Why Every Woman Needs a Roster of Three With Matchmaker Patti Stanger

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Why Every Woman Needs a Roster of Three With Matchmaker Patti Stanger"

Introduction In this engaging episode of Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari, host Kristin Cavallari sits down with renowned matchmaker Patti Stanger, known as the "Original Millionaire Matchmaker." Together, they delve deep into the modern dating landscape, sharing candid insights and professional advice tailored for women seeking meaningful relationships.

Shifts in the Dating Landscape The conversation begins with an exploration of demographic shifts affecting the dating scene, particularly in cities like Austin. Patti explains, “[01:19]” how the migration of men from places like Los Angeles to Austin, Miami, and Nashville—driven by factors such as state taxes and the rise of remote work—has altered where singles congregate. This relocation has led to a noticeable decrease in available men in traditionally popular dating hubs.

Challenges in Finding Quality Men Patti discusses the evolving challenges of matchmaking in a post-COVID world. She highlights how many men have become isolated, working from home and avoiding public spaces. “[00:56]” Patti laments, “Where are the men?” emphasizing the difficulty in locating quality singles amid these changes. Kristin adds her perspective, noting that men on dating apps often don’t align with her preferences, being younger and without children, which complicates her search for a compatible partner.

Strategies to Meet Potential Partners To overcome these challenges, Patti offers strategic advice on where to meet high-quality men. She recommends joining private clubs, attending yoga and Pilates classes, and engaging in activities like golf, which attract older, affluent men. “[08:07]” She suggests, “First off, anything spiritual? Metaphysical, Spiritual. Woo-woo. Who cares? Don’t care. Your belief. Put your belief at the door.” Patti emphasizes the importance of frequenting places where single men of a certain caliber are likely to be present, such as church gatherings, country clubs, and upscale social events.

Age and Relationship Dynamics The discussion touches on the optimal age range for finding serious relationships, with Patti advocating for men over 40. Kristin shares her personal situation, saying, “[09:30]” “I feel like it's about to start popping for me... I'm not looking to just have a warm body next to me. It's gotta be someone who's really bringing something to the table.” Patti concurs, highlighting that men in their 40s are often more established and ready for commitment compared to their younger counterparts.

The Role of Self-Love and Personal Growth A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the importance of self-love and personal development in the dating process. Patti asserts, “[57:07]” “Self-love is okay. So what you need to do is the five non-negotiables.” She advises women to establish clear personal standards and boundaries, ensuring that they seek partners who align with their values and life goals. Kristin echoes this sentiment, emphasizing that “everyone in my life still is still married,” underscoring the challenge of finding single men in certain communities.

Red Flags in Potential Partners Patti outlines several red flags to watch for when dating. She warns against men who speak ill of their exes, describe themselves as "collectors," or remain overly connected with past relationships. “[71:38]” She explains, “If he doesn't give you Saturday night, you are not the girl. You're not it.” Patti also discusses the dangers of love bombing and the importance of recognizing when a partner's initial charm is merely a façade for deeper issues.

Relationship Maintenance and Communication Effective communication is highlighted as crucial for sustaining healthy relationships. Patti recommends setting clear expectations and boundaries from the outset. “[67:39]” She counsels, “Don't give him slack. Ask questions like, are you in therapy? What do you feel about marriage? What do you feel about kids?” Kristin adds that maintaining open dialogue about relationships ensures both partners are aligned in their expectations and commitments.

Psychic Abilities and Personal Insights An intriguing segment of the episode delves into Patti Stanger’s claimed psychic abilities. She shares personal anecdotes about predicting significant life events from a young age, such as her aunt’s divorce and her grandmother’s passing. “[33:08]” Patti reveals, “I've always been like that as a child. I come from a narcissistic, alcoholic background.” While these insights add a unique dimension to the conversation, the primary focus remains on practical matchmaking strategies.

Conclusion The episode concludes with a heartfelt exchange between Kristin and Patti, celebrating the importance of honesty and self-awareness in the pursuit of love. Patti emphasizes the value of having a "roster of three," encouraging women to date multiple people simultaneously to refine their preferences and increase the chances of finding the right match. “[43:38]” She advises, “As you do this, you refine your taste. You see, you level up. So when you get to your level right now... you're like, I’m bored. So now you're like, I’m ready to meet him.”

Notable Quotes

• Patti Stanger: “Where are the men?” [00:56]
• Kristin Cavallari: “I am at that phase right now... I’m not looking to just have a warm body next to me.” [07:23]
• Patti Stanger: “Self-love is okay. So what you need to do is the five non-negotiables.” [57:07]
• Patti Stanger: “If he doesn't give you Saturday night, you are not the girl.” [71:38]

Final Thoughts This episode offers a blend of professional advice and personal anecdotes, providing listeners with actionable strategies to navigate the complexities of modern dating. Patti Stanger’s expertise, combined with Kristin Cavallari’s relatable experiences, makes for a compelling discussion that encourages women to take control of their love lives with honesty and intention.

Transcript

[Kristin Cavallari]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. This is, let's be honest with Kristin Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality tv, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Cause I got all the power.

[Patty Stanger]

Yep.

[Kristin Cavallari]

What's up, guys? Welcome in. I am so excited for today's episode because I have someone who I have known for years, who I absolutely love. And today's gonna be all about dating, because I am with the Original Millionaire Matchmaker, Ms. Patty Stanger herself. And we just get right into it. So enjoy this episode. Well, it's like Austin. I love Austin. I think there might be more men in Austin, though.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, I like Austin.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I do feel like there's more guys in Austin, though.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, because a lot of LA wanted a state that didn't have, you know, state tax.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

So they go to Miami, South Florida, or they go to Austin.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

And some went to Nashville. It's sprinkled around. And the men left in Covid. And they realized, like, I've talked to so many men, and they're like, I didn't realize I could make money at my computer and not have too much office. So all Wall street now is, like, digital. They don't even. I was there last week. It was, like, empty.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Wow.

[Patty Stanger]

I was like, where is everyone? They're like, oh, they're in their homes, like, working from their houses. And then when I was in Silicon, I tried to break our business into Silicon because we're global.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That would be huge.

[Patty Stanger]

But they are hairy monkeys. They look like Scott Swatch. They live in their houses. They have pictures of them with beards down to their ankles going, will you hike with me? Really? And they don't leave their houses. There isn't a spectrum. A very bad spectrum.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Well, that makes sense.

[Patty Stanger]

So I was like, okay, where are the men? Where are the men? So that's what.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Where are the men?

[Patty Stanger]

That's what I'm doing right now.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You're scouring, trying to hide.

[Patty Stanger]

And there's a lot of. Did you see the video where the guy's in a dress and he goes, will you chase me? Will you ask me out? Will you make the reservation? You know, like, you know, we were. You had it a couple weeks ago on your. On your podcast. And I was like, oh, my God, I think I sent it to you. I might have sent it to you. And then I said, this is what's happening. I had a guy, really rich, San Francisco, Good Looking go, oh, okay. You call me like, you know, we exchange numbers on the, on the group text. I was like, no, I'm old school. And then he goes, you okay, well, let's FaceTime and let's see if it hits and like, maybe you'll come up here. And I go, no, I don't FaceTime and I don't hit like that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, wait, hold on. Why won't you FaceTime?

[Patty Stanger]

Cause I actually, I won't.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, tell me why you won't.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm super intuitive and I. If I'm gonna thing is like, you're gorgeous. So you're used to making content all day long. I'm way older. I could be your grandmother. And so like, I don't think I look great on. I've checked myself. I go, I really don't like the way I look in FaceTime. There must be a distortion. And then I go, but I'm better in person. So if I think a guy is worth putting hair and makeup on and putting on a short skirt, I'd rather meet him in person the first time, whether it's drinks or dinner. Because I'm pretty intuitive. I can tell in five seconds on the phone. Like, are they a narcissist?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yes.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm really good like that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know immediately also if I'm gonna like someone or not. I've always been like that. And I've had a lot of people be like, well, you know, if the first date was okay, you should give them a second date. And I still standby. No, I will never all of a sudden start liking someone out of nowhere. So do you agree with that or not?

[Patty Stanger]

Yes.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay. You are okay. So I was watching you recently because, you know, I know you forever.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

And you've really grown up. By the way. You're an amazing mom. You make have an amazing business. You are very clear headed. You know, you're Capricorn, you have like this. I know what I want. I'm not gonna settle. You had your fun with cowboy and now it's like, I wanna get serious because my kids are growing up. You know, you're still gonna do soccer and stuff like that. But you know, they're at the age where like, I don't need your mom right now.

[Kristin Cavallari]

They wanna be with their friends all the time now. And I'm like, at my house by myself. Like, it'd be really nice to have.

[Patty Stanger]

Someone to sit on the couch. Like, I'm watching Ginny and Georgia right now on Netflix. I'm like, she's sitting on the couch even though she's arrested. And I'm going, oh, my God. Like, I want that. I want someone who loves me that much. I know who'll stand by me if I get convicted killer or whatever.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

So I know what you're feeling. So, like, you're simple. Look, we both love to cook. You're really organic like I am, and we just want that that matches your frequency. So what happens is as women level up, because we are the smarter sex, we use both sides of our brain, the corpus callosum. This is science. And we learn faster and quicker. We're working on ourselves. So a girl will break up and she'll go, I don't know why I broke up, like I do with my ex. And then I go work on myself. Whether I go to the Hoffman Institute or take EMDR or whatever. Like, I just heard Sandra Bullock, like, just did emdr. And we're going to find that specialty, that healer, that psychic, that therapist. A guy goes, oh, she just broke up with me. This is really awful. I'm eating Haagen Dazs, watching sports, miserable. I got to get another girl. And they immediately go on the app or wherever they have to go, and they go from one to one to the one till they hit because they don't want to feel their feelings.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly. I have always said this, guys cannot sit in it, so they immediately go to the next girl. And I think not only the apps, even Instagram has basically become it.

[Patty Stanger]

That's a dating service, right?

[Kristin Cavallari]

It literally is.

[Patty Stanger]

If you. I'm not gonna say, well, I don't wanna say Jay too much, but if you look at Jay, he's a really good. On paper, he's this really good looking man, you know, has a great career. And then other girls are going, Kristin Cavill was married. Oh my God, he's gold. He's stock market value. And they start hitting it. Like Nick Val, when I worked with him on my show. Oh, he's great.

[Kristin Cavallari]

He's been on the podcast.

[Patty Stanger]

I said, how'd you meet your wife who's quite younger, Wink, wink. And he goes, she slid in my DMs. And I'm like, okay, well, there it is. There's my whole, whole platform of what I talk about. And women don't get choices like that. How many straight men of your age are on Instagram chasing? And then they're like, well, she's so rich, she's so good looking. How am I gonna. Oh my God, I won't be able to level Up. Like, I was looking at Carly Wad. She had an interesting thing happen, and she's in Nashville. She saw this guy on the news. He was a lawyer, and then she slipped into his dm.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, so hold on, because aren't you pretty traditional in the sense where you think the guy should be approaching the woman?

[Patty Stanger]

Absolutely.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So. But now you've just told me a couple stories, but I don't want.

[Patty Stanger]

I can't do it. Well, I wasn't trained. Okay, you were Chicago. I am New York and New Jersey. There is no way I could hear my father screaming at me, don't do that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

And so then eventually you get in a relationship, and you were thinking, like, I chased him. Does he really love me? And sometimes three, four years in, he changes his mind and goes, finds another girl. I want to know that he saw me as the one. And he said, carpe diem.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It gotta have it.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm the gatherer. You're the hunter.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly. That's how I can't do. I can't either. I agree. I want him to put in a little effort in the beginning and kind of work for it a little bit. Sorry.

[Patty Stanger]

I mean, when you've had your babies, when the eggs are popping, there's twice. There's like, obviously our period, you know, from 1835, our eggs are popping. Same thing happens right before menopause. So people go wacky, crazy.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, I didn't get that.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, women will go into purs towards men because it's jumping downstairs. And so you're, like, out of that phase. You're like, I already had that. Did that. Okay, who do you like when a man shows up, you're like, what do you got? What do you got?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I literally am at that phase right now. And, you know, and I think it's a good thing because I've said my life feels very full. I'm very content and happy on my own. You're happy, I'm happy. So I'm not looking to just have a warm body next to me. It's gotta be someone who's really bringing something to the table. But that's really hard to find.

[Patty Stanger]

But let's talk about the fact that you have your piece now. So. So a woman gets her peace. Like, I'm in this happy place in my life that I never dreamed I would be single. Like, when my ex called me, he's like, sir, who'd you take to the concert? I went to a concert and I go, no. And he goes, what do you mean? He goes, you're not dating anyone. I go, no. I'm in this place of peace, and if the right person doesn't match my frequency or my vibration, I'm really not into it. He was in shock. He was in freaking shock because they can't do that because. Well, one ex keeps calling me and asking me to marry him, and he's looking for love in Sacramento. And I'm like, okay, go to.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And I feels kind of good, right?

[Patty Stanger]

I really get friends with him because he keeps asking me to marry him. And I said, no, no, no, I'm not right for you. But here's what you do. Go to yoga class, go to spirit, go to church on Sunday. Like, I'm giving him the money.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Let me hear the list of where you're telling guys to go.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, so.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And then I want to talk about where I should be going too.

[Patty Stanger]

First off, is anything spiritual? Metaphysical, Spiritual. Woo, woo. Who cares? Don't care. Your belief. Put your belief at the door. Second is like church, temple, the mosque, wherever you go. Because women go more than men.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

And whoever runs the church, like the minister, the priest, he's gonna be like, come here, come here. The rabbi's gonna be like, look, look what I got. Single person gold mine, you know? Okay, so that's one thing. The third thing is yoga class and Pilates.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Genius.

[Patty Stanger]

For a very. So my ex, David would go to Pilates when we were dating, and I got a little nervous because I was like, you're going to Pilates. He's like, my back hurts. And da, da, da, da. My. You know, my. Somebody recommended it. And I said, how many girls are in there? He was like, 80% women. A few men. And I'm like, is anyone hitting on you? Like, I. That he went to Pilates. But now I realize that's a gold mine for men.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Totally.

[Patty Stanger]

And it's.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. Because it's always the cutest girls.

[Patty Stanger]

Right? Exactly.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, so where should the women be going? I have. I was just gonna say I feel like I need to pick up golf as a hobby.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay. Golf is number one. You get an older man in golf, you won't get a 25 year old.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No. Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

Unless he's the caddy. But you would get an older man in golf. And they. And anybody who belongs to a country club is rich.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Right.

[Patty Stanger]

Because you saw what the dues are lately. They're insane. Like 100,000, 200,000. So you're gonna find them. But if you find one married man at one of these clubs, a finance guy, a lawyer, he's gonna know somebody single.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

And you're the right. You're a good age group right now. This age group, like, I feel like.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I'm the worst age.

[Patty Stanger]

Did you turn 40 yet, or.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No, No, I have a year and a half.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, so you're approaching 40.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

This is the great age group. Cause everybody's getting divorced.

[Kristin Cavallari]

See. Okay. I feel like it's about to start popping for me. Everyone in my life still is still married. That's honestly been. Probably my biggest issue with dating in Tennessee is.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, it's very homey.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Everyone's married. I have no single guys around me. And I got back on Raya in the spring.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, you did?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I did. But it's fun for two weeks, and.

[Patty Stanger]

Then they're all out of town. They're all over the world.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And everyone that I was seeing, I feel like everyone's a little bit younger than me. No kids. And I'm like, I can't do younger again. And I can't do someone with no kids.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't want you to do younger. If they have one kid, two kids, like, older, like, in college.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Ideal.

[Patty Stanger]

Perfect. Great for your kids. Great for their kids. Great Brady Bunch Match. Yes. But we gotta start asking the single guys in finance, in equity, where men are, because men are in those industries more than they are. And, like, doctors, men. I don't know how much money they make these days.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Right.

[Patty Stanger]

You know, but lawyers. Yes, lawyers do. And so.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So where are they hanging out?

[Patty Stanger]

They're hanging out at the courthouse. They're hanging out.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I just go post up in front of the courthouse.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay. This. The finance guys, like, belong to private clubs. So you have private clubs in Nassau?

[Kristin Cavallari]

We do.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, there's a bunch of them, right?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, there actually are.

[Patty Stanger]

So maybe we need to start joining private clubs and circulating with the social director there, whoever plans the events, and saying, hey, girl, be my friend. I'll put you on my podcast now.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, start using your. Give you some jewelry from Uncommon Darn Easy.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. Okay. That's what I need to. Well, because I know I joke and there's memes about this on TikTok all the time, but it's like, I have to leave my house if I want to meet someone. Like, I'm bitching that I can't meet anyone. And then even in la, I've been in LA the last weekend. I haven't even done that.

[Patty Stanger]

Nobody's walking around here. Like, so I think I will fix you up as my. As your matchmaker. I'm going to be your matchmaker. And we're anyway and you can join Matchmakers. I have a whole network from high to low. Whatever you can afford, you're not paying. But high to low and go to a matchmaker because we screen everybody and we have our own database and we are like my company, Miller's Club is the leading matchmaker in the world now.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So how many, how many people do you have? Is it on retainer? Is that how it works?

[Patty Stanger]

They pay upfront for the money. Usually it's $100,000 and the women have become the clients and it's 80% women and 20% man. That is statistically through the industry.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Want to take a quick minute to talk to you guys about a brand I love and that is Quint. I've told you guys, but I just finished my closet edition. So I'm really excited about that. I've been living out of boxes and so I was finally able to hang up all of my clothes. And with that came the biggest closet purge I think I've ever done.

[Patty Stanger]

Done.

[Kristin Cavallari]

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[Patty Stanger]

Are over the app the last six months? Yeah. I don't know what the hell happened, because in Covid, we had a good resurgence because everybody had to stay home, but everybody has gotten off the apps now. I'm not blaming Whitney at Bumble because I love her. I'm not blaming the guys at Tinder. What I'm saying is, why do you keep getting the bottom feeders of the universe? They look like they fell out of prison. Okay. I know. And I mean, like, these are the worst people. Like criminals, they look like.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

I said, why aren't you getting a higher quality? So that's why matchmakers take her off. Cause we're screening everybody. We make sure they are. They pay, you know, they don't have criminal records. They have. Where they work on LinkedIn is really where they work. They have good family, good friends, their backgrounds, their ex girlfriends.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Right. You know, I'm like, so I was on it last fall, and it was the first time I was ever on an app. I loved it. I went on four dates from it. They met great guys, I will say, got off of it. I'm back on it. And at first there was a couple new guys that popped up, but now it's the exact same guys.

[Patty Stanger]

10 guys. I remember it so small. I was on it and I said, ben Affleck was on it on a talk show and I got thrown off. So, Raya, will you take me back, please? Remember you used to scream for Raya to take your friend on.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, I know.

[Patty Stanger]

What was her name? I forgot her name. Please write. Please ride.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Please write. Yes.

[Patty Stanger]

That's so funny.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that you remember that. I have not seen Ben Affleck on it. I've seen.

[Patty Stanger]

He was on it, like, right before JLo. That was the one I was on.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, okay.

[Patty Stanger]

And then, you know, it was also a couple of other actors that I'd see, you know.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, I've seen a few.

[Patty Stanger]

And I'd be like, oh, my God, here are the same people. Same people. It's the Same people and they won't accept new ones. And that's. And they also didn't do older people. They were mostly doing the 20 something.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, interesting. Well, okay, that makes sense because most guys are younger than me.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, you need older. Over 40.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Has to be over 40.

[Patty Stanger]

I mean a 45 year old sweet spot or 50 would be amazing.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's what I think. Like a 45 year old businessman. Like someone that's not famous.

[Patty Stanger]

Does anyone on a ranch there?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I'm looking.

[Patty Stanger]

Are we going to have to ask like Jimmy John Liauto to fix you up?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Right.

[Patty Stanger]

Leslie. Jimmy, I'm asking you to have this one.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. Honestly, but what do you think about the apps? Because I, I decided I hate them.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't like them right now. But I don't. It's not. I don't like. Okay. I like the technology. I just don't like the biology because there's no one. There's no one. I mean, I don't want to swipe for a thousand hours to find a college graduate. Like I went to college. University of Miami. Go Keynes. Alex. Earltown. No, I don't want to spend time like talk on the phone to a moron who's never like read a book.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

So I need to. The filterization is wrong. I'm trying to get financing to create the next app which filters everything out to give you what we want. And it will be AI and it would go outside the app. So like if I needed somebody on LinkedIn, it would go to LinkedIn or it would go to another business site.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that.

[Patty Stanger]

A YPO might be good for you too. A ypo, Young Business Professionals group. Because like then you're meeting men. There are a lot more men in those groups.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Well, that's my favorite.

[Patty Stanger]

Like the Harvard Club and you know, Princeton and Penn and all them. Because. But I realized Nashville is beautiful, small and hip and. But when you get to a certain age, you kind of get maxed out because you're no longer going to the bars on that main drag line on Broadway. Broadway, yeah, Broadway.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Like I do that once in a blue moon.

[Patty Stanger]

Although that is fun. It is fun. I think it's great to see new acts. I like New act.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yes, exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

Like the Bluebirds.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Bluebird is great. I love their food. Oh, I haven't eaten their food. Oh, that's good to know.

[Patty Stanger]

I went to your Songwriters conference.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's fun. No, that's very fun. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, I go to Broadway When I have friends in town, but I'm not meeting someone on Broadway.

[Patty Stanger]

Exactly.

[Kristin Cavallari]

But, yeah, everyone in my circle is married, so I just. And then like.

[Patty Stanger]

So wait, is that Brentwood and Franklin too? So it's leapers, fork, Brentwood, flank, Franklin. All three.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. Everyone's married.

[Patty Stanger]

That's where all the money is, right?

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's where all the money is. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I'm in Franklin.

[Patty Stanger]

And maybe we need to go to Memphis.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I don't know.

[Patty Stanger]

How many hours away is Memphis?

[Kristin Cavallari]

God. What is it? I think it's like two hours away. But, you know, like, I go to New York a lot too.

[Patty Stanger]

Me too.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Where should I be going when I go to New York?

[Patty Stanger]

Well, New York is interesting. I was there last week. Private clubs, but stull is getting very young. So the upscale club or the Harvard club? The Penn. Like those going to dinner. Lunch and getting in, getting out. I was looking for men there too. Now the men are on the apps. They're in. In the Hamptons. So, like, right now, the Hamptons are popping. Upstate New York is not bad, which people don't realize on the Hudson.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

There's a lot of small towns with a lot of men who have big real estate there. And they're just like, I want to get out of the city. La la la. My friend just got a house in Fairfield, Connecticut. My business partner, Bonnie, she's just like, I didn't want to do the Hamptons this year. I want to do somewhere else. So you got to move around, but you got to get out of the city because it's only good during the week.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

And it was very empty. I was there.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I was just there too, actually.

[Patty Stanger]

I was just there this week.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

Did you go for press?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yes. Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[Kristin Cavallari]

When were you there? I feel like all week.

[Patty Stanger]

I saw you on thing.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, that's funny.

[Patty Stanger]

I was walking down, I think it was Broadway or spring, and Brielle must have saw me and she texted me, come get sushi. Me and Arielle in it. But I had other plans and they were in town too, for their show.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's so funny. I know.

[Patty Stanger]

I saw. I've known them since they're babies.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, my gosh.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Kim was on my first episode of sushi.

[Patty Stanger]

I saw that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yes. I adore Kim.

[Patty Stanger]

I know.

[Kristin Cavallari]

What do you think or what do you see with your clients? What's the biggest issue when it comes to love right now?

[Patty Stanger]

Right now is, well, when you're in the relationship or when you're trying to.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Get the relationship okay, let's do both. When you're trying. Let's start with trying to get in a relationship.

[Patty Stanger]

So when you're trying to get in a relationship is finding it.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

Number one rule, like, you almost have to give it to God and say, hey, you be my matchmaker. And we've all been there. We've all been like, is this the end? Am I never gonna get anyone again? Like, I've had this. I cry myself on Christmas Eve and, you know, like, on holiday. So you're like, oh, God.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. I have those moments, too. I went through that. Maybe it was Christmas Eve this year. I can't remember if it was Thanksgiving or Christma. Yeah. With my kids. And I was like, this just sucks. I wish I had someone with me.

[Patty Stanger]

You're gorgeous. So.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Well, thank you.

[Patty Stanger]

Men, pay attention. God. Dear Media needs a men's, like, all men's division of the network. I need to start talking to Michael and the guy.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yes.

[Patty Stanger]

Because I was like, you need a men's division. And we could start listening to Men I love. Not children. Men.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly. There's a huge difference.

[Patty Stanger]

Not the comedians that make fun of this whole thing.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

But I think when you're in a relationship is being taken for granted, which is contempt. Which is what the Gottmans talk about.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, you know, you. Now you see the wife get really nasty on the husband, you know, and then they go. They take them for granted. That really gets really. And vice versa, by the way.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No, absolutely. Yeah. I think everyone wants to be appreciated. You know, even after 10 years, you still want a little appreciation.

[Patty Stanger]

I mean, you still want to be told you're beautiful.

[Kristin Cavallari]

A thousand people, and you want to.

[Patty Stanger]

Say, honey, let's get jiggy with it and put the kids to bed, or let's get out and let's go out of town for a weekend, like, make date night. What happened to date night?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. You have to do it. You have to make it a priority. Absolutely.

[Patty Stanger]

Saturday night. Let's sleeping in on Sunday and putting the kids down or letting them go to a sleepover or something. I don't see why people don't do that more often.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It is hard when you have little kids. I will say making the time is really challenging, especially when they're so young and you're so tired and if you're breastfeeding and it's like, I just remember always having kids hanging all over me. So then it was like, I don't want to be touched by anybody else. But you do. You have to make It a priority. You have to get a babysitter. You have to dress up.

[Patty Stanger]

Feel good for that too. By the way, Scream cream is a cream can get from a compounding pharmacy or from Canada. And it makes you.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I have not heard about this.

[Patty Stanger]

When you get to menopause, we learn all the tricks.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. I feel like I'm in perimenopause right now.

[Patty Stanger]

You should get your hormones checked to see what your levels are.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I'm doing it.

[Patty Stanger]

Didn't you just say something about that?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yes. I just had a doctor on.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, I. I follow him now because he's awesome.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Dr. Lee Howard.

[Patty Stanger]

He's in.

[Kristin Cavallari]

He's in Nashville, actually. He's amazing. And I do. I test all my hormones. I'm actually doing a really small dose of estrogen.

[Patty Stanger]

I do estrogen, but I do testosterone and I do estradiol. Yeah, yeah. I do it all. I mean, I'm on bioidentical from the moment the hop. Well, I was the first one that went in the group. Like I have my friends with Ramona, so I couldn't call her. You know what I mean? But all the babooalities. I was the first one. Patty, what are you using?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, my gosh.

[Patty Stanger]

I went to Dr. Reed. She is the most famous doctor. Molly Sims goes to her.

[Kristin Cavallari]

She's out here.

[Patty Stanger]

Jennifer Aniston.

[Kristin Cavallari]

She's here.

[Patty Stanger]

She's all French. She got all the peptides before the peptides happened. We were in the.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Are you doing peptides?

[Patty Stanger]

I'm in the peptide parade.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, so you're injecting them in your butt or what?

[Patty Stanger]

I'm terraziptide here.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

And then I do BC. BCP. Was it BCP157 when I have inflammation?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm actually looking at one right now for hair.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, okay.

[Patty Stanger]

Which I just researched.

[Kristin Cavallari]

There's anti aging ones too.

[Patty Stanger]

Right. And I have in my. And my. My terraziptide has the nad.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, that's.

[Patty Stanger]

That's why it's the best. And it helps my cholesterol so I don't have to go on statins.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh. So I just redid my boobs and I did peptides for recovery. I will say the recovery was.

[Patty Stanger]

Which one? Tb.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It was two of them. And now I had tb. And yeah, that sounds familiar. But yeah, there were two. But honestly, the recovery was so easy.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. Because it's probably that because the implant helped. So did you change your implants?

[Kristin Cavallari]

So I actually had a ruptured implant, so I had like full reconstructive surgery. On my right boob and I had to, like, redo my lift. Like, it was. You know what. It was two days where I was kind of laid out and I took painkillers, which I hate.

[Patty Stanger]

Did you do it here in Nashville?

[Kristin Cavallari]

No, I did it in Nashville. Dr. Unger, who's amazing Facer.

[Patty Stanger]

Anyway.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I don't think so.

[Patty Stanger]

I went to.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I don't think so.

[Patty Stanger]

I went to. I went to Levine this week. For who?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Wait. Oh, he's the facelift guy.

[Patty Stanger]

You don't need it. I do. I had the appointment. I lost my cheeks. I had the appointment before. He's a.

[Kristin Cavallari]

He does everybody man.

[Patty Stanger]

But it is really expensive.

[Kristin Cavallari]

How much is it?

[Patty Stanger]

It'll get you up to 300.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Up to 300 for a facelift.

[Patty Stanger]

But, you know, I like the fact he was cautious and he didn't go, you need this, you need this, you need that. He is really. And then he has a. He has a nose girl in the office because I need to fix my. My nose. The tip. And she was amazing.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You don't.

[Patty Stanger]

She's amazing. And I like them, you know, it's just really expensive. But I went to him and he was wonderful and lovely, and if you need to get an appointment and you want to check him out, he's a wonderful man.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I've heard such good things about him. So I go to a facialist in New York. She said the move is. Don't do all of the filler on the Botox.

[Patty Stanger]

No, I'm no filler.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. And you look amazing.

[Patty Stanger]

Years I haven't had. Yeah, you only have Botox for migraines. Because I get migraines.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, yeah. I've heard about. Where do you do it?

[Patty Stanger]

I do it tmg.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, up here. But I. It's not. And it's not facial. And once in a while I do it here for the pal. That's the cosmetic. But the rest, I don't know.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. And you like.

[Patty Stanger]

I was.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Well, she was saying, go to Levine for a facelift when you need it.

[Patty Stanger]

He's really. I'll get you in. Don't worry about it.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, he's very lovely. His. His whole staff was lovely.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that.

[Patty Stanger]

And they were really. And it's. It's a simple office. It's not some elaborate hoo ha like we've been to the Beverly Hills doctors. You know what I mean? They're all a little over top. He was just old school. Like, I do this, this and this, and I don't do anything else. And if you don't like it? Too bad. Like, he was just really cool.

[Kristin Cavallari]

The recovery just scares me. On a facelift.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, you have to go to. It's weird in New York because here we have recovery centers. So there you have to go to a room like at the Carlisle or the Morris Carlisle.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I recovered my first boob job.

[Patty Stanger]

You get. You get your two nurses. They round the clock. Then you, like, move to an apartment, and then you. For like a week or two. Some people say three weeks. I think he said two.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And are you in pain that whole time?

[Patty Stanger]

Well, I've done a brow lift.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, you have?

[Patty Stanger]

I had ptosis where one eye is too small and the other. And I went to Dr. Honing, who's amazing in LA, by the way, and he evened my eyes out.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, they look good.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay. And then he did a little brow lift that was.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Is that from up here?

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, that was in my 40s, though. That was because of the. He'd watched me on camera and he saw.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, how funny.

[Patty Stanger]

But Cami parts is really good. He's also amazing for eyes. And then if you want the beauty broker, Melinda, she's amazing because she'll show you all over the country where who's got what and who costs what. I don't know there's any broker, Melinda. Check her out on Instagram.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's amazing.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, she's really nice. And she'll tell you who's what. She. She knows what's. What's going on in the industry.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that.

[Patty Stanger]

I didn't get Levine from her, though. I got it from another doctor I went to.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Amazing. Yeah, he's the guy. I think he's.

[Patty Stanger]

I like when people tell you who the doctors are. I thought I saw Chris, and then it came after I went to a party for Lee and Goldsmith, J. Lo and Darren Starr's house, and I saw Chris up front, and my manager goes, God, what a great, great voice lift. And she was with Lori Laughlin. And, I mean, Lori's gorgeous. And I just said, oh, my God. She did. It's. It's amazing. And then I realized I had the appointment with lavine already, and then it came out the next day.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that. She looks incredible.

[Patty Stanger]

She is the poster.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I mean, it's insane.

[Patty Stanger]

She looks 25. I'll tell you this. I. I worship her. I want to, like, be her. One of her disciples, but she scares the shit out of me.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, no, me too.

[Patty Stanger]

I like, when I talk to her, I get really nervous.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know, I know. She has that effect. On people.

[Patty Stanger]

I had a winter mom. Must be the same one.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly. I met Kris Jenner first time I was dating Brody Jenner when I was 18, and I went to his cousin's engagement party, and all of the Kardashians were there, and everybody before they were the Kardashians, and Kris Jenner was trying to get me to do Dancing with the Stars. I was like, I'll never do it. And then, of course, I did it, like.

[Patty Stanger]

So when you were in Laguna beach, you knew him.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So the second I graduated high school, I met Brody almost immediately. I thought it was like, you put.

[Patty Stanger]

Them on the hill and stuff. But that was later.

[Kristin Cavallari]

He did the Hills after we dated, after we broke up and everything.

[Patty Stanger]

So was that. That was a fake up that. Well, the second time. A fake up, yes.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, I talk about this all the time.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't know that. I just saw, like, your energy. Like, I was with that. A fake up.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, we never dated when I did the Hills. He was my real first boyfriend in la, though.

[Patty Stanger]

I love it. Lived it.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love it.

[Patty Stanger]

You were a really good actress.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You know what's funny? I'm actually gonna do some Hills rewatch for the podcast.

[Patty Stanger]

You could just prince her. Heidi, you have to bring them on.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. They're my favorite, by the way.

[Patty Stanger]

I love them.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So I just watched their wedding and my first episode, and I was like, oh, my God, this is wild.

[Patty Stanger]

Lauren would never come on, would she?

[Kristin Cavallari]

She. So Stephen and I did a rewatch podcast, actually, with your media. Back to the beach for Laguna beach, and she came on that one.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, okay. So that's because Steven was there. I used to call you the Shredder when I was watching the Shredder.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Way to explain that.

[Patty Stanger]

Steven is the Shredder. She's going to get any man she wants, and she's going to shred them at ten paces away. I said that to you when you came on my show. I said, like, you're the. And so my mate Ally, I go, allie. And Ally's thin and lost all the weight. I'm like. I'm like, you need to listen to Kristin because she knows everything. You told me about Jay with Dancing with the Stars, how you broke up and then he came to dancing. Yeah. Cause you wanted me to do it.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Wait, this is actually a funny story. So, yeah, he never wanted me to do Dancing with the Stars, so we broke up. I called my agent. I was like, can I still get on Dancing with the Stars? But then I was only on Dancing with the Stars for three weeks. And the third week, they wanted me to talk about my breakup with Jay. And I said no. I was like, I'm not gonna air my Dirty Laundry. And they kicked me off that week. And he was in the audience that I was like, what? Come on abc.

[Patty Stanger]

You were really good on that show. I just think we didn't have an audience then for, like, abc because it was a popular vote then, right?

[Kristin Cavallari]

It was. I think. I think it's still a.

[Patty Stanger]

Easier, but I think it's, like, easier now because it's like we have so much. You know, we didn't have Internet. We didn't have that. We didn't have.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, my God, you're right. That was before social media.

[Patty Stanger]

So you didn't have that thing you could do.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You're right. That was pre social media. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Have you done Dancing with the Stars?

[Patty Stanger]

No.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Would you do it?

[Patty Stanger]

I did a mini one with Nick on my last season. CW and Shawna came on and I was terrified because we had to dance without the music. You know when you learn the dance, you didn't have music. And then I said, oh, my God, this is. This is, like, tiring. It was tiring.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It's hard.

[Patty Stanger]

I said, I'd rather do a singing competition than that. I love that. That was very tiring.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Wait, I wanna talk about the show. What made you go back to tv?

[Patty Stanger]

Well, I love. I love tv. I produce. I'm producing two shows right now. And one, we're trying to bring millionaire, matchmaker 2.0 back with women.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yes, women. I love that.

[Patty Stanger]

We're gonna break down Frances Store and Andy's Door. If the last thing goes to me, I'm like, please, please, please. But I love television. I really am a producer. And I went to film school. That was my major. And so I look at everything like film. And so I sold another show to cw, but they had bought Buckboy island, and it was way too young for the network. And our show did really well in the demos. The problem was they were $400 million in debt. CW, like, four guys own it from Dallas, and they wanted to make sports, so they brought sports on. But I had a great time last year, and now I want to get back.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I want to get back.

[Patty Stanger]

You took Rachel Zo back? You can take me back?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Absolutely. You need to be on our TVs at all times. I'm obsessed with you on TV. And you know what I love about you is your tough love, no bullshit attitude. That's what people need to hear, especially.

[Patty Stanger]

When it comes to dating, to hear it now. Are you kidding me?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. So when people come to you and if you can clearly see what their issues are, you have no problem, like, just straight up telling them, right?

[Patty Stanger]

I've. Like, when you're in the hot seat, I am spiritual. I also have a guide, which sounds really weird. I hear a voice.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that.

[Patty Stanger]

And the voice tells me what's wrong. And, like, you know, like, I'll zoom in. Like, what happened when you were 16? What'd your mother do to you? Blah, blah, blah. I had one person, Claudia Jordan, come on. And they go, okay. Ask her what happened in college? And her father wasn't there for her. And I'm like, what? What happened in college? She goes. She starts crying, and she's a toughie. She got raped. Date raped.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Whoa.

[Patty Stanger]

And she called her father, and he ignored it. He didn't think it was anything. Cause those days, you know, he didn't say no or whatever. And lo and behold, we call him. And they made up.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No way.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. So little things, like, I just see my boyfriend's hated, though, because I'll see stuff I'll see, like. Like, I'll know if they're cheating. I can feel it. I had a dream once where somebody was cheating. I was dating him. Like, you're cheating? He goes, no, that was stupid. It was a dream and it was true.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No way.

[Patty Stanger]

The dream told me.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So you're psychic in your dream? Well, more than just your dreams.

[Patty Stanger]

I've always been like that as a child. Like, I come from a narcissistic, alcoholic background. I know you.

[Kristin Cavallari]

What, your mom or your dad?

[Patty Stanger]

My dad.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Your dad.

[Patty Stanger]

Worst thing in the world. My mom was the enabler. She was married three times. My dad was married twice. And then I was adopted on top of it. So when you've been through trauma, your psychic and tenor goes through. That's why domestic violence victims really are like, where am I? What's happening? And it's because we don't know when the shoe's gonna drop. And we'll say, the energy just shifted in the room.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. You can just feel it. So when did you realize you actually had psychic abilities?

[Patty Stanger]

A seven. And I told my mom my aunt was gonna get divorced and that my uncle was cheating, and she's with another woman. And she goes, you're nuts. I was in second grade, and my mom goes, stop that nonsense. Three weeks later, she walked. She came home from a business trip, My aunt, and caught my uncle cheating. And he was in Bed. In their bed with a woman.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No way. What did your mom say to you after that?

[Patty Stanger]

She keeps saying, stop it. And then I knew when my grandma. I just predicted that I was 22. My grandmother went in the hospital, and I was very close to my grandma. My nana and I were like besties, and I. She went in for hip replacement because she's going to die. She's going to die. Patty, you're crazy. You're crazy. It's one day surgery, and she died of anesthesia poisoning four days later.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No.

[Patty Stanger]

So, like, we. I'll see. I see stuff on television. I said, it's on the record. Where's the camera? I said that they were going that Blake Lively was going to win the case and that they didn't know what they were talking about. And I told everybody, and everybody told me I was crazy. And what happened today?

[Kristin Cavallari]

No. Why the.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, the case was dismissed. No, Justin's case was dismissed. Ha ha.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No way.

[Patty Stanger]

And I knew it. First of all, there's a lot of reasons why if you don't like Blake leg, it has nothing to do with it. It has to do with the way production goes. And so. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Kristin Cavallari]

When am I gonna meet my future husband? Patty, your psychic.

[Patty Stanger]

What year are we into? I go by numbers. Hold on.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Wait. If you can tell me this right now, I'm gonna be so excited.

[Patty Stanger]

Why is 2026 a very big for you in dating? There's a man around. There's a salt and pepper guy, like, five' eleven, six feet around you. Do you know somebody like that who has a crush on you?

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's salt and pepper.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, kind of like his hair's not completely dark.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, God.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay. I feel like he's a man, though. He's not a boy. This is not boy. His energy's completely dark.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, so he's. Yeah, he's older.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay. He's in Nashville. He came in Nashville. He might be going through a divorce or he just got out of a divorce.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Is that why it's taking so long?

[Patty Stanger]

He's not clean. He's not clean completely.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, so 2026.

[Patty Stanger]

You're older. Oldest son might know him.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Really?

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. Something to do with basketball or sports or through friend. Through friend. Like one of those. Kind of like.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Like a friend's dad.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, you haven't seen him yet.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

He could be a friend's dad or something to do with, like, the friend's dad has a friend. Like, there's a six degrees here going on. Yeah. Okay.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I'm excited.

[Patty Stanger]

And he has money.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's good.

[Patty Stanger]

I keep feeling like law around him. Like, he may phone.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I like this. Yes.

[Patty Stanger]

There's a lawyer thing going on here.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You're feeling too.

[Patty Stanger]

He's very country. He grew up, like, not rich, but he grew up. Okay. Like, middle class. But he's in, like, that area that you live in. Like, you might not live on the right side of the racks. Yeah, but he moved to the right side of the track, so to speak.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

He's not. He's humbled by it.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love this.

[Patty Stanger]

I feel like he had a brunette wife and he's getting rid of her or he got.

[Kristin Cavallari]

How many kids does he have?

[Patty Stanger]

I feel like only one.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't feel like it's a. It's like, a great thing.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's probably better because I've got a million. Wait. Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm sorry. He doesn't want kids.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Great.

[Patty Stanger]

He doesn't want kids. He's like, set. He rides horses.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that. My daughter loves horses.

[Patty Stanger]

Did you ever meet Kendra Scott's ex husband? The one before she went out with Zach?

[Kristin Cavallari]

No. What was his name?

[Patty Stanger]

Cause I keep feeling.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I feel like you're gonna meet him. You think it's him?

[Patty Stanger]

I don't know his name, but I just saw his pic. His face just popped up. Zach Brown and him just popped up. Did you ever meet Zach Brown?

[Kristin Cavallari]

No, I've never met him.

[Patty Stanger]

He's friends with Jimmy John. I met him.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, is he?

[Patty Stanger]

I met him. I went to the concert here. By the way, you want to meet men, you go to a country western concert where there's a man as the. Not like the girl as the main gig. You're not Shania. Even though I love Shania.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No.

[Patty Stanger]

But yeah, men worship the queen. But you go to. Zach Brown has the best looking people I have ever seen at concerts.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Done. I'm looking up the tour schedule after this.

[Patty Stanger]

I fixed you up with him when he was single. Now I got you on radar. Now she's on my radar. You know? You know that's his. I'm like, kristen, let that hit.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Let that hit. Send me all the men.

[Patty Stanger]

All the men. Wait.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Now I want to look up Kendra Scott's ex husband.

[Patty Stanger]

He's really cute. I don't know his dude.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I have a friend who knows him, actually.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, the one that she. I didn't even know she. Because she called me to fix her up, and then she met him, and that was it.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, how funny.

[Patty Stanger]

And then Zach called, texted me once, and said, patty, help. And then I was, like, busy. I don't know what happened. And then they ended up colliding together, so that's how things happen.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, that's interesting. Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

He's the nicest guy, by the way.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Is he? Oh, good. I'm happy for her then.

[Patty Stanger]

The band is amazing. I didn't want to go. David's like, you have to go to this concert. You have to go. I'm like, it was his birthday, and I'm like, I don't like that kind of stuff.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And then you're like, wait, the hottest guy's ever?

[Patty Stanger]

And then I got there and my mouth dropped to the floor, and I was like, this is the best concert ever. Gonna look. I'm a country western fan.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. No, I am.

[Patty Stanger]

Did you go. Didn't you go to Stagecoach?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I did go to Stagecoach.

[Patty Stanger]

Did you see Jelly Roll? She's my favorite.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Jelly Roll is so good in concert. He's the best.

[Patty Stanger]

My friend's husband is Post Malone's manager. I love Post Malone. And so I said, if you don't take me to this concert in July, I'll kill you.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I want to go see them, too. I'm gonna go to Coldplay in Nashville coming up.

[Patty Stanger]

Oh, that should be like, that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

There could be some good guys there. I'm manifesting.

[Patty Stanger]

I went to Imagine Dragons, and there were a lot of good guys, I bet. Okay.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It's concerts like that.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah. Where they're men.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. Yeah. The men. Where the men are going.

[Patty Stanger]

Or even I have to go. I would love to see.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I saw them at Stagecoach.

[Patty Stanger]

I know. I was so jealous. I saw Joey Fatone in and Juliet this last week in New York City. He was amazing. And I had a crush on Joey Fatone.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, I know.

[Patty Stanger]

I was like, he was hot in the show.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, third row center is like, Julie.

[Kristin Cavallari]

They were so good. I also saw the Goo Goo Dolls. I was like, oh, my gosh. See, that's what I mean.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, stuff like that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay. I love that. Who. What other celebrities are you helping right now? I bet everyone calls you.

[Patty Stanger]

You can't. Well, it's the house wives, because those people, like, they didn't sign contracts. Like, I have them on my roster. Love, Shannon.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, I waited for Love Hotel to be over. Luann. I know. Like, I know them all, so they're always just like. Then I thought, like, Rachel Zo would be kind of really interesting to fix up. And then I realized all the housewives are single and bh.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So funny. This morning, literally getting ready. We Were joking. We're like, they can't really call it Housewives anymore. It's like single ladies in Beverly Hills.

[Patty Stanger]

Why can't you and I do a show? Whatever happened to that Nashville show that you were gonna do? Wait, the show wasn't Janine Kramer? What's her name? Jessica Kramer.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, Jenna Kramer. Oh. I was never gonna do the Housewives.

[Patty Stanger]

It was. I don't know if it was Housewives. I just thought it was, like, I.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Was never gonna do.

[Patty Stanger]

Why can't we do a successful women show?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I wouldn't. I could never do that.

[Patty Stanger]

Successful women dating, that's really hard.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. I just don't think I have it in me anymore. Like, to be, like, an honest woman.

[Patty Stanger]

What if you got fixed up and it was only about being fixed up?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I've been offered shows like that all.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, think about it.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You want to know My issue with a dating show is I feel like it attracts the wrong type of guy.

[Patty Stanger]

But then I looked at Mel Owens, and I was like, if he doesn't find anybody on Golden Bachelor, I want to put my name in the ring. He lives in Orange County. He's a lawyer. He was in the NFL, which I love. The NFL made Millionaire Matchmaker. They used to watch us, and our ratings went up. That's why every season we had an NFL player.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so funny.

[Patty Stanger]

I told when I went to Kim's wedding and I sat next to Arthur, who on the Falcons, and I'm like, so who do you got that's single? Because I was, like, trying to find new ones to put on the show that year.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You know what would be great is, like, a coach. Like, I'm too old for the athletes now, but coaches, yes. Where are the hot coaches? Some of them are hot.

[Patty Stanger]

I watch them all the time. And I'm like, who is that?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

Screw the players.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You'll see a photo, and you're like, excuse me. Who is that man? I know. I gotta get into the.

[Patty Stanger]

They're always, like, in their 40s and really sexy, and they have scruff and nice hair.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. The problem is they work a lot. They're always.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, Nanaka's a short season.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It is short. It is short. So that's.

[Patty Stanger]

Have you met Travis Kelsey? Maybe he can hook you up with.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I have. You actually came, coach, like, one of my first guests on the podcast.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, well, there you go.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know.

[Patty Stanger]

So you got to get him there.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I've seen a couple of coaches on Raya, actually, I will Say, really? Yeah. Maybe I should start scrolling again.

[Patty Stanger]

And by the way, if you meet those people and they don't turn out to be the one, they have friends, it can lead to something else. Like, you gotta network.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, but is a guy really gonna be.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't know.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I feel like guys get a little bitter if it's, like, it doesn't work out with me. He's not gonna be like, well, I have a great friend. That's never happened.

[Patty Stanger]

Dating a few times at a place where they take you where they're friends, and then you start following them on Instagram. Then you start liking their posts. I have a little. I'm a maniacal maniac.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, so you're cool with girls kind of doing a little flirt? Like liking a photo, doing this, but not dming.

[Patty Stanger]

Not dming saying like, oh, my God, yes, I've been to that restaurant too. Isn't it amazing? Like, I saw somebody I liked and they went to Joe Stone Crab, and that's my favorite restaurant. So I went, oh, my God, did you have the da, da, da, da.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, I like that.

[Patty Stanger]

And he answered me back. And then.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And then it's the conversation, dating someone.

[Patty Stanger]

But he said, patty, if I wasn't dating my girlfriend, I would date you. Like, he was cute. He made, like, give a little heart thing.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's sweet. You know, should the girl ever. When you're dating a guy ever say, when am I seeing you? Or no. Right? I know.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, I know. I would. Like Melo Santo yourself, you know, Like, I can't. I know. What is that?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I don't know. Because again, I'm always. I take the stance. If he's not pursuing you, it's because he's pursuing someone else.

[Patty Stanger]

If he doesn't give you Saturday night.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

You are not the girl.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You're not it.

[Patty Stanger]

If he gives you Monday, you're a laundry girl. 1. Like, think about that. So that's what you have to do to men. You have to, like, date. Okay. In my book, become your own matchmaker. On Amazon, you have to date a pair and a spare. So you have to always date three people at the same time. It's very hard for the roster to get moving. But once you get that first little fight, even if it's Cowboy, let's say Cowboy's at the bottom. Like, I can't marry him. He's so cute, but I'm not the right age. He's gonna want kids, but he's great to take to a party. He's great to go to A concert. Then you got the middle guy. You go, he's sort of cute. He has a nice house. He's just, like, short. Or, you know, I don't like his job or something. Or he's too many kids. Like, I dated a Mormon once, and he had eight kids. Oh, my God. And I love Mormons. Cause they're always so pretty. But I'm like, I can't do the eight kids. And then he wanted me to move to, like, a part of. Now I would move to a part of Utah with a branch. But this was back in the day when I was hitting it, you know? So I was like, no. Now I be like, sign me up. So he's of kind.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Cusp.

[Patty Stanger]

Then there's the main guy, the one you go, oh, my God, I love him. He's perfect in every way. We have the best kissing. We have the best time together. But I gotta wait for him to call. So that's why the two backups keep you busy. They will always rotate the three. You might get rid of the cowboy and get another one that's a little better. And as you do this, you refine your taste. You see, you level up. So when you get to your level right now, where you've been through the storm, you've been through it all, everything is calm, right? So now you're like, I'm bored.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

Where is he? And then they're like, this is when you meet him. Because now you're not taking crap from anybody else.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

You're not falling down drunk. I remember once I saw her drunk in a bar. But I won't say. And I didn't. It was during Laguna. It was like, right after Laguna beach, before the Hills. And I was like. And you were dating an actor. And I was like, I want to go over. And then I said, no, she's kind of high. I'm going to leave her alone. But you were so cute. It was on Sunset Plaza. Sunset. And it was an actor. You probably know who it is, but I'll tell you. We know who it was. An actor. You went like, one of the. I think it was on one of the.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, Nick Zano, maybe?

[Patty Stanger]

I think so. He. Yeah, he was on a. He was on a. He was on a show.

[Kristin Cavallari]

He was on a show with Amanda Barnes. Yes. That's it. That's it. That's it. Yeah, he. That's who I met right after Brody.

[Patty Stanger]

And I said, oh, my God, she's so cute, but I don't want to disturb the day.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, I was hitting the clubs.

[Patty Stanger]

All the time back in the day. I was your age. I grew up. I went to University of Miami.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Hello. Yeah. Oh, my God. I wanted to go to the University of Miami. Oh, that would have. Yeah, that would have been a good time. I mean. Yeah, I was 19. That's what I did. I went out. Absolutely.

[Patty Stanger]

She was so adorable. Anyway, so. And I remember extensions. I found the. When she. She put extensions, I'm like, what is that? Because I never heard of extensions before. You'd go to the extension thing on Laguna beach, and I'd be like, extensions?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Patty Stanger]

How about you? Okay, this is what I. When we were growing up, I was offered to go to the prom. I didn't go because I didn't like the boy, and I just broken up with my boyfriend, so it was bad timing. So I just never. I went to New York City and saw something, like a big play or something.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, that's fun.

[Patty Stanger]

But you guys got these proposals.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It was full on.

[Patty Stanger]

It was like, full on wedding proposals.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And we were all like, what the hell is this?

[Patty Stanger]

We. Nobody in our country did.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, I know. No, they. We.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, did you invent this?

[Kristin Cavallari]

You know what I mean? I don't know how long that had been going on at Laguna Beach High School, but obviously the whole time I was there at school, that was. That was the norm. Girls and guys, even girls. When we would. Because I think the girls asked the guys to win her formal, that Sadie.

[Patty Stanger]

Hawkins one, I think.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, right, Exactly.

[Patty Stanger]

You have to ask.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Exactly. But everybody went all out. And, I mean, it made it so much fun.

[Patty Stanger]

You know, you ruined everything for everybody else.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, I know. Like, good luck. They were like, the girls, like, hello.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm watching Ginger in Georgia. And they all have to do these elaborate to ask them to tulips and in Tuxas dance. And I'm going, this is from Laguna Beach. They just don't.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, I know, I know. Oh, and it's doing Back to the beach, the podcast. When I went back and watched, I was like, God, that actually was really special that we used to do that. I mean, we went all out.

[Patty Stanger]

What was your wedding proposal like?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Not like that. All right, boss babes, let's talk about shopping. Shopify. Of course, starting your own business can be incredibly intimidating, and it can actually be really lonely thanks to all of the hats that you suddenly have to learn to wear. I launched UNCOMMON James in 2017, and I will say it's very tough in the beginning. I did wear every hat. But I love looking back and being able to say that I at one point in time did in fact do everything in my company. And you guys, honestly I have to say launching with Shopify made it as easy as possible. I cannot say enough good stuff about them. Shopify is your e commerce platform, but we use it in stores as well so it's both and it is so user friendly. It's still to this day is my favorite app on my phone because it makes checking sales really easy. If you want to do different filters on it, let's say you're doing a summer sale, you can put a filter on there, see what products did the best. 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That is my super skinny clean Margarita recipe. And a Stroll has been pairing ever so nicely with my Margarita recipe. So you guys have not checked out this Tequila? Definitely check it out. And guys, a Stroll Tequila is the official house Tequila of Dear Media. So whether you're keeping it classic or shaking things up, there is no wrong way to enjoy an astral margarita. Especially when every sip supports a straw's mission to build homes in Jalisco, Mexico. Order it at the bar or serve it at home. Feel good about choosing a Stroll as your new house Tequila. A Stroll is an affordable, great tasting tasting Tequila that mixes beautifully into just about any cocktail, especially a Margarita. I'm stocking up the summer and making it my go to for get togethers, whether I'm hosting a crowd or just keeping it casual with a couple friends. So guys, housemark summer is here. It is time to stock up. 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Because no matter where you stand on the latest hot topics topic, feeling your best is never up for discussion. I love colostrum. I usually just put it in a smoothie. I'll actually put it in smoothies for my kids as well. But I swear it makes a difference with your metabolism. You guys, I will die on that hill. I also have noticed it really does boost your immune system. It's really great for your gut. It's also really great for fueling performance and it helps with recovery. As someone who is in the gym four days a week usually, and I definitely lift weights, that's been huge for me. So if you have not gotten on the colostrum bandwagon yet, I really do recommend it. I think you guys will all be really happy with the results. And I've worked out a special offer for my audience. Receive 15 off your first order. Go to tryarmora.com honest or enter honest to get 15 off your first order. That's t R Y A R M R A. Okay, so let's go back to dating. So when you are just first starting to date someone, what are good questions to ask someone to see if you guys have long term potential?

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, how do you resolve conflict?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, that's so good. Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

And just like, you know, you're eating the hors d', oeuvres, he's feeding you, whatever, the calamari.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So how do you resolve, you know.

[Patty Stanger]

You know when guys really like you is when they want you to share something with them and then they feed it to you. Like, like the chocolate mousse, you know, like o or taste this. Yeah, that's how you know, like guys who are fetishy and keep their food to themselves. Get rid of them. Okay, so how do you resolve conflict?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, that's huge.

[Patty Stanger]

Where do you see yourself in five years? Obviously. And then I always say, you know, what do you feel about marriage? What do you feel about kids? Because. And you can say think, because so masculine men think, feminine men feel. So if you say, if you say feel, he might change his word. Well, what I think is. And Then you'll go, he's masculine. But if he goes, I feel, I feel. I feel his feminine energy. And if you're. If you don't want me to write this down. And if you don't want. Which you and I tend to get put in that category when I'm really feminine. When Jimmy John said, patty, you're an alpha, I'm like, no, I don't want.

[Kristin Cavallari]

To be an alpha. Not in relationship. Yeah, I'm an alpha in my everyday life, but in relationship, I don't want to be.

[Patty Stanger]

I am a killer at work. But at 6 o', clock, when I walk in the door, I want to be.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Hi, what are we doing Exactly. You want to shut your brain off.

[Patty Stanger]

I want you to open the car door. I want you to make the reservation. Yes. I want you to pay the valet. I want you to do everything.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Take the reins, and I will.

[Patty Stanger]

I will suck the dick off of you.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No, literally, though, I know it's not.

[Patty Stanger]

I will give, I will cook, I will make your house clean. Like, just do these things that we ask you to do. The worst is when you go to the airport on vacation, and maybe the girl made the reservations because she's better at the computer, works with the travel agent and wants certain things. But then you get to the front and he just stands back and expects you to check in and go, okay, what do we got here? Do we have two bags? And I'm going, I'm like, and this is how the vacation's gonna be.

[Kristin Cavallari]

It'll. You really learn someone when you travel with them. And that is such a pet peeve of mine, traveling with someone. This happened to me most recently. I say, and I was like, I can't do this. I can't do this. I. Why am I. I feel like the father. Like, this is my child now at this point. What am I doing?

[Patty Stanger]

So that's what happens when sit. Like, money usually breaks everything. And then you go to like, we don't have sex. It's money sex. Yeah. But let's say you all have. And there's other problems. And he wants to be feminine and he wants you to be masculine. So he'll start out masculine. And then midway through about six, seven months, he can't keep the facade up, like the narcissist or the sociopath, and he'll drop it. And then all of a sudden you're like, what happened to that guy? The guy that used to check in and tell me I'm beautiful every morning? The guy that used to pick up Flowers. The guy that used to do all these things and make arrangements for the weekend. And he's like, now you realize it was just, you know, his modus operanda to get you, and now he wants you to be the man.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Is that a form of love bombing? Yes, that is love bombing.

[Patty Stanger]

Essentially it's kind of love bombing, but it's also deception because they're con men. Basically, they're con men and they know they are. And they've done it with 12 women before you, and they know how it works. Now, the girl that accepts it is accepting the bare minimum because she's been abused by other relationships or a father figure. Like, maybe the father was absent, maybe the father was abusive. And now she's saying to herself, well, this is the best I can get, so I'll just keep my mouth shut and do whatever he tells me to do.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I hate that.

[Patty Stanger]

That's why you see these women running around, like in a daze kind of like. And you're like, are you okay? You know, it's like that. You see a lot of them.

[Kristin Cavallari]

What's the most important thing for a woman to have then when she's going out into the dating world? Self love.

[Patty Stanger]

Self love. Self love is okay. So what you need to do is the five non negotiables.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, okay. What are these?

[Patty Stanger]

So these are the things you must have. Like, if, okay, so I'm Jewish, he's Christian. Unless we're going to go to both church and temple, can I have a Christmas? You know, can he have a Christmas tree in the house? And if you say no, that's one religion. Another one is where we're live. How much money are we going to make? How are we going to do the money? Like, for instance, if you're a woman who makes a lot of money and you go, but my dad paid the bills for my mom and I want to be traditional. I don't care what anyone thinks. You're not a gold digger. You're bringing money to the table. You're working. I would like him to pay the bills, the basic bills, the utilities, the mortgage, whatever. Another thing would be like, maybe I've never had a guy that was kind. So I want kindness, thoughtfulness. I want somebody to nurture me. I want somebody to think I'm beautiful. Maybe I never had a guy who told me I'm beautiful. And I want. I want him to see me for who I am. I want to meet him at my level.

[Kristin Cavallari]

And those are different for everyone.

[Patty Stanger]

Every person has five. And you'll change Them. So as you date, you'll go, wow, I didn't realize. I never had that before.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I will say every guy I go out with, even if it's one date, there is more that I take away about what I do and don't want. Everybody. I'm out here just doing research.

[Patty Stanger]

This is the thing. You'll write a book on it. There are two quirks, physical quirks you can have. So like, I like hair and if his belly's this big, we can walk.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Right.

[Patty Stanger]

You know, like some people. Or you give him, you know, glp. Some people are very particular in that I have to have him cut and I have to. And they get to a laundry list and then there's no wiggle room for the universe to bring in them guy because you're so subtext into this. And how many in this percentage, like the insult community is very upset about this. The men in the insult community, because they're like, nobody online is getting hot girls. Well, look what they look like. And they don't take responsibility for what they look like. Get their teeth fixed, you know, put a spray tan and whatever. And so they're up like nobody's six feet. Like everybody's five feet and under. And I'm like, oh, my God, now there's a surgery for that. I just went to the premiere of Materialist and in the movie, there's something in there you're gonna see.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Are you kidding?

[Patty Stanger]

And it changed the game for one of the characters. It's the best movie, by the way. It's about a matchmaker.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, I love. I haven't even heard of this movie.

[Patty Stanger]

Celine Song who did past lives and a 24 is the best production company ever. So I went and I met Dakota and Chris Evans.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, yeah. I've seen all the films.

[Patty Stanger]

There are things that women want.

[Kristin Cavallari]

We.

[Patty Stanger]

I can't date a short guy.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I try. I know.

[Patty Stanger]

I. I'm five seven and a half. I wear heels and I feel like I'm their, you know, I feel like I'm their mother.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Well, you're going to hate me because I'm only 5 3, but I also am like, I want a tall J. I know.

[Patty Stanger]

Who's Jay? Six, four.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Almost.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, there you go. Yeah.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Like, I've dated really tall guys in my day. I'm like, I can't, I can't.

[Patty Stanger]

Brody's really tall.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Brody's tall. I mean, all of my ex boyfriends are very tall. I know. I can't do it. Comedian I dated was four.

[Patty Stanger]

Like, try to deviate and I mean, but just don't get a lot of quirks. Like, get two.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Like hair.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't. I can't date bald. No, I don't like bald.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Although there are. I will say there are some good looking bald men out there.

[Patty Stanger]

I haven't.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, I know.

[Patty Stanger]

Like when you go online, it's like, bald men go on Bumble. Bald men are like, that's like where they go to die in Bumble. I'm like, how many ball men are there here?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, really?

[Patty Stanger]

Yes. Okay.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Good to know. I'm not getting on Bumble.

[Patty Stanger]

No, no. There are other good people. I just. I'm like, just saying, like, that's what I notice. Like, they always wear the baseball cap and they put the sunglasses. The catfishing and the sunglasses.

[Kristin Cavallari]

The hats. The hats. Hats.

[Patty Stanger]

Really?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I'm like, I need to see a photo without his hat on. That's when you know that's.

[Patty Stanger]

You got to. And men need to get better photos and look better.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Men are so bad at pictures.

[Patty Stanger]

They need best girlfriend to take their pictures.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know, I know. The dating profiles for you should help. You probably do help, obviously, your clients with their profiles.

[Patty Stanger]

My ex boyfriend with his profile.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You're a saint.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm like, I don't. I love him, but I don't want to marry him.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. What about for women and their dating process? What should they be doing?

[Patty Stanger]

So I believe you. Say what you want. Like I wrote, I'm a feminine energy fail that wants an alpha, masculine, take charge kind of guy. I love that. Like, I wrote what I want and then only those. Like, the last time I did it, my ex, David, I met him on Tinder and he. It's funny because he wrote everything I'm everything you want, but he didn't put his height. And I go, how tall are you? And he goes, six foot one. I was like, phew.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, thank God.

[Patty Stanger]

You know, like, okay, I'll go out with you now.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Thank God.

[Patty Stanger]

And when I went out with him, I. I didn't like him on the date.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, you did?

[Patty Stanger]

No. And then he grabbed me, kissed me, asked me to the Dodger game. And I was like, oh, there's the take charge. So you gotta give them a chance to come in and give you the. Because otherwise you're gonna just keep canceling people and not getting to know them. Sometimes you're like, he's on the cusp. I don't know if I'm. I'm not sure I'm attractive. Then they kiss you and you Feel a little tingle.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay. That happens to me all the time. I'm like, he's a great guy, but I'm just not attracted to him.

[Patty Stanger]

But if you're not not attracted to Tiffany, this is like. If he's cusping you, he's like. He's like, ooh, something was. I felt, oh, I want to see what he's like naked. Like. Then you're like, okay, you're curious. You're curious. You're. You're. You're. Yeah, you're dating curious. And then you go there. You go on there. But don't give exclusivity. The only thing is, if you have sex, like, take the clothes off, skinny dip, kiss here, don't kiss in or in skinny dip. Don't go here or here. Okay, yeah.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So you've talked about this.

[Patty Stanger]

You.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You've said that you think make the guy wait until.

[Patty Stanger]

No sex before monogamy.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No sex before cause of act.

[Patty Stanger]

Oxytocin. So let's talk about.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Let's talk about this.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, so women have oxytocin, and they can be bonded to a loser like the gas station. And this person won't change your brain. Your chemicals in your brain to make you feel you're so in love you could commit suicide over it. And women have done it. So how do we protect ourselves? Where men only have oxytocin when they have vasopressin. So vas. The way a man falls in love is by doing things for you. And I'll say it twice. Men fall in love by doing things for. For you let that settle. Not by you doing things for him. So if you do his laundry, you do his cooking, he's not going, oh, my God, she's a great girl. She's going, aren't I great that she did this for me? That's how their perception of reality is. When they get vasopressin, they immediately go to oxytocin. So the minute you have sex with them, they're madly in love because they've already done all these things for you. I built your IKEA shelves, you know, I took care of your dogs while you went on a business trip. Like, they're doing stuff for you, and then you all want to learn stuff together. So let's say he knows how to ski and you don't. Like, that's on my bucket list. And he teaches me. I'm like, ooh, Bunny Hill. I'm like, I'm gonna make him proud. He's gonna feel like. Like that man. Right? Exactly. And when you start doing things for him, you're his mother. He sees you as the mother.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's so interesting.

[Patty Stanger]

When you have sex without doing things and, like, you hit it. You had drinks. When you drink, you become masculine energy, feminine. Women become masculine. It kicks out the Brant part of the brain.

[Kristin Cavallari]

What?

[Patty Stanger]

And you become a girl.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, my God.

[Patty Stanger]

Think of all the time she got drunk and you were aggressive. You're like, yeah. And like, you're like, vicky, woohoo. Right?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I'm never drinking ever again.

[Patty Stanger]

So that's what happens. And then oxytocin will kick in, even if it's a bad orgasm or you just, like, you know, touched you down there or whatever. And so we don't want that because then there's no protection for the woman. Whoa. When you get to 50, menopause is averaged 53. But when you get to 50s, your estrogen starts to diminish and your testosterone starts to rage. His testosterone starts to diminish. And his estrogen. And by the way, when he has sex with you and has an orgasm, 90% will go to sleep if you don't keep him awake. Like, let's watch a movie. But he'll roll over after one point and fall asleep. His testosterone drops. So then he leaves the house and you don't. Maybe you hear from once in three days. And he didn't ask you out.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

Because he has to miss you by letting his testosterone raise up. And that's why the rubber band stretch creates more testosterone.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So what about the whole Men fall in love with bitches.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay. So my friend Sherry wrote that book. Oh, yeah, I know a lot about that book.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

And I am creating a show with Ana Christina called Black Cat Academy. I'm producing it. And she's like that. I don't believe in the bitch theory. I believe in the aloof with the smile.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, excellent.

[Patty Stanger]

So that's more mysterious. So a bitch is a bitch. That means he's attracted to a bitch. Right. And that means something happened in his childhood to be attracted to a bitch. Because a normal person would go, you're a bitch, and bye.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Right? Cause a bitch is someone who's mean. I mean, right.

[Patty Stanger]

And always nasty. I have a friend doing that right now to a guy, and she's thinking of keeping him in check. And I'm like, you're not gonna last. So what did he say to Orgy last night? You're mean.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You're mean.

[Patty Stanger]

I don't know about this. She gave him second thoughts. We don't want to give him doubt. Cause if you give him doubt, it'll stretch. So you're aloof. You're like, oh, my God, that is so nice that you want to go out Wednesday night, but I have plans. Maybe give me a call, I don't know, tomorrow, and I'll figure something other than bye.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay, so not being so available.

[Patty Stanger]

Not being available. But you're also, like, when you're in a relationship with him, you can be smiley and not talkative and just let him listen to him. And he's like, what are you thinking about? I'm like, no, I'm listening to you. That's all.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's not playing dumb a little bit.

[Patty Stanger]

No, that's like listening and smiling and being, like, content with yourself because the energy is going down. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I need a razor. Back up. So he's gonna work for you. So it's all subtle energy cues, by the way. Everything is energy. You know that frequency, vibration. I'm talking just law of attraction. I'm just talking the way we handle people. If you listen to the CIA experts on body language, they're going to tell you subtle cues. He's lying. He's telling the truth. All by energy. So if you go like this, you sit back, he's driving, he's telling you a story, and you're like. He's like, what are you thinking about? You're like, I'm listening to you.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, cute.

[Patty Stanger]

He now feels good. And he's like, she's a listener. But you could be thinking about your nail salon. And you could be thinking about, oh, my God, I gotta pick up my kids at three. Like, he doesn't know what to find. Yeah, you're doing your life. Give him so much. Don't tell him every detail.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay. Interesting.

[Patty Stanger]

Yeah, it doesn't work that way.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I think I do that sometimes. It's like my buddy and then that.

[Patty Stanger]

You can't make a guy a buddy. I. Oh, like my last boyfriend. I said, you are not going to be my friend. You're going to be my romance. Because I had made my boyfriend before that my friend. And it was the worst.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Well, then. Yeah, because then it becomes a roommate. But see, I do want my best friend who I'm wildly attracted to. Is that possible?

[Patty Stanger]

The best friend? You're wildly attractive. Doesn't mean it's a best friend. What it means is you want to spend time with them.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

You have things in common. You want to travel with him. You want to be able to tell him your problem because if you tell him your problem, he's going to want to solve it because he's a guy. Only girls listen. Men like females and girl in guys bodies who go like, you know, you're gay guys like, yeah, exactly. They're like, oh my God. Well you shouldn't, you know, he's more like, all right, well that person was dismissive to you. And this is what I would say to them. That's what a guy would do. Let's fix it. But a gay girl guy, whatever, is gonna go, I don't know what we call him. He's gonna go, oh my God, that's so terrible. Have a, have a drink. Yeah, like he's not gonna want to solve your problem.

[Kristin Cavallari]

No, that's so true.

[Patty Stanger]

And you can't get mad for a man wanting to solve your problem because your whole job is to help you.

[Kristin Cavallari]

You're right. You're right. So if you have a problem and you don't, you just want someone to listen. You gotta go to your girlfriend.

[Patty Stanger]

You can say at the top of the hour, hey, honey, I need you to listen to me. But I don't want you to solve my problem because I really just need a venting sentient. So he'll say like my ex used to say, is this a venting session or do I feel something? And he would say that all the time. And I'd be like, oh my God, I love you for that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know, I love that.

[Patty Stanger]

Because he'd be like, okay, that's good. Like, like I was in trouble or something. He'd be like, vent or do you want me to make a phone call?

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love that. Yeah, okay, that's really sweet.

[Patty Stanger]

That's good. So you just have to set the rules. A lot of times we get in relationships and we don't check in with each other and set rules up where he doesn't want to be annoyed and pestered, right? He just wants to know. I have one of my girls who runs one of my offices. She said my boyfriend, actually husband and her had a check in session. And he says, you know, I don't really understand what my role is. And she goes, what do you mean? We're married for five years. We have a kid. He goes, well, when my dad came home, he was in the fields. He was a farmer and his job was done. And then my mom cooked and then I'm doing the laundry. And she goes, yeah, but you like doing the laundry. Just, it's true, it relaxes me. She goes, that doesn't mean you're a wimp.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

And they had a check in about that because he was feeling insecure about his role.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, yeah. Well, and communication is everything. I mean, just being able to talk. I think the issue is a lot of guys will not even have that conversation.

[Patty Stanger]

Well, that's the problem. So when you obviously have you, the number one thing to ask is, are you in therapy? And it's not. It's not where your ex wife or your ex girlfriend took you to therapy. It's like for your own reason. Well, you'll get it in California. A lot. I don't know about the east coast because when I go on dates here, they're like, yeah, my therapist said this. And I'm. I'm always like, because I from the east case, we would never do that. And I'm like, you're in therapy, so. Oh, yeah. After the last divorce, my therapist was amazing. I kept her blah, blah, blah. Or I changed therapist. Or this one's a different kind of therapist because I need to work on this. And I'm always amazed at that. But if you ask when you're in your 20s, 30s, or 40s, and you say, hey, are you in therapy? What do you feel about that? Yeah, that's an important question.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I agree. Because anyone who's willing to do the work on themselves, I applaud. And if men are not doing the work on themselves, that's a huge red flag.

[Patty Stanger]

I've heard a lot of people meeting guys at the Hoffman Institute.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Have you gone to the hospital?

[Patty Stanger]

No, but a lot of my friends have. I've thought about going too, actually.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I've had friends tell me the same thing, that you can meet people at Hoffman.

[Patty Stanger]

They're like, what? I'm like, yeah, because they're going through the same thing you're going through. And supposedly cute guys go to this.

[Kristin Cavallari]

That's what I've heard. I know, I want to go.

[Patty Stanger]

I haven't been there, but I've done forum. I've done forum.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, what's forum? I haven't heard.

[Patty Stanger]

Forum was EST, where 300 people get in a room and you can't. They close the doors and you can't do anything for three days. And you're kind of like sequestered and you get to go home at the end of the day. But it's very long. Like seven to whatever. We don't write, we're talked at. So Hoffman is more writing.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Okay.

[Patty Stanger]

More like, I had an enlightened experience. I went there for the guy problem. I was in my 30s. Early 30s. And I forgave my biological mother for giving me up. So you always get, like, an epiphany. The only bad thing is they want you to enroll everybody, you know, And I'm like, forget it. I'm not doing that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah, no, that's.

[Patty Stanger]

I took the information in the wisdom. Yeah.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So that's just someone talking to you. You're not, like, getting up in front of everybody.

[Patty Stanger]

No, they have different. They tell you that you only have 10% of your brain is working, and then they show you what. And the one thing that I had in my group was a Holocaust survivor forgiving the Nazis and that we broke down. We were hysterically crying. So there are breakthroughs. They make you get scared, and then they teach you that the only fear to fear is fear itself. And then you start laughing, and you realize that everything's gonna work out.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah.

[Patty Stanger]

The universe has our back, you know, like that.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Forgiveness is everything.

[Patty Stanger]

Forgiveness is everything.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Because who's that hurting? Besides yourself, if you're holding on to that, you know, like, I hate. Yeah, the hate, like, that doesn't serve anybody. And the worst is meeting a man who's, like, in his 40s, who's carrying around this anger and this hate for a parent or whoever.

[Patty Stanger]

I'm like, what about the ex girlfriend or the ex wife?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Oh, my God.

[Patty Stanger]

The first thing you'll hear on that second date, maybe not the first, is like, the. Is calling me. She's blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you call her that?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Yeah. Right.

[Patty Stanger]

And then I've, like, I've seen that, and I've seen where they are so mean to the ex. I'm like, she had two of your kids.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I know. You're an evil human being.

[Patty Stanger]

You don't want to pay this. You don't want to do that. Like, it's terrible. They're unapplicable. I can understand if one side wants to get, you know, get peace and the other one doesn't, but.

[Kristin Cavallari]

So red flags.

[Patty Stanger]

Yes. To talk about, it's forget the waitress in the restaurant. How they talk about the people in their lives.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Agreed. All of their exes, but. Because if the guy is blaming all of their exes for everything, I'm like, you're the common denominator. You're the red flag.

[Patty Stanger]

Actually, the other red flag. This is a big one. You're dating a guy, maybe he's not been married yet, and he's friends with all his exes. He. Yeah, he's. We call them collectors. Oh, so in the industry. So He's a collector. And I'm like, unless you were married to that woman. What the hell are you talking about?

[Kristin Cavallari]

Why are you guys talking about that?

[Patty Stanger]

She's my best friend. We went out for 10 years. And I'm like, is she dating anyone? No. Then why are you talking to her?

[Kristin Cavallari]

No. Okay, that's great advice.

[Patty Stanger]

Collectors. You don't want a collector.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Hell, no. Patty, I love you.

[Patty Stanger]

Thank you so much for being here.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Wait, tell everyone where they can find you, too.

[Patty Stanger]

Okay, well, you just hit me up on Instagram, you know, or millionaires club123.com. There's. It's an S. Millionaires club123.com.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Amazing. You're the best.

[Patty Stanger]

You're the best.

[Kristin Cavallari]

This is so much fun.

[Patty Stanger]

I've been listening to you, Watch you. And don't forget to watch. Honestly, Cavillary. Yeah? I love you. I'm promoting it all week.

[Kristin Cavallari]

I love it. I know. You're so.

[Patty Stanger]

All my friends are watching. I. Call me. Is Kristen really like that? I'm like, yeah, she is. I love it when you did the kids show was so cute when we did all three of them. They're gorgeous.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a.

[Patty Stanger]

Direct or indirect financial interest in products.

[Kristin Cavallari]

Or services referred to in this episode.