Flight anxiety

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Long Winded with Gabby Windey

Episode: Flight anxiety
Host: Gabby Windey
Date: December 4, 2025

---

Overview

In this episode, Gabby Windey takes listeners deep into the experiences and peculiarities of travel—air travel in particular—through her signature blend of sharp wit, candid honesty, and observational humor. Drawing on her recent trips, Gabby unpacks the societal pressure to "sightsee," the anxieties and absurdities of flying, and the often unnoticed comedic horrors lurking in airports. With a stream-of-consciousness style, Gabby validates the hotel-room vacationer, skewers the over-planned traveler, and vividly documents the quirks of fellow fliers—all while reminding listeners that there is no single "right" way to travel.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Myth of Sightseeing & Travel Shame

• (06:27–08:58) Gabby challenges the common expectation that every trip must be packed with activities and sightseeing. She argues for the legitimacy of simply soaking in a place—from the comfort of the hotel room.

  • Quote: "What if you don’t? What if you listen to yourself for once?" (06:50)
  • Gabby’s experiences in Colorado set the scene: assessing a hotel’s comfort, observing the local flavor (“a myriad of North Face jackets and Hoka shoes”), and judging the utility of sightseeing versus resting.

• (17:41–20:41) She points out the absurdity of feeling pressure to “do it all,” describing how Google Earth and Uber Eats distinctly satisfy her curiosity and appetite for adventure.

  • Quote: "I will not be forced into seeing some kind of old dinosaur in the Smithsonian." (17:41)

• (23:11–24:32) Gabby gently mocks those who travel with color-coded, Virgo-approved itineraries:

  • Quote: "People who travel with an itinerary. I’m sorry? The Virgos in various Google sheets, alphabetically organized by restaurants, extracurriculars..." (23:26)

2. Travel as Self-Care—Reclaiming the Hotel Room

• (14:00–18:20) Gabby recounts luxury in small things during travel—face masks, docuseries in bed, dessert adventures through hotel tunnels, and the pleasure of simply not leaving the room.

  • Her review of a Colorado hotel dessert (chai golden brownie a la mode) is so vivid it borders on spiritual.
  • Quote: "What I’m saying is it’s okay to travel just for the hotel room. Don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t feel the shame that they want us to be ridden with." (19:43)

• (18:20–19:43) Her recommendations: Use Google Earth to “see” the sights, avoid the discomfort of actual hiking or historical exhibits, and relish the ease of food delivery in new cultural locales.

3. The Exhaustion—and Absurdity—of Air Travel

• (20:26–24:32; 27:47–29:29) Gabby’s flight anxiety turns travel into a parade of indignities: oxygen deprivation, digestive rebellion, and emotional depletion.

  • Quote: "You want me to get on a flight? You want me to get on an aero boost? There’s not enough oxygen in this air cabin to support Dora the explorations." (20:26)
  • Vividly describes both the physical and mental impacts—from jetlag to sweatpants-as-uniform—and freely admits to spending trips recuperating instead of adventuring.

• (32:24–38:22) Gabby delivers a rapid-fire recounting of typical flight delays, unhelpful airline staff, the woe of tarmac waits, and the drama of airport passengers—including the archetypical “man in a Dallas Cowboys hat.”

  • Quote: "They both play pretend that they love talking to strangers. They love small talk...You may not only pass out from anoxia, but from boredom." (36:10, 37:10)
  • On “neighbor” behavior: rambunctious football talk, small talk with hidden relationships, and the universally dreaded oversharer.

• (41:14–44:39) Iconic characterization of the classic nervous flyer (seat 2B), drowning her anxiety in airplane sparkling wine while Gabby offers “an advan at the bottom of my purse. Or the number to AA.” (45:33)

  • Quote: "Poor thing. This is what flight anxiety does to you. But I got my eyes on her. She’s on her third bottle, we’re not even defrosted yet..." (45:07)

4. Observational Take on Airport Male Behavior

• (46:35–48:38) A running list of embarrassing and bizarre habits exhibited by men in airports:
  • Checking themselves out in reflective glass (“You’re an ogre...Avril Lavigne doesn’t fuck with you.”)
  • Struggling with TSA: panic-stripping, missing belts, “big pot belly hanging out and everything.”
  • Meddling while women close overfilled luggage, gawking at other’s belongings.
  • Security men with attitudes when denied “face camera” surveillance.
  • Quote: "It’s not the law. Don’t scan my face. Here’s my passport and my boarding pass. It’s easy. What’s a big huff and a puff pour. There’s nothing more embarrassing than a man with an attitude." (49:42)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On pressure to sightsee:
  "What if you don’t? What if you listen to yourself for once?" —Gabby (06:50)

• On traveling just for the hotel room:
  "What I’m saying is it’s okay to travel just for the hotel room. Don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t feel the shame that they want us to be ridden with." —Gabby (19:43)

• On flight anxiety & digestive struggles:
  "I could power this jet with the amount of gas coming out of my ass." —Gabby (20:41)

• On neighbor relations during flights:
  "You may not only pass out from anoxia, but from boredom." —Gabby (37:10)

• On air travel and self-preservation:
  "Or once we get in the air, you can open the emergency exit door and take your seat cushion and hope for a soft landing. You’ll be fine, they say. Just take your seat cushion." —Gabby (37:36)

• On the embarrassing things men do at airports:
  "You’re an ogre. And you’ve been wearing that same beanie and blue jeans since the eighth grade. You’re not a skater boy anymore. Avril Lavigne doesn’t fuck with you." —Gabby (46:35)

• On TSA and security:
  "It’s not the law. Don’t scan my face. Here’s my passport and my boarding pass. It’s easy. What’s a big huff and a puff pour." —Gabby (49:42)

---

Timestamps of Key Segments

• The Value of Not Sightseeing: 06:27–08:58
• Traveling for the Hotel Room: 14:00–20:41
• Google Earth vs. Machu Picchu: 24:04–25:54
• Flight Anxiety & Physiology: 20:41–22:10; 27:47–29:29
• Airport & Flight Behavior Parade: 32:24–38:22
• The Sparkling Wine Anxiety Case Study (Seat 2B): 41:14–45:25
• Gabby’s List of Male Airport Faux Pas: 46:35–50:46

---

Tone & Style

Gabby’s irreverent, honest, and deeply witty style keeps the episode flowing. She’s unafraid to blend crude humor (plenty of bodily-function jokes), pop-culture asides (Real Housewives commentary), and pointed social observation. There is real intimacy in her admission of vulnerabilities and an inclusive quality to how she validates the way many travelers secretly feel.

---

Takeaway

Gabby’s message is clear and refreshing: There is no “right way” to travel. Whether you’re sightseeing or streaming Netflix from under hotel blankets, don’t let other people’s expectations dictate your experience. And when the inevitable indignities of air travel arrive, don’t be afraid to laugh at them—lest you cry.

---

End of summary.

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

On December 19. Based on the best selling novel. Amanda Seyfried and Sydney Sweeney star in the Housemaid. A wildly entertaining thriller about a live in housemaid and the wealthy Winchester family experience a twisted world where perfection is an illusion and nothing is as it seems. The shocking twists will leave you guessing until the very end. Can you keep a secret? The Housemaid Rate Rated R. Only in theaters December 19th. Get tickets now.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

What about your hair? Let's talk about your hair. Mine has been through it. It's been through styling, blow drying, it's been through all of the color dyes that you can imagine, every letter of the Alphabet. We're not good to it, we're not nice to it.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

But thankfully there's the K18 molecular repair.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Hair mask to make sure that your hair stays strong, soft and bouncy no.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

Matter what you do.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

This isn't just a damage cover up, okay?

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

It's a lasting fix that gives you the most fun flippable hair ever. And you know I love to flip my hair.

And it's flippable because patented K18 peptide repairs damage on the molecular level, which is really, really, really, really deep. Just like you.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Oh, and it only takes four minutes. Minutes.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

Hello. I do. I love the K18 Repair Hair Mask.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

I don't know if you've used it.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

Before, but it has saved my hair from going literally, literally brown to bleach blonde.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

My hair was ripping right apart.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

It was falling on the floor, it.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Was shedding like I'd never seen.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

But the only thing that actually helped it healed it was the K18. So shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first [e-mail] with code Gabby. That's K18.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Hello.

Hello. Are we going hello? I guess so. I guess this is another episode of Long Winded Back and back and back again. And as you can see, the scenery is gorgeous outside. It snowed here in Toronto.

Take a good look of Mother Nature's beauty.

She left it all outside, for I have none within me. Mother Nature's ugly, you might say. A head full of cryptic things and a soul full of ominous, even more things.

It's like a smoothie without a straw.

It's like a drink you slurp and it comes without a straw. It's like life. It's a metaphor for life. You're not given the utensils you need to live properly, but you gotta make lemons out of lemonade and take off the top and chug it down. Because you do. You do need the dash of Cretin and a banana because you gotta drink it down. Because you definitely. You're not eating enough. You're not eating enough protein and you're not eating enough fruits and vegetables. Remember my plate? Another scam.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

How am I supposed to eat three.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

To four servings of broccoli a day.

Plus, plus 2 to 3 servings of lentils?

Have you ever heard.

Of a gas bubble? Have you ever heard of an obstructive bowel? Because if you have that many lentils, you're gonna land yourself in the hospital with the gastric tube to relieve all the air from the gastrous, from the gaseous lentil that we know it's a farce. Just like many other things our eyes see in our ears here. None of it's real. We're living in a simulation. I don't really know you guys. Everyone says that, but let's see. Okay, we are recording. Let me give you a pop.

And we shall commence. Huh? Oh.

Aha.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

Ah.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Mmm. I do like this brand.

Here's my smoothie without a straw. Dare I drink it on camera?

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

It's that time of year again. It's the time to find the perfect holiday gift.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Can you believe it?

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

The pressures on.

I love the RealReal and it's the most trusted name in authenticated luxury resale and your new source for finding real gifts for the special people in your life. I got. I have this cute little long sleeve lace number and if someone would have gifted it to me, it would have been my favorite present in the whole world. The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale with thousands of pre loved luxury arrivals daily. No one does it does resale like the real real and no one makes the holidays shine brighter than the RealReal. Okay, and now you can get $25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com winded that's therealreal.com winded to get your 25 off, start shopping now at therealreal.com winded on December 19th.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Based on the best selling novel Amanda Seyfried and Sydney Sweeney star in the Housemaid A wildly entertaining thriller about a live in housemaid and the wealthy Winchester family experience a twisted world where perfection is an illusion and nothing is as it seems. The shocking twists will leave you guessing until the very end. Can you keep a secret? The Housemaid Rated R only in theaters December 19th. Get tickets now.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

So I have some things to say. Obviously Robbie and I have been traveling and I've Been traveling. And you know what? I've heard some things. You know, some people are like, oh, when you travel you have to see everything. But I actually think it's okay not to sightsee when you travel to a new destination. You ever heard of that? What if you don't? What if you listen to yourself for once?

You feel the difference in the ambiance in environment from the hotel room. Oh, I'm in Colorado. It's frigid, it's bone chilling even in the room because they don't have the heating.

Apparatus to keep me warm. And my nose is cold. It's losing feeling as the only thing hanging out of the covers.

Like your great grandpa's little dicky because he forgot to zip up his zipper.

And you cannot do it for him because you might, you might pinch the foreskin.

So yes, I'm in Colorado. I know I am. Even through the hotel window I can see there's a myriad of North Face jackets and Hoka shoes Ready to overcome. Filling my travels with senses. Yes, I'm in Colorado. I can see a dreadlock. Yes, I'm in Colorado.

There are breweries of many and smokers of none not even one vape shall I see. Big sigh.

I'm in Colorado. As I see the mountains in the rear view mirror in between my naps.

The car to me is like one of those baby things that you turn on. It goes back and forth and back and forth and you put your infant child in it because your biceps cannot stand to hold the 20 pound baby anymore. So you put it in. So you put it in this thing to give you a break and it goes back and forth and back. And then the baby gets some respite. You get some respite and I get some sleep. That is the Toyota Tacoma we rented in Colorado. I know I'm in Colorado and I love it here. Even though I am asleep. Yes, I'm in Colorado. Our tire pressure is low.

It's only 16.

Of pressure degrees and overnight it will get even lower. That thick rimmed baby will near the ground.

And this is a rental car. So what do we do now? Robbie gets excited about rental cars and always rents an automobile for the occasion. Yes, I used automobile because I'm watching this murder doc. It's called the staircase. It's so good but also drags on. But you guys should probably see it because I'm watching it so you'll know what the fuck I'm talking about. And one of these I'm sure complicit woman says things like automobile. Guilty as charged.

You ex wife. I know you know how she was found at the bottom of the staircase and you're just not saying it because you're too busy with your mouth full of automobiles.

I can tell. I can tell you were involved based off your vernac.

Robbie loves a rental car in the Hamptons. We got a boat car, it was white and V. Spacious. Here in Colorado we got a Toyota Tacoma. We're fitting right in. There's pickup trucks to our left and to our right. The cab is surprisingly very spacious. But her skill level.

Is not very good. I'm scared of this automobile that has a tail and might fish like this. We don't know when we're gonna hit a patch of ice. And she doesn't have the best skill set aforementionedly. And she. She loves to always remind me that she drove a van cross country during COVID to do stand up in the southern states where Covid did not exist. It never hit them. So she drove from California. She ended up in Florida. Was a gorgeous van. It was all redone. V, V V Impressive.

And I don't know how she made it there without any injuries. Without any major injuries. I don't know about the minors, but she frequently reminds me of this.

So. So I trust her with big vehicles.

Mistake number one when I had to emergently exit my slumlord and black mold house in one day.

And all I could do was order fake Facebook marketplace movers with matching shirts and a thirsty eye. Well we needed a U Haul.

We need a U Haul. And I asked the baby, I said baby, baby Robbie, will you drive this U Haul? I don't trust myself on these tiny LA streets. Do you mind? Of course. She said with an air of confidence. Too bad she had to stop by the gas station before and luckily I wasn't there to see. And as she pulls around the corner I'm waiting outside to let her in so we can pack up these things and get the fuck out before we get some kind of an infection in our lungs that we cannot get rid of. I hear a CR on the awning of the taco truck.

I look the other way in hopes it has nothing to do with me. I hear her cry my name.

[Fidelity App Representative/Voiceover]

Fuck.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

We exchange insurances but nothing happened. Anyways, she started driving at 25 and boy does she act like it. But enough of this bashing. It's all out of love. But needless to say, this Toyota Tacoma was not the safe place a pickup truck should offer.

With her in the driving wheel.

Especially after we woke up one morning and found a flat.

Is there a nail, a slash, a hole? What has caused this permeation? And do you think we have enemies up north in Colorado Springs to cause this? Even though we are in Fort Collins. But everywhere in Colorado is Colorado Springs to my baby. Sure. Geography skills are as good, sir. Automobile skills.

So we have this big fat flat on a big flat tire and a big fat truck. So obviously we call the rental company. What are you gonna do for me, Six? I suggest you never call them for advice. Because you know what they said to us?

Wisely? They said, oh, it's fine to drive as long as you don't go above 50 miles an hour. It's gonna be okay. And you know what happened next? We. We took it. We took it and we ran with it. I guess it's fine.

Back to exploring Colorado. Back to travel and seeing the sights, AKA the hotel room slash the hotel itself. Wow. Fort Collins has a gorgeous hotel with big, big pillows and a nice comfy bed. It's a little squishy, but it's perfect for two nights. And I love it here.

While I'm traveling, while I'm seeing the sights, I do various face masks every night. Watch the aforementioned docu on my iPad. No VPN needed for I am in the United States. Finally. I love vacation and I love Colorado. As I sit on my ass.

And learn how to poke holes in someone's testimony. Here I am traveling.

Fine. Once I did go sightseeing once, midday, I took an Uber. For I do not trust myself to drive on that flat, no matter what somebody says from sick. She hasn't. She hasn't put hands on this flat. She hasn't put eyes on this flat. She's giving us bad advice. I know it. So I take an Uber to the dispensary, my favorite museum. And you know what? It was an incredible place. It was a gorgeous place with so many options. And I knew I just had to tide myself over for three days for I would have to throw out my paraphernalia. My legal mind you grows on the ground, mind you drug of choice. Before I get on the plane.

Aha. I get out of security and I found this joint in my purse. Oh, my God. I'm flying internationally. And look what I forgot. Look what they forgot. Is it Christmas Day? I imagined I would be detained in immigration, but here I am, running free. I didn't mean to.

The Colorado Hotel has tunnels of sorts that'll lead you three different ways of your choosing. One way to a nice cup of coffee in a very busy coffee shop. But an Americano goes down like water there. I don't even have to go outside for it is some kind of an underground tunnel. Next.

Next, it leads you to the best dessert you've ever had. Something called a city's something or another. Their salad is drenched in dressing. I do not recommend salad or. The steak was golden flavorless and it was very expensive. But that chai golden brownie warmed up.

With a side of the best vanilla ice cream you've ever had. A la mode. I went three times down that one tunnel. I can taste it right now. My bridals. I'm salivating.

I remember the flavor. I remember taking it down to the restaurant in the basement and asking them to warm it up with a fresh scoop of ice cream. They didn't have ice cream. Said so I'll eat the melted one out of the fridge. It's not the same. It's not the same. A la carte. Alamode, Vanilla bean. And then the next tunnel, which I did not take, was to the renowned restaurant who Hot.

I love Colorado. I love it. I traveled. I explored. Souvenirs? I don't think so.

Even though I love to shop in new places on my phone or at the dispensary. What kind of a strain do you have here? What kind of a weed do they carry in this foreign place? How are the local pesticides going to affect this gorgeous piece of grass? I must try it all from each different location myself where I'm performing a study. And what my study has told me now is that Canada does have the best suite.

So basically traveling is what you make of it. And I will not be guilt ridden. I will not be forced into seeing some kind of old dinosaur in the Smithsonian.

Maybe if they had a dispensary, I'd be more. I'd be more excited to go. But they don't. All they have is a Tyrannosaurus rex and a pterodactyl. But that bitch don't fly no more, do they? And I will say the best weed, maybe next to Canada, came from Malta. I also explored there. The only good thing about it.

Don'T go. Except for the strain that I have a picture of, but I forgot. Just, just, just look on Google Earth and come to Canada in my own land. I've been to Portugal. I've traveled to Portugal. Incredible. The hotel room was gorgeous. With Romeo and Juliet balconies looking over the cobblestone road. But one does not need to step foot on the cobblestone Road to appreciate. You can look out through that. Romeo and Juliet. You know the ending. They both die from poison. Why would you get close? You look with your eyes, not with your hands. I've been to Portugal.

The hotel restaurant was a noun and renowned with another. With another tunnel of sorts. You don't even need to go outside. It's right next door. I don't need to go outside to enjoy the luxuries of Portuguese food. I can order it right up to my hotel room if I'm too lazy to put on a loose pair of dad jeans and eat my crab legs at the bar.

I'm traveling and I'll take their dessert up into my room to enjoy my vacation and my travel experience, which is laying in bed in a magnified mirror and starting to pick at my skin. I'm happy here.

What? I'm saying it's okay to travel just for the hotel room. Don't put pressure on yourself and don't feel the shame that they want us to be ridden with. No, don't judge yourself like that. Like I said, there's Google Earth. It's made to abate us of this travel shame. Who can fight the lethargy from jet lag? 2 hours.

In this case from Toronto to Colorado and explore? I'm exhausted. I'm waking up at 6am instead of 8am I'm waiting for the coffee shop to open while I shake, shake, shake from withdraw of an espresso in my morning cigarette.

You want me to get on a flight? You want me to get on an aero boost? There's not enough oxygen in this air cabin to support Dora the explorations.

I'm ridden with the altitudes among land. I could power this jet with the amount of gas coming out of my ass. I'm ridden with the altitudies.

Above land and I could power this jet with the amount of gas coming out of my ass. I'm. I can't think. There's no oxygen in my brain. It's all going to my intestine and out my asshole. I am sorry for the nice man next to me trying to just answer a couple of emails. I hope his nares are closed just like his ears.

You begin your vacation anoxic. Good luck. But not a cute outfit.

You can't even think straight. So you have to stay in your sweatpants for two straight days. And then the armpits start to smell. But you're helpless because there's no laundry.

And after this flight, after your cerebellum is not being perfused you're gonna put pressure on yourself to go sightsee, trying the new cuisines and dare to leave the hotel room. What if your legs don't work? What if you get lost? What if you never find your home? You must rest and look out the window. Nothing's waiting for you out there. You're getting enough by the hotel room. You're traveling.

And when your stomach starts to growl, you assess the room service menu first. There's nothing on there you want. It all looks pretty sketchy. Another Margherita pizza? Another margarita Flatbed? No, thank you. I'd rather have a big gulp of hot air for dinner. So you move to the doordash menu. Oh, there's no DoorDash in the EU. So you find something called a bolt. But it doesn't matter, you're still in Greece. Who cares? And that food is delicious. Delivering to you on the app. And no one can tell you where you went but you. Of course I've been to Malta and I enjoyed my four walled hotel room that apparently Prince once stayed. And apparently Prince has the reputation of being a great tipper. One that I also pride myself on. Yes, I've seen Malta. And I've seen the pool downstairs as well. No one can rob you of that experience.

You hear it from me. Remember, there is no right way to do anything.

Except for my way, which is right. And you shall do everything.

By that way. People who travel with an itinerary. I'm sorry? The Virgos in various Google sheets, alphabetically organized by restaurants, extracurriculars, coffee shops, museums of natural history. The aforementioned pterodactyl pretending to fly from the ceiling. I know what you're doing. I see the fish wire. I don't need to go to the Museum of Natural History again. I've seen the caveman before. And I've seen his brother, the yeti in the snow. You think I'm not. You think I'm not astute to what's going. I live in the Natural History. Look, it's snowing outside. It's Natural History Museum.

I've seen these things since I was a young lad. Please dismiss me already. I have to go travel to my bed. We have to be honest with each other. We cannot make this work. I will not be hiking or taking the train to Machu Picchu. Re lack of oxygen and Google Earth. This is exactly the call. This is the right exact use for Google Earth.

Because I've heard too many stories. I've heard too many stories of gastric upset leading to a big Watery pile of poo outside your Peruvian tent. What do you want to hike to the bottom? What, do you hate yourself? I wouldn't be able to carry the amount of Pepto Bismol and Gasex on my back that I would need to see the summit of Maku Pichu.

Is it worth it? Is it worth it to have a leaky asshole? Even though there's advanced technology.

Like the Google Earth and a postcard bought from Amazon, It'll tell you everything you need to know. It's green down there.

Maybe I'll have a Peruvian plantain. But lucky for me, there's. There's a Peruvian restaurant on every corner here in Toronto. There's one off Ossington. Oh, I'm satiated. I've gone to Peru and I have barely left my house. I only opened the door to get my doordash. Who here I am. I've been to Machu Picchu as well.

Okay, we got more to go, you guys.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

Welcome back to Listen to youo Heart. I'm Jerry.

[Jerry's Heart (Co-host)]

And I'm Jerry's Heart.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

Today's topic, Repatha Evolocimab Heart. Why'd you pick this one?

[Jerry's Heart (Co-host)]

Well, Jerry, for people who have had a heart attack like us, diet and exercise might not be enough to lower the risk of another one.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

Okay.

[Jerry's Heart (Co-host)]

To help know if we're at risk, we should be getting our ldlc, our bad cholesterol checked, and talking to our doctor.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

I'm listening.

[Jerry's Heart (Co-host)]

And if it's still too high, Repatha can be added to a statin to lower our LDL C and our heart attack risk.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

Hmm. Guess it's time to ask about Repatha.

[Fidelity App Representative/Voiceover]

Do not take Repatha if you're allergic to it. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get medical help right away if you have trouble breathing or swallowing, swelling of the face, lips, tongue, throat or arms. Common side effects include runny nose, sore throat, common cold symptoms, flu or flu like symptoms, back pain, high blood sugar and redness, pain or bruising at the injection site.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

Listen to your heart.

[Jerry's Heart (Co-host)]

Ask your doctor about Repatha. Learn [e-mail] or call 1-844-repatha.

Hey, what's up, subscribers?

[YouTuber/Influencer]

Welcome back to the channel. So which variety of Dunkin at Home Coffee is your fave? Original blend. French vanilla or hazelnut? Drop a comment.

[Friend/Co-host]

What are you.

[YouTuber/Influencer]

Oh, this is what I do when I'm home alone.

[Friend/Co-host]

Drink Dunkin Original Blend or pretend you're an influencer?

[YouTuber/Influencer]

Both. Want a cup? Hey, let's do a taste test for the Audience.

[Friend/Co-host]

Okay, how's this? The rich, smooth taste of Dunkin at home is unmatched.

[YouTuber/Influencer]

Nice. You're a natural.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

The home with Dunkin's where you wanna be.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Okay.

As you can see, I'm recording midday, but it's eating into my afternoon nap.

I need a break.

Now is a good time to segue into air travel.

Because I've been doing a lot of that lately.

A large contributing factor to my love for the Google Earth. I hate it. I don't like it. Put me on a Greyhound or maybe I'll go by foot. I don't want to get on this big old flying car, flying bus, double decker at times. We're gonna weigh it down.

I have big plans to get work done on these flights, on these travel flights up in the air. But as you know, there's no oxygen, so I can't think straight. I need to get to the emails I've been ignoring.

They're one word answer, but they're too much to respond to. I need to talk to my tax lady. I have no idea what's going on.

Gabby. Just checking in. Does this team's meeting work for you at this time? No, and it never will. What happened to zoom?

I gotta write the next round of my essays in a David Sedaris slash Joan Didion tone with hysterical run on sentence and profound prosecution. This isn't too much to ask of myself, but how is this possible when telling the story of a young me dropping a deuce in the bath while my sister cleans herself on the other side of the tub? How am I gonna make this Joan Didion? Ah, I just have to work on my assessments. My acute assessments. Remember, show, don't tell Gabby.

Okay, fine. Well, this. Well, this is going to be a book of pictures of picture essays, then maybe broken up by some poems, which I did write for you. I wrote you a poem.

Okay, wait, let me find my phone.

So this shall be a book, like I said, of pictures and essays broken up by poems. I can't do this. How many essays do you need? It's not taking up enough room on the page. Are you sure this is double space? How about a triple space? Space?

I'm experiencing the block. So here is a poem.

Let's see if you can figure out what it's about. Cinched between two half circles lies the outline of a small starfish. Each is different. Pink, brown or bleached white peach fuzz, long locked or bald from out wax. Each is perfect even with the itchies. Each as a responsibility to relieve a brown toxin. Whenever ready, it finally gets put to use. Gets the air it needs to breathe over the God of porcelain. You go to push the lever, but something is awry and you run to get the plunger.

That's about your sphincter.

Ever would have thunk. But this is what you can expect in my book of essays. Marketing starts now, people.

You got a pre order or something? I don't have a link yet. But you know what? It's gonna come fast.

And it'll really make you think. Huh? Didn't that make you think?

What could this be about?

Even though I wrote that on the plane, it was quite easy, it wasn't very mysterious. 4. It's always on my mind. And after that I immediately put my head to rest and no work is to be done. Especially with my new airplane pillow that has a strap around the chin that keeps you from head bobbing. And it velcros around the back seat. It's amazing. Maybe it looks like I have a C spine fracture, but I don't care because I sleep like a baby. Should I burn it? Will it keep me awake? No, I'll just suffer from the head bobs.

So here we are. Here we are sitting on the tarmac for hours at a time.

You check the time, you check the time. 15 minutes goes past, 15 minutes goes past, you fall asleep. You're not gonna make it there until tomorrow with maybe a layover that you have to sleep in the airport.

First. Someone first. Someone is late to board. Banging on the closed door with fists of tears. Well, you shouldn't have spent all that time at the random speakeasy that has no business being at the Denver airport. I saw you checking in.

I saw you signing that little book and going into the hidden door. Everyone knows what it is. There's windows right next to it. We know where you are. And now you're late. You're holding us up.

You're crying, crying. Crying because you're about to miss your firstborn's birth. How do you sleep at night?

How do you look at yourself in the mirror? Who's that man staring back at you? A degenerate.

Next. The wings need defrosting. The captain says over the intercom.

Oh, defrosting, huh? This should only take a couple minutes, huh? What do you have? What do you have out there? A Dyson blow drying each of the wings on the low setting, in the cool setting as to not overheat the wings even though they need to de ice. But this is your only option. What does Your Dyson have an extra long extension cord. Did you clean the filter? I bet you didn't even clean the filter to de ice these wings. Here goes another hour on the tarmac. Oh no.

I stopped my foot and the battery came off of the camera. With all that passion from the Dyson, now we're another hour on the tarmac.

And plus 30 minutes because there's a problem with air traffic control because they're all on strike because they don't get paid enough related to the dangerous duties that they have.

Just give them more money already. They come face to face with the Airbus daily.

And not every pilot has the talent and skill to be able to carefully land a plane like Sully Sullenger of the Hudson river.

To the evanescent song Bring Me to Life. The story was in the rehearsal. If you guys want to. If you guys. It's really. I. I guess. I don't know.

[Co-host/Guest (Hair Product Promoter)]

Did I like the.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

I think so. I think I. But I didn't finish it. But this is the first time I've learned of Sully. But that air traffic controller may not be so lucky this time. There goes your lightsabers as the plane accelerates towards you. They serve no purpose now, Luke, you have no father.

And then the neighbors on the plane. The neighbors on the plane talk to each other. They both play pretend that they love talking to strangers. They love small talk.

About how corrupt.

The gambling.

In the Las Vegas electronic gambling machines are and how they're all.

Faked and rigged for you to. For you to have no money. It's basically like the mob. She says, I can't keep up, I'm hungover. And then there's one man clad in a Dallas Cowboys hat assaulting the woman next to her just based off the hat. You have to switch seats, ma'. Am. Call the flight attendant. You need to do this quickly. You can. You can even sit in the closet where the coats are. You gotta get out of there. You gotta get out before he impregnates you. You need that coat hanger up your pussy from talking your ear off. He'll make unwanted passes and talk about field goals and pick sixes and statistics from 21 year olds. He's obsessed.

You may not only pass out from anoxia, but from boredom.

And my advice to you is to hold your breath to make it come faster.

The passing out. Maybe you should smoke in the bathroom so the air marshal comes to get you quick before we leave this godforsaken tarmac. He's gonna save your life like this Cig already.

Or once we get in the air, you can open the emergency exit door and take your seat cushion and hope for a soft landing. You'll be fine. You'll be fine, they say. Just take your seat cushion.

Or you could take the breakfast fork and shove it in your eye.

Until there's little marks on your eyelids.

But a sharp object to the cornea won't even save you at this point. He's not getting the message. He keeps talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. Which is why I thought they were strangers. But come to find out they leave the plane together, almost hand in hand. She was reading on her Kindle the whole time you were talking at her. Now you're together.

Oh, this makes it worse.

Because even two rows away, I could hear him not shutting the fuck up. Just like when Angie heard the bullying from Lisa and Meredith upon Britney and they feign ignorance.

No, we could hear you screaming, Meredith, through your Xanax ridden drunk. This is obviously Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And I do hate that Britney all of a sudden gets the victim edit and we're all coming around and she is like, really pretty. But it's like she was so easy to hate. Now it's like, now it's kind of Lisa, but Meredith is all. Is like getting on my nerves. When, when, when Meredith was coming into the church or something or like maybe over to get lunch and Angie was like, snooze fest to Meredith. I was like.

But maybe just like all of us, Brittany just needs a little love and attention. And then she stopped being so desperate and annoying. But who are we gonna hate?

And if I see Meredith one more time in a miniskirt matching dress.

I'm gonna reach through that TV and tie it around her neck.

This skirt or maybe the sleeves of the shirt, I don't know.

Back to my flight.

I'm also heavily judging the woman in 2B who's on her second glass of sparkling wine before takeoff. I don't notice anything. Yeah, right. I'm watching her like a hawk to the top. She says, and can I put in another order for the next 15 minutes, ma'? Am? I say, these grapes are poison.

They're served on an airplane. And United is not serving top shelf white wine. I can guarantee their maintenance comes at high volumes in high frequency and cannot afford the French grapes you desperately long for. This is not where you're getting. And then we're on our way to Canada.

I guess there's French people here, actually. Just wait till we get to Canada. Oui, oui. This is her flight anxiety. She slurs from 2b before the low setting of the Dyson can even defrost the wing. She's on to the third glass. Since pilot Sully is now retired, will these idiot pilots be able to land a plane emergently over a body of water if needed? I doubt it. By the high pitch in his voice you're not screaming confidence. Where is Sully?

2B does not do the sign of the cross or turn to the window for a God to protect her.

Her sign of the cross is a finger to the call bell to call the flight attendant for a refill.

Who comes knowingly with a second bottle of sparkling white wine, whatever the fuck that is. Her sign of the cross is a long drag from the blue plastic filled cup to the top with $5. Andres.

The type of sparkling white wine slash champagne. Who knows what's even in this bottle that you drank by the gulp by the many in college, your freshman year, before you were legal, because they don't give a fuck who they so bad. 18. Sure. 17 definitely.

And after a night of Andres.

You spent your last $7 $5 plus tax. And you take your taxi home and you cannot afford the fare. So you tell him to drop you off right here. Right here on the corner. It's fine. You get out and run for your wife.

This is what your blue cup of sparkling white wine is going to lead you to.

Her sign of the cross doesn't come with her fingers but with her eyes. They're looking at her nose.

Another one please. She asked the nice flight attendant with the brightest pink lipstick I have ever seen. And I was looking at her lips, looking at her lips the whole time of the flight. And you know what? It didn't smear. It didn't smear. Not even a little bit. Not even above the cupid's bow, not even onto her teeth.

Maybe she'll link it if we're lucky.

But based on the non smudgeable qualities, I bet it's expensive and you can't afford it. It's out of your price range.

Maybe it's linked on her. Like to know it. And it's supplementing her income of all these long flights and desperate sparkling wine champagne. Women in the seat of 2B. The bubbles are for anti nausea. 2B screams that will result the nausea that will result from the turbulence that will never come.

She is prophylactic. She's always thinking ahead. Another pink flight attendant with the lips. Come on, don't be shy. I'm still. I feel my tummy bubbling from just the thought of landing on the other side.

The wheels on the Runway are enough for her to reach for the bark barf bag. Instead of that, just give her the bottle already, because the sight of vomit is contagious and then the whole plane will turn into bile and chia seeds overnight. Oatmeal United Specialty for breakfast, and boy, was it delicious. But it can't land on the floor of this plane because all 30 rows A, B, C, D, E and F will end up also blowing chunks in solidarity.

Her aerophobia does nothing for her bac.

She's reaching 09 with free bubbles from the sparkling of the wine running through her veins. We haven't taken off yet and she's gripping the armrest tight. Ah, it's for my sweaty palms, she says. She's looking lovingly at the glass of wine that she holds with two hands as insurance because they have no grip due to their excessive perspiration.

Poor thing. This is what flight anxiety does to you. But I got my eyes on her. She's on her third bottle, we're not even defrosted yet, and air traffic control is working overtime. Our wheels haven't even left the ground. We're on altitude.

I battle, offering her just a nibble of an advan at the bottom of my purse. Or the number to aa.

Whichever.

[Friend/Co-host]

Hey, hate to do this. Could we reschedule our morning hike? I was just about to ask the same next week.

Yes, it's Duncan original blend time.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Staying at home with Duncan, Duncan.

[Friend/Co-host]

Don't mind if I do.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

The home with Duncan is where you want to be.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Okay, well, I think this is also a good time to introduce a list of embarrassing things that men have done at the airport that I've witnessed firsthand, if you want to know, since I'm spending so much time in the airport these days, I got my eyes on everyone. I got my eyes on Tubi. I got my eyes on the men. And they are not behaving. A scientific experiment, if you will. A double blind quantum compare control trial. An anecdote which is always reliable.

The debilitating list to anyone who has eyes is as follows. When they look at themselves in the window, at their reflection, what are you looking at? You're an ogre. And you've been wearing that same beanie and blue jeans since the eighth grade. You're not a skater boy anymore. Avril Lavigne doesn't fuck with you. They're not cool anymore. What happened to Tony Hawk? Is he still making millions based on that video game? Probably, but we're not hearing about him.

Take off those Aetneys and why don't you get a pair of something else? A New Balance. A dad shoe.

We're not stuck in the eighth grade anymore. You see him with a skater boy. Get the fuck out. See you later, boy.

When a man goes through the X ray scanner but it alarms, he slowly looks down on his body for the metal that he left like a doofus because he's never been through TSA security, I guess.

He looks down. He can't even see over his big belly. But he finds his belt and slowly starts to undress.

Big pot belly hanging out and everything. I can see skin. And then he takes off his belt. Please stop there. Don't go for the pants. He's losing his mind. He's undressing in front of all of us just to get through security.

I'll do anything not to see this again. Who has a toaster? Anybody pack a toaster that I can quit? Put a fork in to electrocute myself. Don't worry. I'll be fine.

It's not that much of electricity. I just need a quick zing to forget what the fuck I just saw. It's not that much voltage.

How about when a man passes by and you have to sit on your carry on because they opened it just to find your vibrator? What? You sick perv. There's batteries in my carry on. It's not a gun, but if you get close enough, it'll suck you right up. Leaves me standing on my suitcase to do the buckles. A man passes by.

You know it's stuffed when you have to sit on it. Get out of my face and don't talk to me. I'm not approachable. I'm not laughing at your joke. What do you mean, it's stuffed?

Why don't you come over here and help me if it's so stuffed, you pedo. I look like 16, barely without any makeup on. Yeah, you just put your finger right close to the buckle and let me snap it off. There goes your fingerprint. Lucky you. Now you can commit all the sex crimes you want to. I know who you are.

When a security man gets an attitude because I say I don't want to use the face camera. I don't know what AI and censoring and monitoring and tracking me is doing. It's not the law. Don't scan my face. Here's my passport and my boarding pass. It's easy. What's a big huff and a puff pour. There's nothing more embarrassing than a man with an attitude. What? Did I hurt your feelings? What do you have to do extra work?

You disgust me.

What do you care if you don't get to use your rinky dinky camera? That's not even yours. Technically, it's mine because I paid for it out of my tax dollars. Why don't you say, okay, you got it, ma'. Am. I see you. I understand we must stick it to the man and do what we can to fight this world of surveil. No, instead, he gets out all his hatred towards women on me with a big fat sigh and a roll of an eye.

Huh.

Okay, well, I think that's pretty much it.

See you guys soon. Ta ta.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hey, Fidelity. How can I remember to invest every month?

[Fidelity App Representative/Voiceover]

With the Fidelity app, you can choose a schedule and set up recurring investments in stocks and ETFs.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Huh.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That sounds easier than I thought.

[Fidelity App Representative/Voiceover]

You got this?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah, I do. Now, where did I put my keys?

[Fidelity App Representative/Voiceover]

You will find them where you left them.

[YouTuber/Influencer]

Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, llc. Member nyse, SIPC.

[Friend/Co-host]

Hey, hate to do this. Could we reschedule our morning hike? I was just about to ask the same next week.

Yes, it's Dunkin Original Blend time.

[Gabby (Main Speaker/Host)]

Staying at home with Duncan.

[Friend/Co-host]

Don't mind if I do.

[Jerry (Podcast Host)]

The home with Duncan is where you want to be.