Cj's Embarrassing Night Out, Kens Run For Mayor, & Micahs New Business

Summary

Podcast Summary: Life Wide Open with CboysTV

Episode Title: CJ's Embarrassing Night Out, Ken's Run For Mayor, & Micah's New Business
Date: August 6, 2024
Hosts: The CboysTV Crew (CJ, Ben, Ryan, Ken, Evan, Micah), guest Jake

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Life Wide Open is packed with classic CboysTV chaos and charm. The crew dives into Micah’s entrepreneurial hot dog stand experiment and impulsive skate park purchase, relives CJ’s mortifying restaurant incident, spotlights Ken's tongue-in-cheek mayoral campaign against a trio of dogs, and reminisces about wild, formative experiences that made the channel what it is. Along the way, there's business advice (or warnings), plenty of self-deprecating humor, and running jokes about monetizing their misadventures.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Money Drama & DIY Motivation

• [00:22–02:08] The crew jokes about their lack of podcast profits, suspecting Ryan is pocketing the proceeds. This segues into a discussion about the challenges of launching a podcast and why most shows don’t last.
  • “Most podcasts don’t make it past seven podcasts.”—CJ, 01:55
• Even with minor returns, they emphasize the importance of enjoying the process over chasing fame or money.

2. Micah’s Hot Dog Stand & Business Antics

• [02:08–04:52 & 11:02–12:26] Micah shares his “Money Mike” escapade running a hot dog stand, which doubled as a social experiment and unofficial dating tactic.
  • Success = brand recognition + $1 pricing + hot dogs as an ice-breaker for meeting people.
  • The group pokes fun at Micah for eating his own profits.
  • ”Slinging hot dogs is just for the love of the game...not about the money for you.” —CJ, 03:56
• [05:12–09:32] Micah’s next move is even bigger: he buys an entire used skate park off Facebook Marketplace, loading up multiple trailers and turning their compound into a “grown-up playground.”
  • Friends reminisce on the diversity of his purchases and “living the dream” ethos.
  • “You spend your money how anyone in your position would imagine that they would spend their money.”—CJ, 05:47
  • They brainstorm how skate ramps will fit into their shop as a winter project and possible admission model.

3. CJ’s Epic Embarrassment: The Restaurant Fart

• [11:32–19:46] Guest Jake brings up a notorious incident: CJ’s attempted subtle fart at a fancy restaurant goes explosively public, mortifying him for days.
  • The “fart heard round the section” becomes instant small-town legend, retold by mutual friends—even at another bar.
  • CJ explains the horror and aftermath: “I start sweating, dude... that’s something I don’t stand by. I wouldn’t even burp at a restaurant but it just slipped.” —CJ, 14:00
  • The story becomes “content” as much as personal shame, and the group mines it for endless laughter.

4. Jake’s Failed Lawn Business Flashback

• [20:26–26:29] Jake recalls quitting the family turf business (after a fight) and starting a nearly identical company, complete with an unnecessary “official” LLC binder and business attire.
  • The business lasts for a single job before he resells it to his dad.
  • The Cboys insert lessons about flashy business trappings vs. actual work.
  • “You walked around with your binder in a button up for a week... still carrying that… binder that said Sherbrooke Hydro Lawn LLC.” —CJ, 23:03

5. We Fest, Boats, and Small Town Social Flex

• [26:33–29:36] Jake skips the local country festival to flex with boat lifestyle posts. The group roasts him for classic FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) moves and overhyped social media.
  • Swaps about Raptor engines, superchargers, and the hazards (and expenses) of lake life.

6. Ken Runs for Mayor… Against Dogs

• [29:39–37:33] Ken’s campaign for mayor of Cormorant, MN, is up against literal canines—the previous and current candidates are dogs. With billboards at We Fest, airdropped campaign links, and meme-worthy slogans, the campaign is both satire and sincere bid.
  • The group discusses potential smear campaigns, term limits, and Ken’s secretive platform (pickleball courts and skate parks are floated).
  • “Cormorant is just becoming so legendary. Old mayor was a dog… now Ken, local YouTuber, is running. We’re living in a simulation right now.” —CJ, 32:40

7. Local Lore: Dogs, Deer, & Subaru Carnage

• [37:42–45:00] Stories of Jake’s semi-wild Great Pyrenees dog, “Khaleesi,” who may or may not have been “abducted,” are shared humorously. There are asides about the dog’s alleged deer-chasing ability.
  • Roasts about deer stupidity and near-mythical dog exploits.
• [42:03–45:00] Jake’s history of blowing up Subarus—including his mom’s, which he loaded with subwoofers and then got rear-ended by a deer.

8. CboysTV Infamous Stunts & Compound Projects

• [45:00–54:28] Nostalgia for early, reckless days—slip’n’slides, sketchy drift sessions, encounters with angry strangers, and feeling “invincible” when younger.
  • The group debates bringing back community slip’n’slide events, recalling why it was kiboshed (a participant stood on an airplane and posted it online, sparking parental/insurance drama).

9. Drift Track Construction Woes

• [49:00–54:28] Updates on the forever-delayed drift track construction project:
  • Back-and-forth on budgeting ($250,000–$600,000), logistical headaches, concerns over concrete vs. asphalt, and whether it will ever be public.
  • “250 grand to slide around cars is ridiculous.”—CJ, 51:59

10. The Cost of Being Cboys: Buying, Wrecking, and Monetizing Mayhem

• [54:28–59:55] A recurring theme is the value (or lack thereof) in investing in drift cars, hot dog stands, random vehicles, and even scams. The group leans into the idea that failures and questionable purchases create the best content.
  • “Don’t stop spending that money... recklessly blowing money.”—CJ, 59:55

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Doing Things for the Love of It:
  “Most podcasts don’t make it past seven podcasts.”—CJ, 01:55
• Micah’s True Motivation:
  “Slinging hot dogs is just for the love of the game and getting these hot dogs out into the world and not about the money.”—CJ, 03:56
• CJ’s Embarrassment:
  “I do embarrassing stuff… but I knew that was wrong. Like, that’s something I don’t stand by. I wouldn’t even burp at a restaurant but it just slipped.”—CJ, 14:00
• On “Success” in Social Media Flexing:
  “That’s what someone who’s sitting alone on the boat says…”—Micah, 26:56
• Small Town Mayoral Race Absurdity:
  “Cormorant is just becoming so legendary… Now the amount of YouTubers… ratio is insane.”—CJ, 34:19 “Ken’s got way more clout than these dogs.”—Ben, 31:25
• Business Advice (Sort Of):
  “You walked around with your binder in a button up for a week…”—CJ, 23:03
• On Reckless Spending Becoming Content:
  “Don’t stop spending that money… recklessly blowing money.”—CJ, 59:55

---

Important Timestamps

• 00:22–02:08: Podcast earnings jokes, why they keep going.
• 02:08–04:52: Micah’s hot dog stand adventure, “Money Mike” stories.
• 05:12–09:32: Buying the skate park, impact on the channel.
• 11:32–19:46: The infamous fart story; CJ’s embarrassment.
• 20:26–26:29: Jake’s failed turf business, LLC binder saga.
• 26:33–29:36: Roasting Jake’s We Fest/boat flex.
• 29:39–37:33: Ken's campaign for mayor vs. dogs; billboard shenanigans.
• 37:42–45:00: Local dog lore, deer stories, Subaru mishaps.
• 45:00–54:28: Nostalgia for wild past stunts; slip'n'slide, airplane incident.
• 49:00–54:28: Drift track construction, logistics, and costs.
• 54:28–59:55: Money spent on cars and chaos, the value of content from screw-ups.

---

TL;DR: Why Listen?

This episode is peak CboysTV: equal parts behind-the-scenes business lessons (and cautionary tales), raw self-deprecation, and affectionate ribbing among friends. From a hot dog stand hustle to “living in a simulation” via a mayoral campaign against dogs, the Cboys deliver madcap Midwest authenticity—proving once again that the road to viral content (and hilarious memories) is paved with embarrassing mistakes and impulsive decisions.

---

For Fans & New Listeners:
If you love stories of entrepreneurial chaos, small town antics, and inside jokes gone rogue, this episode is an essential, laugh-out-loud listen.

Transcript

[A]

But they were like, you should tell Ken to drop out.

[B]

I do embarrassing stuff. I mean, pretty much for a living. But I knew that was wrong. Like, that's something I don't stand by.

[C]

Like, what the hell were we doing?

[B]

So stupid. So fun, though.

[C]

We're living in a simulation right now.

[B]

I kind of ruined his birthday.

[A]

No, I absolutely, like, messed up. I made a mistake.

[B]

All right. And we're back. Life Wide Open podcast. We got Jake in the house.

[D]

Thanks for having me, boys.

[C]

We got to be back, Jake.

[B]

We got Ben with his new hat on.

[A]

We got in front of the cameras. It's a beautiful thing.

[B]

Weird, but dead center.

[A]

Ken legitimately not sure who's doing the ads on this podcast today.

[C]

Where's Ryan? Well, he's in New York spending all of his ad money.

[D]

Dude, Ryan has got that secret pocketbook, doesn't he?

[C]

Yeah, I don't even think it's a secret. I think he's. He's just rubbing it in our face at this point. I haven't seen a dollar from this podcast, and we've been doing it.

[B]

Yeah. I thought we were reinvesting for the longest time, but then I realized all we had was this table and a few chairs.

[C]

We're investing in our setup, and we don't have anything. We have this shitty TV that doesn't work.

[D]

Half it's not even there.

[C]

I don't know what I'm pointing at.

[E]

I still add money from the podcast comes from Ryan's account.

[A]

No.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Seeing money.

[E]

Well, no, it gets deposited, like, a couple, like, 20, 30 bucks at a time from Ryan's account.

[A]

Really?

[B]

What? Oh, we might have to look more into this.

[C]

Is it just going straight into you?

[E]

No, I think it goes straight into.

[B]

His account and then divvies it up.

[D]

You guys are getting, like, three bucks.

[C]

Not even worth it. We just straight up sit down just to catch up.

[A]

Right. I was like, yeah, something.

[C]

That's all we're doing.

[A]

It is. This is no hate, because I think if we didn't have the following, we did, and we started a podcast. I get fed, like, podcasts on YouTube that. That it's, like, new podcast from, so. And, you know, never heard of it. And it has, like, 15 views. I'm like, man, dude, they're just doing it for the love of the game.

[B]

Tough. Yeah, that's tough.

[C]

Most podcasts don't make it past seven podcasts.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I think, like, 95% of podcast.

[E]

What number are we on now?

[C]

100 and something.

[B]

100 like 40, you know, three bucks, though. It's not bad. I mean, that's like three hot dog sales for you, Mike.

[C]

It's true.

[A]

It's true. Yeah, dude, that was super fun. Sold a lot of hot dogs, and I think half the reason I sold them is because they knew who we were. The other half was because they were a dollar. I do have to say, like, if you want to try that, get a hot dog stand and you're single. I. You. I sold more hot dogs to females than I did.

[C]

Yeah, dude, I couldn't believe it.

[B]

They really were interested. They were. And then, like, there was something about, like, who's Mike? And then I'm Mike. And then it was like, you're Mike.

[C]

Yeah. And the one girl that was like, this is your hot dog stand, Mike.

[B]

That happened like two or three times, though. It was just like, really, really caught on camera. Well, once, but. God, that was funny.

[C]

That was funny.

[E]

People were loving it.

[A]

The branding was incredible. I had no part in that. You guys killed it.

[C]

I was actually pretty proud of that one. I've been trying to find a hot dog stand for you for the last, like, two months. Yeah, we've been talking about, obviously, Mike's hot dog addiction for a long time here, but I've been trying to bring it to light. Honestly, I wanted to go to New York and have you do it in New York, but there was just a lot more complications with that. So, yeah, I've been looking for a hot dog stand for, like, straight up since the beginning of summer, and that one popped up. I, at first I was like, I don't know. It kind of seems random that it's just like a early 1900s car turned into a little.

[A]

But it was perfect.

[C]

But it ended up being perfect because.

[A]

I, I, I saw one that was kind of like a ice cream cart bike, but it was, it was shaped like a hot dog and it was funny. But I like the model T looking car way more.

[C]

I think it's great.

[B]

Fits your brand. Fits your brand.

[D]

The business model is great. Unless you're Mike, you're getting high on your own supply. You definitely went backwards. Didn't you know?

[A]

I realistically, I ate three hot dogs. Like, you know, I just ate three.

[B]

We were out there for an hour. We were out there for an hour. Realistically, I just ate three hot dogs.

[A]

Because I didn't want to get a tummy ache. Yeah, I had to pull that thing around.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

So I ended up doing the math at the end of the night, slinging hot dogs is just for the love of the game and getting these hot dogs out into the world and not about the money for you. I knew that, but I. I really knew it. When we were wrapping up and you left the cash box on top of the hot dog stand, and it was loaded up on the trailer, about to head down the highway, and I was like, I better do one last once over on this thing, and the cash box is sitting there open at the top. I was like, oh, Mike really is not concerned about the money he just made.

[A]

I wasn't. Because, like, realistically, there was, like, $40 in there.

[C]

No, there was. It was 140, and I put 100 into it with change. I gave you change. I was nice. I gave him the business, and I gave him change. And then.

[E]

So you were down 80 bucks.

[A]

I didn't take it. I. You know what? Speaking of the. The money going back into the company, I just. I left it. I knew that wasn't for me. That was for the love of the game and reinvesting company in the.

[B]

In just better equipment. Maybe you'll get a truck that drives under its own power now.

[A]

No, that was pretty funny, though. I had just made a purchase, Facebook Marketplace purchase that morning, and I had a bunch of cash in my pocket, and that's like, whip it out. You guys are like, what the. Why do you have, like, five grand on you?

[B]

Because he's money Mike. I didn't question it one bit. I was like, of course he has five grand on him.

[C]

Mike went and bought a skate park.

[D]

I saw it. I rolled up to the shop.

[C]

You know, Mike's been on Facebook, Marketplace, when you show up, and there's a skate park on a couple of trailers.

[B]

Like, a whole used skate park. Like, it was city. It must have been. Yeah, exactly. Like, they had a city skate park, and they just were getting rid of it. And Mike bought it.

[E]

Bought every ramp coming with more and more trailers.

[A]

That's the crazy part. Like, one trailer load to the brim, as much as I could go on it. Then another gooseneck. Then another even bigger gooseneck full of skate ramps. Like, it's a full skate park.

[C]

Dude, Mike, you are just living the absolute dream. You spend your money how anyone in your position would imagine that they would spend their money. I don't know.

[A]

I don't have a super.

[C]

I love it.

[D]

I roll up to the shop, just trying to find you guys. No one's there, but I see Gavin with a ramp, like, 10ft in the air, and I'm like, what's going on? What's this? And he goes, I don't know. Mike bought something.

[B]

I guess it's a pretty serious skate park.

[A]

Yeah, it is the. When I picked it up, the biggest drop in on it is eight feet. I haven't even dropped in on a six foot dude.

[C]

You and Evan, I've seen you guys ride skateboard, let's see, probably the last three years pretty heavily.

[B]

Right?

[C]

You are actually getting somewhere. Evan has not progressed one bit. This dude. I've seen him probably try a hundred. Yeah. Thousand kickflips. Has not landed a single one. Dude. I'm not a skateboarder, so I can't really throw stones. But like, you would think after a while, after three years there would be a little progress made.

[B]

I will agree. Evan is so good at everything but skateboarding. He works his ass off too.

[A]

He's just not built like a lot better than.

[B]

Well, he's a lot better than anyone who else doesn't skateboard. But like for someone who skates for three, you know, honestly his whole life.

[A]

Because he's a BMXer. Oh. Like I always just give him the benefit of the doubt. But I mean, yeah, he's definitely not progressing, but. Well, then he saw the size of the ramps, the whole reason that the skate park was being sold and it was because it was too big. I believe the ramps are too tall. And then he saw the size of it. He's like, dude, I'm trying to BMX this. I'm like, whatever you want.

[B]

Are you worried at all the ramps are going to be a little narrow? Or maybe there was just like they're in weird sections.

[A]

You always want them to be wider. You know, when you build a half pipe, usually you build it 8ft wide, sometimes 12. 12 is good. 16 is like the money shot. But usually they're 8ft wide. Yeah, I don't know. We'll. We'll see that. They're really slippery. That's what I'm worried about. They're like actually like if you stand up on top and like just try to run down them, you'll just.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

We'll see. We'll probably end up riding E bikes and pit bikes.

[B]

Where are we gonna put these things?

[A]

Put in the merch bay.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Until Ken.

[E]

No.

[A]

Hey, it was Ben's idea, I think.

[B]

I think if we got the room.

[A]

We'Re gonna put it in there at.

[C]

The new merch shop.

[B]

That'd be actually kind of sick.

[A]

Yeah, we're gonna. I think perfect for the winter. And then as soon as it fills.

[C]

The whole winter, maybe a month or.

[A]

Two outside, which is only fair. Like, I'm not trying to expect.

[C]

Yeah, you can take Mike's ramps out one by one.

[A]

I'm not trying to keep it in there and, like, prohibit us from expanding our merch.

[B]

That's actually a pretty good spot. Yeah, it's a pretty good spot for it.

[C]

We tried growing the business that Mike bought a skate park.

[B]

Next thing you know, he's charging admission. There's like six bucks. You can come in, skate for the day.

[C]

Everyone's back. They're just skating. And Ken is like, so over it. He can't hear loud music.

[D]

People graffiti 90s crunch, spray paint cans.

[A]

It is. That's the other. The upside is that they're metal. The downside is that they're metal. So when you're skating them, you get that kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That sound on everything. But, dude, they were sitting in the woods for 10 years, but they have, like, rubberized like a playground. So, like, they're pretty chilling.

[C]

Yeah. You can maybe get them, like, seal coated.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know, we'll have to paint them or something. But foam pit next.

[C]

Yeah, I think that'd be sweet. I love it, Mike. I think it's great. You're just adding to, like, it's just a big playground around grown up playground. So when you were like, I'm buying a skate park, I was like, yeah, that's a great idea. Of course you should. You weren't even like, yeah, do you think, like, we should all buy it? Didn't even ask. Mike would just like, yo, I'll fork out the five grand for this one and I'll buy it.

[D]

I got this.

[C]

I was like, dude, I think everyone would have been down to just everyone chips in. But Mike was like, no, I want this to be money. Mike.

[B]

Skate park.

[A]

It's interesting. Like, obviously I always show up late, but, like, I rarely. I rarely take personal days. And that was, you know, in a sense, a personal day. Like, to go get it.

[C]

But, like, started out by picking up a skate park, and he ended it by slinging hot dogs on the street. What a day. It might have been the best day ever.

[A]

That was probably, like, legitimately the most. I sweated all summer. And then afterwards, as you grab those.

[B]

Hot dogs, I couldn't believe how people didn't mind that you were literally grabbing them off the machine with your bare hands after you took the money and then put the dog in the bun, hand it to him.

[A]

Yeah, I got a couple looks, but other than that. And one person, no gloves. And I'm like, I wash my hands and okay, two of those girls, they.

[E]

Did see the see you do that, and then they just immediately threw them in the trash.

[A]

That was another, like, money shot, I guess, of the video. Like, so many people were like, bro, when those chicks threw them away.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, they weren't, they weren't going to eat that.

[A]

When the lady gave me $20, too, that hyped a bunch of people up, too, and myself, obviously. She was so nice. Give me $20 and say, I don't eat meat, but I love what you're doing.

[C]

Yeah. $20 for you, sir.

[E]

Well, you could have told her white lie and just said, oh, no, these are. These are vegan hot dogs.

[A]

You can.

[C]

Catch a charge for.

[B]

That's why you're the ketchup guy, Ken.

[D]

It's just straight line and false advertising.

[E]

It's just a small lie.

[D]

It's the white fib.

[A]

That's what. When I wasn't selling Dalton's, like, dude, you gotta shove them down their throat, man. You gotta sell these things. And I was like, we're looking for.

[C]

We're looking for consent sling in these hot dogs.

[A]

Well, I want to bring that out like at heydays or something. I think that'd be a lot of fun.

[C]

Yeah, I could see slinging hot dogs at heydays. Well, we're, you know, doing the meet and greet. You're off to the side.

[B]

Mark up the price a little bit. $2, maybe$25.25.

[C]

Still undercut Costco. What are Costco's 150?

[B]

That's a mic question.

[D]

By the end, you're just going to be giving out a dog and a dollar. Not even going to be making money. They just get both.

[E]

He's just trying to make people's days at that point.

[A]

Right. Trying to get everyone fed.

[D]

So I'm not trying to out you here, but I got a story about C.J. that, like, I have been meaning to talk long time because I have not laughed this hard in a long time and I don't know all the details. So I need your side. And yeah, we're. We're rolling this.

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

I was in Zorbas and there's just some people to the right of me that you guys hang out with. I don't know him that well, but I was just like with friends. Friends, whatever. So it sounds like you guys are at parallel. And CJ was just trying to like, maybe squeak Out a little fart or something, and he just. Completely.

[B]

Exactly what you're talking about.

[D]

Ripped ass. Super loud.

[E]

CJ has been embarrassed about this since.

[B]

It was like a bomb went off, dude.

[D]

The guy made it clear to everybody. Like, he had the whole bar. Stop. He was standing up, telling the story, and he just had everybody rolling.

[C]

He's like, I heard it.

[D]

It was so loud.

[C]

Hold on, hold on. So you're at parallel, which is a very nice restaurant. Nicest restaurant in the area.

[B]

Let me just tell my side of the story. Okay.

[A]

Well, there's not much to say.

[D]

Sounded like you didn't give a shit.

[C]

You just.

[B]

No, I did. I did. I did care, and I knew it was wrong, and that's why I was embarrassed about it.

[C]

Did you know it was gonna be loud or.

[B]

No, I was gonna smell. No, dude, it didn't smell. It didn't smell. Thank God he said it.

[E]

How do you know?

[B]

Did he really?

[D]

Yeah, he's like, bro, I about puked in my own place. Shut up.

[B]

Did he actually say that?

[D]

Yeah, that's what. I was crying, laughing.

[E]

It was Nick's birthday that day, too.

[D]

Oh, what?

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

A little birthday present for him. No. So, like, I'm sitting there, you know, it's like, Sunday. I mean, like, eating the crab legs. Little too much butter, obviously. And everyone else goes. Alex, of course, wants creme brulee. I'm like, God damn it. So we gotta stand. I gotta sit there. Everyone else.

[C]

What is wrong with her?

[B]

Yeah, no, everyone else leaves. I'm trying to go home, waiting on her to eat her creme brulee. And, like, you know, you just, like. You're just sitting there, and it just. It just, like, happened. And I was like, oh. And it was like. It, like, ricocheted off the chair.

[D]

Said it sounded like, like. Like a soundboard fart. Like you pushed a button.

[C]

It, like, ricocheted.

[B]

Did you.

[C]

Amplified the sound, pick up a little bit?

[B]

Yeah, like.

[C]

Like you got up?

[B]

Yeah, no, it just. It just, like, ricocheted, dude. It was bad. I was like, oh, that's kind of loud.

[C]

You didn't know it was gonna be a loud one?

[B]

I just thought. I was just like. I don't know. It just, like, happened, dude. Like, I normally wouldn't do that.

[D]

He said you wouldn't look at him. He's like, hey, cj, I heard that.

[B]

You were like, he never said that.

[D]

Yes. He never said that.

[B]

He never said that. Okay, so this is how so. And I do that. And I'm like, oh, that was, like, kind of loud. And I'm, like, sitting there. Alex is, like, talking, telling the story. She's like, no. Alex is just, like, sitting here telling me some story or whatever. And then, like, pretty soon I start, like, hearing the table. Like, my back's facing them. The table behind is like, was that you? Was that you? Like, they start blaming each other, you know, like one of those situations. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. And then. And then I think it was him. And, dude, I start, like, sweating. Like, I do embarrassing stuff. I mean, pretty much for a living. But I knew that was wrong. Like, I was embarrassed. Like. Like, that's something I don't stand by. Like, I wouldn't even burp at a restaurant, but it just slipped. And I'm like, oh. And then, like, I start sweating, dude. Like, my back is sweating. I'm like, geez, Like, I'm probably gonna soak through this shirt. I'm like, hurry the up, Alex.

[C]

And she's like, trying to enjoy it.

[B]

I'm like, eat your thing. I'm like, tab, let's get the tab.

[C]

All this stuff. I'm trying to get the hell out of here.

[B]

Trying to get the hell out of here, dude. And they're like. I think it was him. They, like, just won't drop. But they're all laughing. They're all, like, laughing really hard. And then.

[A]

Holy.

[C]

The fart hurt around this.

[B]

No, it was literally just one table because it was, like. It was pretty empty in there, so it was quiet. I think that's kind of why.

[C]

But there's the piano player going.

[B]

No, nothing, nothing.

[C]

It's the nice socks, dude.

[B]

It really was.

[C]

Everyone's probably like, what the hell is wrong with this kid?

[B]

No, exactly. And like, I. I'm not, dude. I was, like, bent out of shape about it till, like, Wednesday I did on Sunday. Like, I thought about it that much. Like, I'd just be, like, kind of enjoying my life. And I just think about, like, oh, fuck, why'd I do that? You know, like one of those situations. Like, I wake up like, oh, it's going to be a good day. I'm like, what was that thing that I was all bent out of shape about? Oh, it's right. I fucking farted. You know, so anyways, like, you know, finally moving past it, but apparently I don't know if I'm going to be able to.

[D]

It was already told you were at.

[C]

Zorbas and they were still talking about.

[B]

I just want to say, though, they were, like, dying, laughing yeah. Dying, laughing. So, like, anyway, I couldn't look at them when I left because I was afraid they were gonna, like, call me out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I just literally, like, as soon as I signed that, I just stood up and just, like, walked. And Alex just, like, looks at him. He's like, happy birthday.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

In my head, I'm just like, yeah, happy birthday.

[C]

C.J. walks out. Dude, I was so flustered.

[B]

And then, like, I had a whole, like, I. Like, two more tables that wanted to, like, talk to me on my way up, but I could. Like, they had to be like, what the was wrong with that guy? Because I was so flustered, like, trying to leave. Like, I couldn't get out of there quick enough. And then. Yeah, I mean, that was pretty much the story. Like, I knew I wasn't going to escape this. Like, I knew I was gonna have to come to terms with it and face the problem head on here soon. But I didn't realize it was going to be told to the whole bar.

[D]

Well, I tell you what, I rolled in. And, yeah, everybody was talking about, what.

[B]

Are you going up on the bar? Give him a mic.

[D]

Or everybody just kind of gathered in the room. He's like, I. I got a great.

[B]

Story about how many people were there.

[D]

It had been 20, 25 people. Like, it was a good Zorbas night, you know, all of our friends. But he made it sound like it was funny until they were ready to throw up in their plates. They're like, I could taste it.

[B]

I'm like, dude, there's no way. There's no way it didn't smell. I don't think it did.

[C]

Well, yeah, but you were probably upwind, dude.

[D]

It had recoil. You freaking barked it off the chair.

[B]

I don't think it smelled, dude. I just. Honestly, I don't think it smelled, but. Because then I would have really felt bad, but I just knew it was loud. It was like a bomb, dude. It was just like a bomb when.

[D]

You wouldn't make eye contact with them. You knew in turn. No, you knew you messed up when you wouldn't look at.

[B]

Well, yeah, dude. Like, I'm not. I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of it. I've done some things I'm not proud of in life, and this is one.

[E]

Back to get a new one.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

Shut the up, gang. That didn't happen.

[E]

Nancy said it.

[C]

Was there any kids at the table?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay, well, that's good.

[B]

I was all adults. So tell me how he told the story. Like, I want to hear this, like.

[D]

Think about a very standing energy. Like, almost like you're going to a comedy club. Like, this guy had the whole floor.

[B]

Go on tour, talk about my part.

[D]

He had the whole bar rolling.

[B]

Honestly, he deserves it. Oh, he should monetize.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, this guy starts kind of ruined his birthday shirts.

[B]

I kind of ruined his birthday.

[C]

I went to parallel and all I got was somebody partying on my plate.

[B]

I'm gonna go back there. So what? Tell the story. Like, I want to hear this. Like, you just keep going. Like, yeah, you stood up there and told it. How did he tell it?

[D]

He basically, I think all he said is he was just sitting down, trying to have a nice family dinner, and some dude behind him just was ripping ass.

[B]

And I was in front of him or whatever it was one time. I wasn't ripping ass. It was just ripped ass.

[D]

See, that's why I say it might have been exaggerated a little bit on his end, but, like, he had to obviously tell the story in the. The bar to keep everybody going. But he said it was like you wouldn't make eye contact because you knew what you did and you didn't own it. And it was loud and obnoxious, and he just said, you didn't give a.

[B]

It can't be obnoxious if once. If you just do it once.

[D]

Okay. He made it sound, like, purposeful. Like you were just like, screw those guys.

[B]

You know, I. I definitely didn't do it on purpose. Really? Holy shit. I can't get the story straight, dude. May I need to sound like a. Like a fucking fruit basket or something. I don't know.

[A]

And this.

[C]

This week on Cormorant News, CJ Lazer actually shits his pants.

[D]

I couldn't breathe.

[B]

You know, I'm just glad that I. I knew something was gonna come of this. And, you know, as more time went on, I was like, pink guy. Doesn't matter about it. Nope. I knew. I knew it was gonna come back around.

[C]

Just a content machine.

[D]

The next time I gonna go into Zoras, I'm gonna see like 12 people think I and be like, you guys were at parallel yesterday. CJ was there.

[B]

Dude, you can't give someone pink eye from farting six feet away from him.

[A]

It's just not possible.

[B]

All right, all right.

[D]

Well, I'm glad we got that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Jake.

[C]

Jake, I was thinking about this the other day. Remember when you quit working for Dave and you started your own business doing the exact same thing as Dave? So. So Jake's family or Jake's dad started this company. It's called Sherbrooke Turf Turfing. And what it is, is it's like if you're driving down the highway and they're. And they're building, you know, a new highway, and all of it is getting seated on the sides, like, that's, like, the jobs that Sherbrooke Turf does. Like, they seed, like, big construction zones, like highways and whatnot. So anyway, Jake worked for Dave for my whole life.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Your whole life. Right.

[D]

I've never applied for another job anywhere.

[C]

I worked for Dave for a little bit. And Jake gets in a fight with Dave.

[E]

Yep.

[C]

Quits, and then the next day, starts his own Sherbrooke Turf. But you called it, what? Sh.

[D]

Hydro Law. Yeah, we got in a fight that night. I ordered, like, two pallets of product and, like, a Hydra seeder that goes in the box of a truck. And my dad just like, oh, he's just being a punk. And honestly, to this day, the seed supplier called my dad, and he's like, so, what's. What's going on with your kid? He just ordered a couple pallets of stuff, and my dad just hung up. And he's like, nice. Like, he was actually pumped for me. Like, he went through with it.

[C]

Jake quits on a Friday, right? Yep. And Monday. And so we had our. Our old shop. Like, at this point, we're filming videos full time. We know that Jake just had quit working for Dave. And we're like, okay, well, Jake's starting his new business apparently, on Monday. And so we're at the shop, and Jake shows up to the shop, right? He pulls up in his truck, and we're like, oh, wow. He didn't go back to work for Dave. He hops out, and he's wearing, like, a polo. Like a button up. Yeah, he's wearing, like, a button up. And his binder.

[B]

Binder. It's, like, basically just a folder, like, binder leather with a zipper. Like, it's a pretty nice little. Like, so.

[C]

So when you. You can go on, like, a website called Legal Zoom and start an LLC, and they will charge you, like, $800 to open up this LLC.

[B]

And.

[C]

And with that, though, they will send you this binder that says your company name on it. And then you can have, like. You'll have, like, all of your. Like, all of your. Yeah. All of your business documents in this binder. And this is exactly what you do when you get it.

[A]

Garbage.

[E]

Garbage.

[C]

There is no reason you need to even hold on to that binder.

[A]

Right. Right hand.

[C]

Because they send you. They send you, like, all the documents. Like, you do not need them. Right. So Jake shows up to the shop, hops out wearing a button up, and he overnighted his llc.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

And he walked around with his binder in a button up for a week. Yep. And every time we saw him, he's still carrying that fucking binder that said Sherbrooke Hydro Line llc.

[B]

Yeah, I'm going to get some jobs. You're, like, on the phone.

[C]

You had, like.

[B]

You had dropped your phone because you were on a phone line with him through his business. You got rid of it. We got you a phone through our business.

[C]

Oh, that's right. You might still be on it.

[D]

I am, because I get your guys emails, like, all the time. It's like, your Verizon bills do it. I'm like, I'm not even on that anymore.

[A]

Yeah, you were, like, the head of it.

[C]

We went in and Jake started it. You've got some real problems. Every time that I try and go get a phone or add somebody onto it, they're like, all right, we need your admin, Jake Sherbrooke. And I'm like, holy. That's right. Jake is our Verizon ad.

[B]

I'm not even on the business plan because I can't get on. I've tried so many times. It's like, you need to get Jake here. And I'm like.

[A]

Ryan did make it on, and he had a hell of a time and had to obviously contact it. Do you still have the. The Sherbrooke Hydro lawn?

[D]

Yeah, I do. I do. Mike made me my, like, first green vest or whatever.

[A]

That's a classic.

[D]

I did one job as a roadhouse, seated the front line for a thousand bucks, and then I was like, sweet. Got a thousand bucks to spend at the bar tonight there.

[C]

So how long did that business last?

[D]

I bought the roadhouse job, and that was it.

[C]

And then what?

[D]

Either went back to Dave or I went full time with you guys. It was the same year.

[C]

I think you went back to Dave, because Dave was like, all right, Jake, I'll buy you out.

[D]

That was easy.

[C]

Yeah. And you were like, sweet. All I got is this binder.

[B]

He handed it over. My favorite thing of the whole. Of the whole story, though, is when you explained it to me. You know, you showed up and it was. And you're like, yeah. Like, I just left my dad's, and we had this big argument, and on my way, I told him what I was doing, and. And you. And he said, Good luck with that or wherever you're going.

[C]

And.

[B]

And you replied, I'll send you a postcard. And then you slammed the door. And then. And then the next best part of the story is that, you know, you're marching around with this binder and you're on the phone, you know, working these deals and all this for a week roughly. And, and you're wearing this, this button up shirt with a collar. And you end up forgetting your binder at the shop. You know, just sitting there. I'm like, so, like, I think we end up opening up this binder, like.

[C]

What the he got here.

[B]

And it's like literally two sheets of paper from legal Zoom. One saying like, it's just like a.

[C]

Printed little like article of incorporation.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Just two things. And then that was. And then like a notepad that's just blank. Just blank.

[D]

Doing some real business, nothing in it.

[B]

And. And that was that. That was that. He sold the business.

[D]

Definitely looked hard.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

I'll just never forget when he hopped out of his truck that first day and he's wearing a button up with a binder.

[D]

Completely changed. I'm like, yeah, new man, business owner now.

[B]

You were talking with Ken's mom about doing their yard. I remember.

[C]

Yeah, I was just talking.

[B]

I was. What else you got lined up for jobs? Well, I was talking with Carolyn and might be doing their house.

[D]

Do you ever get that figured out?

[E]

Still black, still needs to get done.

[A]

It could have been a good business. I'm just absolutely glad you took the other out.

[B]

Yeah, I'll send you a postcard.

[C]

I'll send you a postcard.

[A]

Just a douche this weekend. I know we talk about this every year. We're at local country music festival and Jake put out the most typical snap for someone who's not going your snap on the back of a boat. No one's in it. Just your feet. And it's just like I get to do this while everyone's sitting in a field listening to country music. And I'm like, bro, that's what someone who's sitting alone on the boat says.

[D]

Well, dude, I just.

[C]

The amount of people, dude, the amount of times that Jake has asked all of us individually, like, you still going to we fest this weekend? Yep. Nice. I'm going out of the boat.

[A]

I'm like, I'm like, oh, I didn't.

[C]

Know you got a boat. Well, I haven't figured out where yet, but yeah, I'm trying to go out on the boat. Oh, dude, you can, you can take my Boat out if you want. Yeah, we'll see. I got a lot of options.

[D]

I just tried to convince you guys it's the. The boat. I. I don't know. It.

[C]

What's up with that? You could have got on the boat last weekend or next weekend.

[D]

It's just better.

[A]

My boy's acting like we don't, like, know about boat life.

[D]

Yeah, it's like you guys haven't experienced this.

[A]

No, we did make a pretty good joke. He's. Ben has a Supra and he's got a Raptor motor in it. And Jake has a Whipple on his Raptor and we're like, you borrow his boat for a day and just throw your Whipple on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't even make it in the lake, but she's making pony tune it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Slap it on, throw it in.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Jake, you can use my boat. Yeah. You just have to put a Whipple supercharger on it, though.

[B]

It probably bolt right up.

[D]

Oh, no, it would. It's the same motor and everything. Yeah.

[B]

It would be probably really easy to get at too, actually.

[D]

Like, 750 at the prop. Might just be ripping across the lake.

[C]

Do it. Dude, you could hit the ground so fast.

[E]

Hit the ground every rock in that lake.

[C]

I like, I don't think. You still haven't even been over to my house.

[A]

No, I have now once. Oh, really? When we gave Greta the moped you.

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

That was his good time. Haven't been out on your boat yet.

[C]

No, we hopped out on my boat last year. I was pretty new to the lake and I hit the ground twice.

[B]

I was in the boat. I can confirm it's very shallow there.

[C]

Yeah, it's just like, so annoying. You just have to know where to go.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And I just, like, didn't really know. And I thought that I was good when I wasn't, but it was like, weighted down and we'd be putzing around and all of a sudden and everyone's like, ooh.

[B]

It was. It was hard, too.

[E]

It was like. Every time it got funnier.

[B]

I think it was like two or three. I mean, I've been in the boat at least for sure two times when he did it.

[A]

But, you know, a prop is like, I don't know. They're just expensive.

[B]

600 bucks.

[A]

Yeah, they're, you know, manufactured and engineered to be perfect, so. And they're built out of nice metal, but they're a quick ding is a quick 600 bucks.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, once you hit it Once though, hitting it again. It's like you can't make it any worse.

[B]

You just keep running it. Pretty soon I just have one little fin.

[A]

Just, just. Why can't we serve?

[C]

Yeah, it's just barely moving. So anyway, Jake. Yeah. I mean, keys are in it if you want. Just make sure you put the whipple.

[D]

Yeah, you know, you got it. I got a lot of flack for that actually. There was like probably not even joking you. 50 people that just responded like F you or something like that. Just from really? Yeah.

[B]

For not wanting to go to We Fest. Yeah.

[E]

Jake, did you see my We Fest by.

[D]

Yeah, that was good. I actually like. Yeah.

[E]

I drunkenly thought it'd be funny to have a billboard here.

[D]

When I saw that, I was like, damn, that's hard. That's really good.

[A]

Yeah, we'll pop the video up here. We sent the art off and in a matter of two hours. Electronic billboard. Big billboard. Right at the music festival, dude. Thousands of people to see. It was so awesome.

[B]

It said, Ken Matthews for mayor, 2024. And obviously on the screen. Yeah. So you can vote. Ken still running for mayor. I believe voting and voting ends when.

[E]

This podcast goes live. It'll have ended yesterday.

[B]

Okay, so we need to get something out on Seaboard's Instagram to really push some votes for you.

[E]

I was campaigning all last night. Every person I took a picture with. Hey, you got an iPhone. Let me just airdrop you a link quick.

[D]

Really, really good.

[B]

Did they vote?

[E]

Were they voting?

[B]

Oh my gosh. Good.

[C]

Well, Ken, we are actually going campaigning.

[A]

After this podcast today.

[C]

So we've got a couple things lined up.

[E]

You know, that's the thing you wouldn't talk about.

[A]

Yeah, no, it'll be fun.

[C]

So, yeah, we just didn't want you to get cold feet, you know, so we wanted to make sure that you were going to show up and, and be bright eyed and bushy tailed, which.

[A]

You have been anything but cold feet. I talked to some other running mates last night. I guess the, the owners of the running mate, how do they feel? They, they're super nice.

[C]

Yeah. Because the other running mates are dogs.

[A]

Dogs.

[C]

So it's three dogs and then Ken.

[A]

Yep. And they said as a joke, but they were like, you should tell Ken to drop out.

[C]

Yeah. I'm like, they're going to start making smear campaigns. Yeah.

[A]

I was like, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Like commerce.

[A]

I'm like, that's my boy. I'm not going to tell him to drop out.

[C]

Were they being serious?

[A]

Ah, we're joking.

[C]

Joking.

[B]

And Then like, I think they were being serious.

[A]

And at the end they were like, no, but he actually should.

[B]

Yeah, because they, they all know they don't stand a chance. Ken's got way more clout than these dogs.

[D]

I was just thinking about this. Two things. Not that likely, but Ken, if you do lose, they are to dogs and you have a giant following.

[C]

It's a win, win for us here.

[B]

Jake, your dog's running, isn't it?

[C]

I know that's right. I know that's right.

[B]

Jake. Jake's also like, yeah, Ken, you should drop out.

[D]

No, I was literally thinking about the whole smear campaign. I'm like, that would be, how should I do this? And then I was thinking about. I'm like, ken's not even his real name. He's lying to everybody right off the start. So I was, I had this whole idea. I'm like, ken hates dogs. If Ken's not even his real name. But I was like, it's pretty aggressive.

[A]

Even if voting was ended already, if you had like a little one minute bit in your next video due to be so funny, just for the people, that's.

[D]

I wanted to do like a walk around thing with my dog, like how friendly it is, and then get like kind of angry music when Ken's having these like little rage moments like, this could be your mayor. Don't let it happen or something like that.

[A]

He's not even a dog.

[D]

Yeah. You know you got that dog in him.

[A]

Yeah, that is pretty funny. We're all chatting about this and then we're like, oh, yeah, Jake, your dog's running.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I was like, oh, I got this in the bag. And then I saw at the bottom of the list, I'm like, ah, Ken's.

[C]

Right below, dude, I'm. I'm very excited. Ken.

[B]

Nobody stands a chance at the country.

[C]

Music festival watching the artist. And then you look over and you see no can do or yes can do. Running for mayor of Cornwall, Minnesota. I'm like, dude, we're living in a. We're living in a simulation right now, dude.

[A]

We, like live in a reality TV show. And I love it. It's like, I. I don't know if I could ever, like, go back to just being normal. Like that to me is normal.

[B]

We see that.

[A]

I'm like, yes. And then turn around and this is happening. Like, it's just, just the best thing ever.

[E]

I was texting the dude like mid concert and I was like, hey, what's it cost to run this? And he Sent me the numbers. I was like, that's it.

[C]

Well, to be fair, it's up there for like five seconds at a time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think for any other business. Well, for us it makes like we have nothing to gain besides for obviously you winning as man.

[B]

A good laugh and a good laugh. But yeah, I mean, not even going.

[C]

In a video for 700 bucks, though that did seem like a pretty good deal.

[D]

So I was like, mayor, what's the first change you'd make in Cormorant? Like, you definitely got some power then, right? Oh, can you do.

[E]

I have so many ideas. My, my whole campaign plan. It's.

[C]

But he's not going to tell us.

[E]

It's available somewhere.

[C]

Oh yeah, the pickleball court.

[A]

He's got a binder.

[C]

Ken got his own binder.

[B]

Or you could even go the route of like Cormorant's great the way it is. I'm just going to keep it the same and make sure we just got.

[E]

To keep improving it. Never stop.

[C]

I think, I think skate park on.

[A]

The pickleball court, bruh. We didn't ask for this.

[C]

Yeah. I think Korm Run is just becoming so legendary. Like the fact that the old mayor used to be a dog and then that dog Duke went like global.

[D]

NBC Today and all those like Today show and everything.

[C]

Yeah, he was a legend. He was a legend. And now the amount of YouTubers between us and you that live in Cornwall, I think. And then the amount of. And then the amount of people. No. To the amount of people that live in Cornwall. The ratio is insane.

[D]

Yeah, it is.

[C]

It's like 7 to 30, literally.

[B]

Dude. I think some of the people are a little salty about Ken running because they want it to be like a dog again. But I'm just going to say it. It's not going to hit the same. It's not going to hit the same. Like you can't just like you're not going to get the same reaction of having a dog as a mare as the first time around. You know, it's just not as funny. Like, I guarantee you, if a dog does win, it's not going on tour, it's not going on the Today show.

[A]

I was wondering, you know how like Duke was mayor until he passed. Is Ken going to be mayor Telly.

[B]

That's what I'm wondering too. Unless they somehow like aren't pleased with his.

[D]

Maybe.

[E]

Maybe that can be my first change, you know, you can't just have a one time election and be a dictatorship.

[B]

It has to be that's fairly. That's pretty honorable here.

[E]

You got to give it to the power, to the people.

[B]

Or maybe four years.

[A]

Yeah, I give yourself a four year old.

[B]

Like you got some time to make some changes or just run this place down.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

If you do a dictatorship style, I feel like that's how you just get murked. Like I feel like you're going to have a hit on you.

[E]

Exactly.

[C]

We don't want Ken. We don't want Ken going on like a parade tour or something like that. Cuz his policies are going to piss people off immediately. He's not going to tell anyone what his policies are until he's elected. Apparently. I don't even know what a galaxy.

[D]

Ken's the bar close at sunrise.

[A]

You're the first owner of a bar. Bulletproof Tesla.

[B]

He already. He just needs the windows and he is actually.

[A]

Yeah. A bulletproof Tesla cyber truck. Gosh, that's. I like the ring of that Kendo.

[C]

He's thinking, let him cook. He's about to make a statement.

[A]

Hold on.

[D]

Don't say something. He's going to talk. He's going to say something.

[E]

It'll be a. A fun election.

[A]

Yes, it will.

[C]

It will.

[B]

I can't wait to.

[C]

I don't know what you got up your sleeve, Ken.

[E]

I don't know what you have up your sleeve.

[C]

No, you don't.

[A]

He's like, I'll. I'll wait to make more comments until after whatever we're filming today.

[B]

But that's the thing. Like, you know, you've. You've paid for the. For the paid media. You've done all the speeches, the public speeches. And now it's time to get your boots on the ground. Start pounding the pavement and shaking hands, kissing babies, putting signs and locking in votes.

[E]

I was doing that yesterday.

[B]

Well, that's what we're going to be doing tonight. Today too.

[A]

My favorite part is like, you came up to me and Sydney and you're like, you were still in the campaign mode. You were like, oh yeah, vote for me. I'm running for mayor.

[D]

Oh, you're like, ken, I'm your friend. Go to the next guy.

[C]

This dude is just locked in.

[A]

You were locked in.

[B]

Gosh, that'll be amazing though. I mean, it is you. You are right for like our life, like the simulation and just like how funny everything is around us. Ken being the mayor of Cormorant, like.

[C]

Dude, you can't write a better story.

[B]

It's just like, how much more ridiculous can this story get?

[C]

It is bizarre. You know? It seriously is bizarre to like remove yourself from it and think about it when you're saying yeah, people are kind of getting like upset like, oh, let it be another dog. What's Funnier? The local YouTuber. That's Ken.

[B]

Like it's not just endless entertainment.

[C]

It's a legend. Yeah. Anyone knows Ken Legend, YouTuber aside. Or a dog. You know that?

[A]

What?

[C]

Probably new to the area. Jake.

[D]

All right, pal.

[B]

Yeah. How long's your dog even been here?

[D]

Dude, that dog lived in the wild.

[E]

This dog was abducted.

[D]

No, it wasn't.

[C]

Yeah, tell the story. It wasn't a job.

[D]

Hold on.

[C]

Is this dog being put as mayor against his will? Cuz he was brought here against his will.

[D]

Okay. He's she. All right, pal. And so my dad took like a job in Idaho Falls and like way up in the mountains there's this this huge random. It's a great pyrenees. It's like 140 pounds. Okay. And like she'd come down and they just throw it like chicken and raw bacon and it would eat. You know, just go back up into.

[B]

The hills probably where the house it was living at.

[D]

No, it wasn't.

[B]

There's a thin tree line in a house over there. It was just walking.

[E]

Figured out there were some nice people that would.

[D]

It was just going home and. No. And so the project was going to be done and everyone was like packing up and leaving and this dog was staying around. My dad and Julie were like, this dog can't just sit here. So my dad calls one of his guys and he's like, hey, I need you to get in a truck and bring a big kennel. And we're bringing this dog home. So he drives all the way out there and I show up at like 2am and here's this like huge wolf looking thing. Huge, huge. It's like the nicest dog ever. But it's. Yeah, it's. We didn't get abducted, get stolen.

[C]

That's exactly what you did.

[B]

It have a collar on it?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It had a caller name and everything.

[C]

Phone number.

[A]

So we took adely.

[D]

It said if lost call here.

[B]

Actually no callers. Yeah.

[D]

So what happened was there. There was like a house I don't know how many miles away. But it like they couldn't keep it home and it just would run away. So like they just. The owners just let it go astray because they wouldn't stay home anyways and it was fine. Like the thing like would kill deer and whatever. Like it's a freaking beast when you're.

[B]

When you told me.

[D]

Dude, go on.

[A]

Go on.

[D]

Go on Facebook.

[C]

Something off here.

[D]

No, Go on Facebook and look it up. Don't like it.

[B]

Kills deer. Do you know how fast a deer.

[D]

What is this thing? Look at this. I'm gonna show you. They'll, like, go against bears.

[C]

Dude, I'm trying.

[D]

No, it's not.

[C]

It is not going against bears.

[B]

Footage of this.

[D]

There's videos all over the Internet of these things against bears.

[A]

What is it called? A great pawanese.

[D]

Yeah, they'll just stand up against bears. Like, it's in their nature. So, like, they're usually to protect, like, chicken and sheep and stuff like that.

[C]

I just don't know if I can believe a word out of this guy's mouth. This dog is killing. Look at deer surviving off of deer.

[D]

He's not gonna kill a bear, but gonna fight it. Look it.

[B]

They just barking at it, and the bear's backing down.

[D]

Yeah, it's kind of cool.

[B]

They just don't run away.

[D]

Gets right up to it.

[B]

It's pretty badass, not gonna lie.

[A]

No, I believe I was hanging out with Jake and. What's the dog's name?

[D]

Khaleesi.

[A]

Khaleesi. And I believe that it was wild when you were, like. Yeah, I don't know how it does with, like, other dogs and. And. But, yeah, she gets pretty rowdy when she sees, like, deer and stuff. And then she saw some deer and pretty much almost ripped you to the ground.

[B]

Yeah, like assassin. No, you don't understand.

[D]

I was, like, walking her, and she just drugged me. Like, you cannot. Like, she'll pull you around. Like, you are not pulling her around.

[A]

Yeah, and she, like, you know, wasn't, I guess, trained in that aspect. Like, you're not just, like, killer. No, whatever. And, dude, she was just, like, pulling you literally across the lawn.

[D]

Yeah, she's like, we're going to get that thing. I was like, no, we're not. And I just didn't have a choice.

[B]

Should have just unhooked it.

[D]

Yeah, no, let it murk the deer.

[B]

I want to see that.

[C]

I want to see it, too.

[D]

It would be cool.

[B]

How fast is this dog? How fast is this dog?

[C]

Dude, I'm just trying to.

[D]

They're fast. Like, when they want to go, they. They go. They're huge. Think about, like, they're just a giant muscle.

[A]

The way I look at it, yes, deer are faster than dogs, but deer are also stupider than dogs.

[B]

They definitely are. Deer are so stupid.

[A]

So stupid.

[C]

So stupid.

[B]

Possibly the dumbest animals you Know what's.

[A]

Crazy is that white tailed deer are like, really stupid. And then you get into the, you know, around Idaho and Montana and whatnot. The mule deer are twice as stupid as whitetails, which just, I don't know, it's concerning.

[B]

I mean, the fucking deer around here, they will run into the side of your car.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like run into the side of your car.

[A]

But then their buddies across the road already, so they're like, ah, I gotta, I gotta go. And then run into the side of your car.

[B]

That's happened to me twice.

[A]

It happened to Ken in town, in.

[E]

In the city.

[D]

Do you guys remember when I didn't have a vehicle so I was driving my mom's outback and then I blew it up and.

[A]

Which one?

[B]

Yes, I do. I remember in Fargo.

[D]

So I blew up that outback. So I didn't have a car. And so neither did your mom. Yeah. So I drove her black car.

[C]

Jake was such a little dick. Dude, steal his mom's and then blow that up.

[D]

So I was driving her blackout back, which she was like, okay, don't crash it or don't blow it up. Like, I need a vehicle.

[A]

I'll just put competition subs in it instead.

[D]

Yeah, so I did. That's what I did.

[B]

With competition subs in your mom that she loaned you.

[C]

You were driving your mom's car. Car for two weeks.

[B]

Starts flexing the windshield, through concretes, the back seat.

[D]

So anyways, I'm driving this car home one night and I get rear ended by a deer. Like I'm talking, I'm like, what I just hit? She's like, that day, she's like, okay, just don't crash it. Like, I just need a car. So I'm at the stop sign at the Roadhouse and I just hear wham. And I'm like, what is this? I get out, huge dent in the back bumper. And I'm like, how am I going to explain. Explain this.

[B]

So she.

[D]

I'm gonna come up with the most actual story that happened. I was sitting at a stoplight and got reentered by a deer. And she's not going to believe it for a second because of everything I've done in the past. The only thing I got away with in the crack, it was deer hair all the way around.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I got rear ended by a deer. So I got like, lucky. I just have bad luck with vehicles.

[E]

You also put that car in the ditch, like pretty far on purpose a lot.

[B]

Yeah, that thing was a beast. I'm not.

[D]

Dude, it was Awesome.

[B]

I remember that video's still on YouTube. I don't know what the name of it is, but you were hooning that Subaru parking in my former high school parking lot in Davies High School.

[C]

Was that the same video that he blew up? The white one and then.

[D]

That is. The car blew it up.

[B]

And then we towed it back to the college house. And then another Subaru.

[C]

Boom, boom. Didn't we make a song about that?

[B]

Can we pull this up?

[D]

Can we play it?

[C]

Oh, we got rid of our fighter TV or something like.

[D]

Okay, we're going to go find it right now. Oh, Jake blew up his. Jake blew up his Subaru Drifted.

[A]

Boom. It's in the title.

[D]

My car just blew up. We got to get back to the video.

[C]

What the hell was that? Classic. What?

[D]

That's on the Internet, dude.

[C]

What made us go, yo, we should write like a. Like a. Yeah, like.

[E]

Like a little.

[D]

Like a. What is it called?

[C]

I. I'm trying to think. Like a little riff, man.

[A]

Calls it a hit.

[D]

No, a chorus group. Like a.

[A]

Like a men's barber shop quartet. Yeah, that's what it was.

[D]

Dude, that video is about to go up. 200, 000.

[B]

We posted that in 2017. November 10th. Wow.

[C]

Crazy. Simpler times.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Simpler times, man.

[A]

That was good times, dude. That Subaru was a tank. I always remember when we were out on the ice with it, and you, like, you really drove it like you stole it. You drove it like you stole the.

[D]

Car from remorse, dude.

[A]

And I remember we had buddy Blake in the back and you said. And he was. I don't know. He was always so terrified of the. The statement Burnhamdale. Like, it was. It was weird. Like, that's. It's fun to say, but, you know, he knew that when someone said that was about to get real, and you were like, burn them down. And he was like, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. No. And I'm like, dude, we're not gonna die. He's like, we could roll. We could go through the ice. He said, Burnham, Dale.

[C]

Was that the night that that guy in that Jeep.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Started chasing us. And he chased us all the way back to Dave's compound. And then we were like, bobbing and weaving at Dave's compound.

[D]

Yes, dude.

[E]

I, like, hid behind the cornrow, watch him drive by.

[A]

And Ryan, what the hell was that about? Drunk ice fisherman, bald tires on in his tc over a hundred down the road. Your shop is on right now, and he's still on his tail. 2002 Gold Jeep Grand Cherokee. Those were the Times where we were like, dude, we're in. This is the craziest night of our life.

[C]

Well, that was just straight for the love of it.

[D]

Yeah, I wouldn't do that now. Like, that. That was, like, the reckless fun.

[C]

No, I think there's a ton of stuff that I. I look back at that we did back then, and, like, what the hell were we doing?

[B]

So stupid. So fun, though.

[C]

I was asked about this yesterday if we would ever do another slip and slide, you know?

[D]

I know. It's funny the amount of people that are like, are you guys doing the slip and slide this year? And then they'll hit me with, I missed the one last year. I'm like, no, you didn't. Because we haven't done it in, like, 10 years.

[A]

No, I got that too. And they're like, you still. Yeah, same thing. You doing the slip and slide. And I was just like, are you really behind or did I miss the last. Yeah, yeah, no, that'd be fun to do again.

[D]

I kind of got kibosh when that chick stood on my dad's plane.

[B]

I remember that.

[D]

And then she posted it on Instagram.

[B]

Twitter. I thought Twitter.

[E]

Twitter.

[D]

No, it's Twitter.

[E]

It was Twitter.

[C]

And then your dad stood on Dave's plane.

[D]

Yeah, she, like, stood on the hood of it, which.

[C]

How did she even get up there?

[B]

Dude, climbed.

[D]

Climbed up. So there's, like, a wheel you can stand on. So then you can get on the top where you can check the oil well, as you can also just lift your. Yourself up there. Well, crazy story, right? So, like, there's an airplane sitting in the yard, right? So your first obvious thing is like, yeah, I'm gonna stand on an airplane that's not mine and take a picture and just. Spider, fiberglass hood. And then when we, like, sent pictures to her parents, we're like, hey, just letting you know, like, your daughter, like, stood on this plane, and Dave wasn't gonna, like, make him pay for it or anything. But then they're like, how do you know it was her? We sent him a picture of her standing on it. And they're like, how do you know she fiberglassed it? Could have been someone else standing on it. And we're like, who just stands on an airplane? Like, I've never seen anyone in my life just like, yeah, I'm gonna go stand on that.

[C]

I would have dumped.

[A]

Which I didn't even understand it. I didn't understand at the time either. I'm like, okay, so, like, what happened? And you're like, you Got to get the whole thing, like, reinspected, you know.

[D]

You can't just, like, can't patch it up.

[B]

It's an airplane fly airplane. That's not safe or not ready. I remember there was the big Twitter fight, though. Your dad was just like, chirping her on Twitter. Then she was turbing back and it was like a war, dude.

[D]

Keyboard worrying at its finest voice. I love that.

[C]

I don't remember that part.

[B]

I do, I do. I think then it just got out of hand and Dave just deleted everything. Just said it. That's when it comes down to just owning up. Yeah.

[D]

Just say, sorry, I did it. I'm a kid, whatever. And he would have been like, listen, I got it. Whatever.

[A]

But I know, like, if you fart at the bar, just own up.

[B]

Yeah, dude, I did.

[D]

No, you did. You didn't turn around and say, sorry.

[A]

Everyone else, the story is funny is because you never did. Which, honestly, I don't know if I would have either, but it was a lot.

[B]

Okay. It's just a tough night.

[D]

I hate talking about it because I literally ask you guys so much, but I'm guessing everyone else curious too. When's the drift track gonna be done?

[C]

Man, We've actually pulled the trigger on, like, having the guy come out and just doing it and just doing it. And he's said that he was gonna be there on Monday.

[A]

The last three Mondays, dude.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What the this guy doing? Like, I keep hearing like, yeah, it's starting this week. I'm like, nice. And then I go over to the farm. I'm like, where. Where is this guy? Does he show up at 3 o' clock in the afternoon or what?

[A]

I feel, like, dumb. And also here, like, I just feel dumb that like. Like no one knows.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I almost wonder if it's a situation where it's like, he's taking care of it. No, he's taking care of it. And then really no one's taking care of it. And it's a. At a complete standstill. Like, who is taking care of this? I'll take care of it.

[D]

Give me a credit card. I'll take care of it.

[C]

So, yeah, I think it's gimme 200 grand. 250 grand.

[B]

250 grand. Like, I don't. I guess we could probably put that on credit card, be some good points. But we do it for the points.

[C]

Get a lot of points. That would be good.

[E]

2500 bucks in points.

[D]

Ken's just rolling through his cards like, this one's got 1%.

[B]

It's a lot of dough to slide some cars around, but it'll be 100 worth.

[A]

But no. Yeah, we're ready for it. And that's. I guess I keep telling people that. Yeah. What's the drift track looking like? And I hate saying it's in the works. It's like the same gig with my Subaru. How's your Subaru? Yeah, it's. It's in the works.

[C]

It's tough because, you know, every single thing that we do, we try and do internally because we bang it out.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Right. All of our projects are like, well, we could send it off and then the wrenches would have more time to do whatever. Or we could have them do it, and it would take like, a quarter of the time. Right. Because we're efficient.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Bang this shit out because we have to. That's the issue with the drift track. We ain't out there laying asphalt.

[D]

No. You don't got a paver.

[C]

We don't have a paper. Exactly. And so we're kind of just at, like, the mercy of whenever he comes and does it. But.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

It's supposed to be the other way around. You know, like, we were, like, sick. You know what? We're just going to have them from here on out, take over and finish it.

[B]

Yeah. I thought that was the quickest option.

[A]

Same.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know. But it's. We were just actually talking about this earlier of, like, is it worth doing concrete and having it last a little bit longer if we're gonna do it. But then it's like, it'd probably be like, 600 grand worth.

[B]

Not worth it.

[C]

Like 600 grand.

[D]

You can do a lot with, you.

[C]

Know, how many videos of sliding around we'd have to do to make that make sense.

[D]

It just does. The thing that I'm pumped about is it's not only a drift track. I'm excited for shifter cards on it.

[A]

It's everything. It really is. But what worries me about the difference between asphalt and concrete and why I'm on the asphalt side is because if it were concrete, I would say we'd actually have to, like, get the blueprints of a legitimate drift track. You know, like, we. We went out there, and I love it, and it's perfect, and you did a great job, like, laying it out, but since it's asphalt, we're just not out so much if, like, the turn one isn't perfect and. Right.

[C]

Yeah. You could always just add on to it. You could do concrete Too. But yeah, I don't know. I feel like, you know, we're balling on a budget over here.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

250 grand to slide around cars is ridiculous.

[B]

More than so imagine you're gonna be.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Running the devil here, but blowing up motors. Yeah. Crashing cars into trees. Like, but it's sweet that it's gonna be a lot of fun.

[C]

It's like Mike buying the skate park. We're just building like the coolest compound ever. And I feel like that's just part of it.

[B]

It's an expensive project that is going to stay expensive. Drifting is so expensive of a.

[D]

Of a hobby, as you're telling me.

[B]

Dude, I don't know if is there much more expensive. Obviously there's racing, like, cars and.

[A]

But like, yeah, I think like, drag racing is like the most expensive just because you spend so much money on the motor. But like, drift racing's got to be.

[D]

Dude, you're going to the track spending a thousand dollars minimum right away just in tires.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And now that is insane. Entry fees and like, my motor's already.

[E]

Hurting and smoke and fix anything you break every week.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I really appreciate you guys just forking over the dough, building me a private track that I can practice on anytime I want to.

[B]

You got to get mufflers.

[A]

I got them.

[B]

I got stock mufflers. Back.

[C]

Back on.

[D]

No, I got.

[B]

Really.

[D]

I want to quiet it. They're gonna be quiet.

[B]

It has to be because otherwise the neighbors are going to.

[A]

Yeah, he got him.

[B]

I got him.

[D]

If it's not quiet enough, I will make it quieter.

[A]

All right then. Hard hitting question about the track. Since I've gotten this so much, like, what does it look like for?

[C]

It's not a track. It's a curvy driveway.

[A]

Okay, well, that, that might even change my question a little bit. So many people are like, all right, you're going to build this drift track. Like, is it going to be private forever?

[B]

Yes, probably, bro.

[C]

You think that.

[B]

And also you think that we're going.

[C]

To like, start hosting, like, events on Saturdays? I could see you actually being into that.

[A]

Yeah, that's why I had to ask. I mean, I'm like, so defeated over here. No, I'm not trying to, like, host an event every weekend because, like, I mean, screw that. Like, honestly, if I was that into it, I would have already done it on the dirt bike track. I'm talking like one a year or something. Like, like, we have what we have. And. And I just want like, I'm not saying like, yeah, it's gonna be this free for all. Yeah. Come pay 250 and then you're good. You can just drift all weekend. No, I'm just, like, talking, like, one event a year where we, like. I don't know.

[C]

Right. No, I see what you're saying, and I shouldn't say never. We probably will, honestly. We probably be really cool, I think. But it's not as far as, like, an open track.

[A]

It'd still be private. We could call up 10 of our closest drift buddies. I know we'd probably talk to Jake for that, but, like, we could do some fun shit, man. Jake's buddy, Cody Buchanan, he's an fd, like, as of this year. It's just. He's just insane. And it'd be fun to have them.

[B]

Formula Drift, dude.

[C]

I was driving his 350Z that he's got, you know, fully drift converted. And I was coming from the hoonicorn to the 350Z.

[A]

Oh, you drove the Missile? Yeah. Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So it was, like, kind of like. It's like the easiest drift car to kind of learn.

[D]

Yeah, it's just, like, the best entry level, Perfect setup. Right.

[C]

Dude, it felt like I was hopping in a. A refined Bugatti.

[A]

Right.

[C]

It just drives itself going from the Unicorn. Like, you haven't drove it, have you? Like, you didn't drift it. Well, I guess you did way back. Yeah, but before we got everything more dialed in. But, like, dude, I was. I was working for it the entire time. Like, you're, like, grabbing as much E brake as you can to lock them up, and the E brake kind of sucks. And, like, you're giving as much power as you can because the thing doesn't have much power. And he's spinning these huge ass tires and then hopping in, like, an actual drift car. I was like, dude, this is insane.

[D]

It's a lot of fun.

[A]

Yeah. Every time I drive that stock Z, I'm like, about a stock Z. Dude.

[D]

Every time I hang out with those guys, they're like, micah, sell this car yet? Because he should.

[B]

Dude, everyone's talking on that.

[A]

Everyone.

[B]

It maybe is time to get rid of it. What do you.

[A]

They actually. Well, then I actually. So again, Cody, he's in fd, so he's, like, at a drift event pretty much every weekend or did 11 weekends in a row. And then he's just like, bro, why haven't you brought. So the plan is to take the turbo off. Everyone's like, don't take the turbo off. That's lamest. That's Cheeto.

[B]

But I'm like, Evan said that?

[A]

Yeah, I just want to, like, make it work. And then anyway, he's like, why haven't you dropped your car off yet? And I was like, oh, I thought you were busy, man. So I am just gonna drop it off and say, do the things, man.

[C]

I think you just start fresh.

[D]

Yeah. They were more so talking apart, like, if you were to. How much you like, let's say you paid 30 grand. Or you're all in that car for 30. He's like, if he would have given me 30 grand, I could have built him the nastiest car of all time.

[A]

No, I absolutely, like, messed up. I made a mistake. I bought a surround from China and it never came.

[C]

Yeah, Mike actually kind of been through it, dude.

[B]

Mike.

[A]

Yeah. That's why I don't have a supercar.

[B]

It's part of being in the game, though. It's part of being in the game of spending money.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Sometimes it's going to work out, sometimes it's not. More time, we learn. More times the other way for you.

[A]

We live and we learn. Actually, that is the. Still the best advice I could give. Like, if you want to just buy a stock Z and if you got extra money, buy a stock C6. You know what so much is of the new Z's?

[C]

I do that scared money don't make money. No, that's right.

[A]

And my money don't make money either, no matter how I spend it.

[B]

You make money, though, Mike.

[A]

I make money. But I'm saying the way I spend it doesn't make.

[E]

No, I don't think it goes out.

[B]

Dude, your drift car is a gift that keeps on giving.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Think about how much funny content we have when, you know, we go to drive cars and then you turn your key. It's like smoking.

[A]

Like. Like, think how much of a hard time he gave Ryan for his Hummer. And it actually, like, Ryan's Hummer made more content than, I swear, any vehicle on the channel.

[B]

I wouldn't say any vehicle, but it made a lot of content. Made a lot of content. Well, the best.

[A]

Like, what? What? I mean, what made more, I guess.

[D]

I mean, tiny trucks or.

[B]

We've made a lot of stuff. But the best part about Ryan's Hummer was he was like, I was buying a raptor around the same time that he was like, I'm going to buy this Hummer. And he was kind of like, you're gonna buy this raptor, it's gonna depreciate like, 20 grand. Or 10 grand, whatever. You're gonna lose all this money. I'm just gonna buy this over here. I buy the Raptor, he buys the Hummer. Hummer just sucks. He lost a bunch of money on it and ended up buying, like, a TRX right after that.

[D]

Ryan. I can't believe he said that because he's the guy that bought a TRX, sold it, lost money, bought the Z01, sold it, bought a TRX again, and now he's out like 50k. He could have just had that wrapped.

[C]

Exactly. Again.

[B]

Ye more so trying to just be a good friend and look out for me. Like, listen, dude, I've bought a new truck every. Every, you know, fall to prepare for winter, and I sell it in the spring and I lose, like, 20 grand. I'm done doing that. I'm buying an older vehicle that's already depreciated. I'm going to drive it and just get around. And then it just couldn't get him around. It just couldn't get him around.

[C]

Yeah. But it was the gift that kept on getting.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

I love it. I absolutely love it when you go out on a whim and buy something and when Ryan does the same and then it turns out to just be, like a character in itself, man. And I think that's something that we do really good at is like, you know, capitalizing on moments like that where we can, like, lean in on it kind of at your expense or at Ryan's expense. But it's just so funny every time it is.

[A]

And it's like, it's worth it straight up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never felt like, besides quite literally getting scammed on the E Bike, I've never felt like my purchase has just been not worth it.

[E]

It.

[A]

No, they're ever.

[C]

And that's. That's. That's kind of just taking, like, lemons, making it into lemonade. You know, you are kind of getting screwed over by buying a piece of that or getting scammed. But luckily we have this platform that you can kind of capitalize and then make some of your money back.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

Works out really good for us because we didn't spend any money.

[D]

It's free content.

[B]

It really is the best, though, because you're actually doing it too. Like, it's not like you did it for a video. Like, when you, like, with Ryan's armor, like, he didn't think it was going to make any. Any content or, like, just do it. Like, you know, you just kind of buy these things for yourself, and then it just, like when they naturally become content. Those are the best segments. Like, it wasn't like this plan. Like, I look at the board and. And we. We go. We're gonna water. Skip the R1. It's like, okay, we had this planned, and we got the thing ready and went and did it. It was just like you were just doing it. We're like, oh, grab the camera real quick, and then just go for. From there.

[C]

Don't stop spending that money.

[E]

Recklessly blowing money.

[C]

I love it. All right, well, I think that was a great podcast, boys.

[B]

Yeah, perfect.

[C]

Thanks for coming on, Jake. Appreciate you as always.

[D]

Thank you for having me, boys.

[B]

I love babies.

[C]

Buy some bombs. And if. And if you need your lawn seated, Jake's gonna bring back his binder and button up and, you know, he might.

[D]

Get you a quote.

[B]

That's it?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're handing out quotes.

[D]

Just get him a quote.

[A]

Quote.

[C]

All right, we'll see you guys next week. Peace.

[D]

Thanks, boys.