Derek Greer (0:00)

Welcome to the live big broadcast with Derek Greer. We believe this teaching from God's Word will empower you to live a full, impactful life in Christ. Let's dig in. So we are in the third part of our summer series, Lessons from David, and we're talking about lessons from David as it relates to parenting. We're going to begin in two Samuel, chapter 14. So Joab, the son of Zeriah, perceived that the king's heart was concerned. Now, by this time, if you've been paying attention the last couple weeks, David's life had become a literal soap opera. His son Amnon raped his sister Tamar. Then Absalom killed his brother Amnon for what he did. And then David responded by sending Absalom into exile. So David's family was a complete mess at this time, and his relationship with his sons, particularly Absalom, was in gridlock. But underneath all that was going on, David still cared. You know, your parents may not be perfect, but they still love you more than most anyone else. And Absalom was still David's child. Let's get to verse 21. And the king said to Joab, so what had happened between the first verse and the next 21 verses is that David's leading general intervened and. And he had a wise woman visit the palace, and she came into the king's court and told him a parable to help David see things more clearly. And we all need people in our lives that can help us get things back into perspective. How many of you, you know, as smart as you are, you have some moments where your emotions kind of get in the way and you're not seeing as clearly as you like. You know, when we're angry, we make decisions often proportion to our pain, not the merits. So, you know, looking at the merits, you know, you'd respond a certain way. But feeling the pain, you often respond differently. And this is the reason why we pause for godly counsel before any major decision in our lives. Just take a minute, slow down, sleep on it, get some input from others that have been there, got the T shirt, and then move forward. So the king said to Joab, all right, I have granted this thing. Go, therefore, and bring back the young man, Absalom. Now, David was hesitant to bring Absalom back into the kingdom. He was torn between correcting a mistake that he had made as a dad and maintaining his authority in his kingdom. You know, leadership can be quite complicated. As a dad, David needed to discipline his son. But as a king, you've probably heard the saying, that you got to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. So knowing what was going on in the heart of his son. And this is why Joab brought it up. Joab was his leading general, because Joab knew what could happen with Absalom over there in Geshar, that it's very possible that he could start planning a coup and show up in the nation with an army. And so David's dealing with all this stuff. And heavy is the head that wears the cross crown. So verse 23. So Joab arose and went to Geshar where Absalom was, and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. And the king said, let him return to his own house, but do not let him see my face. Now, David had always been, as, you know, as we were reading through. David's problem was that he was an overindulgent father. And last time we were together, we talked about where that might have come from based on his experience with his dad, Jethro. But what David does here is what we often do. We see ourselves making a mistake on this side. We swing all the way to the other side. So he went from being overindulgent to overcompensating by becoming too severe. And this is why you can't just listen to one of my messages. That's why you can't just listen to one Bible verse. You gotta take all the Bible in its context, because some scriptures bounce out other scriptures. Do you understand what I'm saying? Remember how the devil tempted Jesus? He said, you know, isn't it written that if you jump off this thing, you know, the angels will catch you by your hand? So he took a scripture, but he took it out of context and he took it out of, you know, what the rest of the Bible was saying. But Jesus gave the balance, you know, no, no, the Word says that I will obey the Lord thy God and his Word alone. So Jesus responded with Scripture. So it's vital that we. That's why we go through this thing, you know, line by line every week. So you have a full arsenal. You have a bunch of tools in your toolbox. When the adversary comes to stretch one scripture out of its proper proportion, you have all the rest of the scriptures to stretch it back into place. So he returned to his house. And so David is again, he's trying to balance this thing. He was overindulgent, but now he's too severe. You know, balance can be a very, very difficult thing, but you'll never be stable without it. It's vital that we learn balance so Absalom returned to his own house, but did not see the king's face. So Absalom remained the legal son of David, but he had no fellowship with his father. And many of us are in a similar situation with God, with God's child, but we can't remember the last time we had an encounter with him, the last time we really heard his voice, the last time we were in his presence. Now, in all Israel, there was no one who was praised as much as Absalom for his good looks. 1st Samuel 16:12 says that David was also handsome. So, you know, it's like father, like son here. But it goes on and says that this guy was exceptional, from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. There was no blemish in him. So in some respects, he may have been like his daddy physically, but when it came to the heart, these two men were miles apart. You remember in the Bible when King Saul wrongly accused David of trying to steal the kingdom and got jealous and he attacked David, tried to kill him with the spear, and just started doing a whole bunch of bad stuff. Then David went on to run, and that's how he bumped into the mighty men and all that other stuff. And in that season, David had two opportunities. To kill Saul and to take revenge. But both times he said, I will not touch the Lord's anointed. And he refused. But on the other hand, when it came to Absalom, his son, when his son was wrong, all he could do was think about revenge. Day and night, he worked on opportunities to get revenge. So we see David one way and we see that Absalom was another way. You see, parents, everything your child does is not necessarily your fault. They get to make choices in life too. And Absalom, even though he had the example of David, went in a different direction. So with that said, parents, again, give yourself a little bit of slack. Your kids are making choices and you can't own them all. And when he cut the hair of his head at the end of the year, he would cut it because it was very heavy on him. And in that culture at that time, hair represented a person's vitality, a person's strength. So on the surface, Absalom was a very impressive young man, a very powerful looking young man. Young man. And he knew this. And when he cut his hair, he'd actually weigh his head, his hair, because he was kind of proud of it. And he found that it weighed 200 shekels according to the king's standards. So this was about Five pounds of hair. So this was a little hard to figure out because I had to start researching how much a wig weighs and then how much a longer wig weighs. And it took me a little bit of time, but I eventually found out, thank God for Google, that 5 pounds of hair is about 5ft long. So this man, his hair. Now, back in that time, men were typically about 5 foot tall. Some might be 55 or whatever, but so the hair, you know, might have came down to his calves or his ankles. So this was a male Rapunzel. You know, this is who this guy was. But when the Bible describes David, it says David was a man after God's own heart. But when it described Absalom, all the Bible could do was talk about his looks and his hair. You see, he was all hair and no heart. Cute, but no character. He had a sparkle, but no substance. The talents we are born with are God's gifts, but our character is our choice. And Absalom have been making some bad choices. Verse 28. And Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, just like with his brother, where he didn't, you know, look at him, good or bad or say anything, good or bad. And then he finally killed him. Now he's about to do it again, but in a different way with his dad. And Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, but he did not see the king's face. So David's belated attempt to discipline his son failed. And this is important. If we don't guide our children when they're young, it's really hard to get that opportunity back. Now, please don't misunderstand me and get too down about this, because, you know, when they're grown, there are things you can do, things you can say, but mostly all we can do is pray. But still thank God for that. Because James 5:16 says, the prayers of a righteous man are still powerful and effective. Prayer can change things. But I tell you, when they're younger, it's just a lot easier than when they grow old. Therefore, Absalom sent for Joab to send for the king, but he would not come to him. Joab wouldn't come to Absalom. And Absalom was used to getting his way. He was a spoiled boy. And when he had sent again the second time, he still wouldn't come. So he said to his servants, see, Joab's field is near mine, and he has barley there. Go and set it on fire. Absalom was a troubled child, and Absalom's servant did exactly what he said. It set it on fire. So when Absalom could not get positive attention, he was willing to settle for negative attention. You see, most of the dumb stuff we do in life is a cry for help. But the worst crying is the crying we can't stop. And Absalom's bitterness has gotten so large and so big on the inside, he couldn't stop doing treacherous things. Verse 33. And Joab, after, you know, Absalom burned down his field and Joab didn't take matters into his own hand and go smack him upside down the head. And he was a general and could have done that, but he went to the king and told him. He said, listen, David, your boy is acting out. And when he called for Absalom, the king called, said, okay, I'm going to handle this. Absalom came to the king, bowed down on his face to the ground before the king. And you know, in Miriam's culture, you still do that before your parents and the rest and this part of the world, you know, they bowed down certainly before the king. And this was just common. This is what they did. Then the king kissed Absalom. But I want you to remember that Absalom was an expert at hiding his true feelings. Again, he went two years without saying anything either good or bad, before he killed Amnon. And what we see here is he bowed in body, but bitterness was still boiling in his soul. And we can draw near to God with our lips, but our heart be far from Him. We can have the right songs in our mouths and the right gestures with our hands, but still be very far away from the king. I want to jump to the New Testament. I always try to give you a little background before I get to the verse, but I'm not going to be able to do that today. You can read this when you get home on your own, but we're just going to cut to the chase. In Hebrews chapter 12 and verse 15, the first word used there is episcopos. Looking, looking, looking, looking. And episkopos is where we get the word bishop. Now, you may not be a bishop of a church, but according to the writer of Hebrews, the Holy Writ, each of us are responsible to do what a bishop does. Oversee, watch, correct, guide, direct, and again be the bishop of our own souls. So according to Scripture, you alone are responsible. Not the person who did X, Y and z to you, not the circumstances in your life, but you are responsible to oversee, to watch, correct, guide, direct and bishop. What you let Grow in your heart and your mind. You are the gardener of your condition. Looking carefully, meaning we must bishop vigilantly when we spot seeds of anger and resentment or weeds of anger and resentment growing up in us. We got to pull them quickly. As soon as you spot them, you gotta face them, you know? We were a season of a lot of stuff going on at Grace. But I called the leaders together, said, listen, leaders, you guys are going to have to keep short accounts with each other because stuff's gonna happen, people gonna say, and the only way you're gonna get through this season is if you deal with it quickly and promptly. And thank God we got through that season because everyone listened. It says looking carefully, meaning this is not. Some people, they don't see stuff unless they have to. You know, only when they have to. And often it's too late will they see it. But he's saying no. You look for stuff looking carefully lest anyone. What he's about to describe next can happen to anyone. Now, he was writing to the church, the Hebrew church. These were Jewish folks that had given their faith, given their hearts to Jesus. And he was saying, I don't care what your title is. How long been saved, lest anyone. It can happen to anyone. Fall short of the grace of God. How do you fall short of the grace of God? That's when we receive God's grace for ourselves. But we don't extend that same grace to others. We fall short of the grace in that moment when someone does something bad and God quickens in your heart, let it go. Release. He gives you grace to do that, but we choose to hold on. We choose to rehearse. We choose to get other folks in agreement. You hear what I'm saying? And we hold onto it, and we fall short of the grace of God. And then he says, lest. Again, lest any. Now, this any here is letting us know. Actually, it's any root of bitterness, but it lets us know that bitterness comes in different forms. Anger on me looks different than anger on my wife. When I'm angry, you know it. My wife, not so much, but she knows her well. It just gets cold. Too much information. Okay, so for some of us, our bitterness and our anger might show up as physical aggression. And that's the type of bitterness that we end up in jail over. The type of bitterness that everyone can spot and see. But there's other forms of aggression. There's mental aggression, emotional aggression, verbal aggression. Still others, passive aggression. But no matter how you express it, it's still bitter aggression. And some of us Culturally, you don't hit nobody, but you'll beat somebody so bad with the tongue they wish you would have hit them instead. You see, God sees all and he judges fairly. And even though you don't end up in a jail, you know, over there in Manassas, you can end up in a spiritual prison with the devil as your tormentor because you're operating in bitterness. Let me see if I can say this differently, lest any root of what bitterness. You know, a bitter root by its sour fruit. You see, it's easy to spot those who are aggressive like a gorilla. I am a little bit. As my. See, it's kind of. I don't even know who I am now. When I was younger, I was one way. Now a little bit older, I got a lot better. But in my younger days, my anger, I was a little. I was more like a gorilla. And my, you know, my aggression would come. You could see it, you know, I wouldn't necessarily throw stuff. I'd want to. But, you know, I beat on my chest and, you know, I was aggressive like a gorilla, but easy to spot. You say, oh, he needs to grow. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's true. And also, I'm from New York, so I get loud like that, like that, like that. Yeah. Some hearing man saying, she's from Nigeria, so that's why she gave me a whole bunch of amen. But you see, others aren't aggressive like me. You know, I'm easy to spot. They're aggressive like a skunk. They use their tongue spurt invective to make you stink, and they reduce you. And they squirt stuff on you and you feel dirty after leaving and no one even saw it. They just smell it on you because of what, you know, it's kind of. It's almost a passive aggressive type of thing. But some of the gorillas. But others of us are skunk. But others of us are aggressive like the owl. The owl uses their superior intellect and vocabulary to make you feel small. But it's still aggression. It's still bitterness. And just because the police has not lately come lately, lately come to your home doesn't mean you're still not bitter. It's just sometimes you just learn how to manifest it a little more sophisticated. Matter of fact, I find in America, you know, we have, you know, in other countries, people got obvious demons. We got sophisticated demons. I mean, they're deep down, way down underneath. And you gotta, you know, kind of spy them out to get them to, okay, let me move on. Let Me get, okay, but the point is, we all have our ways. And just because culturally you can get away with it doesn't mean it's right. Lest any again, meaning there's various and sundry forms of bitterness, lest any root of bitterness springing up the word picture there in the original language is a little plant just starting to sprout. And that's why you got to look carefully, you got to be vigilant. As soon as you see it little, you got to deal with it. If you don't address the bitterness when it's small, it's just going to grow big and tall. And I learned, even if you want to stay married, one of the keys, deal with it when it's small, deal with the issue when it's small. But then he goes on and says some more. And this was written to Christians, and there were Christians in this church that were deeply troubled and they didn't understand why they were so emotionally troubled. He says, lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, our greatest trouble is not what happens in our lives, but what we let happen in our hearts. The writer of Proverbs says, above all things, guard your heart, for out of it comes the virtues of life. And I'm learning in my older age, if I would keep my heart sweet and leave the rest to God, I have done my job. But that's the fight. The fight is not about, you know, casting out a demon or making them stop. It's about keeping the real battle is keeping your heart pleasant, keeping your heart merciful, forgiving, kind and tender. That's the real battle in our lives. And then he goes on, and by this many, not just a few Christians, but many, some say that means most. I haven't found that to be true, but it's a whole lot. But many are sidelined from fulfilling their destiny. Not because of a demon, not necessarily because of what happened, but because of the bitterness they let rise in their heart. Like Absalom. Please hear me correctly. What Amnon did, he probably should have been stoned in those days. It was horrible. It was unthinkable, it was wicked, it was evil. But just because what Amnon did was so dark did not give Absalom the excuse to also let darkness grow in his heart. One of the greatest quotes I've heard from Gandhi is, if we live in a world that keeps going eye for an eye, we'll eventually live in a blind world. Because everybody's going to do something at some point. And if the authorities don't fix it, David didn't fix it. Some things you got to let go and just leave to God. But Absalom was not willing to take that step. He wanted to deal with the situation in his own strength. This was years ago and I was in my 20s and I still got a little bit of crazy in me, but I had a lot more crazy in me at that period in my life. And somebody did something to my sister and she told me I was in D.C. and I called the person. I was very clear about what was about to happen. And you know, I'll take it for a minute. But I'm the type of guy that once I make a decision, it becomes a thing. So there's a few things that led up to it, but I made a decision. So I called him and he understood. But as soon as I got off the phone, the Lord spoke to me. He probably should have said, he has a gun too. But that's not what the Lord said. He quoted a scripture that kind of said the same thing. He who lives by the sword will die by the sword. And Derek, if you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to take matters in your own own hand, you might as well get ready for prison ministry up in Railway where you not visiting. You hear what I'm saying? Because Lord might as well remind me the dude was six inches taller than me too. But the Lord was kind. Yeah, you been so good. Thank you for joining us. Until next time, remember you have what it takes in Christ to live big. We also invite you to partner with Derek Greer Ministries in bringing the life changing and impactful teachings of God's Word to the world. Get started by visiting Derekreer.com by clicking the link in the description.