Mastering Confidence in the Workplace: Promotions, New Careers and Navigating Challenges with Kelli Rae Thompson

Summary

Podcast Summary: Life with Marianna – Episode: Mastering Confidence in the Workplace with Kelly Rae Thompson

Release Date: October 29, 2024

In this empowering episode of Life with Marianna, host Marianna Hewitt sits down with Kelly Rae Thompson, an award-winning leadership and executive coach, keynote speaker, and the critically acclaimed author of Closing the Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential, and Your Paycheck. Together, they delve deep into the nuances of building and sustaining confidence in the workplace, particularly focusing on promotions, career transitions, and overcoming professional challenges.

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1. Understanding the Confidence Gap in Women

Kelly Rae Thompson opens the discussion by addressing the pervasive issue of the confidence gap among women in the workplace. Drawing from her book, she challenges the traditional narrative that attributes this gap solely to individual shortcomings.

"Confidence is a twofold approach. We need to see more people who look like us in leadership roles and address systemic workplace issues that hinder our confidence."
— Kelly Thompson [01:49]

She references the seminal Wharton study on the Confidence Gap, highlighting how women often perform better yet advocate less effectively for themselves compared to men. Kelly emphasizes that true confidence stems not just from individual affirmation but also from structural changes that promote diversity in decision-making roles.

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2. Navigating Challenging Manager Relationships

Kelly shares strategies for thriving in environments where one might not have the privilege of choosing their manager. She underscores the importance of open communication and finding common ground to foster a productive working relationship.

"Approach the conversation with shared goals in mind. Highlight what both you and your leader value and find ways to align your personal challenges with organizational objectives."
— Kelly Thompson [05:24]

Using her personal experience with IVF treatments, Kelly illustrates how transparency and proactive problem-solving can bridge gaps with supervisors, even in less-than-ideal managerial relationships.

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3. Building Confidence in Team Settings and Meetings

Addressing the reluctance many women feel in speaking up during meetings, Kelly encourages listeners to recognize and leverage their unique contributions.

"Pull people off the pedestal. You might underestimate your intelligence and overestimate others'. Own your unique perspectives and don’t wait to feel fully confident before speaking up."
— Kelly Thompson [07:40]

She recounts a pivotal moment from her career where she realized the necessity of voicing her ideas despite initial self-doubt, emphasizing that confidence often follows action.

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4. Balancing Confidence with Compassion

Kelly distinguishes between confidence and cockiness, introducing curiosity as a key differentiator. She advocates for embracing one's directness while cultivating compassion to navigate workplace dynamics effectively.

"Cockiness is confidence without curiosity. As women, embracing our natural directness and pairing it with compassion allows us to lead authentically without succumbing to negative stereotypes."
— Kelly Thompson [13:58]

This balanced approach enables women to maintain their assertiveness without the fear of being labeled overly aggressive, fostering a more supportive work environment.

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5. Aligning Ambition with Personal Values

Discussing the interplay between professional ambition and personal peace, Kelly advises women to ensure their career choices resonate with their core values, thereby preventing burnout and resentment.

"Finding balance starts by saying no to commitments that don’t align with your values. It’s about prioritizing what truly matters to maintain inner peace while striving for professional success."
— Kelly Thompson [16:59]

She highlights the importance of introspection before accepting new roles or responsibilities, ensuring that each step in their career journey is purposeful and fulfilling.

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6. Handling Setbacks and Building Resilience

Kelly introduces the concept of adopting an experimenter's mindset to reframe failures as learning opportunities. She emphasizes self-compassion and the normalization of doubt as essential components of sustained confidence.

"We cannot criticize ourselves into more confidence. Instead, we should approach setbacks with compassion and curiosity, viewing them as experiments that contribute to our growth."
— Kelly Thompson [20:15]

Acknowledging that even top leaders like Indra Nooyi and Arianna Huffington experience doubt, Kelly reassures listeners that resilience is built through embracing and learning from challenges.

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7. Mastering Annual Reviews and Advocating for Promotions

When it comes to advocating for promotions or raises, Kelly advises a strategic, data-driven approach. She underscores the importance of aligning personal achievements with organizational goals to make a compelling case.

"Prepare specific examples of how you've contributed to making or saving money, reducing risk, or leading change within the company. Use this data to advocate for your promotion or salary increase."
— Kelly Thompson [29:23]

In scenarios where initial requests are met with resistance, Kelly recommends seeking constructive feedback and setting clear, actionable goals to revisit the conversation in the future.

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8. Rapid Fire Insights

In the episode's concluding segment, Kelly shares personal mantras and practices that bolster her confidence:

• Confidence Building Mantra: "Confidence is a side effect of taking action."

• Favorite Self-Care Practice: "Saying no."

• Small Win that Boosts Confidence: Celebrating each new enrollment or purchase in her programs as validation of her business model.

• Advice to Her Younger Self: "Trust yourself. Trust your gut. Trust all those little nudges that are happening inside. Don't ignore them."

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Conclusion

Kelly Rae Thompson's insights offer a comprehensive guide for women aiming to enhance their confidence and leadership presence in the workplace. By blending personal anecdotes with actionable strategies, she empowers listeners to navigate their career paths with resilience, authenticity, and intentionality.

For those interested in further exploring Kelly's work, her book Closing the Confidence Gap is available on platforms like Amazon and Audible. Additionally, she maintains an active presence on LinkedIn and Instagram, providing continuous support and resources for aspiring leaders.

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Notable Quotes:

1. "Confidence is a twofold approach. We need to see more people who look like us in leadership roles and address systemic workplace issues that hinder our confidence."
   — Kelly Thompson [01:49]

2. "Pull people off the pedestal. You might underestimate your intelligence and overestimate others'. Own your unique perspectives and don’t wait to feel fully confident before speaking up."
   — Kelly Thompson [07:40]

3. "Cockiness is confidence without curiosity. As women, embracing our natural directness and pairing it with compassion allows us to lead authentically without succumbing to negative stereotypes."
   — Kelly Thompson [13:58]

4. "Finding balance starts by saying no to commitments that don’t align with your values. It’s about prioritizing what truly matters to maintain inner peace while striving for professional success."
   — Kelly Thompson [16:59]

5. "We cannot criticize ourselves into more confidence. Instead, we should approach setbacks with compassion and curiosity, viewing them as experiments that contribute to our growth."
   — Kelly Thompson [20:15]

6. "Prepare specific examples of how you've contributed to making or saving money, reducing risk, or leading change within the company. Use this data to advocate for your promotion or salary increase."
   — Kelly Thompson [29:23]

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This episode serves as a vital resource for women seeking to bolster their confidence, navigate workplace dynamics, and achieve their professional aspirations with grace and determination.

Transcript

[Kelly Thompson]

The following podcast is a Dear Media.

[Mariana Huit]

Production hi, I'm Mariana. I'm the co founder of Summer Fridays and host of the Life with Mariana podcast. This week's episode is with Kelly Thompson. She's an award winning leadership and executive coach, keynote speaker and critically acclaimed author of Closing the Confidence Gap. Boost yout Peace, your Potential and your Paycheck. This episode is all about mastering confidence in the workplace. We talk about everything from promotions, new careers, and how to navigate work challenges. So if you guys want to learn from Kelly, keep listening and don't forget to subscribe to my podcast because I've got new episodes every Tuesday. And just a reminder that the Sephora sale starts this week which is such an exciting time of year. And of course this is a great time to stock up on Summer Fridays. What I like to do this time of year is stock up on gifts that I want to get for other people or restock my favorite products that I know I'm probably going to buy in some time. Anyway, if you guys are thinking about a skincare favorite for yourself, some of my favorites are of course the Jet Lag mask which you can use as a mask, moisturizer, hand cream, eye cream. And what I love about this is it's also got the National Eczema seal of acceptance. So this product is non comedogenic and fragrance free and it's just a really great all over everyday moisturizer. So in the morning I usually just put it on like a moisturizer amount and at night if my skin is really dry or dehydrated, I'll put on a thicker layer and just allow it to fully absorb. So it's sort of like an overnight sleeping mask that you don't have to remove. It also comes in mini size which is really great for stocking stuffers. And since I'm talking about stocking stuffers, a couple things are our holiday sets. These are limited edition. We've got one that's a skincare set that comes with a mini jet lag mask, a cleanser, a serum, and also a mini lip butter bomb. We also have our mini Lip butterbomb set and we also have a full size value set. Get all these and more during the Sephora sale. And if you guys stock up on your summer Fridays favorites, I'd love to hear what you get. Now let's hear from Kelly.

[Kelly Thompson]

Why do you think women lack confidence in the workplace?

Yeah, and I think my book actually addresses this maybe from a little bit different perspective than what you might typically expect from a Confidence or a leadership book. You know, I think a lot of people tend to blame a lack of confidence on women. And this is not a new story. In fact, that's why Wharton had the study called the Confidence Gap. They wanted to understand why does it seem to be that women just seem to lack confidence, they seem to lack the ability to advocate for themselves, and men are just so much, you know, better at this. So what they did was they gave individuals a standardized test and they did not tell them how they did on the test, but based on how they thought they did on the test, they were supposed to go and advocate their perceived performance to these hypothetical employers. Well, I think we all know who did a better job advocating for themselves. It was the men. But who actually did a little bit better on the test. It was the women. And so what the researchers said was, and I think this is a common prescription for confidence, the researcher said, well, maybe if we just tell women they did better on the test, that is, hey, we'll just tell you you were smarter, then their confidence will follow suit. So I actually argue in my book that that's actually not going to cut it. Because to see more women confidently showing up in the workplace, confidently leading, using their unique skills, we need to see more women in the rooms where decisions are made. And so I really think confidence is a twofold approach. And that's really what I try to take in my book. Number one, we need to see more people who look like us in positions of leadership, using a diversity of skills, different ways of influencing. Right. Different ways of behaving. And at the same time, there are a lot of systemic issues in the workplace that aren't going to change overnight, which is kind of a bummer. So what do you do to thrive in spite of those challenges? And so I always say that I think confidence starts from the systemic perspective, making sure we can see folks who look like us in positions of key leadership. And I also think that it's partly our role to use the strategies that you and I are probably going to talk about today to reflect on how can we incorporate more confidence into our everyday work? How can we show up and speak up in ways that we want to? And I grew up in a male dominated field, and maybe many of you out there are working or are in places where there's just a lot of men present. And so I remember being young in my career, I grew up in finance and spent some time in technology. And so I remember looking up in the leadership teams and thinking, okay, they have like one woman you know, is there a role for me? You know, do I have the right body parts to get promoted? Why does it seem to be that? There just seems to be this path for more men than there is women? And that can feel really frustrating. And at the same point now in my career, I agree with you. There's lots of times where I have come to the table and it is filled with women. And I think that's one of the main reasons why I really encourage, and in my own business, try to get women together. Because when we can come together, we can talk about the issues that impact us. We can talk about things, you know, from our lens. We can talk about things that we could never talk about with a man present. Because here's the thing is, lots of times women in the workplace, their confidence suffers because they're playing two roles. Not only are they trying to be amazing at work, but some of you listeners may also be at home, you know, trying to start a family or managing a family or trying to, you know, hustle after kids. And so it's like you just have no downtime. And that exhaustion can really hurt and kill your confidence. But that's something oftentimes we can only talk with other women about what our strategies are to show up in the way we want to show up in both places.

And maybe because you had this experience yourself, let's say your manager is a male and you're trying to go to them and you have an issue or.

[Mariana Huit]

Problem, is there a way that you.

[Kelly Thompson]

Could speak to your personality that you report to about maybe an issue that you're having that you don't feel comfortable or confident talking about with them?

So it's not uncommon at work to not be able to choose your manager. And, you know, I tell clients all the time, and I know, I've been through it too, is like over 50% of your career, you might have a manager that you don't prefer, whether that is a man or a woman. And you might be reporting to somebody in which you don't feel comfortable sharing maybe personal issues that are impacting your work, you know, So I think the number one thing is, is number one, if that is your leader and that is a personal issue and it's impacting your work, maybe you need to take some time off. I think it's about starting with that individual and finding some common ground and say, you know what? At the end of the day, what do both me and my leader, even though I feel like maybe we don't have the best relationship, what are A couple things that we both value. Maybe we both value getting a certain sales result. Maybe we both value our families. You know, just because they're not a woman doesn't mean they don't value their family. Maybe we both value really good customer service that we're trying to provide. And so how do I approach that conversation from a lens of, hey, you know, here's this thing that we both value and it's really important for me to achieve this with you. And I think because of that, I want to let you know about something that's happening in my personal life. You know, hey, I'll give you my own example. I had to go to my leader and just talk about how inconvenient it was going to be for her that I was going through IVF treatments and how I had to say no to some things when she came and asked me if I would do them. Because I'm like, well, I don't know, I might have to go to monitoring that day. You know, it was just very inconvenient. But, you know, approaching that in a, in a way that says, hey, I know that we're both trying to achieve X and I think it's important that I let you know that I'm dealing with why. And this may throw some hurdles. And so I would just want to talk to you about what I can do proactively to, you know, get my work done or make sure this is accomplished or make sure that I have a backup. And so I think just approaching that topic with the end in mind, the shared goal in mind with the individual can be a great place to start.

I think that's also good. Leading to my next question, because I, I think so many of us lack confidence in the workplace because we either want to advocate for ourselves at work or we just feel really quiet or hesitant to speak up in meetings. So how can we find more confidence, not just with our managers, but even in a team setting, to stand up, share advice, share our ideas, just to feel more comfortable in those settings.

Yeah, you know, it's interesting. I probably take a little bit different approach because I don't know about you, but. And I'll just kind of take everybody back to the time I was in a meeting. I remember sitting in one of these all day strategy meetings for the conversation had just gone on and on and on and you're just like, oh, we need a break. We finally get a bathroom break and I go into the bathroom and I'm like, oh, why am I so annoyed? I started to realize Gosh, it's because we keep hearing from the same people over and over again. Most of the voices were men. And I thought to myself, well, are there more men than women in that room that day? And I'm like, well, no, they're evenly split now. The leaders were men, but the room was evenly split. And I remember getting mad. I remember thinking, like, well, these women should speak up. And it's almost like this little voice said, well, you could be the one to speak up. And I was appalled at this. And I was like, I can't speak up because. But first, I need to make sure that I'm going to sound okay. But first, what if I need to go do more research? But first, what if I need to, like, go back to school? But first. But first. But first. But it was the first time that I really put that feeling that I wanted to speak up and that I wanted to contribute, but I felt like I wasn't credible enough. Because, you see, what was happening was, is I was putting all of these other people on a pedestal. The leaders who'd been around longer than me, maybe they had a higher title than me. I put them on a pedestal thinking that because, you know, of who they were, that they must know best and they have all the answers. But that actually isn't true. What we're doing is we're just overestimating other people's intelligence, and we're underestimating our own intelligence and those unique perspectives that only we can bring to the table. And so one of the things I really encourage folks to do is actually not to be more confident, is just to instead pull people off the pedestal. Because we've all gotten to know people we put on a pedestal. We're like, oh, they're totally normal. And what I can tell you is being a coach, these leaders I put on a pedestal still come to coaching, too, looking for answers. And so one of the ways that you can do that in a room is just to say, you know what? I'm feeling intimidated. And maybe it's because I have all these other leaders or experts, and I'm putting them on a pedestal, thinking they know best. But what is that unique contribution that only I can bring to this meeting? And that's where I want you to start. Maybe you are the only person in the room that understands data analytics. Maybe you're the only person in the room that has actually talked to that customer. Maybe you're the only person in the room that is really good at understanding how to change people's behavior. I want you to own that and say, you know what, yes, they might have a lot of stuff, but only I can speak on that and you can speak up while also feeling nervous. I think that was a huge thing is I thought I had to feel confident to speak up, but actually you're going to feel doubt because it's outside of your comfort zone. So how do I own my point of view and know that I can speak up while also feeling nervous?

That's such a great point because I always think you're in the meeting for a reason. Somebody invited you here because they want you here. So if you're present, it's because they obviously there's something that they want from you.

[Mariana Huit]

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[Kelly Thompson]

Something I hear a lot from our listeners is they have this concern about being perceived as maybe too aggressive or too confident if they do start to speak up. So how can women navigate this fine line between being confident and not being perceived as maybe, like, overly assertive or something like that in the workplace?

You know, it was interesting. When I was young in my career, I was applying for a job, and bless this leader's heart, she sat me down and she said, kelly, do you know the difference between confidence and cockiness? And I'm like, I think so. But I think, as I say, I've really learned and grown. I've discovered that curiosity is the difference. So cockiness is just confidence without any curiosity. And here's the thing I really want folks to hear. As a woman in the workplace today, there will be gender assumptions and stereotypes. And I have always been called to direct. I've always been called to direct my whole life, but it is literally who I am. Some of my clients have been called too assertive, too bossy, too chatty, too talkative. And so the amount of energy that we take in to try to, like, stuff that down is exhausting. And honestly, that's not who we really are. So instead, if you're listening, one of the things that I want you to answer is this. What have you always been called? Just think about that for a moment. And now I want you to think, because you are that thing, maybe you are assertive. What has that allowed you to do? My hunch, at least in my own experience, because I am direct, as an HR person, it allowed me to be really good at sharing hard news that people had to hear or deliver hard changes that were happening without, you know, trying to beat around the bush, right? It's like, here's the thing. But, you know, that skill that you've been working to develop to kind of offset it. So as somebody who's always been called too direct, I really always tried to be more compassionate. Okay? Like, that skill that you've been working to cultivate, it's not all lost. So it's like, okay, well, how can I be direct and compassionate? You know, what situations call for my unique directness, and where can I use that and show up? But what situations might call for a little compassion? It doesn't mean that I lose my directness. For my clients who've been called assertive, you know, maybe they are trying to, you know, cultivate balance. Well, it's not that they need to be balanced all the time in Their approach, it's just what situations call for assertiveness and what situations call for balance. I can be assertive and balanced, and because I am those things, what does that unique quality allow me to do? So I definitely take the aim of let's celebrate that unique approach about us, because it's probably been given to you as a gift for you to accomplish very specific things in your life. But how do you balance it in a way with something that feels in alignment to your values?

I love how you highlighted the difference between cocky and confident and direct and compassionate and assertive and balanced. And balance is really, I think, so many of us try to achieve, but I think there's not really so much balance. But it makes me think about the balance that we might have for our own inner peace and maybe the peace within our team, but also this ambition we have for professional success. So how do you recommend women manage their drive to succeed at work, which sometimes kind of feels at odds with the peace we want to have and balance for ourselves, or either the peace within our team? Because sometimes you are often competing with your co workers for a promotion or a raise.

I want to come back to a word that you said, peace, because here's the thing where you are feeling resentment in your life probably shows you that you are working or living outside of your value system. And so now I want to take you back to, like, my 20s and early 30s of when I was climbing the career ladder. I mean, we all do it when we're young. Like, we get opportunities and oh my gosh, the title, the salary, the money, you know, we get all excited. And so many times we don't even stop and ask ourselves, do I even want that? Or is it just coming from a person I respect? And I think it's going to, like, help, you know, improve my family situation or make me money. And sometimes there is a reason to say yes to those things because you might learn something or you're curious about it. But all too often, and I wrote about this in my book of my personal experiences, and I see it all the time with my clients, is we climb to the top of the ladder, only to get to the top and realize that that ladder is leaning against the wrong building, because we've never even stopped and asked ourselves, do I even want that? So when you talk about peace, one of the things that I really work with my clients on and I've had to work on in my own life is sometimes we say yes to everything and then try to find balance, but instead we have to think about finding balance by not saying yes to everything. And so I really want you to think about where is an area in your life where you're feeling resentful and angry? And is that a clue that you said yes to something that isn't in alignment with your values? It isn't in alignment with the way you want to live. It isn't in alignment with the type of leader or parent or partner or friend you want to become. And start by saying no there. I know all of us, like, we feel bad, so we say yes to the school who needs help, or a co worker comes to us and we feel bad, so we say yes to being on that committee and then we live resentfully. So it's really hard to find balance if you aren't first saying yes to those things that are in alignment with your values and saying no to everything that isn't that.

I think that's a really good point because there's definitely been times in my career where I felt that way. And I think with social media, it makes so many of us feel that way a little bit more, because you see your peers and they're doing something and sharing something. So I had a friend who wanted to do a project and she was like, I really want to do this. And I'm like, why? And she's like, I see all these other people doing it, so I feel like I should do it next. And I'm like, okay, well, you're just doing it because everybody else, not because you actually want to. Some time passed and she was like, thank you so much for talking me through that, because I actually never even wanted that. It was just a goal that I thought I wanted. And so I think it's really helpful to think about your values and how it. It goes to those goals, because if not, you're going to go down a path and maybe it takes us you.

[Mariana Huit]

A few years to get there and.

[Kelly Thompson]

Then you realize it a little bit too late.

Yes, Yes, a thousand percent. And so I think just an ounce of awareness before we say yes to something. Even if you have to teach yourself to give yourself, like an autoresponder, like, oh, Mariana, thanks for thinking of me. Let me give that some thought and check my calendar. Right? Even just to give yourself a minute before you just go, yes, you know, because then you can go home and ask all the really important questions that your friend asked you. I love it.

So these are a lot of positive things we want to work towards in our careers, but I think there's a Lot of doubt that comes in our career as well. So when you have a setback or failure in a workplace, how can you take that feedback or that failure and not let it derail your confidence?

Yeah. Gosh, I. I thought that maybe if I left corporate America, I wouldn't have any failures anymore, so. But it's not true. Two things here. I think there's two questions. I heard you ask about the doubt, and I heard you ask about the failure. I think sometimes when things don't go as planned, it can be really easy to get self critical. And that's the first place I go. It's the first place my clients go like that. We beat ourselves up. Oh, my gosh. Well, I would have been smarter, blah, blah, blah, blah. But one of the things I've learned is that we cannot criticize ourselves into more confidence. So I think the first place we have to start is actually being really compassionate with ourselves. And, you know, I can still remember, even I remember lots of examples in corporate were things I launched didn't go as planned. But even in my entrepreneurship journey, I've launched programs and nobody showed up, nobody enrolled, and I just beat myself up. But that doesn't make us more creative. So instead it's like, okay, how can I have a ton of compassion for myself that, you know, sometimes things just don't always go as planned, it's just the way of it. And number two, one of the things that really helped me, and I didn't learn this until I left corporate America, but was to have more of an experimenter's mindset. Like, an experimenter's mindset wants to test and learn. And experimenters, like a scientist mindset, like they want something to fail because that's where they learn. They're like, okay, well, what input did I use? And where did this go wrong? And where did I not understand my subject appropriately? And so when I started to really think about approaching things with an experimenter's mindset and not like a pass fail mindset, it opened up this whole area of like, oh, well, now I can just test and learn. Now I can have fun. Now I can launch things and, like, see how it goes. How do people react? Is this what the audience really wants? And it just, I have so much less attachment to the outcome. And, you know, and when it comes to doubt, doubt, remember y'all, is a normal, healthy human emotion. There are people who don't feel doubt. And I watch them on Dateline every Friday night with a margarita with my husband. And I think to myself, like this person could have benefited from a little more doubt before they took out that life insurance policy on the partner they were about to kill. And all jokes aside, but remember, there are severe consequences for not feeling doubt. So have some compassion for yourself when you things didn't go as planned and you start to doubt yourself, of course, because feeling that normal, healthy human emotion of doubt keeps you humble, it keeps you curious, it keeps you connected, and it's going to be present every time you stretch your comfort zone. I've talked to some of the highest leaders in the world, like Indra Nooyi, who is the CEO of Pepsi, Arianna Huffington, founder of the HuffPost and Thrive Global, and even they've said their doubt has never gone away as they've accelerated, they've just learned how to lead successfully while also feeling doubt. So I think it's less about, you know, criticizing and wishing these things weren't present, but having more compassion and just honoring that these normal feelings will be present.

I love what you said about it's still it's present every time you stretch your comfort zone because it's so true. It's almost like if you're too comfortable all the time, maybe you're not growing. And it's really helpful to hear your own insights on this.

[Mariana Huit]

So it's coming up to the holiday season which I am so excited about. And this also marks two years that I haven't drank and one of my favorite things about that is actually trying all of these new beverages and drinks and alternatives and recommending them to you guys. And I want to tell you about Societe de la Roste. It's a de alcoholized sparkling wine, meaning that it's non alcoholic, it's made with 100% Chardonnay grapes and it's sustainably sourced in Spain. It offers the same celebratory experience that you want with champagne down to the pop, but without the alcohol, so you can celebrate without compromise. And it's also gluten free, vegan, non GMO and no sugar added. It's also clean with no added flavors and less than 1.2 grams of sugar per glass. And I really love that you still get this celebratory experience because the branding is bold, timeless and elegant. And it's inspired by the legacy of luxury fashion houses exclusively for the life with Mariana listeners, Society de la Rossi is offering 15% off your order with the code MARIANA. Visit societydelarasi.com to place your order. That's society-e l a r-a s s I.com for 15 off your order with the code Mariana. As I'm recording this, there's actually a huge thing of water next to me and one of my greatest beauty tips, tricks, wellness things that I do is just making sure I drink enough water each day. And by having something with me, it actually makes it a lot easier. And if you guys haven't tried, you gu have to get your hands on the water bottle that everyone's talking about. The viral Hydro Jug Traveler. It is one of my new favorite items because it is leak proof, which is really nice. When I'm on the go, I'm in my car, I'm taking it everywhere. There are so many things that I love about this one, especially that it's leak proof because I'm always on the go. I'm taking it in my bag or in the car to the office. It's also cup holder compatible, which is really important when I'm driving around all day long. And has a hygienic circular flip straw so it's really easy for sipping. It's also got a rubber base, it's, it's durable and it's triple wall insulated. It also comes in 40, 32 and 20 ounce. You can really find the perfect bottle that matches how much you need. Get your Hydro jug [e-mail] and use discount code Mariana to get 10 off your order today. Hydro jugs are game changers for anyone on the go. Again, use code [e-mail] to get 10 off today and start hydrating today.

[Kelly Thompson]

I think many women, especially those who want to grow into leadership and management roles themselves, they might feel even a little bit of self doubt or fear of being judged or not confident in themselves. So what advice would you have to those women that they want to really feel like, okay, I'm ready to be a leader now and my abilities and that they feel confident in making that next step in their career.

Well, you asked two questions. You. The first one you asked I think is really important. They're nervous about being judged. And so what I tell folks is this. What are you willing to be criticized for? Because as you continue to grow as a leader, people aren't going to like the things you do. It's like the bell shaped curve, right? That just happens. 20% think that you can walk on water. 60% are like, yeah, she's pretty good. 20%, not just. They're just not going to be into you. You just can't change it. It's just reality, right? Not Everybody's gonna like your stuff. I don't like pumpkin spice. It's pumpkin spice seasoning. Like, there's nothing against pumpkin spice, but what I'm saying is, is so you have to ask yourself, because people are going to judge you. People are going to criticize you as a leader. So do you want to be judged and criticized while trying to mold and conform to someone else, and then you don't even feel good about yourself and you're being judged? Or can you ask yourself a more empowering question? And you can ask yourself, and I have all my leaders do this assignment. What do you believe in so strongly? What do you stand for? What are you passionate about? What do you believe in creating in the world? How do you believe in treating people? And use that information to ask yourself, what do I believe in so strongly that I'm willing to endure the criticism? Because that's a much more powerful question. Some of the most successful and loved leaders in the world have made people upset, but they've also created wonderful work environments, and they've led social change because they were willing to be criticized for the thing that they feel passionate about. And that's how we build true confidence, is when we say, I believe in this so strongly because it is in alignment with my values. It's not what other people want me to do. It's what I believe. And so I'm going to do it knowing that I'm okay enduring the criticism. And then we just kind of, like, normalize that make. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but we're just willing to endure the criticism that comes with it.

Well, the criticism part of it is really hard, especially when you become a leader, because people are really looking to advice. So how can you balance that feeling of being okay with being criticized and being a leader, but also being compassionate at the same time? Because you do have emotions, you care about your team, but sometimes you can't let those feelings come through all the time.

Yeah, I think you just have to ask yourself, like, so I'm just thinking back to a decision that. That I made as a leader in an organization. I oversaw HR in this organization. And we had made some decisions after a merger and some training programs and some HR programs. And I knew people were going to be upset. I just knew it. I mean, we're changing stuff. Nobody likes it when you change stuff. It's just reality. And I thought, you know what? There's gonna be a lot of people. There'll be people who are on board, but there's Going to be people who are going to be, you know, talking about me in the break room or whatever. But I guess I just had to ask myself, like, what do I want my legacy to be? So when I leave this organization someday, like, what do I want to be remembered by? Do I want to be remembered as the person who never did anything because she was so scared that somebody was going to criticize her? Or do I want to be remembered as somebody who actually did make a lot of progress forward and made some changes, you know, and brought people along and improved the organization for the better, even though along the way it made some people upset? And here's the thing. Yeah, it sucks to be criticized. It doesn't feel good. It hurts our heart. And at the same time, I think we also just need to have a lot of compassion for ourselves. That to take that criticism in and to have it hurt is just a very, very normal thing. I always tell folks, like, just stop and name your feelings around the issue and just know that as normal, have your support systems. It's really important for you to have a few people around you that you really trust that you can just work on these feelings with and these folks that can remind you of who you are in those moments.

I want to talk a little bit about people going in for their annual reviews and how to have confidence in your annual review to speak up whether you think it's time for a promotion.

[Mariana Huit]

Or a raise, which sometimes we really.

[Kelly Thompson]

Feel deserving of it. But it's really hard to vocalize it.

It can be hard to vocalize it. So I want you to do your homework. Okay? So let's just go big picture here. All right? You're going in for your annual review. Here's the three things your company cares about. Your company cares about money, making it or saving it. Your company cares about risk, reducing it. Whether it's like you work in a compliant, like a heavily regulated field, and we're reducing, like, business operations risk, or maybe just like reputation risk, brand risk, those sorts of things, okay? And then they care about leading change and evolving for the future so they can stay afloat. So before you even go into your performance review, and you should be having this conversation with your leader regularly and not just in your performance review. So I'll advocate for that. But I want you to think about in the past year, how did I help my company make money or save money? How did I help my company reduce risk? And how did I help my company lead change? And I want you to come up with some specific Examples of things that you did and what those results were and how that tied to those things that your company cares about. And that way when you go into your performance review, you can have that conversation to say, hey, you know what, in the last year, you know, I've done these three things and here were the results. The other thing that you can take a look at is looking at the data and the facts. Has your role grown over the last year? Year? Did they give you five extra direct reports? They give you 10 extra customers to manage? Right. Did you technically get a promotion and a title change but no salary increase? So you can also bring up that data to say, hey, in the last year you've given me an additional team to manage and you've also given me another very large client. And so I would love to talk about an appropriate salary range that you know is more commensurate with the things that I'm doing now. Luckily, due to salary transparency laws, there's so much research that you can go out and do on your own, on link or just job posting websites to see what other companies in your area are paying people to do a role similar to yours. So those are just some ways is I always really encourage people to bring in the data and bring in the facts. Here's what I was doing last year, here's how my role is expanded this year. This is the impact that I have made. And then here is a salary that I think is fair. And I would love to talk to you about, you know, what I need to do or what conversations we need to have to see if I can move into this higher salary range.

Okay, dream scenario, your manager says, okay, yes, great, here's your promotion, here's your salary, you know, increase. But what if you come in, you have all of this information, you say it to them and they're like, okay, we don't think you're ready for this role right now, or we don't have the budget to increase your salary. What can you do next to work towards those things?

Yeah. So this is not uncommon. And I just want you, if you're listening, to know that as somebody who spent a majority of her career in hr, overnight salary increases I have never seen happen unless it's coming from the employer. Okay, so just remember, and I'm normalizing, the first salary conversation will not be your last. And it typically doesn't happen that quick. Although that would be amazing. I want you to just plan that your salary conversation within your existing organization may take three to six months, depending on how Big your organization is, how hierarchical it is, their compensation philosophy. Because here's the thing, you bring up this conversation and maybe the immediate response is, we don't have the budget. But see, now you're, now your manager's thinking, oh, is Mariana looking, I wonder if I'm going to lose her. She's looked at her salary. She's starting to think about it. Right. And so just because you bring it up once, I actually want you to be prepared to continue to bring it up in a couple of months. Now, if your leader says, you know, Mariana, I, I don't think that, you know, you're ready for this promotion or, you know, we're in a position to increase your sal, so then that's a great place for us to get curious. To say, that's really interesting. I would love to know what are two or three behaviors you would love to see me exhibit in the next three months so that maybe you feel willing to re approach this conversation. Like, use it as an opportunity to get specific examples of behaviors of things they want you to cultivate so that you can re approach this conversation and re approach this, this performance review. And that's a great place to get feedback.

I think that's really great advice. The last couple minutes, I want to.

[Mariana Huit]

Go through a couple rapid fire questions.

[Kelly Thompson]

With you that I think would be helpful for people. So the first is, do you have a confidence building mantra that you live by?

Confidence is a side effect of taking action.

Oh, I love that.

We will never feel confident before we do a thing. I've done over a hundred podcast reviews and I still feel nervous. But you don't ever feel the effects of confidence until after you do a thing. So it's like you, the actions of confidence come first and the feelings come come second.

What is your favorite way to practice self care?

Saying no.

That's a great one. I, I, I, I like strongly believe in that too. But I will say in my 20s, it was really hard. The older I've gotten, the easier it becomes. And now I have no problem saying it, but it definitely took a lot of practice to get there.

Yep. Yeah, self care is not massages and bubble baths. That's important. But saying no allows you to do those things where you can get the rest and rejuvenation you need.

What's a small win that always boosts your confidence?

Every time somebody just enrolls in one of my programs or buys something for me, like it just never gets old. Like it just never gets old that it's just, I can't like my proof of concept that my business is working.

[Mariana Huit]

If you could give your younger self.

[Kelly Thompson]

Some advice, what would it be?

Trust yourself. Trust your gut. Trust all those little nudges that are happening inside. Don't ignore them.

[Mariana Huit]

Amazing.

[Kelly Thompson]

Well, where can we find you? Follow you, Find your program so that the audience can learn more from you.

Yeah, so if you liked what we talked about today, you can find my book Closing the Confidence Gap. Boost yout Peace, your Potential and your Paycheck anywhere books are sold. Folks you know love the Amazon if you like the Audible version. I do read the Audible if you enjoy the sound of my voice. Otherwise you can come to my [e-mail] and I usually hang out on LinkedIn the most at Kellyray Thompson, but I hang out on Instagram a little bit. It too.

[Mariana Huit]

Amazing. Thanks so much Kelly.

[Kelly Thompson]

Thank you.

Thanks so much for listening and be.

[Mariana Huit]

Sure to subscribe to my podcast and rate and review because it would mean.

[Kelly Thompson]

So much to me.

[Mariana Huit]

And follow me on Instagram at marianahuit.

[Kelly Thompson]

To see what episodes are coming up next.

[Mariana Huit]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.