Live Big with Derek Grier
Episode: Turning Conflict Into Growth | Part 2
Date: January 19, 2026

Episode Overview

In this transformative teaching, Dr. Derek Grier explores how conflict, failure, and relational strain can become catalysts for spiritual and personal growth. Drawing from Matthew 18 and related scriptures, Dr. Grier breaks down biblical principles on handling offenses, the importance of self-examination, and actionable steps for cultivating unity in relationships. Through practical applications and timeless wisdom, he challenges listeners to take responsibility for their responses, navigate difficult conversations, and build stronger communities anchored in love, grace, and accountability.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Sin, Standards, and Missing the Mark

• Sin Defined: Dr. Grier begins by explaining the concept of sin using the Greek origin meaning “to miss the mark” (00:10). This sets the stage for understanding that everyone falls short—“Whether you miss the target by 10 feet or 100 feet, it’s still a miss.” (03:00)
• Universal Need for Grace: Quoting Romans 3:23, he asserts, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That’s why we can’t act holier than thou.” (02:00)
• Accountability and Responsibility: He emphasizes that with the “privilege of being made in God’s image comes the responsibility” to steward one’s thoughts, words, and actions (06:00).

Humanity’s Design: Privilege and Responsibility

• Image Bearers of God: Referencing Genesis 1:26, Dr. Grier explains that humanity was created to reflect God’s image and likeness, but free will introduces the possibility of both good and evil (05:30).
• Self-Control as Dignity: “A poor person with self-control has more dignity... than the most out-of-control billionaire.” (11:00)
• The Cost and Benefit of Free Will: Quoting C.S. Lewis: “The problem of free will is that it makes evil possible. But the beauty of free will is that it makes love and joy worth having and life worth living.” (12:50)

Handling Offenses and Relational Conflict

• Jesus’ Instruction on Reconciliation: Teaching from Matthew 18:15, Dr. Grier says: “The one who is wronged is responsible to make the move... because he doesn’t want us to live as helpless victims of the sins of others.” (19:30)
  • Key Steps for Resolution:
    • 1. Go privately to your brother/sister – “Handle things at the lowest level possible. Relationships sink when there are too many passengers.” (23:00)
    • 2. If not received, bring one or two trustworthy, mutually respected witnesses (26:50)
    • 3. If still unresolved, escalate to the church for intervention in serious matters (31:20)
    • 4. If there’s persistent refusal, redefine the relationship—move them ‘out of your circle of trust’, but always with love and a hope for repentance (34:15)
• On Betrayal and Hurt: “The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from an enemy, only a friend.” (20:30)

Wisdom, Maturity, and Setting Boundaries

• Choosing Battles: “Don’t give small problems big energy. Don’t try to take minor cases before the Supreme Court.” (29:40)
  • Proverbs 19:11 – “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it’s one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
• Adjusting Relationship Circles: Dr. Grier uses Jesus’ varying circles (the three, the twelve, the seventy, and the crowd) as an example:
  “It’s not so much I have to put people out of my life as I have to put them in a different circle.” (37:00)
• On Boundaries: “If someone throws a fit because you set a healthy boundary, it’s just more evidence that boundary is needed.” (41:20)
  “Be careful what you tolerate because you’re teaching people how to treat you.” (41:40)

The Power of Unity and Agreement

• Heaven Backs Relational Wisdom:
  “To those willing to be wise in managing conflict, Jesus said: Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven. Heaven got your back.” (40:20)
• Why Unity Matters:
  “The devil is not just after your friendships—he’s after your witness.” (43:20)
  • Disunity blocks God’s power and answered prayer. Before prayer meetings, sometimes there needs to be a “forgiveness meeting.” (45:30)
• Final Challenge—Be the Two or Three:
  “God doesn’t need a thousand. Even if craziness breaks out, if just two or three of us get in agreement—God will work it out.” (46:40)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Universal Struggle

  “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That’s why we can’t act holier than thou.”
  – Dr. Grier (02:00)

• On Responsibility

  “The price of privilege is responsibility. Always. We will all be held accountable for how we use God’s image in our lives.”
  – Dr. Grier (08:00)

• On Self-Control

  “A poor person with self-control has more dignity... than the most out-of-control billionaire.”
  – Dr. Grier (11:00)

• On Free Will

  “The problem of free will is it makes evil possible. But the beauty of free will is that it makes love and joy worth having and life worth living.”
  – Quoting C.S. Lewis (12:50)

• On Addressing Hurt

  “Peace in relationships is never fruit served to the lazy... People mattered enough to God for Jesus to act. The people in our lives should matter enough for us to act.”
  – Dr. Grier (19:50)

• On Choosing Battles

  “Don’t give small problems big energy. Pettiness is the occupation of people without a larger purpose.”
  – Dr. Grier (29:40)

• On Relational Boundaries

  “It’s not so much I have to put people out my life, as I have to put them in a different circle.”
  – Dr. Grier (37:00)

• On What You Tolerate

  “Be careful what you tolerate because you’re teaching people how to treat you.”
  – Dr. Grier (41:40)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:10 – Sin as “missing the mark”; everyone falls short
• 06:00 – The privilege and responsibility of being made in God’s image
• 11:00 – Self-control as a marker of human dignity
• 12:50 – The paradox of free will (C.S. Lewis quote)
• 19:30 – Jesus’ process for addressing conflict (Matthew 18)
• 23:00 – The importance of private confrontation
• 31:20 – When and how to involve the wider church community
• 34:15 – Adjusting relationship circles; boundaries and love
• 41:20 – Healthy boundaries and teaching others how to treat you
• 43:20 – The power of unity; spiritual warfare behind discord
• 46:40 – The call to be “one of the two or three” who bring Christ’s presence
• End – Practical challenge: Have the hard conversations, choose unity, invite Christ back into your life and relationships

Practical Takeaways

• Take initiative to resolve offenses; don’t wait passively for others.
• Handle conflict privately first; escalate only as needed and with wisdom.
• Don’t let pettiness sidetrack you; learn to distinguish between minor grievances and issues that require real attention.
• Adjust boundaries, not affections—sometimes moving people to different circles is the healthiest thing.
• Remember: Unity invites God’s presence and power. Division stifles spiritual effectiveness.
• Personal growth often begins with relational courage and humility.

Tone and Delivery:
Dr. Grier’s style is earnest, practical, and encouraging. He moves fluidly between scriptural depth, real-world analogies, and pastoral wisdom, always pressing listeners towards maturity, self-examination, and Christlike action.

This episode is a valuable resource for anyone seeking to transform conflict into an opportunity for growth—within themselves, their families, or their communities.