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Welcome to the live big broadcast with Derek Greer. We believe this teaching from God's word will empower you to live a full impactful life in Christ. Let's dig in. Now it came to pass in the days of Asuerus. Now the first time I pronounce that, I'm gonna get it right, but the rest of the times I'm not gonna try. I really wish it was King Rodney or King Doug. But the Bible is from another time and written originally in another language. And this name, Assuarius is a Hebrew form of a Persian word. Exerxes. And Xerxes means king of kings, chief of rulers. Some say it even means lion king. Titles are okay, but only if you could live up to them. This was Xerxes, who reigned over 127 provinces from India to Ethiopia. His empire spanned over 2.1 million miles, a little over the size of 2/3 of the contiguous United States. His kingdom spanned the entire Fertile Crescent, which at that time was the breadbasket of the world. This man was the wealthiest and the most powerful man on the planet. But in a few verses we're about to see that ego is a small three letter word that can eat much bigger words like marriage, friendship and connection for breakfast. In those days when King Ahasuere, that guy, sat on the throne of his kingdom, which was in Shushan, the citadel. This citadel was actually the capital of ancient Persia, which lies in modern day Iran, that in the third year of his reign, he made a feast for all his officials and servants, the powers of Persia and media, the nobles and the princes of the provinces before him. So gathered in Sushan was the who's who. From India to Libya, Azerbaijan to Ethiopia, all of his satraps and all of the leaders from the various provinces were present. And some had to travel over 2,000 miles to be in the presence of the king. This was not just a party, it was an international event. When he showed the riches of his glorious kingdom and the splendor of his excellent majesty. Watch this for many days, meaning day after day he just showed more and more and more. 180 days in all. Now it would have been ill mannered, poor judgment if you know, he would have had people travel so many miles just for a day or two. But King Xerxes went way over the top. The entertainment and the celebration lasted for over six months. Talk about a party. And when these days were completed, the king made a fast lasting seven days for all the people who were present in Shushan, the citadel. From great to small in the court of the garden of the king's palace. So the first 60 days were an international requirement. But the last week after. I'm sorry. Yeah, 60 days, 60 day feast. Actually it was six month feast. Forgive me. But the final feast was really for the folks that lived in the capital city and only those that lingered behind. Then in the next verse, it goes on to talk about the splendor of the king's palace. The fine linen that was on the tables and that hung from the tapestry on the walls, the marble pillars, the clothes, the couches, forgive me, made of gold and silver, the pavement that had mother of pearl embedded and other costly stones. Somebody said, though, the better you feel about yourself, the less likely you are to show off. So there's some strategy going on here. But we see something of the king's ego from, you know, the earliest verses in the book, verse 7. And they serve drinks in golden vessels, each vessel being different from the other, with royal wine in abundance, according to the generosity of the king. This is important when you're dealing with a king. The king blesses you according to his riches and glory, according to his generosity. This is why when you go to God, he doesn't just give you a thimbleful, he responds to your prayers according to his riches in glory. Do you hear what I'm saying? He can do more than you ever imagined. But here's what's going on here. The common people were allowed to drink from handcrafted golden cups. When I read this, I was like, you know what? This must have been a really good neighborhood. And some of my relatives must not have been there because they would have shown up in baggy pants with huge purses and big old jackets. And by the weekend, the pawn shops would be flooded with golden vessels. How many of y'? All? Okay? And in accordance with the law, and this is an important point, the drinking was not compulsory. The Persians at this time had a very tolerant culture. The women here had more rights than most places in the world at that time. The citizens were permitted to worship whatever God they wanted to. They had freedom of religion. As long as you paid your taxes, most things were fine. Very different than what happens under the Ayatollah, etc. Today. For so the king had ordered all the officers of his household that they should do according to each man's pleasure. So, so far, so good. But you can't have this many people together for this long without somebody showing their backside and something going wrong. And then in verse nine, the text introduces a queen. And in the time that this was written, not much needed to be said about the queen because there was a lot of backstory. And in verse nine, her name is Queen Vashti, or Queen Vasti. Now, the rabbis who lived in this time characterized Vashti as an evil, wicked, and particularly vain queen. They write that she was the one who advised the king against the rebuilding of the temple in Jerusalem. And because of this, the children of God had to wait another 50 years, about three or four kings, until the time of King Cyrus before the temple could be rebuilt. Another rabbi wrote that Jewish sensibility so offended her that she would strip Jewish girls bare naked and then make them work for her in her palace against their faith. Now, since this is not recorded in Scripture, I can't be sure what's true. All I know is that the people who wrote about her close to her time were not complimentary. They didn't have a lot of good things to say about Queen Vashti. Queen Vashti also made a feast for the women in the royal palace, which belonged to the king. So we're about to see that both the king and the queen had strategic opportunities and responsibilities. And since the queen held the wives and the concubines in the back rooms separately, the king could immediately hold them for hostage or as hostage if any leader decided they wanted to revolt. So what we see here is both king and queen were doing their part. The strengths of a husband and a wife are designed to complement each other, not compete with each other. On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine. Now, this king was obviously not a mean drunk. How many of you know a mean drunk? Yeah, he happened to be a merry drunk. But what we're about to see, even a merry heart guided by the wrong principles has a dark side. Please avoid any substance that makes you irresponsible or mean. When the king's heart was merry with wine. We're about to see a marital conflict that takes a very, very dark turn. How many have been to a party where everyone came in smiling, but just a little bit into the party, people started showing their backsides? Be honest. How many of y' all have been that couple? That's not okay. Arguments between husbands and wives are always deeper than they seem, and seldom is anyone 100% innocent. You see, on the surface, it looks like the argument is about somebody coming home late. But the real issue is, you prove that she can't trust you, you say, well, she says I'm cheap. But the real problem is, y' all don't have the same vision for life, family or living. It's a waste of energy to try to stop fruit without striking the issue at the root. I've learned when my wife and I have disagreements, and I know y' all think that we were both born of a virgin. The devil is a liar. I put on my pants one leg at a time, and when she wears them, she does too. And like every other couple, we have issues. But what I'm learning to do in my old age is not just listening to what's said, but what's underneath what's said. I mean, I could pick at what was said, the syntax, the context, and what was left out. But if I'm really strong and really humble, I can listen to what she's trying to say. And it takes some strength to listen beneath. And if you want to make it in a marriage, don't just listen to what he or she is saying. Listen to the cry underneath it all, and maybe, just maybe, you'll make it. Then. The Bible says he commanded a whole bunch of names there. I'm not even going to try. Seven eunuchs who served in the presence of the King Assuarius to bring Queen Vashti before the king wearing, some say, watch this. Only wearing her royal crown. Now, if it's true that she did such things as the rabbis said to the young Jewish girls, all that's happening here is the roosters have come home to roost. Nonetheless, the first man that should have been there and stood up to protect her was willing to publicly expose her for a shot of Dramamine. I'm sorry, dopamine. Sorry, wrong style. Anybody suffering with a cold, you know, I don't know. But for a shot of dopamine to his soul and men, sometimes we'll press that click. Watch that video for a quick shot of dopamine that can destroy everything you've worked for. We should all have things that we are proud of, and the Bible speaks of such things. But when you're dealing with an unchecked ego, often it will burn down your own house just to make a point. I've been pastoring for a long time. I have watched people not only burn down their house, try to burn down the church and everything else in the community just to make an ego's point. And the king did this in order to show her beauty to the people and the officials, for she was beautiful to behold. But everything about you and those you love is not for public consumption. Everything. Pay attention to me. Should not go on Facebook. Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok modesty is simply an outward form of humility. When done right, it can become the highest indication of class and style. Pull with me a little bit because what I'm gonna say next is why they don't allow me to do marital counseling. Anym People tend to leave my office bleeding. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the King's command. Brought by his eunuch. A well placed no can be a powerful tool in life. But this story also warns us. If we're going to say no, if we're going to stand on principle, make sure you have a life that backs it up. If we are right in one major area, but consistently wrong in another, the effect zeroes out all our credibility. Stay with me. Jesus says it this way. Matthew 23 and 23 Whoa. This is the close Jesus closest Jesus gets to cursing folks. I mean, if Jesus ever used bad language, he's using it here. Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, mask wearers and hypocrites. He called them jokes for you Pa. The tithe of the mint anise and cometh have neglected the weightier matters of the law, justice, mercy and faith. Yes, you come home on time. Yes you pay the bills, but you treat her like trash. Yes, you cook great meals good with the kids, but when was the last time you were intimate with with him without acting like it was a chore? The argument is not always what it seems to be about on the surface. That's why don't be so quick to jump in to referee a match. You don't even know what they fighting about. You don't even know the rules of the game. But watch Jesus. These you ought to have done. We should tithe, we should come home on time, we should pay our bills, cook meals, take care of the kids, but without leaving the others undone. Self congratulations. I don't know if I made up a word there. Smugness and self righteousness has ruined more marriages than adultery and more friendships than betrayal. I'm preaching right. I'm preaching right. Matthew 6:3 says it this way. But when you give to the needy, how many of us have a needy spouse? Keep looking for it, okay? But when you give to the needy, including your spouse, do not let your left hand know what the right is doing. Jesus is saying do not get overly impressed by what you have done or are doing for somebody else because you were probably equally needy in some other area in your particular life. As much as is reasonable within reason, just feel the need and stop Being so judgy, somebody said, say it again. The most miserable relationships are between people who only care about themselves, only understand their own troubles, and only see their own perspective. It's not enough to be right. We must also be kind. We must also find gentleness and grace. Back to Esther 1:12. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command. Brought by his eunuchs, she rightfully chose her dignity. But in a fallen world, without God backing you and without a life to back it up, being right is not always enough. So make sure you first have a clean record before you presume moral high ground with others in your life. Actually, if what they say about the queen and the king, historically and from outside sources, they were peas in a pod. They deserved each other. They were just like each other. We don't attract in life what we want. We attract who we are. Okay, okay, I'm talking to this guy. So sometimes the problem you're having with that man or woman is because of the issues you had at some point in your life where the two of y' all got together and the I'm gonna go over. And the only way not to keep repeating the same cycle is to learn from your mistakes and stop pointing at the other person, Anybody on this side of the room. You can't grow as long as it's their fault. Like I said a couple weeks ago, listen, you got a problem, 100% of a problem. But if only 10% of that problem is your fault, you're responsible before God for that 10%. And you need to own your 10%. You need to grow in that area that the problem is pointing out. Therefore, the king was furious. This man was born a prince again, he's the most powerful man on the planet. He wasn't used to hearing no, especially in public and in front of his esteemed guest. And his anger burned within him. Like I said earlier, ego is a three letter word with teeth sharp enough to eat any relationship for breakfast. Someone said, pride is the carbon monoxide of sin. I'd say it's the carbon monoxide of relationships. It slowly and silently kills you and what matters most to you without you knowing it, until it's too late. And pride will gradually chip away. Ego will gradually chip away at the equity and the strength of the relationship until one day you just pass out on the ground and it's too late to get up and fix it. Then the king said to the wise men who understood the times, for this was the king's banner toward all who knew Law and justice. So pay attention here. These men or his counselors knew the law, but had no training. Mercy, gentleness, integrity and kindness. Be careful who you get advice from, especially when you're angry. The problem with young people is they get advice from. From other young people. They don't know nothing yet, and they don't know nothing yet. And the problem with old people is we think we know everything. Be careful who you go to when you're angry. Is it a person that's going to pull back and pray with you? Look objectively at the situation. Are they just going to look at some textbooks or are they going to look at what the word of God says? Who did you talk to? To who do you run to when you're angry, emotional, hurting and in pain? People can usually find ways to agree to disagree until the lawyers show up. No offense to the lawyers. Y' all doing your job, but. So the lawyer said, what shall we do to Queen Vashti according to the law? Because she did not obey the command of the king brought to her by the eunuchs. Now listen, if the king would have respected Vashti's dignity in the first place, he wouldn't have to deal with this question. But ego and pride are always the longest distance between two people. I'm going to say that again. Ego and pride, I don't care. The relationship is always the longest distance between two people. Sometimes a bad day for my ego is the great day for my soul. The truth is, most of life is really, really simple. It's our unchecked anger and pride that makes it complicated. Verse 16 and Metamucil. These are some names Boy. And Memukin answered before the king and the princess. Queen Vashti has not only wronged the king, he's an opportunist. Watch this. But also the princess. In other words, he had an agenda. And all the people who are in the provinces of the king. No enemy is worse than bad advice. Make sure the people you get input from qualified. Make sure not only they went to school somewhere, but they know the script, have the heart of scripture, that they're going to pray for you in the midst of what you're going through and give you sound counsel. Again, no enemy is worse than bad advice. I have taken it, and at times I've even given it. And the pain has been real. For the queen's behavior will become known to all the women. So he's playing the man card so that they will despise their husbands. In their eyes, you see, people watch what we do more than they listen to what we say. If it pleases the king, let a royal decree go out from him and let it be recorded in the laws of the Persians and Medes so that it will not be altered. The culture of the Persians was that when the king said it, it settled, could not be revoked. That vastly shall come no more before the king. Most say that she was executed. And then it goes on and said, and let the king give her royal position to another who is better than she. We'll pick up here next week. But today we talked about a king who lost his queen over his ego and his reputation. But I want you to understand everything that's reported in the Bible and recorded in the Bible is not necessarily put there for us to duplicate. Again, this king lost his queen over trying to maintain his reputation. But my Bible says we worship a king who made himself of no reputation. Some things in the Bible are proscriptive, not prescriptive. Some things in the Bible are descriptive, but not telling you what to do. That king again, he was the most powerful man in the world. Jesus seated the right hand of God in heaven despite his power, despite his rank and his glory. He says to Jeremiah, or through Jeremiah, he says, watch this. Not only I like the backslider, I still have a place in my heart for the backslider. He says, I am married to the backslider. I continue even when you don't. And then when the king appeared in the Gospels, he said it this way in John 6:37. Anyone who comes to me, I shall never cast out. But this type of security is only for those who come. God is not like a man that will dispense of you that's more concerned about his reputation than your need. We serve a God that cares about every detail of your life. Indirectly, I've been talking about divorce. The Bible says something very clearly. God hates divorce. But the Bible makes allowances for divorce. In the case of adultery, there's allowance. If he's going to or she's going to bring home diseases into your bed, there's allowances. Others say there's allowances. When it comes to abandonment, the person just disappears. That's a cause. And that's Corinthians, the seventh chapter. But what I want to say is, though God has had every cause to divorce every single person in this room, don't mishear me. If he's beating you and you're scared he's going to kill you, you need to get out of there. God has not assigned you to that type of abuse. But what I am saying is no fault. Divorce has ruined our nation. If you're going to move a fence, make sure you first know why it was put up in the first place. The unintended consequences have left our children vulnerable. Our children so easily shuttling between parents. Now listen, there's a place for it. There's no condemnation. But sometimes there should be some conviction. And we should not enter into lightly based on ego. You see, the culture permitted this king to put away his wife. And just because culture supports you, just because you can get in an algorithm where you keep getting these videos that support your silliness, unbiblical, ungodly counsel, but you get in the loop. Or because you read it in a textbook somewhere. But what about what the book of book has to say about it? Never enter into divorce just out of emotion. It's a serious thing. You work years. And once you get over 30, 40, 50, and particularly the 40 50s and 60s, The grass was so much greener on the other side. By the way, this is why they don't let me do marriage counseling no more. There is a place for divorce, but don't you dare do it lightly based on a book you read. The guy you don't even know is on his seventh marriage and they gonna give you advice on marriage. The counselor you speak it to has three concubines. You hear what I'm saying? An ex wife and an ex husband. And you're gonna take their. Make sure your heart is right. Because Jesus says the measure you meet shall be measured to you. Meaning how you judge others. Somehow in life it'll come back around and judge you. And you may not be as wonderful as you think. There might be another side to that coin. And just because the public don't know about it, God knows. God sees. And don't you dare give up so easily what you've invested years, years to build. And you replace it with a younger version. But give it time. It often ends the same way. Please hear me. Please hear me. Sometimes you need to leave the joker. You need to get out of there. It's not safe. Other times you're self righteous, unforgiving, cold. And there's a meanness about you. And before God. My whole message today is you will be held to account. What God has joined together, let no man pull asunder. I'm gonna hug myself. Thank you for joining us. Until next time, remember you have what it takes in Christ to live big. We also invite you to partner with Derek Greer Ministries in bringing the life changing and impactful teachings of God's Word to the world. Get started by visiting Derekre.com by clicking the link in the description.