Evan On His Dream of Starting an OnlyFans, His Bad First Date, and Micah Becoming Amish

Summary

Podcast Summary: Life Wide Open with CboysTV

Episode: Evan On His Dream of Starting an OnlyFans, His Bad First Date, and Micah Becoming Amish
Date: May 9, 2023

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Episode Overview

This week, the CboysTV crew dives into their classic blend of chaotic humor, personal stories, and group banter. The episode centers around Micah (a.k.a. Tint) showing up in full Amish getup, a wild first date story from Evan (complete with parental interruptions), and an extended, hilarious conversation about Evan’s controversial dream of starting an OnlyFans. Along the way, the boys introduce Nikki (Evan’s girlfriend), discuss wild family moments, hot yoga, mishaps with trucks, and a brand-new triathlon challenge—with high tattoo stakes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Micah’s Amish Persona & Amish Culture

00:43 – 05:51

• Micah arrives dressed as “Amish Mike,” sparking friendly roasting about his beard, clothes, and the backstory about an actual Amish fan gifting him a signed hat.
• CJ: “Can you imagine the first time you get on the Internet, you go on YouTube and we pop up... and you find out we’re pretty much your neighbor?” (02:43)
• Discussion about the cultural shock for Amish leaving their colonies, some traditions (like hiring outsiders to diversify genetics), and the practicality of “murdered out” Amish buggies with tinted windows.

Notable Quotes

• Tint: “I’ve been called Amish Mike before. It’s mostly the beard, but probably some mannerisms...” (01:14)
• Ryan: “Be pretty awkward... I guess they watch you do it.” (04:49)

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2. Unbelievable Accomplishments of a Blind Graduate

06:34 – 13:46

• The boys recount attending CJ’s sister’s graduation, where they were blown away by a blind woman’s achievements: running marathons, a master’s degree, acupuncturist, winning gold at Paralympics/Special Olympics.
• This segment is peppered with awe, edgy jokes, and a grandpa Ron anecdote about meeting the graduate.
• CJ: “She’s run, like, eight marathons... a master’s in accounting. And now she is an acupuncturist. She was an Olympian...” (08:39–12:15)

Notable Moment

• CJ to Grandpa Ron: “You think we’re going to hell if we do this prank?” (10:02)
• Ryan: “Did you try to get her to flinch?” (11:43)

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3. Hasbulla Conspiracy Theory & Internet Fame

14:14 – 17:31

• Mike: Unveils his (joking) conspiracy that Russian social media star Hasbulla is a spy. (14:14)
• The group riffs on Hasbulla’s fame, notoriety, and inability to blend in—Plus his “cancelation” controversy over hitting his cat.
• Ryan: “Can’t be canceled when you’re Hasbulla.” (17:26)

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4. Adventures and Mishaps: From Hot Yoga to Driving Disasters

17:34 – 25:08

• Ryan: Details his lonely trip to hot yoga after friends bailed; admits the workout is brutal and humbling for balance.
• 18:22: “Very hard. I couldn’t breathe... I kept saying, ‘breathe through your nose’... I couldn’t breathe.”
• Chat about goat yoga, paddleboard yoga, and the difficulties of maintaining balance.
• Quick pivot to disastrous winter driving—mangled interstate cables, frequent trips to the ditch, Tint’s pizza delivery gone wrong (locking his keys and phone in his running car while stuck in a ditch).

Notable Quotes

• Tint: “I started using my snowboard as a shovel... then locked the doors—with the car in drive.” (23:53)
• Evan: “Can you imagine? The hot pizzas getting cold...” (24:01)

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5. Audience Cameos: Evan & Nikki’s Relationship (and Evan’s Gas)

26:28 – 27:53

• Nikki, Evan’s girlfriend, joins.
• Ryan: Asks Nikki how she tolerates Evan’s gas: “I can’t imagine sleeping in the same room as him.” (27:07)
• Nikki: “There’s been times where I have gagged. I need to leave the room.” (27:15)
• Laughter and stories about Evan’s diet, bodily habits, and whether changing his diet helps (it doesn’t).

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6. The Origin and Folly of Evan and Nikki: First Dates & Awkward Moments

29:03 – 33:15

• Evan recaps how he slid into Nikki’s DMs (“just tossed some emojis out there”—29:49), their first snowmobiling date (Evan’s sled breaking down), and the almost-perfect night ending with Evan’s dad showing up unexpectedly.
• Nikki: “I walked around the corner, just standing there. I was like, ‘Who’s here?’” (32:06)
• The group jokes about awkward first impressions with parents and "what ifs" with surprise guests.

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7. The OnlyFans Dream: Evan’s Ambitions & Nikki’s Limits

33:15 – 41:16

• The gang teases Evan about rumors of “the hog,” embellished pictures, and Evan’s repeated “begging” Nikki to do OnlyFans with him.
• Ryan: “Would you be fine if I [did OnlyFans]?...I feel like it’s probably more dudes would be on there buying content.” (35:07)
• Nikki: “Rather sell pictures... of my feet.” (34:59)
• Jokes about the economics and analytics of male content creators, “dude buyers,” hypothetical OnlyFans strategies, and selling used clothes.

Notable Moments

• Evan: “Jerk off with Cheese Whiz? If that's what the people want...” (36:26)
• CJ: “We send a call center in India a pair of Evan’s dungaroos.” (40:15)

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8. Hygiene Wars: Showering, Smell, and Crew Roasts

41:16 – 45:08

• Debate over who is the stinkiest in the group (Ryan “wins”).
• Nikki and others discuss gifting cologne, deodorant, and the “message” that sends.
• Tint: “Ryan smells twice as bad as Evan... That was mean to even say.” (43:11)
• Humor about gift-giving with hidden motives: “Is that why Greta gave me a treadmill for my birthday?” (44:28)

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9. The 30-Day Triathlon Challenge

46:04 – 57:16

• Evan and Ryan plan a 30-day challenge: starting with a weigh-in, then competing in a mini-triathlon or multi-event physical challenge, with real stakes—loser gets the winner’s name tattooed anywhere of their choosing.
• Ryan: “How about this? You have to get the other person’s name tattooed on you, but they get to choose—or you get to choose where it goes.” (48:31)
• Suggestions for pull-ups, running, swimming, IQ tests, and even selling dirty socks to confuse drug-sniffing dogs.
• Jokes about tracking with Apple Watches (“I’m not wearing an Apple watch.” – 50:47; “All those things do is make lazy people feel like they did something.” – 50:53)
• CJ: “Everything we’ve done is for life—it’s on the Internet now. So what’s a tattoo?” (49:16)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Can you imagine the first time you get on the Internet and you go on YouTube and we pop up... and you find out we’re pretty much your neighbor?” – CJ (02:43)

“There’s been times where I have gagged. I need to leave the room.” – Nikki (27:15)

“Jerk off with Cheese Whiz? If that’s what the people want. I’ll invite Waffles over. We’ll get weird.” – Evan (36:26)

“Ryan smells twice as bad as Evan... That was mean to even say.” – Tint (43:11)

“How about this? You have to get the other person’s name tattooed on you, but they get to choose—or you get to choose where it goes.” – Ryan (48:31)

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Important Timestamps

• Amish Mike & Amish stories: 00:43–05:51
• Blind graduate’s accomplishments: 06:34–13:46
• Hasbulla “Russian spy” theory: 14:14–17:31
• Hot yoga & driving stories: 17:34–25:08
• Evan & Nikki on dating/gas: 26:28–27:53
• Evan’s first date with Nikki: 29:03–33:15
• OnlyFans debate: 33:15–41:16
• Hygiene/showering roast: 41:16–45:08
• 30-Day Triathlon Challenge: 46:04–57:16

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Tone & Language

The episode is casual, irreverent, and full of inside jokes and group razzing—a hallmark of the CboysTV dynamic. Expect playful banter, self-deprecating humor, and a blend of raunchy and wholesome moments, all in the group’s authentic Midwestern style.

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For Listeners

This episode offers an entertaining window into the lives and minds of CboysTV—covering everything from community quirks and relationship drama to wild bets and the never-ending quest for viral content. Anchored by memorable quotes and group chemistry, it’s a must-listen for fans of chaos, humor, and heartfelt moments.

Transcript

[Mike]

Dude, I love Saturdays. I actually, for the first time in my life, have kind of gotten into this. Like, I kind of get sad when it's Sunday night, because I love now that it's nice out, all of our friends come back around. We got Mark and Tant. We got the. Some of the girlfriends here. We got different people texting you, asking to roll through. It's just. It's nice. It feels good.

[CJ]

It's a full crowd today.

[Ryan]

I. I think on Thursdays, when I'm grinding, grinding out, editing the video, I'm like, soon as this is done, like, I'm actually working for the weekend now. I'm like, where? The weekend's gonna come around. We're gonna do some fun stuff.

[CJ]

We'll film.

[Ryan]

We'll have our friends come out, you know, whatever. Mike, what's going on, though? We're dropping you off at Colony after this.

[Tint]

Yeah, the Amish.

[CJ]

I was gonna say, are we gonna address the Amish in the room?

[Tint]

Can you imagine if I was just like, no, this is just actually how I would addressed before we had a YouTube channel before I met you guys.

[CJ]

Can you get a. Can you stand up so we can get, like, a full body?

[Ryan]

You got to see his shoes and everything. I mean, you won't be able to do it.

[CJ]

Go stand in front of me. Go stand in front of me, and I'll take a video.

[Ryan]

This is all the more reason to watch on YouTube, guys.

[Mike]

My God.

[Ryan]

Damn, dude.

[CJ]

You know, it's amazing, too, because you have this outfit in your closet, I think.

[Tint]

Yeah, it was the hat that was the cherry on top. So before this, I'd been called Amish Mike before, and it's mostly the beard, but probably some mannerisms and maybe the way I dress at some points. But Peter, who came to our snowmobile meetup, who used to be Amish, and now he.

[Ryan]

What's his subscriber?

[Mike]

What's his last name? Yodel, or something like that.

[Tint]

He stopped by and he was just like, yeah, I'm on my way to Staples and I'm headed to work. And he. He's just. He's a big fan. He came and chatted with us and gave us this hat that you guys actually signed. I. I didn't get a chance.

[CJ]

Oh, that's the sign back.

[Ryan]

Back at that.

[CJ]

So.

[Ryan]

So we met Peter two years ago at one of our snowmobile rideouts. He pulled up, and he basically just kind of started chatting to us, and he's like, yeah, I just left. It was my Colony like. Like a couple months or three, four months, I don't know, a while ago. And he, you know, is just now becoming aware of the entire world and. And started watching YouTube videos and came across our videos, and he really liked them. And he came to our, you know, meetup basically, and it was just very fascinating. I was asking him so many questions. He's probably getting annoyed, but it was just very interesting. So fast forward a year and a half later. He just pulled up on us at the shop one day. I'm just like, hey, what's going on? Just pulled up, started chatting, hung for an hour, and then he left. But right before he left, he gave Mike that hat. Because he said, well, he didn't give.

[Tint]

It personally to me.

[Ryan]

He said, mike, but you imagine have a little bit of Amish in you. Yeah, I can see it. And you need to have this hat.

[CJ]

Yeah, dude. Can you imagine the first time you get on the Internet and you go on YouTube and we pop up, you watch a couple of our videos and you find out that we're pretty much your neighbor. You're like, holy shit. This is what's been going on outside of our community.

[Ryan]

So much stuff. You would be like, it'd be like traveling to the future.

[Tint]

Yeah.

[CJ]

You would not.

[Tint]

It's honestly got to be the closest thing to time travel.

[Ryan]

Ac you got phones, Internet. You call people. Like, there's so much information you would have to learn. They definitely don't have.

[CJ]

Do they not have any kind of electricity, though?

[Tint]

Some do, some don't.

[Ryan]

Mike, you shouldn't have your watch on, though, for this if you're going to be Amish. Got a digital.

[Mike]

Pocket watch.

[Tint]

So, yeah, now I'm. Now I'm Amish.

[CJ]

You look good. It fits you.

[Tint]

That's why I got excited. Everyone's like, why'd you put that on? I'm like, I don't. Things. Things happened, and now we're here.

[Ryan]

I think next time we go to Vegas, you should walk around like that, convince people that you look.

[Tint]

Dude, that's what I was saying. If we went somewhere not here, like, we could just. You could just tell people that I'm Amish, and, like, in a sense, I could act however I want.

[Ryan]

Your beard's a little too groomed, though.

[Tint]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

You have to get scruffy.

[CJ]

I can do that dragly with it.

[Tint]

10.

[CJ]

Didn't the Amish try getting you to come in and do some things with their women to get your jeans?

[Tint]

I don't know anymore.

[Ryan]

Mark did it. Yeah, apparently so. In some of these colonies, it Was you though, wasn't it? No. Didn't they pay you? They paid you $5,000 on my truck. So apparently sometimes in those Amish colonies they get to interbred, you know, so they will pay outsiders like Tint to come in and knock up one of their women or their daughter or whatever. And then Tint leaves and I think.

[Mike]

Buys new wheels for his truck.

[Ryan]

Yeah, he goes and buys new wheels for his truck.

[Tint]

And I think the one thing that.

[Ryan]

Amish kids running around, the one thing.

[Tint]

That gets twisted about that is that it, like, it seemed to some people it might sound like a fun experience, but I'm pretty sure it's probably one of the worst things ever.

[Ryan]

God. Be pretty awkward. I guess they watch you do it. Yeah, I don't.

[Tint]

Stuff like that. That's what I mean. It's like. It's very cut and dry to a.

[Mike]

T. I feel like it's kind of gotta be. Yeah, you can't be like picking her up and taking her out to Applebee's.

[CJ]

And stuff like that. I feel like Evan would do it without getting paid. He goes, hold on. Tinker page. That's right, 10. Which ones are your kids? We show up and the whole Amish community and then there's just one shop. That's a tint shop. There's tent, horse and buggies. It's gotta be it.

[Evan]

Can you imagine?

[Tint]

Like his profession is just in his genes.

[Mike]

It's in his name, dude. His bloodline.

[CJ]

The tinted.

[Tint]

I'm not gonna lie, I love the idea of tinting the windows on a buggy, though. I don't think they have them, but.

[Mike]

No, some of them are bad.

[Tint]

Sweet. Or they're tinted.

[Mike]

Yeah, they're like murdered out. And you got a big black horse running down the road and then a blacked out buggy.

[Tint]

That's pretty sick.

[Mike]

It's.

[CJ]

Yeah, it's hot as shit in there. So obviously they're. In the summer, they're trying to keep the sun out.

[Tint]

I guess I got American forces on it. Yeah, enough about that. Other like. Other than that, I don't know a whole lot about. My grandpa used to take me there to buy meat to the Amish community.

[Mike]

That's.

[CJ]

Oh, dude, Grandpa Ron loves the Amish. We actually should have Gotterites.

[Tint]

Yeah, the Hutterites. And that's a little different. They're Amish, but they use electricity, which. I don't know how that works.

[Ryan]

But yeah, he goes over there and, you know, like sit with them and they treat him very well. At least the way he tells us. Yeah.

[CJ]

You imagine Grandpa Ron, he rolls in.

[Ryan]

There, he says that they have the strongest wine. You got to be careful. You can't offend them and not drink it.

[Tint]

That's true.

[Mike]

So he just goes up there.

[CJ]

He said he's had some pretty wild nights.

[Ryan]

Yeah, at the a. Yeah. And then he drives. Or then he gets taken home. Grand brings him home.

[CJ]

Dude. Actually, speaking of grand, it's made me think of it. Okay, so a couple weekends ago, me and CJ took our grandparents to my sister's graduation. She was graduating from chiropractic school. So we're sitting through the whole. The whole ceremony and everything, and. And there was this lady that was asked to be, like, the speaker that was graduating as well, and she was blind. And. Well, she was graduating from acupuncture school. She was blind. And they started. They started telling her accurate.

[Mike]

Hold up now.

[CJ]

Yeah, just.

[Tint]

Who's laughing?

[Ryan]

I promise you guys, just.

[CJ]

Just wait.

[Ryan]

Ken would vouch for it because he was there. He was there to be there because. Drove.

[CJ]

Okay, so this. This blind lady was graduating as an acupuncture.

[Ryan]

Back.

[Mike]

Wild right now.

[Ryan]

What?

[Mike]

Just wait.

[CJ]

Just wait. It gets even crazier, right? And they start, like, saying, you know, everything that she's done, this lady has ran. I want to say, eight marathons.

[Tint]

Wow.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[CJ]

What, like, doesn't even see shapes? Like, doesn't see any shadows or anything. Completely blind. She's ran marathons. She has gotten, I want to say her masters in accounting. Yeah.

[Ryan]

I swear to God. I swear to God. I'm lying or she's lying. No, I don't think she's lying. The school went up and talked about it.

[CJ]

I get.

[Ryan]

I bet we could look her up.

[Mike]

What do you think the school said when she walked in the doors with her blindness?

[Ryan]

She's accomplished.

[Mike]

Hey, I want to work with needles. I want to stab people with needles.

[CJ]

Well, they maybe said, are you sure this is the best idea? But no, I mean, dude, if she's running marathons.

[Ryan]

Yes. Well, she has help, I think, with people.

[Mike]

I don't know what she's doing just, like, based on memory or she's got someone who runs with her.

[CJ]

I don't know.

[Ryan]

But okay.

[CJ]

She came up and spoke. She came up and spoke, and then here comes. She had this full speech. I was just talking about the blind lady that was graduating with my sister.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Tint]

Okay.

[CJ]

It was real.

[Tint]

Yeah.

[CJ]

They don't crazy. I was amazed.

[Mike]

I was like. All the accomplishments she had.

[CJ]

Okay, so she had ran, like, eight marathons. I Think even like a triathlon or something. A master's in accounting. And now, now she is an acupuncturist.

[Mike]

There's one other thing.

[CJ]

Yeah, there's one other thing. That's why. Yeah, doctor in something.

[Mike]

It was like she just like kept. I was like, okay, that's great. Like, okay, you know, you're 40, you've done a lot of stuff. And then she just kept listing it off. It was like, holy crap.

[CJ]

And the announcer had like a straight face and I was like, is this real? Did she say that she was good? It was insane, right? So we were obviously, all of us were mind blown after it. And it was also kind of. It was a little weird, I'm gonna be honest, because we had just told grandpa Ron about the prank that we were gonna do.

[Ryan]

This blind prank. We're all laughing about these glasses, all this and then we pull up and that this starts going on stage.

[CJ]

I'm not kidding.

[Ryan]

We were at different. We were all three separated and we.

[CJ]

Just looked down at each other like, we just shake our head.

[Mike]

And that lady really took the prank far. She's like, I'm, I'm spending the next 40 years big blind. I was amazed she got around that place because there's like a five foot drop off and she's just like confidently walking across it.

[Tint]

Bro.

[CJ]

I don't think she was faking it. But afterwards I went up to grandpa Ron and I was like, how crazy is that? And he was like, that is absolutely amazing. And I go, you think we're going to hell if we do this prank? And he goes, 100%.

[Tint]

Oh, don't say that.

[CJ]

And he goes, don't tell me that. He goes, well, let's go and let's go and talk to this lady. And I'm like, grand, of course. I'm like, okay, yeah, sure. And we go up there and grand just goes straight up to her. And she must have like sensed his presence cuz she like puts her hand out.

[Tint]

I sure sense his presence when he's around.

[CJ]

She puts her hand out and grandpa Ron is like, your story is amazing. Like all your accomplishments are.

[Mike]

I'm an aspiring fake blind person too. I'm not going to lie.

[Ryan]

I was looking for you guys. I look through the crowd and I just see grandparon just holding her hand, just shaking. Hey, hey, how's going.

[CJ]

Just talking her ear off.

[Ryan]

I was like, come on guys.

[Tint]

It is pretty funny.

[CJ]

Like, what do you mean come on guys.

[Ryan]

Oh, it's like, it's one thing for us to do this blind prank, but then you guys got to go and talk, like, I don't know.

[Tint]

Well, that's.

[Mike]

It was fine.

[Tint]

It's just. It's very funny that grandparon did that, because how many people are graduating? To me, it's like, quite a bit. Let's say, like, what, 400 people or something?

[CJ]

Like 30.

[Tint]

Oh, it is.

[Ryan]

Yeah. That's a very tough. Very tough.

[Tint]

Never mind then. Chiropractic school is way more prestigious than I thought. Because I was thinking there's, like, a whole bunch of people. And I'm like, he went and found, like, in essentially the valedictorian to go chat.

[CJ]

She actually had a crowd.

[Tint]

She was definitely.

[CJ]

Everyone was just, like, in shock.

[Tint]

Wow.

[CJ]

But, yeah, it was crazy. And then. And then grandpa gets done talking to her, and. And I thought we were gonna just walk away, and he goes, oh, Betty, Betty. Benny, you gotta. You gotta introduce yourself, too. And so I, like, put my hand out, and she, like, sensed I was there, too. What?

[Mike]

Wow.

[CJ]

Evan is like, no. And then I, like, shook her hand, and I was like, your story is absolutely amazing. Like, I hope. I hope your journey continues to be incredible. And she was like, oh, thank you so much. And then, like, just a line of people we're just, like, waiting to meet.

[Mike]

Damn.

[CJ]

Yeah. It was crazy.

[Evan]

Did you try to get her to flinch?

[Ryan]

Evan was there. Everyone's like, what.

[CJ]

What is this guy doing?

[Tint]

He's like, checks and balances. Just making sure.

[CJ]

He just cropped us to this over there.

[Ryan]

And then he walks up to the blind person, acts like he's gonna hit him grapes.

[CJ]

Oh, she had cancer three times.

[Mike]

Oh, geez.

[CJ]

That was the other one. Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's how she lost her. Blinds her. No, no.

[CJ]

I think she was born blind. She was born blind.

[Tint]

Oh.

[Mike]

When she was 2 or 3 years old, she had some eye conditions.

[CJ]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I forgot this one. She was an Olympian. Like, she won gold medals. Yeah. She went to the Olympics.

[Ryan]

Special Olympics. And won.

[CJ]

Yeah, she. She won gold at the Olympics for running.

[Ryan]

For.

[CJ]

Yeah. I want to say.

[Ryan]

No, I thought it was, like, some gymnastics. I don't know.

[CJ]

It actually might have been gymnastics.

[Ryan]

It was cr. Yeah. We don't need to go anywhere in on this.

[Tint]

From what I can tell, she is a superior blind person.

[Ryan]

Superior. She was a better person than any of you guys.

[Tint]

That's what I mean. Superior to, like, most people in general.

[Ryan]

Yeah, she was. Yeah. It doesn't take much.

[Mike]

My grandpa had a. Or has a blind friend. He's actually. He's in politics. I don't know in Minnesota. But anyway, we would drive the parade route, you know, because that was how you marketed yourself in the early 2000s. But, yeah, and he had a baby monitor that he put on the top of the vehicle. And then my grandpa would drive, and then he would say, like, oh, Sharon Osborne is over on your right. Wave to her.

[CJ]

And he would, hey, Sharon.

[Mike]

Hey, Sharon. Good to see you. And then he'd go, all right, Chris is over on the left. Say hi to Chris. And then he'd do that. And everybody was mind.

[Tint]

Yeah, it was awesome.

[CJ]

Evans in the crowd. He's faking. He's faking. Just. His whole goal is to just ruin his entire campaign. Does no one see the baby monitor? No, like he's faking it. No, like he's faking being blind.

[Evan]

Oh, yeah, I think.

[Mike]

I don't think people do that. What do you think?

[Tint]

I don't know. I thought Evan was just outing him for. For not, like, he's just. Like. He can't do that. That's not fair. He has someone helping him.

[Mike]

Goodness. Do you have a light subject to go into? Otherwise, I got a heavy one.

[Tint]

Oh, gosh.

[Mike]

It's not heavy, but it's just.

[Tint]

Yeah, yeah.

[CJ]

All right. I ran into tint on it.

[Mike]

No. Okay. I need everybody to put on their imaginary tinfoil hats because I have a conspiracy theory.

[Tint]

It's against my religion to remove this hat.

[Mike]

Actually, I'm just kidding. We'll put it on. On top of it. It's dangerous.

[Tint]

Got it.

[Mike]

I think. And hear me out. Hasbullah is a Russian spy. Before you laugh, think about it.

[Tint]

This is more.

[Mike]

He comes. Yeah, he comes from. From Russia. Dagestan. Comes over here and wins over the world. Everybody loves him, but he's hanging out with fighters. He's got, like, armed security around him. He doesn't really do much, but I think he's a. He's a Russian spy. He's coming into all these big media groups taking him over, spreading his ideology.

[Tint]

One thing I have heard about him is that he's definitely, like. He's pretty religious with. I don't know what religion he is, but he's very to the point with that. He makes it pretty clear. Like, I don't. I mean, I'm not sure if he'd be safe for him to drink or not, but he doesn't. He's very to the point. He doesn't eat foods. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

So he's here on business.

[Tint]

He's disciplined. He's disciplined. So that's how I could see him acting that out.

[Ryan]

So you think he's actually got that disease, or do you think he's just a baby?

[Tint]

That's the best question ever.

[Mike]

No, I think he. I think he actually is small.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Mike]

You see when Mike Tyson kissed him.

[CJ]

On the lips, can you imagine?

[Mike]

Oh, is that what it was? Hey, he was trying to bite his ear off. Oh, classic Mike Tyson.

[CJ]

Can you imagine, though? He actually is a Russian spy. And he. He's like, I got all these Americans in my pocket. And then he meets Mike Tyson.

[Tint]

He's getting kids.

[CJ]

He's like, yo, I'm done. I'm done. Yeah.

[Mike]

He's like, screw this. Went back. You ever think he gets sick of being treated like he's little, like a kid?

[Tint]

He's gotta. Evan does, man. I don't know.

[CJ]

I mean, people.

[Ryan]

People that working out pretty good for him.

[Tint]

Yeah.

[CJ]

People that are with him say that he's like the most famous person they've ever seen.

[Tint]

Yeah.

[CJ]

Everyone wants a picture or get punched in the face by him.

[Mike]

You can't miss, like, not mistake him, you know, like when you. That is probably true, but, like, you could. I'm even trying to think, like, you could probably see, like, the guy in I just saw Marvel movie ad, like, Chris Pratt. You could probably see him in an airport, but, like, with a hat, sunglasses, and maybe like a hoodie, you wouldn't notice. But you see as Buller running around, you're gonna notice him.

[Ryan]

You might just mistake him for a little kid, though. You might ever see when he got in trouble for hitting his cat.

[Tint]

I did see that.

[Ryan]

Yeah, he hit his cat. Put it on Instagram, because I guess his cat was being bad.

[CJ]

I'd say that's pretty fair fight.

[Ryan]

Yeah. So he hit him, and then he's.

[Mike]

Like a lion compared to him.

[Ryan]

And then the. The best part was that his apology, he didn't. He didn't apologize. He just made a statement. He said the cat was being bad. He didn't apologize for hitting it. His only statement was just like. It was something along those lines.

[Mike]

The cat deserved it.

[Tint]

As bullied. Like, that's a bad kitty.

[Ryan]

Yeah, Cartman.

[Tint]

Yeah. So he. They, like, tried to cancel him for that, and I was like, good luck.

[Ryan]

Can'T be canceled when you're having.

[Mike]

That's the American government. They were trying to shut him down, but they're just too stupid. Can't beat Hasbulla.

[Tint]

I like the idea, Ryan.

[Mike]

Anyway, take our tinfoil hats off now.

[Ryan]

I went to hot yoga this morning.

[Tint]

Oh, Yeah, I guess my response also, like, for real.

[Ryan]

Well, last night, we were. We were all out at getting dinner, and the girls were talking about how they were gonna go to hot yoga and all this. And Ryan was like, yeah, I'm gonna go too. I was like, well, I'm coming.

[Mike]

I said I was gonna go.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's the way it was.

[Mike]

I must have been more larried up than I thought.

[Ryan]

Yeah. So anyways, I'm. I set my alarm and everything. Wake up buzz over there. Turns out this guy doesn't even show up. Screw that. It was just a lot.

[Tint]

He didn't even know he was supposed to, apparently.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it was just me.

[CJ]

I was like. So you just went with Ryan's girlfriend?

[Ryan]

No, I was sweating, though, like a. In church.

[CJ]

Really?

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah. It's really.

[CJ]

Was it hard?

[Mike]

Yeah. Was it hard?

[Ryan]

Very hard. I couldn't breathe. I can't breathe out my nose. I kept saying, breathe through your nose and let it out your mouth. I couldn't breathe.

[Tint]

I'm surprised. So you two specifically, like, really, like, saunas, and I struggle in them. Like, I sit there and I feel I'm getting too hot. I can't breathe. And that air is so thin. So I'm surprised that it was like that. But obviously you're adding a workout.

[Ryan]

I sweat so much. I sweat every little drop of booze I had in my body out.

[Tint]

It's good. It's good for you.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'll go back. Was it busy?

[Tint]

Studio?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like, was there actually a lot of people there?

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Tint]

Did you wear leggings?

[Ryan]

No, I was in there just in. In my. Just shorts.

[CJ]

Was there other guys?

[Ryan]

A couple. I don't think they were the same sexuality as me. Not that that matters, but.

[CJ]

Yo, I. I've actually got a couple good ideas for yoga. One, we could do goat yoga. Goat yoga, where you do yoga and then goats stand on you pretty much.

[Mike]

That seems painful.

[Tint]

It seems. It just seems like yoga with more steps to me.

[Ryan]

Yeah, dude, it's hard. I didn't realize I had such bad balance until I showed up over there. People are, like, standing on their feet.

[CJ]

Holy, dude.

[Ryan]

No way.

[CJ]

Like, one foot.

[Ryan]

Sorry. One foot sitting on their head.

[CJ]

And CJ walks in. The instructor is standing up, right? And he's like, I don't have to do that, do I?

[Tint]

No, I. I agree with you there. I agree with you. I remember being like, I thought I.

[Ryan]

Had pretty decent balance.

[Tint]

I can write a pretty thing that you're like, yeah, I'M coordinated and whatnot. And then they start doing poses and.

[CJ]

Then you're like, yeah, so what else, what else can you do that would justify pretty decent balance?

[Ryan]

I mean, I can surf. I can ride a wheelie on a dirt bike. I can. I don't know. Like what, what else? I can, I can ride a skateboard. Like, what else is there, you know?

[CJ]

Yeah, I guess.

[Ryan]

I don't know.

[CJ]

I was just curious what you're like justification for that was can you walk.

[Mike]

On a balance beam?

[Tint]

Well, we had to add.

[Mike]

That's right.

[CJ]

Yeah. Goat yoga would be good. Or paddleboard yoga.

[Mike]

I was going to say I want to do paddleboard yoga when the lake warms up, bro.

[Ryan]

You guys, Saturday morning, no idea. You would be swimming the whole time. That's all you'd be doing, honestly.

[Tint]

All right, so I'm funny that I notice that when the snow melts around here, at least you know how everyone's aware the roads are terrible in the winter. Dude, driving on the interstate, you know how they have. They usually put on one side or the other. There's a middle ditch in the interstate and there's like, there's like those cables. There's like, you know, pole like a cable fence and there's three cables and all the poles. Holy shit. Are those things mangled after every winter? Yeah, and they're kind of meant to fall apart. Like they're, you know, the cables are meant to catch you. I don't even want to know what you're. The cars look like after that. But I'm talking like, I'm talking every hundred yards, the cables are just mangled. I'm like, there's a totaled car. There's a totaled car. Like I'm saying, if you go in the ditch, you're fine. You get pulled out.

[Mike]

If you hit the cable, maybe a bumper. If you hit the cables in the middle, your car's gotta be toasty.

[Tint]

For this 10 mile stretch, there was probably 30 mangled sections of cable.

[Mike]

I'm like, geez, you guys ever went in the ditch?

[Tint]

Many times, Mike.

[Ryan]

Many times.

[CJ]

I forgot. Like, oh, Mike, monetarily damn near every.

[Ryan]

Other dude with other people put it in the ditch. I've parked it in the ditch. Ditch a couple times. But that's my parking spot.

[Evan]

Can you imagine?

[Tint]

Someone comes up, let's say not the police, someone comes up and asks you what you're doing. You go, I'm parking.

[Ryan]

I just parked it here.

[CJ]

What do you mean?

[Ryan]

It's my parking spot. We've. I've Gone in the ditch probably two or three times this year. This winter. This winter with my Raptor. One time, for instance, we were on Ryan's Road, and I don't know if I was trying. We were filming. I was backing up, fell off that. You know, there's like little things like. Or. Or you're just driving too fast around a corner and you slide. You just barrel in, whatever. No big deal. I'm pulling my Raptor into Alex's sister's driveway in town, in the city. And keep in mind, my raptor is completely fine. You could literally run in through the ditch, do whatever. I'm pulling in their driveway, and I rip off my whole mud flap. I was like, man, in town. Yeah, terrible story.

[Tint]

I got. I guess I got it.

[CJ]

Like, man, you have me on the edge. I see.

[Mike]

I don't know what I was expecting.

[Ryan]

Thought to. I'm like, God damn. Like, I put this thing in the dish this many times and I ripped my. I actually caused damage to my truck just driving into their driveway. No, that is.

[CJ]

That is pretty funny.

[Tint]

I got.

[CJ]

It's crazy, actually, how strong those trucks are.

[Ryan]

Those Ford Raptors are the toughest, man.

[CJ]

They are, dude.

[Ryan]

They're. I swear to God. They should be best truck you can get, as long as you don't need it. Like the haul, anything. Oh, my God. I think I like my Ford Raptor better than my gtr.

[Tint]

It's a very different, pretty heavy statement.

[Ryan]

I almost feel bad, like, how much I like my Ford Raptor more than my gtr to the point where, like, I'll be like, God, I really should just drive the gtr. Like, if I'm going somewhere, does he.

[Tint]

Know he doesn't have to say Ford before it?

[Ryan]

Well, you know, it's a Ford Raptor, dude.

[Tint]

I have a quick story about that. Like, one time, way back, I was like, 17, delivering pizzas. Go in the ditch, one of the. You know, come around the corner, just everyone goes in. I had a pretty shitty car, stove it in the ditch, and then I'm, like, kind of figuring out what to do. And, you know, like, this has happened to other people. I swear. Very dumb. Leave it and drive. Leave the car and drive because it's not going anywhere. And my wheels were stuck. I don't know. I didn't notice.

[CJ]

Get out.

[Tint]

Kind of digging through my backseat. I got a snowboard, so I started using that as a shovel. Shut the doors. The door is locked.

[Mike]

Because. Drive.

[CJ]

Oh, shit.

[Mike]

Your phone is in there.

[Tint]

Phone's in there.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Tint]

More importantly, the hot pizzas are in there getting cold. I mean, they're in a hot bag.

[CJ]

The pizza delivery run.

[Tint]

Yeah.

[Evan]

What am I gonna do?

[Tint]

I'm in the ditch. It'd be one thing if I was like, I'm on my way back. I'm in the ditch. Then they'd just be like, ah, shoot. But like, people like, where's our pizza and breadsticks?

[CJ]

You know? You know. You know that Mike's subs were on full blown?

[Tint]

No, luckily they weren't. That would have been so bad. So I just, like, walked the. The nearest person's house, and I'm like, I need help. And they did. They helped me and they, like, pulled me out. But, like, my, like, my boss came and.

[Mike]

So what you doing?

[Ryan]

I really thought, you're an idiot.

[Tint]

Then I. The worst part was it was one of those vibes where you call the cop.

[CJ]

Oh.

[Tint]

You know, and they put the thing in the door and pump it up.

[CJ]

You either call a lock company, I think driving.

[Tint]

No, these wheels weren't spinning. But yeah, dude, my boss was there and he. He was like. He wanted to call me, like an effing idiot. Like, he wanted. You could tell he wanted to. And I'm like. I'm like, I'm sorry. Yeah, like, chain of events. And he's just like, you know, I don't even know. He's just like, you couldn't deliver the pizzas first. You know, I'm just like, dude, I don't know.

[Ryan]

I don't.

[Tint]

It was. It was so embarrassing because I guess we had to give the people, like, free pizza. I'm like, well, it's not the end of the world. But also, I was out for like an hour and a half, so.

[Ryan]

Yeah, they knew you were slow. They were like, man, he's really slow today.

[Mike]

I feel like if someone came to me.

[CJ]

No.

[Mike]

Mike walks up to the door, I just. I went in the ditch. I'm sorry.

[Tint]

I just had a really funny idea. You know how you're like, Uber says, like, what, you drive, obviously, but also your name. People start to catch on, and they're like, dude, it says nine minutes. But I got Micah as a driver. Like, you know, it's gonna be 20.

[Mike]

It's gonna be so slow. He hasn't even left yet.

[CJ]

That's what we were saying earlier before we started filming. You were, like, just about to leave. About 45 minutes later, I was like, all right. Mike said he was just about to leave 45 minutes ago, so he should.

[Tint]

Be here in three hours. Not that long.

[Mike]

That's what we said.

[Tint]

Valid, valid, valid. Yeah.

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Tint]

Seriously, I'm just glad, like. So we were gonna. I won't even say it. We were gonna do something today that didn't end up working out. I'm glad that you didn't necessarily, like, hold the whole show up for me to get there, and then it didn't work.

[Ryan]

We've been friends for a long time.

[Mike]

We didn't.

[Tint]

I personally texted Evan. I said, if you do it without me being there, best of luck. I really want it to go well. Rip it, boy.

[Mike]

I thought you were gonna say it was really nice, you guys, to get going and figure out it wasn't gonna work before I got there, so I could just show up and go back inside.

[CJ]

Yo, should we pull some people from the audience?

[Ryan]

Yeah, we've got a pretty good crowd here. I think we should bring in Evan and Nikki.

[CJ]

All right, I'll let you guys take these spots.

[Mike]

Nikki, Joel, what's going on?

[Ryan]

All right, so we got Evan and his wonderful girlfriend Nikki. So we got a few questions for you guys.

[Evan]

Oh, boy.

[Ryan]

I'm just gonna cut straight to the chase, quite frankly. Nikki, how do you. How do you put up with Evan and his gas?

[Mike]

You can pull that closer to if you need.

[Evan]

Hey, she stinks too. Girls, don't toot.

[Ryan]

Because I. I've been around. I can't imagine sleeping in the same room as him.

[Nikki]

It's pretty bad.

[CJ]

Really?

[Nikki]

Yep.

[Ryan]

God damn.

[Nikki]

There's been times where I have gigged. I need to leave the room.

[CJ]

Really?

[Evan]

Yeah. She's definitely had to leave the room many times. And, like, I feel bad because sometimes she thinks it's funny, and she'll be like, oh, you're so gross, and kind of laugh. But then there's other times where she's just. And storms off, like, silent. That's when I know that I. I made a mistake.

[Tint]

I was just living, you know, I'm not surprised, but I can't believe the first time having Nikki on the pod. You ask him about how bad Evans.

[Ryan]

Well, I genuinely wonder that because I spend a lot of time with him, and I can't imagine being in a enclosed room with him.

[Nikki]

It's brutal.

[Ryan]

I can't.

[Mike]

Like the RV trip.

[Evan]

I wasn't that stinky.

[Mike]

Have you ever thought about trying to, like, change his diet?

[Nikki]

No. Regardless, if he changes his diet diet, he still stinks.

[Evan]

And that's the thing. Sometimes eating all those vegetables and stuff, that would be healthy. That stuff makes you rotten, throws you.

[Ryan]

Off because you're not used to it.

[Evan]

Yeah, like, stick to the hot pockets, your body doesn't know what to do, stuff like that. Safer bet for me.

[Mike]

How long have you two been dating?

[Evan]

Do you know you're better with. I mean, a couple years, but you probably, like, know the exact date.

[Nikki]

Yeah, it was St. Patrick's Day two years ago.

[Ryan]

So what do you think about this idea, Nikki? So, you know, Cole and Squirrel is buddies. You know, just good old boys. They like wrenching on stuff.

[Nikki]

Good kids.

[Mike]

Yep.

[Ryan]

So they. They've come and fixed ev Chevy a couple times now, and I was thinking a way we could repay them is we're gonna surprise them with an llc.

[Evan]

Then they.

[Ryan]

They can start paying taxes and stuff.

[Nikki]

I don't think they'd like it.

[Ryan]

Oh, I don't think.

[Tint]

Okay.

[Mike]

They prefer.

[Ryan]

Scratch that. I was thinking that'd be a good idea.

[Evan]

I think they kind of look at taxes the same way Ken does.

[Ryan]

Doesn't pay them.

[Evan]

Just avoid them at all costs.

[Mike]

There's avoiding, and then there's not pain.

[CJ]

Those are separate.

[Mike]

Separate crimes that you're charged for.

[Evan]

How is that not the same thing? I'm avoiding paying them, so you're not paying them.

[Ryan]

So, Nikki, being that you are a mom, did you know that Evan actively was searching out no moms at the time?

[CJ]

No.

[Nikki]

He slid into the dms.

[Ryan]

Did he really?

[CJ]

So.

[Ryan]

So hold on. What was your first, I guess, impression of. Of Evan when he.

[Mike]

When.

[Ryan]

What'd he say when he slid into your dms?

[Nikki]

I can't even remember.

[Evan]

It was emojis on a picture.

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Really? Comment or a story response?

[Evan]

Story response. But then she replied to it, which started the conversation. So depending how you look at it, I feel like she said the first words. I just tossed some emojis out there.

[Mike]

Little feeler.

[Evan]

Yeah, a little feeler. Exactly.

[Ryan]

What was your first date?

[Evan]

We went. We went snowmobiling.

[CJ]

Really?

[Ryan]

That's a good way to seal the deal, Nikki.

[Evan]

Dude, this is actually funny. We. We had a really bad winter up there. It was super cold, so the. The trails are just ice. I'm running my snow pro. That would burn slides off constantly, so I throw her on the back. We're going to go on our first little day. Like, I'm nervous, and as soon as we pull out, like, on the trail, we got to go probably five, six miles on. I can tell my. Like, my slides are gone. I'm just running rails on the clips. And we just sent it. I tried to play it off. Cool. She can hear it. She's like, what's that noise? Just metal on metal. Like it sounds bad. I'm like, there's not much snow.

[Ryan]

You were riding on the back with him. Oh my.

[Evan]

Yeah. And then, you know, kind of another classic situation. Pulling up to the bar and it's all plowed out. So like trying to drive on like a quarter mile of asphalt and like adjusting the skis. So I was kind of embarrassed, you know, Kind of wrecked my sled and was driving like a idiot.

[Ryan]

Were you thinking the same? Were you like, what's wrong with this car?

[Evan]

But then we got some beers, everything was good.

[Mike]

It all buffed out.

[Evan]

It all buffed out.

[Ryan]

Good deal.

[Evan]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

What?

[Ryan]

What? What do you got? What are you gonna say?

[Evan]

I don't know if it's appropriate.

[Mike]

Well, it probably is appropriate.

[Evan]

Okay, so. And then we had, you know, had a few beers, whatever, having a good time, head back to my house, have a few more beers. She decides she's gonna stay the night.

[CJ]

We're.

[Evan]

It's relatively late, probably like 8 or 9 o', clock, and we're just schmoozing and all of a sudden my. My dad, out of the blue, just shows up. Which he doesn't just show up that often, so. And he's like aggressively banging on the door. So I. I joke.

[Nikki]

Oh, I walked around the corner, just standing there. I was like, who's here?

[Ryan]

This guy owes someone money. Is bro.

[Evan]

Yeah. She didn't know who was showing up, but I remember like, she just threw like real quick on like my sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Was like the Sea Boys, like, trippy, whatever. So she's wearing like the little matching sweatsuit. Just pokes around the corner thinking it's anybody and then it's my dad. So I was. They got to like meet.

[Ryan]

Did you think it was like another girl or something?

[Evan]

Yes.

[CJ]

Okay.

[Evan]

Really?

[Ryan]

What were you going to do?

[Nikki]

I don't know.

[Mike]

We're going to beat her ass.

[Ryan]

How much ground did you really have to stand on? It was your first time even being there.

[Mike]

That's true.

[Ryan]

If anything, you would have had someone trying to be your ass.

[Nikki]

Yeah, that's true.

[Evan]

Yeah. Were you gonna hold it that you knew me for like three hours?

[Ryan]

She was ready to fight for you, dude. She was gonna throw down. It sounds like.

[Evan]

At least I like that.

[Mike]

Were you like, dad, come on. I'm kind of working something here.

[Evan]

I literally did. I'm like, what'd your dad. What do you do? He was, ah, we know he was pretty good about just getting out of there.

[CJ]

Played it Cool.

[Evan]

I can't remember. He was like dropping something off or maybe he was storing his boat at my house. I don't even know. It was something irrelevant he just popped in for and I'm like, yeah, you gotta go busy.

[Ryan]

All right, Nikki, last question for you. I'll let you go. Is it true the rumors or is it all. Is it all false rumors about, you know, the hog? Is it true or is it. Is it not? Because I. There's a lot of people at home wondering. It's a tough situation I'm putting you in.

[CJ]

I know.

[Ryan]

It's the size of a 12 year old.

[Nikki]

No, I think the picture you saw was a little.

[Evan]

Embellished.

[Ryan]

You know how.

[Nikki]

But I'm still giving you credit.

[Ryan]

He's average.

[Mike]

Was the picture in wide angle?

[Nikki]

I had the angle perfect.

[Evan]

It was Snapchat. You can't even. Wide angle that. I'll defend myself there. Can you?

[Nikki]

Given the angle? I took it out and everything made.

[Evan]

It people a little more.

[Ryan]

Explain this.

[Mike]

Evan's hog reveal.

[Evan]

Baby carrot now only fans dropping 2025. Stay tuned, would you?

[Ryan]

I could see you having that.

[Nikki]

He begs me to all the time.

[Ryan]

Really?

[Evan]

Really?

[CJ]

I don't think.

[Evan]

I couldn't say beg you to, but I've definitely had the conversation about it.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I feel like make a bag.

[Evan]

It's a no brainer in my head.

[Ryan]

And it's, you know, dude, it's all a hustle.

[Evan]

It's not like you just gotta like put out the most hardcore porn. It's just a game. Just tease your own feet.

[Mike]

Not scapes.

[Ryan]

And Nikki turns it down then. Or you don't want a Nikki, obviously. If you have.

[Nikki]

Rather sell pictures. Pictures of my feet.

[Ryan]

Right.

[Mike]

That Evan's feet ain't worth nothing.

[CJ]

Ev did a solo.

[Ryan]

Yeah, he's just solo.

[Evan]

Would you be fine if I. I mean, I feel like it's probably more dudes would be on there buying content than women anyways, which I don't know how I feel about that. How do you feel about that?

[Nikki]

Not those girls in the Escalade that were rolling their windows.

[Ryan]

That was really what happened.

[Nikki]

We were at a stoplight and these girls pull up next to us. So they roll their window down and they're looking over and trying to look at Evan. I think they seen me and rolled the window up and she's making a big commotion and I think they were.

[Evan]

Trying to haul her and then they saw Nikki and then started giggling. Rolled up the window the other way.

[Ryan]

Were you ready to. Ready to go? Were you in fight mode.

[Evan]

She got feisty real quick.

[Ryan]

Really?

[Nikki]

I did.

[Mike]

She's like, is this what it's like for you?

[Nikki]

I was like, what would you have done if I wasn't here? Like you would. Rolled your window down and waved.

[Ryan]

No.

[CJ]

Waved at him.

[Ryan]

Unbelievable.

[Evan]

No, I would have just ignored them.

[CJ]

So.

[Ryan]

So the only fans. It's not happening. Sorry. No way.

[Nikki]

No.

[Ryan]

No way, no way.

[Nikki]

I don't know.

[Evan]

But I can have one.

[CJ]

No.

[Nikki]

What are you gonna do? Sit there and jerk off and.

[Mike]

Let.

[Nikki]

Me get my lot?

[Evan]

Jerk off with Cheese Whiz? If that's what the people want. I'll invite Waffles over. We'll get weird.

[CJ]

Oh.

[Mike]

Do a collab with the vacuum cleaner.

[Evan]

I have been curious about that. Have any of you guys stuck your dick in a vacuum?

[Ryan]

Mike has. He's raising his hand.

[Evan]

Yeah, actually.

[Tint]

Did it hurt?

[Ryan]

Why? Why is Sydney acting like she knows about this already? She was like, yeah, she was the.

[Evan]

One holding the vacuum.

[Tint]

Allegedly. There's a video of Jake putting a vacuum cleaner on my penis.

[Ryan]

Oh.

[Mike]

Watching you say what you just said wearing that is a lot for me to comprehend right now.

[CJ]

You.

[Evan]

Did you finish?

[Tint]

It was soft and it did hurt.

[Ryan]

Can I see this video when we're done? Man, people got to think we're really messed up. Nikki's showing videos of Evan's hog or little hoglet, and it's. It's from a hug to a piglet. Yeah, it's a. Yeah, after today, Corn dog. The only fan stuff. So, I mean, the last question. I'm sorry, I hate to do this, but, you know, this would be a great promotion if you were to decide to launch your only fans at this moment.

[Evan]

We'll see what the future holds.

[Ryan]

Keeping it open.

[Evan]

Yeah, keep it open. You can't shut it down.

[Mike]

Are you gonna do pay per view or monthly subscription?

[Evan]

Pay, Probably a low monthly subscription. And then. Yeah, really? For the good stuff, really ramp it up on the pay per view.

[Tint]

Good.

[Evan]

Yeah. The best way to do it.

[Tint]

Yeah.

[CJ]

Do you guys know the Tick Tocker two turn? Tony?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[CJ]

So he.

[Evan]

He's one with the face mask chick, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

But she. She's not facing anymore.

[CJ]

He has an only fans.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[CJ]

And I don't. I'm not subscribed to it, so I don't know what all that he does on it, but I know he just sells like, dick pics and makes a shitload of money.

[Mike]

Really? People are paying for that?

[Ryan]

And imagine you could be a rich.

[Mike]

I think it's.

[CJ]

I look across the room.

[Ryan]

And see, he's like, I. I don't.

[Evan]

I see. Oh, yeah, more dudes buying 100amonth dudes than chicks spending their hard earned money.

[Ryan]

How do you know this?

[Evan]

I just think that there's not a lot of girls out there buying content.

[Ryan]

You buy content, you're raising your hand.

[Nikki]

No, I was just gonna say I don't think a dick pic does much justice for a girl, so.

[Ryan]

Well, I mean, especially when we're underselling it now and I mean, we just crush the rumors now. You. You're gonna have a hard time.

[Evan]

I would love to see the analytics of that. And I think it would be more males active on now.

[Ryan]

Evan doesn't give a fuck about analytics until it comes to only fans dick pics. He's like, I'd love to study the data.

[Evan]

You definitely. It definitely crossed your mind when I first, like, I don't care if I sell some dick pics. Then you're like, fuck, it's just a bunch of dudes running around with my dick pics. It like hits you a little.

[Mike]

What if they paid 25 bucks for you?

[Evan]

Oh, yeah, I don't care. I'll send a picture of my butt too, for that price.

[Ryan]

Man. Now you're really hitting a niche audience.

[Mike]

And then he starts selling his.

[CJ]

He starts selling his trousers.

[Evan]

I'll start selling my ethic because I'll ride one moto and sell those puppies 100 bucks, yo.

[CJ]

Instead of people buying it to, like, pleasure themselves, they would buy it and send it to their enemy.

[Ryan]

It would be like that. That's that scam. Thailand. Where was that? In the India, like, Mark Rober pranked, like an Indian call center. Call center and like, glitter bomb stink bombs and shit. Oh, my God. That'd be hilarious.

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Evan's fart.

[CJ]

We send a call center in India a pair of Evans dungaroos. I worn these trousers once.

[Mike]

Next week, there's a news story, like, poisonous gas is released from Indian call center.

[Evan]

They melt through the packaging, go in the back of the mail.

[Ryan]

They probably have to get rid of that. Yeah, it wouldn't even make it there. There's something wrong with this package. It's toxic.

[Mike]

The drug dogs that are sniffing it have to take a vacation because you burn their sniffers.

[Ryan]

They were never the same after they smelt that package. Something was wrong with them. They wouldn't smell anything.

[Evan]

It might be good for the drug cartel. They could just mix in a pair of my. My socks with their shipments and the dogs would be thrown off you know, that's who I need.

[Ryan]

There's so many different ways you could monetize off of your gifts. I should say your stench and your, you know, whatever else.

[Evan]

I love that you look at those as gifts.

[CJ]

Gift. You're special.

[Ryan]

Special. Yeah, I didn't want to call them. I didn't want to offend you.

[CJ]

You know what's amazing, though, is you've been a part of the crew for about. About a year now. I've never seen you shower.

[Ryan]

Oh, I. Yeah, I was going to ask Nikki about that, too, now. I had so many questions.

[Tint]

What.

[Ryan]

What do you got against showering? Honestly? Do you.

[Evan]

Of course. You do truly feel that way? How do you think that I go weeks at a time without showering like.

[Ryan]

I Did you shower today?

[Tint]

No.

[CJ]

Yep.

[Ryan]

There we go.

[CJ]

Oh, no way.

[Evan]

Okay.

[CJ]

How the fuck do you wake up in the morning and just go, I'm gonna go about my day?

[Ryan]

Not shower.

[Evan]

Listen, I showered yesterday, and I thought that first thing I was doing this morning was gonna end up with me sunk in a swamp that I would clearly shower directly after that.

[Ryan]

I understand that, but also at the same time. I don't know. I just. I guess this is maybe one instant where you can say that all the other times. What's your excuse to mean?

[Evan]

Honestly, it's just like, if I'm gonna be no, like, oh, Tuesday morning by.

[Ryan]

The end of the day, so why shower? And then it's like, that night, you're like, well, why would I shower? I'd rather get dirty tomorrow.

[Evan]

Shower before bed. I shower at night, then shower at night, and then shower first thing in the morning.

[Mike]

To be fair, showering here isn't a luxurious experience. You know, the floor is dirty.

[Evan]

That has nothing to do with it.

[Ryan]

I was trying to say, Ryan, what.

[CJ]

Are you going for?

[Mike]

I don't, like, show.

[Evan]

No, it's just like, if I shower before I go to bed, I just don't feel the need to shower immediately when I wake up in the morning.

[CJ]

I agree with that.

[Mike]

I probably don't do that either.

[Evan]

If I'm going to something like fancy, special, whatever, then, yeah, like, get cleaned up before. But if I just wake up and I'm gonna go. Wrench does. Don't need a shower for that. Save the water. Her septic backs up enough as it is. You should be thanking me.

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So we're sitting in a truck with you.

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Tint]

This is a really touchy subject, but I think a long day without showering. Ryan smells twice as bad as Evan, and I genuinely Will admit right now that that was mean to even say.

[Ryan]

You like were stretching before that one.

[Tint]

I was scared. I was scared. I think, Ryan, this is after a day of let's. Let's say wrenching, working, loading shit, unloading shit. The dude smells worse than Evan. Damn, man, he is on his showers.

[CJ]

I don't want to pile on.

[Evan]

I think I've noticed that before. You know, I think it was just.

[CJ]

Twice as offensive coming from Mike, everyone.

[Ryan]

Well, Ryan, what do you got against showering?

[Mike]

No, I just.

[CJ]

Ryan's over here defending Evan. He's not that bad.

[Mike]

I. I don't have anything against showering. Apparently. I just get stinky through all my hard work around here.

[Evan]

You know, that's not. I'm pretty sure.

[CJ]

I remember.

[Ryan]

I remember a launder one day like we were out at dinner, she's like, did you put cologne on today?

[Mike]

Yeah, because she bought me new cologne. She wanted me to wear it more. But it's like that's a.

[Ryan]

That's a sign that you smell. Yeah, probably when people start buying you cologne, deodorant. This is hard to buy gifts, gifting it. It's not even my birthday.

[CJ]

What's this for?

[Ryan]

Oh, I just want to give you a present. You should wear it.

[CJ]

Is that why Greta gave me a treadmill for my birthday? Makes so much sense.

[Evan]

Still in the box, isn't it?

[Mike]

No, it's not. She actually got you a treadmill.

[Ryan]

That's a pretty good gift box.

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Your birthday, is it nice to go?

[CJ]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Ryan]

Wow, that's a really nice gift. Treadmills are expensive.

[CJ]

She must penn returned it and got a gift card.

[Mike]

Isn't like that one of the things that you aren't supposed to get like in gift giving, like you don't get your wife like a vacuum or a treadmill. Yeah, it's not a two way street.

[Evan]

I think Nikki would like both those things though. I don't know if that applies.

[Mike]

Like for your birthday. Instead of like a nice weekend trip to Thumper Pond, would you prefer to get a new vacuum? Not even a Dyson, like just a new Hoover?

[Evan]

No, we're talking top of the line vacuum here. I wouldn't go buy a Walmart special for a gift for a birthday. No, I wouldn't fly.

[Mike]

How about an exercise bike? Really?

[Ryan]

I think it could be taken the wrong way. If you had a very overweight gal and they didn't even ask for you buy her for a. Yeah, they didn't ask for a treadmill or a gym membership. They were just hoping for a nice, normal.

[Evan]

Maybe like a box of donuts.

[Ryan]

Earrings. Yeah, box of donuts. You give them a treadmill.

[Tint]

And why can't CJ say treadmill?

[Ryan]

Treadmill.

[CJ]

Treadmill.

[Tint]

And I'm still wondering why you can't say treadmill.

[Ryan]

Treadmill, Treadmill, Treadmill, Treadmill, treadmill. No, treadmills are expensive, dude. I think you need to set that up and I think you need to get running on ASAP.

[CJ]

What's going on? Are you guys doing this, this 30 day challenge or what?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to he. Now you're backing out and I didn't back.

[CJ]

I never pulled something on the line though, to not like to, to hold yourself accountable.

[Evan]

Yep. But then they're also. What, what would actually show the winner? Like, you know, like what loser gets.

[Ryan]

Like the other person's name tattooed on him or something? Well, hold on now.

[CJ]

Let's, let's, we got, let's say what, what is the, what's the 30 day challenge? Like whoever lose the most weight or get back.

[Ryan]

Evan and I were talking about both of us getting in shape and we have, we're gonna weigh each other in at the first, first day, obviously before it starts. And then 30 days later we'll, we'll weigh in again, see our progress. But then we have to do some kind of head to head physical challenge. Like I don't know if it's a triathlon or whatever because realistically how much you, you lose or gain or whatever, it's hard to be, I think physical endurance, like it might, it might be a triathlon. Like we got to fucking run.

[Evan]

Ride dirt bikes.

[Ryan]

No pedal bike. Yeah.

[CJ]

Swim, run, swim. And I think that's a great idea.

[Ryan]

Run. And we do it all in one video. So it'll be like a 30 day filming process, but it just gets sped up to be condensed into one video.

[CJ]

You guys want to do a full like triathlon or, or have an ambulance nearby?

[Ryan]

If both of us are going to do that.

[Evan]

I think we do the activities in a triathlon on a much smaller scale.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's time based. Like whoever.

[Ryan]

What do we put on the line to be clear?

[CJ]

Do tattoo.

[Ryan]

You could start the, you could do the challenge and it's like ultimately it doesn't matter if you train for 30 days or not. Just matters how good you show up that day.

[Evan]

Yeah, you could, I don't know if.

[CJ]

Hey, you could sabotage though.

[Ryan]

Ev is going to just keep. Hey, let's go to the bar. I'll buy and I'll drive you home.

[CJ]

In his drink the night before or something like that.

[Ryan]

Wow, that'd be dirty.

[Mike]

I like, trousers would be showing.

[Evan]

Because at first I thought it'd be like, you know, because you can't. Yeah. Who loses weight? That doesn't really apply.

[Ryan]

I don't know.

[Evan]

It's not really a good way to judge.

[Ryan]

I'm down to do the tattoo, honestly.

[Evan]

A tattoo?

[Ryan]

Yeah. I'd get dude Evan Bro tattooed on me.

[Evan]

Where?

[Ryan]

Somewhere not visible.

[Mike]

To be fair, getting dude Evan bro is cooler than getting cj.

[Ryan]

That's only two letters. CJ Lots too.

[Evan]

If I gotta get CJ Lotzer, I.

[Ryan]

Could get my full name. Okay, how about this?

[CJ]

How about this? How about this? You have to get the other person's tat name tattooed on you, but they get to choose. Or you get to choose where it.

[Ryan]

Goes on the hinder.

[Mike]

I think.

[CJ]

No, no, like, like you're getting the tattoo, so you get to choose where it goes.

[Tint]

Like you.

[Ryan]

I think if I'm gonna have dude ever on me, I just put it right on my cheek. Okay.

[CJ]

If that is where you want to do it. And then you can.

[Ryan]

A little hidden and like, you can choose to.

[Evan]

I don't know if I can pollute this ass.

[Ryan]

I don't know that thing. If they want tattoo it, they're gonna. I got a nice hinder, but he's.

[CJ]

Gon need a full on hazmat suit. The. The tattoo artist is going to need it.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, I'd hate to commit to this fully. Tattoo is for life. Nipple piercings are.

[Mike]

Just get them taken.

[Evan]

That's what I was thinking. Cj, I could burn that off my skin if I had to.

[CJ]

Everything we've done is for life. It's on the Internet now. So what's a tattoo?

[Ryan]

Yeah, it'd be kind of cool, I guess. Whatever.

[Mike]

And you don't really look at your own butt.

[CJ]

That.

[Ryan]

I always said that I was gonna. I was, I was gonna do Ken. No can do. Or like a portrait of him on my body. If I was gonna get my tattoo like a tattoo.

[CJ]

Well, leave some room open.

[Ryan]

I'll have dude Evan Bro large. Maybe I'll do it for everyone. I'll. I'll figure out a way to commemorate everyone by getting them tattooed on my body. I'll have mark off Nikki, everybody.

[CJ]

Oh, cj, you're such a giver.

[Evan]

Yeah, I'm just worried when Nikki's eating my ass, she'd see your name, she'd.

[Mike]

Be thinking about you.

[Ryan]

Well, she'd probably be Hoping that it'd probably make it easier having to take.

[CJ]

Her mind off of it.

[Evan]

She starts calling me C.J. in the sack.

[Mike]

Oh, my.

[Ryan]

Wouldn't be surprised.

[CJ]

Please tell me Nikki doesn't actually eat your ass.

[Nikki]

No, I do not get anywhere near that.

[Evan]

Okay.

[CJ]

All right.

[Ryan]

I was gonna say she'd maybe actually be blind. Yeah.

[CJ]

No, I think it's a great idea, though. And, I mean, whether we do the tattoo or not, but I feel like the tattoo is, like, quite a bit riding on it where you're gonna want to perform. Yeah, it's got to be something good.

[Ryan]

I'd redo the nipple piercings, but it's just so lame. It's like he's already done. No, I'm over that.

[CJ]

We can't do that.

[Ryan]

Yeah. No.

[CJ]

And, like, a new season.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I feel you gotta step it up.

[Mike]

We could. You guys could wear, like, Apple watches or something, and it could, like, track, like, calories burned or something.

[Ryan]

Ryan, I'm not a. I'm not wearing an Apple watch.

[Evan]

That was aggressive. But I agree. Everything he just said. Yeah, that.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Evan]

Oh, my God. All those things do is make lazy people feel like they did something. They justify their day. Oh, I walk 1200 steps. It's like, that's a normal day. You shouldn't get to reward.

[Ryan]

I did look down and see if he was wearing his Apple watch for a second. Watch.

[Mike]

Ain't no Apple watch.

[Evan]

Like, I swear, most people wear those, but it's like they're not even working out. They just use, like, their normal daily life stats to justify, like, woo.

[CJ]

They hit all the. I did a thousand steps today.

[Evan]

It was going off every time they reached in the Cheeto bag.

[CJ]

I think the idea of Apple watches is pretty solid, but maybe it's just the clientele of the people that wear them.

[Ryan]

Have you ever seen someone wearing an Apple watch and they're like, nice. That's sick. No, I. I think that, honestly, I would never buy one. Not because I care about being part of that group. It's because I would. I don't need another reason to be getting notified or checking another screen. It's like, if I gotta go on my phone, I'll go on my phone and do whatever I need to do. I don't need to be going scrolling.

[Mike]

That's true.

[CJ]

You know, Ken. Every single time, Ken, does it beep? Okay, I'm on my way. Okay, Hyundai. Where do you want to go?

[Ryan]

No, no, no.

[CJ]

I am on my way.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[CJ]

Routing you to the nearest Hyundai store. Every time.

[Evan]

That's good.

[Mike]

The only thing that might be nice is then you don't look at your phone to see if you have notifications.

[Ryan]

But you're looking at a wall. I mean, it's the same exact thing to me, at least.

[Evan]

Maybe if you're in church or somewhere. You gotta be real.

[CJ]

Oh, Ev, you ain't going to church.

[Evan]

No, of course I'm trying to justify where it might be more acceptable to use a watch than a phone.

[Mike]

No, I'm not even saying, like, use it. Like you're driving down the road and you get that little, like, brain thing. You're like, I should look at my phone right now. Like. Or I want to see if I have any. If I'm missing any text or anything like that. And you go like that. And you go, nope, I didn't. Or, yep, missed something from Thomas. But it's pointless.

[Evan]

You got a 20 inch screen right between the two front seats that tells you all that information.

[Mike]

That is true. Except for when you're driving the Hummer.

[CJ]

Got right. You should keep both hands on the wheel and your eyes straight. When you're driving the Hummer, bro, your only focus should be just getting there without killing someone along the way.

[Evan]

Ryan, we need to have an intervention.

[CJ]

Why?

[Evan]

If that driver. If that Hummer is gonna leave the driveway, you need brakes.

[Mike]

It doesn't leave the driveway. It's sitting in the junkyard.

[Ryan]

No brakes?

[Mike]

No. It's got breaks.

[Evan]

They're very minimal.

[Mike]

Very minimal.

[Evan]

Very minimal.

[CJ]

I'm so confused, Evan, as to what your taste is?

[Tint]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You are a confusing man, dude.

[CJ]

We get you this raptor you hate.

[Evan]

And I love it.

[Ryan]

You don't love it.

[CJ]

You don't love it.

[Ryan]

Talk on it all the time.

[Evan]

What is one negative thing I've said.

[CJ]

About it was one positive thing you've said about it. Don't say anything negative.

[Evan]

I say all the time. I'm like, oh, these things aren't even made for. For towing. It tows my camper like a dream.

[Ryan]

Like you always say, it's not that good in the field. That's why you like the Suburban. Yeah.

[CJ]

So then we go out and we buy the 500 Suburban and it's like your first love.

[Ryan]

We just bought you a Lamborghini.

[Evan]

Well, did you look at it, Think it was a piece of art?

[CJ]

This is where I'm.

[Ryan]

I'm lost. Evan, would you. I was thinking about that. If we ever surprise you with like another. Another vehicle, I'm just going to go Back to like 2004 because I know you'll appreciate it. Much better.

[Evan]

I don't know what the Raptor cost, but we could have got, like, probably 70 suburbans for that price.

[Ryan]

See, this is what you're saying. You sit here and downplay the Raptor. Like I look the Suburbans.

[Evan]

It'd be like going in someone's shoe collection. They have all these shoes. It's like I got all these bourbons.

[Mike]

You could have gotten eight. We could have gotten 80.

[Ryan]

We got 80.

[CJ]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Around 100 suburbans.

[CJ]

It would have been a lot better reaction getting Evan a hundred Suburbans. Can you actually imagine? And our goal is to just finish all of them off.

[Mike]

What did you say about finishing him.

[Evan]

Off in the back of a bourbon? The hinder finder.

[Mike]

You imagine how confused the neighbors would be when our whole field is full of white Suburbans.

[Evan]

I don't want all white ones. I want all the colors.

[Ryan]

I think all white would be something really funny about that.

[Evan]

Different colored wheels.

[Ryan]

You can do that yourself, but you paint them.

[CJ]

I think that thing was kind of a special find, though.

[Evan]

Yeah, until the transmission fell out in the driveway last night.

[Ryan]

Whose fault was that?

[Evan]

Probably Ben's, because I was trying to keep up with the Raptor out on the track and he did a pretty good job. I'll give it to the Raptor and.

[CJ]

Well, the Suburban did a really good job. I'll give it that.

[Evan]

It survived the day, but it limped itself home and. And then died. So, like, it didn't die on the spot, but it took all the life out of it.

[CJ]

Okay, well, stay tuned for the boys triathlon. That'll probably. We'll start filming that probably this week, and then it'll be out in like a month.

[Ryan]

We're getting in shape, Ev. You know, one of us will have a tattoo at the end of this, but. But either way, we're both winners because we'll be in shape. Maybe.

[Evan]

Unless I quit right away. Except the tattoo and just hit the tease.

[Ryan]

I do feel pretty confident about taking you on in a physical endurance challenge because after that hot dog eating competition, you didn't even run a step. You just threw your hands up and just turned around.

[Evan]

You just ate five hot dogs. I'm gonna run anywhere except for the toilet.

[Ryan]

I've never seen you run, so I'm.

[Evan]

Short and legs gotta move quick. I got four steps to year one. It's hard. This. The whole challenge isn't going to be running, though, so it'll be fine. We're gonna do pull ups. Pull ups are gonna be in this challenge. I know, I can hold my own there.

[Mike]

Evan is good at pull ups.

[CJ]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe like a. Maybe like a strength test, a cardio test. And then, I mean maybe do like a. Like a who's smarter test.

[Evan]

Yeah, iq. We'll have to start reading books and.

[Tint]

I'd say just for shits and gigs. Like a body percentage loss test.

[Evan]

Yeah, may as well. Yeah, might as well.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. All right, well, sounds good. Stay tuned, guys. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next week.

[Mike]

All right, I'm gonna go put on some deodorant.