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The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. This is, let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Cause I got all the power. Yep. Hi, everybody. I feel like it's been so long since I've taped a podcast, and I've only taken two weeks off, but wow. Okay. Hi. I feel like it's a new year. Like, I'm back. I'm excited. Well, it is a new year because actually my kids are back in school. They started this past Monday, which is insane. I can't believe how fast summer went. And also, yes, this is the earliest we've ever gone back to school. We actually started August 4th, which is crazy to me. Camden's birthday is August 8th, and it's usually like the day before or I think when you're. He started on his actual birthday, but usually they have a half day on a Friday, and then they have the weekend off. But this year, they had a half day on Monday, and then they had a full week. And so, I mean, we are back in it, you guys. I'm up at 6:00am I'm making breakfast. I'm making three lunches. I mean, we're back. We are in it. But I gotta be honest, I like being in a routine. I'm always so excited for summer, and it always comes at the perfect time. And then I'm actually kind of excited for school to start because I thrive on a routine. I thrive on structure. And it's fun for a few months to kind of sleep in a little and, you know, have, you know, more fluid days. But I like knowing what's coming. I like having the structure. So everyone's back in school. The first football game is tonight. Both of my boys are playing football. My OG listeners will remember last year I did an episode, and I think I cried in it because Camden was playing tackle football for the first time, and I was a nervous wreck. And he took some hits last year, and that was really hard for me. This year, I am way less emotional, but I think it's because my boys are not really going to play, especially Jackson, because Jackson is a sixth grader, and our team is sixth, seventh, and eighth. Because our school is so small, we do not have varsity and jv, and historically, the sixth graders don't really play. Camden starting last year was really unusual. And actually halfway through the season, they pulled him as starting quarterback because he's really little. Cam is little, and he was getting hit, and we were kind of worried about his safety. I was very happy as a mom to pull Camden, and he's not starting this year, so I hate to say I'm happy about that, but I'm happy about that. So while Sailor and I are going to the game, we don't have a lot of stress because my babies are not really gonna play. So I'm more just excited. It'll just be fun. I love football season. And, yeah, so that's. That's what's happening on our front here. Here. Camden is 13, which. What the hell? What the hel. How did that happen? It feels like yesterday I had Camden. And, you know, your firstborn is so interesting because they completely change your life. I mean, Camden completely changed my life. And so it is a special bond with that firstborn. And the fact that we are now in the teen years is so, so crazy to me because it does go so incredibly fast. But what Camden wanted to do for his birthday, which I love him so much, is he wanted to have a little date night with me. And we went to a place called Putt Shack, which is miniature golf. It's indoor and it's very cool. They. I think they have them everywhere, but it's sort of like this futuristic miniature golf. And then we went to a burger place, actually, that we love. If you're in Nashville, Joyland. Really good. And so anytime we go downtown and we play miniature golf, we always go to this burger place. And it's really good. Camden and I did that, just the two of us. And I, my kids on their birthdays, they want to have a date night with me, which, oh, my God, I will take that I to me. That's a huge win as a parent that my kids want to spend time with me and they want to, like, all they care about is having one on one time with me. Like, what? That makes me feel like I did something right as a parent, or I should say am doing something right as a parent. I will never take that for granted. That my 13 year old still wants to do date night with me. That's really special to me. And actually, on Camden's actual birthday, he went to his dad's house. So he did do like a big thing with some of his friends. But when we celebrated his birthday a couple days early, that was what he wanted to do. So I was very, very happy about that. And we had a great night. So. So, okay, today what I want to talk about is it's about friendships. I want to really, I want to do a whole episode dedicated to friendships and specifically friendships as an adult. And where this kind of came from is the last solo episode I did. So I guess that was what, four, About a month ago. Four weeks ago, I had talked about how I spoke on a panel for the Today show. I did a Q and a moderated Q and A for the Today show, and it was some of the best questions I had ever been asked. And I've done a lot of those, you know, so that's, that's saying a lot. I really, I mean, I, I was, I told you guys, but I was kind of blown away at how great the questions were. And so what I did was it was a moderated Q and A. And then at the end of it, we did questions from the audience, and a woman in the audience asked me how to show up for her friend who is going through a divorce. And I really loved this question because what this question tells me is that she is extremely mindful of just being there for her friend during this difficult time. And the fact that she was asking me that question shows me how much she cares. And I thought, wow, you know, if all of our friends could really want to show up in that way for each other, I mean, I just, I thought that was incredible. And so I'm gonna answer that question because I think that's beneficial for anyone who knows someone going through a divorce. But I also, I wanna. We'll get there. Because I wanna. I want to just start with friendships. And so I have my list of things that I want to discuss. And I want to start by just telling you guys who my best friends are, because it's funny, I do get this question a lot. And I think, you know, the people who really do follow me, like on Instagram and stuff, you guys have seen my best friends. But I want to talk about it because I actually think who someone's best friends are is a great indication of who that person is. And in fact, on dates, I love that question of who are your best friends? And I love when a guy asks me that question because friends really are a reflection of who you are as a person. And if you haven't had a lot of long lasting friends, to me, that's a bit. A bit of a red flag. And I mean, again, I would love to get into the weeds of why that may be, but I love when. And this is more in the dating world, but I love when there is a guy who's been able to maintain friendships For a really long time. To me, that is a green flag. So I'm gonna tell you guys about my best friends. And this is a bit of a shout out to all of my best friends, but obviously you guys know Justin. Justin is my best friend. He is in Nashville. He is my rock, he is my ride or die. And I have known Justin for about 20 years and we've always loved and respected one another. But we became as close as we are now about seven, eight years ago. But we were always friends, but not to the level that we are now. And then Biggs, who you guys have definitely, I think a lot of you will know who Begs is. Her real name is Stephanie Beagle, but we call her Beags and she's been on the podcast. She's my best friend. She lives in Chicago. Biggs and I actually met in LA. I was probably 20 years old. Yeah, I think I was 20, 20 or 21. And we both lived on a street called Rossmore in la. I lived at one condo building and she lived at a condo building, I think two, two condos down. Actually. How I met Biggs was she worked for this company called Fingerprints. And they used to. I think they were essentially a marketing or PR company for different brands. And so what they would do is they would have, you know, people come in and get swag. Free shit, basically. And so I went in to get free shit. And they had Victoria's Secret, was one of their clients. And I started trying on bras in front of Biggs and we just like instantly fell in love. We just instantly had this comfort with each other. And Biggs does that with everybody. I mean, she instantly makes everyone just feel like you're her best friend. She is the absolute best. And so Biggs and I hung out in la and then she moved to. She moved home to a suburb of Chicago, which was funny because my mom lived in Chicago and I, of course, was from Chicago. And her parents and my mom were not that far from each other. And so when I would go visit my mom, I would see Beaks, we would get lunch and we would hang out. And she was with me actually the night before I met my ex husband. And so when I moved back to Chicago as an adult, she was the only person that I knew in the city. And thank God I. I had her in the city because that was who I would be social with when I was social. I also had a baby pretty quickly. Well, no, I had a baby almost immediately. And so that was then my life. But. But thank God I had Biggs in Chicago. And we've, of course, just, you know, we've been best friends ever since I have my little crew of girls in la. So Brittany, who I went to high school with, who I've been friends with for over 20 years. And then. Oh, and by the way, so Biggs and I have been friends also for 15 years or so. No, sorry, did I say I was 21? So, no, a little bit over 15 years. 16, 17 years. Somewhere. Somewhere in there. So Brittany I've known since high school. We became friends my senior year of high school because we actually used to go up to LA as seniors and go out, and we just became, you know, friends that way. And then we met our friend Charlene almost immediately once we moved up to la. So because Brittany and I graduated high school, moved up to LA, we met our friend Charlene in Malibu. So those two girls have been two of my best friends for, again, over 20 years. And then in that group is also our friend Brooke, who I recently reconnected with. We were really good friends in our early 20s. We both kind of got married and started having kids and kind of separated for a little while. But me, Char, and Brittany do girls trips. We try to do a girls trip every year. And Brooke just came to Austin with us, and it was so much fun and so good to reconnect with her. And I'm. I'm really happy that this crew has kind of come back together. All right, guys, I want to take just a second here and talk to you about quints. As summer winds down, I'm all about refreshing my wardrobe with staple pieces for the season ahead. Quince nails it with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished, perfect for layering and mixing this fall. Their styles are so versatile, I find myself reaching for them again and again. Think chic cashmere and cotton sweaters starting at just $40. Yeah, you heard that right. $40. Washable silk tops and classic denim pants. Timeless styles you'll keep coming back to. And the best part, Everything with Quint is half the cost of similar brands. They do this by working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman. So Quint gives you luxury without the markup. I don't usually pay attention to trends that much, but I have been getting a ton of tik toks all about what's in this fall. And I think for some of the trendier stuff, it is really important to not break the bank, because some of the stuff, unfortunately, will only wear for one or two seasons. So that's why I love a place like Quints too is because you don't have to worry about spending a ton of money but you can still look really fashionable and cute and everything is affordable. Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with quints go to quince.comhonest for free shipping on your order and and 365 day returns. That's quince.comhonest to get free shipping and 365 day returns, that's quints.comhonest okay ladies, this is for you. Let's chat about oh positive. Oh positive is a women's health company. They offer a range of symptom targeting supplements that support women at every stage of life from their first period to well beyond their last. They're proud to have best selling women's health products at Target and on Amazon. 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Many factors including sex, tight clothing, sweat from working out, hormones, periods, etc. They can all disrupt vaginal health and lead to an imbalance in vaginal flora and ph, causing unhealthy vaginal odor and taste, abnormal discharge and discomfort. So ladies, take proactive care of your health and head to oppositive.com honest or you can enter honest at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O P O S I T I V.com honestly for 25% off. You guys know I love Element so let's talk about them again. Element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix and now sparkling electrolyte water born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times. Government Recommendations each stick pack delivers a meaningful dose of electrolytes free of sugar, artificial colors or other dodgy ingredients. You guys know I love electrolytes, especially in the warm summer months when it is so hot here in Nashville it's been close to 100 degrees and I'm working out in my barn with no AC, so I definitely those days load up on electrolytes. I normally love going in the sauna. If I'm traveling, I always bring them with me. If you're gonna have a few cocktails, I love pre gaming with one and the next morning it always makes me feel so much better. So I can't say enough good stuff about Element. And they've got so many great flavors. Grapefruit is one of my favorites. I also really love their chili mango. I know it sounds kind of crazy, but it'll grow on you. It's really, really good. So definitely try them if you have not. And right now Element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase. That's eight single serving packets free with any Element order. So this is a great way to try all eight flavors. Or you can share Element with a friend. Get yours@drinkelement.com honest. This deal is only available through my link, so you must go tO-R-I-N k l m n t.com honest. Again, element is spelled L M N T. And then here in Franklin, I have Jenny Lee and Casey, who I've met in the last, I think about four years. And I met them at school. And I'm excited to tell you guys that because I think what happens is there is a period where, you know, you have your friendships from your early 20s, let's say, and then you do become a mom. And friendships change a little bit. I mean, they do. And I've actually met two, well, again, two, I'd say really good friends in a Mommy and Me class with Jackson, Kim and Kelly. They're also in Chicago. Shout out, you guys. And we've maintained a friendship and we've always make an effort to see each other. I just love them so much. And that that is rare, I will say, to make really good friends like that in a Mommy and Me class. I know how lucky I, I was, and I am, because I do know that that's rare, but it can happen. And that's why I'm excited to tell you guys that because these things do happen. And then I met two of my best friends in the last four years, you know, and I met them through school when my kids were a little bit older. And so for anyone who is in that phase of wanting new friends, because now you're a mom and it is also really hard when you're in that world of trying to find your mom friends, I actually I think that's harder than dating you guys. I really do. Finding like minded friends who are moms who are in the same stage of life as you is very difficult because it is. You're like speed dating moms. You're like having play dates and trying to get to know them and you're like, could I hang out with this woman all the time? You know, like, do I want my kids around this woman? Like, it's wild. It's. It's worse than dating. And so I remember there were moments where I would be like, God, this, it sucked. It's really hard when you don't have those friends that you just instantly click with and bond with and have similar interests and you can be fully yourself around. That was my biggest thing was it was hard for me to feel like I could be 100% myself around some of the moms that I was, like, trying to hang out with and trying to form friendships with. And that's why, like, Kim and Kelly, who I love instantly, I was like, okay, cool. I can be myself, I can trust them. They're not judging me, et cetera, et cetera. And so just know that if you're in that phase, those friendships are coming, I promise you. I'm 38, and I think at like 34, I made two of my best friends, so this can happen. And, and so that kind of does lead me into like, what makes a good friend, you know, and so, and I think this is probably a little different for everybody, but to me, what makes a good friend is someone that you are just really comfortable with, that you can 100% be yourself with where there is zero judgment. To me, that's a friend. I want to be able to be myself and to tell you everything because I tell my friends everything. That's just how I roll. Like, I'm not able to, like, keep things secret or like, I mean, I can keep a secret, but I think when it's stuff about me, like, I'm. I'm an open book with the people in my life. And to me, that's how you connect, you know, is like, I want you to know what's going on in my life and like, the things I'm struggling with and also, like, vice versa. I want to know, like, if you're having a bad day, I want to know so I can be there for you. It's that kind of vibe. But it's also the no judgment thing is also if I really did something stupid in my life, like, let's just say I did Something that I'm not proud of. And, you know, I'm feeling kind of down about myself, but I want to be able to come to you and tell you and not have you judge me and not have you make me feel worse than I already do. A friend is supposed to say, all right, listen. I mean, you did it. But, like, who fucking cares? It's all good. Move on. You know, you learn from it. It's like, I don't know. To me, that's a friend. And this is so silly, but I remember even in high school, I would say to my friends, I'd be like, you know, I want friendships. And I feel like I'm the type of friend where if you. This is what I said in high school, okay? So don't. Don't judge me as an adult. Obviously, I would never do this, and I don't really mean this, but, like, if you killed someone, I'd be like, okay, cool. Like, I will figure out. Let's figure out how to hide the body together. Like, that was the kind of friend I wanted to be. Was like, ride or die. Like, no matter what you do, I'm showing up for you. And so, I don't know. I think I've always been like that. I think the difference is I really stand by that as an adult where maybe in my early 20s, I was a bit more kind of like, wishy washy. Not wishy washy, but, like, I was always there for my friends. I think I just really value my friendships more today than I ever have. I think is really the gist of it, because friendships were always important to me. But as I've gotten older, I just realized how important they are. Because without my friends, I think it would be kind of a lonely life. And maybe because I'm single, maybe if I had a spouse, I would. No. But I still no, because I've been married, I've been in relationships, and my friendships are still as important to me. But I. And again, what I get from friendships is very different than what I get in relationship from a man. And Justin is maybe a little different because Justin is a man and he's very masculine, and he is someone who I really. I really am able to get a lot from Justin, which, hey, maybe that's why I haven't felt the need to settle or, like, make a man work, because I'm getting a lot from Justin that I would need from a man. Other than sex, obviously, which we won't even go there, because the lack of that is. That's really Sad. I haven't been dating this year, you guys. I haven't been dating this year. I did just go on a date, and it was a great date, and it was a really great first date back in the game, which we'll get into. I'm. We'll get into that. I'm not. This is not what this podcast is about, but I am kind of back out there, which is not. I wouldn't say back out there. I went on one date, but it felt good. I was excited to go on a date, let's put it that way, because it's been a minute, but it's been good. I've needed this year to kind of just focus on myself, which is good. Anyways. That's another podcast, but anyways. Yeah. So what I get from my friends is very different than what I would get in relationship, and I think that's why they're also important. And by the way, you know, I have certain friends for certain things. Like, what I get from Justin is very different from what I get from Beaks, or very different from what I get from Char. Like, or what I get from Jenny Lee and Casey. Or, you know, like, it's just. It's all very different. And that's why I really. I really value them all. Also, what I love in a friend is honesty. I don't like yes people. In fact, if someone is agreeing with me too much, I'm like, I don't like that. I want someone to be authentic, be themselves, have an opinion, disagree with me, tell me if I'm being a fudgeing idiot. That is a real friend. Tell me when I need to reel it in. Or in the same breath, if I come to you and I'm like, hey, do you like the name? Let's be honest, for my podcast, if my friends don't like it, I want them to be honest with me about that. Like, I really do. I want to know. And I will also say, even if you don't like the name, let's be honest, I like it so much that I'm probably still going to do it, and that's okay. But I also really value that you were honest with me about that. Like, I. And I don't, like, hold that against you. I'm just like, no. Like, I really. That's something that I really value. Honesty and transparency. And another thing that I think makes a really good friend is, well, it is that authenticity piece. Show up as you. That's all I ask. Just be you. And empathy. And so this actually, this goes into how to show up for a friend in a divorce. Okay. I think what makes a really good friend and someone who's able to be there for you in tough situations is when you have empathy. And empathy and sympathy are very different things. Sympathy is. I'm so sorry. God, it must be so hard for you to go through that. God, I am so sorry that you're dealing with that. That is awful. God, I'm so, like, never say I'm sorry. Never ever say I'm sorry. No one wants sympathy. No one wants sympathy. I do think maybe there's a time and place for sympathy, but with your best friends, no, they want empathy. And empathy is when you are sitting in it with me. My friends are really, really good at that. And I really am thinking of Justin in particular. But all of my friends are. But Justin. Because Justin is always my first text, voice note, call, whatever about guys specifically, or like, you know, in my divorce, he was really there for me. Again, all of my friends were there for Shout Out Big Shout out short, like all of my friends. But Justin is. I'm just going to use Justin as an example because Justin is so good at acting as though nice. Not even acting though. Like, he really believes, like, what's happening to me is happening to him. And it makes me feel like I'm not alone in the situation. It makes me feel like I have someone really who gets what I'm going through. That's something I love about Justin, is he really understands what I'm going through and how I'm thinking and feeling. I mean, he gets it. He gets it on so many levels. And beaks, too. You know, now that I'm just sitting here, I'm going to shout out bigs with the dating stuff. Like, Biggs gets it, man. Because she's been here. And I actually just texted her. I sent her a voice note right before this podcast, and I was like, I need your advice. I need your advice about dating. And, you know, and again, it's like, that's a situation where it's not like, yes, like, I was on that date with you. Like, this is happening to us. But she gets it because she's been there. And that's why maybe I think it also is a situation where let's say you have four really solid friends. And by the way, you only need. You should really only have to count your friends on one hand. I would rather have 4, 5 really great friends than 10, 15 mediocre friends. Because also, I don't have time for that many people. But within those five, let's say, you know, there are certain things I think that I would go to for each person. And actually, let me say that differently. I would go to all of my friends for all of the things, but I think the priority list, like, the chain of how I would go, like, who's top, like, for dating, like, who's top for dating? Like, Justin and Biggs would be at the top, you know, but like, I don't know, it just. It just depends. But I think that's ultimately what makes a really good friend. I want to talk to you guys about ZipRecruiter. We are all faced with so many different options throughout an entire day. 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And I swear, when I'm taking all of these consistently, I just really notice a difference in my energy, in my skin, just everything bloating. Like, I just feel my best. Go to symbiotica.com honest for 20% off plus free shipping. That's symbiotica.com honest for twenty percent off plus free shipping. And so, okay, how to show up for a friend who's going through a divorce. And I'm speaking from experience and what I really needed during my divorce and what I needed was a safe place to talk as little or as much as I needed to, where if I needed to talk about the same thing ten times, my friends weren't like, my, we've talked about that. Like, girl, we talked about that. You're not over that yet. Or like, like, no one ever made me feel like they were annoyed or like they judged me or. I mean, they really treated it as though it was the first time we were having that conversation. And again, there was no sympathy. No one ever was like, this seems really hard. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. It was more just like it was happening to me and my friends, and my friends showed up when I really needed them. Here's a good example, actually. I. So in the very beginning, before I was able to move into my. My old house, you know, that I got after my divorce or in the midst of it. But my ex and I did a period where we would do three days on with the kids and three days off, and we would stay at our house. So, like, I would be at the house with the kids for three days, and then I would leave, and then Jay would stay at the house for three days with the kids. And so in those three day periods, I would either go and stay with Justin and Scoot. Which, by the way, like, could you imagine, like, if I didn't have Justin and Scoot in Nashville, what the hell would I have done? So, I mean, that was just incredible. But I also had a condo in la. And yeah, it was a short trip or it was a long trip for a short amount of days, but I would go to LA because I had my own space and I needed my own space sometimes. And when I went to la, because you guys have to remember, this is in the height of COVID Covid happened March 2020. That's when we split up. But we announced it April 2020. And so, you know, the world is in lockdown. But I, not me, I was on a plane to LA few times, you know, a lot. And I remember one time I went to LA and I called Char and Brittany and. And our friend Chelsea who used it was like. So me, Char, Britney, Chelsea and Brooke were like all a crew. And Chelsea's busy. Like, I get it. She lives in Malibu and she's got kids and she owns a salon. And I shout out, chelsea. Fucking love Chelsea. She's one of my favorite people, but I just don't see her as much as I once did. Anyways, not the point. The point is I called them and I was like, hey, you know, like, obviously they knew I'm going through a divorce. I'm like, I'm coming to la. Let's go to dinner. Like, let's have a night. And everyone's like, kristen, LA is shut down. Like, we can't go anywhere. But they came to my condo, we made dinner and we had a night. We got pissed drunk, you guys, and stayed up way later than we ever do anymore. But it felt like the old times. And listen, a couple of my friends were definitely a little like, hey, it's Covid, you've been on a plane. Not super crazy about this, but they still showed up. They showed up for me because I needed them and that was really important. And they got really drunk with me and they stayed up late with me and. And they were there for me. And that wasn't even a night where it was like talking about my divorce all the time for me in that moment. I needed to, like, let. I needed to get drunk, I needed to let loose. I needed to be with my girls. I needed to be reminded of what it was like in our early 20s where, like, the girls just fucking showed up for one another, you know, And. And that is a night I will remember for the rest of my lives. It's stuff like that when your friend is going through a really hard time, if they need you, it's the friends who are able to drop everything and show up. It's like, God, you guys are the best friends. Those are the best friends. Because listen, we're all busy, we all have our own lives going on. But to be able to put your life on pause for a minute because, because you know how important it's going to be is huge. And it's also a check in. You know, I think what happens a lot of times when someone goes through something really, really serious, really traumatic, whatever it may be, is initially everyone's checking in. And everyone is really great about being like, how are you doing? You know, even, it's funny even after you have a new baby. And the reason this is on my mind is because actually one of my best friends just had a new baby, which is really exciting. Well, okay, to be fair, actually a lot of my friends in the last couple years have had babies, which is awesome. But one of my friends out here in Franklin, Jenny Lee. Shout out Jenny Lee, she just had a baby and she's a year younger than me, but she has two boys about the same ages as my boys. Well, same age as Cam and then same age as Sailor, actually. And so she, her youngest is 10 and she just had a baby. And so it's just, it's been very cool and it's just, it's just, it's awesome to see. But I think what happens sometimes is, you know, you're so good for the first week, maybe two weeks of being like, you know, how's it going? Are you getting any sleep? Like I dropped off some food, you know, like all that. But then it's like, let's say a month in. People just sort of, you know, it's not brand new anymore, so people aren't really checking in as much. But I think that happens a lot with like, you know, the divorce. You tell all your friends you're getting a divorce and then everyone is there, everyone is there for you. And this, this happens a lot actually when someone passes away, everyone is there for you. And then a few weeks go by and there's not as many check ins. But actually sometimes that's when it becomes the hardest is it's not initially because almost initially it's shock. You're living in a daze, reality hasn't really set in. And then a few weeks go by and then at least when you're grieving, that's when the hard part happens. And actually with the divorce, you guys, a divorce is weird because it's a lot of up and down. It is not linear, your healing journey, at least in my case. And I mean It. I would be great. I'd be so great. I'd be perfect. I'd be like, this is amazing. I've got freedom and, oh, my. And then all of a sudden, I would be a mess, and I'd be like, what am I doing? Like, I don't want to split up my family. And I'd be sad, and I would feel guilty, and I would be. I'd be a mess. And then I had moments where I felt really lonely, and. And that was not right away. I mean, I swear, I think it really took me. It probably took me a solid three years to like, fully, fully close the door on my divorce. And I don't mean I was in this period for three years being like, have. Did I make the right decision? Did I, like. I just mean, like, to really work through it all and to, like, fully close that door and move on from probably took about three years. And so my point with telling you that is when you're trying to show up for a friend, it's consistently showing up for a long period of time, I think is probably the best way to say it, because it's a work in progress, and a lot of the emotions will probably hit later. And so that's it. It's listening, it's being there, and it's having empathy. I think those are the three most important things. Whether it's a divorce, whether it's someone losing a loved one, whether it's, you know, whatever it is, whatever it is, anything traumatic. Losing a job, I mean, that's fucking traumatic. You know, there's a lot of. Even a breakup. Even a breakup. And again, I'm not gonna talk shit on a breakup. Just anytime a friend is going through a tough time, I think that's the most important thing to remember. And then one other thing I wanted to talk about with friendships is because adult friendships are interesting to me, and they're very different than they are when you're in your early 20s. But what I have found in the last few years is I will meet women who I actually really like, and, you know, women want to hang out. And I'm like, yes, like, that sounds awesome, but I don't have time. And, you know, I'm just at a place in my life where I barely have time for my core people, let alone making new friendships. And I have found that's been a difficult thing for me to convey, to say, like, I have a hard time just coming out and saying that, when in reality, that's probably all it would take is like, hey, you know, if someone's like, hey, let's get coffee, just being like, listen, I would love to get coffee. I really would. It's just where I'm at in my life right now, it's really hard for me to find free time where I'm able to just get coffee. I mean, and that's true, but the free time I do have, I want to see my really good friends, you know, And I. I don't know. I just. That's been a hard thing for me, and I totally respect that. We're all in a different place in our lives, and I think some of the women I've met, you know, are, like, pregnant and about to have their first baby. And I'm also like, okay, well, when you have that baby, like, you're not gonna want to hang out with me either. But I don't know. I just. I. I wonder if other women have that same issue. You know what? The thing for me, too, is not only is my. My free time limited, and when I have free time, I want it to be with, you know, my best friends, but I also need alone time. Like, I have to work in alone time, too. And I think I've told you guys this before, too, but what I will do periodically in my calendar on my phone is I will have a day that just says, keep empty. And yes, I'm probably going to work out. I'll probably, you know, if I have to go to the grocery store or whatever. Like, I'm not just, like, sitting on my ass. But the point is, I need alone time. That is how I recharge my batteries. I've always been like that since I was a little girl. And so not only am I when I'm, like, balancing my schedule, right, of, like, free time, because it's like family bucket, and then it's work bucket. But, like, work and free time, which is like friends or whatever, they're. It's kind of the same bucket. Like, I've got these two buckets. And, like, friends and work can kind of be a little interchangeable depending on what's going on in the work world. But nothing ever spills over into family. Like, that's. That's a hard line for me. That's a deal breaker. But in that other bucket of, you know, free time, work, friends, I'm also like, me time. Like, scheduling in the me time. Because that me time is actually probably the most important thing in the whole chart. Because if I don't have the me time, I'm not as good of a Mom, I'm definitely not going to want to hang out with my friends. Work suffers. Like I would actually put me at the top there because I just, I know me, you know, there are certain things for me that I have to do and I have to make sure are happening in my life for me to be able to show up the best way that I can. It's having a minute to myself. It's getting plenty of sleep. I'm a fucking nightmare. When I don't sleep very much, I am a nightmare. Half of it's probably in my head. But sleep's important to me. It just is. Working out is important to me. Being able to eat really well is important to me because those things make me feel good, which then makes me a better mom, a better friend. I also then really value my time with my friends when I, you know, because I don't have it all the time. So when I do have it, it's really valuable to me. And you know, most of my time with my friends is, is every other weekend when my kids are with my ex because that's when I will go on a trip. Like I just. Oh, I gotta shout out Pip. My best friend, Pip. Okay, so Pip is another one. I've known her for over 20 years. We did a show together when I was 18. The first show I did after Laguna beach, it was a show called get this Party Started. It was on the network upn, which doesn't even exist anymore. That just shows you how old we are, how old I am. And I was hosting this show and Pip was a producer on it and we instantly fell in love. Anyways, long story short, she was in LA for years and then during COVID she moved home to Australia. She's Australian, but she was just in. She had to go to the Hamptons for a wedding. So I popped into New York for two days to go see her and. And then I went to Nantucket to go see Justin and Scooter. And I did all of that, you guys, from a Thursday through a Monday. Okay. It was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. But, you know, that's important to me because that's quality time with my friends. And that was the weekend that my ex had my kids, you know, and then where. Then there's like that hang up for me is a lot of times those weekends that I don't have my kids is then used for work for like a photo shoot or I'll go to LA and I'll do some podcasts or whatever it may be. And so that's where, like, the balancing act comes in. And again, a lot of it is because most of my best friends do not live by me. I have Justin and I have Casey and Jenny Lee, but that's it. And listen, I have other friends who I do, like, I'll get a coffee with periodically and everything, but, like, those are, like, my main people who really, to me, are priority, so. And then I just want to leave you guys with this little nugget, I think. And this is coming from my journey of. Friends were always important to me, but now as I've gotten older, I couldn't live without them. And I realize the magnitude of them in my life and how. How important they are. And I've gotten to a place where I think it's really important to tell the people that we love that we love them. I think when you are going about your day, you're folding laundry and. Yes, I fold laundry. Okay. I love when people are like, you don't do any of that. Yes, I do all the normal shit, like folding laundry. And, like, this is what I do anyways, like, think about my friends, like, whatever, because I like to think about the things I'm grateful for. And, you know, my friends will pop into my head and instead of me just being like, God, I love them, and I'm so thankful for them. Sending a text, taking one extra second and just being like, hey, I just want you to know how much you mean to me. And, you know, I can't imagine life without you. And I love you and I hope you have a great day. Takes two seconds, and it really makes a difference, I think, like, I've gotten those texts and I'm like, God, I fucking love you. It makes my day, I just think, you know, and maybe because I've never. Or previously, you know, like, growing up in 20s and stuff, I was never good at that. I was never good at taking a second and just going a little extra for a friend and being like, hey, you know what? You're really important to me and I love you. And as I've gotten older, I've softened a little. And I think that's important to me now is just taking the friendships and the love that we do have in our life and. And expanding on those and, you know, because it's an energy thing, like, uplifting the people that we care about and being like, hey, by the way, like, you're a fudgeing badass is, I think, important. I think it's important. So. And with kids too, you know, I mean, I Think it's really important as parents. Sometimes it's, like, easier to be like, hey, you know, you're not supposed to do that. Or like, hey, you can't talk to me like that, or whatever it is. But also being like, hey, you know, what you did on that report was really impressive. Like, wow, that was really cool. Or like, hey, well, this is Camden actually, like, completely rebuilt a bike for Jackson, and. And Jackson broke a piece of his bike, and Camden was like, I'll give you the one off of my bike. I mean, just like, I was kind of blown away. I was really impressed with Camden, and I just later, when it was just the two of us, I was like, hey, buddy, I want you to know, like, what you did with Jaxie was really incredible. Like, you are a phenomenal big brother, and you have a really big heart. I always tell my kids, you've got really big hearts. Don't lose that. Never lose that. I think it's important to talk about the good things more than the negative things, because unfortunately, obviously, as parents, we have to, you know, our role is to, of course, guide our kids. And unfortunately, sometimes that includes the negative stuff as well. But I think the positive stuff is more important anyways, so that's. That is the gist on friendships. And shout out to the girl who asked me that question at the Today show panel, because that was a really. A really great question. I love when friends really want to show up for one another. I just think it's really special. So if you have those good friends, hold on to them tight, and if you don't just know that they're coming, they're coming, you will make good friends, I think, throughout your whole Life. I'm only 38, can speak to my life, but like I said, some of my better friends I have met as an adult, so they're coming. All right, guys, I love you. We will do parenting soon, and then we can really dig into all of that. I will see you next week. Yeah, I got all the power. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.