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Welcome in to let's Be Honest. Before we get in to this episode, I just want to take a minute to talk to you guys about a brand that I love and that is Quince. Quince really does have it all. 50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters made for everyday wear. Denim that never goes out of style. Silk tops and skirts that add polish and down outerwear built to take on the season. I got this really awesome berry colored silk silk dress that I think is going to look so great with boots and it just, it's so luxurious. It's also a great place to start shopping for gifts. Step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished and last. From Quince perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to quince.comhonest for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com honest to get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's quince.com honest the following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing because I got all the power. Yep. Well, it is officially November. How in the heck did we get to November? I can't believe Halloween's over. I can't believe it's almost the holidays. This year has flown by. This has been the fastest year of my life. I don't know what is going on. I don't know if it's because my kids are a little bit older now or I just feel, feel like the last few years has really sped up and it's crazy to me. I, I honestly hate it because it just, it's over this year. I blinked and the year was over. And it's kind of weird because this year Halloween was the first year that my kids didn't want to be with me, didn't care, just wanted to be with their friends. And I don't know, that's the other thing, being a mom, you know, it's all encompassing for so many years. And then overnight these kids were like, bye. They only want to be with their friends. I hardly see my boys on the weekends anymore because they are always with their friends. And Halloween was no different. I mean they just want to be. They just want to be with their friends. And we have a really awesome community by us that trick or treating is perfect for. And it's really safe and everyone's friends live there. And so it's basically a hangout for all of the kids. But even Sailor, I mean, Sailor is actually going to turn 10 here in a couple weeks, which is also insane. She's a bit of a homebody, so she'll be home more. But Halloween, she definitely wanted to be with her little girlfriends the whole time and, you know, how to sleep over and the whole thing. So I. I don't know, I find myself sometimes on the weekends being like, God, I. I don't even know when this happened, but. But it's like all of a sudden the kids are just gone. So I don't know, I guess if you've got slightly younger kid. Well, young kids, or even slightly younger than mine, cherish the time with them because you. You literally wake up one day and they always want to be with their friends. Especially Jackson. Oh, my gosh. He. He's always kind of been like that. He's never really wanted to be alone. But it's like, I have to, like, force this kid to come home for dinner and actually see me. Cause come. God, it's. It's just wild. And then between sports and everything else, I mean, the time home becomes very limited. And that kind of. It just makes me sad. I don't know, it just kind of breaks my heart just how quickly it all goes. It all goes so fast. So hug your babies a little bit tighter. Okay. But so today I'm excited to talk to you guys about this episode. And really. Okay, I want to talk to you guys about this concept that life is a mirror. But really where this started from for me, well, I've been sort of like toying with this concept for a few years, but I recently went to an event here in Franklin, Tennessee, and it was a medium. Angie Arkin. Shout out Angie, she's incredible. And she's a medium slash channeler. And she put on an event here, and I went, and it was really beautiful. And she allowed everyone in the audience who had a question to ask her a question as a medium. And what I realized, listening to everybody's questions, was that I feel like people, probably more so than ever, are really seeking advice right now and guidance. I think. I think people are a little lost. And I'm not saying that in a negative way. I'm really just. I'm saying that with so much empathy because I just felt like, I don't know, I just. Empathy is the only word I can really come up with. I've had a lot of empathy for everyone in that room that night. And it also made me realize that we all want different things in life and in the most beautiful way, because, you know, some of us are looking for really good friendships. Some of us are searching for a great relationship. That's the category I fall into. Some of us want money. Some of us want better health. You know, I think about my mom, and my mom never necessarily wanted more money. I mean, I think, sure, money would be great, but she really wanted a lake house. And growing up, for years and years, on her refrigerator, she had a picture that she had cut out from a magazine, and it was the POV of a man and a woman. And it was as if you had taken a snapshot over their shoulders so you could see their feet, their shoes, and a cocktail in each of their hands. And they were overlooking this beautiful lake. And it really did look like my mom and my stepdad, Dan. And that was all they ever wanted. And they finally did get this lake house a few years ago. And obviously, that's a form of manifestation. That's, you know, what I guess you would call a vision board, or they had one photo, but. And visual vis. Visualization. That word's hard for me to say, but they got it. And, you know, that's what my mom always wanted. And I think for her, it meant peace and. And comfort, and that just. That was where she saw the second half of her life. And it meant a lot to her. And, you know, some of us want to be closer to a sibling or a parent or some of us just want a trip, a great trip somewhere. And I think that's what is so beautiful, is that all of our wants are so different. And when I was at this event, one of the women there had asked Angie when she was gonna meet her really good friends, because she has been wanting that so desperately. And that really made me realize that, you know, we really are on such different paths, because what's effortless for someone is someone else's cross to bear. And, I mean, I think about myself, and I'm really lucky because I've had the most incredible friendships. And for years, I mean, most of my really good friends have been my really good friends for 20 plus years. And that's always come easy for me. And listening to her speak, it just. It broke my heart, and it made me realize, you know, that's the thing, though. All of our struggles are very different. And we never know what someone's struggles are or the journey that they've been on. That they're going through that what lies ahead. And again I just always resort back to. That's what I think why we need to have more space for empathy for people because we never know what someone is going through. But you know, then I think about myself and you know, the one thing that I've really been searching for and you guys know is my great love, my true love. And that's always been a bit of a struggle for me. And my journey really does make sense to me because I think what the universe will do sometimes is. And by the way, when I say the universe, that could mean God. I mean that could really mean whatever you want. I will sometimes say God, I will sometimes say universe. I think you guys know by now I'm very, very spiritual. I would not consider myself very religious, but I am extremely spiritual. But I think what the universe will do is when you need to find self love, real self love, I think the universe forces you to be alone. And I think for almost six years now the universe has forced me to be alone. And sure, I've dated here and there, you guys have seen me in a relationship, a seven month relationship. But I would say overall when I look back at my life post divorce, I've essentially been alone. And I've needed that because without that I don't think I would have. Well, I know I wouldn't have gotten to the place that I'm at today. It really made me take a hard look in the mirror, figure out what wasn't working, what I was doing wrong. And I had zero self love. And that's why it really makes sense to me why I attracted my whole life the, the men that I did. And even post divorce there was a little bit of that, the same type of man. And I think sometimes it is a little bit of a test. And actually I've attracted similar men more recently and now I can spot it a mile away. And I think that the, the difference is I value myself now. So my tolerance for bullshit is really low, really low. And I have a lot of deal breakers. I'm able to spot red flags almost immediately and I like my own company. I love being alone, which is interesting because I've actually always loved being alone. Even when I was little I used to just go in my room for hours and hours and I was so happy. Just I've always needed alone time to recharge my batteries. But the last five and a half, almost six years has, is, it's been different than that. It's really forced me to, to Develop real self love. And you know, because the other thing is too no one else can make you happy. No one can make you happy. That is an inside job. And I think when you look to other people to make you happy, that's when you, when you can get yourself into really sticky situations because that's a dead end road. And I think then you put up with a lot that you, you wouldn't normally if you really did value yourself. Like if we all treated ourselves like our very best friend who we put on a pedestal and hold in such high regard. You know, if, and I'm just gonna keep using the dating thing as an example. Like if our best friend was dating a guy who really wasn't great, we would say that to her, you know, we would be like, what are you doing? Like he's really, he's kind of a piece of. We would keep voicing our opinion. But when it's ourselves, you know, we make excuses. We always, I don't know, like, I think without that self love, you make a lot of excuses. And by the way, that's actually with friendships too, and family members. That's actually with any relationship, not just a romantic relationship. When you have no real self love, you put up with a lot of bullshit from people across the board that could actually even be employees as well, or an employer, a boss, you know, whatever it may be. Anyone in the work situation, any kind of relationship with another person, you will take more than you probably should. And I really do think boundaries with people are, is the most important thing. And again, those are really hard to establish until you value yourself and you learn to take care of your own wants and needs. I know we already talked about quints earlier, but I do want to just bring them up again because again, I love them so much and I would hate to see you guys miss all of these great deals. As the air turns crisp and the holidays draw near, comfort becomes the best gift of all. Quince delivers layers that last. Sweaters, outerwear, and everyday essentials that feel luxurious, look timeless and make holiday dressing and gifting effortless. Think 50 Mongolian cashmere premium denim that fits like a dream. And luxe outerwear that you'll wear year after year. Quince Italian wool coats are at the top of my personal list right now. The cuts feel designer and the quality rivals high end brands that. But without the high end markup, which is what I love so, so much about quint. You guys know I love Quint for all of their staples, really all of their really cozy cashmere basics I even have really cozy cashmere socks from them. And they have stuff for your kitchen and all around the house too, so you're definitely going to want to check it out. Step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished and last. From Quince, perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to quince.comhonest for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com honest to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com honest. You guys know I love my electrolytes, so I want to talk to you really quickly about Element, a brand that I love. Element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix and sparkling electrolyte water born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times. Government recommendation. Each stick pack delivers a meaningful dose of electrolytes free of sugar, artificial colors or other dodgy ingredients. Did you guys know that electrolyte deficiency can look like a few different things, but it could be headaches, cramps, fatigue, brain fog, and even weakness. You guys know I love electrolytes. I think especially if you're really active or you're traveling. Element is so great because it's these little individual packs, so they're really easy to just throw in your purse or I keep some at the office. And they taste great too. They have so many good flavors. My current obsession is their lemonade and and it literally tastes like lemonade. It is so good. Their grapefruit is also awesome and their mango chili, which I know that sounds crazy, but trust me, just try it. If you like a little kick, it is so good. Right now Element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase. That's eight single serving packets free with any Element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors. Or you can share Element with a friend. Get yours@drinkelement.com Honestly, this deal is only available through my link, so you must go tO-R-N-K-L-M-N-T.com honest. All right, I want to talk to you guys about Wayfair. The holiday season is right around the corner and so it's time to start getting your space ready with Wayfair. We got to make sure everyone has seating for everybody getting out those warmer linens and sheets. You getting new fun serveware and cookware and of course the best part, holiday decor. Wayfair's Black Friday sale is the Perfect time to score huge deals on all things home. No matter what your style, Wayfair really is the place to shop for all things home. They have everything from sofas to spatulas. You name it, they have it all. And you can get up to 70% off during wayfairs Black Friday Saturday sale. Nothing I love more guys than some holiday decor. Every year I feel like I have to get just even a couple small things. But I always, I don't know, I just love getting new stuff. I got some Halloween decor on Wayfair and now I'm browsing all of their Christmas decor. And I'm really specifically eyeing the kitchen stuff. Some new serveware. I love a great Christmas plate for hosting. I usually do make Christmas Eve dinner. And so I need all, all of the plates, all of the serveware, all of the things. So don't miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. This sale ends December 7th. So get going. But okay, so let's talk about this concept that life is a mirror. So with this concept, it basically states that life reflects back to you, whatever you subconsciously think and feel. So maybe on the outside and to yourself, you're like, no, I know I'm great. I know I'm valuable. I know that I deserve the best. But if subconsciously you're telling yourself a different story story, well, that is what you'll be attracting in not this like frou frou fluffy surface self love. It has to come from within. And so, you know, you could ask yourself if in your life you have a lot of chaos going on around you. Well, that's because that's coming from in here. That is because your mind is chaos. So that's what you're attracting. And again, this is, this is all energy. So if you don't like what's happening around you, you have to change internally the. The story you're telling yourself. The energy you're feeling, whatever it may be, it comes from within you. So if you're attracting the same type of guy, we'll just use a narcissist. Well, what's that? You have to ask yourself, what is that teaching you about you. You? And so I've always said the reason I attracted some of these people into my life was because of me and my lack of self love. Because again, everyone is just going to be themselves. Everyone is moving through their Lives being themselves. It's up to us to allow what we let into our lives or not let into our lives. And you know, you can't, you can't judge someone with where they're at on their journey or their behavior or what they're doing because it has nothing to do with us. The problem is when we don't have the self love and what we allow into our lives. And again, I mean, if I had the self love that I have today, 20 years ago, let's just say I think my life would look very different. And again, I don't want it to look any different. I'm very happy with the road that I've been down and my life really does make sense to me. I think as you get older, life is like building blocks and it all really does start to make sense and why your journey has played out the way that it has. And I actually think it's really cool in that regard when you can kind of get a little bit older and then look back on your life. Everything in my life makes sense, Every little thing makes sense, and I understand it. And you know, it's like when you can zoom out and look at your life from a long lens, like it really does, it does make sense. Like it. To me, it feels so perfectly planned in a lot of ways and I think that part's really cool and it makes me just kind of excited for the future. And actually, while we're talking about that, I kind of want to throw another little concept at you guys. Another thing that I've been playing with, I guess, for lack of better words, and something that I sort of learned through hypnotherapy was that I really do believe before we come to Earth, there's a blueprint for our life and that we actually agree to the hardships that we're gonna go through. The big things in our lives, I think are pre planned. And of course we have free will and you know, we can, we can go right or left and things can take a turn. But I think the overarching themes of our lives are planned. And with that in mind, I think what's really helped me get through hard times is that if I believe I signed myself up for some of this stuff, then I know I can get through it. And that's why I've always said we're never given more than we can handle. Because again, if we signed ourselves up for whatever we're gonna go through, well then we know that we're more than capable and there's a lesson in there. And I really do think if you can look through the lens of everything that's difficult in your life as being a lesson, and I know sometimes it's really, really hard to understand what that lesson is. But if you can at least ask yourself, what is this trying to teach me? I think there's a lot of value in that. And I think it, I think it's empowering to take a hold of your life like that instead of the opposite, which is really just being the victim of your life. And there's no growth in that. And so I think if we can really, really sometimes stop and pause and ask ourselves, what is this trying to teach me? What is the lesson in this? And sometimes we may not know right away. I remember my mom used to say that to me growing up. You know, know, you may not see why you're going through this right now, but one day it'll make sense. I find myself saying that to my kids too. And it's really true. Sometimes in the moment we don't know why we are going through whatever it is that we're going through. But everything actually always does make sense. It really always does. And listen, I mean, I've lost a brother. I think a lot of times people will be like, well, why did I have to lose my mom or my dad or my brother or whatever it may be? And unfortunately, I think the hard part about that is that losing people is part of life. And as shitty as that is, however, I really don't think that it's goodbye forever. I know even just with losing my brother all, and we've talked about it, but all the signs I've gotten from him, I know he's around, I know I'm gonna see him again. And I really think that we are eternal beings and so death actually isn't a real concept. And so when we quote, unquote, die, I think we just go to another realm. And sure, the spirit world or heaven or whatever you want to call it, but I actually think, okay, I'm going to get really woo woo with you guys in this episode, okay? So if you're not into this, maybe just turn this episode off. I actually think that this life is, is the dream and okay, stick with me. So I don't know if you guys have seen this before. I deleted TikTok, I started seeing this stuff where people are saying life is a simulation. And so in that theory it is. This is a, this is the dream state. And when we quote, unquote, die, that's when we really wake up. And that's real life. And you know what's so interesting about this? I remember saying this when I was probably like 18 to someone. And being like, what if this is the dream and when we die, like, that's when we actually wake up. And now it's so crazy because I've seen evidence about this and how scientists are now starting to tap into this stuff. And the CIA just posted an article talking about. Well, here, I'll read it to you. The headline was, the CIA spent over a decade studying consciousness, brain waves and the nature of reality. They found that your mind can alter reality and that. It's been classified until now. So that article just came out. And so science is catching up to spirituality. But if we can alter reality, well, then that is a simulation, right? And so. And quantum physics talks all about this, which I'm. I'm so obsessed with this concept. And I. I love. I love thinking about this stuff. I also will tell you anytime I've done any work spiritually. Whether it be hypnotherapy, talking to mediums, bufo, anything that I've done, it really cements this idea that this is maybe not the real reality, if that makes sense. And so, so with that, we really can change our lives. And. And life is a mirror. And so playing with that concept is. Is fascinating to me. And that's something I've been kind of messing with for a minute. So basically, we should be what we wish to seek. So again, I'll, you know, have no problem admitting this. A really solid partnership is something that I have always wanted. I mean, more so now. I mean, you know, listen, it's been up and down over the last few years. Sometimes I'm really happy being single. But I'm not sitting here feeling like I'm lacking something. And I also think this is kind of the key. I've had moments in the last few years where I have felt like I've been lacking that. And I've been like, chasing it almost. Which when you chase something, it only pushes it further away. And so now where I sit today is I feel very content and very happy on my own. But I will say the one thing in my life that I don't have. The only thing in my life that I don't have. Is a really great relationship. A romantic relationship. But I'm okay, because I also know. I know it's coming. I literally feel it in my bones, in my soul. I know he is coming. But also I don't feel like I'm missing anything either, if that makes sense. But. So if I want a relationship, let's say I have to sit here and act from a place of love, not from a place of lack. Which is the difference to let's just use me 15 years ago to me today is I'm coming at life from a very different place. And so I think a lot of times when we talk about the work, you know, people are like, okay, but what is the work? So the work for me has mostly been hypnotherapy. And by the way, my hypnotherapist Kristen Eichel is coming on the podcast podcast, early December. That's going to be an awesome conversation, so stay tuned for that. But hypnotherapy is a lot of visualization. And so a lot of what I've learned in hypnotherapy, I'm able to take into my everyday life. And I do it during meditation. And I wish I could tell you I was meditating every day. I'm not. But when I do do it, I absolutely love it. I did a tea ceremony with a couple girlfriends last week, and that's a form of meditation. And there's this woman, her name is Sarah, she's awesome. And she leads the tea ceremony. And it was me and two other girlfriends. And basically you're just drinking a tea. It's not. It's no magic tea or anything. It's just a normal tea. But these teas are. Are strong and they're powerful, but they don't. It's not a hallucinogenic at all or anything like that. It's just a normal tea. But when I tell people that, they're always like, what kind of tea is it? I'm like, no, no, no, no, it's not like that. It's not like that. But it's really nice because we sat outside on little pillows, but we were in the grass, we were in nature. And you sit out there for about 45 minutes an hour, and you just. You drink tea in stillness and quiet, and it's a form of meditation. And what I was doing during that meditation was because, again, these things were playing in my head. I was thinking the concept be what you wish to seek. And so what I was doing was I was envisioning a shimmery gold light shooting out from my heart, touching my girlfriends, touching the tea huntress, touching our neighbors, touching my kids who were at school, touching. I mean, whoever going into the ground, into nature, coming back up and shooting back into my heart. You could have it go into your head if you wanted, but it's just. It's this visualization of love pouring out from me. And if love is what I'm seeking, well, then I have to be love. And so, again, if it's a friendship that you're seeking, well, you have to be the best friend to yourself if that's the only person that you have in your life right now. And then, as you do, make a friend and, you know, you can start pouring that love into other people. But again, every relationship, it always starts with us and how we feel about ourselves and our energy, how, you know. Because energy is the first thing that you pick up on someone. If you just meet someone, let's say you don't know anything about them. You. All you do is you say hi, you shake their hand. You immediately have some sort of a feeling about that person, whether good or bad. But what is that? That's their energy that you're picking up on. And if you guys are vibrating at similar energies, because if you're not, there will be this moment of like. Or like, I don't. You know, when sometimes I'll meet people and I'm like, I don't know. I just. I don't like their. I don't like their energy. Like they got negative energy or dark energy. I pick up on that stuff immediately. I never thought I was an empath until the last few years, and I 1000% know I'm an empath now. So I think it is easy for me to pick up on people's energy, but I know that we all have that in us. We all have those capabilities to pick up on people's energy or just. I don't know, it's just that feeling that you get. So that's the thing for me right now is just really radiating love, reminding myself I am love. I am whole. When I started my spiritual journey, it really started with my brother passing. And then actually, the very first time I did hypnotherapy. Mm. God, it was a long time ago. It was probably eight years ago at the We Care Spa in Palm Springs. I haven't been there in years, but I used to love it. And I did hypnotherapy there. And I've told you guys this early, early days of the pod, I talked about this, but it's been a minute since I've mentioned it. We had a session, and first of all, it was my first time. I didn't really know what to expect, but my dad came up, and I remember saying, to her, I know in my head that my dad loves me. I just don't feel it in my heart. And she flipped the script for me. She said, it's the opposite, actually. Our minds are what play tricks on us and our human minds complicate things and they distract us and they do all of these things that we actually don't need. Our, our hearts know the truth. Your heart knows your dad loves you, but your mind is playing tricks on you. And that session made me. What I started doing after that session was I started having a mantra. And my mantra, the very first mantra I ever had when I was going through my healing journey was I am whole. And you know, that lack of self love came. There's probably a multitude of reasons, but mostly I think from having a narcissistic dad and never feeling like anything I did was good enough. And you know, I never, I never felt like he liked me. But so that's why for me, my, the beginning of my healing journey, it was really important for me to have that mantra that I am whole. I am whole. And I mean, I don't know that we're ever like 100% fully healed and like full. I don't maybe, I don't know. I say that I would like to think that yeah, we probably do get to that place, but I think me personally, I won't know until I'm in a relationship. Like, I can sit here and tell you, you know, I've done all the work. I think I'm in a really great place. But I think until I get into a serious relationship where I have an equal, that's going to be the real test of, okay, you've done the work, but now can you apply it to a relationship? I mean, I've seen myself do it in friendships and I've, I think it's benefited my kids. But again, I think that's going to be the ultimate test, especially because my issues have always been when it comes to men. So. But anyways, I do think, oh, but what I was going to say was it's interesting because I want to say that was probably, well, okay, so my brother passed. It'll be 10 years actually in a few weeks. And like I said that sort of like jump started my spiritual journey. But I'd say it's probably been like really, my healing journey started like fully like eight years ago. Seven. Eight. And so I, I want to say that mantra that I am whole mantra was probably about eight years ago. And I can sit here today telling you I feel really Good in my skin right now. Like, I feel like I'm in a really good place. But I mean, you know, let's say it took me eight years to get here. Seven. You know, I've been feeling pretty good for a minute. But it's a journey and I think that's the part that we have to remember. It doesn't happen overnight. And it's baby steps. And again, talking about building blocks, the healing journey is building blocks. And you get over a hump, let's say, and then you got a whole new field of shit you got to work through, and then you got to get through that, and then you get over another hump and it's like you keep going and you keep going. And that's kind of where I'm at now is I want to keep going and I want to keep digging. And, and for me, I think what that means is, I don't know, I kind of want to do a psilocybin journey. Don't judge me, guys. I just, I really want to get in there. With that being said, I know a lot of people who have done psilocybin journeys and I will say power of hypnotherapy. I've been able to come to a lot of the same conclusions without doing plant medicine. And I also think that's very cool because I know plant medicine is a little controversial. I lean more on the side of good than bad only because I've seen it really benefit a lot of people in my life and really put life into perspective for people and bring a lot more love into their life. Is like really the main things that I've seen. And I'm going to have a woman come on. Her name is Christine Thompson. We are going to talk about psilocybin because she does psilocybin journeys for people. This is kind of the way that the podcast is heading, by the way. Now, guys, we're going more in this, like spiritual, spiritual path mixed in with some Hills Rewatch stuff is going to be kind of all over the place. It's like old me and new me. Which is kind of funny, actually. I just realized that a brand you guys know that I love and it is Bon Charge. Bon Charge is a holistic wellness brand with a huge range of evidence based products, products to optimize your life in every way. Founded on science and inspired by nature, all Bon Charge products adopt ancestral ways of living in our modern day world. Their extensive range of premium wellness products help you sleep better, perform better, have more energy, recover faster, balance Hormones reduce inflammation. The list is endless. From blue light glasses and infrared saunas to red light therapy to EMF management and circadian friendly lighting Bond Charge products help you naturally address the issues of our modern day way of life effortlessly and with maximum impact. 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To claim this deal you must go to hire health.comhonest. this deal is not available on the regular website, so make sure you're going to H I Y a H e a l t h.com/honest and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. But anyways, back to what we were saying. The book E Squared talks about how if you have a fear or a worry about money, then you should go shopping. So it's like whatever, whatever the thing is that you want or are fearful of, you need to do the opposite of. So. Or like Cindy the medium who I've had on the podcast, she always says dress for the job you want, not the job you have. So it's moving throughout your day as though you already have the thing that you want. So if it is money that you're worried about, you first you gotta flip that in your head to being grateful for. Even if it's something small. Be Grateful for your apartment, your house, your car, like something, start somewhere, be grateful you have a phone. You know, I think the beautiful thing about being grateful is that you just need one little thing to start with and then it will grow. And as it becomes more second nature, because I know at first it can be really uncomfortable for a lot of people, but as it becomes second nature, you will find more and more things to be grateful for. And then you find that then that's more. Your natural state is living in that gratitude rather than living in the fear or the negativity. And that's why talking to ourselves is so wildly important. And with the self talk, the hardest part, I think, is first becoming aware of your thoughts. Because I think a lot of people go through life on autopilot and they don't even really know the ongoing loop that they're playing in their mind. They don't know if it's negative or positive. They don't even know. They don't even know what they're thinking half the time. So it's first becoming aware of your thoughts. And even if that just means setting an alarm in your phone three times a day for the alarm to go off that says, write down your thoughts, what are you actually thinking? I don't. I think a lot of people, we don't know, we don't even know what we're thinking. So. But we all have that loop. There's constant thoughts going on at all times. And so it's becoming aware of our thoughts. And then if we do realize that we have a negative loop playing, it's changing it. And I know for me personally growing up, I always had a really negative loop playing about body image. And I always felt like. I always felt like I was kind of fat growing up and especially living at the beach. And a lot of girls in high school, their bodies were perfect. And I always had a few extra pounds on me and it was always in my belly. And I was really, really self conscious about it. I didn't even know on. On a few episodes of Laguna Beach, I. If we were doing walking scenes, there's just one scene in particular. And I would like hold my purse in front of my stomach because I didn't want to show it on camera. And it's crazy because when we have these thoughts and we've had them for so many years, it's really hard to change. And I even know I've been working on this in the last few years too. I feel the best I've ever felt in my body. Okay. I'VE worked really hard. I still work really hard in the gym. I eat really well. I hardly ever drink alcohol. Like, I test all my hormones and my vitamin levels and my gut. Like, I do all of the things and I think I look the best I ever had. That's not me bragging, that's not me. I just, I can go back and look at photos of myself. I'm like, I actually think I look the best I ever have, but. And I feel the best I ever have. But I still sometimes have this fucking loop in my head that's like, you're fat, you're whatever it is. And I have to stop myself and be like, oh my God, you look the best you ever have. Like, if, if you could talk to 18 year old Kristen and be like, look what we're gonna look like when we're 38. Like, just stop, Just stop. It's so insane, you guys. And that's why I'm just, I'm, I'm sharing that with you because again, we never know how someone is thinking and feeling. And I totally realize, I totally realize that I know what I look like. Okay. It's a, it's this negative loop in my head though, that will creep in sometimes. And so what I've told myself in the last few years is you have your dream body, you have your dream body. Like, enough already. You have your dream body, I have my dream body. And, and that's been a negative loop for me. That's been really hard to change. And again, it's. Because when you have that plane in your head for so many years, it's really hard to comprehend, completely move away from it. Or like, I used to eat shitty and I would, oh my God, I would beat myself up. I would feel so guilty about eating shitty even if it was one meal. God, I would beat myself up. And I really do think that just makes it worse. And I mean, if you eat a burger, let's say, and you're like, I'm gonna be fat, I'm gonna. This is the worst thing I could have done. Well, what do you think it's going to do to you? Because if everything starts with your mind and that's what you're telling yourself, well, then yeah, it's going to have a really negative effect on you. But if you have a burger and you're like, that brought me a lot of joy. That was so good. I feel great. Like, okay, cool. And you move on from it. Well, it's. Life is way more enjoyable. And I have gotten a Lot better at that. I am now able to. And I've been actually like this for years. I think becoming a mom, becoming pregnant and, and kind of going through that and seeing a shift in my body and what my body went through, you know, having three babies and everything, I think I developed a real sense of freedom around food and because pre kids I used to be so strict, so strict with myself. And isn't that funny that I actually never got down to the weight I probably wanted to be at. There was one point where I got way too skinny. But pre kids, I've had two moments in my 20s where I got. Or I don't know if it was my early. No, it was my early 30s too. But anyways, my point is two times in my adult life where I got crazy, crazy skinny. But it was like that unhealthy skinny, you know, it didn't look, it looked like stress skinny or like really unhappy skinny. But my point is that when I was so strict with myself and then I would binge eat and eat everything and anything and then I would feel I'd be so mad at myself, I never looked that great. Where now I have a real freedom around food and I'm able to enjoy whatever it is that I want to enjoy and then get back to my normal eating routine. I don't guilt myself. There's this real sense of freedom when it comes to food. And again I look and feel the best I ever had. So I really think there is something to that. And, and you know, they say that water carries energy. So like if you have two cups of water in front of you, let's say, and let's say you like meditate slash like do a little prayer over one of the glasses. And it's like, I am whole, I am love. I'm like all of these beautiful things, right? And you drink that, they say that water will carry that into you. Like water literally holds this energy. And then if you're like with your other glass of water, if you're like, I'm fat, I'm not good enough, like no one likes me, you know. And then you drink that, it stays in you. And so I just think the self talk is so, so important. And again with this whole concept of life as a mirror, it's like, like another thing for me that was always really hard was trusting people and being vulnerable. Those two things were so scary for me growing up and now I only know how to be vulnerable. And again, that goes with the self love. Because I think for a long time I Was really kind of ashamed of my past and some of the things I had been through, so I didn't want to talk about it. And I. I was more closed off because of it. Where now I know that everything I've been through is part of my story and it's made me who I am. And I also know that I don't identify with. With those parts of me anymore. So it's okay. It's okay to tell people the journey I've been on and where I came from and the things I've been through. And the trust thing is so interesting because I had trust issues before I got on tv. And then getting on tv obviously just magnified it by a bajillion. And I had to get to a place again in the last few years where I have no reason not to trust people. And listen, this is not like any random that I meet on the street. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, but. But I mean, like, the people in my life, right? Like, I have no reason not to trust the people in my life. And if someone breaks that, then someone breaks that. Okay. But like, it's not the end of the world. I've realized it just. They used to be so scary for me, and now I sort of feel like I walk through life with trust. And again, it's not like I'm, you know, telling a new person my deepest, darkest secrets right off the bat, but I have more trust for just people in general than I ever have. And that feels really nice. And again, I think because when you. When you come at life from a place of love and trust and vulnerability, you're met with that in return. And that's another thing too. If you're able to see beauty in all things, whether it be people in nature, in. In whatever it is, that's because you're able to hold space for those qualities within your own self. Because again, if we're talking about life as a mirror, whatever you see in your surroundings is because that's you actually reflecting it back to yourself. So if you are able to look at people and say, oh, she's God, she's really beautiful, or oh, he's so funny, whatever it is, oh, she's so sweet. That was, you know, such a great encounter. Look how beautiful it is being outside, like, going for a walk. Like, God, isn't this stunning? Like, I'm so thankful that we get to be in nature. Like, if these are your thoughts or the things that are actually coming out of your mouth, it's because you hold that Space for yourself. And that's something to be really proud of. I've had to work really fucking hard to get here. But if you are noticing, oh, she's not that cute, or he wasn't even that funny, or, oh, she was trying so hard. Like, whatever those negative things are that you notice in other people, it's because that's actually how you feel about yourself. Or it could be one of two things. It could be whatever someone else is doing, whatever. Whatever it's triggering you, it could be because it's shining a light on what you don't have, or it could be triggering something else within you. Because I'll give you an example where I used to really hate victims. Like, really hate victims. And it's because growing up, I was never able to. I never had anyone take care of me or, you know, I could not. I. I just. I was never able to not be tough. I always was really tough, and I had to be independent, and I had to grow up really fast. And so I was never able to have someone nurture me in a real way. I was always kind of on my own. I felt like. And so that's why victims would trigger the fuck out of me, because I could never be that. And I think there's that piece of me that was always wanting to be really nurtured and really loved. And I didn't get that. And I tell you that as an example in case there's something in your life that you're like, okay, well, what does this trigger actually mean? Triggers are our biggest clues into what we need to work on. I also had a another medium one time tell me that everyone is an angel. Nothing is bad, Everything in life is good, and everyone is an angel. And so in that sense, he said, well, exactly. Exactly what he said was, God only sends us angels, meaning the guy you hate at work, your husband that you can't fucking stand, the friend that's so jealous of you, the. Whatever it is, it's actually there for a reason, to teach you something. And so, again, it goes back to that thing of, what's the lesson in this for me? What can I take away from this? Why is this triggering me? What do I need to heal? Because if we're fully healed, guys, fully healed, nothing should trigger you. Nothing. And so I guess that's how you know, actually, when you're fully healed. If you can just go through life and nothing affects you. Not. I'm gonna say nothing affects you. Nothing triggers you. Other people's behaviors don't trigger you. I think that's when you're pretty damn healed. Like, no one, no one can rock your boat. I think that's a really good indicator of where you're at on your healing journey. So I guess my proposition to you, my fellow listener, would be, let's just try this for two weeks. Let's focus on our thoughts, becoming aware of them and then focusing them, changing the negative loop that we tell ourselves, which I think we're gonna have to write some of this stuff down, you guys. I also think journaling is so important for me, anyways. Listen, I know that we all have different modalities, but I know for me, getting it out, we gotta get emotion and that energy out of our bodies. And so for me, journaling and writing it down is a form of release for me. I also think meditating and sitting in the quiet is so important. But listen, I don't have time to meditate every day. And I know that's an excuse. I fully understand. That is a wild excuse. But it's. It just. It's my reality at the moment. But also, putting your feet in grass, grounding, focusing on gratitude. I think if we do these things for two weeks, do what you can, right? Like, do what works for your schedule. But let's say in two weeks, you journal four times. Can you do it twice a week? Can you meditate five times? Can you put your feet in the grass seven times? Like, can we try to do that at least every other day? Gratitude you can do every morning when you wake up or every night before you go to bed. You could do it when you're driving to work. You could. I mean, I think, let's try it for two weeks and see how you feel. And then when you are feeling really great, because I can guarantee it's not gonna have a negative side effect, then do it for 30 days and just see how your life shifts. I think we should really make a pact, you guys, to stop beating ourselves up. No matter what it is. Whether it's around food, whether it's around love, friendships, money, whatever it is, the way we look, the whatever it is. I think we need to really be kind to ourselves. And I think we need to learn to trust ourselves. And I think we need to rely on ourselves more instead of making ourselves the enemy, which I think a lot of people do. Can we tune into our breath and can we tune into our gut, and can we start listening to ourselves more? We are our best own compass. I've said it, I think, on a thousand podcast episodes. I also have found in the last few years. I used to try to control everything in my life, and when I decided to sort of surrender to the universe, my life really opened up and my life has become a lot more calm and peaceful. And again, it's all of these things working simultaneously together. But control is a form of fear. And if we can tap into that and try to let some of that go and allow the universe to surprise us and show up in ways that we never thought were imaginable, I think that's where life gets really juicy and really fun. I just saw Young Pueblo posted this on Instagram, and he said leveling up means you lose things. A habit, a friendship, a relationship, a job, a version of yourself, even. That's you evolving. To evolve, you're gonna have to lose things. So, anywho, that's that. I hope this episode helped you guys, and even a tiny way or maybe a big way, I don't know. But I'll be curious to know how you guys are doing in a couple weeks if you're able to implement some of this stuff. And again, if you can only do one thing in the next two weeks, that's fine. If the one thing you can do is not beat yourself up and give yourself more grace, I think that's a huge win. So, anyways, I will see you guys next week for another Hills episode. It's like a complete 180 from this episode. And then Christine is going to come on to talk about psilocybin very soon. So lots of good, good stuff ahead. All right, guys, thank you. I love you. I got all the power. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.