← Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Red Flags, Gaslighting & Bad Behavior — Dating Dilemmas Pt.1
00:38:44
Loading summary
Transcript7 lines
- [00:01]
A
The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. This is, let's be honest with Kristin Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Cause I got all the power. Yep. Hello. How we doing, everybody? I'm excited for today. We're doing Dating Dilemmas. I love doing dating dilemmas. They're fun and especially now that we have the voicemail set up. It's. I just love being able to hear your voices. The only issue though with the voicemails is they can get really long. And so I actually most of these are going to be from Instagram because they're just super concise to the point. Because in those little boxes on Instagram you can only say so much. So I am going to play a couple voicemails. However, most of them I'm going to read just for timing purposes. So as always, I really appreciate you guys writing and calling in because they're just, they're good and just always as a little reminder that it's crazy out there, guys in the dating world. So, okay, we're going to start with this one because this became a whole to do on the old Instagram. Okay, so the first one is men in relationships following random women. When I asked you guys to submit these dating dilemmas, it turned into this whole thing about men and their social media behavior because women are confused and women don't know. So I had asked the guys to chime in, let me know, give me all the info on this. Okay, so here's the consensus. Ladies from the men themselves, following women means absolutely nothing. There is no weight to put behind that kind of. What I gathered was we overthink a lot of things and obviously, you know, we. Because I think the difference is most women that I know anyways don't follow hot guy like random hot guys. Because I just think we're built differently, we are wired differently than men. Men are visual creatures, they just are. And men like to look at pretty things, but it doesn't mean anything. And so the guys were saying scrolling is mindless. But then where it starts to get tricky is when guys are liking random girls photos because. And I agree, what is the point if you're in a relationship, why are you liking other girls photos? I think it's disrespectful to your girlfriend or your wife. And I think, like, what is the thought process behind liking a photo? Is it because you want them to See you. Is it because, you know, you're like, trying to flirt a little? Because. So then guys also said, and separately from following random girls. Because I said, is a. Is liking a photo a subtle flirt? Most guys said, yes. And some guys said, it's not even subtle. That is like a definite flirt, like, hoping that you'll see us. Some guys said, no, we just are supporting what we're seeing. Like, it doesn't. Again, it just doesn't carry that much weight. But majority definitely said, okay, following girls, not a big deal. Don't overthink it. But the liking of the pictures is a bit of a red flag. And so that's kind of where we're at. I think in a perfect world, ladies, we would get into a relationship and our guy would unfollow every random girl that they don't know. But it's not always gonna happen. And so, okay, if we can look, because by the way, it's the Internet. They can go find any hot girl that they want. They look at barstool, they look at any freaking website, and there's hot girls. So we can't have our men be living under a rock. Like, guys are going to be inundated with hot women on a daily basis. It's just the world that we're living in. And I think if you try to control your man, but you can't follow her, he's going to want to do it 10 times more than he already wanted to. So let the man follow some hot girls. Get it out of the system. It means nothing. And especially if these, like, you know, models and actresses or whatever, they. If. If it's Joe Schmo, they're never going to come in contact with these girls. If it's like some hot waitress from the bar downtown. Okay, well, that's a different story. Especially if he's liking her photos. Like, no, I'm sorry, we're not liking girls photos. It's disrespectful to me. Okay? That's what you say. Here's what I'll tell you from my own personal experience. The guys we really need to be careful of, ladies, is the married men who are liking every fucking story but not liking a feed post. I have those men constantly. Constantly. And those guys are trash, okay? I've got guys, and a lot of them are athletes, okay? They don't follow me, by the way either, but they're verified, and I see a lot of the verified activity. These guys are married. There's one guy in particular who has his fucking Wife in his profile picture. He likes every single story I post. Doesn't follow me, doesn't like my feed post. But I'm like, the only. The only reason you're doing that is to try to get my attention. And to me, you're a fudgeing scumbag. I wish I could just call these people out or like, DM the wife and be like, here's the activity that your husband is doing. Look at all these likes. Like, you're trash. You're trash. Anyways, the point is, I don't think. If it's just following, I don't. I think it's okay, girls. I think we're gonna be okay. Okay. Ghosting has become the norm. It has. Ghosting has become the norm. Is it a good thing? Probably not. But in the same breath, sometimes it's easier. And I am. I am. How do I say this? I wasn't a fan. I. I'm really not a fan of ghosting. Let's just start with that. However, I wouldn't do this, by the way, because I wouldn't want it done to me in return. I am always the one who's like, hey, I had a great time, but I just don't see a future. Hey, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And normally it's pretty respected. Right? There are, of course, I've had a couple immature guys in the last few years who are like, so such babies about it. But for the most part, like, most men are adults, and they're like, hey, I totally get it. All good, whatever. But I will say, if you've gone on one, maybe two dates with someone and you get ghosted, is it the end of the world? No, it's not. And in a way, is it almost easier? Sure. Because then you don't have to have the conversation. And I'm not saying it makes it okay. I'm just saying, can we move on from it? Yeah, we can. It's kind of the world we're living in, unfortunately, and be. Look at it as a. I think we should start looking at ghosting as a good thing. Because then you go, wow, thank you. Because now you just showed me you do not have the emotional maturity to have an adult conversation with me. So thank you. Because then you can take that knowledge and say, I didn't want to be with that guy anyways. I don't want to be with an emotionally immature human. So goodbye. I think we have to start looking at it as a gift. He had pictures of his ex girlfriend in his house. Girl. No. Run. Goodbye. Goodbye. You are not over your relationship. So goodbye. I actually dated someone when I was probably 19 who had just gotten a divorce. And I went to his house and he had a framed picture of her in the bathroom. And now when I look back, that, I mean, there's the whole thing. He was not over his ex. You guys, if. If you go to someone's house and they have photos of their ex, it's because they're not over them. They're not ready to close that chapter. Because when you're ready to close that chapter, you're putting away all the photos. Anything that reminds you of them, you're getting rid of. So he's not ready to be in a relationship. Let's just put it that way very clearly. He's not over it and he's not ready for anything. Okay, so if you want to sleep with him, sleep with him, but he's not going to. He's not ready for a relationship. You never, I think, want to date someone that's freshly single, even if they weren't married. Any kind of breakup, because you're a rebound. You're a rebound. It takes time to heal. And you definitely don't want a guy who's jumping from one thing to the next because if he hasn't had time on his own to reflect. There's been no growth, there's been no healing, there's been no takeaway for him. So you definitely don't want to be with those guys.
- [09:00]
B
Foreign.
- [09:05]
A
I want to talk to you guys about adt. Imagine you're finally cleaning out the gutters when the smoke alarm starts blaring from inside. Smoke billows out the window. ADT's affordable DIY systems are built for those moments when everything can change in a second. They're easy to set up, they're customizable, and they help keep your home safe. With 247 monitoring, no one wants to feel unsafe at home. And with adt, you won't. ADT prioritizes your peace of mind with the most company operated monitoring centers in the industry. With the ADT plus app, you can stay in control from virtually anywhere. So don't wait to prepare for an emergency. When every second Counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT ASAP. That's ADT.com to learn more. All right, my singles, this one's for you. Let's talk about the Upward Dating app. Let's be honest, dating can feel really confusing. I think a lot of people genuinely want something real. They want Commitment. They want a partner. But sometimes the way we're meeting people doesn't always line up with that goal. One thing I've learned is that clarity really is everything. If you don't start on the same page, you end up trying to force alignment later. And that rarely works. That's why I actually love what Upward is doing. It's a dating app built around faith and shared values. So instead of figuring out three weeks in that you want completely different things, you're starting from a foundation of family integrity and commitment. And whether faith is a huge part of your daily life or just something that shaped how you see the world, Upward connects you with people who care about those same core principles. I'm at a place in my life where intention really does matter. If I'm dating someone, it's because I actually see potential. I. I'm not interested in wasting time, and I don't think that you should either, depending on where you're at in your life. So if you're looking for something meaningful and want to start from a place of alignment, download Upward and date with intention. Because when your values line up, everything else feels a lot simpler. Upward. I'm excited to talk to you guys about this one. It's called mill. Food waste is one of those problems that feels huge and honestly, kind of impossible to fix. But here's the wild part. Most food waste comes from our own home homes. And that means we actually can do something about it. Mill is the odorless, effortless, and fully automated food recycler. So think potato peels, avocado pits, chicken bones, even dairy. Mill takes almost anything while you sleep. Milk quietly transforms those scraps into nutrient rich shelf stable grounds, no mess, no smells, no fruit flies. Milk and process up to 10 pounds overnight. And it can work for weeks before you even have to think about emptying it. I love this so much. I will be getting chickens this summer and so I'm already using my mill. But I know that once I have my chickens, I will be using this for my chicken feed, which it doesn't get healthier than that. So I'm really excited about this and I just love that it's so easy to use and knowing that you're doing a good thing for the environment always feels good. Try mill risk free for 90 days and get 75 off@mill.com honest and use code honest at checkout. That's $75 off@mill.com honest and Use code honest. Mill.com honest and use code Honest Fashionistas Let's Talk about Revolve. I know you know Revolve. We all love it and know it. Revolve for years has been my top website. I am going there for everything. And what I love so much about Revolve is that I always know I can count on their website. I always know I'm gonna find great stuff. They also just launched their own label called Revolve La and it's new brand, really chic. The silhouettes are strong and modern, very polished, very confident. It's the kind of stuff you put on when you want to look expensive, especially for a dinner or event where, you know, photos are happening. I actually just bought an Anina Bing sweatset and I wore that on the plane to London over spring break. Actually, I lived in it the entire trip, quite honestly, because it's so comfortable, but it's chic. It's trendy, but so comfortable. And that's what I love so much about Revolve. You can always find the trendiest chicest clothes on there. Whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works. Revolve always has it. Go to Revolve.com honest to shop our faves and use code honest for 15% off your first order. To shop their faves and use code honest for 15% off your first order. And definitely check out the new Revolve La label while you're there. Fast shipping, easy returns, it just makes everything easier. That's Revolve.com honest. You can shop their faves and get 15% off your first order. Offer ends April 7th. So don't miss out. How to flirt. Been single for so long, I forgot how to talk to men when interested. Okay, let's. Let's talk about flirting. I have always been a good flirt. I'm innately a flirt. It's just in my DNA. I think I was born flirting with the men in the hospital, so. And by the way, it's half the time with me. It's never intentional. Actually, when I like a guy, I become a little quieter. I am the ultimate flirt when I don't actually like you. But here's what I will tell. But I can hang. Obviously when I like guys. Here's what I'll tell you. Flirting. Flirting is about being really present and being in your body. I think a lot of times what happens is when we get nervous, we start getting in our head. We get really heady and we're no longer present. We're thinking too much. We're it's like we have to learn how to drop down in our bodies to be fully present so that we can hear what they're even saying. I think sometimes when we're nervous and we're in the middle of a conversation, we're not even listening to what this guy is saying that we're interested in because we're so, so in our head. So we have to get out of our head. We have to drop into our body. We have to stop thinking like, okay, what could I ask him next? What could I Like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just be present. Look at him in the eyes. It's. You need to be confident. You need to just. If you have to tell yourself, I am the shit, like, this guy's lucky to even be here with me, tell yourself that. I don't care what you tell yourself. You have to be your biggest hype crew, your own hype crew. You have to put yourself on a pedestal. And like, I'm just saying, this is not how we want to carry ourselves throughout our everyday life. I'm just saying, when we're flirting, we have to be confident. We have to be present. Look him in the eye, stop getting ahead of yourself in the conversation and just be yourself. Just be yourself and stop overthinking it. I think that's the hardest part. Are you able to have a conversation with. It's really the key to being confident when you're flirting is being really rooted in who you are, not being self conscious. If you say something dumb, you don't harp on it the whole time. You say something stupid. Okay, move on, move on. Let it go, let it go. We're on to the next. It's being really present. You have to just be present. Stop thinking so much. Us girls think too much. We get in our own ways, we sabotage ourselves. Watching my best friend go for the same type that hasn't worked, and letting her learn on her own, I mean, that's just it. Here's the thing with dating and as a friend, seeing your friend go for the same toxic bad guy you, you know, you can only do and say so much. As a friend, ultimately, we all have to go through our own journey. We all have our own lessons. And, you know, if you're the friend, let's say, and you've been married for 20 years and you're really happy with your husband, and you're seeing your friend go for these toxic men and you're like, why can't she just get it together? You're on a very different journey than her. She has things she has to learn from these dynamics, and the only way to learn them is to go through them. Unfortunately, I say this as someone who has gone through a lot of the same toxic behavior with men. I had so many lessons that I had to learn by dating narcissists or dating, you know, certain types of men, and I had to go through that. And I, I couldn't have my friends be like, you know, Kristen, you really shouldn't go out with Joe. You know, he's going to be the same type of guy as Cade. I don't make it up. Names, you know, it's like, cool. I've always been someone who has to, to experience things on my own. It doesn't matter what it is or if everyone's telling me not to do something, I have to do it on my own. And unfortunately, as the best friend, all you can do is be there and support when she gets her heartbroken again or, or, you know, whatever it is. And you can't be like, I told you, I told you not to date him. Like, no one wants to hear that shit. Okay? When they get their heart broken. And I'm not saying that this person would say that, but just all we can do as friends is just be a good support system. Just be there for our friends, you know, don't say, I told you I was right. No one cares. No one cares. Should I reach out to the parents of a verbally abusive ex, 10 years to tell them why we broke up? No. No, because. No. Oh, my God. Here's the thing. I guess I would ask, what is your goal with telling this guy's family that he's verbally abusive? What are you trying to get from that? Some sympathy, some support? I mean, my guess is, where do you think he learned that behavior? Here's the thing. Family very rarely is gonna be like, oh, wow, you guys broke up. And you, you're telling me that my son is verbally abusive? Thank you so much for telling me. I am gonna going to have a conversation with him. Like, what do you think is going to happen in that situation? Absolutely nothing. Nothing that you want to happen. You guys broke up, too. And also, if he's verbally abusive, why did you stay for 10 years? Here's the thing. We have to move on from that. That relationship happened. It was 10 years. You were verbally abused. That's shitty. That's really awful. We're not getting his family involved. We're closing that door. We're moving on. But then what? I Would ask you is why did you stay that for 10 years? Let's start the healing journey. Let's start the self love journey. Let's ask ourselves why we put up with that behavior for 10 years. You are the bigger piece of this. It's not what his family. We're done with this family, okay? We're moving on from this family. The family doesn't actually probably care what your opinion is. I'm sorry, but they just probably don't. The bigger question is why you stayed as long as you did.
- [20:11]
B
So someone I've been seeing said they wanted to be exclusive. And then a couple of months later, I found out they were not being exclusive. It caused a big fight, of course. He actually tried to get like, turn it on me, get mad at me. Then a few weeks later, it was the holidays and he wanted to see me and apologize relentlessly. Said he did want to be with me, he was just going through some things, I don't know, whatever. But since then, everything's been perfect. But I can't help but wonder if he already showed me who he truly was. I just don't know if I'm making the right choice by giving him a chance after he already said he wanted to be exclusive and then fucked it up.
- [20:54]
A
Girls, please, can you promise me? If a guy shows you who he is, just trust that. Trust that. Because that's who he is. Shelley. In the beginning, if he was cheating in the beginning, he's going to cheat forever. The beginning is the honeymoon phase. That's when you both should be so excited about each other. He shouldn't even be thinking about other girls. Like that's what it should be like. Pure bliss. If he's cheating on you in the honeymoon phase, honey, he's going to cheat on you forever. Of course he's going to be putting his best foot forward right now to stay in your good graces. I say once a cheater, always a cheater. I think there's a little bit of a gray area with that, but I think this, if he's cheating on you in the beginning, this is who he is. This is. And, oh, he wanted to get back together during the holidays. Of course, everyone wanted to be in a relationship during the holidays. I mean, I don't know, I would say. And. And then I don't like the fact that he was turning it around on you. That's gathering gaslighting. That's narcissistic behavior. I just think, ladies, if someone shows you on a silver platter who they are, believe it. Believe it. He's not changing. All right, let's talk about Kahlua. I'm pretty sure everybody knows about the brand Kahlua. They've been around forever. They are the brand three famous for their great tasting espresso martinis. And now they've developed something new. Featuring one of Dunkin's best selling flavor swirls. Kahlua Dunkin Caramel Swirl blends luscious caramel and coffee flavor into one easy to enjoy sip. This Ready to pour liqueur is creamy, irresistibly smooth and perfectly sippable. To craft a creamy, dreamy drink at home, you can serve Kahlua Dunkin Caramel Swirl Cream Liqueur chilled or over ice. Or if you want to level it up, you can pair it with the Dunkin Munchkins Donut Hole treat. You could drizzle caramel on your drink. You could add a toasted marshmallow. I mean, you could do whatever your little heart desires. But it is so good. You must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit kahlua.com and you can follow Kahlua on Instagram. All right, you know what time it is? Let's chat quickly about Nutrafol. You guys have heard me sing their praises for years now and for really good reason. If you don't know what Nutrafol is, it is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Nutrafol offers multiple formulas for men and women tailored to different life stages like postpartum or menopause and lifestyle factors such as plant based diet. So you get support that's actually right for you. Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See Visibly thicker, stronger, faster growing hair in three to six months with Nutrafol. And for a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code honestly, that's nutrafol.com spelled N U T R A F-O-L.com promo code Honest. Take it from me, you guys. If you want visibly thicker, stronger, fuller hair, you're gonna want to try Nutrafol. This episode is brought to you by Taylor Farms. You know that feeling when you're making a salad? It's like, ooh, look at me. I'm so healthy. Wow. I'm really being responsible. I mean, you know, you've been There you get it. With Taylor Farms chopped salad kits, it's easy to get your salad together. They come in so many flavors. They have sweet kale, Caesar, avocado, ranch, Mediterranean, crunch. I love them. They're super fresh. They're crisp, delicious, and actually my whole family loves them too. And now meet their protein power line. Protein is having a moment and salads are officially invited. Taylor Farms just launched a protein forward line that packs serious protein. Protein. We're talking fresh veggies and protein packed dressings, toppings and crunch all in one. Chopped salad kits with up to 21 grams of protein, which is about two times the protein of current chopped salads. And complete salad bowls with up to 23 grams of protein. Mini salad kits, the perfect portion for one. Now pack 10 grams of protein. If I can do it, you can too. Grab a Taylor Farms chopped salad kit and get your salad together. I have a dilemma where I get to loyally fast and I just don't like to talk to multiple people at once, but I know that that's recommended. However I see it different. I feel like if I really like you, I don't really want to talk to anybody else. I'm the same way when I like someone, I am all in and I don't, I don't want to look at another guy. So I get this so much. And that was actually hard for me when I became single six years ago. That was. I had to learn that like I had this learning curve in dating after not being single for 10 years, that the landscape today is very different than it was, you know, back in like 2008, which, oh God, I'm really aging myself. But it's, it's a different dating world right now. It just is. And it takes a minute to really process it and understand it. But, you know, it's tricky because I'm the same way. And I think in a lot of ways I started to get a little jaded of like, okay, well, maybe I shouldn't be putting all of my eggs in this basket. But I don't. I mean, I don't know. I'm single. No, I think. But here's what I've noticed with dating. I have actually had a lot of guys. Oh, no. But this is going to go against my theory. Are you ready for this? Okay. I've had a few guys put all of their eggs in my basket and it really turned me off. So I'm processing this in real time, you guys. Maybe the move is to pull back your cards a little bit. And I Think. I think you can do both. I think you can be really excited about someone and not be talking to anybody else, but you can still play it kind of cool. And I hate playing games. I really hate games. But unfortunately, the dating world nowadays, you kind of got to play games a little bit. And, but also. Okay, I'm really, I'm really going against myself right now. But I think when it's the right person, you will not have to play games. There will be no bullshit. It's just gonna click. I'm just trying to get us through these dates. Okay, girls, I, I really don't think that when you're with the right one, you're gonna have to play any games. But here's what I will say to you. The couple of guys that are coming to mind where early on put everything on me, it's because. And it made me be like, it's because they weren't right. I think if it wasn't that, it would have been something else. But I'm just saying I think it, I do think playing it cool a little bit in the beginning is probably your best bet. I don't really think I answered that question at all. Really. What I think at the end of the day, when it is the right person, you could be obsessed with them, immediately play zero games and it's just gonna work. But if we're just trying to like go on a second, third, fourth date and just like feel like a woman and, you know, feel wanted, then I think you got to play the game a little bit. I just do. All right, let's go back to reading some of them advice for dating a 28 year old male. I'm 43. However, we both look young and enjoy each other. I say absolutely, go for it. I think there's nothing wrong with it. I've said it a thousand times. I think age is just a number. I think what it ultimately boils down to is life experience. And I think it's where you're at in your Life. If you're 43 and you're having a good time and you know, you don't want kids right now and you know, like, if it's working for you, absolutely. When I dated Mark, I remember someone said to me, you know, you just do it until it doesn't bring you joy anymore. And that should be sort of how everything in life is, like, do it until it doesn't make you happy anymore. You know, I think there's nothing wrong with enjoying a moment in your life or if it leads to Something long term, then great, then do it. I literally see nothing wrong with it. And I actually think we're living in an era now where really a lot of women are dating younger and women are doing what they want to do. And so I say, absolutely, have fun with it. Great man. Checks all the boxes. But financially behind, at 4, 40 years old, we both have kids. Okay? So here's. Oh, she's so cute. Her picture. Here's what I think. This is hard because I would love to say money isn't a factor, but it is. It is. Especially when you have kids. I have dated multiple men that haven't had any money, and that wasn't the only thing, but it became a thing. It became a thing for me because I don't like paying for men. Of course, once in a while, I'm more than happy. Like, I am more than happy to pick up a dinner and a this and that. And, like, if I'm going to the grocery store and making dinner at home all the time, I'm not like, hey, can you give me money for groceries? Like, I would never. But I'm saying, like, I'm paying for your flights if I'm paying for the hotels, if I'm paying for the drivers, if I, like, it's just, I, I, I don't like that because I already support three kids. I don't need a fourth. So it's a real thing. And I don't know, it's. Money can be so tricky and it can really complicate things. And I would say, listen, if money was the only thing, if you were so crazy about this guy and he makes you so, so happy and he's so good to you, but he doesn't have a lot of money, and that's the only thing I would say try to find a way to make it work. Because everything else is so hard to come by, right? Like the attraction and the compatibility besides money. But, like, if he's so he's good to you and you really love him, can you make it work? Like, I know for me, there's two guys in particular that are coming to mind that I've dated that didn't have any money. There were other things, right? Like, it wasn't just the money thing, I think is what ultimately made me kind of start to be like, but there were other reasons why it was never going to work long term. But that's why it's so shitty. It's like, do you go for the guy that, let's just say, has no money, but he's such an amazing guy in every other aspect of life. Or do you go for the guy with money, but there's an empty relationship? I absolutely say go for the guy with no money who makes you happy because you don't need a lot of money to have a good time with this guy. You know, you could sit on your couch and have the best time with this guy and have a really deep conversation, but you could live in a huge house and have all the things with the guy who doesn't make you super happy. And you're going to feel so empty and alone. Trust me, you're going to feel so empty and alone. So I see. There's always so many layers to these things. Like, I need to know more. But that is my advice on that. If it's a guy, if you can make it work with not a lot of money. I think that's the move. Okay. People not wanting to discuss their past relationships. I'm sure this is controversial. In what world is that controversial? Why the would no one want to discuss their past relationships? I'm sorry. That's a red flag to me. A guy doesn't want to tell me about his past relationships. Why are you a psycho? I need to know about your past relationships because it helps me to understand you better. The only reason that we talk about past relationships is because it's a. It helps me see into your world and who you are and what you've been through. That's why if a guy can't talk about his past relationships, it makes me feel like because he's not over them or like he murdered his ex. Like, I don't. Like something weird's going on. That is a red flag. A guy who won't talk about his past. No, that's weird. That is so weird. Talking about your relationship dynamic is like, I have found, especially when you've been divorced, talking about the reasons why you got a divorce and what you learned from it and now ultimately what you want. Like, those are big conversations in the dating world. Like, we are going in on that. We are going in on that. No, I'm sorry. That is weird. Okay, we're gonna do one more. We'll do a voicemail, and then we're gonna turn this into a part two. So we will. Okay, here. We're gonna do one more.
- [34:28]
C
So right now, and a lot of the times I'm really torn between. While you're looking for the right one, don't forget to have fun with the wrong ones. And I feel like that's the type of girl that I've been in the past. Like, I tend to connect easily with people, especially guys, and I explore any and all relationships, but a lot of times they end up being emotionally unavailable or toxic or whatever. But even when it ends badly, I'm still really grateful for the time that we had together. So that's kind of where I'm bucketed. But I'm torn between that and the flip side of that, which is don't waste your time on people that aren't meant for you and kind of just date intentionally and, you know, kind of move on from those people quickly, which, I don't know. It's like, life is so short. I don't want to just hide in my apartment and not, you know, date people at all until it's like they check all my boxes. I want to have fun along the way, but how can I strike a balance between both?
- [35:36]
A
Oh, this is so common. I struggle with this. I think. I think, well, she just said it. She wants to have fun also along the way. So that means go out and do the thing. I think it's whatever your belief system is. If you are taking the belief of like, okay, I'll be honest with you guys. Kind of where I'm at right now in my life is I feel like the universe has been testing me lately, and I think I have to. Well, I have. I think I've had to be like, no, I'm not doing this, because I think the universe is like, how serious are you? You want a serious relationship? Well, let's see if you mean it. And I've failed a few times. So I'm under the belief with where I'm at in my life. I need to start one, and I have been for the most part. But I need to really start intentionally dating and dating to find my guy. Right. But I think if you're more in this space, which is where it sounds like she is, of, yes, you want to be in a committed relationship, and while you're looking for the one, you still want to be able to go out and have fun and meet new people. And there's takeaway from everyone you date. I think then absolutely, you should be going out and having fun. Absolutely. Because guys. Also, the flip side of that is I've gone on probably four dates in a year. I'm not. I'm not exaggerating. I've probably gone on four dates in a year. Is that right? Probably. Well, here I could figure it out, actually. I went on. I went on like, three or four dates with one person in la. I told you guys about that. And then I went on. Oh, I've gone. I went on two other. Just first dates. So, I mean. Yeah, I really. It's. So the flip side is, when you are dating intentionally, it gets real quiet. It gets really quiet. Okay. So I think you should absolutely be going out and having fun. I just do. If I didn't have kids and my life wasn't so. So full in that sense and busy, and I would be going on more dates probably knowing that these guys are not the one. But I do. I'll go on one date with someone and I'm like, I know he's not the one. So I'm not gonna waste my time on a second date. That's just where I'm at. But in the last six years. Well, I'd say up until about a year ago, I was definitely going out with people that I was like, I'm not gonna marry this guy. But I wanted to have fun. And so I think it's whatever you want. I think it's. It depends on where you're at in your life and what your belief system is. I'm under the impression right now that I have to show the universe I'm serious. So that's why I cannot be just going out with anybody for fun. But I think you should do it for me. Okay, we're gonna take a break. We're gonna stop. We're gonna do a part two, so we'll finish these. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.