Robbie (6:15)

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Gabby Windy (10:04)

Quince.com gabbywindy and then we move on to Dochi. Are you kidding? I think she's like the chapel roan of rap just completely out of the box. Oh like if you have not seen Denials or River the music video. What are you doing? Why are you living? It's a masterpiece. And her dancing also giving head to toe. Tom Brown hello. And all her backup dancers doing the splits on these dudes heads into a front tuck. I mean, I mean there are no words. Her acceptance speech truly truly making history. And then we go into Benson Boone his rip away assisted by none other than Nikki Glazer. Finally I girl gets some screen time like she deserv deserves. She deserves the whole world. And Heidi Klum. We can't forget about her. And they ripped away. They ripped away his coming out. I didn't know he was gay but his jumpsuit said it all. His blue sparkly jumpsuit pulled up so tight he had a moose knuckle and he did adjust it at the end. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that everyone's front tucking. He also got onto the piano and did a full front tuck and landed on his feet. What a risk. He's an acrobat. Like, did you even expect into the Teddy swims into the Shaboozy. Shaboozy has incredible style. It looks like he was head to toe in Bodhi, one of Robbie's favorites. And then the closer, they would keep us around. All Grammys, all extended. It was like, it ends at 8. No, it ends no 8. 45. No, 9 o' clock. We saved our girl, Charlie XCX. She is. She is a role model our dads would never understand. Never understand a woman partially clothed, draped in fur, with a coke addiction, singing about it at the top of her lungs. So she's relatable. She was the realest thing at the Grammys. Starting outside with the brat cult behind her and just having a rave on stage, crawling around and giving the unused garments to two victims of domestic violence. Are you kidding? She has a message. It was just a huge party. It's like, this is what the Grammys need. That's why I can't with Sabrina, because she's not relatable. Nobody's doing that. Everyone wants to be Charlie XCX. She's making our 13 year old dreams come true. I want to shake my ass to auto tune. I feel seen in a matching bra. Underwear set the rushing around. I'll never step foot in the club. But this gives me hope. Maybe I can one day. It's not too late to develop my much needed coke addiction. If this is how it ends, count me in. But I can't with anxiety. You guys know me. I'm on way too much gabapentin and lamictal. I upped my dose again because I have this thing called pmdd. I thought it was a hoax. The whole time I would hear I have pmdd. No. You have a personality disorder. Join the club. Your personality distorts as the onset of blood flow from the uterine lining excretes from your pussy. Wouldn't it change anyone's personality? But when it's extreme, when it's too much of a shift, it's called pmdd. My psychiatrist said I'm certifiably diagnosed and gave me an article, which I will never read. Something about the luteal phase and the surge of estrogen. So she prescribed me Celexa based on. I don't know if you guys listened to the Brook episode, but we were talking about the Paxil of it all, how it gives you incredible confidence. Almost too much. I wanted to go for Paxil, but I didn't know who I'd become. I don't know if you could handle it. I'm already making brazen decisions. Can you imagine what I would do with even more audacity? I'd end up behind bars, and I'd have the cell designed to a T. Vintage designer. You bet your ass. You bet your ass. I'd be in a cell, but it'd be chic after a dose. Up. Okay, we're done. And this is how I knew I have pmdd. Because I didn't believe it for. For a second. And then Robbie had to help give me some insight because I turn into Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling in the Notebook, I am too. I am split. I am pre menstrual, duh, disordered. Because I'm hitting him, freaking out, and then I'm hitting myself. I don't know what's going on. I turn into some kind of a monster sister. Why am I picking this fight, feeling like I'm ignored, But you're with me every second of the day? I can't help but take things personally. She's like, you're not happy unless I'm in your brain and can read your thoughts. I'm like, obviously. Is that too much to ask? I need to be fully and completely understood. And sometimes I do not have the vocabulary to explain my deep depression and loneliness. The dark cloud that follows me everywhere. My experience is different. And we're. And when you're on YouTube, I'm not connecting with you. And I don't want to watch with you because you're watching videos on Yakutia and they've gone downhill. And it doesn't matter that you talk to me every time I try and interrupt. It doesn't matter that you give me nice kisses. Do you even like me? I turn into toxic. I turn into toxicity. But also, there's a sick part of me that likes it. Ah. Because it reminds me of my childhood. So how am I supposed to break that? With Celexa. With Celexa, right after ovulation, which is coming up soon, and I need to book it to Walgreens. Who knows when they're going to take it away from me. That's the first step after this. So I said, fine. Fine. I have pmdd. Fine. I take back everything I ever said about it. And invalidating women. I didn't mean to. It was Before I was educated. I'm allowed. I'm allowed to change my mind. Of course PMDD is real. Of course ADD is real. No, I don't think they're over prescribed. I'm climbing for the chance to get on, to get a taste of a Ritalin. I am also add. I'm every D you can think of. Besides a double D, which is tragic that I'm not, because it's who I am meant to be. Okay, Dr. Sears. Okay, Dr. Seuss.

Robbie (17:02)

Why don't you chill out?

Gabby Windy (17:03)

Okay. Anyways, so now that's that when Olivia Rodrigo was like. I was friends with Chapel Roan since she was working at a donut shop in Highland Park. Oh, she's one of us. I'm in the good old HP where I have seen Olivia Rodrigo and her dad eating dinner right next to me. Finally the east side gets some recognition. Oh, you're too far east. What is this neighborhood? It's Chapel Roan's neighborhood. And Tennessee in Missouri. She's like, I gotta get out of Tennessee. I'm like, I thought you were from Missouri. But it's better for the lyric. She's a lyrical genius. Sometimes you gotta fib a little to make it work. Anyways, she's incredible. And much like other episodes, this episode is. Is encompassed by my mental illness. I hate to call it mental health. I'm like, I talk about my depression a lot when I'm in these meetings. They're like, yeah, mental health. I'm like, no, there's nothing healthy about my mental. It's illness. So I went back to see Kirol after about a couple months. If you're new here, Carol is my therapist. Her eyes go two different ways. I've said it once, I've said it, said it before. It gives her a better assessment because she can see 360. And I loved her. I always compliment her outfit and she's very grateful. She looked like a 70 year old chic Jewish lumberjack. I'm like, hello, Hello, Carol. Am I attracted to you? Because this is my type anyway. She's like, it's been a while. I'm like, you're telling me? You're telling me. Where do I start? Immediately. She's like, are you safe? I'm like, yeah. I'm like, are you safe? She's like, yeah. By the skin of my teeth. There was a block away. She's like, do you want to know the skinny? I'm like, I only have 50 minutes with you and I've been having weird dreams. So I don't know. I don't know if I can sacrifice 10 minutes on the skinny. Nonetheless, we get into it. Her trainer was affected devastatingly. Her trainer, who does house calls and has a house in the Palisades. Okay. I'm like, oh, my God. Could she find a place to live? She's like, oh, yeah. She works out of a rental down the street. Down the street in the neighborhood where rich therapists live. Okay. So I think she's okay. She's like, yeah. And she's like, but here's the process. First, they have to go through all of the grounds and clear out the explosives. I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. The arsonists are planting IEDs. They're planting landmines. Like Laos. Have you guys ever heard of Laos? There's landmines. I think it. It still kills people once a day. You don't know where to step. I'm like, oh, my God, is this LA terrorism? She's like, no, it's the Tesla batteries. I'm like, here we go, ruining our lives again. Committing domestic terrorism. I don't know if I can say that on YouTube. Here we go again. I'll never get monetized, but that's okay because I have to maintain my integrity. The Tesla batteries are ruining society. So government workers, who we know are not supported by the government, because what's our government? It's an oligarchy. I just learned what that is. But it's when only a select few billionaires siphon all the money into their yachts, into their islands, and leave us with nothing disgusting. We need to get them to fly, to fight, to implode. And I think Donald Trump and Elon Musk are already having a Twitter battle. So it is beginning. It is possible. So the Tesla batteries, the government workers who are not supported with benefits, what's their health care? I don't know. They have to go blow up these Tesla batteries and be exposed to some kind of uranium or something worse. That's going to cause them to grow a third kidney, taking over and making the other two kidneys ineffective. So he ends up on hemodialysis by the time of 60. This is what the Tesla batteries are doing to us? No, no, they can't be. But they are. So Tesla's out, Kia's in. My good friend traded in her Tesla for Kia. She loves it. It's roomy, it's spacious. It has all the. What do you call it? Add ons of the Tesla, has the lane sensors. It can basically drive itself it has a huge map screen. But you don't have to take your time and tap on the screen with your address. You got it in your Google Maps. It's not enough. You have to. You have to on the Tesla map before you can go anywhere. Are you kidding? I'm already 12 minutes late, and this is gonna take another three. So we're done with them. Out with the Teslas, in with the Kias. Do you understand? I hope so. So that's what she said. That's what Carol said they have to do.

Robbie (22:21)

Robbie and I were sexting the other.

Gabby Windy (22:23)

Day.

Robbie (22:28)

Because I'm away, and it's like, I miss you, obviously. And so whatever, whatever. I sexted her. And then she said something. I was like, ugh, you're such a dog.

Gabby Windy (22:44)

And I went.

Robbie (22:45)

And she went. So let me. Let me help you achieve this sort of unpredictability. And that is Aria. It's a service for a couple that makes it easy to break out of routine, get more romantic, and perhaps a little bolder. The Aria concierge is like your relationship's wingman. A real person who feels that what you and your partner are into and serves up someone spicy. Monthly experiences for two. Plus, they handpick premium items to deliver discreetly to your door so you don't have to lift a finger. You know, your neighbors are always going to be looking at what the return address is. You know, what's this? Do I want it or not? What's this? Well, they'll never know what it is because it's discreet. So this is your chance. Go to Arya, FYI, and use code GABBYWINDY for 15 off and find out the best play style for your relationship.

Gabby Windy (23:59)

Today I do.

Robbie (24:02)

I love to crack a cold one.

Gabby Windy (24:05)

A cold soda.

Robbie (24:07)

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Gabby Windy (25:48)

Then what else was I gonna say about the kidney? Oh, yeah, enough about the kidney. We know how that ends. Peritoneal dialysis nightly. They're not eligible for a transplant because now their blood is filled with uranium. AB positive uranium. There's going to be a match for that? I don't think so. So what are we going to conserve? So conservation is still in. So we're still worried about conservation when the Tesla batteries are ruining our lives? I don't think so. I don't think so. I'll recycle when they make the last Tesla. All recycle when that billionaire family in Northern California stops making their pomegranate juice and pistachios, which I am a huge fan of and I will keep them in business myself. That pomegranate juice is really high in antioxidants and it's high in all your water. It's taking all your water, my local fountain, going straight to the pomegranate seeds, into the juice, into your fridge. And we're worried about conservation. Oh, and the pistachios. I was in a group full of people. I was in a room, a group full in a group full. And I was in a room full of people in my living room. It was way past lunch, we needed a snack, so I brought out the pistachios. Like this is the brand of the family that's taking all of the water. And their hands were bloody, bloody and grubby. They were taking handfuls. They weren't even breathing in between handfuls of pistachios. I'll start recycling. I'll start recycling when they're taken down to the ground. And I don't think it's anytime soon. Nothing like a Perrier in the morning to eat away at your stomach lining. And as you guys know, I love the pain. Eat away. Eat away. I don't care. What is there to live for with these Tesla batteries and pomegranate company? Back to the mental illness of it all. I'm terrorizing my psychiatrist again. Surprise, surprise. It's because she finds me entertaining. It's because she gives in and she gives me the validation. Oh, you think I'm funny? Listen to this. You wouldn't prescribe me volume, so I got the Mexican kind. I went to law pharmacia, picked up the Volume. Along with some Diflucan. You ever had a yeast infection so bad that the yeast started to rise and make a sourdough in your pussy all because you fucked a dirty dick. Probably your brother who doesn't wash his privates because you're taking up all the bathroom time. And take up the bathroom time because I support women. Also, it's gonna hurt me in the end because he can't wash his yeasty appendage. That's most likely micro. You ever have a yeasty like that? Well, that's why you need some diflucan. I stocked up and I also stocked up on prednisone. You guys know. You guys know I have a thing for steroid. People are like, being careful. Be careful. You think I don't know what I'm fucking with? You've underestimated. Underestimated me? Yeah. It can decrease your immune system. Yeah. Can make your. It can make your thin skin. Your skin thin. Will sign me up. Because what's the point of living when your disc slipped out of. Climbing out of a level four tanning bed. Because you have to spend three minutes in there to open up your pores before your spray tan. Your disc slipped right out of its cage. One wrong move, it can crawl up to your thoracic cervical spine. And then there you are, a vegetable in the living room on a ventilator because you're too much of a light to let go. So your family's gonna hold on forever. That's what happens when a disc gets too out of hand. You're one slip away from Stephen Hawking on Epstein's Island. So. So that's what happened to me. So I had to crawl out of the tanning bed just so. A twinge of pain, Restricted movement. What's going on? I need to pull up my Nike Swiss shorts and go to dance practice. But I can't bend. So I'm this close to asking the tanning concierge to scream. To scream for the tanning concierge to help me pull up my shorts. But I look down in a full bush just staring back at me. What do you do? What do you do when you're in this dismal tanning room? You know what I'm talking about. That's also very inviting. Something about the dopamine and vitamin D and risk of melanoma that really gets you excited. But then I remember. Then I remember the tanning concierges aren't always the most helpful. No. Because I had to wait for my bed to be Clean while she took a call from what I'm assuming is her frat boy boyfriend in the back. Of course I'll wait. Oh, and then. Oh, and then the versa. Spray tan is broken so I have to go in and do the mystic when we all know it makes you too orange. And I can't be to orange when we're taking on the Titans this Sunday. No, I need the right amount of brown. Let me in the versa. Let me in there. I'm actually quite the plumber and well versed in YouTube. I can put the accordion pipe back together to get me the perfect shade to shake my ass in front of 77,000 people. Yeah, I'm gonna bend over and do the snake up. And I hope a cameraman is getting the crotch shot because by now I would have shaved my full bush. Somehow. Somehow with the right movement in my long extremities, I was able to get dressed and I had to go to the only available chiropractor in town who also happened to be a pervert. Full circle to these glasses right here. Of course he's a pervert. He stood right behind me, right behind me to show me my hips were uneven while sticking his little dick into my butt crack. Fully clothed. Thank God. And what are you supposed to do? The only car. Don't get me started on chiropractors. You don't want to know. You don't want to know because the only chiropractors I've been to are perverts. A doctorate. A doctorate in sexual harassment. What are you gonna cop a feel? Always. And you gotta let em because I need my hamstring dry needled so I can kick my face in 10 pound cowboy boots so I don't get yelled at by my choreographer for having shitty kicks. This is what women endure. This is our plight. This is our cross to bear. A doctor. A doctor. I don't know. And then it's like. Have you ever seen a woman chiropractor? No, because they're in acupuncture, a questionable medicine, but it comes from the heart. It comes from the heart. There's more compassion, there's less risk. Also ask them to stay away from your neck and shoulders. I did have a friend who. Whose acupuncturist collapsed that. Nope, it was a chiropractor. But practicing acupuncture dropped her lung. Popped her lung. She had to get a chest tube in the hospital at a mere 30 something years old. I went to go see her on my lunch break. She was green. I don't know what kind of color she turned from her hypoxia from living off of one lung. And this is what we're dealing with. And then I called my friends, and they said. They said I was being dramatic. Dramatic? Have you ever had a slip disc? Have you ever had to run around town in a hologram Broncos T shirt and matching shorts? I don't think so. But this is where my addiction to prednisone began, because I had already gotten to an urgent care. I was crying because we had to go to a Hall of Fame game, and he called it a dance competition. Okay, okay, whatever. And then I had to go to the chiropractor, who's probably. Who's probably when he put his dick on me, just scared my little disc back into its cage. That's the only thing he did for me. So now every time I go to Mexico, I make sure I have some on hand. I also got some Ritalin, which tempts me every day because I cannot go down that route. It'll make me severely anxious, and I don't want to take it. I don't want to take it and be the funniest I've ever been here. No. Because then I'm dependent. And then I'll have to let you know that I'm clean off it. And you're going to say, she's not as funny. She was funnier on stimulants. I can't. I can't. That is something I cannot have. Oh, my God, you guys, I might have to. I might have to take a break and blow my nose. This respiratory sinus is bright green. That's never a good sign. One second.

Robbie (35:26)

Oh, I'm sorry. Can you afford all of those subscriptions that you have no idea are being withdrawn from your bank account monthly because one time you wanted to watch a niche anime movie, and it was only on a streaming service called Crunchy. And when you go back, you cannot figure out for the life of you how to get into your account settings and cancel the subscription. So before you know it, you're going to be out of hundreds of dollars. Well, don't let that be you with Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. This is something I can get behind. These subscription companies are getting rich because we're stupid. So Rocket Money is. Is here to help us and save our wallets. We all want to retire. Do you want to stick to your 10 to 2 business schedule like you deserve. Well, well, look alive. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. And honestly, it's up to you whether you want to save it or not, because this could buy you something really nice, something vintage. But I don't know if Rocket Money would co sign that. But it's about us. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Long Winded today that's RocketMoney.com Long Winded RocketMoney.com Long Winded we.

Aaron and Sarah Foster (37:30)

Are Aaron and Sarah Foster. We have a podcast. We're here to basically ask you to listen to it. We're just trying to help you guys.

Gabby Windy (37:35)

Not make the same mistakes that we made in life.

Robbie (37:37)

We.

Gabby Windy (37:37)

We made a lot.

Aaron and Sarah Foster (37:38)

Especially me. I really went down some dark roads trying to save you guys from that. Our podcast is called the world's first podcast. We are technically the sisters behind the Nobody wants this podcast. It's inspired by us because you wrote it, so. Yeah, that's true. But when I write, I am inspired by myself all the time, Right?

Gabby Windy (37:55)

That would make sense. You inspire you.

Aaron and Sarah Foster (37:56)

We're gonna wrap this up. Okay, guys, go check it out. World's first podcast.

Gabby Windy (38:02)

And just like that, I'm back. I had to blow my little button nose, the one good thing my mother ever gave me. And then I was also talking to my psychiatrist because she was still very timid about prescribing me Valium. I was like, I'm afraid. I'm afraid, doctor. A real doctor, mind you. I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of my thoughts, I'm scared of people. And I'm scared of a text message when I'm high. I can't live like this. You don't want to know what my thoughts say to me right before bed. They're telling me to shave my head. Excuse me? Get out of there. What do you mean, shave my head? I have this gorgeous mane and you want me to shave it off? My thoughts are asking me to test myself. Will anybody still love you with the buzz cut? All our what's her nuts and Empire records right in front of the mirror. I don't know. I can't listen to those. Please help me. Help me. I'm scared of a phone call. I have business hours. I should not be receiving calls after the hours after the hour of 3pm, I am best between 10 and 2. If you have to make it a little later, that's okay. I operate, I'm the most confident. Between 10am and 2pm and yes, this light is flickering. I'm trying to ignore it. I don't know what the fuck is going on on my equipment. I've had it for.

Robbie (39:40)

I haven't even had it for a.

Gabby Windy (39:42)

Year and it's turning its back on me. Probably like. Probably like you all will one day. No, I have business hours. What are you doing calling me after 3pm? I've lost all my confidence. I've just had lunch. I'm lethargic. I've been exhausted since the moment I woke up. I need a break. You want to have a creative call? Over my dead body. Send me an email with Google Slides. You want to have a FaceTime at 9pm I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a dull chopstick. I don't think so. So finally she gave it to me. And I'm taking phone calls all day and I'm even responding to text messages. There's a couple people I feel comfortable texting when I'm high. I cannot. If someone wants something from me, I can't put it together in my flighty little brain. What could you possibly want outside of business hours? Please make it wait till tomorrow when I'm sober and can think about this clearly, because I'll forget. I'll forget what I'm talking about. I want to make a joke. I want to laugh. I want to disassociate. After 3pm, this is my time to rest and recharge. This is when the creative juices are flowing with Real Housewives Season six playing for five hours straight. I need inspiration from Sonya Morgan. This is where I get my best illusions. And you know, with the business hours and I'm 10 to 3. I'm 10 to 3. Like that amazing organic restaurant in Silver. Like that's never open. And Google cannot keep up with their hours. Every time you go, the doors are closed. Oh, you're closed. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, you're open from 12 to 1 and 5 to 6. Must be nice to sustain on nothing. On nothing. No money, you're not making any money. Sustain on no food, you're not making any food. There's no chefs in there. You never open your doors for them to come. To sustain on no patrons, no patronage. You have no community. Because every time I. Every time I come, I get hit with the glass door. It must be nice Botanica. To live your life like this. This is my goal. But I don't have such luck. I need a lot to sustain. Then I guess I'll leave you with this. Give me a second. I've heard this discussion online that I body shame men. So here I will double down. Why do only boys snore? What is it about their body that has turned on them to make them breathe so uncontrollably and loudly that they vibrate the whole bed and reverberate off the walls? There's no woman who snores. Maybe by mother, but we understand that she is the exception on a lot of things. Where do we go from here? You have me in a predicament because the boy always fall asleep. Always falls asleep faster. So now it's your job to make sure that he wakes up in the morning by counting his breaths because he'll stop breathing for a good 20 seconds. And you have to stand by to see if you have to call 911 because you're not giving him mouth to mouth with that dirty, crusty, open mouth. Who knows what kind of bacteria is festering. No, we have to wait for the ambulance to come. Now I can't even fall asleep because the earplug is not plugging out the low, aggressive decibel that you continue to snore. So what then? So what then? What? A CPAP saved my relationship, they say. Oh, no. Oh, no. I had a friend who was with someone who needed a CPAP immediate ick. I don't think so. What? I gotta look at you every night? I'll have no choice but to unplug it. We can't live like this. There's. It was. This was gonna be your destiny either way. So I might as well take things into my own hands. You're done for. I can't. Look at this accordion filled with oxygen. Not if I can't partake. Maybe if it was filled with laughing gas. Maybe. Maybe. My first favorite drug. I have scoured Reddit for ways to get my dirty little paws on laughing gas. It's not easy. Also one reason I'm dying to get plastic surgery. It's time for me to be sedated. I would like to experience sedation. I had it once when Maybe I was 17, and now I'm addicted now I love it. I'll go through the depths of hell to get me on some laughing gas. But no. This is pure oxygen. So what? Maybe we separate. Maybe we sleep in different bedrooms, different apartments. Different apartments. So I don't have to listen to you farting in your basketball shorts, eating all the leftovers. No, you can't have seconds. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. Your belt's getting tight. While your body is turning on you. I'm feeding our child with my titty. Who makes the nourishment to feed our child? And the only thing your body does is try and kill you every night. Maybe this is God's way of punishing the men. But like everything else, the women suffer in the end. With the snore. No, you need a sleep study. You need to be hooked up to a cardiac monitor and watched by a nurse all night. And she's not gonna like what she sees. I'm gonna tell you that right now. No, because it's terrifying to put anyone in that position, even a trade medical professional. She's on the edge of her seat waiting to code blue. Start compressions. Because. Because your sinuses don't work. Why is it always you? Why are you doing this to me? It's like. It's like it's only the men. And on that note, thank you for coming. Please, dear God, leave me five stars. Please, dear God, show all of your friends. Show all of your husbands. I have a lot of husband fans, and I appreciate you immensely. Everything I'm saying is bullshit. I don't believe one word of it. Okay? I also am a misogynist. I'm just like you. Whatever you are, I am not. Not. Okay. Welcome back again next week on an episode of Long Winner. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.