Podcast
LOL Sober
Hosted by Nelson H. · EN
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Little resentments add up
Dec 20, 202400:04:11Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!I was at a meeting the other night when we read from page 66 of the Big Book, where deep resentments are addressed. It’s remarkable how aggressive the language is in that section. We’re told that deep resentments lead us to drink, and to drink is to die. We’re told deep resentments are poison that cause us to waste years of our lives.It’s a big contrast with other sections of sober literature, which I have found to be quite gentle in discussing character defects and other bad behaviors. Our sober founding fathers and mothers were aggressive in telling us that we absolutely cannot afford resentments.But I was struck by the specific use of the phrase “deep resentment.” To me, deep resentments are absolutely poison, and are probably reserved for some of the more serious people, places and things in our lives. In my head, deep resentments refer to ex-wives and ex-husbands, moms and dads, etc. I don’t consider someone who took your parking spot at the grocery store or didn’t email you back fast enough to qualify as a deep resentment.However, I must say that I also realized something else. It’s certainly bad to have one deep resentment devouring you. But I also think that 10 small resentments equal or surpass one deep resentment. And I would argue a bunch of small resentments might be more dangerous because we often underestimate small, petty annoyances.Think about it this way. What’s riskier, a deep resentment against a former boyfriend or girlfriend who dumped you? Or being mad yesterday at a driver who cut you off, at your kid for getting an F on a big test, at your neighbor for having loud construction done, at the garbage crew for knocking your can over, at your mail guy for letting a package get wet, at a coworker for calling you out at a meeting, at the local weather person for being way off on their forecast… you probably see where this is going.I think all of those little brushfires add up to at least as much as one big fire. I have days where I am not irate and don’t yell at anybody, but I am constantly annoyed, constantly balling up my fists and cursing somebody out in my brain. I usually think about each one of these little skirmishes as too small to bring up with a sponsor or at a meeting. But the reality is, I am boiling hot for long stretches of the day about stuff that I deemed petty. That may not be a deep resentment, but it’s a terrible headspace to be in. It’s just one long stretch of being aggravated and not present in life.The answer is probably to make sure I am doing daily maintenance things. So many of these little brushfires are better prevented preemptively rather than after you scream at the old guy at the grocery store who didn’t return his shopping cart. When I am spiritually fit and serene, I’m not doing that.This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:Welcome to AAI was in a meeting when I was new and a fellow was being disruptive. Several AAs asked him to leave and walked him out, saying, "Keep coming back!" I asked why they said that after making him leave. They said, "When he comes back, we want him to feel welcome."(Credit: Grapevine, by Kay K. of Redondo Beach, California, September 2009)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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The microwave impact of sobriety
Dec 10, 202400:04:58Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!At a meeting the other day, a guy mentioned that by the end of his drinking, he was DoorDashing food and alcohol to his door every single day. He said he thinks he barely left his apartment for six months or so, and that his interpersonal skills had basically disappeared. He was a recluse.Then he talked about how he realized he had to get sober, and that meant he had to leave the house. So he started taking baby steps and going to meetings, where he said he was uncomfortable at first. But meetings force you to up your game—there are hugs, inquiries about how you’re doing, exchange of phone numbers, and public speaking. As he was talking, I flashed back to my early days at rehab and then meetings. It was awkward for me, too. Very awkward. Start with the public speaking, which is a very human struggle—there aren’t many people who easily do public speaking and like it. But in rehab and meetings, public speaking also involves some very raw stuff that is hard to say out loud, especially in a crowd. That makes it twice as hard.But I also thought back to some of the more nuanced tough things after I finally left the house and tried to get sober. My people skills had completely vanished. I’d always been a pretty jovial, comfortable guy around people. But I suddenly was sober and realized that I didn’t really remember how to make eye contact, give a firm handshake and a bunch of other stuff that normal people do every day. I hadn’t been doing it—I’d been locked in my guest bedroom for months, and those skills had definitely atrophied.I remember some work meetings where I would get a little flustered and not know what to do with my hands, and I specifically recall having a hard time with my mouth. I would find my lips getting jumpy and my hands getting shaky during conversations that weren’t very confrontational. I just hadn’t been speaking to someone in lightly stressful situations in a long, long time, so it was awkward and weird. I bet people on the other side of things probably thought I was about to fall apart.But I didn’t fall apart, and meetings are why. I forget sometimes that meetings were my re-acclimation to the world. I learned to talk to people, hug again, express love and accept it and the biggest of all, to talk in front of people.I still think I am awkward sometimes in sobriety, because it’s hard to not be awkward in this world sometimes. But man, I can’t even imagine what a jerky-jerky dork I’d be without meetings as a place to practice being human again.This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:"You guys wouldn't let me do it cold turkey. You slopped on the gravy, mashed potatoes, and stuffing, too!"(Credit: Grapevine, April 2009, by Ed L. of Wrightwood, California)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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Respect your own sobriety
Dec 6, 202400:05:03Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!I recently met up with a friend I haven’t seen in awhile, and before we got together, he sent me a text where he said, “I can’t wait to see you! I’m about to provide you with a hell of a hangover.”I of course responded and said, “Hey, I appreciate the sentiment but I am 16 years sober and do not have any interest in a hangover.”He apologized and said it slipped his mind, and that he was instead going to help me get a food hangover from all the crap we were going to consume when we hang out. I laughed and said to count me in.But I had a moment where I felt a little irritated. Like, come on, dude, respect my sobriety, okay? I worked really hard to get sober and I work really hard to stay sober. Please understand that.Except… being offended by that means I have a pretty high expectation of people knowing about my sobriety. And on some level, it means I might be looking for outside validation of my sobriety when all I really need is internal satisfaction that I am doing the right things.When we got together, he apologized for bringing up drinking, and I said no big deal. I actually meant it then… now, if he had stood in front of me right after he said it, I may have had some more irritation in my voice. But I needed to right-size myself and not pin my own self-esteem about recovery on somebody else.I also caught my back going up for a millisecond recently when I celebrated 16 years sober at some meetings. I had some very good friends jokingly say, “Holy s**t, I never would have guessed you’d have 16 years of sobriety.” They were purely joking, and I laughed, and they laughed. But I did have a mopey moment or two where I reflected back and thought, “Was he really trying to say I used to be a mess? Was I? Even if I was, what a rude thing to say!”That was a bunch of nonsense, too. I think if you can’t laugh about the mis-steps of the past, you’re in trouble. Joy and laughter are the main reasons I do this podcast and newsletter—it helped me when people laughed at meetings and could poke fun at themselves without blowing a gasket. I needed to know that recovery wasn’t drudgery, that it was happy, joyous and free. So that’s where I ended up landing this week. I need to respect my own sobriety enough to not get disrespected by an offhand comment (or three!).This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:"I was always the black sheep of the family. Then I joined AA and found the rest of the herd."(Credit: Grapevine, March 2009, by C.W.)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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The toughest age to get sober is...
Nov 26, 202400:05:06Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!I was thinking the other day about how messy my life was when I got sober. My kids were 3 years old and 6 months old. I had just bought a house. I was scuffling to figure out a career. And I was only 31 years old, which means I could have kept digging my bottom for another five or 10 or 20 years.That got me contemplating how lucky I am to have gotten out then, rather than continuing till the pain got even greater than it already was. And it made me ponder a difficult question: When is the easiest age to get sober? And conversely, what is the toughest age to get sober?From first-hand experience, I can tell you that early 30s with young kids is no picnic. Early sobriety was obviously quite difficult, and then once I got my feet under me, I had tremendous family obligations that caused me to often break out the dreaded phrase, “I’m too busy to get to a meeting this weekend.”So let’s keep 30s as an age group that might be the toughest.But what about younger? In my own experience, I would definitely say it is tough to stop drinking and drugging in your 20s. I just hadn’t accumulated enough bad moments yet to make me believe I truly had a problem. In my sobriety, I’ve definitely seen younger people struggle for that reason, plus the fact that almost all of their peer group is still meeting and partying at bars. It can be tough to have a social life that doesn’t involve lots of temptation.That brings us to 40s and 50s… first of all, I can’t imagine having my addiction issues and living until age 40. It wasn’t going to happen on the trajectory that I was on in my 30s. I had maybe another year or two before something really bad happened.But I guess there could have been a version of my life where I got sober for a few years, relapsed, got sober again, and kept hanging on into my 40s and maybe even 50s. But geez, by then, I think it would have been damn near impossible to get sober. That is a longgg time of active addiction without much of a solution working out.All right, that brings us to 60s, and I’ll throw in 70s, 80s and 90s because you can probably guess where this is going. I can’t imagine having been an active alcoholic from ages 20 through 60 and then going to rehab. I would have been dead or stuck in that life. So that wouldn’t have been an easy age to get sober, and nothing over the age of 60 would have been easy, either.I swear I didn’t set out on this newsletter entry to land where I am going to land… but I think the easiest age to stop drinking and drugging is none of them, and the toughest age to get sober is all of them. Which means the answer is that you get out as soon as possible, and you stay out. The older I get, the more I realize that addiction takes no prisoners and spares no age group, gender or anything else. And as hard as it might be to get sober, it’s harder to not get sober.This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:An alcoholic who had abused his family, imposed on his few friends and generally been a public nuisance, finally died. At the funeral service, the preacher asked, "Does anyone wish to say some kind words about the departed?"There was a dead silence. The minister repeated the question. Finally, a man stood up and said grudgingly, "His brother was worse."(Credit: Grapevine, March 2009, by Anonymous)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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Annoyed about being annoyed
Nov 21, 202400:03:57Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!Think about this question for 10 seconds before answering: Do you get annoyed a lot?Some examples to consider: Do you get aggravated by other drivers? Or your neighbor having noisy construction on their house? Or the guy who talks too loud in the cubicle next to yours? Or the person who shares the same thing at every meeting?I’m not proud to say that I am constantly annoyed. I don’t get angry very often. But I do get annoyed on a regular basis. And to be honest, I don’t always mind. It’s funny to rail on somebody for some minor transgression. I also won’t b******t and say I don’t feel a little better when I put someone else down—I do! But it’s a short-term shot of dopamine, and then I just feel bad a half hour later because I just s**t-talked someone. But I read a great section in Step Six in the 12 and 12 about being annoyed, and I have been thinking about it ever since. Step Six obviously deals with working on character defects, and the literature makes the case that being annoyed is often a sign of us looking for superiority over others. It also says pretty bluntly that we are not people who can afford to be annoyed all the time.The more I thought about it, the more it resonated. Looking back, I often times didn’t drink because some horrible, traumatic thing happened. I drank because someone said something shitty to me at work, or I was in an argument with my spouse, or a friend was mad at me. I drank and did drugs at people, places and things.Now I don’t drink and do drugs, but I still do stuff at people. Gossip, bad-mouthing, character assassination inside my own head… and it usually does end up revolving around superiority. I’m looking to build myself up. But instead of working on myself, I get annoyed at others and hope that by putting them down in my head, I will feel better about myself.Here’s the thing: It doesn’t really work. Maybe for 20 minutes or an hour. But mostly, I end up feeling bad about it and regret doing it. So it is ultimately a boomerang effect on myself.I can’t say I haven’t gotten annoyed since that meeting when we read Step Six. But I am more aware of my annoyances right now, and that has helped. Awareness is always the first step for me in rooting out an issue, so hopefully that is the case here. Until then, I will probably still be getting annoyed a lot!This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:IN THE BEGINNING…A gardener and an architect are discussing which of their vocations is the most ancient, while a drunk is listening nearby.The gardener comments, "My vocation goes back to the Garden of Eden, when God told Adam to tend the garden."The architect comments, "My vocation goes back to the creation, when God created the world itself from primordial chaos."They both look curiously at the drunk, who asks, "And who do you think created the primordial chaos?"(Credit: Grapevine, March 2009, by Ronald H.)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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The things we don't tell speakers to say
Nov 12, 202400:06:15Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!On a regular basis, I spend time thinking about how to connect with other alcoholics and drug addicts, especially newcomers. And one night I was thinking about that when a speaker was introduced for the meeting I was at, and the chairperson said the phrase we all know and love: “She’s here to share her experience, strength and hope.”Those three words lingered in the air for me. Experience. Strength. Hope.Let’s start with hope. I do think the best speakers lay out why sober life is better than active addiction, providing optimism for everybody in the room. So I love hearing some hope.Then there is strength. I love that, too. If you’re an alcoholic or drug addict and you have been sober for any length of time, there has to be strength in there somewhere. And it’s always interesting to hear the contrast of the weakness of active addiction with the strength of active sobriety. I think you almost can’t have one without the other. If I had a lot of strength when I was drinking and drugging, I probably never would have stopped!Last but not least, experience. It’s essential in my opinion to have the speaker lay out what their life was like and then how it changed in sobriety. You want to establish the basic facts of the change in their life and how they ended up in recovery. I think without that, our stories probably feel a little hollow.So that got me thinking about the words that aren’t included in that statement. What about honesty? Sense of humor? Hard work? And especially knowledge… isn’t knowledge critical?I ended up feeling like experience, strength and hope probably includes all of those things on some level. Most stories I’ve heard included some levity, and acknowledgement of being absolutely true to thine own self.The biggest one that got me thinking was knowledge. I feel like the things I’ve learned in the program are so, so valuable to me, and some of the emotional sobriety stuff I have picked up over the years includes tools and insights that I’d never spent time with before. That information is indeed valuable.But then I started thinking about what moved me as a newcomer. It wasn’t information. If meetings felt like lectures or college classes, I might have struggled. And if people told their stories with learning as the backbone, I don’t know that I would have connected with so many people over the years. When I hear a good speaker, it’s usually that their experiences make me identify with them and nod my head at the similarities. Often times, I’ll hear someone describe the pain they were in and feel like there is no way I could drink today after hearing it. When I hear someone explain the traditions of 12-step recovery, or a passage from the Big Book related to making amends, it’s certainly worthwhile… but it doesn’t usually move the emotional needle in the same way.So I guess the entire point of this exercise is that there’s nothing to see here. Experience, strength and hope is the perfect description of the best way to have an impact!This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:Working with newcomers is a little like working with cement… it’s usually better when it’s still wet. Otherwise, you’re going to need a jackhammer.Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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It's getting hot in here...
Nov 8, 202400:03:44Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!I went to a meeting a few days ago where I like to sit in the far corner of the room. I got to the meeting 10 minutes early, walked in the front door and almost didn’t make it to my seat.As I walked into the room, one person after another darted over to give me a hug and say hello. At first, my ego told me that I obviously was the mayor of sobriety and that I of course would be shaking hands and giving out hugs because of how awesome I am. The only thing missing was holding babies and doing the pageant wave to my adoring crowd.But then I noticed that all those same people were running over to lots of people as they came in. It wasn’t just me; it was all of us, propping each other up.And that got me thinking about the unique warmth of sober people. I don’t quite get it. I think it has something to do with so many of us having reached the absolute depths of hell that we bring back some of that heat when we get sober because we are so grateful to not be at the bottom any more.But we all have bad days. Some of us have shitty jobs. Some of us are going through divorces. Some of us have ankle bracelets on from previous indiscretions. We don’t have lives that are all unicorns and rose gardens. We’re just regular schmoes.Yet somehow recovery meetings are the happiest, warmest places I go. And it’s not just the hugs and handshakes. I noticed that with good recovery comes good, warm vibes. There’s a look in sober peoples’ eyes where you really think they’re rooting for you, that they really care.It’s one of the most beautiful things in my life, to be honest, and I often wonder why I have migrated in recent years toward evening meetings. One reason is sheer laziness—with my sports viewing schedule, rolling out of bed to get to a meeting by 7 am ain’t so appealing. But I think the biggest reason is that it is so nice to end every day with an hour of warmth. And with it getting dark now at, oh, 3:30 in the afternoon, I will take any evening warmth I can get!This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:A NEIGHBOR was sympathizing with the wife of a heavy drinker as she complained that her back was sore from moving furniture."Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?" the neighbor asked."I could have," said the wife, "but the couch is easier to move if he's not passed out on it."(Credit: Grapevine, February 2009, by Richard M. of Golden, Colorado)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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Apes don't ask questions
Nov 5, 202400:06:45Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!Warning: I am going to change some details within this post just to be vague and protect some identities.I was thinking the other day about the value of curiosity in life, of asking questions, of relying upon people who know more than me. And it reminded me of two things: one, it made me think of someone I worked with and two, that apes don’t ask questions.Let me start with my work anecdote. I remember a young former coworker from years ago who I thought was immensely talented. Very driven. Smart—super smart. Reliable. He was awesome to have on your team.But he never asked any questions. Not once. I was probably 10 years his senior, with much more experience in our profession. But he had no curiosity. I didn’t even notice it for awhile; somebody else pointed out to me that he seemed to have all the answers, all the time, even though there were enough periodic blunders that should have indicated maybe he should ask for advice sometimes.But that never happened. As far as I know, it still hasn’t happened. That eventually rubbed coworkers the wrong way, because nobody wants to be around people who have no interest in the world around them. Those people often times come off as know-it-alls who are self-centered to the extreme. They only care about themselves, and people see through it.The other thing that came to mind was that I recently saw a tweet about how apes have learned sign language at astonishing levels—truly incredible. But the tweet said researchers mostly agree that they’ve never seen an ape ask a question. They can communicate. They express emotions. They can do the entire alphabet. But no questions.That really blew my mind. I want apes asking questions. I want us to tell them stuff about the world. But apparently there isn’t yet a lot of curiosity. So I have a new mission for my future: I am going to teach apes how to ask questions.That is, of course, a silly proposition, and it’s even sillier that I am about to relate everything I just wrote to sobriety.Curiosity is one of the cornerstones of my life when I have good recovery. It means I am asking for others’ opinions, that I am asking loved ones how they feel about things, that I am not unilaterally figuring out everything on my own. That’s how I got a seat at a rehab hospital in 2008! I had all the answers—just ask me!One of the biggest sinkholes I still fall into on occasion is just being an island unto myself. It’s easy to do because I have been sober since 2008 and I think I have led a mostly successful, spiritual life since then. But I catch myself sliding back into being an ape with no questions. I don’t ask my sponsor for guidance. I don’t ask my boss for his thoughts. I don’t ask my wife or kids their thoughts on things. I start to get the mentality that I know stuff, and now I am going to do stuff with all of that knowledge in my back pocket.So I need to do better with that, and I also need to be the kind of person who asks questions in front of newcomers. Part of my sober message should be that no matter how long you’ve been sober, you still need to be curious.And in the meantime, I’m already plotting out all the nearby zoos that have apes, and I’m going to spend the summer trying to pique their curiosity, too.This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:EARLY IN RECOVERY, a mother took her 6-year-old son to visit a friend at work. As one of the employees went to make coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?""I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered."Wow!" said the son. "You know how to make beer?"(Credit: Grapevine, February 2009, by Terry B.)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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What happens in sobriety should probably stay in sobriety
Nov 1, 202400:03:52Tap to summarizeIf you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!The other day, my wife opened a conversation with a vague question and I immediately could tell she had an underlying story.“How long do you think it takes the average person to respond to a text?” she asked.I gave a nothingburger answer that I actually believe, which is that it depends on the person, the time of day, whether it’s a Saturday or a Monday morning, etc. I basically shrugged my shoulders.She proceeded to air out an agitation she was feeling about a friend who hadn’t responded to a text since yesterday. I know the person in question, and yes, she can be a little flaky on communication.My wife eventually said, “Who doesn’t respond to texts?”This is where I messed up and gave a recovery answer.“Well, honey, earlier today I texted you and you didn’t respond for two hours, so I texted you again, and then you said, ‘Sorry, I missed your text.’ So it can pop up for all of us. You know, in sobriety, we always try to identify with people who hurt us or do us wrong, because chances are, we have done the same thing at some point in our lives.”She didn’t like that answer. She told me she was just venting and didn’t need any kind of lesson. I, of course, immediately felt my back go up in annoyance. But my second thought was that she was right. I try to carry the message of recovery in all of my affairs, and sometimes I slip up a little and start trying to carry it into your affairs, too. That goes for people who are alcoholics and people who aren’t—even with fellow sober people, I really aim to only give suggestions and advice if I am directly asked about it. I just haven’t seen any benefit to being aggressive with my opinions. In fact, I have found myself gravitating toward people who seem to feel either very little or no obligation to inject their thoughts into situations where they weren’t asked to. That’s a pretty lovely way to cruise through life, in my humble opinion.That brings me around to my specific point for this post, which is that I am better off when I keep my recovery stuff in my recovery world. It’s fine if I live by the principles of recovery in all aspects of my life. But I don’t need to be on work Zooms or at my family Thanksgiving dinner telling people they ought to do a Fourth Step on their resentments, or else I am going to end up with lots more resentments aimed in my direction.This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:WE WERE HAVING LUNCH on Friday the thirteenth and talking about being superstitious. One of the young men eating with us said, "I really believe in that sort of thing. Two months ago, I walked under a ladder at work. That night I got a drunk driving ticket."Once I stopped laughing, I said, "Think it had anything to do with the drinking?"(Credit: Grapevine, February 2009, by Jack B. of Santa Cruz, California)Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nelsonh.substack.com/subscribe
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