Episode Overview

Podcast: Love Your Life Show: Personal Growth, Mindset, + Habits for Busy Moms
Host: Susie Pettit
Episode Title: Feeling Drained by Relationships? 3 Tools That Work!
Date: December 3, 2025

In this episode, Susie Pettit dives deep into pragmatic tools and mindsets that busy moms—and anyone in relationship-oriented roles—can use to make their connections more peaceful, less draining, and truly fulfilling. Susie introduces three simple yet powerful tools designed to help listeners engage more skillfully, avoid common relational pitfalls, and reduce exhaustion and resentment. Her guidance is actionable, compassionate, and full of real-life examples, making this a must-listen for anyone looking to improve the way they relate to partners, kids, friends, or family.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the “Three Circles” of Communication ([04:33] – [17:10])

Susie draws from Charles Duhigg’s book Supercommunicators, adapting the framework of the “three circles” to help us recognize the true intent behind someone’s words.

• The Three Circles:
  • Functional Circle: The speaker seeks solutions, brainstorming, or logistical responses.
  • Emotional Circle: The speaker seeks empathy, understanding, or emotional connection, not solutions.
  • Social Circle: The speaker seeks connection, chit-chat, or to share an experience.
• Key Skill: Problems arise when each person stands in a different circle; aim to notice and “stand in the same circle” as the other person.
• Memorable Example:
  Susie explains a conversation with her husband:

  “Say my husband says, ‘I’m dreading my day today. There’s nothing on my calendar that I’m looking forward to.’ Which circle is he in, warriors? The emotional one, right?”
  She admits her knee-jerk response is to jump into “fix it” (functional), which can create disconnection:
  “Feelings are meant to be felt, not fixed.” ([11:32])

• Why It Matters:
  Over-functioning and responding from the wrong circle can create “learned helplessness” in others and lead to resentment in you.
• Action Step:
  Pause, breathe, and ask yourself: Which circle is this person in right now? Before responding, make sure you’re in the same one.

2. Building the Skill of Active, Empathetic Listening ([17:11] – [27:35])

Susie emphasizes that true listening is a lifelong growth process, not a box to check off.

• Common Listening Pitfalls:
  • Waiting for your turn to talk
  • Thinking about how to fix the situation
  • Judging what’s being said
• True/Active Listening:
  • Listening to understand, not to defend, fix, or judge.
  • Staying curious: “You don’t have to agree. Your goal is to understand.”
• Practical Tips:
  • Remind yourself: “I am listening to understand.”
  • Use prompts like: “Tell me more about that,” or “That sounds really hard,” or “I’ve never had an experience like that—can you tell me more about what that’s like for you?”
• Memorable Quote:

  “Do you ever wonder why we have two ears and one mouth? It’s for a reason. Practice listening twice as much as we talk this week.” ([19:58])

• Teen Parenting Example:
  When a teen complains about a teacher, connect to emotion:

  “Wow, that sounds hard. What is it like being in a class when you think the teacher hates you?”
  Instead of moving to functional responses like defending the teacher or solving the problem.

• Key Takeaway:
  Verbal acknowledgment of others’ experience fosters connection and softens tense situations.

3. The “Clog or Clear” Tool: Mindful Communication Filter ([27:36] – [32:33])

• Concept:
  Think of every interaction as a drain—healthy relationships have water (communication) running clearly.
• Before responding, ask:
  “Are the words I’m about to say going to clog the drain (cause harm, create distance) or keep it clear (build connection)?”
• Practical Use:
  • Quick in-the-moment self-check before speaking.
  • Consider if your response brings you closer or creates a wedge (even if a “zinger” feels satisfying in the moment).
• Memorable Quote:

  “Is what I’m going to say going to clog or clear? It’s an easy way I practice mindful communication.” ([28:42])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Matching Circles ([11:32])

“Feelings are meant to be felt, not fixed. When I jump into fixing, the other person doesn’t feel heard and often learns it’s not safe to express. …This dynamic shows up all over the place. And I bet you relate.”
—Susie Pettit

On Listening

“Do you ever wonder why we have two ears and one mouth? It’s for a reason. So practice listening twice as much as we talk this week.”
—Susie Pettit ([19:58])

On Parenting & Empathy

“What is it like being in a class when you think the teacher hates you? Can you see how the teen is going to feel connected and heard versus us being like, ‘I don’t really think the teacher hates you…’”
—Susie Pettit ([24:41])

On Communication Filter

“Is what I’m going to say going to clog or clear? …Does it bring us closer or drive a wedge? Is it helpful or is it harmful? It might be helpful for my ego… but when I’m being an emotional adult, it’s like, does it clog or clear it?”
—Susie Pettit ([28:42])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & Context — [00:00]–[04:32]
• Tool 1: The Three Circles Model — [04:33]–[17:10]
• Tool 2: Active/Empathetic Listening — [17:11]–[27:35]
• Tool 3: Clog or Clear? — [27:36]–[32:33]
• Summary & Encouragement — [32:34]–[End]

Episode Takeaways

• Recognize the “circle” (functional, emotional, social) someone is in before responding.
• Practice listening not to fix or judge, but to understand.
• Pause to consider if your interaction “clogs or clears” the relational drain.
• These skills require awareness, practice, and self-compassion—especially if old reactive patterns are deeply ingrained.
• Susie’s encouragement throughout is warm, supportive, and rooted in real-life experiences.

Final Words of Encouragement:

“How nice would it be to not feel on edge, defensive, responsible for others’ feelings and also resentment towards others because you’re over sharing, overdoing stuff. Well, I think so, too. And I’m here for you. So let’s go, Warrior.”
—Susie Pettit ([33:10])