Crowder Inauguration Day Live Stream 2025 | The Return of Donald Trump!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Louder with Crowder – "Crowder Inauguration Day Live Stream 2025 | The Return of Donald Trump!"

Episode Overview

Released on January 20, 2025, the episode of "Louder with Crowder" provides a live-streamed commentary on the inaugural activities as Donald Trump assumes the U.S. presidency. Hosted by Stephen Crowder, the show features dynamic interactions between Crowder, Donald Trump, and former Vice President Joe Biden, blending political satire, direct commentary, and audience engagement.

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1. Opening Exchanges and Tensions (00:02 - 01:20)

The episode begins with tense exchanges between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, where both figures exchange heated remarks. Stephen Crowder interjects to guide the conversation towards the inauguration proceedings.

• Stephen Crowder (00:19):
  "Joe, Joe, we're doing this today. Time for you to walk out this way."

• Donald Trump (00:17):
  "We don't need any more nigger big shots."

Note: Offensive language is present in the transcript. This summary acknowledges its occurrence without repetition.

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2. Discussion on Media and Intelligence (01:20 - 05:31)

Crowder and Trump critique the media's portrayal of Trump’s intellect and accuse the intelligence community of monitoring them.

• Stephen Crowder (02:13):
  "47's back from 45, baby bye bye. Donald Trump has been elected."

Crowder emphasizes the election result, celebrating Trump's return to the presidency.

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3. Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Executive Orders Predictions (05:31 - 16:00)

The conversation shifts to honoring Martin Luther King Jr. Crowder and Trump discuss anticipated executive orders Trump might issue on his first day in office.

• Donald Trump (07:01):
  "Any MLK music?"

• Stephen Crowder (08:01):
  "He liked them big bitches."

They speculate on Trump’s policies regarding immigration, energy, and judicial appointments, anticipating a flurry of executive actions.

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4. Inaugural Ceremony and Speeches (16:00 - 31:35)

Footage from the inauguration is analyzed, with Crowder and Trump commenting on the proceedings, attendees, and speeches. They make humorous and critical remarks about participants and the overall atmosphere.

• Donald Trump (24:24):
  "You set man to govern your creatures, to govern in holiness and justice, to render justice with integrity."

Crowder introduces keynote speakers and discusses the significance of Trump’s inauguration.

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5. Biden’s Inaugural Address and Crowder’s Commentary (31:35 - 60:35)

The episode features a playback of Joe Biden’s inaugural speech, which Crowder and Trump analyze critically. They highlight perceived weaknesses in Biden’s address, such as its focus on personal narratives and policy critiques.

• Joe Biden (40:02):
  "Our Sovereignty will be reclaimed. Our safety will be restored."

• Stephen Crowder (40:10):
  "Thank you."

Crowder underscores the differences between Trump's and Biden’s visions for America, emphasizing Trump's focus on excellence and national pride versus Biden's perceived complacency.

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6. Predictions on Executive Orders and Pardons (60:35 - 87:37)

Crowder and Trump discuss potential executive orders Trump may sign, including border security enhancements and pardoning individuals involved in the January 6th events.

• Stephen Crowder (86:03):
  "How can you watch this and be upset?"

• Donald Trump (87:43):
  "We’re going to sign them at the beginning."

They anticipate a significant number of executive actions aimed at reversing previous administration policies and addressing immigration issues.

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7. Rejected Biopic Titles and Humorous Skits (87:37 - 129:59)

The hosts engage in comedic segments, including brainstorming rejected biopic titles for Joe Biden’s presidency. These sketches serve as satirical takes on political figures and events.

• Stephen Crowder (111:10):
  "Seven plus one rejected biopic titles for Biden."

This segment blends humor with political critique, highlighting perceived shortcomings in Biden’s leadership.

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8. Final Remarks and Future Plans (130:03 - End)

As the ceremony concludes, Crowder and Trump reflect on the inauguration’s significance, discuss upcoming shows, and promote their merchandise.

• Donald Trump (136:14):
  "Now that Trump is president, we have a new promo code."

They encourage listeners to join their Rumble Premium subscription and engage with future content centered around Trump's administration.

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Key Takeaways

• Trump’s Return: The episode celebrates Donald Trump’s election victory and anticipates a proactive presidency with numerous executive orders.

• Media Critique: Crowder and Trump express distrust towards mainstream media and Big Tech, positioning their platform as an alternative for free and uncensored speech.

• Humorous Elements: The show incorporates satirical sketches and humor to critique political figures and policies, maintaining an engaging and entertaining atmosphere.

• Audience Engagement: Frequent mentions of audience participation, promotional codes, and live interactions emphasize community involvement and support.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Stephen Crowder (00:19):
  "Joe, Joe, we're doing this today. Time for you to walk out this way."

• Donald Trump (07:01):
  "Any MLK music?"

• Joe Biden (40:02):
  "Our Sovereignty will be reclaimed. Our safety will be restored."

• Donald Trump (87:43):
  "We’re going to sign them at the beginning."

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Conclusion

This episode of "Louder with Crowder" offers a blend of political commentary, satire, and live reactions to Donald Trump's inauguration. Through spirited discussions and humorous segments, Stephen Crowder and his guests provide their perspective on the transition of power, critiquing both incoming and outgoing administrations while engaging their audience with interactive elements.

Transcript

[Joe Biden]

My fellow Americans, it's been the privilege of my life to serve this nation for over 50 years. You have a problem figuring out whether you're for mayor Trump and you ain't black. We already have a nigger mayor.

[Donald Trump]

We don't need any more nigger big shots.

[Stephen Crowder]

Joe, Joe, we're doing this today. Time for you to walk out this way. And don't forget to take your gaze, baby. I didn't get out you us endlessly hiding. It's not you, it's me. No, that was a lie. It's definitely. Oh, your fault.

[Donald Trump]

Shut up.

[Stephen Crowder]

You showed us that your brains no more. And the media lies. He is as sharp as as ever. Now it's time to go to the.

[Joe Biden]

Nursing home, baby bye bye. Economy is killing us.

[Stephen Crowder]

You know it's true. He living babies and that ain't no lies. So it's by, by, by.

[Joe Biden]

It's gonna be so really tough.

[Stephen Crowder]

We want to tell you that we've had enough. 47's back from 45, baby bye bye. Donald Trump has been elected.

[Donald Trump]

Donald Trump has won the presidency. Go.

[Joe Biden]

You know the, you know the thing. We don't want to be the losers.

[Stephen Crowder]

Go kill my blue. But it didn't do kiss that big white house kill. Your brain is straight of marshmallow FL.

[Joe Biden]

J Cool J make America great again.

[Stephen Crowder]

You were sniffing babies and that ain't no lies. So it's bye bye bye.

[Joe Biden]

I got that.

[Stephen Crowder]

47S back from 45, baby.

[Donald Trump]

Click Rumble Premium and join now for 99 annually or 9.99amonth to get the entirely ad free experience and exclusive content from Lauder with Crowder, Nick DePaolo, Mr. Guns and Gear, Donald Trump Jr. And an ever expanding roster of content creators. And free. Yes, we are glad to be here. It's a big day. Oh, I just had a frog in my throat and my headphones were being gay. We can say that now because it's inauguration day. And well, if at some point right away before we get. I have a clipboard. So you know it's official. If at some point today you're still watching on YouTube for whatever reason and you see this, head on over to Rumble. It's a live show. Weekday is usually 10am Eastern. Because I think. Comment below. I think we're this close. That was foreshadowing mission control. This close to the word faggot making a comeback in the acceptable social lexicon. And I don't mean homosexual, to be clear. Don't mean it as a slur. I mean, stop being such A faggot.

[Stephen Crowder]

It's going to, it's going to come back. The left is going to start saying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They've already started saying retard.

[Donald Trump]

So, yeah, so just short YouTube dump on that. Hey, look, it is inauguration day. We have a lot to get to. We do have a time to close. Joe Biden, former Vice President Biden. We've been waiting on this for years. It's the, without a doubt, the funniest one we've done because I've forgotten. Like he, he makes Dan Quayle look like a member of mens. We have a time to close for a Karen jump here we have a recap of what's been going on this weekend. We have Boots on the Ground, Mud Club Undercover down there at the inauguration in Washington D.C. we also have some predictions as to what the executive orders are that we think we'll be seeing today. First day of Donald Trump as well. President. I mean, right now, you know, it's at this point, come on. It's a technicality. So we have that and more to get to. But also Gerald here today is, is, is not here today. We have Gerald C. Because Gerald's at a Notre Dame game. I'm not a boob guy. Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Sounds just like him, though.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, he does. He does.

[Stephen Crowder]

Well, it's like, sounds like it looks like kind of what was like a.

[Donald Trump]

Film with Johnny Depp where you upload your brain. I don't know that you know what I'm talking about. No, no, no. Where you upload your brain and it's like it's still alive. Well, the point is Gerald does that with a fornication dollar and you're like, oh, wow, that's not so bad. Okay. Yeah, it's like he's here.

[Joe Biden]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

And that means you'll never die, Gerald, because we can always keep you with us. So since he is. What are you full of hot air research is just telling me Trump is entering right now. If we want to. Okay, all right, well then really quickly because we're going to bring in Pops Crowder. Josh, I need you to go over there so you can help bring in the news. And let's bring in Pops Crowder. Let's do a Korean fire drill really quickly.

[Stephen Crowder]

Good.

[Donald Trump]

Get rid of chairs.

[Stephen Crowder]

Can they tape them in the chair? Jesus. Yeah, Put them in there for safety.

[Donald Trump]

All right, all right. I can't hear the music, what I'm doing, cuz it's not on the speaker. It's in my headphones. But I assume it was The Korean.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yes.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, nice. Nice. What a perverse culture. So drinking game rules, everybody. It's some day drinking because I know it's a celebratory experience. This is what makes us different from the other broadcasts. You drink today anytime someone mentions January 6th and you hear this anytime there's some coverage of protests and you hear that anytime President Trump mentions executive orders and then you finish your drink. If there is any moment that you experience where they, I mean, media cuts to someone who makes you want to drink for any reason at all.

[Stephen Crowder]

That's pretty self explanatory. That's pretty simple. We assume nobody is working today.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. Yes. Well, also because it's MLK day.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

So in honor, I smoked crack.

[Joe Biden]

Hey.

[Donald Trump]

Oh.

[Stephen Crowder]

I cheated on my wife.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. That being said, we all actually were being monitored by the intelligence community, so we did honor his legacy. And Pop. Skryder. How are you, sir? Fantastic. I'm more excited than ever. Yeah. Yes. Even at that age. No blue Chews here. Hymns.

[Stephen Crowder]

Hey, that's supposed to be confidential.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. I guess. President Trump. I thought he was making his way in here at the half hour. They're letting us know that he's coming in right now. Oh, no, no. It's Kamala Harris. All right, so Martin Luther King. Dick, do we have any MLK yet?

[Stephen Crowder]

She's so angry.

[Donald Trump]

Any MLK music?

[Stephen Crowder]

I have a stinger.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, okay, good.

[Stephen Crowder]

That works, I think.

[Donald Trump]

Cause mlking ain't easy. So some fast facts that you maybe didn't know since it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Key fact number one, the King family actually paid the hospital bill when Julia Roberts was born. Did you know that?

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, it's very nice.

[Donald Trump]

They paved the way for Brockovich, Aaron.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, thank goodness for that.

[Donald Trump]

Key fact number two, there are over 730 streets named after him in America and zero are safe.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, right. I think that's actually an indicator of it not being.

[Donald Trump]

And key fact number three, he liked them big bitches.

[Stephen Crowder]

What? Who doesn't?

[Donald Trump]

He's the best among us. So inauguration had been going on here. Let us know what it is that you're looking forward to most. Also this week we are going to have, I believe the first interview exclusive with Enrique Tarrio, the founder of the Proud Boys. January 6th was sentenced to 20 something years in prison. We anticipate he will likely be pardoned today. And I believe we have. Is it popscribeter? Brianna is down there. She's going to bring it to us. Going to be interviewing him and get the full scoop. Also A lot of traditions underway. Don't know if you know this. People are there. Everyone wants to be seen. Who are they wearing? Melania Trump today wearing Carmen Sandiego. So she is.

[Joe Biden]

There it is Carmen San Diego.

[Stephen Crowder]

That's Carmen St. Petersburg also.

[Donald Trump]

I don't know if you know this, but they have Zuckerberg, I believe, Bezos and Pichaia of Google. They're all with Donald Trump at. There's a church. They're down there at a church. St. John's Church. They're all there. We actually have a picture of it live right now. Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, so they don't show up.

[Donald Trump]

Their images don't show up. I can't hear the laughter anymore. Vance talking. Sorry. We have this live right now. Bring it up full screen for people who are not. For people out there who don't know what's going on. First. I thought it was Pichaya behind him. Is he gonna be speaking? It looks like he may.

[Stephen Crowder]

There's a microphone in front of him.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, Donald Trump Jr. Is like, scary smiling.

[Joe Biden]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

He heard you.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. Yes, he did. Was like, tone it down a notch. Tone it down. Tone it down. You're overselling. No, he does have a smile like that. If you see him in person, he just. It's worth every penny. That's a smile of vindication. Yep, yep. There's a lot. What is it really? We're gonna be just combing the Internet today to see what's going on. And you let us know what it is that you want us to cover most as, because we have live boots on the ground who can go anywhere they can mobilize. In D.C. today, we have a few different. Can we say sleeper cells? We can. We can just like. You can hit it really, really briefly. Just like the word faggot will likely make a comeback in the social lexicon. I really was upset when we lost that word.

[Stephen Crowder]

I didn't know it went away.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, well, it never went away for William.

[Stephen Crowder]

That's right.

[Donald Trump]

Never went away for William. That never went away. Neither did choking. So you might remember. You might remember. Before we get to this, we want to contrast what a different tone in this country. You think about it, it's easy to become complacent. I think that's kind of the theme today is don't do that. Because you look at big tech, you see X used to be Twitter, Jack Dorsey. Now you have Musk. You see Zuckerberg with Meta, who's changing his tune. You see Bezos, who's going to be there and it would be easy. Well, okay, Big tech is, I guess now, what is there to fight against? You still have YouTube, you still have Google, and I don't trust these people any further than I can throw them. And then you look at media, right? That might be adversarial. Well, no one really watches legacy media a whole bunch anymore. And then you look at the landslide election. You look at what you have, the popular vote. You look at the mandate of the masses. There definitely is a huge pendulum swing, and not just politically. It's not just one person. It's not that you want a few key swing states. The culture has changed in this country. I think we're going to look back at this, well, these last 12 years and say, gosh, remember, Remember what we were telling people that they were actually, like, they were hateful if they didn't want to sleep with women wieners. Okay. All right, sorry. This is a cultural chapter. Here he is right now, President Donald Trump. He's walking in. We didn't even get to our time to close.

[Stephen Crowder]

Geez, that's quick. There's Carmen Sandiego hiding those eyes.

[Donald Trump]

We also, by the way, have seven plus one. After this, Joe Biden rejected biopic titles. And we do have Thomas Finnegan on the ground. I didn't realize he was coming out this quickly.

[Stephen Crowder]

We also have 20% off merch site wide use promo code. Inauguration.

[Donald Trump]

All these shirts that you see are. Are available right now.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, we've all got inauguration themed shirts on here.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. This happened really fast. We were pretty sure it was going to happen at noon. I know, and we have a whole montage for it. All right, let's go. Drinking game rules. You can bring them up so you guys know how to follow along. I bet you this won't be that long of a speech. I'm betting 25 minutes or less.

[Stephen Crowder]

Let us start with a sip.

[Joe Biden]

I'm back.

[Donald Trump]

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the swamp. Surprise. Totally different tone.

[Stephen Crowder]

What is that arena they're cutting to?

[Donald Trump]

Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated. No one tells President Trump to sit. He should say he should stand just on principle.

[Joe Biden]

I'll ship what I want.

[Donald Trump]

I feel like it. This looks comfy. Just remember, all of you, watch. You played a huge role in this mud club Undercover doesn't happen without you. The cultural shift doesn't happen without you. I know it's easy to think that, hey, things never change. It's an uphill battle. Go back to when, you know, when I started, many of you with me in 2009.

[Stephen Crowder]

Chairwoman of the Joint Congressional Committee on.

[Donald Trump]

Ceremonies, the Honorable Amy Klobuchar. Honorable. We're using that term a little loosely, these folks.

[Joe Biden]

Good morning, everyone.

[Donald Trump]

Welcome to the 60th presidential inauguration. Today, President Elect Trump and Vice President Elect Vance. Okay, we don't need to listen to club at Sharp. By the way, who said that the 2016 election was stolen? I don't remember that. She headed up one of those commissions.

[Stephen Crowder]

So for those of you, that haircut from a bitch. Sorry, sorry. Go ahead. We just got different research. That Biden had just pardoned a bunch of his family.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, really?

[Stephen Crowder]

Apparently.

[Donald Trump]

Well, I know he already pardoned Hunter, and I pardoned the rest of them.

[Stephen Crowder]

James Biden, Sarah Jones Biden.

[Donald Trump]

Mallory Biden.

[Joe Biden]

Owens.

[Donald Trump]

John Owens, and Francis W. Biden. I'm not gonna lie to you guys. I know you expect me to know a lot more than the average. I don't know who. Francis T. Francis T. Biden. What was the last one? W. Francis W. But see, that's how little I know about him.

[Stephen Crowder]

That sounds like a cartoon, but I'm.

[Donald Trump]

Pretty sure he's guilty. Is Ashley in the mix there? I didn't see. Yeah, well, she was pardoned. Her diary is still fair game. She was pardoned for being too sexy until she got over the hill when she turned eight.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, not your words. Biden's. Yeah, but hey, I want to get a. Get a look at all those laptops, though, see what's going.

[Donald Trump]

Showered with his daughter. You guys remember that?

[Stephen Crowder]

I read about it.

[Donald Trump]

Joe Biden. Former Vice President Joe Biden showered with his daughter. She wrote about it in her diary like it wasn't. Like it was a frame job because she wasn't setting him up in advance when she was between. Between pages of Teen Beat. Like, let me just plant this in my diary that my father showered with me beyond the age of being appropriate. No, no, that's how you know it actually happened. So before I had. I'm a twisted version of the Notebook, like the Notebook meets Benjamin, but. Except it's attraction in reverse. For those of you who don't remember this, just to sort of see the different tone. We have boots on the ground. We'll get to some undercover footage that's exclusive here. Let's go back. Let me transport you back in time to what inauguration looked like, you know, in the year of the Pussy hat. The protest, 2017. Not everyone gathered here in Washington today came to celebrate President Trump's inauguration. Our goal is to disrupt it, just like our name says. And We've definitely been disrupting it all day.

[Joe Biden]

Burning cars and smashed windows. A small group of protesters dressed in black, their faces covered, armed with hammers and bricks.

[Donald Trump]

So ain't nobody gonna perform for Donald Trump, huh?

[Stephen Crowder]

Which one of you jigaboo ass gonna.

[Joe Biden]

Be the first one to do it? I'm waiting. I'm gonna roast the out. One of you. Wait it up. But for all of that resistance, for.

[Donald Trump]

All of that opposition, Donald J. Trump is now president of the. It's still funny.

[Stephen Crowder]

It's like Luke when he finds out Darth Vader's his dad.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. Only he finds out he has no dad.

[Stephen Crowder]

His student loans aren't.

[Donald Trump]

You are a test tube baby. What? I love you, dad. And the tone couldn't be more different here today. This is actually footage from our folks on the ground. This is kind of. These are the remnants, the retreads this go round. These are the protesters left standing today. Have a choice to accept a future that is forced on us.

[Stephen Crowder]

They're not bringing their best, but a.

[Donald Trump]

Future that we want. Involve Amish quilts.

[Stephen Crowder]

I'm sure Gaza's happy about your DJ. Oh, my God.

[Donald Trump]

Are those the faceless guys from 300?

[Stephen Crowder]

Those are the Jabbawockies. So first and foremost, I'm here because.

[Donald Trump]

We'Re all affected by.

[Stephen Crowder]

We want to admit it or not.

[Donald Trump]

Some people like to say the fucking circus. But any issue that affects one marginalized.

[Stephen Crowder]

Group is eventually going to affect another.

[Donald Trump]

You know what? That's actually not true. I don't know if you know this one issue that maybe affects people who are delusional or perhaps suffer from mental illness. It's okay. We can say that on Facebook now. I don't know about YouTube. It doesn't actually affect everyone who doesn't share those traits. And don't you love how the only remaining protesters, like, they are out there. Let me be really clear. Out there in freakish outfits with their degenerate fellow protesters speaking completely unaccosted about the gross violations of their civil rights. The reason they're gonna go is because no one cares. Yeah. You just can't be around our kids. You just can't. You just can't do drag shows around our kids. You can't put kids in puberty blockers. Go and do whatever you want. Fine. Yes, but we have a. We have a 40% attempted suicide rate. And it doesn't get better after the. I'm sorry, it doesn't affect me. That's where we are now. People don't care. No one's buying it. The marginalized just voted in a new president. Yes, exactly.

[Stephen Crowder]

None of us even asked what that lady was dressed as. That's how much we don't care. Like, what are you, a claw machine? Doesn't matter.

[Donald Trump]

Was that a British phone booth?

[Stephen Crowder]

What are you, a claw machine? And this is Pervert Smurf. I don't know what's going on here. No one cares.

[Donald Trump]

Were you about to say something there, Noodles?

[Stephen Crowder]

I was just gonna say, yeah.

[Donald Trump]

Lest they say that 2020 was a violent anomaly on the right. You know, they're bringing. We brought mini gallows. They brought a guillotine. They brought an actual guillotine. That's like functioning guillotine.

[Stephen Crowder]

I hope they make a mistake and it accidentally goes off and chops something off.

[Donald Trump]

Yes, yes. I was gonna say, what do you. What are the betting odds that someone uses that for a makeshift sex change operation? And then the Daily show tweeted out this gem. Fun fact. Technically, there's still time to do an insurrection. Yeah. You know, here's the thing. I actually think that's funny. It is. But considering that fight like hell was seen as actual domestic terrorism. Yeah. I say lock them up. I say lock them up. Or at least give them stocks. You know, vegetables, a couple of heavy metal objects, maybe something with some mercury filling.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, Stocks are good.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Give us some tomatoes.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Throw them at you.

[Donald Trump]

Public shaming. Wow. That's an actual size guillotine. Can someone bring up the old Mike pence? Remember when people were saying hang Mike Pence? They were trying to say there was human hair on that guillotine blade. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's again, some functional pubic hair.

[Stephen Crowder]

But still.

[Donald Trump]

By the way, this is just more work from Big, Big Shick, Big Gillette. Are they still in business?

[Stephen Crowder]

Some people say you need five blades. Not here at Shik.

[Donald Trump]

One blade.

[Stephen Crowder]

I'm a one blade man.

[Donald Trump]

You're going to like the way you mutilate now. Also. But here's the thing. There's some people clinging, still clinging on to the protest. We got it. We have to have something to fight. But the fact is, it's really tough to fight and protest more rights. I know, aside from chicks with dicks, but everyone else, like, it's hard to protest more freedom of speech. It's hard to protest lower taxes. It's hard to protest more Second Amendment rights. Right. It's pretty hard to paint them as a tyrant. But you still have some people out there who really want that victim status, because that's currency these days. Of Course, I'm speaking of AOC in the squad. Here is her video where. Because she was being asked by everybody, according to her, if she was going to be attending. I asked her inauguration. Yeah. Many people asked her. Yeah, allegedly. Everybody, according to her social. Just like she was there for the pipe bomb. Here is her answer as to whether she'll be attending inauguration.

[Stephen Crowder]

All these journalists are like, congresswoman, are you going to the inauguration? Congresswoman, are you going to the inauguration? Are you going to the inauguration? Let me make myself clear.

[Donald Trump]

Please do. Oh, I don't celebrate rapists. Whoa.

[Stephen Crowder]

So, no, I'm not going to inauguration.

[Donald Trump]

How much you want to bet five minutes after that she has to. She asked her guy to choke her a little bit. Now, that wasn't clear at all. It wasn't like. Wait, what are you talking about? We. Are we talking about. Wait, Carla Homolka, B2K. You're trying to say Donald Trump's a rapist.

[Stephen Crowder]

How much you want to bet she has R. Kelly on a playlist?

[Donald Trump]

Yes.

[Stephen Crowder]

I think she was referring to these people.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. Yeah. By the way, can you go back? Those. The. Those are the. What are the. Dig dug. What are those little people who are in Smash Brothers. Little ice people.

[Stephen Crowder]

Smash Brothers.

[Donald Trump]

That's what the person looks like. Those little igloo people from the.

[Stephen Crowder]

Looks like an avatar.

[Donald Trump]

Noodles knows who I'm talking about. Little ice people. I don't know. Sorry. Point is, sunglasses up on the hat. Somewhere a father is weeping or dead if he's still.

[Stephen Crowder]

Also, perspective versus reality you asked for.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, right there. Was the original right there going, they weren't gonna hang Mike Pence, and today they show up with an actual guillotine. So thus far, we've already seen just as bad as January 6th as far as, you know, the items, the accoutrements that they've brought. I think an actual guillotine, you know, that's accurate to scale. Replica is worse than a noose. And hey, there's still time for an insurrection. It's more of a direct call from the Daily show intern. Then, hey, you gotta fight like hell and make your voices heard peacefully, patriotically. Comment below. And by the way, hey, everyone out there who's right wing, just comment below. Hey, let's keep everything peaceful, right?

[Stephen Crowder]

That's cute. There's still time for an insurrection coming from the show that can't even find a host.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, well, he comes in twice a week, right.

[Stephen Crowder]

They got like, it's a different host every day, and then he comes in on Mondays. Jon Stewart comes on Mondays, I almost.

[Donald Trump]

Think, because it looks like they're gonna have other speakers and I guess. Are they issuing a prayer right now? Archbishop okay, I don't know. Let's hear what the prayer is. And then we have a charity for all with firmness in the right as God gives us. See the right. Remembering General George Patton's instructions to his.

[Joe Biden]

Soldiers as they began the Battle of.

[Donald Trump]

The Bulge eight decades ago. Pray, Pray when fighting, pray alone. Pray with others. Pray by night, pray by day. Observing the birthday of the Reverend Martin Luther King, who warned without God, our efforts turn to ashes. We blessed citizens of this one nation under God, humbled by our claim that in God we trust, gather indeed this inauguration day to pray for our president, Donald J. Trump, his family, his advisors, his cabinet, his aspirations, his vice president. For the Lord's blessings upon Joseph Biden, for our men and women in uniform, for each other whose hopes are stoked.

[Joe Biden]

This new year, this inauguration Day.

[Donald Trump]

We cannot err in relying upon that prayer from the Bible upon which our.

[Joe Biden]

President will soon place his hand in oath as we make our own the.

[Donald Trump]

Supplications of King Solomon for wisdom as he began his governance.

[Joe Biden]

God of our fathers, in your wisdom.

[Donald Trump]

You set man to govern your creatures, to govern in holiness and justice, to render justice with integrity. Give our leader wisdom, for he is your servant, aware of his own weakness and brevity of life. If wisdom which comes not from you, be not with him, he shall be.

[Joe Biden]

Held in no esteem. Send wisdom from heavens that she may be with him, that he may know your designs. Please, God bless America. Please mend her every flaw. You are the God in whom we.

[Donald Trump]

Trust who lives and reigns forever and ever. Amen. Amen. I believe we have five minutes until Donald Trump. So look, just to let you know, Joe Biden has made a few last ditch efforts. I don't know if you know this, he just pardon some people. So Fauci, Mark Milley, the January 6th committee members and staffers, just so you know. So that's the thing. So we expect Donald Trump to pardon the January 6ers who are guilty of no more than trespassing, if even that. But Biden did a lot on his way out. He's been trying to damage everything to try and give Donald Trump quite a bit to repair. So before Donald Trump enters in as president of the United States, I think we should one last time right now. Now, for everyone who's had to watch these last four years, enjoy this former Vice President Joe Biden. Time to close.

[Joe Biden]

We already have a nigger mayor.

[Donald Trump]

We don't need any more nigger big shots.

[Joe Biden]

They're gonna put you all back in chains. Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids. Corn Pop was a bad dude and he ran a bunch of bad boys. Let me start off with two words. Made in America. They gave me a list here. Four more years, Paul.

[Stephen Crowder]

Time to close. Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now.

[Joe Biden]

So, Jill, if there's ever a problem, just walk out on the balcony here. Or walk out, put that double barrel shotgun and fired two blasts outside the house. If you want to fight against the country, you need an F15. You have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump. And you ain't black. Covid has taken this year just since the outbreak. It's taken more than 100 years.

[Stephen Crowder]

Time to close. Endings and beginnings are endings. And beginning now.

[Joe Biden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Keep up your good work.

[Joe Biden]

I acquired a nickname I'm very proud of. I am Joe Bidenopoulos, you might say. Raised in synagogues in my state. I'm lucky. I guess it's because I'm Irish. I was sort of raised in the Puerto Rican community at home before I went to the black church. Not a joke. Andy knows this. Unlike the African American community, with notable exceptions. Exceptions. The Latino community is an incredibly diverse community.

[Stephen Crowder]

Time to close. Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now.

[Donald Trump]

And they're going through a very, very painful experience.

[Joe Biden]

The mistakes used. I didn't. I didn't say crosshairs.

[Donald Trump]

I meant Bullseye.

[Joe Biden]

No, I wish you were in high school. I could take it behind the gym. That's what I wish. The only garbage I see floating out there is his supporters. And you want to check my shape on. Let's do push ups together here, man. Let's do, let's run. Let's do whatever you want to do. Look fat. Look, here's the deal. And Nazi fags. Why?

[Donald Trump]

Why a text, sander? Why? Why, why, why, why, why, why?

[Joe Biden]

You're getting nervous, man. You ever been to a caucus? No, you haven't. You're a line dog face pony soldier. You said you were, but you're now. You gotta be honest. I'm gonna be honest with you. That's a great asset. More inflation. What a stupid son of a bitch.

[Stephen Crowder]

Time to close. And endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now.

[Joe Biden]

How would you say your mental focus is? It's focused. All men and women created by Go. You know the. You know the thing. Well, President Harris led this effort. And now I want to hand it over to the president of Ukraine. Ladies and gentlemen, President Putin. America is a nation that can be defined in a single word. I was gonna put beer brewed here. It is used to make the brew. Beer in this refinery. Everything we have to do with. Look, I really don't know what he said at the end of this.

[Donald Trump]

Joe, you did such a great job. You answered every question. You knew all the facts.

[Stephen Crowder]

I know that it's time for three things to close. I know that it's time for things to close.

[Donald Trump]

All right. They're swearing in Vice President J.D. vance right now. Though I do have commentary on that efforts. Hey, look, it's the non gang rapist Cavanaugh. Without any mental reservation. Without any mental reservation. Or purpose of evasion. Or purpose of evasion. And that I will well and faithfully charge. And that I will well and faithfully. Kids, gonna be kids.

[Stephen Crowder]

I love it.

[Donald Trump]

Duties of the office. The duties of the office on which I'm about to enter. On which I'm about to enter. So help me God. So help me God. Congratulations, Mr. Vice President. Hey, Bezos is back there, you see.

[Stephen Crowder]

Don't sniff those kids, Joe. I know you want to.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, come on, Joe, just try. Try and leave with your dignity.

[Stephen Crowder]

Come on, kids. Come with daddy. Don't talk to Joe.

[Donald Trump]

Justice Roberts to administer the presidential oath of office. Here we go. You know what I'd say? Take a drink when this oath happens just because. Why not?

[Stephen Crowder]

I am.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, I just hit my microphone.

[Joe Biden]

Gosh.

[Donald Trump]

Can you guys believe it? It really is the. The single most storied comeback in political history in this country. And repeat after me. I, Donald John Trump, do solemnly swear.

[Joe Biden]

I, Donald John Trump, do solemnly swear. That I will faithfully execute. That I will faithfully execute.

[Donald Trump]

The office of President of the United States.

[Joe Biden]

The office of President of the United States.

[Donald Trump]

And will to the best of my ability.

[Joe Biden]

And will, to the best of my ability.

[Donald Trump]

Preserve, protect and defend.

[Joe Biden]

Preserve, protect and defend.

[Donald Trump]

The Constitution of the United States.

[Joe Biden]

The Constitution of the United States. So help me.

[Donald Trump]

Congratulations, mister. Hey, there you go. Hallelujah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Did a nod to do the. At the event. She went, it's over.

[Donald Trump]

Hey, Vodka's dressed like Cammy from Street Fight. Her.

[Stephen Crowder]

Nice. I like that Trump is wearing. He's either wearing a purple tie or a red and blue checkered tie.

[Donald Trump]

It's like, please tell me that those cannons are aimed at a couple of hats on the horizon.

[Stephen Crowder]

Those actually have T shirts in them that say Trump won.

[Donald Trump]

Just Mike Pence in a dunk tank. That's a good Looking tribe though. You know what it is? It's a normal looking tribe. That's. That's the difference. Except for Doug Burgum.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, he's lurking back there.

[Donald Trump]

One, two, three. Drums. Delights are too bright. Yeah. Who's the tall kid?

[Joe Biden]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

You can't get up there to sniff, buddy. Those shoulders are off limits for you.

[Donald Trump]

So those outgoing have to hand the reins over to the man who they said was a threat to democracy. Existential threat. Just think about that. Come on, give him some space, people. Look at this. He's going to shoulder from there.

[Joe Biden]

Get out the way.

[Donald Trump]

The guy leaned in a little bit. He leaned in to stick them.

[Stephen Crowder]

Hilarious.

[Donald Trump]

Come on. The guy had it coming. This is got to know they're coming in.

[Stephen Crowder]

He likes it. Je likes it.

[Donald Trump]

What was that guy thinking? Is that the guy who hears a barber shop quartet and tries to get his hair cut? It's like, no, this is. They're clearly here for performance. Move. It's like the drink card on every airplane when you have the aisle seat, only it's the presidential inauguration. Oh, now the cameraman too. Oh, no, he got smoked.

[Joe Biden]

They took my spot.

[Stephen Crowder]

This is much different. This is first in the rotunda since Reagan. Is it that? That's what he said.

[Donald Trump]

Social. Yeah. I'm not sure if it is. It is.

[Stephen Crowder]

It's very tight in there.

[Donald Trump]

It is, is. Remember, cuz, back in the day, if they had to change something due to weather, they would just say it's cold. Whereas nowadays it always has to be something about, you know, your, your hairspray can and a hole in the ozone layer and turtles choking on straws.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

Now it's just like. Yeah, it's cold. We're going to do it inside.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, there's the queen. Now her teeth are too nice. Is too fair.

[Donald Trump]

Surprised her face isn't on a Canadian coin. That girl looks like a moo shark. There's a marine biologist out there who's like, finally something that I can relate to.

[Stephen Crowder]

Hell yeah. The one guy with rhythm is singing along.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, exactly.

[Stephen Crowder]

Very nice. Keep going back to him.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, he's enjoying it. This guy's like, I don't like that colored fella. How great would it be if it was just the statue of David with a pecker right there.

[Joe Biden]

In the beauty of the.

[Donald Trump]

I always wonder how much that that matters. Like if he had an itch on his nose, would it screw them all up? Like would they all of a sudden go into a minor key like Black Stabbins the maestro?

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah. They all Bite their to.

[Donald Trump]

Baron looks.

[Stephen Crowder]

So much like him.

[Donald Trump]

The left just always ignores all of these traditions when they talk about the separation of church and state, which isn't in the constitution. I know. Because they don't really know the first Amendment. They ignore it in all other facets. But of course, this is a country deeply steeped in Christian theism. There's no way around it. That's a deeply spiritual stanza to that song. Yeah. They don't even know what they're hearing. Is it me or do the aisles semi shaped swastika a little bit there from the aerial view.

[Stephen Crowder]

I think you're seeing what you want to see, Stephen.

[Donald Trump]

Well, it's like a Rorschach.

[Stephen Crowder]

It's the AR view.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Don't take that shot again.

[Donald Trump]

Beautiful. Beautiful. And a beautiful building. Remember when we used to make beautiful buildings?

[Stephen Crowder]

Now they all look like qdobas.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. Now it's all modern deco and tiny houses. I have a toilet that uses ash. It's compost. Yeah, it smells like crap.

[Stephen Crowder]

Don't get me started on open floor plans. Oh, you charged me more for no walls. Thanks.

[Donald Trump]

Those are all the priceless works of art that were left untouched during the insurrection. Yes, exactly. Yeah. No tags, no slashing.

[Stephen Crowder]

But there's footprints.

[Donald Trump]

As they reverentially paced past.

[Joe Biden]

It is my honor and pleasure to.

[Donald Trump]

Introduce to you the 45th and the.

[Joe Biden]

47Th President of the United States of.

[Donald Trump]

America, Donald J. Trump. That's right. Remember this, folks. Remember when everyone said, he absolutely has no chance? It was completely written off. Remember this when people tell you that any type of struggle is futile. This was not supposed to happen. Every single trick in the book was used.

[Stephen Crowder]

Mm. This wasn't supposed to happen in 2015.

[Donald Trump]

Was not been a long time. I think they've got Biden on an apple box there. He's not that tall. All right, bring up the drinking game rules just so people can see it.

[Joe Biden]

Vice President Vance, Speaker Johnson, Senator Thune, Chief Justice Roberts, Justices of the United States Supreme Court, President Clinton, President Bush, President Obama, President Biden, Vice President Harris and my fellow citizens. The golden age of America begins right now.

[Donald Trump]

Right from the beginning.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, you're not going to clap for that.

[Donald Trump]

Kamala, the vice president mulatto aid.

[Joe Biden]

From this day forward, our country will flourish and be respected again all over the world. We will be the envy of every nation and we will not allow ourselves to be taken advantage of of any longer. During every single day of the Trump administration, I will very simply put America first.

[Donald Trump]

There you go.

[Stephen Crowder]

Thank you.

[Joe Biden]

Our Sovereignty will be reclaimed. Our safety will be restored. The scales of justice will be rebalanced. The vicious, violent, and unfair weaponization of the Justice Department. And our government will end.

[Donald Trump]

Boy, he came in hot. He sure did. Hey, Obama, thanks for setting the precedent. And they've got to sit there and listen to it.

[Joe Biden]

And our top priority will be to create a nation that is proud, prosperous, and free. America will soon be greater, stronger, and far more exceptional than ever before. I return to the presidency confident and optimistic that we are at the start of a thrilling new era of national success. A tide of change is sweeping the country. Sunlight is pouring over the entire world. And America has the chance to seize this opportunity like never before. But first, we must be honest about the challenges we face. While they are plentiful, they will be annihilated by this great momentum that the world is now witnessing. In the United States of America, as we gather today, our government confronts a crisis of trust. For many years, a radical and corrupt establishment has extracted power and wealth from our citizens, while the pillars of our society lay broken in, seemingly in complete disrepair. We now have a government that cannot manage even a simple crisis at home, while at the same time stumbling into a continuing catalog of catastrophic events.

[Donald Trump]

This is amazing. Amazing.

[Joe Biden]

It fails to protect our magnificent law. American citizens.

[Donald Trump]

Come on.

[Joe Biden]

Zoom in on dangerous criminals and mental institutions that have illegally entered our country from all over the world. We have a government that has given unlimited funding to the defense of foreign borders.

[Stephen Crowder]

Wow.

[Joe Biden]

But refuses to defend American borders or more importantly, its own people. Our country can no longer deliver basic services in times of emergency, as recently shown by the wonderful people of North Carolina. Been treated so badly. And other states who are still suffering from a hurricane that took place many months ago. Or more recently, Los Angeles, where we are watching fires still tragically burn from weeks ago without even a token of defense. They're raging through the houses and communities, even affecting some of the wealthiest and most powerful individuals in our country, some of whom are sitting here right now. They don't have a home any longer. That's interesting, but we can't let this happen. Everyone is unable to do anything about it. That's going to change. We have a public health system that does not deliver in times of disaster, yet more money is spent on it than any country anywhere in the world. And we have an education system that teaches our children to be ashamed of themselves, in many cases to hate our country, despite the love that we try so desperately to provide to them. All of this will change starting today. And it will Change very quickly.

[Donald Trump]

It's a campaign speech. Watch cnn. Their commentary is going to be Van Jones. This could have been a time for unity and instead, more of a thing.

[Joe Biden]

My recent election is a mandate to completely and totally reverse a horrible.

[Donald Trump]

That's right.

[Joe Biden]

Betrayal. And all of these many betrayals that have taken place and to give the people back their faith, their wealth, their democracy, and indeed their freedom.

[Donald Trump]

Where's Beyonce now?

[Joe Biden]

This moment on where's your Beyonce now?

[Donald Trump]

Where's your Beyonce now?

[Joe Biden]

Over. Our liberal and our nation's glorious destiny will no longer be denied, and we will immediately restore the integrity, competency and loyalty of America's government. Over the past eight years, the competency.

[Donald Trump]

Of the CNN cameraman has challenged more.

[Joe Biden]

Than any president in our 250 year history. And I've learned a lot along the way. The journey to reclaim our republic has not been an easy one, that I can tell you. Those who wish to stop our cause have tried to take my freedom and indeed to take my life. Just a few months ago, in a beautiful Pennsylvania field, an assassin's bullet ripped through my ear. But I felt then, and believe even more so now, that my life was saved for a reason.

[Donald Trump]

That's right.

[Joe Biden]

I was saved by God to make America great again.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, my goodness. That might be one of the most offensive lines according to the left ever delivered. I was saved by God to make America great again. Even the lesbians support him, thank you very much. Where's the left? Stupidly saying. Why do you think God cares about your country more? I do deal with it. I think we put him as a centerpiece in this country. And so that's why we're the only country that's done what we've done.

[Joe Biden]

Why, each day under our administration of American patriots, we will be working to meet every crisis with dignity and power and strength. We will move with purpose and speed to bring back hope, prosperity, safety, in and out for citizens.

[Donald Trump]

He's in and out, isn't he?

[Stephen Crowder]

In and out.

[Joe Biden]

Race, religion, color and creed. For American citizens, January 20, 2025 is Liberation Day.

[Stephen Crowder]

He did the Bill Pullman.

[Donald Trump]

He did. He did.

[Stephen Crowder]

We did that sketch.

[Donald Trump]

I know.

[Joe Biden]

It is my hope that our recent presidential election will be remembered as the greatest and and most consequential election in the history of our country. As our victory showed, the entire nation is rapidly unifying behind our agenda, with dramatic increases in support from virtually every element of our society. Young and old, men and women, African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, Urban, suburban, rural, and very importantly, we had a powerful win in all seven swing states and the popular vote we won by millions of people. To the black and Hispanic communities, I want to thank you for the tremendous outpouring of love and trust that you have shown me with your vote. We set records, and I will not forget it. I've heard your voices in the campaign, and I look forward to working with you in the years to come. Today is Martin Luther King day and his honor. This will be a great honor. But in his honor, we will strive together to make his dream a reality. We will make his dream come true.

[Stephen Crowder]

Kamala, you're going to sit for this one, too. As a black woman, I think you'd stand.

[Donald Trump]

Kamala, you're not Rosa Parks. Get off your ass.

[Stephen Crowder]

You know who the Democrats are. Oh, you're not going to stand for unity, huh?

[Joe Biden]

National unity is now returning to America, and confidence and pride is soaring like never before in everything we do. My administration will be inspired by a strong pursuit of excellence and unrelenting success. Yes. We will not forget our country, we will not forget our constitution, and we will not forget our God. Can't do that.

[Donald Trump]

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go off book here. Can't do that.

[Joe Biden]

Can't do that.

[Stephen Crowder]

He meant to tag it, but I appreciate it.

[Joe Biden]

Or, like, I call him good Guy God. Not Hamas God. Good guy God. Exactly. Executive orders. With these actions, we will begin the complete restoration of America and the revolution of common sense. It's all about common sense. First look at Biden. Declare a national emergency at our southern border.

[Donald Trump]

There you go. Executive order. Ding, ding.

[Stephen Crowder]

I am now out.

[Donald Trump]

Is that the border bazaar looking on?

[Stephen Crowder]

I think it's embarrassing to sit. Yeah, you got to stand.

[Joe Biden]

All illegal entry will immediately be halted, and we will begin the process of returning millions and millions of criminal aliens back to the places from which they came. We will reinstate my remain in Mexico policy.

[Donald Trump]

Executive order.

[Joe Biden]

I will end the practice of catch and release. And I will send troops to the southern border to repel the disastrous invasion of our country.

[Donald Trump]

Hear, hear. There we go. Cops.

[Joe Biden]

We're forgetting the drinking game rules orders I signed today. We will also be designating the cartels as foreign terrorist organizations.

[Donald Trump]

Kamala won't stand. I hope he just turns you.

[Joe Biden]

You're not gonna stand. Act like I'm a mayor with a raging erection. And by in invoking the alien enemies act of 1798, I will direct our government to use the full and immense power of federal and state law enforcement to eliminate the presence of all foreign gangs and criminal networks, bringing devastating crime to U.S. soil, including our cities and inner cities. That's right.

[Donald Trump]

Gotta love it.

[Joe Biden]

As commander in chief, I have no higher responsibility than to defend our country from threats and invasions. And that is exactly what I am going to do. We will do it at a level that nobody's ever seen before. And quickly. Next, I will direct all members of my cabinet to marshal the vast powers at their disposal to defeat what was record inflation and rapidly bring down costs and prices.

[Donald Trump]

That means energy. We'll get into that.

[Joe Biden]

The inflation crisis was caused by massive overspending and escalating energy prices. And that is why today I will also declare a national energy emergency. We will drill, baby, drill.

[Stephen Crowder]

I think that's a drink, right?

[Donald Trump]

I would have thought Kamala would stand up for that. Look, if you're not going to stand, make like the whore you are and split. Amazing what you can do when you're not encumbered by all the environmentalists.

[Joe Biden]

Manufacturing nation once again. And we have something that no other manufacturing nation will ever have. The largest amount of oil and gas of any country on earth. And we are going to use it. I'm off book again.

[Donald Trump]

People like to get that.

[Joe Biden]

We will bring prices.

[Donald Trump]

We just think, oh, we need Saudi Arabia.

[Joe Biden]

No, no. Go back to your caves and right to the top.

[Donald Trump]

We're good.

[Joe Biden]

And export American energy all over the world.

[Donald Trump]

What is Biden doing? No.

[Joe Biden]

We will be a rich nation again. And it is that liquid gold under our feet that will help to do it. With my actions today, we will end the Green New Deal and we will revive the electric vehicle mandate.

[Donald Trump]

See Joe Drink. See how your people hurt you.

[Joe Biden]

Pledge to our great American auto workers.

[Stephen Crowder]

How can you watch this and be upset?

[Donald Trump]

Keep this and remember it. And then show it next election to the uaw. Those guys, too. They stayed seated when he talked about you.

[Joe Biden]

Buy the car of your choice. We will build automobiles in America again at a rate that nobody could have dreamt possible just a few years ago. And thank you to the auto workers of our nation for your inspiring vote of confidence. We did tremendously with that vote.

[Donald Trump]

Wow.

[Stephen Crowder]

The direct slap in the face.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Joe Biden]

I will immediately begin the overhaul of our trade system to protect American workers and families. Instead of taxing our citizens to enrich other countries, we will tariff and tax foreign countries to enrich our citizens.

[Stephen Crowder]

Absolutely.

[Donald Trump]

There you go. Drink. That's another executive order. Beautiful.

[Joe Biden]

We are establishing the External Revenue Service to collect all tariffs, duties and revenues. It will be massive amounts of money pouring into our treasury coming from foreign sources. The American dream Will soon be back and thriving like never before. To restore competence and effectiveness to our federal government, my administration. Administration will establish the brand new Department of Government Efficiency. After years and years of illegal and unconstitutional federal efforts to restrict free expression. I will also sign an executive order to immediately immediately stop all government censorship and bring back free speech to America.

[Donald Trump]

There you go. Thank you. Thank Rumble. That's our business. By the way, Rumble Premium. You guys can join. Click that button. None of this election wouldn't have happened without Rumble. You guys know that back in the day YouTube had a monopoly. Wasn't even close. All of this is changing.

[Joe Biden]

Never again will the immense power of the state be weaponized to persecute political opponents. Something I know something about.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, that sounds like a fascist. Never will it be used to persecute political opponents again.

[Joe Biden]

Under my leadership, we will restore fair, equal and impartial justice.

[Donald Trump]

Beautiful.

[Joe Biden]

Under the constitutional rule of law.

[Donald Trump]

Here's the thing. For anyone to be mad about what you would have to believe that everything is a lie. He has made this blanket for everybody and included proactively political opponents. He's saying go nuts. It's America. You didn't hear that this week from the left.

[Joe Biden]

I will also end the government policy of trying to socially engineer race and gender into every aspect of public and private life.

[Donald Trump]

You know how this bitch got here.

[Joe Biden]

We will forge a society that is colorblind and merit based.

[Donald Trump]

Remember six years ago they said that's actually white supremacy. That's not fair.

[Joe Biden]

It will henceforth be the official policy of the United States government that there are only two genders. Male and female.

[Donald Trump]

Oh my goodness. He stuck that one. Wow. Hey, I don't know if you remember this. I was banned from campus 2017. Their only two genders. Change my mind. There's a change. It's now national. I like that one.

[Joe Biden]

He likes the ladies from Kindergarten Cop state. Penis service members who vaginaly expelled from our military for objecting to the COVID vaccine mandate. With full back.

[Donald Trump]

That's right.

[Joe Biden]

There you go.

[Donald Trump]

Good. Full back pay. There you go. That affects thousands of lives right there. Do you understand that? We know a lot of those people. Wait. You see the settlements for these J6.

[Joe Biden]

Guys and I will sign. And many many millions our warriors from being subjected to radical political theories and social experiments while on duty. It's going to end immediately.

[Donald Trump]

Thanks.

[Stephen Crowder]

They need to learn react to contact.

[Donald Trump]

Also we're going to bring back push.

[Joe Biden]

Ups Will be sorry ladies on their sole mission defeating defeating America's enemies.

[Donald Trump]

I think this is the Most consequential presidential speech of my lifetime.

[Joe Biden]

17. We will build the strongest military the world has ever seen. We will measure our success not only by the battles we win, but also by the wars that we end, and perhaps most importantly, the wars we never get into. And we won't measure it by metric.

[Stephen Crowder]

This speech will be remembered very well through history.

[Donald Trump]

It's like the silliness of ends today. The adults are now in judge. Everyone's smiling when they rise. Have you noticed?

[Joe Biden]

Legacy will be that of a peacemaker and unifier. That's what I want to be, a peacemaker and a unifier. I'm pleased to say that as of yesterday, one day before I assumed office, the hostages in the Middle east are coming back home to their families.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, he nodded. Biden and Kamala are nodding like, yeah, that was me. I would stand up if I could.

[Stephen Crowder]

They're going to clap or something. Thank you.

[Donald Trump]

There you go.

[Joe Biden]

I need to be doing squats.

[Stephen Crowder]

They finally stand for something.

[Donald Trump]

Wow.

[Stephen Crowder]

Because they think they did it. Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

They want to take his credit now. Stick the.

[Joe Biden]

America will reclaim its rightful place as the greatest, most powerful, most respected nation on earth, inspiring the awe and admiration of the entire world. A short time from now, we are going to be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. And we will restore the name of a great president, William McKinley, to Mount McKinley. Where it should be and where it belongs.

[Donald Trump]

GMC is going to rename their truck, by the way. Go look up the McKinley. Go look up the pistol that killed McKinley. It's really bizarre. Such a great president. He was taken out by a fruity gun.

[Joe Biden]

Very rich, through tariffs and through talent. He was a natural businessman and gave Teddy Roosevelt the money for many of the great things he did, including the Panama Canal. Canal.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, boy.

[Joe Biden]

Which has foolishly been given to the country of Panama after the United States. The United States. I mean, think of this. Spent more money than ever spent on a project before and lost 38,000 lives in the building of the Panama Canal. We have been treated very badly from this foolish gift that should have never been made. And Panama's promise to us.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, it's just been broken. Wonderful.

[Joe Biden]

The purpose of our deal and the spirit of our treaty has been totally violated. American ships are being severely overcharged and not treated fairly in any way, shape, or form. And that includes the United States Navy. And above all, China is operating the Panama Canal. And we didn't give it to China. We gave it to Panama, and we're taking it back.

[Donald Trump]

Whoa. Oh, Whoa.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

Xi Jinping. Just a drink. Wow. I shot him. I believe I shot myself.

[Stephen Crowder]

Great. Now Trump's banned on TikTok.

[Donald Trump]

Look, Biden smiling is up.

[Joe Biden]

He won't be able to do that. Americans today is that it is time for us to once again act with courage, Victoria rigor and the vitality of history's greatest civilization. So as we liberate our nation, we will lead it to new heights of victory and success. We will not be deterred. Together, we will end the chronic disease epidemic and keep our children safe, healthy and disease free. The United States will once again consider itself a growing nation, one that increases our wealth, expands our territory, builds our cities, raises our expectations, and carries our flag into new and beautiful horizons. And we will pursue our manifest destiny into the stars. Launching American astronauts to plant the Stars and Stripes on the planet Mars.

[Donald Trump]

Sorry, fourth rock from the sun.

[Stephen Crowder]

I just love the way he speaks, man.

[Donald Trump]

That was nice to include manifest destiny in the. In the planet.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, yeah. That's how America's built, baby.

[Donald Trump]

Aaron, it looks a little bit like that actor from There Will Be Blood. The sun, and I'm talking about that actor, the Reverend and There Will Be Blood is more.

[Joe Biden]

Daniel Day Lewis, no ambitious than any other. There's no nation like our nation. Americans are explorers, builders, innovators, entrepreneurs and pioneers. The spirit of the frontier is written into our hearts. The call of the next great adventure resounds from within our souls. Our American ancestors turned a small group of colonies on the edge of a vast continent into a mighty republic of the most extraordinary citizens on Earth. No one comes close. Americans pushed thousands of miles through a rugged land of untamed wilderness. They crossed deserts, scaled mountains, braved untold dangers, won the Wild west, ended slavery, rescued millions from tyranny, lifted billions from poverty, harnessed electricity, split the axe. Adam launched mankind into the heavens and put the universe of human knowledge into the palm of the human hand. If we work together, there is nothing we cannot do and no dream we cannot achieve. Many people thought it was impossible for me to stage such a historic political comeback. But as you see today, here I am. The American people have spoken. And where is Donald?

[Donald Trump]

Where is Donald?

[Joe Biden]

Here I am. Here I am. How are you today, sir? President Taylor Lautner, I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do in America. The impossible is what we do best. From New York to Los Angeles, from Philadelphia to Phoenix, from Chicago to Miami, from Houston to right here in Washington, D.C. our country was forged and built by the Generation of patriots who gave everything they had for our rights and for our freedom. They were farmers and soldiers, cowboys and factory workers, steel workers and coal miners, police officers and pioneers who pushed onward, marched forward, and let no obstacle defeat their spirit or their pride. Together, they laid down the railroads, raised, raised up the skyscrapers, built great highways, won two world wars, defeated fascism and communism, and triumphed over every single challenge that they faced. After all we have been through, together, we stand on the verge of the four greatest years in American history. With your help, we will restore America Promise. And we will rebuild the nation that we love. And we love, love it so much. We are one people, one family, and one glorious nation under God. So to every parent who dreams for their child, and every child who dreams for their future. I am with you. I will fight for you, and I will win for you. We are going to win like never before.

[Donald Trump]

He's a wheelchair guy.

[Joe Biden]

Thank you. In recent years, our nation has suffered greatly, but we are going to bring it back and make it great again. Greater than ever before. We will be a nation like no other, full of compassion, courage, and. And exceptionalism. Our power will stop all wars and bring a new spirit of unity to a world that has been angry, violent, and totally unpredictable. America will be respected again and admired again, including by people of religion, faith, and goodwill. We will be prosperous. We will be proud. We will be strong. And we will win like never before. We will not be conquered. We will not be intimidated. We will not be broken. And we will not fail. From this day on, the United States of America will be a free, sovereign and independent nation. We will stand bravely. We will live proudly. We will dream boldly. And nothing will stand in our way. Because we are American Americans. The future is ours. And our golden age has just begun. Thank you. God bless America. Thank you all. Thank you.

[Stephen Crowder]

God bless you, sir.

[Joe Biden]

All right. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

[Donald Trump]

Boy, can someone get me a side by side of Barron Trump and Paul Dano?

[Joe Biden]

Thank you.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, is he still going? I thought that was you just saying thank you.

[Stephen Crowder]

I think.

[Donald Trump]

He literally doesn't even care. Doesn't even care that the other side is there. America the beautiful. Please welcome the Armed Forces chorus and Carrie Underwood. Have you ever heard her sing this? This is the incredible. That guy looks like old fat Elon Musk.

[Stephen Crowder]

Time travel.

[Donald Trump]

At the end, the music stops and she belts. It's amazing.

[Stephen Crowder]

Stand right in front of Kabula.

[Joe Biden]

One of these things is not like the other.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, my God.

[Donald Trump]

It's perfect. It's like the before and after.

[Stephen Crowder]

Biden's asleep standing up. He's reading the lyrics.

[Donald Trump]

He thinks it's a menu. Yes.

[Stephen Crowder]

All the lobster.

[Donald Trump]

False start.

[Joe Biden]

You're fired.

[Stephen Crowder]

Have her come in again.

[Donald Trump]

Not the best start to the America's golden age.

[Stephen Crowder]

Looking at her ass. Look at him.

[Donald Trump]

Biden.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, he did. For look there, his back up.

[Joe Biden]

She must work out.

[Donald Trump]

I do some thrusts. He's like, she's got the ass of a 12 year old boy. He looks like Jeff Denim. She might have to go acapella. Which if she does, good thing. You got Carrie underw.

[Stephen Crowder]

Somebody is shooting their pants.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. Right now.

[Stephen Crowder]

Some audio guy's like, I'm getting deported.

[Donald Trump]

Tell me you did a sound check. Tell me you did a sound.

[Stephen Crowder]

They had it. They just said the reason someone's getting.

[Joe Biden]

A helicopter ride over the Gulf of.

[Donald Trump]

America.

[Joe Biden]

Right in front of Rumble.

[Donald Trump]

And the entire helicopter ride, he's just playing America the Beautiful on repeat. Remember this? Remember this?

[Stephen Crowder]

The CD's skipping.

[Donald Trump]

He goes, she said, just cut it.

[Joe Biden]

You know the words.

[Donald Trump]

Help me out here. I told you.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, yes.

[Donald Trump]

So beautiful for spacious skies for amber.

[Stephen Crowder]

Waves of gray for purple mountain majesties.

[Donald Trump]

Above the fruiting plain America, America God shared his grace on.

[Joe Biden]

On thee.

[Stephen Crowder]

And crown thy good with forever not singing.

[Donald Trump]

There you go.

[Joe Biden]

Wow.

[Donald Trump]

That's actually better that way. That's. Screw it. This is America. We'll make it happen. And will do it better than other people.

[Stephen Crowder]

Anyway, they downloaded the track from kaza.

[Donald Trump]

That's a poll. Now watch. I bet you the conspiracies are already abound. The deep state pulled the track which. Ladies and gentlemen, Senator Fisher will now introduce the benediction clergy. Oh, don't make her follow Carrie.

[Joe Biden]

I now call on Rabbi Ari Berman, Pastor Lorenzo Sewell, and Reverend Frank Mund.

[Donald Trump]

So, look, this is kind of something that I noticed here with this speech that's really different. If you have to boil it down to a point, it's really about the previous administration. It's diversity versus confidence. It's about quotas versus excellence. You've heard me say this before. You can either have equal opportunity or you can ensure equity. But you can't have both. You cannot have equal opportunity while ensuring equal outcomes. The two preclude each other. You cannot ensure diversity. There's nothing wrong with diversity if it occurs naturally, if it's the natural order of people getting together in the pursuit of excellence. But you cannot artificially ensure equity and also pursue excellence. It really comes down to. And you'll hear this from people like Mark Cuban and Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. We are going to make sure that we are diverse and we are going to make sure that every single voice and every single person color is represented because that makes us stronger. Their view is ensure quotas are met because they'll try and convince you, sell you, that it makes you stronger. Let me ask you, do you believe that is the case or do you believe, as you just heard today, we're going to try and be as strong as possible. We are going to pursue excellence with as much vigor, as much zeal, as much effort as humanly possible and let the cards fall where they may. And that tends to create some diversity. Not insured percentages, but that's the big difference. And just like he said, there are only two genders. Sounds like a small thing. You and millions of Americans were removed from the digital town square for saying that for years, for saying what every single civilization and humanity has known up until 2015. You were removed. You were censored. All in the name of diversity, all in the name of equity. We used to, or I should say the last few years and certainly under Obama, remember, you were kind of shamed for American success. It's kind of. We don't really deserve it. We have to spread it around. This is a new era. It's a different time. Right? You know what, maybe we are different from other nations. Maybe the nations who benefit from electricity, light bulbs, the automobile, the Internet. You know what, Maybe other nations benefit when we pursue excellence. Kind of like putting on your own oxygen mask first, right? That's what this speech was about. You saw an entirely different outlook. And it just comes down to your. It really does come down to your worldview. Do you run a company? Have you gone to school? If you're trying to pass a test, did you focus on doing as well on that test as possible, or did you focus on ensuring that everyone's different preparation methodology was executed so that no one's feelings were hurt. When you run a company, do you say, I want to make this company as effective, as successful as possible, or, well, I have to make sure that we hit all the demographics, like the Girl Scouts. What do you think will lead to greater success? And do you believe that America should strive to be as successful as humanly possible? And here's the thing. Thing, you know that we're different. The left knows that we're different. Do you know how, you know how often have you heard atheists or have you heard the left say, oh, really? Well, you're God? Well, you know, you Have a very privileged view. You didn't do anything to be born here in America. There are people starving in Africa. All of that is true. All of that is. You just said that we're different. You just said that we're better. You think the world is better off by us cutting ourselves off at the knees? Let me ask you this.

[Stephen Crowder]

This.

[Donald Trump]

I can list you, I mean a laundry list of ways the world is better off and has been better off by the United States being really the world's only significant superpower for over a century now. And none of you would necessarily disagree with it. You'd also have some caveats, you'd also have some negatives. And that would be true too. We haven't been flawless. Can you tell me any way in which the world would be better off off if that superpower wasn't the United States? And if so, who replaces it? We all know it's going to be somebody. There's going to be a king of the hill. China, Russia, I mean the uk, the eu, any nation in Africa, any nation in Asia. There's going to be someone. There's going to be someone steering the. Obviously, it's been the nation that pays over 4% of their GDP into NATO. The only one, the only nation that has the world's greatest peacekeeping force that has ever existed in the United States military. Obviously it's been us, but we have been on a path that basically is based. It's predicated on the policy, the Democrat Party in this country, the radical left, really, the movement internationally, but certainly the United States that has said it shouldn't be us, we shouldn't be in charge. We shouldn't view ourselves as better. We should focus on spreading it because they believe the world is better off. That era is over. And it's an era of, you know what? Let's be as great, as wealthy, as successful as possible because everyone benefits if head honcho is the United States. That's the difference. And you can hear it said now because the left was ashamed of it. It's the difference in shame of your country. You see it not only with dei, you see it with what was taught in school. You see it with checking your privilege. You see it with the censoring of freedom of speech. You see it with the erosion of our institutions, the institutions we're talking about intelligence agencies, our institutions going after Americans invariably, basically, they were going after patriotic Americans who believe that this country is the greatest country ever think of. Think about that. Get rid of left and right. When they were going after Parents at PTA meetings who didn't believe that there should be boys in girls bathrooms when Barack Obama was using the IRS to audit Tea Partiers, when they labeled anyone January 6th an insurrectionist, a terrorist every single time in the last, let's call it certainly four years. But I would also extend it to the Obama administration. Even if you don't agree politically, you would have to acknowledge that our institutions were purging, persecuting and attacking people who do believe that the United States is the greatest country that's ever existed. Can we agree on that? It'd be hard pressed to find someone who would say that statement is not correct factually. So at a certain point, you have to ask yourself why? Why does the persecution only go one way? And why has it always been from the left? And why does your country's institutions that you are demanded to trust persecute the people who believe in preserving the vision and values of America to begin with? We're back to those. No, no, what we're saying is we're not going to persecute. We're not going to use the irs, the doj, the Department of Education to persecute people who believe that this was the greatest country on earth and want it to be a. Those are not going to be the enemies of the state. The enemies of the state should be the people who actually want to change the state and subvert the state. You know, like, do away with the Constitution, First Amendment, Second Amendment. Like do away with the ideas of Western civilization, like the nuclear family. I'm sorry, a byproduct of white patriarchy. The idea of male and female. It sounds like a small thing. I'm really hoping that 20 years from now people look at this speech and some kids don't even have context for it and go, why would the president have to say there are only two genders, that it'll be a given. And the reason for that is because billions of you, and not just this program, but you're a huge sample size, literally billions of you tuned into there are only two genders. Changed my mind when no one was allowed to say, say it. Build a wall. When? No, remember 2016, when that was considered racist? No one believes it anymore, including people who will be on the other side of that wall. What you just heard was a fundamental shift in tone. And it's really simple. It's, America is great and we should be greater. And we are going to put a focus on excellence versus shame in our nation. That's the change. And you can put everything under those umbrellas. Shame that we believe moms and dads are a thing, male and female is a thing. Shame that we believe success is a good thing. Shame that we've been at the forefront of all ingenuity. Shame that we are the ones, this country tasked with the responsibility of protecting the free world so that other nations can have free health care and Internet and experiment with green technology. Shame. Shame. Shame in using our own energy. Shame. And shame in having standards that have made our military the greatest that the world has ever known. Shame that we have people and parents who speak out freely. We label it hate speech. Shame in the very idea and fiber of being American. That's what we lived through. And he just said, all right, we're going to race this, that we're going to etch a sketch this shit and go back to what we have always been. When people say, oh, the right has moved and the parties have changed, I don't necessarily know that I agree. But I will say one thing. The Democrat party wasn't always a party that was completely ashamed and wanted to erode the very fiber of America. That's what it's because come. And that's what this mandate is. It's a rejection of that. And you can see it not only with the musks of the world, not only that Rumble now had bigger election streams than YouTube and Google and let alone CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox News. You can see with Zuckerberg at Facebook saying what he's saying. And you can see it across this country with the demographic shifts of Mexican Americans and yes, I mean Mexican Americans, not Hispanic Americans. Mexican Americans as a demographic one. Yeah, yeah. Should probably have a. Probably have a wall. Yeah. You know what? You really have the right as a country to determine who enters. Just like the country I left. It's a complete rejection of this culture of shame in the United States of America. Shame of masculinity, shame of freedom, shame of Judeo Christian values. Hey, you may not agree with it, but at least now people can discuss it. I remember. Look, I remember. If nothing else, if I provide no other value to you, it's that you can go and see me as a 20 year old, 18 year old, probably even younger here on YouTube with a blue bed sheet and an old Hi8 camera digital 8 maybe before we move to Minidville. I was here when it was nothing on YouTube, when it was nothing but atheists and there were no conservatives, there were no Christians. You were mocked. It was the era of Dawkins and flying spaghetti monster. Right? I was here for the very first online network. PJ TV was one. You can see my videos were a part of that. I was here when Fox News launched what they called Studio B. I was at Fox News for four and a half years. That was their online platform. That was seen as an afterthought. Thought I was here when I was on Fox News. And my own interviews that I would upload to this very channel. If you're still watching on YouTube, you should be watching on Rumble were removed by Fox News legal department because they didn't think there was a future in it. And it was a fad, take your pick. Blaze, Daily Wire, before Twitter was even a thing. I was here back on MySpace. And I can tell you there was a shift where people felt afraid to speak out, just with the point. Afraid to speak. The point of view that every single American held, really, up until about 2008, or at least were allowed to espouse. So if there's a reversal, look, you're always gonna have left and right, you're always gonna have freaks, you're always gonna have people who hate this country. You can go back to people burning the flag. You can go back to communism. Hey, guess what? McCarthy was right about a lot of of it. But at least back then, the people who were fighting against it didn't feel shame in expressing their point of view and didn't have to fear the loss of their career, of their livelihood and their very fundamental right to speak out because we didn't have the same centralized powers that exist today in big tech and media that silenced everyone. We're going to look back on this if, if, if we stay vigilant, we keep our feet on the gas, if we don't become complacent and history can look back on the period I would say between about 2014, 2015 to 2024, that will be the period of time in the United States where free speech didn't exist. But it was a blip. And then Americans got it right. That's what this community be. It's hard because you were in it. But remember when you were in Covid, it felt like it was never going to end. The new normal. Remember that way back there? Remember that you have people who were. You have people who don't remember it because they were born just a couple years before COVID It's a blip. We're like, oh, yeah, that was a thing. We're back to normal. I really pray that history will look back on that period of time between, I would say 2014 to about 2024 as a, as the lost decade, the erosion of fundamental American rights before we course corrected and we went back to doing what it is that we've always done imperfectly, but at least striving to create and be proud of the greatest country that's ever existed. That's it. That's a shift. And that's what you heard today. You heard it unapologetically. You wouldn't have been able to get that without the mandate that we saw this last election. That's the contrast idea. I see. Anyway, I'm off my soapbox.

[Stephen Crowder]

It looks like good stuff. Leaving the rotunda. Probably head back to exiting to probably do the flurry of executive orders.

[Donald Trump]

Yep. All right, we're going to be going to the executive orders. Anything else that I missed? And oh, by the way, now that.

[Stephen Crowder]

Trump is president, we have a new promo code.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, we do?

[Stephen Crowder]

Yes.

[Donald Trump]

That's right. 47% off Crowdershop.com use promo code MAGA47. MAGA47. Or you can use. I think we also have another one here. You can use Trump 40. 47. Everything there is. 47 off. Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

30, but. So you probably want to use the more discount.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

The higher discount. So 47. Well, some people think no.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

I mean, you could, you could get 30 if you use 12.

[Donald Trump]

47 personally. Look, mug Club was created because we said, oh, my gosh, we're going to lose all revenue and we can't speak out on social media. And now look, Rumble Premium, what exists? All the. All these people under one roof. There was no alternative to YouTube. I just looked not to. I thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out it was a panic attack. I've had three in my life. Ever. When I was in my guest room and got a call from YouTube saying, you've been demonetized for not violating any policies. That's how everyone here made a living. That's what I had worked for my entire life. And they did it because they could. They did it because they could. And we've been living under that for over half a decade. The left has done it because they can. We're going to arrest parents speaking out at parent teacher meetings because we can. We're going to kick out people more qualified to be in our military because they refuse to take an experimental MRNA injection because we can. We're going to remove people from the digital town square just for espousing American exceptionalism, Christian values. Because we can. Well, now they can't. There are too many eyes on Them. It's not the only game in town. That's a big. That's a huge change and I know we're going to executive orders. Any other notes from Josh, Bob Schrotter?

[Stephen Crowder]

Yes. Actually our team in D.C. is gotten a footage, close up footage of the guillotine.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, really?

[Stephen Crowder]

The French Revolution execution device, which by.

[Donald Trump]

The way, if you want to know how to do a revolution, shittily, the French Revolution. Even though we spent all that. I spent all this time on the French Revolution in college. I'm like, oh, so they never got it right.

[Stephen Crowder]

It take like 25 years or something.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. I didn't really know. People don't know that guy. Folks were like, oh, anonymous. Oh, yeah. V for vendetta.

[Joe Biden]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

He wanted to establish a religious oligarchy and the bomb didn't even work. All right, yes. Let's see the close up footage from our mug club on the ground there in dc. This is the entirely peaceful guillotine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a rainbow flag? Yep, yep. I hope that thing isn't sharp because you could actually, right there, like that's a size where you could actually kill somebody from you. Yeah, it could do it. Now. I like the take on shame. Very well put. That's exactly where we were. Everything was shame. Every value, every principle, every history. Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Good voice. Abby Phillip on CNN right now. I wonder what.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, Abby Phillip. Let's see what Abby Phillip has.

[Stephen Crowder]

Perhaps she said, usually presidents spend a.

[Donald Trump]

Lot of time talking about the country, about their vision for the nation, about.

[Stephen Crowder]

Its place in the world.

[Donald Trump]

He did.

[Stephen Crowder]

And Donald Trump talked a lot about.

[Donald Trump]

Him and how difficult it was for him to endure the last four years and the journey back to the White House.

[Stephen Crowder]

He talked about how his life was saved. He believed by God to make america Great again.

[Donald Trump]

77 million people believe that. Because he understands that for his supporters.

[Stephen Crowder]

That is part of his political, political story.

[Donald Trump]

That's one of the reasons, as we were talking about earlier, that they love him and adore him. Yeah. Because Barack Obama didn't get up and say, I was told that someone who looked like me couldn't make it. And his wife didn't say, I've never, I was never proud of America before my husband became president. Right. This is the whole thing. It's this pop, it's this, this, this social media pop psychology. I don't know. He's talking about himself, therefore he might be a narcissist. He's the only president in recent memory who was shot while running for president.

[Stephen Crowder]

They're Actively saying the opposite of what he said in his speech.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Most presidents talk about the country and the state of things and where they're placed in the world. You missed the whole thing.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, exactly.

[Stephen Crowder]

Did you miss the whole thing about the borders and being respected around the world, ending wars, not starting new ones, and being admired by the rest? Oh, you must have missed all of that. Yeah, you heard. Heard three sentences, and they really are.

[Donald Trump]

Their mind is warped. It really is a pathology because if he ever mentions himself. And you know what? Every now and then, I think the American people want to hear a little bit about this president, the guy who ran for office, the guy who was persecuted by our intelligence agencies, the guy who was shot at, the guy who was accused of being a racist. You know why? Because all of you and I were. That's what it is. It's relevant. And he spent the vast majority of his time discussing. I guess he wasn't discussing America's place. When he said, we're gonna rename it the Gulf of America. When he said, we're gonna rename it, Sorry, we're gonna take back the Panama Canal. When he said, hey, we're gonna open up American energy immediately. We're going to be exporting it. When he talked about American auto workers, when he talked about our military, when he talked about us pursuing excellence, when.

[Stephen Crowder]

He talked about minorities by not saying black and white. But I mentioned every minority group.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. Colorblind. Yeah. I will not forget you. I will fight for you. Oh, but he said I. He said, I will fight for you. So that the. I.

[Stephen Crowder]

Well, remember, he did say, I want to remember and honor Martin Luther King. He said, it's a great honor for me.

[Donald Trump]

Yes, that's true.

[Stephen Crowder]

Martin Luther King.

[Donald Trump]

Everything's about him.

[Stephen Crowder]

It's about him.

[Donald Trump]

It's about him.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

For crying out loud.

[Stephen Crowder]

Like, I want to make sure his dream come true. It's because he wanted to do it, not Martin Luther King.

[Donald Trump]

He did kind of Jiminy Cricket. That a little bit you should say, re. Establish his dream since the left took it away for four years. Yeah, no, that's a good point. We do expect him. He's gonna be going over right now to sign just a. Just an absolute flurry of executive orders. So we actually do have a couple of things that we want, and we'll take some chats from you. We do have a seven plus one. We do have Finnegan on the ground, but he is expected to sign a bunch of executive orders. Day one. We had a whole segment about Biden, but At this point, who he's, you know, he's already close.

[Stephen Crowder]

He's gone.

[Donald Trump]

He's history. It's gone. Here's a clip regarding the day one executive orders you can expect.

[Joe Biden]

But just imagine all of the good things that we will accomplish together with four more years in the White House. And we're going to do a lot of things. You're going to see something tomorrow. You're going to see executive orders that are going to make you extremely happy. Lots of them. Lots of them. Every radical and foolish executive order of the Biden administration will be repealed within our hours of when I take the oath of office. Oh, you're going to have a lot of fun watching television tomorrow. Somebody said yesterday, sir, don't sign so many in one day. Let's do it over a period of weeks. I said, like hell we're going to do it over weeks. We're going to sign them at the beginning.

[Donald Trump]

So it looks like it could be in the. By the way, all references available lettuceconder.com link in the description multiple like omnibus executive orders. People are saying it could be up to 200 in total. And if people try and say, oh, this is unprecedented. Well, the previous record belongs to Joe Biden. So just so you know, he's on the most amount of executive orders in a day. So, hey, you know what, Lynn?

[Stephen Crowder]

I was celebrated.

[Donald Trump]

He should stay under it by one. Hope you like this, but live by the depends. And we're expecting to probably be pardoning the January Sixers, which again, remember when we did that live stream, that whole. Right there was gonna be that whole hearing. It was, I believe. Was it hurricane. Was it Harvey?

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, it was a hurricane where they were not.

[Donald Trump]

They didn't show up and we did it. Yeah. And I think that got suspended from YouTube. You can watch it on Rumble where we did an entire from A to Z. Why what you were told was a lie. And everyone was afraid, even at people on the right going like, whoa, I don't support what happened on January 6th. I would say, no, no, I support most of them. Yeah. I support what most people did not have anyone committed a crime, you know, of trespassing or vandalism. But the people who said remain peaceful and were invited in for walking tour by the Capitol Police. Yeah, yeah, I support them. Yeah. Now people can say it because we all know it's not 9, 11 times 2. So he's most likely gonna be pardoning the January 6th folks. We don't know how many. He did say that people are Going to be very happy. Happy with his January six decision in a way that Trump says.

[Joe Biden]

And tomorrow everybody in this very large arena will be very happy with my decision on the J6 hostages.

[Stephen Crowder]

Very happy hostages.

[Joe Biden]

I think you'll be very, very happy. I would say about 99, 99.9% in this beautiful arena.

[Donald Trump]

And that's the kind of thing that WaPo will fact check. Like actually it wasn't 99.9. We're done with this, right? I think we're over that now. Where someone. These are the same people who will defend Islam where they say, well, actually 72 virgins really just means it translates to countless virgins to hundreds. I'm sure the virgins still aren't big fans of it. Is WaPo gonna change now that Bezos is there? Yeah, WaPo, PolitiFact, Reuters. It's hard to keep track of the bullshit fact checkers. Let me give you some examples. When we talk about January 6th, these are people, right? So some people go like, I don't know if we'll hear this all the time. I don't know if politically that's smart. That's why everyone was afraid it was a third rail. I don't know if politically, you know, January 6th, people. Yeah, but they're human beings. Let me give it. So There was a 68 year old woman, spent 60 days in jail. She pled guilty. You know, one charge of demonstrating in the Capitol. There was a 66 year old man, another 60 days in jail, again, just demonstrated. There was a 64 year old woman, 20 days in jail, pled guilty to entering, remaining in a restricted building, likely into which she was invited. There are countless examples. These are human beings. It's not an issue that's being politicized. There are people who showed up because they thought an election was fishing. She. You think that's less likely now that you've seen the election afterward, they were invited in and then spent months in the clink. Damn right. They should be pardoned. Like we told you, we're gonna have an interview, exclusive. I believe the first interview with Enrique Tarrio this week, who I believe was sentenced to 22 years in jail. He wasn't even in the city, Washington D.C. he wasn't even. He wasn't even in DC. Think about that for a second. Think of how absolutely insane that is.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah. He orchestrated it remotely, right?

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

A lot of texting.

[Donald Trump]

I'm sure there are a lot of slip and fall lawyers that are gonna be in touch with those people think so. And they should be all right. I don't know. Definitely. They need to be compensated for years of their lives removed. The big ones.

[Stephen Crowder]

They're doing their final goodbyes here outside of Marine World.

[Donald Trump]

Okay, let's go see that.

[Stephen Crowder]

I hope he pants. Is Joe Biden. Kamala and her Doug were saying goodbye, doing the last goodbyes, and Trump gave him a nice pull in shake. Nice. Yeah, nice. He deserves it.

[Donald Trump]

Extraordinary moments of an inaugural ceremony when the incoming president escorts the outgoing president to the waiting Marine One. I'm thinking back. We got a tiny female cow.

[Stephen Crowder]

When thinking like Trump did. The same is this cartoon cup with.

[Donald Trump]

Outgoing president Barack Obama. And that was an extraordinary moment.

[Joe Biden]

They walked out.

[Donald Trump]

Isn't it funny? Just think about this for a second. I know you'll say this is being reductive. Okay, I'm fine with it. We have weight classes. What did I say? Reduction.

[Stephen Crowder]

No, I'm just kidding. Call me reductive.

[Donald Trump]

I was like, did I say redundant? No, no. Reductive. They'll say it. We have weight classes in every single contact sport. We acknowledge the necessity for weight class within the same gender, by the way, everywhere from, I believe, depending, bantamweight, flyweight, up to super heavyweight in combat. You see it in wrestling, you see it in boxing and mixed martial arts. And then even if you're, you know, above a certain size, usually in grade school or high school, you can't play football. Why? Because we know that there's a disparity and as it relates to physical contact and violence. Violence. It's a challenge everywhere that we expect physical altercations. Except police officers who will be fighting crackheads or crazy drug dealers on pcp. All of a sudden a flyweight broad who has spent no time in any type of physical contact sport whatsoever. Good enough when it comes to the presidential motorcade.

[Stephen Crowder]

She's got a gun.

[Donald Trump]

If it wasn't for the pcp, she'd be fine. Do you realize if that woman stepped foot at a college wrestling meet with other women two weight classes above, it would be a national news story as to how dangerous and irresponsible this was. What? They had the 145. But she had to go. Did you see? She had to go against this 195 pound monster, let alone if you were to step out into a male boxing ring. But then we all have deck like, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's just as good as any middleweight male as a Capitol Police member. It's absurd. This is where we are in the United States. Get her out of there.

[Stephen Crowder]

And she looked bored Yes.

[Donald Trump]

I watched during the Occupy Wall street riots, I watched a female cop who looked like Dark Helmet get hit in the head with a snare drum, and she was out for, like, three minutes. You just hate women. I don't want to see her get knocked out by a snare drum with some kid who just got off his mom's couch. He himself was a lightweight. He beat the shit out of her.

[Stephen Crowder]

Biden's gone. It's over.

[Donald Trump]

It's over. But just think of how far we've come. Another hallelujah. Well, what are you saying? You're saying that she's not as capable as any of the men in this room? Yes. Yes. Just like I'm saying that's a man just because he has a penis. Aha. What do you think Biden's off to?

[Joe Biden]

What? What?

[Stephen Crowder]

Is he gone? He's gone. He's out. He's in the. He's in the helicopter.

[Donald Trump]

I know, but where's the helicopter?

[Stephen Crowder]

Taking out for an ice cream cone, and then it's off to Delaware.

[Donald Trump]

This is Joint Base Andrews. Okay? He's up to 31 flavors, except he forgot 29 of them.

[Stephen Crowder]

He thinks that Joint Base Andrews is just a place where there's two guys named Andrew and drop him off at.

[Donald Trump]

One of his beach houses also. You know what? Let's give you here. Here's how this affects you right now. And I know we have some liberals, some people who, if you're watching, you're on the left. You didn't vote for Donald Trump. Do you fear the IRS targeting you? Genuine question. Because we were there at the very first Tea Party, right? The Tea Party demonstrations. We're going, oh, my. Then we learned what was happening with Barack Obama and the irs. You said this guy was a fascist. Do you fear the IRS auditing you because he didn't vote for Donald Trump? You need to know we all experienced that it's a matter of recognizing. And for people who are out there, by the way, that that's a big. It's no small deal. More people would rather be mugged in this country than be audited. Do not let the irs. Do not let tax issues overpower you. You can actually. Our sponsor for the show, Perfect Time Tax Network USA, go to tnusa.com crowder and they can help you with your taxes because, hey, you know what? This government can. They can go, eenie, meeny minie, you, you, and make it hell on you. And we've had that here in the office. Don't be like, Billy, do you Owe back taxes to the irs. Tax Network USA is here to help. They've helped thousands of Americans settle disputes with the irs. And they can help you. But don't just take my word for it. Listen to these testimonials.

[Stephen Crowder]

I was at rock bottom, barely making rent on my studio apartment, just watching all my money go straight to the irs.

[Donald Trump]

I felt like the government drove in.

[Joe Biden]

And took all my hard earned. Felt like I was drowning in back taxes. Every time I tried to break the service, the IRS would just pull me right back under.

[Donald Trump]

Billy was in debt up to his neck. What? Who said that?

[Stephen Crowder]

But then I saw an ad for Tax Network usa.

[Donald Trump]

I called Tax Network usa. Tax Network USA pulled me right from.

[Joe Biden]

Out under the waves.

[Donald Trump]

Don't be a Billy.

[Stephen Crowder]

What?

[Donald Trump]

Who said that?

[Joe Biden]

What's wrong with being a Billy?

[Donald Trump]

Don't let the IRS take advantage of you. Contact Tax Network USA for immediate relief and expert guidance. Call 1-800-245-6000 or visit tnusa.com Crowder that's tnusa.com Crowder.

[Joe Biden]

I don't have a computer. Damn it, Billy.

[Donald Trump]

All right. And I do believe we have some ch. We have our seven plus one actually rejected biopic titles for Joe Biden, and we do. We're going to check in with our on the Ground correspondent in a little bit. Bit. Time to close Karen Jean Pierre. But Noodles, you said we have a video of Zuckerberg. He's a boob man, apparently.

[Joe Biden]

Yes.

[Stephen Crowder]

Here we go. Hey, Sneak at a peek.

[Donald Trump]

Let's see. This is Bezos's wife. Oh, straight on repeat. Yeah. He didn't just look at them like, subtly. He looked and like he wanted confirmation. He smiled at her like. All right, they sent us a still as well. I got it. All right, let me. Yeah, I want to see what this is. I'm telling you, that guy is on testosterone. Something has changed. Good for. All right, so it's a very serious look and then a very warm smile.

[Stephen Crowder]

Behind us sneaking a peek, too.

[Donald Trump]

Everyone's sneaking a peek. Hilarious. I want a rundown on Bezos's wife.

[Stephen Crowder]

So do they.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. Not the luckiest broad in the world who did just as much for Amazon and is worth how many hundreds of billions of dollars? Not his ex wife. This one with the nice set.

[Stephen Crowder]

The waitress. Was that marriage Carrie Underwood?

[Donald Trump]

No.

[Joe Biden]

No.

[Donald Trump]

Was Bezos wife. Oh, okay. Show it to Josh. He didn't see it. Look, he doesn't just look. He. He visually confirms by smiling at her. I. I shut it. I have to. What did you do? You Never shut tits. Like the first rule of mandam.

[Stephen Crowder]

I love CNN still. They're just still following this helicopter as if they're like, no, don't go.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, look, wait till you see the video. Yeah, come on in. Pop. Scatter. That's okay. Wait till you see the video. The video is. Do you have it? Noodles? I'm bringing it up now. All right, he's bringing it up. Mark Zuckerberg. He likes dem titties. He's about to. He's about to. Community note those puppies.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, hey.

[Donald Trump]

Fact check.

[Stephen Crowder]

True sticky notes, Eddie.

[Donald Trump]

Yes. Yes.

[Joe Biden]

Mm.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. Good for Zuckerberg. Gradually, he's just gonna become more and more unfettered. I bet you, like, a year from now he's gonna be like, yeah, well, you know. You know, I do jiu jitsu. I like tits, so sue me. Yeah, you know, I basically created a. I started with a. Basically a hot or not version right at Harvard. Like, are you surprised? You surprised that I like tits? I'm not ashamed. I like tits. His current wife never would have made the rating system on the Facebook's, would she? Oh, boy, that was cruel. But no, she wouldn't. Bezos, his wife. Oh, boy. At least you know he's not with her because of her money. There's a nerd who had no game in school, and now he's trying to go back and say, how do you like me now? That's what he's doing, Bezos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it cost him like hundreds of billions of dollars to a woman. Didn't even feel it coming off. She left him. She got with a teacher and then immediately left him because he didn't make enough money. It was so fast.

[Stephen Crowder]

That was her philanthropy.

[Donald Trump]

Yes, exactly. I want to be normal. Ooh. Not like gross normal.

[Stephen Crowder]

You mean you have to do things and you have to grade paper. You have to work at night.

[Donald Trump]

Geez. Geez. It's just. I thought it was like a movie where it's like, you know, like, we're rich, but we just were with the pleb. We're with the plebs. But no, this is gross. This is gross. I'm leaving you. Let's grab some chats from people who are watching this and experiencing it in real time. And. And then we've, of course, got our seven plus one and Thomas Finnegan, thank you. We're always just glad to be here with you for these historical moments. And of course, it's a live show, 10am Eastern weekdays. Today was a little bit of a different special Time. All right, Noodles. All right. First chat from Amanda. Denise, one question for the crew. How can Biden pardon people who haven't even been convicted of any crimes? Did he just pardon these people's whole life? Pretty much. It's not unprecedented either. We've talked about this. We went through a bunch of presidents who have done it in the past, and I don't have them all at the ready, but Fauci better hope it applies to his whole life. It's an admission of guilt. It's an admission of guilt. Really? Why would you cover something that doesn't need to be covered? Yeah, it's not like a pardon of Lil Wayne who had some weed possession crimes or whatever the hell it was from Lil Wayne. It's like, I'm pardoning Fauci. People are like, wait, why in the hell would you need a pardon Fauci?

[Stephen Crowder]

I thought he did everything right. Yeah, according to the book.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. I thought it was a hero.

[Stephen Crowder]

Can the guy be fired? I mean.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, he's gone. I mean, he should be. He should never work again. But the truth is, that guy doesn't need any money. Was the highest paid, unelected official in government. He just loves the attention. He still appears on CNN every now and then. He just shows up to be a prick.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

I always thought it was virology. It's virology. Turns out. Yeah, so they thought. I pronounced it 50 years. Yeah, I thought AIDS was. I had to say AIDS every time. Also, did you know that it's only with the gays?

[Stephen Crowder]

I found out by being wrong a few times.

[Donald Trump]

That's right. It took me several years of bath houses and sodomy.

[Stephen Crowder]

A lot of research I had to do.

[Donald Trump]

Yes, yes.

[Stephen Crowder]

But I got to the bottom of it.

[Donald Trump]

I method acted. I can't walk right for the rest of my life.

[Stephen Crowder]

Sometimes they call me Fellatio Fauci. They see me coming.

[Donald Trump]

At first I thought it was derogatory. Then I realized sized is not that big.

[Stephen Crowder]

It's an honor.

[Donald Trump]

Turns out a little fella don't fare too well in the bath houses. That's true. But being Fellatio Fauci, you know, that really means something because they've had a lot of fellatio from a lot of guys.

[Stephen Crowder]

They used to have Fellatio Mike. Now he's Michelle. They don't like him too much.

[Donald Trump]

That's right. I kind of feel bad for him because, you know, when you're no longer Fellatio Mike, who are you?

[Stephen Crowder]

Your identity's gone.

[Donald Trump]

He looks in the mirror. He sees me. Which brings us to this week's seven plus one. You forgot the van in the chamber. It's a new era. It's a fun era. Let me make sure I have these written down. This is actually this week. Oh, that's right. Because, you know, everyone gets a book deal when they leave the office. That's how these people make all that money.

[Stephen Crowder]

Political office and Navy seals. You all get books?

[Donald Trump]

Yep. Audiobooks or. Well, actually, there's one audio. Thomas Sowell. All of his audiobooks are read by a guy who sounds like the. What's the name of that Poyo Salmanos in Breaking Bad? That black guy. Really good voice. I don't know who reads the audiobook, but I think it's that guy. And I fall asleep to him all the time.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, he's. He is a bit robotic.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. But he has a good voice. It's great. So these actually. It's actually a seven plus one rejected biopic titles for Joe Biden's presidency.

[Stephen Crowder]

Okay.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

So like Heroes of War and stuff like that?

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, yeah, these were. These were workshopped. Giancarlo Esposito. No one knows. Remember the face, you know, the voice. I. I appreciate it, but I don't think we need a name. All right, seven plus one, rejected biopic titles for Biden's presidency. Number seven, Father of the Bribe. I see what's going on there. And number six, Josh. How about we have a Photoshop on this one?

[Stephen Crowder]

Good Will Hunter.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, oh, and he's in. Wow.

[Stephen Crowder]

He's working there. Not stealing anymore. That's nice.

[Donald Trump]

The Goodwill. Seven plus one, rejected biopic titles. Number five, Pops. Why? Because it's my era. That. That film. To Ukraine with love. Oh, instead of Russia with love? Because I love the Ukraine.

[Stephen Crowder]

I see.

[Donald Trump]

I took a date to that. Really? No, I would have been six. Why? It could have been a Biden. There would be no whining and dining at beach. It'd be straight to the shower.

[Stephen Crowder]

The age of catch up. It could have been.

[Joe Biden]

What do you think?

[Donald Trump]

You think I'm going to try and grease the wheels or trip to Cracker Barrel?

[Stephen Crowder]

I'm bummed we don't get any more of those.

[Joe Biden]

Any.

[Stephen Crowder]

Any more of those speeches.

[Donald Trump]

I could do the popcorn box trick.

[Joe Biden]

I'm a Jordan. How are you a Jordan?

[Stephen Crowder]

Homo Rent.

[Donald Trump]

Instead of sneaking in popcorn like poor people used to do, he's sneaking in six year olds on the sleeves of his winter Jack.

[Stephen Crowder]

Just KJP coming out of those sleeves.

[Donald Trump]

Seven plus one rejected biopic. Titles number four, Josh, President Evil. Oh, I can. Yeah. That was because I never saw Resident Evil. By the way, it's a fun game.

[Stephen Crowder]

Fun movie.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. Number three, hot chick. Number three. I know what you did last summer. Oh, you shit your pants.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh.

[Joe Biden]

Oh.

[Stephen Crowder]

We all know.

[Donald Trump]

No urban legend.

[Joe Biden]

All the different faces.

[Donald Trump]

Seven plus one, rejected Biden biopic titles. Number two total.

[Joe Biden]

But if I am you and you.

[Stephen Crowder]

Are me, then who am I?

[Donald Trump]

But if it was just a lady with three boobs shows up, it's just Bezos's wife. Could happen. Better than the maids.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, man, that's so funny.

[Donald Trump]

And the number one rejected biopic title for Biden's book.

[Stephen Crowder]

Josh, there's something about Mary's daughter.

[Donald Trump]

Oh. Oh, I. Yeah, she's at the right age, in a prime.

[Stephen Crowder]

Look at her armpits. They haven't heard them.

[Donald Trump]

And the plus one, Big daddy, which only makes sense when you see the picture. Listening on audio. It's not really a thing. That has been this week. Seven plus one. You forgot the van in the chamber. Yes, Mr. Firestone. And by the way, where you're gonna be?

[Stephen Crowder]

I'm gonna be at the Spokane Comedy Club, February 7th and 8th. Spokancomedy club.com.

[Donald Trump]

Awesome.

[Stephen Crowder]

You can see there. And Trump is. Trump is now greeting the inauguration crowd at the Capitol.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, let's see what he has to say now. He's off book.

[Joe Biden]

Can you believe that?

[Donald Trump]

Stayed seated the whole time.

[Joe Biden]

Because I don't want to have all those big shots up there. I don't want anything. You're more powerful than them. You look better than them, and I.

[Donald Trump]

Love you, man of the people.

[Stephen Crowder]

She looks good.

[Joe Biden]

We just had a great day.

[Stephen Crowder]

They look nice.

[Joe Biden]

This was amazing. You know, when you think we took a journey, I mentioned in the speech, a lot of people said that was not a journey that was possible. And it was indeed possible. I didn't really know too much about what they were saying when they say that, but a lot of people felt it. And we hooked up with JD Very early. I watched JD Over a period of time. I endorsed him in Ohio. He was a great. A great senator and very, very smart. The only one smarter than him was his wife. That was. I would have chosen her, but somehow the line of. The line of success didn't work that way. Right. But now she's great and he's great. This is a great, beautiful couple and unbelievable career. I just said to him, you are very upwardly mobile. Because he hasn't been doing it that. That long, but he picked it up so quickly. Remember, the first week was a little bit like the fake news was hitting him really hard. And I said, oh, this may be tough. But after that, it was smooth sailing for him. He took on everybody. He took on the meanest. I don't want to use the word corrupt because we're into a new system. So let's wait till the corruption begins, because it will. But he took on some pretty mean people, and he handled it well. I want to also congratulate Mike Johnson for the job that he's doing. Steve. We. We gave him a majority of almost nothing. And then I said, to make it tougher on him, let me take two or three of the people, right? I said, he'll only have to suffer with that for about three months. How are they doing, by the way? Are they. Is that moving along? Totally uniform, I see. I said, do you mind if I take this one, that one and a couple of others? He didn't mind. He can handle it. No, he's a man that's liked by everybody. I've never met a man like this. You've got two. How many? Is it 219 or 220 or something? 220. And of the 220, 219 really like him. I noticed he got one negative once about two weeks ago, but I think even 220 like him, if you want to know the truth. And that's very unusual. I know a lot of nice guys in Congress, and they have 35 people that hate them. So if you have 35 people that hate you and you only have one or two or three votes, you'll have five, I think. But that's going to be like, you know, the good news is when we get to that five number, it's going to feel like a massive majority. You can be really nasty to a couple of them, at least. So it's going to feel like hitting your head on the wall and stopping at feeling. Feels so good to stop. But he's done a fantastic job, and Steve Scalise is. He's our hero. Because, you know, I was with him. You talk about being shot. I was with him. He got some bad ones and his incredible wife, and she really loves him, you know, you never know about that. I've been with other people, and the wife is, like, looking at a watch. She can't get out of the hospital. How's he doing? I don't know that.

[Donald Trump]

He's doing internal monologues.

[Joe Biden]

She was crying and crying. No, they're going to take him. They're Going to take him. I told Steve when he finally woke up, it was a while too. The doctor told me it was the most blood they've ever transfused in any patient. They've never done anything like it. And here he is, the picture of strength, right? And he's been a great friend of mine, right? With a family. Because of a family. And what a job you did. It worked out pretty much. Pretty much better than we even thought. Right? And I did have a couple of things, you know, to say that were extremely controversial and between JD and Melania and anybody else that heard Police, sir, it's such a beautiful unifying speech. Please, sir, don't say these things I said, I'm telling you, it's going to play great.

[Donald Trump]

Do an impression of Trump Poison.

[Joe Biden]

You're the only ones I hurt by not. Oh, but we had some beauties, didn't we, Melania? She said sir, calls me sir when she's angry, say, I'm only kidding. The press is going to pick that one up.

[Donald Trump]

Tells me sir when she's angry. Not like when she calls me daddy.

[Joe Biden]

Terrible. It's such a nice speech. I think it's, you know, it all depends on your delivery. How was the delivery? Was it good?

[Stephen Crowder]

This has got to be the most personable.

[Joe Biden]

Would you go on Yelp? Give me five stars. Put things in there that you are going to. To put in. And I was going to talk about the J6 hostages, but you'll be happy.

[Donald Trump]

Drink anytime he mentions. Even though it's not a speech, it's still a continuation.

[Joe Biden]

Bring up the drinking game rules on the J6 hostages.

[Donald Trump]

Just the word hostages.

[Joe Biden]

About the things that just today with the pardons of people that were very, very guilty of very bad crimes like the unselect committee of political thugs where they literally. I mean, what they did is they destroyed and deleted all of the information, all of the hearings. Practically not a thing left. They deleted all the information on Nancy Pelosi having turned down the offer of 10,000 soldiers. You wouldn't have needed 10,000. You could have had 500 and it would have stopped.

[Stephen Crowder]

We still have the footage here because.

[Joe Biden]

We do a million people that day. The people that were there. You don't see any photographs, but we have a lot of great photos. You don't see those photographs. They don't put them in. They show the people at the Capitol. But I was talking about that. I was going to talk about that. They said, please, please don't bring that up right now. You can bring it up tomorrow. I Said, how about now? In front of the. I'll bring it up right now. You know, this little time delay is good because we're getting great reviews on this speech. Great reviews because he left there and he's talked to people. But we're giving you a little more information than we gave upstairs. But no, they pardoned a lot of people. They pardoned. Before we even get to today. They pardoned. What is it, 33 murderers. Absolute murderers. The worst murderers. You know, when you get the death sentence in the United States, you have to be bad because they don't give it much.

[Stephen Crowder]

Give it more.

[Joe Biden]

And he pardoned almost everybody having a death sentence. And if you went through the crimes that were committed, you wouldn't even believe them. The level of violence, the people that were killed, the innocence of people that were killed and children killed by these people. And he pardoned them for whatever reason. He spared them and. But they didn't spare the people that they killed. And, you know, who knows what happens in the future. It's one of the worst.

[Stephen Crowder]

CBP1 app has been shut down.

[Joe Biden]

Really?

[Stephen Crowder]

While he's laughing and joking with the crowd. It has been shut down.

[Joe Biden]

Yes. Little things, right?

[Donald Trump]

Which app?

[Joe Biden]

About that?

[Stephen Crowder]

CBP1. It was the mobile app that allowed people to come to the States.

[Donald Trump]

Right.

[Stephen Crowder]

To get flights and stuff.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Biden administration had set up and then tried to hide for two years. Yeah.

[Joe Biden]

Trying to help.

[Donald Trump]

Done.

[Joe Biden]

Like, Millie, why are we doing Millie? He was pardoned. What he said. Terrible. What he said, why are we helping some of the people? Why are we helping Liz Cheney? I mean, Liz Cheney is a disaster. He's a crying lunatic and crying. Adam Kinzinger, he's a super. Crying. I never saw the guy not crying. He's always crying. I look at him, I remember years ago, he was actually on my side. And then one day, when you don't want to kill people in wars, they turn against you. He hated the concept of.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yes.

[Joe Biden]

Of not going to war with everybody. Let's kill everybody. Let's spend a lot of money on military equipment.

[Donald Trump]

See, what. When people, when they fact check Trump, what they're usually. Is that kind of hyperbole? He's always crying. I've never seen him not crying. He said, like, Biden's always pooping. I never see him not pooping. Looks me in the eyes.

[Joe Biden]

I. I know there's poop.

[Donald Trump]

Like, it's a way of speaking. If you had a way of speaking that people determined was worthy of a fact check. Okay.

[Stephen Crowder]

They can pick anything they Fact check and crucify it. But then they assume sum up his inaugural speech as narcissistic. Talking about me? Yeah, and by the way, same thing, you hypocritical bastards.

[Donald Trump]

Every single president has had some streak of narcissism in them because they're President of the United States. In other words, they have to at some point believe they are qualified to run the free world.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, you know that, you know that leader of the free world, Mr. Humble.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Better than anybody on the planet at that time in history. They believe they're the best.

[Stephen Crowder]

I don't. I want my president to be a little narcissistic.

[Donald Trump]

Sure, sure. I want you to care about your.

[Stephen Crowder]

Legacy, for crying out loud. I'm gonna be all laissez faire about it.

[Donald Trump]

I'd rather you be open about it. Unlike Jimmy Carter, who peanut. Former man of the people. And then he would say, I'll carry up a suitcase. Right. He was like. He didn't. Wouldn't have his. His servants, basically his detail carry his suit. So he would literally have a suitcase that was empty that he would carry so they could carry his. Heavy.

[Stephen Crowder]

What a tool.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, he actually did that. That's well known about Carter. And if you read from all of these, these, these detail workers and people who are in the secret Service Service, they let you know who was genuine. Hey, Ronald Reagan believed in exceptionalism. He believed he was a great president, Great narcissist. Jimmy Carter was a liar who tried to act like, oh, gee golly, whole Roy Rogers. Ah, shucks. And the fact is he was a liar and he was a prick. Just like.

[Stephen Crowder]

I'll give you another one. How about Richard Nixon resigning because of narcissism?

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, exactly. Resigning, which would be complete child's play. It was. We'll do another segment on Watergate. He didn't even know about it. Yeah, yeah. Actually there's a. There's a three in three. Three facts. Three key facts. Three minutes or less about Watergate. There's a whole about Watergate. You can just go and download those wherever audio podcasts are available. There's one on Watergate. Most of you don't know what Watergate was. I'll summarize it for you. Couple of rubes decided to try and tap opposition's their room at the Watergate Hotel. And Nixon didn't even know about it. There you go. He resigned over it. That's. That's it. I know you're thinking there must be more to it than that, considering. What. No, there's Not. There really isn't. No.

[Stephen Crowder]

We did it in three minutes. You did it in three minutes?

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. And you know why we know about it? Because Nixon himself installed recording equipment for all of his calls and conversations because he wanted to be ultra transparent. And you can hear him go, what? They did what? Who's the asshole who cleared that? You're like, I don't know. I remember asking my father. I didn't know they record everything in. He goes, no, no, no. Just this president. Oh, this isn't standard practice. No, he did. He recorded it himself.

[Joe Biden]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

I mean, just a little awkward. And he's like, oh, boy, can we cut the tape? But actually, we'll continue with it. But we do actually have boots on the ground. And since we already invested in it, we might as well use them. We actually have our on the ground correspondent on retainer down there on Capitol Hill. None other than Mr. Thomas Finnegan. Let's go. All right, Finnegan, what are you seeing there on this historic day on.

[Joe Biden]

Hi, Steven.

[Donald Trump]

Where are you?

[Joe Biden]

I'm here on Capitol Hill, but there.

[Donald Trump]

Doesn'T seem to be too much going on right now. Uh huh. Where are you exactly? That. That doesn't look like Washington at all. Well, this is the only Capitol Hill I could find in Washington. Washington, as in the District of Columbia, Washington? Well, the coffee shop at the corner has great Colombian beans. Seattle's known for it. Okay, there it is. You're at the Capitol Hill. You're Capitol Hill in Seattle, Washington. All right, you know what, Tool man, this is. Cut it. We know it. I guess as that one's up. As what?

[Stephen Crowder]

That one's on me. I'm sorry.

[Donald Trump]

Did you hit the mute button?

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, I had to burp.

[Donald Trump]

As good a time as any to let people know there's 20 off the whole Crowder shop.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, no, there's 47.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, well, I also have the promo code. Why would anyone use the 21? Why do we have that running?

[Stephen Crowder]

They wanted us to start with that and then go to the 47.

[Donald Trump]

Oh, well, I'm an idiot. I went straight to 47. I did too much.

[Stephen Crowder]

They don't work together. No. So, yeah, now that Trev is sworn in, promo code MAGA. 47. 47. You get one of these shirts?

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Yeah. We can't see it because of the lower third. You're the kind who would cover up Bezos's wife's tits.

[Stephen Crowder]

Look at these tits right here. Look at this. We are so back.

[Donald Trump]

That's a fun one. Yeah, I like that. Shirt.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, it's great. What'd you say?

[Donald Trump]

He said he likes the gold chain now.

[Stephen Crowder]

I wore it for Trump.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah. Yeah, you did. Yeah. It's like every rapper, every single rapper, by the way, they referenced Trump all the time until they were told, like, you shouldn't do that anymore.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, why? You don't want to be the best of it.

[Donald Trump]

They're so independent. They back down. Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

I love how people are calling. I noticed this over the weekend. They had the concerts and the celebration for the inaugural weekend going on and you know, Snoop Dogg performed, Rick Ross performed, Soulja Boy Boy performed, Nelly performed, along with some other white people. But. But the liberal, liberal whites calling them racists and bigots.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

For supporting Trump, it's just blowing my mind, dude. It's like, you guys, it reminds me, you mentioned McCarthy earlier. It reminds me of, of the days of McCarthy when they would have him. Blacklist in Hollywood.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

And they go, oh, people on Twitter, people on blue sky right now are going, oh, I'm making a list. Snoop Dogg just made my list. Okay. Yeah, the self proclaimed Long beach gangster who has avoided murder conviction.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Stephen Crowder]

Now he's on your blacklist.

[Donald Trump]

Right.

[Stephen Crowder]

Okay, well, sounds racist to me.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah, exactly. By the way, McCarthy was. The thing is, the black. It was actually right. There were plenty of communists. He thought he was a little overzealous. He was kind of a bombastic prick. But there were plenty of communists. And we actually know now, like the Soviet, they're like, yeah, let's infiltrate their institutions. Propaganda. Oh, you mean it's a crazy idea that the Soviets believed in propaganda and that they could somehow use that against the West. Go and read up on. There are plenty of books on it. McCarthy was not wrong about it. Today it's McCarthyism. Today only there are no fascists. That's the issue. They just go, fascist, fascist, fascist blacklist. Only you're not a fascist and I'm not a fascist. You and I have been just as blacklisted as any of the McCarthy blacklist in Hollywood.

[Stephen Crowder]

You, yeah, you especially, I mean, demonetized.

[Donald Trump]

Deep. Banned from TikTok permanently. You know, we literally had to find an alternative. In Rumble. I'm the fascist. That'll be taken and clipped. All right, let's watch Trump a little more.

[Stephen Crowder]

Yeah, he's probably still roasting people.

[Donald Trump]

He probably is.

[Joe Biden]

Because, you know, if you look at my numbers with Hispanic Mike Johnson looks like the brazier cartoon boy.

[Stephen Crowder]

We just said he's not our system. He comes.

[Joe Biden]

My numbers. Hispanics, great numbers. But as the Governor said it hasn't. Oh, did I get lucky? Did I get lucky? Supposing I said, you know, he's not here, but the governor of Texas has done a terrible job. Wow, look at you. I can't see you because you're lower than everyone else. I'll tell you. Freaky little Burger King, Kids Club, wheelchair Texas. He's not doing his job. You heard what I said. See, I didn't. You were there. I said, he's doing.

[Donald Trump]

I didn't know you were there. Just like you didn't know there was.

[Joe Biden]

A tree falling because you didn't have. Not only didn't he have a partner, he had people selling the wall. Right? We have a fence structure that we worked on. The governor worked on with me and I didn't love it, to be honest with you. I wanted a nice precast concrete, you know, 40.

[Donald Trump]

He wanted to make it as he's such a builder. Lego gummies. Have you seen those?

[Joe Biden]

They're great.

[Donald Trump]

You can't use the red dye anymore.

[Joe Biden]

But they're like gummy bears. But they're Legos. Beautiful. A nice Y shape. And now I want Lego gummies, sir. They climb that like a rabbit. I said, what do you mean.

[Donald Trump]

Spaghetti?

[Joe Biden]

And the other thing is, you hit it with acid and the thing will disintegrate. You know, they have things for concrete, so they needed very hardened steel, very special steel. And then they did 7,000 pound concrete inside that steel unit, inside that steel. And then they have a rebar that's the toughest steel made very hard to cut. So this is why very little is cut. I mean, it's right. And then they put a anti climb panel on top. I hated it. I said, it's so unattractive. And I said, why would that work? I don't believe it works. And I went to watch. The border patrol gave a display. We had actually two sets of climbers, the guys that climb up walls with drugs on their back. I mean, they got like 60, 70 pounds of drug and they go as fast as you can walk. They go like Cirque du Soleil Mount Everest type climbers. And honestly, the drug guys were much better. I couldn't. The drug guys blew them away. Right?

[Stephen Crowder]

He's saying he didn't like top of it because I didn't like it. And then he's going, I was wrong.

[Joe Biden]

You didn't have it.

[Stephen Crowder]

They showed me. I was wrong. No one other president's doing this.

[Joe Biden]

Yeah, Beauty for efficiency. And we did. So we built this wall and we had. We built over 500 miles of wall. That's why we had such good numbers. The famous chart that came down very thankfully, the chart that came down on my right governor, had I not looked over there. I'm not speaking speaking right now. You might be speaking here. You want to know the truth? You J.D. we've got a lot of great people in this party. But it was. I got very lucky, but we had the best numbers we've ever had. But I bought. You know what happens is when you fill that up, it's like water. You fill it up. Now we have 571 miles of wall. And they would always say, you know, when we renovated a wall so there'd be like a piece of plywood sitting there for 60 years or a two by four sitting for 60 years on the ground and rotting because, you know, and they'll say, you didn't build a new wall here. We're building 50ft up in the air, 30ft sections, 50 foot sections, all steel, all concrete, all everything. And all by the way, they don't even want me to say this, but what the hell, doesn't take that long time. They're all wired for all of the equipment. We put wires in everything so they can easily wire for all the different types of equipment. If there's a doubt, we have to wire. Whenever we just look, you just find the wires all over the place up top. So we could just hook it up. We don't have to have wires on the outside, which wouldn't do too well. Right. So anyway, so we built give them a jolt, an extra 200 miles of wall. And the governor wanted to buy it. He tried to buy it and they wouldn't sell it to. So he wanted to put it up himself. Could have been done in three to four weeks, 200 more miles. Because when you do it now they just keep going further out, further out, further out, getting around. So we did an extra 200 miles and it was all bought. And they announced that they're not going to put it up. And that's when I realized they wanted open borders. And that's when I realized that people are going to come pouring through the wall like nobody's ever seen before. But you've seen it. A lot of you are here because of that. I made it my number one issue. They all said inflation was the number one issue. I said, I disagree. I think people coming into our country from prisons and from mental institutions is a bigger issue for the people that I know. And I made it my number one. I talked about inflation, too. But, you know, how many times can you say that an apple has doubled in cost? I'd say it, and I hit it hard. But then I go back to the fact that we don't want criminals coming into our country. We don't want the jails of every country in the world virtually being deposited into the United States. And that man had to suffer with it. And he did an unbelievable job. I'll tell you. He was a very popular governor, but now he's like an unbeatable governor because of your border policies. He was fantastic. And he really was.

[Donald Trump]

All right. And for people who are not, we're going to be here, of course, tomorrow at 10am Eastern, as we always are weekdays, and we even are on Fridays. But that's only for Mug Club Rumble Premium members. You can click that button right there. Enjoy. None of this happens without you notice. Not a ton of live reads and 20 minutes of commercials per every hour of programming. And we can say whatever we want with the YouTube dump button. That's entirely because of you, as well as this ground switch. This landslide mandate, this election. It's because you, the people out there, have been heard. And you're no longer going to be silenced. You can download the Rumble app, too. You get automatic notifications whenever we are live. We're going to continue taking your chats here today. But before that, actually, I. We meant to do this last week, and then it just got moved. Yeah, she is. Z is no longer going to be press secretary.

[Stephen Crowder]

I'm gonna miss it.

[Donald Trump]

I'm gonna miss. Yeah, they were adorable.

[Stephen Crowder]

I'm gonna miss that. Mop with a body.

[Donald Trump]

They did their level best. And so as we go to Rumble premiere here in just a few moments, Carine Jean Pierre. No, not. Don't say pirate. It's time.

[Stephen Crowder]

Oh, she's a pirate.

[Donald Trump]

To close.

[Stephen Crowder]

I am obviously acutely aware I am a black, gay, immigrant woman, the first.

[Donald Trump]

Of all three of those to hold this position.

[Stephen Crowder]

Time to close. Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now. When it comes to illegal migration, you've seen it come down by more than 90%. And that's because of this. The actions that this president has taken.

[Donald Trump]

But why do you think it is that when you say the economy is improving and President. President Biden says the economy is improving, that a majority of Americans outside of this building are not buying it.

[Stephen Crowder]

When we walked into this administration, the economy was on a tail, a tailspin. That is the fact. Because of the last administration in Las Vegas.

[Donald Trump]

He told a story about recently talking to a French president who died in 1996.

[Stephen Crowder]

I'm not even going to go down that rabbit hole with you, sir. We're going to go ahead. Time to close. Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now. Our heartfelt condolences go out to the families who lost three.

[Donald Trump]

Three brave.

[Stephen Crowder]

Three brave.

[Donald Trump]

Three brave.

[Stephen Crowder]

Of three folks who are. Who are military, folks who are brave, is there any possibility that the president.

[Donald Trump]

Would end up pardoning his son? No.

[Joe Biden]

I just said.

[Stephen Crowder]

No, I just answered.

[Donald Trump]

Go ahead. How many more assassination attempts on Donald Trump until the president and the vice president and you pick a different word to describe Trump other than threat.

[Stephen Crowder]

I know that it's time for things to close. I know that it's time for things to close.