Love and Radio | Morning Splendor

Date: October 27, 2025
Host: Nick van der Kolk
Guest: Wilma Dirksen

Episode Overview

In this deeply moving episode, Nick van der Kolk sits down with Wilma Dirksen, mother of Candace Dirksen, whose 1984 murder shocked Canada and changed Wilma’s life forever. The conversation unfolds as a meditation on grief, forgiveness, and the meaning of justice—set against the backdrop of Wilma’s Mennonite heritage, marital struggles, and an unimaginable loss. Through Wilma’s candid recollections, the episode explores how trauma reshapes identity, the difficulty and power of forgiveness, and the enduring mystery of what it means to live on after tragedy.

Key Themes and Discussion Points

1. Early Life, Marriage, and Motherhood

• Wilma's background: Grew up in British Columbia in a traditional Mennonite context. After high school, went to Bible school in Saskatchewan, where she met her husband, Cliff.
  • "He pursued me for two years... That's when I got jealous. I realized I couldn't live without him." (03:04)
• Motherhood: Candace, Wilma’s first child, stood out from an early age, described as charismatic and mature beyond her years. Wilma recalls both the joy of raising Candace and her personal struggles with the expectations of motherhood.
  • "She just had this charisma, this beautiful attraction to everybody... I've always felt that the motherhood was intruding on me, so that was tough. But the actual looking after Candace was amazing." (03:41)

2. Forgiveness and Mennonite Values

• Family values and pacifism: Wilma shares formative experiences with Mennonite culture and her father’s understanding of pacifism.
  • "[My father] said, it's a pacifist, somebody that does not go to war and does not fight back and forgives." (05:00)
• Forgiveness as lived experience: Early disputes with her father—such as the robbery at his gas station—taught Wilma about the complexity and inconsistency of pacifist ideals.

3. The Disappearance and Loss of Candace

• Day of Candace’s disappearance (November 30, 1984): Wilma recounts the normalcy of the day, the anxiety that grew as Candace failed to come home, and her immediate sense of dread.
  • "I had that sinking feeling almost immediately that there was nothing that would have kept Candace from coming home from school that day." (07:02)
• Interaction with police: Wilma expresses frustration at the police’s suspicion of the parents and reluctance to take immediate action.
  • "They kept saying, she's a runaway...her best friend is coming in for the next day. She's not a runaway." (08:38)
  • "Oh, I was furious. I felt so insulted...Just go look for her, you know?" (09:23)
• The ordeal and eventual discovery: After seven weeks, Candace’s body was discovered. Wilma describes the horror and sad relief, the outpouring of community support, and the oscillation between grief and comfort.

4. The Knock at the Door: Trauma and the Choice of Forgiveness

• The visit from another grieving parent: A striking scene unfolds as a stranger, also a parent of a murdered child, comes to share his story, bringing with him the specter of unresolved trauma.
  • "He just vibrated with the trauma...He just wanted to tell us and to warn us...his message was that of doom and gloom and desperation and eventual death." (13:39)
• The presence of trauma: That night, Wilma and Cliff symbolically confront trauma in their bed, realizing they need to reject the example of bitterness and despair.
  • "We'll forgive. And you know what? It was that simple word that actually removed the presence from the bed. It just hopped off." (16:45)
• Memory as healing: Rather than replaying the horror, Wilma and Cliff choose to remember Candace at her happiest.
  • "We just started talking about all these scenes. And then slowly we fell asleep as we remembered her in happier times." (17:55)

5. Defining Forgiveness: Process, Struggle, and Freedom

• A word with power: Forgiveness emerged as both symbol and action for Wilma and her family—a difficult, ongoing, and sometimes contested process.
  • "Forgiveness is more about us than the perpetrators...moving on and continuing to grab hold of life." (21:20)
• Forgiving herself: Wilma speaks with brutal honesty about her guilt for not picking up Candace from school that day, and the necessity of self-forgiveness as the first step.
  • "I didn't pick Candace up...I had to forgive myself. Starts with that." (24:02)
• Addressing dangerous interpretations: Wilma cautions against "false forgiveness" or beliefs that tragedies happen so people can create art or be strong, insisting instead on confronting suffering as a consequence of a broken world.

6. Questioning Justice and Closure

• The trial and aftermath: In 2007, a suspect is charged with Candace's murder, then later acquitted on appeal. Wilma describes the mixed feelings of relief and disappointment.
  • "I was sorry that there was no justice. There is a kind of disappointment that justice doesn't happen, that we can't expect justice to happen in our world." (36:57)
• Attachment and detachment: Wilma notes a sense of unwanted connection to her daughter’s alleged killer when receiving prison reports, and the relief at being able to let go after the acquittal.
• Ambiguity of closure: The longing for narrative resolution—and acceptance that life often denies it.
  • "I simply love a good closure...And then to realize I'd never have that, that was also something that I had to forgive. That my story doesn't end. It's a never ending story." (37:38)

7. Philosophical and Practical Meanings of Forgiveness

• Forgiveness and belief: Debate over whether religious faith is necessary for forgiveness.
  • "Even chimpanzees forgive...even chimpanzees are created to forgive and God is their part of that." (26:54)
• Attempt to define forgiveness:
  • "Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiveness is joy. Forgiveness is love." (28:25)
  • "Forgiveness is letting go of the natural impulses to take me the higher road." (28:38)
• Forgiveness vs. passivity: Wilma warns against "false forgiveness" that simply appeases or excuses evil, emphasizing forgiveness as an active, creative force that breaks cycles of violence.
  • "Forgiveness is a way of dealing with the brokenness, but not excusing it...The anger that keeps us going. That's good anger. That's forgiven." (30:32)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• "If need be, take Candace. Because she didn't like pain. I didn't want her to be held hostage...So then I felt maybe she had died, maybe that was over. And I then said, candice, are you okay? And I heard a voice saying, yes, Mom." — Wilma (10:10)
• "He had every right to be angry...he was traumatizing the people. He had this mission in life to warn people that murder does traumatize, that it does take our lives away, and didn't have any solutions for it." — Wilma, reflecting on the visiting parent (12:51)
• "It was that simple word [forgive] that actually removed the presence from the bed. It just hopped off." — Wilma describing the act of forgiveness (16:45)
• "It's never too late. It's never too late to step into the path of forgiveness. It's about the next moment, tomorrow." — Wilma (24:42)
• "Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiveness is joy. Forgiveness is love." — Wilma (28:25)
• "There is a kind of disappointment that justice doesn't happen, that we can't expect justice to happen in our world. So there is that disappointment. But there was a relief that I can just carry on." — Wilma (36:57)
• "And then to realize I'd never have that [closure], that was also something that I had to forgive. That my story doesn't end." — Wilma (37:38)

Important Segments and Timestamps

• Wilma recounts the day Candace disappeared: 07:02–09:23
• Recalling the confrontation with the police: 08:38–09:23
• The aftermath of revelation and community support: 12:10–14:00
• Visit from the traumatized parent & choosing forgiveness: 13:39–18:12
• Exploring the meaning and aftermath of forgiveness: 19:54–24:21
• Justice, court case, and ambiguous closure: 32:06–37:38
• Wilma's closing thoughts on Candace: 37:38–40:36

Takeaways

“Morning Splendor” is a profound exploration of grief, memory, and the messy, non-linear path of forgiveness. Wilma Dirksen’s story is not simply about surviving loss, but also about resisting the corrosive force of anger and seeking transformative healing—even when justice remains out of reach. Her candor and wisdom illuminate the human capacity to find meaning, hold fast to love, and choose a different path in the aftermath of tragedy.