June 1991 Pop Culture: River, Noni & Munchkin Cats

Summary

Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s – June 1991 Pop Culture: River, Noni & Munchkin Cats

Episode Date: November 11, 2025
Hosts: Tara Ariano (“Christina”), Pamela Ribon (“Pam”), David T. Cole (“Dave”)

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Episode Overview

This episode is a lively and humorous deep dive into the June 1991 issue of Sassy magazine. The hosts reunite to reminisce and analyze key pop culture moments, quirky magazine tidbits, and the offbeat energy of early ‘90s Gen-X teen life. Major focal points include River Phoenix’s side hustle in music, the arrival of the Munchkin cat, eco-angst over McDonald’s packaging, underground zines, and a cascade of music and movie reviews, all filtered through the hosts' combination of nostalgia, snark, and affection for vintage Sassy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: June 1991 Weirdness

• [01:16] Christina’s whimsical intro runs through time-capsule news: Dana Plato’s sentencing, Comedy Central’s debut, and Susan Lucci’s Emmy loss, but proclaims the era is more about “hiding a fat snake under your bed.”
• Snake-based ‘meet cute’: "So what she's predicting is a snake based meat cute." (Pam, [02:12])
  • The hosts riff on the oddball scenario, joking about “good kissing” being “jaws completely unhinged.” (Christina, [02:22])

2. Magazine Rituals & Zine Culture

• Side copy struggles: The crew jokes about struggling to read Sassy’s notorious sideways and upside-down text.
  • "Everyone has a system at this point." (Christina, [03:02])
  • Pam brags: “I’m the second place efficiency expert. Pam, you're lost.” ([03:18])
• Zine of the Month: Girl Germs is spotlighted as a feminist zine for “girls who are in charge of things, like bands.” Dave mock-wonders if Sassy’s staff were “just trying to fuck this guy or if they were actually, and I’m not even joking anymore.” ([03:27])
• Archiving the 90s: Christina found two issues of Girl Germs online and confirms its creators are “still just in Portland being Portland.” ([04:31])

3. Sassy Lexicon: “Rotted”

• [04:46] 'Rotted'—adjective for feeling gross or bad.
  • "I'm feeling really rotted today because I was up all night writing songs for my band, Mood Ring. I think it’s great." (Christina, [04:46])
  • Pam dislikes near-miss coinages: “I don’t like ones where it’s just one letter off what you should be saying. It just feels like somebody made a mistake and everybody was too lazy to correct them." ([05:00])
  • New variants: “If you’re feeling extremely rotted, you are rotissimo … If you’re in an extremely unpleasant situation … Rotterdam.” ([05:11]–[05:29])
• Modern parallels: Dave draws connections to today’s “bedrot” and “couch rot.” ([05:39])

4. Ecological Angst: McDonald’s Packaging

• Plastic foam woes:
  • The switch from foam to “plastic coated paper packaging that is most definitely not recyclable.” ([05:56])
  • Pam rants about the fragile nature of Styrofoam cups, “so breakable, you know, with my giant man strength.” ([06:32])
  • "Richard Dreyfus from Jaws … he's just got a Styrofoam cup … I feel like I can do that at any moment while I'm drinking one." (Pam, [06:35])
• Nostalgia and Grease-Proofing:
  • Pam speculates the plastic coating was “so you don’t see the grease stains all over your product to remind you how bad this is for you.” ([08:35])
  • The McDLT’s environmental excess: "I remember the McDLT being a moment when even normal people were like, this is excessive." (Dave, [09:54])
• Arranged Packaging: Pam gushes over artistic photos of neat Styrofoam containers: “When they’re all together, they’re beautiful.” ([09:13])

5. Sassiest Girl in America Update

• Neglected compared to 'sassiest boy':
  • Dave had to check archives “to remind myself what this girl even looked like.” ([10:26])
  • She’s thriving, donated her prize money, was invited to a child rights group’s board, but “no one at her school was that impressed … which in itself is pretty sassy.” ([11:04])

6. Band Alerts: 90s Indie Soundtrack

• Trash Can Sinatras:
  • A band with a name so ‘90s that Christina jokes “I thought I made up.” ([11:23])
  • Pam: “What a 90s name … Squirrel Nut Zippers. Trash Can Sinatras.” ([11:47])
• Kicking Giant:
  • Noted for a DIY T-shirt made for Karen Catchpole—“which I’m not even sure she wears.” (Dave, [12:11])

7. Rob and Noni Watch

• Misremembered casting: Dave notes Sassy’s report that Winona Ryder was in Chaplin: “She’s not in that movie.” ([13:06])
• Robert Downey Jr.’s album: Christina notes, “I had completely forgotten about his album from 2004,” and mocks the track ‘Broken’: “The bridge is the serenity prayer … it never stops being funny.” ([13:19]–[14:37])
  • “Did Sting drop this and you picked it up?” (Christina, [14:38])
  • Pam: “I like how it slowly morphed into a Michael McDonald song over the course of this.” ([15:00])

8. Genetic Mutations

• Munchkin Cats:
  • "Stumpy legged cat … originated from a spontaneous mutation … first found under a pickup truck in Louisiana back in 1983." (Dave, [15:15])
  • Pam: “I think if it was found under a pickup truck in Louisiana, the cat should be called the F150.” ([15:43])
• Billy Corgan:
  • Noted as “a carbon copy of Edie Brickell, at least physically. … ‘I know I look like a lady, Billy has been known to say,’ which is not the same as a quote exactly, but … a line I have remembered for the rest of my life.” (Dave, [16:33])
  • Discussion of Corgan’s penchant for appearing on Paws (cat) magazines. ([16:52])

9. Hair and School Dress Codes

• State rules allow schools to ban certain hairstyles. Christina recalls being forced to change her hair and mocked as "the beaver." ([18:22]–[19:03])
  • Pam: “Got Davy Crockett energy for sure.” ([19:18])

10. Movie & Music Reviews

• Trust ([21:04]): Hal Hartley indie flick gets four dots, praised for circle-of-life TV philosophy: “TV makes these daily sacrifices possible” ([22:09])
• Toy Soldiers & True Colors ([22:19]–[23:57]): Cheesy 90s action.
• A Tale of Springtime ([24:07]): Panned for being “subtitled … so you must be willing to read your way through it.”
• If Looks Could Kill ([24:19]): “Extremely off brand” for Darren Starr.
• Kill Uncle – Morrissey ([25:49]–[27:10]): Review is bittersweet, hosts lamenting Morrissey’s musical brilliance vs. “terrible person” status.
• Beat Happening – Dreamy ([27:23]–[28:22]): Tara likes “jangly guitars,” but “too bad this guy can’t sing at all.”
  • Pam: “Makes Crash Test Dummies seem like the opera.” ([27:42])

11. One to Watch: Alec Keshishian

• Fresh off directing Madonna’s Truth or Dare, Keshishian is profiled. Dave is skeptical: “He did not fulfill his early promise.”
• Christina lists his many music video credits; jury’s out on whether he truly lived up to the hype. ([28:27]–[29:32])

12. Main Feature: I Saw River Phoenix Brush His Teeth

• The show’s centerpiece is Christina’s report on a Sassy encounter with River Phoenix and his band Aleka’s Attic.
  • Interview focuses on River’s earnest activism and music, but includes backhanded digs: “Rain … has features that are pretty and ugly at the same time.” ([31:14])
  • Revelations about River and Rain’s traumatic past in the Children of God cult, which the article glosses over.
  • “I just hope she made the most of this time interviewing him because if he ever read this, I don’t think he’s gonna let you interview him again. This is a one and done.” (Dave, [31:25])
• Christina finds that Rain’s middle name is Joan of Arc—“the middle name episode.” ([32:45])

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Memorable Quotes

• “I was waiting in the quiet.” – Christina on missing Dave’s signature sound interludes ([05:52])
• “This feels modern to me because of bedrot being a thing in the 20s. Yeah. Couch rot.” – Dave drawing a line from Sassy slang to Gen Z ([05:39])
• "You can't do that with rotten. ... It needs a little more decay." – Christina on the linguistic merits of 'rotted' over 'rotten' ([05:29])
• “Even normal people were like, this is excessive. This makes me feel bad looking at this packaging.” – Dave on McDLT ([09:54])
• “I don’t even have to add that Billy’s a carbon copy of Edie Brickell…‘I know I look like a lady, Billy has been known to say.’” – Dave ([16:33])
• “TV makes these daily sacrifices possible.” – Hal Hartley’s character Matthew, cited approvingly by Christina ([22:09])
• “Makes Crash Test Dummies seem like the opera.” – Pam, on Beat Happening’s singing ([27:42])
• “[Rain] has features that are pretty and ugly at the same time.” – Christina quoting (with regret) the original Sassy article ([31:14])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:16 – Whimsical June 1991 intro
• 03:23 – Girl Germs zine & side copy systems
• 04:46 – “Rotted” and its modern evolutions
• 05:56 – McDonald’s packaging & Styrofoam nostalgia
• 09:54 – The McDLT as 90s eco-villain
• 10:26 – Sassiest Girl in America update
• 11:23 – Band alert: Trash Can Sinatras & Kicking Giant
• 13:06 – Winona Ryder, Rob Ems, and disastrous actor albums
• 15:15 – Cat mutation: Munchkin origins
• 16:33 – Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corgan, and feline celebrity
• 18:22 – State hair codes, and Christina’s “beaver” era
• 21:04 – Movie reviews: Trust, Toy Soldiers, more
• 25:49 – Morrissey and Beat Happening album reviews
• 28:27 – Alec Keshishian: one to watch?
• 29:59 – Main feature: “I Saw River Phoenix Brush His Teeth”
• 33:37 – Next episode preview

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Tone & Style

The hosts’ banter mixes genuine affection for their 90s teen past with dry wit and meta-commentary about both the magazine’s quirks and their own podcasting rituals. Their personalities—Pam’s sharp sarcasm, Christina's elaborate side-stories, Dave's deadpan digressions—shine through, making the episode both informative and full of comedic self-awareness.

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For Next Time

The hosts tease a review of June 1991’s Sassy fashion (“culturally appropriate, some vaguely Latin American styles”), hints at more swimsuit content, and promise further adventures in early-90s nostalgia.

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Summary by [Your Assistant Name]
—
For Gen-Xers, nostalgia lovers, and Sassy magazine enthusiasts, this episode is an energetic, detail-rich flashback that gives equal weight to the mundane, the momentous, and the magnificently weird.

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Commercial Voice]

Hey, you say you're getting tired of lettuce and tomato hamburgers in this town that don't quite make it. Yeah, you say that just once. You'd like your hamburger hot and your lettuce and tomato cool and crisp all at the same time. Yeah, well, I say you got it. I'm talking McDonald's through lettuce and tomato hamb. The McDLT. I'm talking quarter pound of beef on the hot, hot side and the hot stays hot. The new McDLT. Hot, hot, crisp. Lettuce and tomato on the cool, cool side and the cool stays cool. The new mcdlt. Cool, crisp. The beach stays hot. The cool stays crisp. Put it together, you can't resist the hottest taste. The coolest fish. Keep it hot, hot. Keep it Cool. Cool. Nicky L.T. nick D. L.T. hot. Eat the mickey. Cool, crisp L.T. nick D. See, it's a good time. Hot, beefy McKee for the great taste. The tea of McDonald's could be the best tasting lettuce and tomato hamburger ever.

[Christina]

Thank you, Jason Alexander. It is June 1991. Dana Plato receives a six year suspended sentence for robbing a video store. Comedy Central premieres and Susan Lucci loses at the Daytime Emmys for the 12th time. But you don't care about all of that because you're hiding a very fat snake under your bed while posting flyers around town that say free snake avail. In two weeks, someone will definitely take a free snake. And when he does, you will fall in love.

[Commercial Voice]

You just know it.

[Christina]

Until then, you can open your favorite magazine and pretend that snake taker will be animal activist River Phoenix.

[Dave]

Yes, it's time to listen to Sassy. Sassy.

[Pam]

Ah, it's right there.

[Dave]

It was right there. It's pretty good.

[Christina]

Right on schedule.

[Pam]

So what she's predicting is a snake based meat. Cute.

[Christina]

Yes.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Christina]

Yeah. A swallow.

[Pam]

Cute, right? Meat with an A. Yeah.

[Christina]

Jaws completely unhinged. That's good kissing, Dicker.

[Dave]

That's good kissing.

[Pam]

What now? What now?

[Dave]

What now?

[Christina]

Like, there's too much side. There's too much side copy in this one. I felt like it was more than usual. My neck, my neck hurts.

[Dave]

I did read all the sideways ones at the same time for sure. She does look cute in this picture though.

[Pam]

At Tar Ariano. Sassy magazine. Efficiency expert.

[Dave]

Listens.

[Pam]

Rotate once, read all of those, rotate again, read all of those, repeat three times.

[Christina]

Everyone has a system at this point.

[Dave]

Yeah. As I've told you guys many times, I can just send you the RAW files and then you can rotate them in preview and it's much easier. And you would also.

[Pam]

You can rotate them in preview as you send them.

[Christina]

All right, you can. We just don't.

[Pam]

I do.

[Christina]

I have the magazines and I don't do it. I do.

[Pam]

I'm the second place efficiency expert. Pam, you're lost.

[Christina]

Always.

[Dave]

Zine of the Month. It's about Girl germs.

[Pam]

Ew.

[Dave]

Which I would not care about, except they're called cooties. For this, here's what we learned. Girl Germs was chosen as Gene of the Month partially because of its cool name. It's dedicated to girls who are in charge of things, like bands. In this, the first issue, there are interviews with the bands Unrest and Calamity Jane, an essay about a Mother Jones cover story on women in rap, reviews of magazines and zines, Blah, blah, blah. I met the chicks who do Girl Germs, Allison and Molly, at a Chia Pet slash Nation of Ulysses slash Beat Happening show at Bard College. You thought you could skip by another reference to the sassiest boy in America by only naming his band and not him? We're on to you. I'm dying to know if she was just trying to fuck this guy or if they were actually, and I'm not even joking anymore.

[Christina]

And Chia Pet is the sassy band. That's the sassy house band. So tried to fit two in there at the same time.

[Dave]

Fucking guy. We will never see him.

[Christina]

He's almost done with his tenure.

[Dave]

It doesn't matter. I feel like we're gonna hear about it for the rest of our lives.

[Christina]

I found two issues of Girl Germs on archive.org it looks like a cool zine. And I tried to figure out, like, what happened to Allison and Molly, and they're still just in Portland being Portland.

[Dave]

People like where the dream of the 90s is alive. Where else would it be?

[Christina]

Yes, sassy. Definition number 38, rotted. This is an adjective meaning bad, gross, and disgusting. I'm feeling really rotted today because I was up all night writing songs for my band, Mood Ring. I think it's great.

[Pam]

I don't like ones where it's just one letter off what you should be saying. It just feels like somebody made a mistake and everybody was too lazy to Correct them.

[Christina]

Oh, you mean rotten.

[Pam]

Yeah. This is the definition of rotten.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Rotted.

[Christina]

Feels a little more like your guts have been torn out. You're rotted from the inside. If you're feeling extremely rotted, you are rotissimo. Which I also am just fine with too. Making cuppies feeling rotissimo.

[Pam]

It's a really bad brand. At Target.

[Christina]

If you're in an extremely unpleasant situation, they suggest you may refer to it as Rotterdam. You can't do that with rotten. It doesn't because it needs. It needs a little more decay.

[Dave]

This also feels modern to me because of bedrot being a thing in the 20s. Yeah. Couch rot.

[Christina]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave]

We also. Speaking of rotten, Dave's brain rot made him stop doing wa pows in between items.

[Christina]

True. I was waiting in the quiet.

[Dave]

I was too.

[Christina]

Wapow, in case you didn't know. When a certain fast food chain finally gave in to pressure from environmentalists and changed its plastic foam packaging, they started using a plastic coated paper packaging that is most definitely not recyclable. Thanks so much, McDonald's. We're not saying it because you're litigious, but you know who you are.

[Pam]

Sometimes when I go to, you know, a gas station or something like that to get a pop. Excuse me, Soda.

[Dave]

Just be yourself.

[Pam]

And they still have. Thank you. When I go get a pop and they still have Styrofoam cups, it annoys me so much because I feel like I'm always going to crush them just drinking.

[Dave]

Totally.

[Pam]

They're so breakable, you know, with my giant man strength.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pam]

Richard Dreyfus from Jaws. After, after the guy smashes the can, he's just got a Styrofoam cup. He's like, all right. I feel like I can do that at any moment while I'm drinking one.

[Dave]

Are you.

[Christina]

Is this how. Is this how you always felt about Styrofoam or you just now so accustomed to a hard grip from whatever you're drinking out of that you cannot go back to the structurally compromised Styrofoam past?

[Pam]

Well, you know, when I was a kid, I didn't have the strength to crush a Styrofoam cup. It was still. And also Styrofoam. Styrofoam cups for your pop or whatever you were drinking were much smaller back then. And now if Today's might maybe 222 microliter sizes.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pam]

We have structural integrity problems to the point where it's hard to put the lid on them because the Styrofoam Is too loosey goosey. Doesn't have structural integrity. So you have to like run your finger around the lip and hope it all catches and then it comes loose. Anyways, while you're drinking it, sometimes the lid pops off and the lid is a big part of the structural integrity and then the whole thing goes boing.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pam]

So when I'm at 7:11 and I'm getting myself a delicious beverage, I will use their Slurpee cups. Even if they have styrofoam cups for their soda, which they do sometimes, which is weird because some of them just have all plastic, but some of them have plastic and Styrofoam at 7:11.

[Dave]

Really? Yeah. The only place I ever see Styrofoam cups is that Exxon station on Anderson. And I, when I get one of those, as I sometimes want to do as well, I always feel like I had to pick it up with both hands if I'm in the car because otherwise I'm similarly scared that the. The lid's gonna.

[Pam]

It's like a five gallon tub from Home Depot. You know, the buckets you buy for paint and stuff like that. It's sort of like that if it was made out of Styrofoam.

[Dave]

I also prefer the plastic Big Gulp cups.

[Christina]

Yeah, I don't know how y' all make it because I think Sonic and Chick Fil A still use Styrofoam like they do. Can you even have a cherry limeade not in Styrofoam and have it taste any. Any good at all?

[Pam]

Pam really needs that Styrofoam aftertaste.

[Christina]

It's a, it's a. It's got a mouth feel that you, you, you recognize when it's gone.

[Pam]

I was trying to figure out when McDonald's switched from their Styrofoam to something else, you know, and see what the progression was. Because, yeah, they switched away from Styrofoam, but then they didn't actually go full recyclable because we weren't. That wasn't how we did things back then yet. It was just like, well, now we're not using the foam, we're just using something else and we'll coat it in plastic. So you don't get. I'm guessing, so you don't see the grease stains all over your product to remind you how bad this is for you. And then eventually in the late 90s, I think they changed to actual non coated recyclable material that you could recycle.

[Dave]

Right, right. Yes.

[Pam]

But I was looking at the pictures of the Styrofoam containers. And by the way, when they're all. I'll put a link in the show notes to a post I made. But when they're all together, they're beautiful.

[Dave]

Yes, yes.

[Pam]

Things. Things arrange neatly. But I was like, okay, the mcdlt, which is why we heard that up top.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Pam]

It's double the size because they have to keep the hot hot and the cool cool. So they're side by side. And then you have to put a lid over that so it's like twice the size of the square ones for the Big Mac or whatever. And I'm like, surely that was the biggest, worst one.

[Dave]

Oh, yeah.

[Pam]

And then I found a. Nope. The scrambled eggs with English muffin one is so big you can put a family of four in it.

[Dave]

Yes, I. Those big breakfast. Yes.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah.

[Dave]

But I remember the mcdlt being a moment when even normal people were like, this is excessive. This makes me feel bad looking at this packaging.

[Pam]

It's like those big salads you buy now where every single ingredient comes its own cellophane bag. And you're like, three hours later, after you cut them all open and put them in a bowl, your lettuce is brown. Like, it's like fry making Oreos on Futurama. Take the individual pieces, putting them in the cookie press. Mm. And we're done.

[Dave]

Sassiest girl in America Update. She has been so undercovered compared to the sassiest boy. I had to go on our website and click back in the episodes to remind myself what this girl even looked like. Because I was like, is this the one where she wasn't on the COVID No, she was. I just totally forgot her. Anyway, she's doing great. That's all I had to say. She gave her money, her prize money to the National Child Rights Alliance. The organization wrote her a letter asking her to join their board of directors. But, you know, other than that, she's 15. No one at her school was that impressed with her being the sassiest girl in America, which in itself is pretty sassy.

[Christina]

Cute. Band alert. We've already been talking about.

[Pam]

Band alert.

[Dave]

Cute alert.

[Commercial Voice]

War.

[Dave]

Do I fall at the end?

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Oh, boy.

[Christina]

Can never be cool. The Trash Can Sinatras we talked about last time, I feel. But here they get their own little section talking about cake. Yeah. Again, band I thought I made up, because I guess I heard about them here and then I bought their tape. And that's where the Trash Can Sinatras thank all of the money that they ever got. It was from me.

[Pam]

What a 90s name.

[Christina]

The Trash Can Sinatras. They're really pretty.

[Pam]

Squirrel Nut Zippers. Trash Can Sinatras.

[Christina]

That's true. That's true. They were as opposite of the Squirrel Nut Zippers as you could get.

[Dave]

Going to the next page. Turning it sideways. Flattery will get you everywhere. This is a little blurb about a band called Kicking Giant. They're in New York City based band including a guitar player named Tay and a drummer named Rachel. They wrote them a letter and made a nice tape. So impressed Christina that as she writes me and Karen went to their show. No you didn't. Karen and I went to their show. Shameful. That said they Tay made himself a handmade Karen Catchpole T shirt with looks like puff paint, flowers and glasses which I'm not even sure she wears. But he's wearing it in the little photo here.

[Commercial Announcer]

It's very cute.

[Dave]

I turned it too fast. Should have left it where it was juicy. Robert Downey Jr Tidbits Rob Ems see was cast in the movie Charlie A story of the life of Charlie Chaplin with the ubiquitous Winona Ryder playing the silent film star's young wife Oona. And I was like what? And then I looked it up and I was right. She's not in that movie. That part ended up being played by Moira Kelly.

[Pam]

Don't you mean Unique Unum's?

[Dave]

Yes, Unals Unum's Chaplin. And as we know it was not called Charlie, it was called Chaplin. And I've seen that movie and it is pretty boring.

[Pam]

Should have called it Chuck C. Yes, is what they should have done.

[Christina]

Second unconfirmed Robbernator rumor. Our multi talented former cover boy is recording some music and I had completely forgotten about his album from 2004 where this song Broken which I really thought you were going to play for the intro. I didn't even go and listen to it. This song goes in love with the broken heart and the first lyric is.

[Dave]

Loving these modern times. Continues like this.

[Christina]

Like it never stops. It never stops being funny.

[Pam]

I hope Robert Speaking of which, Pam, if you want a modern equivalent of that and I'm not joking, it's the best fucking thing ever. Check out a song called Red by Josh Radner of How I met your mother.

[Dave]

Oh no.

[Pam]

Oh I I'm begging everybody, go and listen to is all these lyrics this. Yeah, the lyrics, yes. Don't. Don't read them ahead of time. Just listen to songs that'll wash over you.

[Dave]

As bad as the lyrics are, it's so much worse hearing them song this.

[Christina]

Song this, this do go listen to Broken. I put it in the show notes. The YouTube video of I don't even remember if it's a video. Just the song. The chorus is the bridge is the serenity prayer. Like.

[Dave]

Grab some doors.

[Christina]

Laugh out loud even it says, Frank, I'll grab some magazines. And when you look at the lyrics it says the word fink. Like he did that on purpose. Like it's this is so silly. It's such a Sting ripoff song the whole time. And like you're like, did Sting drop this? And you picked it up and you're like in love with the ripped off song is so hilarious. He was so serious.

[Pam]

I like how it slowly morphed into a Michael McDonald song over the course of this.

[Christina]

Not much of a difference. I only have two impressions.

[Pam]

The sting of the night.

[Christina]

Oh boy.

[Dave]

Genetic mutations. There are illustrations that are very important, so pull up your visual aids while we speak. Mutant breed number one. This stumpy legged cat, top left, known as the Munchkin, originated from a spontaneous mutation of the American domestic short haired kitty. The first Munchkins were found under a pickup truck in Louisiana back in 1983. Since then they have increased in numbers. Not sure what that means. Are you saying they are being bred to have little teeny stubby legs like our dog Sandy?

[Pam]

Yes, this cat looks like our dog, which is like a pit basset hound mix or something like that. I think if it was found under a pickup truck in Louisiana, the cat should be called the F150.

[Dave]

True. Christina says this cat looks like a sea lion and has a sea lion picture beside it. I don't not see it. Mutant breed number two. Mr. Billy Corgan, bottom left, sings and plays guitar for the Chicago band Smashing Pumpkins, who are touring with Jane's Addiction in Europe and have a new album called Gish out this month. I like their music very much. Their publicist, Janet, thinks they sound like velvet and I love it that they managed to be rocking and ethereal at the same time. I really like the drumming. I don't even have to add that Billy's a carbon copy of Edie Brickell, bottom right, at least physically. This doesn't bother him, though. I know I look like a lady, billy has been known to say, which is not the same as a quote exactly, but he that is a line I have remembered for the rest of my life. Every time I see Billy Corgan, I hear him say, I know I look like a lady. And perhaps this blurb is why he shaved his long hair And I don't think ever grew it back to piss less like Edie Burkel.

[Christina]

And then to mix it all up. We all remember that Billy Corgan was on the COVID of Pause magazine more than once holding some cats.

[Dave]

Is that true?

[Christina]

It is. I just put the link in there.

[Dave]

Oh, man. Yeah.

[Christina]

He just loves being on Kat's magazine. Paws Chicago. I don't know why. The best meme is him on the. On the roller coaster of the.

[Dave]

We don't even care. Do you know this?

[Christina]

Do you know Billy Corgan on a roller coaster?

[Dave]

No.

[Christina]

All right. It's great for a podcast because it's audio, but Billy Corgan.

[Dave]

Oh, that's good.

[Christina]

Every time.

[Dave]

Good stuff.

[Pam]

Irish pen pal. Sorry if you had trouble with your letters to the place where you can get the Irish pen pals. We've made a mistake. Here's the address again. If it looks weird, it's because it's in Gaelic. And there's the address. Two things. One, if it looks weird because it's in Gaelic, way to sell it. And two, shouldn't it be sorry if you had the troubles with your letters to the place where you get Harris pen files? Thank you very much. I will not be taking questions.

[Christina]

It had an Irish exit, I believe is what it's called. In the following states, schools are free to govern students hairstyles and facial hair without having to prove that the hair in question causes a disruption of the educational process or is a health or safety hazard. And then it lists a whole bunch of states. Other states are more reasonable. Texas is on there, as is Mississippi, which is why I have this picture from age 12 that I put in the show notes when they made me not wear my hair in a flop because it was considered an inappropriate and or hazardous haircut that disrupt the educational process. So I had to feather it up over my head and everybody called me the beaver.

[Dave]

Oh, dear.

[Pam]

Yeah, it does have coeur de bois qualities to it.

[Christina]

It's got. It's got a lot of qualities to it, including. That's a. That's a little dicky I'm wearing under. That's two. That's two collars. If you. If you can see that I was the height of fashion.

[Pam]

Yeah. Got Davy Crockett energy for sure.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Christina]

So SA.

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[Christina]

Carvana Pick up.

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Fees may apply.

[Pam]

First of all, before you start, do not put okay.ru links in the show. Notes for people, please. What is definitely going to get all the malware and all the crypto ransomware that you can handle if you go.

[Dave]

All right, I won't.

[Pam]

Okay.ru it's Russian, I can tell you that much. Oh, epicenter for the world's ransomware industry. Watch it, watch it. And it being Russian links.

[Dave]

Yeah, if there is a link online there, you can watch it in a on a Russian mirror site. But Dave says don't, so I will not link to it. This is a four dot review for the movie Trust, directed by Hal Hartley. It also stars Adrian Shelley. It's about a girl who gets pregnant and gets kicked out of her house. Then she meets up with Matthew, a psychologically damaged computer technician who lives with his violent father. Soon after meeting Mr. Wright, she trades her short, tight neon lycra skirt and high heeled white ankle boots for a dumpy dress and hiking boots and starts reading philosophy. So changes from Shelley from Northern Exposure into Denise from the Cosby Show. Basically everything I like about this movie, Christina writes, is summed up in a pivotal scene in which Matthew sits mesmerized by inane TV programming. He explains that he spent the entire day at work compromising his principles and kowtowing to morons and philosophizes. TV makes these daily sacrifices possible. And I stand with Matthew. He's right. TV does make those sacrifices possible. Thanks tv. Tv.

[Christina]

For two dots we have toy soldiers. I'm only mentioning it for the Kevin Coogan Forever Foundation. This movie, I think, would probably succeed in a remake. It's. Although Amy says sorry, Amy. Toy Soldiers is an implausible story about prep school boys who were taken hostage by the son of an imprisoned drug lord. These naughty my daddy is richer than yours guys have been thrown out of every prep school. When I watched the trailer, it was like, these kids can't be held hostage because they're troublemakers and they know how to make some trouble. And I was like, yeah, we can do this. Astin is in it and so is Wil Wheaton. And the writer director is Dan Petrie Jr. Whose middle name is Mannix. That's what I learned. Dan is a Canadian American. He wrote Beverly Hills Cop, Turner and Hooch, and he's been the president of the WGA multiple times. And he's on the board of advisors for Austin Film Festival. He seems like a really nice guy. And, you know, I feel like if you wanted to dust this one off and try again, there's a new cast.

[Dave]

Ready?

[Christina]

What? Pow.

[Dave]

Oh, wait, we're not doing that anymore. True Colors only gets two dots. Jessica is in mourning because her two favorite men on the planet star in this, this movie. And it's pretty much a dud. It's James Spader and John Cusack. And I read this entire review thinking we watched this movie and then realized I was thinking of the other one. Bad Influence. The James Spader and Rob Lowe movie. That is excellent. This one looks bad. The end of it is of this review is my favorite. Low point was when in the middle of all this pontificating, there's a kick butt, action packed, totally unnecessary ski chase, which almost gets me on board. That sounds pretty good, actually. This is one of those movies when.

[Christina]

You'D find out, like, James Spader and John Cusack are in a movie together, and then you find out it's this. And you're like, man, that's kind of.

[Dave]

How you feel about Bad Influence too. It's like, wait, they don't even kiss once. Good God.

[Christina]

Writer Kevin Wade also wrote Working Girl junior And Meet Joe Black.

[Dave]

Whoa. Only one dot for A Tale of Springtime. This movie sucked for many reasons. For one thing, it's subtitled, so you must be willing to read your way through it. That's kind of where I want to bail. Sorry, Maureen Marine, beloved intern, but there's more. Secondly, nothing happens. It's one of those films that relies more on character than on plot. In other words, it's European. Like, this is an Eric Romer movie. It's very, very well regarded. And the fact that it gets tagged with a bomb here and just one dot is extremely funny. If you look it up in Rotten tomatoes, it's like 88% from critics. So maybe missed on this one. Maureen Subtitled movies are not automatically bad movies. Finally, a justified bomb for if looks could kill the Richard Grieco star vehicle, which I have seen it is I watched on YouTube, but it is legitimately on hoopla now. And the reason I have watched it is for our sister podcast again with again with this, because this movie was written by Darren Starr, creator of Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place and Emily in Paris more recently and Sex and the City between all of those. So it is extremely off brand for him in a way that makes it kind of hilarious. Like, this is not a guy who is meant to be writing a James Bondi kind of teen spoof thing. It's not his lane at all. And the final product reflects that's really bad.

[Christina]

Yeah, I read that this is from a story by Fred Decker, who wrote Night of the Creeps, Monster Squad House and RoboCop 3. And he said, you know, I had written this for Anthony Michael hall, and so he's like, the final product is not what I envisioned. Not the least reason being they cast a cool guy to play the nerdy lead, which kind of defeats the whole purpose of it of the comedy.

[Dave]

That is very true. He is extremely miscast. Five dots but not a hit stamp for Kill Uncle By Morrissey second Solo album Mary Kay writes that she missed the Smiths. I did too. I had both of the Morrissey solo albums, probably because they were both reviewed and sassy. I was not in a cool group that knew about the Smiths, though. In my formative years, if I'd gone to Niagara District Secondary School the entire time with all the artsy people, I definitely would have been on board with Smiths. But anyway, this album is really good. The song still hit. All the ones she met mentions in her review are still solid, including our Frank, which we heard the clip from. But also sing youg Life, King Lear and driving your girlfriend home. And it's a real pity that Morrissey is a terrible person because he's really good at singing and writing songs.

[Pam]

I got no beautiful girl.

[Commercial Voice]

I got.

[Dave]

No beautiful girl.

[Pam]

Second album of the segment. Here comes the review.

[Dave]

You read in a review, he sings in a very deep monotone and think, well, how monotone can it be? He's singing and then you hear the clip and realize okay, that's very accurate.

[Pam]

Makes Crash Test Dummies seem like the opera.

[Dave]

This is from Dreamy by Beat Happening. Beat Happening is mentioned in what now as Gigging with Chia Pet and Nation of Ulysses. The music is really my shit. It's just really too bad this guy can't sing at all, because the jangly guitars I'm on board with, but not the drone.

[Pam]

Tara likes the jangly guitars. All her songs sound exactly the same.

[Commercial Voice]

Insane.

[Pam]

One to watch. Is this one to watch? Let's find out.

[Dave]

Is it?

[Pam]

What do you think, Dave? I don't know who this is.

[Dave]

Okay, this is. Oh, this is Alec Keshishian. I believe this is our first director to watch. And the reason they're profiling him is that he directed Truth or Dare, the Madonna documentary. He's definitely very cute. Is he one to watch? I don't know. Kind of. Not really. After Truth or Dare, he made with honors the Harvard homeless guy movie with Joe Pesci. Remember that? Kinda Brendan Fraser and Moira Kelly. She's back again from Chaplin. She was in it. And Patrick Dempsey, I think. I've never actually seen it. I don't think. And then he kind of didn't really do anything for a really long time other than direct music videos. But then he also directed this Lena Gomez documentary on Apple that I believe is called My Mind in Me or something like that. It's about her mental health struggles. So I would say he did not fulfill his early promise. He did not do as much as I think we thought he would. Did this name mean anything to you before this page came into your life, Dave?

[Pam]

No.

[Dave]

Okay. So not one to watch you judge.

[Christina]

All right. He did do a lot of music videos. Like, I. When I looked him up, I was like, oh, he did My prerogative and every little step. And this used to be my playground. And I'll remember. And for whatever reason, they pick out the Edie Brickell Hard Rain is gonna Follow, which is mostly scenes from Born on the Fourth of July. So that was just a. Why that one? I don't know. It's like page three of Edie Perkel, maybe. That's it.

[Dave]

Just one feature this month in the pop culture department, and it is titled I Saw River Phoenix Brush His Teeth. Christina is sent to a hotel because.

[Pam]

He is brushing his teeth.

[Dave]

Is brushing his teeth, and he wanted to get on the record about it. Now River Phoenix has.

[Pam]

I love clean teeth and drugs.

[Christina]

Gosh.

[Dave]

Oh, it's true.

[Pam]

It's true.

[Dave]

Yes. He had a band called the Leak is attic with his sister Rain, and two guys named Josh and another guy not named Josh. And they made. They had a record deal that nothing really came of it, apparently, because it was really uncommercial. But also they had a hard time getting in the studio because of River's, you know, acting career. So they didn't make a full album ever. Or there are pieces of it that I guess some members of the band are still trying to put together where it's like, it's been 30 something years, guys. I think if something was going to pop with this, it would have by now. But they did make one song that was on a PETA charity fundraiser album. So that's what they're in town to promote. This article is. I mean, it's classic Christina because she's just trying to cling on to something about like, here's this cute actor I like. And he is not playing along with that narrative kind of at all. She's also really shitty to the other members of the band. He says that she. Sorry. She writes that Rain, Phoenix's sister has features that are pretty and ugly at the same time. Another guy in the band is not particularly cute. I. I just hope she made the most of this time interviewing him because if he ever read this, I don't think he's gonna let you interview him again. This is a one and done.

[Christina]

You know those script descriptions. Ugly, but she doesn't know it. Yes. Hideous, but still walking through life.

[Dave]

Yeah. The non river guy that she thinks is the cutest, Tim Hankins, is the one who in the picture is completely covering his face from the nose down. So I guess we have to take her word for it. He's also the electric viola player, so I guess that gives you an idea of why this music was judged extremely uncommercial. Viola. Not Viola. She also makes passing reference to river and Rain having grown up in the Children of God, but she just calls it a weird religious sect. It's a cult. He and other children were reportedly sexually abused in it. So that's a weird thing to not follow up on. Although, I don't know. Maybe they didn't know that at the time.

[Christina]

Maybe. Maybe.

[Dave]

But yes.

[Christina]

I always forget this little fact. And then I'm like, we should be nicer to Joaquin. Well, maybe not.

[Dave]

Maybe not.

[Christina]

I don't know.

[Dave]

Yeah, no, you're right.

[Christina]

Yeah. What are we gonna do? This is where I learned Rayn's middle name is Joan of Arc. This is the middle name episode for Bam Boy. That's a Lot to carry around. Yeah.

[Dave]

Yeah. The last line of the article is, I don't find it in my heart to say anything bad about them, which is, you know, the entire rest of the, I would say, contradicts that statement. But they, you know, they hung on for another year after this before disbanding. I doubt that Christina is the reason, but she probably didn't help. Next time, we'll be talking about the fashion, et cetera, of the June 1991 issue. Culturally appropriate, some vaguely Latin American styles. Learn how to clean your makeup tools and. Hey, wait. Y' all heard of swimsuits? Oh, you have? In the last issue. Well, here comes some more.

[Pam]

You can follow Tara on Blue sky. She [e-mail] Pam's there, too, but will not return your calls. You can follow the show at. Listen to Sassy. Oh, I'm there, too. I'm at Cole, FYI, where you can find pictures of neatly arranged McDonald's Styrofoam boxes. You can support us on Patreon. Just $5 a month gets you a whole bunch of perks, including, of course, that PDF cover to cover scan. If we have a poster, we add it in there, too. If there's an insert, we put it in there, too. Taurus Scan. Crazy. And of course, you can support us for free by rating and reviewing us on the podcast app of your choice to help other listeners find us. It really helps. And then maybe a question mark after that. I don't know if it does, but do it anyway.

[Dave]

Yeah, we're told it helps. I don't know.

[Christina]

You can also call us at 7:20, sassy. Go to leave us a voicemail about the show or magazine, and we may play it on a future episode, one of our slumber parties. You can find more information about the podcast, links to our visual aids and contact info for all of us at listen to sassy.com thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time. Keep your hot side hot and your cool side cool.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Oh, man. And it's like I have a. I have me. It's in my own, like, story of me yearbook, like my scrapbook. But look how I have, like, party in the back and business in front. Like I'm the opposite of a mullet. Like, it's not. It's not anything. It's not a haircut. It's four haircuts. It really is stapled to my head.

[Pam]

Pam Ribbon. She's a lot.

[Dave]

She is a lot.

[Christina]

Is that your combover?

[Game Show Host]

All right, remember, the machine knows if you're lying. First statement. Carvana will give you a real offer on your car.

[Pam]

All online.

[Dave]

False.

[Pam]

True.

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Actually, you can sell your car in minutes.

[Christina]

False.

[Dave]

That's gotta be true again.

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Carvana will pick up your car from your door. Or you can drop it off at one of their car vending machines.

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Sounds too good to be true.

[Dave]

So true.

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