B (7:31)
So let me pull up my resources. Even though this is mostly all alleged, in my opinion, all of those things. Let's see, let's see, let's see. Craig Latt says the dimpled appearance is caused by fibrous connective tissue, or septa, which tether the dermis to underlying fascia. Sure, Craig, whatever you say. Whatever you say, Craig. It seems like Craig is a reputable name and I shall listen to everything that comes out of your mouth. So I guess these Kleenex and septal deviation is holding on to the fascia so tight, pulling at the skin and making inedible cottage cheese right under the butt cheek. And you know what cottage cheese I'm talking about? I'm not talking about your gonorrhea because that has a green color and can be fixed with the penicillin. But this cannot be fixed. So what does pseudoscience of the fascia blaster and inventor Ashley Black say? Many websites report this is pseudoscience because there hasn't been enough research to call it science. And it may or may not be FDA approved. If thy shall release, blast thy fascia. We shall be free. Promises to me in my own words. Sold I went out of this prison, a small dimples in my ass and a touch of the sagging of the knee on my knees because I haven't looked at a lunch in an eon and live at the crafty table at work. Ooh, something called the crafty table, which I've just discovered like the sixth. How many wonders, like the eighth wondered of the world. Oh, where's Gabby? They say over the headset. The PA looking for me. Oh, she's trying the new egg salad. Typical. Where's Gabby? Oh, I think they just pulled out the banana bread. Why don't you check at the crafty table? Where's Gabby? Scavenging for her 2:00pm P.B. and J& Cheryl tries spaghetti in a cup. Who's to deny noodles and a drinking utensil? Not me. Cause it comes with a meat sauce. Mmm, delicious. What's for my afternoon snack? Some kind of a kimchi chicken finger. That sounds good too. I lick my fingers. Afterwards I'll say my one or two lines and get back to what's most important. My blood sugar. It cannot go low and I function well when it's too high. Bring on another carbohydrate. So obviously I have some kind of aversion to working out. So after a quick search of the WWW about passive ways to get rid of cellulite to make these legs high and tight like they used to be before I discovered that oatmeal cookie that lives at the crafty table dunked in some 2% milk and a coffee. Well, the fascia blaster came up everywhere, in my opinion. And before we begin this vex story of a woman, me, I shall say this is my experience and I am allowed to talk about it, imo. In my experience. Okay, now that all you inanes have a quick background, I can get into the Scamanda scam, Lord S scam, Dom of the century, Ashley Black and the Fascia Blaster. Many sleepless nights onto my pillow, which I mostly do sleep. But I will not give her my rested eyes. She can't have these. She can't have these two close together pupils. Sometimes they're crossed if I've fascia blasted too hard. The Fascia blaster is infernal. It's the devil shaped like a 12 prong dildo that's coming for your health of your previously beautiful gams. That go all the way up, don't they? They just go right all the way up. Not anymore. They're transforming. So I finally got the fascia blaster in the mail after days of impatient excitement. And checking the shop app. And checking the shop app. It was supposed to be delivered two days ago. When's it gonna be here? I need to save my legs. I can't work out anymore. This is going to give me the possibility of perfect legs and no lumps or bumps peeking out of my thong bikini on the beautiful beach of Venice, California. Ridden sewage. But you know what? My cheeks don't judge and the dimples don't hide no matter what debris lies near them. So I read the directions carefully as I am a global leader in devices. Just like her website says have endorsed this fascia blaster. A global leader? What's a global leader? I'm one right now. I have some across the pond, Switzerland, other countries. But I love a device. You know me, I love a self care and I love a smooth leg and I love to take a sativa edible with a one to three ratio of CBD after having sat in my red light panel with an exfoliation mask for 30 minutes in an intermission of An American Spirit. Oh, and Real Housewives of New York on this is the Life I Want and try to live so slowly. I put on my serums first, wait for them to dry, maybe a quick spritz of the Evian, then the Actives, then loads of moisturizer for elasticity that will take me well into decades to come with tight skin and an everlong career in this dreaded town. So I was excited to stack my arsenal, add one more artillery to the list with bullets of collagen and vanity that is thrust upon us as women. We need this. As women. We have to be perfect and beautiful as women working in Hollywood. Please, someone change my age on wiki already. How will I have my first sex scene riddled with dots exposing my adipose tissue and imperfection? Will this affect my fake orgasm? How will I ever post on Instagram if I have pants on? You guys know that's not my thing. There goes my career, my savings and my ego. I'm broke. Back to the blaster of brutality. So I read the directions naturally, carefully and what not do to safe for safety. Anything glaring that popped out at me and you know it said do not use the fascia blaster on the neck for cause of stroke. You bet your ass I caught into that one. I'm not ready for that. Do not use if you're on blood thinners. I'm not. That I'm aware of. But who knows all these medications I'm on if they're making my Blood a little thin, but I just don't think so. It seems quite viscous. Done and done. I have various neck creams, silicone tape, and a red light which will negate all the effects of breathing tobacco down my throat. And me no brain on fire. Not yet. Not yet. I'm not ready to flash a blast my neck for the potential repercussions. Easy. So the direction stated to use lightly in the beginning about one to three minutes. And. Okay, so you fascia blast. Ugh, I forgot. I might have to go get it. So to show as a prop so you can fascia blast is you put it. You rub it on your legs like this, one to three minutes, and you work up to 10 once the fascia becomes accustomed. Okay, that sounds easy enough. So I assume the position by blasting off each section of the leg, which has been cursed with the side. The side thigh, which sells out the adipose tissue. If I sat down in the side thigh and the blubber line below my butt cheek, which, honestly, I've come to love. I do love a butt roll. The directions all shown. The. The directions also ensured to use heat to make this fascia blue stir more effective. So after a bath, after a long bath, after a shower, or you can even use a heating pad and make sure to use an oil to really heat it up. This is what it says. These are the directions. Heat that puppy up to make sure your fascia is as relaxed as your uterus in a prolapse to ensure the effectiveness of a blurst. Well, where's my mesh? Because you don't want to know what's happening to me. While my ovaries are bloating and screaming for attention every two weeks. So you bet your ass. I have a heating pad within reach at all times. It's in my second bedside drawer and currently on my lap serving the blast balls of my fascia that have doomed me. Well, it was. But now I have the tights and I'm literally sweating. But after. After some research, you know, and I have not been diagnosed with what I'm about to say for fear of embarrassment and a medical bill in which I do not have health insurance for. So I don't want to waste any more money. I believe after the fascia blaster, a rupture of my fascia has, which has supposedly benignly been blasted. First time, fine. So the first time. First time I was fine. I blasted off each leg after a warm shower, maybe like a 10 to 7, you know, a pits, tits and ass shower. And the next day it was my birthday celebration. So to the chateau we go, you know, for a skinny margarita and a table full of tittles and tales about the guest of honor. Me again. So for my birthday, I will blast off. Making me tight as a tiger for my vintage, tailored perfectly, see through, right at the nipple dress, birthday dress. Gorgeous. And I put the heating pad on before I start to get ready, which the directions say. Mind you, I was just following directions. I then360 blasted my delicate little legs. This time for an increased 1.5 minutes each. Because who had the timer energy for more seconds to the minute? I have to blow out my split ends next. But mind you, there was a lot of heat this time to allow for more damages. So my Capricorn birthday dinner commences, you know, with the baby cow of a veal and a gorgeous homemade birthday cake. We go home, hearts and bellies and eyes full of a hybrid birthday blunt. And I notice how swollen and enlarged and tight and seemingly changed not overnight, but the four hours of of the Chateau of fun. My legs have gotten. They've changed on me. I do not recognize them. I start to worry in a cross faded haze of what used to be fun quickly turning into fear and agony. What have happened to these used to be not so delicate gams, but delicate enough. I could have just gotten on the treadmill. I could have just left him alone. But at that moment, I wasn't worried enough. However, the next day, I look down at my legs and don't recognize the Elephantidis staring back at me. What is going on? My legs are twice the size, they're tight, my ankles can't touch, and I don't recognize myself in the mirror on top of a squatty potty so I can see the bottom part of my body. When did I acquire the skin? Lymphedema, lipoedema, deform, edema of my thighs. And is it contagious? Was it the Twinkie server who slipped a potion into the Bolognese because he was jealous of my fresh blowout? Close. It was Ashley Black and the fascia blaster. Again, this is my experience. It's a little punched up because it's a comedy podcast, so take it or leave it. I picked up my nighty that morning to show my planetary Uranus. More like Jupiter with the. With the largest planet of rings of the solar system everywhere. To my beloved. Do you see the size of my ass? I inquire to my wife. Robbie, what is going on here? She doesn't say anything at that moment. You know why because later I found out my wife's deep concern was in that moment, which she hid in by silence. And if you know anything about Robbie Hoffman, is silence doesn't know her and she doesn't know it. A premature sign. Things aren't looking good for either of us. She's nervous and she loves my body. We have nightly butt squeezes which put me right to bed. But I say, don't split my ass. Sometimes she likes to pull. Don't split my ass. What did you do to it? She says, did you get those blood butt injections? Huh? What? We spend every day together and I'm not sure what you're referencing at all. So the next day, my two limbs that used to extend from my torso extend incredibly long. Like two syringes full of that ultra juvederm you got in that gas station esthetician office for a Russian lip lift. You wanted to try it again and you like it too much, but your lips are falling off of your face. But time and ice won't transform your stubbles this time, only a daily volume for the rest of your life to woe your fears which have come to be present. The cellulite. All of a sudden it's worse. It's huge. I have visible and variable shaped balls of hatred. Slash, fascia, maybe we don't even know. Is this even science? I'm assuming. But they're infesting my legs. They were huge. Huge, like cylindrical. Just bumps. Maybe, maybe 20 to 30 on each side of my leg. You could feel them to the touch. You could see them. You, the blind man, could see them because they touch. It's painful and deceitful. And the next days are filled with incessant googling of the side effect and how to deal with this ailment. I find nothing. Nothing and nothing. Not even a word that this is a common side effect. But I am just a common girl. This has to have happened before to a poor victim. And they had had to. It healed in one to two days. Please help me. But all I see. All I see are damages of bruising and maybe a little inflammation. And she says bruising means that the fascia blaster is going well. Maybe lay off a couple days, but get back to it. You're using my injuries against me to use this more while I search all of chat GPT, DuckDuckGo and the Dark web upside down while my legs tending to my injuries. They're elevated in ice in the Chat GPT because it gathers information from all sources. And yes, I do use it on my private account so it doesn't watch me. I finally searched keyword of safety of the fascia blaster. Oh no. It slowly line by line manifests on my phone. Pseudoscience they say. Starting to sweat some more. Many reports to the FDA complaining about the blast of Ashley Black facial blister. Defamation causes defamation cases Ashley Black has brought on, class action lawsuits filed against her. Doom sets in into my legs and into my mind and into my heart. I read each report as if my life is flashing before my eyes. Swelling and bruising, lethargy inducing periods, fucked up hormones. What have I done? Who is this bedeviled woman who works for the red man clad in horns and a trident? I'm so hot. All that is alleged, obviously all that is just for fun. Everything I said. But there are, there are real testimonies from reports of a fascia blasphemy book of devastation. Let me read them to you. Okay. I put my swamp cooler away because it's not the season and what, what I would do for a swamp cooler right now because you see my tights, this is how I live to hopefully put compression help the fascia, but it's causing me to sweat. Hopefully all the fascia, hopefully all the fascia nodules are coming out of my pores making my skin glow. Okay, here, here are the FDA complaints. I mean. There's quite a few. Okay, so I'll start from the beginning. Ah shit. Okay, here we go. This is on access data.fda.gov seems pretty legit to me. It is. I can't. Whatever. MOD Adverse MAUD Adverse Event Report Ashley Black/ADB Interest Fascia Blaster Serious injury I brought a product called the Fascia Blaster. I was unaware not informed that this product could cause detox or permanent vein damage. There is a tag on the product that says FDA Class 1 medical device may. She forgot the May and I thought that it was saved and approved by the fda. I used the products three times and was left with extreme, extreme bruising which I informed was healthy by the creator of the product. It has been over a month and my bruises have not healed. I now have a lot of spider veins in places like my shoulder, arm, pit, knees, legs, inner arm. I have bruised staining and physical deformation in the form of line slash claw marks. Same from this tool. I was instructed to use the Fascia Blaster with heat in a sauna to get the best results. Last time I used the Fascia blaster I heated myself and used oils. The next day I had a urinary tract infection, painful urination, dizziness, felt sick. I had low energy, stiff joints and was feeling depressed. The support group created by the owner, the creator of the fascia blaster, says that these are all normal detox signs. See? Okay, this is just. This has just been once. Oh, here. But she has the owner, Ashley. I'm assuming. Ashley Black. Assuming it doesn't say. She has personally and publicly bullied me on social media about a review I left on her professional business page and blocked me from the support group. I have been unable to get my full 60 day refund. Her website will not process requests. Okay, so this I'm just reading from here, from an fda, you know, complaint. Here. Here is another one. Okay. As you know, I'm in the gay raj, so I'm sweating and I gotta connect to my hot spot. Bless the hot spot. You know how some people can tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue? Disgusting. But where are they getting the cherry stem? Oh, I think a Shirley Temple. And let me tell you about a new kind of Shirley Temple with Poppy. She's a star on the soda scene. A new star. Shirley Temple with Poppy, that is. We know, the old, curly, locked Shirley. Poppy is reintroducing Shirley Temple with a whole new look. It's the famous soda flavor you know and love, but with 5 grams of sugar, ingredients you can love. And prebiotics. It comes in a ready to drink can so you don't have to do your like. This part grenadine, this part soda water. And adjust to the way you like it so it's easy to sip at home. Or toss one in your bag when you're heading out. Find Poppy at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. Poppy soda's back, but so much better. Come to DSW for the shoes, stay for the fun. Because let's be honest, if shoe shopping isn't fun, are you even doing it right? So go ahead, try something new. Try something different, good different. Try something that feels like you, you know, the real you. And then definitely brag about it later. Because at ds you've got unlimited freedom to play. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores or@dsw.com let us surprise you. For sake. Okay, another one. Serious injury from 2017. I purchased the original fascia blaster, the Mini 2, and the face Blaster to help alleviate symptoms associated with diagnosed autoimmune disorder. Mixed connective tissue disease. Oh. I used all three on and off for less than a Year following the instructions provided in the packaging. Not only did it work to alleviate my pain, not only did it not work to alleviate my pain, it made it worse. And any cellulite I had worsened after extreme bruising the skin on my upper arms, inner thighs, stomach and especially my neck areas now sagging and crepey. Oh no. I have nothing to look forward to. I have been told that the only way store the skin on my neck is with a lower facelift. Worse than that, it appears the usage of the Fascia Blaster products caused early menopause. She doesn't state her age. I have been on estrogen and progesterone for two years now because of a family member has breast cancer. She can't even be so you guys, I'll just read one more but this is literally making me nervous. Okay. Serious injury from 2017. I've been using Fascia Blaster since have whatever of last year. Prior to purchasing I was not aware of any risk related to long term use and understood that the worst thing that could happen was that it didn't work for me. Not only did it not reduce slash eliminate my cellulite, it has made it 100 worse. In addition to worsening cellulite, my skin has become crepe. There were no issues I had prior to using the Fascia Blaster. I've also noticed here so it like with your hormones too probably because you're like moving all the lymph around so I cannot stop reading these. I use a tool called the Fascia Blaster. It causes severe bruising and inflammation. It caused damage to my connective tissue same and caused me to gain weight due to the inflammation of body. Same systems claim this product is a hundred percent safe and that it is approved by the FDA's Class 1 medical device which is a lie. I am one of many women who have experienced horrible reactions. I went to the doctor, she told me to stop using it. Okay, so you get it. This is these are many complaints on the FDA which I didn't find until I started spiraling out of control. And now I have nothing but a creepy life to look forward to. But I am keeping on keeping on with the interventions that might save me. I need a drink of water. Oh, And she's testy. This Ashley Fascia brain blasted. Black attempted to sue a Houston spa owner who criticized the devilish tool for defamation. And Ashley Black lost. So this is also on the the Internet. By according to the website, Rusty Harden. Okay. And we we are allowed citizens of this earth are allowed to Run their mouth with confidence. It's called free speech. I'm speaking from my experience. And all else is alleged except for the defamation because there is a source. And you're gonna waste your fraudulent hard earned money on a lawsuit for someone who didn't even criticize you. But your scary prong tool that looks like a BDSM torture tool. Oh, come on. We're allowed to say bad things and that it didn't work for us. Especially if you think it's a dangerous product, which you know, there's plenty of data here and FDA complaints that says it might be. As a spa owner, it's actually your duty, not defamation. But you know, this being some kind of a torture tool, maybe I should look into that more because I don't know what I'm liking here, but I would explore it safely with another present. My wife, she's also had some class action lawsuits filed against her I think too. Let's see. Look, look at, let me look at my reference notes here. Two class action lawsuits filed against her, exclamation point. This is reported by Wikipedia and there are linked to sources. So I don't know. And I did find the lawsuit. They were consolidated into one case called Elson v. Black. In 2018. Two of the claims that were originally reversed were returned to court by the United States of Appeals for the 5th Circuit. For the 5th. So originally some of the claims were reversed, but then they took it back to the Supreme Court and now they're doing a retrial. But these are women claiming damages and injury from the fascia blaster and misleading marketing tools and knowledge on her website which are decepted. This is all in the lawsuit reported. The fascia blasters instructions for use and resulting harm. All the heat and I don't even know. I think I don't even know if this thing has ever been good for anyone. There are are comments that says they have. Okay, that's just me talking shit. Let's see. You can look this up on class action.org case 2 colon 18cv00582 number 100. It says essentially users are instructed to grind the prongs into themselves until they bruise. And there are pictures below of this with which show badly bruised body parts after using the fascia blaster. Help. Help me. But that's not all from the nefarious Peter Pan who steals from the poor vein and gives to herself. She scours Facebook. Allegedly. Who even uses Facebook anymore when like Ashley? A true comment, Karen, for any negative comments about the blast ruining your legs and she deletes all the comments while allegedly blocking the user. Allegedly, I said. So you know she's going into the interwebs and trying to delete, delete, delete any negative findings. Which is how I got caught in this circle in the in the first place. Even on Reddit. I spent the last week giving myself ice burn with ice straight on the skin hoping to get right to the fascia dehydration from hours at the spa to try and release this fascia which plagues my life and gulps and gulps and gulps of arnica chewing them down. Please save me. I ordered a cream that I found on the Internet called a bruises. It's only found in Australia and it's in the mail right now because I messaged the seller from ebay to expedite the shipping as this is an emergency and apparently it's a, it's a cream used in post surgery to break up the iron to help the bruises. I don't, I don't have the bruises. I just have like so many painful lumps and bumps and it's been two weeks now but sometimes they turn into bruises so I'm hoping that it just helps whatever the fuck is stuck underneath there because I'm still fascia fucked. It's gotten maybe microscopically better as my daily side by side pictures show, but it, it has been a fairly long, I think two weeks for minimal improvement. How long are we going to have to wait? Am I going to have the crepies? How long will I have to chase my fascia that burdens me? I continue with layers of 10% menthol icy hot to increase the blood flow. I've since stopped pounding with the theragun because it could have been causing more injury to the tissue. But I was doing it lightly and they said light massage can help. I don't know anymore. I don't know. Alleged in my opinion. I take baking soda baths as Robbie's mother of 10 recommends to any of her ailed children. Along with the loud shut the fuck up. Do you want to go to the hospital? We're gonna have to take the train. So now as I said before, I'm wearing a body suit of compression clothing to decrease the swelling that persists and puts my perfectly flared jeans at risk of ripping at the ass crack seams. You know how hard jeans are to find. How am I going to find another one? So now my upper thighs, they live under the red light with a repetitive prayer. Please God if you can hear me, eradicate these Cowardly lumps and I will never sin again, Followed by a good wink to the deity. For those who are listening, this is all about targeting and marketing towards women who have cellulite, which is basically all of us. If you take a microscope and look around, you're gonna find some. Which is, which is me. Plus I hadn't worked out in three years, so naturally, like my legs are gonna change. Well, why don't I do a fucking lunge for once? And it's ruining our lives because we're so desperate to be perfect, us women, because society says we good enough unless we have nar smooth legs with no dimples and no natural fat. Here comes in the fascia blaster. Because we must be perfect to have self respect and run around the house naked, tits out, without a sign of adipose tissue. You're basically levitating without the cellulite. What is going to help? Oh, the fascia blaster. Wrong. Now it's weighing you down like a bag of bricks that you want to hit upon your head time and time and time again. So at the very least you'll get amnesia and will forget everything and at the very most, you'll be dead. Even though cellulite came about to store fat as women so we can feed our babies another blight for us, a potato famine for the pussy, a disease for being born with a uterus and ovaries and fatty areolas in which we had no choice so we can feed the world and the perverted men in our lives who judge us for the cellulite. So you know, I did, I tried to search. I did not do a thorough search. I will admit to that. I just didn't. My undert tits are sweating and I am feeling how bad it is right now if you're watching. But I took a gander on Reddit about the efficacy of the fascia blaster. Normally you would find some like some people who are honest who are like, don't use this, don't use this. Maybe a mix of both. But there were no glaringly negative positions as to make me run like we may see with other fraudulent blastulent products. And this is because supposedly allegedly insert any other legalese that does not mean confirmed. In my opinion. She may have a team of people or bots that remove negative comments and I wouldn't be surprised if they planted the good comments because these, because the good ones all have the right kind of exclamation exclamation points. They're all in the right language. They respond on any other Positive comment about the fascia blaster. Thank you hand heart. This is getting suspicious. It didn't dawn on me. When was it going to dawn on me. When was I going to find out that this is a diddler waiting in the wings to steal my confidence and health? So I go to the blast of a fascia blast website missing any blast in my brain that should be firing, signaling danger. Danger. You're about to be shook down. Her website is very official. It's like filled with all these awards that she's won scam. If she didn't actually win them, it was nepotism allegedly in my opinion. And I, I am the best new artist for lost culturistas, aren't I just not alleged. I am but can we, can we say it's equivalent to an Oscar? Some say yes. Then she has pictures of all these celebrities with her products endorsing it. No one really recognized recognizable however, except Shakira endorsing her fascia blaster. This is low. You me up. This is what gets you. But we know the ones who shall. Shakira had a lot of back taxes to pay that one time in Colombia a while ago and she even has her legs insured so you know times were tough. In her Chinks Chase bank account it was not looking good. Good. Read those goose eggs. Ugh, I'm getting so hot and frustrated I can't even talk at the web. At the end of the website it states scientifically proven to remodel fascia tissue. What Science has proven it. As I look on Google Scholar, as I do every other high level research, it says it is pseudoscience, not. There's not enough research on it. Actually this is just a chosen sentence with words because now we know it is not FDA approved. But you have. I wouldn't be able to find it unless someone said that in the lawsuit. And then I looked it up and sure enough it was there that it may be FDA approved. So may or may not. So it's not. And I believed it because it said it was HSA eligible. So you can use your your hard earned money that's tax free. Oh, it's another way for her to get more money, I assume. Of course it's HSA eligible. It's prob's hawk to a bitcoin eligible too. And she'll take your grandmother's wedding ring which is the last piece of jewelry you have of her remembrance. And the Rolex. She wants it all. Allegedly. This is a joke. She never said it.
