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- [00:00]
A
The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. Hi, I'm Lisa Rinna.
- [00:07]
B
And I'm Harry Hamlin.
- [00:08]
A
And this is. Let's Not Talk about the Husband.
- [00:11]
B
We've been together for over 30 years, and we've been working in this industry a lot longer.
- [00:16]
A
Well, you know, we have some crazy stories to tell, and on this podcast, we're going to own it, baby.
- [00:21]
B
Buckle up. Let's get into today's episode.
- [00:25]
A
Welcome to last. Let's Not Talk about the Husband.
- [00:28]
B
Here we go again. Okay, but today we're going to talk about that thing that comes up at dinner parties when there's not much to talk about and you're with people you don't know very well, and they turn to you and they. After a long silence, they say, how did you two meet? Which is kind of the standard thing you do when you don't really know what to say to people you don't know very well. And it's always a lifesaver when somebody says that because you got a story right.
- [00:53]
A
Well, nobody ever asked me that.
- [00:55]
B
Really.
- [00:56]
A
Every time we go out at a dinner party.
- [00:58]
B
When we go out. When we go out to dinner with.
- [01:00]
A
People, I wanted to agree with you, but I was like, I don't think anyone asked me that in that.
- [01:05]
B
Here's the thing. So let's say we have people that we don't know very well. They're parents of the kids at school, and we go out and we happen to find ourselves at dinner with them, and we don't know them at all, but it's a real good sort of catchphrase. Hey, how did you two meet?
- [01:21]
A
Well, I. I still don't. I can't recall any of that. But I can recall the other couple weeks ago, two weeks ago, when we were in Cayman with the kids and their friends, the Blairs, and they asked us about the story of how we met.
- [01:38]
B
So there you go. We were sitting at dinner. Yeah.
- [01:41]
A
So I can relate to that.
- [01:41]
B
We didn't know that well. And they asked us how we met. So that's.
- [01:44]
A
It was our children and their. Our children and their friends growing up that we've known for their whole lives. So we know them very well.
- [01:54]
B
And what great humans they turned into, too. We're so lucky and so happy about that. But going back to the sort of the og. The origin story of Harry and Lisa, which we've told a lot of times so we can tell it. We know that story. It comes out pretty quickly these days.
- [02:10]
A
It was fun, I think, telling the kids and the Kids, the Blairs. Let's just call them the Blairs. The kids and the Blairs.
- [02:17]
B
Yeah.
- [02:18]
A
It was fun to tell that story because they're of an age, because they're all 20, 22 to 26.
- [02:25]
B
They're getting into relationships now.
- [02:27]
A
It was cute. They like paid attention. They really listened. I don't think they ever would have really paid attention or cared before. So it was cute. I thought it was really a sweet moment.
- [02:37]
B
It was a great moment. And relationships are so interesting. And so, I mean, there's so many minefields in relationships. And somehow here we, 30 some odd years later after that one moment when we first laid eyes on each other.
- [02:51]
A
But it's so miraculous because. Okay, let's just lay it out. You had a baby mama and two wives.
- [03:00]
B
Okay.
- [03:01]
A
I mean, let's see my teeth. Yes. I'm gonna get you to smile in this podcast. My goal is just to get you to smile. So, I mean, we have to really lay it out. I know it makes you so uncomfortable. I kind of love to make you squirm though.
- [03:14]
B
Okay, I'm squirming.
- [03:15]
A
So there's a baby mama and two ex wives. So the fact that we have been together for 32 years is extremely miraculous on many, many, many levels.
- [03:28]
B
No, it's very true when you start from that. But, you know, we had help. You know, relationships that last this long require work. I mean, there's this term that everybody uses, I fell in love, falling in love. And when you fall in love, it's a. I mean, you imagine yourself falling through space, which requires no effort whatsoever to fall through space. And we fall in love and we're there in bliss. I remember. It's infatuation when you're infatuated. You can look up at a telephone pole and think it's the most miraculous thing in the world because all of a sudden life has all this extraordinary resonance and shine to it.
- [04:09]
A
But how long does that last?
- [04:10]
B
It lasts about 18 months.
- [04:11]
A
That's the thing. Infatuation is not sustainable.
- [04:15]
B
Exactly. So were we infatuated when we first started out?
- [04:20]
A
Well, it just was not a normal situation. I think that we grew to love one another because we were infatuated. But we had a lot of landmines to.
- [04:34]
B
Well, we both came in with plenty of Louis Vuitton.
- [04:36]
A
Yeah, well, you had a little bit more than I did. That's true. Because I couldn't afford it. I couldn't afford any Louis Vuitton at that point. I was poor, I was not working well. I just started Working.
- [04:49]
B
Explain to me how, you know, wealth and emotion meet. Where. Where does that.
- [04:54]
A
Well, you're talking about Louis Vuitton baggage, so I said I didn't have that.
- [04:59]
B
Okay.
- [04:59]
A
Much baggage. Because my baggage was cheaper. Your baggage was, but mine's more expensive now.
- [05:04]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
- [05:06]
A
Anyway, so.
- [05:08]
B
So, yeah, I was. I. I was coming out of a very, very bad relationship. One that. It was very surprising to me that it turned bad so quickly. Looking back on it now, it doesn't surprise me so much, but at the time.
- [05:19]
A
Well, you weren't married for, like, 11 months, right?
- [05:22]
B
Yeah, hardly. I mean, and. And all of a sudden I wasn't. And, yeah, it left me without any rudder, any sense of anchor.
- [05:29]
A
No, you were rocked completely. So when I met you, you were not, you know, a grounded Harry Hamlin.
- [05:36]
B
Has there ever been such a thing?
- [05:38]
A
Yeah.
- [05:39]
B
Really? Oh.
- [05:39]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [05:40]
B
I'll go with that. Yeah. So when I. When I. When I first saw you, which is. I don't think that was. Not when you first met.
- [05:47]
A
No. When you first saw me was up at Shane's at the Beverly Glen center, and I was with Peter Barton, and you were married to. I was sitting there with Nicolette, and I. We. I worked up there at the eyeglass store, which we'll get into. But this was months earlier.
- [06:06]
B
Months. I was still with Nicolette.
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A
And had you been married by that point?
- [06:09]
B
Probably.
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A
I think so.
- [06:10]
B
Yeah, I think so. But not for very long. But I'd never. We were sitting next to the door, and I mean, I. Look. I remember this like it was yesterday.
- [06:17]
A
I remember it. I. I remember it like it was yesterday.
- [06:19]
B
Come on. I mean, how often does that happen? When someone walks into your life and you see them just for a flash, for a second, and you never forget that moment? Okay. I mean, that doesn't happen. That meant there was something there, because I remember looking up. I didn't know who Peter Barton was, nor did I care, but I looked up and I saw this amazingly beautiful woman in front of me, and I go. I went this sort of stabbed in my heart, and I. I looked at Nicolette, and she got very jealous if I ever looked at another woman. So I made it. I made it. Made it. Sure, sure, you didn't see me looking at you, but I did. It only lasted for a moment. It was like a little tiny second, and it was like, oh, there's a really beautiful woman. And then, boom, I was back to my dinner. But that was the first time. I'll never forget it, because it was that intense of A moment. And then it was many, many months later, maybe years later even.
- [07:09]
A
It was. At least we actually met men probably a year later. And all I remember is because I knew Nicolette. So I just was saying hi to somebody that was an acquaintance of mine. And you just happened to be her husband. And you were Harry Hamlin. I mean, you were.
- [07:23]
B
And I didn't know either of you.
- [07:24]
A
Famous at that point. Well, you wouldn't, because Peter was on a soap opera, so you wouldn't have any idea at that point anyway.
- [07:30]
B
So. Yeah, I mean, so cut to like a year and a half later, you're working at the eyeglass stor in the night shift. You're on unemployment at the moment. Right.
- [07:39]
A
So you're my friend Brad, who's also your friend Brad. So we have to kind of lay that out. I'm working for my friend Brad two nights a week because there's restaurants up there. And we would keep the eye. It was an eyeglass store. And it was just when we started selling designer sunglasses. So he would have the store open from 6 to 10. And I worked from 6 to 10 twice a week.
- [08:01]
B
Yeah. And you were returning the keys after.
- [08:04]
A
The night shift when we first met.
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B
I was having dinner with Brad when.
- [08:07]
A
We first sat down and talked. Yes.
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B
And you came in to give him the keys because you just closed up.
- [08:13]
A
Because he wouldn't trust me with the keys. I had to always go and give him the keys.
- [08:18]
B
But I didn't recognize you from the time before. You had. Maybe your hair had changed.
- [08:22]
A
No, it was the same. Cause remember I talked about cutting my hair and when I sat down to talk to you guys and you were like, no, don't cut your hair. Whatever you do, don't cut your hair.
- [08:33]
B
That's right. I remember that. That's the first time we've talked about that in years.
- [08:37]
A
And I cut my hair right after. But you both were like, no, don't cut your hair.
- [08:41]
B
Well, he invited you to sit down, and you sat down and have a glass of wine. And he introduced you. And what I heard was, harry, this is my friend Lisa Renault. And I thought, oh, that's a very interesting French name. It's very exotic. And here's this exotic looking woman in front of me. And then you sat and the first thing you said was, oh, my God, I went to this circus last night. It was so sexy. And suddenly I thought, but wait, this girl is turned on by elephants, lions and tigers.
- [09:13]
A
Oh my.
- [09:14]
B
I thought, well, okay, so this is interesting. Maybe there's a little Kink in there. That would be, you know, interesting to find out about.
- [09:22]
A
It was Cirque du Soleil. I'd never seen Cirque du Soleil. It blew my mind. I'd never seen anything like. It blew my little Medford, Oregon mind.
- [09:31]
B
Well, and I've seen it since. And it's an amazing show.
- [09:34]
A
That's amazing.
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B
But to me, he was this girl who was, like, excited by the circus. Like, turned on by the circus. So I go, okay, there's something interesting there. And I thought your name was Lisa Renault. Lisa Renaud.
- [09:46]
A
You're so weird.
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B
I know.
- [09:48]
A
It's so weird.
- [09:49]
B
In my Filofax, I name is still Renault.
- [09:52]
A
I know. I can't even believe it. And I'll never forget. So cut to. I don't remember a whole lot from that. Just. I remember sitting down talking to you guys. I didn't. I mean, you at that point were a married man. We didn't know you weren't married, but you were to me.
- [10:05]
B
It had. I had only been separated for a few weeks at that point.
- [10:08]
A
No, maybe. I believe three days.
- [10:10]
B
Yeah.
- [10:10]
A
So I went home. I didn't think twice. I just had a little chat with you guys and I went home. And I'll never forget the next morning, I was in the shower. I was in my apartment in Brentwood. We had answering machines, no cell phones. And all of a sudden my apartment was small, so I could hear the answering machine while I was in the bathroom. I get this message from Brad saying, hi, Lisa. That was so fun last night. Harry really liked you. And if he were single, he would like to date you.
- [10:39]
B
I know that sounds funny.
- [10:40]
A
And I remember thinking, well, what a sick fuck, he's married. I mean, ew. Like, ew. And that was my take on it. And I was like, whatever. And that was that.
- [10:51]
B
Well, at that point, I had told no one except for Brad that my marriage had dissolved pretty much overnight.
- [10:58]
A
Yeah.
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B
As my ex ran off with a pop singer. But anyway, we met each other. We didn't see each other for a long time after what happened. What was the next time when we met? Months and months went by.
- [11:11]
A
Let me think. How did you call me? You ended up calling me.
- [11:17]
B
Well, that was in the fall of 1992.
- [11:20]
A
93.
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B
92. When we first. When we first met.
- [11:25]
A
Okay. So then.
- [11:26]
B
And. And. And I went and rented a house on the beach. Yes, because in Carbon beach, which burned down. Wow. And I lived out there alone on the beach and didn't. Didn't really contemplate anything except Trying to stay alive the next couple of months.
- [11:42]
A
So how did we meet?
- [11:43]
B
Back up devastated.
- [11:44]
A
You were.
- [11:45]
B
Well, I called you. I remember I was. I went to. To Aspen that Christmas, which was something I had been doing every Christmas. It was just one of those things that we did back then.
- [11:53]
A
You were very fancy back then. You were fancy staying at the Little Nell, doing all the, like, really fancy Hollywood schmoozy, woozy stuff.
- [12:01]
B
Well, you got that right.
- [12:03]
A
You were, why not?
- [12:03]
B
I mean, I was.
- [12:04]
A
Well, why not? And you were single and hot and.
- [12:07]
B
It was ready to try, you know. And I called you.
- [12:09]
A
I've got your number from the 90s.
- [12:12]
B
I mean, I mean, it was like. It was the 90s.
- [12:14]
A
It was like early 90s, living the.
- [12:16]
B
Life of the 80s, which was, like, very excessive. So, yeah, And I called you up. I guess grad gave me your number in Oregon because you had gone up to visit your parents for Christmas.
- [12:24]
A
I had, like, I never missed a Christmas with my parents.
- [12:26]
B
And I got your number in Oregon. And I remember calling up your house in Oregon and.
- [12:32]
A
And my mom saying, oh, my God, Harry Hamlin's on the phone for you. And I remember thinking, why is Harry Hamlin calling me in Medford, Oregon?
- [12:41]
B
I wanted to get you to Aspen.
- [12:42]
A
Tried to get me to come to Aspen, and I wouldn't go. How weird is that? Like, I just was like, no, I mean, I didn't know what Aspen was at the time. I had no idea. Aspen has turned out to be a real interesting part of my history, hasn't it? Now that you think about it, we.
- [12:59]
B
Can get back to that at some point.
- [13:01]
A
But anyway, I did not. I remember thinking, I'm not gonna go to Aspen. I don't even know this person. And Aspen, in my mind, didn't mean anything because I wasn't a working actor and I was broke and, you know, whatever.
- [13:15]
B
And I'm sure if you had caved and come to Aspen, we would not be sitting here today.
- [13:18]
A
You know what? I bet you're right. Because I also remember we talked on the phone. You called me for two weeks. Cause I was in Medford for two weeks. And I remember getting to know you on those phone calls. Like, at first I was like, whatever. And then I started to talk to you and think, wow, this guy's really smart. And I started to look forward to you calling. That's right. And we kind of got to know.
- [13:44]
B
Each other the whole time.
- [13:45]
A
No, no, no. We started talking. You called. And then, of course, my mom was so excited every time you called. So I thought, well, maybe I'll just talk to him.
- [13:53]
B
But then we stopped seeing each other. We stopped, you know, talking.
- [13:56]
A
Well, then. Anyway, I don't know what happened. Other than you call me at one point and asked me to go on a date to Toscana. And I say yes right away. And at that point, that book, the Rules came out. And it was like. If somebody called and asked you on a date. You're not supposed to say yes right away.
- [14:15]
B
No. You're supposed to shine them on and say no.
- [14:17]
A
Like for three days or something.
- [14:19]
B
Yeah. If you want to hook somebody for a husband. But you broke all the rules.
- [14:23]
A
And I said yes.
- [14:24]
B
And I called you up and I said, would you meet me at Toscana in an hour?
- [14:27]
A
Yeah, I did it that night.
- [14:29]
B
I know.
- [14:29]
A
And I lived right up the street from Toscana. So it must not have seemed like a big deal to me.
- [14:35]
B
Guess not. That's why. Maybe why you came so quickly. But, yeah, you showed up in, you.
- [14:39]
A
Know, my cute outfit.
- [14:41]
B
Yeah. Jeans and a T shirt and cowboy boots and no makeup. And I fell instantly in love with you as a result of that, you know.
- [14:49]
A
Well. And then we have to tell the story about the waiter. So this is our very first date. We've never sat alone in a restaurant, getting to know each other. We've talked on the phone, but we've never sat across from each other, ever.
- [15:04]
B
Except for that very first night with Brad. Which was now a year before that.
- [15:08]
A
So years gone by or something like that.
- [15:12]
B
Some time. Some pretty major.
- [15:14]
A
I want to say, like, eight months. Let's give it eight months.
- [15:16]
B
Okay, I'll go with eight months. And so we're sitting there at the table, and we're having our very first conversation. And the waiter comes over. And he was a portly fellow in his 60s, bald. Balding. And very Italian.
- [15:30]
A
Very thick Italian accent. Very thick accent, very Italian accent.
- [15:33]
B
And the first thing he said when he looked at us, he said, oh, my goodness. He said, you two are destined to be together forever.
- [15:40]
A
You're soul mates.
- [15:41]
B
And we looked at each other and we got. Who's this guy? I mean, why is he. This is our first date. It was really weird, going on and on about how we're going to have children together. And we're going to have a great.
- [15:51]
A
Life together, and we're soulmates. And he kept coming by. Like, every time he'd bring something, he would be like, you're soulmates and you're going to have children. Our first date. So you're like, what The.
- [16:02]
B
It was way, way weird and kind of like, too weird.
- [16:06]
A
It was too weird. We were freaked out, I think, both of us, for sure. You're coming off a relationship. I'm coming off of a relationship with Peter Barton.
- [16:15]
B
It's our first date, and this guy is telling us that we are destined to be soulmates and have a beautiful family together. Happily ever after.
- [16:22]
A
Whole dinner. Let's talk about what happened when we went back to Toscana years later.
- [16:27]
B
All right, so that's.
- [16:28]
A
Or a year later. Even two years later. I don't remember.
- [16:31]
B
It was a while after our first date. It might have been a year. It could have even been longer. We didn't go back to that restaurant for a while. But when we did go back, I knew the maitre d. I had known him for years. And I went up to him and I said, hey, you know, where's that waiter? Because we wanted to talk to the waiter and tell him we'd gotten together. We actually got that his.
- [16:48]
A
I think we're married by this time.
- [16:51]
B
It's quite. Well, that would have been five years from then.
- [16:54]
A
Okay, so maybe not.
- [16:54]
B
Anyway, it was a while. After we go back to the restaurant, I go to the maitre d. I said, where's that waiter who was sort of balding, was kind of getting fat? He was about in his 60s. And the waiter, the maitre d, looked at me and he said, we never had anybody who worked here who fit that description.
- [17:10]
A
And we were like, wait, what? Of course you did. We saw him.
- [17:13]
B
Yeah. So it's like, wait a minute.
- [17:15]
A
He talked to us. He called us soulmates, and we would be together forever. We wanted to tell him we were together.
- [17:20]
B
Yeah. I took a post.
- [17:21]
A
To this day, I divine intervention of some kind.
- [17:27]
B
I know. Well, whatever it was, the guy knew what he was talking about because here we are.
- [17:31]
A
Yeah.
- [17:32]
B
So then we finished the dinner, and we're still kind of amazed by that. You're drive. You drive a little red Zuzu Trooper. I was driving the Porsche. Black.
- [17:41]
A
Fancy.
- [17:42]
B
Fancy thing.
- [17:42]
A
Yeah.
- [17:43]
B
And I'll never forget you were. I walked out and you were in the parking lot. You're in your car. And I walked up.
- [17:49]
A
No, I was on the street. I just rolled down the window.
- [17:52]
B
Wherever you were, you rolled down the window. And I reached in to give you a kiss.
- [17:57]
A
And I reached over to kiss you back.
- [18:00]
B
It was the worst kiss I have ever had in my life.
- [18:03]
A
Same.
- [18:04]
B
I thought, oh, this girl's really cute, but it's not gonna work because she cannot kiss.
- [18:09]
A
Same. And if you can't kiss. You are. Bye. Bye. And we both did it. It's like we both did nothing. Cause we were like, holy shit, this is too much.
- [18:18]
B
It was not a.
- [18:19]
A
And I thought, what a sad thing. He's got these gorgeous lips. He's like this hot guy, and he can't kiss. Well, too fucking bad. No way.
- [18:27]
B
I know. It was really disappointing. You know, I watched you roll up the window and drive away, and I thought, oh, shit.
- [18:33]
A
Yeah, so did I. Though we both thought it, but I still was like, I think, hoping that you would ask me out again.
- [18:40]
B
And I did ask you out of it. Nobody wants to ask you out again. But then I canceled it.
- [18:44]
A
You sure did. You asked me out on a Wednesday for Friday. And then Friday afternoon you called. I was at a phone booth. I'll never forget this. Cause we didn't have cell phones. So at my acting class, I checked my answering machine. Or did I call you? I don't remember. And you said, I can't. I have to cancel our dinner for Friday because my son is here.
- [19:06]
B
But I'm sure I was canceling because the kiss was so bad. Right? I mean. I mean, I probably was, like, done with you.
- [19:12]
A
You were done with me. And so then I was a bit. I felt a bit rejected, I have to say. And then back to the Glenn Center. I was with my girlfriends. And you walk by with your arms out. I'll never forget, because you had really buff arms. You had on, like, a sleeveless T shirt. And you're with Marcie Jo the spinner. You walked by with Marcie Jo the spinner, and you were holding her hand. It was devastating for me because you had literally, like, never even said anything. You canceled the dinner. And then I see you at the Glen with Marci Jones the spinner. I was fucking devastated. I was devastated. I was.
- [19:55]
B
Well, boys will be boys, okay?
- [19:57]
A
And listen. But if we'd gotten together at that point, we'd not be sitting here because you needed the eight months with Marci Jo to get the stuff out of your system. It's true. I know that now, but I remember at the time, and I was going.
- [20:12]
B
Through such an emotional crisis that I started smoking. I'd quit smoking for a long time, for a couple of years. And I started smoking again. And I was smoking, like, a pack and a half, two packs of cigarettes.
- [20:23]
A
You were a fucking mess. You were. You were a fucking mess. And I was saved. You know, that's how the universe works. It worked for us because if I'd gotten with you, then I don't think we would still be together. I literally write you off. You are done, done, done. And I move on with my life. And I. And I think I get Days of Our Lives. So I'm.
- [20:44]
B
Yeah. Cause when we first met, you were not doing Days of Our Lives.
- [20:47]
A
So then I get Days of Our Lives, you know, after I think they read 211 girls and I get the part and I have a job, and so you are gone from my brain. So I wanna say, like, time. I wish we could figure out the timeline, but we can't. So let's say six months later, I get a call from Brad. Maybe eight months. I don't know. How long were you with Marcy Jo? Eight months.
- [21:10]
B
I have no clue.
- [21:11]
A
Well, whatever. Anyway, so I get a call from Brad. I'm living my. I have a job. I'm working my bum off. Whatever. So I get this call from Brad, who I'm still close with and you're also close with. And he says, hey, do you want to go to a movie? Going to go see Malcolm X. Yeah, sure. I'd love to go. Do you mind if my friend Harry comes and I go, yeah, whatever. I don't care. He can come. You came. We saw Malcolm X. And then you follow me out to my red Isuzu Trooper. And I feel like you apologized a bit because I went out on another date with you. I gave you another chance.
- [21:53]
B
Thank God. I mean, after that. Movie was not the most romantic of. No, I mean, it was really a date Movie.
- [22:01]
A
Movie. But isn't it a weird story when you play it back and you're like, how? And then. And then that was January, probably, and we started to go out. And then by February, when my dog was hit by a car, which is so tragic.
- [22:18]
B
That was a tragic moment. But it's what brought us together.
- [22:21]
A
I know. And then I moved into your house.
- [22:22]
B
Little Max, your Scottish terrier. Black little Scotty Scottish terrier.
- [22:27]
A
He was only a year and a half. It's a really sad story.
- [22:29]
B
He was the cutest dog ever, but he was a pain in the ass.
- [22:32]
A
I know. He used to bark at the chair. He would bark at the chair.
- [22:36]
B
He would dig through the carpet to get.
- [22:38]
A
I know.
- [22:38]
B
You hated.
- [22:39]
A
You actually hated.
- [22:39]
B
And he would dig, dig, dig through the carpet and what he was digging for, but.
- [22:43]
A
And he would bark at the chair anyway. He was my friend, you know, I never had anything and I'd never lost anything like that. And it was devastating. So I ended up moving into your house.
- [22:56]
B
Stayed the night, February 14th, left 13th. The 13th. The night of the 13th into the 14th. And then we buried. I'll never forget that. The. It was. It was thunder and lightning and I went down on the hill and I buried him.
- [23:09]
A
I know. And I sat there and watched and it was like lightning and thunder and there's not a lot of lightning and thunder in la. People need to know that. It's not part of this weatherscape.
- [23:19]
B
No, it isn't. And it was very unusual to have that kind of weather. Yeah, no, it was a big moment, weather wise. And then we were burying the dog in the side of the hill and the wind was blowing and the rain was coming down and you spent the night shoebox and you really never left after that. You know, that was.
- [23:36]
A
I even bought a house to like, you know, make a stand for myself. I'm gonna buy this house and, you know, put my money somewhere. Right. And I never. I think I slept in the house five days maybe.
- [23:47]
B
Maybe. I don't. I don't know if you ever slept.
- [23:50]
A
Imagine if we'd kept that house.
- [23:52]
B
If we'd kept that house now. Yeah. It would be worth a fortune. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, so.
- [23:59]
A
Yeah, so that's it.
- [24:00]
B
So it's interesting to us. Is it interesting to anybody else?
- [24:03]
A
I don't know if it will be.
- [24:04]
B
Meet and how you get together, but people always ask us that question. At least they ask me.
- [24:08]
A
Now they know it. Now they know it. It's on record now.
- [24:12]
B
But you know, here's the thing about the fact that we love each other, we support each other, we have each other's backs. We have for 30 some odd years. And how does that happen? Because you know, when kids get together, they have these great. They fall in love, they have great relationships that last about 18 months and then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. Who knows how to deal with anything when all of a sudden your feet turn and you start devaluing the person around you. Suddenly you hear their jaw click when they eat or their breath stinks or they don't like the way they leave the toothpaste in the sink or something about them begins to bug you. And how did we get through that?
- [24:50]
A
Well, we did go to therapy right away.
- [24:52]
B
Yeah, that's the thing.
- [24:53]
A
Year in we went right to therapy. Cause you were fucked up and so was I. But you were, you know, you didn't want to get married again. And I can't blame you. You were really having a hard time committing. I mean, we were together for five and a half Years before we got married. That's a long time. So the therapy was so important. And thank God we had a really amazing therapist that we both saw separately, and we saw her together, and I think that laid a foundation for us. But I also wonder why we don't bug the shit out of each other. Because we don't. We don't.
- [25:30]
B
I think we learned that, you know, when you start to devalue somebody, you check yourself. You know, now we recognize when the devaluation process begins. And so you check yourself, you say, wait a minute, is that real or is that an illusion?
- [25:44]
A
Right.
- [25:44]
B
Am I cooking up something to be annoyed about with the person that I'm with? Because really, you can fall in love for the first 18 months or so, but then after that, you've got to make love. You make it.
- [25:56]
A
Yeah, you do. You. Basically, I. When we've always said that, you choose somebody that you want to spend your life with to make it work.
- [26:03]
B
And every time I have made those vows, I've made them forever, you know, and I've made them. I'm sorry to laugh, it's true. But I mean, I. I was sincere.
- [26:14]
A
Both, of course, I would imagine everybody is when they do it.
- [26:18]
B
And I finally chose someone who had the same idea of sincerity and taking a vow, which I think is also really important. But then you just never know.
- [26:29]
A
You don't ever know.
- [26:30]
B
But, you know, there's always this thing, you know, for young people particularly, and having been one, I remember the.
- [26:37]
A
You've been a young person.
- [26:38]
B
Yes. Not anymore. But the idea that the grass is greener comes up all the time. And, you know, if you start to think that. And you start to think, well, maybe there's something better out there. Maybe I'm missing something. It's kind of a sort of love.
- [26:53]
A
Well, isn't that why people have affairs?
- [26:56]
B
Absolutely. But it always turns out badly?
- [26:58]
A
I mean, of course it does.
- [26:59]
B
Has any affair ever turned out well?
- [27:01]
A
Well, I mean, a lot of people end up getting married to the people that they cheat with and usually. Listen, once a cheater, always a cheater. That's what I have to say.
- [27:11]
B
I think maybe that's the truth.
- [27:13]
A
So if you cheat and then you end up marrying your wife you cheated with, you're probably going to cheat again. Now, I'm no relationship expert, but I've.
- [27:22]
B
Seen that happen over and over and over and over again. You know, relationships that start that way oftentimes end that way, too.
- [27:28]
A
I think that once you're a cheater, always a cheater. And I think we just got lucky. Because I trust you. I don't get jealous. I think you trust me. You don't get jealous. We could be jealous monsters, both of us. And I'm not. I am not jealous. And I don't think you are either.
- [27:44]
B
I'm not at all.
- [27:45]
A
But I also trust you.
- [27:47]
B
Well, I think it comes down to that. You know, in a relationship, if you support each other and you believe in each other and you trust each other, what can go wrong, really? I mean, if.
- [27:56]
A
But I think that's important to say because I don't think that if you asked 25 different relationships if they really trust their partner, I'm not sure that you'd get an answer of, yes, I really trust my partner. I think it's rare. I mean, if I look at all my friends, like, they have moments of jealousy with their spouses and. And they don't trust, like, you know, one of them's like, DMing young girls and shit. Like, I would never. Like, if I found out you were DMing young girls or young boys or whatever, I would laugh and I'd be like, no. How would you even know how to do that? But.
- [28:34]
B
Well, I don't know how to do that. But nevertheless, I mean, do you know what I mean? You have the.
- [28:39]
A
I trust you.
- [28:40]
B
The code to my phone. I have the code to your phone. We don't hide anything. I have never. You keep a journal. I keep a journal. I have never looked your journal. I've never read your journal.
- [28:50]
A
But most people do that kind of stuff.
- [28:52]
B
I do. And that's where you get into trouble. If you start rooting around through people's drawers and stuff, that's over. I mean, that's when things get into a real problem.
- [28:59]
A
I mean, I just don't have the need to do it. But I think that most people have an insecurity about the relationship, and I. If you have security, you don't end up going down that rabbit hole. And I think that's where we've been really, really, really, really lucky. And we've tried to teach the kids that also.
- [29:20]
B
It's a tough thing to teach, you know, like, we learned that over years and years of therapy and, you know, having different relationships that have worked out and some have not. Most of the ones before didn't, but, you know, now. Now our kids are having relationships, and we're watching that.
- [29:35]
A
I know. It's so hard not to, like, get involved.
- [29:39]
B
No, you gotta let them have. They have to learn the hard way. God, it makes sense the way we did. Yeah. I mean, you got to let them make those mistakes.
- [29:49]
A
I know, because that's how you learn. But don't you think it's so hard? I think that's one of the hardest things about being a parent is to let your kids fail and let your.
- [29:56]
B
Kids fall down, see how they get up. Because that's what it's all about. It's about, you know, how you react to those kind of calamities in your life. Not the calamities themselves, because life is filled with that. As I was saying yesterday to Delilah there, life has lots of ups and downs. I mean, you're gonna. Nothing is ever smooth all the way through. And it's how you react to the downs and the ups that I think create the quality of your life and create the character that you're gonna carry through with your life, you know?
- [30:26]
A
So you are spouting really good therapy stuff today. I would say. You and I, between the two of you, us, we have read so many books, had so much therapy. We are non experts, but we're life experts, I would say, in a lot of ways, like through going through shit and being so fucked up and being so, like, rock bottom, learning how to pull yourself up out of that.
- [30:56]
B
We gotta rewind here. Where was the rock bottom? Was that emotional? Rock bottom for me after the.
- [31:01]
A
Well, yeah, many times I've had that where I can't get a job. I have no money, I'm totally fucked up. I've had that so much.
- [31:14]
B
Well, thank God we're not living that life right now.
- [31:17]
A
No, but we have moments of.
- [31:19]
B
Well, life has its vicissitudes. Absolutely.
- [31:21]
A
You know, and how do you rise up and get through it? It's about how you react. I think the theme is how you react. It's very good thing to think about.
- [31:32]
B
Yeah. Because it's up to us. I mean, look, if you look at movies and, you know, the conventional way people react to pain and suffering and. Or to death, it's to, like, loss, whatever, like that.
- [31:43]
A
Drink and smoke and shop and gamble and fuck it away.
- [31:47]
B
Punch your fist through the wall or whatever. You see these movies where, you know, somebody. Something terrible has happened in the scientist life. And he walks into the lab and he breaks all the test tubes and throws everything to the side. You know, that's your amygdala taking control at that moment.
- [32:01]
A
Oh, my go. Lost me there.
- [32:02]
B
Well, it's that part of your brain.
- [32:04]
A
That, you know, lost me on that one.
- [32:07]
B
Well, I mean, you. What you want to do is be in control all the time because, you know, our. We're in control of our. Of our thinking.
- [32:14]
A
Yeah, but sometimes I like to be a little out of control because I'm too much of a control freak. So how do you deal with that?
- [32:20]
B
Like, explain to me being out, allowing yourself to be out of control.
- [32:25]
A
I don't want to have to control every situation so I feel safe. I want to be able to just not control it.
- [32:32]
B
So how do you make that happen?
- [32:34]
A
By letting go.
- [32:35]
B
Okay. And just letting whatever happened happen.
- [32:37]
A
That's hard for a control freak like me.
- [32:40]
B
Well, that's true.
- [32:40]
A
And you too.
- [32:42]
B
Well, would you say that we're control freaks?
- [32:45]
A
Yes.
- [32:45]
B
Really?
- [32:46]
A
But in a good way. I wouldn't say it's a bad way, but I think you and I both have issues with wanting to control. Yes, I do.
- [32:55]
B
Well, that's true. I mean, look, we all want to know that the next day in our life, what's coming in our lives is going to be smooth and lovely and make us feel good. But the fact is that there is no future. It doesn't exist until it happens.
- [33:09]
A
That's right. But we want to try to control it.
- [33:11]
B
We want to try to control it to make sure that it's going to be fluid and nice and comfortable and warm and cozy, but it just isn't that way. So we got to basically take things as they come and be able to handle them as they come as well.
- [33:24]
A
You know, it's a nice idea, but it's easier said than done.
- [33:27]
B
Yeah, well, they live in the moment. You got to be right here right now. And I think, you know, one of the things that you and I have done and I think is important to pass on to our kids is that we never set expectations. We. Or if we did, well, we were aware of it. And. Well, I mean, the thing, if you set expectations, it's a resentment waiting to.
- [33:46]
A
Happen, which you've always said over and.
- [33:48]
B
Over, it doesn't work out the way your brain thinks it's going to work out, or whatever. So. Well, we've always lived kind of in the moment and never thought too much about way things should be or.
- [33:59]
A
Well, anytime we have, it gets me into trouble. Because you're always disappointed. Always.
- [34:04]
B
Oftentimes. Yeah. I mean, it's never quite meets up to the. Never the idea in your having. Your imagination. But if you just take it as it comes, live each moment as it comes, which we have done. Here we are, 30 some.
- [34:16]
A
Well, we try to do it. I try to do it every day. I have to work on it every single day.
- [34:21]
B
It doesn't come naturally. Why that is. I mean, why? We can't just live in the moment.
- [34:25]
A
Because of our thoughts. You're thinking of your past and your future and your past and your future. You're never just present. And that is the goal. And it's impossible. I mean, I'd like to be Eckhart Tolle, but I'm not. I try. It's impossible.
- [34:41]
B
Do you think Eckhart Tolle is Eckhart Tolle?
- [34:43]
A
Well, no, probably not everybody.
- [34:45]
B
We all have to. And even the people who are masters at this have to step back and go, but wait a minute. I have to be aware of the fact that my thoughts are going off in the wrong direction or whatever.
- [34:56]
A
It's Cha Linge.
- [34:58]
B
Yeah. No, it's always. You always have to be vigilant, especially about setting plans for the future, because the future doesn't exist.
- [35:09]
A
Should we play a game? Should we do our wheel?
- [35:12]
B
I don't know. Is it that time, Eve?
- [35:14]
A
I think it might be time. It's that time.
- [35:15]
B
Is it time?
- [35:16]
A
Harry's wheel of wild cards.
- [35:18]
B
Spin it.
- [35:18]
A
And spinning the wheel. Okay, we have today's topic, which is 23andMe. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Have you guys done it? What do you think about it? Write that down. Oh, God.
- [35:38]
B
Well, okay, so we have in my office, there are two unopened 23andMe boxes that we've both, over the years, we have reached out and sent for them, but do not have the. Whatever it takes to send them in. I don't want to know. I mean, for one thing, I don't want to know.
- [35:58]
A
I'd want to know, but you tell me if I do it, then I'm in some database.
- [36:02]
B
Well, that's true also. I mean. Well, look, okay, 23andMe is a perfect, perfect example. Like a couple years ago.
- [36:07]
A
No, a year ago, six months ago.
- [36:09]
B
There was a huge data. Yeah, yeah. And all the people's data, all their information about their genome goes out into the universe. Okay? That's what I was wary about to.
- [36:17]
A
Begin with, and you scared me enough to not do it.
- [36:20]
B
So we. We're not in that database anywhere, you know?
- [36:22]
A
Yeah, but we're in the iPhone database with the chat GPT and the AI.
- [36:26]
B
Were, and they listen to us all the time.
- [36:28]
A
We're.
- [36:28]
B
I know.
- [36:29]
A
I mean, but anyway, I know we never did 23.
- [36:33]
B
We didn't do 23andMe. And in fact, you know, I think, to answer this my own question, because these are my things. Right. And I put that down because I wanted to talk about it, because we've never. Look, those things are in the office. And do you want to do whatever? Do you want to find out? I mean, what if we have a predisposition to Alzheimer's, you know? Do we want to know that?
- [36:53]
A
I'm not sure I want to know. I don't know. I'm on the fence about that kind of thing because remember when I went just to do that body scan, which is a great thing to be able.
- [37:01]
B
To do, that was a full body scan, right from your head to your toes.
- [37:04]
A
And I felt really grateful to be able to do it because.
- [37:06]
B
Is it an mri? What kind of a body scan was it? Were you in a thing where it made a lot of noise?
- [37:11]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's a major one.
- [37:13]
B
How long did it take?
- [37:18]
A
40 minutes.
- [37:19]
B
So you probably.
- [37:20]
A
It was a major one. And I got to tell you, it scared me. Like, I had little major. Not major. Little minor things that were nothing. But remember, I had to go have a chest X ray after because they found, like, little things on my lungs. I'm 50. 50. Like, I like to know. But then it also freaked me out.
- [37:39]
B
Yeah.
- [37:40]
A
Like, would you want to know the date you're gonna die?
- [37:44]
B
The exact day and time?
- [37:45]
A
What if you had that possible information? Would you want to know.
- [37:49]
B
Wasn't there like a. I think there was a Twilight Zone about probably or something? Yeah.
- [37:54]
A
Would you?
- [37:55]
B
No, I would not.
- [37:56]
A
I don't think I would either. But then again, you go, I would.
- [37:58]
B
Death to be a surprise.
- [38:00]
A
God, we're getting heavy. But again, you go, what if I knew maybe I would live life fuller to the fullest and do things that.
- [38:07]
B
Well, there are people who say, try to imagine that this is the last week of your life and how you would live your life if this was the last week? And that's hard to do. It's hard to imagine that. I don't like to think about that. But, you know, anyway, I mean. Well, I'm in my seventh decade, you know, so there's. There is that. I mean, it's.
- [38:25]
A
Well, yeah. Does it start to creep in and you start to go.
- [38:28]
B
I mean, sure. You start to think about your mortality.
- [38:31]
A
Yeah, I'm starting to think about my mortality. When you lose your parents, you really start to think about your mortality. I mean, really is when it hits you, oh, my God, that's another episode we got a whole time ago. This is too. There's too much we got.
- [38:45]
B
So Anyway, so that's 23andMe. So do we cover 23andMe? Are we going to do it or not? What about the ancestor thing? How about one of the.
- [38:51]
A
I'd like to do that. I'd like to go on one of those shows where they take you down that ancestor road and you find out, like, you were related to a king or a queen or something. I would like to do that. So I just put that out there. Let's get a genealogist on the podcast. Let's get a genealogist on the podcast. Let's do it. Calling all genealogists. Calling all genealogists. Eve had a great idea. I like that idea. All right, great. Well, this was fun.
- [39:14]
B
Yeah. Okay. Love it. Lovely to see you in this environment like this. You look great. Like your hair like that.
- [39:19]
A
Do you like my hair like that? I had no time and I chose to run some errands before this. And I thought, you know what? I'm just gonna go with it.
- [39:27]
B
It's very corporate. I like it.
- [39:28]
A
It's corporate.
- [39:29]
B
Yeah.
- [39:29]
A
Well, I'm in a corporate situation. I'm hustling again. I'm back to my hustle. That's what it came to me today. Someone asked me, why are you doing a podcast? And I went, because I'm a fucking hustler, okay? That's what I said. Cause I'm a hustler.
- [39:44]
B
Oh, I'm glad I'm a little married to a hustler.
- [39:46]
A
Because I'm a hustler. It was actually our neighbor asked and I said, cause I hustle. She goes, yes, you do. So there you go.
- [39:52]
B
Thanks for listening, everybody.
- [39:54]
A
See you next time on let's not talk about the Husband. Woo. Thanks for listening to our show. You can catch new episodes every Friday.
- [40:05]
B
And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss anything.
- [40:08]
A
Yeah. And if you liked what you heard.
- [40:10]
B
Consider leaving us a rating or review. And make sure to tell all your friends too. I mean, like, everyone you know and their mother.
- [40:17]
A
If you have a question for us or you need advice, God help you. Leave a voicemail using the link in our show notes. We might just answer your question in a future episode. Now you can find us on social media, Lisarina on Instagram, and then I'm SirenaOfficial on TikTok.
- [40:36]
B
And I'm Harry R. Hamlin on Instagram.
- [40:39]
A
That's right.
- [40:40]
B
So see you next week.
- [40:42]
A
Until then, let's not talk about the husband. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.