The California Election Situation Is Completely Bonkers

Summary

Podcast Summary: Louder with Crowder

Episode: "The California Election Situation Is Completely Bonkers"
Date: June 3, 2026
Host: Steven Crowder & crew
Main Theme: Examining the “bonkers” state of California’s election system—including slow vote counts, mail-in ballots, opportunities for fraud, and what the hosts perceive as broader failures in left-leaning politics and media. The episode also riffs on the demise of late-night TV, political correctness in the military, and features satirical sketches and rants about recent headlines.

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Overview of Episode Theme

The episode dives deep into the inefficiencies and alleged vulnerabilities of California’s election processes, critiquing endless mail-in ballots, delayed results, and what the hosts see as a willful embrace of systems open to fraud. This critique is a launchpad for a broader conversation on declining trust in institutions, skewering left-of-center political culture, the decline of late-night television, and trends in the military’s handling of gender.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Late-Night TV is Dead—And the Networks Killed It

[07:41 - 09:12, 29:50 - 41:56]

• Late-night TV’s demise is blamed on financial losses and politicization, not audience habits alone.
• Crowder highlights reports that networks are ditching hosts like Colbert in favor of cheaper, profitable syndicated content (e.g., Byron Allen buying air time).
• Kimmel’s claim that “we’re not just dying of natural causes, we’re being poisoned” is mocked. Crowder responds:

  “No, the truth is you guys are losing the networks tens of millions of dollars.” ([31:13])

• Salary/budget comparisons between Colbert and Kimmel: Both have massive budgets, but shrinking ratings; Crowder calculates Kimmel likely loses ABC $60–70 million a year ([34:13]).
• Critique of the ideological shift:

  "Half of the country is guaranteed to never tune into your show...hence costing the network market.” ([36:25])

• Argues that left-leaning hosts are neither funny nor frugal, citing Jon Stewart as an exception because “he's actually funny,” but noting Trevor Noah’s failure was due to the show being unfunny, not just politics ([46:02]).

Notable Quote

• “It’s not someone poisoning you. ... If you’re on the chopping block, I’d like to see a single person offer to cut their salary. ... How about that? The network is just trying to save money. It’s that simple.” – Joshua Fierstein ([47:15])

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2. Military Standards, Gender, and Internet “Fitness Influencers”

[09:38 - 16:55]

• Segment addresses criticism of Fox’s Pete Hegseth working out with the troops, accused of misogyny and lack of physical capacity compared to female influencers.
• Crowder and crew riff on Instagram fitness influencers who, in their view, overstate women’s physical prowess and are “attention seeking”:

  "She's set up a permanent tripod, selfie stick, makeup bra. And I guess...booty shorts…” ([11:07])

• They present statistics (with sources referenced on show site) that men are physically stronger than women, emphasizing “grip strength” and other metrics ([15:59]).
• Argue that any denial of fundamental sex differences in strength signals an inability to reason rationally in a partner:

  “If you want to date with a woman, just ask her—men are physically stronger than women. If her answer is anything other than true—you need to leave.” ([13:19])

• Discussion about what military standards should be, deriding diversity/gender-equity-driven changes in physical requirements.

Notable Quote

• “95% of men have greater grip strength than nearly all elite female athletes trained in grip sports like judo.” – Joshua Fierstein ([15:43])

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3. Satire & Sketches: Judge Eleanor Ross and “Legal Dirty Talk”

[21:08 - 27:43]

• The team riffs on unverified gossip that Judge Eleanor Ross was caught in a sexual scandal, rolling out a sketch featuring "legal dirty talk" (Seven Plus One segment).
• List of faux “legal dirty talk” lines delivered with mock bravado, e.g.,

  "I present to you Exhibit D."
  "Your consent is overruled."
  "Time for us to arrive at and/or administer habeas a cortis."
  ([24:25–25:12])

• Overall tone is brash, juvenile, and self-aware about pushing the envelope.

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4. California’s Election “Disaster”

[52:07 - 63:31]

• Main event: California’s primary election is described as "painfully slow,” with roughly half of votes counted over a day later.
• Hosts deride the delays and the normalization of late-arriving mail-in ballots.

  “As far as governor of California...Steve Hilton seems to be winning...Stair the Democrat is struggling.” ([54:13]) “This idea of mass mail in voting—you are being conditioned to accept a system designed to accommodate fraud as normal.” ([61:05])

• Cites international examples—Mexico, Colombia, Texas, even North Korea—that deliver same-day results, by implication more trustworthy.
• Describes common arguments in defense of California’s system (“don’t expect instant gratification”) as elitism and an attempt to move the goalposts for election transparency and integrity.

Notable Quotes

• “Why can’t California get anything right? ... Why are they not able to match the standard set by Mexico and Colombia where they have 401 cases [per] drug trafficking?” – Joshua Fierstein ([52:38])
• “80% of votes are cast by mail. … Ballots received by election day or within seven days can take up to 30 days to be counted. Why? Why?” – Joshua Fierstein ([59:16])

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5. California Candidates: Katie Porter’s Concession & “Pride”

[56:04 - 57:46]

• The crew reacts to Democratic candidate Katie Porter failing to make the runoff, mocking her video statement about being “proud” despite poor performance.

• "Proud? Did the definition of proud change? ... Maybe like proud just means exist, I guess. Like, we did. Hey, we so existed at a point in time and now we're not gonna.” ([56:32])

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6. Mail-in Voting & Election Reform Solutions

[61:05 - 63:31]

• Strong advocacy for scrapping wide mail-in voting, requiring voter ID, and running elections in a single day—mirroring systems in Florida and elsewhere.
• Absentee voting for legitimate cases is differentiated from what they describe as “mail-in vote harvesting.”

• “You ban mail in voting. That’s step one. … Require voter ID, proof of citizenship. … Run elections on the same day, like Mexico and Colombia … It’ll fix about 80%, probably 90%.” – Joshua Fierstein ([63:09])

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7. Political and Cultural Riffs: Emotions and Policy

[44:01 - 46:01]

• Rebukes the idea that discontent in California is just “being mad”:

  “You're mad. No, I'm homeless. My house burned down. ... So people, that's not mad. That's fed up, that's concerned, that's scared.” – Co-host ([44:01])

• Urges listeners not to let the left frame arguments as mere emotional reactions, but to stick to logical critiques of policy.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It's the push up bra for ass. You have an ass stenciled on your already ass.” – Joshua Fierstein, on influencer culture ([11:58])
• “Why have we had so many horrible wildfires? What policy do you think has led to this, if any?” – Joshua Fierstein ([45:46])
• Sketch highlight (on late vote counting):
  “Don’t expect instant gratification…You always vote and you’d get the result and that’s obviously something that’s necessary and has been necessary historically to guarantee the integrity of election. Don’t expect that, entitled bitch.” ([54:13])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Satire/Intro Rant: [00:26–06:44]
• Military, Gender, Fitness Influencers: [09:38–16:55]
• Judge Eleanor Ross “Legal Dirty Talk” Sketch: [21:08–27:43]
• Late-Night TV Critique & Jimmy Kimmel: [29:50–46:02]
• California Election Results & Analysis: [52:07–58:51]
• Katie Porter Concession: [56:04–57:46]
• Mail-In Ballots, Voting Reform Solutions: [61:05–63:31]

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Closing Thoughts

Throughout, the episode maintains Crowder’s signature confrontational, irreverent tone—mixing broad satire with polemics against the left, California, and perceived media hypocrisy. The discussion mixes evidence, statistics (in Crowder’s style, “check the references!”), and barbs, with a throughline of calling for substantive election reform and the expectation of faster, more secure results.

Useful for listeners who want:

• A conservative, often comedic take on slow election reporting in California
• Anecdotes and rants about the decline of late-night TV and media bias
• Arguments and data points for why same-day voting and strict voter ID are preferable
• Irreverent humor and on-the-nose parody of political and media figures

Note: This is a highly opinionated and satirical episode with political and cultural language reflecting Crowder’s style.

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For further detail, see timestamps above for the start of each major discussion topic.

Transcript

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[Joshua Fierstein]

Wayfair Every style, every home. Hey, welcome to the lineup. Live here on Rumble. YouTube is dead. Rumble did it. Figuratively. Figuratively. Just to be clear, a couple of things we want to get through today. Jimmy Kimmel is complaining about the death of late night. Now he has made the claim because of Colbert that it's not dying, it's being poisoned. Meaning it's. What are the implication? The government? It's not. I'll prove to you it's not. And then I'll present to you a theory as to why Jimmy Kimmel actually not only is on the chopping block, but should be more so than Stephen Colbert because we've crunched some numbers. Then I also want to get into California. I don't know if you know this, but Columbia, Texas, North Korea, what do you think all of these countries states have in common? They can get elections done the same day. Not California. As you increase the window of vote counting, as you increase the margins, you also increase the margins for fraud, tomfoolery and bull crap. So we'll get into that and what you can expect with the California election. Also Judge Ross. Well, you know what? There's no way to explain it. Just enjoy this ditty about Bernie Sanders being an insane person. You're running for press, you socialists cheat. Avoiding the shows where you'd have to speak of this communist scheme you want here at. You climbed down a rope of blankets and sheets evaded the guards. You land in his creep. It's time to get back to the old folks home I'm reading your plan over again and there's not a word that I comprehend except when you shine in love Bernie always with the unback words.

[Gerald Reed]

Well as for now I'm gonna watch the saddest man sit alone and wonder how you made it out Seriously, is there somebody anywhere who can how you got out. Your bedroom window? How did it break? You left the pills that you need to take. I hope you don't have another seizure. You climbed down a row the blankets and sheets Evaded the guards the communist greed I wish I knew you were back in the home the voice in your head Corn's on your feet and you tip like crap because you're so cheap? If I don't need a gun, you don't need free home. Well, as for now I'm gonna and watch the saddest mind and sit alone

[Darrell]

and wonder

[Gerald Reed]

how you made it out. Seriously, is there somebody anywhere who can explain how you got out? Your hair is everywhere. Scream instability along with your stare. Your hair is everywhere Screaming instability along with your stare. Your hair is everywhere Screaming instability along with your stare. Your hair is everywhere Screaming instability along with your stare.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Click Rumble Premium and join now for 99 annually or 9.99amonth to get the entirely ad free experience and an ever expanding roster of content creators and free speech. How are you? Just in case anyone was hoping to use sickos with the asmr. I'm not going to be. I'm not going to be crinkling starched socks or whatever it is you. You degenerates. Glad to be with you.

[Gerald Reed]

Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

And for those that. That was. We had done that a while ago. Dashboard Confessional. Yeah. And by the way, most of the parodies of stuff we do, we. We still do them. You might see some like AI imagery if it's a stinger. Yeah. We have been doing this for a very long time and I get that everyone out there and their dog can consider themselves Weird Al just doing parodies through. Through AI but nope, we still actually do a little bit old school here. And your support makes it happen. We appreciate it.

[Gerald Reed]

Chill, Morgan. Captain Morgan, you.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

I'm fantastic. How long you. How long did it take it like to sing like that?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Well, it wasn't. It's passable. There's. I'm sure there's quite a bit of auto.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

To good.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Come on. It takes away. It has to be in your register and you have to be, you know, willing to embarrass yourself. There you go.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I think you were sweating your balls

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

off after that session.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

You came out like, drenched, like man.

[Guest or additional commentator]

That's.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

This is a tough song.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. Yes. Creep. Creep. Radiohead was tough because that was all high notes.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. There are a few of those. But I learned how to sing out of spite. Employee here who. I'll tell the story in Mud Club. Guys, remember for me to tell the story in Mud Club, but it literally. I took private vocal lessons as a personal hell for a year and A half out of spite because I was told by someone who fancied themselves a singer that I would never be able to sing. Okay, all right. Okay, good. Yeah. Hey, how. You know what? Show me how. Let me guess. Let me guess. Is karaoke. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Can't sing anything else. I got it.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Who was it that gave you that pep talk?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Your dad?

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Me?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Oh, just kidding. No, no, he doesn't give me pep talks. He just tells me I'm a disappointment. And he does it pretty much every day before we go live, which is weekdays, 11am Eastern, Wednesday, June 24, at the Addison Improv in Dallas, Texas. One of my favorite clubs. They let me. Let me go there and work out some stuff, like on a weekday. And it's a great place. Josh Firestein, how are you?

[Darrell]

Good.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Well, that is a weekday. And maybe you come work some things out.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Maybe I will, but maybe I won't.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

But maybe I will. I wouldn't count on it.

[Joshua Fierstein]

But maybe I will.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

But maybe.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Speaking of working out, hey, you know who I really like to work out? To exercise, to train. I like the term. I don't like the term exercise because it makes me think Jane Fonda or jazz hands. I really like members of our military to train. I don't know what you're thinking, but I want to make sure that you're not maybe misinterpreting what I'm saying. I largely want them to train because they're job in many capacities, certainly those in combat roles. Requires killing.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah, yeah. It's a fight to the death.

[Joshua Fierstein]

It's somewhat physical endeavor. And so more interested, I would say I'm more interested than, for example, rather gender equity. I'm more interested in physical readiness. Does that make sense? Comment below. I know that I'm kind of old school. I'm a Renaissance man like that, I guess. But I'd rather them be better at killing. Regardless of race, regardless of gender. Let's be honest, men are better at it, unless it's poison than anything else. And it's almost like we've always done that with the military since the beginning of human history. Well, since the inception of combat between humans. Conflict all the way through, always. Just to be clear. So then it changed and now people are really outraged that it's potentially being changed. Back here we enter the influencer and your leftist Jim Bestie. This is self described. Kate Havlicek. I hope I'm getting that wrong. She took some time to let you know. Why Pete Hegseth's. Workout with the troops in Singapore is crap. And here she is saying the man who thinks physical standards were lower to accommodate women,

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

not that he thinks that it was in writing. I'll make sure she gets the butt shot real quick.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Seems like he couldn't train like a woman even when he tried. When he's trying his hardest, he's physically and intellectually inept. She writes in her caption. That's cute. Now try running into some pants. When I saw God to fight and lose their lives, I said, whoa, Good God, y'.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

All.

[Joshua Fierstein]

So, so many things that I dislike about this. Namely that she is in fact dressed like a whore. And I know what you mean. I know what you're saying. What do you mean? I mean dressed like someone who would solicit sexual services, offer them in exchange for money or goods or services of equal value. You know, a professional whore. That's the only way that someone would dress like that once upon a time. And let's look at that contrast. She's big, strong woman, by the way. And of course, men are narcissists. All men. That's the pop psychology term of the day. He is being filmed by someone else in shorts and a T shirt. She's set up a permanent tripod, selfie stick, makeup bra. And I guess I'll be generous, not say panties and say booty shorts.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Booty shorts that are pulled up all the way up into the butt crack. All the way. So that you think that there's some kind of butt there.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right? Exactly. It's the push up bra for ass. You have an ass stenciled on your already ass. And then I have no doubt that I guarantee if you look through her social media, you will find some complaining, lamenting men looking at her and what it's like to be a woman in the modern gym space. I would suggest not constantly seeking and engaging in attention seeking behavior. And perhaps at some point, consideration not dressing up like a professional lady of the night. Also, that's cool that you can do the treadmill now. Do something like fight a man.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah. Also she's doing all these, these exercises fresh.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Like he's been working out all day. She's like, look what I can do fresh off the bench.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I could do burpees and my, my vertical is a foot.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Well, and here's the thing too. We'll get some numbers. It's just, it's irrefutable. Look, here's actually, I will tell you this. This is a litmus test. Because a lot of men Will reach in and reach out. Sorry. And they'll ask me reach in. Because we've been labeled red pill, which we're not. Manosphere, which we're not. I don't recommend you be promiscuous and prove your worth by sleeping with a bunch of women. And I think the material goods ultimately are unfulfilling. So I disagree with most of them. But I also understand the diagnosing of the problem and I also understand wanting to avoid finding yourself with a feminist woman. Ask one question and yes, I'm removing nuance. If you want to date with a woman, just ask her. This statement is true or false. Men are physically stronger than women. If the answer is anything other than true, if the answer is anything, if it includes caveats, or well, I know this girl, or well, some women, you need to leave. Because that's a woman who can engage in the logical rational process.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah. If her answer is no, then you put her in a chokehold.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

And you say get out of it,

[Joshua Fierstein]

then get out of it. There you go, there you go. Oh, reality just hit you in the face. And it's called Joshua because I was doing you.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[Joshua Fierstein]

But of course, not all. Not all. Not all. But it is. It's the closest to a universal generalized statement that you can make that is true in the absolute sense. In the most absolute sense. Anyone who goes, well, that's someone who will never be capable of arguing in good faith or resolving conflict in good faith. Because it's so clear. Even this girl, your favorite leftist gym chick who can do pull ups and her numbers in the gym are impressive. A 13 year old boy would, and I don't say that anyone should, would kick the shit out of her. And it wouldn't even be close. It wouldn't even be close. It would be like swatting a pigeon with a newspaper. Now, former Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney never worked out with the troops. To be clear, this is the first guy to have done it. But Dick Cheney was never a troop. Probably best. He was a terrible shot. And if you look at other people who were secretaries of defense, they haven't done this training or they haven't done this in a way that has been effectively used to boost morale. And you've talked about it.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah, because the left gives so much crap to Hegsef. Right. I've seen this video circulated all week of him doing his crossovers or whatever it's called, and how he's doing it improperly. That's how I was taught to do it. And people make it fun. This lady making fun of his. His ability to do his burpees or whatever those thrusts are, and he's doing them right. No one has ever done it before. I mean, maybe. I don't know. I'm only looking back a few decades. I don't know everything. Maybe back in the Civil War, somebody was out there with the guys, you know, missing limbs and doing some burpees.

[Joshua Fierstein]

But I bet you Teddy Roosevelt was like, I say that, private, you call that a crunch?

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

But he's doing things that people in their own chain of command aren't doing.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I remember being in the army. I never. We never had, you know, a general out there with us. Barely ever saw a colonel out there with us. Or if they were out there with us, they weren't doing the same exercises we were doing. Here's the guy who's in charge of the entire Department of War, previously Department of Defense. Doing things that the average soldier, average sailor, average airman is doing. That's huge for morale. It boosts the guys. You're out here with the boys.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, yeah, That's a very good point.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

You're 45 years old. People go, oh, he's just a Fox News tv. If I was that guy on that ship with them in Singapore. And I go, man, this Fox News host is. He's outpacing you, bro.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, no, exactly. Right.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Better get on your ass.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Hey, you know what? If you guys are in the military, if you're. Or if you're combat veterans, active military veterans, let me know. Would it. Would it be meaningful to you? And I'm not saying that everyone, by the way, who's a commanding officer has to be able to do this, but I also understand the value in it, and I also understand him wanting to help set. Now, let me give you some numbers that are just undeniable because going back to Men are stronger than women. You'll get exceptions. Not all. Not all. Not all. Whatever. Let me give you some numbers. Check the references links in the description women as it relates to women in combat. They are 67% more likely than men in the army to receive physical discharge for some type of musculoskeletal disorder or some kind of injury. They are 100% more likely to be injured while bearing loads compared to men in the Marines. And just to give you an idea, as far as the strength differential, because you can find people who are specialized in anything, you can find a woman who can learn to squat some weight. You can find maybe some men who are really good at pull ups. But for example, they can't do a bench press. Right. People get specialized. Generalized strength is pretty important and it's pretty inescapable. And one of the most important metrics as you get older. As far as overall fractures, all cause mortality, quality of life. Do people know this? It's grip strength. That's a huge component. Grip strength. 95% of men have greater grip strength than nearly all elite female athletes trained specifically in grip sports like judo. That means that in grip strength, in the ability to monkey smash. 95% of men, the man off the couch eating potato chips, having never trained, is guaranteed to have a stronger grip capacity than the current female judo Olympian. Okay, just stop. Just stop. Men are physically stronger than women. This doesn't need to be offensive. Women. Women have breasts more often than men. Are there exceptions? Sure. That's not the conversation we're having. How has this been playing out in the real world? In 2022, 48% of enlisted women failed the Army Combat Fitness test. Even, by the way, when we compensate for gender differences, only 8% of men, it's just not. Not even close. And so this idea, like, this idea, we've talked about it so many times, but just think of how far off the beam we've gotten. If you were to say in any other century, any other decade, like, well, of course women shouldn't be allowed in combat roles if they can't meet the physical requirements. Everyone, like, I hear you're saying words, but why are you wasting breath on something that everybody knows? And now we have Instagram influencers saying, I can't believe it. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can. We all can.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Yeah. Especially when you have somebody, like Josh said, trying to reconnect. That's, that's been Hegseth's kind of main cause is like reconnecting with the people that are actually going and doing the fighting and not just ruling from on high and having no understanding of what the men are actually going through now. And he's doing a great job at that. But that has been the very first thing they went after him for. Do you remember when he was doing push ups or, sorry, pull ups with Kennedy? They were doing that push ups and pull ups kind of challenge I guess they were putting out there. And everybody was like, ah, they're not even doing. I'm like, put the previous Secretary of Health and human or whoever, you know, out there and see what they do.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right?

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

These guys are actually trying to do something and engage with people doing a good job at It.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

The previous Secretary of Defense wouldn't even be caught dead in a PT uniform.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

No, of course not.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

God, it would look bad. Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

And the previous. Well, was it secretary. Was it Assistant Secretary of Health? Rachel Levine? I try to remember the title.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah, no, she was the. She was the HHS secretary. I don't think she was assistant. Was it the HHS secretary?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. Well, you'll say, hey, RFK Jr. His voice is. Because he has a thing. He had a voice thing, sure. Rachel Levine is dying in front of you.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah. Well, at least RFK is not caught up on whether his should be there.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, exactly Right. It doesn't take a rocket scientist shit. It's there.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

It's always been there. It's always going to be there.

[Gerald Reed]

It.

[Joshua Fierstein]

I. I feel like he'd get exasperated just like, where's it gonna go? He's also.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Hex is 45.

[Joshua Fierstein]

I know.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

How old is this chick? Get back to me when you're 45. Show me the. Show me that Running on the treadmill. You're 45.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

When you still haven't had a baby.

[Joshua Fierstein]

45. After you've traveled a day full of work and of course, no access to anabolics.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Although, I don't know, just to be clear, it's just with real problem with the influencers. Next. We want to go to the next one.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Okay. You guys are probably familiar with, you know that federal judge, Eleanor Ross.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Oh, is that the. That sounds like a first lady.

[Joshua Fierstein]

The one who was reprimanded for having sex with a deputy police chief in her chambers.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Ooh, I was wrong. Nah, different person.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Reprimanded.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Also been.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Well, I mean, was she reprimanded or was it just like people said this happened and they said.

[Joshua Fierstein]

All right. Yeah, nice.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I don't know. I just got here.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, pretty much. And this obviously has been someone who's been at the forefront of some pretty, pretty high profile cases. Now, I want to be clear. This has been making the rounds and I have not been able to fully verify the footage. Someone claiming that they have audio of the activities going on in the chambers. And if I were a betting man, I would bet that this perhaps isn't authentic. But it's funny enough that we decided to run it and do a seven plus one. Anyway, here's the alleged audio from the Atlanta courthouse.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Jesus. Ain't gonna help you now. She not close the door.

[Joshua Fierstein]

These are thin walls. It could be. And scene.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Now, I don't know if it's. I don't know if that is, in fact, authentic or not.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Right.

[Joshua Fierstein]

The story seems to be legitimate, that this person.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I do know that they were denying it. The judge is denying it, and now she's lawyered up.

[Joshua Fierstein]

So I.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

So there's like, a chance, like, the video came out, she lawyered up. The deputy chief lawyered up.

[Joshua Fierstein]

It's like, all right, well, maybe story is true. That specific audio seems like it may be a little performative. And I know you're gonna try and give me the bench of piro WAP troopers. Like, believe me, I understand being vocal. That just seems like you don't understand the concept of walls.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

It's like you're trying to get caught.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. You're showing off, trying to get caught.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

It's a little too performative at that point. Come on.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yes. Exactly. How good could it possibly be? That being said, we also know that this is very common amongst judges and lawyers. It's quite incestuous. And the dirty talk at these courthouses gets quite hot. Which brings us to this week's seven plus one.

[Gerald Reed]

You forgot the van in the chamber.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Thank you for the raid at the perfect time. Yes, perfect. Welcome. This is seven plus one, legal dirty talk. Phrases that were uttered in this.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

This is official business, folks.

[Joshua Fierstein]

This is official business.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Welcome to the raid.

[Joshua Fierstein]

But this is official business that had taken place in chambers of judge Eleanor Ross. I keep forgetting. It's almost like if you were to create generic black names, it's just a little like, man, Jamal Ross. Eleanor Ross. Okay, seven plus one, legal dirty talk terms or legalese? You know, jargon. Number seven. And of course, we're going to be culturally sensitive. Number seven, you about to get subpoenas.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Hey, you have to show up.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Seven plus one, legal dirty talk Jargon in the boudoir. I'll do number six. I present to you exhibit D.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

And I present D. Exhibit double D. Hey, no.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Hey, you trying to squeak an extra

[Gerald Reed]

D in on me, bitch?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Hey, now, number five.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Josh, this jury is hung.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Oh, that's. Now that's. I call it number four. This seemed right up your alley, Gerald. This is. This is dirty top Legalese to get the juices flowing, Gerald. Get the juices flowing.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Got it.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Your consent is overruled.

[Gerald Reed]

Overruled.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Overruled. Ooh, smack that gavel in that ass.

[Joshua Fierstein]

You know what? Sustain. Yeah, Erection. That's right. Sustain four hours erect.

[Gerald Reed]

Number two.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Number three. Mr. Joshua, time to present oral arguments. Hey, now. Gotta warm up now. Seven plus one, legal dirty talk terms. It's the legalese. It's the. It's it's the vernacular. Number number two. Time for us to arrive at and or administer habeas a cortis. Not to be confused with habeas clitoris. Let me know when you find it. I think it's a myth. Unsubstantiated. That's right. Next you go tell me you got Atlantis in your panties. And the number one seven. Plus one, we going to hell. Legal dirty top phrases heard. Plus one. Joshua Fierstein, we have reached a verdict. Satisfied? That's right.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

That's right.

[Joshua Fierstein]

And plus one, we the jury, fire the defendant. A filthy seven.

[Darrell]

Plus one.

[Gerald Reed]

You forgot the van in the chamber.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Those were all in the chamber.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Oh, they got it all out the chamber. All right.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

We got to clear this chamber.

[Joshua Fierstein]

That's right. Bailiff, prepare my chambers. Matter of fact, you won't want to send that chamber in for a few tests. Usually we don't derail it this fast. I mean, hey, by the way, I need to mention I don't know how any good way to transition. Manage all your crypto in one place. Gain true financial freedom with no middlemen. Go to, you know, rumble wallet. Wallet.rumble.com, link in the description. It really is. If you want to be managing crypto and sort of. Is it uncouple or decouple? I know it's diva decouple from big banks. Rumble Wallet, they make it your one stop shop and you can actually interact with and support creators there.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

So about to get fired from your courthouse job.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Go to Rumble Wallet now. Managing funds should have decoupled sooner. Hey now, the best part of my dick is it's encrypted. Simple to use. By the way, I left a little

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

testimony on your chin.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, Come on now.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Come on.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, I got one of them stablecoins. Cause it's too legit to quit. It's stable all night long. None of that Ethereum bullshit. It's a hyperly technical. It is. It's a cryptocentric African American gigolo. I'm working on it. Double click that link in the description. Double click. Can't stop. All right. Nor should you. Hey, you guys remember late night? Now you may not know this if you're new here. This was originally a late night show. I didn't have Fox News growing up. I grew up in Canada, where occasionally we could pirate some AM radio. There was no right leaning content. We had the government funded broadcasting corporation in Canada and then we also had American television. So I grew up with David Letterman, Leno. Conan was A big fan. This show used to be at night until Covid, where we did two shows a day when everyone else was locked down. And we found that many of you preferred or actually watched the late night show in the morning anyway because the format had changed. And so we kind of hybridized it and that's what you watch now. But for years it was later at night. Late night is effectively so I've lived it. It is dead late night as we knew it before. Now the hosts want to try and claim victim status and blame anyone but themselves. It's time for entertainment minute. So. And we'll make all. We make all the references every day. Links in the description available 11am when we stream. I mean, it's one thing to say, hey, you know what? It's not working. Because numbers across the board in traditional television are down significantly. You look at what Carson used to have, I mean, obviously David Letterman, Leno would have less than that because now you have two. You have two choices as opposed to one primary late night show. Then you would look and see the numbers be lower than that when it was Letterman, Leno and I believe Kimmel were still competing. And then it got lower than that when you added people to TBS and other networks. That's the nature of it. For the same reason that you don't have Album sales are very rarely approaching what they used to be. We don't have the same touchstones that we used to in that we all can kind of curate our own lists. We don't have water cooler conversation. So late night, obviously it's not lost on me, will be the victim of that to some degree. But that's not the claim being made specifically by those leftist elitists like Colbert and Kimmel. Let me give you the claim claim from Kimmel. This is a recent Vulture article. He said that it's not organic, it's not changing markets, and it's certainly not our performance. He said we're not just dying of natural causes, we're being poisoned. Of course, the implication being that they're being poisoned, that they're actually being taken out. He is the victim of some type of government campaign. Yeah, Late Night is being poisoned the same way Juliet was poisoned. Well, time to end it all. Bottoms up. Come on, work already. Why is this taking so long?

[Guest or additional commentator]

Forget this.

[Darrell]

The finals.

[Gerald Reed]

Ah,

[Joshua Fierstein]

damn you, cbs.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I can't believe he did that.

[Joshua Fierstein]

I know. I mean, I can't believe he blamed cbs.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I can't believe I missed that on that last show.

[Joshua Fierstein]

I know. Here's the truth. So we're being poisoned. No, the truth is you guys are losing the networks tens of millions of dollars. In Colbert's case, it was 40 million. And we actually done some math on you, Kimmel, so I understand why you're protesting. Here's a statement from cbs, specifically at with Variety, they said with this Time Buy model, because the time that was Colbert in the past, it's now been replaced by Byron Allen, who's buying that airtime for $15 million. Said with the time by model, we have shifted an hour that was losing roughly $40 million annually to 15 million in profit. A $55 million swing. There you go. That's pretty good. Lose 40 million, make 15 million. Far be it for me to say that Byron Allen is a comedic genius or that this show is going to bring back the quality of a bygone era. No, the network can't keep hemorrhaging money and Byron Allen's gonna buy the airtime. Yeah.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

And by the way, they also get the benefit of not having to deal with Colbert.

[Joshua Fierstein]

That's exactly right.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

That's nice.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Now, keep in mind that Colbert, he had a salary. I believe his salary was somewhere around $15 million. He had 200 employees, including 24 writers. But Kimmel. 24. Yeah. Kimmel said that CBS was lying, that this was not a financial decision. He said, am I to believe that over the course of those two years, they suddenly started losing $40 million a year? These are just made up numbers. And then I realized, well, first off, yeah, that can happen just to be. This is super obvious. Like, sure, you can lose a little bit of money. This is any business. And then you hope to make it back when you realize there's no hope of making it back because the host is not going to take a pay cut. They're not going to downsize to compete in a more fluid market, a more mobile, a more fast developing and evolving market. Then you say, okay, well, well, looks like we've played all of our cards. This isn't going to. They just made up the numbers. And that brings me to. I know why Kimmel is playing dumb and. Or lying, because here's the claim that he makes that his show is making money. He wants you to believe that. He says, it's not like when Leno, Carson or even. He said, sorry, when Johnny Carson or even Jay Leno were raking in the dollars. That's what he's. What is he even saying? He's saying, I was quite specifically told by ABC that Jimmy Kimmel Live is profitable. That's what he said. I understand why he protests too much. Because here's the truth, or really a theory. So everything else I've given you, the references. I can't prove the theory here that Kimmel is absolutely losing ABC money, but I'll explain to you why. I'm pretty confident in it. Doing some basic math. Okay. Salary, Colbert, like we listed before, check the references. $15 million. Viewership was about 2.7 million. Staff about 200. Budget was about $100 million. He was losing the network $40 million a year. Okay, do we have apples to apples comparisons with everything else and just not the network yet saying we're losing? Yes, we do. So let's look at the salary of Kimmel. Colbert, 15. Kimmel. 16 million. Oh. Viewership slightly lower. 2.7 million from Colbert, 2.4 million from Kimmel. But that's including the bump with the controversy. It's typically 2 million. A bad day, one and a half staff, Colbert was 200, Kimmel's 200 to 250. You look at budget, Colbert was about 100 million. Kimmel's about 120 million. So if I were to estimate the losses for Kimmel, with all of the direct apples to apples comparisons just on the show alone, he is, I would bet my bottom dollar losing ABC 60 to $70 million a year, slightly more than Colbert. They told me, though, that I'm making the money. At what point do you just take some accountability and go, you know what? Turns out I suck.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

At what point? Not after 23 years.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. Has he been doing it for 23 years?

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

He's been on the air for 23 years.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Oh, my God. I remember when he was new and people are like, yeah, this isn't gonna work.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

23 years of that show.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. Wow.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

And he's like, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not retiring. I'm not going anywhere.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Just ensure that the next guy doesn't get a chance at battle.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Who's willing to take less but be more competitive? Just do that. Just. Just drag the ladder up behind you. Now, here's the truth. You can look at those numbers. Of course, it's just a non viable entity in today's marketplace late night on network television. And they've chosen to deem themselves so important as jesters of the court who must be followed, that it must be some kind of oppression. It couldn't be a simple financial decision. Well, let me present to you exhibits C through Z after we've gone through the Finances. Here may be some examples as to why people, certainly half of the country, most of whom tuned into Carson and shows like Leno, even for a long time, Conan or Letterman, before they became old and grumpy, they were politically neutral, relatively speaking. Here may be one of the reasons why half of the country is guaranteed to never tune into your show, hence costing the network market.

[Guest or additional commentator]

If hospitals get any more overcrowded, they're going to have to make some very tough choices about who gets an ICU bed. That choice doesn't seem so tough to me. Vaccinated person having a heart attack. Yes, come right on in. We'll take care of you. Unvaccinated guy who gobbled horse goo. Rest in peace, wheezy.

[Gerald Reed]

It was a merry Christmas Whiz hit my heart. We covered our nose, covered our mouths, but it's Christmas time. We'll be in line for a bit.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Dogs don't play chess like a sign language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's holster.

[Guest or additional commentator]

We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang, desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Well, it happened again. After a bizarre and vicious campaign fueled by a desperate need not to go to jail, Donald Trump has won the 2024 election. That's right. More than half the country voted for.

[Guest or additional commentator]

I'm sorry a little bit. Because I wear striped shirts.

[Joshua Fierstein]

I've worn these heart sunglasses because my

[Guest or additional commentator]

daughters, just as a joke they have

[Joshua Fierstein]

them and as a joke, I put them on. So I've done this.

[Guest or additional commentator]

And I love yacht rock can be in brief.

[Joshua Fierstein]

There we go. What do we got? What do we got today? Oh, it's steamed chicken. Hey, there we go.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Louis, take it with me.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Now, just to be clear, before I get to the montage of Kimmel crying and then crapping on someone running for mayor who actually may do something about the fires. I want to be clear. I've said this many times and I catch some flack from people on the right. Like John Oliver is funny. John Stewart is funny. There are plenty of people on the left who are legitimately funny. Kimmel, Colbert, Fallon aren't. He's politically neutral. Let's say they're not amongst them. And I'll give you some examples of people who are on the left but are viable because they're A funny and B, not incredibly greedy. It's always these people who are like, ah, these billionaires. You're making $16 million a year. Do you think you could take two? That's crazy.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Come on, dude.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Take five. Could that staff instead of 200 be 50? Could the writing staff instead of 24 be 10? Because congratulations, you still have a bloated staff that's about 10 to 15 times larger than any podcast host kicking your ass. But here's a very special category of Jimmy Kimmel. Here he is crying because he feels that that's a big part of comedy and his performative crying. And I want you to specifically pay attention to the last clip where he's crying regarding the fires that had taken place, you know, in Los Angeles county and across California. Because then the next clip is relevant.

[Guest or additional commentator]

Take a break from tax cuts for a minute and fully fund Chip immediately. These people who were looking out for their neighbors. More than half of this country voted for the criminal. I posted a message on Instagram of the day he was killed, sending love to his family. Very scary, very stressful, very strange week here in la. Work, where we live, where our kids go to school.

[Joshua Fierstein]

We are back at our studio, which

[Guest or additional commentator]

we had to evacuate on Wednesday. This is, that's, that's our, our building right there, the El Capitan. That is how close this fire was to our theater here. Many of us had to leave our homes in a hurry. Some of our co workers lost their homes.

[Joshua Fierstein]

That's Hollywood. Yeah. Now I understand being upset. It's kind of your job. Here's the thing. If there's a national tragedy like 9 11, a somber moment is not out of line. It's not lost on me. Kimmel cried at moments when it was never called for. Whatsoever he chose, because it's your job as a comedian, as an entertainer, as a host, to help the people who maybe feel like they want to cry. It's your job to turn that tear hopefully into a smile. If someone feels alone, if someone feels hopeless, it's your job to help ease that a little bit. As a matter of fact, that's the only purpose you serve as an entertainer or comedian. You're not curing cancer. And so when you talk about just that last clip. Hey, fires. Yeah, I get that. That's upsetting. Now, remember, the left immediately blamed it on climate change, but we now know beyond any shadow of a doubt, it is the incompetent government of California, of Los Angeles County. Right. They weren't allowed to clear brush in the name of environmentalism. Right. The California State Park Superintendent, Richard Fink, said that the State doesn't clear brush because we're here to protect the natural habitat and they wouldn't allow residents to do it. Including residents who could see the concern for their neighborhood and their house. It was exacerbated by the fact that the reservoirs, the water reservoirs, were completely empty.

[Darrell]

Why?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Why? Because of a fish that can't even swim and a whole thing to do with the dams. Go check the reference. The point is, if you want to keep your citizens safe as a government and you know that fires are very likely, you make sure to clear the brush. You make sure that on hand you ideally have water or some type of anti fire liquid solution. If there's a better one, yes, just let us know.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Oh, alcohol.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

If it's a nice. But that quote is telling. We're here to protect the natural habitat, not our citizens.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

That's what's missing from it. Not our citizens. Everything is prioritized. Not our citizens.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Well, and here's the reason that that matters. Crying. Never any accountability. You know what? Actually this is kind of. I was crying and now I'm really mad because I realize what exacerbated these fires. Our government. Instead, he targets and insults the one person running for mayor of Los Angeles whose own home actually burned down and was very likely legitimately crying. Spencer Pratt.

[Guest or additional commentator]

And then we have a guy named Spencer Pratt running for mayor, who unfortunately is the Spencer Pratt from the reality shows. After tomorrow, Spencer Pratt will either be one of two candidates for mayor or carrot on the next season of the Masked Singer.

[Joshua Fierstein]

We'll see.

[Guest or additional commentator]

The polling shows that he's in a very tight kite race with Karen Bass and Nithya Ramen. How that is possible, I have no idea. I mean, I get why people are mad, but has anyone ever made a good decision when they're mad?

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah, plenty.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Not always, but sometimes. Sometimes the harbor, bro. Sometimes. But here's the thing. It's not like people are making a decision when they're mad. It's. People were mad. Yeah. Then they listened to your right. People were mad like, oh my God, my house burned down. Not you, of course. But they're like, my house burned down, I'm angry. And then you said it's because of global warming.

[Gerald Reed]

And they're like, let's sign the green

[Joshua Fierstein]

new deal or whatever the fuck. And then they went, oh, wait, water reservoir. Wait, the reservoirs to be filled with water. Don't have any of it. Why is that? Wait a second. Brush that we know it will guaranteed lead to fires, wildfire. It can't be cleared. Why is that, that before I was angry, but now I'm educated, so I'm actually angry with the people who miseducated me. I'm angry with you. That's why. It's close, Jimmy.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

It's also reducing it to. You're mad. No, I'm homeless.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

My house burned down.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

You're mad. No, I don't want people shooting up next to my kids school, leaving the noodle. The noodle, the needle.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right, right. You're exactly right.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Or their noodles. Yeah, I don't want their. Their leftover noodles either.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

So people, that's not mad, that's fed up, that's concerned, that's scared.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right? That's exactly right. That's. Well, the left will just. And they'll warp it. They'll go, oh, what, so you're scared of Trent? No, I'm not. Are you? You're homophobic. No. You're mad. You're mad that your house burned down. Okay, let me be really clear here. It's not just some kind of emotion devoid of logic, you know, like feminism. It is. I don't agree that this is the best way to function as a society. You know, sexual degeneracy. And so I'm voting against it. I'm not mad. I am righteously frustrated and exhausted with a government that has never gotten it right and put me at risk. And so I am voting for a correction. Now if you want to say that, that's anger. If you want to say that, that's phobia, fine. Now argue. Argue the logic. Argue the rationale. The left doesn't. So whenever the left tries to do this with you, and I had this with change my mind. Where you are clear about definitions, about terms, and they go, why are you playing semantics? They're trying to prevent you from doing exactly that, which is what they do. And it's the only way they ever win an argument. They would say you're just homophobic. You're just voting for special prout because you're mad. That's like. Define mad. Define phobic. Why? Semantics. Because you're trying to dismiss my entire point of view, which is far more well reasoned with a new made up term. You don't get to say mad and phobic if I'm right. Let me ask you this. Why were the water reservoirs empty? Why are we not allowed to do controlled burns? And why have we had so many horrible wildfires? What policy do you think has led to this, if any?

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah, it wasn't happenstance.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Right.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

It wasn't a coincidence.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. So don't, don't let them get your emotions. The left is entirely the party of emotion. Force them to argue the actual logic, the actual reasoning of the argument. And here's the thing, too. This is what, this is why these shows are very unsuccessful. There are leftist shows, liberal shows that are successful. So let me give you a really clear example, my favorite one. I have said this, this very often. And conservatives will get. Jon Stewart is one of the best. He's funny.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

So Jon Stewart, you know, from 99 to 2015, hosted the Daily Show. It was like around two, two and a half million. Okay, to be clear now, Trevor Noah came in his first year, 1.1 million. And by his final season, it dropped to 380,000. Ad revenue dropped by as much as 90%. So Trevor Noah took a gift, crapped all over it because he wasn't funny and failed. Jon Stewart, he's now actually brought the numbers back up to only when he hosts 1.2 million.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

That's on Mondays. He hosts on Mondays.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Now, granted, it's not gonna be as big as two and a half, but that's in the 90s and early 2000s where there weren't as many options. 1.2 million is a very respectable number on cable. Trevor Noah couldn't maintain that because he sucks. Jon Stewart doesn't suck. I disagree with Jon Stewart. He's very good. You can see this with plenty of other hosts. Just not Jimmy Kimmel, just not Stephen Colbert, certainly not Fallon. And as you see, certainly not Trevor Noah. You still have to be good. Clapter can't be enough always. And that's why it's dying. It's not someone poisoning you. And I really. This is an actual call to anyone left left in late night. If you're on the chopping block, I would like to see a single person, because we've not seen this yet, offer to cut their salary in a way that would be actually proportional with the viewership. If it was a podcast, you could have. You could actually have some auditors come in, right? Valuators go, okay, if you had a show online that averaged about, you know, really, let's talk about one point something million. Okay, this would be the staff. This would be about the average income and ad revenue, which is. Is far more appropriate than these bloat. I would love to see one of these hosts go, you know what? I'll take the pay cut. And keeping a third or a fifth of the staff is better than none. Let's actually try and do this right. You want to be subsidized. That's the problem. No one should care about money. Except for the guy who hasn't earned it. I gotta keep my 15 miles. All right, the rest of us will actually have to earn our keep. How about that? The network is just trying to save money. It's that simple. As should you on your mortgage.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

My girl likes it. What up, fam? It's your boy, D Day. AKA the D Writer, aka AKA the Diva Stater. AKA the Driveway Don. And we out here in the streets. And today, I'm blessing y' all with an exclusive tour of the Brand New Wit. Yeah. You feel me? It's got the custom sliding door so the whole crew can roll up. Got the tinted window so you can't see me count my stacks.

[Darrell]

Darrell, did you spill G Fuel on the upholstery again?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Dad, shut up.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I'm doing a whip tour. Yes, my assistant is just prepping the vehicle. You know what I'm saying, cuz? We finna hit the club, drop some bands. You know how we do.

[Darrell]

You don't have any bands, Daryl. You have a jar of loose change you stole from my nightstand. Your mother has water aerobics in 20 minutes, and she needs the Odyssey.

[Gerald Reed]

Man, I don't need no Odyssey.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I'm an independent mogul. I'm finna upgrade to the Bentley as soon as my track goes Platinum on SoundCloud.

[Darrell]

You need to call American Financing. They can help you get a mortgage, even in this economy, so you can finally get your own house and stop leaving empty Hot Pocket boxes in my garage.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

You just jealous because my rims keep spinning and your hairline keep thinning. I swear to God, when I roll up on you, I'm gonna leave you in a chalk outline, old man.

[Gerald Reed]

I'm sorry.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I said I'll vacuum. That's what I said.

[Joshua Fierstein]

I said I'll back you.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Call the pros at American financing today at 1-800-974-6500 or visit www.americanfinancing.net Crowd NMLS 182334 if you start today, you may even delay up to two mortgage payments.

[Joshua Fierstein]

True. A lot of people have saved money. American Financing. Like we know so many people. I haven't used it because I make 50 million a year. Wait, I just.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

How did that get by me?

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Yeah, well, he doesn't need to take a pay cut because he's not on the chopping block.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

That's true.

[Joshua Fierstein]

That's true. But I'd have to put everyone on the Chopping block because hey, your support less than that budget overall for everything here, including what I pay myself because we're actually governed and determined by you and your support. You can click that button right there. Join Rumble Premium supported by viewers like you, not a foreign caliphate. No one's robbing anyone else like Kimmel or Colbert allegedly. And keeps the lights on US$99 a year. You get everything ad free. 100% more show as well as obviously the Friday show. Every other content creator. You see there's and this wonderful hand etched mug or try it for $9 a month and that will determine Gerald's salary and or debt load moving forward

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

now and that's not, that's not funding 24 riders, by the way.

[Joshua Fierstein]

No, it's not. It's funding for the first time. 2 In addition to on the comedy.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Well, if you count the researchers, it's 4. 5. Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Anywhere from 20 to 30 employees at any given time total. And everyone is very multifaceted. We, we all actually work as a team. But as far as just sitting down any sketches. It was me for the longest. It was me and then you and Johnny boy and it's. I'm like oh man.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Two Let me, let me put it. Wanting to kill yourself every morning because there was a blank page staring at

[Joshua Fierstein]

you at one point in time. Yes. And it's certainly far from that. Thank you everyone who's made my life less of a miserable hellscape. Now speaking of miserable hellscapes.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Just left.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yes.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Not completely clear of it.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Let me, I'm gonna riddle me this. What do these countries and or states have in common? Mexico, Colombia, Texas, all of the United States until pretty much the year 2000. Even North Korea, same day election results. California not amongst them. As a matter of fact, I should say North Korea is so efficient they announced their election results the day before election.

[Guest or additional commentator]

Elections

[Joshua Fierstein]

pretty much. No, no, it's a choose your own path. Always go back to same path. So why can't California get anything right? And why are they not able to match the exemplary standard set by Mexico and Colombia where they have 401 case for drug trafficking. It's time for golden state of crime. So last night, California primary elections, including, you know, Governor and obviously people have been following the mayor of Los Angeles. We'll get to the results but headline here's from the Los Angeles Times is vote count for California Governor, Louisiana Mayor could be painfully slow. Don't expect instant gratification. So it's your fault, you dumb prick.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Expected instant.

[Joshua Fierstein]

The elitist. It Never ends the elitism. And I know some of you are thinking that's fake. Check the reference. That's why we make these things available every single day when we stream. 11:00am Eastern Link is in the description. Let's look at the results now. But don't expect instant gratification. You know how you always vote and you'd get the result and that's obviously something that's necessary and has been necessary historically to guarantee the integrity of election. Don't expect that entitled bitch.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I gotta take a lunch break.

[Joshua Fierstein]

That's right. That's right. I heard a pipe burst. Simmer down. So, Governor, 57% of the vote as of the time of this broadcast, I believe could have changed since we've been live has been counted. What we have now is Steve Hilton, the Republican, 28%. Javier Becerra, 25%. Of course, the Democrat, Tom Steyer, 20%. Chad Bianco, another Republican, 11%. So right now, Steve Hilton seems to be winning as far as governor of California. And I will say, you know, stair the Democrat is struggling. His election day post on X may seem to get him over the hump. Which, you know what actually brings us to. For people who can't see it, it brings us to Gerald Reed's stuff. Stuff. All right, Billy, get the. Get the music.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

This is.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Let's read. Re.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Good. Public transit is key for an affordable city. Walkable city. That's why I'm writing the D on election day.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Oh, my gosh. This has been Gerald Reed stuff because he can't help himself. Sustained. I demand instant gratification, y'. All. I demand gratification. What are you saying party? Did you just watch a pirate movie? Maybe.

[Darrell]

We all know he loves a good.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

He loves a good train.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Oh, gee, same.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Looking for booty. Yeah, I mean, I thank God. I mean, that miss, you know, she should be. She could. She has a future doing ads for Oz. Epic Katie Porter. Her performance was so as 4% that she was. In fact, even though they haven't been called in, she has been forced to concede. Here you go.

[Katie Porter]

Hi, it's Katie Porter. Tonight is election night. The votes are still being counted.

[Joshua Fierstein]

But you hate me.

[Katie Porter]

Take a few days here in California to have final numbers. But we know tonight that we will not advance to the general election in November. As I look back on this race, I am so incredibly proud of the campaign that we built together.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Why

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

are you proud of all those staffers you ran through?

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Yeah, kidding.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Why are you proud? Proud? Did the definition of proud change.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

It must Have.

[Joshua Fierstein]

It must have. I was like, we're so proud.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Doing so bad.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Being dead last.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I think she meant it in, like the sense of pride, you know, like she's not proud of her work. She's just saying we were. We're super gay.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yes, yes. Maybe like proud just means exist, I guess. Like we did. Hey, we are so. We existed. We so existed at a point in time and now we're not gonna. She did, however, and I feel partially responsible for that. She, she. She did have to kind of deal with some hurdles. And she didn't mention the oppo research hit piece that truly sunk her campaign, which came from here.

[Katie Porter]

Hang on one second, everybody. I don't want to keep doing this. I'm going to call it.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Come on, guys. This is sad.

[Joshua Fierstein]

This is really sad.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Think about it. Now her kids have to spend more time with her.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Mom's gonna be home.

[Gerald Reed]

Oh, God.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Where's Dad? Give her her staff. By the way, we have done no other scatological jokes throughout this entire show because of the fact that we, like you, earn one. And it's still funny. So let's go to the mayor, mayor race. 63% counted for Los Angeles mayor. Karen Bass, 35% is where it stands right now. Spencer Pratt, 30%. Rahman at 22%. So, so just to be clear, like, Pratt should be advancing, right? Well, I don't know. It depends on those magical mail in votes.

[Darrell]

Remember, the final piece of the puzzle that we won't know tonight. Right. Is the late arriving vote by mail. And we're talking about probably like a third of the vote in Los Angeles. We're probably not going to be getting until tomorrow and maybe days to come after tomorrow. The mail can still come in after election day. And there's indications, and there's certainly a ton of precedent here, that that late arriving vote by mail is going to be significantly more democratic friendly than all

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

of the other ones.

[Darrell]

Meaning that would be good news for Bass, that would be good news for Rahman. If she's going to come out of tonight behind Pratt. It's a huge if. But if she's going to come out of tonight behind Pratt, well, it's not a huge if at this point. She would then have an opportunity if she's close enough to catch him with that. But that is a 25,000 vote pad there. Eight percentage points that Pratt has managed to build with that vote by mail here.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah. And they always say, right? They always. Those mail in votes, we're expecting them to lean Democratic pretty much always. And so either that's true. Which begs the question, well, why would the mail in votes always be Democrat? Or it's not true. Now, I will say, sometimes it's column A, sometimes it's column B. In the case of people voting from home, well, it's a lot easier for other people to go out, effectively canvas and go, look, just fill this out. We're gonna send in a ballot and not verified. It's the laziest way of voting, and that's the laziest way of harvesting votes from people who don't care because but can be bought for a sandwich. So 80% of votes are cast by mail. This comes from the New York Times. In California, ballots received close to or on election day, as well as those postmarked by election day and received within seven days, can take up to 30 days to be counted. Why? Why?

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Because counting is hard.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, whatever. By the way, how is it harder to count them today than when they were hand ballots and you didn't have machines that didn't it for you? It's harder today to run absentee voting, which is different, but that's how it should be. It's harder today to count votes than it was in the 90s, 80s, 70s, 60s, 50s, 40s, 1800s. Why without electricity? Either way, Pratt likes his shot.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Well, obviously got one in five more months of me exposing all the failures of our mayor. So it's gonna be a fun ride. I hope she's ready.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Are you ready?

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

I mean, I was born for this, clearly.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yeah, he's. He's very, very good at this. If he doesn't win this, he's going to do something I would imagine in the future. He's shown himself to be pretty effective at campaign. I will say the reason that this matters, and we're gonna have to go pretty soon and talk about why Steph Curry sucks. The reason this matters is because so many people, especially generationally, if you are a parent or you have kids, nephews, nieces, grandchildren in their teens, it's incumbent upon you to make sure that they really understand this is not normal. This idea of mass mail in voting, you are being conditioned to accept. Accept a system designed to accommodate fraud as normal. It's never been normal. It's still not normal across the globe. It really will never be normal outside of municipalities or countries where elections are not legitimate. There's a reason for in person voting. There's a reason for hard copies of ballots. There's a reason for this, just like there's a reason for the electoral college and I really, really would caution against anyone who just sort of skims over this. Which brings us to. It's not complicated. Some solutions. Okay, here's how you solve it. This is not a difficult problem. You ban mail in voting. That's step one. Boom. Gone. Of course, absentee voters, legitimate. That's always been a thing. You're out of country. You're on a business trip. You know you won't be here. You know you'll be out of state. We have a system for that. That is not the same as sending in ballots to addresses that can't be verified. That's why I got some. Some old ballots sent to Michigan, and I don't know if a vote was cast there or not. Step number two, Require voter id, proof of citizenship. Okay. Do that. Run elections on the same day, like Mexico and Colombia, and those are awful places. This has been my crazy solution.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

It was a short. It was a short segment.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Very short. Two things.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Yeah.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Will it fix all of it? It'll fix about 80. Probably 90%. Yes. Probably 90%.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Do it like Florida does. Same day.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yep.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Should be easy.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Yep.

[Guest/Co-host (possibly Morgan)]

Idiot.

[Joshua Fierstein]

Exactly right. And we are going to again, if you have not joined Rumble, click that button right there and you get to continue with us. We'll be taking your chat and also talking about. I used to feel bad for Steph Curry.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

Why?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Oh, it's because his wife's a bitch. Yeah, forgot about that. And what do I mean by that? I mean, she goes on podcasts and publicly trashes her husband all the time. I don't just mean she has a tone I don't like. I mean, she's a bad spouse. Okay, so I used to feel bad for him. Now I feel badly about him because he just couldn't help himself from trying to squeeze out an extra few dollars, even though he's crazy wealthy. So he decided to what?

[Gerald Reed]

What?

[Joshua Fierstein]

Oh, work with communist China.

[Co-host (possibly Johnny Boy)]

The next stage is set. This is bigger than a shoe deal, bigger than the signature series. This is the partnership of a lifetime. The future of Curry brand will be powered by a company truly rooted in

[Joshua Fierstein]

sports by tiny hands and slave labor. Let's go to Creat, Sam.