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Steven Crowder
Stop it. Stop it. Gerald welcome to the lineup live. So it's live. You don't have to change the all these people. Each stream goes into the next. I had to shave my chest for this because I have to go into a doctor thing and, and I'm like a hairless mouse. I don't know how you men like one of those lab rats, one of those hairless cats. I don't know how men do it. I just, I just, I felt like a piece of me was, was leaving. So anyway, I'm sorry, what piece of you is it did leave. It's my hair. Time to close. Stephen Colbert. His last episode is happening. The Caller Daddy podcast. Well, call her mommy because she wants you to be a promiscuous whore, but she doesn't live that way. Thomas Matthew it's primary Day. Thomas Massie. Look, I understand why people like him. I understand why people may not be fans of him right now. The odds are very slightly against him. And we'll kind of give you the case as to why some people may have some issues and where he may be strong. What I really dislike when discussing candidates is people straw manning the positions of their opponents or being disingenuous about funding. So we're going to go through all that and give you comparisons. And of course our hearts go out. Our hearts go out and people will say it's cliche but prayers to those affected by the shooting that just took place at the Islamic Center. To be clear, anytime someone kills innocent people, targets innocent people, it is wrong. People acting as though this is a difficult call to make. It's across the board. Okay. But we are going to discuss this.
Gerald
Of course.
Steven Crowder
We're going to discuss why it's wrong and we're also going to discuss why we are looking at acts of violence predominantly go one way. Reality is reality. So that and more on with the show.
Gerald
Sam.
Steven Crowder
Anxious, maybe late night host slowly losing
Ad Voice (Jerry Insurance)
her mind without the sounds of laughter and applause.
Gerald
Turn the television on usually not obviously. Now I think my patience is slowly starting to disintegrate. Trevor Nova grew industrial. Be outside someone get called barrel microphone. It's like they don't even try. It's not easy to war this sh. It's not easy to war we're la. This bad All. I see all of money faces afraid it could rub off on me Talking about how much I hate drum Always Hyping of COVID 19 comedies we're fighting for here's why More C will never die Instead of watching overpaid hats I just request you so subscribe
Steven Crowder
it's not
Gerald
easy to watch head and shoulders
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Counties
Steven Crowder
that are majority black have three times
Ad Voice (Jerry Insurance)
the rate of infections.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
The answer to all Cuomo's questions is tragically familiar. Centuries of racism.
Steven Crowder
All right, I'm gonna do some jokes. So excited to be doing the show from my panic room. I mean, living room. Doing the show from my home. For two reasons. First, to stop the spread of the coronavirus. Second, so I can write off my real estate tax.
Gerald
That's our monologue. Everybody
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
trumps every single one of these
Steven Crowder
checks to have his signature on them,
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
which would be the first time he's ever put his name on something helpful.
Steven Crowder
Dumbest thing.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
He's decided to put his name on something really dumb.
Gerald
Brilliant.
Steven Crowder
Do you ever think about calling Trump and suggesting ways that he could. He could do better? Never allowed any crisis from the civil War straight through to the pandemic of 17 all the way around 16. We have never, never let our democracy sakes. Second bit.
Gerald
I've never told jokes.
Steven Crowder
I've never just told jokes to myself. I'm not even trying to be funny here. There's no jokes. Click Rumble Premium and join now for 99 annually or 9.99amonth, to get the entirely ad free experience and an ever expanding roster of content creators and free speech. Do. Thanks. Thanks, Gerald, for. Oh, wait, shut. Thanks for offering medical advice right before the show and then saying, but not for you. Not for you, not for you. Just for me.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Other people.
Steven Crowder
Just for the elite. Tall people who at 62, you're tall, too. What are you talking about? Not like you. Okay? Not like you. Look at the actuary tables, punk.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, up here, though,
Steven Crowder
you tall punk. You make me want to puke. All right, don't call me tall. Oh, yeah, I get it. He loves being part of the Aryan Brotherhood. Captain Morgan, CEO.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
How are you?
Steven Crowder
Fantastic.
Gerald
Fine.
Steven Crowder
Show him your back tattoo. No.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, let's see that thing. Let's see that iron cross.
Steven Crowder
Let's see that mad fold in. And when you hear him, you love. I'm gonna get it right. Yep. Saturday, May 31st.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Oh, come on.
Josh Firestein
Oh, that's the wrong card. That one's not your fault.
Steven Crowder
May 30 that one's not my fault. Someone's getting fired. Roxy Theater in Muscogee, Oklahoma. Muskogee, Oklahoma. Not understore Firestein on X. How are you, sir?
Josh Firestein
Good, good. That's Engine country.
Steven Crowder
It is?
Josh Firestein
Oh, yeah. I love it.
Steven Crowder
It is also. I'm glad it's a palm tree on your shirt.
Imam or Religious Commentator
Yeah.
Josh Firestein
You like it?
Steven Crowder
Oh, no, it's not one of those 420 leaves.
Josh Firestein
It's the thing embroidered on the back. You want to see?
Steven Crowder
I swear to you, if it's Jimmy. Son of a Crap. Oh, geez. I'm a parrot head dude.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah, now you're really funny.
Josh Firestein
It's five o' clock somewhere.
Steven Crowder
Yeah, you know, yeah.
Josh Firestein
Got to have a margarita in the morning.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Josh, can we schedule a meeting for five o' clock on Friday?
Steven Crowder
I particularly like my songs to be inspired by standard time zones. Hey, really quickly, before we get to anything else, it's time for Weird Faces of cnn. When we do run through, it's often. There he is. He looks like the weird negative critic from Ratatouille. I guess he's the mayor of somewhere in California at San Diego.
Josh Firestein
Mayor Todd. Gloria, really?
Steven Crowder
We'll take your chance later. You let me know who you think he looks like. I have one other comparison, but I won't show it to you. This has been Weird Faces of cnn. I'm just writing a note. Bad first two minutes.
Josh Firestein
Ask the chat.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I think they.
Josh Firestein
They probably think my Walmart embroidered parrot head shirt is dope.
Steven Crowder
Is it?
Josh Firestein
No.
Steven Crowder
Is it actually marketed as a Jimmy Buffett thing or is it just a parrot on it?
Josh Firestein
No, it was just on the rack at Walmart with some other shirts that had, like, flowers on it and stuff.
Steven Crowder
They're just hoping that the. Whatever, the estate of Buffett doesn't notice.
Josh Firestein
No, he won't know. Dude, he's dead.
Steven Crowder
You won't know. I don't know. Maybe the right state have gone on.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
By the way, we're eight minutes in, not two. Sorry.
Steven Crowder
So, okay. All right. So let's just go to the first thing. Meet my Shawn. She's a Democrat state rep who wants to share her opinion on Maga and is also proof positive as to why in 2026. It used to be the other way around. The left is almost. Not always, but as a general rule. Okay, There can be funny. Let me clarify. There can be funny comedians who are Democrats who lean left, of course. But as far as the general population, it is impossible for those on the left to have a general sense of humor. Here's My Shihong Maga was not happy.
My Shihong (Democrat State Rep)
I wore my traditional Hmongarb to work to celebrate my cultural hair day. So today I'm gonna wear their garbage. First I put on my Team USA shirt because I want everyone to know I'm proud to be an American. I do my MAGA makeup. I'm going for the Kristy NGO meets Erica Kirk look like I just didn't get fired and I'm mourning the loss of my loved one. Then I practice my English in front of the mirror. I love my country, usa. Not Chinese, not Japanese American. And I do the most American thing.
Josh Firestein
Advertising your car.
My Shihong (Democrat State Rep)
What does Trump usually get?
Steven Crowder
I'm sorry, what?
My Shihong (Democrat State Rep)
Big Mac with large fries and a Diet Coke. So now I'm just sitting on my front porch staring down my immigrant neighbors. And then I noticed something suspicious. Suspicious. I call ICE because there's a suspicious black SUV parked down the street. Finally, it's time for some fox news at 5. Then I rage comment on every dumb democrat, libtard, brainwashed, tds, CCP Marxist, cockroach, lunatics post. I look at some AI generated stuff that Donald Trump posted and I laugh my butt off. Like, geez, it's not that serious. Like, get over it. You lived hards.
Steven Crowder
Guess you need to do some more laughing.
Josh Firestein
That was pretty funny actually. I like the part where she. She called the police on a black suv. Yeah, she called ICE Yeah. Rather than go up to the car and accuse them of being ice.
Steven Crowder
Right. Well, here's the thing. She did that for lunch. But she is a proud mom, so she returned to her roots for din. Yeah, it's racist because I eat cat.
Josh Firestein
It's quite the roar there really was.
Steven Crowder
Is. Does Hmong mean. Is it? Is there like a genetic predisposition toward not being able to act? Because I saw Gran Torino and it's like the entire group of people, it just took me out of the film.
Josh Firestein
I don't think so. I just. I think it just means descendant of Genghis Khan.
Steven Crowder
Okay.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I just particularly like when she put on a Team USA shirt.
Steven Crowder
Yeah, that was the garbage, right? She's like I. And her satire is I love my country, America. Oh, I get it. That's silly to you. Ah, fun. So she did, by the way, introduce a bill, I believe in 2024 to compensate schools for putting menstrual products in girls and boys bathrooms.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
So wasting them.
Steven Crowder
Yeah. So here's the thing. How can you be funny? How can you have a sense of humor when you are that detached from reality? And that's going to be a theme today, we're going to be talking about Colbert. Like people will say the truth is stranger than fiction. Sure. But as it relates to comedy, someone who lives a life where they believe. Yeah, that's reasonable. Tampons in the boys bathroom because boys can menstruate. That person is incapable of relating on a central premise that is universally agreed upon because they are silly people. They're silly goofy people who don't live in reality. It's that simple. Used to be a difference of opinion as far as budget, as far as maybe your view on the terms of abortion, safe, legal and rare versus no, we don't think it should be taking place now. It's boys can menstruate too. Okay. Good luck writing a joke. Speaking of which, let's go on to Stephen Colbert. The last episode is going to air this Thursday of the Late show with Stephen Colbert. And I don't like calling it the Late show because Letterman, you know, such a legacy, probably the best to ever do it. I know his post career is a little bit rough now. The canceling of the show despite people trying to murder. They tried to blame Donald Trump and say it was censorship a while ago. Yeah, it was a financial decision. Turns out when you lose the network like tens of millions of dollars and you're unwilling to sacrifice your exorbitant salary and budget and you have to compete with people who are just kicking your ass online with a fraction of those resources, Turns out it's not financially. It looks like the what the game show Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen is going to fill. That's such an insult. Oh my gosh. I didn't know this until this morning.
Josh Firestein
Is it classified as a game show?
Steven Crowder
I don't know. I don't think it's a game show. It's a panel show.
Josh Firestein
I don't think it's a game show either.
Steven Crowder
I don't think it's a game show. I guess that's one way press release. Here's just Norm MacDonald said this one time it was perfect. You know, I hear that. Just so you know, my friend was on Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen, you know. Oh, you're quite leashed. You know, they always try to act like it's a conversation, but they have the setups like, hey, Jon Lovitz, I hear you're getting older. Do like a five minute thing about how he's old because he studied stand up in his 60s and his club is fucking Hawaiian themed or something. So Colbert lost out to Comics Unleashed, which to be clear and I know Byron Allen, very smart businessman, is kind of a punchline amongst those in the standup community. You do it when you're coming up, maybe because you have to. You take any airtime that you can get that tells you how awful Colbert's program has been. And so we did this before when he announced it. Oh, we just had a flutter in the studio. But since we are actually dealing with the finality of the Colbert show or Late show with Colbert, it is our final time to close.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Oh, hey, everybody. We got a great show for you tonight. The network will be ending the Late show in May.
Gerald
Time to close. Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Many of the protesters lamented the loss of their everyday activities. Like this woman in Wisconsin with the sign, I want a haircut. Looks like your sign is a typo.
Josh Firestein
We fixed it for you.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I want to endanger the lives of your grandparents in exchange for frosted tips.
Gerald
Time to close. Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Joe Biden did it.
Steven Crowder
Okay. The last time I had beer was at a baseball game with Doug.
Josh Firestein
So cheers.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Okay.
Steven Crowder
Cheers.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
There you go. I know you guys are objective over there that you just report the news as it is. Oh, I know CNN makes a.
Is that supposed to be a laugh line?
It wasn't supposed to be, but I guess it is if you're waking up from a coma. Bad timing. First of all, Donald Trump has been sworn in as President of the United States. Listen, listen. We're just as confused as you are, and we've been awake this whole time. You talk like a sign language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin. Putin's holster.
Gerald
I know that it's time for things to close. I know that it's time for things to close.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I'm not being replaced. This is all just going away.
Steven Crowder
I didn't want to listen to it. I had to do it.
Josh Firestein
So, by the way, I would gladly go on Byron's Comics Unleashed.
Steven Crowder
Oh, all right.
Josh Firestein
You were talking about it, like, really, really poorly.
Steven Crowder
There you go.
Josh Firestein
But I don't do that.
Steven Crowder
Josh Firestein is gay for pay.
Josh Firestein
I will sell out.
Steven Crowder
Yes. For Byron Allen.
Gerald
So you can't even hear it and not laugh.
Josh Firestein
I don't even think they get paid on that show.
Steven Crowder
He's like. He's like.
Josh Firestein
It's like Gutfeld that you just go on just for the exposure.
Steven Crowder
Oh, they could pay. They just don't. So he's. It's like the black Lesser Dane Cook, like, he found a way because Dane Cook did have some stuff that was funny early on. He was. He did, like. And then it became a punchline because he used social media. But Byron Allen found a way to pay for airtime and create this. This facade. He's. He's made money off of it.
Josh Firestein
I won't take this Dane Cooks lander either. I won't take it. By the way, Dane, if you need an opener, hit me up.
Steven Crowder
That's right. He's your biggest defender. He says, you shut your mouth. You shut your mouth. Talking about Dink.
Josh Firestein
If you don't let me open for you, I'm gonna give you this. Give him one of these.
Steven Crowder
Middle finger. I spruced it up, right? No, it's. No, no, you didn't.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, that was his thing.
Ad Voice (Marketing Ad)
It was the double.
Steven Crowder
Yeah.
Josh Firestein
Anyways, we got a show to do.
Steven Crowder
Sorry. I think it was just writing down 18 minutes in. Bad? No, no, no.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Still bad.
Steven Crowder
So. All right, let's look at. Actually, though, we have the time to close. People are. It's one thing to say he's not funny. It's one to say I don't like him. Because, look, I will grant you this. People who are in politics or they have a very strong political point of view, it's a very easy attack. And it's very lazy to simply say, well, it'd be fine if you were funny about someone who is your political opponent. I have recognized that there are plenty of people on the left who are funny. Jon Stewart, very funny. One of the best to have done it. Kathleen Madigan is honestly one of the only female comedians out there who I think is a genuinely good writer and funny. This is my opinion. I'm trying to think of who else. John Oliver has some funny bits. We've talked about that when we've covered the show. Bill Maher has never been funny, in my opinion. Accidentally, neither has Colbert. But let's go through the worst three. I guess not. Highlights. Lowlights of Stephen Colbert, which I think actually are emblematic as to why they represent why he was at a certain point incapable of being funny, meaning he was precluded from being funny because of to whom he was beholden. His audience and the network. At a certain point, you have other priorities outside of comedy. Before this, the Colbert show on Comedy Central. After Jon Stewart, it was funny because he was playing a character. And the satire was effective because there was at least a through line of authenticity, meaning the character believed it. Then when it was just Stephen Colbert being himself, it became Unwatchable. And I do mean that objectively, because you can see the numbers and the amount of money that went into promoting it. So number three, as far as these unfunny moments would be broadcasting from home and his pro lockdown policies during COVID We're gonna run this for you. Kind of a brief montage. You either have to accept that he is an absolute coward who believed all this and had to stay home, or he was in on the propaganda because he was encouraging everyone else to doing the bidding of the government. I think it's a little of column A, a little of column B. Either way, you lose the ability to claim that you are a rebel. Right? The court jester mocking the royalty when you are carrying their water. Here you go. Pro lockdown Colbert from home. We actually came into the studio, the government.
Josh Firestein
Remember that?
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
The government is telling all of us to avoid human contact indefinitely.
Steven Crowder
Believe the government, on behalf of the
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
socially anxious everywhere, let me just say. Way ahead of you. I have been avoiding human contact since before it was cool. Keep in mind this is not the first time humanity has had to sequester itself to prevent the spread of infection. Did you know, I just found this out. That Sir Isaac Newton. Newton retreated to his home in the countryside when the great plague of 1665 hit London. And it was during that isolation that he discovered calculus and came up. Came up with his theory of gravity. And that's only because his kids were stuck at home whipping apples at each other's heads. That's what I'm gonna miss on Monday. We're gonna do this for the foreseeable future. Okay? So you people, this audience here, he
Steven Crowder
is advocating for it before he broadcast from home.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
For the foreseeable future, you are all collector's items. Have yourself notarized.
Josh Firestein
Wow. What an honor.
Steven Crowder
Now, remember, not everybody was on board with this important.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Until this is over, stay in your original packaging or else you lose all your value.
Steven Crowder
Now, he will try and defend that and say, well, we were going off of the information that we had at the time. Not everybody was on board with that. And I will tell you this, of course, a lot of conservatives did that too. People on the right. We didn't. I understood if states wanted to do it to flatten the curve, we thought, okay, well, maybe there's something to that. We're not going to here at this studio. He believed it. He advocated it to everyone. The information that he had at the time also included the opposing worldview, saying this could actually have catastrophic results. But because his priority was Propaganda and not comedy. He decided to ignore those people for a while and then as the results started coming in, he just decided to demonize them or really vilify them. I guess you would say dumb vilify, I don't know the term where you simply make your opponent out to be like. They do it with Republicans. If you're not evil, you're just dumb. If they can't make you out to be dumb, they go evil mastermind, right? See George W. Bush versus Dick Cheney. See Donald Trump or Dan Quayle or Ronald Reagan. Dumb. Nixon evil. If they can't make you out to be dumb, make you out to be evil. So he just made the audience out to be dumb. Right. Like all of Sweden, people who are like, you know what? We're not gonna do this lockdown. He's a coward. He was a coward. It's really hard to follow a late night comedian because the tradition is being rebellious. The tradition is poking your finger in the chest of authority. He didn't do that.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
And if you believed everything that he was saying, shouldn't he have sent the audience home immediately? Because they had the, the lockdown warning.
Steven Crowder
Right.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Then why it's like, oh, this is my last one. Because they're going to lock us down because of this disease in the future. Why not start tonight?
Steven Crowder
Not only that, we were, you know, we were doing, I was doing stand up shows. That's how we met when there were these lockdowns. He is his salary. Can someone, was it 12 or 15 million a year? I always get them confused. Hey, shave off a million or a couple of million. You could have the protocols to test people and make sure that people were. If you believed it, he didn't do that. He didn't do that. While he advocates for socialist candidates, this brings us to number two. You want to talk about propaganda. He actually carried the water for and advocated to the American public that Biden was not experiencing cognitive decline. Now it's one thing to make that point generally, it's another when there is the report that came out from. Remember, I believe it was, was it Robert Hur was her. Was his last name the half Asian, surprisingly tall gentleman who said look, this is a man, a well meaning man who's older and suffers from cognitive decline. And then of course there was testimony. Here's the thing too that I want you to understand with late night comedy, topical comedy, the primary difference between stand up is a universal premise. Meaning if you are performing standup comedy in a club or at a venue and people have come out to see you. It may be very personal, you know, as may sort of be one man show where you have to establish the premise. Talking about your kids, talking about your life, talking about, you know, going through drug rehab, whatever it is, because that's your show. The primary difference in topical comedy as it relates to late night and why Johnny Carson would get numbers that rival today's super bowl is the premise is already established. You are addressing the universal premise, meaning everyone already knows this. That's what's in the news. And you are tasked with the most effective punchline. The longer you spend establishing a premise, it means that you're actually not a good topical comedian and certainly not a late night host. Here is Colbert sidestepping the joke. The universal premise. Everyone knows Biden was suffering from cognitive decline. There was no disagreement over that, including amongst the Democratic party sidestep that to push propaganda instead. That's why it's not funny.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Her refused to engage in hypotheticals. But today he did release the full transcript of his interviews with the President. And what do you know? It's not as old man forgets a lot as his summary made it out to be. At one point Hur even complimented Biden's memory, specifically saying you appear to have a photographic understanding and recall. So the exact opposite of his report summary. At this point I'm worried about hers cognitive ability. Did anyone ask him to identify a whale?
Gerald
Whale.
Steven Crowder
And of course it's also dishonest. He's deliberately taking that out of context.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Revealed that Biden remembered a lot of details. He described a submarine deal in Australia, curbing Chinese influence in Africa, the improvement of solar facilities in Angola. And the president twice mimicked the sounds of a car.
Steven Crowder
Now I'm going to play another clip for you. That's a continuation of this. But think about that for a second. First off, it's dishonest, which is fine if it's funny. That wasn't funny. That wasn't designed to be funny. That was designed to make the case that Joe Biden, former Vice President Biden was actually really sharp. If you actually look at the context, we have the overlay here from the her report. He was specifically addressing Biden's recollection of a house in Delaware. This is kind of what people asking questions. Now this could be done in a mental health exam or it could be a lawyer. They're trying to establish something to then see if there's an inconsistency. Oh, so you appear to have a photographic memory. Can you tell me about and then you give Them something that is current that they should more easily remember and the fraud is on display. Yeah, he knows that. The full report. Well, here he is actually addressing the summary of the report. Again, sidestepping premise to push propaganda.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Today, the GOP was hoping to use details from her report about Biden's memory lapses to damage Biden ahead of the presidential election. Yes, Biden has been dangerously forgetful, unlike Trump, who always remembers that he is running against Obama and unopposed at that since Nancy Pelosi dropped out.
Steven Crowder
So think about that. Both times. He has the ability to go after the joke, lies, misleads, to make a point in one instance and in the other, sidesteps it to push the whataboutism. What about ism is fine? Look, it doesn't have to be accurate for comedy. The problem and the reason that people stop tuning in is because even those in the left are like, come on, like, you can poke fun at Joe Biden for being forgetful, for clearly having cognitive decline.
Josh Firestein
Yeah. You're not going to acknowledge it, first of all. And then second of all, you're going to tell us of the audience, even if you're a big you, to tell us that we are the ones that are dumb and we are the ones that are making a irresponsible, you know, decision about him.
Steven Crowder
That's exactly, that's exactly what it is. It's blaming you, the audience, from a perch of elitism. And so, you know, he'll probably be fine after losing the late show, the good Catholic boy that he is. And he tells everyone this all the time to give himself cover. He's already scored a new job running propaganda for the Vatican.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Reports alleged the priest had an inappropriate relationship with an underage boy, to which Donald Trump replied, hold my communion.
Josh Firestein
The laughs are the same.
Steven Crowder
Yeah, I see. But instead, isn't Trump bad? Like, oh, yeah, yeah, I forgot about that for four seconds. Which brings us to number one. You all knew that this would be number one, but I think that many people have forgotten that it was a recurring theme. Yeah. The vaccine. And the reason that that was, here's how you know something is really bad. And by the way, you always have swings and misses. We've had that on this show. This is. You're like, yeah, I guess we were tired or whatever it is. You know, I was drunk. But you're going, who is vaccine for? Right. If you're making fun of show tunes because it's corny and gay, that's one thing. You can use show tunes as a form of satire. He wasn't doing that. It just seems like he's a corny, you know, gay sympathizer who really likes show tunes. And he was doing this for a long time, advocating that Americans. Of course. He's Mr. Pro Choice. Get the vaccine. Browbeat the audience. Anyone who didn't partake. Well, it was a recurring theme. Here you go.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
So let's find out the way the vaccine is changing in our new recurring segment, the vac scene. The vaccine. Vaccine.
Josh Firestein
You mean he wants to get this over with?
Steven Crowder
Took that Pfizer money, huh?
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Going to read that underage orgy scene.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, he's.
Steven Crowder
Okay. Yeah. You know, whenever I see someone unironically have a bunch of trans homosexuals pushing a political agenda, I think of one of my favorite quotes, and it was Richard Nixon. You guys remember Bohemian Grove? He was asked about Bohemian Grove. And his answer. Someone can fact check this. We can bring it up in Rumble Premium. His answer was something to the effect of. You mean where those faggots piss on redwoods?
Josh Firestein
I mean, it's accurate.
Steven Crowder
That's not perfect. Yeah, that's funnier than anything Stephen Colbert has ever done. Although I will say, you know, a gay cat always lands on its feet because he's landed a spot on the View. And of course, I understand they have a shortage of whiny bitches.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
These terrorists seem to be criminals in the world. They don't really belong to a country. So maybe they should be treated like civilians. And this is a criminal trial.
Steven Crowder
No, wait a second. Be treated like our civilians.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I'm trying to get to the bottom
Steven Crowder
of terrorists who need a home. He's saying that. Elizabeth, stop acting. Absolutely not. This is what AI is for. I still haven't found a way to be super productive with it, but can we make Colbert into more of a bitch? Say no more. How many data centers do you need? I'm water cooled. I don't know. Is there anything else that we need to touch on Josh?
Josh Firestein
No, that's what he does all the time. It's just really annoying. The whole. The whole. Oh, Biden. Biden's old and he has cognitive decline. But, but, but, but. Trump said the wrong word last night, right?
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah, it just went away from, like. I don't have the comedic background you guys have, but I watched SNL when
Steven Crowder
I was growing up.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
They made fun of just about everybody.
Steven Crowder
It was great.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I didn't care because it was everybody. It was comedy. We all laughed about it. And then they just stopped being our side, you know, like, getting made fun of and their side. And it was just our side. And I was like, wait a minute,
Josh Firestein
it's a brow beating.
Steven Crowder
And I'll tell you, this happens on the left and the right. That is true. And certainly now, in the era of clickbait, there's a reason that President Trump hasn't been on this show and it's not because we wouldn't have him. We would have him or Kamala. From what I understand, he doesn't like the impressions, he doesn't like some of the criticisms. You know, President Trump isn't always big on that. If there's not enough flattery. But this is my job. Of course we're going to make fun of everyone if there is something valid that warrants teasing, certainly if it's a universal premise that everyone knows whether they agree or not, it's already been set
Josh Firestein
and it should be accurate. This is a common thing from the left, whether they're comedian or not. I mean, a famous comedian just did the same thing where we're making a joke that's based on complete lies and then applauded by everyone as one of the best jokes. Chelsea Handler at the roast of Kevin Hart. And I hate to bash roast jokes. I'm not offended by it. It's just the fact that it was so inaccurate and everyone's championing this joke. The joke. The joke was, well, now that the draft. Now the. Trump's made the. Your favorite guy. Trump's made the draft mandatory. Well, there's no draft.
Steven Crowder
No.
Josh Firestein
And selective service was always mandatory.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah.
Josh Firestein
Maybe you guys can go sign up and go fight for the fight in Iran. Unless you guys are talking to Tony Hinchcliffe and Shane Gillis. Well, there's no boots on the ground in Iran and there's no draft happening.
Steven Crowder
Yeah.
Josh Firestein
And there's no actual fight. There's a ceasefire going on. And then the only reason you guys go to the Middle east is to go to a comedy festival in Saudi Arabia and everyone dies laughing. Tony his Cliff and Shane Gillis both famously turned down millions of dollars to go to Saudi Arabia. And Shane Gillis went On the Record. I know, like talking shit about it.
Steven Crowder
I know the people who went for her leftist friends. Yeah, exactly. It was a three.
Josh Firestein
I mean, Kevin Hart did go. I think so maybe that was.
Steven Crowder
Maybe it was targeted politically neutral or left.
Josh Firestein
But. Yeah, yeah, but it's like those three. It's a three part joke and all three parts were based on. Not facts at all.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah.
Josh Firestein
And then they go, yeah, we stuck it to them. And it's Like. Well, no, nobody's offended. It's just that you. You got everything wrong.
Steven Crowder
Even.
Josh Firestein
Even Tony Hincliffe is. Is on there sipping a drink like, what?
Steven Crowder
Yeah.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
No.
Josh Firestein
Are you talking about me?
Steven Crowder
Has to be some basis. Yeah.
Josh Firestein
Call me a white supremacist because I made racist. That makes sense. But when you say.
Steven Crowder
When you said it was a false premise, I thought it was gonna start with I'm happy. Aw.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah, you win.
Steven Crowder
She's a miserable old whore.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
She is.
Steven Crowder
It's true. Now, see, that's based in truth, where it's almost like the setup is the punchline. Chelsea Handler argues against the central premise that she's a miserable old whore, most notably because she's a miserable old whore. You don't need to change anything. It's not my best. So who knows what Colbert is 35 minutes into the show. Yeah, who knows what Colbert's next gig is going to be? But in uncertain times, and we do know that right now, like, we've acknowledged the economic instability right now, I understand that he should make sure that he gets all the protection he can against the unknown. Nailed it.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yup. It's your worst nightmare. Your car broke down is exactly what I would be saying to you if you were a butter soft B. You remake Miami Vice only for everyone to ask, why did he remake Miami Vice? You get pulled over by the police,
Steven Crowder
and they are not fans of Law and svu.
Josh Firestein
This is just not working.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
It's not working.
Steven Crowder
Is that your opinion, doctor?
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Hey, which one of us was in Leprechaun in the Hood?
Josh Firestein
Neither of us.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
That's right.
Steven Crowder
Me.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I'm your worst nightmare. It's your worst nightmare. You have a director who thinks it's his big moment like this is directing an episode of Law and svu, but it's a s t y ass car commercial.
Josh Firestein
Nick, we have writers for a reason.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I know all about it. That's why I sent my writer two weeks ago. And y' all somehow still didn't get my garlic parmesan chicken wings in the green room as specified. Sorry, all they had was Asian zang. It's your worst nightmare. They forgot your garlic parmesan wings in the green room. All they had was Asian zinc. So now your acid reflux is kicking in, and you send a director out to get you some Tums.
Josh Firestein
I'll be back. Take five, everyone. Take five.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
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Steven Crowder
Crowder and if you don't try it,
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
you might find yourself at the intersection of your worst nightmare.
Josh Firestein
That's a wrap.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
You protect your vehicle from the unexpected. Go to carshield.com, use code CROWDER for 20% off. You order no olives, but got a lot of olives, which is not what you want. Precisely the opposite.
Steven Crowder
Well, that's.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I hate olives.
Steven Crowder
I've had a dream about that.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I hate the jars as well.
Steven Crowder
I wouldn't say worse nightmare because right after I was like, oh, the slender man. And that was worse. Well, that has nothing to do with dollars.
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Steven Crowder
All right, next subject. There's. Look, there's. We're going to approach this the same way that we do anytime innocent life is lost and targeted. The shooting at the Islamic Center. Yeah, Horrible. Awful. And I hope that anyone involved with it obviously faces the consequences, ideally frying. Can we say anything more than that? Here's the thing. Outside of that, you have people who are playing the speculation game. We're not going to do that. We're going to wait for information to come in. So let's discuss what it is that we actually know and let's have real conversations about big picture topics. And I used to say, I don't want to do this. You just want to mourn. But I no longer have that privilege because the left politicizes everything before the bodies assume room temperature. And if only one side is using tragedy to Push a lie, then it's important to acknowledge a tragedy and to speak the truth. So yesterday, here's the truth, what we know. Two teenage shooters targeted an Islamic center, I guess the Islamic center of San Diego is what it's called. They killed three people before killing themselves, and if anyone else was involved in the planning, helped them, knew about it, I hope that they are prosecuted to the full extension, full extent of the law. Again, we don't have all the information right now. For those who missed it, here's what happened.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Police and the FBI continue to investigate what led up to this shooting. As you said, the authorities found three innocent people dead outside of the mosque, which is right behind me here, including a security guard. A hate crime is how authorities are classifying the deadly shooting at the largest mosque in San Diego County. Three men were killed, according to officials, including a security guard who the San Diego police chief says played a critical role in preventing something that could have been much worse.
Steven Crowder
And if you know those who were obviously heroes who did prevent it from getting much worse, thank you very much. We appreciate it. Again, we don't have all the facts, all the information, but we do have a lot of information as far as violence and who perpetrates it. And immediately, this shooting has been framed. So this is the response from the left as the result of America's widespread, quote, Islamophobia. So let me read you some quotes here. Hakeem Jeffries said, deeply disturbed by the shooting at the Islamic center of San Diego. My prayers are with the victims, their families, and the Claremont community. We must crush Islamophobia and the hatred that is fueling it. Mehdi Hasan said. I can't say I'm surprised, sadly, given some of the rhetoric that's been mainstreamed in this country and especially on this site. Oh, so, yeah, Islamophobia and rhetoric. I assume he's discussing rhetoric like, this new video shows the speed of the pickup truck that plowed into people, killing at least 15 and injuring many more. Sorry, wrong clip. Here's the Islamophobic rhetoric. Breaking news on the mass shooting in Orlando, Florida, that's left 50 people dead and more than 50 people injured. The shooter actually called 911 surrounding the attack to pledge allegiance to ISIS and mentioned the Boston bombers, according to a U.S. official. I'm sorry, that, too, was the wrong clip. Here is the real clip of Islamophobic rhetoric.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
This is the moment a homemade bomb was ignited outside the New York City mayor's residence Saturday afternoon.
Steven Crowder
Sorry, you know, I'm just not going to do clips anymore. I'll just. I'll just read some more quotes. Remember then when Mamdani completely misrepresented that as well? Yeah. This is the thing. The left runs interference to lie and protect certain classes. Really, it's dependent on what's politically expedient at that moment in time. And then they rush to lie when tragedies occur. This comes from Hasan Piker. There's institutional stigma with antisemitism. Meanwhile, Islamophobia is encouraged by institutions. Let's look, this is from the FBI, because I know that people have cited the adl and I also understand why you would say the ADL has a bias. I get it. Hate crimes. As far as. If you look at. Really, let's just classify this as crimes targeting specific religious groups. The FBI just categorizes as hate crimes. I don't believe that that's a thing. I don't believe murder needs a footnote. But I do believe that you need the information. Which is why it's kind of surprising to me that we don't record interracial crime statistics. But we do as far as religion. Those who are victims, Jews 1500, Christians 317, Muslims 222. Them's the numbers. They are what they are. Do not blame me. It doesn't minimize the tragedy or the loss of life anytime it happens. But just like when the left tries to rush to gun control, which will lead to more lives lost because they sidestep the vast majority of mass shootings taking place in gun free zones, anywhere from 90 to 94% depending on the year. When they sidestep that those who are lawful gun owners and carriers, by the way, are even more law abiding than the next most law abiding group, off duty police officers. They sidestep that. They sidestep the most violent cities in the country. The most violent municipalities are places with the strictest gun control. If you were to follow their advice or believe that their concerns were pointing you to the greatest threat, well, guess what? You'd have some problems. You have some people in this country who believe that the number one cause of death for children is gun violence. It's not true. And right now they want you to believe that the most targeted group is Muslims. It's not true. So that's the response. Now let's get to Islam. Because if you look at Jews 1500, Christians 317, Muslims 220. You need to understand too that many of those attacks are carried out of course by Islamists. And check the references, links in the description, we do it every day that we stream, give you a bibliography, 11am Eastern. Tune in live and you can fact check us. There's going to be, I promise you, an increased effort to completely silence, stifle any criticism of Islam. I will tell you Islamophobic rhetoric. I stand by what I've said. There has been no greater evil, certainly no more evil ideology thrust upon Christianity or the Western world than that of Islam. I stand by it. I believe it. You shouldn't kill innocent people. Yeah. For the same reason you shouldn't kill or target or attack those who have been brainwashed by any other kind of a cult. And I believe that's what Islam is. It's just a cult that's become immensely popular because it has spread through conquest. That is my opinion. I'll make the case you can disagree with me. It's not compatible, this cult with the United States. It's not one that can be reconciled with the Constitution. And I've pointed you to the founder of the feast, Mohammed, who of course did advocate violence, who of course did wage wars, who of course did issue prescriptions that would be antithetical to the Constitution. But you still have those following in his footsteps. Now, imams across the globe doing this. Here's an imam from the center. I believe this is the actual center itself. Exact one, yeah. To be clear, that's why we chose this one. Describing the October 7 attacks as justified
Imam or Religious Commentator
now is the result the continuous brutal occupation of Palestine and Gaza. And when people are occupied, then the resistance is justified. Resistance, when people are occupied becomes a human right. People have the right to resist. People have the right to defend their lives and the lives of their community members. People have the right to defend their land, their properties, their. Their deen through rape, their dignity, their honor. We cannot accuse somebody who is fighting for his life to be a terrorist. The terrorist is the one. The terrorist is the one who started the occupation, not the one who is defending himself and his brothers and sisters around him. This should be very clear. Teach our kids about the history of Palestine, about the occupation, about the suffering. Don't tell me that. Oh, it's too graphic for our kids to watch.
Steven Crowder
Now, again, let me reiterate. Killing innocent people is wrong. It's morally retribution, reprehensible. I say that because my worldview is dictated by my faith, a Christian worldview. For the same reason that an imam like this, you can look into more of his proselytizing. For the same reason that he can't. He said resistance. When people Are occupied becomes a human right. People have the right to resist. Well, how can you argue with that logic? You also see how they broaden the term of occupation.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yes.
Steven Crowder
And resistance. And resistance. And this has been historically the case with Islam in a way that is unique to this religion. It's awful. The people there would probably be horrified. I would imagine not enough to be clear. It doesn't mean that having an opinion makes you anything other than innocent. You're entitled to your opinion. But the people there probably don't believe that you should violently attack anyone who refuses to be subjugated. The Imam does. Muhammad did. The Quran prescribes it. One tragedy does not erase that. And we can't allow it to force us to sidestep the truth because it's an uncomfortable truth. Islam, I will say this when you talk about resistance and occupation. Let's compare Christianity, how it spread. Initially there were known oppressors, right? My name is after the first martyr. Islam didn't have the same known oppressors. Christianity spread through word of mouth. People being martyred peacefully. Islam without the same noted oppressors spread through force and conquest. Islam historically has been the occupying force. Here is the result or the results of Islam in the west just this last calendar year.
Josh Firestein
If you don't know what Islam is, we're here to, you know, try to lead by good example and spread the message of the Quran in the best way possible.
Steven Crowder
This is the earliest footage footage we have of the gunman. It's not clear how soon after the attack started they began filming, but it captures the rest of the event. He's already driven a car at people outside the synagogue in Krumpsall and attacked others with a knife. At least one victim is still lying on the ground here. You can see the suspect's face. He's been named tonight as Jihad al Shami, a 35 year old British citizen of Syrian descent. Where you're asking yourself how you can reconnect.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
We are following. This morning, five people have been arrested
Steven Crowder
in Germany accused of plotting a terrorist attack on a Christmas market there. According to investigators, police arrested three Moroccan nationals, one from Egypt and another from
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Syria, who are planning the whole thing.
Steven Crowder
You don't get to come from outside
Gerald
and then tell everyone.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Moments ago in Detroit, the FBI labeled the recent attack on a synagogue in Michigan as an act of terrorism inspired by Hezbollah.
Steven Crowder
Now I know you might say, oh, those are just a few examples. Okay, let's put a finer point on this. You guys know Mecca? Do you think it would be respectful for Christians to go to Mecca and say the Lord's Prayer. Do you think that Christians would be allowed to go to Mecca and proselytize and hand out pamphlets of the good news? Okay.
Josh Firestein
It's extremely disrespectful.
Steven Crowder
Yeah. And I would like to direct you to the Grand Eastern Orthodox Cathedral. So we don't really have a Mecca because we don't have the same sort of physical idolatry, I guess, that you would say, you see in Islam. And also a very physical view of heaven, which is why they have a big deal with like, you know, bacon tipped bullets or, sorry, bacon grease tipped bullets. It's a different worldview, but it is important and we do believe in reverence for holy sites. Here's that cathedral, the Hagia Sophia in Turkey. This is what it looks like now. It was considered one of the world's great museums and a symbol of Turkey's shared heritage.
Josh Firestein
Open to all. But on Friday, the Hagia Sophia became
Steven Crowder
a mosque once again. And we can also bring up some, some images if you guys want to what it looks like inside. Now it's a mosque. How do you think that happens? Guys ever asked? I know you've learned about the Crusades, for example. They go, oh, Christians are violent. They're violent too. Okay, Grand Eastern Orthodox Cathedral built by Byzantine Emperor Justinian. What do you think happened? Oh, you know about the sacking of Constantinople. Do you know that the Crusades were a retaliatory action due to almost unprecedented violent conquest from Islam? Did you learn about that? And here's the thing, we've talked about this on a smaller level as far as immigration, as far as cultures being incompatible, and I believe that. And you're going to end up with more friction. When you have incompatible cultures, eventually one is going to win out. You just find yourself in that process until you've reached the end point. The same can apply to religions. Matter of fact, it absolutely applies to religions and usually in a more violent way to both sides. So I think, and I will make this case, hey, Islam in the United States, when you hear that kind of preaching and you see the kind of risks, both are absolutely horrible. By the way, killing innocents is always horrible. Preaching that it's often or sometimes justified, as you will hear in mosques across this country, is just as unjustifiable, to be clear. And that is going to continue. And for the sake of those in said mosques who follow the religion, we need to decide here, is it time people talk about a national breakup, a divorce, as far as the Western world and Islam for the protection of both. I think Islam needs to be designated as a cult. Now you have cults, by the way. There could just be cults that are started up from nothing, from scratch. Right. Home cooked cult where it's just some guy who usually gets to bang a lot of broads. But historically selfish cult. Yeah, historically, almost all of them. Yeah, yeah. But historically a huge portion of them, just to be clear, use Christianity to co opt it. So we're going to separate that into its own category. It's not that these people in any way believed in the Christian religion, the Christian faith. It's that they said, okay, a lot of people follow this. So this is how I bring them into my cult to propagandize them. And they're often categorized differently. And there's a pretty simple sort of three point litmus test to go. Is this a Christianity offshoot cult? Right. New religious movements. So here's what typically you can look for. Do they have holy texts after the book of Revelation? All right, do they have prophets after what we know, the agreed upon canon of Old Testament, New Testament. And does the ideology of prescription of said prophets, does it follow this law of supersession? Meaning if they say something that would seem contradictory to other prophets, aspects of Christianity, does it supersede it? Does it erase it and go, yeah, yeah, actually, for example, the Quran after the book of Revelation, Prophet Muhammad. And does he say something like, yeah, yeah, except Jesus didn't actually get killed and wasn't raised from the dead, so he's not actually the son of God. Bingo. And that's the basis for the advocacy of violence. Let's look at other cults. We do this in the United States. You understand this? We have prosecuted cults. So the People's Temple, you know Jonestown, right. It was the independent Pentecostal Church. They had basically a slave camp that promised utopia. You look at the Branch Davidians in Waco, it was a splinter group from Seventh Day Adventists, polygamy, child brides. You look at the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Fast facts. This is. Sorry, I have this written down. Did I just say fast facts? I said fast facts written down as fast facts notes. You guys need to admonish me on that one. Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Hit me.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Do it. Admonish.
Steven Crowder
So we have Seventh Day Adventist splinter group. We have the New Pentecostal splinter, sort of, I guess you'd say break off, offshoot. Now we have this one, an offshoot of Mormonism that Again, polygamy, child brides. These are cults that have been prosecuted. You have the Kingston clan, another Mormon, sort of splinter. Polygamy. Right. They practiced bleeding the beast, which was defrauding the government taxpayers as much as humanly possible.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
There's a cult of not paying taxes.
Steven Crowder
Yeah, I'm going to say that one. I kind of gave a pass.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, they seem pretty cool. As long as there's no child rides going on.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah.
Steven Crowder
And the prosecutions, if you look, they usually go after the leadership. Often the members are treated as victims. Yeah. Because in many cases, these members. Right. They don't know any different. This is how they were raised, as a matter of fact, using Islam as a good example. I just forgot the name of the brother. Someone can bring it up. You look at Vlad the Impaler, right. You know, as Dracula. Him and his brother were effectively traded as collateral for their father to a sultan. And should their father break his word, they would be executed. Vlad, of course, went back to Wallachia to fight against the Ottomans violently. People said he had a bloodlust, and his brother decided to say. Well, his brother was younger and that's all his brother knew. And so he was easier to woo. He was a victim of his circumstance. So those members are often viewed as victims. You can go after the leadership. It's like RICO for religion.
Josh Firestein
To be clear, you're not arresting the child brides or. Right.
Steven Crowder
But you could go after the imams. You can't go after Muhammad because he's buried and unlike Christ, dead, dead, dead. Just a human who's dead. But you could go after the imams who preach the same prescription. Yes. Noodles.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Radu.
Steven Crowder
The handsome. Radu, that's right, the handsome.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
That's.
Steven Crowder
We were using that term.
Josh Firestein
Wow. That's one.
Steven Crowder
We're using that term a little loosely.
Josh Firestein
Yeah. I'll call me Josh the thin
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
or Gerald the funny.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, that's a good one, Gerald, that. You know what? He made me feel bad for you. Yeah, I know.
Ad Voice (Marketing Ad)
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Josh Firestein
Now you're a victim.
Steven Crowder
He's a master manipulation. So now let's look at those. These are cults, references available in the description that have been prosecuted. Let's compare that with Islam. Is it an offshoot cult, a splinter cult of Christianity? Well, of course. Of course it is. We've gone through that. And what do they advocate? Well, Sharia, law, courts, their own system of laws. Severe punishment, torture, death for apostasy, blasphemy, of course. Still, arranged marriages, polygamy, honor killings, Taqiyyah in Some forms of Islam where you're allowed to lie, female genital mutilation in some forms, destruction of non Islamic religious cultural sites. And that destruction can either be through conquest and subjugation, or it can simply be through violence and of course, jihad.
Josh Firestein
When you say female genital mutilation in some sex, the sum isn't just a few, by the way. I know, it's like entire nations.
Steven Crowder
I just have to say it because we'll go not everywhere, right? Sure. Too much.
Josh Firestein
But if you're in the borders of Somalia. Everywhere.
Steven Crowder
Yeah. Yep. So what do we want to do here? We. If we continue down this path? Well, you can't just raid these mosques where you see imams advocating for violence and resistance and that they are being occupied by some cases the little devil, some cases the big devil, when they're referring to the United States, depending where they line up. He can't do that because that would be a violation of their freedom of religion. Freedom of religion doesn't actually apply to cults that are advocating for blatant disregarding of and breaking the law. Does the preaching, does the political prescription of Islam qualify? I would say unequivocally, yes. And for the sake of those who don't want to be subjugated in this country and those who are victims of leadership in Islam, just as we see in other cults, it should be classified that way and it should be pursued that way. And the peaceful way would be you're not allowed to practice these religious prescriptions in this country. We kind of already have it. We kind of already have it. We kind of already have. Well, there's a system in this country as far as marriages and what's permissible, and we have a system as far as divorce, but they have their own courts to circumvent it. We're just not enforcing it. And killing innocent people. Again, always wrong. Yeah, always wrong. And to avoid more of that moving forward, you know the same argument that people use against the unabashedly pro Israel crowd to avoid more spilling of American blood and innocent people, including young followers of Islam who don't know any better. We need to deal with this as we would deal with any other Christian splinter cult, or it's going to reach a boiling point. And historically that doesn't end well for anyone other than the leaders of the Islamic death cult. That's my opinion. It's not reconcilable with American society or the Western world. And I don't want to see more of it. Yeah.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
And the events that just happened. Don't change that.
Steven Crowder
Don't change that. And I know I've gone late because anytime we talk about Islam, you know, historically, that's what started this. That's what started this channel.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah.
Steven Crowder
First two video was crazy. Pete's Abortion Barn and the Quran challenge.
Josh Firestein
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Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
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Josh Firestein
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Steven Crowder
which brings us to the next one, though. This is more fun. Primary day. Primary day. Six states are having primaries. And of course, the most watched one is it District 4, Kentucky. Massie. Thomas Massie for the uninitiated, versus ed. I have only read this. I've never heard of Galrain. Yeah, Galrayne. Sometimes you read it because I'm not gonna tune in to actually watch an interview.
Josh Firestein
It's a very Southern name. Mr. Galrain.
Steven Crowder
It is the most. Yeah, Mr. Galrain.
Josh Firestein
Now, Colonel Galrain.
Steven Crowder
What's a ute?
Josh Firestein
You play that bluegrass well, Mr. Galrain.
Steven Crowder
You them gowrain bottom boys.
Gerald
Don't let it fly, Dr. Grom.
Steven Crowder
So this is the most expensive congressional primary in American history. Now, some people are telling you that the only reason Massie is opposed by the President is. Is because of a personal vendetta or because the forces of Israel have sort of coalesced around getting Massey out. Now, I won't. I won't deny that those who have a vested interest in a pro Israel foreign policy, of course, would have a problem with Massie. Right. Yeah. And I don't think that that is a legitimate grievance as far as those people. But those aren't the only grievances. And so I want to actually look at Massie, especially considering that his odds have gone down dramatically, and ask, well, could some of this be due to the fact that he's consistently, certainly in recent history, not been America first? Could that be a component? And you guys let me know your opinion of Massie right now and then if you can understand the argument against him afterward. Here's President Trump discussing Massie in the way that only Trump can.
Donald Trump (quoted)
I hope you're gonna put him out of business tomorrow. I'm in the Oval Office and we're in a fight against the worst congressman in the history of our country. Country. His name is Thomas Massie. He's from Kentucky. I hope you're going to put him out of business tomorrow. He is so bad. Got an election coming Up. He's running against a great guy, a great patriot. Ed Gilrain. He's fantastic. But forget that Massey's the worst congressman in the history of our country. Always voting against Republicans and good values.
Josh Firestein
I wouldn't say that.
Donald Trump (quoted)
So get rid of Thomas Massie, Thomas Messi.
Steven Crowder
And it doesn't help because he always makes things personal.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
He does. Then he goes, like, to the extreme. It's like, yeah, but Ilhan Omar is
Steven Crowder
in the worst ever in history. Like, really possibly. Look, other people would say the worst person in history, Stalin.
Josh Firestein
And I'm.
Steven Crowder
I'm very well. Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot. Now, I'm well aware you can put Massey on that Rushmore of pricks.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
You can say it just like that, too.
Steven Crowder
Papa Doc, nothing compared. Not fit to shine Massey shoes. That's what people say. So let's look at the. The couchy check in right now. Oh, it changed since run through.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Oh, yeah.
Steven Crowder
Massey's down at 40. GalleryRain is up at 61. Wow, that's a big change because Massey was the heavy favorite.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
It's been moving around quite a bit lately.
Steven Crowder
It has been moving around quite a bit.
Josh Firestein
That's good news, Mr. Galran.
Gerald
That's good news. Mr.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Trump's just betting on him right now.
Steven Crowder
A few things to know because people go, it's one grassroots person fighting the establishment and all the money opposing him is Israel. To be clear, AIPAC should go screw themselves with a wire brush. No more blank checks to Israel. Okay, got it. That's not my grievance if he was my representative with someone like Amassie. So first off, David versus Goliath. Well, Massey has received a ton of outside funding. To be clear, less than 2% of his donors are within his district.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Oh, wow.
Steven Crowder
Less than 5% of his donors are within Kentucky. Now, the bigger a race a congressional race gets, the more you see outside donors.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
And this is the focused race.
Steven Crowder
Right. So I understand that the same can be said for his opponent. Yeah. The problem is those advocating on Massie's behalf are not pointing out that it's the same as his out as his opponent. He's playing the same game now. His biggest donor. If we're talking about perhaps having a conflict of interest. Jeff Yass. Yass, founder of Susquehanna SIG for short. Over one, like about one and a half million dollars, 1.4 something in donations to the PACs they this overall entity has invested in because they have an umbrella and a lot of other entities invested in China since 2005. Yes. A stake in ByteDance is worth $30 billion invested three and a half billion billion dollars in 350 Chinese companies. Same. Yes. Funded opposition candidates to Trump in 24, specifically over Trump's TikTok ban.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Yeah. Including because of said investment, because of the investment.
Steven Crowder
10 million to Rand Paul, 5 million to Vivek. Remember when we saw that change on TikTok? Yeah. People like Vivek, Rand Paul, maybe not so much, but Vivek, who they were saying was a national security issue and then all of a sudden, actually, no, we need to have TikTok. Well, look, I have. I think that we should be able to have TikTok, but we need to eliminate the actual national security threat. Here's the other thing, though, when you say it's him versus Israel. Yass is a Jew. So he actually funded a conservative Israeli think tank. Yeah, a conservative Israeli think tank that's been involved in American politics as well as, by the way, Israeli politics. So if you're talking about a superpower in the race, outside funding, who may be advocating on behalf of a foreign nation. Well, so you have Israel with Massey through. Yes. And then you also have China. So let's just call that a wash. Now we go to. If I, you know, if he was my representative, my main issue would be, okay, but does he represent. Not Trump, not the donors, but me, a conservative, America first maga, whatever. You a nationalist traditionalist. Well, he's voted with the GOP 77% of the time. Average GOP member, 95%.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Wow.
Steven Crowder
Now, I know you'll say, well, yeah, that's just because he's voted against. He hasn't voted them on Epstein and on Israel. Well, actually, no. Some of the most notable things that he's voted against Republicans on are the things that you blame Donald Trump for not accomplishing. So the big beautiful bill that would include $170 billion in funding for immigration enforcement, including the border wall detention capacity, ICE funding, state, local enforcement, the CBP, you know, CBP1 app, Homeland Security surveillance at the border. And I know some people saying, yeah, but that's because it would be irresponsible in the debt. No, no, no, no, no, no. Now, 2023, Massie cast the deciding yes vote and committee to advance Biden's debt ceiling increase.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
So he's okay with the debt increase in.
Steven Crowder
He's okay with the debt increase, just not for the border. When it comes to that standoff, really, he's also. Or he was part of the minority of the GOP who did not vote to overturn election results in Arizona and Pennsylvania. So on election integrity, when people say, look at all these insiders, right? They didn't want us to question election results, well, that's massive. Well, look at all of the gop. They betray us. And why don't we have a wall? Ask Massey. And why do these people always have some weird ties to Israel? Ask Massie. And then I would go based on voting record. If you want border security, if you want a wall, if you believe in a nationalist approach to policy, maybe don't go with the sort of noodle y libertarian who also has ties to donors who will be pulling some strings. And that's everybody. It's not lost on me. That's not exclusive to Massie.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
But they've held him out as somebody who's above that.
Steven Crowder
Right.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
And his record should indicate that. And what we've just shown you is that that's not necessarily true.
Steven Crowder
Right. Notice I didn't have to get into who he was sleeping with. Allegedly. Or people not liking him or the size of his member pine cone. It's funny.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
It is funny.
Josh Firestein
Hey, that wasn't the size. That's the shape. Yeah, it could be one of the. It could be like a giant pine cone, like a redwood pine cone.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
That shape is not desirable, though.
Steven Crowder
I think it's just like a reverse barb like some animals have that you can't get away.
Josh Firestein
But which. But which way is the shape though? It does. It gets smaller as it goes out or does it get larger as it goes it a reverse pine cone?
Steven Crowder
It doesn't matter. Because here's the thing. I believe that sex should be sex when done consensually as to opposed. And most of the time it should. Should be an endeavor where both parties profit through pleasure, as it were. And if it's a pine cone, take your pick. One person's gonna have a really bad time. So it's just not. Be like a pineapple. It doesn't matter which way it's going. It's going to be unpleasant for one of the parties involved.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, it's sharp for her pleasure. Noodles. Is it. Is it like one of those things where you eat, you plant it and then a tree grows from it?
Steven Crowder
Do you really want to get into this? Does it happen with pine cones?
Josh Firestein
I'm asking.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
I'm asking. Noodles.
Steven Crowder
He's the one that's telling me if you plant a pine, that's how you get. If you plant a pine cones.
Guest or Contributor (Commentator)
Everybody knows this is it, though.
Steven Crowder
I don't know this. I'm not an arborist. It Is.
Josh Firestein
Yeah. Pine cones and seeds within.
Steven Crowder
Yes, there are seeds.
Josh Firestein
Everyone knows that. Pineapple, pine cones and acorns, man.
Steven Crowder
Yeah, I knew about acorns. But, yeah, pine cones just. They just seem so. So wooden.
Josh Firestein
Yeah, that's why they grow trees. Well, trees are made from wood.
Steven Crowder
All right, well, I'm over two today. I Ron Burgundied myself, and I didn't know the horticulture of pine cones, and I don't even know if that's the appropriate word.
Josh Firestein
I don't even know if I'm right.
Steven Crowder
I think you probably are. I'm always, when in doubt, always trust the guy with carrot shirt. So, yeah, here's the thing. Go vote today. Also, the left wants Massie to win. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't vote for someone just because the left likes him. But that is an important component. If you look at him breaking with the gop, to me, the most important takeaway if we don't want to fracture this movement, if we actually want to continue making progress to varying degrees therein. Okay, I understand that not everyone is thrilled with the results. Some people think that it's, you know, we're looking at incremental, Incremental progress. Some people think that we should see more. But if we want to move the right direction as opposed to the wrong direction, we shouldn't paint half of the voting public in this public in this district in Kentucky as being subversive and hating America because they oppose the guy who voted against the GOP specifically on funding things like the border and security while he voted to increase the debt ceiling under Biden. You want those voters in a general, and you should be linking arms with them. Don't attack anyone who votes against Massie as someone who must be doing so for Israel because he gets that Jew money, too. And you know what? It couldn't be less relevant. We're gonna go on and do the Call Her Daddy podcast segment because I know I've gone late. It's call her mommy now because she's so. If you're not a member yet of Rumors, click that button below. It's what keeps the lights on. It's what allows us to call balls and strikes. And it's $99 a year or $9.99 a month. You can just try it for the month. You get everything ad free, 100% more show, including the Friday show. All these creators that you see here. If not, you will continue on watching Hayley Coronia for free. Let's start with whatever clip of Call her daddy Just hit it to me.
Josh Firestein
Do it.
Steven Crowder
The call her daddy podcast host announced
Podcast Host (MIDI Health Ad)
that she and husband.
Steven Crowder
Oh gross.
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Steven Crowder and his co-hosts deliver their trademark politically incorrect commentary—blending mockery, debate, and skepticism—on Primary Day. The episode’s key focus is the contentious Kentucky congressional race between Thomas Massie and Ed Galrain, but also features extended critiques of mainstream media, left-wing comedy, and the role of Islam in Western society, sparked by a recent shooting at a San Diego Islamic center. The episode is punctuated by rants, comedic sketches, inside jokes, and blunt (often caustic) discussion of politics, culture wars, and current events.
Colbert and the Decline of Political Comedy
Top 3 “Lowlights” of Colbert (23:00–34:32)
The Team on Political Comedy’s Double Standard
Crowder Responds to the Shooting
Media Narrative and Hate Crime Statistics
Crowder’s Analysis of Islam in the West
The Political Stakes
Funding and Motivation
Takeaway:
Crowder On Comedy & Critique
Crowder On Massie’s Positioning
Banter & Satire
| Segment | Timestamps | Summary | |---------|------------|---------| | Opening & Banter | 03:13–12:09 | Jokes, riffs on mainstream comedy, cast intros | | Colbert & Comedy Critique | 16:50–38:32 | “Top 3 worst moments” montage, discussion of late-night’s decline | | Islam & Shooting Reaction | 41:54–65:22 | Discussion of San Diego Islamic Center shooting, stats, calls to classify Islam as a cult | | Massie vs. Galrain Race | 65:43–76:49 | Deep dive on the KY-4 primary, funding, Massie’s record, GOP strategy |
This episode is a quintessential Louder with Crowder experience: polemical, brash, with fast switches between political analysis, culture war commentary, and comedy. Crowder singles out left-wing comedy—and Colbert in particular—for losing touch with the mainstream, attacks the left’s exploitation of tragedy for politics, and polemically calls for Islam to be classified as a cult in the West following a high-profile shooting. The Kentucky primary is dissected with a focus on outside money, donor allegiances, and what “America First” policy priorities should actually look like. Throughout, the show is punctuated by sarcasm, internal banter, and intentional baiting of political opponents.
For those who haven’t listened, this episode is heavy on right-wing cultural commentary with unapologetic jokes, deep culture war analysis, and critical breakdown of both media figures and intra-GOP dynamics. It’s best suited for listeners already familiar with Crowder’s confrontational style and prepared for strong opinions and satire.