← Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
Thank God I Didn’t Get the Thing I Wanted — Listener Questions Pt. 2
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Kristen Cavallari
The following podcast is a Dr. Media production. This is, let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Okay, how we doing, guys? We are back for part two of Listener Questions. I have not left, I have still been here. But for you guys this is a brand new week. So welcome back. Last week we really kind of started talking a lot about dating. My personal dating journey here in the last few months, where I'm currently at when it comes to love. So if you didn't listen to that and you care about that, you can go check that one out. But we're just gonna keep the party going here and you guys submitted questions to me on Instagram and just picking right back up where we left off from last week. We're gonna continue about dating. Not necessarily about me per se, but more of the kind of the stuff that you guys wanted to know. So let's see, let's talk about. Someone said my ex of two years dates someone else 10 days after breakup. How do I not spiral? So here's what you have to remember. So when someone goes immediately into something else after a breakup, whether it's a six month relationship or two years, like in this case, that is because they do not want to sit with the feelings, the emotions and they're just, they're running from the hurt or the sadness or whatever it is, they don't want to deal with it and they are distracting. So I've experienced this before where, and I know, listen, girls can do this too, but where guys, they, they can't sit in it. And so what they do is they distract themselves with as many girls as possible or like follow every single girl on Instagram and like go, you know, they're like going out all the time. And I think maybe sometimes from the outside world it looks like they're having fun and like they're enjoying their life. They're like out and they're like with all these girls and they're like doing all these things. But all that tells me is how immature they are and how they cannot deal with their emotions. But what's going to happen is maybe it's not hitting them right now because they're again distracting. It will eventually hit them. This happens sometimes. I saw something about this actually recently that I don't know. I think maybe this might be more common for men to do is because they don't Want to process it immediately. Like, breakups hit them months later after, you know, the dust has kind of settled and reality is setting in and they're no longer. It's not like, fun and like, ooh, new shiny object. Like it. Reality is setting in, and then they process it, and then they miss you really, really bad. So I would say don't spiral, because this shows his emotional maturity. And quite frankly, if this is what he does because he avoids his emotions, you don't want to be with someone like that anyways. So you dodged a bullet. And I just think it's so obvious. I really do. I just think it's so obvious when guys do this, of going from one thing to the next. So that tells me you can't be alone, by the way. And if you don't have an alone period after a breakup, you've done zero processing, zero reflecting. And because you've done no reflecting, there is no growth, none whatsoever. So any problems that he had in your relationship, he's going to carry on into the next. And he's just trying to numb. Numb and distract. And. And you don't want a man who's going to do that. Someone said what to do when an ex keeps coming back, but the time for it to work has just sadly passed. Yeah. I think if you really are over it, and you know that you're over it, you have to communicate that. Because if he keeps coming back, I think it's because he feels like there's a chance. And I know. Listen, hey, I. I've been here before. It's really flattering to have an ex come back. You know, it does. It makes you feel good and. Well, actually, I don't know. I've been in. I've been in both situations where I'm like, oh, my God, why won't he leave me alone? And then I've also been like, oh, he texted me. So it could go either way. But I think if you're over it and there's no chance, it's not fair to him to string him along or give him this false sense of hope. So as hard as it may be, you have to communicate to him that, you know, it's just not there anymore. And, you know, you guys are in on different paths now and you cherish the time you had together, but that's where it has to end. That can be so hard, though, exes. I mean, I've had one example where it's been this, like, crazy cycle of, like, we just can't let each other go but finally, someone has to just barking. Do it. Like, just end it for real this time. Like, this is it. This is it. Someone has to do it. And then I swear to God, you guys, when you break up, no looking at anything for at least 30 days. Mute them on social media or unfollow them. Block them if you have to, so you don't see their stuff on. Or maybe don't block because that looks kind of petty. But on TikTok, you can do the not interested button. Did you guys know this? If something pops up and you don't want to see it, just click not interested. And they don't. They'll never know. Don't look at old text messages. Don't look at pictures. Like, get this person out of your life. That is the only way. That is the only way to really move on from someone. I swear to God. Otherwise, they're, like, still kind of lingering in your head. Like, let's just cut it off. Let's cut it off completely. Mm. This is a good one. How to deal with men who shame you for reacting to their shitty behavior. That, my friends, is what gaslighting is. And it's common. It just is common. It's such a pet peeve of mine because I've been on that end of things for so long of someone treats you like shit and then you finally stand up for yourself or react, and then that's what they focus on, is your reaction to their behavior. But it has nothing to do with their behavior now. It's only about your reaction. So this is toxic as fuck. And this is something that you should not be involved in. I think if you can spot this early on in dating, be so happy. Be so happy that you figured it out quickly because that is not somebody that you want to be in relationship with. We need to be attracting emotionally mature men into our lives. And I've been here too many times, too fudgeing many. And then it gets to a point for me. It's gotten to a point in the last few years. I'm not going to put a timestamp on anything so you guys will know who I'm talking about. But there is one man in particular where then I was like, by me, even engaging in this and continuing down this road makes me the fucking idiot. I'm now the idiot. I'm the like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, it gets to a point where you have to take a look in the mirror and be like, why am I putting up with this? Clearly I don't value and love myself enough to be like, this is crazy behavior and something that I don't need to put up with. So that gaslighting, though, that doesn't. In my experience, it doesn't get better. This is toxic behavior. I don't. I don't like that at all. I say run. Okay, Someone just wrote Getting over boys, so. Getting over boys. Listen, boys can be fun. I get it. I think you can have fun with the boys if you know that there is no future. But hey, listen, we all want to be that girl that, like, changes the boy, you know? And hey, I've done that. Okay? I have done that. It can be done. But I don't think we should go into anything thinking that, like, we're gonna change them. And I've also been the girl version of a fuck boy. And I just think it's a recipe for disaster and potentially having your heart broken if you're looking to a fuckboy for something more than just a good time, unfortunately. And again, everything really goes back, you guys, to how you feel about yourself. Because someone who is okay being alone, who values themsel, who loves themsel, who, you know, demands respect from the opposite sex, won't put up with that crap. And I think it's different if you're 21. Like, we all go through that, you know, But I think as an adult, it really boils down to how you feel about yourself. And I have thought this, me being the girl version of it before. There have been men in my life that I have been like, why are you still trying to see me, like, have some more respect for yourself after, like, months. And you guys, I'm not even kidding. Sometimes years of me always making up an excuse why I don't. Can't hang out of me. Like, just. I don't know, I've looked at these guys and been like, have some respect for yourself. And I know guys look at girls like that, so. And I would say that too, too have enough respect for yourself that you're not putting up with this. If a guy, like, you know, you guys, you know, if a guy is into you or not, if you're confused, it's because he's not into you. And if he's giving you bare minimum, it's because he just wants you to be part of, you know, just string you along, but he doesn't actually like you. So if I notice one day, even like an energy shift in communication with me and a guy, I am like, oh, I'm backing off. I'm backing off. Going to Match your energy. And I've said that before on the podcast, you have to match their energy because if you're the one always initiating, if you're the one that's trying to make plans, if you're the one that's texting for like it, just stop, just stop, pull back and see what happens that on. That's what I would say. And actually, you know, I know it's funny, someone said that. Where is that? Oh, someone said when you stop being the one to reach out first all the time and now silence from those people. Well, there's your answer, you guys, if you are the only one initiating and nothing is being reciprocated, there's your answer. Why are we going to be in a relationship or a friendship with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you, who clearly doesn't care if you're in their life or not? I think that's a good test. Not that we want to be testing people in our lives all the time, but like if you're kind of unsure about someone, stop reaching out, stop respond, not stop responding, but stop reaching out and stop initiating and see what happens if they don't text. You guys, you have your answer. So be thankful. I would say be happy about this because wouldn't you rather know that, okay, these people don't feel the same way about you and now you can take that energy and meet new people and have people that want to be in your life. And I'm talking about friendships too, like having any kind of relationship in your life that's reciprocated, you know, I mean, we don't want people that don't care about us like that. I want to take a minute and talk to you guys about Bon Charge. Bon Charge is a holistic wellness brand with a huge range of evidence based products to optimize your life in every way. 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Push up bras can be a game changer when it comes to any outfit and honestly, I usually hate wearing bras. I just find them to be so uncomfortable. But I will say that's one thing skims makes really comfortable bras. Even a push up bra can be comfortable, believe it or not. I just feel that extra little boost of confidence whenever I wear the Skims Ultimate Teardrop push up bra. You guys, the technology is insane. Other push up bras used to have a ton of padding just giving you that unnatural lift. But this bra is your boobs but better. So shop the Skims Ultimate Bra collection and more@skims.com and Skims stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that I sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select my show. Let's be honest in the drop down menu that follows, someone said how to not feel sad being 35 with no engagement husband or kids. My best friend Biggs and I did a whole episode about this last Friday, February, I believe it was. I would recommend going and listening to that because Biggs was you. And she was the last one out of most of her friends to get married and have a baby. And we had a lot of conversations about that. Because the hard part is when everyone else is asking you like, so what's going on with dating? So why haven't you met someone, by the way? I've experienced that to a degree and I have kids and you know, and I've been married. So I can only imagine, like that's just me empathizing with you because that would get really fucking old, quite honestly. And I think, you know, you just have to remember that everyone is on a different timeline and we are all going through a different journey on this earth. And no one fully understands my journey the same way I don't fully understand anyone else's journey. Our journey is our own. It is for us, and no one has to understand it. But I think if you can just stop comparing yourself to anybody else. The only person all of us should be comparing ourselves to is ourselves. Because comparison is the thief of joy. I would focus on the things in your life that you enjoy and do more of them. What do you like doing? And instead of focusing on the lack, start focusing on what you do have. Because I'm a huge believer in this. It's really manifestation in that you can't attract something. Like if you're like, where is my man? Where is my man? Well, that's just growing that energy of him not being there, where instead if you flip it and you're like, you put that love back on yourself and you do things that bring you joy. So now you're in this vibration of like, happiness and joy, then that will eventually attract that. And maybe there's a piece that you need to learn self love too. I don't know. I'm probably just projecting at this point now because I needed to do that in the last few years of like, where is a guy? Where is a guy? It's because I needed to learn self love and I need to start putting that love back into myself. And so I would just focus on the good things in your life. Focus on your girlfriends, focus on, you know, if, if you love your work, if you love your family, you know, your mom, and if you've got siblings, whatever it is, focus on that stuff. Do what makes you happy instead of focusing on and listen. It's easier said than done. I have sad times too, and that's okay. I think we should allow ourselves to be sad also. I don't think that should be something that you're like, no, I'm snap out of it. I'm not gonna be sad. I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to be sad and to want certain things in our lives. But I think then feel it. Maybe journal. Like I love to journal when I'm feeling kind of sad because I do feel like it just gets it out and then I always wake up the next day feeling a lot better. And then again, just get back to doing the things that bring you happiness. Okay, now we're moving into more just like, I don't wanna say mental health, but just, yeah, mental health, I guess. Okay, how and where to start to better your life and create good habits. So I think if you are wanting to make a change in your life, I think it's important to start small because we want to set ourselves up for success. So instead of overhauling your whole fucking life in one day, which is unrealistic, pick one thing that you want to change for the week. So let's say you want to, I don't know, eat better this week. Just start with that. So start with one thing. So what are you going to do? You're going to get rid of processed food? Okay, great. Just start with that. That seems realistic and easy to do. But again, even if that's your one thing for the week, you have to set yourself up for success. So that can't be something where. If you want to get rid of processed food for the week, but now you're traveling and you're unprepared, well, you're of course going to eat processed food. If you don't want to eat processed food and you're Traveling, you have to bring food with you on the airplane. I do that every time I fly. You have to go to the grocery store. Maybe you have to meal prep a little bit, maybe you have to, you know, bring food into the office. Maybe, you know, you just, you have to, you have to make changes in your life in order to do these things. So again, start small, but set yourself up for success so that then you don't feel shitty about yourself when you weren't able to accomplish your goal. And, and I think for creating good habits. Good habits to you may be different than good habits to me. And that's not something that someone can tell you, like how to better your life. Again, probably different for the two of us. So I think you have to decide in what ways do you want to better your life? Do you want to work out more? Do you want to eat better? Do you want to start dressing better? Do you want to start making self care a priority? Do you want to make more time for your girlfriends? Do you want to make more time for your family? Do you want to be in nature more? I mean, I don't know what that looks like for you. Make a list of the things that you think would better your life and then what are habits that could then fuel those things that will better your life? And habits are things we do every day, right? So it won't be a habit at first. It's training yourself then to make something a habit. And so it's just making a conscious effort for a few weeks or whatever it is until it does become more routine, more habit, making the time and creating the space again to set yourself up for success. So we'll just keep using the food thing as an example if you want to start eating better and eating less processed food. Okay, so then what you're going to have to do is like I said, you're now making a grocery list, your menu planning. And again, it might not have to be this extensive. I'm just throwing this out there because maybe, maybe that's not what's important to you. Menu planning. I, I, this is what I do. I love to menu plan. I love to have everything planned out and be organized. I love going to the grocery store usually, usually once a week. And then I also like going to the farmer's market. These are habits of mine that I have created. These, of course, were not always habits, but they are important to me and I've learned now, you know, it's become so consistent that these are, I guess you could call them habits. So, and this is how I set my family and I up for success. So I always sit down and make a menu and at the same time I make my grocery list and then I make a separate list for the farmer's market. What I really like to do is the farmer's market is Saturday mornings. I like to do the farmer's market first because then I know whatever I am not able to get at the farmer's market, I have to then supplement at the grocery store. So I usually do do it on the weekends. And if I'm, like I said, if I'm traveling, I am always bringing food with me. You will actually not see me leave my house without some sort of a snack, at least in my purse. But definitely traveling. I always bring food, depending on what city I'm going to. I'm researching healthy restaurants. I'm always looking up organic coffee shops. Like I'm doing the work because I care about this stuff. And so again, you just have to decide in what ways what habits will better your life. Do you want to start working out more? Well, maybe that means you have to wake up earlier, you know, and it's going to suck at first. Waking up at 5 or 6am really fucking sucks. There was a period of my life where I woke up at 5am every day because I was the only time in the day I'd be able to work out. And it sucked. But I also needed that. And I had little kids at the time and that was my me time, you know, it was. And having that peace of quiet before everyone in the house got up was actually pretty special. So there's ways around it and you just have to flip the switch. So instead of being like, fuck, I do not want to wake up at 5am it's like, oh, I get to have my me time. Sort of like rewiring your brain, you know, to focus on the positives with all of the little habits that you are creating. Okay, this quite literally says mental health. Have you ever been depressed? If so, why? And how did you get out? I don't know if I've been depressed. I don't know. What I do know is I've had really tough times in my life. There have been a lot of tough times in my life. And even in my early 20s, I remember, well, since eighth grade, I've always kind of kept a journal of some sort. And there's been periods of my life where I've written in them way more than others. Most of the time it's just these random, like even every few Months or whatever, I'll come, I'll come back to it and write. But in my early 20s, I would go out and I would come home sometimes and I would just get a piece of paper and just start writing, writing. And I've since gone back and read them and I would just be like, I don't. These were like my journal entries. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just so sad. Like, I just, like, I could tell, like I was struggling, you know, I was really struggling. And I've had a lot of moments in my life like that. And I think the best thing to do is when you're going through a really difficult time. And listen, obviously there are situations where you may need a doctor. I think the biggest thing to do is to focus on the positives. And I know that can be really difficult during a really hard time. But I think everything we go through in life, there's a reason. And I think having faith is the most important thing. I mean, I was never really religious or spiritual growing up. And I've found that honestly since my brother died. My brother dying was sort of like what jump started my spiritual journey. And when my brother died, it was really traumatic. And he, how he died felt like we were on one of those unsolved murder mystery shows. We couldn't find his body for a couple weeks. I had a newborn baby. Sailor was just born. And then I also got into a car accident and dislocated my elbow. I was in a cast. I couldn't. I was a nursing sailor at the time. I couldn't put her up to my boob by myself. I had to have people help me. Like, it just. I was in a bad place with some of the people in my life too. And that was a really hard time in my life. And I just remember, well, I had to stay strong for my baby. And I had two, obviously other kids too. And I, you know, I. I had to dig in deep and find the strength. But I think sometimes when it feels like your whole world is falling apart, and I guess that's my point. I've had a few times in my life where it has felt like my whole world has been falling apart. Now looking back, I can see that it was actually all for good things. Sometimes our. It seems like our lives are falling apart so that better things can come together. And when you're in it, it's hard to have that vision. But if you can keep the faith and hold onto something bigger than you and know that everything Happens for a reason. I really believe that. I really, in my soul, think everything happens for a reason. I also don't think that we're given anything that we can't handle. And I just. That's gotten me through a lot of dark times of. There's a reason why I'm going through this, and I think it's important to tell yourself this while you're going through these times. There's a reason why I'm going through this. I can't necessarily see it right now, but one day I'm going to look back on this time and I'm going to understand why. And I promise you guys now, looking back on my life, every time I've had a bad. I've gone through a really hard, dark time. And you get out and you can finally see the light, you understand why you went through it. So keeping that faith is. Is really important. And actually, well, this kind of goes hand in hand, how you get over setbacks. I look at setbacks as either redirection or. Yes, but not right now. So I don't look at setbacks as a bad thing. I always think setbacks are happening for a reason. And again, they go hand in hand. I think getting to a place of fully trusting the universe, or fully trusting God or whatever you want to call it, fully trusting in something helps a lot. And I. I believe that. I really do. I think again, and now, like, you know, I'm 38. Like, I can look back now at my life and be like, okay, it all makes sense. It all makes sense. And sometimes the thing that I wanted, that I didn't get, thank God I didn't get that, because then it, you know, moved me in a different direction and opened up all these other doors and all these other great things came from it. So it's having that trust with the universe that setbacks are protection or not getting what you think you want. Also protection. And again, everything you go through is happening for a reason. Okay. Someone asked about my relationship with my mom, and I love this question. So my mom is my best friend. I love my mom so much. And I realize how incredibly fortunate I am to have my mom. My mom is the epitome of Midwestern mom. You know, she is support, so supportive and everything I do. She is sweet, she's always there. She is a great listener. She is someone who's really comforting. Like, I love calling my mom with a problem or when I've gone through something because she doesn't try to solve it. She doesn't try to fix it. She's not like, well, what you should be doing is this. Because, by the way, no one wants to fucking hear that. We all want empathy when we're going through something, and empathy is someone sitting in it with us. Sympathy is. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you're going through that. I. Sympathy. I don't want sympathy either. I want empathy from the people in my life. Yes. This is happening to both of us. Or. Or just listening and being there and like, yeah, what you're going through sucks. That sucks. I don't need you to solve anything for me. My mom is really good at that. She just always makes me feel better. My mom also just has really good advice, too, or just, like, good insight into life. Just different things in life. My mom and I also have, like, parallel lives in a lot of ways. Like, we've gone through similar things, and so she's been a good one for me all of these years to have someone to talk to because she fully has understood a lot of the hard times that I've gone through. But it wasn't always like that. My mom and I had a really tumultuous relationship. Relationship for a period of life. And, you know, when I was a teenager, I would say for the most part. And, you know, looking back, I understand it very clearly, and I think we both wish we could have done things differently. I mean, I know. I really do. I was a little shit. I was really angry. I had a lot of anger, and I was confused about a lot of things as far as my family dynamic and, you know, not to get into the weeds of it all, but. Yeah, I just. I. I was a really unhappy teenager. I was a happy kid as far as I can remember. But I think everything sort of started to hit me when I. I think when I got into, like, sixth grade, middle school, you know, that's when it all sort of started to come out. And I took out a lot of my anger on my mom in high school and for different reasons, you know, and like I said, I mean, I think what's so great about my mom, too, is she's owned up to her. Her mistakes. And, I don't know, I think as a kid, like, that's. Or I think as people really, we just want acknowledgment, accountability, you know, at least for me, that's all I ever want. And I think because of that, with my kids, you know, I really try to hear my kids, and I really, really do. When I've done something that's hurt them or if they're upset with me about whatever. I really do try to listen and I really try to apologize and take accountability. I think that's important. I also think it's important for kids to see parents. Well, yeah, just taking ownership of their behavior and realizing, you know, because parents, parents are not perfect. We all know that. I think when you're little, you think your parents are perfect and then you grow up and you're like, holy, my parents make mistakes too. They're human, you know. And I think for emotional intelligence, for kids to have, you know, strong emotional intelligence growing up, they need at least one parent. I don't think you need two good parents. And every parenting book you ever read says kids need one good parent. If they've got two, even better. But they need one that is emotionally mature, that can have conversations with them and teach them right. How to then be in relationship and how to say you're sorry, how to take accountability, how to also express your feelings instead of attacking. Okay, here's a brand that I talk about often and for good reason. That's Ritual. Seems like everything is connected to your gut microbiome. Fact is, we're learning so much about how the gut microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity and of course, digestion. If you're looking for digestive support, Ritual has got your back, or rather your biome with symbiotic plus, a 3 in 1 supplement of clinically studied pre, pro and postbiotics to support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. You guys know that I love probiotics and I've been taking the Ritual Symbiotic plus for months now. 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That's neutrful.com promo code honest gift. Oh, this is another question. Actually, someone said, what you learned and gained from therapy, any techniques would be appreciated. So I actually just had this conversation with someone. I was in therapy, God, pretty much my whole life, right? Like from third grade when my parents got divorced, off and on until, I think, five years ago. I've said this, but my divorce was actually the first time in my life I didn't go to, like, traditional therapy. That's when I started doing other, I think, forms of therapy with, like, hypnotherapy and like, a lot of journaling and stuff like that. But anyways. But the one really good thing that I did learn in traditional therapy is how to have an effective conversation with someone. And what it is is there's always a listener and there's always a talker. So let's say I come to you with a problem, something that you did, that hurt my feelings. Then, okay, so I'm the talker and you're the listener. So I say, hey, Robert, I'm pulling this out of my ass. Hey, Robert, yesterday when you were explaining this situation to me, you know, it felt like you were attacking me because of X, Y and Z. You know, I don't know, whatever. Okay. So then Robert would say, okay, I want to make sure I'm fully understanding what you're saying. So Robert's not putting his take on it. He's trying to fully understand what I am saying. I want to make sure I'm hearing you correctly. Is now what the listener is supposed to do. So let me get this straight. So you felt like yesterday when I was explaining that to you, you felt like I Attacked you because of X, Y, and Z. And I would say, yes, that's exactly right. And he would say, wow, okay, I am so sorry that you felt attacked. Wow. That was not my intention. I really want you to know that was not how I was. I was trying to make you feel at all. And I say, okay, thank you. Thank you. Honestly, you guys, that 90% of the time is all we need. Like, thank you. You heard me and you apologized. That's it. It can actually be that fucking simple. But okay, then what we can do is okay, as the talker now, I say, great, I'm. Yes. I feel seen. I feel heard. Okay, I'm done. Now the listener can become the talker, and I'm now the listener. And then Robert says, oh, wow. Okay. I'm really happy you told me this. I want you to know that yesterday, I just want you to know this is what was going through my head again. Never once wanted to attack you. I think I was maybe projecting my own shit onto you, and I was dealing with this. And so I guess it came out like that, you know, and that I just. That was never my intention. So then I say, okay, so you were. I see. So you were actually dealing with all these other problems that had nothing to do with me, even though I felt attacked. But, yeah, no, I see it now. It literally had nothing to do with me. Yes, that's exactly right. Okay, great. Oh, okay, great. And, like, it seems so simple, right? But try it in your lives, you guys, because no one has fucking conversations like that. Like, let's keep it real. In a perfect world, we all would. But that creates real intimacy because not only then are you feeling seen and heard and. And getting your apology, but now you're able to understand where Robert was coming from too. And he's opening up his world to let you in as well, which is, of course, intimacy. And so that develops an even deeper connection between. Than you had previously. That's why I actually think tough conversations really deepen intimacy and can make you closer, because that's what that is. But I think part of the problem is when we bring something up to someone, everyone immediately gets defensive and is like, no, I didn't do that. Like, well, this is. It's like, hang on, you're not hearing me. Like, I always feel like that. Like, hold on, you're not hearing me. Like, you're getting defensive, but you're not hearing what I'm saying. That's why it's so important to. Then just make sure you're hearing them. Correctly. Try it in your relationships. You guys, I swear that is like the one thing like, thank you. Therapy that has changed how I communicate with people all the time. All the time. And I think you can also. And I learned this in therapy too. You can also go into a conversation by saying, setting the intention out loud, being like, I really want this to go well. I care about you so much and my intentions are always pure. I just want you to know that. Okay, so yesterday when blah, blah, blah. I think those are all really good things to have. Okay. It's been a lot of deep, deep emotional stuff that we're covering. You guys. Let's talk about some lighter stuff. Okay? So someone said how you look. So there's no good segue for this. By the way. How you look so amazing without Botox. Give us the secrets. So I want, I'm going to walk you guys through everything I do. And thank you, by the way. Here's what I do. I. Skincare is very important to me and taking care of myself is very important to me. It starts with that. It starts with everything I'm putting in my body. I eat very clean for the most part. I eat as organic as often as possible. I am eating no junk, right? Like very minimally processed food. My coffee beans are organic. If I do milk, it's raw milk that I get from a farm or I do a canned coconut milk. The simple canned coconut milk without the gar gum in it or whatever it's called. All of my meat is from the farmer's market. I'm getting wild caught fish. I'm getting all of my beef is from a farm that's like literally down the road from me. My chicken, same thing. Although I don't. Chicken's a hard one to find out here. Sometimes I do just get the organic chicken thighs at Whole Foods. All of my veggies and my fruit are organic. I'm trying to think what else? Basically what I do is I read ingredient labels and I try to stay away from chemicals. Man made chemicals, you know, I'm trying to eat or as close to as natural state as possible. It's sort of the gist of it. Right? Okay. So that's step one. I work out consistently. I work out four to five times a week. I drink a shit ton of water. Good quality water, filtered water is really important. The. The water that you're drinking, I have, I think it's called the pristine hydro water filter in my house. For drinking water, bottled water, I will do a spring water and a glass bottle Mountain, valley, or what's that one? Water. It's reverse osmosis, but then they add minerals back into it. True water, maybe true life, true water. I don't know. But that's in a plastic bottle, so I'm not crazy about it, but, like, purified water is shit, you guys. There is so much crap in water. So it's being really mindful about everything you're putting in your body, everything you're putting on your body. I am crazy about getting clean shampoo, clean lotions, clean skin care products. Everything in uncommon beauty is. Is clean. I mean, I can just tell you that. Which I do use. I supplement skin care products, though. But I'm trying. But everything is clean. I think, like, cleaning up everything that's going in on around your body. I have air purifiers in my house. I have. I'm trying to think what else I do. My laundry detergent is really clean. My cleaning supplies are clean. It is cleaning up everything in your life. I swear to God, that will make a difference. Okay, so that's step one. And you guys, this is like, it's a lot. I get that. But I'm telling you what I do, okay? That's step one. Step two. I've talked about this prf I have done. That's where they take your blood, they spin it, they take that gold plasma, basically, and then they inject it under your eyes. I've done that, I think, five times over the course of a year, and it's made a huge difference under my eyes. I have actually just recently started doing it in my NASIO lobby folds or whatever the hell they're. I don't. I'm totally butchering that. But around my mouth. I've actually done it in my lips too. That is incredible. I do micro needling every six weeks. I've been consistent about that. I guasha. Okay, here's what's new in my routine. About a year ago, I started Gua Sha. And I remember my mom saying to me for years, you should gua sha. You should guasha. I really noticed the difference. And I'm like, what the fuck is Gua Sha gonna do? Like, I thought it was. Quite honestly, I really thought it was. But a year ago, I was like, maybe I should listen to my mom. You know, my mom is in her 70s, and my mom looks really good, and she doesn't do any of the filler Botox bullshit. So I just decided I'm gonna do it. And then we came out with a face oil and A gua sha at Uncommon James. And I've been doing them. I've been doing it consistently, you guys, and I swear by it. I swear by it. I have had friends say to me, your face looks snatched. What have you been doing with your face? I've had, actually, people accuse me on social media of my. Your jawline looks different. I'm like, what the do you think I'm doing to my jawline? Like, I don't even like what I've talked about how I want a facelift in 10 years, maybe I might not need one, honestly, because my mom is my inspiration. My mom looks incredible. But my friends have asked me. The only thing I've done differently in my routine has been gua sha. And when I first started doing it, I was on the gua sha side of TikTok. And because you really want to make sure your technique is right and go watch a video on it. I mean, I can't explain it here in this podcast, but it does make a difference, I think. And it makes sense, right? Moving, you know, your lymphatic system. I mean, that makes sense. So here's sort of like my thing with Botox and why I don't do it. Botox is fucking up your lymphatic system. I think it makes more sense to get your lymphatic system moving, work the face muscles out the same way you would any other muscle in your body, rather than freezing it. So I also have. It's the pico toner. It's this home microcurrent device. I've had that for a long time. Actually. I've had that for probably 15 years. And I used to use it religiously. Now I only use it periodically. But I gotta tell you, I do feel like all of the times that I've used it have probably helped. And when I get facials, I get. I really only get facials in New York or L. A, but they do the microcurrent on me. So I do think microcurrent works really well. But I swear, you guys, I think the gua sha thing also, I get ample amounts of sleep. I really don't drink alcohol that much, especially lately. But, like, even before I did, like, dry February and everything, guys, I maybe drink twice a month, honestly, like. And that's been consistent for me for the last few years. And so I think all of these things play a role. You want to know what else I think helps? Going outside, getting in nature, putting your feet in some fucking grass and grounding, and having a spiritual Practice and working through your trauma and practicing gratitude, you guys, I swear. I know it sounds so cheesy and hippie, but it makes a difference. You want to know why? Because happiness is an inside job and happiness equals beauty. Because when you feel good on the inside, when you're happy and peaceful and content, that's what shines through. I'm telling you right now. So I just think, yeah, it's a lot of work. It's a lot. It's a lot. But I feel and look the best I ever have in my entire life. And it's not lost on me that it's because I am mentally in the best place I ever have been. I'm the most peaceful, the most quiet, grounded, the most secure, the most full of love that I've ever been. And it's because of the inner work that I've done. And that's ultimately what shines through. And then again, we can be doing all of these other things on top of it to help, you know, the prf. The PRF has changed my under eyes. It has, and I love that because it's your own blood. There's no harm to that. You know, what else do I do? I do get a facial. Like I said, when I'm in New York, I go to Joanna Check. When I'm in la, I go to Nary Colon at the Shani Darden Salon Salon Spa. What do you call that? Facialist facial place, whatever. And those facials are awesome. They do extractions, they do microcurrent, they do red light therapy. They do all the things. Oh, red light therapy is great too. I do do red light and I just actually did. Well, I've done two Hydra facials now. I did one right before the tour. I liked that. I might keep that up actually here in Nashville. Hydro facials. Hydration really, I think is everything when it comes to skin care. Hydration, hydration, hydration. I was always prone to zits, and so I was always scared of hydration. And it I Learned in my 20s, my later 20s, even if you're prone to acne, prone to zits, prone to clogged pores, you still need hydration. Everyone needs hydration. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. No. Speaking of hydration, there is something that I've been doing differently. I have been for eight months maybe. Yeah, probably eight months. I've been making my own oil concoction that I load on my face. And I'm not going to tell you guys what it is because I'm trying to develop it with Uncommon James, but it's a game changer, and it's three oils, and they're all natural. And I make my own oil, and I put it in this little baby mason jar, and I even brought it on tour with me. You guys, I had my mason jar of oil in my purse on the plane with me every time I was traveling. I didn't want to check it because I was worried the oil would go get everywhere. I load this oil on at night. In the morning, I'm slathering this oil on constantly. So I would say between this, my own oil that I've been making, which I'm hoping to have at Uncommon James for everybody soon, if we can't do it, I will tell you guys, I just don't want someone to copy me and knock it off before we come out with it. So I'm sorry. I can't tell you that. But I promise at some point, I will have it for you guys. So between my own oil concoction and the gua sha and the prf, I'd say in the last year, you know, those three things have all sort of happened in the last year. They've made a huge difference. They have. They really have. So, yeah, okay. There were some other questions, but you know what? I'll save them. I'm gonna save them because we'll do this again. And, yeah, I. I appreciate your guys's questions, always. They're fun for me, and I always like hearing what you guys want to talk about. And, yeah, as always, I. I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll see you next week.