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Call Her Daddy
"Right Person Wrong Time" is a Myth
00:53:16
This week, Alex discusses the idea of the “right person, wrong time” and why it can keep you emotionally attached to someone who has already moved on. She dives into how romanticizing potential protects us from rejection, prevents us from grieving, and causes us to put our lives on hold. She then answers questions about destination weddings, seeking attention outside a relationship, and comparing your life choices to your friends. Enjoy!
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Daddy gang. Today's episode is sponsored by Sour Patch Kids Besties. Sour Patch Kids besties are a new spin on the OG but still have everything you already love about them. You still get that classic sour than sweet experience. But now the pieces come connected together in little bestie pairs. It is. I'm not. Okay. It's so cute. They're literally attached at the hip. Which is perfect because I was never stopping at just one. Anyways, go share some besties with your bestie. Oh, my God. So good. Call her Daddy. Is brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch. Okay, buckle up. This fourth of July, I am going to be on a lake with my family and my friends. And this marks our country's 250th birthday. And there is no better way to celebrate America than with America's daughter number one ranch. Hidden Valley Ranch is the perfect way to add a bold and zesty twist to your favorite party foods all summer long. From the classic American favorites like, oh, we got burgers, we got wings, we got salads, we got veggie platters. No party, though, is complete. None of that even tastes good without Hidden Valley Ranch. Here's the thing. You guys know me. I've got Hidden Valley Ranch in my purse. I'm pushing that thing. If I've got a boot on, it's in my boot, okay? If they're telling me, ooh, we don't know if you can, like, bring too much to the party. Well, the one thing I'm bringing is my Hidden Valley Ranch. Okay. There is no wonder why Hidden Valley Ranch is America's number one ranch. The flavor, my God, it speaks for itself. It is the true taste of America. Celebrate this summer with the bold and delicious flavor of America. Now in a limited edition bottle available@walmart.com call her daddy is brought to you by Macy's. Guys, we are officially kind of nearing the second half of summer, and there's a certain feeling I feel like that arrives in July. Right? Summer is still, still here. But you can feel the season beginning to shift. And before it slips away, Macy's is here to help you make the most of every last summer moment. Whether it's a spontaneous getaway or an end of summer gathering, Macy's has everything you need in one place. If you're already thinking ahead, discover back to school, back to college, fall fashion and beauty essentials to ease into the next season on your own terms, shop now in store or@macy's.com. hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another Sunday session. We're Bumping. We are bumping. It's funny because when I'm wearing my sweatpants and my hoodies, I'm like, do people know I'm even pregnant? So I'm like, I'm trying to, like, lean into the bump, but it's also hard to situate yourself in front of cameras while you have a bump. So it's just go with me here. I will say pregnancy so far has been a lot of ups and downs. There are some incredible days, and there are some really trying days. I haven't slept, so I think that just gives me a pass on whatever I say for the next few months. Like, it's not me. I didn't realize so much about pregnancy. And I'll be honest. Like, in hindsight, I've had friends who are pregnant, but I've never explored and questioned the process and the ailments that come with it. And this is all the things, like, I guess I've just never really asked. And so now that I'm living it, I am really discovering a lot. And so I didn't fully realize that you just don't. You just don't sleep in pregnancy. And I have seen a lot of women say, oh, it's just preparing you for when you have a kid. I'm like, oh, oh, that's for amazing. But so, yeah, you don't really sleep when you're pregnant. And as my bump has gotten larger and larger progressively, what happens during the middle of the night, you guys, is. It's. It's a really big experience that you go through, and you go through it alone. So while my husband is doing, like, his light little snoring, I want to just whack him in the face with the pillow. And I do do that sometimes. Sometimes I will whack Matt. And he's like, what? What? And I'm like, what? What? I pretend I'm like, oh, my God, was that a ghost would happen? Because I just want him to, like, sit there with me and be awake. You know what I mean? Poor Matt is, like, constantly getting jarred awake. He falls asleep also in four minutes, he was looking at his. He wears one of those health Google bands at night, specifically. And I have stopped wearing it for a second because I'm like, I don't want to see it right now. Maybe in a little bit. But, like, I can't see right now because I know it's going to be so dark. And Matt's last night said, you fell asleep in four minutes. Oh, okay, divorce. Oh, okay, divorce. I was like, you. You fell asleep before I. The things I wish. Four minutes. It's not even. I mean, I would love for any woman to tell me if you can fall asleep that easily, but I'm convinced that men just. He'll be in the middle of talking to me, you guys, and I'm like, so. Yeah. So then I was thinking, you know, we should talk to Erica about. And he's like. And I'm like, wait, you were just talking two seconds ago. So Matt's having the time of his life being dead asleep. I am. I'm moving and shaking. So your bump, basically when you go from side to side, you don't just flip from side to side like you normally would when you're sleeping. As, you know, a non pregnant person. This is. This is heavy, okay? This is heavy weight. And so I'm physically having to be cognizant of my motions as I'm moving over. Because also I've had it a couple times where you can get a cramp or like, currently my baby's foot is lodged like so high up here. And so if I move too quickly and I flip over like I used to be a gymnast in the bedroom, okay. I would be dead asleep. And I'm just. I'm like. I'm literally like the Exorcist where I'm flipping my body and I'm somehow on my right side and I'm still asleep. Now it's like, all right, let me just. Let me just turn over here. And it's like a big crane. Okay? It's a big crane. And I know to all my women who are like, really about to give birth, I know you're like, oh, girl, just wait, because this third trimester, you're just going to get even bigger. Bigger, bigger. I understand that, but for right now, it already feels big. So to get bigger is going to be an adventure. Anyway, so the sleeping situation isn't great. You pee at least two times a night. For myself. Again, my child's head. What's so lovely? Again, it's just like preparing me for parenthood is every single time I've gone to my doctor, she's like, oh, my God, the head is still in the same location. I'm like, oh, just say it. She's like, right on the bladder. I'm like, boom. I'm telling you guys, this child's head has not moved off of my bladder this entire pregnancy. So you already have so much pressure because it's kind of like compacts your bladder when you get pregnant. But Then to also have a head and a growing head just right there, just sitting right here. We're peeing 24 7. It almost feels like a constant UTI because even after I pee, I'm like, do I have to pee again? And it's like, nope, that's just. That's just your body. So, like, there's things that I'm getting used to. I will say let's pick out a positive. You know, not to freak everyone out. The positives, I will say, is there is nothing more connecting and incredible and wild and. And just. It's not even out of body. Cause it's obviously in my body. But it feels that way when you feel your child kicking and moving. I don't even know how to describe it, you guys. I feel so in shock that I can feel now how big this child is. And I can watch as this part of my belly bumps out and this part is moving. It looks like it's doing a somersault. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. So there's just, like, a lot of cool, fascinating parts. I think about the body. My boobs keep getting bigger. Don't look. Okay. I would think I'd be, like, thrilled that my boobs are getting bigger and just, like, more fuller, but I'm just kind of like. I don't know. I would love to hear from other mothers and who are pregnant, like, something about the boobs. You go through a little phase where you're like, okay, this is kind of like, looking good. And then you're kind of like, I don't even. It's just a little. It's. It's a lot. It's a lot. So, overall, I'm enjoying pregnancy. I'm. I'm leaning in, but there's anxiety that comes with it because you just want this child to be healthy, and you want to be healthy, and. Yeah, so that's what's going on. Call her. Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. I am always looking to have a good time with my girlfriends, and I feel like the summer is the time to make sure that you are going on. I mean, multiple girls trips is the option, and that is where you book a stay on Airbnb. Okay, I booked a stay on Airbnb. Now you're gonna book a stay on Airbnb. Guys, summer is here. It's time to assemble the group chat and plan a fun trip. And one of the easiest things you can do when you plan your trip is book stay on Airbnb, get the space, amenities, and location. You need to make your stay fun, seamless, and comfortable. It's so important when you are going on a girls trip to have the things that you really need. You know what I mean? Maybe it's a fire pit, maybe it's a hot tub. Maybe your friend's birthday trip is coming up and you don't know where to go. Literally, just go on Airbnb, scroll around, and you are going to find that one place that is meant for you to have the best trip. Okay? Whether you need a place for the friend group or somewhere calm and relaxing for a solo getaway, you'll find a all kinds of options to help make the perfect trip on Airbnb. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch. Okay, buckle up. This fourth of July, I am going to be on a lake with my family and my friends. And this marks our country's 250th birthday. And there is no better way to celebrate America than with America's number one one ranch. Hidden Valley Ranch is the perfect way to add a bold and zesty twist to your favorite party foods all summer long. From the classic American favorites like, oh, we got burgers, we got wings, we got salads, we got veggie platters. No party, though, is complete. None of that even tastes good without Hidden Valley Ranch. Here's the thing. You guys know me. I've got Hidden Valley Ranch in my purse. I'm pushing that thing. If I've got a boot on, it's in my boot. Okay? If they're telling me, ooh, we don't know if you can, like, bring too much to the party. Well, the one thing I'm bringing is my Hidden Valley Ranch. Okay? There is no wonder why Hidden Valley Ranch is America's number one ranch. The flavor, my God, it speaks for itself. It is the true taste of America. Celebrate this summer with the bold and delicious flavor of America now in the limited edition bottle available@walmart.com. okay, now to you guys, enough about me, okay? I hope you had such an incredible week. I hope you hydrated, and I hope you are ready to get called out today. Because in preparing for this episode, I realized, I think that we need to talk about one of the biggest, most toxic lies we have all collectively agreed to believe. We are going to tackle the ultimate relationship coping mechanism today, which is right person, wrong time. Everyone's already triggered. I know. We are going there. How many of you right now are sitting? Maybe you're in your car, you're walking on the treadmill. You're laying in bed, you're staring at the ceiling, and you immediately when I said that, you're thinking about that person, right? The one who got away. The one where you're like, oh, if only we met three years later. If only they didn't move to Chicago. If only they were done with their FBOY phase. If only, if only, if only, then it would have worked. And it's like, guys, I hate to break it to you, but I am gonna give you some tough love today, okay? We are basically gonna completely tear this concept apart because I want to be clear. I used to be the queen of rationalizing bad situations with this exact phrase. So you are not alone. I want to make you feel very, very cozy and comfy. When I say I am speaking from so much experience. Not just, you know, experience. I am speaking from lived experience. But today, instead of focusing on feelings, I do want to just. I want to look at the facts. Why do we say it? Why do we say right person, wrong time? I think we say it because the truth is too painful to face. It's so much easier to just blame the universe or a calendar or a zip code than it is to admit the harsh reality. They just didn't want it enough or you didn't want it enough. That's it. That's the truth. Like it or hate it, those are the facts. Because be real with me here. Please. Think about it logically. When you are truly, deeply, madly in love with someone, when you look at them and you think, this is my person, you do not let timing be an issue. And you don't let that stop you. You figure it out. You move them out. And if someone tells you guys, if someone tells you, I love you so much, you're perfect for me, but the timing is just wrong. Okay, what they are actually saying is, I like you, but I like my current lifestyle or my current freedom or my current career more than I like the idea of being with you. And I am choosing that over you. Let the tears fall down and wake your dreams. It's harsh. I get it, okay? I get it. But I have to acknowledge, and we all have to acknowledge, that's their right. That is your right. Right? Like, if that's the case, that is so. Okay. But we need to stop wrapping it up in this pretty little bow and calling it, oh, it's just a tragedy of the universe. It's not fate playing a trick on you, daddy gang. It is a choice. It is a cognizant decision that one human being is making. The stars did not force this one to happen. Sadly. Like, I know people, including myself, who are watching are like, no, no. But, like, he is my soulmate. It's just he's focusing on his career right now. Like, that's it. Or like, she's the one, but, like, she's just kind of going through this phase. Girl, I love you, but we are just lying to ourselves. And how long can you keep lying to yourself, right? So as I was thinking about talking to you all about this, I was like, okay, okay, okay. So fair. A lot of us do this, but why do we do this, right? I think that one reason we do this is kind of very obvious. It's protects our egos, right? Rejection. Let's be real. It is a very, very brutal pill to swallow. It hurts way less to blame a construct like time than it does to admit, hey, this person just doesn't want me enough to make it work. And so we convince ourselves it's not me. Obviously, it's not me. It's the clock. It's time. Spoiler alert, bitch. It's not the clock. It is you. Actually, another reason we do this. I think we love a tragic movie plot. We have been brainwashed by romantic comedies to believe that love needs to be this struggle. We think we, you know, if we suffer through the wrong time, the payoff will just be the most cinematic reunion of an experience. Let me just tell you something. This was me to a T. To a T with a previous relationship. You guys, if anything, the fact I feel like that we couldn't be together at the time, it somehow made me like him more like, like. And now, in hindsight, I'm like. It almost made me like him more than if we were actually together. The idea was better than the reality. And I somehow found it oddly extremely romantic that we just. We couldn't be together. Just wasn't right time. Okay? But of course we're gonna come back together. It's just timing. Like, obviously we're gonna reconnect. It's just. We gotta just. It never happened, guys. It never fucking happened, okay? All those sleepless nights, all the journaling. And you guys know, I don't journal, but I journal. And the letters I wrote, it did nothing. Okay, right person, wrong type. Like, he never came back. It never ended up working. And so then I think the most important and obvious reason that we do this and we lie to ourselves is this one hurts. But it's really the truth. It keeps the door open. If it's just the wrong time, you. You don't actually have to mourn the relationship and move on. You get to basically keep them on this shelf in your mind, waiting for the right time to magically appear. It's basically a full coping mechanism for avoidance. If you don't have to fully face that it's over, babe, we can just still live in our delusion. It's not over. He's coming back around. He's coming back around the merry go round. It's like, babe, that thing shut off years ago, okay? And I think what's really important to acknowledge is that is a very dark psychological trap that we have to address. Because what happens when you believe in right person, wrong time? You essentially put your life on pause. You can become a ghost in your own dating life, right? You go out on a date with a perfectly great guy or girl and the entire time you're just comparing them to the right person who unfortunately is currently living across the country or is currently just finding themselves. And you're just like holding this torch for a fantasy, but it actually doesn't even exist anymore. Because that's what right person, wrong time usually is. It is a fantasy. You are in love with the potential of what could have been, not the reality of what actually is in front of you. The reality was that it didn't work out. I remember. I remember. Alright, let's go back. I've kind of blocked these days out, guys, so give me a second. But I do remember, if I can recall correctly, back in the day, the guy that I did this with, I convinced myself for ages that if the stars just aligned, we're gonna be together. Okay? I was like, no, no, we got a couple hiccups. There's like a couple little road bumps. He's doing this, I'm doing this. But we will be back together. And I wasted so much emotional real estate on a guy who is simply not ready to commit to me. And when someone shows you or tells you they aren't ready, we have to believe them. Don't try to rewrite their narrative into some romantic story that keeps you hung up even after it ends. You're lying to yourself. You are romanticizing a really not so romantic situation, okay? And so I ask that please listen to me closely when I say if someone is truly your right person, the timing becomes a secondary factor and it kind of becomes a non issue. When people want to be with you, they don't give you a rain check. They don't say, whoa, you are the love of my life. I think we just need to pause and, like, let's revisit in three years. Like, let's revisit when my schedule clears up a little bit. Let's reschedule when I'm a little bit of a different person. Like, no, no, no. They figure it out. They move cities, they change schedules, they lose sleep. They make room for you. If someone is letting you go because of timing, what they are actually saying is, you are not worth the inconvenience of adjusting my life right now. And I know it sounds harsh, but it is to some degree, liberating if you can finally accept that. You're all like, speak for yourself. Okay? Speak for yourself, Alex. That feels horrible. I don't want to hear any of that. I get it. I get it. College me would have also maybe turned this off by this point. You're like, la, la, la, la. Trust me, I get it. And I really get it more than I wish. So I'm not going to leave you hanging. Obviously, we got to make ourselves feel better here, right? Let's acknowledge how we break this cycle. Okay? How do we move on from the wrong time trap? When I think about it, if I could go back and give myself advice, it would be. Step one is you need to close the chapter. You need to stop checking their Instagram stories, stop checking their Spotify to see what sad songs they're listening to. You are feeding the delusion. You, not them. You. And you need to stop holding on to one day because that mentality is making it quite literally impossible for you to move on. And you feel less guilty for checking in on them and stalking their social medias. Because, again, it's the right person. It's just the wrong time, right? Maybe. Maybe will be the right time soon. And you convince yourself. So, like, I gotta keep tabs. I gotta keep tabs on them. How am I gonna know if it's the right time if I don't keep tabs? And it's like, no, no, slick, you're. You're being very like. I see where you're going with that. But no, if you want to be real with yourself, it's a hard fucking no. Then step two. Step two, after you are like, okay, I. I need to actually close that chapter. You need to reframe the narrative in your head. They weren't the right person at the wrong time. They were the wrong person, period. Because the right person is someone who is willing and ready and capable of choosing you will, right now. Timing, I mean, I. I think it. It's obvious, but maybe we've convinced Ourselves so much that it doesn't seem obvious. But, like, guys, timing is a part of the package deal of a person being the right person. If they can't meet you where you are, then they're not your person, period. So when you say right person, wrong time, what it actually means is, wrong person, wrong. You're seeing a little bit of like, green, yellow, and it's like, no, it red. Because the right person is the right time. When you say, okay, here we go. This is this, is this. Hopefully this will help hurt and help. When you say to yourself, they just need to find themselves, what it actually means is they don't want to be found with you. Okay? And when you say we'll end up together eventually, what it actually means is I am pausing my life for someone who is moving on with theirs. Guys, life is way too short to be waiting around in the waiting room of someone else's life. And you're just like, you ready yet? You ready? And most of the time, these people are, if. If they've let it drag on this long, then they're probably not going to give you the hard truth. And so they're going to just let you linger in the waiting room. They're like, oh, my God, she's still. You deserve the person who looks at a chaotic, messy, inconvenient timeline and says, I don't care. We're making this work. Stop romanticizing potential and start looking at reality. If they wanted to, they would. If they aren't, they aren't your person, period. Close the chapter, put on your hottest outfit, and go find someone who aligns with your present, not this hypothetical future. We all deserve that. Last thing I will say is I remember when I was dealing actually kind of with this, like, wrong, right person, wrong time in my head, shortly after I met Matt and so many things in my life and Matt's life did not or shouldn't have worked. At first, I was living in New York, he was living in Los Angeles. Let's just start there. I have no interest in long distance relationships. Like, I have a full long distance relationship kind of girl. And every time I did it, I just ended up feeling like, oh, I don't want to be doing this. And when I met Matt, it was like, oh, my God, I actually want to do this. I will do long distance with this person. I actually, like, don't really care. And it was so unlike me, but it was like, because I felt like this was actually the right person and he felt the same way. Our traveling schedules were so Crazy and hectic and. And he was on different time zones or he was traveling to different countries to make movies. And he would stay up and it would be like, four time to make sure he got to talk to me in the morning or vice versa. And, like, it was hard. And in the beginning days, it was a lot of work to, like, actually find a way to merge our lives. And then when I did move out to Los Angeles, there was so much that also went into how different, at first, our lives were. And we just kept working through it because we knew, oh, my God, you're the right person for me. And so none of this logistically should stop us. Even if we're getting some sleepless nights, even if it's hard in the beginning, even if it's like, we're having to adjust, I want to adjust certain things in my life so that we can make this work together. And so then I was able to look back at a lot of the people that I thought, like, oh, my God, right person, wrong time. And I'm like, one of them, specifically, you guys. I was really convinced he really, oh, my God, this really could be my person. I look back and I'm like, oh, my God. I had painted this entire picture in my head that he was actually quite direct in a lot of moments, but I was hearing it in a way that I wanted to hear it. He was telling me that we couldn't, you know, fully date because of xyz. And I took that as, like, he's actually caring about my feelings, and he's giving me the heads up because he cares so much about me. Guys, it's so crazy when your frontal lobe isn't fully developed. Even saying this out loud, I'm like, okay, this is embarrassing. I convinced myself, like, he's saying, we can't be boyfriend girlfriend right now because his schedule is so crazy that, like, he doesn't want to commit and, like, hurt me. So, like, we should just stay in this, like, in between, you know, situationship phase. Then I meet Matt, and he's like, I. I'm into you. I'm gonna make an effort. We're gonna do this, we're gonna do that. Like. And I was like, oh, my God. That's what this is supposed to feel like. An actual person being direct. And even when Matt would, like, not, like, something I did or, like, something, like, he just would always tell me. Meanwhile, I looked back and I was. I. Like, I got so good at, like, decoding, you know? You know, you've really been through the Ringer in your past relationships, when you're like, I am. I. I could d. I. It's like the Swifties. We can look and there's Easter eggs. And you're like, I can put these pieces together, but in a romantic relationship, you shouldn't have to be like, all right, so on the 24th, he did tell me this, but really, I think he meant this. So this kind of fits into this category, and this should make me feel this way. And it's like, no, stop trying to make this fantasy. And this whole you're just literally concocting a big, big lie in front of your face, that you're just, like, drinking the Kool Aid. And the longer you do that, you go down this really, really dark path. And so I hope today, anyone who is listening, who is in my situation, I wish I would have had someone who could have given me this advice when I was going through that, because those tangibles, I would have been like, okay, maybe this is actually, like, completely my situation. I know it's hard to hear, but that's what we do here on Color Daddy. Okay? We talk about the hard things, not the easy things. And then we try to make the hard things easier by talking it through. Oh, maybe it's the glasses. You know, maybe it's the glasses today. They give me that little edge. Okay, let's answer some questions of the motherfucking week. Question number one. My friend wants to have her wedding in Greece next summer, but we've already committed to another close friend's wedding in Italy that same summer. It's the exact same friend group, and we'd all be bridesmaids. We've explained that two European weddings in one summer would be financially and logistically difficult and close to impossible. But she says it's normal and that everyone has expenses. We suggested choosing a closer destination or spacing the weddings farther apart, but she feels that's unfair. I know it's her wedding and her choice, but I'm annoyed that she doesn't seem to care how much stress and expense this puts on the same group of friends. Thoughts? Oh, okay. I want to preface this before I answer this with, I have been so fortunate that my friend group when it comes to weddings, somehow, knock on wood. We have not had any major issues when it comes to, like, logistics or animosity or resentment building. And so when I answer this question, I am not speaking from experience. I am going to be saying speaking in hypotheticals, which I do think is important, because obviously, I've never gone through something like this. But let me just. Let me just try to work this out with you for a minute. My first thought is, whenever I've posted about weddings or, you know, bachelorettes, there's such a huge issue when it comes down to everyone's personal opinion of how much they are willing to spend, how much they're comfortable spending, understandably. And also, just, like, etiquette that goes into it. If you lie up 10 people on the street, every single person is probably going to have a different answer of how you should handle this situation. So I want to be very mindful, okay? I'm not getting canceled over. No opinion on a Grease wedding that isn't mine. Okay? This is hypothetical. Everyone calm down. Two Europe trips in one summer is so financially straining. It is psychotic when it comes to taking off work. It is logistically hard if any of these people have kids. Like I said, I don't know a lot of people that go to Europe twice in a summer. So this is a lot. So I'm acknowledging that this is a lot that this person is asking of you. What sucks is how close you all are. You're going to be a bridesmaid in this. I would say that. God, it is a little bit on you. You feel like, yeah, of course you have to go, but how you go, I don't know. And I literally think what sucks is it seems like this bride is kind of unwilling to have a conversation about the reality of the situation. And she's kind of like, you kind of have to suck it up. But what if you can't? What if you literally can't afford this? I think that's what's hard about these destination weddings is, in my opinion. Okay, sue me. I think that if you have a destination wedding, you are basically acknowledging that you're okay if a bunch of people don't come. Don't shoot me. But I do think that's the case because to expect people to travel and the finances again, and all the logistics that go into that dynamic. Dynamic. It is a lot to ask of someone. And so I do think that, like, half of the people I also talk to, they're like, oh, we're doing it there because we're hoping. No, like, half of the list doesn't end up coming. And you hear people say that, right? So I do think there needs to be some honest conversation. I would be interested to see if you could bring your friend group together and all have an honest conversation about, like, what. What is everyone doing? And who knows? Maybe it impacts, like, do you do something A little less with the Greece trip so that you can also spread it out to the Italy trip. I have no idea. But I think you need to talk to your friends about it, because obviously, each of you is going to be in a different financial situation. But it seems like you all have this big group where, like, one person making a rogue decision, it's going to alienate them. And so I think getting on the same page with your friends, and if the bride is unwilling to talk about it with you, fine, leave her out of it for now. But get all the bridesmaid together and be like, guys, literally, what are we doing? And that's where I think this kind of stuff, like, literally ends friendships, right? I. I've had so many people write in being like, oh, yeah, I never. I don't even speak to my bridesmaids anymore. I'm like, oh, my God, what happened? I think that emotions get really heightened, and the bride sees things completely different than the bridesmaids. And I'm not saying one is. Is acting better than the other, but this kind of brings out, like, the worst in people. And I will say it's sucks, but, like, everyone has a lot of weddings, and then when you're the person that it's your wedding, you expect them to show up at 100 capacity in their best selves. But it's like, babe, I have seven other weddings this summer, and I think sometimes brides forget that. And I'm not saying that's their issue, but I do think there needs to be a little bit of understanding when it comes to if you know that they're already going to another European wedding, and it's not where you could bop over. It's like, you have to come back to the States, wait a little bit, go back to Europe. I don't know if you can be that mad if some people don't show up. Please don't get mad at me. I'm just. I never said any of that. And again, guys, pregnancy brain. Come on. Pregnancy brain. Pregnancy brain. Okay, next. Oh, my God, guys, these ones, I didn't pick this week. I had someone else pick them. So, like, I'm gonna get slammed again. Okay. Is it rude to turn down a bridesmaid invitation? How funny that, like, on the controversial Richter scale, bridesmaids and weddings, I just can feel it in my bones. I'm like, tread lightly, tread lightly, tread lightly. It's very sensitive topic. Is it wrong to turn down a bridesmaid invitation? An old friend from college asked me to be in her bridal Party, but we're not close at all anymore, and I barely even know her fiance. She has plenty of other friends. So I'm honestly confused why she even invited me. I. Okay, I think I can handle this one a little bit easier. I think that. Listen, everyone in life is going to have different opinions on friends and nostalgia and, you know, the connection that they have to, whether it's high school or college or whatever it be. And so you may not think that you're as close and she knows you're maybe not that close, but it may, for her be more of like a. Oh, she was at such a big, pivotal time in my life. And. And let's keep it real. She may need to be filling those slots, you know, like, they may be like, we want to do seven and seven, and she's up to six, and she's like, who else could I get to be in that row of. Oh, Jamie. Jamie would be. Jamie will so show up. And so I actually do think that you can pass on this, but I don't think you need to be honest. We're not liars here on Caller Daddy. But I do think sometimes you can omit parts of the truth when you're letting a friend that you're not close to down to not make it a bigger issue. Okay. I think that you could just say, hey, girl, I am so happy for you. I can't wait for you to have such a. I imagine the wedding's gonna be gorgeous. Unfortunately, I have a prior family commitment that weekend. You could also say, like, oh, my God, I'm sorry. Is this bad? But you could be like, I'm so sorry. Like, I actually have already committed to a family wedding that weekend, so I won't be able to make it. But, like, I love you, and please, like, send me your wedding registry and, like, sending you all the good vibes. I think you can totally, respectfully pass on the bridesmaid thing without passing, like, hey, guys. I mean, guys. Unless. I would love to hear if people would actually want you to be honest, because I think that's psychotic. Hey, girl. Jamie here. We haven't really talked in a while, so I was kind of thrown off that you asked me to be a bridesmaid. And I'm going to be honest. I don't think we're close enough. I don't even really know your fiance. So, like, I don't really think it's appropriate for me to come to your wedding. I mean, yeah, you could be that type of person. I'm not going. I would not do that. I'm not going to do that because that's just going to hurt her feelings, you know, let her down easy. She's got enough to deal with. She's got to go fill that seven slot, baby. Okay, next. Hi, father, I need some help. I got lunch with a good friend I haven't seen in a while and she began completely slandering another friend of mine over some drama. It felt like she was looking for validation, but I honestly thought she was overreacting and found the whole thing super uncomfortable. I think she could tell. And now she wants to talk. Am I supposed to automatically take a friend's side when they're beefing with someone else? I know. Fabulous inquiry. So here's the thing about women. Men like sports and we like drama, we like pop culture, we like drama, we like a little bit of gossip here and there. And so when you go to a lunch and maybe, maybe you went to this lunch and Becky was just on her, she's feeling herself and she's like, I need to vent. I think what happens sometimes is clearly she was looking to vent and it was coming off way too aggressive and she wasn't reading the room and she kind of went into a blackout rage. It's classic. We've all been there. So I think when a woman needs to get something off her chest, sometimes we, we can't read the room. And I think with her, clearly she went in spiraling a little bit and thought that you could be a companion. And in that moment you were like, actually you're putting me in a really difficult position. What I really respect about you and it seems like you did, is like you didn't just jump in and you didn't just start immediately gossiping with them because those are my least favorite kind of people. Where if you're in the room with one person, you're just a yes man. And you're just like, oh my God, totally. They're so annoying. And then you go see that person later and you're completely fake and nice to them and then you'll bitch about the person you were just with earlier. Or it's like, that is so two faced. And I think there are a lot of people who would rather just indulge it rather than like have a backbone and stand their ground. And even if it's just being quiet, that's being a good friend. And sometimes I think it's lost on people. So I love that you didn't engage if she's following up because she has a feeling it was making you uncomfortable. I do think just being really honest with her can't hurt. I think you can just say, listen, I definitely felt a little uncomfortable, and I don't mean in a way that like. Like, I was, you know, wanting to leave the brunch, but I just felt like it was a lot. I just didn't really know how to act being in the middle of it, because I'm on really good terms with her, and I have a great relationship with her. So I feel like I'm kind of not the right person to be talking with this about. If she freaks out, that's, like, on her, and she's immature, and she needs to figure that out. But I do think this is a classic. Like, the girls are beefing. They're looking for, you know, the neutral party to, like, sway and bring on their side. And I think you hold your ground because instead of having to sway left or right, you actually don't need to be a part of this. And that is something that I think that it takes a while to learn that, you know, I feel like none of us knew that in high school, right? High school, you were like, oh, you're either on Taylor side or you're either on Francine side, and there ain't no in between. You team Taylor? Are you team Francine? And there's no gray area, because maturity and honesty and boundaries, they don't exist back then, but then we build that muscle a little bit, and I have a lot of respect for people. When you build that muscle, if you can maintain it and do it in a way that's very mature. So kudos to you. You're on the right path. Okay. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. If you've been waiting for the right time to start your business. Hi. Hello. This is your sign. Shopify has literally everything you need to bring your idea to life. Daddy, gang, doing everything yourself is so tough. And honestly, it's also unnecessary. Luckily, Shopify has Sidekick. It's basically an AI co founder that helps you build and grow. 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And there is no better way to celebrate America than with America's number one ranch. Hidden Valley Ranch is the perfect way to add a bold and zesty twist to your favorite party foods all summer long. From the classic American favorites, like, oh, we got burgers, we got wings, we got salads, we got veggie platters. No party, though, is complete. None of that even tastes good without Hidden Valley Ranch. Here's the thing. You guys know me. I've got Hidden Valley Ranch in my purse. I'm pushing that thing. If I've got a boot on, it's in my boot, okay? If they're telling me, oh, we don't know if you can, like, bring too much to the party. Well, the one thing I'm bringing is my Hidden Valley Ranch. Okay? There is no wonder why Hidden Valley Ranch is America's number one ranch. The flavor, my God, it speaks for itself. It is the true taste of America. Celebrate this summer with the bold and delicious flavor of America now in a limited edition bottle available@walmart.com. father, I need some help. I love my boyfriend so much and would never cheat on him. But the other night I was out with friends and ended up talking to a guy I used to be really flirty with. We talked for hours, and even though I mentioned my boyfriend throughout the conversation, I know I enjoyed the attention a little more than I should have. I woke up feeling so guilty, and even though I technically didn't do anything wrong, is that a sign that I crossed a line? How do you know the difference? Okay, so there's a couple dynamics here that I would like to point out. I think that it's human nature to, you know, be out and you're like, oh, my God, this person's giving me so much attention. If you are feeling like you're not getting that in your relationship, right? Like, I'm trying to think of myself. If I was out and a guy was giving me attention, I. I would just immediately be like, I'm so not interested in this because, like, I'm. I'm completely fulfilled in my relationship with my husband. So I would be, like, immediately shutting that down. And I'm not. I'm not making you feel bad. I'm just acknowledging for you that, like, form, in my opinion, that's what this is. You're craving that attention because something is missing in your relationship. Because otherwise it would just feel. It just wouldn't hit. Like, if a man was giving me attention, I'd literally be like, do you see my ring? Like, I don't need. I don't need it. Even if I didn't have a ring and I was still in a relationship and we were dating, like, Matt and I, like, I just wouldn't entertain it because I'm like, I don't need this. I'm fulfilled. I get a tet. So you have to recognize within yourself that, yes, you leaned in. I don't think you're a bad person. It just really is exposing something within your relationship. You also saying, I woke up feeling so guilty, and I feel like I crossed a line. For me, that means that, like, maybe you really do love your boyfriend. It was almost just like you felt like that night, such a thrill. You were like, oh, my God, I felt hot. I felt wanted, I felt desired, I felt pursued. And I think a lot of times, woman or man, when you're not getting that in your relationship, if you get it, you know, a night out, a little bit of flirting, no physical connection happens, you. You feel alive again. But unfortunately, that is really a negative sign. It's a negative sign because it's either like, the romantic relationship then you're in is not fulfilling you enough, and so you're having to seek it from other people. And if you felt guilty, the option is, number one, you need to have a conversation with your boyfriend and not telling him about this night. Okay? I don't think you did anything to the point where you need to, you know, disclose this to him, but you need to approach the issue and you need to handle the issue so you don't keep doing that. And I think approaching the issue is whatever the issue is for you, right? Maybe you guys don't really have sex anymore, or maybe you are lacking kind of that intimacy. Not sex, the actual sex act, but, like, you guys don't really kiss anymore and he doesn't really do this, or you don't really do this, and you kind of become, you know, just kind of partners in life. I think a lot of times when couples move in Together, things can get very hard to spice up if they aren't making concerted efforts. And so sometimes you almost become like best friends and you're like, wait, where did we lose our way? Like, he used to court me and I used to surprise him with things when he would come home. And so, like, the effort has dwindled and you're clearly feeling that. And so the attention is feeling so invigorating. You're feeling so alive, but you clearly want that from your boyfriend. So put the effort there in whether you need to put date nights on the books or whether you do need to put on a cute outfit and you guys need to reconnect and you need to feel good about yourself or you need to plan a date where you both meet from work. So, like, you don't go together and you look for him in the bar and you spot him and whatever it is, you don't have phones at dinner. You actually can, like, I can't tell you what's missing in your relationship. I'm obviously coming up with a bunch of ideas where I'm guessing, but I think this is really common, sadly for a lot of people in a lot of relationships. And they look for external validation and they don't pause to just recognize. And maybe they internally, like, subconsciously they know it's because they're not getting it from their partner. But instead of trying to do anything about it, they just go get it somewhere else. And that's what leads to. I feel like all these people cheating, right? You hear all the men like, well, you know, she doesn't me anymore, so I would. And it's like off. Like, that's not an excuse to ever cheat. Like, did you bring this up to her? Have you had conversations? Have you gone to couples therapy? Have you worked on things? People are so lazy and people are so quick to just jump to the next thing because it's easier, it feels like. And guess what? If you got into a relationship with this person and you broke up with your boyfriend, I'm telling you the same thing is probably going to happen because it does take two to tango of, like, if you're not putting the effort in with your boyfriend, and I'm not fully blaming you, I'm just saying it's going to happen again. Another relationship. And how are you going to solve that? You need to put that amount of effort and more into your relationship. And it's a quick, easy fix at a bar and a night out. And you can, you know, you're flirting and all the Things. But then life happens, right? People are. It's so crazy how, like, distracted we can all get by, like, the little shiny thing. And it's so temporary because real relationships are built on hard conversations and merging your lives and the reality of life. Work, finances, family dynamics. And so when you're out at the bar, none of that exists. Exists. It's just physical attraction. It's just this, oh, my gosh, you're hot. I'm hot. I'm feeling this. And then you wake up the next day. And if you actually wanted a relationship with that person, then you're gonna have to go through all the trudging of the mud that you've gotten through with your other. With your current partner. And so you've done the hard work, and clearly you like this person. So actually, I think it's so easy. The easiest part is to regain that little spark. Ooh, I need more attention. I want to feel sexy. I want to do the easy. The. You've done the hard work. Now just pour into the relationship, right. In a way that makes you feel seen in him. Feel seen. All right, let's do one more. My close friends all moved across the country together, where I stayed in the city where we originally lived after college. Whenever I visit, I feel pressure to justify my decision to stay by talking about how great my life here is still. Because they talk about how much happier they are now in that other place. How do I stop seeking validation for a choice I know was right for me? Oh, this is, like, so relatable and annoying, because I feel like when you're on the same page as your friends in college, it's just the best feeling. Like you're going to the dining hall together, and you're going to the parties together, and everything is just so. I mean, at the time, it doesn't feel easy, but you look back and you're like, oh, my God, it was so, so easy. Right? It was so easy. We all had similar schedules, and we had similar interests, and we just did everything together. And then when you leave college, it feels so disorienting how that foundation almost immediately disappears and crumbles and everyone starts to go their own directions. And it's kind of really depressing in a way. You're like, oh, my God, we were all joking about how, you know, it's going to be so fun to get out of here and start our lives. And although it is, in some way nice to start my life, I miss that comfort. I miss that familiarity. And so the fact that you have Stayed in the place that you guys all went to college. You're still in your familiar bubble, but you're growing and you're loving it. And that's amazing. And them having left, I think, think something that makes your situation a little different maybe than others of just like, oh, I moved to this city and they moved. That city is like, there's a part of you, I think after college that like really wants to shed. Like, I'm not a college person anymore, right. Like I'm an adult. And I'm sure that they feel like when they're associating any conversation they're having about the city you guys went to school in, they're thinking about themselves in college. And I think that you have to separate that for yourself where like they're not on, you know, oh my God, I'm so much happier now that I live in Denver instead of Boston. Oh my God, Boston. Like I was just like, oh my God, I could have never stayed there. Meanwhile you're like, I literally still live here. I think what they're trying to probably say is it's more about themselves because let's be real, everyone only fucking cares about themselves. And so they're really having a self reflective moment of like, I'm so much happier in Denver now because da da da da da. And they're comparing college them and understandably what they're not being thoughtful about is like, you're like, hey guys, so I still live here. And then you're having to over compromise and almost prove yourself. Like, but I've grown too. Just because I've stayed in the same location. I've grown too. What it comes down to with friends in this moment is it feels like a rat race when you get out of college. It feels like you're all in the same line. And it starts a little bit in college where like who got the internship or like who did get the job out of college? Like it slowly begins, right? But then the minute, and there's a couple people a little head right before you get out of college because like they've got some jobs secured or they've got this or that, or maybe they have family money so they've got the apartment and you still are going to have to live at home with your parents, whatever. It's a little bit of this. And then the minute college is over, everyone starts looking to their left and right to compare, like, well wait, she got the job and then I didn't get the job and I'm still living with my. And you're all in this comparison game and it doesn't feel that overt, right? It doesn't feel that contentious. But it's there because you're just looking lightly left to right. You're on social media, you're checking in, and so understandably, you're doing that with your friends right now. And because a group of them have left, you're feeling like it's like 5v1. I think what you have to start to do when you see that group of friends is have confidence that you know who you are and that you made the right decision for yourself. And I almost would test you to be like, next time you're with that group and they bring up how much happier they are that they're not in Boston or wherever it is, you actually don't then match it with a yeah, no, but like, I've just been like, Boston has been like, just don't answer. Just say, I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you that you have found that this place that is making you feel so fulfilled and happy. And then when they ask you, how are you doing? Then you can share and be honest. I'm really happy. I am shocked that I'm still so fulfilled in Boston. I found such different areas since college and I did it up. But don't preemptively almost like word vomit to defend yourself. And I think that goes past obviously this dynamic that's like, obviously very specific. Anyone. When you're dealing with a friend group, the constant comparison almost can have you innately jumping to prove yourself. And then you leave and you're like, oh, I didn't really like that version of myself. Like, why was I being so, like, try hard and like, convincing them who I am and that I'm feeling good about myself. It kind of has nothing to do with them. It's. It's. You're clearly feeling a little insecure, so work on that. And then all of a sudden you won't care. Because the best feeling is when you are so secure and you don't care that you're like, oh my God, girl, I know I'm so happy I stayed in Boston. And I know you literally hated it. I fucking love it. And it doesn't, it doesn't bother you. So anyone in friend dynamics, stop the knee jerk reaction to defend or to prove, stop yourself. And I think you'll start to find that they actually aren't really pressing half the time. It's you that's trying to engage. They don't really Care, that's the, that's the most like eye opening experience you just continue to have as you progress in life and you get older and you have more experience is like, no one cares. No one cares. I was gonna say about you, and I was like, that's not true. But like, kind of like, let me say it and then take it back. No one cares about you. No one really gives a shit what you're doing. No one actually gives the fuck. They're. Everyone's focused on themselves. Yes, they care about you because you're their friend, but they don't actually care if you stay in Boston or you move to Denver. Would it be more convenient for them if you live in Denver? For sure. But they're like, okay, well she's still in Boston. Like, they don't actually care. And so you have to start to try to like, let yourself go of all these people's opinions on your own life. At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself the longest out of anyone in this world. That's the real facts. You're with you till the end, whenever that end is okay. And so to try to placate and justify and you know all these things for all these other people, when the reality is no one really gives a shit, you're gonna spend your whole life constantly, like, and then people are literally like, oh, I like, forget what did you do? And meanwhile you're like, I spent so much energy making sure that they saw me in that moment, they didn't care. And when you start to realize that, put that amount of energy back into yourself, it's so much better. Life is just sweeter and easier and more enjoyable. And then you can just enjoy. And then it also prevents you, when you do have around you that kind of can seep in or try to make jab comments to make you feel insecure because they're insecure. Instead of making a snarky comment back, you literally are just like, like, oh, okay, wait, what do you want to get for dinner? Like, you literally don't care. And that is freedom. When you just kind of like relinquish all of the expectations and the, all the of comparison and projection. And you're literally like, I love my life, I love myself. I'm focused on myself and I'm not focused on it anyone else thinks about me, nor am I really focused on what anyone else is doing other than if they're my friend and I'm there to support them. But I still also don't really care what they're doing, as long as they're happy. The same goes for you. Stop treating your friends like their word is God. Your word is God. What do you want? What makes you happy? So I hope that was an uplifting little sermon from your father. I had such a lovely time this Sunday session. I am excited for. Oh, we have, we have some good interviews coming up, you guys. We have some really good episodes and I also have some really good, good Sunday session ideas. I hope you guys are liking these. You know, like hit you with a little truth at the beginning, something I've been thinking about, something I've been chewing on, you know, and then boom, get into questions of the week. But obviously I always want your guys opinions. So please write in if there's anything you want me to talk about on these episodes. If there's anything that you have been struggling with that you're like, oh, I could use a little girl talk on this one, Alex. And then also, obviously, always write in questions. I think a lot of times the questions, in a beautiful way, they can be very specific. But there's always like a broader theme that does relate to so many women who are watching this. So I appreciate everyone. Obviously, all of your questions are always anonymous. All the names that I'm making up out of the top of my head, you know, they're fake. So your secret is safe with me. All right, Daddy gang, I love you so much. I will see you next Wednesday. Goodbye. Call her Daddy is brought to you by T Mobile Daddy gang, Summer is officially here. Which means the Euro trip you've been talking about in the group chat since January. It's actually real. The outfits are planned, the dinner reservations booked, the inspo photos save. But nothing humbles you faster than landing internationally with no service, no directions, and 1% battery while trying to figure out how are we going to navigate and get to our hotel. That is why I love traveling with T Mobile. They make. Oh my God. They make the experience feel way more put together. Like, for example, T Mobile members can get a free premium drink on Delta Airlines, which we love. Yes. And there are so many other travel perks that actually come in handy. See how to get rewarded with Hilton savings on rental cars and up to 2500 bucks in cruise credit at t mobile.com/travel. With that many credits, suddenly the whole should we extend the trip for another two days? Conversation, honestly, it just starts sounding a lot more realistic. But whether you're going on your annual girls trip, heading to a destination wedding, or just like simply leaving town to pretend Your inbox doesn't exist for a few days. You're covered on America's back. Best network Daddy Gang, hook yourself up. Delta drink with eligible plan and linked sky miles account 24 hours before qualifying flight required 21 +CT life for terms T Mobile has the best T Mobile network in the US based on an analysis by UKLA of speed test intelligence data to H 2025, visit t mobile.com call her daddy is brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch. Okay, buckle up. 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