Ask Lisa & Harry: Couples Therapy, Mad Men, Jealousy Among Friendships & More

Summary

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Let's Not Talk About The Husband

Host: Lisa Rinna & Harry Hamlin

Episode: Ask Lisa & Harry: Couples Therapy, Mad Men, Jealousy Among Friendships & More

Release Date: August 29, 2025

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Overview

In this lively and intimate episode, Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin—veteran Hollywood couple and natural conversationalists—dive into questions from their listeners about marriage advice, friendship dynamics, career stories, and more. Blending playful banter with genuine life experience, the couple candidly shares what they’ve learned from therapy, how they handle jealousy among friends, the evolution of their “date nights,” and lessons from turning down big roles. The episode is peppered with their signature humor, layered reflections on long-standing relationships, and a behind-the-scenes look at their Hollywood adventures.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being “On” for the Podcast & Marital Energy (00:22–04:10)

• Lisa calls out Harry for showing more energy on the podcast than in everyday life, surprising both herself and their kids.
  • “No one has ever seen that much energy come out of you, ever.” —Lisa (02:21)
• Harry jokes about liking this podcast persona, saying it’s his chance to channel a different side and spend focused time with Lisa.
  • “We get to spend an hour together, you know, once a week, we get to talk about stuff we normally wouldn’t talk about at home.” —Harry (02:42)
• Playful interchange about different personalities and quirks in their marriage.

2. Their Former Store “BelGray” and Business Ups & Downs (04:10–06:33)

• The couple reminisces about their boutique store, BelGray, which was hugely successful before the 2008 financial crash.
• Shared memories of rapid expansion and the store’s eventual decline:
  • “We were doing such a huge business, and then Oprah, and then we weren’t. Well, 2008 happened...” —Harry (05:19)
  • “Remember we flew over Las Vegas in the helicopter…” —Lisa (05:06)
• Challenges managing multiple stores and surviving in the volatile retail market; brief touch on running into lawsuits over unpaid rent.

3. Couples Therapy & Relationship Advice (08:13–11:55)

• Listener Question: “What are some tools you learned in therapy that helped you the most in your relationship early on?” (08:13)
• Harry’s key takeaway: Listening—always listen to your partner, a lesson their therapist June stressed.
  • “Number one thing is listen to your partner.” —Harry (08:41)
• Lisa recalls the “should” lesson: avoid language that places blame or regret.
• Emphasis on compassion, empathy, and not going to bed angry:
  • “Have some empathy for that, which can be really hard when you’re fighting or you’re mad at your partner. You get blinded.” —Lisa (10:36)
  • “Don’t go to bed angry. You have to fix it before you go to sleep. We’ve always done that.” —Lisa (10:48)
  • “You want to avoid the silent treatment at all costs.” —Harry (11:04)
• Reflection on how arguments are often about deeper issues, not surface disagreements.

4. Divorce, Empty Nesting, and Marital Transitions (11:55–16:31)

• They discuss the wave of divorces among their friend group now that kids are grown and out of the house.
• Harry observes: “This is when people look around and go, okay, so we’re still together. Why?” (12:08)
• Lisa shares stories of friends struggling with dividing property post-divorce.
• Importance of friendships that can withstand life changes, like her birthday breakfast group that’s lasted 25 years.

5. Parenting, Long-Standing Friendships & Social Circles (14:16–16:31)

• The pair reminisce about friendships formed through their daughters’ school days.
• Lisa details how her closest friends are mothers she met through preschool.
  • “We get to find out what all the kids are doing. And it’s just... it’s magical.” —Lisa (15:48)
• Harry jokes about being surrounded by girls: “Everything in my house...they’re all girls. Dogs, fish, humans. They’re all girls.” (16:21)

6. Jealousy Among Friends (19:03–23:18)

• Listener Question: “Advice on dealing with jealousy amongst friends?”
• Harry recounts how initial success after acting school, including making some money, caused friction and the end of many friendships:
  • “As soon as I got that check, man, everybody wanted to borrow money from me... All of my friendships disappeared because of that.” —Harry (20:46–20:58)
• Lisa: “You can never loan money to friends. It ruins friendships. It just does. You can’t mix it.” (20:47)
• Harry quotes Shakespeare’s Hamlet: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” (21:27)
• Discuss the root of jealousy as a belief in “lack,” and stress there’s enough to go around for everyone:
  • “Life is not a zero sum game... there doesn’t have to be a loser for you to be a winner.” —Harry (22:29)
  • “I want my friends to be successful. There’s plenty to go around.” —Lisa (22:26)

7. Date Nights, Mad Men, and Hollywood Nostalgia (23:20–28:04)

• Listener Question: “What does a typical date night look like?”
• These days, the couple prefers cozy nights at home; in the past, date nights involved movies, martinis, cigarettes, and legendary LA spots like Dre’s.
• Both are rewatching “Mad Men,” Harry’s Emmy-nominated show, reflecting on its brilliance:
  • “That show, you’ll be able to REWATCH that show 25 years from now and it’ll be fresh.” —Harry (26:54)
  • “I just think that Matt Weiner, Matthew Weiner is a freaking genius.” —Lisa (26:35)
• Touch on staying in hotels for romantic getaways when their kids were young.

8. Turning Down Big Jobs: Regrets & Agency Drama (29:41–39:30)

• Listener Question: “Have you ever had to turn down a huge job offer, and did you regret it?”
• Harry recounts a lucrative but artistically unsatisfying miniseries he turned down—North and South—which went to Patrick Swayze and became a hit.
  • “I picked the whole thing up and I just threw it in the trash can... No way am I ever going to set foot on the set for that show.” —Harry (32:27)
• Details fallout with CAA, as the agency lost millions due to Harry rejecting a coveted “package” project.
• “That’s showbiz, kid.” —Lisa (35:24)
• Shares a quirky Hollywood story about his first marriage, officiated with minimal fanfare and Kirstie Alley as a witness.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lisa (on Harry’s Podcast Persona, 02:21):
  “No one has ever seen that much energy come out of you, ever.”
• Harry (on the challenge of listening, 08:41):
  “Number one thing is listen to your partner.”
• Lisa (on empathy during conflict, 10:36):
  “Have some empathy for that, which can be really hard when you’re fighting or you’re mad at your partner. You get blinded.”
• Harry (on jealousy, 20:46):
  “As soon as I got that check, man, everybody wanted to borrow money from me … All of my friendships disappeared because of that.”
• Lisa (on jealousy and abundance, 22:26):
  “I want my friends to be successful. There’s plenty to go around.”
• Harry (on “Mad Men,” 26:54):
  “That show, you’ll be able to REWATCH that show 25 years from now and it’ll be fresh.”
• Harry (on turning down North and South, 32:27):
  “I picked the whole thing up and I just threw it in the trash can… No way am I ever going to set foot on the set for that show.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:22–04:10 – Playful banter about podcast energy versus real life
• 04:10–06:33 – The rise and fall of BelGray
• 08:13–11:55 – Couples therapy insights & relationship communication
• 11:55–16:31 – Divorce wave among friends & maintaining long friendships
• 19:03–23:18 – Jealousy among friends and Shakespeare wisdom
• 23:20–28:04 – Date night nostalgia and “Mad Men” appreciation
• 29:41–39:30 – Turning down big roles, regrets, and agency conflicts

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Tone and Language

This episode brims with the couple’s trademark blend of humor, candidness, friendly bickering, and Hollywood storytelling. Lisa’s energetic, direct style contrasts with Harry’s laid-back, reflective delivery, resulting in a playful back-and-forth that draws listeners in. Classic Rinna one-liners (“That’s showbiz, kid!”) and Harry’s old-Hollywood anecdotes provide substance and levity in equal measure.

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Conclusion

For fans and newcomers alike, this episode is a quintessential taste of Lisa and Harry’s chemistry, life wisdom, and honest takes on relationships, career, and the intricacies of friendship—delivered with “humor and heart.” Theirs is a genuine dialogue that moves from Hollywood glitz to the earnest realities of keeping love and friendships alive over decades.

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Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, I'm Lisa Rinna.

[B]

And I'm Harry Hamlin.

[A]

And this is. Let's not Talk about the Husband.

[B]

We've been together for over 30 years, and we've been working in this industry a lot longer.

[A]

Well, you know, we have some crazy stories to tell, and on this podcast, we're gonna own it, baby.

[B]

Buckle up. Let's get into today's episode. Hi, everybody. Welcome back once again to let's Not Talk about the Husband who's sitting right here.

[A]

You sometimes are so weird. I just can't even. Like that.

[B]

I can't help it. Like, I'm just. I was born that way.

[A]

Weird when you do this.

[B]

But what I was.

[A]

Character. Do you play when you announce our podcast? Like, who is that?

[B]

This. Okay, I could say, who is it? I could say, hi, everybody, and welcome back to let's not Talk about the Husband. Or you say, hi, everybody. Welcome back. Let's not Talk about the Husband. Or I could go, hey, everybody, welcome back. Let's not Talk about the Husband.

[A]

You never have that much energy in your life, ever. You never smile that much. You never put out that much. No, you don't. Never. So I go, who is that? And where does it come from? You are serious. You don't really laugh much. You never have that much energy. So I think it's great. But I'm like, who is that? Who is it?

[B]

It's who you wanted to have married, who you wish you had married. No, the guy with all the energy and the big smile.

[A]

I have all the energy. It would be too much like, who is that? Look at you smiling. Like, who are you?

[B]

What? Well, I'm obviously somebody having a good time.

[A]

The kids would be like, is that dad? Like, what? What's wrong with him? Not that you're. Not that you're sour in any way. You just don't emote that much in life. So the fact that you do it when you announced a podcast is usually very bewildering to me because I like to keep you. I'm like, who is that over there?

[B]

Well, it's your husband, you know, and.

[A]

But you have to agree with me.

[B]

Well, thank goodness. I mean, you get to wear your wigs. That changes you up. So I get to be. I get a different. I get a different wife whenever you put a different wig on. And you get a different husband when I announce the show.

[A]

I'm so glad I pointed that out, because you do it every single time. And I'm like, that's my thing. What comes over.

[B]

It's my jam, baby. It's my jam.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Like, no one has ever seen that much energy come out of you, ever.

[B]

Oh, come on.

[A]

Never. Never. Have you seen the dance videos where he's just doing his thing and I'm dancing around him? That's Harry in life. So him giving that much energy, he must really like doing that. You must really like doing this podcast because, honey, you do not give it up like that.

[B]

I get to talk to you. We get to spend an hour together, you know, once a week, we get to talk. We get to talk about stuff that we normally wouldn't talk about at home because you're doing your thing, I'm doing my thing. The kids come in, the kids come out, the dogs have to be fed, you know, and then we get to come here and spend an hour talking to each other.

[A]

You guys, it's remarkable. You know what I'm talking about? He does not expend that much energy ever. Ever.

[B]

She's talking to you out there.

[A]

Ever.

[B]

So I'm not here. But then again, it's. Let's not talk about the husband. So why are you talking about me?

[A]

Because it's so remarkable. I have to, like, talk to the people and say, you guys know he doesn't smile. You know, he never gives that much energy.

[B]

So how do you know that?

[A]

How did they know that I live with you and I'm your wife, and they know. Trust me, they know. Okay, all right, I'll move on now. But I had to really clock that because I'm like, who is that over there?

[B]

Could you like that person?

[A]

Well, it's just not what I'm used to.

[B]

Do you like him?

[A]

He's kind of weird. He's, like, kind of goofy and weird, but I like him.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Goofy.

[A]

Well, I'm.

[B]

Maybe I got that from you.

[A]

Well, I'm definitely goofy. I'm. It's just I'm not used to it. It's like, what has taken over you. Do you like my Madonna shirt? This Madonna from Bel Gray? This is one of the shirts from Bel Gray. So it's got to be 20 years old. 20 years old, and the mods have gotten it, and I don't care because I had to change my clothes.

[B]

Well, you know what the French say that, you know, a little flaw is always good. That's. Well, then a little flaw is always. Yeah, I mean, makes you extra beautiful to have little flaw.

[A]

I'm not getting rid of it. I could probably get this sewn.

[B]

Up a little bit.

[A]

Right. Like, they can, like, do a little something.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's. I'm sure this is very boring for the people.

[A]

Anyway. Madonna Cashmere from Belgray.

[B]

Belgray. The middle names of our two kids. Delilah Bell, Amelia Gray. That was the name of our store that we started in 1990.

[A]

No, 2000.

[B]

2003 we did. Right. Just as the Iraq war was starting.

[A]

2003 to 20.

[B]

Or 11.

[A]

11.

[B]

Yeah. After the crash. I mean, we were great. That store was on fire. We were doing $1,200 a square foot in that store. Do you know that's amazing to do that kind of business.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And that's why every mall in the country, I mean, not just in la. Every mall in the country wanted us to go in. We got offers from all over the country.

[A]

Remember we flew over Las Vegas in the helicopter.

[B]

Helicopter. We wanted. They wanted us to go to Florida. They want us to go to Georgia. They wanted us to go all over the Grove. All those places. Yes. I mean, we were doing such a huge business, and then Oprah, and then we weren't. Well, 2008 happened, and, you know, all of a sudden we went from doing twelve hundred dollars a square foot to doing like twenty dollars a square foot. I mean, overnight.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I'll never forget the computer. The computer. It was the 27th of December, 2007, and the computer started showing that usually after Christmas is a downturn anyway.

[A]

In January is always terrible.

[B]

January is always. But this was a disaster. I mean, there were days when we didn't have one sale.

[A]

I know. And we had the store in Calabasas. So we had two.

[B]

And we had two stores. And in Calabasas, that's where the huge crisis really originated.

[A]

Yeah. And Calabasas hadn't really hit yet, like it is now. The Kardashians. Calabasas. It hadn't hit yet. Like it was still under the radar.

[B]

They had a store there, didn't they? At the store there called Dash at the same time. And that didn't make it either, did it?

[A]

Well, they closed it. I don't know if it didn't make it, but they ended up closing it. Because their shows.

[B]

I mean, you'd keep it open if it was doing great.

[A]

Yeah, but their show took off. So this is before their show took off.

[B]

Well, anyway, we had this store in Calabasas, and then we got sued by everybody because we couldn't pay the rent. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's another story. Eve, do we. Do we have some Stuff to do.

[A]

Some like, I think we have questions and advice and things like that. Exactly.

[B]

Don't listen to us people, whatever you do.

[A]

But anyway, it's for jokes. It's for shits and giggles. Okay, Like, I wouldn't. I would take it with grain of salt, for sure.

[B]

That's right. A grain of salt over the left shoulder or the right shoulder?

[A]

I think you do the right or do you do the left? People tell us maybe the left. I don't remember.

[B]

I always wondered which shoulder you throw it over.

[A]

I just always do it.

[B]

Uh huh. Must be a lot of salt somewhere. So anyway, what's happening?

[C]

Okay, yes, so we got some questions from your listeners. Mostly some advice questions.

[A]

But he never has this much energy ever about anything in life. I'm going to point it out every single time I see it. It just doesn't happen.

[B]

I wish, I wish that you had been here. You were away to see the reading I did of the Merlin project.

[A]

I wish I had seen it too. Were you, were you energized?

[B]

Very much so, yes. So, yeah, I'm always energized when I'm on stage.

[A]

You are. I've seen that when you play characters, when you're playing Henry V on stage. Very energized, just not in life. In life, you're very quiet and calm and you do not show exuberance. It's not a good thing or bad thing. It just is.

[B]

Okay, well, I'm exuberant now. Okay, how about that?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It takes a microphone and a camera to get me exuberant.

[A]

I am so amazed. I truly am.

[B]

Well, set a camera up at the house and a microphone and you never know what you're getting.

[A]

My God. All right, Eve, please.

[C]

Okay, let's do it.

[A]

Save us blown away by it.

[C]

Okay, first question from your listeners. What are some tools you learned in therapy that helped you the most in your relationship early on?

[A]

Oh, because we went early on.

[B]

We did go early on.

[A]

What were some of the.

[B]

Well, I mean, look, listening, that was always, always the advice that we got. You know, listen, Remember that? That's because you weren't listening. If you'd been listening, you would remember.

[A]

I don't remember that. Being told to me to listen.

[B]

Number one thing is listen to your partner.

[A]

June was our therapist. I loved her so much.

[B]

She was so great.

[A]

She passed very sadly, but boy, she was great.

[B]

She was a fantastic therapist. And, you know, we recognized early on.

[A]

What else did she tell us that's.

[B]

Listening besides one that you don't remember? Do you remember anything she said to us?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. I remember just about everything that she said to us.

[A]

Please don't.

[B]

So I helped us out, since. You didn't hear a thing.

[A]

I didn't remember. I didn't. I didn't say I don't remember. I didn't. I didn't say I didn't hear it. I just don't remember.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hearing it.

[B]

Well, she had something. She always had a thing about the word should.

[A]

Oh, yes, Yes. I do remember that, because I also saw her separately and I also went to her women's groups. I got a lot of her. Yes.

[B]

Oh, so you remember some of this stuff?

[A]

Well, the should I remember. Well, I mean, should, shoulda, woulda, could have.

[B]

Well, the shoulds are like. She would say that, you know, the word should implies that there's something you could have or would have done, maybe differently or something. And she said that. That just. That it was a useless kind of word.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It still is. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, so. But she also. She was very good with relationships and very good with teaching us how to listen to each other, because that was really big. And how to have compassion and try to understand each other, understand where we were coming from. But listening was really kind of the main deal. And the fact that you didn't get that.

[A]

I do it, so I must have gotten it somehow.

[B]

Yeah. But anyway, so listening. You really want to listen very carefully.

[A]

Have compassion and empathy.

[B]

That's very helpful. You always want to kind of see what it would be like to be wearing that person's shoes.

[A]

I mean, in general, see if you.

[B]

Can see what life looks like through their lens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And have some empathy for that, which.

[A]

Can be really hard when you're fighting or you're mad at your partner. You get blinded. You know, you can get blinded by whatever issues going on, and then comes.

[B]

The silent treatment and that.

[A]

And don't go to bed angry. You have to fix it before you go to sleep. We've always done that.

[B]

Well, a little bit. We've tried, but there have been a few times.

[A]

Yeah. But not many. Not many. I just think it's terrible to go to sleep angry. You got to somehow fix it before.

[B]

I know the silent treatment is really. That's tough. You want to avoid the silent treatment at all costs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know what? You know what you and I do? Sometimes we'll have. We might be fighting, and we might have some weird thing, and we might.

[A]

Take a break from talking for an.

[B]

Hour or two, but then you'll walk into the kitchen. I'll walk into the kitchen, we'll look at each other, and we'll just start laughing and go, what the fuck was that?

[A]

Come on. So about. Not about what you just thought about it so much deeper.

[B]

Usually it's about something much, much deeper. And resentments that grow over time. Then we got to always be cognizant of those things and be aware that there are resentments that grow over time. And it can be little things like, you didn't take the toothpaste out of the sink, or you left this on the kitchen table. Yeah, but it's not that. Not that steeper. Something, usually.

[A]

Well, you know, I mean, there's a lot of people that I know right now that are going through divorces a lot.

[B]

Well, this seems to be the time. Okay, so our kids are now out of the oven.

[A]

They're out of the house. This is when people look around and go, okay, so we're still together. Why?

[B]

There are no kids here. You know, I want to do this, you want to do that. You know, X, Y, and Z comes up and you go, wait a minute, I want A, B, and C, not X, Y, and Z. And then you go, well, maybe it's time to move on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I think that's some of the reason why people get divorced. Other things could be, you know, roving eye. All of a sudden, your kids are out of the house, and you see somebody who looks attractive or whatever, and. But, you know, we're not making kids anymore, so we're not out. We're not out looking for that perfect mate to make kids with. Right.

[A]

I already found that.

[B]

Yes, and so did I.

[A]

So we did that. But I think, you know, a lot of my friends are going through this right now, you know, and I was just having breakfast with one of my girlfriends who got divorced about, what, a year and a half ago, and, you know, she's been fixing up this house, and she was just saying that until her ex agrees to sell the house that they lived in, he's not quite ready to sell their joint family house. She can't really do the work she wants to do on her new house. So that was an interesting conversation. Oh, just to wait until they sell the house. I mean, there are little things like that, but I mean, you know, they've been together for 30 years, and they've grown children. And so, you know, it's.

[B]

And there are a few other people in our life who, after raising kids, decided to.

[A]

Or they're raising kids and.

[B]

And decided to Part ways that's even worse when you got kids that are still in the oven and you got to decide to get divorced.

[A]

I mean, I, I would say six of my friends are going through divorces.

[B]

So the majority right now of our friends are actually parting company.

[A]

Except for Jim and Robin. They're still together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But think about it. Like, most of our friends are.

[B]

A lot of our friends. So when, when your kids are in elementary school and middle school, your friends become the parents of those kids. Yeah, there's that thing that happens right.

[A]

On the everydayers because you see them every day at drop off at every school and.

[B]

And people who would never be your friends under normal circumstances become your friends because of the kids. And we had a lot of those people in our life for many years. We had this Easter party every year and all the kids from the schools would come and their parents would come and we would get to know their parents. And I would say that a lot of those people are divorced now.

[A]

And the group that I just had my birthday breakfast with, we meet every time one of us has a birthday. There are four of us. They're all from preschool. I met them. Well, that's right. They are Lisa, Jana and Robin and myself. All from preschool. Well, Robin on our street, so neighbor. But still we all met in preschool and we get together every birthday that one of us has. We get a joint gift and we meet at a restaurant and have breakfast at 8:30 in the morning. And we've been doing that for 25 years.

[B]

Hmm.

[A]

Pretty special.

[B]

So they have long friendships.

[A]

Pretty special.

[B]

And you guys listen to each other, I'm sure, as friends. Right?

[A]

We do in our lives. You know, we don't see each other all the time, but these are usually like great catch up moments where we get to find out because all of our kids are also friends. They grew up together. So we get to find out what all the kids are doing. And it's just.

[B]

And everybody seems to be doing great, right? All the kids are doing great.

[A]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[B]

We have, we have a very lucky friend group. Amazing with kids and everything. Because I only a couple that. Not really. Our closest friends have kids who are like in and out of rehab all the time and you know, face tattoos and stuff like that.

[A]

Well, this, you know, this group and they're all girls. The kids are all girls.

[B]

That's right. The kids are all girls.

[A]

Yeah, they're all girls. And everyone's. It just, it's magical.

[B]

I'm surrounded by girls. I have everything in my House. They're all dogs. Fish.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

Humans. They're all girls.

[A]

I know. Well, you must have manifested that.

[B]

Well, I am obviously like it. Yeah.

[A]

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[D]

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized yourself?

[A]

Me F2.

[D]

Hi, I'm Caroline Baudino from Instagram Shop with Caroline and host of Coming In Hot. This tough New Yorker who swore she would never depend on a man lives to wear all her jewels and look fabulous. Let everyone else's expectations of being a mom, a wife, a daughter to Cuban parents take priority. I finally put my oxygen oxygen mask on first and took the biggest bet of my life. Join me every Monday on Coming in Hot to deep dive on finding your own happy tools and living your best life too. Yes, we can.

[A]

Okay, next question.

[C]

Okay, next question. On the same note of friendship, any advice on dealing with jealousy amongst friends?

[A]

You've gone through that early on with your friends?

[B]

Yeah, no, there was. Okay, so yeah, early on. But I'm talking early on. I mean this is when right out of acting school, your 20s. In my 20s. And we had, you know, because I had been through college and acting school. And acting school is intense. That's three years working Seven days a week. I mean, it's. You get to know these people. I mean. And I. I created a friend group of maybe 10 people from that. And most everybody moved from San Francisco down to la because this is where the work was.

[A]

Because you went to act, went to.

[B]

The American Conservatory in San Francisco, which was very intense at the time. It was considered the top school, acting school, along with Yale and Carnegie and Northwestern. And we got. We. We came to LA as a very strong friend group. And then I started to work and that was a problem.

[A]

So you would say that's jealousy, right?

[B]

I would say that was. That was jealous. I mean, yeah, that was definitely. And I guess the. The most sort of thing that was that. I have. Have to say, I don't know, was it a shame, in a way, was that I started to make a little money. Not a lot of money, but I was making some money. I mean, they were making no money. They were still living on food stamps. They'd come down from acting school and were trying to get any job possible. Right. Anywhere. And I started making. I made my first movie. I got paid a little dough for it. And as soon as I got that check, man, everybody wanted to borrow money from me.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, I saw you can never loan money to friends.

[B]

I found this out. You can't because as soon as you loan money to that friend, you never hear from him again.

[A]

Well, it ruins friendships. It just does. You can't mix it.

[B]

All of my friendships disappeared because of that. Took about three or four years, but every single friendship I had disappeared because of that. I mean, there are other things going on too. But I'd say that lending money was probably one of the big problems. And I recommend don't do it actually, you know, in. In Hamlet.

[A]

Or you can never want it back. Like you just give it to them as a gift.

[B]

It's Polonius in Hamlet. And this is another. Shakespeare was so brilliant. He said, neither a lender nor a borrower be. Neither a borrower or a lender be. That was Polonius's advice to Horatio, his son, before he went off to school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, I would say that. Yeah. Jealousy among friends can be very difficult. And it. How do you fix it? How do you work on that?

[A]

I think you can only ever work on yourself.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

So you can't fix a friend. I think it's always disheartening and sad when it happens or if you think it's happening. And I think that it's human nature in A sense people have a very hard time going, you know, I should have that. And why does that person get that? And, you know, I just think there's so much to go around. That in my. What I feel is I'm always so happy for my friends because there's plenty to go around.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I want my friends to be successful.

[B]

Life is not zero sum game. It's not zero sum. I mean, you don't. There doesn't have to be a loser for you to be a winner, you know, and so everybody can be a winner, in fact.

[A]

Yeah, but why does it happen? Why?

[B]

Because I think people just think that there's a lack, that there's somehow lack out there, and there's not. There's abundance.

[A]

There's plenty.

[B]

So if you have a sense of lack in your head. Yeah. You're going to think that, oh, I want some of that. I'm not going to get it if they have it right. There's only so much to go around. But that's not true. There's plenty for everybody.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Know, I mean, we have to be sustainable. We have to make sure that we don't overindulge and go and use too much of the resources that are available to us. But other than that, I mean, if. As long as we're responsible with. With that, there should be plenty to go around, you know.

[A]

Agree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Next.

[C]

I love that advice.

[A]

That's good advice.

[C]

Next question. What does a typical date night look like for you and Harry? Lisa?

[B]

Wow. This is for you. Question to you, both of you.

[A]

Movie. Like typical would be maybe dinner or movie.

[B]

But do. We haven't really done date nights in a while, have we?

[A]

Not really. Because we've enjoyed being home and having dinner.

[B]

We're home. We don't have to do date nights because the kids. The kids are. Are gone, you know, I mean, that's true.

[A]

But when we go out, let's say we're going out, we don't call it a date night, but we like to go to the movies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We like to go to dinner.

[B]

Yeah. We. Not often. I mean, we have date night. I mean, I. I cook at the house usually every time, every week.

[A]

But when we did have date night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember, we'd go to Dre's and smoke cigarettes.

[B]

That.

[A]

I always think that was before the kids. So fun.

[B]

Before the kids.

[A]

Oh, my God, that was so fun.

[B]

There was this restaurant called Dre's, which I think now is in Las Vegas.

[A]

No, it's here, too.

[B]

I guess Victor Dre opened it oh, really? Victor Dre.

[A]

It's in Vegas. You're right.

[B]

Had this restaurant and. And we would go. Our. Our ritual was to go and get a martini and smoke a cigarette on the bout. Yeah. Outside.

[A]

Outside.

[B]

Yeah. And that's when you could still smoke in restaurants.

[A]

And, you know, that was fun.

[B]

And we'd have a martini and smoke a cigarette.

[A]

That was fun.

[B]

I guess it was.

[A]

You know, it seemed like it to me.

[B]

Seemed like fun for a while.

[A]

You know, I. I would love to be a smoker if it wasn't bad for you, just because I think it is so fun to like. I mean, I was never a smoker per se, but I think that that was a fun moment. Even if it's terrible for you, horrible will kill you.

[B]

Let's talk about smoking for a minute because. Okay, so you and I are both doing something. What We. We didn't know we were both going to do it at the same time. We're both rewatching Mad Men right now.

[A]

We are.

[B]

And they smoke in Mad Men. And. And, I mean, they never stop smoking in that.

[A]

I mean, especially Roger.

[B]

I mean. Yeah. I mean, John Slattery.

[A]

John Slattery. Never.

[B]

Brilliant.

[A]

Brilliant.

[B]

I mean, I have to admit. So I did Mad Men. Okay. And was on.

[A]

I'm almost up to your season. Almost.

[B]

I don't remember which season. Where are you?

[A]

I'm five, so you probably come on.

[B]

Six, Six and seven, I think.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So.

[A]

So you were nominated for an Emmy for that.

[B]

Yeah. And I. I had never watched it. I had seen the first two seasons, and then there was some kind of on a hiatus that they had. I mean, there was some kind of.

[A]

A renegotiation because they were renegotiating with amc.

[B]

And so I lost. I lost the momentum. And I never saw the, like, three, four, and five episodes. I mean, seasons until now. I'm watching and I'm going, oh, my God, this show is brilliant.

[A]

Brilliant.

[B]

And these people, brilliant. You know, Slattery and John Ham and Elizabeth Trina. I mean, it really total.

[A]

January.

[B]

I mean, January Jones and, you know, I never. She was not that big in episode in season one and two, and then she's much bigger in three and four.

[A]

And I. I mean, she's big in all of them.

[B]

She's now. I mean, I never really saw her that much. And then by the time I got on the show, she was not really that much in it.

[A]

I just think that Matt Weiner, Matthew Weiner is a freaking genius. That show. I'm so engrossed in it. Right now that I live life and then I go to Mad Men life. I live life and then I go to Mad Men life.

[B]

And how about the fact that since it was shot in the 60s and so the. It's timeless. I mean, that show will never get old.

[A]

And why is that?

[B]

Well, because it was. It's period and it was shot and. And the themes are very human themed, specific. And that show, you could, you'll be able to REWATCH that show 25 years from now and it'll be fresh.

[A]

And it's so layered. The characters are so flawed and so layered and I mean, I can't get over it.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's.

[A]

Cannot get over it.

[B]

And now Elizabeth Moss. I know. I mean, and she's a kick. She was on the set. She was a total kick.

[A]

You're so lucky you got to work on that.

[B]

You know, I'm realizing now how lucky I am to work on that now that I've seen the first few seasons. Yeah, yeah, it's a. It's an amazing show.

[A]

You get to wear your hair like that, your glasses.

[B]

So. Yeah, Mad Men is amazing. And what we used to do is we would. When the kids were small, we would go to shutters and have a date weekend.

[A]

We would do that a lot. Go to different hotels.

[B]

Different hotels. We had the Beverly Hills Hotel and we went to shutters a lot.

[A]

We did that a lot.

[B]

Yeah, that was great because, you know, you got little kids and nannies and stuff running around.

[A]

Yeah, that was great.

[B]

How can you roll around if you got all that stuff?

[A]

That was great. You know, that was fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[C]

Next question. Have you ever had to turn down a huge job offer and did you regret it?

[A]

You have, but I don't think I ever had. I don't think I've ever turned down a huge job offer.

[B]

I've turned stuff down not because I had to, but because I couldn't see myself doing that movie or that, that show. The big one for me was in 1984 or something like that. And they asked me to, to do this show. It was going to shoot in Atlanta. We're going to do one season and then there was going to be another season follow up. So it was going to be a total of 12 episodes. I think. Six, six episodes for the first season and six episodes for the second season. And they sent me the script. I was, I was represented by CAA at the time. And the script came to my house and the script was this thick. It was what, a foot thick? Well, it was six, six hours, two hour long shows, 12 hours that scare me.

[A]

I wouldn't know how to read that much.

[B]

Well, I, I said, me too. I was like, how the am I going to read this? You know, I got to read it. I, I had to like read it in a day because they, they, they said, you got to, got to respond to this offer right away. And it was a lot of money. It was like seven figures. Big, big money. Lead role, you know what year shooting? 1984, I think. Shooting for like five months.

[A]

Miniseries.

[B]

Right, Miniseries.

[A]

Which they just started doing maybe.

[B]

Well, they had done roots and then they've. That set the hook for miniseries. So I had already done a couple miniseries at that point. I was the only person at CAA who had ever done tv.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, CAA was only movie stars at that time. At that time, caa, I didn't know that they were. Well, if they had anybody from tv, it was marginal.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

They wanted to be the agency that had all the big stars.

[A]

This is when Mike Ovitz was running out.

[B]

Mike Ovitz started it along with three or four other people.

[A]

Rick Nicita.

[B]

Rick Desita was my agent.

[A]

Paula Wagner.

[B]

Paula Wagner was my agent. She went on to run Tom Cruise's company. But they asked me to do this project and they sent the script to my house and I said, how am I going to read that? So I said, I got to read it right away. So I walked into the kitchen of my house and I put the script on the kitchen counter and I stood up. What I Stood up with a bottle of water, and I stood there and read the whole thing standing up.

[A]

How long did it take?

[B]

Hours. Took me about five hours to read it standing up in one spot.

[A]

Wow. Did you pace it all or just.

[B]

I just. I knew I had to read it that day because I had to respond.

[A]

Okay, so then what happened?

[B]

So at the very end of it, I closed up the last page. And remember, the script was about a foot.

[A]

I never heard of such a thing, by the way.

[B]

It was a. Well, there were. There were six scripts. So you put six scripts together. They're stacked up that high. All right. So I got. I finished reading them. I'm standing there. There was a trash can right next to where I was standing, and I picked the whole thing up and I just threw it in the trash can like that. And I said, no way am I ever going to set foot on the set for that show.

[A]

You're kidding.

[B]

And I said, no, I'm not going to do it. And they said, no. What do you mean you're not going to do it? I said, no, I can't do it. It's stupid. And they said. They said, no, but you have to do it. And I said, I'm sorry. I read it and I can't do it because I'm a student of history. And this is a Harlequin romance novel version of the Civil War. It was called the north and the South. Patrick Swayze ended up doing the part.

[A]

Yes, he did.

[B]

And made his career.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But it was like this ridiculous Harlequin novel version of the Civil War. The Civil War was. Was the bloodiest war in the history of humanity. And, like. And it was incensed by it.

[A]

You did not like it.

[B]

I just. Like this. This is. I. You can't make a movie like this about the Civil War, you know, that's for your drugs. So. So I didn't do it. And then. And they got so mad at me that CAA did. CAA did that. They stopped responding to my calls.

[A]

They want the money.

[B]

Here's what happened. Here's what happened. Which. I didn't know it was a package. I didn't even know what a package was.

[A]

Explain to the people what a package is.

[B]

Okay. They don't really do them anymore much.

[A]

But, you know, that's very Hollywood talk.

[B]

But in the old days. And they. They actually still do it a little. They still do it well, because the one I'm doing now is a package made fair Witches. But. But in those days, instead of paying the actors commission or the actors. Your actors paying instead of the actors paying the agent's commission 10%. If the. The right number of people were from the same agency involved in the same project. So let's say they got the director and they got a couple of the actors and a producer and a writer, all from caa, they could say, oh, this is a package deal. Therefore the network is going to pay us a license fee and we're not going to ask our clients to pay us commission. So they made a lot of money that way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's kind of how CAA was paying its rent in those days, was getting bigger license fees for miniseries and stuff. And I was really the only person that they had who would fit the bill to do this. So when I said no, they lost the package. And by losing the package, they lost millions of dollars. Okay.

[A]

They were mad at you, they were mad at me.

[B]

They were. So I had to leave the agency, they were so mad. And they wouldn't. I couldn't get them to answer my calls. I was always put on hold. They wouldn't go out to lunch with me. I mean, it's like, you know, because I just made an artistic choice that was, you know, not in. Not the choice they wanted me to make.

[A]

That's. That's showbiz, kid.

[B]

That's show biz. But anyway, so Patrick did it, and it was hugely successful for him.

[A]

Made him a huge star.

[B]

Yeah. And Kirstie Alley was in it. She was my next door neighbor at the time. She had officiated my wedding to my first wife.

[A]

I remember that. In your living room. In our living room now.

[B]

Well, no, it wasn't. It was in. It was in Laura's living. She lived in a silt house over on. Yeah. Up in the Hills. Yeah. And right across the street lived Kirsty Alley. And when. When my friend Kent came to marry us because we got married on a Saturday afternoon, because I was leaving the next day to go rehearse a Broadway show. We got married on a Saturday night. And I called my friend who was. I knew, a member of the Universal Life Church who had the power to marry people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. We were driving down La Brea Boulevard, Avenue street or whatever it is, and we were driving down La Brea in the middle of the afternoon on Saturday, and I went. I went, holy shit, wait a minute. Our marriage license is about to run out. Because in those days you had like 90 days to get married after you got a marriage license.

[A]

Oh, so you'd already gotten it.

[B]

And we'd gotten the marriage license and we just kind of not gotten married, right? And so we're driving down the street and I go, wait a minute. If I don't, if we don't get married today, we're gonna have to go through that whole marriage license rigamarole again. So we said, well, we'll get married tonight before you leave.

[A]

Geez.

[B]

So I pulled the car over to the side of the road. There was a phone booth on La Brea and I called.

[A]

Phone booths, phone booth.

[B]

I called up my friend Kent and I said, kent, what are you doing tonight? Can you come over and, and marry me and, and Laura? And he goes, let's see, I got a dinner at 7:30, but if I come over at 6, he said, if we can get it done before 7. Yeah. I said, okay, well come on over and we'll get married. So you know, I'm sitting there in, in our little stilt house waiting for Kent to come over. I'm in my T shirt and jeans, Laura's in her T shirt and jeans.

[A]

You don't get dressed up at all.

[B]

No, because it was a. He was going to come to Mary Center. We just needed to get the ceremony done right or the marriage license was going to run out.

[A]

I would have put on a dress or something.

[B]

So, so he gets there and, and there Laura and I are there and we're in our T shirts and jeans. And he goes, okay, well let's, let's, let's do it because I gotta go. And he goes, but wait, wait, you have to have witnesses. You have to have witness. You can't just, I can't just marry. There's gonna be witness here. He says, do you know anybody you can call? And I go, because he said, I got to go. He said, I got to be out of here in 45 minutes.

[A]

This marriage was doomed from the start.

[B]

So I said, I said, well, my next door neighbor is Kirsty Alley. Let me see if she and Parker are home. And I called them up and sure enough they were home. And I said, hey, Kirsty, listen, Laura and I getting married in half an hour. Do you think maybe you could come over and be our witnesses? You know, just come over and watch it. So, so she said, yeah, but it's, you know, give me, give me half an hour. Give me at least 30, 30 minutes. Okay, so now Kent's like looking at his watch. He's, I gotta go, I gotta go. And, and finally the doorbell rings and I go up and answer the door. I'm Wearing my T shirt and jeans. And I open the door and there's Kirsty and Parker. Parker is in a tuxedo, as he should be.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Kirsty is in a long white gown with a big bouquet of flowers and her hair all done up. And they have. They have put on the dog to come to our wedding. And it's just us, like the four of us in the room.

[A]

Bless.

[B]

Anyway, so we got married. Kirsty officiated, Kent officiated, Courtney witnessed, along with Parker. And I went off to do Awaken Sing the next day in New York.

[A]

You have some stories, Harry.

[B]

I too, it wasn't Awaken Sing, it was another play.

[A]

Which was it? What was it?

[B]

I forget what play it was, but I. I was going off to do something. Maybe I was going off to do a movie or play. Whatever it was I was going off to do would have meant that we would have. Our. Our marriage license would have lapsed. So, yeah, it was not, you know, it was a doomed marriage for sure.

[A]

Doomed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do your thing, Harry.

[B]

Thank you so much, everybody for tuning in. Once again, let's not talk about the husband.

[A]

Cheers.

[B]

Everyone. Lisa Rinna.

[A]

Cheers. The one and only Lisa fucking Rinna. Cheers. Woo. Thanks for listening to our show. You can catch new episodes every Friday.

[B]

And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss anything.

[A]

Yeah. And if you liked what you heard.

[B]

Consider leaving us a rating or review. And make sure to tell all your friends too. I mean, like every. Everyone you know and their mother.

[A]

If you have a question for us or you need advice, God help you. Leave a voicemail using the link in our show notes. We might just answer your question in a future episode. Now you can find us on social media. Lisarina on Instagram. And then I'm SirInnaOfficial on TikTok.

[B]

And I'm Harry Rhamlin on Instagram.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

So see you next week.

[A]

Until then, let's not talk about the husband. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.