Transcript
A (0:00)
Are you watching I Love la?
B (0:02)
Because I am.
A (0:03)
It's the original HBO series by Rachel Sennett and she is a genius. You can watch I Love LA on HBO Max. Don't miss all new episodes of I Love LA, Sundays at 10:30pm exclusively on HBO Max. Subscription required. Visit hbo max.com for details.
B (0:24)
What about your hair? Let's talk about your hair. Mine has been through. It's been through styling, blow drying, it's been through all of the color dyes that you could imagine, every letter of the Alphabet. We're not good to it, we're not nice to it. But thankfully there's the K18 molecular repair hair Mask to make sure that your hair stays strong, soft and bouncy no matter what you do. This isn't just a damage cover up, okay? It's a lasting fix that gives you the most fun flippable hair ever. And you know, I love to flip my hair. And it's flippable because patented K18 peptide repairs damage on the molecular level, which is really, really, really, really deep. Just like you. Oh, and it only takes four minutes. Hello. I do. I love the K18 Repair hair mask. I don't know if you've used it before, but it has saved my hair from going literally brown to bleach blonde. My hair was ripping right apart. It was falling on the floor, shedding like I'd never seen. But the only thing that actually helped it healed it was the K18. So shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first order at K18Hair.com with code Gabby. That's K18Hair.com. Hello. Hello. I'm blown out your ears. Hello. Hello. How's this? I have to do this all again because I had a mishap. I had a mishap. Things have been mishapping lately and mishap means something that you can maybe handle, but it makes you really want to writhe on the floor. But you know, it's not big enough of a deal, too. I don't know if it's mercury or not, but she's on my list of people and things to blame. That's right, my toilet was clogged. Not because of me, excuse me, I'm an innocent being, but because my pipes are old and I had to look around the house for a plunger. And then all the sparkling waters waterfalled out of the fridge one by one in a slow, fast motion like Niagara Falls on the slow speed. And now I have to record a whole apple because the sound had mishapped because the cord was falling out and I didn't check this down before. That's my fault. So here I am again. It was falling out when I went to go get the memory card and I was like, oh, this cannot be right. Oh, something must be wrong. I went back to check the recording. It was wrong all right. Only every other word you could hear me scream. And I had already signed up for Pilates, so I just got back. Egg shaking, core engaged. Let's go. I do like Pilates in Toronto because it's not cultish. It's not cult. Like you can go. You can get your stretches on, you can go in your bare souls because they're not pushing the sticky grip Pilates socks on you for an extra. Extra money to not give their employees. There's a feeling of a lack of capitalism in Canada, I'm telling you. Except right now, the exchange rate is really good and there's a cute little home store on every other corner. So as. As my mind tells me and my fingers extend, you can go in. What's another hundred couple hundred dollars I have to peel them away for? My high yield savings account is screaming to me in my conscious, you don't need it. Try telling my capitalistic finger that I need a cute little dish and a cute vase and a cute candle to make it smell good in here. So that's that. And we're back with a buble. Bet you thought that was never gonna come back, but you know me. That's nice. Going down. Okay. Jesus. Am I recording? Yeah. So I want to start off here. I want to start off this episode not just with a lament about the mishap and mercury, but some hygiene tips. I'm not saying you're dirty. I'm not saying I'm dirty. I'm just saying that something has fallen upon me that is easy to implement, easy to improve the hygiene, and it's easy to abide by, which is important of any and all intervention. If you were ever a nurse, which I don't know if you were. Are you even listening? Perk up those ears. Take out the earplugs. What are you doing listening to this with your ears closed? So first, wash your face before your ass. This one may be obvious, but it's easy to forget when you reach for the tea tree amber body wash. Excited to get this fucking shower over with? I'm exhausted and I'm wet. But then your face wash is staring right back at you, daring your conjunctivita with the itis. It's Looking right back at you. The is clinical and it's saying to you this gentle face wash will not save you from the pink I dusted upon you. It's not antibacterial, it's not bleach. Wash your face before your ass, wash your butt, puss and toes, shoulders, knees and toes, but puss and toes and we wash outside of the puss. We don't want the yeast to chase the tea tree from the desire of the coot being overly exemplary that it backfires and do a loaf of sourdough. You're not going to cook this with breakfast and put some jelly and butter on it in the morning. It comes from your see, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. So wash it just right. Okay. You just got to wash the outside. And then after you're done washing don't scrub too hard. Just maybe a wash with the hands get but you got to get in the crack and the cracks of your toes. But you can't just towel dry. This is the new information I am giving to you. You have to take the blow dryer on the cool setting or a cool shot if yours is the 10 pence Airbnb blow dryer and you blow dry the cracks in order of top to bottom until they're dry. So you take your left hand or your non dominant hand whichever you are. If you're left handed freak you would take your right hand. Okay, this is critical thinging. You put the cold shot is on and you got a pat to make sure that it's all kind of dry. There's not one drop of a wetness left. It doesn't take that long. And you can do this. You can do this bent over naked like this and get a good look at your labia. We should all be checking out our goods anyway. Let's see if. Let's see if it's dry and let's see if it's looking normal to you. Nose to the knees. Nose to the knees. Oh and blow dry and pat and blow dry and pat. Or if you're cold getting out of the scalding hot water which is the way I prefer mine prefer wash the immoral and depressed dirt off my body with 32 degrees Kelvin. I believe that is way above boiling point. Boil off all my sins, all my shameful thoughts about myself. So you want to get out and get on warm pajamas and that's okay. You just have to do the side to. You have to the pool to the side and softly and coolly blow dried the pussy as to not singe the left long labia, but dry her lightly so she's not left moist. Then you take the blow dryer and you move to the crack for a fresh breeze. Not only because it feels nice, a light wind on your. But it awakens your third eye. And most important, it doesn't leave any wetness or dampness. Because who knows what odor will come from an imperfect butthole. We're all in this together. No butthole is perfect. And that's okay. We're helping it succeed. Then you go down yonder, you travel on down the gams, the thighs, the kneecap, the shins. And you get to your little toes because soggy toes yield a different kind of funky fung for the eye. And the little piggies, the little Piggly Wigglies. And you blow dry those. You got to get into the cracks, make sure those are dry. And it's going to make your feet feel so. And you won't be afraid to take off your socks at the next pedicure because they won't be all disgusting, stank, nasty. And then if you want, you do a little oxiclean under your pits followed by an organic non aluminum deodorant if you nasty. And then the next time you drop your drawers, you're going to take in a deep whiff and smell nothing. An a odor, the absence of odor because our privates shouldn't be smelling good. Our crotch carnations have a natural scent and that is okay. And we should all. I'm just talking about trying to erode this. The real stinky pussy. You know sometimes when you go into a bathroom and you're like oof. Or sometimes you take off your own pants and you're like, do. Damn, was that me? Damn, something's up. But you forgot to blow dry. That's it. It's not you. It's not you. You are a perfect being. Your is the one that's imperfect and just needs a whiff of the cool shot to bring it back to homeostasis. To not. To not singe off your Nair hairs in the Nair and not alarm anyone else as to some kind of, you know, a funk in the public bathroom. We've all been there. It's okay. It's okay. We're normalizing it. These are things we have to talk about in the public so you don't feel so alone. We can. We are not alone here. We're all in this. I know you. And I know your ex has bought you something you didn't like. So you threw him in the trash. Like those heels that made your dogs bark all night long. Now why would you go digging in the trash? You wouldn't. So your closet is for second chances, not your ex. But whatever it is consigning with the real real is the best way to let go of something that's no longer you and get paid for it. You guys know I love the real real. I got the cutest little paloma wool tank top there and I've gotten some, you know, pretty well priced vintage bags. So, you know, it's easy. It's a little too easy to buy on the RealReal, I must say. But it's actually even easier to sell. So why don't you sell those heels that make your dogs bark all night long? The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale. With thousands of new arrivals daily. No one does resale like the RealReal. And this month you can get an extra $100 site credit when you sell for the first time. Go to therealreal.com Winded to get your extra hundred dollars. Therealreal.com Winded. That's therealreal.com Winded. Hello.
