When the Wind Blows | 1

Summary

Liberty Lost: Episode 1 - "When the Wind Blows" Summary

Introduction

In the gripping first episode of Liberty Lost, Wondery’s host and reporter T. J. Raphael delves into a harrowing true story that intertwines young love, coercion, and the resurgence of evangelical maternity homes in post-Roe America. This episode, titled "When the Wind Blows," chronicles the journey of 16-year-old Abby and her boyfriend Nathan as they navigate the consequences of teenage pregnancy within a strict evangelical framework.

A Lifetime of Rules

Abby and Nathan hail from deeply religious evangelical families who view sex outside of marriage as a grievous sin. Raised with stringent moral codes, Abby's life is a testament to obedience and submission. This upbringing set the stage for the turmoil that would unfold when Abby became pregnant.

Abby reflects on her strict upbringing:
“This whole like, you don't have sex before you're married mentality was just the most common thread throughout my upbringing.” [12:07]

Her parents, especially her mother Debbie, are heavily involved in the evangelical community, emphasizing purity and adherence to religious doctrines. This environment leaves Abby with little understanding of sexuality and self-worth beyond her parents' expectations.

The Meeting

Abby and Nathan's relationship begins innocently within their homeschooling community. Their connection deepens over shared interests and mutual curiosity, leading to frequent interactions and eventually, teenage romance.

Nathan describes their initial connection:
“I just like, I thought he was cute.” [13:46]

Their relationship remains mostly innocent until the pressures of their environment push them closer. Despite Abby’s reservations and lack of experience, the couple gradually becomes more intimate, culminating in their first sexual encounter.

The Pregnancy Reveal

The pivotal moment arrives when Abby discovers she is pregnant. The revelation brings a flood of emotions—fear, shame, and confusion—stemming from her strict religious upbringing and the punitive attitude of her parents towards unwed pregnancies.

Abby expresses her turmoil:
“I really can't explain. Just like the trauma of finding out I was pregnant, I couldn't accept it. I lived in denial.” [26:33]

Her parents' reaction is swift and severe. Abby’s father, Don, enforces his authority, declaring that the baby must be placed for adoption. The couple imposes their will, leaving Abby with no room to make her own decisions.

Family's Decision

Abby's parents swiftly decide that she must attend the Liberty Godparent Home, a facility affiliated with Liberty University, where unwed pregnant girls are sent to either raise their babies or place them for adoption. The decision is portrayed as non-negotiable, stripping Abby of agency and leaving her feeling trapped and powerless.

Abby shares her feelings of helplessness:
“That was just the end of the road. That was a dead end my whole life. If my dad wasn't on my side, I didn't stand a fighting chance.” [38:58]

Liberty Godparent Home

The Liberty Godparent Home, established by the controversial preacher Jerry Falwell, serves as an evangelical solution to unplanned teenage pregnancies. The facility offers room and board, prenatal care, and the promise of a full scholarship to Liberty University in exchange for placing the baby for adoption with "deserving" Christian families.

Debbie, Abby’s mother, explains the home’s mission:
“There's a better way than abortion. It's called life.” [41:04]

This institution operates under a guise of religious counseling and support but imposes a rigid adoption protocol that prioritizes the parents' religious and moral beliefs over the young women's autonomy and well-being.

Abby expresses her fear and resistance:
“No one ever dreams, oh, my parents might send me away to a maternity home one day. It's not like I'd even. I didn't even know they existed.” [40:37]

The Struggle for Autonomy

As Abby prepares to enter the Liberty Godparent Home, she grapples with the stark reality of her situation. The facility represents a loss of control over her own life and future, as well as the impending separation from her baby.

Abby articulates her struggle:
“The only thing I knew to do was get incredibly submissive. That's the way I'd operated my whole life was just to always be looking for ways to be pleasing mom and dad so that you're not in trouble.” [43:17]

The episode highlights the psychological and emotional impacts on young women like Abby, who are coerced into making life-altering decisions without their consent or understanding.

Conclusion and Insights

"When the Wind Blows" serves as a powerful exposé on the modern resurgence of evangelical maternity homes and their impact on young women. Through Abby and Nathan’s story, the episode uncovers a disturbing parallel to the Baby Scoop era of the mid-20th century, revealing how deeply ingrained religious ideologies continue to shape and control reproductive choices.

T. J. Raphael masterfully intertwines personal narratives with broader societal issues, shedding light on the coercive practices within these institutions. The episode raises critical questions about bodily autonomy, religious influence, and the ethical implications of adoption practices tied to ideological beliefs.

T. J. Raphael concludes with a reflection on the system's brutality:
“What Abby would face over the next six months would shock me to my core. It would lead me to find other women who were trapped inside the godparent home as pregnant teenage girls. Together, their stories would reveal a brutal and punishing system and would upend everything I thought I knew about adoption in America.” [45:07]

Notable Quotes

• Abby: “This whole like, you don't have sex before you're married mentality was just the most common thread throughout my upbringing.” [12:07]
• Debbie: “There's a better way than abortion. It's called life.” [41:04]
• Abby: “No one ever dreams, oh, my parents might send me away to a maternity home one day. It's not like I'd even. I didn't even know they existed.” [40:37]
• Abby: “The only thing I knew to do was get incredibly submissive. That's the way I'd operated my whole life was just to always be looking for ways to be pleasing mom and dad so that you're not in trouble.” [43:17]
• T. J. Raphael: “What Abby would face over the next six months would shock me to my core. It would lead me to find other women who were trapped inside the godparent home as pregnant teenage girls. Together, their stories would reveal a brutal and punishing system and would upend everything I thought I knew about adoption in America.” [45:07]

Final Thoughts

The first episode of Liberty Lost sets a compelling foundation for exploring the intersection of religion, authority, and reproductive rights. By focusing on Abby’s personal story, the podcast not only humanizes a broader societal issue but also challenges listeners to reflect on the ethical dimensions of such institutions. As the series progresses, listeners can expect deeper investigations and more personal accounts that shed light on the pervasive influence of evangelical ideologies on young women’s lives.

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Follow Liberty Lost on the Wondery App or your preferred podcast platform to continue unraveling this powerful narrative.

Transcript

[TJ Raphael]

Wondery subscribers can binge all episodes of Liberty Lost early and ad free. Join Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Abby and Nathan are waiting for the signal. Any moment now, the ceremony will begin.

[Abby]

You feel this tension, this unknown of what ifs.

[TJ Raphael]

Both of them are trembling, but they've made sure to look their best. 17 year old Abby spent the morning carefully curling her long brown hair.

[Nathan]

I wanted to look good and be.

[Abby]

A good old Southern girl like I was raised to be.

[TJ Raphael]

And 19 year old Nathan's in a crisp white button down with freshly cropped hair.

[Sarah]

The only haircut I've ever paid for in my entire life I got before that.

[TJ Raphael]

Through the door, they can hear the crowd growing. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, they're all here to see Abby and Nathan walk down the aisle. Finally, it's time.

[Abby]

We walked out the doors and I was just like the grand reveal.

[TJ Raphael]

Family and friends turn to get a better look. Abby and Nathan walk side by side. In his arms, Nathan holds their son who was born just 11 days ago.

[Abby]

And I'm walking down this aisle and.

[Nathan]

I remember feeling like everyone in the.

[Abby]

Room wants me to be excited for this.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby and Nathan both come from evangelical families. Their baby was born outside of God's union. And now Abby's parents have told them it's time to correct their mistake. At the end of the aisle, a petite blonde Southern woman in her mid-30s and her dark haired husband are waiting for them. Or rather, they're waiting for Abby and Nathan's son. And that's because today's celebration is not a wedding.

[Nathan]

I was being punished and being told I wasn't worthy of getting to be the one who had him be his mother.

[TJ Raphael]

And this couple waiting for them at the end of the aisle, they've been chosen to be the baby's parents, whether Abby and Nathan like it or not.

[Abby]

And so I'm disgusted in my body. Every step I take forward. I'm just horrified by what's occurring.

[TJ Raphael]

They reach the end of the aisle and Nathan forces himself to gently place his son in the couple's arms.

[Sarah]

I remember being like, I want to burn this place down.

[Abby]

I just watched them holding him and felt empty inside.

[TJ Raphael]

Everyone prays. Abby and Nathan in the couple pose for photos, the newborn baby between them. There's cake, gifts and speeches.

[Sarah]

This is so wrong. This is like so dark, it's so evil. Like this ceremony is like a fucking joke.

[TJ Raphael]

This ceremony, this fucking joke. It's a celebration of something that was part of American life for decades back. In the 50s and 60s, young women who got pregnant out of wedlock were forced to leave their homes and then secretly place their babies for adoption. But the truth is, it's still happening all over America. And it's all part of a grand plan to reshape the country in God's image.

[Debbie]

Because the true Christian home that produces successful children must be headed by a godly husband. One man for one woman for one lifetime. And no sex, period, outside of marriage.

[TJ Raphael]

And to make sure the nation has the right kind of mothers.

[Abby]

They all saw how much I loved him. They didn't have to take him from me. They knew I didn't want them to.

[Narrator]

This episode is brought to you by Audible. In today's complex world, we all need stories that help make sense of what's happening around us. That's where Audible comes in, with audiobooks and exclusive content that can open our eyes to new perspectives and hidden truths. Want to learn more? New members can try audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com libertylost or text Liberty Lost to 500500.

[TJ Raphael]

From Wondery, I'm TJ Raphael, and this is Liberty Lost.

[Narrator]

Quiet now, my darling.

[Sarah]

Morning'S drawing close.

[TJ Raphael]

I'll sing until the sun comes up Then I'll have to go. This is Episode one, When the Wind Blows. For a long time in the United States, women who got pregnant out of wedlock were treated as pariahs. Just listen to this ABC News special from 1965. Who is the unwed mother?

[Debbie]

We see a tramp, a urotic, the girl from the wrong side of the tract.

[TJ Raphael]

Unwed mothers had to be hidden and set straight. And they were. Between 1945 and the early 1970s, more than 1.5 million babies were placed for adoption as families shipped their pregnant teenage daughters to maternity homes. I went to a home far away. Mothers. Then I had it and I gave it away. This period got nicknamed the Baby Scoop era because of how many babies were scooped up from young single moms and transferred to more deserving people, like married couples.

[Debbie]

Giving up the baby for adoption is the price the unwed mother must pay to avoid being ostracized by society.

[TJ Raphael]

By the early 1970s, that all started to change, thanks to a few things.

[Debbie]

Wider use of birth control, legalized abortion, better sex education.

[TJ Raphael]

But after Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2022, I started hearing a lot about this very retro solution to unplanned pregnancy.

[Don]

This morning, I wanted to talk about.

[Sarah]

Adoption as an alternative to abortion.

[TJ Raphael]

I'm an investigative journalist focused on reproductive health, and I Started to wonder, are we headed back to this time when many young women felt forced to carry children and place them for adoption? So I put out a call. I wanted to speak to women who'd gone through maternity homes. I expected to hear from baby boomers, people in their 60s and 70s. And I got a lot of emails from them. But I also got an email from Abby. When she reached out in 2022, she was 31. That's just two years younger than I was. We came of age at the same time. Her in North Carolina, me just outside of New York City. As teenage millennials in the mid-2000s, we both listened to the Killers and Jack Johnson. We both wore capris and tank tops from Old Navy. We Both had cringy AIM screen names. Mine was little Chiquita123. But there were also a lot of things about Abby's upbringing that I couldn't relate to. If I'd gotten pregnant as a teenager, my experience with my family, the choices I'd have, the conversations I'd have, it all would have been very different.

[Abby]

It never felt like a decision. It just happened to me. And I lived every moment of my life wondering how and why it happened.

[TJ Raphael]

To understand the how and why, we have to go back to Abby's childhood on the outskirts of Charlotte.

[Nathan]

When I think about North Carolina, I think about the sound of cicadas and crickets chirping. Or I think about thunderstorms and, like, deluge of rain.

[TJ Raphael]

And Abby thinks about church. Everyone had a church they went to.

[Nathan]

And if they don't, honestly, people do talk, like, oh, that's the neighbors that don't go to church, you know?

[TJ Raphael]

Abby's family went to Carmel Baptist, a huge evangelical megachurch. Her mom, Debbie, never stepped into church looking anything less than perfect. The layers of her blonde bob are always set just right.

[Nathan]

She would always match her makeup to her outfit. So are there jewel tones in this outfit? Should I go a little darker with the lipstick, you know?

[TJ Raphael]

Outside of church, Debbie likes to keep busy. She hosts Tupperware parties. She teaches piano classes. And at night, she volunteers for the hotline of a crisis pregnancy center.

[Nathan]

A lot of the women were calling in because they thought it was an abortion clinic. I remember her on the phone talking to these women. She would suggest that adoption was an.

[Abby]

Option, but her bigger goal was to.

[Becky]

Prevent abortions from occurring.

[TJ Raphael]

When it comes to sex, Debbie never really gives Abby the talk. And she doesn't get a version of it in health class either. Like a lot of kids, she knows Abby's homeschooled. Her dad also doesn't tell her about the birds and the bees. But when she turns 13, he does take her out on a special father daughter date.

[Nathan]

I very deeply dreaded this one because.

[Abby]

I knew it had an agenda and.

[Nathan]

Was not gonna be comfortable.

[TJ Raphael]

A server leads them to their table.

[Nathan]

It was like a darkly lit steakhouse. Ish, I guess you could say. It was like a nicer version of Chili's.

[TJ Raphael]

They slide into their booth and her dad pushes a small gift box across the table. Abby already knows what's inside.

[Nathan]

A silver, sterling silver ring. And it had like a heart with, like a ribbon wrapped around the heart, tied in a bow.

[TJ Raphael]

Her two big sisters have the exact same one. It's a purity ring to show the world that Abby will remain a virgin until she finds a husband.

[Nathan]

I hated it.

[TJ Raphael]

When the teenage waiter comes over, her dad is beaming.

[Abby]

He said, guess what, my daughter, she.

[Nathan]

Just promised me her virginity until she's married and she's got a ring on to prove it to the world.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby turns red, but she knows this is what's expected of her.

[Abby]

This whole like, you don't have sex before you're married mentality was just the most common thread throughout my upbringing.

[TJ Raphael]

Every week at church, her youth pastors telling girls how they need to behave.

[Nathan]

How to dress appropriately, talk appropriately in ways that do not tempt the boys. They are very visual creatures and we need to be careful and honor that.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby is getting messages about her purity everywhere she looks, Even at the dance that her homeschool community puts on every year, which is this big historical ball. There are rules around boys and girls dancing too close. Everyone would dress up in old fashioned clothes, think hoop skirts in the style of Gone with the Wind. And they do that kind of old timey dancing where only their hands touch, not their bodies, which so far Abby's been good with. She's never really thought about what happens after holding hands. But one night when she's 14, her home phone rings and Abby picks up. It's a boy from her homeschool community. Nathan Johnson.

[Abby]

He was working on a committee for the Homeschool Historical Ball with one of my sisters.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby's never really talked to Nathan, but she's noticed him at birthday parties and youth choir.

[Nathan]

The first time I saw him in person, he's wearing, you know, jeans with holes and like a tight fitted Hollister T shirt. Said Hollister across the front and then a puka necklace.

[TJ Raphael]

I asked Abby to send me photos of Nathan at 16. He looks a lot like A young Ryan Philippe, like the big blue eyes.

[Abby]

And the blondish hair.

[Nathan]

So I just like, I thought he was cute.

[TJ Raphael]

Nathan has also noticed Abby. It would be hard not to. She has this long thick brown hair and massive crystal blue eyes. But she's two years younger than Nathan, which puts her squarely in the kid sister category.

[Sarah]

I met both of her sisters previously and then she was in the choir, like a younger age group.

[TJ Raphael]

But on the phone that night they start vibing. They just seem to get each other.

[Becky]

We asked each other like 50 questions back and forth.

[Sarah]

She was hilarious. That was the number one thing. And like so full of life. And obviously she's gorgeous and beautiful but like I never really connected with someone so easily.

[TJ Raphael]

It was a new feeling for both of them.

[Nathan]

I'd never felt someone be so curious about me. He like endlessly wanted to know me in a way that I wasn't getting from my parents.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby's parents taught her that they were her authority figures, not her friends. There was even a framed needlepoint on her bedroom wall that read, obey your parents and the Lord for this is right.

[Abby]

I had been taught that if I'm outside of my parents authority and what they tell me to do, that I'm outside of God's will. If you're not obeying God, then you're going to hell.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby believed in what she was being taught, but she's also a teenage girl. So after that night on the phone, she starts to bend the rules just a little. Abby knows she's not allowed to hang out alone with a boy, but she can hang out in groups that have boys in them. So over the next year, Abby and her sister start spending a lot of time with Nathan and his siblings. He's got nine of them. They go to the movies, they get Taco Bell. After youth group they have game nights at each other's houses and sing worship songs in Nathan's basement. They hang out so often that Abby's mom, Debbie tells Nathan, call me mom. By the Time Abby turns 15, she and Nathan are texting all the time. They talk on AOL instant messenger.

[Sarah]

And we fell asleep on the phone and woke up on the phone with each other. I remember it was like some 15,000 minutes or something.

[Abby]

In a month I knew that I was getting a huge crush on him and that I was falling for him.

[TJ Raphael]

They spend as much time as possible with each other without ever technically being alone. But one night after youth group, Abby's sister forgets to pick her up. Nathan's there, so I just drove her.

[Sarah]

Home, just trying to be, like, chivalrous as a friend does. And then we got there and all lights were off and no one was there. And then she was like, well, I'll just sneak in through the doggy door. And then I proceeded to have a lot of fun watching her try to fit through that. She got, like, most of the way through and, like, couldn't get the hips through.

[Abby]

I didn't mind making myself look like a fool.

[Becky]

Anything that made people laugh.

[Sarah]

We both were just super goofy. And, like, I didn't give a flying crap. And she didn't either.

[TJ Raphael]

It's a perfect moment. Abby's still smiling when she calls her dad to tell him that she's at home, that she's locked out and is waiting in the driveway.

[Abby]

And he asked me who'd given me a ride home, and I told him it had been Nathan. My dad started screaming and yelling at me that I looked like a slut and a whore to all of our neighbors, standing in our driveway with a big. When he got home, he told me that I was grounded from Nathan for a month. I couldn't speak to him. I couldn't even tell anyone to tell him that I was grounded from him.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby doesn't fight it.

[Abby]

My dad believed in being the patriarch of our family, and he said it all the time. I am your patriarch. And when he would get really, really mad about something, I mean, he could scream and yell and be terrifying for hours on end.

[TJ Raphael]

During that month, she turns 16 when Nathan calls her cell phone to wish her a happy birthday. She doesn't answer. She doesn't want to test her father. But when her dad's not around, she listens to Nate's voicemail over and over again. And the end of her punishment comes at the perfect time. A friend is said to have a black and white th themed sweet sixteen party at a country club. And Abby and Nathan are both invited. Abby gets a new black dress for the party and ties a red ribbon around her hair. Nathan sports a black button down and slacks, but adds a white tie. They can't wait to see each other.

[Sarah]

We had a big hug, like, right when I got there. We danced together a lot, and he.

[Nathan]

Was very cute and charming at the time.

[TJ Raphael]

Nathan asks if they can go outside for a little bit. They wander through the garden and find themselves under a trellis.

[Abby]

And he asked if he could kiss me for the first time that night. I had not a clue how to kiss. So when he goes in to kiss me now, I knew he'd kissed girls before. So I was so nervous and I literally just like, didn't move my mouth. I just like, was smiling.

[TJ Raphael]

They start dating, and for months everything is really innocent. Abby tells Nathan that she's not really ready to kiss. She only wants to hold hands. And he's cool with that. But after a while, Abby's feelings start to grow stronger.

[Abby]

He just smelled so good every time I would hug him and like, I just got more and more and more comfortable with him.

[TJ Raphael]

Soon Abby tells Nathan that she's ready to kiss again. They sneak around and hang out in the one place they can be alone. Nathan's beat up Volvo. They make a blanket fort in the backseat and watch the Notebook on a portable DVD player. I want all of you forever, you.

[Abby]

And me, every day.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby and Nathan can't get enough of each other. One night, outside a friend's house, Steve staring up at the stars, Nathan tells.

[Sarah]

Abby, like, I love you. I felt it so long without saying it.

[TJ Raphael]

She says it back, I love you. Their feelings for each other grow stronger and stronger.

[Nathan]

And then, and it just like came out of my mouth one day.

[Sarah]

And then she just randomly drops, so when are you going to do me?

[Nathan]

Like, what the fuck was I thinking? Why would I say that?

[Sarah]

I, like, froze entirely.

[TJ Raphael]

Then one day in the back of Nathan's Volvo, it happens.

[Abby]

I asked him why he was moving the first time we had sex, because I didn't know why. I didn't know that that's what you do.

[TJ Raphael]

Not surprisingly, that first time was a little awkward. But Abby and Nathan keep having sex and they're not using birth control.

[Abby]

When you're buying the condoms, you're flooded with shame because you're like, basically saying, I'm going to do this again. So there's this feeling like, well, if I just don't buy them, we won't do it again.

[TJ Raphael]

Which definitely sounds like the rationale of teenagers. And this is how things go. For months, Abby doesn't tell anyone about having sex. Not her big sisters, not her best friends. And every time she comes home, she sees that needlepoint up on the wall. The one about obeying your parents.

[Abby]

I was flooded with an insurmountable shame. This feeling that I was no longer the daughter my parents wanted me to be.

[TJ Raphael]

She tries to talk about what she's feeling with Nathan, but he doesn't understand.

[Abby]

And he would just tell me that I didn't need to feel that way. He just thought it was wonderful and he loved me and wanted to keep doing that.

[Sarah]

And I was like, you shouldn't feel shame. This is beautiful. I had already kind of written off the whole, like, shame aspect in that, because I was like, I love this person I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. My parents took a much more simplistic view on everything where it's just like, our job is to, like, be here and, like, love on each other and stuff.

[Abby]

And that started to drive a big wedge between the two of us that I didn't feel like he could understand the pain, the shame, and the terror that I was living with going back home to my parents house every night.

[TJ Raphael]

As Abby's shame grows, so does the gulf between her and Nathan. All of it makes her feel sick sometimes literally.

[Nathan]

I really associated a lot of that sickness with my distress and my feelings of what was going on between he and I relationally. And so I was expressing to him, like, I'm really sick and you're not seeing me.

[TJ Raphael]

But then Abby starts feeling worse.

[Nathan]

Like, I keep retching like this, like, what's wrong with me? And then he, like, sat down with me. And I think that was probably the moment we said it out loud to each other, like, what if I'm pregnant?

[TJ Raphael]

Abby and Nathan buy a pregnancy test and she takes it at his house.

[Nathan]

It was immediately positive, like, super positive. Very quickly, way under 20 seconds. And I just came out of the bathroom and, like, sat on the floor next to him and just was, like, completely numb and in firm denial.

[Sarah]

I remember her being like, I can't believe this is happening. What on earth am I going to tell my parents? Like, this can't be happening. This can't be happening. And I was like, well, it is. I remember saying, like, this is just speeding plans up. Like, I have a job. We can get a place. Like, it's okay. Like, we can do this.

[Nathan]

And immediately it made me so mad because I was just like, why aren't you worried? I just could tell he had no idea what a scary situation I was in.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby got grounded for a month for simply standing alone in the driveway with Nathan. She can't even begin to imagine what her punishment might be for getting pregnant.

[Abby]

I knew that my parents thought of unwed pregnancy as, like, the carnal sin, like, the worst thing I could do.

[TJ Raphael]

And soon there would be no way to hide what she'd done.

[Narrator]

Thanks to Audible, our presenting sponsor. You know those moments when you're trying to understand something bigger than yourself? That's where Audible really shines. They've got an incredible collection of audiobooks and exclusive content that helps us piece together the complicated puzzle of the human experience. From eye opening investigations to powerful personal stories that'll stay with you long after you're done listening. And the best part? These stories go wherever you go. Whether you're walking the dog, stuck in traffic or folding that mountain of laundry, audible's right there with you, turning everyday moments into opportunities to learn and understand more about our world. Take Bad Blood by John Carreyrou It's a can't put down expose of the Theranos scandal that shows why digging for the truth matters, even when the powerful try to hide it. It's one of my favorite stories. Want to start your own listening journey? New members can try audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com libertylost or text Liberty lost to 500500 that's audible.com libertylost or text liberty lost to 500500 why are there.

[Sarah]

Ridges on Reese's peanut butter cups? Probably so they never slip from her hands. Could you imagine I'd lose it? Luckily, Reese has thought about that. Wonder what else they think about? Probably chocolate and peanut butter.

[Abby]

I really can't explain. Just like the trauma of finding out I was pregnant, I couldn't accept it. I lived in denial.

[TJ Raphael]

When Abby gets home from Nathan's house, she prays to God to make everything go away. Given her upbringing, the possibility of getting an abortion never crosses her mind. Abby hides her pregnancy test inside her Bible and it stays there for about a month until her big sister Sarah finds it.

[Unknown]

I remember texting Abby and saying, please don't go to sleep until I get home. And when I got home she was in bed and I was like, hey, I found this. And she just started crying.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby and Sarah know they have to talk to their parents and they start with their mother. Debbie is used to talking to crying pregnant teens. She spent years volunteering with anti abortion counseling centers, but she never thought an unplanned pregnancy would land on her doorstep. When Abby tells her the truth, my.

[Nathan]

Mom looks like a deer in headlights. It was a shock to her.

[TJ Raphael]

But she doesn't yell at Abby. She doesn't get angry or call her names. Instead, she asks the question they're all.

[Nathan]

Thinking, how should we go about telling your dad? Do you want me to tell him? Do you want to tell him?

[TJ Raphael]

In the evening, her father, Don, comes home and heads up the stairs. Abby's in her sister's room, sitting on the bed. Her eyes are red and puffy. Her cheeks are marked with tears.

[Becky]

And I remember dad just looking at us and him having this look of, I can see something's going on with you women. I remember mom went and was like, dawn, you need to come in here. There's something that Abby needs to tell you. And then he came in. And it felt like he kind of knew what I was about to say to him.

[TJ Raphael]

Everyone's watching him. They know that his reaction is going to decide whatever happens next. He's their patriarch, after all. For a long moment, her dad doesn't say anything. And then he holds her.

[Becky]

And then he cried. Not in a furious, mad way, in a pretty gentle way. And I don't remember the exact words, but he said something along the lines of how he'd adored me so much when I was a baby and a little girl. And that was just other little Abby in there. It made all my walls come down. It made me feel full of hope.

[TJ Raphael]

But later that same night, Abby tiptoes to her parents bedroom door. She can hear them talking about her, about the pregnancy, about what she's done.

[Becky]

I heard him saying to mom, he's never been so ashamed of anyone. I had chosen to trust in my father's grace, goodness that he would sometimes show us. And then it was taken away so quickly. Right after I put my faith back.

[TJ Raphael]

In him, Abby retreats to her room and secretly calls Nathan. She tells him my parents found out. They know about the pregnancy. He tries to tell her again that everything will be okay.

[Sarah]

I was like, I love you. I want to get married.

[TJ Raphael]

But Abby's not sure if that's what she wants. Nathan's still not really hearing her. He dismissed all the shame she was feeling about having sex. And now he seemed to be dismissing how scared she was about being pregnant.

[Nathan]

I had told him many times, I don't feel heard. You don't listen to me. And I think he wanted to believe that I was being irrational instead of listening to the reality I'd expressed to him that I was in a bad situation in regards to my parents.

[TJ Raphael]

On the phone, Abby tells Nathan she has to go.

[Sarah]

And she was like, I don't know if we're going to be allowed to talk because of the grounding that had happened before. And I was like, I love you. I hope we can speak soon.

[TJ Raphael]

Nathan knows what he has to do. He walks into his mom and dad's room and just comes out with it.

[Sarah]

I have something to tell you. You're going to be grandparents. I think my mom's words were, oh, shit was what she said. And then my dad was like, he.

[TJ Raphael]

Just kind of stared Nathan's Folks are shocked, but his parents love kids. After all, they have 10 of them.

[Sarah]

There was definitely, like, heaviness to it, for sure, but they were pretty overjoyed. And then I made a joke about they needed to stop having kids if I was going to start.

[TJ Raphael]

About a week later, Nathan pulls up in front of Carmel Baptist. Abby's parents have invited him to their church to talk, and Nathan's ready. He wants to show them that he's going to step up and do right by their daughter. His parents asked, do you want us to be there with you?

[Sarah]

And I was like, no. Like, you don't really know them. I know them. They love me. I love them. Like, this is probably something I should do on my own.

[TJ Raphael]

He's always thought he's had a good relationship with Abby's folks.

[Sarah]

Her mom seemingly act like she adored me.

[TJ Raphael]

But now that Nathan's staring up at Carmel Baptist, this church that's the size of. Of a Walmart, he realizes he's a little out of his element. Nathan takes an elevator down to the mega church's lower level. He heads down a long hallway until he gets to a secretary sitting behind some glass. She buzzes him in, and he walks past a row of cubicles to the pastor's office. Inside, Nathan sees Abby's parents and the pastor sitting around a coffee table without Abby. Nathan takes a deep breath and then makes an appeal.

[Sarah]

I went in there, like, I went in was just like, debbie, Dawn. Like, I'm so incredibly sorry. Like, I should have been better. I should have been stronger. I'm gonna step up.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby's mother, who was once so warm and friendly toward Nathan, is icy cold.

[Sarah]

And then Debbie was like, you're a man, and you violated my daughter. Don kind of didn't talk. And then their pastor just kind of sat in the chair, didn't say anything. I was like, well, when can I talk to Abby? Because we need to talk. And they were like, she doesn't want to talk to you. She doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe even ever again. And they're like, do you know it's within our rights to charge you with statutory rape? What on earth makes you think that I raped her? Did she say that? And Debbie was like, no, no, she said that you didn't, but it doesn't matter. And Dom was like, because she's under my umbrella. If I say you did, you did. It doesn't matter what happened. It matters what I say. And then Debbie was like, we're not saying that. We are. Just know that we can.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby's parents, Debbie and Don Blansey, declined to be interviewed, but Abby's mother did confirm that she was at the church that day, though she doesn't remember being in the room for this meeting. Even though Abby's folks were threatening Nathan with potential statutory rape charges, he hadn't broken the law. The legal age of consent in North Carolina was and is 16. And at that meeting, they don't tell Nathan that they've already come up with a plan for Abby. And it's a lot harsher than he could have ever realized.

[Sarah]

Even just like the villains and all the bad TV shows, like everybody. Like, I'd never heard of anybody doing that that wasn't a monster.

[TJ Raphael]

A woman named Becky is lounging by the pool at the Fountain Blue Hotel when she decides to proposition a strapping pool attendant to go on a date with her and her husband. What begins as an unconventional proposition will soon throw them all into the international spotlight. And that's because the couple is is none other than Jerry Falwell Jr. And his wife Becky, two of the most powerful figures in evangelical America. The team that brings you the hit Wondery podcast. Even the Rich presents In God We, a story of an alluring sex scandal, power, money, and a very public fall from grace. You can binge all episodes of In God We Lust exclusively and ad free right now by joining Wondery. Start your free trial in the Wondery app, Apple podcasts, or Spotify. The mood in Abby's house is tense. Her parents are having long conversations behind closed doors. Her mom's upset. Her dad can barely look at her.

[Abby]

He made me feel like scum. I lost his love. I wasn't special to him anymore. I'm not my dad's little girl while I'm pregnant with another man's baby. I knew it. He made sure I felt that way.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby has no idea what they're going to do with her, but her big sister Sarah can feel that this is a pivotal moment.

[Unknown]

Obviously there's a lot of emotions when your 16 year old sister is pregnant, but I think it was also like, strangely not weird because Abby was always wanting to be a mom. Like, of course she could handle it.

[Nathan]

And so Sarah was like, we should go to the store. You know, dad said that he was happy. It was another little you on the way. Let's go feed that emotion.

[TJ Raphael]

Sarah takes her little sister to Target and steers her towards the baby section.

[Nathan]

And at the time, one of a couple options they had was a vintage Winnie the Pooh line. There was a little hat that it was yellow like the color of Winnie the Pooh and had little ears on the top.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby spent the last month living in denial about her pregnancy. But now walking through Target, she allows herself to feel some joy, maybe even a little excitement as she takes in the tiny socks and the onesies. When they get back home, Abby shows her dad the little hat than some of the other clothes she's bought.

[Abby]

And I remember my dad got a tear down his face and kind of was looking at all of it and he just looked at me and he said, I'll come and speak to you in a little bit. So he goes up to his room and I just remember sitting there on our couch in the living room thinking, my dad is upstairs deciding whether or not he's going to love my baby. He's up there deciding everything. He's deciding the rest of my life. And he came back down and he told me that he'd made up his mind that he was my God ordained authority and that it was his decision, the baby was his and not mine. And he decided that I had to place the baby for adoption.

[TJ Raphael]

This should absolutely be Abby's choice. But at 16, she doesn't know how to push back against her father.

[Abby]

That was just the end of the road. That was a dead end my whole life. If my dad wasn't on my side, I didn't stand a fighting chance.

[TJ Raphael]

And Abby's mom agrees with her husband. When their daughter gives birth, Abby will place the baby for adoption. With that decision made, Debbie snaps into action. They have to figure out how the next few months will work. What doctor's visits do they need to schedule and how are they going to pay for Abby's prenatal care and delivery.

[Abby]

I knew that there had just been like a lot of stress regarding finances and I knew that there was argument between my parents frequently about money.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby's mom begins making calls to see what kind of help they can get.

[Abby]

So my mom looked up her insurance very quickly and found out that their insurance wasn't going to cover my pregnancy, see any of the expenses or anything.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby's mom reaches out to some of her colleagues in the anti abortion movement for guidance and she finds a solution that could solve all their problems. Abby is sitting on the bed in Sarah's room when Debbie shares the plan. She tells her daughters about a place that's only three hours away from Charlotte on the campus of Liberty University. It's where Abby's two big sisters are going to college. It's where Debbie Went too. And it turns out her alma mater has a place for girls just like Abby. It's called the Liberty Godparent Home. It's a facility for unmarried pregnant girls and young women between the ages of 12 and. And 21. A modern day maternity home.

[Abby]

No one ever dreams, oh, my parents might send me away to a maternity home one day. It's not like I'd even. I didn't even know they existed.

[TJ Raphael]

This maternity home is the brainchild of controversial preacher Jerry Falwell, the father of the modern evangelical rite and the founder of Liberty University. He started the home back in the early 80s in response to Roe v. Wade.

[Debbie]

There's a better way than abortion. It's called life.

[TJ Raphael]

In Falwell's mind, the idea was simple. He could create a maternity home that would give girls and young women who got pregnant out of wedlock an alternative to abortion. Inside the home, they could hide their sin, get religious counseling, and then place their babies for adoption with a nice Christian couple.

[Debbie]

Many of them come here confused. Some come very hostile. Many of them come bitter, but they've come here to give birth to a child. The majority place their children for adoption. As we're an adoption agency, we make some wonderful Christian families very happy by placing their babies in their arms.

[TJ Raphael]

To get young women to walk through the door, they offered lots of incentives. In Sarah's room, Debbie lays them out for Abby. The godparent home will take care of room and board and make sure Abby's pregnancy costs are covered. And there's one more thing, and it's a big one.

[Abby]

If your child completes our program, they can get a full ride to Liberty University. So my mom was elated about that immediately. It turned her horror of my pregnancy into elation.

[TJ Raphael]

In 2008, a full scholarship to Liberty covered more than $100,000 in tuition, room and board. It would be illegal to exchange cash for a baby. But as Abby understands it, if she goes away for the rest of her pregnancy and places her child for adoption under the godparent home program, that free ride is hers.

[Abby]

And I was just like, well, I don't want to be sent away from home.

[TJ Raphael]

I'm scared.

[Abby]

I don't know anybody there. No, I don't want to be sent away.

[TJ Raphael]

At this point, her mom and dad are in agreement and their decision is.

[Abby]

Finally, my parents told me, clearly, you are not allowed to keep this baby. This baby will not be welcome in our home.

[TJ Raphael]

Abby is only 16 years old. She's not ready to lose her parents.

[Abby]

The only thing I knew to do was get incredibly submissive. That's the way I'd operated my whole life was just to always be looking for ways to be pleasing mom and dad so that you're not in trouble. That was the. The smartest way to experience any love.

[TJ Raphael]

It's mid January, about two weeks after Abby's 17th birthday. In her room, she packs one small suitcase. Most of her clothes won't fit her in the coming months. She piles into the car with her mother and sisters and they make the drive across the state line to the the godparent home in Lynchburg, Virginia. As they drive onto the campus of Liberty University, they're greeted by familiar sights. The football stadium, the athletic track, the student dorms. Abby's been to Liberty before to visit her sisters, but this time feels different.

[Abby]

I'm seeing this campus and I'm thinking, this is the. The future that my mom has already decided for me. I'm going to live in this maternity home and then I'm going to be on this campus.

[TJ Raphael]

They take a right and drive up a hill to a part of campus Abby's never seen before. At the very top, overlooking the university grounds, is the godparent home. It's a modest red brick colonial house with a gray roof and black shutters. Sarah's been living on campus for the last year and a half. But it's weird.

[Unknown]

Like I was at school there and I had not really known about it.

[TJ Raphael]

A lot of people don't know about the maternity home on Liberty University's campus or about the building attached to the godparent home. Family Life Services, an adoption agency which is also run by the same people behind Liberty University. Abby and her family park out in front. She steps out of the car, takes a deep breath, and then heads inside. What Abby would face over the next six months would. Would shock me to my core. It would lead me to find other women who were trapped inside the godparent home as pregnant teenage girls. Together, their stories would reveal a brutal and punishing system and would upend everything I thought I knew about adoption in America.

[Unknown]

I was both terrified and I also.

[Abby]

Felt a deep sense of this is my punishment.

[TJ Raphael]

Like I deserve this.

[Debbie]

Will you help me? Will you become a godparent, pledge $400 and save a baby from death?

[Abby]

It was torture.

[TJ Raphael]

I wanted to run.

[Debbie]

Our goal is 10,000 Liberty Godparent homes.

[Becky]

I was a CPS investigator.

[TJ Raphael]

There's no way that this was going to stay hidden forever.

[Abby]

They just thought that we were sinful and scandalous with our heathen pregnancies the Liberty Godparent Home.

[Debbie]

It's contagious.

[TJ Raphael]

Follow Liberty Lost on the Wondery app, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Liberty Lost early and ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey if you have a tip about a story you think we should investigate, please write to [e-mail] Tips from Wondery this is episode one of Six of Liberty Lost. Liberty Lost is hosted, reported and written by me, TJ Raphael. Our Senior Producer is Natalie Shisha Senior Story Editor is Phyllis Fletcher Producer is Rachel Young Associate Producer is Maria Dennis Additional production support from Emily Locke and Malachi Wade Fact checking by Jacqueline Coletti Original score by William Ryan Fritsch Sound design and and Dolby Atmos mixing by Jamie Cooper Audio assistance by Daniel William Gonzalez Sound Supervisor is Marcelina Villal Pando Music Supervisor is Scott Velazquez for Freeze on Sync. Managing Producer is Heather Baloga Senior Managing Producer is Lata Pandya Development Producer is Olivia Weber Supervising Development Editor is Rachel B. Doyle, Executive Producer Producers are n' J' Jerie Eaton, George Lavender, Marshall Louie and Jen Sargent for Wondery.

[Don]

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[TJ Raphael]

This was attempted murder.

[Don]

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