The DraftKing's Speech

Summary

Podcast Summary: Lovett or Leave It – "The DraftKing's Speech"

Date: July 17, 2026
Host: Jon Lovett
Guests: Des Bishop, Carmen Christopher

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Lovett or Leave It" is packed with acerbic political satire, cultural reflections, and comedic guest segments. Jon Lovett opens with a rapid-fire monologue skewering the week's political chaos—from war with Iran and new legislative oddities, to Senate drama and Trump-ian absurdities. Guests Des Bishop and Carmen Christopher join Lovett for wide-ranging, insightful, and often hilarious discussions, moving from culture shock in China and language mishaps to LA influencer parody and ethics in comedy.

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Main Segments & Insights

1. Monologue: Political Madness, Daylight Saving, and Trumpian Absurdities

(00:06–11:18)

• Lovett opens with dark humor: “The Midwest is blanketed in a thick layer of wildfire, smoke and diarrhea. But once in a while there is a glimmer of hope.”
• Daylight Saving Time:
  The House passed the Sunshine Protection act to make DST permanent. Lovett mock-celebrates bipartisan agreement, joking about oven clocks and Trump's uncommon points of agreement, like “Diet Coke is good, Paper straws are bad.”
• Brings up historical precedent: The US tried permanent DST in 1973—didn’t work (kids walking to school in darkness, public backlash).
• Senate Oddities:
  Highlights Schumer’s fumble on Iran, with recurring jokes about Schumer’s alleged gas (farts).
• Confirmation Drama:
  Major grilling of Trump’s DNI pick Jay Clayton, who refuses to directly admit Biden won 2020. Lovett jokes: “Imagine sitting down at a job interview and they say, what's your biggest strength and biggest weakness? And you're like, I'm not going to get into that with you.”
• Attorney General Nominee:
  Todd Blanche’s questionable White House independence; Lovett likens him to Oddjob from "Goldfinger," always loyal to villainy.
• Trump Gold Coin:
  Treasury to issue coins with Trump’s face—Lovett likens their annoyance to Uncle’s obsession and notes that only deceased people are typically allowed on US currency: “So why don't we just show a little patience and wait for what's wrong with his hand to become what's wrong with his everything?”
• DraftKing’s Speech:
  Title refers to Trump’s teleprompter operator betting on speech content. Lovett: “You’re his teleprompter operator and you're betting on what's in the speeches? Are you fucking kidding me?”
• Segment closes with jokes about teleprompter loopholes and increased corruption.

Notable Quotes:

• "There are very few areas of agreement between me and Donald Trump. Diet Coke is good, Paper straws are bad. Democrats are annoying. Jews are smart. Jeffrey Epstein was murdered and now this." (01:30)
• "A dollar coin is the perfect thing to have Trump's face on. It is a useless annoyance that weighs you down and feels like a relic from another era. And your uncle loves it." (08:24)

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2. Interview: Comedian Des Bishop, Culture & Comedy Across Borders

(15:02–37:11)

Identity and Perspective

• Bishop shares having grown up in America, then spending most of his life in Ireland, with a two-year immersion in China.
• Lovett frames Bishop’s humor as unique, bridging American, Irish, and Chinese perspectives.

Stereotypes, Language, and Comedy Translation

• Bishop discusses busting Irish drinking stereotypes (31 years sober), and performing stand-up in Mandarin after a single year of study.
• Shares the difficulties of translating jokes across languages, detailing how cultural context and wordplay change in translation.

China and Western Perceptions

• Bishop explains how the West’s view of China evolved from fascination with its growth (2008 Olympics) to paranoia.
• Critiques the US political narrative: “Now we're worried about them taking over the world, but we're not worried about how much they oppress certain percentages of their population.”
• Reflects on censorship in China: allowed to mock America in both Chinese and US standup; stricter legal limits in China.

Notable Quotes:

• "In America, you can make fun of the American government, and in China, you can make fun of the American government. It's the same." (22:24)
• "It's kind of frustrating ... now it's just us versus them, as opposed to, let's maintain the relationship, but keep the pressure on them to actually stop doing the bad shit they do." (22:19)
• "I still have a lot of MAGA friends. I have this naive belief that I can turn them. Like a 60 year old gay guy thinks he can turn a 21 year old straight guy." (33:07)

The “Best Country for Old Men” Game Segment

• Bishop judges categories (e.g., best noodles: China, best hangover food: Ireland, best dating: America).
• Discusses translation challenges and performance experiences in Ireland, China, and America.

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3. Interview: Carmen Christopher, Social Media Satire & Artistic Integrity

(39:25–49:34)

Social Media & Copycat Culture

• Christopher discusses his viral parody videos roasting LA influencers and the gentrification of food culture.
• Lovett and Christopher complain about others stealing his bit without comedic twist or satire:
  • "People are doing like, not funny versions of it and just being very... direct." (41:12)
  • "If somebody does an idea and somebody else likes it, they just do the idea. That seems crazy to me.” (44:44)

Art vs. Algorithm

• Both lament how algorithmic reward structures incentivize “AI slop”—unoriginal, bland imitation.
• Christopher stresses the importance of creative fulfillment over chasing clicks or facile success:
  • "If all of a sudden I'm just doing food review fucking videos and it's like I'm punching in and out. Like, that doesn't excite me." (44:16)

Career & LA Comedy Scene

• Christopher shares his path: working class background, business and sales before comedy, the lure of easier, boring success, and valuing art over money.
• Discusses role in "Never Change" and "The Bear", being from Chicago and authenticity in casting.

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4. Egg of Truth Game: High School Regrets and Dreams

(51:14–57:13)

• Guests and host probe one another for cringey high school memories, aspirations, and prom experiences.
  • Bishop confesses to a pointless high school fight (“I cringe thinking that I went through that”).
  • Christopher wished he’d played soccer instead of football, revealing nostalgia and the “redo fantasy.”
• On future aspirations: Bishop wanted to be a history lecturer, Christopher considered being a gym teacher or even the NBA before comedy took hold.

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5. Second Thoughts: Night’s Regrets and Roundup

(58:10–61:57)

• Lovett and guests recap what they wish they'd done differently on the show—playing a fart sound more, coming down hard on unmonetized talent, not asking about certain Mandarin words.
• Lovett riffs on the futility of hiding bodily functions and political embarrassment:
  • "Farts are always funny... when Chuck Schumer does one, it's even funnier." (59:05)

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Notable & Memorable Moments

• Recurring Schumer Fart Gag: Lovett threads gags about Chuck Schumer’s alleged fart through serious topics for comedic relief. (04:11, 59:05)
• Trump Gold Coin Rant: Lovett’s extended riff on why Trump’s face on currency is “an annoyance that weighs you down.” (08:24)
• Des Bishop’s Mandarin Adventure: Bishop describes the peculiar dynamic of being a white comedian speaking Mandarin in China, and the cross-cultural resonance of his comedy. (18:10–28:44)
• Carmen Christopher on Copycat Culture: Open frustration about social media copycats and the pitfalls of algorithmic comedy. (41:12–44:44)
• Egg of Truth Segment: High school anxiety dreams and first loves—relatable and deeply human amidst the politics and satire. (51:14–57:13)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Monologue & News Rundown: 00:06–11:18
• Des Bishop Interview: 15:02–37:11
• Carmen Christopher Interview: 39:25–49:34
• Egg of Truth Game (High School Follies): 51:14–57:13
• Closing Regrets & Recap: 58:10–61:57

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Language & Tone

• Sarcastic, quick-witted, and politically sharp with a throughline of absurdist humor.
• Honest and self-effacing: Lovett and guests are ready to poke fun at themselves, their work, and the system.
• Conversational, accessible, and peppered with inside-jokes for the politically engaged.

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For New Listeners

This episode blends political satire, insider commentary, and refreshing honesty about culture, art, and real life. Lovett’s probing wit keeps things lively, while guests bring unique, multi-cultural perspectives and unfiltered humor. If you want a mix of the week's political stupidity and genuine conversation on what it means to make art or find connection in a divided world—you'll enjoy this ride.

Transcript

[A]

Love it or leave it.

[B]

Just love it or leave it. What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or Leave it. Live from Hollywood, I'm John Lovett and much like Odysseus, I just want to get home and fuck my wife. And we've got a great show for you tonight. But first, let's get into it. What a week. We're at war with Iran. ICE is shooting people in the street. The Midwest is blanketed in a thick layer of wildfire, smoke and diarrhea. But once in a while there is a glimmer of hope. This week the House passed the Sunshine Protection act which would make Daylight Saving Time permanent. The oven clock would be correct forever. You would never again need to google how to set clock. Toyota Corolla, or in my case how to set clock. Much more expensive car that I hate. I hate it. Trump supports the change, declaring on Truth Social in May that I am going to work very hard to see the Sunshine Protection act signed into law. There are very few areas of agreement between me and Donald Trump. Diet Coke is good, Paper straws are bad. Democrats are annoying. Jews are smart. Jeffrey Epstein was murdered and now this. 19 states have passed legislation to adopt year round Daylight Saving Time if Congress ever stops clock blocking them. However, I've been on the permanent Daylight Saving Time beat for a while now and things aren't as simple as they appear or as boring. Please do not click away. For one thing, saving is actually a misnomer as scientists agree that salvation only comes through Jesus Christ. Also, we've tried this before. In 1973, Congress actually passed and President Richard Nixon signed a law to switch to permanent Daylight Savings Time. The switch was supported BY More than 2/3 of Americans at the time and then we experienced it in much of the country. The sun would rise well after 8am Sunrise in states like Ohio and Michigan would be at 9am or later. Pretty tough. Imagine having your morning explosive in the pitch black. The news was filled at the time with images of children fumbling to school on dangerous, unlit roads, and that was unacceptable. Children should never be unsafe on their way to school in America, only once they get to school. The experiment was meant to last two years, but Congress repealed it before the following winter. It was a black mark on an otherwise stellar record of Richard Nixon. The good news is, according to the bill the House just passed, states could choose permanent standard time in states like Michig and would benefit from being on standard time even in summer. Today's sunset in Detroit is 9pm and it sucks when it's light out so late, it makes it harder to see the two screens you watch at the same time from dinner till you force yourself to plug in your phone and squeeze your eyes shut as you think about the last three videos you saw, a recipe, a joke, and a murder, and wonder why you're always so anxious and tired. Speaking of people who always seem anxious and tired, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer took to the Senate floor to rail against the disastrous war with Iran and in the process caused a bit of a gas crisis of his own. Now on Iran and the ndaa, when all the Trump administration can say about his disastrous war with Iran is that Vietnam was worse. Did you hear that? Let's play it one more time, just in case you missed it. Now on Iran and the ndaa, that's one bomb we won't be sending to Israel. A lesson for us all. You can get away with literally anything when you're hot. But this wasn't the most grotesque discovery in the Senate this week. And I'm not even talking about what they found when they cleaned out Lindsey Graham's desk. The Senate Judiciary Committee questioned Trump's pick for Director of National Intelligence, Jay Clayton, leading to this confrontation with Georgia Senator and guy who is younger than me, Jon Ossoff, who won the 2020 election?

[A]

You know I'm not going to do this with you.

[C]

This is a job interview.

[B]

We have established that you have an obligation to be honest and forthright with the committee.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

You do have an obligation to be honest and forthright with the committee.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Who won the 2020 election?

[A]

Like I said, I'm not. I'm not going to get into that with you. I'm not going to engage in the theater.

[C]

It's A simple question, Mr. Clayton, and

[B]

I've answered, who won the 2020 presidential election?

[A]

I've answered it.

[B]

Imagine sitting down at a job interview and they say, what's your biggest strength and biggest weakness? And you're like, I'm not going to get into that with you. And then you get the job anyway because your dads are friends. Clayton continued to evade that question when talking to Senator and guy with a cool name for a cowboy, Angus King,

[A]

who won the 2020 election? I've answered that question. I'm not going to get into that. You have not answered that question. Could you answer the question, who won the 2020 election?

[B]

Pretty simple question. Yeah.

[A]

I said, I'm going to give you the same answer. The answer to the chairman was he asked me if I was an Election denier. I am not an election denier. Joe Biden was certified as no, we all know president. I'm just asking for president. Really simple question. Who won the 2020 election, as I said to you, went through our processes and Joe Biden became the President of the United States.

[B]

How is he not an election denier? I haven't seen denial this obvious since Chuck Schumer tried to blame the dog. The committee also heard from the President's Attorney General nominee. Todd Blanche, who currently serves as acting AG and previously served as Trump's personal attorney, was pressed by Republican Thom Tillis on whether he would meet with Epstein's victims. I expect that meeting to occur before I'm willing to vote out of this committee and I'm trying to get to yes, but this is a very important

[A]

part of getting to yes.

[B]

Ew. And hear their gross sad stories. No thanks, said Blanche. This is actually a massive cave by Tillis, who is now, quote, trying to get to yes, but previously said this about voting for Blanche. If there's even a whiff of a lack of independence, then that could influence my vote. Unfortunately, it's hard to get a whiff of anything other than fart when Schumer's been in the room. But here's Blanche talking to Senator Chris Coons. Is the Department of Justice that you are running independent from the White House?

[A]

The Department of Justice, like every single department in the Executive, is part of the executive. I mean, Article 2 of the Constitution gives the power of the Executive to President Trump.

[B]

More than a whiff to me. Kind of a stench. And when asked if Trump is eligible to run for a third term, Blanche said no. But it wasn't exactly an emphatic no. Is President Trump, just as a simple

[A]

matter of constitutional law, eligible to run

[B]

for another term as president in 2028?

[A]

I don't believe he is.

[C]

No.

[B]

That is a question that should have a more confident answer than someone at the grocery store going, I don't think we have chickpeas at home. Of course Blanche isn't independent. That's why he was chosen. That's like asking Oddjob if he's willing to stand up to Goldfinger. He's not. He's gonna guard the bomb at Fort Knox until the bitter fucking end. You know, they were right. I knew. But Oddjob is a good comparison. But we're not all kind of swimming in the plot of Goldfinger. We don't remember that Pussy Galore did the right thing in the end. But. But on the other hand, Goldfinger does go thump out of that airplane window. So something to think about that. And it's as if Trump is daring people like Tillis to vote no. On Thursday, Trump gave a primetime address to spread 2020 election conspiracy theories. At least we think he did. The speech is happening as we are recording this episode. Trump is reportedly claiming as we speak that China interfered in the 2020 election, which. Which took place when Trump was president and he lost. But then it's like, did China get logged out in 2024 when Joe Biden was president and Trump won? And who can Even remember the 2020 election? Joe Biden can't. So why should we? Every member of Trump's Cabinet is a complete and total stooge. Treasury Secretary Scott Besant announced on Wednesday that the treasury will begin striking a new gold coin with Trump's face on it in honor of the 250th. Hear me out, though. A dollar coin is the perfect thing to have Trump's face on. It is a useless annoyance that weighs you down and feels like a relic from another era. And your uncle loves it. Not only is the coin ugly, it's arguably illegal by law and tradition, only deceased people appear on US Currency. So why don't we just show a little patience and wait for what's wrong with his hand to become what's wrong with his everything? A Fox reporter asked Trump for his thoughts on the coin. Your face is now going to be on a coin, it looks like from the Treasury Department. Yes.

[A]

What do you think about that?

[C]

I was very honored.

[A]

It's cute.

[C]

Not a bad picture, but it's very cute.

[B]

They gave me a coin that's very

[C]

unusual from what I understand.

[B]

A gold coin.

[C]

Yeah, a gold coin and a silver coin. It was very unusual, but I was honored by it.

[B]

This has the energy of someone pretending to be surprised at a surprise party they planned for themselves. When my sister was pregnant, she wanted to do a gender reveal party, and so she ordered a gender reveal cake. And when she went to pick up the cake, they handed her the cake and they said, one gender reveal cake. White on the outside, blue on the inside. Trump renamed the Institute of Peace after himself. He tried and failed to add his name to the Kennedy Center. He launched Trump accounts and Trump RX stuck his face on the national park passes and a version of the US Passport. The Navy is planning to build a set of Trump class battleships. He hung his portrait on banners outside the Department of Justice. And Palm Beach Airport has been officially renamed Trump International Airport with the airport code DJT If I wanted to see Trump's name that many times, I would just read the Epstein files. And speaking of corrupt Trump devotees, on Thursday we learned that Trump's longtime teleprompter operator has been betting on what Trump will say in his speeches. It was the perfect crime. Until he flew too close to the sun and tried to get Trump to say he actually likes the colorblind casting in the Odyssey raise suspicions. Federal investigators, in cooperation with Kalshee, found that Gabriel Perez, who has held the position since 2016, has made over $100,000 on these bets. Hot take. That is not enough. He should have made a lot more. That is a fucking easy crime. Are you kidding me? 100,000. That's it? You're his teleprompter operator and you're betting on what's in the speeches? Are you fucking kidding me? That's insane. But of course, this kind of thing is happening more and more. I heard that one of Schumer's staffers bet on a certain outcome of his speech after seeing the minor take down a full pint of egg salad for lunch. That was the last one. We're out. That was the last one about the Schumer fart. Perez would. Perez would allegedly bet on certain words or topics that Trump might mention in some cases, he would then back out of the wagers mid speech if Trump started to stray from the prepared remarks. Though that does explain that one speech where Trump said out of nowhere, fuck, man, please say sharks. You gotta talk about sharks. Fuck. I put 15,000 on sharks, please. My wife's gonna be so mad. All right, we've got a great show for you tonight, and we'll be right back with Des Bishop.

[A]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[B]

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[A]

That's.

[B]

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[A]

All right, thank you.

[B]

Hi. Good to see you. Thanks for being here. Good to meet you too.

[A]

Awesome.

[B]

What's up? How you doing?

[A]

Well, great. This is very exciting for me.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

No. Yes, it is. I love Pod Save America.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I subscribed to the thing because I wanted to hear something. One day was like you had to subscribe, so I subscribed. Got him and. And you got me. And I haven't unsubscribed and I like Polar Coaster and I'm happy to be here, so.

[B]

Well, it's great to meet you. I'm a big fan of yours. Oh, I really am. And I was thinking about because I see a lot of your clips and you had this extraordinary experience of. So you, you have lived in obviously the US but also in Ireland and China. And I think it brings you an an unusual spectrum perspective that allows you to make fun of people in a way only you can I think you make fun of people in a way that is not no one else could do.

[A]

I mean, I guess the Irish thing was basically two thirds of my life. The Chinese thing was like a two year kind of experience. So the Irish experience was basically like almost all of my identity. But the Chinese thing was a small but very impactful experience. But I, But I do think that coming back to the States because, you know, I went to Ireland when I was 14, you know, and now I'm back in the States performing here. And I do feel that that has given me a sense of why you would think that because I've taken all those experience and now I've American ified it in a way that I think you identified with.

[B]

And so you. If I do, I understand that you were started drinking as a teen.

[A]

Well, that's, that's a joke. That is true. And then I, I had a problem with alcohol, got kicked out of school, so my parents sent me to Ireland to go to boarding school.

[C]

Right.

[B]

That seems like a bomb.

[A]

It's not even a punchline, but it works as one.

[B]

Yeah. Just sort of like if of all the places in the world to say, oh, you're having problems with alcohol, I know we're gonna send you.

[A]

The joke I say is that they saw the potential in my alcoholism and they thought, let's make him the best one he can possibly be. We'll send him to the Premier League, you know, and then. But it's not, of course it's not true. Cause I stopped. I actually. Would you believe I'm 31 years sober today? Which is a coincidence. It's just a. Just a coincidence. So I stopped drinking at 19. So we joke about the stereotype, but my life is actually in contradiction to the stereotype because I lived most of my life sober in Ireland very comfortably and had a comfortable life of sobriety there. So that. Bust the stereotype. Yeah, but that's not fun. Stereotype, I think, is so boring.

[B]

Stereotypes are so stereo. Stereotypes are hilarious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's one thing I think, I think stereotypes are the funniest.

[A]

They are. Stereotypes are funny. And when you, when you do them in the right way and in the right spirit, it's great. And when you do it, you know, in the Kill Tony spirit, it's not great.

[B]

Not as good. Yeah. Yeah. And now you, you do live in China for a time and you speak Mandarin.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is it a superpower to look like you? God, the people must really, you know, it must really come as a shock when you break out the Mandarin amongst people in China?

[A]

Yes. And when I first went there in 2004, just like for a holiday,

[B]

it

[A]

was much more like, wow, tall white dude. And my girlfriend at the time was blonde. And there was a lot of like, can we get a picture just for you being you. But actually by the time I did the project that I did, which was a one year documentary series about trying to learn enough Mandarin to do stand up in Mandarin, right? So then I was living there full time. By then, you know, China had become quite a bit more international, so there wasn't the same level of excitement. However, there was still a lot of admiration for the lawai, the foreigners that could speak Mandarin. But what the mistake that I made, which I've realized now, is that I didn't realize that in the Western world, some creators were going to get humongous followings by shocking Chinese people in the States with like their good Chinese, like, shout out to Xiaoma nyc, who's like humongous on the Internet. And in fairness, what he does is great. But I never thought about doing it like over here other than my friends get such a kick out of it when I order in Chinese at a Chinese restaurant. And the Chinese are like, oh my God, your Chinese is so good. Like, but I didn't monetize it. But.

[B]

And that's a shame.

[A]

That is shame.

[B]

You know, I just want to say that I am just, I'm honestly, I can barely look at you. I'm disgusted. You had a monetization opportunity. You left on the fucking ground.

[A]

You know, if I was in, if, if I was in a monetization positive atmosphere like the crooked media space, I would have never, I would have never missed that opportunity.

[B]

I'm sor. We use the word sustainable. A sustainable business.

[A]

No, listen, every joke that I say about you guys comes from complete admiration. But what I will also say is that, you know, I was making this series for Irish tv. I had a mission, right? I had already done a language learning thing before, but what I didn't expect was that the English language material that I would write about my experience in China, about being a fish out of water, about the language stuff, even some jokes literally about learning Chinese, I didn't realize how much they would resonate when I came back to the States. In fact, that was almost like my bridge back to performing in America because I've always been an American comedian in Ireland. The bridge back was like how much American audiences were eating up my Asian experience.

[B]

Well, I think that that speaks to how China looms in Our culture.

[A]

And that was what motivated me to want to do it in the first place.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, because you'll see it even. There'll be ads on television saying we can't regulate AI because China will win the slop wars. You know, and having lived there, like, what. When you see politicians turn China into the kind of super enemy, that's the reason we can't say kind of have slow down AI in the US or we have to do all these other things. What is your. What is your experience of that?

[A]

Well, that's more of like, when I. When I initially pitched my Idea, it was 2008. I had done this Irish language. I learned the Irish language, and I had made a series about learning the language. But. And I always had a fascination with wanting to learn Mandarin. So the Beijing Olympics was about to happen, and the world was really focused on China, but in very much a way of, like, what's going on over there? They're rising economically, they're rising, like, militarily, what's going on over there? So I felt everyone just wanted to see, like, how fast it was growing. But I wanted to tell the story of the Chinese people because the focus was always on the politics and the economy, and I found the people to be quite fascinating. So I wanted to tell that story. The more, like, proper Chinese enemy story has been more of a recent phenomenon. But on the flip side, we actually, the west, not just the US Used to push back more against Chinese human rights infringements. So now we're worried about them taking over the world, but we're not worried about how much they oppress certain percentages of their population. So it's kind of frustrating in a way that now it's just like us versus them, as opposed to, let's maintain the relationship, but keep the pressure on them to actually stop doing the bad shit they do. But it gets harder to have the moral high ground when we seem to be becoming more like China.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of my jokes is always when I went to China, which apparently it's like an old Russian joke, but a Chinese comedian had given it to me. You know, they said, why would you go to China to do stand up? There's so much censorship. You can't say anything. There's. But I say, no, it's not that different. Comedy in America, comedy in China, it's similar. In America, you can make fun of the American government, and in China, you can make fun of the American government. It's the same. But, like, then the Jimmy Kimmel thing happened, and suddenly I Was like, this fucking joke has about six months left and it's shot.

[B]

Yeah, man, that sucks to hear.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But no, but. But what I will say is, because obviously we talk a lot about free speech in America, and, you know, there was a time where the right felt like they were coming hard with the censorship was coming hard on them. Now it feels the other way. That, like, the government itself is actually government censorships creeping into America. And all those fears. I actually think a lot of those fears from both sides at times felt a bit valid, but they were never truly valid because everyone, they. They were being denied speech in one space, but they always had the freedom to find another space.

[B]

Yes. Like, sometimes people will say a book has been banned, but a book is not banned if you can't get it in a certain store or Library, for example.

[A]

100%. Right. So we still had free speech. We just. We were. You know, some people are being censored in certain spaces, whereas in China, you truly didn't have that. And I performed in a place where to do a live performance, you're actually supposed to officially apply to the censor to do it legally. Now, we did loads of illegal ones, but it sounds more dramatic than it was. They were just too small for anyone to care. But then what happened? Since I left in 2015 because I stayed for an extra year because I loved it so much. Like, Stand up as we know, it was pretty new then, but after I left and nothing to do with me, Stand up really kind of exploded there because online content really exploded in China. And in some ways, they were kind of like pioneers because their TV was so censored that their online content actually blew up earlier than here. Like, they were doing what. What became what we would say, like, influencer stuff, like before we were, because they kind of were forced. But then the Internet got too popular, so they cracked down on that too. Anyway, long story short, now Stand Up's really popular, so now you can't even do the. The little shows we were doing, because they cracked down on those too.

[B]

So. And then the other direction, what was. What did you find was the expectations around America and Americans when you would be doing Stand up?

[C]

Like, what.

[B]

What were the. In the same way that China looms for America, how does America loom for the Chinese people you were meeting?

[A]

You know, like, it's. You know, so culturally, they were very positive about America, heavily influenced by not just culture, sport, the NBA. So culturally, very positive towards America. But obviously, like, governmentally, they did feel that America misunderstood China, you know, they were soaking up the propaganda. And the joke always is in China is like the nightly news every night is the government is, you know, doing their job for you. The Lao Bai Singh. The everyday people are working hard and the west is a mess. And like, literally, it was that every day. So, like, they were just, like, critical of the American government. They didn't like the fact that America only focused on Chinese human rights stuff. That was like, an issue for them. But culturally, they were very positive about America.

[B]

I would be remiss if I didn't play a clip of you on a Chinese dating show. And we do.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'm curious which one you picked actually, because I actually did two of them. Would you believe. That was improv? Yeah.

[B]

That's good. So just for people listening, that was

[A]

one year of Chinese.

[B]

The potential date says, I don't think we're a good fit. You're only six years younger than my parents.

[A]

Yes. And so I said, is your mother hot? Well, in actual fact, if you translate it directly, I said, is your mother beautiful? But I just think that it was quite crass for me to ask that question. But I think in English, the crassness of it wouldn't translate if I said beautiful. But that's a whole other world of comedy translation. But listen, I'm not blowing my own trumpet, but. But the mission was to do standup in Mandarin. But the thing is stand up, you know, you can figure out those bits. You can learn them. Whereas I was on this dating show, fully Mandarin dating show. So I had to just, like, go with the flow. And that I consider to be my real achievement, because that was literally after 12 months of learning Mandarin. And I was like, this is cool. I am, like, riffing on Chinese tv. So I was pretty happy with that.

[B]

Was there any other. Is there any other example of the translation being about this? The. The nuance of a translation being interesting? Of, like, trying to get an idea from a joke from English into Mandarin.

[A]

It's very hard. And in actual fact, I very rarely did that because so often it's either the language order or just particularly say. It's easier for me to explain it going backwards. I had a lot of jokes in Mandarin that were about me misunderstanding something, but when I try to translate those jokes back in English, I have to give away the punchline to let the audience know why the person was confused. Do you get what I'm saying? And stuff like that happens all the time. So most of my Mandarin stuff I just wrote in Mandarin, or it was like fish out of water experiences like stories are easier to do than, like, joke jokes. So anything that's like a joke joke that I had in English, for me personally, almost impossible to translate. But some of the stuff works in both languages because it's stories. Like, I can tell my joke about the fact that my last name that I picked in Chinese. If you mispronounce it, it means cunt. Right. I apologize.

[B]

No, no, it's okay.

[A]

So I can tell that joke in English and I can tell it in Chinese. However, the punchline in Mandarin isn't me saying what it means. It's giving the scenario of their reaction when I say it. Because the minute I say it, they know you know what I'm saying, because they're hearing the mispronunciation. But so it's the same joke, but two different ways to tell it.

[B]

That's so interesting. Now, you've performed all over the world, but this is America. So we need to know which place is best in a segment we're calling Best country for Old Men. Here's how it works. I'm gonna give you a category, for example, best noodles. And you'll tell us which country has the best. The U.S. ireland, or is that the first question? Sure.

[A]

I mean, come on, it's China. Yeah, I figured it would be China 100%. However, the Chinese food in the United States, the standards are like, off the charts up these days.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Well, definitely in the coastal cities, I think the standards are very high.

[B]

That's good to know. That's good to know. We also have a sound effect for each country. Here's the usa. Here's Ireland. And we went conservative with China. The People's Republic of China.

[A]

Were you afraid of offending somebody?

[B]

We were afraid of being racist. We were afraid of being racist, so we just did that. We couldn't think of anything. We were like, you know what? Why? Why? We're not gonna bet it all on this fucking bit, you know, we're gonna throw it all away for this little interstitial segment. No, no, that's not what we're gonna do. Claudia said that if you heard at the end, she says that China in Mandarin. So we did the best we could. Okay, first up, best hangover food.

[A]

Oh, Ireland. Best place by necessity.

[B]

But right, right. It's sort of. Yeah. Best place to date.

[A]

Oh, America. Irish people were actually resistant to dating for so long. They didn't even. The concept to them was slow. American.

[B]

Very, very sort of the Catholicism kind of running through the blood.

[A]

The culture has changed now. But definitely America's good for dating because they have rules and they understand it and it's just better. Wow.

[B]

I didn't think of it as an American export. Best hecklers.

[A]

Oh, Ireland, without a doubt.

[B]

Okay. I don't think we thought through how many times we'd be hearing these fun. Best place to cry in public.

[A]

Oh, oh. Best place to cry. I feel like America is because in America somebody might be inclined to be like, are you okay?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whereas in Ireland they'd be like, well, you fucking get over yourself. Which, you know, they're probably right in a way.

[B]

Best curse word.

[A]

Oh, shabby. China means stupid.

[B]

Republic of China. Sorry, Wait, let's say it again.

[A]

Shabby.

[B]

That's cool. Sounds good. I think it's the tonal language, by the way.

[A]

I'm aware that in the United States the SeaWorld has a lot more power, and I know I'm flippantly checking it out throughout the show, but I want to point out that that's what it does mean in Chinese. But also in Ireland, it does not have that power.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I, I'm. I can be over casual with it. So I apologize.

[B]

Well, don't apologize. Don't apologize to me. I don't, I don't care. I'm a man.

[A]

But I'm, I'm. I'm aware that some people might be hearing it and think it's a bit strong.

[B]

Now you have a new special, Bridge and Tunnel. It's on your YouTube channel and you go to desbishop.net for your tour dates. Now the new special is. Is more about the Irish Italian battles from, From Queens.

[A]

That's a part of it. You know, because most of my career is in Ireland, I never really was able to indulge in like my childhood because I had the first 14 years of my life was a very like New York, multi ethnic kind of upbringing. Irish people don't really identify with that. So this was, this was the beginning of me exploring a part of myself. And it's been quite fun to be able to perform, particularly in big cities in America. They really can identify with that stuff. But that's, that's only part of it. There's like a couple. There's like a nostalgia section, a New York section, some more Chinese stuff, some, some dirty stuff, and a little bit of wokey stuff.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

Yeah, I, I mean, I'm a pretty woke guy. I don't get supported by the people that love woke shit, but I will, I think it's. I will not grift. Like a lot of my compadres in the business.

[C]

You.

[A]

Well there's two.

[B]

Are you being grifted? Grift against woke be an anti grade.

[A]

Yeah, I go against who I am because I know that that's where the older white dudes are. Are hanging.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

Their dollars out for my. For my magathon. So I'm. I'm not out there trying to get that dollar Like a lot of my, you know a.

[B]

Well, I do think it's something that does happen. I do. Like there's a kind of a fork at the road for comedians. It happens like the mid-40s maybe where they can keep being curious and interested in learning and being a little bit uncomfortable or they can just sink into it, you know, just sink into being mad and a little bit grumpy and like. And sort of the kids these days. And I do see it's a smoother ride on that. It's the smoother path over there to the 100%.

[A]

And in stand up terms it's really like the adoration that comes from the aggrieved older people. It's hard. It sucks them in, you know. Whereas I, I like to sort of like gently rib them in a way where I don't put them off but I just like try. I always say that it's my. I'm naive because I still have a lot of MAGA friends. I have this naive belief that I can turn them. Like a 60 year old gay guy thinks he can turn a 21 year old straight guy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[A]

That's my like maga. You know, like when I'm playing golf with my MAGA friends I think I'll just, I'll slowly get them to come over to my side.

[B]

Well, but I like, but that's what I mean about. You have like a point of view that I think is unique because you're able to. I think that I get why you think that. I get that because there's a way in which you're making fun of people and sometimes on stereotypes and all of it, but it's from a place of love and from a kind of cosmopolitan point of view. So it's almost like you're tricking them.

[A]

That's the try. That's the try. Like for example, you know, it's such a weird thing because I, by the way, I firmly believe that you should remain friends with your MAGA friends. And I said that in a bit once and I got tons. I got a lot of anger at me for Saying that. And I just don't know what we gain by turning your back on these, particularly the ones, by the way. It upsets me that they haven't seen what we've seen and been like enough. It does upset me, but I'm not sure what you gain by leaving them completely because you hope at some stage there might be one thing, one insane act, and then you'll be there for them.

[B]

Well, so I think there's three things, all right. I think there's what you should do, what you want to do, and what doing it can achieve. And I think they're different. Right. What you should do. I think, like, if you're thinking about, like, what's in the best interest of the world, biting your tongue and being available, being a presence, keeping that connection, being a source of better information, I think that makes sense.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Then there's. But then there's also just what you can tolerate.

[A]

What you can tolerate.

[B]

And I do think part of the way.

[A]

I don't hang out with anyone who's openly. Of course.

[B]

Of course, but. But I think there's something about. Even if you. If you know someone has continued to be supportive of what's happening, then that speaks to something. Kind of a deep moral difference. And A, it's hard not to be upset about that. And then B, it's hard to pretend because if someone supports Trump right now and they just want to laugh and yuck it up and have a good time, it is asking you, like, don't bring up that. Boy, you certainly don't mind who's, you know, working at this restaurant. Boy, you certainly want to just pretend like you're a happy, go lucky person, but wouldn't do the terrible. Aren't. Aren't complicit in the terrible things that are happening. You have to. You are kind of. There's a way in which not, you know, there's. It's. On the one hand, yes, you're kind of staying available. Other hand, you're kind of giving up on. You have to. You have to lie a little bit just by.

[A]

To yourself.

[B]

Yes, I think so. Or just. Or to them or just about the situation. You have to ignore something.

[A]

You have to ignore something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

100.

[B]

And then there's what can. What can come of it. Right. Which is, you know, how do you get them? Are we really not doing that great a job? People got to want to come back.

[A]

What I have them now is being dissatisfied with the obvious things.

[B]

Yeah, That's.

[A]

That's where they're at. But you know what they still say, but it's still better than Kamala. And I'm like, I don't hold back. I'm like, you fucking think so. This, like, experienced, incredibly intelligent person versus this buffoon doing everything he said he wouldn't do.

[B]

There's.

[A]

Well, then it gets heated.

[B]

Then it gets heated and then it gets.

[A]

That's what's handy about being six foot three.

[B]

That's cool. That was cool to be six foot three. I'm five foot nothing. And we'll be right back.

[A]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up.

[B]

Love it or leave it is brought to you by CookUnity. I love Cook Unity. I ate a cookunity today. Today I had a cookunity. It was a chicken cutlet on some sort of. I think it was called a porcini fettuccine, which is obviously rhymes, but also delicious. It was a high protein breakfast, a big meal. I sometimes like, I go to the gym and I'll come home and I know that I'm gonna have a bunch of stuff right in a row. I eat a basically a dinner for breakfast and I love it. That sounds great. What was it called? That sounds like the Italian AI Slop. No, it isn't. It isn't Italian AI Slop. It's human made. Delicious. I think it was called chicken fettuccine porcini, but that's not right.

[A]

It was the TikTok thing.

[B]

It was like cappuccino Villanova or something. And it was just a yelling cup. This is not that. This is delicious cuisine. Oh, yesterday I had a Greek yogurt bowl. That was excellent. Cook Unity is the first chef led meal delivery service that makes your meals in small batches inside local micro kitchens across the US not factory. So every dish arrives with the kind of freshness you'd get at the restaurant itself. Meals from Michelin starred chefs, James Beard winners and Food Network stars. Go to cookunity.com lowly or use code LOWLY before checkout. For 50% off your first week, the food tastes like someone just made it for you, because they did in small batches that morning. There are hundreds of dishes to choose from. It's an incredible variety of options. The menu features 10 different dietary preferences and over 25 million global cuisines. And it's updated constantly.

[A]

Ballerina, cappuccino.

[B]

That's what I swear. I really do genuinely love Cook Unity. I have sometimes I have four meals at a time or six meals at a time come depending on the week. But the idea is that, like, you had those four meals and if you're busy, you get home, you can just make something rather than cooking if you don't have time or ordering something in that's going to be worse and more expensive. So I highly recommend it. Taste what happens when real award winning chefs make fresh, small batch meals just for you. Go to cookunity.com lowly or enter code LOLI before checkout to get 50% off your first order. That's 50% off your first order by using code loli or going to cookunity.com LOLI. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage. He's in the Bear. He's in Never change. He's hilarious. Please welcome Carmen. Christopher.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Good to see you. Thanks for being here. Come on. Come on, man.

[C]

What's up, man? Hi. What's up?

[B]

It's good to meet you.

[C]

You guys bummed? You thought Jeremy Allen White was gonna walk out here?

[B]

Sorry, no, we didn't want him. We wanted you. We said no. We said no.

[C]

Appreciate it.

[B]

We don't want that. We don't want that guy.

[C]

You don't want you Calvin Klein model?

[B]

Yeah, we don't. We don't need that energy up in here. You want to up in here?

[C]

Well, you guys, I heard you guys go crazy. You've been sober for 31 years. Yes, I've been drinking for 27 years. How come people don't clap for that?

[A]

Yeah, we admire that too. Yeah, well, you know, I've gotten booed before for saying my sober date, so you, you know, it's not always a win.

[C]

Well, I'm just saying, like, kind of

[A]

booing you for that in Ireland. But anyway, so you.

[B]

I want to start just. You've been making these. I think a lot of people may have seen you on social media because you made these videos reviewing Los Angeles establishments. I just want to show one of those clips.

[C]

Check out these hidden gems in Highland Park. Nah, I'm done gatekeeping. The best authentic Mexican taqui in Highland park is homestay. This is real LA street food. Nothing says tacos like brisket. I wanted to try a legit Oaxacan beer, so I ordered the shiner Bach to watch down these Tijuana panthers. It's my lunch break. Please don't tell my boss at Allbirds. I've been gatekeeping this next hole in the wall for far too long. Mendocino Farms. If you get homestay and mendo back to back and say the secret password culture, you get $8 off Jenny's ice cream. Tell them Mendo sent you. The home state to Mendo to Jenny's. Pipeline is about to go. Stupid twins. So tip well.

[B]

Have you seen how many people have been ripping this off?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It's crazy. This is why I wanted to talk to you about it.

[C]

Wait, I'm actually. That's crazy that you brought that up. Somebody else people keep Dming me, the people that are ripping. And I'm like, I don't want to watch this shit.

[B]

I'm infuriated.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because there are people just. They're doing this bit, and it's almost becoming its own genre of all these people ripping you off.

[C]

It's crazy. And they're doing, like. So I think to just talk about the bit is like, I was basically just making fun of influencers and making fun of. Because I lived in Highland park, and it was sad to see, like, Jenny's ice cream. And people say that homestayed is the best tacos. Homestate's trash, in my opinion. Although I actually ate there today, unfortunately, somebody asked me to get breakfast, and I was like, sure, it's right there. They picked it and I'm not gonna not eat. So I ate it. But then also, it's like, Mendocino Farms. It's actually not bad, but it's just these establishments in this, like, cool neighborhood. And I was like, so I'm making fun of influencers, and I'm making fun of these, you know, these commercial businesses that usually ruin neighborhoods. But so then what has happened is there's people that are doing, like, not funny versions of it and just being very. Like, there's no satire. It's just direct. Like, this place sucks. This place sucks. This place. There's no, like, joke behind it. And then their video does, like, twice as well as mine.

[B]

Yeah, it's outrageous.

[C]

It's crazy.

[B]

I hate it.

[A]

But you have to keep doing it, though.

[C]

That's the thing. But I don't want to. I literally. I did it to, like, promote a show. It's like an idea. Like, I get an idea and I'm like, I'm. I do the idea. I hope it comes out well. And then I want to do the next idea. Like, I don't. That this is. What's interesting about social media now is, like, people have one thing and it pops off and it becomes their whole identity that. I'm not interested in that. And they have to keep doing that. And then they become trapped. And it's like, I don't like Being viewed as doing one thing. I like to be. I like to be known as being able to do multiple things. And I just would hate to be the food reviewer guy. That's. I hate that. That's not what I want to do. I'm making fun of it.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's funny. Well, I do think that people that click on. They land on the one thing that's working and they keep doing it. They keep doing it and maybe it'll work for a while, but that's a brittle kind of success versus finding new ways of be trying to do new and funny and interesting things, some of which don't work and don't get this. Don't get the same views.

[C]

Who cares, right?

[B]

I guess.

[A]

You know, our David Portnoy is nearly a billionaire for doing pizza reviews.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Well, that's. Have you thought about doing that? Billionaire?

[C]

I do. I do. I think, like, I went to, you know, I went to college and I was a business major and I was a marketing major, and I do. There are things that I see that I could do in my career that could make me way more successful than what I am. But after college, I worked in sales for eight years and I made decent money. You know, I don't come from money. My family's very, like, working class. Barely anybody went to high school, graduated high school. So I was the first one to go to college. And, you know, there's like these aspects of, like, I could just make money and be rich. But I already, you know, I did sales and I wasn't happy. So to me, it's really about. It really is, like, as lame as it's the sound, it is about, like, making the art and doing something I'm, like, excited about. If all of a sudden I'm just doing food review fucking videos and it's like I'm punching in and out. Like, that doesn't excite me. You know what I mean? Yeah, sorry. This was supposed to be fun.

[B]

No, it is fun.

[C]

We're gonna.

[B]

This part of it is having serious moments where we get into it. And I like that, too.

[A]

And people.

[B]

I like that too.

[C]

Yeah, I'm. That's. I'm really. I did not. Because you guys don't know this, but they kind of. I didn't know you were gonna talk about this, but somebody kept. Was bringing this up the other day, and I was like, it pisses me, people. This actually does piss me off that social media has become this thing where it's like, if somebody does an idea and somebody Else likes it. They just do the idea that seems crazy to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like they're not.

[B]

Yeah. They don't respect the thing.

[C]

Yeah. Like, but they cannot putting a twist on it or anything. Or like being inspired to do your own thing from it. Well, this, like, that's what we should be doing, right?

[B]

Yes. Well, I think sometimes people say, you know, AI is terrible. Look at all this slop. And I agree. But I think a harder question is, wait, did we accidentally build a system in which semi true, like kind of copycat, boring, empty words. If you create enough of it, you can like make money off of it. Like, we built in a. We created value for the AI slot. Right. The reason people are creating AI slop is because there's money to be made in AI slot because we built these sort of these algorithmic systems that reward the kind of like, you know, trashy, repetitive nonsense.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And so people grab that. That to me is the thing. And so when, like, when it's like, what are those people doing that are taking what you did and just doing their own version? They're kind of being AI, you know, they're just being, they're being human AI.

[C]

Should we find all their accounts and go, you are AI.

[B]

Let's go to their houses?

[A]

You know, also, there's no professional repercussions for stealing from you.

[C]

Like, you can just steal now. Like when Carlos Mencia was stealing George Lopez's. George Lopez hung his ass over a balcony and tried to kill him, but he was ostracized.

[A]

He was ostracized by the comedy community.

[B]

Yeah. And you can't ostracize an account.

[C]

Let's bring back almost killing people. Sure. No, I'm joking.

[B]

He's kidding, guys, he's kidding.

[C]

I'm kidding.

[B]

He's kidding about it. It's a kid. It's just a joke. Now you're in a new comedy called Never Change, about a group of 30 somethings who have to go back to high school after finding out that they legally never graduated. I feel like there's a fantasy people have. If they could go back and do it again, they'd do it better. Do you share that fantasy?

[C]

Oh, you know what's funny is I've been having this feeling a lot lately. So I played high school football, as you can tell, and you know, we were a really good team. We went 11 and one my junior and senior year, and we had one guy go to the NFL on our team. We were good, but I was on the bench. I rode the bench and I've been watching the World cup for the first time, and as an adult, as an older man now I'm watching, being like, wait, I should have been playing soccer this whole time. These guys are more My body. I mean, they're obviously in way better shape, but, like, I like to run. I wasn't a big guy, and I'm like, I love basketball. You know, I have some agility, and I'm like, fuck, I should have been playing. Like, it's crazy at this point in my life to be like, I should have played soccer. If I go back to high school, I think I would have played soccer. So, yeah, I would have done it differently.

[B]

Yeah. Soccer seems like a lot. It takes a lot of.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no guarantee, though, you would have been good at it.

[C]

Yes, I would have.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. I think you would have been.

[C]

Trust me.

[B]

I think it's. I think there's sort of a terrible thing. This is, like, kind of a crazy thing to say.

[C]

I'm good at basketball, and I play with. Obviously, I'm a short guy, so I'm like, soccer. I'll. These little guys up.

[B]

I. I have a little rule of thumb where if somebody says they'd be great in a hypothetical, you just say yes.

[C]

Also, it's like, who cares? And also, the other thing you could do is you can tell people you speak five languages. What do they know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, sure. He speaks, man. He learned three words on the airplane.

[C]

I'll say whatever I want. Who cares? I don't want to talk it right now. I got to go.

[B]

Who do you like more personally? Joe Firestone or Joe Pera?

[C]

Oh, that's a sweet question. They're both great people. Joe Firestone is one of the sweetest humans in the planet, and Joe has been. Has employed me multiple times. So I'm gonna go, Joe Pera.

[B]

Smart. That's smart. Hollywood.

[C]

Hollywood. I go where the money goes. I said, I did it earlier. I'm lying.

[B]

So you're the only person on the Bear from Chicago?

[C]

I wouldn't. I would. That's a great question. I would say, okay, so there's some people in the kitchen that probably have smaller parts that are from Chicago, but out of, like, in season one, I think I was, like, probably, like, top 14 or 15 on the call sheet. And I would say in those top 15, I was probably the only person born in Chicago, born in Ravenswood Hospital, raised Foster and Western. And then I would say I was the only one. But I'm I could be wrong. I don't know. Actually. Sweeps. I think he's from Chicago. Yeah, he's from Chicago. But most. Yeah, most of the cast is not from Chicago. But believe it or not, a lot of actors, you know, they're not from the cities that they say they are in the movie.

[B]

I hate that. Yeah, I hate that about that. I think people should be from where they say they're from in the thing.

[C]

Exactly. In every sports team, wherever city you are, all the players have to be from that city.

[B]

That would be cool.

[C]

Actually.

[A]

Way better.

[B]

It would be way better. All right, we'll be right back.

[A]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[B]

Love it or Leave it is brought to you by fast growing Trees. Did you know? Fast growing trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers. They have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, houseplants and shrubs, all grown with care and guaranteed to arrive healthy. Whatever you're looking for, Fast growing Trees helps you find options that actually work for your climate, space and lifestyle. Fast growing trees make it easy to get your dream yard. Just click, order grow and get healthy, thriving plants delivered to your door. They're alive and thrive. Guarantee promises that your plants arrive happy and healthy. No green thumb required, just quality plants you can count on. Plus get support from trained plant experts who can help you plan your landscape, choose the right plants and learn how to care for them every step of the way. We have a bunch of fast growing trees plants around the office. They look beautiful, they're lush, fantastic. You're gonna love them. You gotta get some of these fast growing trees right now. Get up to half off on select plants and love it or leave it listeners get 20% off their first purchase when using the code love it at checkout. That's an addict. Additional 20% off. Better plants and better growing at fast growingtrees.com use code love it at checkout. Fast growingtrees.com code love it now is the perfect time to plant. Let's grow together. Use love it to save today. Offers valid for limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. And we're back. Now it's time for a classic love it or leave it segment. We call it the Egg of Truth.

[A]

Very long.

[B]

Here's how it works. I got questions in it. We're going to ask him to get to some truths. In this case, it's inspired by your movie about going back to high school. So we have high school related egg of truth questions today for all of us. Okay.

[A]

By the way, do you still get like anxiety exam anxiety dreams?

[C]

No.

[A]

Like I haven't been in school for many, many years, but I still sometimes think I'm about to take a test that I haven't studied.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Isn't that wild that that hangs out?

[B]

I actually took a statistics class in college and it met at 8:20am on Tuesday and Thursday and I simply did not go. And it got out of hand. You ever think I missed you and it got out of hand. And so I literally had a final exam for a class I simply stopped attending and I had to just like read the textbook. It was open book, thank God, so I kind of like could gut my way through it. But that was a scary day. I think about that sometimes. Makes me scared.

[A]

But that's a. That's actually a memory, not a dream. I have the anxiety dream of like I don't even know what this test is. You don't get those.

[C]

Yeah, I used to, but then I started getting going that I was my old job dreams when I worked in sales. I went from that and then my dream was like, oh, I forgot to. I haven't been punching in and I've been working for three months and you're not going to get paid.

[A]

Whoa. Serious financial anxiety dream.

[B]

I had a. I worked for Hillary Clinton as a speechwriter and I was very unqualified. She should have won twice and for sure. And I totally.

[C]

It was your speech that lost for sure.

[B]

People think that, but I have dreams about.

[A]

Did you write deplorable?

[B]

No, I didn't. I didn't.

[A]

You know what's funny?

[B]

You know what? I'll tell you something thing it is. There's on certain. Certain quarters of the Internet is taken as a given like a fact that I wrote Pokemon go to the polls and I've been denying it for a decade. Well, and people think my denial is a joke, that I really wrote it. I didn't. But even now it seems like I'm joking. I think because people really think I wrote it.

[C]

I believe you.

[A]

So who wrote it?

[B]

I don't know. Who wrote it?

[C]

I don't know. I didn't work for at the time I wrote it.

[B]

You wrote it. It's a good line.

[C]

I used chat GPT.

[B]

That's amazing.

[C]

Early version.

[B]

Very, very early version. Thing about it is. Here's my thing about Pokemon go to the polls. It's a great line. It broke Through. People remembered it. Yeah, it was cringe. The problem. People like, ah, this is why she lost. No, she lost for several other reasons. And if she had won, you'd think it was a good line.

[C]

She didn't have enough hot sauce in the purse.

[B]

Yeah, she got more hot sauce in that purse. She does have hot sauce in the purse. That's a thing. You know that.

[C]

I know that. They don't know that.

[B]

I think you're right.

[C]

I think they know that.

[B]

You know about Hillary's hot sauce in the purse.

[A]

I didn't know about that.

[C]

Really? Oh, let's not get in it.

[B]

First question. What's an embarrassing moment from high school that still makes you freeze in the shower when you think of it filled with remorse and embarrassment and shame?

[C]

Is this for me or either of us?

[A]

For any of us?

[B]

Do you have a moment like that? A little cringy moment?

[A]

I mean, you know when in freshman year, high school in New York, I, like, this guy said something about my girlfriend, and I just. I said, we have to have a fight. And we had, like, this big, like, dumb, stupid fight. It wasn't even that violent. And everybody was around. And like, afterwards, I was like, this was. You're so. And I still. This day, I think about that stupid fight, and this guy was actually, like, a nice guy. And afterwards, like, we became friends again, and I was just like, what? That was the most idiotic thing of all time. Even though the fight was pretty benevolent now it's just. But it was just. I. I cringe thinking that I went through that with.

[C]

That.

[B]

You had a girlfriend. That's cool.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Did you have a girlfriend? You're still in touch with that girlfriend? Wow.

[A]

Just over the years, you know, wow,

[B]

what a nice guy. People like you. Like, people liked you even after you broke up.

[A]

Well, it was a long time ago, right?

[B]

1990. Yes. I had time to. Had time to settle. Did you have any. Did you have a girlfriend in high school?

[C]

I did. I had a great girlfriend.

[B]

That's so cool.

[C]

Good. And then I broke up with her. I was like, bro, I gotta get out there. I gotta see what it's like to be a single senior. And I got back with her.

[B]

What did you think you would grow up to be when you were in high school? And do you regret. Not.

[C]

Not.

[B]

Do you regret doing this instead?

[A]

Ooh, that's deep.

[C]

High school. I thought I was going to be, like, a gym teacher, and I do not regret doing what I'm doing now. No, I didn't. Like, I didn't really know. Like, I remember thinking, like, I had one cool gym teacher. I was like, maybe I'll do that. I didn't, like, know. And then I was like, maybe I'll go to the army. The bar was not high.

[A]

I thought I was going to be a history lecturer. That's what I thought I was going to be.

[B]

A lecturer.

[A]

Yeah. Because I didn't want to be a teacher. I wanted to be like a professor, you know? You know, we say. Do you say lecturer here as much?

[B]

Say professor.

[A]

Professor. Professor is like a higher thing.

[B]

Yeah, over there. Yeah, over there.

[A]

That's what I. I wanted to teach history in college.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Because I. I felt like it was like the teacher just felt in my mind, like, not. Not as much of an aspiration. I wanted to be a college.

[B]

Do you read a lot of history?

[A]

I still love history. That's what I. That's all I was interested in. That's what I did in college. And that's, you know, I think then I got into comedy. Thank God. Because my. My BA in history wasn't going to take me very far.

[C]

I think I really wanted to be in the NBA, to be honest. But like, my stepdad told me at a really young age, he's like, it's never gonna happen. I was on the team. He was like, you gotta be the best in your town, then. You gotta be. You gotta be the best in your school, then your town, then the state, and then whatever. I was like, damn, dude. All right, I get it.

[A]

Kill my dreams.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Quick. When I say the word prom, what's the immediate feeling you have in your body?

[C]

Oh, hell yeah.

[B]

Really? That's so cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What about you, Carrie? Because we. We do. You. We don't do proms in Ireland.

[C]

You know?

[B]

Like, they didn't do no prom.

[A]

No, they do something like it. But I didn't even go. It's not the same. Like, it's not as much of a rite of pass. So I didn't have the experience.

[B]

You didn't have your experience? I didn't either. I didn't go to my prom. I played Nintendo 64 in the basement.

[A]

Whoa, dude, that comes up in therapy, man.

[B]

Yeah, if I went to therapy. But I don't. Because I don't need it. I don't even need it. I don't need it. So it wouldn't even. Wouldn't even come up. We'll be right back. And we're back. I forgot to say Carmen. Yes, Carmen. On Instagram. For tickets to see your. Your hour on July 29th at Zebulon.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

Go check it out.

[C]

Come on out. Do you guys like comedy?

[B]

You guys like comedy? Do you like to laugh?

[C]

Do you guys like me? Well, I got a show on July 29, and if you're not there, I'm gonna be so pissed.

[B]

I forgot that there was a fight with Mencia. I forgot about the fight aspect of it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. He almost got his ass killed.

[A]

Yeah, I actually didn't know about that part of it. I just knew also that Rogan went after him hard for the.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

Joke. Stealing your boy.

[C]

I heard you back there.

[B]

And just like that, we arrived at the twilight of another fantastic episode, which means it's time for our favorite closing segment. Second thoughts. The Lover, Leave it team has been analyzing my performance for any imperfections, and while they've come up with none, they've done their best anyway, to compile a list for review and decide what I should regret from tonight's episode. Also, if you have any regrets about tonight's episode, this is the moment to share them. This is where we talk through the things we wish we'd done differently. Just for the past hour.

[A]

Just for the past hour.

[B]

Yeah. Just anything you regret about tonight, I'll start. I should have played the fart a third time that the rule of three is applied. And we would have gotten a great laugh had I played the Schumer fart a third time. Can you play the fart now? Now, on Iran and the ndaa,

[A]

It's.

[B]

Farts are always funny. There's always funny you could do.

[A]

And then when Chuck Schumer does one, it's even funnier.

[B]

I also think he's missing an opportunity, which is, okay, you farted. Everybody farts, right? It's a funny thing that we're like, if you fart in the wrong time, it's embarrassing. But obviously, we all do it. It's like, there's not a lot of. It's a weird thing about farting, right? Like, oh, you farted that. We think that's stupid and bad. It's like, you do it, we do it. Trump does it.

[C]

You know, you have to take a shit. That's basically what.

[B]

Yeah. You're. You're. You're.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The process by which you will eventually have to shit is continuing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Weird thing to make fun of people for. When I think about it. I think Schumer should get out there and make like, he should do a bit about it and get.

[A]

Because, you know, has it been confirmed that that Was actually his fart like that.

[B]

I don't think they got the lab guys on it.

[C]

I don't know how.

[A]

We're like.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know how we're gonna. I. It really. At this point, we probably just would have to take his word for it one way or the other.

[A]

Has he admitted it?

[B]

No, no. He's.

[A]

He's. He's. He.

[B]

He dealt it, but he didn't.

[C]

He should be.

[B]

He didn't smelt it.

[C]

He should be the fart guy. He should be like, I'm the fart guy. I'm open about being farty. I'm a fart.

[A]

At least I'm awake.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. At least. Yeah, exactly. But I think he should do an event where he talks about, like, gas prices. You know, he could really make something of it. I'm serious. If I were. If I worked for Chuck Schumer, I think it is. If I worked for. I would be. I would say turn. Make lemonade. You farty.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Don't work for him, bro. You're better than that.

[B]

Let's see. I came down pretty hard on you for not monetizing Mandarin.

[A]

Oh, you regret that? No, no, I don't regret. I thought that was a highlight, personally.

[B]

Oh. I didn't ask you how to say cunt in Chinese.

[A]

You didn't, but it came out.

[B]

I know. You said it.

[A]

I said shepi.

[B]

But it's like the. The tonal part seems it's important. Of course. What does it mean without. What does it mean if you don't know the tone? How does it change the meaning?

[A]

So my last name in Chinese. Because a bi is a family name, so I took the bi off of Bishop and I took the B, but it's fourth tone, B as opposed to B. Right. And then, like, the. The second tone is like ma, which means numb. Right. So when you. If you ever go to a Chinese restaurant and you get mala, that's numb. Hot. That's why you get the.

[B]

Oh, the Sichuan peppers.

[A]

So it's ma. So it's almost like you've lost confidence in the words. So you go, ma. That's the second tone.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So there you go.

[B]

He's teaching me more than you're teaching me.

[C]

I don't care, bro. You seem like a good guy, though. Honestly,

[B]

the sound effects on our first game were too long. Actually, that's been a problem throughout the night. Oh, another regret. Jeremy Allen White, we'd love to have you on the show.

[C]

I can promise you that ain't happening.

[B]

I lied about not writing Pokemon go to the polls.

[A]

Funny.

[C]

You wrote. You. You wrote it.

[B]

I wrote it.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Did you actually write it?

[B]

No. And that's our show. All right, thank you so much to Des Bishop and k. Christopher. They're 109 days until the midterms. We will be back next week with Patrick Rena and W. Kamau Bell. Have a great weekend. Love it or leave it is a crooked media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Phil McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Keeper, Sarah Lazarus, Raman Borsalino, Peter Miller, David Tols, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt De Groat. And our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.