Podcast Summary: “Turning Conflict Into Growth”

Podcast: Live Big with Derek Grier
Host: Dr. Derek Grier
Date: January 12, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Derek Grier explores how believers can transform everyday conflicts into rich opportunities for personal growth and spiritual maturity. Drawing from Mark 9:30-37, he uses Christ’s example with his disciples to impart key, actionable wisdom on handling disagreements in a godly, effective manner. The teaching is a blend of biblical truth, relatable humor, and honest personal reflection, all delivered with Dr. Grier’s passionate yet practical tone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting & Context (Mark 9:30-33; 00:10–03:30)

• Dr. Grier sets the stage with historical and geographical context regarding Capernaum—home to several apostles and Jesus after rejection in Nazareth.
• Notable quote: “Sometimes moving forward is coming to terms with the fact some people that are part of your history are not part of your destiny... Sometimes it'll hurt you more to hold on.” (01:40)

2. On Handling Rejection (03:30–05:20)

• Jesus, after facing rejection, simply moved on—“You gotta move on to the next place.”
• Referenced a modern saying: “If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection.” (02:35)

3. Communication: The Four Filters (05:20–08:00)

• Before speaking, ask:
  • Is it true?
  • Is it necessary?
  • Is it kind?
  • Is it time?
• Emphasized that truth isn’t enough—need to speak with kindness and at the right moment.
• “Speak to people in a way that it edifies the hearer. Not just to get it off your chest.” (07:16)

4. Jesus’ Approach to Tough Topics (08:00–12:00)

• Jesus shared hard truths with his disciples selectively, understanding not everyone is ready for every truth.
• Principles of discretion (Proverbs 2:11) and timing.

5. Private vs. Public Correction (12:00–18:00)

• Jesus waits to address the disciples' argument until they are in private.
• “As much as we can, correct each other in private, defend each other in public… Keep your personal business off Facebook.” (13:00)
• General rule: address private matters privately and public matters publicly.

6. Staying Calm in Conflict (14:00–16:30)

• The importance of composure: “The first thing Jesus did to resolve the conflict... was calm his nerves.”
• Don’t look for the ‘perfect’ time and miss the ‘right’ time.

7. Asking Questions Before Judging (16:30–20:00)

• Jesus models inquiry: “What were you arguing about on the road?” (Mark 9:33)
• Proverbs 18:13: “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”
• “Gather the facts before forming an opinion. Avoid coming to conclusions about people's choices without first hearing their reasons.” (18:45)

8. Normalizing Conflict Among Believers (20:00–22:20)

• Even those closest to Jesus had conflicts; it’s normal in any close relationship or community.
• “If the apostles had issues, why are we surprised... when every now and then there’s a squabble?”

9. Framework for Handling Conflict (22:20–28:00)

• Dr. Grier lays out four clear steps:
  1. Stay calm—regulate your emotions.
  2. Choose the right time and place.
  3. Speak directly to those involved.
  4. Ask questions before making statements.
• “If you can't listen first, you're part of the problem, not the solution.” (25:30)

10. Competition vs. Servanthood (28:00–33:00)

• Disciples argued over who would be the greatest—reflects worldly thinking.
• Jesus’ antidote: servanthood—“If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” (Mark 9:35)
• “The best antidote to overcome pride and ambition is loving service.” (31:55)

11. Teachable Moments and Growth Through Friction (33:00–36:30)

• Friction in relationships can sharpen us, just as “iron sharpens iron.”
• Conflicts are training opportunities; growth takes repeated effort and patience.

12. Patience and Clarity in Communication (36:30–40:00)

• Clarity is critical in resolving conflict—“A lot of your arguments... are filled with a whole lot of passion, but no clarity.” (39:12)

13. Attacking the Problem, Not the Person (40:00–43:00)

• Focus correction on the issue, not scapegoating others.
• Jesus addresses the disciples’ mindset, not their character.

14. Servant Leadership: Practical Examples (43:00–49:00)

• Explores what biblical servanthood means, especially in marriage and daily life.
• “Men, when you get married, God is just giving you the prettiest, best smelling cross you will ever have to bear.” (48:05)
• True leadership is measured by service, not position.

15. How to Receive and Show Patience (49:00–54:30)

• Jesus repeatedly demonstrates, illustrates, and patiently reinforces lessons.
• “Whenever you're tempted to lose patience with someone because they're not getting it, think of how patient God has been with you.” (51:00)

16. Living to Serve Your Gift (54:30–57:00)

• Fulfillment comes through serving others with your God-given gift, regardless of how you’re treated.
• “God doesn't need your good work—your neighbor does.” (56:15)

17. The Role of Divine Help (57:00–end)

• We cannot achieve spiritual maturity without the help of the Holy Spirit.
• “God doesn’t require perfection. He just wants openness and willingness for us to allow him to help us.” (57:40)

Memorable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Letting Go:
  “Some people that are part of your history are not part of your destiny. And you know, it hurts sometimes to let go, but sometimes it'll hurt you more to hold on.” (01:40)
• On Acceptance & Rejection:
  “If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection.” (02:35)
• On Communication:
  “Speak to people in a way that it edifies the hearer. Not just to get it off your chest.” (07:16)
• On Correcting in Private:
  “As much as we can, correct each other in private, defend each other in public… keep your personal business off Facebook.” (13:00)
• On Gathering Facts:
  “Gather the facts before forming an opinion. Avoid coming to conclusions about people's choices without first hearing their reasons.” (18:45)
• On Listening:
  “If you can't listen first, you're part of the problem, not the solution.” (25:30)
• On Growth through Conflict:
  “When sparks start to fly, God is trying to sharpen you… The friction in your life, if used properly, will only sharpen you if you stay on the wheel.” (34:20)
• On Marriage & Servanthood:
  “Men, when you get married, God is just giving you the prettiest, best smelling cross you will ever have to bear. To make it work, you're gonna have to lay down some things.” (48:05)
• On Service:
  “A leader's value is not determined by how many people serve him or her, but how many people he or she serves.” (31:55)
• On Divine Help:
  “God doesn’t require perfection. He just wants openness and willingness for us to allow Him to help us.” (57:40)

Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment Description | |-----------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 00:10–03:30 | Context on Capernaum and Jesus’ rejection | | 05:20–08:00 | Four filters for communication | | 13:00–16:30 | Jesus waits for privacy to address conflict | | 16:30–20:00 | Asking questions first; Proverbs 18:13 | | 22:20–28:00 | Four-step framework for handling conflict | | 31:55–33:00 | Servanthood as antidote to pride | | 34:20–36:30 | Iron sharpens iron—friction leads to growth | | 48:05–49:00 | Marriage as a call to sacrificial servanthood | | 57:00–end | The necessity of divine help in spiritual maturity |

Four Key Steps to Turning Conflict Into Growth

1. Stay Calm
   Check your emotions; don’t react in the heat of the moment.
   “Just breathe. Just keep breathing.” (23:50)

2. Assess Timing & Place
   Address issues at an appropriate time and private location.

3. Speak Directly, Not Indirectly
   Go to the source, not around them; avoid gossip and triangulation.

4. Inquire Before Accusation
   Ask open questions; seek to understand, not just to be heard.

Final Takeaways

• Conflict is inevitable, but when handled purposefully, it can be a vital instrument for spiritual and relational growth.
• Jesus’ methods provide a timeless blueprint: stay composed, choose your moment, be direct yet gentle, and always seek understanding before correction.
• True greatness and healing come not from securing the highest position, but from serving others faithfully and humbly.

“Let’s raise the bar. Let’s reach to do better… Is there anything too hard for God?” (57:55)

For more episodes and resources, visit DerekGrier.com