean Galanos
Well, we need some context for this, like 10 letter question, 10 word question.
Kristen Cavallari
These boxes are small.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, they are small and I like them like that.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Imagine if you would just get paragraph after paragraph.
Sean Galanos
People DM me those things. They're like, hey, box doesn't fit. I was like, no, that box for a reason. Box for a reason. People think the DMs are a private space, a safe space, and they're not. I will screenshot you and blast you on my stories if I want. Yeah, careful. Not you.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah, I.
Sean Galanos
People ghost.
Kristen Cavallari
I would say he met someone else or he realized he's actually just not that into you. Fair.
Sean Galanos
Oh, I don't care. Why he ghosted.
Kristen Cavallari
Okay.
Sean Galanos
He's just. He's just like, it doesn't matter why.
Kristen Cavallari
What do you think about ghosting?
Sean Galanos
I think it sucks.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
I think it sucks. And actually one of my most viral tiktoks from like, ages ago was just me saying, hey, instead of ghosting, just say this. And then I said the time that we had to. Oh, thanks for hanging out. It was fun. And this isn't the connection that I'm looking for.
Kristen Cavallari
I think I saw that and I got.
Sean Galanos
It was very divisive. Some women were like, oh, my God, please just ghost me. Do not send me that.
Kristen Cavallari
Really?
Sean Galanos
Yeah. So it's generational and it's contextual. Some people are just like, I'd rather just you ghost me, because then I'll know.
Kristen Cavallari
I would hate to be ghosted.
Sean Galanos
I know it feels really bad.
Kristen Cavallari
I want you to be honest with me and just be like, hey, it's not working out. I'd be like, great. Good luck to you.
Sean Galanos
Yeah, good. Yeah, I agree.
Kristen Cavallari
I will say so. I've always been the person to say, hey, I just don't see a future with you. It's been great getting to know you, blah, blah, blah, blah. The way that men respond to that, though, I've had very few be like, hey, respect that.
Sean Galanos
Thank you for letting me know.
Kristen Cavallari
Most of the time they are little about it.
Sean Galanos
That's why. And that's what I learned from that. From that, tick tock is a lot of women were like, oh, no, you've never rejected a fragile male.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Like, it. It could be dangerous.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
They get very bitchy and they'd rather get ghosted.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
They could get, like, violent.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. No, guys do not like that at all.
Sean Galanos
No. It's so sad.
Kristen Cavallari
But I've. I've actually only ghosted someone, I think for sure once, maybe twice. But I felt really bad about it. Like, I don't. Yeah, I don't like doing that.
Sean Galanos
It's just. It's. It's like it's gonna happen.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
Try not to take it personally. The way I like to look at it is like, oh, this person wasn't mature enough to have like a mildly uncomfortable conversation.
Kristen Cavallari
Exactly.
Sean Galanos
Or send.
Kristen Cavallari
You dodged a bullet.
Sean Galanos
You dodged a bullet. I know. I kind of hate that as like a piece of advice, but. But you get.
Kristen Cavallari
It's true though, because you want someone who can communicate and clearly that person can't.
Sean Galanos
No.
Kristen Cavallari
After I just recently ghosted someone and.
Sean Galanos
And just sit with the disappointment and the discomfort and the sadness of being rejected.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Amazing. You're the best.
Sean Galanos
Oh, my God.
Kristen Cavallari
Awesome.
Sean Galanos
Let's do it again.
Kristen Cavallari
We'll do it again. Tell everyone where they can find you.
Sean Galanos
At the Love Drive on Instagram. I have a substack. It's called the Love Drive. Google the Love Drive.
Kristen Cavallari
Just Google it.
Sean Galanos
Just Google it.
Kristen Cavallari
You're a great follow on Instagram.
Sean Galanos
I'm a great follow on Instagram. I just finished doing my podcast with John Kim, the Angry Therap. We have a year of. Of a podcast called We Can Do Better.
Kristen Cavallari
Yeah.
Sean Galanos
And I think I'm going to start up my old podcast, the Love Drive.
Kristen Cavallari
Love it again. I love that. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for being here.
Sean Galanos
Thank you for having me honored. Yeah, I got all the power.
Kristen Cavallari
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Podcast Summary: Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Episode: How to Say What You Want In the Bedroom with Love Coach Shaun Galanos
Release Date: August 12, 2025
In this engaging episode of Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari, host Kristin sits down with Love Coach Sean Galanos to delve into the intricacies of communication within intimate relationships. Sean brings a refreshing, non-judgmental perspective, enriched by his diverse experiences, including an unconventional start driving a taxi in San Francisco where he initiated the "Love Drive" project by recording passenger conversations about love and sex.
Notable Quote:
Sean discusses the contemporary dating landscape, emphasizing the overwhelming influx of information and choices that make forming lasting connections more challenging. He highlights societal anxiety and the paradox of dating apps, which offer numerous potential partners but often lead to perpetual optimization—constantly seeking someone "better" rather than finding someone "good enough."
Notable Quotes:
Sean elaborates on how social media and dating apps have transformed dating dynamics. The accessibility to a vast pool of potential partners fosters a mindset of always searching for the next best option, complicating the commitment to any single relationship.
Notable Quote:
A significant portion of the discussion centers on the importance of clear and specific communication in relationships. Sean advises against vague requests like "I want more effort" and instead encourages partners to articulate precise actions that demonstrate care and commitment.
Notable Quotes:
Sean and Kristin explore the distinction between attachment and love, debating whether understanding this difference is necessary. Sean contends that attachment is a fundamental part of human relationships, often intertwined with love, and suggests that healing attachment wounds within relationships is more beneficial than categorizing them strictly as secure or anxious attachments.
Notable Quotes:
The conversation shifts to maintaining sexual intimacy and overcoming sexual ruts in long-term relationships. Sean introduces practical tools like the "Yes, No, Maybe List," which couples can use to explore and communicate their sexual preferences and desires openly.
Notable Quotes:
The duo engages in a candid discussion about sexual health topics, including the impact of pornography on sexual desire and performance. Sean explains how excessive porn consumption can desensitize men to real-life sexual encounters and contribute to issues like erectile dysfunction.
Notable Quotes:
Sean addresses sensitive topics such as erectile dysfunction (ED) and herpes, emphasizing that these issues are rarely about a partner's attractiveness or worth. He advocates for open communication, seeking medical advice, and addressing psychological factors contributing to ED.
Notable Quotes:
In the latter part of the episode, Kristin and Sean tackle listener-submitted questions about sexual techniques and relationship dynamics. Topics include enhancing oral sex enjoyment, initiating sex when uncomfortable, and navigating expectations around sex on the first date.
Notable Quotes:
The episode concludes with Kristin and Sean reinforcing the importance of honest communication and mutual understanding in fostering healthy, satisfying relationships. They encourage listeners to utilize practical tools and maintain open dialogues to navigate the complexities of modern love and intimacy.
Notable Quotes:
Final Thoughts:
Sean Galanos provides a wealth of insights into the challenges of modern relationships, emphasizing the significance of clear communication, understanding individual needs, and maintaining sexual health. His practical advice and candid discussions aim to empower listeners to foster healthier, more fulfilling romantic connections.