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Love Your Life Show: Personal Growth, Mindset, + Habits for Busy Moms
3 Gifts for Your Loved Ones They’ll Remember Far Beyond the New Year
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Foreign. Hi, this is the Love youe Life show with Susie Pettit, certified life and wellness coach. Join Susie as she helps you with your wellness and mindset so you can live a life you love. Let's go, warriors. Hello, warriors, and welcome back to the Love youe Life show. Or welcome to the first time to the Love youe Life show. I am your host, Susie. Susie Pettit, a certified life relationship and parenting coach. And I am so glad you were here. Specifically for this episode, I'm sharing three gifts that I routinely and habitually give to the people I love that far outlast whatever holiday or like, you know, specific gift that I have given them. And if so, if you're listening to this lifetime in December 2025, these are three great gifts to to give to people you care about that will last far longer than any new video game, new sweater, new watch, new trinket, new whatever, new car even. I swear. Okay? These are three gifts that I have given to my children and my husband over the years that have positively impacted them and me. Yay. Gotta love those. Okay? They have changed our relationships in such a great way that I wanna share things them with you and invite you to steal my gift ideas. They're not stealing if I'm telling you on this willingly so so that you can spread the love and positive effect to them and to you also. So let's go. Gift number one is happening in your head has to do with your mindset. And I'm going to say it's the gift of looking for the good, right? Here's the thing, warriors. None of us humans here on Earth are perfect. Not our kids, not our partners, not even our wonderful selves. Listening here with me in your ear. We all have quirks and habits, okay? We have strengths and we have weaknesses. There is no perfect human on this planet. Add to that, if we've lived with someone for long enough, we have quirks and habits that can drive each other a little nuts. Eh? Like maybe your spouse leaves a wet towel on the bed and that really bothers you. Or your kid grunts their way through breakfast instead of just looking you in the eye and saying, thanks for buying the cereal, Mom. Or forgets to put the dishes in the dishwasher for the thousandth time. There are all those things. And our brains, well, they're actually wired to look for what's wrong, especially as parents, which is sort of infuriating to me. But that's like sort of it, isn't it? That's part of our job we're sort of wired to notice the problems in our kids in order to correct, to guide them to teach. Yet. So yes, and yet. As a former teacher and current practicing parenting expert, I know that most of the teaching that happens for our kids in those like, oh my gosh, I have to look out for what's going wrong so I can teach them. The most effective teaching happens when they're under the age of five. Yes, five warriors. So if your kid is still under five, kids keep at it. But after that, we want to be talking less and doing more. Our words and lessons, quote unquote lessons land in the bucket of nagging or worse. What we find is once they reach age 9 and 10, our words and quote unquote lessons can diminish their self esteem, can make them actually more anxious. None of which we want, Right? Those are our kids. But what about our spouses or our partners? Is it ever our job to point out what we think they're doing wrong or could be doing better? Many of us think it is, my past self included. But that's a lose lose situation too, because what happens if we're pointing out how we think they should be doing it our way? Well, our spouse ends up feeling nagged, emasculated. Like we doubt their ability to make decisions on their own. Like to make decisions about their life with their brain that benefit them. Like, we have all the answers and the lose for us is that we can often feel like we have another kid instead of a partner. Like if you've ever said that in your head. Well, they won't do it unless I tell them to. Well, maybe, maybe they won't remember your mom's birthday unless their mom's birthday unless you tell them to. Or their dentist appointment unless you tell them to. But what came first, the chicken or the egg? All right, this is called learned helplessness. And I have a podcast episode on that that's super helpful. But let's get back to the gift here. The point is, since we all have things we are doing well and we all have things we could be doing better and our area of influence more in modeling the type of human we want to be like, we get to be it. Because when we open our mouth that ends up doing the very thing we don't want it to do, it creates disconnection in our relationship. Then what's the gift? Well, it happens in our head and we begin to program our brain to look for what this person is doing right in their life. What's going well when most of Our interactions are about what need to be fixed, done better, or remembered. It wears on them. They can feel like they never reach the finish line. If it's our kids, like, they finally start doing one thing right. Say they start answering you politely at breakfast. Like they start saying, like, goodbye before they leave. Instead of just grunting and boom, we're on to the next thing. Did you study for the test? Like, our brain is looking for the next problem with them. Not great for us. Like, catch a break, mama. And also, it can feel to them like they're always falling short, like they never live up to our expectations. Many of us in adulthood have this feeling like we're never good enough. Okay, we can stop that now as a parent and same thing in our marriages and partnerships. Do you know, at first we fall in love with their differences. We are attracted by their differences. There's this model of relationship. Attract, annoy, accept. It's so annoying. But at first, we fall in love with the differences. Our partners, calm steadiness or their adventurous spirit or the way they balance us out. Then over time, those things start to annoy us. What once felt steady now feels boring. What when felt adventurous now feels chaotic. What once felt calm now seems lazy. And I'm here as your coach to tell you, the relationship expert here, this is a normal cycle in relationship. And once we know it, there's another stage beyond that, and it's where the real love lives. It's the stage of acceptance. It's attract, annoying, accept. Okay? It's where we stop trying to change them and instead look for what we cherish about them. If everyone has positives and negatives, strengths and weaknesses, the gift here is to gift your loved ones. This holiday season is your mindset, your choice inside your head to look for what's right instead of wrong. What they're doing well, instead of what they can improve. And here's how I actually started to retrain my brain to do this. At the end of every day, I would write down one thing each of my kids was doing well and one thing that I love about my partner. That's it. That is how it starts. Hey. The rest of the day, our brain is looking for all this negativity. Well, once a day, could you maybe do this? Gift them this gift. Train your brain to look for the good. Because what we look for, we will find. And since all humans have good and bad, that's how we're made. Strengths and weaknesses. Why not join me in taking off our ruler of the universe cape for our own mental Health and the health of our relationships. Trust me, it makes a massive difference. I have noticed this big time in my relationships as my kids grow. When I'm focusing on the good, it just. It just oozes out of you. So that's gift one. Gift two is in the words coming out of your mouth. So gift one is happening in your head. Gift two is happening at your mouth area. Okay. It's coming out of your mouth. Our words matter more than we can imagine as parents. The things we say to our kids become their inner voice. When we say things like, you're so messy. You're always late. Guess what? That's what they start to believe about themselves. Or maybe they overhear us saying things about them to other people. Yeah, they're the noisy ones. Or they lack focus. Or he's hyperactive or the rolling of the eyes. Well, you know, that's just how he is. Okay. We sort of weigh them down with these thoughts. These are literally just opinions you have about them that we are just like we're putting them in their brain and making it true. And if we can make those true, well, then the opposite is also true. We can say things to our kids like, you make good decisions. I can tell you worked hard on that. Or I can tell you're a hard worker. I love how thoughtful you are. Or you really think about people. Those words sink deep. They become the foundation of their self confidence and self trust. All right, and back to. I know, I get it. As a parent, so many of us mamas have this thought, well, like, if I won't tell them, who will again, if they are over the age of five, certainly ten. Stop it. Take my parenting class so you can learn how to raise confident, less anxious kids in, like, a really supportive way so you are not feeling like, oh, my gosh, Susie, I can't do that. And for today, pay attention to what's coming out of your mouth. Because it all starts with less correcting, less micromanaging, less reminding. As our kids age, the less corrective talk, the better. So for practical action on what to do with your kids and your spouse or for anyone you love, practice saying kind things out of your mouth. Okay? If it's too hard for you to stop cold turkey with the negative 2, then use what the Gottman's relationship experts. The Gottmans are relationship experts. Use what they. They talk about a five to one ratio to say, like, five nice things to one negative. Okay. Or for. So for every nag or reminder, say five kind and uplifting things. If that's too big a leap. How about you start with saying one nice thing a day per kid. What can you say aloud to your kid today? Maybe don't focus on what you're saying. Negative. Let yourself still say all the nagging and the negative and all that. For now, take my parenting class so you stop that, because that's not helpful. But for now, could you intentionally say one nice thing allowed to the people, like, to each of your kids or to your spouse today? Well, let's talk about that. Partner. Your spouse. When is the last time you told your spouse, love your broad shoulders? Or you're so funny? Or I love spending time with you, or it's nice to have you around to eat with? Or my days feel better with you in it? We assume they know, but hearing it matters. Or maybe all those things make you cringy and you're like, oh, my God. Okay, that's odd. Come into the Love youe Life school. Let me help you. But these are things like, when is the last time we've told them these things? Focusing on the good that we like about them. Okay, all those things are things that we want to be routinely saying. Maybe you don't love their broad shoulders, but you love their wrists or you like their ankles. There's something that you like about them. Okay? I promise. Even in the height of busy season, when you're so annoyed, look for that something and speak it out loud. Could you give them this gift? Start today. Say one positive, praiseful thing a day to the people you love. It'll take you maybe 15 seconds, and the benefits will last you 15 decades. Try it. That's a gift no store can wrap. And on to number three, the gift no store can wrap. Showing love with yourself. So the first one is in your head. The second one is with your mouth. The third one is what we do. How we use our bodies, our actual selves, to show love. Basically, this is like, make your presence a present in the small moments, like the really small things. This can be making actual eye contact with your daughter when she's talking about something, using the skills from the active listening podcast to do just that. Actively listen, not a nodding while you're finishing something up on your phone. Okay. Learn how to actively listen. When your partner comes home, try touching his forearm, looking him in the eyes, and then asking how his day was. Then catch him as he falls over from shock. But seriously. Or you can use. So you touch his arm and you look at him, and then you ask one of the questions that I mentioned. In that active listening to podcast, the deeper questions, not just how is your day? I'll link that episode below. Okay, so those are the small daily actions. What can you do? Or as your son is sitting there grunting and shoveling his cereal fast into his mouth, could you maybe, you know, rub his shoulders behind him before he goes off to school? Okay. This gift also can be more intentional, like planning and doing something with the people you love. As an empty nester, my husband and I can get into a routine. It's not that it's a bad routine. It's just that, you know, our days can, like our weekend, you know, our Saturday. It's like we aren't running to the soccer game anymore. And so, you know, our days can just look similar. And what I know about our brains is that our brains like new and novel things. Doing the same thing every Saturday isn't new or novel. And studies show that when we look back, it's the different things we remember. It actually has a name for it called the novelty effect. So while we might be having a perfectly enjoyable time sitting with our coffee and reading, you know, whatever. Okay, do we remember the difference between this Sunday, doing that and last Sunday? Studies say no. Remember, our brain is lazy. It won't store a memory. If it's that same old, same old, it just sort of categorizes it and like, oh, that again. So spice it up. Take your book to a different room. Okay. Go sit in your basement with your husband, like in your playroom. Or go out on the porch if it's cold, a blanket or if it's hot, you know, cold, iced tea, coffee, whatever. Take your book to a coffee shop or ditch the book and play a game. Last Saturday, I invited my husband on a bike ride to a local coffee store. Would it have been more comfortable to stay on our couch? For sure. But what will I remember? Biking to the cafe, getting caught in the rain, laughing with him, and enjoying a warm cuppa in a warm environment with a man I care about. Gift for both of us? No? So look for where you can do this in all of your relationships as a busy mom. So that's with my husband. But when my kids were at home as a busy mom, one of the favorite things I did and then I'm so grateful to past Susie for doing is that when they that I would schedule one on one time with each of them each month. Was it easy? No. I had so much many excuses as to why this would be hard. One, I was a single mom, so I only had Them for half the time. Like, it wasn't even, Like, I had them the whole month. So limited time. I also single mom, had limited income. I had very little money at the time. I literally not great divorce settlement. And all of us, my kids included, had busy schedules. And yet I made the time. And when I look back, my dear ones, these are the times I remember. Gifts for me. And for them, nothing super fancy. Nothing was super fancy. Often it was a breakfast out at a coffee store. Like, maybe it was just, like, 10 bucks they'd get, like, their bagel sandwich and whatever. Sometimes it was intentionally leaving other siblings behind and running errands together. Okay, that dedicated time when I'm saying to my kid, you matter. Want to be with you. In fact, now that I say this, I just mentioned errands. I totally remember this random time I asked my son to go grocery shopping with me, and he had us go down a different aisle than we normally do, and we found a new spice. Well, can I tell you that that new spice for me now became a staple. Like, I always have it in my kitchen. I actually, when I'm back in the United States, I bring it back with me to Australia. And every time I use it now, my heart feels warm. And I think of him every time. And just last week, he sent me a picture of this egg. He was like, egg omelet thing he did. And he said, guess what I put in was that spice. This is years ago. Like, he was probably in, I don't know, sixth or seventh grade, and he's 22 or 23 now. These moments when we put our phone down and do something with our body, this is what we remember. This is what makes a rich life. Not the expensive gift, but the connection. So how could you give this third gift to yourself and to the others in your life? All right, that's it for the three gifts warriors. And yet, I don't want you to skip over this like it's just some little thing. These are big things. What do you think? Could you do one or all three? These are gifts that you and your loved ones will remember far after the wrapping paper is picked up. It will impact your relationships moving forward. And you know what? You don't have to wait until whatever holiday you celebrate. You can start today. You can give. Practice giving your loved ones the gift of your mindset. Look for the good. Keep. Give them the gift of maybe. So look for the good. Maybe start a practice tonight writing down one thing each of your kids is doing well. Give them the gift of your words, speak love and encouragement. One thing today give them the gift of your actions. Schedule something, get something on your calendar, or just touch their arm or their head or One thing with my sons is they'd always if I asked, hey, you want a foot rub? They were always up for that. Sometimes I'd have to hold my nose, right? I actually I put like essential oil under my nose, but they're always up for that. Alright, so think of these things. Give them the gift of your actions, your time, your presence and your mindset. I'd love to hear if you try these, please. This is such fun. I love spreading this joy. And do you get my weekly emails in your inbox? That's the best way to communicate with me. I've been putting my phone down more than so I'm not on Instagram or Facebook as much, but I do personally answer each and every email. Plus the weekly newsletters are things that I put a lot of time and effort into to give you only the information and gifts that will help you the best. And you can get that newsletter@smbwell.com Newsletter in the meantime, dear one, thanks for listening in and thanks for being the type of person who clicks play on an episode about giving and helping others. I mean, come on, you're my type of person and I love you. Thank you for being in this world and thanks for being a part of the love your life family. Big hugs to you.