Lipstick on the Rim – "Burned Out, Distracted, and Exhausted? You’re Not Broken"

Release Date: February 3, 2026
Hosts: Molly Sims & Emese Gormley
Guest: Dr. Zelana Montminy (Psychologist, Author of “Finding Focus: Own Your Attention in the Age of Distraction”)

Episode Overview

This episode of Lipstick on the Rim delves into the modern epidemic of burnout, distraction, and exhaustion—particularly among women. Molly Sims and Emese Gormley sit down with Dr. Zelana Montminy, behavioral scientist and author, to reframe common narratives around focus, productivity, and self-care. Together, they explore why so many people feel frazzled and disconnected, the invisible labor disproportionately carried by women, and practical ways to regain a sense of agency and presence in daily life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Ubiquity of Distraction & Burnout

• Distraction isn’t just a children’s problem: Adults have become just as addicted to their devices and constant notifications, but the conversation often centers on kids.
  • “We only talk about distraction with kids, but never as adults, which is why this is so welcome.” — Emese (04:36)
• No shame in struggling: The world we live in is engineered to capture and monetize our attention.
  • “We need to take away the shame and guilt... this is collective. This is literally every single one of us, including me, by the way. And I wrote the book.” — Dr. Zelana (05:26)
• Invisible labor: Women, especially, carry a relentless mental load, balancing home, work, and family logistics.
  • “There's so much invisible and emotional labor within the work we do… and that just whittles away at our sense of well-being.” — Dr. Zelana (10:12)

2. Rethinking Focus

• Focus as ‘coming home to yourself’:
  • “When I talk about focus, I'm not talking about focus as a productivity tool. I'm talking about focus as a way to come home to yourself.” — Dr. Zelana (09:07)
• It’s not about performance: Focus should be less about relentless doing and more about intentional being.
  • “So much of our [living] is performative and doing, doing, doing. This is less about doing and more about just being within the moments that we choose.” — Dr. Zelana (12:43)
• Micro-moments of presence: Even just 60 seconds of true single-tasking or silence can begin to reset your brain’s frazzled state.
  • “Your micro moment is turning off all the music and the podcast and everything... and giving yourself even 60 seconds of complete silence.” — Dr. Zelana (31:15)

3. Technology: Demonization vs. Usefulness

• Phones as pacifiers:
  • “We use the phone as our pacifier. It’s not really the phone’s fault per se. We are trying to escape the discomfort of having tougher conversations or actually sitting with whatever it is we’re feeling.” — Dr. Zelana (08:05)
• Morning routines and attention: Avoiding your phone for just 30 minutes after waking can totally change your day.
  • “If you wake up in someone else's life with someone else's urgencies... you set your day up for total frazzled distraction.” — Dr. Zelana (20:35)
• Practical tip: Use an analog alarm and keep your phone out of the bedroom to break the morning scroll habit.
  • “Buy an analog alarm. Put your phone in the bathroom. Make yourself have to work a little harder for the habits that don't serve you.” — Dr. Zelana (22:34)

4. Burnout is Common, But Not ‘Normal’

• Burnout as a baseline: Constant low-level fight-or-flight is now the norm, but it’s not sustainable or healthy.
  • “Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s normal.” — Dr. Zelana (11:36)
• Rest is more than vacations: Real rest comes from intentional daily pauses, not just getaways.
  • “Where are the pockets of pause?... I call that the micro moments.” — Dr. Zelana (11:56)

5. Decision Fatigue & Fragmentation

• Constant decision-making for women/moms: The mental load includes everyday logistics down to the tiniest detail, causing exhaustion and brain fog.
  • “My husband... has zero concept of everything that lives in my head... So no wonder us women are more distracted.” — Emese (29:57)
• Fragmentation and task switching: Multitasking is draining and leaves the brain unable to firmly encode experiences.
  • “23 minutes to actually go back to whatever it is you’re doing [after a distraction]...” — Dr. Zelana (32:21)

6. Focus Thieves & Practical Strategies

• Identify your ‘focus thieves’: These are anything that routinely pull you away from intentionality—phones, mindless scrolling, even over-cleaning or compulsive productivity.
  • “It's the things that pull you away from what actually matters in that moment.” — Dr. Zelana (23:13)
• Single-tasking > multitasking: Committing to just one thing—even cleaning, if it grounds you—brings calm and presence.
  • “Cleaning makes me calm.” — Molly (33:28)
  • “Let your space be your vision board.” — Dr. Zelana (33:35)

7. Reframing Self-Care and Setting Boundaries

• Self-prioritization is essential, not selfish:
  • “When you're able to focus... you're not just reacting... Something so powerful happens within your body... it's the most important thing we can do for ourselves. If you love other people, do it for them.” — Dr. Zelana (35:41)
• Stop apologizing for not being available:
  • “We have to stop apologizing for not instantly responding to things.” — Emese (41:24)
  • “Train people how to approach you and what you're available for and what you let in. That's focus.” — Dr. Zelana (43:03)

8. The Power of Real Community

• Surface vs. true connection:
  • “We mistake connections and these, like, surface connects with actual community. And that's not what we're talking about here. We're the loneliest generation and yet we're the most connected.” — Dr. Zelana (44:15)
• Community as a life raft: Shared struggle and genuine support are what lift us up.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Modeling Behavior for Kids:
  • “Our kids can't embody all these skill sets we want them to have if we ourselves aren't doing it. It trickles down.” — Dr. Zelana (05:00)
• On Living in the Moment:
  • “The biggest success... is being within the moment. Whether they're hard, whether they're fast, whatever it is, just be in them.” — Dr. Zelana (28:15)
• On Single-Tasking and Presence:
  • “Be in whatever it is you're doing. Yes, it'll feel jarring at first, but your brain needs it desperately.” — Dr. Zelana (35:01)
• Advice to Her 10-Year-Old Self:
  • “Stop rushing through things. Overachieving, trying to get it all done. Just live in those moments and enjoy the process… even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.” — Dr. Zelana (45:10)
• On Burnout Culture:
  • “Stop wearing burnout as a badge of honor.” — Molly (46:11)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:42]: How distraction is not just a children’s issue
• [05:26]: Collective nature of distraction and attention struggles
• [09:07]: Reframing focus: not a productivity tool, but a return to self
• [10:12]: Emotional and invisible labor, especially for women
• [12:43]: The performative myth of focus and the importance of being
• [20:35]: The morning phone-check habit and why to break it
• [22:34]: Practical tip: keep your phone out of the bedroom
• [23:13]: Identifying and managing ‘focus thieves’
• [28:15]: The crucial difference between doing and being; memory formation
• [31:15]: Micro-moments and quick de-fragmentation strategies
• [41:24]: Stop apologizing for late replies; boundaries
• [44:15]: The crisis of loneliness and the need for authentic community
• [45:10]: Dr. Zelana’s advice to her younger self
• [46:11]: Letting go of burnout as an identity

Tone and Takeaway

The conversation is candid, honest, and full of practical wisdom. Dr. Zelana’s advice is compassionate and grounded in both science and real life. The mood is supportive but not sugarcoated: the hosts and Dr. Zelana openly admit their own struggles with distraction and guilt, and encourage listeners to release shame, set boundaries, and start with small, intentional steps.

Biggest Takeaway:
You’re not broken. The world is designed to pull your attention in a million directions, but you can cultivate micro-moments of intentional focus and presence. Small, consistent changes—especially around your phone, morning routine, and single-tasking—can make a profound impact. It’s not selfish to look after your attention; by doing so, you model presence and groundedness for everyone around you.

Recommended Action:

• Try NOT picking up your phone first thing in the morning
• Create a ‘micro-moment’ of silence or single-tasking, even just for one minute
• Set clearer boundaries with digital notifications and communications
• Seek out real, in-person connections whenever possible

Guest Info:
Dr. Zelana Montminy

• Instagram: @dr.zelana
• Book: "Finding Focus: Own Your Attention in the Age of Distraction"
• Also author of "21 Days to Resilience"